Leaky Feelings: How Emotional Incongruence Gives Us ‘Weird Energy’ (And How To Change It)

• Toxic Shame: How It Le...
• Shadow Work: What It I...

[@AneesaH.]

*accidentally fills the room with negative energy because I'm hungry and tired*

[@jennifergetter2116]

I do this, too. Why are you so hungry and tired, though? Have you been putting your needs last? I know I have.

[@brodello9249]

This is the one 😂

[@bystandersarah]

Oh my sweet I’m with you there 😔

[@theelderskatesman4417]

Surely the most common reason for 'contained incongruence' is simply being at work in the company of people who we would not choose as friends (even truer for 'people facing' professions)? Seems like an essential survival skill.

[@sethbenton6791]

Think about service workers doing this all day. Must be hard with a continual stream of strangers

[@lastnamefirst9423]

I feel the same way i have to work in close proximity with people "I see through" know things about and am aware of their behind the scenes behavior towards me. However, in order to accomplish the tasks, I have to play nice and get on with it. So when the task is dont, I am socially exhausted and have NOTHING left to give because im tired of being guarded amongst snakes.

[@KarizmaJones-oi9er]

Yes

[@julietteferrars3097]

“I’m not giving them what they want, I’m giving them what I want to give them.” 💯

[@stringcheeseofficial1977]

Wh... you can just do that????

[@soup41]

​@@stringcheeseofficial1977 i think she's saying youre always doing that. Congruency is admitting this, incongruency is you thinking you're giving them what they want when in actuality its you giving them what you want to give them thinking its what they want to hear. Youre just forcing integrity in yourself and no long projecting/people pleasing. So, like, yeah you can do that, and we should strive to because we're worth our own honesty and getting what we want out of life.

[@kmcq692]

⁠you got it…omg. Life is so effortful. It’s cool though.

[@julietteferrars3097]

@@soup41 Exactly. I realize now that the quote out of context can be taken differently than Heidi intended.

[@c.paget511]

@@kmcq692 So sweet. Understatement of the century but true. Something about Life makes it continue to feel cool despite terrible hardships. Amazing thing about Life, SMH!

[@sonofhibbs4425]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…all of your videos should be a part of high school curriculum. People should be taught this as early adults. It would certain help clear a lot of mental illness out there.

[@MichaelDemko]

That would be hard. Everything in this space is super controversial more broadly in society. I had a weird experience with school. I grew up in an English-speaking part of Canada and learned both English and French. In French, I was taught grammar, in English, I wasn't. Why? Because it turns out no-one can agree on the rules of English grammar, so it was impossible to add to the curriculum.

[@leahhuddleston3677]

I wish this info could be imparted to the masses. At regular intervals, in case people forget.

[@vlst8715]

THIS

[@alexandrachapman5134]

​@@leahhuddleston3677 *When people forget

[@Conscious58]

I agree 100%! Big time!!!

[@lellymapommscymbillnos336]

I feel I can completely bypass this as an autist. During the process of unmasking, I discovered what I like to call "the threshold of eccentricity". When a person has had a certain level of exposure to my internally congruent autistic behaviour (atypical body language, tone, and other ways of expressing emotion), they appear to stop noticing when I am behaving incongruently, and I can have as much "weird energy" as I want without negative social consequences. My theory as to why this happens is: repeated exposure to congruent but atypical behaviour leads the other person to conclude "this person seems aligned, honest, and confident, despite the fact that I cannot read them". I get labelled as "eccentric", and my energy then forever gets read as a benign "???" like some kind of friendly alien. When I used to mask, I had a lot of uncontained incongruence which I can now see made people uncomfortable about me.

[@TyWorth]

Currently going through the diagnostic process and heavily suspecting I’ll get one, I had the same exact reaction. Thanks for this cause I was starting to feel like an alien again reading these comments.

[@delicateflora]

This makes so much sense!

[@sarahcb3142]

This is honestly great advice. The more I've tried to appear to be "normal" and "mask" the more people seem to be upset with me and angry. If I'm just that weird nervous girl all the time at least they aren't as upset with me, although I get excluded no matter what. *shrugs* I guess I won't ever win but I'd rather be disliked for who I am than all those misinterpretations neurotypicals constantly have with me.

[@ah57588]

Lol I think as I kid I did this informally via creating a "manic pixie" type of persona, and allowing certain quirks to be on display as a signal of vulnerability/ honesty in showing myself, since I realized that though they were weird, that character to some degree was liked. Turns out I have ADHD

[@toni2309]

On the other hand, when I was masking heavily, people picked up just on the incongruence, and not on the autism. It was extremely frustrating. Honestly, I don't really know how to unmask. I feel like my emotions and thoughts and reactions are genuinely too out there. As in "usual language is not my native tongue and I cannot put myself into this". As in "there is no me in the confines of usual forms of expression". I'm quite at a loss there.

