It's Not About The Nail

"Don't try to fix it. I just need you to listen." Every man has heard these words. And they are the law of the land. No matter what.

[@SahilJ78]

Before you heal someone, ask him if he's willing to give up the things that make him sick - Hippocrates

[@Bolsty7]

nononono just eat drugs and talk about feelings duhhhh

[@invisiblelemur]

"I'll help you out of your hole, but first you have to stop digging."

[@wildfire9280]

@@Bolsty7 *eat hot chip and lie

[@crazyleaf257]

Love that

[@ravingcuriosity6345]

@@invisiblelemur Oh, I saved that sentence to use in the future!!

[@ABY68193]

Truly hit the nail on the head with that one. Much appreciated.

[@jasonBGI]

This deserved more likes.

[@kristene2372]

Pun intended

[@LtHarkness187]

This comment nailed it!

[@phoenixofthestars07]

take your like and go 😂

[@ASD128London]

Yes I see the point of that comment. You should hammer it home.

[@obiwanpez]

We have a friend who ALWAYS asks, "solution or sympathy?"

[@ravingcuriosity6345]

OMG! I gotta start using that!!!

[@BoomShard17]

😂❤

[@Concord003]

I think that's actually a pretty good approach!

[@loupax]

I tried saying something similar and she got mad at me. Apparently it sounds “condescending”

[@lank5582]

Yeah I... don't think I would love that, in practice. Then again I don't share my feelings much so the people near me don't often have these puzzles to solve, I'm sure it's useful for some

[@tomhazelton3070]

If there's a man out there who doesn't instantly relate to this, then he has never had a wife, a girlfriend, or a female friend.

[@MonteaNoLipton]

Sooo....what you're saying if he doesn't relate to this, he must be happy lol

[@yrevet]

man or a parent 😂

[@TradBarbie]

Choose better.

[@tomhazelton3070]

@rbie You mean to find that tiny sliver of women who would rather solve their problems than wallow in them? I would LOVE to find that woman. We ALL would. It is literally what every guy is looking for, but it has gotten to the point where the mere suggestion of trying to actually solve a problem is considered sexist. And I'm a FEMINIST!!!! I really wish it weren't this way, but alas...

[@TradBarbie]

@@tomhazelton3070 Funny, my late Husband Thom was also what I consider a feminist. I'll tell you like I tell all other guys who speak like this... *Stop finding women in the bar or women who ×××× on the first date AND GO TO CHURCH.* You know what helped my Husband get a good wife who hasn't slept with a man seven years after he DIED?? *He* was a very devout Orthodox Christian. You have to be deserving of what you want. All these men want Holy women, but they're *not* Holy men.

[@grahamesd]

I applaud the actress for allowing the props guy to bang a nail into her head. The things we do for art.

[@franklyput]

Underrated comment ^

[@stevenelson1456]

It was an accident. They made this in the ER waiting room.

[@jayms16]

I’m pretty sure it’s a fake nail with make up

[@zuriruchan9706]

@@jayms16 welcome to the Internet

[@EggsToYourBacon]

PUT ME IN THE R/WOOOOSH PICTURE!!!

[@consultkeithyoung8982]

This is the most true thing I have seen on the internet. They nailed it.

[@TheNobleScoundrel]

+Consult Keith Young They nailed it right on the head.

[@KyProRen]

+Consult Keith Young Crowd that hates puns in general: "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Me: LOL

[@BoydOfPray]

BOOM!

[@CommentCritic]

+Consult Keith Young You are a fucking genius.

[@Leadeshipcoach]

+Consult Keith Young LOL!! I see what you did there! lol!!

[@jamestoton3593]

I saw this at a leadership training symposium. It’s lesson has proved WAY more valuable in being married for 36yrs and counting.

[@aaditshah4689]

Sir, the video is only 10 years old.

[@moustachescarz]

@@aaditshah4689They have been married for 36 years. They did not watch the video 36years ago, but when they did, they found the lesson applicable to their preexisting marriage.

[@Michael_Print]

@elimbag5372 Uh, he's making a joke.

[@lurifaks92]

@@Michael_PrintGo outside

[@colonelJ77]

God....I hate humans

[@JMGENTERPRISES]

If your partner just wants to talk about things, that's all well and fine. But I have found especially in relationships is that if they don't resolve the problem, it will eventually become your problem. Either financially, emotionally or so on. I just don't want added work or stress in my life because they cannot or refuse to fix an ongoing issue.

[@pawemarciniak4929]

What a discovery. "if you don't solve the problem, it will make itself felt" Have you tried to apply to the Nobel committee? Maybe some female scientists will be interested in this, and after about 40 years of research, they will come to the conclusion that mansplaining comes from good intentions and should not be ridiculed

[@JMGENTERPRISES]

@@pawemarciniak4929 Thanks for sharing your opinion. To each their own.

[@JackFou]

@@pawemarciniak4929🤣🤣🤣 nice fan fic

[@davidm4566]

Some people would rather have a problem so they can complain about it than fix it and have the peace of no more problem.

[@JMGENTERPRISES]

@@davidm4566 I hear ya. I will never understand that 🤔

[@volttherobot]

"…and all my sweaters are snagged... I mean ALL of them" Line kills me EVERY time... HAHAHAHAHA

[@stevenelson1456]

Can't believe I missed that the first time!

[@AlexiKaruna]

Yeah that's the line that makes you fall in love with her

[@chrisdahler5557]

I think the guy's non-verbal reaction to this line supports perfectly.

[@quicksilver455]

what does that mean?

[@volttherobot]

@@quicksilver455 I mean that when those particular audio waves are detected by my acoustical detectors, it causes me to suddenly cease to function.

[@connorohare2234]

in her defense it's damaging her frontal lobe(controlling her reasoning skills)

[@Cannonissomoney]

She has an actual nail in her head?!

[@twelveytwelve]

Cannonissomoney I'm assuming you're being facetious but, in case you're not, no, that's actually a fake nail used for the purposes of the skit.

[@shoppermom26]

+thejollyjumbuck Seriously?

[@Rooshman]

+Connor O'Hare No. It's just her.

[@souravzzz]

+Connor O'Hare Stop trying to fix it!

