Lessons from De-escalating an angry guy at church

In May, 2023, we had a man get upset and start to storm out of the church. He ended up having an interaction with some of the volunteers on our safety security team.
The situation ended was handled successfully, effectively, and safely, and I point out some teaching points so that other church safety security volunteers around the country can keep it in the back of their minds.
Though this situation happened at a church, the conflict de-escalation concepts, tips and techniques are applicable anywhere you have humans come in contact with each other.
#customerservice #deescalationtraining #professionaldevelopment #deescalation
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[@joeaguillon180]

I did security for a Pastor, 25 years, with no incidents or ever having to draw my weapon. We were trained to take care of the issue before it became a problem. Never disturbing the service. Congregation was not even aware, if there was an issue unless they were told about it. It was an honor working with a great team, well trained, teachable, disciplined, respect for one another, and being True Men of Faith. Every Church has these type of folks, just need to find them. Men of God who are ready to protect God's House and his Children. We only serve One God, The Great I Am.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

A boring day or evening is a successful day or evening! Over the last few years I am finding more and more people with a rather heavy-handed mindset and idea about how to handle and negotiate situations, and unfortunately they are inadvertently escalating situations. I'm trying to remind folks not to forget that it's a ministry and to adopt a ministry mindset! That doesn't mean you are not trained, prepared, and vigilant! Thanks for taking a moment to comment! Have a blessed day!

[@highkingskid]

As a flight attendant working at 39000 cruising altitude this technique is indeed successful when utilized. Being a good listener more often than not will deescalate a potentially dangerous situation.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Yes indeed, and it takes discipline to keep our mouths shut and just let the other person vent! SOOO tempting to say something! I have a couple videos involving flight attendants by the way, in case you may be interested in my thoughts on how those situations evolved. Thank you for taking a moment to comment!

[@samamsterdam4301]

One thing I have learned is to never ever tell an angry person to "Calm Down." It's like throwing gas on a fire. Yet the words, "Calm Down" often is how people "de-escalate" a messy situation. This is a great video! I'm Autistic and when I get frustrated and have a meltdown I usually just want to vent and stomp my feet around. :)

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Yes indeed, telling someone to "calm down" is a real trigger! And you're right, it rolls out of our mouth so easily, way too easily in fact, even though no one can testify that it has ever worked for them! LOL Thank you for taking a moment to comment!

[@oklahomahank2378]

Good advice. The world is full of angry people who feel unheard and unvalued. Most just need someone to listen. Show God’s love to them.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Yup, it can be challenging as we know but it is what we need to strive to do! Thanks for taking a moment to comment!

[@Ant-hole]

Very good advice. Working on building a team at my church. Definitely will be using this. Thank you

[@GentleResponseLLC]

I'm glad you found it informative and can pull something from it! Thank you for taking a moment to comment!

[@kchansenak]

Your comments are excellent. James 1.19, listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. Your comments work in all relationships and situations! Kudos.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Thank you for your support and taking a moment to comment!

[@Stonewall_Jackson]

👍

[@scottmckenna]

Great work by you and your team. A couple other things I saw that they did very well: 1. Left space. Space gives you time and options when/if something happens. 2. Kept their hands up and ready if they needed to do something. 3. Communicated correctly (obviously this happened as it ended correctly). 4. Came at him from 2 different angles. Great job.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Thanks for taking a moment to comment and point out those points! In any situation where you have several people trying to work a situation together, there is always a risk of someone saying or doing the "wrong" thing that can set things going off the rails. Fortunately, we have a great team and they train with my team consistently. There have been several situations that were very well handled and managed by not only our safety volunteers but also our greeters. Thanks again for your comment!

[@cambodianexpress8557]

Good thoughts & observations.

[@fredpetros2553]

I just found your videos this is really good training, we are just getting our security team started, thanks

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Thank you for taking a moment to comment, I'm glad you got something out of the video! I've got a handful more in my library! Blessings to you!

[@JohnHolmes-om8cg]

I’m a well rounded person in security and tactics and some other things: - good work by the team -even better explanation and breakdown

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Thank you, and thank you for taking a moment to comment!

[@scotthodson2467]

Praise God!!! Great application of the knowledge of human nature, anger and how to help someone in crisis, to really minister to them. What a great blessing that he was able to resolve it with them, and hopefully return to worship there. Everyone wins! Great job you guys.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Indeed, thank God it worked out in the end! Thanks for taking a moment to comment!

[@garydredge2330]

Thank you for sharing this John.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

You're welcome, thanks for taking a moment to comment!

[@donkillinger2974]

Excellent advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Glad it was helpful! Thanks for taking a moment to comment!