[@DenisMaksymowicz]

I went through an equine therapy program. Horses are supremely aware and attuned to their surroundings. It is important to approach them with congruent feelings. We would do an exercise to release hidden tension. As we progressed, the horses would start to blow, releasing tension themselves.

[@valeriewhitcomb10]

Oh my goodness. What a great experience. I had a horse and he would definitely watch me and reflect. Typically he would nicker and approach the gate. One day I went out (must have been upset), he hid directly behind a tree. He was wider than the tree so I could see his body on either side. However I felt before, I had to laugh and mark another memory of his special character.

[@mizzviolet]

That is so cool.

[@earthpearl3790]

So wonderful!

[@ianhemingway]

I loved the horses as part of therapy. So helpful.

[@AshJae]

Wow, just like when my dogs shake themselves off when I tell them to stop something.

[@mariaokhapkina6971]

This might just be my specific personal trigger, but in my experience it's a lot more uncomfortable and painful to be on the receiving end of some sort of quiet, unexpressed resentment, compared to obvious cold shoulder, anger or hostility. Makes it near impossible to address and resolve, or at least attempt to.

[@dotendit]

Exactly right!

[@michellejansma165]

my husband and I get locked in this painful cycle and our dysfunctional childhoods are the source. I am just realizing that her skills are JUST what we need when communicating the simplest of ideas, because there was previously a lot of shame placing .

[@ashleyspiano]

My experience 100%. The worst part about this is it leaves lots of room for you to doubt yourself and feel absolutely no validity. As if you're going crazy.

[@meghan253]

THIS. I always tell my therapists, "I'm not worried about what they say, I'm worried about what they DON'T say"

[@doctorberkowitz]

They're both bad. Just be direct and work it out.

[@shai2121]

i immediately felt a ton of shame watching this because i know i have a history of my feelings often leaking out despite trying very hard to contain them, specifically because that repeated moment of my leaky feelings making other people uncomfortable and making me come off as untrustworthy really plays into my old, very shameful self concept that i'm a person who naturally gives off bad vibes even when i try not to and harms or puts off other people just by being around them. but then i thought about it and i realized all the times i was trying, even though i almost never did a very good job, to be more congruent and more honest about how i was feeling and express things that were hard for me to process and cope with.

[@RittaBRF]

I understand you so, so well! I've felt very similar for most of my life. I'm so happy that you realized afterwards that you tried your hardest, that's all we can ask of ourselves. Know that you're very strong for it! I hope that you can continue to move gently forward in your healing process and heal from shame more and more. I hope that both of us can love ourselves more every day that goes by. I wish you all the best!

[@happyslug]

Hugs 💗

[@figs7610]

You’re not alone. 🫶🫶

[@MybabyboyIra]

😭😭 All this awareness and knowledge are so exhausting! Why can't I just be normal and mentally, emotionally, physically, financially healthy? I'm so tired!

[@abnormpsych17]

Amen hard same

[@andreaclyne88]

Same same. Last few years tough! Coming to lots of important realizations!

[@Protegida444]

It’s okay to take breaks from self improvement. More than likely you’ll still improve as you’re just living and experiencing life. Also her videos are a little long so that might make it feel overwhelming. Just remember that she’s going into detail for people who need those details. You might only need a condensed version of the advice. You can condense this video to “be more honest about what you’re feeling with others and with yourself.”

[@nokateno]

Having trouble is normal. Like 15% of the population was properly raised up and trained in all this stuff.

[@ENSO-wildsound]

You can be normal, or you can be healthy. Choose one 😂

[@lindaatteo409]

I finally figured out my problem, thanks to these videos. My problem with people. I was making them uncomfortable with my over expressing and over sharing. I wish I knew this years ago. Still deeply want to connect and thought I was just being honest but instead people just didn’t want to hear my feelings, voice or stories. I eventually lost the small group of people that I had, family members not asking about me or my life or kids. And just sitting silently at family gatherings. Realizing no one wants to talk to me or be near me. Afraid I might share something that they would be uncomfortable with. Very humiliating and sad.

[@FlowingEden]

My experience exactly. Extremely painful to have such a deep need to be seen and heard and thinking that people are there for you and you are getting that recognition but turns out it was too much and very unwelcomed.

[@talkoholic13]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@joanneblack7697]

That sounds very "all or nothing". Either overshare or say nothing. Try for a point halfway between those two extremes. People can get overwhelmed if you "over share" with them. You could try this as an exercise. Decide ahead of time that you won't talk about yourself. Become very curious and interested in other people's lives, and stories. Ask them how things are going, and really listen to their answers. Many people out there simply don't listen, and thus there are people who don't feel "heard". If you become a really good listener, people will like being around you. Then they will probably ask about YOU. Plan ahead, and figure out how you can tell "your story" or "your thoughts" in three sentences (instead of a really long paragraph.) You'll then very likely develop lots of friendships ... because good listeners are rare.

