Jordan Peterson: Don't get married unless . . .

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This video comes from professor Peterson's: "July 2017 Patreon Q & A" • Q & A 2017 07 July

[@hrbeta]

When I started dating my current wife, forty three years ago, my father told me: “son, the mix is 50% heart, 50% brains...” Thanks Dad, you were absolutely correct.

[@greggeverman5578]

...and this is 100% accurate!

[@eupiaeupia2647]

YOU have a great dad, smart father!

[@patrickrumbu2902]

Bless him

[@i.j.f.2200]

He loves his wife so much. I hope I can be this happy with someone someday.

[@rufusleers]

Isaac Fisher you never love someone fully. Love isn't set apart from hate. If you love someone, then you hate certain parts of them. Love is a fallacy. The love that society projects anyway. You won't live happily ever after ever. It's all about sacrifice. Sacrifice fucking sucks. Never get married.

[@harismasic407]

get the fuck outta here manchild

[@rufusleers]

Haris Masic me an child? Don't bet your life on it keyboard warrior.

[@sandiflower923]

@@rufusleers Sacrificing is a fundamental part of adulthood. Studies show that men (but not women), live longer, happier when they are married. Avoiding marriage out of a fear of commitment can be seen as an inability to grow up and Jordan talks about this in other videos. But you obviously have to pick a person that you are fundamentally compatible with and feel that you can trust.

[@rufusleers]

@@sandiflower923 marriage is very frustrating. It's like leading a blind person that you know is slowing you down, but can't dare bother to drop like the dead weight that they are. Yes, my spouse included. Most spouses these days aren't worth the flesh they're made of. I really mean that. It's not out of resentment that I say, because I have plenty of reasons to resent my wife. However, it's merely from an observation standpoint.

[@ayylmao9555]

Don't get married until you clean your room.

[@davidmcneill6239]

AyyLmao95 funny but probably true, though.

[@WinterFreSh00]

b u c k o

[@moonbunny1991]

ayyy lmao

[@Nas-ur6lb]

simply put, but your bang on... most of the arguments my wife and I have, is because of a messy house.

[@QDSGames]

Yep, it is a good start.

[@WarrenSal]

Do not ignore any warning signs in the start of the relationship, 99% chance they will show up when its too late and you have your life invested into that person, never think a person will change, or it will get better they wont

[@LDT7Y]

Exactly. If you absolutely MUST get married (bad idea, but some will) then date for several years and really get to know who they are after the honeymoon period wears off and they are no longer putting on their 'mask' (everyone does this to some extent when first dating). Once you really know that person, then you can more objectively decide if you want to spend the next however many decades with them.

[@feartheghus]

People can change, the main issue comes up when you don’t even ask for it, if someone does something that annoys you and you just sit there without communicating at all for a year and then get married you shouldn’t get resentful due to or confused by his or her actions when he or she has no clue it’s even bothering you.

[@kenrehill8775]

Women will actually tell you if they’re a psycho, you just got to be able to see and hear it.

[@irish9463]

Wait a bit! How can someone be so sure people dont change? Yes they do! We all do. We arent static and for this reason we have to believe in humans' capacity to change viewpoints and approaches to problems. We are the sum of our experiences and our experiences entail in themselves a dynamic. Therefore we are also in a certain dynamic. We arent the same we were 1 year,3, 5 years ago. No we arent because we are reshaped permanently by our experiences. Thinking that people never change is the first reason of destroying a relationship, regardless of its nature. Just because you do believe that, you are going to stop it. But mind that this is the easiest way. The hard way is to believe in the plasticity of people and their dynamics and work with that wisely, for the better. Its out of your confort zone, of course its easier to find someone who suits perfectly your needs but, wake up, in most of the cases this doesnt happen and the good relationship isnt always or necessarily an accident,a matter of "fate", a good relationship is built via small compromises (or big, depends on how flexible you are, ultimately it depends on how much or less are you ready to bend yourself to please the other and keep the harmony and consequently the relationship, but while some struggle with keeping their integrity as much as possible - which is fine - they also have to understand that compromises are necessary for the *common* good, there is no other way) here and there which is basically the face of our plasticity, changeable nature, dynamism. We give up to things to embrace another ones. Yes we do that. Even the more "rigid" of us. I am so annoyed to see this fatidic fact in the mouth of others where humans' never change. How can you be so sure?

[@eupiaeupia2647]

Agreed!

[@kieferonline]

I’m married and I’ll say that the most important thing I discovered about whether a relationship is going to work is whether the partner is punitive during or following a disagreement. Everyone has some disagreements from time to time. How quickly does he/she become angry? How quickly can the tension dissipate? How quickly does the mood return to normal once there’s a resolution? Is there baggage that builds from week to week? Baggage is signified by a grudge and it’s very toxic to any relationship. How frequently do arguments occur? In my opinion, the aspects of the partner (and one’s self) should be pretty well understood before getting married.

[@alexanderhawk2659]

kieferonline , if she wants to, she can destroy u with the help of a state at a drop of a hat using current year's family law. Never give this kind of power over u to anyone.

