We Kicked Our Daughter Out After She Got Birth Control

On today’s episode, we hear about:
• A couple who kicked their teenage daughter out of their house
• A woman considering divorcing her husband who won’t step up to be a good father
• A woman who contracted genital herpes from her boyfriend
Next Steps
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[@brooke9847]

Birth control isn't going to determine if she will have sex or not. The fact that she came to them to ask means she trusted them. They could have used this as teaching moment. They're entitled to their beliefs about it but the cost is their relationship with their daughter.

[@TJMoolTricia]

There it is. Except, I'd gently suggest they've conflated the word "beliefs" with generational shaming and guilting. ;)

[@ahzigos]

I haven't heard the entire episode, but I for one, use birth control exclusively to prevent my period from happening since I have crippling menstrual cramps And in this case, the girl was actually trying to do the smart thing and prevent a pregnancy

[@fh1980ram]

No one talks about the horrible side effects of birth control on women, even infertility.

[@ahzigos]

@@fh1980ram everyone knows that though.... literally I would say I've known this for at least 10 years now It's just thay some other stuff is worse

[@Ttyumbra]

⁠​⁠@@TJMoolTriciaThis case in particular yeah, we all can agree though, unprotected sex, having a baby as a teen, devaluing sex, is bad. Though I’m not sure what the generational shaming comes up.

[@MissBlueEyeliner]

The hypocrisy of kicking your 16 year old daughter out for _asking_ for birth control _after having said daughter at 16!_ That’s too much.

[@ProgrammingWIthRiley]

@DesertFox-mz6lb making a mistake is one thing. The hypocrisy lies in the repercussions the parents decided on.

[@CristinaAcosta]

So hypocritical

[@clankgang6096]

@DesertFox-mz6lb Well, I think all daughter wants to do is to AVOID mistakes of her parents.

[@BlushingForeigner]

Hypocritical!! And her own father showed her grace, forgiveness and love. And she made a choice to do precisely the opposite of that for her daughter - who is actively trying to PREVENT becoming a teen mom, which her mom was. The daughter deserves a trophy for trying to be responsible. These awful parents. I hope John broke through.

[@crashtestdummy1972]

The problem with everyone arguing about this is, if you are religious/ believe in the bible, you shouldn't allow your teenage daughter to be dating before 18 anyways. Let alone get birth control. If you aren't religious then you don't need to chime in because your sense of morals is completely different than that of Gods and you most likely won't agree with most of Gods standards anyways.

[@RP-uu7oq]

Mom, you were abandoned by your mother, and now you are doing the same to your daughter. Are you really okay with bestowing your daughter with that same pain of being motherless?

[@melanimorris5170]

Maybe mom is weak and unable to think for herself.

[@pamelalebona8676]

​@@melanimorris5170 The mother is not weak. She knows exactly what she is doing. The mother is taking out that anger and neglect onto her daughter hoping the daughter will repeat the same cycle and she can exert the same treatment on her daughter that she received as a pregnant teen.

[@blackosprey2219]

@@pamelalebona8676 Purposefully abusing the people who are helpless and dependent on you is the very definition of weakness.

[@elizabethmalin4566]

yes she is because she did it.

[@jynclr]

@@melanimorris5170 absolutely. It's why the controlling and coercive step-father married the mother - he knew he could control her and assumed he could control the teen. He found himself with a surprised pikachu face in all of this. Deloney's advice won't repair this at this point.

[@albs1448]

The step father is already all over this call and the mum is on the background, that absolutely tells you something

[@ht18751]

Yep, 100%

[@Robin-uu6eg]

Absolutely.

[@crystalglopez91623]

Exactly !!! The step dad is a weirdo

[@jenniferlevi]

Too much anger and contempt in his voice from the beginning.

[@user-uo3pm1yd3r]

Yeah, I think that too. Controlling.

[@marytabeling9179]

I am a conservative Christian and these parents are so horrifically misguided in their approach. Also, the step dad needs to step the f back.

[@dannelle17]

AMEN TO THIS ✝️💞

[@robertparker6280]

*110%*

[@norse_cat]

Yes!! 👏

[@blackosprey2219]

They're unbelievable self-centered and arrogant, to the point that they can't even see how deeply unnatural and sinful it is to ruin a relationship of unconditional love and to piss away the gift of a living, healthy child. They both need a stone-cold reality check.

[@BettyVeronica2.0]

AMEN! 🙌🏻

[@Syntaxinsav]

Step dad gives me the ick. The way he's talking about his step daughter saving herself to ensure a fulfilling marriage feels like a dig at the mom.

[@erzabetf9544]

That’s because it is. 😂 He’s a sanctimonious fool who has to be told that his wife’s loving her daughter is more important than his rigid adherence to the values he’s decided are paramount. He needs to take a step back and learn how to be supportive instead of punishing. He may find he can get the result he’d prefer if he’d behave differently.

[@aleia4654]

Yeah I could imagine she might have trouble standing up for her daughter because her husband is suggesting she is damaged and a lesser wife for having been sexually actively before marriage. It must be difficult to reject that label when your own husband attaches it to you. It’s not an excuse for her part in this mess, but I do feel for her.

[@merricat3025]

Agree i got a little sick with Dr. John's advice re him. He gives me sick feeling. Less contact the better

[@sherryd3299]

It's also disgusting that this man who is not her father kicks her out of the house and takes away her health insurance. With no insurance she wont be able to afford routine pap and pelvic exams or afford medication or even see her family doctor when she's ill. This creep thinks that's appropriate punishment. He is so ignorant.

[@TPWK216]

Its non of his business if she stays a virgin before marriage or not, its her body! So sad for this girl, what a betrayal 😢

[@savvymegs675]

"We want her to have as little baggage as possible." Dude you just GAVE her baggage

[@courtneymcfarland8333]

Punishing your kid for trying to be more responsible than you were at that age?

[@AlorsonDanseX]

Precisely! Kate is far from mother Theresa but somehow she thinks she is a hole woman because she found a simp to marry her and take on her baggage.

