I Refuse To Allow My Father Back Into My Life After He Abandoned Me r/Relationships

[@owl7072]

"You're not innocent in the breakdown of the relationship" Op was 13 when daddy dearest had an affair and bailed for his shiny new wife and kid, and 16 when he decided that she wasn't important enough to be included in the family that he "needed to prioritize". Explain it to me like I'm 5 how Op isn't innocent in the breakdown, when daddy dearest and his precious wife were grown ass adults who actively made those decisions that _Op had no say in._

[@untitled-gv3qp]

Oh, but you don't understand. The OP was mean to the homewrecker 😢. So obviously it's all her fault that the dad had to run away with his new family. /s You just know the thing about the baby and the job opportunity was something he made up on the way there to try and justify shutting them out and moving so far away.

[@jakeand9020]

Pretty sure the relationship being referred to is OP and the father. When he moved she absolutely refused to have anything to do with him, constantly pushing him away. So, not blameless. OP is NTA, but she definitely needs therapy.

[@shanoc5902]

Of course the dad overplayed his hand once he got a chance. He had spent years and years being forceful and trying to steamroll OP, never once treating her as a person but just a prop for his ego and a trophy of how good a person he was to be earned. Why would he change his ways now that he's been shown that they work and get everyone on his side? He can do no wrong in his mind so when everything goes badly it's someone else's fault, never his own. People don't change their ways when they are shown their methods work, they change when their methods don't work.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

It’s because he doesn’t actually love or care about OP. If he did, he would accept her feelings and back off. All he actually cares about is this image he has of himself as a “good father” that OP is constantly challenging by her refusal to have him in her life.

[@BrandonVout]

If he were smart or capable of seeing things from others' perspectives, he would've realized the hard part was over and all he had to do was work less and smile more and let everything fall into place. He'd've had a polite relationship with his daughter eventually and everyone would've called him the dedicated dad who never gave up and had the grace to forgive his ungreatful daughter. But no, he wanted it all and he wanted it now. Like a toddler in a grocery store checkout, the candy bar would've been his if he had held back his tantrum over not getting two for a few more minutes.

[@lifewithlee6298]

It’s a ego thing. Op doesn’t want him , so off course the dad want her now.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

Oh yeah 💯 he's realised that he's an unlikeable person so tries to bribe everyone around him to be his friend. His parents proved where he learnt that crap at the dinner they invaded. This man FAFO and did not like the fact that he actually had to 'find out' from his kid.

[@momo382844]

He keeps harassing OP because she’s the one in that raggedy town who holds he accountable for his actions.

[@emm_uhh]

Janet was the adult in the situation when OP was a child. OP's dad didn't acknowledge when OP said how Janet treated her as a child and instead told her how mean she was to Janet.

[@madisonl3401]

Typical narcissist behavior

[@MrJpaynebb]

Well nothing is ever dad's fault. The affair? Well he can't help falling in love with another woman? Telling OP he has to focus on his "real" family? Just ignores that statement. OP not getting along with his mistress/wife? Totally on OP, a teenager at the time, to learn to be accommodating and friendly with the woman who helped to destroy her parents marriage and family. Nothing is ever dad's fault.🤮

[@user-dw3ke4cs2w]

Oh my god, i am reeling, reeling from the first story. You cheat, break up your family, then constantly force yourself into your daughter's life even though for 16 YEARS, even though she said no repeatedly. And then you go around her back and coerse your daughter's fiance via a your friend to convience her, only to then still be an entitled stuck up deadbeat the moment you get the chance to talk to your daughter. Mental.

[@Konachn4ever]

I would IMMEDIATELY break up with fiancé!!!😠

[@momo382844]

@@Konachn4everYeah, I lost sympathy for once he started calling OP out of her name.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

​@@Konachn4ever He sounds a lot like the dad honestly. The gaslighting her dad did when explaining himself sounded a lot like what L said to win the OP back. "It's not really his fault because everyone around him was making things worse", "the OP seemed like the problem from their point of view", "they only made one small mistake and now the OP is punishing them too much for it". Just eerily similar bs to make them seem like a martyr that's being unfairly judged. I worry that the OP is one of those people who subconsciously finds a romantic partner that shares traits with their abusers.

