A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Warlock

Joseph makes a dumb Dungeons and Dragons guide for dumb people
intro/outro music is original piece by JoCat
This is another redo of a weak and unfulfilling crap guide video, which if you really wanna watch you can find here: • REDACTED CRAP GUIDE TO...
no doubt just like cleric, a lot of you may very much enjoy the other version, maybe even more than this one, but I had to do this for myself to be happier with my work. thanks for understanding.
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Other music courtesy of Epidemic Sound: player.epidemicsound.com/

[@JoCat]

For those who want the blast sound effect: soundcloud.com/cufftish/eldritch-blast-crap-guide-to-warlock-clip This is another redo of a weak and unfulfilling crap guide video, which if you really wanna watch you can find here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jGTRg42mbpidpbc I know a lot of people enjoyed the original, but sometimes the most important person to make sure is happy is yourself, and I really did need to redo it if for my own sake

[@Danmarinja]

This version is definitely much better than the original, and not just because you didn’t insult my previous favourite class as much this time SHUT UP NO ITS NOT

[@SnowTheBard]

*finishes laughing ass off* Okay; this was on a completely different level of hilarity to the previous version. Honestly well done on the redo - it's awesome! :D

[@thorfirewalker5685]

Oh, dude, the last one was good, but this is just great. And you claim to make crap guides. This thing is accurate to every warlock I've met.

[@TheLittleTanooki]

Oooh no wonder

[@UncertainCitrus]

Great improvement, love the new version. I'm verry glad you took time with your work. Now its time for the grand finale with big wizard spe- *eldrich blast*

[@PsycheTrance65]

Ah yes the best part of being a warlock *Beneldritch Cumberblast*

[@darthrincus]

*Beneldrich Cucumberblast**

[@qcumber85]

PsycheTrance65 that joke killed me ... no wait that was the * BLAST NOISE *

[@ZombieSlayerTakashi]

Fucking ded

[@butterflysrage]

Shit, well that's my next character's name now

[@giraffedragon6110]

I misread that as Benedict Cumberbatch

[@darienb1127]

Unsurprisingly, KZbin says that the most replayed part of this video is where the Devil Dommy Mommy shows up.

[@justanotherchannelonyoutub126]

Also the part where the Bard and Paladin get married

[@oneverymadlad1124]

For me it was the very end of the devil and then the entire skeleton bit right after

[@ScarHydreigon87]

No cap I'm literally playing a Fiend Warlock with a Dommy Mommy Succubus as his Patron

[@darienb1127]

@@ScarHydreigon87 And how's that been going?

[@ScarHydreigon87]

@@darienb1127 campaign starts soon but I’m pretty excited. I did quite a bit of research to know how to role play the relationship dynamic and how it affects his character

[@magmos6346]

"A wizard being called a sorcerer is sort of like having a PhD and someone telling you that you only managed to graduate because you have natural talent. A wizard being called a warlock is like having a PhD and being told you only managed to graduate because you gave the dean a quickie in the alley behind the movie theater."

[@willowarkan2263]

That is one cheap Eldritch horror. I guess Cthulhu really wanted a snikers.

[@Babbling_Wizard]

Itll take more than that to get graduate

[@mobiushelldoctor1423]

so I didn't have to get under the table?

[@Da_Shark]

@@Babbling_Wizard speak for yourself if your not good enough in bed to get straight A's study up bud I can't sit right but by golly I have one hell of a psychology doctorate

[@MattDrzewiecki-te5su]

If quickie is all that it takes to get PhD, sign me thr fuck up x3

[@Ishtarru]

In this context "You're fired" means you're literally dropped into a pit of eternal flame.

[@leon8847]

Still better than bank loans tbh

[@r3negadex]

Or, if you made a pact with a thing from the oceanic depths, the exact opposite of that.

[@darienb1127]

Reminder that the Fiend pact gives you "Hurl Through Hell", so once a day you can shout "You're Fired!" to anyone you want and sent THEM into the pits of flame!

[@Brendanj101]

Party: Say the line, Warlock. Sad Warlock: I cast eldritsh blast. *party cheers*

[@agihammerthief8953]

10 CAST(ELDRITCH_BLAST) 20 GOTO 10

[@sisiissiisslsosioss4621]

Oxbox? Huh? Huh?

[@rita6355]

I once played an Eldritch blastless warlock, it was super fun and refreshing By which I mean hard as balls to stay alive

[@Chuckler127]

@@rita6355 Well, on one hand I feel I ought to credit you for roleplaying a character just the way you wanted them to be. On the other hand, what you essentially did was the equivalent of taking a Cleric who absolutely refused to ever pray for any healing spells. On one hand: Yes you are absolutely free to do so and everybody is free to make the game however they want it to be. On the other hand... do I really need to say it out loud? You already know the gist of what I'm going to say.

[@Moose_Hawkins]

Goddammit, I made this same joke on the original video that got deleted. Beat me to it.

[@kaiba3612]

....A devil that wants to be my "mommy"??? *SWITCHES CLASS FROM BERSERKER TO WARLOCK*

[@kaiba3612]

@@xxXXRAPXXxx Berserker class' big boah damage got nothing on devil mommy

[@noahjohnson935]

What is the actual name of the sugar mommy?

[@TheRuancarlo]

@@Sir_Bucket but it... Uh... Sound good

[@RzelAkira]

perfect.

[@ekki6820]

I see you too, are a man of culture.

[@aurostargaming5031]

Did anyone ever realize that Dr. Facilier from "The Princess and the Frog" might actually be a D&D Warlock disguised as some voodoo witch doctor? Think about it: - Vast magical power - Power comes from deals with the arcane (aka, his "friends on the other side") - Breaking said deals cause a loss of power and his untimely demise - Dresses fabulously IT'S TOO DAMN PERFECT!

[@JaelinBezel]

Voice of Keith David and thus very high Charisma score

[@P-man_XD]

I loved his villain song when I was a kid! XD Definitely a warlock.

[@aquamarinerose5405]

I mean... Idunno if I'd say that Dr. Facillier is SPECIFICALLY a D&D warlock, but they definitely draw from a lot of the same tropes.