[@Justin.Cramer]

Avoid a punitive relationship. I could not agree more. Having a conciliatory partner after an argument, being a conciliatory partner, can allow the relationship to be drawn even closer. It can help minimize arguments in the future. Having been happily married for over 26 years my wife and I have only been in a handful of real arguments, nearly all of them about children or work life balance. All of these arguments have made us either better individuals, better parents, or a better couple. In other words they where good things to argue over and find compromise. But had we not both been conciliatory after each event I fell these arguments would have left a scar on our relationship. Instead the fabric of our relationship is relatively unblemished, strong, and ever improving. Wether you believe in marriage or not only arguing about the important things in a mature way and bringing a conciliatory attitude to the aftermath can go a long way to creating an amazing bond with ones partner

[@PositiveMommaLife]

I.e. don’t marry a high conflict, mood deregulated borderline personality disordered personality

[@stevet1396]

@@PositiveMommaLife so dont marry modern women....

[@jamilahrazzaq8780]

Agreed...almost got married to one of those...

[@ardentdfender4116]

He speaks allot of essential truths here. Some people cannot reasonably and honestly be negotiated with and the faster you realize that, it’ll save you a lot of agony and misery.

[@leapsplashafrog]

Ardent Dfender Mostly women can’t be reasoned with. The legal system encourages this through their blind support of mothers and discrimination to fathers who have to prove fatherhood whilst it’s assumed in mothers. Courts even assume mothers can mother but fathers have to prove it through going on courses !!

[@horusbaals6206]

leapsplashafrog Yes the family courts and law are outrageously sexist against men

[@davidmcneill6239]

Ardent Dfender totally. Unfortunately true though...

[@Let_The_Foolish_Take_The_Lead]

In my experience, women can be reasoned with only if you go about it a certain way, if you fail to follow the "steps", you should just walk away. The only people I've found that can't be reasoned with are liberals who reside within their worldview instead of holding that worldview, they have absolute conviction even when they know they're wrong and they have no argument or their argument has been dismantled.

[@valisaperson]

What about not negotiating with anyone?

[@valerieloney5346]

I married my husband when I was 18 he was 4 years older. I was a mature 18 year old. I knew in my heart he was the one he felt the same way. We didn’t live together. We now are married 41 years and 3 married children 6 grandchildren. We still get on so well together and it works very well. I was a stay at home Mum too through choice xx

[@PearsAreOkay]

Bless you

[@mrigue56]

God bless

[@sopitaaragon6539]

Honestly, that’s the dream.

[@founderofself]

How cute

[@harrymills2770]

It's a good life with a good partner!

[@parker.simmons4]

Imagine how kickass it would be if Jordan Peterson was your Grandpa...

[@kristinadj1018]

Grabber Coyote grandpa? How old are you?

[@parker.simmons4]

@@kristinadj1018 im 21 but i was just saying he fits the ideal grandpa. So much wisdom but also witty. Was just saying it would be cool not that our ages would be appropriate for such relationship

[@Dischordian]

I'd prefer someone who was focused on social justice instead of conservative dog eat dog values, but I think some of his relational advice is very good.

[@nishanthk5306]

@@Dischordian wtf, have u looked at liberals devouring themselves on social media?

[@mandyo9690]

Most people fall into marriage based on a feeling. There are often no shared values, hopes or communication skills.

[@Reconciliation777]

The majority of people's realities is young woman comes from abusive or dysfunctional home, and young man comes dysfunctional or abuse home, and both young people are trying to find their identies, have emotional and phycological struggles and then financial struggles while they are young adults and then they find each other, and look to each other for relief and they move in with each other or marry and no one was actually healed as it was initially an infatuation and seemed to heal but no one had the resources to deal with what they came from with their parents and childhood.

[@gregorypeterson9]

This the most important and misunderstood baggage that most couples bring into a relationship and is what also Torpedoes most relationships.

[@GameFuMaster]

@doge fm basically, live as a hermit.

[@avadea5296]

you nailed it! that's been my 8 year relationship in a nutshell.

[@MikhaelAhava]

Hmm…

[@JEAG]

@@GameFuMaster honestly, if you're doing good in life and you seem fit and happy, women are going to flock around you. It's hard just to stop having sex altogether.

[@juliafernandez-cuervo9106]

3:19 people who live together before marriage are more likely to end up divorced is apparently due to how a person's expectations of they have of their husband/wife differ from what they expect from the partner they are living with. so it leads to great disappointment when they realise that the person they married is still the same . also people who live together before marriage also found to be less satisfied in their marriage. I got this all from a book called '20 the defining decade', the author goes into great detail about this and basically suggests you don't move in with a partner unless your engaged if you want a happy marriage

[@bontempo1271]

Unfortunately, some author of a book doesn't have the answers of life we are looking for. You have to get a few things right between each other, such as judging how disagreements are handled, how your personalities combine, and then living together is a good test to see the true 'base' of a person. I think yes, being engaged is better if you're going to live together. That keeps the momentum alive. And perhaps a year or so is all thats needed to just see that otherside. Then after that point, whatever difficulties you may encounter, would happen in the marriage anyway.

[@gbeepee9995]

I’m currently engaged to a lobster

[@russiandrivers9986]

gavin bp Are you a lobster yourself? If not i think jp would say that it might not work out.

[@gbeepee9995]

So you're saying.....we should organize our relationships.....along the lines of the lobsters? Is that what you're saying?

[@stevomcsteve9492]

gavin bp I'll bet she squealls while taking a hot bath too....

[@luc.24]

Well, as long as it's top lobster.

[@Defender2516]

Make sure you stand up straight.