[@crashtestdummy1972]

I do feel the parents failed her by not teaching her the importance of waiting to have sex before marriage. If they were truly Christian, they should have instilled biblical morals with their daughter as a very young child. And most likely they wouldn't be in this situation. While I don't agree with the daughters choices, I feel this is more on the parents for their lack of teaching

[@Wyo2Wis]

Religion poisons everything.

[@JudePi-jx7yo]

@@crashtestdummy1972 Yeah those that are instilled/indoctrinated never make these choices :)

[@jenmessier2195]

LOL right, trying to think you can control your child in this way is really crazy....

[@ABBYBENORMAL]

The fact that this Step Father started this conversation and dominated the conversation SCREAMS VOLUMES. As does the Mother’s SILENCE.

[@bcent5758]

Their ‘ religion’ is not about love it’s about rules.

[@MyPetIsaNazgul]

I left a response on a similar comment about this. With their apparent belief system, he would be considered the head of the household and the leader, and she would be expected to be submissive and defer to him. I don't agree with this but I'm just providing context. Stepdad's behavior and mom going along with it is definitely a great way to raise the odds that the daughter is going to have more struggles in life for sure

[@leighb8485]

Yup. He’s way too invested in her virginity. Total predatory vibes.

[@not-even-german4892]

​@@leighb8485 exactement 😮😮😮

[@marybrown6128]

And can we talk about the fact that the step father literally referred to the daughter as baggage, according to him that’s what he said to her. She was literally the “baggage” he was talking about. I would never in a million years call either of my kids baggage.

[@lauriesstory5894]

Never be with a man who doesn't accept your kids. Absolutely not.

[@qualityassurance8611]

Absolutely.

[@kathymccarthy5264]

I think she was just desperate to not have to raise 4 kids alone.

[@jessicafernandez818]

Never would I choose a man before my child. It is obvious this was his rule . this poor child had the guts to look to her mother and stepfather for direction and all they did was shame her that will never leave her mind next time she’s dealing with a big issue, regardless of whether they try to make amends. Trust me, this happened to me as a child and I knew I could never depend on my parents.

[@Chet_24]

​@@jessicafernandez818 Dont worry, most men aren't interested in raising another man's kid(s) and bailing out single mothers

[@rootedhabits]

100%

[@debbieanderson6740]

You daughter came to you for support of a responsible decision, and your response is kicking her out? Bet her heart is broken. She is navigating an adult world as a teen. Exactly John, she will find connection somewhere else.

[@thayah]

Probably start dating the first boy that gives her the minimum amount of attention and appreciation and then end up in an unhappy and possibly abusive relationship at 16 Just like me at 16🤷🏼 fatherless + no connection with overworked & overstimulated mom? Recipe for disaster

[@stephanieturowski4595]

She will never trust them again

[@0annonymous]

I MUST side with the MOM on this one, because when you live under someone ELSE'S roof, you MUST live by THEIR rules, or you're OUT If you have a daughter who's old enough to make the decision to be a s***, then she's old enough to get out on her OWN if that's how she wants to live I guarantee, if given that mom's situation, THAT stuff WOULDN'T be going on in MY house either When you live under someone else's roof, it's THEIR rules as long as you live with THEM "It's MY way, or the HIGHWAY!"

[@amata840]

Weird how it’s the step-dad dominating the call.

[@Sheltop]

That's weird, I didn't see anything wrong with it. They both spoke. Seems like someone is projecting.

[@Lqtech00]

Sounds really like he was the one to make the decision and the mom just went along with it.

[@amata840]

@@Lqtech00 yes, this is what I find weird. Not accusing him of any ulterior motives or anything like that. I just find it odd that he’s not her father, and yet he was the one seemingly making all the decisions on behalf of the daughter and mother.

[@fairy12324]

Its coercive control. Only the church call it "faith&morals" ​@@amata840

[@HeyTezza]

@@amata840totally, I feel like he was also using this to shame the mother about her teen pregnancy.

[@marianuz8576]

Kicking your kid out for being responsible? This is why indoctrination is so dangerous.

[@crashtestdummy1972]

Having a lack of morals is dangerous.

[@grndouwn7338]

@@crashtestdummy1972I agree, there’s no morality in abandoning your children.

[@crashtestdummy1972]

@@grndouwn7338 I don't agree with kicking them out, I honestly feel the parents failed her for not teaching her properly the biblical principles and morals to help their daughter navigate this situation. But 2 wrongs don't make a right. I hope they can reverse this and help their daughter with this situation

[@grndouwn7338]

@@crashtestdummy1972 also surely surrounding her with love and support is a better way to teach her the ‘biblical principles’. It seems so painfully obvious, people like this is why I dislike religion.

[@crashtestdummy1972]

@@grndouwn7338 I agree. I hope the situation can be resolved and relationships mended.

[@piscesonthebebop]

They have already damaged their relationship their daughter. I wouldn’t say it’s entirely irreparable, but she will never forget it. That is entirely un-biblical parenting.

[@user-mq4hr1ly4b]

message has been fully communicated now it’s too late for her to forget properly

[@alyssao7276]

We have to believe repair is possible. It will take a lot of work and changed behavior but it is very possible.

[@moniqueengleman873]

I doubt it....​@@alyssao7276

[@meganbaril7847]

​@@alyssao7276Do you really think that stepdad who said he feels like they made the right choice sticking to his values over his stepdaughter will do the years of repair work needed? Doubtful.

[@IAmTamiGirl]

This is 💯 percent how these foolish parents get a grandchild with their 16 year old. They ruined a great opportunity to guide her through this season of her life.

[@bdeezy2962]

Couldn't agree more

[@TheDogAndTheBee]

💯

[@0annonymous]

Actually no, they didn't ruin it for themselves, SHE ruined it for HERSELF by GOING AGAINST THEIR rules while living in THEIR home If she's old enough to be a s***, she's old enough to get out on her own and get a job In many places, miners can't make contracts, so she'll be living under a bridge if she can't get a job and get a place of her own OR, she COULD wake up to COMMON SENSE, go back HOME, and live under THEIR rules

[@jmlandrau1]

This man doesn't want HER kid in HIS home. He is using religion as an excuse.