[@JacksRifleRacks]

Just so you all know, this video was used in my law enforcement training for crisis management/dealing with a “suspect” or person of interest in crisis as a means of verbal de-escalation. I have shared this same video since being shown it then, because it is real. Active listening skills are remarkably important when resolving someone’s disgruntled emotional state. Sometimes in order for someone to return to homeostasis, it requires empathy and understanding, not to attempt to solve their problem. A fragile emotional state is not the time for that. The time for logic and reason is later, once homeostasis has been achieved. You can’t efficiently fix a problem when you’re in emotional distress. You need to be calmed first before being able to apply reason. (Edit: added “verbal” to de-escalation.)

[@thagomizer4711]

What country? I highly doubt the U.S.

[@Joseph843]

Good question lol​@@thagomizer4711

[@PxlMrk]

Thanks for leaving this comment! I often struggle to communicate with people who are not in homeostasis and wonder why facts and logic doesn't help them come into reason. Your comment was so helpful for me to realize that I need to help them find homeostasis before I dump a bunch of reason and logic on them.

[@Kommander_Rahnn]

You should probably delete this.

[@thagomizer4711]

@@PxlMrkthe fuck are you talking about?

[@luisacarneiro9367]

I am reading the book "Emotional Agility" and she described this video in one of the chapters. Wow it is perfect!

[@theapologist6717]

I was thinking about buying that book... Recommend it?

[@luisacarneiro9367]

@@theapologist6717 Yes I think it is worth it. It has some practical advice and she really makes you think about negative emotions in a different context. Give it a try.

[@0xp556]

I'm reading Ego Authority Failure and this video was mentioned 😂😂😂

[@husainhaider786]

I too found it in Emotional Agility by Susan David

[@IDadGoodAlot]

Jason, i just wanted you to know that this short has shaped my conversations over the MANY years since release, with people thousands of times. I find myself saying “That.. sounds…… really hard” ALL THE TIME. I have shared it (along with many of you other KZbin vids) and i will continue to share it, cuz it is timeless and perfectly succinct. Thank you.

[@bmfitzgerald3]

It's truly a work of art, and of course so insightful to those who choose to truly understand the message(s) being conveyed.

[@synthetic240]

I've been doing it too and you know what? I actually does work. Well, it doesn't help solve their problem. It works to get people (not just women) to stop complaining so much in the moment, but the downside is that now "you're a really good listener" and now you've got to hear about all their other problems. And they all sound... really hard.

[@Rainlitnight]

@@synthetic240 a friend is venting to you because they're frustrated and sad and overwhelmed. And you're listening because you're a good friend with a kind heart that leaves space for them to be comfortable to vent. If it actually bothers you to listen, stop being fake about it. If it only gets to you sometimes (hey, listeners need to vent too, or they need breaks), COMMUNICATE it Edit: venting is not for problem solving. It's to express pain without needing to seek a solution. Often times we have a solution in mind we can handle ourselves but things are too overwhelming in the moment

[@jhssuthrnmama]

I don't think you should capitulate the stupidity. It is stupid to just want to complain and complain about a problem, and not want a solution. It's perfectly reasonable to want to vent about something, but if you only want to vent, and not solve, and you want to do it in perpetuity, especially when the solution is very obvious, that's just stupid. P. S. I'm a woman.

[@apwill4765]

@@Rainlitnight isnt the point of the video making fun of the woman for preferring to complain about her problems rather than implement the simple, obvious solution? I don't think this is extolling the virtues of venting.

[@Scorpious187]

This video changed my marriage. My wife will let me fix things now... occasionally.

[@danl1519]

wow!

[@peggyevans1685]

Dan L

[@livenfree]

So by just reflecting how she is feeling opened her up to accepting your help?

[@livenfree]

Gurfi0 - sarcasm?

[@deadmoron1]

No, no. _Innuendo._

[@dougler500]

And she went on to star in Top Gun! Great Success!!

[@pdxgolfpro]

Thank you! I was looking for this comment. I couldn't remember where I'd seen her. Monica Barbaro. Also in the new Netflix series Fubar with Arnold.

[@jamesha175]

right then. Top Gun was 38 years ago - i bet it predates this by quite a bit. thumbs up though for recognizing her.

[@CrankyOldDave]

@@jamesha175Umm...Not the original. The sequel. IMDB is your friend. 🙂

[@jamesha175]

@@CrankyOldDave wow i didn't even know that there was a sequel

[@mbrackeva]

@@jamesha175 That's because it didn't need a sequel. Just like so many other sequels today.

[@joedavenport934]

I have watched this video a hundred times and shared it many more times than that. This video has single handedly helped me with so many relationships, not just romantic ones. I am a black-and-white "fixer" and to those who are storytellers I appear very cold and unemotional. Using this video has helped me be more emotionally available to everyone.

[@PerryandKim]

How does this video help you as a fixer? I'm 100% a fixer too. I need help. I want to understand people, but... I don't understand why they seem to prefer to hold onto their problem and keep complaining, rather than try a reasonable solution. And why is it good and helpful for me to hold my tongue and make sympathetic noises, rather than press them to solve their problem? Honest questions!

[@Peakprospr420]

@@PerryandKim never change my man. Tell her straight up.I'm only available to speak if we gon discuss a solution.if not I ain't listening.

[@cheffromspace9771]

@@PerryandKim People often already have a solution in mind when complaining. It's not for problem solving it's just things are so overwhelming in the moment they need some validation and sympathy.

[@apwill4765]

@@cheffromspace9771 I think the whole point of the sketch is to point out the stupidity of that. Making useless sympathetic noises but keeping actual solutions to yourself because your partner isn't interested in solving the problem is... stupid. Especially when you've heard the same vent 1000 times.

[@allison9810]

The sketch is obviously written from the perspective of making fun of the woman, but it unintentionally highlights the frustrations on both sides. The man's immediate assumption is that the nail is causing her problems (fair) and that she hasn't figured that out for herself yet (less fair). It's very reasonable to imagine that she knows about the nail, that she can't just "get it out" because it's lodged in her brain and requires complex surgery, and the fact that she's suffering because of it is upsetting her. Next time you see someone with a nail, consider that they may already have put themselves on a long waitlist for delicate nail-removal brain surgery, and in the meantime, they are expressing valid pain and frustration over something they can't do *more* about right now. It's okay to set boundaries about not listening to complaints you can't handle, but when people express frustration about others trying to "fix" their problems, it's usually not the solution that's upset them but the assumption that they don't already have a solution in mind, and the implicit devaluing of their emotions while they're struggling towards that solution. Some of us have just been told that we have to wait six months before the nail can be safely removed, and we know we're going to spend those six months in pain, and we're *upset* about it. Being listened to and having our frustrations validated helps us to endure that pain.

