Love Is Blind S3 #54 - (Colleen Interview #2) - Therapist Reacts

[@Stormy575]

What stood out to me the most was that she said, "When ME AND MATT think about it, Matt was always my #1". I don't think it's conscious, but it sounds like a story she/they constructed retroactively to please him. And that makes sense, kind of, because I'm not sure Matt could emotionally handle being #4.

[@poponachtschnecke]

She's certainly right that people won't believe her about Matt being her number 1

[@moriel1626]

I kind of relate to Coleen. When you are insecure, that people hit on you just because of your looks and then you get rejected twice ,not based on your looks, that hurts. Doesn’t matter if you weren’t even really interested. It reinforces you insecurities and what you are afraid of.

[@amandajo340]

Definitely

[@lailaalanna315]

Look, she's just straight out lying here.

[@juliannesmommy6694]

I had a mini relationship where I liked the guy a lot, but wasn’t sure about the relationship. I saw a lot of yellow/red flags I was watching and kept telling him I wanted to slow down/not be exclusive. He broke up with me out of the blue and I was DEVASTATED. I couldn’t stop crying and I feel like it was 3-4 days I couldn’t eat. I ended up finding videos by Alan Robarge on Attachment Injury and realized that it was the rejection. I felt like I wasn’t enough and it brought up a lot of deep things from the dynamics of my family of origin. That made SOOO much more sense to me (as I couldn’t figure out why I was having this reaction from a guy I didn’t date that long and had doubts about). I’m so glad I didn’t keep dating that guy any longer and that HE broke up with me. Anyways, I have heard other people say the same thing. It wasn’t even the guy, but feeling not enough. We see it on the bachelor/bachelorette all the time. They JUST met the person, yet they are crying and feeling hard on themselves when sent home. I do think it can tap into the “I’m not good enough” narrative or a victim one, as well. As for Colleen…. I have no idea 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ But it’s definitely a possibility.

[@amandajo340]

I definitely relate to your story! Rejection sensitivity is very real. So I can see how this could also be true for Colleen but it's impossible to know for sure.

[@ChristianSchaffer]

wowzah I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear twice in one video 🙆🏼‍♀️ I’m with you, it was warranted

[@legzfalloffgirl5148]

He did swear when he found out Ed was pressuring Liz to loose weight. That made me happy 😊

[@ClintSevilla]

12:06 “You do not know that sh*t. Shut up.” One of the realest things you have ever said. Lol. I connected with you in this one. If she is not being abused, accusing her husband of abuse sounds pretty traumatizing. Imagine someone on internet making up things about a loved one of yours.

[@Selenas627]

Yes! Thought the same thing. And just in general. People really don’t know what’s going on with people but too many people wanna talk about anything.

[@Kiki-xd3sn]

I mean the way they cut these shows. What’s even to say that when she’s crying it’s in reaction to Cole. With the pods you could edit that in anyway you’d like and the audience would be none the wiser.

[@eh1126]

In the first episode she admits that Brennan is on her top two and then on the second episode she says after she got rejected by Cole and Brennan that there was this guy (Matt) who she hadn’t had as good conversations as the others but there was something there. How can Matt be her #1 if she said so herself that they hadn’t had as good a date as with other people??? She’s definitely lying😂

[@amandajo340]

Yeah I actually rewatched the scenes after seeing your comment and you're right that things don't quite add up. It can't be editing because she's crying about the rejection and at the same time says Brennon was in her top two. And when she's discussing how she got rejected by 2 guys in the same scene right after she says the thing about "there was this other guy that the first conversations weren't too good, but I thought there could be something there." So it really can't be editing. It's possible that what Dr. Honda said is happening subconsciously. That when things are going well in your relationship you remember things differently that puts your relationship in a more positive light. However one thing I credit Colleen for is she was very honest in the pods. When Cole was asking her if she is open to becoming more deep she said she's not sure and she's never really done that before. A lot of people tend to people please or "sell themselves" when dating. Leading to expectations of them being different than who they are down the line. In the date with Matt we saw he said he's looking for something who can find the good even in bad situations and that's definitely Colleen. Yeah maybe she's lying, but maybe she's just misremembering because she has a good relationship with Matt.

