LIVE! FROM THE BLACK LIBRARY On The Funniest 40K Moments

LIVE! FROM THE BLACK LIBRARY On The Funniest 40K Moments | Astartes Anonymous Podcast #26

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@phantomwraith1984 6 ай бұрын

One of the funniest moments for me was in arks of omen. (Paraphrasing) Belakor: "You will not be the next chaos god, Vashtorr! I will stop you!" Vashtorr: "Oh yeah? You and what army?" Belakor: "Half of your army!" Half of Vashtorr's black legion is the alpha legion working for Belakor. EDIT: Another favorite funny moment was when Kharn was on a rampage, killing loyalists and traitors alike. He's completely consumed in his blood rage. The admiral of the chaos fleet has to order a retreat as the traitors are losing, but kharn isn't listening to the order to retreat. So he orders his teleportarium to bring kharn off the planet and back into the fleet. The teleport master says something along the lines of "Are you sure?", knowing that Kharn will start killing the crew if he's teleported up. The Admiral looks back and knows what the teleport master means. "Do you think me a fool? No, don't teleport him onto MY ship! Teleport him onto THAT ship." he says while gesturing to an escort ship. Kharn gets teleported up, and the escort ship gets towed by the fleet because everyone knows Kharn just killed the crew.

@rollerskdude 6 ай бұрын

No it's alpharius

@QuantemDeconstructor 6 ай бұрын

Be'Lakor refuses to ever be outmatched

@slevinlaine 6 ай бұрын

LOL!

@immortaldeathgod3941 4 ай бұрын

Both of these are funny.

@judeblack4360 4 ай бұрын

Some of my favorite 40k moments come from Assassinorum: Kingmaker, a fantastic book where Absolom Raithe (a Vindicare), Sycorax (a Callidus) Avaaris Koln (a Vanus) and Rakkan (an alcoholic Armiger pilot) go to stop a knight world from seceding with copious amounts of murder. Here's some highlights: - Raithe gets into an argument with Sycorax and says something to the effect of "go shapeshift into someone who respects authority." - The knight world's main sacristan goes on a rant about how much she hates Belisarius Cawl's grav-tanks. - Rakkan's mother has such a foul mouth that it's rumored her house uses her to strip the paint off of knight suits. - Koln's weapons of choice are finger guns. - Sycorax calls Guilliman a "blue bastard" at one point.

@librarybear3419 6 ай бұрын

In the Vengeful Spirit, a marine from the Sons of Horus notices that a dying Loyalist commander trying to aim her pistol before expiring. The marine scoffs and tells her to give her best shot. Except he misidentified her weapon: it was not a decorated las pistol, but volkite. The shot went straight through one of his hearts and Abaddon calls him a moron once he wakes up. Transhuman arrogance at its best.

@clydecraft5642 6 ай бұрын

i wonder if his buddies just let it happen or if everyone had a collective dumb moment

@spencerbajer8836 4 ай бұрын

"Should we warn him befor-" "No, shh, it'll be funny!"

@Mondy667 3 ай бұрын

Iirc their reaction after the shot was to kill her first then say along the lines of "this bitch" and disbelief but it's been 6 years since I read the Vengeful Spirit

@Rob0Penguin 6 ай бұрын

Dorn aggravating Khorne with his reciting of military doctrine and not fully vowing blood to the chaos God always cracks me up.

@slevinlaine 6 ай бұрын

Yeah yeah yeah, I'm reading that right now and I find it brilliant! The way it starts and it's so good, like Dorn being what happened, and then you as a reader start to connect the dots and you're like oh... : D.

@theone-tg4ey 3 ай бұрын

lul sorry

@shikatsu 4 ай бұрын

Honestly, listening to Pharos has been a comedy riot, "We Float For McCrage!" "Avenging Bean Counter" and Mericus the Sassy...

@Wiz161 6 ай бұрын

The Caiaphas Cain quote is from the traitor's hand book which in my opinion is the funniest Cain book out of them all.