[@Bea768]

She wants to be heard but doesn't want her problem fixed. This is fine for as long as she gets headaches and her sweaters get snagged being the only problem. That is her problem and she can choose to fix it or not. What about the moment when the nail poked her husband at the end though? Should he risk his eyes being poked out or should he say: "You can choose to go around with the nail in the head, but I will not come near until I feel safe"? In reality, the nail is not only her problem, but her partners' as well. Personal problems remain personal until they start affecting others. Then they become shared problems and we all have the right to tend to our own issues and fix them.

[@Sarasclinic1]

I'm a woman and I have to say you have a point in the respect that if it starts hurting others then it definitely should be helped but I think the point is, if it's not hurting others, sometimes a woman or a man, just want to be heard 🌻 I did laugh though as going through cancer now and it's difficult to talk sometimes and just be heard without fixing 🎗

[@jennsacks1302]

Honestly, listening to someone you care about complain about an easily fixable solution is very draining. There's only so much sympathy i can offer before it becomes a me-problem too. Empathy means we feel for the other person. If we empathize with someone, and share in their pain, then we are hurting too. A quick venting session isn't a big deal, and if someone has a not-easily-fixable problem, that's understandable too; But if you're close to someone who wants to regularly talk about how a very solvable problem is negatively affecting them and wants you to empathize, i just see that as childish and selfish. "I'm in pain, and even though I could fix it, i don't want to. But i also want you to feel bad for me."

[@lunettasuziejewel2080]

I had to tell the love of my life that I was going to step away until she came to me ready to work on her (admittedly, extremely serious) problems, because she was "dealing" with her problems by literally refusing to engage with me. We've always been long-distance, so this took the form of not answering calls, texts, emails, IMs, anything, for days or weeks; finding reasons to avoid coming to see me; and always being "busy" on those occasions when we did get to see each other, avoiding eye contact, shaming me for wanting to hold hands or rest my head on her shoulder in public. When she finally admitted to me what the problem was, she flatly refused to let me talk to her about her mental health. And I did try to abide by that, but when her behavior didn't change, she clearly wasn't getting better, and all I did was cry all the time and obsess over if I was helping or hurting her, if I was selfish or not... I had to give up, not because I was done with her but because I could see that her method of coping--ignoring what she needed to do to get better, and refusing to have even a friendship with me, let alone a romance--was not helping her get better, and that it was making me worse, or at least just swapping out one sort of misery for another. Unloading on someone who loves you and then refusing to either let them help you, or to not allow them to see that you're doing something to help yourself...it's devastating.

[@mr.dirtydan3338]

It's not about not wanting the problem to be fixed. Obviously any sane person wants their problems fixed. There are ways to help people without giving them the answer. And goddamn if it's that big a deal tell them to go see a therapist.

[@mr.dirtydan3338]

@@thatvalensteingirl sure, but I would also argue that people often times already know the answer to their problems. It's just a matter of actually realizing the solution. Sometimes people legitimately cannot do anything about their circumstances, and just want someone to listen to them.

[@Wolfingrey]

I think it's interesting how different people view this in totally different ways.

[@SomeGuy-xf9bc]

It's horrifying.

[@GlazeonthewickeR]

@@SomeGuy-xf9bcyou’re horrifying

[@CorpsesReborn]

@@SomeGuy-xf9bc Now imagine the nail applied across every subject in life that has human interaction.

[@trith72]

If you are a straight man who is or has been married, there is only one way to interpret this.

[@yfrit_gg]

​@@trith72This is just flat-out not true lol. There's interpretations in the comments ranging from "women are so annoying and just want to complain instead of ever doing anything" to "often what the issue boils down to is not the problem at hand but their distress about it, which is getting in the way of fixing the problem".

[@TyinAlaska]

He did listen. He showed that by responding with interest and an on point conclusion. She's the one that's not listening.

[@PeturMag]

You must be from some other place because here in the west nothing is ever a womans fault ever. We have a joke here in Iceland... "A women took responsibility for her actions and apologized."

[@domojestic4155]

You're missing the point. He's listening to what she's *saying*, sure, but listening goes beyond that first superficial level. You have to listen to what *the person thinks they needs*. And that "thinks" is the operative word here; you might observe what you believe the clear source of a problem, but in that moment, the issue is more emotionally charged than logically so. If he had just sat down and listened - without trying to find where he could input, because that's not really listening for listening's sake - then she would've felt heard and more comfortable. And *then*, paradoxically, she would be more open to solutions. If the wind is blowing so hard that your garden is being ripped to shreds, the solution is to build a greenhouse. But to build it in the middle of the torrent is a fool's errand; let the wind pass, then enact the solution under more peaceful and manageable conditions.

[@Lost1ntheSauc3]

That's literally the point of the video

[@georgiynikitenko7600]

​@@Lost1ntheSauc3i still missed it though.

[@JB-xl2jc]

​@@domojestic4155But if you come to me with an issue and ask for my input and advice, and based on my experience and skillset I feel I can genuinely help you, then you ignore any advice and experience from me... why did you even come to me? Just to vent? Fine, then say that upfront... but be prepared for me to vent in return about how frustrating it is to constantly be presented with solvable issues for which my solutions aren't desired or implemented.

[@MERCYFRANK]

If telling people their blind spot upsets them, take them to a mirror. It sinks deep when insight comes from ones own mind. This is a powerful message even to me.

[@antediluvianatheist5262]

She knows the nail is there. but she has brain damage. because there's a nail in her skull. and she gets upset when people tell her to fix the nail, because everyone assumes that her headache MUST be cause by the nail. It might not be. It might be stress. But it's very probably the nail.

[@Bolsty7]

Woman misses the point entirely. Nobody is surprised.

[@robertellis6853]

​@@antediluvianatheist5262 It very probably is the nail. And if it isn't the nail causing the headaches, it's obfuscating the issue. And it's the thing tearing up her sweaters too most likely. So let's at least look into the possibility of having it removed. Maybe, instead of just saying "It isn't the nail", she should say "it might be the nail, but for the moment please just commiserate with me." Or even "this is not about the nail, but how it makes me feel." Both of those let the man know that his input is heard, and understood to be not unreasonable, but also not what she is looking for at the moment.