[@no.notfromRDR]

Explaining voodooism poorly: I make sacrifices to higher spirits in exchange of power.

[@oriongurtner7293]

Yeah, only thing missing is the Warlock’s signature constant use of the cantrip known as Eldritch ⚡️ *BLAST* ⚡️ But otherwise spot on

[@spectacular1spider]

JoCat :"but on the brightside we have dental" Me: "these are better working conditions than being fairy godmothers minion from shrek 2"

[@jessy5241]

My reaction was literally: “SOLD”

[@christianschweda2530]

Man of culture.

[@monhunterz5430]

Well what did you expect, she's an archfey

[@theoretical_chaos7712]

"ancient eldritch sugar daddy" is the best and most cursed sentence i have ever heard

[@aficionadoavacado559]

Blursed

[@creamfox7864]

“All power arcane suger daddy” sorry I don’t mean to be an a hole and correct people but honestly both are the funniest thing 😂

[@MccElite]

Brayblade85 both phrases are still hilarious asf

[@jose.p1527]

Pffffffffffffffff

[@DasWarVorbestimmt]

all powerful arcane sugar daddy

[@bleach-kun]

Because of you I wanna create a warlock that has a patron that is literally a really nice demon with a mommy kink

[@jacobbakos3140]

Bleach-kun DO IT

[@bleach-kun]

@@jacobbakos3140 already done, the DM couldn't stop laughing as she brought Lalujutasta (the fiend) up at any point it made sense.

[@bleach-kun]

@@jacobbakos3140 during one of our rests, she showed up with a platter of, what the DM (Lucia) described as Hell Cookies, she then proceeded to force feed them to my PC while everyone laughed their ass' off.

[@MetalGlitch]

@@bleach-kun You have a fiendishly funny DM, Bleach-kun. Does she have a recipe for Hell Cookies? I want to know what those taste like... :D

[@bleach-kun]

@@MetalGlitchapparently the only ingredients are demon blood.... and sugar... hmmm... And yes, Lucia is more of the "Let's get fucking crazy" kind of DM and not the "SCRIPTS PEOPLE! SCRIPTS!" She's the best.

[@astronautcowboy6549]

That moment when your new to dnd and you show up with a tiefling warlock who made a pact with Mephistopheles and everyone thinks you’re good at the game but in reality you just thought Mephistopheles was a cool name and you wanted to play a devil bc they’re hot

[@jerredmanns7105]

They really, really fucking are.

[@a.a.g.h.1679]

Literally the first character I EVER played in dnd

[@Pris._]

me starting to play dnd and wanting to be a tiefling warlock:

[@wheel_funny1285]

Legit just made this exact character for a new campaign (I've never played a warlock or tiefling before and just thought it would be a cool combo)

[@luciuscifer6589]

We may be the same person lol🤣🤣

[@nobodyimportant4778]

The most sinister part of being a warlock is that you technically don't give them your soul. It's just that all the gods won't want it anymore, and your patron is the only one who will offer you an afterlife

[@Gboy86ify]

Not even Kelemvor? I never interpreted that guy as being particularly picky.

[@yoursonisold8743]

@@Gboy86ify It entirely depends on your patron to be honest. You can after all have a deity as a patron, so the rule cant be universal.

[@RayearthNinja]

Look guys, Bard and Paladin got married. Congrats!

[@Someone-sq8im]

Eldritch [BLAST]

[@carmenpopescu1284]

@@Someone-sq8im your gonna be the next whowill get some paladin SMITE !

[@Uppercut92]

Guitar playing Crusader baby on the horizon.

[@aetherresonant9079]

Now we wait for the wizard and fighter

[@strcmdrbookwyrm]

There's so many comments about this that it's really hard for me to not go through all of them and just reply with *BLAST!*

[@eveescastle5866]

But unlike bank loans you can pay them off and then aren't inherently evil... Nice

[@koopaking6148]

This makes me think of an episode of the amazing world of gumball...

[@halfjack2758]

*aren't always inherently evil

[@tylerpratt2898]

Edit to Student Loans... I don't know how I'll ever repay you. No...really...

[@rowanthearchitect3227]

Yeah, and the contract seems perfectly reasonable. I mean, the pantlessness is a bit of an issue, but that's what robes are for. *looks closer* Ooh, you get triple overtime when you go over 40 hours!

[@Nauriek]

The way i interpret the canon setting, Clerics are the ones who loan all their powers from their supernatural entity, and will lose them all if they offend their sugar daddies. Warlocks, on the other hand, seal a deal where they permanently obtain eldrich powers in exchange for servitude, like paying for getting a surgical face modification with shapeshifting and laser eyes. And unlike Clerics, you can totally just ditch or kill your patron and still keep all you powers, and even suck up to a new one for when you want to get more levels in warlock. Unless your old patron catches you and unsurgically tears your fancy modified face off, that is.

[@Aredel]

I figured that it’s more about the method of servitude. Clerics channel the power of their deities through their undying faith and devotion. They’d fall on their own swords if their god commanded them. Warlocks on the other hand don’t even have to like or even acknowledge their patron to gain the benefits of the pact.

[@VanNessy97]

You could make a character arc out of this

[@ricecooker7037]

Either adore your great lord or KILL HIM.

[@morrigankasa570]

My Drow Feylost Death Domain Cleric sworn to the Raven Queen chose to serve her, while a Warlock can't always choose their Patron.

[@ASpaceOstrich]

This is in fact RAW. By default a warlocks powers are permanent. Your patron doesn't need to even know you exist, in fact, they can be dead, at your hands, and your powers are fully intact unless you specifically had a clause in the pact you made that erases the powers from your mind when broken. Warlock suffers a bit of a perception problem where everyone thinks all warlocks are "sold soul to the devil" when thats just one specific interpretation of one specific pact entity.

[@saintpoli6800]

A demon “mommy”... *I’ll take your entire stock*

[@MattDrzewiecki-te5su]

YES

[@noahbachfrandsen1533]

And they even make peanot butter and jelly sandwich. I think this is my go to for warlocks.