[@nowistime8070]

maybe you had toxic family that treated you poorly then that omg I just comprehended my reality

[@HereForTheCatContent]

Many, many people are very self-absorbed these days, and certain narratives are muddying the waters between this and more truly healthy boundaries. Try not to take on undue blame for others’ actions or reactions, just continue to reflect, learn, and do your best. Also, animals are amazing companions!

[@joshuahutt]

“The more relaxed we feel, the more it signals to other people ‘I am okay, and I think that you are okay.’” The best feeling. The more I deal with feelings the more relaxation seems like the pinnacle of being.

[@KingRidley]

I mean by definition it wouldn't be the pinnacle. It would be, like, a comfortable baseline.

[@joshuahutt]

@@KingRidley what’s the pinnacle for you?

[@n.a.199]

Yeah, I’m starting to agree with this too. Strong emotions, whether positive or negative, shouldn’t be sought after. Serenity should

[@joshuahutt]

@@n.a.199 I personally don't go seeking out strong emotions - they know how to find me!

[@cereal_qilla]

thisssss

[@SoniaBonia33]

Its extremely weird how every single video of yours applies to stuff in my life and I don't like it but I need to hear it all.

[@jac1161]

Right? I like it though...the more we have control over, the more we can change it! It is weird though....but that's the plandemic of AI for ya. NO privacy AT all.

[@mahnoor2775]

OMG THE QUEEN IS BACK WITH ANOTHER uncomfortable but absolutely NECESSARY video❤😂

[@kajapotrebujes9325]

It's true, I didn't even knew I needed this, but yeah, so needed to hear it

[@theoriginal7727]

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@healerscreek]

😂😂😂😂😂😂❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@mahnoor2775]

😂❤

[@agentsmidt3209]

This. Heidi, you are hitting all the pain points in my existence on this earth.

[@RyanDainjur]

I genuinely hope this part of your life doesn't get too painful and some good shit clicks at the perfect moment. I just went through hell, almost opted for the big sleep, lost my mind, and I finally, after almost 2 months I am so content and understand 100x more about myself, her, life, psych because I had to. Wish I did all this a decade ago, at least.

[@vlst8715]

​@@RyanDainjur thank you for sharing this! It's such an important message to spread and I'm very happy for you. Stay strong.

[@RyanDainjur]

@@vlst8715 Thank you. I'll be great and happier thank I've ever been, soon. I feel like. I'm ok with the overtime on this one, lol. Take care.

[@selvamthiagarajan8152]

In addition you might find Rupert Spira videos complementing what you take away from this video. Share, rejoice, and shine.

[@svanteforsberg6602]

You’re probably serious but for some reason this was funny😂

[@chrismaxwell1624]

People pleasing and the need for acceptance. That was mean. Blind to it though as I though I was just being nice person. What more is pleasing other never really got me acceptance in the first place. Being my authentic self got me acceptance.

[@MrAvailas]

As a German, I've been searching for a new kind of enlightenment, not the Enlightenment of reason that Kant heralded over 300 years ago, but one of emotion. We as a species might be the masters of reason in this world, but emotionally, we remain like children. So, thank you, Heidi, for illuminating a potential path forward! Written from the birthplace of reason and collective psychosis.

[@happymixtapes]

As a German Kant scholar I am very sad about the popular perception of his brilliant and valuable work 😢Kant actually wrote a critique of pure reason and definitely actively positioned against despotism of reason. it's just that psychology wasn't really a big thing back then.

[@sanschmidt5457]

fun fact from a third German: the name Kant spoken out loud sounds like something entirely else to an English native speaker😆 ("you're being a real Kant here, Helen!")

[@oreas1372]

As a fellow German you might find what you're looking for in the German philosophic movement of the idealists and romantics, like Schiller, Heine, Körner, Rilke, Schubert, and many other famous poets, philosophers and composers in the 18th to 19th century. They were focusing not on matter (Materie) but on spirit (Geist) as our main human essence and foundation. If you can, go to Walhalla and inhale the spirit there.

[@TheLiberaceTheory]

As an autistic hyper-perceiver, I feel like EVERYBODY around me is incongruent between their body signals and vocal patterns. And it makes me SPICY

[@ivanaamidzic]

Of course they are while most of neuro typicals actually and ironically lack true social skills. What they call 'lack of social skills' in us is our refusal to manipulate others and go in line with what they are saying is up, which we know well is not what's up!