[@dhe777]

A woman was drowning. I look at her from the dock and said, "I know you do not want me to "fix" your situation. I want you to know that I know what your feeling, the desperation, the fear, you see I almost drowned, so I can relate, I sympathize and have compassion for you. I am sorry this is happening to you. The woman died, but I feel very good that I provided her with the comfort of my sympathy and compassion and did not upset her by "fixing" her situation.

[@raekah4616]

Maybe you didn't upset her, not bc of not trying to "fix" it, but maybe you didn't "upset" her by not failing to pay attention, acknowledging the circumstance/respecting the position of another human being, then one is more able to evaluate the situation and then employ the response that would actually fix the problem and the more we practice to pay attention, consider others' feelings (just like we feel as well) the faster we can do it in times of emergency. And In my understanding intuition and reaction is sometimes instinctive and crucially essential but emergency situations (such as reacting to a drowning) are different from regular interactions when human beings need to be acknowledged or else who is going to be doing the listening ever if no one is listening?

[@idonno418]

+Dennis Espinoza - Brilliant. =)

[@dhe777]

+Rae Kah To recognize the issue is "listening". To fix it is to integrate compassion with action that actually accomplishes something more objectively tangible. The point I was making was one of priority.

[@Mirani2]

+Dennis Espinoza You know, maybe you could, I dunno, save her AND not deny how she's feeling? Men always want excuses to ignore women's feelings, but they never seem to have any problem empathizing with other men, hmmmm, I wonder why that might be...?

[@Mirani2]

+Dennis Espinoza No, dennis. Because a lot of times the man uses the excuse of fixing it to IGNORE her feelings. There is no excuse for that.

[@TheNobleScoundrel]

"Honey, I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong..."

[@restoretheearth2829]

TheNobleScoundrel + thinks he is smart. Not.

[@odinswald]

What a wonderful quote!

[@russelllovett4272]

you can be right, or you can be happy

[@oap81]

I'm stealing this

[@redrock1963]

I'd agree with you but one of us has to be right.

[@patrickvalentino600]

10 years on, still one of the best videos

[@toddgunther8272]

"...and all my sweaters are snagged..." gets me every time...

[@eyesuckle]

*All* of them!

[@TealSwanOfficial]

This is the best video I've ever seen to sum up what it is like to have my job!

[@mithusurendra1664]

You know at first, I thought it was you in the thumbnail Teal

[@andreperry3301]

That sounds very hard.

[@Goodwishes67]

Yes teal!!!

[@notanothercomedian]

i feel the same way evwrytime people unload their problems on me. ita just like, "well if you stopped doing that you wouldnt have this problem"

[@simonavin3787]

Facts 😂

[@michaelritz395]

I love the hypocrisy of needing to be listened to but not listening back, so sad.... so true....

[@pauljackson2409]

Excellent point. In fact she's not only not listening back, but snapping at him when he tries to help.

[@caitsgrden]

@@pauljackson2409 ( above are both men )

[@pauljackson2409]

@Caitilin McGuire Yes, and you're not listening. Kind of proves our point, doesn't it?

[@jetsamperes5762]

most people don't listen. They are only waiting for their turn to talk.

[@Xollob2]

@@pauljackson2409 it rather does. Typical of females sexist attitudes towards men.

[@kenriehl7852]

The truth Is, so many people today would rather continue to complain about a problem, instead of actually addressing and fixing it.

[@Maouww]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="33">0:33</a> "It is _not_ about the _nail_." [bombastic side eye] I love this actress so much!

[@JohnnyWishbone85]

I think that both types of person can learn from this. Sometimes, someone just wants to be validated, to know that they aren't crazy, and that it's okay to feel the way that they do. Other times, you have to stop crying and fix the fucking problem. The key to being an adult is knowing when to take which approach.

[@rxramon]

I ask my wife off the bat if she wants me to just listen or help her figure out a fix.

[@simplyfrancois]

+RxRamon Best approach. Thanks

[@Psalm139v13]

+RxRamon, you are a wise man and will still be married after many others have been divorced and on their second and third marriage. Teach a class! Way to go!

[@rxramon]

+Psalm139 v13: Lots of trial and error, but a lot of people don't adapt to either. A class sounds interesting, ha! Maybe a psa on my page.

[@rxramon]

+François Auerbach: I'm going to make a short marriage psa video with some weird humor and see if anyone seems to appreciate it.

[@chris.strobel]

I wish the thumbnail didn't use the nail image - lessens the impact for viewers who catch a glimpse of that!

[@chris.strobel]

Yeah, but the nail could be any kind of nail...the thumbnail's visual lessens the impact when it appears in the story.

[@randaji]

Stop trying to fix everything! It's not about the thumbnail!

[@Tipster49]

Randy Reichenbach 😂😂😂 clever!!! literally laughing out loud

[@Tipster49]

Chris Strobel you make a good point but I think Randy got the last word on this one 😊😂

[@diedraajayi2776]

Yeah! They would definitely have nailed it had it appeared just before the kiss, oh...lol

[@straxacore]

Still accurate over a decade later. Will probably still be like this in a millennia

[@TrevonAdams-wc1zn]

Mr. "Headley" - You sir hit the nail on the head with this communication gem!!!

[@sdjnjferri]

If a man says something in the forest and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

[@johnkuiper401]

probably so.... need to learn to ignore the nails, I guess

[@billybobturtl]

Sean Ferri of course he's wrong: if he's saying anything , it means he's distracted from felling that tree she so desperately needed. _( of course, when he eventually gets it dragged home, it will suddenly appear to have been a nice shrubbery that had been demanded all along... )_ _rinse._ _repeat._ _segue into monty python skit_ ...

[@NoSheep2]

+Sean Ferri You could know that yourself from the start, unless you are thinking out loud, which is what I do...I verbalize my thoughts and work out solutions as I hear myself articulate them. I also keep a journal to write down first impressions, go back and look at it when I can and contemplate the situations. You might examine your viewpoint and decide if you are right or wrong. I have found, earnest people, male or female, offer considered thoughts and respond in kind.

[@MaximusArurealius]

+Sean Ferri, If a woman says something in the forest and no man is there to hear her, is she still nagging?