[@not-even-german4892]

He has been plotting against her for years

[@C.Gibson]

An excuse to exert specific, exacting control over a young, female, child.

[@TJH11638]

Her father should get full custody and file for child support from the mother.

[@Christian-gb8zf]

The mom said when the kid was little, he split. They just took turns sucking at parenting. If we’re following your logic, he shouldn’t know her.

[@elsa_nyc]

100%

[@caroldorsett8170]

He is in the picture now with a wife so 100% she should go live with her dad.

[@fehyndana7725]

Yes, I hope he makes sure to keep his girl away from this creepy stepfather. Imagine another man your ex decided to be with being this invested in your daughters sex life and virginity, ew!

[@Christian-gb8zf]

@@fehyndana7725 he’s raised her since she was a baby because her father was not there.

[@nahhhn3098]

Controlling step father will make sure the girl doesn't talk to her mom again

[@alyssaboyle2187]

That's what I thought. Interesting how he was the one yapping.

[@meganbaril7847]

And I think the mom is going along with it probably under the guise of biblical submission!

[@Mesmoe95]

Yapping 🤭🤭

[@Sam11747]

It's weird the step-father said the step/daughter came to them asking for birth control. My guess is she went to her mom, who then blabbed to the step-father. That or the step-father discovered she wanted birth control from a different source, then confronted the daughter about it.

[@M22OHIO]

@@Sam11747 That’s exactly what happened

[@saywhatnow57]

Blaming this dumb decision on co-parenting is a cop-out.

[@melanimorris5170]

Most definitely- a diversion, no accountability on their part. Sounds like the bio dad and stepmom stepped up.

[@gregzgurl2004]

Yes! Yes! Yes!

[@rachellenoir2072]

Yes. But a cop-out that may save a 16 year old from enduring as much abandonment trauma. 💔

[@saywhatnow57]

@@rachellenoir2072 I fail to see how her making excuses saves her 16 year old from anything.

[@EKL-qu7ih]

John absolutely nailed the first call when he pointed out how easily they'll condemn the daughter for not following their Christian values where safe sex is concerned, but do not offer the grace and compassion the Bible advocates for. Really impressed with how he handled it.

[@droptozro]

@@EKL-qu7ih that's not "Grace" to go ask your parents for sexual contraception so you can fornicate. Try again.

[@mimosal.3175]

if they reacted like that to birth control, how would they react to a pregnancy?!

[@brooke9847]

My thoughts exactly. I am curious what the grandpa that stood by the mom during a teenage pregnancy would think about her decision to kick her daughter out.

[@heaterah5664]

They have shown their daughter that they are not a supportive, safe place to go to. I couldn't imagine kicking my kids out over going on birth control. How insane...

[@og666]

i'd guess that they'd stick with her. sex before marriage bad unless i get a grandchild that i can primarily raise because you are still a child. whole thing is goofy. sans casey anthony types i've never heard of someone fucking a parenting situation up this bad

[@jackijohnson3778]

Then they complain to everyone thaf they had to raize their grand hild ​@og666

[@crashtestdummy1972]

Just because her family has morals doesn't mean they are wrong. Would I handle it the same way? Maybe but If my teenage daughter did this against our wishes, it means I failed as a parent to instill biblical principles to help her understand why sexual relations before marriage are not right.

[@tiaarchitto1542]

so the mom had a kid at 16 and is now punishing her kid for being responsible and not wanting to make the same mistake?

[@bayareacali]

So, the mother gets pregnant at 16 and gets her father's full support after her mother leaves them. Now she abandons her daughter because she wants to be safe and not get pregnant like her at 16. This mother needs to do better for her daughter.

[@NeccoWecco]

I'm glad the first parents called and called together. Saying 'Rules for thee, not for me' just damages your relationship with your daughter. They admitted that they did the exact same things their daughter did... Yet they didn't get kicked out of their homes, they didn't get completely abandoned, yet they abandoned their daughter. You're not teaching her love, you're teaching her the opposite. Don't come questioning in 15 years when she no longer talks to you.

[@antonioiniguez1615]

It's called allowing your kid do better

[@aguirrn]

Yet they divorced their original spouse. How can you say you’re so religious. Practice what you preach

[@lexmcgregor9299]

They didn’t divorce, they were never married. Cuz they were kids…

[@krissypeters1517]

@@lexmcgregor9299no this is that lady’s 3 rd guy Number 2 was I guess like an adoptive parent - he’s the one who is allowing the pill 😮 to be introduced to his daughter The bio father is out of the picture Guy 3 the caller just sounds creepy - like he wants to severe mom / daughter bonds bc of his “morals”

[@robertacanderson]

All parents want their kids to not make the same mistake, they want their kids to be better.

[@ninaunderdue1430]

Purity Culture is so damaging.

[@canecorsomom2023]

And so non sensible. Those "values" were written when 16 year olds were married and having babies. They didn't have groups of sexually mature kids having to suppress biological urges for the sake of saving face. None of these morality rules around sex make much sense in modern society

[@dmp608]

I hate the word purity!

[@justagirl...]

​@@dmp608Don't become a chemist...

[@rachel4339]

So is the opposite 🤷‍♀️ and hatred of one just leads to more of the other.

[@dmp608]

@@rachel4339 what exactly do you mean?

[@homeskol720]

I'm failing to see how my daughter doing birth control equates to my morals being sacrificed

[@nt3833]

Many people believe that sex should be saved for marriage.

[@briannadickson2884]

​@@nt3833 I don't understand the majority of these comments. They're so ok with this child just giving herself to the first boy she meets

[@AC-jl7hb]

They are horrible people. I will never understand sacrificing your kid for any sort of "values". Love your kid always, everything else is second.

