Lawyer Explains The Keys to Mastering Hard Conversations

[@paigeharmon6354]

Jefferson, please write a children's curriculum to teach these important lessons young.

[@annlatham]

I’ve never been asked “how was my day” from my husband of 20 years. So you can imagine my frustration. But I’m here and I’m learning from these amazing men who are wholesome and have good intentions. I loved this conversation!

[@SnifferSock]

How is that possible?! 😳

[@jordanstroop4269]

​@@SnifferSockit is more common than you'd think

[@hmmmmmmmidkkkkkkkkk]

Different cultures ​@@SnifferSock

[@solomonnissan6226]

Have you asked him that you would like for him to ask about your day?

[@moiraeka8909]

Everything that Jefferson talks about resonates with me. I'm also a lawyer and I use those approaches with my personal relationships. Hold your power. Take a breath and pause before responding. There is power in calculated pauses in conversions.

[@Natalia_85]

OMG It's Jefferson Fisher on the Dr. John Delony's show! I'm so happy! I love you both. Thank you for everything you both do

[@kimberlysmith7625]

How does a personal injury attorney who's achieved fame on TikTok make "the world" a better place?

[@Natalia_85]

@@kimberlysmith7625 totally

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@kimberlysmith7625 I encourage you to listen to the interview again. Jefferson is an expert at teaching people to communicate in a more calm and effective way instead of lashing out at your partner. His videos are really good!

[@OnaFaithJourney]

What a delight to hear them together!

[@debrarose1813]

You have given me a great new look at my life! Thank you! ❤

[@Natalia_85]

Anyone else feels it's weird that he is not in his car?

[@zknight4481]

I initially thought you were talking about Dr. Delony and I was like wait… does he have videos made in his car that I’m not aware of? 😂

[@Natalia_85]

@@zknight4481 LOL that was funny haha

[@Iamhellokitty77]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@warriormanmaxx8991]

@Natalia_85 - re: "weird" = No! Apparently you are the only one!

[@prettiestme4238]

😂

[@Molly.Blaylock]

John! Stop building people up while simultaneously tearing yourself down! Stop it! You’re awesome, keep up the good work.

[@stevengtv]

For real, you can also just build someone else up and not talk about yourself at all. They are the guest.

[@Daniellapalo]

It’s a BAD habit rooted in comparison… and usually gets a good response from insecure people. There is NO reason to put yourself down, when you are lifting another person up.

[@susanl5682]

Just wanted to say exactly the same .Ditto

[@Jpravenfan98]

He knows the self deprecating talking isn’t real. He does it to portray himself as humble. But he lays it on so thick, that it actually does the opposite. He knows what he’s doing. It’s calculated.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@Jpravenfan98I don’t think he does because when he was doing the audiobook of his last book he was told by several people that he was negatively speaking to himself even in a booth by himself (no cameras and off the microphone). Also having met John I can tell you he is extremely humble, empathetic and so down to earth. He really is amazing and I wish he would see his value more!

[@1lespaulfreak]

Gentle strength, strength under control. I’m a fan!

[@AlettaReyneke]

I just want to find a counselor that engages as much as you guys! That gives such clear guidelines and advice. This was awesome to watch honestly!

[@shagunshares]

Let your first word be your breath! - this changed everything for me

[@Yayakoshii1990]

I want to see these two together again in a few years, especially after John has built more confidence in his own abilities.

[@LisaPFrampton]

This is one of the singly most important episodes I've ever watched about this topic and i listen to and watch a lot of this type of content. Thank you, John and Jefferson.

[@minihorses]

I don't know who Jefferson Fisher is but I like him from this show.

[@tinarollings8719]

Me too! First time I've seen him.

[@VeganShopperLady]

He is an attorney who is known for doing short videos on the topic of communication. I watch him on Facebook reels. He has now written a book, and he does a podcast. He's great!

[@pinkfab5274]

"Nobody can make me say what I do not want to say." -Atty J. Fisher

[@janinerudkins]

we appreciate you both very much! God bless you!

