I’ve Always Regretted My Marriage (Should I Leave?)

I’ve Always Regretted My Marriage (Should I Leave?)
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or email www.johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
Learn how to change your thoughts, change your behaviors, and change your life. Subscribe to the Dr. John Delony’s show!
kzbin.info?...
As heard on this episode:
- BetterHelp - bit.ly/3seoBCe
- DreamCloud - dreamcloudsleep.com/delony
- Churchill Mortgage - www.churchillmortgage.com/Delony
- Thorne (25%Off Orders) - www.thorne.com/u/delony
Get John’s new book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future here: bit.ly/3Lmf076
Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: bit.ly/3cEP4n6
Get John’s Questions for Humans Conversation Cards:
bit.ly/3wkym67
Twitter (@johndelony)
Instagram (@johndelony)
Facebook ( JohnDelony/).
“This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/Delony and get on your way to being your best self.”
The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show.
If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.
Watch and subscribe to all The Ramsey Network shows here: kzbin.info...
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
www.ramseysolutions.com/compa...

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Omg being single is much better than being married to a man who imagines he can do better.

[@somethingclever2]

Absolutely

[@jojokeane]

I know. I had to leave a long time bf when he had cancer because he wanted to bang a much younger coworker. That never happened and he ended up with a fat, bald woman trying to get cut into his will. They were together less than a year and he croaked. She got nothing and I got something. She was not happy.

[@57andstillkicking]

I almost married a man like this. Thank God I didn’t!

[@jkw6196]

time to face the reality. Women initiate up to 90% of all divorces. It is clear women are the problem.

[@MzShonuff123]

I always think I can’t love being single any more than I do and then i listen to this show and I love it even more every time

[@1babbles1]

He is NOT a people pleaser. He is a COWARD. I was this wife, married for 27 years and raised two children with a man like this. He never had my back, nor our children’s but I was unable to see it because I loved him. After he cheated on me a second time (I made excuses for him the first time), I finally realized what a piece of sh*t he was and filed for divorce. I am happy to report I am now remarried to a man who is crazy about me and supports me and my dreams. In retrospect, I cannot believe how blind I was, but I can’t change it. All I can do is move forward.

[@taylamayde]

Yea he can't even make a decision in regular life issues that's why everyone else is making them for him

[@user-ob1oi7kn2w]

What a loser he is

[@FStyleWWE]

Well let's try to simpathyze on this man also shall we? What makes you think a man is fine with staying with a person he doesn't want, kids he doesn't want, living a life he doesn't want? If this was a woman you all would say her husband is manipulative, that she was forced into that marriage, and why is not the case with this man? I'll tell you my perspective on this. Insicure men are not accepted by society. An insicure man has to hide his insicurities. So when an insicure man find a confident woman, she's going to decide everything for him. Time goes by and this happens... Yes it's his fault but only partially. Because his wife never really asked him what he wanted, she just assumed that her husband was perfect in the way she shaped him and is too afraid of asking "are you happy? Would you change something?"

[@robynalvin2849]

I was married also to a man who never had my back. Incapable of any kind of deep love, other than something very shallow. That aside, if you don’t mind me asking, you said you were remarried… How in the world did you find a decent man? I know they’re out there. I just don’t know where to look.

[@AZMR240SX]

People-pleasers are cowards, by nature. I know this - I’m learning to get past cowardly people-pleasing habits, stick up for myself and be okay with causing my wife and others some discomfort. People-pleasers think they’re doing the right thing, but their unhappiness at perceived self-sacrifice shows up in other unhealthy ways.

[@wickedashley]

“I hated my wife from the day I met her but she’s the problem in our marriage. Feed my ego.”

[@Completedstorie]

Exactly and our man is calling him out everywitch way.

[@kellibuzzard9431]

UGH. This guy!

[@Maryam_bashir]

😂😂

[@mrsTraveller64]

he didn't say that! He said he is married to a woman he can't love and can't find attractive but she wants to stay married(probably because of their culture) and he wants out but feels he should stay because she still wants him.

[@wanttruth3876]

She's taken care of his home, cooked his meals, slept with him, and he feeds her this. He is a user, and will never find happiness.

[@PJ-px1le]

I agree. I don’t think this guy truly knows what happiness is and will keep chasing it his entire life

[@indoorphine]

he kinda deserves what he has.

[@supersenpainovablaze7078]

He has taken care of her, provided for her, protected her, she isnt a victum she is a whore. She must want to be sad. She deserves to be sad. This rhetoric on both sides is annoying but i get it

[@Maintain_Decorum]

@@indoorphine but she doesn’t deserve him.

[@supernotnatural]

You have no idea, please stop talking about cultures and countries you have no clue about. Not every man is strong to go against all culture and their family. She & him are pressured to do this. I know because I live in same place too. Imagine thinking all world is your like religion-less country... 0 IQ

[@HaleyStark.]

Imagine marrying someone and stealing 15 years from them, and then feeling all woe is me.

[@gracefullyme7350]

Not only 15 years. Her stomach sagging with stretch marks

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

It’s PATHETIC. He is pathetic.

[@soni05131]

@@gracefullyme7350 wonder what he looks like?

[@aliparker3]

​@@gracefullyme7350 that's an easy fix

[@whitefoxmedicine]

This is the most cruel man I’ve heard on this show

[@trexxy9628]

I despise weak people. If you’re ‘man’ enough to cheat, be man enough to leave with some dignity. This is cruel.

[@SomeBody-ce3gq]

Cheating is rather cowardly by definition, isn't it? I don't think it's "manly" lol but I get what you want to say anyway :)

[@citrine_parfait]

Cheaters are 99.9% of the time cowards. Its the weaker thing to do.

[@labigator]

Works both ways.

[@nancydrew1102]

OP am with you . I’m Asian it comes with our ancestral roots, can’t do weak men either .

[@Dhuxul9]

just listen to him! this fool can't even speak clearly he is useless

[@gerafinali4384]

I was that wife, when he dumped me, that was the beginning of my life, even though I was 50.

[@norviaedwards3354]

How is your life now? Did you find love after he left? I hope you are happy ❤

[@gerafinali4384]

@@norviaedwards3354 My life is good now. I have stayed single since, I don't want to be with anybody. I have good friends, and I enjoy everyday. Thank you!

[@sezstamorae9004]

Your strong ❤️

[@gerafinali4384]

@@sezstamorae9004 thank you

[@marilynmccormick1658]

If he dumped you at age 50 then you had no choice but to proudly wear your big girl panties, step out & move forward with dignity and have a good life without him. I would never want to be with someone who didn't want me & I would NOT beg someone to stay. We sometimes have to accept a different life than the one we imagined. Losing two sons taught me that.

[@teresacherin6624]

He does NOT love his wife. He was never in love with his wife. He will never love his wife. Set her free!

[@biancacaputo7174]

He won't leave because he is scared she will live snd move on without him

[@thewrongshoes]

It would be interesting 🤨 to know if she feels the same way about him. I bet he'd be offended if she does lol 😂

[@henrie.c]

He said that the didn't

[@lady8044]

She wants to work out it.

[@redesignedlife777]

He wont leave cuz Dr John said he loves her even though he 100% doesn’t. And thats why people get stuck in therapy. They get bad advice or no advice at all.

[@goofygirl1311]

Something tells me that one day this guy is going to find out that having a loyal, trustworthy, loving wife was not such a bad deal after all.

[@amarie8769]

By then it will be too late.

[@bigkieppo]

I don’t believe that he doubts that, she is just not the one for him. Never was.

[@nt3833]

Goofy girl, but if it’s not real love then your heart isn’t in it. He hasn’t ever felt passion for this woman.

[@deb9806]

I have a feeling unless he's a millionaire, this affair might not like him as much without any money and having to take the kids on weekend etc.(Unless he's just a toy)

[@CrystalM1917]

He'll keep searching for the "one" but I doubt he will find it at this point.