[@staleydu1]

How can you not love your daughter enough to have an adult conversation? You may disagree with her choice but she will forever remember her parents didn’t care for her because of who she is, but rather what she does.

[@CBJ192]

Their silence to his question was DEAFENING.

[@meganbaril7847]

Which question?

[@phantasma616]

how asinine to kick out your teen for wanting to avoid being a teen parent like you were

[@crystalsnow1138]

You can still become a teen parent even on birth control though.

[@phantasma616]

@@crystalsnow1138 yeah but she clearly wants to avoid teenage pregnancy, and her own mother and father didn't at her age. she's still more responsible than they were and mom wants to punish her for it.

[@antonioiniguez1615]

@@phantasma616 She's not wanting to avoid teen pregnancy. If she did, she wouldn't have sex

[@grlnexxtdoor]

@@antonioiniguez1615teens can have sex and not want to be pregnant. Grow a brain

[@robertacanderson]

@@antonioiniguez1615agreed!

[@MustardSeedish]

As a Christian and one that was kicked out of my home as a teen, mercy and grace is the best way to go.

[@marya3823]

I was kicked out at 18 for not paying 200$ in rent in my own childhood home. I came home to my room in the basement that I shared with one of my sisters and my mom had put my clothes in a black garbage bag. I took the bag and didn’t say anything. I left and went to a man’s home then went to stay with a friend. The feeling of rejection and abandonment I would not wish on someone. My father called me a few days later and asked if I wanted to come back. I don’t know if he knew about what she was going to do but I really don’t think parents should kick there kids out over small things or things that can be worked out. Even though I was 18 I was nowhere near ready to be on my own. No money. Low self esteem, no strong support system. I hope they work it out.

[@MorwenAncalime]

THANK YOU Dr. John for reminding these folks that their first duty is to love their daughter.

[@helixmoore7636]

They both failed. Her so called parents that is.

[@user-ld2qx5yw3h]

My mother offered it to me when I got my first boyfriend, though she always taught me the importance of self-respect and abstinence. She would just rather I use it if I was going to do that. But, I ended up saving myself for my wedding night. I carried that condom around for a long time and didn't use it. Just because you HAVE birth control doesn't mean you're necessarily going to have sex.

[@blessedtobealive]

😂

[@izzywox8246]

@@dabd8175keep living in your delusional world where girls aren’t pawed at by men from the time they are 10 😂 men like you create these single households

[@sasham2614]

Wow, good on you. Your mom gave you the tools in case and I think that’s what scares parents with birth control, they think they’re gonna have sex. But the fact u chose not to is a prime example that it can go either way.

[@user-ld2qx5yw3h]

@@sasham2614 I just think options are important. Education and options should always be accessible.

[@antonioiniguez1615]

@@user-ld2qx5yw3h No kid should be given the option to have sex. That's batshit craxy

[@Yeahwhatdoesthatmean]

Imagine kicking your kid out for being smart

[@montypythonator]

Smart would be not having unprotected sex as a teenager or not taking birth control and living in your parents house. You got weird definitions.

[@MarieJohanna760]

​@@montypythonatoryou are weird

[@izzywox8246]

@@montypythonatorbeing smart is also being realistic

[@izzywox8246]

⁠@@dabd8175is that why they haven’t made birth control for men yet, Dr. Dab?

[@izzywox8246]

@@dabd8175lmao ‘sins of the flesh’? What is this, Cult of the Lamb? 😂 now I just know you eat rocks, that’s all that’s rattling around in your skull

[@michellec3349]

Don’t have children if you can’t accept they will someday grow into a whole person with their own beliefs, ideologies, values, sexual preferences.

[@prodigykitty3614]

Young Girls are bombarded with the responsibility of abstinence, the young boys are not

[@mekareactsandreviews3026]

Yup, I grew up in a Christian household.. Not having s*x before marriage was rammed down the girls' throats on a daily basis..The boys not so much..and BTW it didn't work..screaming it's a sim And the fear of hell didn't stop any of us 11 kids from having s*x..Just gave us a weird relationships with s*x and relationships.

[@AdmiringObserverR]

Most christian boys are

[@meganbaril7847]

Agreed. Would they have kicked a son out for finding condoms?

[@daniellemitchell3118]

That part.

[@AdmiringObserverR]

@@meganbaril7847 Good question. But I kinda think they would.

[@trentenr7255]

This is infuriating what an embarrassing example of parenting.

[@briannadickson2884]

They did their job. This is how she ended up.

[@8bluedge]

A Dad here, I refused birth control to my 14 yr old daughter based on religious reasons, she was pregnant at 15 and had the baby at 16. Mistakes were made, but I learned things: she is her own person and not property (I didn't think of her like that but I acted like I had full control over her and her actions). If I had a do over, she would have birth control and like John said talk about it. John did a great job of explaining "both and" in this call. I truly felt like giving my daughter birth control was giving her a huge green light for sex, what I found out was, that when she had sex was ultimately NOT my choice! She is her own person and there is only so much control a parent has over their children. (BTW, I did get one thing right, she told us the day she found out she was pregnant and I first hugged her, then we supported her from there).

[@lilaworley8935]

It takes someone with integrity to make this kind of comment and share an experience and mistakes made. Thank you for sharing this story here. I hope your daughter and grandchild are doing okay.

[@briannadickson2884]

Your daughter is a 304 for the streets

[@SuzanneQuew-vc4us]

The male caller is not her bio father…it matters.

[@sharonbowers9929]

Absolutely.

[@MiraculousAngelTarot]

He's a creep.

[@Hypnotizes_Lobsters]

I had religious parents and a step-father who needed to dominate the decision making. When I began pushing boundaries as a teenager, I was met with a backpack on the steps of a locked house in the middle of winter at night. Eventually, I knew that was no longer my home. I found connection elsewhere. Some toxic that almost killed me, some that shaped me in a positive way. In the meantime, my parents lost out on the majority of my adult life including college, graduation, learning to drive, first career, marriage and pregnancy. I reached out when I had my first child and we all awkwardly stumbled into a new relationship. But nothing will ever replace those years THEY lost. All for a set of values they didn't even uphold. I would ask the mother to consider whether choosing a domineering husband is worth losing her daughter. Her answer may be yes. But it won't be without consequences.

