A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Races

Joseph makes a dumb Dungeons and Dragons guide for dumb people
Download: mega.nz/#!s5RAmS6D!USG3zCcZ_F...
Instrumental: mega.nz/#!xsBCgYob!v5MbdnmkL3...
Lyrics: genius.com/Jocat-a-crap-guide...
Cami-Cat Cover: • Races- A Crap Cover Ab...
Huge thanks to the Guest Artists for helping with this episode:
Adan - / @birdcyclops
Blaine Simple - / @blainesimple
Art sources:
zetrystan.tumblr.com/post/183...
www.furaffinity.net/view/2669...
►Support me: www.patreon.com/user?u=9866256
►Twitch: / jocat
►Merch: www.redbubble.com/people/joca...
►Hit Point Press: hitpointpress.com?aff=4
►Twitter: / jocat105
►Stream VODs: / @jocatstreams958
►Website: www.jocat.net/
►Discord: / discord
Other music courtesy of Epidemic Sound: player.epidemicsound.com/

[@JoCat]

Download: mega.nz/#!s5RAmS6D!USG3zCcZ_FPMFm1Z0wqwSFrHYsNK9mClMdVmCayr42U Instrumental: mega.nz/#!xsBCgYob!v5MbdnmkL3rmqyZPcdVRoAF4NTnhQJtGMsFd0cfOaBw Lyrics: genius.com/Jocat-a-crap-guide-to-d-d-races-lyrics Cami-Cat Cover: kzbin.info/www/bejne/n3_ViaNubZaVibc

[@callmefried544]

Hi

[@callmefried544]

You should become a singer or something. When KZbin dies you can become a great singer.

[@undeawolfifegamer4216]

Epic

[@aesopsfable42]

Take your damn vacation you beautiful man

[@firecracker6140]

Remember that sound track of the d&d intro you did, do it again but with this

[@0o0Zero0o0]

JoeCat presents: The Pokemon rap of Dungeons and Dragons.

[@ZipperonDisney]

No doubt we'll be seeing covers of this at cons 😁

[@MixMasterJ1221]

I mean- there was Snom at the end.

[@sydneysleeper9642]

@@MixMasterJ1221 And Stonjourner at 1:08

[@renumbr6171]

And its thousands of times better

[@thor7912]

Now i kinda wanna see him do a pokerap using the monster manual.

[@oliver7039]

I'm starting to believe that JoCat is actually just a level 20 bard.

[@magvargas2658]

Well, bards are his main, so I guess you are what you play?

[@w.d.ghaster3902]

hmm, with the way he portrays bards... (which is 100% true I had the bard do that like 8 times at my table.)

[@jesusirizarry4493]

Canon.

[@vinnyfalzarano4911]

Bard college of swords (and sheilds)

[@noahragsdale124]

No he's the one and only level 21 bard

[@RedJayRedemption]

You know what I find funny? The Tortle is referred to as a hermit immortal, which would make sense seeing as tortoises can live for a pretty long-ass time. But Tortles have a lifespan of about 50 years.

[@Victini415]

Now _that's_ wack.

[@lukesams3349]

I guess they’re the great danes of the reptile world

[@user-oc3ic4vc7x]

They have an average lifespan of 50, all of the infant death turtles and tortoises go through influences the average considerably

[@artoriasgameing6601]

Now ya see do you think anyones actually going to care about that little bit of information? No because a tortle that cant die of old age is the only way to play a tortle otherwise your just dead because i have never heard of a young tortle character they are all old as fuck

[@babysleepysheepyrainbow]

That does seem to be the common consensus but a few articles I read said 250 years, weirdly enough. Alas I don't have any links

[@killskill9391]

Best Part: Lovestory between elf-Paladin and Tiefling-Bard goes along.

[@burghleyimeanberdly6513]

The saga continues, the bard was probably asking her wife to do the dishes or smth

[@authenticlimeflavor432]

This isn’t a race. This is a goddamn marathon

[@reindeerboi4543]

it's not a scene, it's a goddamn arms race

[@LegoCowManZ]

It's not delivery, it's Digiorno.

[@reindeerboi4543]

@@LegoCowManZ it's not levioSA it's leviOsa

[@pythagoruz69]

It's not races, It's racist.

[@marionfrix3508]

Yes, This isnt a race.

[@Daranun1337]

"Play me the Song of my people." "Which one?" "Yes."

[@rileysheehan943]

This is the song of all the people

[@partialbullet2215]

This song is for the changelings that have an identity crisis

[@jackzx13]

@@partialbullet2215 Except, Changelings can't go small, so it's mostly Changeling plus small races.

[@WinterPains]

@@jackzx13 KID CHANGELINGS

[@jackzx13]

@@WinterPains Fair, that is one way. But then they can only do small, not medium.