[@ssflagg]

The audacity of this dad demanding anything from OP. I would get a restraining order

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

It probably wouldn't matter even if she could get one. This sounds like a small town where everyone knows everyone. If you tell V this secret but ask them not to tell, it will be known by the whole town by the end of the day. That's why dad's rant in public is getting so much attention. People saw it and what happened is spending like wildfire through the gossip trains. Edit: A restraining order in such a town might be hard to enforce as not knowing how big or small the town is there could literally be only one of things like grocery stores. That is if the sheriff or if it's big enough for a police station would even bother to enforce it if she could get one

[@Marstic666]

I would bet my arm dad and the rest are "good ol' boys". That they think OP is being a "silly woman" and will "get over it"

[@CanyonALynn]

I can't remember if it was mentioned, but I'm wondering if OP lives in a smallish city/town where everything is close-knit and everyone knows everybody. If that is the case, OP has no hope in hell in this matter and will just need to leave the town.

[@MrJpaynebb]

​@@CanyonALynnOP does live in a smaller town/suburban area. Actually kinda glad dad overplayed his hand so quickly and in such a public manner with OP. Of course dad and mistress/wife J will try to spin it as OP being "dramatic" and overreacting but unfortunately for them there are witnesses. Witnesses who aren't family and the gossip has already spread. Also glad her sister was there not just to defend OP but also to see how dad totally bulldozed the boundaries and deal OP had because he always has to be right and have things his way. Now the family will be asking why her sister, the one he always got along with and forgave him, suddenly has cut him off. 1 daughter going NC is bad but can be explained or blamed on the daughter. When both daughters do so then people begin to ask what the parents did.

[@SLTheOneAndAwesome19]

The encounter at the restaurant reminds me of another reddit story: The OP's wife had cut contact with her abusive parents. The abusive parents reached out to the OP's teenage daughter and swore up and down that they changed and just wanted to apologize. Teen daughter believed them and invited them to the family home. When they weren't welcomed by the wife with open arms they immediately got violent and physically assaulted her. Moral of the story: People go no contact for a reason. They don't need to divulge or explain those reasons. They know exactly why they went no contact and do not want to experience it again.

[@Davtwan]

Well, now I have to find that story.

[@Scarlett.Granger]

Okay but thats an impressionable teen, she shouldn't have believed them probably but she can't entirely be blamed in this. The people in this story are all grown ass adults with zero excuses for this bull crap.

[@mbyerly9680]

The fiance is spineless. I doubt this relationship will survive.

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

I hope she wakes up and dumps him before signing the marriage certificate. If he's willing to believe his father about his fiancée life over said fiance he's not worth keeping

[@Rukiah1]

He'll be on his best behavior until after they're married then he'll show his true colors again when he thinks OP's locked into the marriage. Or when she's pregnant and baby trapped. Then he'll be right back to guilt tripping/ insulting/ gaslighting her. That's why he wants to postpone instead of cancel.

[@pippo17173]

​@Rukiah1 don't worry, their was a 4th update and she broke up with fiance straight up.

[@loganjoh1]

Yeah you shouldn’t be married to someone who’s family is that close to someone that she wants to be no contact with

[@league-of-shadows]

@@Rukiah1Exactly. She can’t trust he won’t take their children to the dead beat dad and his side chick behind her back.

[@CanyonALynn]

S1: Here's my main concern: OP's family keeps pushing at her boundaries. OP put up boundaries and wants to heal, but she can't do that in a healthy manner and at her own pace, but her family, including her fiancé is not allowing her that one basic thing. The father had an affair, married the person he had an affair with, had children, and f'd off away from his original children to be with his new children. It's always been about *HIM*, now that *HE* wants to reconcile, OP should snap to his want/needs? F THAT!

[@brianaschmidt910]

I'm more worried about the fiance. He was manipulated by his dad and hers, but they both conveniently forgot that he was the one who decided to call her a heartless bitch. What happens the next time they disagree. Will he call her that or worse in front of the baby? And why would he want to stay with someone he can so easily call that? Why would she want to be with someone who can overstep her boundaries just because he disagrees?

[@CanyonALynn]

@brianaschmidt910 It's the 'Good Ol' Boys" club. They all closed rank and pressured the women, including the betrayed mother (who I'm also giving the side/stank eye), to bully OP into getting what the father wants. Sounds like small town, wealthy/well-connected father throwing his influence around.