[@nancymoreland3711]

The first time I heard Jefferson speak on his video, I was wowed. I thought if I practiced his communication advice, I can be that better person. Right away I wanted to follow him on Facebook. I believe Jefferson has a good heart to want to share with people what he has learned. Thank you for sharing this interview. ❤

[@carolhargis7680]

This is the 2nd interview I’ve seen with Mr Fisher and I understand why he has become so popular. We live in a strange time, where literally everything and everyone is either fake or at a minimum disingenuous. He comes across as authentic and real. The news and almost everywhere else in culture one looks bombards us with gaslighting and chaos to keep us in a fog so we don’t see them changing the culture. His calm, direct and personal style of communicating projects emotional safety and security into an atmosphere of chaos and uncertainty. In that atmosphere one can clearly see the contrast between hidden agendas and truth in all other areas of life. A much needed breath of fresh air.

[@lauraross9005]

Well said.

[@pinkwakabeagle]

Couldn't have said it better. I'm even jealous I didn't think of it.

[@SandiBuchanan1]

@@pinkwakabeagleI was thinking the same thing.

[@samanthamariah7625]

People are thirsty for authenticity. The opposite will not completely take over b/c as more authentic voices come out, we see what’s healthy and good. We see the truth. Appreciate your comment.

[@darralansman9895]

This interview! The two of you together brought so much clarity to what I've heard for years. It's taken a long time for my logical brain to transfer some of these things into behaviors. I can hear ideas and strategies and say " I understand that," or "I totally agree with that!" It has taken a lot longer and A LOT more frustration before finally transferring the knowledge into behaviors. And I used to teach that as a certified cardiac risk management specialist! It doesn't matter how much you know if you don't change your behavior. Thank you both.

[@bowietrio]

I’m so glad I came across this as I was looking for another helpful Delony show. Jefferson is Jedi level wise. His calmness, compassion, and confidence is incredibly refreshing, truth-revealing, and inspirational. I physically felt calmer and totally at peace listening to him, and am thankful for the new skills I’m learning from listening to this.

[@sharoninks8468]

Agreed.

[@therealdial]

The actual duo of a lifetime right here🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@amym-279]

Changing my life as you speak!!

[@bumblinagirl2683]

Things to say to diffuse.. How was your day? Maybe you're right. I can do better.

[@Humble-Savage]

I love this show. He approaches things in the right way. He's a good man, willing to admit his flaws and how he overcame them, it's inspiring.❤👊

[@cherisetaylor5907]

Jefferson Fisher and Dr.Jon! How absolutely cool is this!! 👏🏾👏🏾

[@lovebridgerescue]

Oh my goodness! I was following him before I knew you. Love you both! Thanks, guys!

[@grateful7420]

37:10 I’m having a hard time with this. “They want (the perpetrator, later, cheater, abuser….) to see what they’ve done & how bad they are. Nothing good comes of that”. So sad but I’m realizing it’s true. Justice & truth do not always prevail. I’ve experienced this. 💔💔💔💔💔Abusers don’t acknowledge, remember or admit their bad or horrifying behavior, they deny & act like, “poor me for being called out on my behavior- that I’m not even doing “. Manipulation. So hard on the spouse at home trying to provide a safe home for the family. Then they act like the person standing up against the wrong - is the problem! (Often smear them to deflect). I’ve learned- Don’t try to get them to see their evil ways- they NEVER will. They lie…like they always have & portray the one standing up against abuse as a bad / crazy person. This is another layer of abuse- mental mind f**k- gaslighting. It’s hard to comprehend & such injustice when you have LIVED the abuse/lying/cheating/neglect/damage & so have your own children- when abuser never admits their evil deeds & act like a saint outside the home. They don’t admit - even & especially to themselves. Justice and truth do not always prevail. I know from experience. 💔💔💔💔💔 Evil people can do so much damage. 😢

[@darralansman9895]

There's so much truth to unpack here for most conflict. In high conflict relationships involving personality disorders or deep psychological issues that result in destructive behaviors like you and I experience, it's more complicated. However, the management of our responses, which is what their message is, helps diffuse the conflict because we simply don't engage. It keeps us out of emotional turmoil. What the abuser chooses to think or do is out of our control.

[@darralansman9895]

BTW, I'm so sorry you're in that kind of destructive relationship. It is extremely damaging.

[@GGJMT120]

Hi......I'm sorry you have been so hurt..... I have too.... I don't think the message in this interview is to ignore abuse..... I think this is for the average everyday person... or couple... or parent......and to teach better communication .......this isn't about a situation with evil........hope you are able to understand the difference. ❤

[@annlatham]

It’s true i lived it too and it’s so sad that anyone would go to those lengths to try to destroy us… no one deserves that amount of hatred when it’s them who have the issues that are put on us to carry and it hurts our kids too

[@levierose484]

I know how you feel. On earth, evil can sometimes win, but when a person's time is done, they'll be fully responsible and will have to give an account to God their actions and thoughts. Read Psalm 37. God is with you and your kids. Lean on Him. He'll give you what you need. I give testimony to that.