[@stellatilinger6458]

Every time I listen to this and get to firbolgs, I remember the sheer confusion I caused in my party by playing a stereotypically-druid-like, hippy, nature-loving firbolg, who just so happened to be an artillerist and rather enjoyed taking any chance he could to pull out his eldritch cannon (we named it Edward)

[@jessegd6306]

For some reason I see and hear Oddball from that one movie, Kelly's Heroes I think. "Always with the negative waves, Moriarty!"

[@abithefallenhuman921]

Meanwhile I hear Firbolg and get happy thinking someone's about to talk about the actual Firbolg (ancestors of the modern Irish who were enslaved when they left Ireland for a bit) and get confused when it's just cow druids

[@bigbean1627]

I remember one time I made a tiefling cleric who’s whole personality was that he was a good Christian boi. The party called him “the worlds straightest tiefling”

[@Aaa-vp6ug]

(Confused Gay Tiefling noises)

[@BananaLair]

I love this 😂

[@mitsuko93]

Speaking of Kenkus, my Kenku bard crit failed their dex check and fell off a mountain. My dm quite literally said, "This is the first time in a really long time a Kenku has been airborne."

[@BiningiTheBanan]

You have a good dm

[@senthenerd5332]

123rd like. I feel special.

[@jayjaydeth]

Second time was when a Kenku fell of a pegasus while in labor. [Note: this isn't something I'm aware of ever happening, I just wanted to make the pun. Could you imagine though?]

[@ravioliravioli118]

@@jayjaydeth which.. which one was in labor

[@dirttrackart]

@@ravioliravioli118 yeah, I have so many questions about this joke

[@switzerlandmk2859]

Confirmed Jocat is a dragonborn, because he just spit straight fire

[@RenegadeRukus]

A dragonborn bard, a dragonbard!

[@WiskiBlueHeeler]

If he were a dragonborn he would know they don't have tails.

[@FarrTheFox]

@@WiskiBlueHeeler do you see a tail on his character?

[@MrRukrio1]

@@WiskiBlueHeeler okay but that is a bit dumb and folks always ignore that.

[@ymmijx6061]

@@MrRukrio1 that's because people want to play half dragons and dragonborn is the closest that was deemed acceptable.

[@reifanwinter-sun8672]

WotC: gives me dozens of fantasy species with fleshed out lore Me: makes a regular pig except he's a water sorcerer named Hogwash

[@heatherhallfo5179]

One of the best pun names for a dnd character

[@reifanwinter-sun8672]

@@heatherhallfo5179 Thank you, he's my child.

[@nicks4903]

Loved all of these. I still go back and rewatch all these. Wish Jocat didn't get bullied into retirement he was an amazing content creator

[@BBBness]

I'll never forgive him for using James as the 'boring human' name.

[@Khajiidaro]

Steve is a far more boring name, and also what I may name a Paladin because nothing strikes fear into the enemy like hearing the name Steve the Paladin.

[@gillbray2889]

@@Khajiidaro Steve is the name of a ducking legend. I an going to go tell the Minecraft character, the tech man.

[@JaelinBezel]

@@Khajiidaro Jim the Knight, killed by bees.

[@ms.centurion9708]

@@Khajiidaro Bob Sincerely, Ms. Centurion

[@gillbray2889]

@Jessica Stein Yeah, lmao. He's a nopic.

[@ChrisMorray]

Fans: "Man I loved how he rapped during the bard vid" JoCat: "Hold my sword and shield"

[@bleachbleachBLEACHER]

Don't be ridiculous, JoCat wouldn't let anyone hold his sword and shield.

[@oivatank]

The thing about sword and shield is that even though they’re drawn, he can still use the mic :3

[@hiddensinix2767]

You don't have to unequip sword and shield to use items

[@blasterman1000]

@@oivatank That's because the hilt is a microphone, the pommel being the head.

[@JohnDoe-bu9ll]

Lee Doyle this^^^

[@hazymoon7516]

Commenting this under as many videos as I can in hopes JoCat will see it: Thank you for jumpstarting my love of D&D. Thank you for creating endlessly entertaining content that is easily accessible to all demographics. Thank you for making me laugh. When I have a bad day I often rewatch your videos just so I can smile again. I’m so sad to see you go but I completely understand why. I only hope life offers you peace because we live in an increasingly divided age where empathy and compassion are considered to be weak. Please never forget to be true to yourself because only you can define who you are. Never stop making the charming artwork that only you can create and keep being awesome. If you ever come back I will be your first subscriber. Thank you for everything and best of luck going forward. You will be missed.

[@SueDonym-qx7or]

Farewell, JoCat, may you be remembered forever in the annals of D&D history.

[@TheTiredBard]

Almost all the races: interesting, have unique traits. Human: *O* *R* *D* *I* *N* *A* *R* *Y* Locathah: *F* *I* *S* *H*

[@loganmason5421]

Half-orcs: S T R O N K

[@Meun]

Goliath: big muscle

[@TheTiredBard]

@@Meun I think you are looking for the term: *T H I C C*

[@janneswilmink487]

Aarakocras: BIRB

[@lapu2407]

Tabaxi : cat girl

[@Woodcocce]

As someone who almost exclusively plays humans, I feel called out.

