Myth Of Male Vulnerability

[@allenfm7]

Wow! Talk about timing. I recently opened up to my wife about some things I've carried around for years about our marriage. I wanted her to know what truly was behind my behavior. Making sure she knew it was not about her. I immediately saw her demeanor change for the worse. I thought opening up would increase our closeness, but it appears it was more of a turn off. Maybe it's just our particular relationship, but I definitely see now how a man must be very careful about how and who he opens up to.

[@jasonkeaton5140]

yes a smiling thing happened to me

[@cabbit9120]

There is a chance you waited to long and opening up now has hurt her and taught her that she can not trust you. You withholding for so long may have caused her to feel like she has been living a lie all of these years. On some level she has felt something was off and may have been struggling to figure out and fix what felt off. She may be wondering if you do not trust her since you hid things for so long and may also be wondering what else you are hiding from her. Though you say it is not about her, the two of you are married therefore everything that involves you is instantly in her hands as well. Though you decided it was time to be vulnerable with her, the situation may have caused her to feel she could not be vulnerable with you, causing her to shut down and attempt to protect herself.

[@leahj361]

dude, it's definitely your "particular relationship." that sucks. a lot of people, including women, have issues around being vulnerable and being caring when another person is being vulnerable. it sounds like you were trying to work on your relationship. if she rejects you for that, that's on her.

[@semperfidelis6943]

Just started listening to this podcaster and so impressed with his spot on understanding of the male condition. He has articulated exactly my thoughts on male vulnerability and the tight rope men need to walk in being vulnerable. About the read Brent Browns ‘Daring Greatly’ but doing it with a knowledge that it mainly written for woman in mind. The reference to Jordan Peterson is so poignant- I have take his mantra ‘be careful who you tell good news to and be careful who you tell bad news to’ … at the same time it is essential for men to have someone (other men) with whom they can be vulnerable - I fortunate that through the pain and trauma of some life changing events I came away with three men, three friends, who stood by me and got me through it, men to whom I can say anything and be myself and I love those men for that. Keep up the good work and I’ll be sure to keep watching …

[@MichielK1000]

Thank you. Man do have feelings and emotions. They have to be in full contact with them, accept them and observe them. Men take action. Also when they’re struggling. Woman don’t mind you feeling crappy feelings. They need you to acknowledge them and take action. Women need to talk through things. I always talk to my friends about challenges and problems. My wife knows all of my things off course. I choose to be a leader for my wife and family, always. No matter how hard life can be. Also I take lead of my problems and solve them.

[@patrickturner6570]

Maybe a good start would be for men to learn how to be vulnerable with other men. Men have to get better at creating safety for other men. We do this by working on our emotional intelligence, and leading emotional conversations with curiosity not judgment.

[@cabbit9120]

Being vulnerable is like walking a razor's edge. It has to be done at the right time, at the right place, in the right way, and with the right person. When you are being vulnerable with someone, you are asking them to carry something with you. Even if you do not want them to take action, they still have this knowledge now and it will stay with them while interacting with you. Some people are not in a place where they are willing to take on other people's emotions or issues even in an emotional or intellectual way. When I begin to get close to someone, be it a relationship or friendship, I choose small ways to be vulnerable with them to determine if they are someone I am able to lean into in the future. If not, I keep them at arms lenth and I think of them as my "sunny day friends," people who will only be your friend as long as it does not become uncomfortable for them. I have also learned that when a relationship becomes serious that is a time to be more open and vulnerable to insure we will be able to have a truly open and unified relationship. It disturbs me how much society is pushing to be vulnerable all times about all things. We are loosing our sense of privacy in more then one way. I have also noticed it is becoming a thing to use vulnerability as an excuse to give up and have others take care of you. We are loosing persistence, determination, and grit in the process. It seems newer generations are being told it is not healthy to "be an island of one" and rather than finding a balance it has turned into not being able to function unless you have a village assisting you at all times.

[@heroin_heart]

This is beautiful. Especially the way you write. And the part where you say being vulnerable is like asking the other to carry something with you.

[@cabbit9120]

@@heroin_heart Thank you.

[@ramongonzalez1439]

I'm flabbergasted about how clear, visionary, and wise your thoughts and words are. The only thing I regret is not having heard from you before. But I thank God for having conducted me to you. Keep going man, your work is very worthy and praiseworthy.

[@rez2195]

I have experienced what you just said, thanks man guys remember women don’t need love from you, they need strength, and to admit that you have weakness…well…it could go wrong instinctively 😅my experience

[@cdrmt3229]

Each and every time I opened up and was vulnerable, it came back to haunt me. Men should never be fully vulnerable to their wife/girlfriend. They will weaponize it against you. Men be careful what you share. Go to other men when you need true understanding and empathy.

[@GeauxstBordeaux]

Solid video man! On point

[@nicktaber2969]

To me, that conundrum literally means that we are demanding that they be traumatized. If you tell someone to open up and then you treat them that way when they do, that is psychopathic.

[@sergeymaslov719]

There's no vulnerability problem, it's all about trust.

[@zking2929]

I agree with some of this video and I would say maybe all of it if this one detail is clarified because I feel like we agree but if we we're in a conversation we'd be talking past each other. I agree that expressing vulnerability to those important/close to you is useful, but it seems like when you called male vulnerability false you define it more so as men who are being overly emotional and lacking self-control. To which I would say doesn't prove male vulnerability as false but shows the range of vulnerability necessary to overcome struggles versus lacking emotional control and exhbiting behavior associated with lower emotional intelligence. Overall I don't agree with the notion male vulnerability is a myth because it is useful and also something that brings attention to many issues that men have faced in the past along with the issues men are facing today but lacking emotional intelligence and not enforcing a degree of self control prevents you as a man from making progress with issues. A healthy balance is necessary for male development and success!

[@Zen-noMyo-0]

Modern men having to be more vulnerable is akin to modern women having to be more obedient and less narcissistic.

[@Inprogress_of_newbeginings]

Thank You for sharing. I agree with this. As a female, I only know what it's like to be a female. I only need to understand that a male has feelings, but may not be the correct person to receive ALL his vulnerabilities, this is especially true, if the woman has emotional detachments caused by childhood traumas.

[@heroin_heart]

Excellent 👍

[@pimpnamedslickback7780]

If you cant be vulnerable with the woman you're dating than that's not the right woman for you. This acceptance of vulnerability comes down to the individual and they're expectations in a relationship. Sometimes you just have to look harder. But to me if I see a woman who isnt comfortable with my vulnerability than that's a red flag and I immediately cut things off. Dont sell yourself short in relationships find what's best for you

[@jjm2948]

Carry something heavy and take responsibility you wuss

[@RDLeon4]

Jbp also melted his brain on benzos unfortunately

[@rainmanjr2007]

I love Bluebird but grief can only be healed through detachment and letting go of the past, not just the people we lose, and residing in the now. At least, this is what I'm finding. Relationships, however, are difficult when one stops giving the future or past a place in one's orientation. Common sense is what we used to call instinct, or intuition, and that is what is dulled when we lose contact with our nature. As men this can cause misplaced trust (something we grant easier than women) so unadviseable. Women have a great deal of growing to do in order for men to feel safe enough for our growth or men will remain victims of broken relationships.