[@bionicdragon5]

And now Helltaker's a thing.

[@droman608]

Demonic parent: “Aw sweetie, did you get disintegrated AGAIN by that super powerful Beholder? Here here, lemme resurrect you on the spot. And remember that next Tuesday is **Baby casserole!**”

[@saintpoli6800]

@Trash Person Too many tentacles

[@colewathen706]

1:18 Bard finally got her to notice her and they got married, JoeCat has it's own lore

[@Csarci]

yes!! finally

[@sdpblueneko4559]

Too bad it got eldritch blast

[@brickgamer4760]

Ye

[@tradingplague2309]

Pretty sure there ok ones a paladin the other a tiefling so here's to hoping they have a fanfic

[@JollyGreenWizard]

I still can't believe that it took over a dozen views for me to notice who was getting married.

[@j.michael2553]

Warlock, So customizable you get 2 variants on the crap guide!

[@tylerswanson2062]

This needs more likes

[@DmitriStormblood]

I love both variants, I can't choose!!!

[@marcos2492]

I need to thump-up this comment twice

[@danilooliveira6580]

I could't see the older on in time =(

[@XmortoxX1990]

And both videos are pretty ccurate as well XD

[@kaine2805]

"Snipe someone from two blocks away" Two blocks? There's a build that can get up to 1200ft of distance with Eldrich Blast. You can snipe someone MILES away

[@elancannon8295]

Someone needs to check how many feet are actually in a mile Hint It's way more then 1200

[@kaine2805]

@@elancannon8295 to be fair, I'm Canadian, I only know metric XD

[@aqwkingchampion13]

To remember fet to miles, remember five tomatoes- five to ate o- 5280 It’s actually less than a quarter mile.

[@migthulhu]

1200ft is about an un-scoped rifle's range (for accuracy; the bullet can travel a lot further but it's hard to see targets with the naked eye past 300 or so yards) just re-skin the warlock's wand into an alien blaster. Cthulhu-tech.

[@somedrunkdude5728]

*sorcerer laugh* Adorable.

[@silentjackm.d4490]

1:15 I literally made a character based off this scene becaused i loved the idea. I made a warlock class who got his powers by getting...*cough* "intimate" with a ancient primordial Eldtrich succubus with the curves in all the right places even with all the tentacles. to sum it up he got drunk at a bar and while the details are fuzzy he flirted and hooked up with the demon woman somehow making her fall in love with him but he has no idea how he did it and she isn't telling but now he has a succubus lover wanting to make him a demon king for her own pleasure ( exactly what your thinking) and to control the multiuniverse with him by her side by using her cosmic powers to make him the physical embodiment of lust and carnage across the multiverse using him to conquer worlds for her own amusement. Basically in exchange for incredible God like magic he has to kiss up to a demonic sugar momma who shacked up In his skull constantly talking, flirting, and sometimes but rarely offering advice. The fun thing I've done with this is I have a extra D20 that if I role a 17 or higher his Eldritch momma will randomly either aid or mess with him kinda like wild magic and she does things like giving inspiration, casting a random spell with no cost but no guarantee what the spell is, increasing his chances of success or failure,or even aiding in combat by making herself a physical avatar to fight with him but this is super rare and only at high levels and she doesn't discriminate on who she is killing even Ally's may find themselves facing a Eldritch blast by her hand. So it makes things fun because at any moment a powerful demon woman could either kill everyone including friends, help pick a lock, convince a dragon to hand over his treasure, sleep with her elven hubby, or randomly decide to ruin everyone's day buy turning everyone into a chicken, or nothing will happen at all

[@silentjackm.d4490]

@@XpVersusVista you may have a point though to be fair in the lore I made up about it, he's not special she has done this many times before. It's just most of them die before she can get what she wants. that's just the kind of story behind it the real thing around it is just a roleplay choice so we have an entity where my DM can just randomly have shit happen to fuck with us.

[@S1rL3m0n]

Year old, but with the time stamp u used a 1 instead of a 2 for the minutes

[@v4nd3l4yhomeboi5]

Basically, that one horny chaos god from Warhammer 40k. I can’t remember her name.

[@ineedsleep7684]

@@v4nd3l4yhomeboi5 Slaneesh?

[@v4nd3l4yhomeboi5]

@@ineedsleep7684 YES! That’s exactly who I was thinking of.

[@leonardoadorno8471]

I love the eladritch blast sound omg thank you for remaking it

[@jbark678]

Imma firin my eldri- *BLAAAAAA*

[@zexa252]

Eldrich SPAAAAAAAA

[@leonardokopte9811]

It's more like Eldritch Tourette at this point. Love i-BLAAAAA...sorry.

[@Amadeo790]

Lol mine is Eldritch-HMMMMMM~

[@shingshongshamalama]

I don't know who this adorable muppet rayquaza is but I'm glad youtube algorithm pushed him onto my feed.

[@MisterFiasco]

shingshongshamalama To explain the headgear, it’s a Monster Hunters thing. Same as the assless chaps, coincidentally.

[@apocalypsenw4780]

MisterFiasco Technically, all chaps are assless

[@C0KEC00KIEQ]

Monster Hunter World headgear from and event quest. "Wriggler Head"

[@filthy.kasual]

shingshongshamalama his whole outfit is from Monster Hunter World just like his Sword and Shield jokes cause it’s a weapon in mh. To be specific he has the default chest, hands, and belt with a wiggler helmet and Kirin pants. The only reason I watched this vid was cause of the mhw outfit in the thumbnail lol

[@goddessofmoss9649]

MUPPET RAYQUAZA i'm dying aaisakojfvkjsnpkjdvnposenv-wkenfvj

[@mzc_crazy3769]

I love how being a servant and in a pact with a dark Deity is actually less challenging than being in debt irl.

[@GenericUsername226]

Some say warlocks aren't very good, but they have a special place in my heart. The first character I ever played in DnD was a warlock who was on a quest for knowledge, his patron was a super chill archfey who just wanted to gather as much information as possible. All in all a good experience that I would reccomend.

