Lewis Black | The Rant Is Due best of Valentine's Day

For some Valentine's Day is a moment to exuberantly exalt the joyous celebration of love. For others it's an annual reminder of loneliness. For yet others it's a corporatized fake holiday where the forced exchange of confections and soon-to-die floral arrangements serves as an echo of all that is wrong with late-stage capitalism. In this collection of cupid's finest work, Lewis tackles all the relevant controversies surrounding the day, from what gifts are acceptable, to when the celebration falls in the calendar, to how it unfairly punishes the single. Enjoy!
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[@Demon666x3]

Valentines day was so cringe for men, we had to invent a new holiday on the day before Valentines day. We call it Superbowl sunday.

[@mireilledavidson9427]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@michellerobinson5061]

Now we're talking. The superbowl, I can get into!

[@treering8228]

I hate Valentines Day, too. It’s stupid. We already have birthdays, an anniversary and Christmas.

[@katherinemcintosh7247]

I have had one Valentine’s Day date in my life. It was my freshman year of college (in 1989) and the guy I was dating asked me to go out with him to dinner on Valentine’s Day. We both agreed that the dinner was fine but the occasion was stupid. I married a man who thinks,Valentines Day is just as stupid as I, and we are indoctrinating our girls with this idea…if you love someone, you let them know as often as possible. You show them you love them and you tell them you love them and this goes with any kind of relationship. People need to know they are loved on a regular basis.

[@rowynnecrowley1689]

Same. We don't really do Christmas, either. First of all, I'm Pagan and he's Atheist, but mostly we're like, "Why do we need a special day to buy things for each other? It's all the same money anyway. One way or another, we're both paying for whatever we get each other, so we just buy each other stuff whenever we feel like it and we have the money.

[@SarahRenz59]

I've been single for many years. Here's what I call my "Trifecta of Loneliness": New Year's Eve, my birthday in early February, and Valentine's Day. In roughly a 6-week span it's a triple whammy of reminders that I don't have anyone special in my life. One small consolation is that I get it all out of the way quickly and can enjoy the rest of the year. 📆🙆‍♀

[@marysmith8638]

think of all of the people who are married, but feel lonely. would you rather be in a loveless marriage or happily single?

[@anbadickerson9160]

And the sales don't forget the sales for after days shopping sales makes me a happy camper and I love lingerie when on sales favorite color are red and green anyway

[@d.e.b.b5788]

@@marysmith8638 Hey, once you're married, at least you're entitled to half of his assets for the rest of your life. Better than nothing.

[@JazTrance]

I'm in the same boat as you! And this year I turn 65 which makes it even worse.

[@jediknightjairinaiki560]

@@d.e.b.b5788 And your attitude is why men are hesitant to get married. Women who are in it (a marriage) for the possible financial payoff need to go straight to hell.

[@con.troller4183]

I always buy my lady Valentine's Day Chocolates, on February 15, when they are half price. If I paid full price for them I'd never hear the end of it.

[@TanookiWario]

CVS stands for cheap Valentine's surplus: Homer Simpson.

[@anbadickerson9160]

Yeah I get that too everything cheaper the day after but then I over due it on sale things I always get the best lingerie and pajamas nightie etc after Xmas, valentimes day, and mother's day best time for great sales prices

[@con.troller4183]

@@anbadickerson9160 Yep. Never buy at the beginning of a season. Buy your winter gear in June and your summer clothes in November.

[@jenniferlee-ly9li]

I ask my guys to do that and they don't, drives me nuts

[@divinebitter1638]

Feb 14 is Cheap Chocolate Eve!

[@katperson1955]

All of these holidays are there to increase the profit margin for corporate America.

[@larrystone]

Hello Feline

[@anonymousjohnson976]

It just seems to me that Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day, etc. are all about material "things."

[@katperson1955]

@@anonymousjohnson976 - Agreed. I would rather buy or make a gift for someone to show my love or appreciation of them, NOT because a holiday requires me to.