[@ty2010]

If you see leaving as an option it turns adversarial, if you see it as something you're in no matter what, it stays cooperative.

[@scottanderson691]

Honestly, the best part for me about his discussion was just hearing how much he loves and appreciates his family. Talk about a pick-me-up. God bless you Dr. Peterson.

[@ICARUSxRISING]

Two already complete people enriching one another's lives. Wouldn't trade it for the world. 💜

[@ICARUSxRISING]

Eschaton Zenith Nice try. I'm 28.

[@ICARUSxRISING]

Eschaton Zenith Great.

[@optimisticallyskeptical1842]

Marriage CAN be a great institution, if it works for you that is great. I wish you many more happy years. It seems most good-hearted women get married young and stay married so at my age I just get a dog and enjoy a few hobbies.

[@conniefahey6469]

My marriage is wonderful too. We are both very simple people though.

[@duaneandrewblack6269]

How'd you get completed ? That's BS

[@rsilva2k5]

By reading the comment section, it's quite clear why some men (and women too, for the matter) will never be happy in a marriage. I just hope that, in the future, you don't regret your choice of not building a family, because most likely there will be no fixing that when you realize you want one. If you have the slighest doubt about this, rethink your decision to "despise" having a partner for a long-term relationship. You don't want to make that mistake based on what you see happening around you: there's a bunch of relationships that don't work out and people get screwed over that, but there are also a bunch of relationships that do work forever. If you think you can never make it work out with someone else, the problem might be you to begin with. And for those who choose to build a family, I hope you get it right the first time, because a break-up (divorce, whatever) can turn your life upside down in a way that you can never fix again. Don't let love blind you to someone else's shortcomings, or else this might cost you dearly. I choose the latter, by the way.

[@painexotic3757]

Well, given the fact that alot of people regret their kids and getting married, it's a two way street. I'll pass. I know what I want and I know for a fact kids and marriage will not make me happy.

[@feartheghus]

PaiN ExoTiC who regrets having kids and how fucked up and hateful must they be?

[@keatonmoore7413]

Thank you so much for not putting music in the background

[@AnthonyColomboAppliedMath]

when he talks he brings so much clarity.

[@i_love_shiny_things]

What a beautiful video! Thank you so much xxx

[@aranzagleason6403]

Please!!! Do the program!!

[@RoxAqui]

So happy that he's happy,grateful and real!

[@lewiscausey200]

If Dr. Peterson or his aides sees these comments, I would love to hear an in depth analysis about how divorce affects children from adolescence into adulthood. I have read two really books on the subject and talked to a few counselors, but I would love to hear Dr. Peterson's take on it. I love his information, and I learn a lot.

[@jennakarpe2783]

This was the best video I’ve EVER seen. Jordan Peterson has a great family.

[@paulthomas4347]

Before u get married ask the other person what their definition of what a spouse is!

[@mary-janechambers3596]

Excellent advice!!

[@akkermansia1488]

Look at the light under the door in the beginning, his wife walks up and presses her ear against the door to hear what hubby has to say about marriage =)

[@bryanjames5234]

Elaquila. That's funny. I missed that. He has done QandA in that room before in other videos where his wife has walked in behind him with a cup of tea. Lots of wives support that way and most men appreciate it immensely. She could have been listening to pick if he was talking about something 'important' to 'interrupt' without interrupting. Also, she could just view his 'comments' later. Jordan posts everything.

[@wilschweitzer8036]

The wisdom I get from Dr. Peterson is motivating. Even more, its life changing! 12 Rules for Life, which I ordered from Audible last week has been, already, a wealth of knowledge and confidence to guide me into the future. Thank Dr. Peterson.

[@conniefahey6469]

Wil Schweitzer I’m enjoying the book too. It’s helping me sort some stuff. But I am mentally ill so I have lots to sort. I find him to be very honest and able to correct people in a kind and loving way. That’s a beautiful skill to have. He has helped a lot of people. Hope he is blessed because of his goodness.

[@wilschweitzer8036]

Crypto Teddy Bear little1 Ah, you see? The power begind Dr. Peterson's wiord's is not just WHAT ge says! It HOW he says it. Peterson communicates with his audience by engaging them at both ends of each proposition. He sees the opposing point of view, then he offers up his nugget with subtle but amazing powers of persuasion. Watch how he talks to students in his classroom. Look, Crytpo, it is rare gift when one is able to step back, make an assessment of themself. The honesty and vulnerability of our truest self to the outside world is scary. We bumans are shrouded in seld-delusion. (Im not near at as good at my job as Id like to believe.) Does mental illness mean you have more to sort out? Maybe its not a question of more stuff. Its finding someone whom you trust and whom can guide you along each step. If the most biggest obsticle life is trusting others, learn to trust. Move on to another step. The another. One thing at a time. Its slow and very painful. I struggle with depression quite a bit. My weapon, however, is the wisdom of people I aspire after. Men and women like Jordan Peterson. You've heard the sayung "Emmulate your heroes"? That's your starting point, Crypto. Dont try to be somebody else. Rather, ask yourself "What would so and so do?" Keep it up. You are on an amazing journey that never ends. But thats the beauty of it...😉

[@mandyo9690]

I am going to recommend this video to both of my young adult children. I have been married 25 years, but married for a feeling and did not check the preliminaries. It's been a bit of a journey.