[@stephanied.k.3589]

Preach.

[@helixmoore7636]

Your parents are horrible.

[@krissypeters1517]

And observing how the caller goes thru men ( thinking she’s only 32 ) she will prob have many more husbands … this daughter is hers for life

[@melissastiff433]

This isn't how it is supposed to be! This is kind of behavior and treatment does not represent God's grace or the gospel. I usually wonder about our Biblical literacy when I hear these tragedies. I'm so sorry!

[@laurab5849]

Wow I am so sorry. I love my daughter without abandon and I can’t imagine choosing a man over her and also choosing to not be in relationship with her for any reason- at all!!

[@SmoothSmithh]

These parents make me extremely mad, how could you kick your daughter out for making a good decision? It’s insane!

[@sds6303]

Bc they’re projecting their own issues on to her & they don’t have the self awareness to realize it.

[@rinabitoni3746]

Wait until you hear why I was kicked out at 16! Lol some parents smh

[@riseagain9677]

I hope you have this righteous anger for kids being bullied because they’re not putting out before marriage. People are so hypocritical nowadays..

[@rinabitoni3746]

@@riseagain9677 Lol nobody ever gets bullied that ruthless for not being sexually active! Hahaha... tell me you don't know anything without telling you don't know anything! You know why??? Because most people are lying about it! And that's the easiest thing to lie about

[@SmoothSmithh]

@@rinabitoni3746 i said it on another comment, but i got kicked out for dating a black girl (whose now my fiancee) as a white dude. Some people are insane

[@godislove4540]

This is the problem with our culture in America. The countries that don’t threaten to exile their sexually active children and actually educate them are countries that actually have lower rates of teenage sex and pregnancies. We are so uneducated and ignorant in this country. 🙄 Shame on these parents.

[@izzywox8246]

@donaldjohnson-ow3kqwho America? Have you seen the offspring there? 😂

[@Bav92]

Yes. Major shame. And then sit there in their righteousness of having enforced their spiritual values. Disgusting.

[@kristaw2686]

I feel like most parents are not like this. I'm an evangelical Christian who abstained from sex until marriage to my husband and I would NEVVVAHHHH treat my kid like that. Most of us who grew up in purity culture are not doing the same toward our kids.

[@ekaski1]

​@@kristaw2686I love seeing evangelicals separate Christianity from purity culture, because they are NOT one and the same. Congrats to you for breaking the cycle!

[@saje239]

@donaldjohnson-ow3kqBy what metric?

[@izzywox8246]

My sister and I are 7 years apart. My sister wanted birth control, my mom said no. She had two kids by 17. I never asked for birth control. Still don’t have children at 32. Pay attention to your kids. Listen to them. They will tell you where their head is at, inadvertently.

[@antonioiniguez1615]

Maybe she shouldn't have had sex

[@thandosocikwa]

So your sister has never heard of condoms before?

[@sabias3932]

I'm so sorry that your mother failed your sister way before the birth control question.

[@HeyTezza]

That’s really great advice

[@izzywox8246]

@@thandosocikwahas no one ever gotten pregnant using just condoms?

[@saywhatnow57]

Oh.... they go to church "as much as they can." That makes them "believers". This guy lives in a weird bubble if he thought he could put this out there, even in a Christian community, and not receive backlash. Birth control is not sacrificing values. We waited until marriage, and if I remember correctly, my wife went on birth control long before we were married.

[@JJJJ-he8bz]

So she smart enough to not have kids she can’t take care of? How dangerous

[@antonioiniguez1615]

Abstinence

[@linhaton4957]

@@antonioiniguez1615 Good luck with that.

[@Chet_24]

Not wanting the daughter to be a 304 isn't unreasonable. Also, no guy wants to marry someone who was the town pump.

[@antonioiniguez1615]

@@linhaton4957 Wdym? It's really easy. Just don't have sex before marriage

[@ST-rj8iu]

@@antonioiniguez1615 If she doesn't want to be married, that is not going to work. You realize that women are filing for divorce in droves, right?

[@Joy-zh9fq]

My dad did the same thing when he found out I was on birth control at 16. We no longer talk and I’m now 30 years old with my own children and husband he’ll never meet. She will most likely do the same. I hope that was worth the hill dying on, dad. What a shame.

[@meganbaril7847]

Those parents have no idea what have done.

[@stardrop00]

STEPDAD… not her father.

[@maximkmrr3879]

She was 16 when she got pregnant! And now she kicked her own teenage daughter for going on bc… make it make sense..

[@crystalsnow1138]

You can still get pregnant while on birth control.

[@blaketrent8548]

@@crystalsnow1138 Yes, but it's much much less likely.

[@Aa88900]

She cares about her husband more than her kid. Disgusting woman.

[@AdmiringObserverR]

They don't believe the worst thing is the pregnancy. They believe the sex itself is one of the worst outcomes.

[@GoldenDragonfly1]

That's so ironic. If she wanted to teach her, she should have talked about what pregnancy means or taking care of a child at that age. Or take her to a doctor who discusses birth control with her. Just make sure she is in a good relationship. And understands how important it is to be careful. It's just sad. But I think it's a good sign thr daughter addressed the topic.

[@ps2000-f6h]

These parents are an embarrassment to parenthood!!!! your “beliefs” are more important than having a relationship with your daughter and allow her access to decent basic human rights? I’m sick to my stomach knowing there are young women being denied this…

[@Wyo2Wis]

Religion poisons everything.

[@samuelzulu9731]

but she made her choice to misbehave

[@ps2000-f6h]

@@samuelzulu9731 misbehave?

[@djstuntfox]

​@samuelzulu9731 I call it being responsible.

[@BryanMetcalf-ld7cb]

​@@samuelzulu9731 even if she did misbehave (she didn't), these parents abandoned their child. They didn't even have a conversation. Their relationship will never be the same. The daughter won't trust them, and this may affect her future relationships with others. To be frank, these parents did something unforgivable.