[@billybobturtl]

MaximusArurealius yes. _( it's known as the "automatic nag reflex" - an intrinsic feature emergent from all structures lacking a Y chromosome... )_

[@frederickvan]

They totally nailed this one.

[@ruconscious]

Every woman I've ever dated...

[@AndyZavodny]

Oh but it is about the nail.

[@DonnaMorton]

Totally nailed it!

[@GriLtCheeZ]

No, you nailed it, sir!

[@RendallRen]

I am jealous that I did not think of this pun.

[@billirons6277]

This is a classic. What a great job. What great insight. I love you all.

[@woodrow1037]

Yep, spot on. My wife and I dated 4 years, and now have been married 47 years. And this is a good representation of how it's been. Only took me 7 or 8 years to learn it.

[@kevinlamour782]

you nailed it!

[@blableebleebla]

Poor bastard !

[@MrCmon113]

You're married 47 years to someone, who completely refuses to acknowledge the obvious.

[@georgiynikitenko7600]

Still learning...

[@paulnewman2426]

I saw this years ago and every time I'm in a "is it the nail?" situation I come back and watch..this is brilliant on so many levels and his facial expressions perfect he's my hero

[@holaholahee]

do u still do dat

[@mj8495]

@@holaholaheeits still not about the nail 😊

[@riffgroove]

Chris Rock said it best... "We men are handicapped when it comes to arguing with women... "We are handicapped because we have this uncontrollable need to make sense."

[@stopthephilosophicalzombie9017]

If you connect this observation with what's going on with the Kavanaugh hearings, you'll see why there's a sudden interest in the "Repeal the 19th Amendment" movement.

[@williambarnes5023]

It's not even the sympathy a woman wants. Sympathy is just the litmus test she uses that lets her know she has a workable excuse. When a woman comes to you with her problems, she's not looking for a solution, or even really for sympathy. What she wants to know is "How much of my personal responsibility does this excuse allow me to abdicate and how much can I get away with not doing or what can I be given because of it?" Men pull the nail out because the answer is "zero," so they need a solution. Men want to pull the nail out of the woman, because an upset woman makes trouble for men, and so they need a solution. If women pulled the nail out, they lose their scapegoat and have to be responsible again. So it's not about the nail, it's about testing how worthy a scapegoat the excuse of the nail is. They don't want the problem gone. They want to collect all the excuses they encounter in their entire life history in a jar like fireflies, to be held up and shaken at any time whenever someone has expectations of them. That's why she remembers that one thing you said five years ago, or the one time you told her that some idea she had was logically flawed. It's a firefly. They certainly don't want some man to come along and shatter the jar and fix all their problems. That would ruin everything. Then they'd have to get off their ass and do something. Men are trying to get the job done. Women are trying to make it not their fault that the job isn't done. Which usually involves blaming a man and making him do the job. Because everyone knows men have to be responsible. Because women can't be. And this is why when you come home from a long day of work wage slaving to provide for her, and catch her getting banged by Chad and Tyrone, it's your fault that she's cheating on you, because look at all these fireflies in my jar. And when she says it's all a man's fault, she's actually right. It is. When the dog crashes your car, it's not the dog's fault. It doesn't have the capability to take responsibility for its actions. Why did you let the dog drive your car? You knew the dog couldn't drive.

[@stopthephilosophicalzombie9017]

+William Barnes That's brilliant. Hence the "Happy wife, happy life" mantra. What's creepy though is that the feminist infection is inculcating men with this same ethos. I know. I was raised by one, and I'm still in recovery.

[@stopthephilosophicalzombie9017]

+William Barnes Sounds good to me. I love your take btw, reminds me of the moment when I realized how women 'shit test' in early relationships. How did someone so young (presumably if you're on KZbin) get so wise?

[@williambarnes5023]

Don't listen to what people say. Watch what they do. That's all there is to it. Stereotypes don't come from nowhere. There's no stereotype about how Turks are made of glass, or how Brazilians are shrewd gamblers. That's not an accident. Stereotypes have to convey useful information or warning to stay alive. The black stereotype about watermelon and grape drink is falling away as we speak, because it was a passing fad. The ones about stealing, contempt for education, and being fatherless, aren't going anywhere. Why not? It is the deepest of mysteries mankind was not meant to know. Lol, just kidding. It's obvious. Once upon a time, I got offended by proxy when I heard someone use stereotypes of Jews being money-grubbing loan sharks. I think it was an episode of South Park, where the little Jewish boy was playing with a dreidel at holiday time. They had a song, and that made me wonder. Because I didn't know any Jewish holiday traditions, or how to play dreidel which is apparently their big cultural game, or about the song, and I was interested in proving that the stereotype of money grubbing loanshark banker was just unfounded bigotry. I will now wait, while you look up the rules to how to play dreidel.

[@mermerac9610]

Perfect. It does not get any better or clearer that this. Bravo 👏🏻👏🏻

[@MrSchwamp]

Sometimes the best thing you can do is just get where someone is at. Don't try to fix, solve etc. just get it. Heard that in an est Training, Jack Tar Hotel, San Francisco 1978. Werner Erhard you are the BEST!

[@leonh1971]

I laughed at this video and my wife got mad and said "A man must have made this" I think we might be fighting now but I can just never be sure anymore. Funny video, At least I think so.

[@OtherMike5000]

Stay safe!!

[@coreybrown4192]

It’s not about the nail !

[@nunuvyobiznes9149]

Of course a man made it. It’s good!

[@nicomultilocke]

@@nunuvyobiznes9149 shouldn't have laughed that hard to this

[@mikestrickland2755]

She's pissed because it's accurate AF!!

[@realityhitsmehardbro]

I used to laugh at the woman in this video, thinking she was completely ridiculous. Then I realized the world is full of people just like this. The events depicted in this video are not fiction, and this is one of the most personally applicable videos on KZbin. As a "fixer", nothing would insult me more than to finish talking about a big problem in my life and hear someone say, "That sounds really hard". To a "sharer", this is exactly what they're looking for. Just for somebody to listen and acknowledge that they're going through a very hard time in their life. Quite often, nothing else. In fact, they would be highly insulted if you did anything besides hearing them out, just as the woman in this video. I believe this video can be a lesson to both parties portrayed. To the "fixer", to just be quiet and listen when someone is venting, especially when they did not ask for feedback. To the "sharer", that they indeed can appear utterly ridiculous while enduring something easily fixed or entirely prevented in the first place. It really isn't about the nail. It never has been. It's about interacting with people very different from yourself and attempting to understand their needs. By the way, the story is not dependent on the genders as portrayed here. It very well could have been a man with a nail in his head and the lessons remain unchanged. Although the "sitcom dysfunctional couple" may have been chosen for increased comedic effect. Maybe Jason Headley can chime in on this.