[@06rtm]

I think the reason that couples who live together prior to marriage are more likely to get divorced is that they had shackled themselves to each other prematurely. They began living together, and thus made an extreme longterm commitment to each other, prior to actually being convinced that they were willing to be married to one another. Thus making it more difficult for them to break up prior to marriage if they thought perhaps they should. Living together complicates things, and makes you less willing to break up, therefore sustaining a dysfunctional relationship long past its natural expiration date.

[@RYSEAmato]

George can't the same be said for most marriages? You make it more difficult to leave a bad relationship that can change at any time

[@sitdown3983]

George - well said!!

[@valisaperson]

We all live with some type of emptiness. Just pick one.

[@martycech5844]

This is a Treasure Trove of Good, Positive information...

[@ICARUSxRISING]

7:15 - Yes, definitely! Thanks, JP! 👍

[@LynetteTheMadScientist]

I legit expected to be making a mental checklist here of discussions and experiences I should have with my boyfriend only to realize that I’ve pretty much done all that he’s talked about already.

[@gawain6645]

Lynette TheMadScientist send this message to him...

[@PigOnRye]

@Muslim Trump supporter M.AG.A You're not doing any Muslims or Trump supporters any favors

[@teopistorsind9874]

@Muslim Trump supporter M.AG.A who took your sorry ass to court for child support?

[@kengentry4602]

A good test is to ask a potential life partner “how will we name our children?” The response can be an eye opener

[@Ssookawai]

I Don't have any specific name for a boy and many names for girls are pretty. There's one name that I love the MOST and I would be very sad if I have to give it up. People who have a specific name in their mind aren't specifically control freaks, they just happen to like a name, a lot.

[@luthiengs]

Oooohh...that IS a good test

[@MikhaelAhava]

How is it an eye opener?

[@TheDlockett1]

Then you’ll get to the point of knowing if they even want them 🤦🏾‍♂️ iy sucks that you can be ready but your partner isn’t

[@AverageAngel]

wow this is on point

[@guytitanic]

It really helps if all family members are found and live in your same comfortably communicable area.

[@LDT7Y]

That's true. There is some benefit to finding a partner within reasonable distance. Less stress involved in organising family events, shared cultural values and history, caring for relatives later on in life, deciding where to live and raise children, etc. The 'opposites attract' thing is basically a myth.

[@GracieAckerman]

I am 48, I have been divorced for 8 years- he had a midlife crisis and left me with 3 kids to run off into the sunset 🌅 with his mistress. ( he didn’t like the responsibility of raising kids ) - but at my age I cannot find a man that is mature enough to be able to understand the dynamics of mature and practical relationship goals. I have always thought the words that you are saying towards expectations in a healthy relationship

[@vg7985]

I honestly confused about " women treating men right". Can you really explain it? I personally see- the more woman tries, the less respect she gets from a man while reckless gold digger gets everything.

[@justonetime6179]

Two Natal Yods did his children treat him badly too? Lesson: women dont marry narcissist. Let men work hard, so they dont become lazy narcissists.

[@thehealerslm]

There you go smart cookie

[@boots3372]

Treat a guy right and he won't leave, goes both ways. Guy abandons his own kids he's a fuckass, goes both ways. There are two sides to every story though, so as we only have one side it's best to reserve opinions about either person.

[@JEAG]

It's hard, because people tend to exploit the power seat in relationships. When women feel they have the power, they'll destroy the relationship. When guys are in the pwoer seat, good ones will stay married and bad ones will drive their women completely crazy until she becomes the one leaving him. The only succesful relationships are with men being in power and not crazy enough to behave like a woman when they have the power. It's pretty simple. Guys also need to understand that whores shouldn't be married, not because you're going to feel jelous, but because she won't be reliable in regards to your plans. She won't be able to.

[@taratalksabouteverything4800]

Hi Dr Peterson, I humbly say this in the hope that you will understand what it is that I am trying to say... I recently experienced a ptsd reaction and have been in a state of trauma for over a period of months. My mind has been playing like a movie and somehow as I crawl out of this experience I somehow know a lot of the topics of your recent lectures. You are speaking the thoughts on my mind almost verbatim in your talks and I would love you to challenge my mind to see if it is in fact a similar experience to what you went through on your drug withdrawal experience. Blessings

[@DescubreAntigua]

Most of the times our influences are not so clear to us, like many parents complaining constantly about each other, about marriage, about how marriage sucks and THEN their children reach adult life (after so much exposure to that) and don't see marriage as a positive convenient thing. Why? well our own parents said it themselves how it sucks. Not always we are aware of this but it does affect us.

[@dimitris355]

I wish you existed 15-20 years ago for i have been but a blind child ... plz keep doing your thing people need to hear the harse truth somehow

[@TomasSowellIsGreat]

Dimitris Laoudis agreed, it took me 25 years to wake up

[@billnye198]

He did. He says in this video that he's existed for 55 years.

[@TomasSowellIsGreat]

bill nye hahaha

[@Iranianjunkie]

Telling the truth totally destroyed my marriage, and my relationships after that as well. I am accused time and time again of being so 'shocking' in my statements. And telling the negative truth about yourself to your woman is just handing over a weapon to her to keep until something goes wrong, and she can use all the critical and self reflective things you've ever said, and blame you for whatever goes wrong using your own vulnerabilities. The men I personally respect today have good marriages and know what not to say. They present themselves as strong and stable for their partner, and save their vulnerabilities for the men in their lives that they trust. Because they know that their women will either attack them, or lose respect for them for their weaknesses.