[@thedrunkendragon7151]

You will be wacked with the shame stick

[@alexscholz3438]

Skyrim belongs to the Nords! I wish you well, fellow human player!

[@Embara]

Humans, Half-elves, Kalashtar… pretty much every race I play is just human-in-disguise too

[@SnarkyRogue]

Let me guess, variant human fighter that exists purely for combat?

[@thedrunkendragon7151]

And another shall be wacked with the shame stick as I shout "SHAAMMEEE" over and over

[@Saber64]

Coming back to this four years later because I had to quote the Aasimar line to a friend.

[@atomwolf6774]

0:22 aarakocra 0:30 aasimar 0:36 bugbear 0:45 centaur 0:50 changling 0:56 dragonborn 1:04 dwarf 1:10 elf 1:18 firbolg 1:26 genasi 1:31 githyanki, gith 1:37 gnome 1:45 goblin 1:52 goliath 1:59 half elves 2:06 half orc 2:13 halfling 2:20 human 2:55 hobgoblin 3:02 kenku 3:09 kobold 3:16 lizardfolk 3:23 loxodon 3:30 locathah 3:37 minotaur 3:44 orc 3:51 tabaxi 3:58 teifling 4:05 tortle 4:11 triton 4:18 verdan 4:25 yuan ti pureblood 4:33 kalashtar 4:39 shifter 4:46 simic hybrid 4:53 warforged 5:00 vedalken

[@veeranoikari9960]

He did it, he cured racism by showing that everyone can be just as OP but in different ways

[@xanderroberson2029]

And yet he forgot the grung..

[@MagickGOATee]

@@xanderroberson2029 grung is a frog from a tropic climate, poison tribe mind can't be decided, worship an ancient toad (get a load) of long ago, got some sick darts they like to blow

[@theanimallover92]

I certainly admire how much love, effort and style that he put into literally shoving ALL the races into one ANIMATED vid the complete madlad

[@Snowmon89]

Except for humans. They're lame.

[@BayOfWulf]

except humans why be a human when you can be anything else _cough sorry Middle school teacher whos pretty cool cough_

[@alcormagnus8754]

“Oh boy. I really do love it when Jocat starts with a rap!” *Hears the beat continue in the title music* “Oh, am I in a treat today!”

[@nicholasogburn7746]

Alcor Magnus It’s a Fort Minor track sampled and sped up.

[@Qril]

@@nicholasogburn7746 Its actually a default Garageband track lmao

[@articusramos808]

Seeing a shaved morgana is oddly scary.... not to sound mean though

[@pouncelygrin6699]

@@Qril was gonna say haha I recognized the beat and was like "wait a minute" xD

[@skreeperson6744]

It’s the same mix that bo burnham uses for Rant

[@andrewdowns3673]

Can't wait for the next rendition when Jo includes the races from Spelljamer, Fairies, Harengon, etc. etc.

[@samlaenen8209]

It took me 3 years to figure out these are orderd alphabetically

[@Prezy_Preztail]

Today I learned

[@miniwhiffy3465]

I somehow didn’t see that huh

[@dlbook6018]

After "T" it all goes weird though

[@zeriah]

JoCat, it was called a CRAP guide to D&D, not a RAP guide to D&D.

[@mousermind]

This deserves more likes.

[@punkymonkey7507]

:)

[@stuffysword420]

Also, wasn't called AMAZING guides to DnD

[@terra6713]

You can't spell Crap without Rap

[@soulsurvivor2706]

classic typo

[@deathwatch1169]

Someone: Hey if you do races you can keep the series up for a long time! JoCat: I'll do them all in one video. Someone: B-But that'll take hours! JoCat pulling out a mic: Did I stutter?

[@DIGITALGH05T]

i imagine it took him hours to come up with the lyrics tho (but real shit this is still seems real good to a newbie like me)

[@albertsanchez1248]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@Sparkingcircuits_]

“If home brew is free, a big talking tree.” “Welcome to a crap guide to D&D” A great line

[@deathwatch1169]

@@DIGITALGH05T hehe the joke was simply that he could of made multiple videos on each race but instead like the madlad he is, sung it all lol

[@Aoi_Ryuu]

Im just laughing my ass off because of this. thank you

[@Randych]

The ending was so organic as if he's dropped not a mic but a goddamn skyscraper

[@a_angry_bunny]

"Races hardly ever matter" *Laughs in Variant Human*

[@captainpolar2343]

what the hell are you gonna do with 4-8 attacks per turn and 8 asi / feats

[@squiddler7731]

"Oooh, a short song, I always love those!" *intro ends* "Wait... it's still going?" *realization sets in* _"holy shit, the madman actually did it"_

[@shadowpixie01]

The madlad's done it!