[@iruns1246]

How about this: If you just want to be heard, go tell your story to a sharer. If you want to fix your problem, go tell it to a fixer. Why do people force others to act to match their own selfish expectations?

[@asheking8603]

@@iruns1246 Because you don’t get to choose which type the people in your life are. What if your partner, spouse, etc is a fixer and you are a sharer, and you need THAT person to acknowledge something wrong in your relationship? No one else will do, or the problem doesn’t get solved. It’s selfish to think you shouldn’t accommodate for the people you love.

[@iruns1246]

@@asheking8603 well sure, if that's the specific, serious case then it has to be accomodated. I was talking more about the daily conversation. Forcing yourself to accommodate that stuff daily can really take a toll on someone, and on the relationship.

[@Mark-em5zm]

@@iruns1246 problem is when your partner finds a sharer or fixer from the opposite sex. Now she or he is getting their emotional support from someone else. Emotional cheating is just as bad if not worse than it’s sexual counterpart.

[@Mark-em5zm]

Let’s be honest, 95% of sharers are female and 95% of fixers are male. It’s how we are wired, kind of like how does a bird know how to make a nest. It’s just ingrained in us.

[@superman1081]

I love this each and every time! There is truth in comedy!

[@psygnale]

So >this< is what Rollo was talking about! LOL.

[@omnipotentgoku]

I have to come back to this every now and again. This is internet gold

[@eleuinvideos]

whenever you try to give someone free tech support, remember you are that girl that we have to deal with

[@hnst901]

Been there!

[@squareyes1981]

+Gordon Freeman Or any motoring matter. Us partonising gits with our silly 'expertise'.

[@eleuinvideos]

***** tech support is really a pita for this very reason though. It doesn't matter if its the right way or even good, experience shows you just don't don't screw up their mess, even if its causing the problem. People always complain about change, no exceptions

[@squareyes1981]

Gordon Freeman That sounds really hard, {sorry, couldn't resist]

[@ArtfulShelley]

+Ian O&#39;Riordan Expertise vs. not is the issue...not women. I get the same issue in graphic design...and I'm sure others do in their professions.

[@TheSpinoza43221]

This is easily in the 10 best videos of all time. The song at the end is perfectly picked.

[@georget.6357]

Excellent video! It is best to allow or guide the person with the problem to figure it out for themselves. We shouldn't take away a person's opportunity to learn from their own mistakes. If they can take responsibility for their situation, they feel empowered not threatened. And, yes, sometimes there is just nothing you can do for them.

[@grappler185]

Thousands of years of the complexities of a relationship between a man and woman explained in 1 minute and 41 seconds. Brilliant!!!

[@jenniferhush6601]

Right??? Totally brilliant!

[@virginiaafentoulis9432]

Because relationships are not complex, we make it so with our stubbornness, fear and anger. Lol.

[@laurakusch7449]

@@virginiaafentoulis9432 "Stubbornness, fear and anger" AKA being a human being. So yeah, relationships ARE hard. Because we're humans.

[@apurvabhatt1609]

@@virginiaafentoulis9432 Well, that's what makes relationships complex Lol!

[@mbg9650]

She wants to deal with emotions; he's looking for a rational solution. They're totally imcompatible.

[@markmacinnis275]

The look of painful restraint - priceless. Great work!

[@eyesuckle]

For me, too, the funniest moment has to be that cut where we first see the man and the pained expression on his face. That and the snagged sweaters line.

[@julianray]

I've seen this a zillion times and it's still more true than ever. You... nailed it, Jason!

[@joannes8434]

Hysterical & Brilliant. It's so much better to laugh at oneself. A picture/video is worth a thousand words.

[@susanboatright8662]

I get that listening is important but sometimes we get so caught up in whatever is going on that we don't actually "see" the problem! I personally like it when I talk to my husband about my problems and he has suggestions that I may not have thought of! Simply telling me that I understand you are hurting, in pain, confused, etc. does NOTHING for me!

[@ranredd85]

Exactly. Men offering solutions shows we care. We want the problem to go away. We want to solve the root cause. Just validating the feelings doesn't make the actual problem go away.

[@RichardChappell1]

That means you probably haven't been steeped in grievance studies. Universities have inundated the nation with this kind of behavior.

[@nodoboho]

@@ranredd85 Exactly x 2. *Women* (like me) offering solutions shows we care. For all the same reasons you gave. It's not as "gendered" as people think. It's about personality. I'm a problem-solver, analyzer, thinker...I'm empathetic, but I'm pragmatic..."fix it and you'll feel better".

[@josephbrosk4384]

What makes you think there is a problem? It's not about the nail. That's her problem & she will deal with it when she is good & ready. She is talking about her ability to soldier in spite of the difficulties, like snagged sweaters. She's to be admired for her perseverance! (In the same way we admire Scott of the Antarctic. He never solved any of his problems either, but is greatly admired for what he endured.)

[@Ayachii220]

It’s not so much an issue to provide solutions, the issue is that often when we jump right into problem solving mode it can leave the other person feeling invalidated or like the other person did not hear them fully. Sometimes people talk about their problems just to feel heard and other times they do it because they want advise and help. It’s important to always empathize first and then ask do you want advise or help coming up with solutions after. At the end of the day everyone is different and it’s just best to ask what they’re looking for do they just want to vent or are they looking for advise, just asking that simple question can help with any tension that may happen if you just assume they want you to fix it.

[@douglasjessup]

This is about as timeless and universal as it gets right here. Amen Jason!

[@z-beeblebrox]

The true unstoppable force and immovable object is the clash between the problem solver and the empath.

[@mc909a]

I watch this at least once a year. Never gets old

[@unabAshedVO]

I feel this so hard! People tend to not want to take responsibility to fix the problem, they want someone to support them in not fixing the problem. It's called "fighting for your limitations" and it's a problem in and of itself. As a person who people tend to come to for advice that they don't intend to listen to, I am thankful for this humor. I also have learned to ask some questions before offering the advice so we don't end up wasting each other's time, or just not being available for it at all.