@bersewarsong2380 6 ай бұрын

Especially the line about all the wires being purple cause the main enemy is that Slaaneshi cult... so of course the damn wires are purple.

@darkpit37 6 ай бұрын

Idk whether it's funnier to think Lukas the Trickster is actually screwing a rogue trader or if he's just pulling their legs

@Wolfstanus 6 ай бұрын

OK that bit of banter and fart joke with the space wolves. Some people have no idea how wholesome that banter actually is to have in real life between soldiers.

@Crouza 6 ай бұрын

It's childish, which is brilliant because they're all children.

@BridgetOfHestia 6 ай бұрын

I remember reading an account of some American soldiers in Iraq who were doing a night raid to arrest someone. In the process of setting up to break the door down, one of them accidently rang the doorbell. Supposedly they all looked at each other in horror for a moment before realizing "You know this might work". I know I'd never expect heavily armed men to politely ring the doorbell.

@evgeniivanov2538 6 ай бұрын

There was this scene from Angron: red angel - that I found absolutely hilarious :The captain of the Conquer Kossolax wants to kill the spirit piloting the ship and she is absolutely not having it : ‘And what then, Kossolax Foresworn? Who will keep this ship’s crew fed, its population in balance? Who will ensure its guns are loaded and its furnaces hot? The World Eaters?’ She produced another dry, retching laugh. It left her face in the rictus shape of a smile. ‘Do you even know when and where the Conqueror last took on fuel? Or from whom?’ Kossolax snarled. ‘I will not share glory.’ for reference Kossolax has had the ship for atlleast 600 years.

@BridgetOfHestia 6 ай бұрын

From Traitor's Hand (I believe), a Ciaphas Cain novel. They've raided a Slaanesh hideout and stumbled across some rather explicit holoslates. One of the troopers is staring at one and says "Is that even possible?" To which Cain replies "No, and if it were, it would be against regulations." A+ use of reader imagination. Haven't read that book in over a decade and the line still sticks with me. The great bit about the Cain novels is the soldiers have variety and occasional humor. Like when (I think the same book) they see a Khornate berserker, the Sergeant's order is "Big red thing, five rounds rapid!". Understandable crisp order, and absolutely someone holding onto their bowels by willpower alone.

@TwojaStaraIFrytki 6 ай бұрын

I always imagine Wolfs of Fenrys go from "wolf-pup frat boys" to "Pure Danger Werewolf-Vikings" during their lifetimes

@BTM8109 6 ай бұрын

Lol that Iron Warrior understood the concept of a grav tank and still got pancaked, accomplishing nothing

@wiktorsierakowski1022 6 ай бұрын

The Alpha Legion story was fucking hilarious, I have to read it

@capsizemoonz2251 6 ай бұрын

One of my favorite moments is from a recent book called da red gobbo rides again and its at the beginning where the painboy stimma is given an impromptu lesson on ork biology from the old painboy cause he took a railgun to the side And i qoute “ vakka a painboy to the last didn’t waste the chance to make the most of a really horribe injury. Like a schola-demonstrator leading an amputation, he’d guided stimmas meaty hand to each of his organs, explaining what they did, how they worked. ‘Dats da wobbler’ vakka had said, forcibly placing stimmas fingers against a quivering lump of flesh that hung loosely from his ruined flank. ‘It wibbles.’ “

@kristophermichaud4467 6 ай бұрын

"This is an unfortunate side effect of my brother. Just accept them the way they are" had me laughing out loud

@theone-tg4ey 3 ай бұрын

everyone is valid. please heal and restore everything back to normal and let me enjoy life :(

@alexanderingraham8255 Ай бұрын

@theone-tg4ey What about people who LIKE Monday mornings. I feel like they deserve some form of sensor… 😂

@HazelVandice 6 ай бұрын

The Ynnari books are great because there are chapters that are from the point of view of the cat. Also, the second book the autarch and the Kabalitte Interactions are great.