[@taintedmyth0s636]

That was exactly the thought process I went through too XD

[@Meuduso1]

Intro: Alright, cool intro idea. *continues after the intro* HOLY SHIT

[@savortherobot9709]

JoCat Flexes on us the video

[@lukesams3349]

Don’t be too hard on yourself, Jo, most of these descriptions are still correct (I choose to believe dragonborn are the product of dragons and horny bards)

[@comradecrusade7417]

Those are half dragons not dragonborn

[@miniwhiffy3465]

@@comradecrusade7417 close enough

[@jeffreycalilung8224]

Guy: How are we going to make D&D characters that are more interesting!? Other Guy: How about we follow all the stereotypes from this song...but do them the opposite, like a super unlucky halfling, or a kind yuan-ti pureblood, or a warforged that can somehow feel emotions? Everyone: ".....WRITE THAT DOWN!!! WRITE THAT DOWN!!!"

[@chaotic-goodartistry3903]

“What’s your music tastes like?” “It’s...complicated”

[@KalilIllinois]

My music tastes like Doritos & Wine

[@CloudAYB]

Ah, so you are into "classic" music.

[@danielsantos-wh2op]

Kalil Illinois hahaha unbelievable!!! I’m eating Doritos and wine right now!

[@why_not_though6250]

@@nielsdejong F*king stop

[@catmaster1802]

Haha yeaaa . . . The best way to really describe my music taste is complicated

[@didekjozwiak]

You know, he could just made it into a whole "dnd races" series to milk those views. He didn't. Instead he put all of them in one video that is also kickass song. JoCat,the absolute madlad, love You forever

[@Jian13]

JoCat enjoys his sanity. One of these videos can take a long time to just to write. Then he has to make art, audio, editing, and probably other things.

[@zacharygadzinski3147]

Just wait until they release more races. He also forgot the Ebberon variant of the orc. Not a D&D player but I find it odd. I guess part 2, when they release more races, will include them.

[@ninevolt3204]

I would still enjoy a series of a crap guide to dnd races

[@fernandotrevinocastro1018]

Still kinda want every video

[@mostlyjoe]

Now....do backgrounds.

[@araueaodereifaurea4660]

is no one going to talk about how cute he draws goblins and kobolds?

[@HarPaelTheMessenger]

I listen to this and Spooky Slice at least once a week. I'm sorry you're going Jo. I hope you find peace and happiness, no matter where you find yourself.

[@tuesdaynext7370]

The line about half-elf backstories made me want to play a half-elf who'd be all overdramatic about like "I'm a child of two worlds... My mother was a brewer, and my father... was a baker."

[@austinsadler1403]

The half-elf finally bridges the gap by helping them realize they both depend on yeast.

[@Someone-sq8im]

“My mom is a human and my dad is an elf”

[@tuesdaynext7370]

@@Someone-sq8im I mean yes, that's part of it, but a lot of people tend to overlap the race discrepancy with one in social status (ie "my mother was a queen, my father was a farmer" in this video; Pathfinder's iconic magus, who was the child of a human noblewoman and an eleven bandit; or Critical Role's Vax and Vex, who came from "a chance encounter between elven royalty and human peasantry"), hence my desire to have a character whose parents, while having different occupations, occupy the same social stratum.

[@depressedflower3326]

So me and my group are starting a new campaing soon We will be making character concepts for each other And i want to thank you for this idea

[@thebolas000]

That's the yeast of their problems.

[@zavodila9279]

JoCat, your inner bard is showing with those fire lyrics

[@DeathmaskDuplicant]

It's fine, Valor Bard can use Sword and Shield.

[@Qmodi]

@@DeathmaskDuplicant i would call that a skald but sure DnD is weird

[@ICHGArmy]

@@DeathmaskDuplicant he bangs them together to make his music to cast spells.

[@boazrussell7932]

A bard can use a sword and shield right?

[@Stormwind083]

@@Qmodi that's literally what skalds are in 5e

[@grimsladeleviathan3958]

Unironic banger. The chorus pops in my head out of nowhere sometimes, so I'm just working, carrying planks and hitting nails and just suddenly start singing about fantasy races lol

[@seppelnachsteiger6151]

Aaah, bingewatching JoCat - who's with me?

[@isaiahcagurangan5831]

I get it now, I understand creativity, I'll make the most unique character ever... Human fighter

[@jace_straith]

Allow me to introduce you to John the potato farmer. The human fighter who became an adventurer through no choice of his own. Who's every "win" is just a string of unlikely and extremely lucky circumstances. He just wants to go farm his potatoes man!

[@TheLegonaut]

Human who wants to stand out in a world full of stronger creatures. Maybe wants to specialize in a particular skill, but has to compete against more capable beings. Or maybe the Renaissance man, who's out to master it all.

[@MrEddie4679]

a champion fighter, becuse simplicity fits boring. i mean to contain the intense creativity of your character... of course....

[@IHateUniqueUsernames]

The "most boring character (concept) ever" It's distinction is that it totally lacks any (distinction)

[@TlalocTemporal]

@@IHateUniqueUsernames -- It's the Player Character version of Regular Knoll.