[@brightpage1020]

Parents, she needs you more than ever. Make an appointment for her with an OBGYN. Why would you kick her out? If she's a minor you may be punishing her for being abused or assaulted. Uhm. I don't get this family.

[@joshuaswanson4789]

@@dabd8175there you go again. Just trolling the comments. Then tomorrow night you’ll post about being a giant victim. Why are you here if you just annoy everyone and you supposedly feel attacked all the time?

[@izzywox8246]

@@dabd8175where’s your accountability?

[@izzywox8246]

@@dabd8175did you bury your accountability in the backyard??? 😂 🐶

[@karlabostic5203]

@@dabd8175you lack logic, just like the parents. Being responsible when having sex is being accountable.

[@crazedsecy]

I always block.

[@septicalfrogs]

You’ve already sacrificed your relationship by letting her know you can’t be trusted.

[@samiyan8081]

DO NOT LET THIS MAN ALIENATE YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER!!!

[@zinnmarx]

The stepdad is ridiculous, what a fool. The daughter should have nothing to do with these parents for the rest of her life.

[@krissypeters1517]

Severing family ties should be a last resort … but in this situation I think you may be right - that Dad is off and in a super scary way ( I’m not just writing about his religious beliefs … he’s creepy )

[@sydneyhendrickson9174]

I was this teenager, but my parents never tried to talk to anyone about it. Instead they pushed their teen pregnancy trauma on me. I was a child, so I didn't understand why they were being so cruel, telling me that they were disappointed in me and they didn't trust me anymore when I asked for birth control. Being in the house felt so heavy and I felt unloved. I ran away from home and chased after terrible men to get someone who "sees" me. My parents are loving, but their reactions to me growing up were absolutely wrong and I wish they got this advice. I now have my own trauma due to that experience.

[@PONDSHA]

I am not sure why you call them loving. No loving parents does that

[@krissypeters1517]

I’m so sorry for you …. I hope you’re ok ❤

[@pamelalebona8676]

Your parents were not loving at all and its ok to say this. I hope you are better now and know that you are valuable and deserve to be seen.

[@noelleirina5628]

Imagine punishing your child for trusting you and being mature. INSANE behavior. Narcissistic, abusive, psychotic.

[@AliciaMcIntire]

"We have baggage from when we were young." As if getting kicked out at 16 doesn't also cause baggage.

[@vwboymom85]

This mother had her daughter at 16 which I’m sure was an eye opening hardship. But they are calling her baggage. How awful

[@courtdabrat9358]

MOM IS A HYPOCRITE! Her dad was there for her while she was 16 and pregnant. Had a kid. I'd rather have a kid on birth control than come home prego. Dr John I appreciate that you brought up God should be brought in. 100% agree

[@TwinMama828]

All they are doing is setting themselves up to being estranged parents. This is like an AITA reddit.

[@mwhe3111]

Do we risk damaging our relationship with her? That ship has sailed, bubba. Incredibly dumb move. I mean, INCREDIBLY dumb move.

[@elsa_nyc]

Why is the stepdad involved in this conversation? He must have wanted his stepdaughter out of the equation. Glad the daughter has a good father, since she was abandoned my Mom and step-dad.

[@Colombianminx]

Woooow! I was 17, suffered severe periods. My parents were “Christians” and had the same views as this girl’s. My doctor recommended birth control to level my hormones. My parents flipped. They didn’t allow birth control in their pure home. Although I had never had sex, they continued to ridicule me saying I was a wh*re, skank, sl*t, body shamed me constantly around the house, telling me no man would ever want or love me. They threatened to kick me out if I went and got it. After being in so much pain, I did at PP. My dog found it in my jeans pocket one day and literally brought it to my mom. 😂 My parents didn’t speak to me for a long time. A few months later they seemed to get over it and didn’t kick me out. I was thankful but still confused why they assumed I was having sex. I had no interest in sex at the time or for many years after. I just wanted to function during my periods. Such a confusing time as a young woman. Hiding behind Christianity is so disgusting. Their parenting taught me love is conditional from them, from God, from everyone. Had to reprogram that as an adult.

[@Nickbronline]

Some people just aren’t mature enough to have children. Sad.

[@sXePunkV2]

These parents are disgusting. I think the fact that the step dad is taking the lead on this call....its very sus

[@puffball4484]

Exactly. Why is a step father so interested in a 16 year old girl's hypothetical sex life? Weird and creepy.

[@MsSly1234]

​@@puffball4484 and wanting to make sure she stays "pure" 🤢

[@rigoauebreturns]

10 years later: "Why is she not calling us anymore? 😭"

[@tkbreen1381]

How to show your daughter that you are immature and untrustworthy tutorial

[@thedavesiknow4598]

Omg these parents are killing their relationship with their kid.

[@talyahr3302]

That kid will NEVER ever come to her parents for any kind of advice or anything sensitive or related to relationships ever again. Great job. Wow.

[@spursfan5742]

Her daughter doesn't want to be in the same situation as her mother was. She learned from her mothers example and then the parents punish her for her Mother's mistake, and for being smarter than she was.

[@CJG1419]

She was 16 when she got pregnant and doesn’t want her daughter on birth control? What a hypocrite. AND her dad loved her through it but she refuses?

[@kristinecrowley8321]

I don’t even need to listen to the rest of the call. This girl is 16 and they kicked her out of the house. How on earth could anyone ever think this is the way to treat their child. Consequences….okay…..but not sheltering and supporting your SIXTEEN year old…..you’re just bad parents. And you’re not even bad parents for kicking her out, you’re bad parents for not having any clue how to handle this in a more constructive way. Poor girl. I feel bad for her. I can’t even finish listening to the call bc I’m just so disgusted.