[@ratlinggull2223]

​@@asset34AreTheNTsOkay

[@asset34]

@@ratlinggull2223idk

[@earthpearl3790]

I love that, “spicy “ ❤

[@M4TCH3SM4L0N3]

As a hyper-introspective/distracted ADHDer, what body signals? I'm only MOSTLY kidding: I frequently oscillate between painfully transfixed on what other people are actually feeling/thinking and utterly oblivious to any signals accidental or intentional.

[@lalailm]

Heidi you gotta stop reading my mind, girl! How does she knows exactly what Im going through everytime she posts a new video??

[@caseykettering8933]

RIGHT??? it’s impressive and so welcome and appreciated!

[@bens5859]

Yo same wtf

[@lecy1075]

it’s actually scary sometimes

[@andrewrice9383]

I have a lack of respect for people who distrust someone who has mixed energy and disengage without asking them about it or communicating. Our personalities are made of parts and the correct understanding is OK. This person has a polarity between their parts. That’s it. Maybe our culture will figure it out in the next 30 years.

[@AlisonChristian-bq4ws]

Agree.

[@papierflieger9110]

You mean not communicating in the sense that they see you're "weird", interpret it in their own way and then judge you and leave? I'm having this at my church now. I lead a children's group there and try my best to do it. But the thing is there is the assumption (by me and my therapist) I might be on the spectrum. Some people already think I'm weird, and mean because I didn't interpret the signs of a guy correctly (a guy who never asked me out?!). Come on guys. You've know me for 15 years, the work I do and how consistent I've been doing my job. How come you guys don't talk to me, but instead judge me for my behavior towards that guy. How come you didn't see I was struggling? I don't mean this to bash my church or anyone. Just, I realized this would probably happen to me anywhere else as well.

[@nokateno]

Compartmentalizing can be good. Not sharing everything… is good. I was struggling with this last weekend, stewed on it, and came to these conclusions talked about in the video. It’s healthy boundaries.

[@Cocoanutty0]

Yes, hearing this was a bit of a shock but I now see how obviously true it is.

[@dawgcatcha1907]

Yes! I think shes addressing thr subconscious parts and how we often feel conflict over conflict and this was a great way to explain that energy we all feel and how to handle it. Once i know whats going on, i can know that my body is feeling that urge to share things but sharing those things wouldnt be wise. Now i know how and when to compartmentalize and can do it with much less anxiety and self doubt

[@earthpearl3790]

When it comes to connecting with others, often my deeper needs are to feel seen, appreciated and connected.

[@mollyo3558]

Exactly!!!

[@luciaquinteros1003]

I love psychology but I have never seen anyone talking about this They would always tell you "love yourself' accept it, dont care about other people's opinion But this is important It's valid that some people find us weird because that's the energy we are giving off And it's normal that they don't want to be around someone that makes them uncomfortable We must fix it We are social beings at the end of the day, it is not only about people must love you as you are Sometimes it is not like that So I'm glad you talk about it

[@mirelasemanjaku]

True! Very well put!

[@M_SC]

I like how you reiterated it ty

[@Andriak2]

Another perspective on this as a high-masking autistic. I find that it is exhausting to exist in contained incongruence. Especially the kind where you are aware that you're not expressing your inner state. Fatigue from this is totally normal if you are chronically existing in a state of incongruence, and there is nothing wrong with you. Just a signal that you would benefit from a change in environment to shwere you are able to be more congruent and/or gain consciousness of your inner state

[@natsu-machi]

I was just talking with my therapist about how I still have a skill gap of learning to feel while not showing it. I’m used to shutting my feelings off entirely or letting them spill out, so I haven’t learned that well how to keep it to myself intentionally while remaining aware. Also, I just moved some feelings out of my shadow - noticing when I’m feeling not ready for something or feeling like I don’t have energy/time for something. Right now in the aftermath of that, I’m feeling like I’m breaking some promises around things I scheduled before I had brought those pieces of information out of my shadow. It’s hard, I don’t want to ignore those parts whose feelings were in my shadow but it does hurt a little to break promises. But I think now that I have the information, I’m going to be more discerning about how much I can handle and will take on fewer, but more valued things.

[@adribbs]

I was looking for validation from others because I wasn't validating myself and I think it began to show. For truly the first time, I'm starting to feel attuned with my emotions (good and bad). Your videos have helped me in such an unexpected way that I can't thank you enough.

[@andreaclyne88]

I agree. Heidi has an incredible way of breaking these things down so perfectly and with such clear examples! Truly an amazing gift!

[@Sycamoresap]

Healing a generation of kids with parents whos parents failed them ❤✌️

[@key_aria3475]

Whose parents needed healing. If you can recognize you need healing, certainly you can understand they have missed some

[@Sycamoresap]

@@key_aria3475 Mine did. So much of what I went through was from an unhealed parent.