[@ocsartobi6844]

The main problem people seem to have with Warlock is they think it ties into alignment. Like being the warlock automatically drops you somewhere on the evil side. Good to know you didn't fall into that trap.

[@expertoflizardcorrugation3967]

Patron: Give me your soul Me: No Patron: I'll give you a 1d10 cantrip Me:... tempting but no Patron: uhhh... we have dental? Me: Thats all you had to stay

[@iancomtois9832]

Patron: Uh...Eldritch *BLOZF*

[@needlessgaming4516]

Dental is fucking expensive.

[@scabberdabber2597]

Yea I agree that was all he had to STAY

[@_Tzer]

patron:I'll also be your mommy Me:*SIGNS IMMEDIATLY

[@tuffy135ify]

Lisa needs braces.

[@anonymousnik8904]

My buddy claims that he has a magic sword that can talk but it's mute... We have already try investigating it but all the DM says is "it looks like a normal sword to you" ,NPC's had no luck either so we are waiting for our wizard to learn detect magic to find out if he is trolling us.

[@Luiji99]

Please update us when you find out

[@ember3579]

Could also pull an Undertale and have him THINK it's the sword talking to him but it's actually something, well, else.

[@thezerowulf507]

Use detect thoughts on it.

[@alilweeb7684]

@@thezerowulf507 Thats actually fucking jenious

[@itzzbowserjr]

So what happened?

[@tzisorey]

"But on the bright side, we have dental" Will that cover replacing these boring old human teeth with the fangs of some bestial horror? Or will there be a deductable ....Asking for a friend.

[@Elemessclr]

it's painful but they will be better than your old ones

[@jlokison]

There is always a deductible.

[@Guuuun_]

Deductible my ass...DO IT ITS COVERED AND HOLY FUCK IS IT WORTH IT!

[@cedricallman9733]

Well yes, but it will cost a lot, and it is only half covered by the dental plan.

[@NEETKitten]

The procedure itself is covered, but all the extras like the custom braces they use to help the fangs of bestial horror set in properly, or the fillings, crowns, and chip repairs, are all coming out of your pocket. Overall, that all costs just a little less than the surgery itself. That said? Totally worth it.

[@CobaltKitty]

“On the bright side we have dental” Well, Lisa DOES need braces...

[@nextPr0fess0rCha0s]

Dental Plan!

[@striker0]

@@nextPr0fess0rCha0s Lisa needs braces.

[@nextPr0fess0rCha0s]

@@striker0 dental plan!

[@striker0]

@@nextPr0fess0rCha0s Lisa needs braces.

[@raspberrypie1706]

2:14 DEVIL MOMMY *signs up to be a warlock*

[@ddoublec936]

*oh hell yeah*

[@johkikanvt5919]

*makes Warlock* oh yes

[@geromlarayos6696]

The only reason i ever play DnD...

[@lucastark1784]

*HEAVY BREATHING* Yup...

[@Da_Shark]

I can't say this clearly enough S T E P O N M E

[@Crossark1]

You could also have your patron be a literal star from across the universe that communes with you through your dreams and compels you to murder indiscriminately. So that’s fun.

[@thehighwayman3122]

There are a lot of patrons for Warlocks. Some better than others. I just wish they didn't get rid of the Warlord from 4e. I liked that class, and I'd rather not play a ton of Fighter(coincidentally my second least favorite class) just to get to the point where I can emulate Warlord.

[@cobaltCarnivore]

Alea Nex?

[@ronanlorekeeper7226]

I have preferred choices for every subclass; Fiend- Demogorgon (no not the monster from stranger things learn your demon lords) or Tiamat. Archfey- Either one of the major Hags, a Unicorn, or the Summer Queen. Undying- Acererak because duh. (If I'm forced to choose something else I choose Null) Celestial- Bahamut primarily but for variety I might go Kirin or Coatl Great Old One- Nyarlathotep if we use Lovecraft, otherwise Dendar Hexblade- Blackrazor the others are cool but not really worth it as patrons.

[@dobyk5338]

@@ronanlorekeeper7226 Interesting! I haven't thought about most of the patrons but for Fiend I'd go with Dispater, for Archfey I'd probably create my own feylord using 4E lore or convert a TES Daedric Prince, and for GOO I'd go with the Eldritch Stars from 4E, probably Caiphon or Ulban. The Undying is an interesting one and I think a sorcerous vampire lord would make a lot of sense as well.

[@Megalomaniakaal]

@@ronanlorekeeper7226 Nyarlathotep for eternity and beyond!

[@Sgtnolisten]

Contract highlights: Big “Butts” in the solid block of text detailing the contract. Benefits are -Undeath -Exposure (icwudt Jo) -Dental -Outdoor Time (walkies???) -3x Over”something” over 40 hrs -5x over 50 Terms for signee -eternal Servitude -always avoid wearing pants -praise daily -*Monthly Baby Hands* .......(glances at a couple of hat wearing llamas)

[@TlalocTemporal]

3x Charisma maybe?

[@cattysplat]

Never been more relevant now Baldur's gate release had millions of new players learning D&D.

[@gabrielrussell5531]

1:18 So I see it worked out between Bard and Paladin.

[@Vespuchian]

Now he just needs to modify the outro so their figurines are next to each other.

[@ajanis95]

Well, it was about to. Then the warlock went and Eldritch {insert that sound here} them.

[@Telor21]

C A N O N A N O N

[@DizRupTnz]

@@Vespuchian They were in the Ranger video

[@Draiocht012]

"Sexy Devil Mom" patron could actually get me to play a Warlock that wasn't a Hexblade. XD

[@FlameDarkfire]

Pick a goddess for the Celestial pact and you can have a god mommy!

[@bluezombie9608]

FlameDarkfire ew goody two shoes Pick the Archfey and (with some backstory tweaks from XGtE) the Queen of the Summer Court could be your lover or something

[@FlameQwert]

Just fluff your hexblade patron as a devil mommy who's really into weapons gives you a fun sword as a reward

[@bluezombie9608]

NorikSigma I thought a whip made of flames would be a devil’s thing

[@Titan360]

The Erinyes MILF patron has caused so very many Paladins to fall from grace...