[@anonymousjohnson976]

@@katperson1955 : Yes, definitely, me too! I even like to surprise someone with a gift when they are not expecting it as it seems they appreciate it more. If we are always expecting gifts on these holidays, I don't think it means as much.

[@jaroldfreeman7654]

Yep.

[@karensexauer6138]

My Valentine's Day was spent at the Oncology department getting my fucking monthly cancer treatment that consists of fluids coming out and fluids going in. One of the fluids is more like a Jello shot right in the ass. My oncologist felt so bad she raided the box of chocolates in the staff breakroom. She is awesome btw...we're trying to figure out some mysterious masses in my liver that come and go. I told her I think it's actually a troll. She got very excited and said she will write a paper. She asked if I thought the troll would insist on equal credit. I didn't know, I don't speak troll. Her response? I think I know someone. Having cancer ducking SUCKS but having an awesome doctor makes it better. Have a fucking great halfway through February Lew. if I make it to next year, would you be my Valentine?

[@Joe-xo4yg]

A sense of humour is the one thing that annoys the hell outta trolls Keep it up, be well 🌻🌻🌻

[@kimgordon3695]

🙏🙏🙏🙋

[@doubledouble4g379]

I don't usually get my wife anything for valentines, but I wanted to hedge by bets this year: This will be out 20th year together, but the virus will more than likely spoil our plans to get away or do anything extravagant. I got her a toy she used to have as a child - she loves it because it's a precious memory AND because it proves I listen to her. She doesn't need to know it cost me $10 dollars...

[@WenbruReviews]

Well played, Sir🌹

[@doubledouble4g379]

@@WenbruReviews I also suggested we get married on the anniversary of our first date: One day to remember, one gift to get. We also had our first date at a donut shop, so I always have an excuse to take her somewhere cheap and she thinks I'm just being romantic ;)

[@mrsmartypants_1]

What did she get you?

[@doubledouble4g379]

@@mrsmartypants_1 My birthday is in 2 weeks, so it usually gets lumped-in with that.

[@katperson1955]

I would rather get a gift like that, one that thought and feelings went into, regardless of cost.

[@suzannahirwin7165]

I grew up on a small farm in Kansas and I HAVE ACTUALLY SEEN BULLSHIT ON A STICK. It was one of our favorite outside activities right behind yard darts.

[@nicholasfarrell5981]

Sounds better than playing Surprise Tag with the bees.

[@dverygrateful1]

I hate valentines day. A divorce that kicked me in the head ruined my life! For me learning about her cheating,Was finalized on that day. So F 💝 day

[@JaneDoe-ci3gj]

So sorry. You deserve better!

[@bbeyez]

I am so sorry sweetie

[@jacobdehaan4114]

Definitely! Fuck that bullshit holiday!

[@gregorygarland6019]

Fuck Valentine’s Day. Period.

[@nancigordon1174]

My favorite: “If anyone knows the true meaning of Valentine’s Day, it’s a cockatoo.”

[@richgerow3472]

Valentine's Day is just a happy reminder to me that I don't have to spend money on a partner who I'm stuck in a failing marriage/relationship with.

[@mrnonsense1031]

every year on Valentine's Day, I always have the same reaction: "We're still doing this?"

[@jrkc9218]

The best Valentine’s Day present was this video.

[@AManIsNoOne67]

Swap Valentine's Day with Father's Day. Guys will be happy as shit to get a new snow shovel.

[@danielranderson9115]

Simply the best Lewis. The best evah!!!

[@IMeMineWho]

If you are in a relationship, you feel pressured to move to a new level, and if you arent in one, you feel alone! Win!

[@bigeffinowl]

Valentine's Day stopped being fun after elementary school, when the teacher made each of us give a card to everyone in class, even if we hated them. In second grade, it seems I might've put a booger in a Valentine addressed to one Scott McDonald. Because he stole the Pink Pearl eraser my mother gave me (though I found it in his desk and swiped it back).

[@zaaz1471]

That last one about "Do you know what she's having?" and the hospital visit... were the best i'm still chuckling.