[@ZombieSazza]

@@brianaschmidt910I’m worried about that too, because honestly what if he wasn’t that manipulated and has a saviour complex where he believes he can reunite OP and her estranged father like some hallmark movie? I’ve had folk do the same thing to me, claim they’ve been manipulated by my bio mother and bio brother when really they just wanted to force me, a child abuse survivor with PTSD and permanent nerve damage from how violent my childhood was, to reconcile with two people who aren’t sorry and will never apologise, all so they can feel good and act like they’ve done something truly amazing. Those types of people don’t care about the harm they inflict on us survivors, they willingly support the abuser and try to force a reconnection purely so they can act like absolutely amazing people. Thankfully I’m incredibly self assured and have shot down every attempt that’s been made and since made myself unfindable online to those kinds of people, but it’s exhausting all the same. That’s something I’m really worried about for OP, that her fiancé is claiming he was manipulated but was he? Maybe he’s someone with a saviour complex who genuinely believes he can force OP into an uncomfortable and unsafe situation all so he can pretend he’s an amazing person. Will he continue making attempts like this? Will he be ‘manipulated’ into ‘accidentally’ bumping into her bio father when they’re shopping? Will he be ‘manipulated’ into giving bio fathers her personal contact details? Will he acknowledge the harm he’s caused? Will he apologise for forcing her into this situation and mean it? Will he respect her boundaries? There’s too much uncertainty but I know one thing for sure, she needs to ditch her fiancé because she cannot trust him and is not safe around him, he doesn’t consider her safety and doesn’t care about her trauma or what would actually make her happy in life.

[@cheekybabe666]

​@@ZombieSazzaThat's the thing, the fiance made choices. Ok, he was manipulated, but that doesn't stop him from putting op's wants ahead of that. Instead, he says her feelings don't matter, and i want you to do this. Then like her father, got mad and abusive when she refused to get back in line. You cannot control other people, they tried. They forcing her to be who they wanted. And blamed her when she would not. Instead of saying, ok, i respect that, maybe you should get some therapy about it though. They showed no empathy for her father abandoning her family to create a new one with his mistress and having a problem with it. On one hand, maybe it's that family is everything pressure, but part of me wonders whether fiance is fine with a man doing what ops father did.

[@Scarlett.Granger]

​@@brianaschmidt910 additionally, he conveniently decided that standing up to his family is harder than steamrolling OP. She is clearly not his priority if he has to choose between her and his family. Not very reassuring. Not really a great quality in a partner. He's probably gonna fold every time OPs wishes don't fit with his family's demands. Doubt that's gonna work.

[@RayvenLunaNite]

My sperm donor cheated on my mom, told her she could have us (sis, 8, and I, 3, at the time) or part of his money. She took us, took him to court, and got part of his military pay for life. And then he expected his kids to just be okay with his new wife. Nope. I cut them both off after I was 17. He never made any effort to talk to me at all.

[@twinsgangtv6946]

Make a video about it

[@RayvenLunaNite]

@twinsgangtv6946 why?

[@IlyriadeSade]

Funny, that he tells OP that HE is done hearing about her life from others, but not once apologized to be able to hear it from her ....

[@anahkit]

I honestly have no hope that the fiancé L will change. A person who is that easily manipulated (if he truly was) and wants "everyone to be at peace" will not choose you. He's going to have to work hard to rewire himself if he really wants this to work out.

[@Scarlett.Granger]

Not just that, but as a peacemaker he can make peace by telling his family that OPs decision goes and to back off, or by steamrolling OP. Clearly OP is not his priority. That's never gonna fly.

[@jakeking3859]

All of dad's excuses in story one reminds me so much of my dad. Not caring about anybody's feelings; just being like "I had REASONS, so if you're REASONABLE, you'll see things from my side! Get over your feelings and assuage MY hurt feelings! Poor, poor, poor MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Every single line of his side of the story, I was like "don't care, don't care, don't care". I hate that there are people like OP's dad out there who only care about their own wants/feelings and absolutely REFUSE to empathise, even a little bit.

[@Acehigh-Jenkins]

I was singing the Helen Schapiro song “I don’t care” at top volume for that bit!

[@momo382844]

Dad was practically reciting the Narcissists Prayer word for word.

[@Davtwan]

>tried his best to remain contact Yeah, when he started missing milestones before moving away? That was his best? I hate to see him at his worst.

[@MiraTheWarlock]

Gotta admire the spine on this girl. Of ALL PEOPLE I was sure she'd cave Not because she's a doormat or anything of the sort, but because literally everyone is trying to gaslight and DARVO her into believing daddy dearest did nothing wrong and she's just an experienced brat. No matter how tough most think they are, resolve breaks when no one is on your team Not OP though, she didn't cave, even when the dad was actively trying that approach, to break her boundaries slowly, unaware she'd show her spine and retract their deal

[@hdeodh]

S1: I would have "accidentally" reveal a secret during that dinner.. "I stopped contract with Dad when I found out her was cheating with multiple women.. Janet was only the one he got pregnant. If he cheat with you Janet... He cheated on you as well "

[@AnnMegFair]

there is a hell of a line in a video game that always comes to mind with stories like this. "No one tells you how to mourn. And when someone says, “move on”, you take their hand and say “my choice.”" The line was about a death, but OP in this story is mourning ther loss of the family she had, she is mourning her father choosing another family over them. There is only one person in the world who can say when enough time has passed for OP to forgive her father for abandoning her and reconcile, and that person is not the father, it's not the mother, it's not siblings, it's not the fiance. It's OP and ONLY OP and if she is not ready, no one has any business judging her for it or pushing her to get over it already. Clowns, the lot of them. OP deserves better.

