Making the First Move

Is it wrong for a woman to make the first "move"? This is a matter of preference, not a moral issue!
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[@Nataliahx]

I made the first move on my boyfriend. He said that if I hadn’t, he would have thought he didn’t have a chance.

[@elizabethstephens8801]

Oh wow. The timing of this video.

[@emwilss]

Hee hee. Relevant to your life right now, I'm gathering?

[@Kimothy80]

Same, Elizabeth.

[@elizabethstephens8801]

@@emwilss Yup. I am literally going through the exact same situation Sam is! I'm worried to tell him I like him too, because I don't know how he feels ad don't want our friendship to be hurt.

[@elizabethstephens8801]

@@Kimothy80 :)

[@ninasarafraticelli3863]

I agree! I'm going through this right now, and I was just thinking about Emily's videos the last few days. Amazing timing Emily!

[@gracestier6447]

funnily enough, I asked you this question on one of your livestreams, should girls pursue guys. You told me it was probably best not to, and so I refrained from telling him and waited for him to make the first move. Less than a week later, he asked me out and we've been dating for over eight months! So thanks for the advice :)

[@maggieflynn6652]

Wow I was just in this girl’s position!! I met this guy a year ago and had feelings for him since day one. I finally got the courage to tell him last month, and he told me he has feelings too!! From that day forward I have never seen him more happy:)

[@noellechapman7667]

Finally!! Someone who said it! It’s not wrong at all. Everyone has their own preferences. Personally, I am open to both. Saying that it’s “wrong” for girls to make a move is 1)objectifying and it teaches girls that they should repress their feelings while men can make a move on whoever they want. 2) women get entitled. There are actual women who believe that because a man doesn’t make a move first then he isn’t a man. They expect someone who’s walked into the bar and seen them for 3 seconds to think “wow, she’s the one.” 3) you are risking not finding someone until you’re like older if all your wanting is to stay traditional...your missing out on experience. 4) men have emotions and are scared of rejection just like women are. There are people who preach that making the first move only feeds a mans ego and causes him to just use us to validate himself, (notice is most of the time women saying this) which is bs. On the flip side There are plenty of women who’ve done this to men. I am guilty of that on one account. Stop painting men to be this emotionless beings who all they want to do is hurt women. 5). people need to stop acting like it’s only the men’s job because they are “hunters and want to hunt you” (always had sounded creepy to me). It’s nearly 2020, 6). many people are defying tradition because we realize that the world is changing and so are we and on some aspects for the better. Being stuck in the mindset that things are supposed to go a certain way leaves a tendency to place people out in a box and causes small mindedness. 7). for those whack jobs who argue “it’s the way Mother Nature intended it”....what about lesbian\gay relations?? 8). Women tend to believe that they are “chasing” a guy when they make a first move but there is a difference between initiating and chasing. Chasing is constantly being the one to plan dates, text first, bla bla bla. You should chase each other. Nothing should be one sided. Initiating is just letting a man know your feelings and if he wants to do something about that he can. I could go on and on...but this is the end of my rant. There was this weird KZbind named shallon or something along those lines who talked about this and said that it was “wrong” and people need to stop listening to that type of advice. Im not putting down the idea of wanting to be traditional. All I’m saying is that women should be open to the idea of making moves. I’m glad I found your video.

[@HanaMarigmen]

I'm stuck in the middle, I always wanted to reveal my honest feeling but old-fashion at the same time, like I want a man who'll step up and knows how to lead the way. But ya, if it's meant to be, it will be.

[@offtoneverlxnd6021]

I started dating one of my friends pretty recently, and I had to make the first move. We were flirting with each other for a few months but I had no idea if he was interested in me romantically. So, one night when we were watching a movie, I laid my head on his shoulder. We started dating that same night. Both of us didn't really know if the other had feelings, so because I was being tortured by this I took a risk and it paid off! Sometimes you don't have to outright say "HI I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU," the conversation can come up naturally if the other party is open to talking about it. :)

[@tfkvng3187]

1.)Personally, I wouldn't mind it if a young woman told me that she was interested in me first. It would help relieve some of that pressure if the feeling is mutual. Id be glad in a way. Just knowing that someone is interested in me & has the right intentions towards me would make me feel wanted. 2.)Sometimes, a guy can be like a turtle. Lol In his shell & quiet, but if the young woman is someone he can trust, he'll open up to her. 👌👌😆😆😆