[@citizenVader]

I became happy the day I bought a gift for valentine's day to someone who appreciated the gift. And I have bought myself a gift every year ever since.

[@juresichj]

I disagree with February being a bad month for Valentines Day. Hearts and flowers are a wonderful relief from a winter landscape. The commercialization, germ-spreading, etc. complaints of the rants are right on, however. I had a blast making valentines with my granddaughter last weekend, so she could send them to the loved-ones in her life. Colored paper, doilies, bows, stickers, glitter glue, etc. made for a lovely afternoon. We do it every year.

[@JaneDoe-ci3gj]

Aww that a nice tradition!🥰 Great idea!

[@lauriegiggy5878]

Yes! A bright spot in winter!

[@jimjett9996]

Hi Lewis, love your shows and thanks to all that send in there rants !

[@alainsavard3680]

February 14th is just a Hallmark holiday... Commercialism at its best.

[@jacobdehaan4114]

Absolutely! Fuck it

[@SeaYaSailing]

Lewis, I agree with you on this. But I have another scope of this "holiday", if you have significant other, you do not need a group of people to tell you how to love them. Every day should be valentines days for your special person in your life.

[@shawneeomshanticatsantuary6157]

I got the hubs a 7 lb. brisket for Valentine's Day! I even cooked it up for him!

[@justiningram6640]

I'm literally 100% sure that first 1 is mine you saved me Mr.Black.

[@annehatter3319]

First V day that I knew my husband he brought me a dozen 🌹. I asked "where's the chocolate?" 1/2 price chocolate is a long tradition for us

[@irvingsherwood1234]

Its the saddest day of the year. If it isn't, give it a year or two.

[@GDJ1957]

Hello Mr. Black, I am a moderate Christian with tolerance of all people. I also can tell me, and you would not agree on too many things concerning politics, but you still make me laugh my ass off. 😆

[@mariealainawalukas3048]

I am going to use “bullshit on a stick” to describe the next thing that pisses me off. So let it be written, so it shall be done. 😂

[@skepticalsmurf]

I'm a free agent and I'm loving(pun intended)it!!! relationships(any kind esp intimate)are hard work...

[@cmcordoYT]

I stopped dating, looking for anyone to be romantic with me, and will never be in a relationship ever again. I finally realized over 18 years ago that romance is nonsense and I never liked being intimate with anyone anyway (it felt like a duty). I was married for over 7 years and then divorced. For some reason, I went back to seeing if I could find a boyfriend. After dating some, I realized that I do better on my own. I love making my own decisions on nearly every aspect of my life, I don't have to "compromise" my time, energy, or any of that nonsense.

[@skepticalsmurf]

@@cmcordoYT I haven't given up on relationships,I'm just on a very long hiatus... I have hurt and been hurt by former partners,I felt I needed a period of maturation/reality... never say never...

[@cmcordoYT]

@@skepticalsmurf I know that you are not saying "never", but I am.

[@noahvr5675]

The kids can't bring candy or cupcakes to school it has to be stickers and it's not valentines day it's friendship day. This is nuts.

[@kathrynmceachern9503]

Whaaa??? The mind, it breaks under the strain of this nonsense.

[@daviddaugherty6564]

I got married on valentines day 32 years ago I tried so hard to get married on Saint Patrick's day but I lost the argument for that like so many other arguments that I have lost through the years

[@WenbruReviews]

The charity idea is really spot on - we are passionate about pets and have a grandson who has childhood epilepsy, so we donate to those organizations…

[@JaneDoe-ci3gj]

I heard someone say that Valentine's day is SAD single awareness day!🤣🥲 As always thanks for the laugh Lewis!👍 A rose🌹 and a hug, to everybody out there who needs it!🤗 700 million for Valentine's gifts for pets! 🙃🙃Wrong Lewis or rather Louis🤦‍♀️ I'm with you Lewis we should all give our Valentine's gift to charity, imagine the joy that would create! I'm single at the moment but I would rather have someone clean the house, cook me dinner or give me a foot rub, or try to get better at listener than buy me flowers. If you have a pet (that's not overweight) give them a some yummy food or make them a toy out of paper and string and play with them.