[@Price8903]

You’ll be surprised a lot of men do this, then complain that 80% of women initiate divorce. Meanwhile they’re in the house being insufferable and a dark cloud of misery to their household.

[@Newlaw289]

Yup

[@hazeltulip]

I know a man who moved in with another woman, took half the money and refused to speak to his wife…then acted like the divorce was her fault when she filed the paperwork.

[@Newlaw289]

@@hazeltulip I know a guy that's a sex addict, left his wife and took all the money, then told their whole church she was crazy

[@daliaa5294]

Yep exactly

[@alexialira3839]

Lol Both do it and it's very common. My aunt did it bc she was getting old and wanted kids so she married who was there. One coworker told me she married to get out of her parents house. Another married bc the one she really wanted didn't want her and bc her current husband was nice...ugly but nice. Another is having an affair bc she's not attracted to her work from home husband. Another married a guy because the men she really liked did not want to get with a single mother of 4. A friend got married to a guy she found ugly bc she thought him being ugly lessened the chances of him cheating. Both ended up cheating. Lastly, I'm not married nor have I ever been but I've dated men I wasn't into...not doing that again 😬 I can go on with these stories of women marrying men they weren't into/attracted to. I worked in public schools around the city so I was surrounded by lots of women daily .That's how I got these stories. Like I said, it's pretty common which might explain high rates of marital dissatisfaction, fights and divorces

[@gabehoyer5410]

“I’m a people pleaser” *proceeds to burn his marriage to the ground, ruining his wife’s life and children’s lives.

[@rozzyosbourne1057]

Exactly. Lies!!

[@dahliacheung6020]

Yeah he's not a people pleaser. He's a weenie who is so conflict avoidant he won't divorce a woman he isn't even attracted to. His conflict avoidance is so severe that he's allowing the conflict to get worse and worse by ducking it. Think of how much easier it would have been for him if he'd dealt with this and not married her!!!

[@mattorama]

Didn't want to get married, and had three kids with the woman he didn't want to marry, and NOW he's having second thoughts? Decade and a half too late for that.

[@ConsiderTheCrows]

Maybe he did do what the community expected of him but never wanted it.

[@s.mariehardesty6398]

​@@ConsiderTheCrows that's still his fault

[@dancechica]

Definitely, but it's never too late to make a change. Better than staying in a miserable marriage

[@annewalden3795]

​@@dancechicaHe may well be the man who is never happy .

[@thewrongshoes]

Nah I hope this bastard leaves. Don't torture that poor woman too much longer . No woman deserves a jerk like this wasting her time

[@ihatoon014]

The fact that annoys me the most is that he robbed her of 14 years of her life living with a coward, selfish man who wasn’t able to say no from the beginning.

[@abark]

She said yes too.

[@ihatoon014]

@@abark she obviously thought he was worth her yes 😅 He is the one saying he felt he didn’t want her from the beginning !

[@LysippeLee]

​@abark no one gets married thinking they are going to have to beg for their spouse's love.

[@heathergaitan8473]

This was my ex. After 15 years and engaged for 3, he tells me he’s been out of love with me for the last year, that he felt pressured and never wanted to get married. I kicked him out. Haven’t looked back. Can’t forgive how he humiliated me for a year, letting me brag about him and prepare for our wedding and honeymoon. I wasn’t perfect but did not deserve that at all. No one does.

[@user-id7mx6fh3n]

Well she’s the one still choosing him though, knowing how he feels, so it’s on her as well, not just him.

[@jackieyoung3359]

What’s crazy to me is this guy married her supposedly because of his religious upbringing. Yet he has no qualities of a religious person; he’s lied, cheated and acted cruel to the person he’s meant to love and cherish.

[@katjorbar]

Good point!

[@olivias2836]

Based on what I gathered I believe the caller is Mormon…. The basis of the Mormon religion is all about getting married young and having a bunch of children. There’s a lot of indoctrination and cult like ideologies and pressure (my opinion as someone who has close experience with the church and it’s members) zero excuse for this man’s actions but sadly this happens all too frequently in the religion….

[@jackieyoung3359]

@@olivias2836 I also got the feeling he was Mormon based on how he pronounced the word “feel.” Any Mormon I’ve ever heard has never been able to properly say this word, they always pronounce it as “fill.” 😆 No joke! And yes, I don’t disagree with you on your generalization of that religion. At least from the outside, looking in, it does seem to place a very heavy emphasis on pleasing the men and women being used as broodmares. I know there’s huge variations within this religion, like any other religion, but perhaps he was raised in one of the more extreme fundamentalist sects. It would’ve been interesting to know more about why he felt such pressure to keep up appearances, all the while using this poor woman he calls his wife.

[@alyssawoodman]

​@@olivias2836Professionals who study groups use the BITE model to determine if something is a cult. Do they control BEHAVIOR INFORMATION THOUGHTS EMOTIONS It's a cult.

[@DaintyAbby]

THIS.

[@pejisan]

his dilemma is how can I make myself happy with no regard for anyone else.

[@denolime5545]

Smart man he is

[@CyeOutsider]

His delemma is "Why won't she dump me so I can blame her for why our marriage failed and look like the victim?"

[@chrisberry4945]

THIS!!!

[@danitapearson4075]

Narrassist defined

[@Completedstorie]

​@@denolime5545 if that's what you call people narcissism then sure 😂😂

[@HalloMoose]

I think this guy is so caught off guard being called out. He was speechless so many times.

[@melaniebelk75]

Ladies, don't marry a guy you have to chase. Make sure he adores you.

[@danieldoca7158]

That's bad advice, you clearly don't understand yourself

[@iammaximus614]

… Happy Spouse, Happy House

[@Cocoisagordonsetter]

You got that right!!!

[@danieldoca7158]

@@YouShineHoneyBear it is not. Women are better in the adorer position. Simple reason is that you think you have got the price and your feelings will be what they should be. If your man adores you then your feelings won't be there and you get confused, you need a brake etc. Think about situations when a man chased you... We're you attracted to him? Were your feelings there?

[@danieldoca7158]

@@YouShineHoneyBear I understand how you feel. You have to put this under normal circumstances that you are genuinely more happy when you are more invested then the man. But you also need to have a good man to do that. In my marriage I was in your shoes and tried to save it and I can tell you that the more I tried the more my ex wife got turned off

[@yr2180]

Poor women. She is clinging to him because being a single mom of 3 kids is not a joke. He is messed up. He is a little boy in a mans body

[@vikingrolloishot1789]

Exactly why did he give this woman 3 kids when he knew he didn't want her omg. Now when he leaves her shes going to struggle. I hope she takes him fir everything hes got and child support.

[@wandah9468]

So many boys. So few men. Just not worth it.

[@krissy3186]

He gave her three kids because a man will still screw a woman he doesn’t want.

[@southerngypsy1894]

Or maybe she's clinging to him because she ...I don't know....LOVES him. 🙄

[@Keyy7787]

​@southerngypsy1894 I would think it's a combination of she probably does love him, wants to make it work for the kids, religious background and potentially doesn't think she could find someone she thinks is more attractive although this dudes personality is horrible.

[@xsuzannex]

Its frightening how many people are married to the wrong person

[@KFontLab]

It’s an absolute choice. People would rather not be alone, people feel societal pressures, family pressures etc. This is why people should not be forced or even encouraged to hurry and marry. Marriage is not for everyone and many times it’s just not time. He definitely should have walked away at the beginning, but when you are around everything and standing there at the altar I’m sure it’s difficult. I’m listening to this but he is saying I wasn’t feeling her from the beginning.

[@a.h.6461]

Not anymore

[@mrs.g.35]

Bullcrap. There is no "right" person. You choose to be great to eachother and be partners. This guy is just an ass.