[@yvonnebowles4534]

His eyes smile too

[@jodiscola1806]

This is great combo !! Love both these guys so much knowledge !!!

[@JesseWWPCo]

I love the call ins, but these interviews are an awesome change of pace

[@chrisoneal2718]

I actually much prefer the calls over interviews that take up the whole episode

[@aliciagc2539]

Jefferson is so present. His ability to pay rapt attention is part of his charisma and authenticity.

[@mwheeldon4882]

He is an amazing human being, truly a blessing.

[@susanmiller2414]

Please have more interviews! Jefferson Fisher and JD were great together and traded valuable lessons in communication through difficult times.

[@nancymoreland3711]

Thank you Dr. John. You are a good interviewer and did great interviewing Jefferson Fisher. Hearing you speak was very interesting. ❤

[@cpirtle]

"how was your day?" Oh, that is gold. Putting that one in my back pocket.

[@darralansman9895]

"The power of the pause," and "the last one to speak, loses!" I have this note on my mirror, " What's the most empowering thing I can do in this moment? " And I have stuck it with duct tape, reminding me to tape my mouth shut if I have to!

[@carolannstevens5814]

This was FANTASTIC!!! Love you Dr. John!!!

[@VeganShopperLady]

You two are great separately but phenomenal together. You should team-up on a regular basis!

[@rhondagriffith2159]

I just said this to a family member after harsh words were said..."We can do better"..God's standards and mine are higher.

[@cleliaparnell8743]

I like to say "we're better than that", but I'm going to borrow your phase too. 😊

[@samanthamariah7625]

The phrase is “I can do better”, not “we”. We can only speak for ourselves and control ourselves. When said to another person “we can do better”, it becomes a bit passive aggressive and judgmental towards the other person. Taking personal accountability without blaming the other person, is a powerful thing to do and it takes the charge out of the air. Assuming the goal truly is to have better communication.

[@Mel-qz4xj]

Callers, but have enjoyed and learned from the interviews you’ve done

[@wap9137]

Woo-hoo! Jefferson Fischer - my favorite. So proud to learn we can claim him as ours in Texas!!!

[@MrsGettinger]

Loving the interviews!

[@nathanbaxter371]

That was super helpful. Glad I accidentally found this channel. I really enjoyed the practical situational walkthrough. That’s what I struggle with and need more help with. Great job!

[@sarahcallahan5678]

JEFFERSON FISHER! Love your content, thank you for what you do! You too, JD!

[@joamigg]

“Meeting of the minds” yeah he’s definitely a lawyer lol

[@susanl5682]

Love both are humble christian men Wģat a blessing .

[@murraybeachtel8585]

I’ve met few people so calm and composed that didn’t have a storm underneath the surface.

[@rustyshackleford6637]

Cool man

[@sylviaAguenther-zc9lg]

U R soooright on!

[@baileyb8619]

What a beautifully articulated sentence. Illicits much thought. ❤️

[@baileyb8619]

He is remarkable

[@healthyintention]

I try hard to keep my sense of humor. When I lose my cool, I am never proud of it later.

[@teenyverse7707]

I won an argument with a lawyer during a family function... she came in already thinking she had won... to say the least, I put her in her place and she had to be told to walked away. Not all lawyers are good outside of the courtroom, they're usually the bad lawyer.

[@susanl5682]

I really wont brag about that.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Things that never happened

[@warriormanmaxx8991]

@teenyverse7707 - since when does a lawyer attend a family function?? what do you want ... a Congressional Medal of "Honor?" ehhh?

[@karagerlek8661]

Anyone else feel despair at this advice? I could never have this level of emotional control in the moment. I always have the perfect reply… that night at 2 am, when I can finally think straight. So frustrating. He makes it look so easy but it’s just NOT.

[@vanquessa86]

I wonder where the line between being strong minded and being in straight denial is. I too have denied the existence of anxiety in myself.

[@crystalwynn3910]

That dining table was made in India out of solid wood specie name Sheesham. lol. I love wood furniture! 😂❤

[@Yo_soy_Annna]

Have this dude BACK! 💓

[@bradleymaravalli2851]

"You did have, if I remember correctly, an extraordinary Dean of Students who tried to tell you this stuff." - Dr. John Delony (former Dean of Students) Yes, because everyone interfaces with the Dean of Students at their school.