[@WenbruReviews]

You were on him the first time: It’s Lewis…

[@WenbruReviews]

I am a good organic micro farmer. I canned 8 cases of San Marzano tomatoes, 4 cases of fuzzy Armenian cucumbers, lemon cucumbers and (white) salt & pepper cukes - We grow deep purple with orange center carrots. I am not kidding when I say I can kill a houseplant in 3 days or less - even the indestructible ficus! So, it’s just a sad waste of money to bring home anything…. But if you want to give the dog a bath, or unload the dishwasher, that’s going to work out well for all involved 🌹😎❤️

[@jenniferellenburg7609]

I agree ... from both sides.. Married 18yrs.... Divorce 5yrs Relationships since 2...Two to Man

[@dark12ain]

Bro I love the random out burst 🤣🤣🤣 it's sooo funny and the angry rants man it's priceless

[@musicauthority7828]

I agree with you Lewis Black 100%. they need to move Valentine's day to any other month of the year. because for me it's a double whammy of depression each and every year that goes by. because my birthday is four days after Valentine's day. so like for many years now I spend Valentine's day alone. and face the realization that I will never have a soulmate. and then like clockwork four days later I get nailed with the fact that I'm another year older. and I have to face the realization that I'm without a doubt doomed to spend the rest of my life alone. it's quite painful but the simple fact is that's just the way it is. and I just have to move on with my pathetic life. seriously you don't want to know how long it's been since I have been laid. hell I don't want to think about it because if I did I would probably go bah wacko. so I have found a cure for my rotten dilemma. it isn't a great cure but after all it's a cure. and that is I just don't celibate any holidays anymore. they are just another day just like all the rest. but there's one brite light I can get to have in this miserable egsistance. and that is I can always depend on you to make me LMFAO.

[@cmcordoYT]

I hope that your misery over not getting laid or having a partner on a regular basis is actually based on how society acts like you are not worth much without a partner and not something more serious. I can't convince you with just a few words, but having a partner is not all it is cracked up to be. There are so many people who are in relationships and/or married that are even more miserable than you. They feel trapped, they are afraid to get out, or they don't want to have others see them leave their partner (friends and family can put a lot of unnecessary pressure for people to stay together). I've talked with men who have kids with their wives, but the wives have cut off the physical action because they know their man isn't going anywhere at that point. I know of women who are married to men who hate them and they hate them also and just stay together so that they don't lose their assets. Some stay together "for the kids", and it is crazy how many people pretend to be happily married but are cheating or wishing their spouse was dead. Try to see that you are in charge of your life, especially without a partner. Having a partner can end up dragging you down or trying to control you and you will be more miserable than you ever imagined. Put it into your head that you are the one in charge of your own life and you can try to change the things you don't like about your life right now. Do what you think might make your life better and stop thinking about how a partner is going to save you from misery. If you can't think of any fun hobbies or any ideas to improve your life, just take a nap every once in a while and realize that you can take your nap without someone getting mad at you for resting. If you don't like to rest, find ways to get out and do things, even free things, like going for walks. You might consider contacting a therapist and figure out why you think that a partner is the be all, end all for you. Try to stop thinking about all the women out there that will not be in your life and try to make yourself present to yourself in your life. I was once married and miserable. I got a divorce and thought I had to find a replacement. Thankfully, I realized that I can be happy without a partner. I went back to school to work on my MBA, I continued to work full-time, I bought and sold my own homes without a real estate agent (used a lawyer), learned how to decorate my home without breaking the bank, I made my environment better each day, and I've made a lot of friends from here in the US and from other countries. There is so much that the Internet has to off regarding ideas for learning how to cook better, learning how to do various things that may interest you, and knowing that you can make your own decisions that do not harm others, of course, life can really be fun. You get to celebrate any or no holidays you want, without the pressure of romantic partners who insist on getting more gifts from you.