[@CheshireFatorum]

0:24 "Offer monthly baby hands" … _Caaaaaaarrrrrllll?!_

[@nickcarpenter7904]

You sir get a like!

[@Elemessclr]

why are they all from white babies?

[@grahamkristensen9301]

@@Elemessclr Well you know, Whitey's gotta pay. And the payment is baby hands.

[@Elemessclr]

@@grahamkristensen9301 huh

[@JohnSmith-ex8iw]

Can 1 more person like this to get it to 69?

[@simondiamond9628]

After thinking more on this video, you know what would be hilarious and nutty for the Warlock? Give them an Eldritch Invocation that allows them to cast Animate Dead at will. That oughta make Necromancy Wizards piss themselves.

[@eammonwalsh562]

Everyone is talking about Felicia and Sasha's wedding, but no one is talking about slappy jack the clown barbarian's noble sacrifice.

[@sapphiredawn5773]

He tripped and fell on a banna peel then took this greatsword to the dome

[@thefakeslimshady8881]

Time stamp?

[@mattregan6128]

I JUST noticed that. Freaking amazing

[@Foxlawl]

I've watched this about a dozen times and today was the first time I actually stopped on that scene to see who it was.

[@weirdyfish]

@@thefakeslimshady8881 two monts late but at 1:20

[@thedocblock6421]

Druid video: "Patrons are just sugar daddies lmao" Warlock video: "You basically just take a standard job in corporate, except not as terrible."

[@allyrose9494]

It depends on the patron-

[@hazymoon7516]

Commenting this under as many videos as I can in hopes JoCat will see it: Thank you for jumpstarting my love of D&D. Thank you for creating endlessly entertaining content that is easily accessible to all demographics. Thank you for making me laugh. When I have a bad day I often rewatch your videos just so I can smile again. I’m so sad to see you go but I completely understand why. I only hope life offers you peace because we live in an increasingly divided age where empathy and compassion are considered to be weak. Please never forget to be true to yourself because only you can define who you are. Never stop making the charming artwork that only you can create and keep being awesome. If you ever come back I will be your first subscriber. Thank you for everything and best of luck going forward. You will be missed.

[@aaronfleischman5093]

The Warlock class is one I've had so much fun with, I've made probably my favorite character with it, a Tiefling who, after losing his mother, made a grief driven pact with the Prince of Frost but now he is scarred and now is lost without memory of who he was before the pact, leaving it incomplete, and now he has dreams of the Prince tempting him to finish the pact and of his mother's ghost pleading with him to reject the pact

[@TheIrishpsyco]

Video: is about Warlocks Comments: are mostly about the one frame of Paladin X Bard

[@ostravaofboletaria1027]

As is should be

[@adrienne960]

I can't tell if the bard is a man or a woman

[@ThorG-mg2yx]

@@adrienne960well her name is Felicia and she normally wears a dress

[@adrienne960]

@@ThorG-mg2yx I just rewatched the bard episode, I apologize for being a dumb bitch Also we stan lesbians in tuxedos

[@CantFaketheFunk]

@@adrienne960 Is the elf female? I kind of always got the impression JoCat was trying to keep them ambiguous/non-binary. I'm here for the ship whatever gender they are, tho.

[@jedrzejkoszewski4342]

Someone should make an hour video of JoCat swinging his head. It's so mesmerizing.

[@jasonvernish7366]

Agreed

[@garystack9537]

It really is oddly relaxing to watch

[@Draiocht012]

When the series is over and all the minis are on the table someone should just make an hour-long video out of that outro scene, music, swinging head, and everything.

[@Seanana_]

With no audio but a slight swish sound effect as it goes back and forth.

[@Glace1221]

It's the soothing head nod of understanding, acceptance, and approval. Know that you are loved.

[@dank_smirk2ndchannel200]

I just love how varied the origins of a warlock can be. On one hand you got the classic fiendlock who sold their eternal soul to satan for power, while on the other hand you got the goolock who got their powers when Cthulhu accidentally farted in his sleep, while on the third arm you have the feylock who's backstory can basically be "I banged a fey queen while high of my ass on satyr kush, lol".

[@teecheeong]

Wait the Cthulhu part is possible?! And it’s counts as a Warlock class?!?

[@dank_smirk2ndchannel200]

@@teecheeong great Old One patron

[@teecheeong]

@@dank_smirk2ndchannel200 i meant the farting part....

[@dank_smirk2ndchannel200]

@@teecheeong it's not literal. It’s basically means that a Great Old One could do the most basic stuff without any knowledge of your existence and it's power is so great that it could cause someone to become a GOOlock.

[@teecheeong]

@@dank_smirk2ndchannel200 ooooooohhhhhh.... that makes a lot sense.

[@natemcnutt953]

warlock Idea: a warlock who is fully cinvinced with every fiber of their being that they are a cleric (they are not a cleric)

[@MerryMoss]

Wait... is this what happened with Jester in Critical Role? =p

[@ninalindqvist4032]

Class who believes they're another class seems to be a common trope, specially with warlocks. But honestly, thematically there's a lot of overlap between cleric and warlock anyway

[@waypastthenorm8629]

Your devil mommy example made one of my players uncomfortable at how accurate it was to what he made.... so thanks for that

[@clayxros576]

Good

[@giannarone3991]

Awesome!!

[@passonthestar3689]

I need more info because that sounds really fun to replicate

[@l3l723]

Huh... Nice.

[@scabberdabber2597]

WayPastTheNorm you think that’s accurate I have warlock in my game who’s mom is Zariel

[@jonathanpuccetti9258]

Just fyi, I would totally buy a set of minis based on this series.

[@Hawwwlucha]

could always make them ourselves on heroforge.com

[@isaacgraff8288]

I think a lot of us would.

[@GodlikePoet]

Yeah I would too.

[@CCBrown92]

I know i would

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

But if JoCat made them...we could support the channel!