[@onetooneafrica7125]

Right?!? The world must accept me for who I am, is the common response vs taking responsibility for one's own rubbish, and Doing The Work!

[@robertliberto6664]

How insightful. Supporting them in not fixing the problem 😂

[@saraholmes5999]

Totally. But if we let people talk it out, they can feel better, and AFTER feeling better be able to see it more objectively and find some solutions/see repeating patterns.

[@adissentingopinion848]

​@@saraholmes5999 Indeed. In medicine, we sedate the patient for surgery not because it causes them less pain, but because it's easier to fix stuff while it isn't crying or screaming. Doctors would do it either way, just look at surgery before anesthesia. But the pain and emotions are real and they are included in the problem by default. A patient forced to be asleep will jerk around unconsciously if you don't manage their pain. Babies and children remember this pain and it can cause bad reactions later in life. Now, if babies and children can develop neuroticism from a bad childhood experience, don't be surprised when suffering individuals accumulate increasingly larger damage. If you don't manage this pain, the person involved may become inefficient or incapable of problem solving all because of these emotions. They stick with them. Listen to sounds people make like you listen to sounds your car make.

[@agm5424]

​​@@saraholmes5999 Is actually supposed to be the other way around. You first the problem and then latter when it's no longer around to cause more problems, you analyze it and talk about it so you can learn from it and don't repeat it.

[@ELFrederick]

My entire first marriage... all sixteen years of it... thank God I'm divorced.

[@jshepard152]

I'm happily divorced as well. All that drama! Pfffft!

[@nunuvyobiznes9149]

Glad you got out. But if you had endured one more year, you could apply for sainthood.

[@ELFrederick]

@@nunuvyobiznes9149 I just feel bad for the dumbass who has her now.

[@lateformyownbirth]

She’s so lucky to be rid of you 😊

[@ELFrederick]

@@lateformyownbirth totally!

[@MrBison212]

This is such a classic. Always comes up lol Good job my man

[@TheBonsaiZone]

Imagine how trapped the nail feels.

[@WarriorWomanOfGod]

I'm a woman happy to admit. IT'S THE NAIL LOL

[@sophiasmith5949]

😆

[@toreycarlyle9953]

This is brilliant on so many levels.

[@vikingshark2634]

Still one of the greatest videos of all time.

[@robertenglehardt9706]

The subtle acting mannerisms are so brilliant

[@trainofthoughtmadden8546]

As a marriage therapist, I recommend this video to everyone.

[@kattie06]

Train of Thought Madden my DBT therapist showed this to our group during a validation session. Brilliant example

[@djj6452]

And how should women react to men’s thoughts .

[@kattie06]

Seadog. Exactly the same way, just listen. Trust me, there's many a time I bite my tongue and let my man do things the wrong way. Aka the nail. Because to constantly just fix it for him isn't any help, sometimes it better just to ride the waves and listen, go with the flow, and let them sort it out themselves. Empowerment

[@djj6452]

Kathryn Tubecki : Thank you. But sometimes I can’t help myself from helping.

[@richardweber573]

It might be the wrong way for you, but it's the right way for him. . . . . Did you think he was wrong for wanting to take the nail out of her head?

[@MeantToBeLindseyB]

This is literally one of my favorite videos ever. I always share this with friends who have never seen it.

[@scottdisselhorst9744]

One of my all time favorite videos on the internet.

[@cindydownard]

Wowww congratulations on this tiny gem of a production!!!!!! Wow!!!!!!!!!

[@bethrutterr]

I'm a girl, and have this problem with friends frequently. JUST GET THE FUCKING NAIL OUT!

[@Londronable]

+Beth Rutter Basically all friends of my sister are male for exactly this reason she has told me. They get shit done. She tells her friends and there are 5 guys willing to help her out, that's what friends do according to her. Not go "ow, that's awful for you".

[@superpoluha1]

i bet she does a lot with those 5 guys.

[@Londronable]

Tommy "Johny" Wiseau I of course don't know but I doubt it. It's not exactly something I want to know about :p. From what I've heard and seen with a few it's more of a brotherly relationship. She once asked for the same drugs(I believe XTC) her friend got from a 3rd guy and that friend basically start saying she isn't getting this shit and that she's better than that and threatening the dealer if he gave her any. She got an hour long lecture about sticking to weed only.

[@kabukiarmadillo]

I'd ask you to marry me if I wasn't already... :D

[@keyvet]

It's nice to know there are rational ladies like yourself out there. Thank you Ma'am.

[@martindavis6472]

This video is exactly perfect in every way. Thank you.

[@alr6463]

"It hurts when I bang my head against this wall" "Ok. Then stop banging your head against the wall" "Will you shut up"

[@namegoeshere2903]

10 years later, this video has proven itself to be completely timeless.

[@PVAPlayy]

This video is truer than most people will realize.

[@Moviefan2k4]

Or admit.

[@DJAZAlwayz]

V Remus on sooo many levels . the accuracy is on point

[@post5230]

True that

[@jarpero]

That's because most people are women.

[@MaiToi100]

This is Awesome! lol A great analogy for so many things. Love it

[@skythemusic]

They really hammered the message in.

[@FokkeWulfe]

Yeeeeap. I'm saving this link. I'm sending it to my wife, and my mother.

[@nevadanatsumi]

I remember relating to the man in this video several years ago (even though I'm a girl). Back then, my friend wouldn't stop complaining about her unrequited love and I kept offering her simple solutions. I've even showed her this video, and she took offense. We've both become more mature since then. And now I'm rewatching this and see that honestly both of them have communication problems. The nail metaphor is just a metaphor, it oversimplifies issues. Why is even this nail in her head? What if she's in denial because she's too scared of the operation it takes to get it out? Anyway I've learned since then that sometimes the best solution is just to shut up and listen, and maybe ask some questions to try and understand why is it so hard to recognize the problem. And maybe remember about the time there was an axe in your back or something like that. For me and my friend, it took a long long time to talk, listen and gain mutual trust, but it paid off in the end.

[@RK-db4oq]

Sorry, but you've now become the girl with the nail in her head...

[@caoomahony]

Hahaha.

[@marcelolb1221]

wow, Refreshing to hear women that come to that realization!