@sanuku535 6 ай бұрын

1:38:29 Rofl Corvux just burnnned the entire legion with one answer. I am dying inside

@clarenceweaver1820 2 ай бұрын

I love when Trayzn and Orikan are heckling the play in The Infinite and the Divine

@gremblorthesackgoblin7953 6 ай бұрын

1:08:57 That "ITS MY TUUUURN" that was just shot into the void fucking slayed me

@magosofmars8410 6 ай бұрын

I love that space wolves book its even funnier when you realise thats Ragnar blackmane as a bloodclaw

@hahamadeyouread214 6 ай бұрын

I was really hoping for this collab! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT IS IN REAL SPACE

@ArcticCorvus 6 ай бұрын

We float for Macragge! (Pharos)

@undercovertakodachi4301 6 ай бұрын

oh this got me dead on the floor when I read this.

@AdamTheJaggi 6 ай бұрын

The Fire Hawks(I think) were Orange, that's why GW murdered them into the Legion of the Damned.

@Lady-Ashe-Bright 6 ай бұрын

I think the best theory is that upon the death of alpharous and omegon they fused together and became Sigmagon the ultraprimarch

@bensarchminion 6 ай бұрын

I heard that deep in the bowels of IKEA HQ they have a room with the platonic ideal furniture set, that all other furniture is but a mockery of.

@hurnn1543 6 ай бұрын

It starts with "Kharn? Would you like to know who killed Argel Tal?

@phantomwraith1984 6 ай бұрын

*"Many HAs"*

@sergiogriffis5004 6 ай бұрын

As I’ve been listening to this. The Blark and Son reference, absolutely sent me through the roof 😂 keep up the good work guys

@constantinepeterson6874 3 ай бұрын

1:40:07 What do you mean, forgotten? I still wait for Corax to reunite with the Emperor and tell him all the new swear words he invented.

@evandavies16 6 ай бұрын

For the Ciaphas Cain excerpt I'm fairly sure it comes from The Traitors's Hand and yes it is a funny scene. My favorite line was the Tech Priest just shrugs and says pray to the Omnisiah?

@Goblintracker 6 ай бұрын

0:06 The bass in your opening music bumps! I was pleasantly surprised, I must say.

@deadsea9697 6 ай бұрын

Now all we need is a warhammer blunt rotation vid and a which primarch would you vote for president 😂

@noblereflex8332 2 ай бұрын

Guilliman or Vulkan for president

@Smilomaniac 6 ай бұрын

"Orange is the black sheep of colors" I have an orange marine army. It's a horrendous color to paint with, to the point that I had to get and learn how to airbrush in order to make my scheme easier to do.

@dalamarwren424 6 ай бұрын

This is like the best mash up in the history of ever. Chrono and the Anonymous podcast in one video is a forbidden wine I love to drink. P.s it seems like the resident Night Lord has vacated the premise. I have a feeling our Harlequins opinions on the Night lords and his FAVORITE Night Lord may uh…have something to do with that

@AverageIrishDude 6 ай бұрын

I can't think of a 40k moment but I can think of one from fantasy in a gotrek and felix book were there in a underground dwarf city that's under seidge and they talking about how to evaluate the city and gold and felix suggests to just leave the gold and then all the dwarfs go silent and give him a look disgust😂😂😂

@Greenman-io7pr 6 ай бұрын

"When they all got goofy and SCP went to shit" *sssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhh*

@TeamOneDay 6 ай бұрын

Long live RPC. Serious, what a disaster SCP turned into.

@kingofthefunnyguys 6 ай бұрын

@@TeamOneDayWhat is RPC?