[@mikesminis]

I love the fact that even the subtitles can make a [blast] have a mood

[@todaycuber9115]

So in my campaign, purely to piss off the DM, I actually made BLAST smell like strawberries. Thanks for the idea, Jo

[@darienb1127]

I had a Wizard who would cast Presidigitation to make people's food taste like strawberries. Imagine biting into a BBQ rib only for it to taste like strawberries

[@todaycuber9115]

@@darienb1127 that is the most evil thing I've ever heard

[@JoE_the_InFernO]

1:18 Aww☺️ The Bard and the Paladin got married. I'm happy to see that.

[@solisholder]

they deserve all the best *eldritch blast intensifies*

[@hyenahammock451]

I even brought then a present *mimic chest rattles* "Open it"

[@yushakader4991]

Hyena Hammock go on I DARE YOU

[@theboard4207]

Chaotic neutrals be like: @Hyena Hammock

[@grahamkristensen9301]

If anyone has any objections, speak now or forever hold your *ELDRITCH BLAST*

[@researchinbreeder]

Ok so Cleric v1 to Cleric v2 felt more like fact-checking tbh. But this... *distorted, ancient voice* I like this change a lot.

[@cataphractastrophe]

I play warlock a lot and I've found an invocation that gives me freaking WINGS. I can also cast mage armor without using a spell slot. As an undying warlock, I can also cast false life up to five times so I make that wizard with no armor look even wimpier

[@firestorm165]

"Hey guys, why is our barbarian shaking hands with that devil?"

[@loganshaw9198]

Because he made a deal to find out how to find and how to get the ring of rage.

[@firestorm165]

@@loganshaw9198 I was going to go with "she wanted to burn those who weren't close enough for her to hit" but that works too

[@capy-karma186]

Do you want ah spell? Do you wanna cast? Do you want demon powers that kick some ass? Well pray to your devils or squid daddys for cash, so you can dish out that ELDRICH BLAST!!!

[@thealphashow2007]

This needs more likes

[@inakimendiberri2226]

I see you are a bard of culture as well

[@rendedspace5606]

*ZAP!*

[@flamesredinconito6474]

*Smite!!*

[@madmadameminx]

Squid Daddy? Squaddy? Yes, please.

[@kylebeguhl8516]

Yay! “LITERALLY CTHULTU” is back!

[@jo1italianstyle]

where was the first one

[@kylebeguhl8516]

jo1italianstyle the first one.

[@zeroinfinity8212]

I like it how he says its 'literally Cthultu' and yet he puts tentacruel instead

[@jo1italianstyle]

@@kylebeguhl8516 it's not on the barbarian was it?

[@kylebeguhl8516]

jo1italianstyle the first time he uploaded this video.

[@sharky4ever21]

I wanted to say, you have helped me to learn how to play dnd. Ive met some incredible people that i call friends bc you wanted to make someone laugh while overviewing each class for a beginner. Im sorry that you had experienced the worst of humanity but know you are loved and will be in prayers of many. Safe and plentiful creations from A fan

[@2MeterLP]

My favorite warlock was a fallen Aasimar warlock of the great old one, who had no idea he was either of those things. He thought he was a human bard. And everytime he gets into a stressfull situation like a tough fight, he fall unconcious and the patron takes over, causing him to sprout skeletal wings and eyes open up all over his body. His logic was "I cast spells, I can heal and make myself look like other people, Im a good musician, Im clearly a bard!"

[@thenightmareroyal5468]

TFW Your favorite part was the like 2 seconds of the Bard and Paladin wedding

[@benhramiak8781]

Same.

[@ratchet1271]

It's just so wholesome. That Bard has nothing but love in her eyes for that Pally.

[@GrenaGreystone]

Better LGBT representation than Steven universe

[@ratchet1271]

@@GrenaGreystone oof, deep cuts.

[@calvinclark9478]

the stardust extremist O O O O O O O O O O O F

[@patisilence]

Bard finally married a Paladin 😄. Tell them "Good luck" from me.

[@a_level_70_elite_raccoon]

I screamed with joy.

[@Eliza-qr4sk]

Sadly the Warlock ruined it :””””””””””)

[@generalbacon7476]

I bet the ceremony was like. Cleric "Are there anyone who thinks this holy matrimony should not continue or forever hold your peace." Warlock "ELDRITCH BLAST!" And the whole wedding went up in flames.

[@jinxtheunluckypony]

I’m so used to effeminate male elves I honestly thought Paladin was a guy. I thought Bard was marrying a random woman.

[@noskalborg723]

They'll need it if they want children. Eternally barren.

[@Woodcocce]

I want a hot devil mommy... I'm trying Warlock next time I play D&D.

[@Leet-iz2fz]

For a Pokémon-themed campaign, I homebrewed up a subclass for every class. In my infinite -ass-backwards logic- I mean wisdom, I gave the Cleric a Giratina-themed subclass and the Warlock an Arceus-themed one. I then finagled up a half-decent reason for this: Arceus doesn't like when religions start committing atrocities in its name, so it imparts power upon a select few in the manner of a Warlock patron and when public knowledge of its existence gets out, it erases itself from the memories of everyone except those Warlocks.

[@normanwear6042]

That's really cool

[@sev1120]

I mean it makes sense Arceus, as shown in PLA, is fairly hands-off in how he manages the world, compared to Giratina who directly interferes and is responsible for the story. One's a patron bestowing knowledge, the other is direct divine intervention

[@TheLegolord86]

Fellas, the Bard and Paladin finally tied the knot, it’s canon, this has made my day better, thank you JoCat. Edit: Thanks for all the likes fellas

[@Belladonna1998]

Literally was looking for this comment

[@smartsport]

Soran Millenium Make the comment you wish to see in the Internet.

[@suzannafreund5745]

Lesbians make everything better

[@deliriousboi2052]

@@suzannafreund5745 I think the Paladin is a dude

[@suzannafreund5745]

@@deliriousboi2052 What do you mean? She clearly has a female figure and she's the one wearing the dress and everything (1:19)

[@help4397]

I see that now the bard and the paladin is officially canon now

[@dragonkingofthestars]

I see that now there is canon now.