[@kateemma22]

Get well and truly f**ked, Larry.

[@BoxOKittens]

OP 1 is surrounded. I'm afraid for her.😢

[@wildblue0]

Clearly, Dad is a narcissist. I'm guessing he came back to town richer than he left it and is being generous to his buddies. Even with the small -town mentality, it boggles my mind how absolutely _everyone_ is nagging at her to reconcile.

[@momo382844]

Probably because OP is the only one who doesn’t kiss his butt

[@ButyoucancallmeKat]

At the end of the day this man was aggressively stalking her. Having her photos, finding out information about her, talking to her fiancé behind her back! I’m not sure how strong her case would be but i would apply for a restraining order just to show the severity of the situation to him. He is completely convinced that he OWNS her and is OWED a relationship because of it! Add on the fact that he’s okay with restraining her? This is a situation that needs to be stopped by the police. Maybe a few days in jail will finally get him to realize that when she says she wants him to leave her alone she, shocker, MEANS IT.

[@nofrackingzone7479]

I’ve looked up the Reddit post. OP cancelled the wedding. Looks as if L (loser) eliminated himself from the running with his antics. Canceling the wedding will cause daddy dearest to lose quite a bit of money 😂

[@TopazFire15]

There’s another Reddit story of a partner overstepping boundaries by inviting OP’s abusive parent back into their lives, and the partner dropped his mask and turned out to be abusive around then, too. An abusive partner will want you to make amends with your abusive parents to prove to themselves that they can treat you however they want, you’ve forgiven someone just like them.

[@andreaparham79]

I honestly don’t blame the fiancé for being fooled. Her mom and sister forgave the Sperm Donor. The entire town was saying he was a good father. Heck even his own parents were repeating this bull. OP was the ONLY person who saw him for who he was and because he’s a sociopath he targeted her and manipulated her anyway he could to get access. His abuse was clouded behind the “desire of a father to be with his family.” One conversation with OP and even she was questioning her decisions. Thank god his narcissistic attitude was so deeply entrenched in his personality that he just HAD to abuse her one last time by violating her boundaries. Now people see it was never about her… it was about controlling and abuse.

[@ladyv5655]

I do. He knew exactly why OP went NC with her sperm donor and his homewrecker w***e. And he lied to her and betrayed her trust anyway.

[@beata_maruda]

I think the fiance was also manipulated into a very tough spot by both fathers, when they come clean about money. I can understand that having say NO to someone who gave you A LOT of money and you're in no position to give it back right away was hard. The paid vendors thing was clearly designed to put pressure on him.

[@sleepingkirby]

Question I have is, why does OP's father want to be in her life so badly? Abusers usually will find another target if they don't get what they want. A narcissist will look for validation elsewhere. For someone to be so insistent, to the point of abuse, for 16 years usually means something else is at play.

[@SLTheOneAndAwesome19]

Reputation. They live in a small town and everyone knows his daughter hates him. If he can get her to reconcile, then he can flaunt how good of a father he is.

[@linpittsburgh2375]

Also a lot of self-centered people can’t stand to hear “no.” Clearly what they want is most important and correct, so they need to batter down that refusal by any means necessary.

[@sleepingkirby]

@@SLTheOneAndAwesome19 But didn't he already turn most of the town on his side? Rather than how good a father he is, he could have flaunted the "I'm the victim" card. Same amount of attention, same amount of street cred, less work. You could be right in that that's not the type of reputation he wanted, but also, 16 years of attempting to chase down reputation seems... I don't know...stupid? For something imaginary. Like, this is the type of time and effort I would think is justified by something tangible. Like inheritance or a house or something.

[@sleepingkirby]

@@linpittsburgh2375 But for 16 years? Surely he's heard lots of no's from other sources in the 16 years of trying.

[@SLTheOneAndAwesome19]

@sleepingkirby Narcissists feed off of their positive reputation. Doesn't matter that people think his daughter is unreasonable - they still gossip about his failed family dynamics.