[@rachel4339]

@@mrs.g.35exactly. No such thing as “the one”

[@doratheexplorer1175]

This is a typical cheating person. They have to justify their disgraceful behavior by saying "I haven't been happy for years." So typical. He is the cheater, he is the liar, but he wants to be the victim also. Is it fair or right for a person who has children to say "I changed my mind?" I don't think it is. It's not all about you anymore. Grow a pair and be the father and husband you promised you would be when you knelt across the alter and made those promises.

[@KarensPlaylist632]

THIS 👆

[@kathleennelson6692]

Absolutely, buckle up.

[@gypsygirl9]

Not sure why this came to mind but..kinda like being a grown man senior citizen and suddenly announcing to your brood of kids from multiple women that you are traning to become female..

[@CyeOutsider]

​@@gypsygirl9Why are you losers so obsessed with trans people? Grow up.

[@Bellgirl234]

Once he leaves and she moves on he will be devastated

[@prettyfeet22]

This is the danger of being passive aggressive. He is hoping she will leave him, so he doesn’t have to feel like the bad guy.

[@soni05131]

someone I used to know.

[@Vbe796]

Yep, hit the nail on the head. He just doesn’t sound like he wants to man up and call it off but would rather her do it instead. Pull the plug dude

[@ineedhoez]

Amen.

[@thistleskeptic]

And he knows it’ll take a lot to get her to do that bc they have kids. So he’s probably a gigantic ahole to her

[@veracityhunter7777]

Exactly why I loathe passive aggressive people when I don't trust them. The second I realize Amanda's passive-aggressive, actually cut the relationship with them.

[@wavesonswim8738]

He’s not a people pleasing person he’s a conflict avoiding non-confrontational person

[@amandarama8597]

Yes! Surely wasn’t thinking about pleasing his wife when he was cheating

[@alannacbarlow7476]

👏🏾

[@violetgypsie]

He’s a passive aggressive, self centered fool. His wife and kids deserved his undivided, committed attention, which I’m pretty sure they never got. He’s only thinking about himself. He’s hanging on to this relationship while his visions of grandeur, that the perfect woman will come along and sweep him off of his feet, and then he’d dump his family in a split second. That’s not going to happen of course. Marriage is work, not fantasy land. Children are a blessing and a commitment, not appliances. His wife is a human being who deserves love and respect and honesty. He’s completely delusional.

[@MichaelDamianPHD]

If there wasn't the right compatibility and his feelings weren't in it from the start then the marriage won't work. It's not 100% work it's mainly based on compatibility insufficient affection and admiration for someone. ​@@violetgypsie

[@heidiw3615]

He might be an avoidant. Never ever date an avoidant.

[@jojo2007ish]

I honestly think this is 50% of marriages. Cheating, abuse, lying... it all boils down to resentment.

[@charliek359]

I agree completely :(

[@bridgetmusoki2092]

Correct

[@buyop9441]

I agree. Even if there’s not the cheating, there has at least probably been the desire to cheat or have an emotional affair. It happens with a number of relationships, particularly where there are religious, community or societal expectations. Very sad.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Weak men...

[@jojo2007ish]

@@sarahalderman3126 Mostly yea.

[@tikijofarmer2380]

I had 26+ years stolen from me. No children, he didn't want to have children with me. Could barely stand to be seen in public with me. Only admitted to the cheating AFTER the divorce. It was hell. But, my husband now adores me. It's truly wonderful!

[@blancao5988]

And you never knew?? If you did, why didn’t you leave??!!!

[@adorimonroe1]

Stuff like this gives me hope. I don’t think I’ll get serious or remarried until my kids are adults but I wish my husband loved me the way I love him. Signing papers soon.

[@donnaflynn8064]

He didn't have to ask her out the first time, he didn't have to continue to date her. He didn't have to propose, he didn't have to go through with the marriage. He didn't have to wait 14 years. He has done a disservice to his wife.

[@kelseymcmunn5348]

And he didn’t have to create his children! No one forced him to do that.

[@mp5249]

He's probably a douche.

[@JesusChistLovesYou]

He is the perpetrator narc, “vulnerable narcissist” who spent his life looking down on his own wife, thinking he’s too good for her because of how she looks, lusting, cheating, emotionally abusing, using her, living a lie, then wants people to feel sorry for him.

[@tracyw4877]

Sadly he knew before he was married to not get married but was too spineless to do what he should have. Such a waste.

[@Shelly_R]

I once saw an episode of Law & Order: SVU where Detective Olivia Benson was investigating a case and they had to figure out a suspect's dating pattern. She commented that "men are lazy" and they choose women who are literally under their noses. Make it easy on themselves, they think. Detective Benson found the answers for the case by going to the bar across the street from the suspect's home. Mystery solved. That is what this guy did - just found a woman at his office. Zero effort, and suddenly he cannot stop thinking about her. Mystery solved.

[@queenbee3647]

His wife gave him 13 years and three kids and she was never loved. She deserves honesty AT THE VERY LEAST! I hope she finds it.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

And he gave HER 13 yrs and 3 kids.

[@kellharris2491]

@@GUITARTIME2024 And no honesty.

[@Chet_24]

If it makes you feel any better, he's going to get fisted in the a$$ in divorce court.

[@michaelatheharpist]

​@@GUITARTIME2024nah... He took those years from her and himself. They both could have been living lives where they were loved and valued, but instead she gets a husband who just resents her for his own decisions

[@shachede6828]

@@michaelatheharpist 👏👏👏

[@redfish2229]

He's still looking for someone to tell him what to do. 😊

[@katiefrankie6]

So he can blame them for his misery and not take responsibility for himself!

[@biancacaputo7174]

​@@katiefrankie6took the words right out of my mouth

[@alexblainelayter7703]

He's no people pleaser, he's an avoidant man being avoidant and married to an anxiously attached woman. He'll never be 100% in any relationship because he fears attachment and the possible abandonment. He'll regret it once it's done because once she's no longer a threat he'll be able to appreciate her for all she is and she'll be the phantom ex. Avoidance is a regrettable result of a crappy childhood and it's not his fault. Cheating isn't, that's his moral failings and she deserves a lot better.

[@peekaboots01]

"I've always been attracted to other women more than her." My God he should have NEVER married her!!

[@oromtitiwbo5078]

I would love to see what he looks like. I can guarantee he is not a prize, yet men like him think they can do better. I hope she cuts him loose. When he's old & alone he would yearn to have his wife again.

[@aquablue3625]

Marriage is not always about looks sometimes U find stable , well rounded person with all good features and u understand u can't have everything in life..u choose stability..and then 10 yrs down the road u notice it was not a good decision perhaps..maybe should have waited etc...

[@evabrechtel4321]

I don't think he is being truthful. I think he is attracted to men and his wife is his cover.

[@janetpattison8474]

His poor wife. I hope she hears this interview.

[@MiamiChica]

@@oromtitiwbo5078usually people who talk like this are guaranteed losers

[@genc5436]

This guy is not an active participant in his own life and lets others make choices so he can claim he has no responsibility. It’s infuriating to be with someone like that.

[@isaidadollar4668]

Traits of a vulnerable narcissist

[@cathleencaratan3373]

@@isaidadollar4668100%

[@noprogressionisregression6854]

I can't imagine the passive aggression in him.

[@emrk6517]

Sounds like he isn't straight, that's causing his issues, so the advice is missing the mark.

[@es8117]

This man is like my mother. An absolute horror of an woman.

[@user-di5jx1ms3c]

Why would she want this guy? He sounds ridiculous. Hope she hears this and finds the value in herself enough to kick him out.

[@lorrainemarquez1569]

The grass is not always greener on the other side. My husband passed away. Being alone, dating is the absolute worst thing. We search for excitement. It runs its course and you'll be worse off. I'll never remarry.

[@xrv404]

Sorry to hear about your husband. I agree with you. Are you doing okay?

[@brocksampson2590]

Im sorry to hear that. I dated a widow once and it was awful. Full of comparsions to someone i couldnt be. He married another widow he met in group therapy while we were still together. Lifes fucking rough. Im deeply sorry for your loss, and i hope you find a version of happiness again.