[@vicky_la_france]

My boyfriend and I had a similar story to your friend and his girlfriend. I thought of me telling him how I felt first as creating a space for him to step up and ask me out. We've been together for 10 months now. Solid advice, Emily! ❤

[@ivannaarchila192]

It’s like chatting and getting advice from an older sister!! Thanks for this Emily

[@-Solange-]

I'm also old fashion, I have a system in my head that says "if he doesn't ask you for a date or speak up about his feelings, that means he is not for you because the one for you would definitely do that". Period. 😅

[@BlessedLifeLoveandFaith]

I remembered I asked nervously to a man who caught my eye and asked him if he would want to get a cup of coffee with me sometime. We exchanged numbers and there was no answer after. You see, we worked at the same job, so it was very awkward seeing him after that moment, filling me with sadness. So, I moved on and lived my best year of being 25, single and freed from doubt. We overcame the awkwardness together and talked casually here and there, until he asked me out by the end of the year. We started talking more and before I knew it, I'm in a loving and respected relationship. Fast forward to now in being with him for 2 years, the lyrics to Taylor Swift's song Lover explains how I feel: "there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?" It's great to take chances and if he is serious, he'll lead the relationship. It will feel secure and peaceful and not questioning anything from where he stands. He'll be clear. May God bless always. (: and so great to see you here again Emily!! Hugs!!💕

[@morganhubert6681]

My best guy friend pulled out the “I like you” card, and it just isn’t going to work out...but, things didn’t get super weird and we are still super close. Thankful my story has unfolded that way. It can happen people!

[@littledrummergirl_19]

I’m currently going through the same situation as the girl who asked the question - it’s been a struggle not being sure how he feels. In fact I’ve been thinking about it a lot today when the notif popped up for this video! Perfect timing 😁

[@elyssavillalpando2111]

I told my friend of 10 years that I liked him a few months ago and he said that he does admit that he had feelings for me. He said "if in the future that I get feelings for you, I'll let you know." We are still friends, but all the signs that I have seen from him; something is different. He's more confident with talking and hanging out with me. It has been leaving me more confused than before.

[@tfkvng3187]

From a male perspective, that seems more like him just being friends. If a guy TRULY HAS FEELINGS FOR A GIRL,he'll be open & honest with her if the conversation comes up.

[@LizziesAnswers]

Yaayyyy you're back!!!!! MISSED your videos 💕

[@deidreannaisak]

Homegirl needed this video at the beginning of the year. 😂 What happened to me was I told a guy that I had feelings for him but that was after I stopped having feelings for him, does that make sense? Anyway, what Emily did say is true, rejection is hard but as the same time, it's also God's way of answering your prayer, whether it's because they're not your future spouse or simply because both of you aren't ready for a relationship. And every time I look back on it, I am grateful because I knew that I was not ready to love someone else when I can't fully love myself yet. I ended up still being friends with the guy today but who knows what might happen in the future.

[@maryellenlouise9380]

I had the same situation for THREE YEARS! I never made a move because I didn’t want to take the majority of leading. One week ago he and I spoke, not of relationships or feelings, but I got closure nevertheless and I haven’t felt the same since. Your videos have helped me so much to hope! Thank you as always for your beautiful content.

[@j.d.940]

Really needed this today. Thank you Emily 😊

[@OfficialCrystalSings]

So much truth and wisdom! Thank you for such great advice!

[@missiebennett2392]

Hello! I am so excited to see a new video from you! I love you so much! Your advice and encouragement and support...it's just amazing! I so love that you are a woman of faith and are putting it out there! You are so beautiful inside and out! Thank you for everything!

[@Shootinforthestars1]

I did this recently he didn’t feel the same ,but we open to staying friends now to navigate our friendship .

[@ralucasanduofficial]

You should have seen my happy face when I saw the new video in the youtube news feed haha 😁💜🤗 We missed you!

[@TheALife23]

Step1: Leave the house first to even find a Interest 😂😢

[@breakingthemasks]

An underrated step. Be intentional about how you live your life. If you want to train dolphins... Don't live in the mountains. And remember that the clock is ticking. So don't waste 5 years rationalizing your life... They go fast.

