Joey Diaz - A Santeria Prediction - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored

[@standup]

Think your family is messed up? Think again. Watch comedians share their most ridiculous family stories on “This Is Not Happening:” kzbin.info/aero/PLD7nPL1U-R5pgIBSOJV-fL4uIWR-DZbfI

[@floatinggoose9197]

Fuck you guys. There is no bigger theft of comedy property than Comedy Central.

[@bobby19xx31]

@@floatinggoose9197 Damn for real? How so?

[@floatinggoose9197]

@@bobby19xx31 The entire Dave Chappelle Library and the intellectual property it's self is held in CC's power, held together by a fucking bugglegum and ducktape contract. The idea is, because he ended his contract with them they way he did, they have the rights to distribute and collect revenue on all Chappelle Show content..... In reality, legal evil aside, Dave is the SOLE ORIGINAL CREATOR of that show, and all of it's skits. They steal his entire premise, all of his library and Digital rights. Are you a standup comedian that does a 30.min special on one of their shows ? Well their contracts say they own that special and the YT money they get from putting it out. They are fucking Dave Chappelle over a 10 year old contract

[@onemorefreak]

I love Joey Diaz but ONLY WHEN he's subtitled ;:D

[@mrsellenj.a1740]

Thank you for sharing this awesome video

[@trevscribbles]

"I've got one foot in the grave, one on a banana peel." There's a golden quote from this guy in each of his clips.

[@r4ng3k03r1]

Trev Moran that's one of his key sayings lol

[@rclayton0187]

"Take a chance, Columbus did." ... and "Like a doctaaa!" are even more notoriously used by him lol. Good shit

[@itzame2127]

I don't get what's so funny about it, is it like a reference or smt?

[@jmp92688]

My dad has been saying that for years.

[@that_ginger_kidd0156]

Best one “if you’re walking on ice, you might as well fucking dance”

[@27STS]

I love when Joey laughs like a maniac. It's so satisfying.

[@BrandonStover]

Ha! Perfect description man.

[@acheampongemmanuel9054]

Brandon Stover www.nz

[@MF-pm5dh]

it's kinda taboo for comics to laugh at their own jokes, but there are expectations. Joey diaz is one of them .

[@giggityeffyou]

MUH FACKS Exceptions*

[@malekai14jg]

giggityeffyou hahah he said expectations lmao

[@PrettyyBoyyPatrick]

Anyone else on a "Joey Diaz, This Is Not Happening" kick?

[@ChopAndBrew]

Deep down the rabbit hole right now!

[@OliveGrummer]

ChopAndBrew yo me too!!!

[@cordiaremcdonald1923]

Patrick B after I heard the nun story I was hooked

[@Vindoof]

Every few weeks tbh I reach them and find them funny every fucking time without fail for years

[@stevensahadeo8238]

Hell yes!

[@MugaDan-oq2gq]

That rant on Scientology was brilliant

[@Vrektumsvrede]

''I hope Moses fucks you in hell!'' hahaha gotta love uncle joey

[@cohhx]

the guy in the audience to the left of the stool got a look on his face like wtf im scientologist

[@hiramabiff9545]

One foot in the grave one on a banana peel

[@johngonzalez949]

Muga. Dan who the fuck believes in that bullshit Scientology 😂🤦‍♂️

[@samstone011995]

Classic Joey Diaz rant :D

[@CollinLake]

I wanna 3 hour 20 minute rated R film about Joey Diaz lmao

[@jmilliolapuertorriqueno9559]

Collin 115 directed by Martin Scorsese 😂😤

[@mikeglory9179]

Jmillio La puertorriqueño facts

[@zachwerner7157]

Imagine The Irishman but it's about Uncle Joey's life lol

[@izyaboiimalte9768]

I want a 4 hour 20 minute movie

[@cribbeard]

Easy - a Joe Rogan podcast with Joey Diaz as his guest... Enjoy!!

[@tilehelperdan]

I like that Joey gives enough info to confirm parts of this. The cops name was Detective Nicholas M. Guirado. Killed at a Rapido taxi stand by a man using a revolver loaded with buck shot. Partner wounded but survived.

[@clay4444]

.410??

[@6gunronnie834]

Did you Google it?

[@tyneeweenah2907]

November 5th 1974 it’s true

[@nickbrown2186]

Those fucking Cubans pulled up on an undercover with a judge 😂😂😂

[@harizotoh7]

The buckshot part would explain why Joey Diaz remembers the wall being covered in bullet holes. He must have assumed that it was a lot of shooters, rather than just buckshot.