[@MyNameIsntDamien]

Leaky feelings were an absolute nightmare for me the past year. Especially since I was dealing with a severe fawning response to my social circle imploding thanks to toxic actors. People can just sense that you're swirling the drain on the inside and they pull away, making the turmoil / fawning worse. Heidi's videos helped me out of the darkest places, and I've learned to let go of the attachments that aren't good for me. I can show up with so much more confidence and joy on the inside that a lot of the people who ran are coming back on their own, with no obvious effort on my part. It's weird what people are able to pick up on.

[@magdalenagutierrez3072]

Pain! Pain! Pain! I’m watching this again and sleeping on it. Thanks for being so focus on your values and always giving your best.

[@user-nd6jf6le8w]

I am having type 2 incongruence around a person I really like. I know what I feel but since I don't know the crucial details about the person I don't feel safe to express my feelings as they are. So I think I look and behave very strangely around them. Now there's a name for this condition) and me liking someone is 100% a shame bound emotion. I have an inner feeling that anyone who learns about my romantic feeling is going to be repelled. Social norms around women not approaching men first and waiting for the man to make first steps are just adding to this miserable state.

[@sarahdawson975]

I could have written this verbatim!

[@DK-cl1og]

So how would you describe your strange behaviour around them? Do you seem too kind and bubbly, or a bit moody and standoff-ish?

[@dawgcatcha1907]

Oh drop that attitude. Men now more than ever are wanting hints and clues and evidence of interest before they put themselves out there to face rejection. Women have been dropping the napkin since the beginning of time. Remember that we often shoot our shot first. Also, the best way to break the ice or make a romantic connection is almost always without any words. Women with a crush, but arent desperate, are magnetic. Let your humanity and vulnerability show, and if he doesn’t like u back, u know that it wasnt meant to be. Your handsome suitor will come along one day and truly knowing that will also help ur confidence and u will be radiating a very good energy. If ur desperate or insecure it will be known. Its ok to be excited and have fun with dating, just dont think this one crush is the end all be all. That way of thinking sends people running. Healthy normal people dont wanna be pedastalized like that because its a set up to fail

[@mizzviolet]

Heidi you are always so thought provoking and insightful. I’m often blown away at how observant and analytical you are able to be about your own life, I fear that I am not observant of my own patterns and tendencies. I spend all of my time numbing myself through substances and distractions to the point that I spend probably 90% of my time in my own fantasies and can’t even seem to answer questions about my own preferences.

[@michellejansma165]

This is a STRONG temptation for me, since feeling the same old pain around what I KNOW to be the truth but stuck in a bad pattern eats at my sanity. Find a way to express your subconsious truth. Let it out. Find ways to be honest with yourself and start processing the pain. Mizzviolet, you will make it.

[@user-qy2kw9kx3o]

This is fantastic. Exactly what I need to hear. I’ve been reading about ‘Radical Honesty’ and it seems that what you are saying, Heidi, is that radical honesty is a step too far.

[@JeffMcCullough]

Your content had been super helpful for me and my wife. Thank you.

[@alexballiet9938]

Thank you so much for all of your videos Heidi. You are really good at digging into very deep and specific emotional topics. You present the ideas you share in your videos with great clearly. Your videos have helped me to understand myself and my relationship with others in life changing ways.

[@jm7514]

Holy cow!! Finally something that explains why people say certain things to me and also How To Remedy!!! This makes me think of imposter syndrome.

[@cocobololocoloco]

This is so spot-on and the thing I've been trying to trace or articulate....lifesaver...been through large traumas last 1 year and that has been leaking through at places I frequent.

[@wheresbusybee]

thank you heidi 💕💕💕 gasped when i saw the title of this and how prevalent it is to my life rn

[@judewood5365]

How about ‘cool energy’? I’ve been called ‘weird’ in social situations, now I understand why this came about as a ‘roomer’. This term leaked out and became a manipulation as I felt hurt by the word on many levels, consciously and unconsciously. Lasting confidence and navigating conflicts, thank you for this video Heidi 🙏🏼

[@nyssalynn5216]

I honestly can't praise your videos enough omg. I definitely need this month of videos, so excited.

[@WeGonLearnToday]

As always, thank you for sharing with us Heidi!

[@unaminicon]

I trust you to know what I need to hear right now.

[@shelleyf7676]

First time to EVER hear the term “leaky feelings” but it hits home. Please, Heidi, make more content on this subject!