[@brocksampson2590]

But also it jaded me. He was dating again within months of his wife passing(not me, we were aquaintences then). And they were genujnly deeply made for eaxhother. It bkew my mind when i learned that. He didnt wait at all. Please dont be alone for your life unless thats genuinly what you want.

[@dawna4185]

The saddest part is the wife doesn't value herself enough to dump this guy!

[@fayejordan175]

Maybe she values her kids.

[@apebass2215]

Maybe she values her children and her marriage vows.

[@biellaspointofview2054]

Maybe she’s a stay at home parent and always depended on him financially. It’s scary to all the sudden leave that life.

[@thevia1976]

@dawna4185 No!...No!... Her value is not on how he feels about her but rather on things that matters most to her. Him and those kids are her #1 priority. She has made a vow "until death" and she holds family life in the highest regards. His feelings wouldn't allow her to make a rushed decision and her family another statistic. If he really wanted to leave, he could have with the affair. But an affair is like the honeymoon stages in marriage. Everything seems perfect until reality steps in.

[@jocelynneville8504]

The man here is clearly the problem

[@honeyrococo]

Everyone picked out his life for him and now he's called a guy on a radio talk show to tell him what to do again. He likes to be told what to do. He's probably hoping the wife will make the choice for him.

[@raqhelreklaw1295]

💯 he's hoping she leaves him

[@1babbles1]

Good point.

[@hellejrgensen9319]

The radio guy didn't even notice that, which is why he doesn't want him to read the comments. He should read yours😊

[@salhal271]

Never ever talk someone into marrying someone else. It's ok to try to talk them out of it, if they'll be receptive. But never talk them into it. You aren't them and have no way of knowing what their gut tells them and what their feelings are.

[@MaggieMay1013]

💯

[@PleaseElaborate]

"for god's sake, make a choice and stop dragging your family through it." I tried for years to work things out with my ex-wife but she just sat on the fence and was wishy-washy about our marriage the whole time. She didn't cheat, but it didn't really matter. She'd clearly given up, but it fell on me to end it.

[@dottybows88]

There is no way he was honest in therapy when he wasn't even able to say it all on the show.

[@Skindred727]

Dumbest comment here. its easier to be honest with a wife and therapist in private than with the entire internet and anyone he knows that listens to the show.

[@heatherchandler1184]

@@Skindred727 💯 🎯

[@aly6986]

This is literally such a nightmare. Imagine being his wife… imagine hearing that your husband cheated on you bc he’s not attracted to you and regrets marrying you. Absolutely no remorse or personal responsibility..

[@Predictable1]

And this is more common than what you would ever imagine. That's why my advice to women is... don't have more kids than what you're able to afford all by yourself, you never know if after 15 years this is what you will be getting in return.

[@DNAfinder2000]

What a coward... he felt this way (not attracted to her/did not love her) from the beginning and continued for 14 years of lying and wasting her time along with 3 children .. he has issues and it's not that she's not attractive enough - he is the one with the problem not her.

[@ApplePie..]

Maybe he cheated with a man.

[@renarich4942]

@@ApplePie..😂

[@jimheidl1272]

​@@ApplePie..I wondered if that was the problem

[@MsAmelia55]

I was married to that guy. I wasn't fat. He had one foot out of the boat the entire 12 years. I set him free. This is a common theme. Thanks for sharing. My counselor summarized it well: It wasn't a crime to make a mistake in getting in a wrong relationship, it was a crime to stay in it and keep trying by myself to make it work. I felt rejection for many years and it took a deep toll.

[@judymckee5992]

I was in that relationship too for 20 years and I finally let him go. Boy did it wake him up 1 year later, by then I was healed and delivered from somebody who think he is god gift to me!

[@JunglekatSur]

I very rarely comment on KZbin, but Wow... "I wasn't fat." You are not virtuous for not being fat. Full stop. It does NOT make you a good person... it does NOT make you a good partner. even if you were fat, you would not have deserved an unsupportive partner. I am glad you found some sort of fulfillment. I also hope you never have to struggle with weight issues.

[@nomihagan]

@@JunglekatSurI didn’t get that from her comment. I think she was saying, even though she wasn’t fat, her ex treated her the same way. In other words, it’s clearly not about her nor her size, but has everything to do with him. Hope that makes sense.

[@didirobert3657]

@@JunglekatSur I don't want to answer for Judy, but I automatically took it to mean that her former husband was telling her she was fat, when indeed she was not. Men know that telling their wives they're fat will hurt their self-esteem, and mess with their head, even if they are not overweight. But you are absolutely right. One's weight has nothing to do with one's character or virtue. The caller is an excuse making poc. I bet his wife is lovely. And, even if she were ugly, and morbidly obese, she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. I hope she finds someone who truly loves her. This guy is a jackass!

[@lorrainefoster1320]

@@nomihaganI agree

[@HappyGoluck-fy9ee]

Let your wife go. She deserves better than someone who is only half invested.

[@kayak_homie]

Reminds me of my ex leaving me right before our wedding, and then telling me she was ready to break up years prior (even before engagement). Thank the Lord she didn't marry me.

[@littleme3597]

It was a blessing......

[@Jesussaveme85]

He wasted 14 years of someone else’s life and had 3 kids with them, what an awful person.

[@wahinepaddler4]

So horrible 🤬

[@chuckgoodman3828]

Would you be saying the same thing if the caller was a woman instead of a man? I would bet not!

[@whyaminotoriginal]

​@@chuckgoodman3828yeah I definitely would. Your gender dosent stop your from being a crappy person.

[@samia6888]

@@chuckgoodman3828 hell yeah, being a bad person has no gender.

[@kerrymillar1267]

Just so weak and cowardly.

[@knightartorias1825]

People don't like to vocalize how terrible they are because they don't believe they're terrible. They create excuses for themselves to make themselves seem better to others. He isn't a "people pleaser" he's a coward who's afraid of confrontation and wants to have a wife who takes care of his kids and sleep around.

[@godislove544]

I'm glad he was told not to read the comments because I think people are distilling this whole thing down to something very simplistic like you just wrote, he came from a very cloistered strict religion which didn't allow him to know himself he was told who to be and what to do since the time he was little he even sought counsel before his marriage and was told to go through with it people who grew up this way in very strict religions or we could even say cults have never been able to develop themselves or know themselves because they've never been allowed to make choices for themselves so he missed out on many stages of developmental growth and is now attempting to understand himself and make choices for himself

[@godislove544]

He is a people pleaser because that's what he was told to do to conform time since the time he was a baby and he was never allowed to discover himself make decisions for himself that's what cultish religions do to people they make them people Pleasers because if you dare Rebel you're out and lose everyone and lose everything you've ever known

[@MSSHARIII]

Spot on!!!

[@KylaAdams14]

@@godislove544Sooo that gives him a right to marry a woman he already didn’t even like. Basically tricking her into tying her life to him. Have her give him three children while STILL resenting her. Then feels he has a RIGHT to cheat on her because of his own cowardice. He took 15 years from this poor woman. 15 years where she could have been with someone who actually loves her! At that point, he gave up the right to be called a victim. He’s now the perpetrator

[@godislove544]

@@KylaAdams14 There were two or three people interviewed, you and I are commenting on different people.

[@jmal529]

My husband just retired after 22 years in the military and is now working for the military as a civilian, so he's always worked around predominantly men. He's told me for many years how sickening he finds the way his coworkers talk about their wives. He's always said he feels so terrible for them, not knowing the horrible things their own husbands tell other people about them. Reminds me alot of this dope. Frankly, knowing my husband talked about me the way this guy talks about his wife would be the ultimate betrayal that there's no coming back from

[@boowill7509]

Hrmmm.. my husband retired after 20+ years in military and is a civilain also working for the military. I havent heard much about what you mentioned but i think its just marriage. Marriage is hard. Being a military spouse is hard. Im 37 weve been together almost 20 years. 1 kid. Ups and downs. I dunno. But thats sad. ... ❤❤❤ ✌️ 😊

[@edalbanese6310]

Man Dr. Delony was fuming!