[@deannarea6871]

WTG Dr. Delony on respectfully wording what we were all thinking with those parents. "I can think of no more potentially damaging thing to the developing understanding of what love and relationship looks like... than 1. sexual abuse and 2. being kicked out of my mom and dad's house at 16.... nothing more terrifying, damaging, and frightening thing for a 16yr old daughter to find out there is a line to which you are not welcome in our presence..."

[@shirlstemple8741]

The mom clearly wasn’t a smart, resourceful 16 year old, but she clearly raised a daughter who is. To be willing to throw away her relationship with her daughter for religion, that she herself didn’t uphold at that age, is hypocritical and ridiculous. Shame on that family.

[@scullyfox4271]

Eh, I would say the times have drastically changed in the last 16 years.

[@shirlstemple8741]

@@scullyfox4271 birth control existed 16 years ago. Where’s the disconnect?

[@scullyfox4271]

@shirlstemple8741 That wasn't my point, not at all. 16 years ago many parents were still uncomfortable with their daughters having sex. You blame the mom for not being smart or resourceful instead of recognizing how much things have changed.

[@shirlstemple8741]

@@scullyfox4271 this mom, in the year 2024 is also uncomfortable with her daughter having sex. That didn’t stop her daughter from choosing to make a smart, resourceful decision. Using “times has changed” as an excuse for poor decision making doesn’t make sense. We are each accountable for our own decisions, regardless of upbringing or the time period we grew up in. The mom is 100% to blame.

[@TheUnlovely]

7:43 So instead of letting her have baggage by doing exactly what you did (when you turned out fine), you opted to give her a whole other type of emotional baggage by kicking out your child. Thank you Dr. John for standing up for that girl.

[@MilaTejana]

Basically, he's saying the daughter is baggage. That might make her feel like her existence is this negative, unforgivable blight in their marriage.

[@tawniem1838]

Be prepared to pay child support for that 16 yr old based on you having just given up any shared custody and given full custody to Dad. If that goes to court you’ll be lucky if court doesn’t view it as you just abandoned that child. And you just told that child she can NEVER come to you when she is in trouble, she can never trust you, you are no longer safe for her and that love is conditional. Prepare to spend years in therapy with her if she ever wants to reconcile with you. Worst of all you just told her that you are expected to be perfect to be a Christian and not acceptable if you aren’t.

[@JasmynSky341417]

A 16 year old is not a little kid. Comparing her to a 8 year old is crazy. Give her the birth control. She will be okay.

[@user-kp6we9qw7i]

He did not compare her to an eight-year-old. He’s thinking of when his eight-year-old daughter becomes 16 and how he would treat her.

[@dame3323]

​@@user-kp6we9qw7iNo, he clearly views 8 year olds the same way he does for 16 year olds...that's one of the biggest red flags I've ever seen. Also, extremely religious....we all know how that goes

[@telepathicpenguin]

If my parents did that, I would 110% go live with the other family and never speak to them again. Period. I’m out of your life? You’re out of mine.

[@ekaski1]

What a shocker with him for a stepdad that a teenage girl would seek love from another guy!

[@ktzier7351]

I'm a 3rd generation teen mom who broke the cycle with my own kids. I wish their daughter the best. When she goes no contact with them in 2 years, I hope they replay this video. When she has their grand children and they don't ever meet their grand children, I hope they replay this video. Dont have more kids if you're going to throw them out because their values don't align with yours. I hope she stays with her dad and continues to see the toxic environment at mom's house

[@devonshandsmelt]

Can you imagine your dad handling your mistakes with such love and grace, only to turn around and preemptively betray your own child for trying to be responsible?

[@Tcheera]

From the way the call happened I would wonder if a controlling stepdad kicked the daughter out and a more upset mom suggested the call in because she's upset it happened. I just noticed the dad talked confidently correct about their "values" telling the story, but the mom piped in after John talked and the dad got real quiet.

[@albs1448]

Exactly, he is a problem

[@marckowtko4073]

Let's correct this slightly; it's the "step-dad" on the call with the mother of the kicked out daughter.

[@Tcheera]

@@marckowtko4073 Um... isn't the very first sentence saying "I would wonder if a controlling stepdad kicked the daughter out..." lol. I mean I get that I shortened it to just calling him "the dad later" but I don't think anyone is confused or needs a correction here. Obviously we all know he's the stepdad and is acting like a bad one.

[@jared3235]

John Delony is so wise it’s incredible. The way he dealt with the parents whose daughter is taking birth control was outstanding. I know those parents are scared and they want what’s best for their daughter and he dignified both the daughter and the parents. Well done.

[@djstuntfox]

I haven't seen the video yet, but why is she being punished for being smart? She's ahead of the curb.

[@og666]

​@@SarahConnor562i mean... a curb is typically curved. he's close. even artful with it. he dropped a metonymy

[@sherrigrace75]

These parents are the worst.

[@Nickbronline]

The mom is upset that she got pregnant at 16 and wants her daughter to suffer the same fate. Ego out of control.

[@FortessofShred]

Parents like that are why kids are so fu@ked today. Way to support your child!

[@meganbaril7847]

Not only are these parents ruining their relationship with their daughter, they are pushing her so far so fast away from this Jesus they say that they love. The fact that they can't see that is astounding.

[@tiegz9770]

You’re worried about her having “baggage”? Your reaction to her is giving her baggage. Making her feel unloved is giving her baggage. Telling her that her not being sexually active is more important than a relationship with her, is giving her baggage

[@meganbaril7847]

THIS!!

[@lorirogers9304]

Stepdad was just waiting for a reason to give her the boot

[@tinak2576]

The fact the mother, who received unwavering support from her own father, felt it was reasonable to kick out her daughter for asking for help getting birth control is just vile. This is like punishing your kids for what you did. The girl was brave for asking this in the first place. Many kids her age wouldn’t have. She’ll never trust them again. She lost her sense of safety and security at their hands.