[@GenXIcon]

Colleen deserves *so much more grace* from literally *everyone*--- Matt, the viewers, and herself--- on how, as a generalization, women have to placate and deal with the awkwardness of being hit on or our looks commented on when we didn't ask for that ALL the time. If every time a man flirted with me in the course of my job, my husband and the masses of people that could watch me on a reality show critiqued my awkward placating/nice behavior that *even I don't like but can't seem to help at the time* (and it has to do with socialization far more than sense of self for ME) it would not be a fun experience, at all! Luckily, my husband would just be like "oh yeah, well, you're hot" and commiserate with whatever awkwardness the situation put me in. But we all know Matt's not like that due to his own trauma and Colleen is continually being asked to account for 4 minutes of awkwardness she didn't ask for. The producers want that awkwardness, or else they'd never have the people meet anyone *except* who they coupled up with. And yes Colleen, I wish I could be Raven too when a dude approached me unwanted. I'm projecting my own experiences/personality onto Colleen here, but much of that is believable, for me. We also act like we wouldn't all have a list of preferences in a speed dating type situation? Who cares. She shouldn't be pressured into reassuring everyone she chose Matt the first time. We don't know the truth, but she's sooo pressured into it, as if it matters.

[@AndreaRodriguez-cu7yn]

YES thank you!! I’ve been saying this about Colleen; she’s just a nice girl trying her best to be kind and loving to everyone she knows and gets shit on for it. Poor thing lol

[@nicky132]

4:30 "When me *and Matt* think about it, Matt was always number one" 😳 I wonder what/who made her slip that in...

[@Sough]

Also: "for not going deep, whatever that meant". Ask himmmm. Or cole coulve clarified because he definitely liked the light and casual moments. Such an aggravating interaction

[@ShellyManne1]

I will go on record and say that I think Colleen seemed nice and if she made a mistake in her conversation with Cole at the pool, I felt she was genuine in her apology and was always respectable towards Matt in those conversations. Even though he came across too harsh in my opinion.

[@rebeccaridgway1117]

I could see her living life in a way that she never got rejected- especially as a conventionally attractive woman. So she could have been incredibly sensitive to those rejections or even have rejection traumas

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

This is very insightful. I think attractive men and especially attractive women really struggle with rejection. It's a weird thing that the only way to get good at it is either really self esteem or just taking the punches and it's really hard to learn the older you get.

[@zararashid5827]

Dancers usually face alot of rejection in the dance industry because of how competitive it is so I think her sensitivity to rejection is linked with that.

[@tourmii]

Idk what I read from her is she has a lot of insecurities, very low self esteem.

[@eleonora6980]

I really see it differently. Attractive people face a lot of rejection too and I think she was very clear about that with guys not seeming to want her long term. Might of been that they thought she was pretty but that was it. That is enough to do a number on you.

[@lav7161]

She was so bubbly when she first started in the pods. Then she got with Matt and she always looks so scared.

[@mirb2093]

Keep in mind we saw a few hours of two months, and they’re now nearly two years out. Plus Colleen explained the effect of social media bullying. Have an open perspective, don’t walk in with assumptions.

[@lav7161]

@@mirb2093 Assumptions is all we have. Unless you personally know them

[@QurVgn]

Maybe she was overwhelmed. DKH literally Just said to stop talking sht about her and saying stuff like this. Yet….here we are….🙄

[@lav7161]

@Hari Watson I guess we all have different perspectives of what talking 💩 is.

[@Halbmond]

I remember in the beginning, some people made fun of her constantly mentioning being a ballerina, which seemed harmless enough. But then people started doubting that she’s a good ballerina and that got really mean, but also so confusing?! IMO she was perhaps the most normal person in the whole season and just seems like a pleasant person overall

[@mkaverage4773]

I assume Colleen is just trying not to make Matt angry. To me it is normal to be hurt by rejection, even if you don’t know the person well. If some random stranger came up to me and said “you’re ugly” that would make me feel bad. Yes I have a partner, no I don’t want to date the stranger but it would still make me feel insecure & sad. If my co worker said “you’re boring & shallow I’d never want a relationship with someone like you.” I would be hurt. No I don’t want to date my co-worker, yes I have a partner who loves me, but I think it’s pretty normal to be hurt when people point out negative things about you even if you know they aren’t true. In the moment it hurts. To top it off I cry about everything that involves me talking about emotions so even if the rejection wasn’t a huge deal my physical reaction would make it look dramatic bc I’m always crying when I have to communicate my feelings. If I was Colleen I would just be honest and say “it hurt my feelings that I got rejected, even though they weren’t the right people for me, it still hurts when someone turns you down & makes you feel not good enough. Especially because I did feel a connection with them, but thankfully they did turn me down because then I went back to my other choice & gave them more time & now we are married & love each other a lot.” Like… isn’t that a fair statement especially for a show like this!?

[@nnn9122]

In no way am I taking away from the very real danger that can be present for women when faced with advances from men, but I do not buy that Colleen was merely placating Cole in the pool scene. She said herself earlier in the interview that it was a pride thing that she would've wanted to break up with Cole before he broke up with her. So when Cole said that she was his type and she was the one he would approach in a bar in real life, I think that would've felt good for her to hear. So I think she reciprocated to keep that good feeling going.