[@hammdogporkington3058]

*Intro* Haha, that was a really clever intro with a nice beat *Title card* Oh cool, they fused the beat and the title theme too, this episode is fun already *Rapping continues* Oh. OH.

[@HelheimMudkip]

He didn't have to do that but he did it for us.

[@peg7439]

I had my jaw dropped the entire video when he kept rapping. I thought it was just a funky intro. *I was wrong.*

[@EntombedToast70]

@@peg7439 my jaw fell off, I'm still looking for where the f it went

[@tjmakes_]

I wanna like this comment SO bad bUT

[@hammdogporkington3058]

@@tjmakes_ Thanks, Satan

[@JoyaLewisTheMusician]

I’m completely new to DnD and my friend who plays sent this to me. I was NOT expecting a rap video 😂😂 amazing

[@Jari_Kir]

Yooooo, I did not expect a rap to the melody of bo burnhams "rant", that is seriously impressive!

[@a_sad_cinnamon_roll1594]

You forgot the best race “sentient sword and shield”

[@MixMasterJ1221]

Does that include Snom?

[@MCtormenton]

No, he definitely mentioned half-elf

[@Clawdragoons]

DnD is supposed to be cooperative. You can't just pick something that will outshine your friends like that. Even powergamers have limits.

[@Vegas242]

@@Clawdragoons New two person campaign idea, one player is a sentient sword and the other player is a sentient shield.

[@snekkoheckko4466]

my DM always bans that one

[@Th3BlackLotus]

This was a Christmas Present that no one asked for, but everyone wanted.

[@chaserpurple5195]

What do you mean no one asked for it?

[@KhaosDCrab]

I like that there is 1.2k likes and now only 2 comments

[@dirtydeeds4free553]

No u

[@Baklavah1]

I fuckin love this song! It's so catchy.

[@kjj26k]

We're off to the races in this one🔥

[@punklover99]

I play a half elf bard, and yes my back stories come from stupid places All worth it to have extra skills and points

[@ASquared544]

Let’s be honest, this song should be available for more than just KZbin.

[@dragonwithsword841]

agreed

[@raddreokami6892]

@@dragonwithsword841 Agreed.

[@reddbread4938]

Agreed

[@SentiNel090]

Spotify release when?

[@JoCat]

I'll link a download once I'm back from pax

[@supersquaboonthealmighty5670]

When he said "Locatha is a fish, straight up just a fish, litterally a fish", I felt that

[@michaelbootes4822]

I really want to play a Locathah but that 4 hours out of water and you suffocate really hampers them for most campaigns

[@phoenixofthechorus]

They're basically only good for aquatic or oceanbound campaigns, which most people sensibly don't do because the 300-pound wall of muscle and steel that is your Fighter can't swim, and neither can the Dwarf whose only experience with water is shallow underground lakes.

[@michaelbootes4822]

Orion Hinchy if you have a merciful DM I guess an artificer could work if he allows a custom infusion of an item of air breathing

[@phoenixofthechorus]

@@michaelbootes4822 Well of course, but it's still a crutch that's vulnerable to rust beasts.

[@Samagachi]

@@michaelbootes4822 You could play as a druid so you can cast create or destroy water to give yourself a body of water to submerge in.

[@hadespanda4572]

I live for the dynamics between the Bard and the Paladin

[@marioguy14gaming8]

A stupid character idea I had was a Dragonborn war forged. Dad was a human, mom was a dragon complications made it so they couldn’t have kids so they infused me with magic

[@zeehero7280]

In a superhero setting once I made a natural born cyborg.. her mom was a human and dad was a synthetic (android) how does that work? NANOMACHINES SON

[@Aaa-vp6ug]

@@zeehero7280 didya name ‘em Raiden?

[@aguywithanoriginalname.2106]

Damn, these lyrics are so lit that my phone is overheating.

[@vantretiredargumentativedu7763]

Damn me too... Wait nevermind my phones always doing that.

[@wagesofsinn3881]

That's your phone trying to self destruct because of how horrible this is.

[@bricem2116]

So that's why my computer is burning...

[@nickotronick7725]

Paladin to Bard: You could've just asked Bard: Blushes Me: Why does this hit home?

[@TheGuardDuck]

Cuz you're into lesbian p---?

[@Vespuchian]

Who knew Paladins had a counter-charm? I bet she also does a mean breakfast.

[@torquevonthorne948]

Yeeeees mah favourite D&D yuri couple has returned! More adorable than ever!

[@LordDragox412]

@@Vespuchian She can break you fast when she's mean, dunno if that counts as a "mean breakfast"...

[@johnlemon8280]

@@TheGuardDuck okay buddy calm down. It's just a drawing

[@cparle87]

Ok. I knew this was a flex. I was not prepared for HOW MUCH of a flex this was. Also cracked up by Jocrap declaring himself a simic hybrid.

[@statelyelms]

That harmony chorus is fucking amazing it tickles my brain just right

[@alexgarnica4212]

"muscles are in" Me, a weird half-orcish wizard with -2 strength: Well, yes, but actually no.