[@JoCat]

or is it? 🤔

[@thatguynamedgabestyfy8348]

JoCat it's cannon now there is nothing you can do about it you did this to your self

[@TheGuardDuck]

It WAS cannon... But then Warlock blew them away...

[@jamesberkland7930]

He definitely meant to make it canon. I rewatched sorcerer, look at the wheel of wild magic when he turns into a potted plant.

[@Nakiwanders]

You really bring laughter and knowledge to a lot of ppl dude, I've always loved your content. This shit really bring joy to me in my day to day life

[@yahoomcrazy]

I am this many episodes in and I’m just now realizing that he’s adding a new figure to the table every episode 😅

[@Merc1987]

I love Jocat cause he always improves. Even the videos he removes for being "bad" are incredibly entertaining, and then the reupload happens and I'm blown away! This series is the OG Sword and Shield of Dnd vids!

[@Ellicess]

Bank loans are more evil than Cthulhu? Makes perfect sense to me!

[@marcelofavarettoscatolin4561]

I really like your videos JoCat, especially this one. This makes me laugh so much very time i see it, especially when I'm not feeling well. Thanks.

[@Zaprozhan]

Blessings upon Jocat and his talent, for bringing laughs to this old cranky gamer for his funny-AND-informative summaries on the classes. Bravo!

[@ellagage1256]

Awe Bard and Paladin worked it out... That's so cute! *next image* Nevermind...

[@mestre12]

The funeral dosent involve the bard and the paladin.

[@ellagage1256]

@@mestre12 I was talking about the Eldritch Blast actually Also RIP Slappy

[@allelon8284]

Omg yeah, I'm so happy for them! Because they're alive!...right?

[@d-m-n]

@@allelon8284 assuming they are all in a party and because of that about the same level as the warlock, there's no way he 1 shot them with one cantrip. so pretty sure they are alive and pissed off.

[@cyanic3148]

don't worry, 1d10+5 damage is tiny in comparison to even a level 3 adventurer

[@Zoonay]

'The sentient sword that yell 'F**K' when you swing it'... my searching quest has begun 😂

[@michellenorman1844]

One of the other players in a campaign I play in created a sword that screams "THICC" when swung xD

[@FlameDarkfire]

Named Gordon Stabsy as well

[@verociten5293]

*sWoRD aND ShIeLD You UNCuLtUred SwINe

[@newbaggett]

Sounds a lot like Borderlands to me.

[@Carewolf]

Nightblood? Thought it mostly just begs to be bathed in the blood of your enemies (or random passerbys)

[@benthebearded1901]

The irony of specifically calling out the Fiend as a dommy mommy is thick enough to serve on toast in a post-BG3 world.

[@weebananalord5200]

Literally five seconds into the video and an automatic sub from me, the art style and jokes are great and I want to watch every video you have made. GOOD DAY.

[@FrostLordOni]

Bard and Paladin finally got together, huh? I had no idea I’d been watching “A Crap Guide to Falling in Love”.

[@thibautisserant]

Wait, wasn't the paladin a guy ?

[@patisilence]

@@thibautisserant no it's girl

[@thibautisserant]

@@patisilence Oh ok then : )

[@christophershell7564]

Someone got a natural 20 on a persuasion check.

[@chimerical8746]

@@patisilence it is?

[@Animemom96]

Sell my soul to an almighty Eldritch sword and shield god? ...I'm in

[@kanevivi]

Is there one or do we mean God JoCat?

[@Animemom96]

@@kanevivi Either or. Though maybe JoCat worships the almighty sword and shield sooooo

[@MrJonjon636]

ALL HAIL THE SWORD AND SHIELD! SO POWERFUL EVEN POKEMON IS GETTING INTO THIS!

[@zlatko8051]

*swings* FUCK

[@anthonynocera3846]

There’s something really cool and satisfying about the sound you chose for eldritch blast. I swear, I can’t get enough of it.

[@BlackShadow1991]

eldricht blast effect and the cursed talking segments make this video for me *lmao* awesome stuff, Jo!

[@SS5Ghaleon]

2:36 Everyone's favorite Warcraft Warlock: Gul'dan! (on the right)

[@agihammerthief8953]

Pfft. That amateur can't hold a candle to the ABSOLUTE POWER of WILFRED FIZZLEBANG, MASTER SUMMONER.

[@VinceValentine]

Until HE FACED JARAXXUS, EREDAR LORD OF THE TRIFLING GNOME!

[@theslysilverfox268]

WILFRED FIZZLEBANG!

[@espio87]

@@VinceValentine FLESH TROMBONE!

[@Kokonutzlz]

I like him so much I want him to give me a Gul'dan shower ;)

[@JayF2912]

And remember you have to sacrifice three more babies by the end of the week or you're *_FIRED_*

[@jonathanguajardo8430]

sure thing boss

[@JayF2912]

@@theheretic65 DID I ASK FOR 4?

[@rafamartindominguez3196]

That eldritch blast sound has something addictive on it that makes me love it the more I hear it.

[@Josh-99]

After the posting of the final video in the series I went back and binge-watched all of them. This one is my favorite (not by much; they are all great), because for some reason the ELDRITCH BLAST sound effect makes me laugh like a little child. Thank you for all these videos, JoCat. I hope you do another series. I even watched all your Monster Hunter videos and I don't even play that game.

[@GoldenPenHD]

After Jocat learned how to say Elditch *BLAST* , he made his original video a hundred times better

[@midknightcrisis8612]

I keep reading that there was another version of this video before - when, and what was different?

[@omerion385]

@@midknightcrisis8612 it's in the description

[@midknightcrisis8612]

@@omerion385 ohhhh thanks

[@Zeuseus6609]

Regarding the Devil that wants to be your mummy. I once played a warlock who was a half-devil. Their patron was their succubus mother. My DM had a lot of fun with that.

[@Lucas-ky7dc]

This is a physiological necessity: I NEED Jocat to cast eldritch BSJSHSJWH out of nowhere, more often, on videos that have nothing to do with it.