[@ursula9275]

Not always true!

[@pierovergara481]

I guess that makes sense. I see a lot of parallels in my own personal circle. But I think that the idea is not that you brazenly release your burdens to your significant other, but instead negotiate carrying what is potentially useful to be shared, together - that which is a greater challenge/threat than only one existentially, or practically bear (child rearing, keeping a home in tact, caring for the integrity of the community). People have dark thoughts and hold demons. My take is that, as much as one can, one should keep at war with his/her own demons; to the point of certain collapse, before even considering the thought of asking someone else to share the onslaught. And that goes to your point: on the men whom you respect who choose to withhold dark truths from their spouse. A marriage/relationship is not a crutch, and when one begins to even express any intent of seeing it as that, it stops being helpful for both parties. It just becomes an endurance challenge. Same goes to those who would rather bear that which is unbearable alone, at the expense of their partner's sincere intentions to help and lend a hand. Idk man. Your comment just caught my eye. There's some wisdom in there. But I'd like to believe that there is more to it than practical omission. Perhaps I view the union in its utmost ideal, but then again, isn't the conscious regard of the very potential that it stands for the most necessary commitment one could make to ensure that it may against all the odds, remain strong and true?

[@anamaria8]

the way people can handle one's vulnerable side tells a lot about long term comatibility and, in some cases, this is(very) rare ;aging doesn't help with finding a partner, it only narrows one's field

[@conniefahey6469]

Negotiations are needed maybe but ultimately my husband is the boss. He loves me and knows best. He always listens to me though and takes everything into account before telling me something that I might not like or understand at first. I have found his logical reasoning ability to be a anchor in my emotionally driven life. I have learned how to be a better person by adopting some of his logic. Even when it feels uncomfortable 😣 It always turns out well

[@naphtaliquisenberry2566]

Crypto Teddy Bear little 1 - Referring to what Dave G said - you are not just an extremely rare woman; you have an extremely rare man of whom you married...who actually KNOWS HOW to lead with LOGIC and love. Many men do not know how to SPEAK reasonably/logically... and speak lovingly, to their wives. We women actually LIKE to be led, but we want to have confidence that our leader is giving us a voice, and isn't leading selfishly, but is leading out of love for his family.

[@robertjohnson4401]

You seem like the perfect couple. You meet each other's needs.

[@danamay1718]

That makes sense.

[@ursula9275]

Life doesn't make sense.

[@Ggdivhjkjl]

Love is a choice, not an emotion. Choose to actively love and positive emotions will arise in time.

[@mickyjohnson273]

Find someone you have no doubts about.

[@steviedee3140]

Micky Johnson exactly. You shouldn’t have to think for a second but to simply know...

[@samantharcregan23]

If you do that you will always be disappointed work through the doubts

[@mickyjohnson273]

@@samantharcregan23 lol... that sounds like something that someone who's untrustworthy would say. nah, finding someone you have no doubts about means there is less trouble because you know...

[@1Sun111]

well, family is great, a good partnership before and after children is important, but there are many possibilities for human beings to live like and only one of all is like that or the blueprint he tells us everybody has to find his own way there are many and that´s good

[@pixelgamer2579]

Absolutely.

[@proveritate1205]

... you're able to communicate smoothly and reasonably with your beloved one.

[@Lisarata]

What is saying is right... BUT...if you're like me when I was 24, you did not know yourself well and would have done whatever the other person suggested, or just imagined it would all work out. I would have needed to establish myself as a self-sufficient adult who knew what she wanted, and I'm sorry but I didn't. Hadn't.

[@mariamayub212]

This video came up when I asked question in the search bar if individual has have a harder time getting married. The reason I ask is because I have never been married and I'm almost 50 and for me, it's always been a situation where when I ever was in a relationship, if something was disagreeable, I just accepted that that person had a different point of you than me and I didn't really get involved in negotiations because their life is there life in my life is my life. This mentality goes against tradition with almost everyone in society, and I wonder if this is a roadblock to the concept of marriage that may have made it elusive for me to even consider it because I value the self more than the joint Collective. What do you think about that?

[@laserleftfootttt7683]

Nikola Tesla had a liaison with a pigeon. Compared to the money hungry air headed broads that I attract, well that pigeon is looking pretty good.

[@a_l_e_k_sandra]

I laughed so hard, thank you for that!

[@ChunWong]

awesome

[@longredroad4249]

37 years into a life sentence, it was a huge life crushing mistake! did one thing right thou, I got snipped young, best thing I ever did. If I could go back I would have not married and gotten sniped in my teens. Kids are fine as long as they are yours. the winning move is not to play

[@daedaluslv2032]

One can safely say if you are together for 2 years then you can get married. The first year is all about attraction but in the second year you can start evaluate the relationship practically.

[@LDT7Y]

I would say 3-4 to be safer. Women can play the long game much better than most men (I say that as a woman). Although I'd ask why you feel the need to get married at all.

[@nightfighter7452]

I always hear the honeymoon phase lasts two years, so maybe what the other guy said

[@vladislava511]

5:17 "That's so bloody fortunate that I can hardly believe it", he said as he stays with his straight neutral wise face of always.