[@rdkuless]

Sometimes people just need to be heard.. When someone gets agitated, screeming, etc... a good escilation tactic is to say, "you look very upset.." They usually say, "yes... you would be too if that happened to me...what can i do to help..?." at that point you got them talking.. it is not a good idea to try to up them one...ie: "you think that's bad. let me tell you what happened to me.." LOL uping one, only makes the person feel that you haven't heard his complaint. and you're making their grievance look small.. "I hear what you are saying" is effective because they really need to be heard. "what can i do to help..?" goes a long way.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Exactly right!! People want to be treated with dignity and respect, and to be heard, so let them vent! AND definitely do not try to "one up" on them!!! LOL You are exactly right, the person will not feel validated! Thanks for taking a moment to comment!

[@truehope287]

That staircase is amazing!!!

[@GentleResponseLLC]

LOL great observation! 😁👍

[@jeffporter5935]

LOVE THIS!!! Having an attitude of Messiah Yeshua Jesus, puts this video presentation into perspective. A godly perspective...not a world view perspective. Thanks for sharing. I just shared this with our Security Team at our Fellowship; Valley of Blessing. Shalom.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Thank you brother, be safe, God bless you all!

[@luisfj9]

Like it or not this individual has a right to his opinion. as long as he does not break the law.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Right, just need to make sure not to say or do something that will escalate the situation!

[@Dan-yr5iu]

Extremely helpful and on base video. Thank you

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Thanks, and thanks for taking a moment to comment!

[@frankmartin7379]

Thanks for sharing excellent information.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

I'm glad you found it informative! Thanks for taking a moment to comment!

[@metroplexchl]

Excellent job all the way around

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Thanks, and thanks for taking a moment to comment!

[@gailsteidl3707]

Rory-Not Gail: Spot-on. Great remarks, philosophy, and tactics. It's easy to want to naturally take control of situations either verbally, physically, or by body language/physical presence. Folks have to remember the goal of security...avoid escalation...protect the congregation, the property, and ourselves. And, we're a group of Christian men and women = compassion and empathy when allowed to employ it.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Thank you for taking a moment to comment! Adopt a ministry mindset, that doesn't mean you don't train for a worse case scenario and that doesn't mean you aren't prepared for a worse case scenario! Having a ministry mindset will help you show restraint when necessary, unlike the church security volunteer who shot a guy in the back earlier this year for no reason, and is now charged with murder! So avoidable!

[@gailsteidl3707]

I concur. I'm a retired LEO. Always tried to use compassion and empathy (those were my most effective de-escalation tools) but I always had a "Plan B." Still do. :) Thanks again. RCS

[@orvillebryan1950]

Well done

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Thanks, and thanks for taking a moment to comment!

[@parler8698]

Awesome video

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Thank you, and thank you for taking a moment to comment!

[@bryanlord3659]

Be self controled , Be slow tospeak , apply the word

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Exactly right, part of the fruit of the spirit is self control!

[@raybrensike42]

Best thing to do is let the man leave. Do you really want to get involved with something like that, right in the church? You might want to follow him out, and at the far side of the parking lot or something you might want to engage with him, but right there in the lobby of church? Likely not.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

In hindsight it was the best thing to do, but in the moment when you don't know what is going on and want to help, you ask if everything is okay like the first security volunteer did. It became very evident, very quickly, that the guy had some deep rooted issues and he just started to vent about everything.

[@eddbrooks90]

Stopping him and talking to him could lead to an incident because he is still in the church. I’m security, not a pastor or counselor. It’s different if he approaches you with his frustrations. Yes, I would listened then, but still monitoring body language and his hands. But, I would have let him walk and monitor from a distance to see if he is leaving and what his vehicle looks like. And if he has gotten something from his car and is trying to return to the building.

[@peterruiz6117]

I have been that person. And I have been the secuity. A person angry at the 'message' is probably asking God, WHY. And you can help, but unless the Holy Spirit is in you, and speaks through you, you trying to answer for God, it is likely to fail at reaching such a person. The fact that this man shook hands and left peacefully proves my point. He was there looking for WHY. But someone angry enough to get pysical... Violent.....is going to need a God feering person there. AND, a person with training . Law enforcement , or at least, wrestling/ Martial art. I have been there on both ends.

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Yup, great comment! Thanks for taking a moment to share and comment!

[@snowyowlz5992]

Sounds like something inside of individual from some past issues or questions rubbed him the wrong way inducing “reactive abuse” In response to sermon.

[@stephenrobbins6353]

Also on if you let him walk out, he could come back to do something bad

[@johnmorganjr769]

BRIEFLY....Then leave them alone, lots of variables....

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Yes indeed, no 2 situations are exactly alike and that's why it's so critical to be flexible and adapt to the situation as it evolves! Thanks for taking a moment to comment!

[@Freelancerkholilurrahman]

Video quality is very good, your video seo is very bad you need video seo then will get more View & subscribers

[@GentleResponseLLC]

Thanks I will look into it! Thanks for taking a moment to comment!