@marcog.verbruggen674 6 ай бұрын

no idea what yall talking about SCP is still going strong as ever lol

@Greenman-io7pr 6 ай бұрын

@@TeamOneDay Ah yes, one of the 7 shitty alts made when some assholes got triggered at the existence of queer people Defenitely good indicators when the official discord of em endorses the use of slurs n shit, that always hints at good people

@Greenman-io7pr 6 ай бұрын

@@TeamOneDay The only people I ever saw genuinely talk as RPC as being better are people that endlessly whine about gay and trans people existing. Especially since that's the reason the breakoff even occured.

@magosofmars8410 6 ай бұрын

I feel like you guys are the top gear of warhammer its all the banter and joking around

@slammgames7425 6 ай бұрын

Is the first model supposed to be Adam smasher from cyberpunk? That logo is the Arasaka corp logo

@przemysawseredyszyn1405 6 ай бұрын

Thats a bonsai tree. Arasaka logo is more geometric. My guess is the Emperors Shadows chapter.

@slammgames7425 6 ай бұрын

@@przemysawseredyszyn1405 damn your right didn't even know about that chapter, what a sick logo. Thanks

@tosdi227 6 ай бұрын

its emperors shadows :D

@donaldstraitiff7827 6 ай бұрын

I can understand worrying about that couch in the trunk. If it had fallen out and been hit by a Volvo or an old Saab you would have had to see your brand new couch reduced to its subatomic components and maybe have to pay for the scratch in the other driver's paint.

@arthurcarmo7546 3 ай бұрын

I feel sad for the Jagathai Fulgrim debacle because when you stop to pay some attention in between the lines, its clearly Fulgrim trying to bond with his brother who he believes they would have some affinity... In... a very Fulgrim way that unfortunatelly aways sounds very pettish but is his way of showing interest. Fulgrim was just trying to get closer to the Khan.

@diddlydeeitse6396 6 ай бұрын

another one is a Salamanders space marine telling an Iron Hands marine that the whole legion has a stick up their ass. This made the iron hands marine laugh.

@ethanharulow3162 6 ай бұрын

Tom getting triggered at 1.25x Speed is absolutely chaotic and it's amazing

@DragonsHoardOfPlastic 6 ай бұрын

2:46 Love the new Astartes Anonymous lore that Moots is mono-pose xD

@OranjMoose 6 ай бұрын

Hearing Tom lose his fucking mind was very funny

@Rubberduckzillas 6 ай бұрын

I think this may have been your best one yet!

@joeford5181 6 ай бұрын

I Cato Sicarius am trying to understand your joke father....

@thevidsonfire 6 ай бұрын

One of my favorite funny moments in lore is near the end of the fall of cadia when greyfax cancels the previous Inquisitor saying no one is leaving by saying shut up I've been stationed here on this planet far before you were even born get me off this planet damn it. Plus and trazyn scenes in fall of cadia are just a fun time

@myonlyfriendtheend4958 6 ай бұрын

the angels penitent is primary orange with a black highly recommend as they're the main sm chapter for the dark coil series

@jo_ken 6 ай бұрын

A shame the Alesio Cortez from Rynn’s world wasn’t brought up with him talking to Kantor about loosing his arm and telling Kantor he hadn’t lost it before pointing back to his dismembered arm.

@LuckyTheReviewer 6 ай бұрын

No they did, it's under the part labeled "YOU'VE LOST AN ARM?!"

@jo_ken 6 ай бұрын

@@LuckyTheReviewerAh must’ve missed it when I turned out of the live for a bit and came back.

@LoreSponge 6 ай бұрын

Funny thing about orange being the least common color, is that orange and blue is exactly what I'm painting my Salamanders successor chapter lmao

@arnekrug939 6 ай бұрын

> "The only one in a liveable place" because others live in Europe >wants to move to Europe something is not tracking

@alexandrudorries3307 6 ай бұрын

The irony being that the USA is practically a deathworld for anyone without a car.