[@buildingassets]

👑 The timing of this was sooo on point 🏆 I communicate at around a 4 or 5 as opposed to bottling it up & blowing at that 8 🤪 This video connected a lot on how I can explain I’m not angry or upset, just communicating & not being so intense 🌹 Thank you for your content 👑

[@marilynoverton8142]

Heidi, this topic is so relevant! And I appreciate your breaking it down into manageable segments. Thank you, thank you! What a positive difference you make in the world!

[@aw-kg2em]

i cannot emphasize how perfect the timing of your video was. thank you so much for what you do. i truly appreciate having your channel as a resource to help heal.

[@dawgcatcha1907]

Very helpful and insightful!!!!! Ive been questioning for a long time now how and why ive become so socially awkward around certain people, especially getting to know new people who i actually like and want to get to know. I realized i have some deep mistrust and fear around making new girl friends because of middle school days and i took it all really hard. Now it makes so much sense why i struggle to connect with other girls because my energy is so loaded with prejudice and fear. And i meet so many other girls with the same shy standoffish energy. I just want us all to be confident to be ourselves

[@TravisHenson777]

Great one, Heidi. I feel like you really just gave the blueprint to self-confidence in this one.

[@lostkittenxx]

this self-esteem series is great so far! I love how into detail you go, I'm learning a lot

[@joannhaun6599]

Thank you, Heidi! It's hard to overstate how effective, perceptive, and helpful your videos are. You and they are a great gift. I hope you can keep sharing your gifts of insight and clarity with the community. 💕

[@f.y.6845]

Ooph this information is so valueable! Thank you for sharing!

[@hazias9296]

I used to follow you for mbti content, now I am just amazed by your content development ... great work Heidi, thank you!

[@djangotrane]

Incredible work, as always!

[@erinhappy-go-lucky5040]

Thank you Heidi 😊! As usual, your videos pop up right after I have asked myself a question or go through a confusing situation, and you have a solution or help me process the experience. I love your eloquence, unique perspective, and essence 🥰!

[@mothicalcreature]

Hard work and deep thought clearly went into this video, and you are genuinely helping so many people. As someone whose emotional incongruence was amplified by psychosis, I have a lot of healing work to do. This is helping on several different levels for me. Thanks.

[@lvlylj1]

Found this video at precisely the right time. I am always able to identify incongruence and even recognize leaky feelings in myself, but never had any idea what to actually DO about it. Thank you, this helps.

[@user-dc3di7xm9f]

The beginning of this sparked intense curiosity. I experience unexplained extreme reactions from strangers within seconds of them noticing me. People grab there children and pull them closer, employees of any store become on high alert and (not so) quietly band together to watch every move I make assuming I am going to steal, and at the register or customer service desk etc interactions get drastically worse where im often accused of ridiculous espionage or totally impossible things. I have been experiencing these things for over 20 years across all extremes and all boring events of my life. . However hearing the break down of these terms I began seeing myself less and less, and when you described how to set the stage for confronting a person especially adding stating what it is you hope to achieve/receive I totally do that to which I almost always get a response that yes they want to have the conversation and help me answer whatever the question is.. but I can confidently say 100% of these interactions result in the other person not answering my question.. instead acting as though I didn’t ask it nor did I set the stage etc. Like a sudden change of heart where there is only backpedaling and then complete silence about the topic I was very forward about my intention of exploring. 20+ years of this.. or the extreme opposite where some people are sucked in to me like I have a tractor beam on them, complete strangers of all walks of life who look at me like I’m their first puppy from childhood and they can’t stop asking me questions about anything and everything and follow me worse than the employees convinced I’m stealing.. no shame at all no regard for personal space etc. For the record the latter group of people will tell me anything I may ask and way more such as including information I don’t want like bank account info or recent events that strangers should never share. I have never found hope of answers to this till now in the first part, now I feel just as lost but hope maybe there is a piece that fit for a reason and you might know more about this thing I described?

[@gayatrisahaay8780]

Hi Heidi! Can i just say your style keeps getting more and more effective with every passing video! It's evident that you're playing a lot of attention to how to express things and how it can come accross as "digest-ably" as possible, especially the infographics you seem to incorporating more and more. Even if some of this information has been "out there" for a while (from the various authors you keep mentioning), I would have never been able to patiently trudge my way through it, let alone even know where to look, if it wasn't for you! Thanks so much for all you do, you've changed my life so much in only a matter of four months!!! Looking forward to more :)

[@9Nikko8]

Thank you very much for posting this. I'm in a pockle currently trying to accept some things about where I am in life and how it's going to be in the next years, and your content really helps me understand myself better. I really appreciate that you're taking the time to both explain and give examples on how to move past a possible issue ❤

[@AlisonChristian-bq4ws]

Whats a pockle

[@solomonelijah]

your videos are so well done, informative, well researched, touch on topics no other channel touches on (at least from what i have found, and i watch a lot of educational psychology content) and you are a one woman show as well!!! wow. i ALWAYS look forward to your videos and miss you while you are away. thank you for teaching what shame bound emotions are! i have finally been able to unravel the story of how i lost access to my anger, which has caused me to accumulate habits over time leading to my people pleasing and inability to express upset, leading to unhealthy patterns of relating. this stuff runs DEEP 😂 and honestly, like they all say, healing starts with me, and it starts within.