[@brownin329]

What did your husband say when you asked what he said about you to them?

[@jmal529]

@@brownin329 I've honestly never felt compelled to ask. My husband has his faults, just like I do, but there's no doubt in my mind that trash talking me to random coworkers (or anyone for that matter) is just something he would never do.. I also don't mean to suggest that every guy does this, there's plenty of guys who love and respect their wives, but where the military is concerned, you definitely see alot of people who really should have never married in the first place

[@brendaamador8582]

I've been married 45 years this year but for the last 15-17 years I've felt like an inconvenient obligation for my husband. We have not even held hands in the last 15 years. This man doesn't realize, or is denying, his wife KNOWS he doesn't care about her. He treats her like an idiot but she knows!! It's very ego shattering for a woman to know she isn't loved.

[@AM-lc6hy]

Gosh. So sorry. Been married for over 20 years. I don't know how I'd be if my husband and I didn't hold hands, or if he wasn't lovey-dovey with me. Those things have always been part of our marriage.

[@lisafritz7376]

Still time to get out, you matter and deserve to be cuddled and loved

[@Michelek65]

This man makes me sick. He wasted her life for his selfish reasons. I would love to hear her side. He's probably no prize either. I hope she can move past the trauma of this and live her best life without him!

[@bwabwa8810]

He is no prize. He's pathetic. His poor wife deserved so much better. I hope he feels the crushing guilt of his infidelity all his life.

[@Sergiuss555]

I love how these dufuses here have not a single idea about his wife but think she deserved better. She probably got what she "deserved".

[@bwabwa8810]

@Sergiuss555 no one deserves to be cheated on. Your brain must not be fully formed yet.

[@thefirm4606]

@@Sergiuss555I love how these dufeses hear how he is a cheat and didn’t want to be married but still blame the wife for not making it work.

[@terrencelee9366]

@@thefirm4606women do it all the time . They’ll leave a perfectly good man and stable marriage for more exciting things and for self love . Women get to just throw away commitments and get praised and respected for it but men don’t they get judged and emasculated. Look at these comments and go to a video where a wife cheated and wanted to leave her husband the comments are like night and day .

[@daniellashah7995]

And they tell me I am a failure for never being married at 36. I was smart enough to not marry any of my exes . The right person will come and if not that’s ok too. Company is an option not a necessity and my happiness does not depend on outside factors but on myself .

[@maam-yj8ph]

I agree. I was always terrified of being in a relationship like this and dragging kids into it. At some point you have to live your own life and leave the other people behind.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

It’s a horrible place to be. To be told “ I faked the whole time” and to have your life turned upside down because people can’t be honest. My ex took away my ability to trust. I’ll never marry again

[@fi-train8961]

@@LisaLisaCJI’m so sorry! It’s hard but I’m intentionally avoiding marriage as I don’t want to have my trust broken.

[@molls0922]

Statistics show single women are the happiest group of people 🥰

[@kenya1067]

This brings me joy. Love is beautiful but so is peace of mind. I'm 29 and I'm not anti marriage or family. I'm pro happiness. If a partner is going to diminish my life I don't want that. I agree with you I'm so full of happiness naturally and unfortunately negative people seem to gravitate towards people who have their own happiness.

[@ShakirahIbaad]

The grass always looks greener from afar, but you must water the grass where you are. This man will never feel fulfilled until he gets to the roots of why he feels so dissatisfied.

[@audreybreed7948]

You might forgive a spouse who cheated, but you never forget and never trust that person again.

[@breevestal]

My dad was this guy when I was little. He left me and my 2 brothers for a woman he met at work bc he felt alive”. Fast forward 20 years and he apologized to us and said leaving my mom was the worst mistake he ever made in his life.

[@breevestal]

@@user-od5fh3gn4d I’ve thought of that and it’s not happening.

[@EmilyLucille523]

How did your Mom do? Did she ever find true love and happiness?

[@fractally]

So easy to say after it's too late to correct the mistake.

[@Amazonian11]

How was your relationship with him throughout your life after that happened?

[@savannahsmiles1797]

NO marrying her was the worst.

[@RaleighLink]

This is the exact guy who complains about how much he hates his wife, but then 10 years after the divorce is looking back on "all the good times together" and starts texting her again wanting to rekindle the relationship, saying "I messed up so bad, I shouldn't have thrown away a good woman like you"... His wife deserves better.

[@60Airflyte]

And he does it while he’s with another woman.

[@HALFAMAZINGTV]

Stop projecting. If man decides to leave a marriage after 10 years, he will be fine. Not everyone is obligated to be together for eternity.

[@bustadouglas8638]

Wrong he will only want her back if he has no other options. Then the cycle will repeat.

[@Mrs.T305]

You are so right

[@kokoskokso]

I hope his wife hears this and saves herself from wasting any more time.

[@willieverusethis]

Set her free! She deserves to be fully loved.

[@sezstamorae9004]

Bro literally NEVER loved his wife and doc says to double down 😭 like LEAVE YOU DONT LOVE HER NEVER WILL

[@madisonandthespirits]

As soon as I heard my ex having affair, I left and let him have his affair and got a divorce. Now I am with a wonderful man, whom I wish I met earlier! Don’t waste people’s time*

[@mwhe3111]

You go, girl. 🎉

[@kcc3985]

I was not married but with a man for seven years (and engaged for one year). I grew out of love and left him. Two years later i met the man of my dreams and got engaged after four months of dating. 13 years later we are still happily married. I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, and when one door closes, another opens. Everyone will survive.

[@slinkiegirl2001]

so true

[@amandamcmahan8340]

That part!! The wife needs to let him go

[@DeeLite220]

Yep. I changed the locks since it was MY house and I paid the bills. I blocked him on everything and filed for divorce. Had him served with divorce papers at her house and have never looked back. I’ve never once peeped his socials or anything. Told my friends they can do what they want but to never talk to me about him. When I’m betrayed like that they are dead to me. It’s been thirteen years

[@kaiser1295]

Never date or marry someone you don't find attractive. Be honest with them and wish them luck.

[@overcomerbtbojesus]

Amen please don’t marry out of pity or convenience or lack of options

[@roses6564]

@@overcomerbtbojesus Sometimes this is necessary. But that's what divorce is for.

[@natalieeubank4533]

@@roses6564no, that’s not what divorce is for, take divorce out of your brain like it doesn’t exist

[@roses6564]

@@natalieeubank4533 If you are brainless , it makes sense. Many are not.

[@swordchild0013]

@@roses6564 It is never necessary - if people do this - it is out of sheer selfishness

[@daneromancrane]

Taking the vow of marriage then spending 15 years complaining about not being attracted to the mother of your 3 children and cheating on her just shows a prime example of why the divorce rate is over 50% How ungrateful can one be?

[@Rett-qv7ti]

I hope they have enough money that she won’t be in financial ruin if they divorce.

[@jackiehammerton]

I remember being in a relationship like this and thank God my therapist said it point blank: “Your desire is to be wanted, but he is never going to want you. Get out.” I’m so glad I did. I’m now married to a man who for the last 8 years treats me like I’m the end-all-be-all love of his life. It feels amazing to be desired and wanted.

[@kurehanzo]

@jackiehammerton i'm so happy for you 🙂🍻

[@mwebb3014]

My story exactly!!! ❤️

[@AllThingsSoul]

Bravo to you! Why do people believe that only one person will want them?

[@prodigykitty3614]

Great....hope you feel the same for him

[@tiger05rtc]

Good for you. Always nice to see a happy couple. Make sure you are checking on him that he feels the same way. I made my wife’s life perfect so I could see her happy and so she could love me more. When I realized I was doing nothing to make myself happy, I told her how I felt. Needless to say, we are going to be separated soon.