[@cmdny11]

I was wondering what was their connection! Makes sense!

[@jasoncampbell4203]

Great episode

[@1stgenhustle461]

LOVED this interview! More, please! Came across Jefferson Fisher’s short videos online before and it’s great to get to know more about him as a person and get a better, slowed down take on his perspective through a long format video. This guy could teach a conflict resolution/negotiation/general communication master class.

[@bumblinagirl2683]

I believe he's got a book deal!

[@lyslilylirio]

Jefferson Fisher ROCKS more than The Rock🎉.

[@gugokung]

Thank you John and Jefferson. This talk blow my mind for real and I’m glad that I use it in my life and it works very well. Thank you again you guys!

[@rebeccamunoz1645]

These 2 are legit eye candy Thank you for your humble energy...

[@JeniElbedour]

Deep breathing, these guys give me hard anxiety. I am torn whether to watch or not...will this make me feel better or worse😢

[@cmauro7912]

Amazing communicator. It's definitely an art !!

[@zakassim]

drop the intro, too long and unnecessary to the podcast! maybe in the end if you're attached to having a 5 min just for you and the community. respectfully

[@jessasmrcd]

Anyone else doing a law degree and watching this? 😬

[@MorgueInTheVoid]

Can you please do an interview with the teacher from the channel JulienHimself??

[@Artchick1972]

Just found Jefferson’s channel. Great stuff. He comes across as really genuine.

[@jaimeaaron5120]

You asked on the podcast if we like you doing interviews. I do. I have a show suggestion, an interview with the man of the hour, Oliver Anthony.

[@chimdi]

Such a great conversation!!!

[@NaturalWifeyandMamaBear]

I hope at the end when he shares the story about the wife who took a breath and said “I can do better” then the husband (who never said anything like this) said “I can do better too”….. hopefully wasn’t meant like could do better with someone else! Haha. Assume not since how she shared it and sounds like things got better 👍 Great interview! Learned a lot. Sharing.

[@pc9390]

Been a follower of you both! What a great interview!! I appreciate each of you 🙏🏽

[@nicholasrostykus1019]

You should put Jefferson’s name in the headline. He’s not just a “lawyer”. It would help both of you. More people will find your podcast because they are fans of Jefferson and vice versa.

[@PrairieDawnC]

I suspect Delony wasn't allowed to do that. There's no hashtags, either.

[@jaqwilliams6354]

Great advice, but its contingency is on the people regulating their emotions. I think this is one of the lost skills along with respecting one’s self.

[@mu3076]

Hello men, how are we doing here?, if somebody can help please do, I am a man and… too much pain

[@davidschoi]

Imagine being his wife losing every single fight 😂

[@janerasimmons3445]

She is a lawyer too. I wouldn't count her out

[@demon-mk2jm]

Acknowledging that you work hard doesnt mean you're manipulative. Tons of these words "narcissist, manipulative, toxic" has lost all meaning over the last decade.

[@silksatinsilver1]

As a mom, I disagree with Jefferson’s suggestion “you need to learn to be happy wherever you are bc life will always be hard”. There are harder seasons, especially with toddlers, and easier seasons, such as when all your kiddos have been moved out and been paying their bills for half a year or so.

[@susanl5682]

NOT ALWAYS .It varies My kids are extremely well qualified and hard workers and achievers ..And I am grateful for that but I miss their baby and toddler times uptil university .When they are achievers they are extremely busy .

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Nope. You are not right. I will not argue, but you will see one day. Unless you just can't wait to not be responsible for the children you created, which sounds like may be the case.

[@murraybeachtel8585]

@@show_me_your_kittiesYou sound like you are projecting. Who in your life told you that you were not worth having peace? Because you are worth it.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

@@murraybeachtel8585 lol ummk

[@show_me_your_kitties]

@@murraybeachtel8585 LOL oh you are fun.

[@apkeeney]

Starts at 5:05

[@arthurmurfitt7698]

WOW 19:48

[@ernieme4671]

Good stuff. Maybe as the host talk less. Ask a question and listen. We want to hear from your guest mostly.

[@katherinegordon8088]

My daughter is a corporate attorney, her arguments ie communications when agitated are like a knife blade

[@JacquelineEstrada-d3m]

Hmmmm Never heard of this guy or seen him ....but he seems pretty chill. Does anyone know what his videos are about? Does he give legal advice or is he just chillin in his car venting? So curious to find out.