[@girlnettles]

13:38 Dang! Y’all made Dr. Kirk cuss! 😂😂😂

[@carlotta3751]

Is it possible to unlearn a habit of placating? And if so, how?

[@mariemoncada6980]

Then Why did she say "there's a guy who I didn't give much attention to but there's something there." ?

[@rachelles_wheels]

I feel like you repeat the interview a bit too much

[@mirb2093]

I feel like a lot of people, including Dr. Honda, don’t want to accept that Colleen and Matt genuinely want and love each other. I was skeptical of their relationship as well, but guys remember it is a TV SHOW edited for entertainment and drama as the top priorities. After watching this interview and truly listening to Colleen, and being empathetic to Matt’s situation, I see less reason and logic to doubt her/their story. What we all watched was intense, but its intensity was also magnified because we saw little to no positive interactions to that balance out their fighting, and we also never really saw the resolution. So if we’re all going based on a few hours of a nearly two year long relationship, what do we really know? Instead of viewing it for answers to fit your narrative of what you think, I encourage everyone to watch the full interview themselves with an open mind and see it from their perspectives.

[@poponachtschnecke]

I think some people erroneously believe that they are fighting for social justice for overweight people when they bully skinny individuals.

[@ckwanita907]

The thing about Matt being first can be proven by her notebook. I am sure she showed it to him, so they know the truth about that.

[@pearlosibu]

I had a bf once that had a desperate need to be liked by everyone, even random strangers. So I got thrown under the bus all the time. Trust me, it’s a very unattractive trait.

[@amandajo340]

I actually do believe her that the biggest thing that caused her to cry and be very upset over the breakups was the rejection. She seems like a big people pleaser and I'm that way as well. I've figured out that the main reason I am that way is because I'm very sensitive to rejection. So I can definitely see that even if Colleen didn't necessarily see things working out with Brennon or Cole that she would still be very much affected by their rejection. Also I believe the producers would spin the narrative if they thought it'd air better. Colleen seems like she's very happy-go-lucky and enjoys new experiences. I'm guessing she was just excited to have this new experience and have fun getting to know people. I think her excitement could be easily misunderstood by the viewers with the omission of the early Matt & Colleen footage. Which led us to believe the narrative the producers wanted us to (assuming Matt actually was her number one the whole time). I think if anything Colleen might just have been taken aback by the fact her narrative was spun in such a way and she feels like she needs to convince people of what actually happened. And when people have the belief no one will believe them they sometimes overdo their explanation or really push for people to believe them which actually causes people not to believe them because those behaviors are often present in deceit. However studies have found that individuals who have the preconceived notion that they won't be believed also sometimes exhibit the same behaviors as someone who's lying. But all in all I could be wrong. I mostly believe her. But I can also understand how some believe otherwise. Edit: after rewatching the first 2 episodes it's harder to believe Colleen fully 😅 She said Brennon was in her top 2 when she was crying after he rejected her. That means at the very least it isn't true that her list was Matt, unknown fellow, then Brennon/Cole. Because Brennon was in her top 2 when he rejected her. So either the unnamed guy or Matt were not in her top 2 at the time Brennon rejected her.

[@barbmoore6587]

Oh no🥺she's making a new narrative but come on ...he is in the room so she is really playing it up ....that's worrisome

[@mirb2093]

What new narrative? I suggest you look at my posted comment, because comments like these are unhelpful and inadvertently make her feel worse.

[@barbmoore6587]

@@mirb2093 then get a therapist

[@mirb2093]

@@barbmoore6587 ?

[@barbmoore6587]

@@mirb2093 if you know her then you should know ...she's making things up to soften or blanket the truth...and you should be concerned as to why she does this

[@mirb2093]

@@barbmoore6587 I don’t know her, neither do you, or anyone else who’s watched a few hours of her life for a few weeks. You’re making assumptions based on very little information and zero real-life contact with her. At least Dr. Honda prefaces with he knows nothing and this is all speculation. You and everyone else in the comments act like you know these people inside and out when you know 1% of their story.

[@ckwanita907]

As for the flirting thing, it seems so overblown. I'm sure people flirt with Colleen all the time and as a woman she reciprocates to avoid conflict. Especially in this situation, she is chatting at a party and will be with Matt in a few minutes, why not placate and everyone is happy? It's not a big deal since the conversation will end in a few minutes and there is no chance she will be with cole.