[@pclare7477]

The funny thing about being a people pleaser is you never actually please people in the end.

[@imonthewinningside8281]

And the funny thing about THAT is, it's actually bondage and not funny at all!

[@geraldalves9107]

Amen to that! I'm learning that I too fall into the category of people pleasing and now that I have truly started to live with my own ideals and I'm seeing my relationship dynamics differently, my relationship with my family is starting to erode slowly because they are upset that I'm putting my wife and my kid first over them. I people pleased my family for so long. Now that I'm learning to stand up against them and that I'm no longer going to bend over backwards for them, they are starting to resent me for it.

[@KFontLab]

💯

[@chrissybutterfield6670]

I heard it once as, “people pleaser are liars.” You can’t lie to everyone to make them happy and then succeed in making them happy.

[@John.Christopher]

It's not about people pleasing so much as being a coward. It comes from pride. It is inward. Your pleasing them because of yourself and your insecurities, not for their sake.

[@conk449]

Selfishness! Pure selfishness!

[@beamoyo2096]

This is hurtful. Wasting someone's time and creating a family knowing you are not there. Sounds like he is not remorseful but rather feels sorry for himself. Highest level of ignorance 😢

[@normabrammer9100]

At about year 7 (and 2 kids) my husband and I were struggling, big time. I remember him telling me he wasn't willing to start over with someone else, new woman, same old baggage, issues, problems, just to repeat the cycle of trying to navigate marriage. He was committed. After some pastoral counseling, and lots of work we will celebrate 40 years this May. I married a smart, committed, wonderful and faulty man. I love him with all my heart.

[@leahflower9924]

Year 7? So the 7 year itch 🤷 lol

[@normabrammer9100]

@@leahflower9924 indeed. Its quite common I hear.

[@chriskapralos5631]

@@normabrammer9100 such a sweet story

[@mangao4334]

Happy for you Norma.

[@jordanferguson2254]

Sorry if I'm just interpreting it wrong, but this doesn't sound like genuine love. He just seems like he chose the more convenient thing. Like if he could do it again and it be easy he'd do it, but since he didn't think so, he just said oh alright, let's try a little harder here. Doesn't seem like he really did it because he wanted to stay with you but was just going through some inner issues that made it difficult to be present in the relationship for instance.

[@cecynay7369]

"I have told her all of the reasons and she wants to make it work." To that wife, I see you. I'm so sorry for your pain and I thank you for your dedication to your vows and your family.

[@spaceyjacey_]

Seriously though. She will try everything to make it work while he’s praying she finally leaves his stupid ass. Please grow a pair boys and tells us how you really feel.

[@dontworry1568]

you see her? where is she at?

[@baristaz8834]

​@@dontworry1568bro stop 💀💀

[@desireeperham7093]

Misguided dedication. She should leave him.

[@Aboi-gm9dz]

He never answered the question. He avoided it. I'm surprised Dr John didn't catch it and call him on it. "You told your wife you're not attracted to her " ...... "I told her all the reasons"

[@suedana49]

I was married for 32 years with someone like this. Had a total breakdown, became suicidal, so left. Been processing for 31 years, surviving, understanding what happened to myself. It does not get better without ownership and commitment. Anyone out there who is the victim of this kind of a mate, you make the decision, because they will not. Prayers and Blessings.

[@lauraking379]

What Most people don’t understand is that the grass is not always greener on the other side and in life you will meet these people that have baggage, all this is going to come in to play into your relationship, so it will end up the same way.

[@ross-smithfamily6317]

"Why would she want to be married to someone who has resented her for 15 years?" *Powerful.* This lady deserves *MUCH BETTER* than the mere scraps this selfish man has offered her!! ❤❤

[@KimHelm]

She may not know the Whole truth. I can't see him telling her I didn't want to marry you. I knew was mistake. He's too weak for that.

[@roses6564]

Geez. How the H is he a selfish man if he is simply not attracted to her? His family pushed him into marriage as a young and impressionable man. He made a mistake, then tried to do the right thing and "make it work" as people are traditionally advised. Marriage is a vile institution for trapping humans like this mostly for reproduction purposes.

[@KimHelm]

@roses6564 not about Simply not attracted to her lol. They've been married 15 years. He's grown man. If he can cheat, then He can leave her. He won't though. He's gonna make her dò it. He blames everyone else but himself. Noone made him marry her or stay with her. Expectations to marry her, maybe, but 15 years? He could've left. He should just take responsibility and leave, go be with mistress, but take care his kids. Everybody move on. I don't think it's abt not being attracted to her, he just wants to be free. He can.

[@princess-pumpkin]

​@@KimHelm Couldn't agree with you more. Feel sorry for the poor wife who's spent 13 years devoted to a man who has always thought he could do better than her.

[@roses6564]

@@KimHelm You have a point and I think he should, children or not. Divorced people are fully capable of cooperating and taking care of their children, but you’d be surprised how many still think a D is like murdering the child and their family. I do not agree but many do. I think he’s simply weak and overwhelmed by social mandates, or some solid self-interest keeps him in the relationship. It could be family opprobrium/judging, or fear of financial consequences, etc. It is unbelievable how much damage to the psyche this marriage institution has caused over time. People feeling pressured into it by a deadline, at any cost, then pressured to stay in it at any cost, resulting in lives of misery. Barely different than destroying lives through war. It’s just that this is in slow motion. If we removed marriage as we know it, and allowed couple to choose and stay only when their heart is there, without pressures to choose sooner or “make it work”, it would be a better world.

[@calibrial]

I'd love to hear the wife's perspective. My heart goes out to her. I hope she gets to experience someone cherishing her in the future.

[@dogmomofive7011]

@Omar Zazzle how so?

[@ellencox8415]

She knows if he leaves her, she has no chance of finding another man with children in tow. She's not wrong. They should have never reproduced. No good will come from this.

[@shachede6828]

He has wasted her years!!

[@deb9806]

John is taking too many calls in too little time. You can't diagnose someone in 20 min but he never asked about money or kids ages, even forgot at one point he had any. When he said 3, he barely paused. Three kids and he is saying leave her without knowing how he is leaving her. Are they in debt, check to check, would he help with kids appointments or would it be crashing at dad's bachelor pad on every other weekend. So sad.

[@salma_Nella22]

@@deb9806 Ryan said it was a feeling and attraction thing. He never said his marriage was difficult

[@horrorshivers1355]

This guy rocks! He can see right through people when they talk! 🙌🏻

[@admashburn2543]

The Doc’s insightfulness is super impressive. I thought I had a talent for seeing through people, but Doc is on another level.

[@kellylozano8899]

This is why you listen to that "gut" feeling. I don't care what money has been spent, who you offend...if you're having doubts before you marry....DONT DO IT.

[@frag_g]

Single most important decision of your whole life.

[@meesh1002]

That’s what happened to me. Luckily we were only dating and I broke it off. It’s a fear I never want to be in again

[@RachelSings21]

I WISH I had listened to that gut feeling. Would have saved me a nightmare and wasted years of my life.

[@suen5006]

This is why I don't like to see younger people get married. They think they are all grown up but they're not.

[@MoonriseJT-Official]

I broke up with my boyfriend because he was pressuring me to get married, and I found myself asking many questions: Am I ready to settle down? Is this what I want? Is he the right person for me? Can I tolerate his fixations? After considering these aspects, I decided to end the relationship because all my answers were a resounding NO!

[@ladyvirgo9514]

When my husband of 12 years blindsided me by leaving, He said he FAKED loving me the entire time. So brutal and vile. Ya, my husband cheated at work too. 😈 WEAK individuals

[@Upstream5402]

Similar to my experience. Seven years into our marriage and two children, he suddenly left. I was crying my eyes out and kept asking him why. He blurts out, "Because I don't love you! I don't think I ever did. There, I finally said it!" And with that, he was gone, like he'd just tossed out an old pair of shoes. Yeah, brutal is the perfect word. That was forty-five years ago and I still can't get that morning and his words out of my brain. Words he'd apparently been dying to tell me for years.