[@Anthony40502]

Joey should be the only person that's allowed to live forever 😂😂

[@josemadrid3625]

J

[@TheIzakmarin]

Tony Mattos yes I agree 1000% joey for president

[@jjdbzfan18]

Tony Mattos facts

[@biguprochester]

Tony Mattos Enoch in the flesh.

[@themako990mako9]

Chris young sucks

[@MrWhataboss23]

Just pure fucking gold comes out of Joey's mouth.

[@chrisv3475]

9 minutes of Joey talking goes by in why feels like a second

[@FinalManaTrigger]

I was thinking the same thing! I was like holy shit, it's over already?!

[@joekershner117]

That has been my experience as well

[@peachpanda96]

Joey is the kind of man my grandfather would have been friends with and whenever I start to miss him I come back and listen to Joey’s stand up and I think there’s no way in hell that I can sit around and be sad knowning that some people’s personalities are bigger than their years

[@wisdumb16]

Joey cuts himself shaving, puts on a Band-Aid and goes to tape a set for Comedy Central. DESTROYS... who do you think you're dealing with? One of the best!

[@SamFarley098]

That’s a nicotine patch...

[@scuwopp8959]

Thats a band aid cover a fat ball cocksucka.. psshh nic patch u fuckin momo

[@GeneralZapta213]

Like a doctah!

[@erickinder9858]

@@SamFarley098 No. Joey doesnt smoke cigarettes

[@ETXRangeandReviews]

The * best

[@GuineaJay]

Is there a hidden treasure more valuable than Joey Diaz?

[@jacquelinewoo1900]

seriously have i been under a rock? nobody since dave chappelle has hit me this hard. gonna have to bomb google for more

[@CorporateSmitty]

Patrice is up there as far as hidden gems go not sure ppl knew how genius he really was but Joey's definitely top notch

[@hiramabiff9545]

GuineaJay grass & ass

[@TheHenderson]

Mr. Mister Thank you, listening to him right now

[@andrewkupres2902]

The answer to that riddle is no.

[@nastynate956]

Screw Morgan Freeman I want Joey Diaz to tell my story!

[@eleckson]

Tf you say my nigga

[@TheSlammurai]

No need to insult Freeman. Either one would be fantastic and I'd be happy either way.

[@NewfieLawNerd]

Nate Wratten fuckin a

[@jamespuso1627]

Me too, I'm from Hudson County, NJ like him and his Jersey accent reminds me of like every old person I knew from that area growing up. He tells his stories with the same timing they did too pretty much lol.

[@heidimarchant5438]

Na Sam Elliott for me💝😏

[@gregc33487]

Joey actually did well on these particular set of skits. Really liked the one about the nun he beat up in grade school haha

[@yadingus2029]

Skits are fake my dude, this is story time

[@dorianevans1290]

@@yadingus2029 yea for most people but uncle Joey is a different type of beast

[@cameronparker3197]

@@dorianevans1290 that made zero sense

[@jamesjansen3057]

@@dorianevans1290 dude is saying that skits are made up and that Joey is telling legit stories therefore not doing a skit

[@Nick-qc6hx]

I was raised in a family that forced Scientology on me and I hate it now so this is the hardest I’ve ever laughed

[@ligmaballs0911]

Dude what was that like?

[@ovarianbarbarian4186]

Are u aloud to touch urself in scientology??

[@roadlesstraveled34]

I would LOVE to hear more about that! Ever think of writing? It gives me the heebie jeebies, as does Tom Cruise.

[@hirsch5978]

like a docta

[@Riken]

Holden Hirsch fugaziii

[@valuedhumanoid6574]

Joey is the best story teller ever. He can tell you about a trip to the store and make it exciting. He’s one of those guys who’s seen a lot of shit go down in his life. His childhood is crazier than most people’s lives

[@crixus1160]

who else on the Joey Diaz binge watching

[@jmilliolapuertorriqueno9559]

Gabriel Adu me bro 😂

[@vitorfilipe21]

i could listen to Joey all day! best storyteller ever!

[@nodataFYI]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH, another one!! Waited so long for this. Joey rocks

[@taxsupreme8266]

NoData is

[@desrusso]

Dear Comedy Central, Skip the intro, just play the stand up. Sincerely, Probably everybody

[@UncleTeeg]

Desi Russo it’s unique. I like it

[@pr4219]

Yes agreed fuck them wack ass intros

[@anteaters-R-us]

Aw shutup. 15 seconds of ridiculousness wont hurt u

[@Poliswag7]

Someone doesn’t know how to skip ahead 10 seconds

[@alexcisterna6315]

I would give a like but its at 69 and i want to keep it that way....nice

[@DizzyMakavelli]

Man, this guy looks more Italian than Cuban.