[@chaosmancer13]

They obviously mean -2 str modifier. 'why didn't they say that?', because it's quite common to just say 'I have +3 int' rather than 'I have 16/17 int'.

[@papertroll1876]

Yeah come on man, I have a strength of -4 and I’m fine... usually

[@qualandrew201494]

@@papertroll1876 i have a -3 in charisma on my artificer. and i wanted to multiclass into sorcerer... rip

[@defensivekobra3873]

At least higher than an elf with stat array

[@alexgarnica4212]

Yeah, I meant -2 strength modifier, but as crappily as I roll for athletics checks, it may as well be -2 actual strength. It's... wild.

[@cone5503]

Everyone: You can’t make one short video for all of the races JoCat: They said it could not be done They said it was designed for a series They said I could not make it smaller and more accurate T H E Y W E R E W R O N G

[@CBRN-115]

Ah, a man of tactical culture I see

[@itspersonal7469]

You can stop worrying about races now.

[@Taolan8472]

Tactical genius.

[@DrakeKnight99]

Welcome to a Crap Rap about DND Races

[@ravenwitch5569]

You can stop worrying about grenades now

[@heyyitscameronj]

the bo burnham rant sample brings it all together

[@kylewright9002]

Best video on KZbin. ….. love you JoCat

[@CRANTIME]

Lizardfolk are so fun to play. "hey, do you need a hand in there?" "no, I'm not hungry"

[@daggeronastick3213]

That is the best summary of lizardfolk i have heard in a while.

[@jessenielsen7218]

Yup being completely literal is fun

[@portalenthusiast823]

The definition of cursed comments

[@lordfelidae4505]

Lizardfolk are fun

[@wolfskinchanger]

Alternately: "You want a fist in the mouth?" "You are very generous to offer."

[@kiwimations2053]

Dis guy is a dragonborn, cause he straight spitting fire.

[@sonariantutorials2438]

This is the single greatest video on youtube, holy god how is it accurate and mostly rhymes

[@darthsnowdon]

I didn’t know I wanted a rap about the races of d and d. Until I had one

[@Xolcm]

* “Never in my life have I needed something so much and never known until I had received it.” - Vegeta, Dragon Ball Z Abridged

[@joe.5103]

Check out Manshorts channel or just look up Yahzicks DnD raps. He made an entire album and it is 🔥 nerd shit.

[@ethernian2461]

The hero, we never knew we wanted but now we need

[@khanofdarkness]

fuck the way you said dnd

[@Someone-sq8im]

A catch-22

[@TonyRedgrave]

So I took a look at Aasimar yesterday and learned that Dark Aasimar isn't even the most edgy option for them. There's a subrace called Aasimar Scourge who are so overflowing with light they burn themselves alive. Whenever you activate your angel powers you deal half your level in radiant damage to yourself and everyone around you *every single turn*. The flavor text literally says that light pours out of your eyes and mouth. It's metal as fuck.

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

"I tried to be bright, but it scorched my soul..." "I'm gonna go brood dramatically now."

[@pixel_quark]

The way I interpret it it's kinda light a beam of light comes down from the heavens and you basically become the embodiment of the power a mortal can take on from whatever god or celestial made you an aasimar

[@monmusumaster]

Well I know what my next Paladin is going to be.

[@pixel_quark]

@@monmusumaster I have a scoruge aasimar bard paladin of Selune, I use this exact concept I mentioned to have it be a beam of moonlight from the sky

[@roxasthegreek]

@@pixel_quark... If it's a bard, then do you use it as a spotlight?

[@BrotherArchados]

Im tempted to make a warforged clerk just to use a warhammer 40k adeptus mechanicus tech priest as my character mini

[@octopassi2528]

Do it

[@Prezy_Preztail]

Do it

[@Dar2Jee]

yeah 40k minis are great for encounters since considering you enter the hobby once you will have plenty of stuff as proxys for your monsters ^^

[@margotrosendorn6371]

I've always wanted to make a nerdy minotaur just to defy the stereotype. He'd be an artificer who loves to tinker but has trouble with his huge fingers and is easily distracted by a random gizmo because he wants to learn everything about it. He will spend ages examining booby traps in dungeons and yapping about it. He wears a jeweler's monocle for precision work and never goes anywhere without his toolbox. I named him Edward.

[@Cloud_Seeker]

Meh. Its kind of an outplayed trope by itself. It is just a different version of the smart wizard orc.

[@noogidoo2217]

@@Cloud_Seeker let the man play his character, if they enjoy it then it doesnt really matter if its tropey

[@roguebarbarian9133]

While I’m blanking on his name, you’re basically describing the centaur from Artemis Fowl.

[@thiccburger290]

*come back and talk to me when you learn real power* _swords and shields aggressively_

[@scottm2109]

That's dangerous talk for someone in Fireball range.