[@amos.m1286]

Lol I’m very sorry but I will not believe Matt was her number one. She may have had very deep feelings for all of them but I don’t think he’s was the number 1. But who knows I wasn’t there anything is possible

[@84Elenai]

00:52 Nah, that's just what he said to her! I have dated guys like Matt in the past... they need years and years of therapy to finally get better from past trauma. They throw tantrums and make up silly justification for every stupid behaviour they show, and you end up being their enabler and getting sad, eventually. Coleen is young, she'll learn from this experience. I am pretty sure she’ll leave him when she finds out his real nature (victim/narcissist), while he won’t learn anything from this and will continue to think that “women are mean” towards him on purpose. People have problems, it’s not their fault, but most of them need to go through a lot before they are ready to date with the right attitude again. The main problem with victim/narcissist is that they don’t “believe” in therapy and most of them never get better. Anyways, I wish the best to both of them, individually. Happy New Year Dr. Honda! Thanks for last year's content and keep up such amazing work! Best wishes to you for a marvellous 2023!

[@BitterSweetCoffee3]

Matt was in the room during this interview, and I do not think this helps Colleen be herself.

[@elsf]

Colleen mentioned Cole and Brennan were in her top. I don’t remember if she specifically said what their ranking was but Matt seemed like an afterthought honestly so I have to say I don’t believe her 😢

[@abacoejenks]

But maybe what Colleen is doing is partially being a jerkface. there is an argument that placating someone with feelings you don't actually feel is rude, misleading, and indifferent.

[@jesssc402]

True.

[@MyEyebrowsAreMyEnemy]

No, I'm not thinking she's lying... I believe her.... Try it🥺🥺

[@andra9601]

I’m not totally buying Colleen’s account about wanting to placate Cole’s emotions during the pool scene. I think it was partially that and partially her honestly expressing how she felt. So I’m disagreeing with Dr. H on this point. Her saying about herself that she’s used to placating people’s feelings, reminds me of Nancy saying about herself that she’s just too nice.. which I did not totally buy either. It makes me wonder if they, as friends, have formed an opinion about themselves as being “too nice” and “people pleasing” while thinking of their male counterparts as “players” and “provocative”. Could this be an example of internalized sexism?

[@poponachtschnecke]

Why not both? I think it's totally possible that they have internalized sexist attitudes about what men value, and also inward directed misogyny that leads them to be especially nice to men at their own expense because they don't value themselves enough to enforce healthy boundaries, fearing rejection or ridicule. Maybe they grew up in families which didn't appreciate them enough to give them a firm sense of self when they're in romantic relationships. I got that impression from Nancy's interaction with her mom. Her mom didn't listen to Nancy's feelings, and decided she would problem solve how she saw fit. Also, in my experience, the ballet world didn't really promote self confidence, but rather rigid adherence to standards, and I could imagine Colleen feeling that she has to be striving for personal perfection in a relationship. Anyway, those were my thoughts.

[@poponachtschnecke]

BTW, I hope you saw my reply on that Natalie video. I get so mad at the Natalie bullies I didn't realize how I sounded.

[@andra9601]

@@poponachtschnecke oh I don’t think I saw that reply on Natalie’s vid. Which one? I comment on most things to help the channel and cannot keep track lol

[@samirasingh3193]

I get that they did a reality show but seriously can’t understand why ppl care who she like first second last who cares? I don’t get it Edit* not ur reaction I’m talking about I mean the internet in general- and so glad you are pointing out anti bullying

[@jesssc402]

Nobody seemed to care until she brought it up herself

[@ClintSevilla]

There is a fine line between saying she is being coerced and disregarding her perspective. Honestly, I don’t think there is enough information to make a stance definitively.

[@WhoWhatWhereNow]

So with this video, I upgrade you to :Modern Day Mr. Rogers with an edge.

[@WhoWhatWhereNow]

Or Mr. Rodger’s cool son.

[@lav7161]

Ok, so on Day 1 after her first pod date with Matt he was number one.... out of one. Got it Colleen. 🤣🤣🤣

[@davidhollinshead6995]

He said the f word 😮

[@Sough]

Reality show and fame track: get famous and surrounded by yes men. Enjoy the clout. Realize you never have to apologize. Become further o out of touch. Happens to lots of these contestants, becoming Diet Kanyes

[@QurVgn]

Hahhhhhhaaaaa @ Who Killed JR! Okay fine, you’re old. And I’m old.

[@MyEyebrowsAreMyEnemy]

Does he believe the guys, but not the girls... Or am I the only one seeing that pattern??

[@couch_philosoph3325]

I don't see it. I think he was a bit more lenient with zanab at the beginning, but he was the first to point out her seeing another reality than cole/her insecurities. He is a human so he is bound to be biased. But i never had the ferling he is more biased against the guys or girls as a group

[@pizzamassacre]

I never heard about Colleen being bullied, I only saw hate towards Matt.