[@SilentGrindage]

You don't know Cubans.

[@Wanderingsocks]

Are you basing that entirely on his greased back hair?

[@Tungskii]

@@Wanderingsocks i would base it on mannerism and his upbrining, which was primary by italian people so ?

[@keithstacy2050]

Logan Stroganoff I don’t think you know where Cuba is

[@targettrappersnet.9274]

Keith Stacy damn I didn’t know Cuba was in Europe

[@BetSeeBoo]

Joey Diaz has lived a pretty wild and crazy life, but he has, by far, one of the kindest truest hearts of any person in comedy. This particular bit doesn't show it the best, but there's so many that demonstrate what a good human being he is. Those who he considers his friends are truly blessed.

[@fnutboy3009]

That funniest person to ever walk the earth. All my love from the UK. Xx

[@rileyhughes5613]

Joey Diaz is truly one of the greatest comedians of all time.

[@generiddell179]

Absolutely spot on re: Scientology. They've a center in my neighborhood. One of 'em walks up to me and I raise my palm, shake my head and say, "Don't."

[@eyo121]

Joey Diaz is the best story teller I have ever heard. God bless you man

[@ShaynaFilion]

I love listening to Joey just talking by himself like this. He really gets you enveloped in the story. The back and forth in podcasts is nice too, but this is great

[@cmartinez07087]

I'm from Union City new Jersey so I know exactly all the places he was talking about omg I'm so proud of you Joey!!!!

[@EastCoastHC]

More Joey Diaz on This is Not Happening? Hell yeah.

[@monkeseeaction21987]

"The race that killed Jesus..." I was laughing my balls off.

[@rahulkumar-hz5xt]

he would very good in a godfather movie

[@Somefatguy69420]

rahul kumar Scarface remake more like

[@namelesswarrior4760]

I love hearing all of Joey's life story! Thankyou Joey!

[@asparceproton1]

I worked at that Honda dealership. They are the kiss of death.

[@charlesloveday9208]

Never..ain't never been a better storyteller or standup comedian than Joey Diaz...complete badass!! Love everything Joey D has done!! Not one bad or even so-so story...every one is fuckin hilarious & keeps U hanging on til the end!

[@jamierosino3762]

search Bill Burr Helicopter Story

[@johnwhyte9088]

Charles how old are you 12? Pryor and hicks piss this guy down the sink

[@MoneyNeverSleeps]

John whyte While I agree that they are better stand ups I dont think they are better at story telling.

[@dralial-waeli7162]

he kills it everytime !!!! powerful

[@ubercooper]

Joey starts at 1:20 ...you mo-mo's

[@tr6888]

Joey Diaz is the KING!

[@areader8303]

best comedian on this show by far! loved all his sets.

[@CriticalThinker08]

My favorite hood story teller, way beyond comedy! Bravo Coco!

[@JanWynd]

I love how he always pays homage to Afro-Cubana culture! Nuff respect, Joey. Ase...

[@ancestralabundance]

Yes

[@lukehuelsman1083]

Joey Diaz is an American treasure and I mean that sincerely.

[@plaguex1]

I love Joey's podcast and I was afraid to watch this thinking he would bomb/be different but omg. He did awesome!

[@joshhershberger9384]

Joey reminds me of my uncle. I miss you man

[@pjganley]

Me too, my uncle Jim. You’re uncle, like my own must’ve been a great, yet wild character.

[@mcduke226]

Joey Is one of the greatest!

[@emacy7429]

This made me cry.

[@SD0409]

This guy has probably the best rythm in storytelling...once he goes off he is out there and blasting...and he captures your atention and holds it...master of stand up...

[@clarencecrowcarter]

Has anybody ever heard a storyteller that is better than Joey Diaz? He might be the GOAT..

[@cb-9938]

Joey's use of the word tremendous is tremendous also I learned to get back at people thanks to joey, just take a shoe and toss it then ask them if they ever found it

[@dante666jt]

One of the best storytellers ever. Goat? Maybe.

[@senorba-na-na5448]

"I don't practice Santeria, I have no crystal ball." -Bradley Nowell

[@LeviathanLycan]

Pause him at 6:18. it's awesome!