[@conradshtock3039]

Jocat: "Humans are boring." Me: *Looks at the real world.*

[@OhNoTheFace]

Exactly, so why play one in a fantasy :P

[@conradshtock3039]

@@OhNoTheFace why do you make the assumption that race = character?

[@OhNoTheFace]

@@conradshtock3039 Because people who pick human in D&D probably default to fighter lol

[@conradshtock3039]

@@OhNoTheFace and? just because someone's a fighter doesn't mean you can't make an interesting character (I did all that when I started D&D, so I admit to bias)

[@iliketurtles2531]

Everyone says humans are boring then goes to play that same exact legolas elf and meek tiefling. People are the real boring one here lol.

[@coldReactive]

I tried to make a character from the extended races (IE: Fairy) and boy oh boy... is it weird to try and build a tiny character that can't hold 2-Handed weapons, can't wear anything heavier than leather, and has a racial ability that lets you float. Gosh, floating is weird. Nevermind having a grid you have to move around, when you start having to worry about height it gets even worse.

[@Maniac4Bricks]

*Video starts* Oh cool another rhyming intro. I love when these happen. *Video continues* I asked for too much and I'm welcome.

[@raznaak]

1:12 In my head: Why does that elf have a 420 shirt? Ooooh, HIGH elves Nice one

[@NathanTAK]

I ASSUMED THEY WERE WOOD ELVES!

[@TheRealCeeJai]

This is one of the reason's that, although I was late to find this series, I was immediately drawn to JoCat's videos. He hides so much in them, you have to freeze frame all the time to get it all. I think wizard was the third one I saw (which was awesome cause I already knew about Zee for quite some time) and I quickly saw the pro/con list as just being a bunch of hilarious - but true - descriptions of wizards hidden in a frame so quick that if you didn't pause it you couldn't possibly take it all in. Forget easter eggs, JoCat makes Russian nesting easter eggs.

[@jamesmorin9966]

So, my first D&D character is a Human rogue that's trying to convince everyone that she's a Halfling.

[@kristelholveck8534]

Mine was a Goliath Rogue,

[@timurtheterrible4062]

@@kristelholveck8534 so good at rogueing that you can hide your thiccness

[@koatam]

Mine was a paladin that exorcised ghosts through badly played music on kitchen implements.

[@jamesmorin9966]

That sounds amazing

[@Kai-og9pk]

Dude that sounds amazing.

[@steeledminer616]

Humans may seem boring but in a world of exotic creatures, humans being one of the few races that actively are adventurous and willing to leave a lasting legacy on the world alone is enough to be more interesting.

[@cattysplat]

Human is the closest you can get to a blank slate. For better or worse.

[@steeledminer616]

@@cattysplat That too. Sure they don't have anything super special about them, but they aren't specialized in anything either! Which is insanely unique in a DnD world.

[@theosoler6624]

Man… your videos are something else ! So happy I stumble upon your work, made my day

[@Maid_of_Spiders]

Crush: So what's your favorite music genre? Me: *Sweats profusely* Rap?

[@loganricard8713]

If she don't understand then she isn't the one

[@user-jp5zo8sh8m]

Everybody else: Wow, I can't believe he rapped about every dnd race! Me crying and holding my grung plush: *yeah, all of them*

[@malficuimkj6669]

Frog bro right?

[@user-jp5zo8sh8m]

@@malficuimkj6669 yup. Little murder frogs

[@bimbustheenforcer]

This Shit hurt man it hurt

[@tigert2092]

@@user-jp5zo8sh8m to be fair they're a race of bigoted slavetakers that die without water, hardly the top of anyone's 'to play' list

[@ttyrif820]

@@tigert2092 and how many people have you seen playing warforged??

[@Wolffang1996Hyano]

I constantly come back to this just to jam out to the song XD

[@jacylaw2001]

Seen your videos before, and used them to help me be a DM for the first time. So far my first campaign has gone well. I've given you my sub finally for how awesome your content is. Thank you.

[@obi-wank-enobi]

Everyone: humans are overused and boring Me the literal only human in the entire party or a 5 mile radius: *ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?*

[@IrvingIV]

Playing Obi-Wan is an exception.

[@diskdem0n]

sorry

[@diskdem0n]

@@IrvingIV yes

[@mildlyinconvenient7903]

I used to only play human, before I found out Warforged was a thing. The Destiny player in me screamed yes, so now I sprinkle in Warforged characters

[@diskdem0n]

@@mildlyinconvenient7903 I never heard of those kind of characters actually, do they have like mechs or something (my guess is no cause it's dnd)

[@plebdoge7509]

Nobody: Me at 3 am listening to this for the 317th time: *THE RACES ARE* almost *IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER!*

[@Zamnwhoasked]

This is false

[@goldlink567]

Most are, but the last quarter of the song they're not.

[@Zamnwhoasked]

Goldlink567 true

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

Not _quite._

[@Nightshade923]

There are a few exceptions, like human and hobgoblin

[@greenapple9477]

Still holds up. Still miss you, man.

[@TbassIS42]

Love these guides! Thanks for all your work to create them!