[@EpicJasonX9000]

can we finally have an official holiday called *National Fuck You Day* on the calendar while we drop a huge chunk of holidays we don't need?

[@christaporche]

Love it! Love it! Love it! Hilarious routine! I really need some good laughs.

[@Melissa-sp1ud]

If Lewis (justifiably) hates Valentine’s Day so much, I’d like to hear his thoughts on Sweetest Day.

[@MZTHICK76]

He would probably explode about Sweetest Day🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@anonymousjohnson976]

I think it would a lot more fun and beneficial if we had some holidays where people just did errands for others, helped them out with their home repairs, did some free babysitting for them, etc. etc. Giving a person our time is much more important than material things.

[@larryjones4096]

As one who's birthday falls on this day,i've learned simplicity is best.Each day alive is already a blessing,as a vet i prize that more than anything.Every new year now past my 53 on this earth are now celebrated with a shot of scotch,some Star Wars on vid and rockin'out to some old tunes while cooking up some old family recipes with the lil' bits as my sou chefs.

[@hiromihester6432]

Thank you for posting so funny

[@lucashouse9117]

This is so true... Valentines day is the worst.

[@gastondeveaux3783]

Is there a word beyond genius ? That is what Lewis Black is.

[@stephaniehand503]

thanks

[@Americanbear1]

It’s my birthday so…it turns out I’m the best gift the world needed!

[@tonyarichards5430]

Fuck Facebook. Forever.

[@MapleSyrupPoet]

Heyyy let's have another one of those "Shirt Days" 👕 ...beige shirt day for Armadillos

[@macofalltrades6396]

"Another shitty gift!" lol

[@theboyisnotright6312]

Happy VD everyone 😀

[@vagabondmike5870]

Don’t forget the penicillin.

[@joannbowden6220]

My late husband used to get me a 1 lb. box of Godiva chocolates 4 X's a yr. Valentine's day, Mother's day, my birthday & Christmas. God, I miss that man! 😂

[@REVIVALFitness]

Spot on about Valentine’s Day. Just another excuse to guilt people into buying stuff, and of course women love it.

[@joerudnik9290]

My grandparents and parents gave their kids valentine’s candy and cards. Who says it has to be about romantic interests only?! We gave every student in our class a valentine in grade school, it was a school tradition, plus conversation hearts candy included in the envelopes.

[@bbeyez]

Make it August... a nice summer's day

[@trishayamada807]

My husband and I don’t give each other gifts in contrived gift giving days. We prefer to travel. We do though buy gifts for our children for Christmas and their birthdays.

[@ursaltydog]

KZbin keeps taking down the Rantcast at Minnesota... wtf??? LOL

[@michelleelizabeth1063]

Send it to a charity for the preservation of squirrels 🎉😂

[@NewMessage]

At least have a single person's day to balance it out... where you give a single person you know a membership to PH, and a bottle of lotion.

[@skepticalsmurf]

I'II settle for a Wendy's gift certificate,lol...

[@Corbomite_Meatballs]

@@skepticalsmurf Wendy's? Trade up and go to Panera or somewhere else with better burgers.

[@jacobdehaan4114]

That's the best single guys can do on Valentine's Day

[@rRobertSmith]

Yes, the famous Valentines Day stock crash of 2009.

[@SkyeRangerNick]

In the for what it is worth department; my older brother was born on the day after Christmas. I was conceived on Valentine's Day. There is some math involved in that I think. It all worked out well for me.

[@Iffy350]

Off season halloween! It’s only good for candy.

[@virtual2152]

I gave my wife shock absorbers for her car on Valentine's Day. hahaha

[@SweetMercy]

A hallmark day of love, in the beginning of the fucking flu season!

[@PeterCombs]

Valentine's Day was INVENTED by Hallmark...literally.

[@SylvesterCarl]

We should continue the Chicago precedent and take politicians out back of a garage in an alleyway. That would make people feel loved.

[@ninehundreddollarluxuryyac5958]

I'm a grumpy old man now, but when I was young and stupid, I was engaged to two women and married a third. I have a cat now, and no matter what happens, the cat never says anything.