[@ladyvirgo9514]

@@Upstream5402 I'm sorry, they are just cowards.

[@Upstream5402]

@@ladyvirgo9514 Yes, it's cowardly! With much time and reflection, I learned a few things from this: I had a very poor self esteem going into the marriage and failed to see he already had been taking me for granted. Also, when the love isn't there, it doesn't matter if you did everything to be the best wife and mother you could be, including not letting your appearance slide. I felt extremely humiliated at the rejection and told no one the real reason we divorced. It eventually dawned on me that I had no reason to feel shame and I was still worthy of love and always had been. I also now believe in VERY long engagements!

[@Cazlouisa123]

I'm sorry that happened to you. But you know what he was the coward, he was the one who made decisions everyday to hurt you because he was a bad person. It's not a reflection on you. He was not a man. A real man protects and doesn't string someone along and hurt them all because he what..didn't want to say no when he had doubts. He's a loser who didn't deserve you.​@@Upstream5402

[@Aiden-cl7cz]

Do better! Stop blaming men

[@kimberlyfloyd1009]

Let me just say he STAYS because the women he cheats with don't want him. I feel so bad for the wife who knows how he feels and yet still stays with this man.... Heartbreaking!!!!!!!!!!!

[@janicevictor7414]

Attraction is not love. That is fleeting and temporal.

[@joywebster2678]

Novelty is powerful.

[@thorie79]

I don't think it's fleeting. I'm still attracted to the same women I was attracted to 30 years ago even though they've aged a lot. And I don't have much contact with them so I don't know if there are any changes in personality, but they still look physically attractive. There's something about the basic structure of their face, the way they smile, that just make me go wow no matter what age. Hard to explain.

[@kemji24]

Women please this is why you don't fight for a man who has demonstrated through words and deed that he does not want you. The fight is detrimental to your health. Respect yourself and LET HIM GO. Let him go quietly and amicably to live the life he desires.

[@TimesUp8888]

❤❤❤💯

[@maam-yj8ph]

Agreed. It would be interesting to hear the wife's account of how they met and got engaged. I just can't imagine feeling trapped like this and then going on to have three kids?

[@davisholman8149]

Mormon culture does this. Her only value is as a wife & mother - because she has such low self esteem, she will continue to desperately hang on to him because she has no choice.

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

Or see what else is out there and realize what you had or could've had and learning to appreciate it after it's too late.

[@katemiller7874]

Thank you

[@Monae6890]

This man will never be “happy” with any woman. Eventually his marriage will end and eventually the new women will become boring and he will look for that exciting feeling again.

[@dhritikapoor2897]

Bang on

[@hollystiener16]

I don't think so. I do not think the only reason he is not attracted to her is because of looks. I think it is everything, personality, hobbies.

[@oncetwice5942]

@@hollystiener16 You might be right.

[@chrissmarie455]

I’m wondering if maybe he maybe doesn’t like women in general and is scared to come out? He seems troubled

[@hollystiener16]

@@chrissmarie455 It is possible. But based on how happy is with the other woman, I don't think so. I think he needs to figure out why he goes against his intuition and doesn't trust himself. He basically has done what others have told him to do. If he can get help with that and develop a stronger sense of self, he will know what to do.

[@californiacoast7021]

Don’t waste time with a person who doesn’t see your value or find you attractive

[@sharonbland9061]

He has been a "yes" man, people pleaser all his life. I was the same, wouldn't say boo to a ghost. It finally took me to a mental breakdown. I had councilling and this made me wake up. I am now a strong person, who takes no crap, I will not allow myself to be disrespected. Life is now so much nicer and calmer, I feel free from the shackles that held me down for so long. This man needs to wake up and do the right thing.

[@BelovedbyAdonai]

IF you have doubts before marriage for ANY reason, don’t follow through with the ceremony!!!!!!

[@mollyprysunka7741]

Why did he even propose??? Why did he do that to her and then blame her for not being his cup of tea since the beginning ?

[@BrandyTexas214]

Idk everyone has some doubt, that’s normal.

[@michaelweyenberg6238]

@@mollyprysunka7741 It's what society expects you to do. They say paint or get off the ladder. Which is terrible advice.

[@ZZ-mh2nv]

He gave the reason. He said the CHRISTIAN CHURCH PRESSURED HIM. Yall pretending u cannot hear. Stop using religion to control other people s lives

[@ZZ-mh2nv]

​@@BrandyTexas214the man said he knew for certain he did not want to marry her and the feeling never changed for 15 years. That s not doubt that s certainity

[@NigerianBeautyQueen]

This is a man child. His wife deserves better 💯

[@catcoffee7958]

Too late he impregnated her 3 times

[@jet4415]

More like emotionally constipated.

[@kelleylmiller]

@@jabe55 And you judged her for judging. Great job! 👍

[@jabe55]

@@kelleylmiller And now you're judging me! Great job at perpetuating the cycle 👍

[@jabe55]

@@rds6129 OH. I don't know who you are and don't care what a stranger on KZbin thinks of me. Keep it moving.

[@gmamose9152]

My ex left me for the other woman bc he didn't like what he helped co-create, and i told him, "down the road youll regret this". He point blank told me ge didnt care. Now years later, his life is a shitshow, and she's horrid. What a disaster. I stayed single, and life is much less dramatic

[@melacord7279]

These things can often happen when you marry too young, pressed by your family/ comunity ( he mentioned that), even in royal families. I wouldn't be so harsh on that guy, married at 22. The children make the situation so hard, they deserve the best. It' s not easy to make a decision right away ! And either way, it won't be easy or a total succes. He needs to strenghten up, ok. He didn' t say anything about his wife, except that he was not very in love with her, we don't know anything about their life togheter. If he is struggling and going to therapy he is not a bad guy.

[@sarahvilmain3770]

After listening to this, I am even more grateful for my husband and his consistent pursuit and attention. I am very fortunate.

[@janetrobinson2699]

You mean there are actually men out there like that?? You are more than fortunate!!!

[@continuousself-improvement1879]

Cherish him and make him feel appreciated. It's mean out here on singles streets that I would prefer to stay single than date again.

[@ashleypiper2558]

@@janetrobinson2699absolutely there is. My husband is the same with me. He has always treated me like I’m the most important thing in his life. We have been married for 12 years and together for 14.

[@lorilee1931]

You mean you're young and in the honeymoon phase.

[@sarahvilmain3770]

@@lorilee1931 will celebrate 26 years of marriage in January - so…YES! 😃😆

[@MeowmyandMe]

This DB reminds me of a guy who approached me at the gym & told me he was married but no longer attracted to his wife. He wasn’t planning to divorce because they had kids, but he still wanted to fulfill his ah-hem “needs” on the side. He was a physically good-looking man but this gesture instantly killed any attraction I may’ve had to him. Cheating is an ugly look & it disgusts me how common it is.

[@viviennedunbar3374]

And he will still be having regular sex with his wife. She will be oblivious because he lies to both her and the side piece. Men always say their marriage is dead and then never leave, it’s BS.

[@beatrizordonez1161]

Yes

[@antispectral5018]

@@viviennedunbar3374 He will? Lots of marriages are sexless. Many men who aren't sexually attracted to their wives won't be having sex with them.

[@jeremym8490]

You should have told him that he was going to spend eternity in hell which he will.

[@Jerry-yb7po]

Then why do you go to a gym where alot of people go to cheat?