[@Indoforscots-s2l]

The host needs to cut down on his waffling at the start. I know it’s your show, but we don’t want to hear you going on for so long.

[@ajk4448]

The Rock is a no for me. Dewayne could take some (read the room) advice.

[@AffectionateSeaOtter]

That conversation @10:30mins ... It's okay for a man to feel angry and lash out but a woman is expected to hold back, exercise restraint and even take the higher ground. If that doesn't sound like hypocrisy and Double Standards I don't know what does. We, as a society, TRAIN women to constantly CODDLE and pander to men .... The message we are therefore giving to both men and women is 'Men are ABOVE accountability' ... Why would this not create a sense of powerlessness and HELPLESSNESS in the women when dealing with men esp. difficult and even abusive men? This is very, very WRONG. And if people think the psychological and emotional abuse a woman has to endure doesn't trickle down in the form of low-esteem, depression etc to the children, then think again.

[@D121346639m]

The host talked too much

[@bykatesemeniuk]

Exactly! It's only 5 minutes, and I'm already tired

[@GoodLifeCo.]

Ok why is host talking like that I had remove my earphone whenever he started speaking

[@katherinegordon8088]

Not engaging can be infuriating to the other party

[@JustinCassaday]

This interview was really cool, but make sure to keep adding the clickbait titles otherwise my stubborn self will say "Why do I care what some Jefferson guy has to say?"

[@ChrystalSafariRoy]

I was advised to become an attorney by the school counselor after being called to the office as a junior in HS after a ‘cute’ stunt I may or may not have pulled celebrating my boyfriend with confetti that i didn’t realize would be dragged down 3 stories and across campus 🎉😂

[@carlafuqua1685]

I had watched the first half of this a week ago. Had my first panic attack a few days later. Now finishing the video and the EXACT same thing happened, I thought I was going to die and went to the ER. great discussion lads.

[@MarinaM-o6p]

If you are arguing like such ….prepare you WILL BE SINGLE FOR A VERY , VERY LONG TIME . A lawyer place is in the COURTROOM AND NOT IN A MARRIAGE.

[@labellegene7971]

Where in the title does it say to argue like a lawyer?

[@godsyllable]

⁠@@labellegene7971the thumbnail literally says “argue like a lawyer”

[@justinbowman2126]

How about watching the video instead of reacting to a thumbnail.

[@Kevin.Grindel]

This lawyer stays cool and logical which is what is needed in a marriage

[@Natalia_85]

So you are saying lawyers can't get married? That's so logical. I will always listen to what you say. Said no-one. Ever.

[@magseugo]

Id answer you with, “No, its not maybe. its certainly.” :) just kidding lmao

[@janerasimmons3445]

He would say, that is helpful to know.

[@marriagepartnersministry5942]

At 12:19 most wives in this situation don't know what kept him late, could've been an excusable situation, so jumping to a negative judgement is clearly normal but relationally destructive. Impulse responses like this are common place in daily interaction the only way a relationally better way of responding will happen is if she forms the new habbit/neuropathy by doing imagination and practice roleplaying before it happens so that the healthy response is formed in habit. Of course 99% of women are not going to do this so it's going to continue

[@user-mc9du9xk2o]

I get trying to be home at a certain time with the family. A person can't be at a certain place and time every day. Why be mad? Feed the kids, and allow life to happen. They won't be mad if mom is not mad over something so trivial.

[@marriagepartnersministry5942]

If your spouse says you lied again. You can't just say "maybe so", if you didn't. You have to correct the assertion, if true, otherwise your spouse will use that and the next 3 undisputed times to form the belief that you always lie. Then you will say the truth about something that sounds a little odd and your spouse will automatically assume it's a lie also.

[@KtArmstrong]

How can I get in contact with you? Thank you!!! 🙏

[@ginger.that.]

love this so much. Thank you 🥹

[@katherinegordon8088]

How to be a better reconciled absent mom to an adult attorney when you now are her nanny? This is nearly impossible at times- I really want your help!!! Can you please help me?

[@jackieboo6776]

Yes more interviews!

[@JB-wp2gn]

Imagine our world if all men were like this!

[@floatingsidewalk1]

It’s called fogging. Every boy should be taught this.

[@j0yfulblessings]

My husband is either quick to apologize so i "cant be mad" or I'll know he's lying but will never fess up until I call him out.