[@jamaalme6961]

Joey Diaz man he tells the greatest stories

[@radiostardust]

Apparently 56 Scientologists have watched this video.

[@herefornow910]

I've spent my whole life in South Florida wedged between Haitians and Cubans. I'm not autistic. I've never been deep into any drugs. I'm not a crazy person by any means. Santeria is real. Idk magic or what but it is real

[@mayfieldgage]

Magic is real

[@shutdown8947]

I'm from Miami, it's definitely real, I've witnessed and seen some things an ordinary person would never get to experience!

[@kamalmanzukie]

@@shutdown8947 can you share?

[@kamalmanzukie]

what have you seen, if you don't mind sharing?

[@gratus0824]

​@@kamalmanzukiehe's 🧢

[@headshots90ify]

Got to experience santería on your own to actually believe in it, trust me shit gets real in ritual and just as joey said the predictions do happen...

[@WavvyBoyzMMK]

I approve this message

[@1stNumberOne]

Hell yea. The only thing for me is I don’t think god gets down like that. That’s just my opinion tho I’m not knocking what your saying. It’s hard to believe that you can do a ritual and God will take a life. THat seems dark. VENGEANCE isn’t our place. I’m not saying it doesn’t WORK I’m just scared you aren’t communicating and dealing with what you think you are. It’s like your prayer gets intercepted and granted by another. The Bible talks about reading stars and palms and rituals and shit and it says that even if it works it’s not of GOD. Also says Satan will appear as a angel of light. I’m too shook to fuck with that shit. I don’t think your even supposed to bow or worship wood or stone. OR have graven images. I respect your shit tho. I just never got how..if you read and believe in the Bible you would partake in that shit. It says don’t do it. I fuck up..I’m not perfect... but slipping up and cutting fucking chickens up fucking with bones n shit seems like some other shit! Be safe.

[@Insan731]

@@1stNumberOne Santeria is satanic ritualism, another form of Voodoo/Sihr etc.

[@zackyzau2505]

How would you know whether what you see in santeria is the work of God or of Jinns. I'm a Muslim and I agree with what @Chuck rogers said.

[@briancandia5398]

@VICELORD GDK my family practices santería and I can assure you that no baby sacrifices happen. Shit is crazy though. I've had my fair share of predictions.

[@Harloha]

Joey Diaz let me know when you come through Honolulu Hawaii, I will definitely come to your show and would love to hang out, you're awesome man. No matter how bad of a day I'm having, just listening to you cheers me up. Don't ever stop being you brother. I grew up in Detroit and luckily ended up in hawaii, I'm sure we would have a blast exchanging story's of growing up. Much love and aloha brother.

[@ttthecat]

I love this story so much!! Ashe!

[@RyanSmith-wo2pi]

.

[@storytimewithunclebill1998]

Had me rolling again. Was fun to watch. Great video

[@slowrollinglow5498]

If you're gonna walk on thin ice, you might as well dance. -uncle joey.

[@Circa1628]

love this guy's voice. I wish he was my agent making deals for me

[@samson_BNR32]

Joey Diaz GOAT

[@lukeburny2796]

I could listen to this guy talk forever!!

[@ValladaoMateus]

You can stop making those now, Ari. It can't get better than this.

[@SmokeymcJoint420]

That is why Ari always gets him to do the season finales.

[@1234BLISTEX]

Joe Diaz is the best storyteller everrr how does he not already have a show??

[@jamestowne1481]

Joey probley could do this show all on his own ! His story's are the best !!!

[@caniscanine9767]

Joey one of the best comedian's ive heard

[@rigget86]

Really glad Comedy Central is putting these on here. This is what people want to see!

[@khitai8227]

Omg nothing like a Joey Diaz story lol love it

[@ryanshiffler5941]

2:17 the face he does kills me everytime

[@comradethoth9629]

I hit this link so fast that my thumb ripped a hole through 9 dimensions.

[@brianajaxwintor6023]

Comrade Thoth you look like layne staley

[@mikebarnes7441]

Lol no tf he doesnt. Do not disrespect Layne like that

[@roadlesstraveled34]

He's not lying about the Cuban spells. I learned how to do that from my best friends Cuban grandmother, she was miss Cuba 1958 and a great practicioner. It works and is no joke, though ocd precludes me from dripping blood in my home. My rabbi doesn't know😂

[@EPICVIDS1]

One of the best comedian ever!!