[@10fingersmusic23]

Actually, I told him I have feelings for him and I still don't know how he feels about me. Well, I do but he hasn't said. It's now more about picking up clues. When I moved to a different congregation he told me to keep in touch and he will let me know when special events happen in the congregation we were in together and where he still is. But, I'm still in my head because he hasn't said anything. That is the third option that could happen.

[@Window4503]

I don’t think initiating is the same thing as chasing. Sometimes being honest with a guy about how you feel gives him the confidence to pursue. It doesn’t even have to be a love confession just a “hey you’re cool, let’s get to know each other”. It’s like playing tag. Tag the guy and then run away.

[@graceberube5708]

I am so glad you're back!

[@TheGeekApprentice]

Oof. This video came at an interesting time for me! I got some stuff to think about. :O I'm in a similar situation, but it's a little bit complex since we had actually dated for a bit a few years back. Thank you for your videos!

[@nataleerig]

It's like you know what's going on in my life..... 🤣🤟 Thanks for this

[@michaelshaunessy5619]

Agree. Congratulations on your new house. Hope it brings pleasant memories.

[@My.Mylabear]

Hey Emily... I know this is off topic but I've been watching some of your other videos with regards to breaking up and letting someone go. I am in a long distancd relationship with a nonbeliever who has depression. There arent many videos that explain *how* to breakup with someone who has depression. I hope you are able to help me out in this area..im sure many other women also struggling with the 'how'. Our biggest fear is what will happen to them after the breakup..its the anxiety and panic attacks of the unknown that creeps up and hinders one to break up and we end up settling because we are afraid.

[@addie-eileenpaige6460]

Personally, I like a guy who pursues me. The man's job is protector and provider. People have told me I'd "never find a guy if I wait for him to pursue me." Maybe God won't call me to marriage, but I'd rather stay single knowing I didn't compromise my standards rather than dating or marrying a guy I had to chase.

[@lizmargaret]

Totally agree!

[@cbentler4528]

I don’t have an older biological sister, but sometimes I feel like you’re videos provide the chill advice and experience of an older sister. 🥰

[@lalalanddaisy44]

I’ve had both happen. With one guy I said I don’t feel the same way and we eventually just worked around it and moved on and could still be friends. With the other, we drifted and he defiantly kinda cut me off... which I totally understand.

[@veronicalamlech6381]

Im very grateful for this video

[@kaynasantos2114]

Perfect Timing!!!

[@morganhubert6681]

Girl power! I love the old fashion way...but it’s not just something only men can do.

[@emm3363]

The timing of the video is funny cause I am sort of in a same situation but I have a little wrinkle in mine. I am going away for college at Fanciscan and, I being from california , it is a huge change in itself. One I am just not sure if he likes me and I am not sure if he is willing to do the whole long distance thing on top of that. To me it is just overwelling and I don't want to go to school not knowing but I just don't know how to approch it in itself. Emily Willson do you have any tips cause I am blanking here?

[@misleperez5421]

This video came right on time, in this situation right now. Not being sure about if the guy likes me or not but I decided not telling him. I rather wait and if he’s interested he should tell me if not we will just stay friends.

[@GraceandGratitudes]

whew, the timing of this video!

[@abbiepeytonwyatt]

Oh my gosh this is a hard thing to decided what to do about. 😅

[@laurentheheiress98]

Or they act interested but aren't actually. They act interested then you see him with someone else.

[@xocarolineox5657]

So relevant Oh My Goodness😂😂

[@MarcosPaulo-nt6ff]

It's the first time of my life that I really know that I really like a girl, she has the qualities would choose for a girlfriend. But I can't find peace as I'm struggling to see some signs that she likes me too... Hope God bless my decision to show her my feelings. Wish me luck and pray for me!

[@rosyangelxx]

Marcos Paulo Amen gots you!!🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 God bless hopefully it works out.

[@shyannejones6406]

Yes, yes YES. The willingness to be "let down" is so critical. However, it should not take away your ability to say, "Hey, I don't actually feel the same way," if someone tells you their feelings or asks you out. You don't need to be stressed about whether or not it's going to hurt someone, it was THEIR choice to go out on a limb, and if they're not mature enough to realize that, that's their problem. You don't have to feel sorry for turning someone down.

[@LiztasticGames]

Is it okay to still be friends and hang out with someone even though they have told you they like you but you don’t like them back? I was taught that it’s not okay and you need to cut them off so they can get over it, but it doesn’t sound right to me

[@Cocolove205]

I've gotten a lot closer with a guy friend this year, but I've known him for about four. I really like him, but I'm afraid to tell him how I feel because it'll change the friendship if I'm rejected and I really enjoy our friendship.