[@stephanimeyers9570]

I love you Heidi. The information you share is invaluable.

[@dianaschramer5065]

You are so articulate and relatable. Thank you so much for all that you do. ❤

[@kuibeiguahua]

Man, I’m so grateful you exist!!! Having grown in a hostile and random environment, I had to sacrifice so much awareness for attachment So it’s very cool that someone can show all of us how things work under the hood

[@greenjesuz]

Amazing and effective talk about something we know already but may not be aware of, or have the words to. Tried it out today in a large hospital. Wow, people are communicating all the time, especially effective with a relaxed and open attitude. The fact Ms Priebe looks strikingly similar to an old, beloved girlfriend, with almost the same last name, one of the most brilliant woman I've known, makes her lessons so interesting on many levels. Helpful way to integrate angry feelings. Keep going, love the content even when it's uncomfortable.

[@Conscious58]

Wow - this was REALLY, REALLY good Heidi. Resonated deeply...Many, many thanks 🙏 for the gems you gave us! This is what I would call Light warrior work! Such wise & healing words that I needed to rewind several times at certain segments. As an adult child of trauma & neglect (CPTSD) w/fearful avoidant attachment style/emotional/romantic anorexic, I need to really focus on my emotional & mental hygiene, big time in order to have the limerance/revenge fantasies/rage while ruminating of past/present narc abuse disappear. (In essence, forgiveness/acceptance/non-resistance to help release the chronic anger & letting go & choosing conscious thoughts w/Realistic, Healthy dreams/goals..."thought boundaries"!, "adjusting our expectations INTERNALLY!") So Good.

[@amydringering]

This is next level stuff. ❤ I appreciate all of the new videos and the work that goes into what you provide to the world. This is a great topic!

[@jonkiehnau915]

Heidi. Your work is remarkable. Thank you for the generous spirit you bring this to us. Appreciate the ad-free environment, I don’t know that’s in your control but thansk if it is.

[@bens5859]

Thanks, I think your videos have healed me a lot

[@nicolebakker]

Heidi you were send from above. So grateful 💖💐

[@Redmondch]

This is a really important video. Really helpful, really useful. The feeling that at times you make people feel uncomfortable, or 'people don't get you' - this video goes a long way to explaining it. It's stuff that I have felt and understood intuitively but this verbalises it in such a succinct and understandable way. I would definitely support more videos on this topic. ❤ Very well done and thank you. This is very helpful ❤

[@amandipa8368]

Hi Heidi, I truly think your work is incredible. I have never heard someone speak about this exactly, or describe so closely what i have been experiencing. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!!

[@sharonkerubo6402]

I experienced one of the worst episodes of leaky feelings this past weekend, resulting in hurting a loved one and I've been trying to understand they why, the how, and what that was all about. I knew it had something to do with self esteem but I just didn't get it. Thank you so much for explaining this so clearly. 💗

[@juliadawnolson]

This was so incredibly helpful! Thank you. I will probably come back and watch it a few more times. 💡

[@TSAmelia]

This is a wonderful video. Leaky feelings is a perfect way to describe this phenomenon.

[@nowistime8070]

you are amazing. thank you for being a natural communicator and sharing complex concepts that are digestible OMG I am 49 and you are validating things I have experienced by putting words to things that were wordless

[@astrocatcity]

This was an extremely useful video, thank you!

[@mindfulmagician7550]

This video is soooo good. One of the things that I've always known I couldn't contain was my inauthenticity. That's why I really hate lying because I feel like I can sense my own incongruence and felt that other people can too. I really appreciate how you've articulated all of these distinctions to take notice of and your examples makes it so much more clear! I remember this one time where I was meeting a friend at an event and was expecting to grab a bite afterwards because I was looking forward to catching up with them. But when they told me that they had something to do afterwards, I was a bit disappointed but I responded with something positive about what they were going to do. And I remember them just taking pause, almost got into their head for a bit while I scrambled to figure what I had to do next and act like I wasn't phased by it, but very much in my head still feeling disappointed. And when I look back, one of the things I could've just done was say, "awww, I was totally looking forward to grabbing a bite and catching up with you! but it's all good, we can always do that next time," or something along those lines. Oh, and deep down, there's a part of me that is attracted to them. So there's that, and maybe some shame around that too.