[@RileyWuzzHere]

“MA WIPE YAH NOSE!”🤣 Thanks for the bed time story uncle Joey! ✊🏽🤣

[@rachelh9150]

I used to hang out with a big dude in high school who laughed exactly like Joey's crazy laugh "HA HA HA!!!" ... he always sounded slightly nuts. First person I ever did acid with... Lol

[@faithdemboski0903]

Your the best. Keep goin, the truth is rough on folk

[@fifamafia3766]

The GOAT OF STORY TELLING

[@jdgoesham5381]

This is one of the best comedy series out there.

[@GRV_93]

Being Cuban I know what he's talking about cus I've experienced it and shit is real, as hard as it is to believe it. Shit is creepy man there's shit out there science can't explain.

[@JCSosa-vk8lr]

Same here... I saw Yemaya. An old man told me that he knew I saw her because a spirit was talking to him at the moment, and then the spirit told him I was going to get sick. A year later I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease.

[@Shinobi33]

KaNe E tell me about it. When I was little I had to live in a santeria witch's house. I was surrounded by all 12 santos in pots and a picture of her muerto. Every night I'd wake up from a dead sleep and it felt like I had a hundred eyes on me but no one was there. Creepy as fuck

[@sluggger]

I don't know how you guys can be catholic and do that folk magic shit... I'm catholic and it's antithetical to everything I believe, and more importantly everything the church teaches. you're playing with demons, it's not of god. gather all of that junk up and contact your priest to have him exorcise it/you and bless your house. vade retro satana.

[@KalElKryptonsFinest]

@@sluggger You're own entire Catholic Canon is full of idolatry. Catholicism was forced upon indigenous people who Incorporated it into their own pre-existing patheons to save their goddamned sanity from white brainwashing. They might have owned our bodies and the products of our labor, but the shackle for spirits and souls hasn't been created yet, unless it's a person depowering death cult religion like Christianity. Word.

[@1stNumberOne]

SLUG BIG facts. I WISH more people understood this. There are things that science can’t explain. People like playing around with shit not knowing who or what they’re really communicating with. He will APPEAR as a angel of light but...that’s not who you think it is. Be safe

[@smn475]

The funniest man alive.

[@alexjoseph4665]

No Susquehanna.

[@edub9930]

Others tell tales. This man tells stories. Holy shit. Lmao 🤣

[@3v30fA3sth3tic]

Few minutes ago I was ready to jump off a bridge tomorrow. I’m good now and set to go and not do that.

[@codytheoneandonly337]

Don't you fuckin' dare. Stick around man, we have comedy to watch together.

[@theboxingchannel2153]

His delivery is impecable

[@theKCsyoutube]

I flat out fuckin love this man... No questions asked lol... His straight up I don't give a fuuuck attitude plus him being a good dude... Can't beat it... Can't even beat it with a bat! 🤙🤘🤣

[@bird10498]

Joey has a talent for making you think that you probably shouldn't be listening to this.

[@konstantinproshkin7588]

Quentin Tarantino, pls pay attention to this man.. He is the one who could overplay Stephen in Django Unchained

[@marcuscicero9587]

worked with Puerto Rican guys. the subject of Santeria came up one day and they all were quiet and changed the subject. I personally do not discount anything. we're all hotshot technologically kinda arrogant, but just cuz you can't see or understand something doesn't mean it ain't there.

[@redgoatfbi1554]

This guy transfers anger to you over a monitor and 4 years in time

[@jacquelinewoo1900]

Joey Diaz I could watch you all day

[@lucaslitchfield5799]

If I could ever meet a comedian Joey would be it!!

[@Aslya3PT]

Who else finds the into of each episode to be interesting and wish it continues?

[@Somewondude]

there needs to be a movie about weed where joey just plays himself

[@westleybelcher3447]

The intros are so badass nice job love these vids

[@michaelchapman195]

Showed this to my grandmother, she laughed harder than ive ever seen

[@dallasmavericksfan4079]

I got to sleep listening to this every night

[@BMORETALKSMITCHIE]

I'm big into comedy n if there's two ppl that should be around forever its bill burr n Joey FACTS

[@pete92a]

How about….. Bill Hicks Billy Connolly Doug Stanhope Early - Jim Jeffries Lee Evans Joke teller - Jethro

[@audreymuzingo933]

What I wouldn't give to be one of the "you MF's" in a Joey Diaz audience. Ugh, this dude inspires me like none other.

[@Tookieslam]

Damm very similar to polynesian witch doctors, heard some crazy predictions that've come true