[@Pixal_Dragon]

Bard and paladin getting married, at long last that ship’s sailing

[@cedar7560]

1:23 I feel called out. I've only gotten to play my Warlock for one session so far, but he already attacked his party member for flirting with him. (And now our whole party ships the two.)

[@lightsideofsin8969]

Seriously?! Is that a thing that happens to all warlocks? Everyone ships my warlock and our wizard because they hate each other from day 1. Interestingly enough, our whole party hates the wizard by now.

[@thehighwayman3122]

@@lightsideofsin8969 I guess. I mean, at least it's better than the bard.

[@xarvon8344]

Edgy Warlock is for boys, Magical Girl Warlock is for MEN.

[@TragGaming]

EXPLOOOOOSION

[@humbleguardsman5578]

How thicc we talkin here?

[@Generalek333]

I've just imagined a male Dwarf Warlock, dressed up like in Sailor Moon and holding a rod with winged heart at its top, casting pink Eldritch Blasts at the too horny bard.

[@hectorisraelalvarezespinos59]

@@Generalek333 o god... So much win...

[@eldermaxson6437]

@@humbleguardsman5578 *EXTRA* *_T H I C C_*

[@thatkingdomheartsguy9615]

My character is Lawful Good. I gave him hexblade as a forced upon patron and boon, and he had no choice in the matter. It makes him very interesting, and I find it fun how he uses these "dark powers" to protect the people he cares about.

[@carolgottlieb1271]

I love this video. Gonna miss you JoCat.

[@Kenthrex]

"literally Cthulhu" At first I laughed Then I thought: wait by this, isn't the lunatic cultist from Terraria a warlock?

[@clayxros576]

Yuuuuuup, they are. Not even subtle either.

[@R3GARnator]

So are Magical Girls.

[@clayxros576]

@@R3GARnator Depends on the franchise. Madoka Magica? Oh yeah. Sailor Moon? I dunno never saw it.

[@loganshaw9198]

I was reading a book where the mc name is thulhu. He gained the ability of making corpse princesses. It was very weird he could bring back from the dead freshly dead females to do his bidding. Maybe his name has more meaning then his it thinking it does.

[@firedeath21]

the moon lord is cthulhus brother

[@gearholder8882]

Sees Felicia got with her sweetheart: ; u; Sees Slap-happy Jack died in this universe too: ; A;

[@ShatterPalm]

Who is slap happy jack and where can I learn more about him

[@Voidhawk42]

@@ShatterPalm www.tricksywizard.com/comics/2018/10/21/class-clown "That's the thing about D&D -- it's all fun and games until you realize your silly one-off joke character is actually a tortured Byronic hero who will literally make you cry."

[@KainYusanagi]

@@Voidhawk42 I like the original clown story, of Bonzy the Sad Clown, better, myself.

[@Fpwc2]

Who is felicia?

[@CountDVB]

Franco Centola Juvenil demais The Tiefling Bard

[@HauntingBull]

Of all the DND videos you've made, this is my favorite. 😂😂 Never fails to make me laugh.

[@Doc_of_derp]

say hello to haxton sale. the goblin warlok who can hit you with eldritch blast from the other side of a football field

[@missbitsbobbles3561]

1:19 Someone make this an actual ship, the bard and the paladin would be the perfect couple, just look how cute they are!

[@kethrysryan9418]

Pretty sure it's been a ship since the Paladin video :P

[@the-other-guy8991]

Kethrys Ryan they teased the Paladin in the bard video. Watch the “only weakness is a pretty face part of it.”

[@jamesmcneil3412]

1:51 Get Over Here !

[@isobelmoody8328]

As someone currently playing a warlock, this is my favorite of all the videos I've watched so far. I keep cracking up.

[@m.s.e.advanced2842]

He would his eternal soul for a sword and shield that yells "f**k*" when swung and another Warlock crap guide

[@noblebork3723]

My warlock: Why don't you F-bomb whenever I swing you My sword: I'm pretty sure you haven't used me yet... My Warlock : Oh. *Casts Eldritch Blast*

[@KubinWielki]

Yeah. The eternal struggle of a warlock - stripping it of all flavor and leaving only raw damage in, your Pact Weapon will only be more useful than the Eldritch Blast is as a Hexblade below 10th level, and only if using a weapon like greatsword or a battleaxe (and even then it's arguable, because you're sacrificing range). It certainly does have its charm, though. Until you realise a Sorcerer can be a better hexblade than the actual hexblade... sniff.

[@Nukestarmaster]

@@KubinWielki If you're using the SCAG melee spells then it's more viable.

[@KubinWielki]

@@Nukestarmaster Aye. Yet that's also the basis for the sorcerer. You can make quite effective "fighter" with sorcerer. Use Shadow Blade spell, and spam Booming Blade (quickened/twinned whenever applicable) and just burn your spell slots for sorcery points (for more quickens/twins). Go Divine Sorcerer for lulz. Go Warforged (if allowed in your campaign) for OMEGALULZ.

[@noblebork3723]

KubinWielki But does the sorcerer get 1d8 health per level? Warlock gets 1d8 per level.

[@KubinWielki]

@@noblebork3723 Normally 1d6, but you can lul it by taking a Hill Dwarf and a Draconic Sorcerer (both give you +1 to hp per level), but I'd still go divine soul for cleric spells, and (if you really only care about numbers, not character) warforged for their overpowered armor class.

[@magruder1993]

He has dental which makes him more appealing then 90% of the other jobs out there

[@wanderingluck6593]

Oh god the ranger is still indecisive XD Warlock NO we finally have the ship canon don't just blast it to pieces! Btw, it's actually kind of cute that the bard wants to marry the paladin instead of just seducing and having a night with her like, she genuinely just wants to be with the paladin 👏👏👏

[@jonathanguajardo8430]

I'm sorry, but that can't happen. His patron damands he ruin it

[@wanderingluck6593]

@@jonathanguajardo8430 His patron probably likes a slow burn romance lol

[@danilooliveira6580]

or she just want to tap that booty THAT BAD