[@climbtheladder9440]

Man, there is so much pain in these comments. I get it, I really do. I'm in a very confusing, multilayered partnership myself, but I gotta say I think most of us missed his point about the strength of the type of relationship he is talking about. This Ideal he is talking about is after years of two people reciprocally being truthful and actively nurturing their relationship. I doubt it is something you can just fall into in your first few years of marriage (although, I suspect that a couple could use his methods and advice and REALLY dig into each other and make ground on the stability of their partnership more quickly than average). All of OUR stories of pain, failures, and even the "pretty good, but not perfect" relationships we could talk about are NOT the Ideal he is referring to. It is like that example he laid out when someone asked the question (and I'll be paraphrasing cuz I don't remember the specific wording), "what do you do when you have the Nazis at the door and Anne Frank in the attic?". His reasoning is, by THAT time, a hell of a lot of stuff has already gone terribly wrong if you find yourself in that kind of pinch. And it goes the same with an unhealthy relationship. A lot of us have already been hurt, already put walls up, already behaved maliciously perhaps and already built up a bunch of bad habits, stereotypes and self-esteem issues due to our poor navigation into this part of life--we already have our work cut out for us. The ideal he lays out for us is like an elite state of companionship so its no wonder if some of us find it hard to comprehend such a partnership. It's okay. Baby steps if you need to. His advice is to dive into this as you get to know someone and BEFORE you marry them and if the two of you are unable to do that for whatever reason, then you both need to seriously consider if you are right for each other. I just hope, for my sake in this case, that an already started relationship that houses many mistakes could still blossom forth if both people put their hearts and efforts into it. I'm glad and grateful that I don't want to give up, but worried that a 'point of no return' exists and that you won't really ever know when you've met it.

[@suem6004]

People can sus pretty quickly if a relationship has potential. The younger generation invests years unhappy in clearly unfulfilling relationships but are too timid to end and move on sooner in case they hurt the other person. First, marriage partner hunting is a lot like interviewing for jobs. Note I mean marriage material not hot in the bed. Very different. Be realistic in expectations by making lists of what you are looking for in a spouse. Then list what YOU can offer in a long term relationship. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What are your prospective partner’s strengths and weaknesses as stated honestly. Put all cards on the table. This is not sentimental but gotta be said. And as JP says, how do you both handle stress? Disagreements? Tragedy? A lot more wrong than right is ahead. Will this person help bail the boat or jump ship? Gotta be honest. So, young people, think long and hard about yourself. Your likes and dislikes. Your ‘can live with’ vs deal breakers. And get to know people in person and not online for heavens sake. Date like job interviewing being honest up front. Date outside of bars and bedrooms. Again, stupid places. When you find your ‘team member’ rejoice. Nothing better then both sharing goals and life together. And if you do not know even how to think of marriage, master yourself. Improve yourself. You cannot correct and shape others. Only yourself. Your happiness will lead to self confidence and will make you more desirable.

[@bryandoherty6863]

Find someone that you love more than yourself,fight your corner but do not break that which you love.

[@melenico4512]

Marriage is a lottery and most people marry out of lust not love.

[@lezel4swarts]

Well said👏

[@alex124241]

It’s not worth it

[@steviedee3140]

Indeed

[@Ramos696]

Correct! Then comes the reaping

[@eupiaeupia2647]

Yes! They don’t even know that they marry out of lust.

[@tr1ck321]

Every time I tell someone I will never, EVER, get married or have children they act like I'm crazy, they tell me I'll change my mind when I get older. No. I am a pragmatic person and the vast majority of marriages are a soul crushing disaster, at least in my anecdotal experience. Also, in marriage, men lose 100% of the time. The woman gains power and resources and the man becomes a servant. The current laws are rigged against men. Why enslave yourself to children and a wife who honestly isn't worth the effort? It's unnecessary, if I find someone I love a lot, they will love me enough to understand that we can't be married, otherwise it wasn't meant to be. Actually just ended a relationship over this disagreement, she wanted marriage and children (to own me) and I wanted freedom. I feel huge relief now that I'm not tied down again.

[@mikemarks6136]

Rx marriages and relationships fail because both partys dont want to admit they're wrong

[@cvbn1234ify]

I understand, not everyone is meant for marriage. I wish you well:)

[@Seraphimgirl1]

I must be the only woman on the planet that has never wanted to marry or have children.

[@hvacdesignsolutions]

Marriage, a mortgage and kids cost money. We can't all be celebrity psychologists, living in a prosperous country.

[@palakpatel2767]

Did all that and got betrayed. Now, it’s time to stop doing all that and live my life alone.

[@Ssookawai]

Don't let anyone decide upon your faith. Have some rest, do some introspection, try to understand why did you turn a blind eye on some red flags (I'm sure there were) or how didn't you see them, what happened exactly to YOU. But if you're not ready to ask yourself these questions, keep living alone because you'll repeat the same mistakes.

[@palakpatel2767]

Ssookawai I will always be alone even if I get my answers. I was with a gay man, mama’s boy. And my family was so fearful of divorce because they wanted to save their reputation because they believed in his ability more than mine, believed in his value more than mine. But it’s all over forever for good and worse, only time will tell.

[@palakpatel2767]

Ssookawai Nothing happened to me, I was just stupid and didn’t have the ability to make my own decisions

[@palakpatel2767]

And I was right and should have rejected his proposal initially and never listened to my parents. I should never rethought about his proposal. Once a NO, always a NO.