[@kimgordon3695]

$38B to CHILD TRAFFICKING

[@racheladkins6060]

Amen Lewis! Preach it brother black?

[@rridderbusch518]

My ex LOVED Valentine's Day. He'd buy me a "ho dress" or miniskirt and trot me from bar to bar IN THE EFFING SNOW! In high-heels. Guess what he got when we got home... #!&%!@

[@PredatorFan13]

The last two rants were the best.

[@ArkaeaFCL3]

Fuck valentine's day.

[@DrRussPhd]

Go Lewis, go!!

[@tomasinacovell4293]

It belongs in April or something?

[@bobblues1158]

Throw Halloween in.

[@TheRealPurpleSmurf]

February 14, 2019 I bought a casket for my only son at 15 months old...

[@tncorgi92]

Does anyone know why Lewis's rant videos change to "private" the day after they're posted? I've missed the last three because of that.

[@Caperhere]

It’s just as big a cash grab as Christmas.

[@kimgordon3695]

Let's bypass FEBRUARY

[@kimgordon3695]

fu attention lacking ... ___

[@onfootbassin]

That person who wrote in saying "I'm getting diagnosed with autism, so I'll never get laid" needs to keep on trying. I have it and I've done it and have an amazing girlfriend right now. You can't stop trying and learning how to do better.

[@IronMan-kz8tg]

Try having your birthday on it , I GET NOTHING .

[@keltirowell]

How many people here really need all that chocolate ?

[@denisefallin8042]

"MOVE IT OUTTA FLU SEASON*. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jenniferellenburg7609]

Gift your village...It takes a village to raise a child..Those are the ones I believe the gifts of love should go to.. appreciate them by something kind-hearted!

[@neuvocastezero1838]

I never understood all the complaints about V-day. Enjoy a nice meal out with the significant other, maybe some flowers, and then go home and snuggle, because it's February.. It's a bit weird to have Sweetest Day too though.

[@blath19]

It had to be said - and was said very eloguently :)

[@hermionegardener3796]

Valentine's Day was created for Corporations to get in the black again after xmas, nobody's buying enough flowers and candy in February. Give the corporations a break, they're so poor, they need the money. Who cares if the holiday gives consumers depression?

[@WenbruReviews]

And it’s practically right after the Super Bowl, but no one thinks of that😎

[@quiet_guy9772]

Valentine's day is so cringe and cheesy. I've been single all of my life so, that's probably why I'm so biased and bitter 😂

[@fredricclack7137]

Marriage, as Well! 💒

[@robertwoods3750]

let's move it to feb.30th.

[@jamesralston8649]

valentines day is the price you pay after you are done watching football

[@nobleone89]

The only month that’s worse than February is March. Fuck March.

[@Ihavenohandle....]

If they didn't invent holidays through out the year then people would be more likely to save their money also it helps stimulus the economy. That's why I say "the biggest money maker of all time is the exploitation of human emotions." Because all holidays revolve around some stupid emotion that we feel towards whatever holiday that just so happens to be coming up.

[@dianawhitney3083]

I love you! You do know that Valentinus was executed for performing marriages, don't you? Then a couple of centuries later, he was made a Saint. From someone who has been divorced twice, I say it was just punishment....

[@maryknight4109]

Diana Whitney - Hilarious.😄👏😄👏😄👏

[@joerudnik9290]

Yes but Valentine’s Day paraphernalia bring a lot of jobs to many people, not to mention a lot of positive feelings. If you don’t receive much on that day join up with others that are left out too.

[@bettegregory4960]

I totally agree with him! I am female married 55 yts

[@mariofernandez7227]

Valentine's Day is just a day to make single people feel alone. F@#$ Valentine's Day!!! February is supposed to be Black History Month. That's it. Screw making yourself feel bad on a love day!!!

[@davidlindsay131]

9:40 ! :D lol

[@barrettpickett5603]

I am in therapy because of all these shitty gifts. Ha, ha