[@dragonfox194]

Now, all we need now is a catchy beat for when you go over the alignments.

[@hunterotte4085]

If we are going by how they are portrayed the average DnD player... (obvious joke, just gotta say because sometimes people don't get its a joke unless you flat say it...): N: Douche CN: Douchebag LN: Quirky Douche G: Restrictive CG: Very Restrictive LG: Heavily Restrictive E: Ass CE: Asshole LE: Wordy Asshole

[@ragnaroksbringer]

@@hunterotte4085 Lawful Good is the best alignment and anyone who has played D&D for more than five years can tell you that. It's so fucking satisfying to play.

[@hunterotte4085]

​@@ragnaroksbringer As said, its a joke. I know everyone plays differently. Basically I just like being silly. And sometimes morality gets in the way of that, so I prefer neither being good or evil. I am basically the true neutral in the corner whom you know is about to do something either benevolent, catastrophic, or fail horribly. Simply put "I just... Do things.", and that is ultimately what gives me satisfaction. (Note that anytime I do plan something like this, I make it so that I am the only one affected unless someone from the party joins me in my weird endeavor and knows the risks, but even then I will take the death if I can prevent someone elses character from dying.)

[@RetryAgainAgain]

@@ragnaroksbringer Genuinely curious why you think so.

[@xerosilvrmun]

@@ragnaroksbringer no, murder is always good

[@yamibakura8597]

D&D 5E: *Has a million races* JoCat: "Imma end this man's whole career."

[@trolleymouse]

Good thing he didn't try to do 3.5 ...

[@artaratoryx4077]

But 5e doesn’t even have that many races

[@JS-eq9mj]

Left out Grung 🐸

[@JS-eq9mj]

For good reason though they're real easy to game break with

[@sonic51489]

I don’t even like D&D but I can’t stop coming back to this song.

[@briyte7235]

The amount of songs in this series is so many. it’s amazing

[@steelbone5322]

Things I love: - Jocat - This Song - Jocat spitting fire - Paladin x Bard... & sword and shield. That's all. Perfection.

[@defensivekobra3873]

What about rick gastly and gum? Also petition for an side series where the bard and palladin go on adventures, sorta accedentally saving the world with their high cha as they go on an honeymoon

[@steelbone5322]

Aoki Shard OMG how could I ever forget about Sword and Shield!?!

[@defensivekobra3873]

@@steelbone5322 what about shield then? What about our glorious grassy boi? What about dagger, the fallen? Are you telling me you have yet to watch the nuzlocke?

[@Tsuruchi_420]

This series is so good that characters made to summarize classes have ships...

[@steelbone5322]

defenseive kobra guess I’ll go watch nuzlocke now xD

[@josephrunyon5955]

This man has more legendary actions than a tarrasque

[@deamon6681]

Has only 3, like most. Better try Tiamat.

[@josephrunyon5955]

@@deamon6681 thank you for the correction

[@benjaminoechsli1941]

I liked the intro rap. Until it never stopped. Then I loved it.

[@upstrock]

that music is kinda of a banger.

[@noah7833]

The man literally turned what should have been a 30min video into a 5min video by rapping Fucking legend

[@wyhiobcarlile4879]

I still don't see why my character can't be 3 goblins

[@theotherguy4456]

it can if they are in a trench coat

[@revanreborn2548]

@@theotherguy4456 That is a legitimate homebrew rogue subclass called Two Goblins in a Trench Coat. It looks like a lot of fun to play.

[@revanreborn2548]

@Jacob Moffatt www.dndbeyond.com/subclasses/75059-two-goblins-in-a-trench-coat

[@drcowbell]

I prefer 3 Kobolds in a Trench Coat

[@Generic_Squirrel]

DO IT

[@BiscuitBasket76]

A friend of mine showed me JoCat as were planning our own dnd session and once I noticed how fire that rap was you better believe that I cranked it up and started singing along

[@chad8767]

Gith are probably the most interesting DND race ever, they are so different and interesting. BG3 did a ton to flesh them out but I made a Githyanki/Githzerai before the game and she is awesome! A star druid too, which totally fits with their plane shifting.

[@shellknight1323]

Me: what I want for Christmas is a crap guide to all the- Jocat: *"YOU'RE WELCOME"*

[@klebervinicius1173]

Me: Nah, I'm not really into rap JoCat: Posts this video Me: Never in my life I needed something so much and never known until I received it

[@projektdotnet]

If you enjoyed this, Mann Shorts - D&D Rap Edition might be something you'd also enjoy. kzbin.info/www/bejne/iJrLf6uoZbl7b8k

[@samziegelman1835]

Also nice tfs reference

[@PhantomVirus]

Sam Ziegelman Or should I say, King Vegata... (King king king king king...)

[@heroichitsuji]

I’m surprised no one blatantly pointed out the fact this is a Bo Burnham reference. I absolutely loved this, everyday I learn more of my interests have a lot of overlap with others.

[@foolsenigma]

Thank you for acknowledging shifters