[@helloworld411]

I’m Christian …but never really tried to live the life until now. I married young…to an agnostic man. He ended up having at least one affair that was proven for the last four years of our almost 13 year marriage. I found posts on a site called Reddit where he said he doesn’t think he ever loved me. I wish he would’ve told me that years ago instead of me wasting my life. A couple of things I wonder might be the difference here are they have kids. We never had kids. Also, I’m a 38 year old physician (so I’m independent and don’t need a man). Some women don’t leave because it’s difficult to when you’re uncertain of how you and your children will survive. Not sure if she works or not but that I imagine would be very difficult. The last thing is some women actually are very honorable in that they take their vows very seriously. While I agree that should be the case the Bible also says do not be unequally yoked. It sounds like this guy isn’t even really a man of God. Therefore I believe marriages like this are just a marriage on paper but not in the eyes of God.

[@serena482]

I’m an independent man that doesn’t need a woman…. How does that sound to you? Would you date a man that says that …. No

[@MsKell35]

Can't believe after years on KZbin I've just come across this channel 😊 I've binged watched loads.. absolutely love the honesty and non judgement. Love from London 🇬🇧

[@shariceornah]

I'm not this man's wife and hearing this conversation hurt me like I was. My heart feels so bad for her. I can't imagine the pain she's going through.

[@erismana2105]

All I hear him say is "I'm a coward that cares more about myself and I blame everyone for being a coward "

[@instahamx684]

Amen. 100%

[@beatdown3361]

Not a coward. Its called being honest. SOmething women cant do

[@LuhRen]

​@@beatdown3361relax bruh 🤣😭

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

Exactly what I was thinking when I listened. He's a disappointment to my name

[@beatdown3361]

Nah.

[@Ryan-wj7yq]

Poor children. That’s all I have to say.

[@ashleysnow7470]

You’re a good man, sitting there completely triggered by this story and calmly asks questions and helps get to the bottom of this sick man’s situation.. Brave is the one who is not afraid to connect and communicate to understand.. beautifully done.. sad story and honesty I hope it’s an eye opener for others to accept what they want and not just string along someone who is just too weak to know their own worth, a partner should be building each other’s worth and value, as you grow together you both become more valuable to each other.. Be brave and communicate how you feel what you want and desires.. because it’s sad to hold someone away from being valuable to someone else.. And denying yourself of what you truly want..

[@manoflegacy]

Anyone reading this if you're hesitant about getting married, not talking about jitters, or you really think it's a mistake don't get married. Even if the wedding is this weekend, don't ever marry someone you don't love where you feel pressured into getting married.

[@nicolcacola]

He took her youth and now he's bailing.

[@GameChanger597]

@@nicolcacola She's only about 35 so she's still very young and has plenty more years of youth left to go but I totally get what you're saying

[@davisholman8149]

@@GameChanger597 When children are involved - it is much more complicated. I can tell you exactly where this guy is - he is LDS (Mormon) and they are encouraged to marry young & have children right away. Fornication is very much frowned upon. He probably lives in Mesa, Gilbert, or Queen Creek, Arizona. His poor wife KNOWS she isn’t loved - tell the jerk to leave, Sister Whoever you are!🌵✌🏽😵‍💫

[@leahflower9924]

We found the magic answer now problem solved thanks buddy 👍

[@katemiller7874]

Jitters are different than not wanting to get married. Most people get nervous

[@nikkijohnson7332]

She's only willing to make it work for the kids, believe me. She loves them enough to be half loved by her husband. Just imagine how different this marriage might look if he'd spent the last 14 years building up his bride instead of feeling sorry for himself. God bless this woman, and mend this marriage....

[@rubylanerox]

Amen!

[@franziskani]

No, I never believed the "I do it for the kids". She married very young, both come from a religious / very conservative background. She likely was a stay at home mum pretty soon and in these environments women cannot bet on having a good marriage, but usually they can expect to not be divorced. Cheated on maybe, but he will not easily ask for a divorce (what would family, church, friends say ...). So she now would need to create her own life - and in these circles being a divorced women is somewhat looked down upon - even if he left her.

[@celestielsigh]

​@@franziskaniEspecially if he left her. If she left it's one thing but women would really tear her down if he left.

[@saltycat662]

Nah women stay because they can't let go. Their feelings keep them holding on for too long. They have this thing where they hope and pray the man will change for the better but he never does. A lot of those women are dysfunctional with abandoment issues so they hold onto a terrible man for dear life. I've seen it plenty of times especially with Borderline types.

[@Jujubean9795]

@@saltycat662cute but no. Stay at home moms are completely and financially dependent on their husband. He he leaves, the little she receives in alimony and child support will not be enough to sustain a decent life. She and the kids will be thrusted into poverty. Of course the wife doesn’t want the marriage to end. Who what’s to be a poor, divorced mother of three?

[@klp3309]

If he’d have broken the engagement, she could’ve married someone who would have loved her.

[@chronic2023]

I have a childhood friend who was treated like a doormat by her husband who owned a company. He ran off with her friend and left her with 3 kids to raise. Best thing he ever did. She went to college and became an RN. Got a great job, bought her own house, and raised her 3 kids alone. Now she's retired. Good pension with a life partner who treats her well. Her husband? Who cares? 😅

[@AmayaRenee01]

“Don’t read the comments because ppl are gonna be mean to you” 🙄. Bring shame back to society. This man should be ashamed. Stringing along a woman for 13 years and having kids KNOWING you didn’t want to be married to her….smh. We need to pray for people like this.

[@hansonallie]

💯!!!

[@Rccrdawgs]

Their parents are to blame also for pushing them on each other to start making babies for their morman beliefs...These become semi arranged marriages.

[@kassandrarodriguez8057]

This 👆💯💯

[@dreamsandshadows582]

I was in the same position as this mans wife. I found out after 17 years that he never really loved me and was too weak to get out of our marriage. I was crushed. He left me for the love of his life and they are still together after 20 years. 17 years of my life for this man. I could have rebuilt so much sooner. Lesson: don't get married unless you can't live without that person. if you get engaged and feel like you have to marry this person. Don't. My ex apparently spent the entire night before our wedding in total angst, not wanting to go through with it. What a great thing to find out after 17 years.

[@Victoriathebookworm91]

ugh im so sorry

[@kendallrackley1308]

How was he during the engagement? Could you tell that things weren't right then?

[@dreamsandshadows582]

@@kendallrackley1308 I didn't see any red flags.

[@mammadingo9165]

After 18 years 😢 but the ex died now he wants to keep pretending with me 😢 I'm broken

[@trixie9777]

@dreamsandshadows, I’m really, really sorry that you went through that. It is beyond hurtful.

[@shakiragregory9339]

You give amazing advice. People need to hear the truth.

[@rthd]

Dr. John, keep preaching bro!

[@TheBusttheboss]

Getting married to my wife was the best decision of my life.

[@casuallym3]

:) I love this comment

[@julia190]

Thank you for the affirmation of your marriage.

[@florencia2771]

Thats great. How old are y'all?

[@Davos-st8ok]

Okay? No one cares about you though so why are you proudly exclaiming this unsolicited factoid on the internet?

[@carolynmurphy3697]

Nice ❤

[@aliciaohara8794]

Oh man, I've been married for 14 years. If my husband made this call, I would be devastated. 😭

[@faithdavid2202]

If my spouse made this call I'd be thankful,grateful,and not let another MINUTE of my time be wasted on this jerk with these immature excuses,why should I be devastated and you go onto live life with other women and I stay devastated for the remainder of my life.Why should I be insecure because you didn't know how to respect and love me. No way,Im certain she had red flags and we know she should have bounce,from the marriage after he cheated,that ate away at her self esteem.

[@jacjac2010]

Me too! 14 years in June. We are both very happy, thankfully!

[@Mrs.TJTaylor]

But you would already know it. It wouldn’t come as a surprise. And this guy’s wife knows it too.

[@CrystalM1917]

​@@jacjac2010Wow us too. June 6th!

[@jacjac2010]

@@CrystalM1917 June 13th! That's awesome!!

[@TheSoundofMonday]

Dr. D. does a masterful job here. So many great lessons to glean that you can apply to many parts of your own life.

[@reachtrita]

Great advice. Best episode I’ve watched. 👍🏻