[@Ssookawai]

@@palakpatel2767 I understand you... The weight of family is too heavy. Many of us were always taught to be "good girls" aka OBEDIENT girls even when we're lead to the slaughter house. Now you (also) saw by yourself that when it comes to "image" in society, nobody would care about you as long as they made sure you fit in that damn box (being married at a reasonable age because bad women either stay single or are divorced)... It's their way of "protecting" you even if that means destroying you frop within. Well, that "protection" isn't needed and now you know you must keep being BRAVE next time (if I got it right, you did muster all your courage to get a divorce). I'm sure you're a very beautiful, thoughtful (you were too much of it) and a sensible woman, you deserve a happy life and being surrounded by people who value these qualities. I'm sure you'll make a good choice, whether it would be finding a good man OR staying alone because you won't settle for less.

[@chrispark7010]

I think it’s a simple as some people are cut out to get married and some just aren’t

[@klattalexis]

In this day & age you need to have criminal background checks run & provide proof that neither one of you have/carry any Sexually transmitted diseases. This needs to be agreed to on the first date or very soon after. I think being friends for a year will help you be 100% sure you can live with and respect this person. in good times, but especially in bad times.

[@suem6004]

Alex Klatt Be with them through tough times or rough situations as gone are the facades and you see how the other and yourself operate under stress.

[@stevet1396]

5 yrs was not enough time together for me to realize I was making a huge mistake. Watch out for chameleons, who will change what they believe on a dime. If they think it will hook you.

[@Cheeseburger.Launch.Sequence]

This man had too much bottled up for too long. Now he's exploding.

[@lalitdas6145]

I dnt take share market advices from guy who won a lottery . and as Anton Chekhov said If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry.

[@mcurcio8315]

Jordan will be the best grandpa

[@hoopschoop3339]

I have no clue why but I love when jordan say, "and I'm fortunate enough to have them both in the city I live in so...hurray for me" lol I know he was being sincere, but it's funny to hear it as sarcasim

[@plinkbottle]

I know people who knew nothing about it and they learned new things as they went along

[@kristinadj1018]

Charles Rablin thats just winging it and is stupid. Kids are gonna suffer

[@plinkbottle]

@@kristinadj1018 Well these people weren't stupid, they lived in an era before the internet and before TV. My generation.There was more discipline, more family support and less harm.

[@cheesechaser9113]

Stay away from red flags

[@visarbilali3419]

Do the clash of thoughts in thw beginning or get ready for a fucked up time

[@JB-kx9bx]

Only get married to someone of similar income and money habits. Id not recommend marrying down in socioeconomic status as they'll just be a liability on you.

[@robinsmall4457]

There is an equal case for just being SPICE

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

This stuff should be taught in the schools starting about 6th grade. I wish I hadn't wasted the decade from 19 to 29 on a guy who wouldn't negotiate, lied and put his sister over me.

[@leahannwhite1111]

The other person don't matter. They are an illusion. They change as you do. They are only as real as your thoughts and judgements about them. Wanna know yourself.. look at them. They'll tell you Everything you need to know. They'll show you all your beliefs you hold about you and the world. They change .. the world changes.. when you do. The beliefs you identify with. ❤🕊

[@boots3372]

That's actually an interesting perspective. Thanks. I wouldn't say I agree with "they don't matter", or that "they are an illusion" but I agree with the idea behind your post. And as I've been married 9 years I can tell you absolutely that I know my Wife better than she knows herself and she knows me better than I know myself and we constantly surprise each other with it.

[@leahannwhite1111]

Beautiful.😊❤ I've found that my husband always matches the way I'm thinking and feeling about him. and myself. Theres not a single thing I would EVER change about him! He is PERFECTION.🌟💕 And if there is ever anything I need changing.. I know to look to me. It Always an inside job. And he SO appreciates this! So much that he returns the favor. The only Work left for me is to see where I can find my own self imposed limitations.. and practice questioning them to see if they are true so I can find MORE and More Freedom. In doing this... it Frees us both. I am SO in Love with LOVE! And this Beautiful dream called Life. 🌠💓🕊 ...and I LOVE you too! You're WONDERFUL!💥🌈😃💓🤗💕

[@boots3372]

@@leahannwhite1111 You sound like a very balanced person. Your introspection is refreshing. It's is a nice surprise in KZbin comments. Your husband is a lucky man.

[@leahannwhite1111]

😊💞!

[@lukemeola]

Leah White such an interesting perspective. Thank you for taking the time to write this up, really opened my mind up

[@robinsmall4457]

Yes, Jordan but life throws us curve balls and the bigger picture is how our souls grow ... when in most probability we are all 1

[@steviedee3140]

Robin Small well said

[@theangel5416]

I really want to marry my boyfriend. We love each other. But I don't think we can negotiate things between each other. He would let me make every single descion without ever putting his own thoughts into anything. He is also sneaky for no reason at all. I feel like it's unfair to break up with someone because of that. 😔 But I feel like I'm waiting for him to grow up and that's not fair to me.

[@zentient8840]

Run

[@chrisg3258]

I think the link between living together and future divorce is blatantly obvious. If you're casual enough about your relationship to just live together, you're virtually guaranteed to be casual enough about it to hit the highway the instant the going gets even a little bit tough. And without fail it will at some point.