[@juanwononeyuan]

women need to express their emotions. but its unfair to ask ur partner to listen to u if u aren't willing to listen to him. our society tells men that they need to conform the way women think and communicate but doesn't tell women that they ever need to conform to the way men think and communicate. men's brains are wired around problem solving and tool use. if u want to vent, then be receptive to the advice. its a give and take, but most relationships are very one sided.

[@RK-db4oq]

@@juanwononeyuan Very well said. The West is now "gynocentric"--woman have all the legal rights, and all the social sympathies. Whenever that's been done, it has never ended will for civilization.

[@bronlokis]

Thumbs up, men, if you've found yourself in a non-sensical argument like this with a woman.

[@jcwebb540]

+bronlokis The best part is when he offers faux sympathy and she buys it as genuine. Been there...

[@HogRebel]

JC Webb Yt?

[@Mirani2]

+bronlokis Women are not nonsensical. MEN are.

[@bronlokis]

Mirani2 I said the argument was nonsensical... not women. learn to read, dumbass.

[@Mirani2]

bronlokis Yes, but the implication is that the woman is dumb because people don't usually say those things even when a man has the same type of argument. And the arguments are not dumb, they only sound that way when taken out of context.

[@StefaniRd]

i'm a natural fixer. when i was 17, my first gf told me that when she'd vent, she wanted validation rather than problem-solving. it didn't make sense to me, but i still adapted to do it, and it changed our relationship for the better. i've kept that in mind since then. sometimes people need to get their emotions under control to be able to fix their problems; and then they'll usually even be able to fix it solely by themselves. it's unfortunate that so many fellow fixers in the comments are defensive about it, being a supportive listener is an invaluable relationship skill.

[@DannyJoe08]

Woman's opinion detected. Invalid.

[@theswissmiss69]

This is a really beautiful comment! Thanks for sharing.☺️

[@radiohead2206]

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

[@isaacruiz3991]

Wouldn’t it be possible to provide the support/validation needed….and then fix the problem afterward?

[@StefaniRd]

@@isaacruiz3991 sure! in my experience, usually the person can fix it by themselves after venting, but if they need help, they'll be more likely to accept it if they had their feelings validated first.

[@lancemollusk150]

So spot-on!

[@mikekrier1465]

This is so well done. I mean not just the concept but the camera work and the actors (her subtle eye movements at the begging)... The whole thing is brilliantly done. I give this a 10/10

[@MRGInternational]

Well done Jason and the team . Loved it !

[@hearingoutlifelifedrama]

I LOVE this. It's exactly why I created HOLD, so people could share and there's absolutely no fixing! (heart bubble)

[@kruppelfield]

Sometimes people just don't want help but rather someone who just listens

[@jeremycarl2401]

Yeah but when they complain about the same problem for years without trying to solve it, it will drive everyone away. No one has that much patient.

[@berylturner1455]

Have lived this. Formulated solution; instantly channel her focus to clarify the nature of the conversation. Dramatization rendered below: Her: "Can we talk? Me: "Do you want to talk or do you need me to listen?" Her: "Umm...." Me: "Please answer the question, hon. I need to know so I can proceed correctly. I can't 'just know;' I need for you to make it clear." Her: "Okay...I need you to hear what I have to say." Me: "Thank you for clarifying. I'm here and I'm listening." Her: Me: Okay. I've heard you and I get it. But just to be sure; was I here to be an sympathetic ear or to help you solve the problem?" (Answer #1) Her: "Thanks for listening hon...I feel better now." Me: "Love you too. It'll be okay." (Answer #2) Her: "Can you help?" Me: I'm on it. Love you. Her: "Love you too...." As long as you let them know that you still give a damn, you can easily work within this framework.

[@Ghost-jk3oi]

The best response in this whole comment section. You've restored some of my faith in humanity lol

[@sonnyarellano2113]

Rationalism vs Emotions

[@jshepard152]

Preach!

[@windwardhaven]

Well, somehow she eventually managed to strap on a flight helmet & fit into the cockpit of an F/A-18....

[@dotconnector1746]

Anyone else who needed THIS level of clarity??? 🤭😜

[@drurafkin920]

I LOVE THIS - from both sides of the conversation

[@andriuszokaitis1968]

This is spot on. Someone who created this is a genius 👏

[@erickarobin2010]

Wow... This hits home.

[@lhurst9550]

This deserves every single view, it earned them all.

[@paulrpaulr]

Brilliant. You nailed it!

[@joshuaboston7114]

buddy at work told me I needed to see this after I told him about some shit my lady is dealing with. Nailed it.

[@cheydestiny3247]

I know a lot of people have viewed this in many different ways. But for me honestly I felt like it’s not always about a solution because sometimes people can know exactly what the solution is but sometimes they’ll need emotional support to get through it.

[@HritikV]

So both of them should pull it out

[@hexlart8481]

Or the solution looks obvious but isnt (the nail is bent in some way we cant see that makes it incredibly difficult to remove), or honestly any number of things I think the video reflects rather shallow understanding that "men" (generalizing here, its not all men or only men) use to justify their assumptions and biases.

[@MrCmon113]

That's the opposite of stubbornly denying the problem.

[@ronwerner]

Can listen for awhile, but eventually, something has to be done about the nail.

[@bobcompton7293]

OMG, I sent this to my ex. She always said" what happened", we were so happy. WOW.

[@CaneFu]

i am almost emailed this link to my girlfriend but then I thought more about it.....guess it's better to just leave the nail in her head.

[@nunuvyobiznes9149]

No, man. Pull it out. Or ask for an open relationship. In my experience, when you’re in a monogamous relationship, you’ll endure anything because it’s your only sexual outlet.

[@CaneFu]

@@nunuvyobiznes9149 I have tried having more than one girlfriend at a time and things didn't get any better...it was just more nails to deal with. All women seem to get a nail stuck in their head as soon as they hit puberty. And I have a feeling that if I ever did succeed in pulling the nail out another would instantly popup in its place.

[@MrCmon113]

​@@nunuvyobiznes9149A dude asking for an "open" relationship is the most clownishly stupid thing I can think of. If you're such a stud, you should just not be in a relationship at all and sleep around. If you're not, you're not profiting from the open-ness.

[@dtovee]

I've only just found this video! I showed it to my wife and we both laughed

[@user-ik5mn8qv5z]

This needs to be revisited every now and then to be reminded that we ALL struggle in different cultures, places and times. Very funny and relieving clip.