[@breakingthemasks]

Guys feel the same way. And it's valid... Especially if you think the romance wouldn't work out in the long run..

[@Maricela_Cristina_]

I really have been thinking about this. I really want to tell this guy how I feel but then I want him to pursue me. We will see what God wants!

[@FruitoftheVine]

Amen

[@FruitoftheVine]

Feeling the same way right now

[@elrincondeemily2]

What about telling your feelings to someone who's not even your friend? I think is weird if you don't have the trust, but happens some times

[@izzi2164]

can you do a video on how you know when you're truly in love?

[@pepperminttree]

I used to feel the same way (wondering if they like me back, wanting an answer) but then i realized if a guy likes me he will tell me🤷‍♀️ so if he never tells me then i realize they just dont like me back. Good vid🤗

[@heyoitssamm5663]

Lol my name is Sam and I've had this question before😂

[@katiepatsy1823]

It’s so weird you posted this today cuz I told the boy I liked that I liked him 😳

[@huntervolcan9218]

Whenever I have told a girl how I felt, I get ignored or brushed off, I am done with trying to find a spouse.

[@emwilss]

And I am trying to change that so women show respect to men like you who have the guts to say such a thing! I am sorry that has happened - that is so inconsiderate!

[@thecraftress]

I'm sorry you feel this way. It just takes finding 1 person so please be patient. Pray you find the love of your life soon.

[@Chydova]

I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but you should never give up in finding a spouse. If it's in your heart to be a husband and dad one day then you should continue looking for a good woman. Perhaps the time still just hasn't come for you. Leave everything to God and continue to be the great guy you are. One day the right woman will discover you.

[@nurdanjotham896]

I don't know but if a person has to ASK what the other person feels because it's "not clear" then likelihood is they don't have the same feeling.... whether it's a guy or girl...

[@hetty0617]

T h e t i m i n g

[@postcodeox278]

I totally agree, that the guy should make the first move. But its as scary as hell, especially when shes not sending any signals that she likes you

[@imbonnie]

Usually a girl will send signals she likes a guy if he is clear enough he is interested. That could simply mean asking her about her day or her life and being interested.

[@waldensiansylph4869]

Wow. Yes, I feel like if he does not initiate, then he must not be for me. But Ruth initiated, put herself out there- not with everyone, but just for Boaz, after they had time observing and hearing about each other. But G-d help me, I'm not Ruth. Let me be a woman; like a dance, he leads, I'll follow~

[@johannakox2479]

This seems like godly timing...

[@lil_flower4247]

LOOL why does that sound like a question I would ask

[@lil_flower4247]

or was it me who asked it :O

[@Miriro_Moments]

I would rather cook rice one by one than tell a guy I like him first😩🙆🏾‍♀️ that’s just my personal take on it😁 my prayer is I meet a man willing to pursue me and lead me✨

[@love2loveheart10]

Ah my name is Sam! And this is PERFECT for my situation right now! :) ❤️ so thanks!

[@margheritanava5516]

Thanks for this video Emily! I find myself talking a lot about this topic with my friends and at the end we don't know exactly how to act! So thanks for your clarity! Then I wanted to ask you if your PO address (PO BOX 4468 Mission Viejo etc..) has changed after you moved, because I wanted to send you a package 😊

[@wakebuildsleeprepeat2460]

Yeah i think guys should lead and be the one to ask the girls out, but I think girls can “drop hints” to the guys. But sometimes guys can be oblivious to “hints” tho...lol

[@ursula2165]

I made the first move on my boyfriend. If you need to know, ask him!

[@hazelp.8991]

Haha I'm also old-fashioned that way. I'd prefer for the guy to make the first move. Who wouldn't be touched at the fact that a guy took the risk of rejection by admitting his feelings to the girl! If it's meant to be, it will be. :)

[@FruitoftheVine]

I like this guy and he used to like me. Now he doesn’t like me and he likes my best friend. Idk what to do 😪

[@theredhead1900]

Lol, I'm the guy who literary nows a girl for almost a year and yet not making a move. Just praying about it, becouse God only knows the perfect timing!

[@nicolelam5047]

Timing yo. It’s not wrong .. but ladies wait for the guy who will pursue you ;)