[@valisaperson]

Orrr...ORRRR.... you could enjoy your suffering and paint something that'll end up in a landfill. These are logical ideas that I agree with. And I think it's important that they be said. But I think the alternatives are not being explored enough.

[@danielaung691]

Why go through something that you know will go to a landfill?

[@jccarty1477]

This comments section is T O X I C 😳

[@MikhaelAhava]

Huh?

[@zeppelin_7245]

How?

[@jccarty1477]

@@zeppelin_7245 read it. So many people are very, very anti marriage. Which is totally fine...but the expression borders on vitriol

[@jamilahrazzaq8780]

Agreed, very sad honestly...

[@bourroukkhalid6603]

Have you just talked us (me) into getting married? hahaha

[@vg7985]

Pretty much treat marriage as business venture, right?

[@suem6004]

V G Yep. It is amazing how one can show respect and consideration for coworkers but not to their own spouse. Setting up a household is a socioeconomic venture.

[@boots3372]

The respect, honesty and communication of a business venture. If you treat it _like_ a business venture I imagine it'll not end well.

[@arturkvieira]

Marriage in the 21th century is insanity to me...

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

Yep it seems ridiculous to me too.

[@pgoeds7420]

I watched the file Hobson's Choice www.imdb.com/title/tt0047094/ and was shocked when William went and repaid the debt without consulting Maggie. Imagine if they'd both tried to do that.

[@AlphonsineKoh]

Is marriage necessary? What if two people really love each other but do not feel the need to get married?

[@leapsplashafrog]

Getting someone you can do this with today is almost impossible. If you can get a woman to do practically anything for you that’s amazing in itself today !

[@LynetteTheMadScientist]

*leapsplashafrog* No one said it was easy

[@leapsplashafrog]

Lynette TheMadScientist No I certainly wouldn’t say it was hard or easy i said it’s almost impossible. This fella will also most likely be divorced in a few years

[@leapsplashafrog]

ANTI HERO Yes that might work till she hits 30. Many just keep them reproducing that’s one way to do it it’s harder to get divorced with loads of babies. But if it’s goes wrong that’s your entire future down the pan. Yours not hers she’ll take the house the kids your salary your pension the car and your sanity. No man comes back from that the same. The family courts are total buggery and they enforce nothing for men. My advice to any man in today’s court systems and female expectations is never get married. It’s like putting everything you have and ever will have on red. You may as well put your keys and access to kids on there to. The govt want you married so you pay when she leaves you

[@feels6233]

Unless you have hate yourself

[@TheNOODLER100]

This man transcends the MGTOW or red piller community. That's how brilliant he is (not that MGTOWers themselves are brilliant to begin with).

[@Xbalanque84]

Hey, some couples like shackles :P

[@Sheppesh]

Everyone is not meant to be married. The older I become I’m learning this. We are living in a different kind of world than yesteryear. I’d rather remain single than go through two or three marriages. I don’t want any human being wasting my time and energy.

[@shaunfrick2043]

No prenup. Or did I miss that?

[@InnerLifePhotography]

He totally neglected the perspective of narcissistic partner

[@duaneandrewblack6269]

That's basically BPD

[@charliechase7390]

How many wives are negotiating a 5-10 year I'm outta here divorce plan if hubby gets a bit too tubby for the ship to sail to her satisfaction. I.e hypergamous spineless medusas

[@niriusbosc7973]

Do you like your home, car, money and the things you own? If the answer is yes then don't get married.

[@ActiveAussie2024]

Yes Nirius, men must protect their assets. That means NO MARRIAGE and no serious relationships with women ever.

[@G_Ellis606]

If you like the idea of banging young hot women all your life...don't get married!

[@ActiveAussie2024]

Yes Nutsack, correct.

[@Reisito305]

Nirious, You forgot sanity

[@sandiflower923]

@@G_Ellis606 you will get old and ugly there's no doubt because everyone does. If you have money you can buy hookers or maybe get a gold digging woman who you can pay to pretend to care about you in your old age. You won't produce children who grow up well adjusted, in a loving family with both parents. Buying women seems so maladjusted, empty and sad to me. Love, real and commited love can bring you so much more happiness.

[@lintfreecloth]

Time to educate Jordan. the answer is NOOOOO... Dont get married. ever.

[@Ramos696]

I agree! Only now at the age of 64

[@johndavies115]

Never marry anyone who utters the phrase "I shouldn't have to x".

[@stephenrozario5742]

IN OTHER WORDS DON'T GET MARRIED.WHY?THIS EXPLAINS WHY SOME PEOPLE DONT GET MARRIED

[@Davidm3782]

Don't get married. Period. Stop there. People in long marriages today, started in a different time. The time we live in today is not conducive to lasting marriages. Indeed, married people are a minority now, and of those half end in divorce. Of the ones who stay married, how many are miserable but can't afford to leave?

[@thelittlemoonling]

Exactly. And answer to that is.. 99% of them.

[@Milligan777]

...maybe just don't.

[@CL-ff6mq]

Hmmm....A simplistic formula for a successful married life. Man takes care of everything outside the home, women take care of everything inside the home.

[@peteranon8455]

I hope she likes fixing the plumbing.

[@suggesttwo]

God created marriage as a stable platform for children.

[@bullseye6969]

Women can make or brake a man. We cannot chose our mother but we can choose our husband. Choose wisely guys. 🙏🙏🙏