@Tortle-Man 6 ай бұрын

He doesn’t want to move to Europe he wants to live to Germany. VERY BIG DIFFERENCE! \s

@aguspuig6615 6 ай бұрын

hes an american, let him cope he has it hard enough

@aguspuig6615 6 ай бұрын

i mean, is germany not the posterchild for european countries? its literally in the middle of it@@Tortle-Man

@arnekrug939 6 ай бұрын

@@aguspuig6615 It's sarcastic as you can see by the "/s". But yes, Germany is in the middle Europe. We often call our food and culture "mitteleuropäisch" (Central European).

@Channel-23s 6 ай бұрын

Servtar also once console Konrad while he was having a mental breakdown and told everyone to leave the control room and it was only those two together and when he was done he asked if Servtar wanted to know how’s he’s going to die and the badass says “Naw” I hate Konrad as he’s a lying dickhead with excuses but Servtar is badass even tho he’s a evil guy but he owns it and was the first to say “death to the false Emperor”

@gruk5319 6 ай бұрын

Tbf people overlook bomebrews often dont NEED something to fit the story and such can just be used as a place holder or to serve as just cool artwork i mean even the model itself gives off a kinda chapter that was born of russes geneseed since they have as much on their armour that fits just to their homeworld as much as the markings to show they're luna wolves

@andrewcruickshank6177 6 ай бұрын

you giys bring smilles to faces and thank you for helping me get into 40k

@alexlanger2022 4 ай бұрын

For those interested in the Ciaphas Cain excerpt it's from the third book The Traitor's Hand. I also highly recommend the Ciaphas Cain series, it's a great time the whole way through.

@patrickborchert5336 Ай бұрын

The Khan being Musashi makes sense for when he makes the return to 40k

@freeze2859 6 ай бұрын

Spoilers for Da Big Dakka, but whilst Uftak s fighting in an arena in Camoragh they put him up against a crimson fist, who obviously hates orks, and the crimson fist comes at him gets his shit rocked then gets full on godzilla throwing a spider thrown into the crowd of drukari watching, I was laughing so goddam hard

@flyfisher967 2 ай бұрын

My favorite line was when Horus said "it's heresy time" and proceeds to horus heresy all over the place and become the 40k warhammers

@LinkiePup 6 ай бұрын

1:01:46 I don’t think I’ve seen Tom this mad since Hannibal’s Lectern

@konradcurze7657 5 күн бұрын

Lukas the trickster, Lukas the jackal wolf! Don’t forget he put fur lice in Logan grimnar’s armor!

@slevinlaine 6 ай бұрын

3:15 HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. I had to subscribe, loving your work guys, keep it up, love the guests you bring! The Amber king, Chrono, The Rememberancer, Pancreas was it? Soo sorry if I made a fool of myself right now. :p Hopefully you get my point :p. 3:26 YES SOO true!! 22:17 So on point!! 1:38:25 So true!!

@Channel-23s 6 ай бұрын

Most of the Cain books is absolutely funny too just the entire series basically 😂😂🤣🤣 or the Orks

@Asgardiom 6 ай бұрын

7:56 can conform that as being true

@lukecarter9543 6 ай бұрын

Why was the first seven minutes of this video of just IKEA 🤣🤣

@hadeshades2365 6 ай бұрын

40:11 a friend has a neurological defect. When not drunk, he tumbles around knocking into things and has a hard time forming sentences. There’s a view ways he gets normal, getting very tired like sleeping while trying to eat tired. Getting sleep medication since that puts him in the state previously described. Being drunk like 1,5-3‰ calms him down as well. Weed obviously also works. Sadly it’s not as funny as it sounds. His deficiency basically banns him from driving communication is horrible ect.

@Voiddrake836 6 ай бұрын

1:58:29 is my absolute favorite ork moment of all time.

@swagpharius_swolemegon 4 ай бұрын

The Cain excerpt comes from I believe the third full book in the series

@Tucker0603 Ай бұрын

I love shroud of night. As an alpha legion man it's one of my favorite books. Edit: talker is from the audio drama: Prophets of the WAAAGH

@douglaswetak9686 5 ай бұрын

I swear when Fulgrim returns, the Khan will as well, and the first thing the Khan will say is ‘Still doing strange things to your men brother?’