[@Amanda-vi3di]

That stepdad is going to push his wife’s daughter away from the family and the wife will eventually blame him for not being more understanding and he should sit back and let the real father and mother figure this out

[@AnnAndNala]

My mom freaked out at me when she found out I was on birth-control when I was 26 years old with a boyfriend, full time job and fully supporting myself. lol (That was a sad and difficult family relationship to navigate through.) My parents were also pregnant before marriage, albeit they were full adults. The "do as I say and not as I did" is not an effective tactic IMO.

[@Magdalene952]

My mom refused to have the sex talk with me. I was raised Catholic, so schools only taught me "no sex before marriage". But I still had so many questions. My friends were just as dumb (if not dumber) than myself. So they weren't reliable sources. After a toxic relationship when I was a teen, I swore I would save myself for the right person. My right person ended up being my husband. Everyone has their own convictions, but we can't sweep the knowledge under the rug just expecting our children will never be human beings like ourselves. I don't believe we should sexualize or throw sexualized stuff in our kids' faces constantly, but when they feel safe enough to come to ask questions, we should talk openly and honestly with them.

[@Tam92885]

How can you expect a young person to take accountability for their body and be smart and safe when they do that very thing, and then you kick them out of the house? This is why people are turning away from organized religion it's because they don't want their bodies to be controlled by obscure rules.

[@teresacordova1608]

My parents kicked me out at 15 for having weed. I lived a very dangerous life after that and I won't go into details, but there was a lot of fear and even sexual assaults...shame on these parents for failing to do their basic duties as parents. I never felt the same about them and now they are both dead and gone. Is that the legacy these crappy parents want to leave behind? Guess so...if she's a smart girl, she'll never come around THEM again.

[@thandosocikwa]

At what point do you take responsibility for violating your parents’ values though? We were all teens, we all had to follow rules and we knew the consequences if we didn’t… now it seems like you blame your parents for all the bad things that happened in your life that wouldn’t have happened had you just obeyed the rules.

[@MyPetIsaNazgul]

​@@thandosocikwaFifteen and sixteen year olds are KIDS. Kicking your children out for "violating parents' values" is not very loving or usually teaching most kids much of anything. Kids that age don't have fully developed brains and impulse control and anticipating consequences is developmentally deficient until maturity. It's the parents' job to teach, guide, and support their children. Teen pregnancy is most high in more religious states because you have a bunch of parents teaching abstinence only instead of educating and guiding their kids, as well as throwing them out for "violating parents' values."

[@thandosocikwa]

@@MyPetIsaNazgul you have the ability to rationalise your decisions at that age. I have two sisters. Me and my youngest sister followed the rules and and it was smooth sailing, no issues. My other sister ignored multiple warnings from my mom about how she did not tolerate smoking weed and underaged drinking and my mom subsequently kicked her out at 17 and rightfully so. She was given many opportunities to change, including allowing her to go therapy and counselling. Actions have consequences, even for children.

[@margaretmartine9430]

@@thandosocikwait should be illegal for parents to kick out their underage children, period.

[@allisonfisher9304]

My mom took me to get birth control at 15. She knew I wasn’t doing anything with boys, but it would help my acne, periods, and mood swings. It changed my life. I cannot fathom punishing your child for trying to take a little responsibility for her body and future. Thank God she has another set of more supportive parents. She trusted you with something so important and personal, and all you did was punish her. If you think Jesus is proud of you for abandoning your child, you’ve got the wrong idea.

[@melyssagarguilo4570]

Where do we start unpacking? 1. No clinic employee will divulge info about patients so unless this girl tells them, they won't know. 2. This reeks of purity culture and this young woman might not choose to get married. 3. If she's seeking the pill then it will help with her periods, which are still rough at that time. 4. Both couples are divorced. How biblical is that? Any other observations?

[@patricebright4182]

People care more about controlling their children than they care about the child

[@erzabetf9544]

I’m pretty sure that sanctimonious windbag wants to control everyone.

[@gregzgurl2004]

Yes! Yes! Yes!

[@acd1168]

They are reacting from a place of fear. My mom did the same thing because she had me out of wedlock. She had me at 26 and she was shamed for it only because my dad never married her. So she tried to project that fear and shame onto me my whole life. I went to therapy and fixed it because it wasn’t my fear to begin with.

[@theshunnedBandersnatch]

My parents did the same to me - threatening that I better not get/be pregnant and accusing me of all sorts of stuff...but I was homeschooled, bookish and shy, so pregnant from WHO? 😂 They didn't want me to end up like my cousins, but it was a misplaced fear. And permanently damaged my relationship with them.

[@sasham2614]

It’s so true. They’ll shame u in hopes of you not repeating their mistakes or doing the same thing they did. Instead of sitting you down and teaching them about sex and how it bonds man and woman and can be very hard to break up afterwards. Etc etc

[@melanimorris5170]

Honestly, John- you tip toed w these parents to not alienate them, watering down the abuse and gravity of their actions, judgement, hypocrisy, and abandonment.

[@mmcgready]

Dr John… what compassionate, profound advice. I see the big picture. Brilliant. Our kids should know and respect our values but also know that our hearts are absolutely wide open 24/7.

[@msarieskat]

His whole argument is ridiculous. Saving her for some imaginary future husband. What if she doesn't want to be married or have children? Also her mother is a coward.

[@meganbaril7847]

And the reality is that he just heaped so much baggage on her that she will bring into her marriage. He had just made her future marriage so much harder and had zero insight into it. Ugh

[@audreywilliamson8331]

I hope the parents in the first call DO read these comments. Imagine growing up in such a sanctimonious home.

[@lauriehester357]

So she’s on birth control. I guess you’re choosing to never have a relationship with her. Ok. 😔 you can’t force values on someone btw. You’ll do that to your kid even though YOU had sex before marriage. And you interact with so many people who do but you’ll dump your own kid. Disgusting. Ending a relationship over Christianity is gross.

[@AlorsonDanseX]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@meganbaril7847]

It's an interesting question. Do they cut anybody out of their life who had sex before marriage? Anyone who's had an affair? Anyone who has violated their values in some way? For some reason this topic of sex is such a big one for Christians more than so many other of types of sin that they often don't seem to care much about