[@cecehectori9579]

Thank you for another tremendously helpful video, Heidi!! xoxo

[@alealeoh]

Damn, Heidi, these videos are gold. I've watched videos all around YT on psychology topics and very few dig in as deeply and clearly as you do. You are very very good at this!!! I remember when I first saw thumbnails of your videos before watching them, thinking: Must be just another light psychology channel that just tells everyone what they want to hear on a superficial level. Boy was I wrong. This is wonderful. Thank you so much.

[@xX19shegod19Xx]

This gave me some insight I really needed. Thank you!! 🙏🏽 Also, I appreciate how you break things down, it’s congruent with how my brain works. Gratitude 🖖🏽

[@Lola-mt1ne]

What a needed topic!

[@jessicamcleanofficial]

Thank you so much for this one! I love all your videos and this one is another home run. It literally answered a question for me that I've been wondering about for years. I appreciate you so much!

[@rosemargriffith]

Absolutely fascinating video, thank you. This has really opened my eyes. In my interpersonal relationships of various kinds, I have always been rubbish about being congruent and expressing/dealing with my "negative" or "inappropriate" feelings. I can feel the somatic sensations there strongly, but I keep them bottled up and I gaslight myself. Ironically, it also drives me nuts when other people are incongruent, especially when they try to guilt trip me. Also super-interesting that you tie this whole concept in with self-confidence and social success, or lack thereof.

[@Cocoanutty0]

You touched on a few things related to my life that I really think I need to work on. My eating, for one, as just like in your example I eat terribly yet want to be healthy. And my relationship with my mom, whom I often feel lots of anger towards for things I would be able to ignore or at least move through if a stranger or friend did them. I’ll have to check out the shadow work episode, because while I get the mom thing, I am completely flabbergasted by the food and health thing. Clearly that other emotion is buried deep.

[@n.a.199]

Is there a pattern with which foods you’re eating? Or when you eat them? I’ve heard that people use eating to distract from certain emotions, to provide comfort, or even because they subconsciously want to gain weight in order to seem less desirable (often due to an experience with sexual assault)

[@nicolefitzgerald8216]

This is really great. It’s always been hard for me to express myself and understand where I’m coming from. But as I get older, I’m finding myself needing to do that to express myself. Thank you for your insight and how to do.

[@elektrovert]

Wow! I just did that comparison between person A and person B myself last night when I was writing my journal, very insightful. I'm glad you said it, it's a good confidence boost that I'm on the right track. 🙂

[@Rav3r916]

Really informative, insightful, and helpful. Thank you, Heidi! 🙇🏻🙏💚

[@XxkeziexX]

I struggle with this a lot, didn’t know what it was called though, so thank you

[@moxiesaturday]

This video is extremely useful to me. Thank you so much

[@DogOneIsOpen]

Another awesome video. Keep up the excellent work!

[@sandraflowe218]

That was insightful. I can see how I self-sabotaged some relationships in the past with some of these behaviors you discussed. Jeez, I feel like I owe some people apologies for that.

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

It is lovely to see you becoming more and more confident in your own congruence secure attachment as i have seen ur video over time ..bravo ❤❤❤❤🎉

[@marcelvandermeulen2219]

Super. Great series once more.

[@agingerbeard]

Thank you I am a recent subscriber and your videos are very helpful and delivered in such a clear way.

[@MsHoneyBBQ]

This was SO good! I wish they would teach this stuff in school from childhood. Ty for bringing this into the world. Being human can feel/be so complicated sometimes 😅. Great video. Sending 💖

[@amberfuchs398]

I hope your channel is a huge success, bc people are very much lacking these skills.

[@benicetothecat]

Thanks! This is so insightful!

[@liberteevalenzuela7333]

This was such a good video. It just came up randomly and I really liked it.

[@Uvvibes]

Thank you so much!! Been experiencing this in interactions with people, me being the one with the weird energy and it’s made me isolate and felt like I was bad and I get into shame spirals about this was very helpful.

[@benicetothecat]

Thank you for this information! Very insightful

[@jac1161]

11:00 -- what if you're like me and DO communicate my needs. I don't make people guess, even though I'm expressive, communicative and don't make people mind read, however, I am excellent at reading and my 'friends' all get (stay) emotionally lazy, with me already knowing what they are feeling with out them telling me, but also I tell them I am safe to share with, and ask if they want to share anything, I'm here, etc. And they do. BUT...they are incapable of giving me what I need -- just a WORD of affirmation or authentic validation, a WORD of encouragement after all the cheerleading I do which comes naturally but the time I came when I couldn't cheerlead myself, every one was gone. This was very good. I do see myself in some of this, where I "test" people to see if I can trust them. Thank you

[@Leonardovizziello]

As always complex concepts so clearly explained❤