@ChideraAnagwu-rm6xw 6 ай бұрын

Imagine that was an actual chapter

@notoffensivenpc8400 19 күн бұрын

i think we need each traitor legion that is chaos undivided or just not chaos to have an omnibus that follows just a group of guys doing shennanigans across the milkyway, screwing over both sides because they are just done with the whole conflict. cause with the unsung and talos and his merry band of friends, we can see it makes for very nice stories. now imagine a group of iron warriors who are just going around the galaxy acting like bateman from american psycho, only to drop everything they are doing because they have a chance to fuck over the imperial fists

@ZrrMe 5 ай бұрын

Just something that got a little giggle out of me when I first got to it. A Thousand Son, World Eater, and an Emperor's Children Astartes walk into a bar. Except the bar is actually The Vengeful Spirit, and the bartender is Ezekiel Abaddon. He lured them to the world the ship was currently on as part of his plan to get the Black Legion going, and as they're all talking he's trying to be formal and offers them drinks. The Thousand Son thinks to himself the drink tastes like gasoline and Abaddon says "Yeah so this is basically adrenochrome mixed with some other eldritch reagents and a good attempt at synthesized ectoplasm". While the Thousand Son is processing this, the World Eater says it's good and he likes it. The Thousand Son does his magic thing and psychically reaches out to see if he's being earnest and he is.

@lopesj6670 6 ай бұрын

The unsung gonna get recruited by Constantine

@HenchmenNo616 6 ай бұрын

Shroud of Night, directed by Wes Anderson

@penpaperfury5397 6 ай бұрын

surprised there wasn't anything from Infinite and The Divine

@andresperedo1275 5 ай бұрын

In the book Warhawk, the secuence where Arkhan Land is running across the battlefield is crazy funny. All of it.

@doomslayerprime9749 Ай бұрын

Dear God seei f Tom this pissed off made me cry laughing 58:49 😂

@steve7566 6 ай бұрын

Cain story is from the Traitor hand btw

@LordTheCyril Ай бұрын

I know this is 5months old There is one where Alpharius goes "But, my sons! Look upon me! I Alpharius and I am returned!" Only to be meet with "You remember we all look the same, right?" "This happens every tuesday" "I am Alpharius" -said by guy making airquotes, "I am Alpharius!" "Wait. I thought I was Alpharious..."

@ryojimata3708 3 ай бұрын

So there are others out there with coffee for blood? Brother! is that you? Oh and Tom is actually Alpharius.

@Irl_tech_priest 3 ай бұрын

Raven guard are sneaky beakys

@kamiwriterleonardo6345 6 ай бұрын

Wait, Chrono likes SCP? Well well, now I'm even more of a fan of this guy!

@wolf2403 6 ай бұрын

1:32:10 I'm here and I am most definitely thrilled. Also, Russ = Pickle? Cuz Fulgrim seems to equate to Biscuit, but idk. Been waaaay too long since I read or watched Baki.

@Akomarongg 6 ай бұрын

28:34, another reason why SW are objectively the best is that one of their best soldiers can't get promoted above a bloodclaw because he's such a shit lord (Lukas) and this is all even though we constantly wins battles by effectively pranking their enemies into complete disarray.

@RenWasTaken210 6 ай бұрын

I saw the title and instantly clicked on the video lmao

@onlyxenolord7494 2 ай бұрын

I'm just picturing the scene from the avengers but instead of the hulk they have an angel.

@archabe 3 ай бұрын

Alpha Legion be funny AF

@TheLostPrimarch2nd 3 ай бұрын

Trooper Brostin: "Well, sometimes you really can, Eh, Cant?" Trooper Cant: "It seems so."it's a running gaeg With Rawne's division. Poor Cant is the bottom of every joke.