[@fleurpouvior2967]

I'm petty. And I irl had a deadbeat dad who abandoned me. I told him id love a relationship, then never called, or answered the phone. When his now widow demanded to know why, i told her it's how he taught me a father daughter relationship works. We make plans, and then don't show up. It makes him a 'great' dad, so now i get to show my appriceation as a 'great' daughter. He died over a decade ago and my entire emotional ride started and ended with 'meh?'

[@pfffetc6149]

That was great!

[@ZombieSazza]

I’ve fully cut contact with my bio mother and brother several years ago, I’m a child abuse survivor with PTSD and permanent nerve damage from said childhood. Only a handful of people have tried forcing a relationship over the years and they’ve been shot down every time, I link them to an old post I made years ago explicitly explaining some of the horrible details of my childhood where my brother would “lovingly” send me to hospital, I then ask them “considering they’ve never apologised to me and never will, what makes you think I want anything to do with my mother and brother? Would you talk to someone who behaves like that? Would you put your health, safety and sanity second purely so the egos of 2 violent people can feel better about themselves?” Strangely never get an answer, I either get cussed out or blocked. Everyone else in my life 100% respects my decision to the point they make sure I am safe, they act like a wall defensive where you can’t get to me without triggering the guards and this makes me feel safe because my boundary is respected. Almost everyone in OPs life however is doing the complete opposite, her fiancé is going behind her back, her bio father is relentless, her mother has changed her tune and also harassing her and refuses to listen to OP… why? Why is everyone so determined to ruin OPs life and mental health, for what purpose? This just doesn’t benefit OP at all and honestly I’m really worried because nobody in her life is actually considering what’s best for her at all, nobody has her back.

[@SchadenFloyd]

Looks like dad and Janet managed to fuck up OP’s life twice. What wonderful people.

[@benjie128]

I went NC with my dad when I referred to me as "a mistake" and the "biggest inconvience of [his] life."

[@treco2583]

So, sometimes it CAN be everybody but you!

[@gabbidurham]

She’s kinda spineless for taking back the idiot fiancé

[@notevenlistening6072]

I believe in her. If he messes up again, she'll axe him.

[@ladyv5655]

I have a feeling that Larry's spinelessness will get the best of him and he'll blow it by trying to do his Daddy's bidding.

[@DragonflyandTheWolf]

"I need to prioritize my family." When a parent says that to their child, it sends a message to that child that the parent no longer sees them as family. OP should respond to him and other family members trying to contact her on his behalf, "He needs to prioritize his family, and he made it clear to me years ago that is not me."

[@momo382844]

The Dad is a grade A narcissist. He didn’t acknowledged OP’s feelings; it’s all about me, me, me! “I deserved to walk my daughter down the aisle.” Or “You have to respect MY wife.” At least, OP’s sister is on her side.

[@ladyv5655]

The father doesn't really care about OP. He sounds like a narcissist. Narcissists can't stand to have people in their lives who don't kiss their a$$es and tell them how amazing they are. If OP gives in, he'll ghost her. And Larry needs to go. He's a spineless wimp who will do what his father tells him. When he called her a b***h, she should have taken off her engagement ring, handed it to him and said, " OK, I'll be a heartless b***h. Gtfo."

[@momo382844]

Like, OP only asked him to do one thing and he literally couldn’t go 10 seconds without thinking about himself. Gag 🤮

[@TiffWaffles]

My bio dad abandoned me when I was nine years old. He never got into contact even though he knew where I was living through court papers while my mother was fighting for custody of one of my siblings that this waste of oxygen had kidnapped and abused. Over the years, he has reached out to me and I blocked him every chance I could because I wanted nothing to do with him. He and I tried to mend our relationship last year and after a fight where I said I needed space to think and figure out what I wanted, he told me that this is why he abandoned me in the first place, that I was the one who pushed him away and that's why he never was in contact with me. I reacted the way you'd expect. I was beyond the point of being livid. I yelled at him over the phone and told him that I was a nine year old little girl when he decided he no longer wanted to be my dad and he left me. I needed him over the years because my mother met and married a new man who was also abusive, but he was nowhere to be found. He was the one who made that decision to up and leave and have no relationship, not me. I was a nine year old little girl not a nineteen year old grown ass adult woman. Sometimes it's for the best to go absolutely no contact. Block the people that are trying to excuse his behaviour and are blaming you for the reason your dad both rejected and abandoned you. Live the best life you can. Don't become a bitter and angry person because of your past but be the kind of person that both you and those in your life deserve.

[@kaydenkay6438]

As a child who was abandoned for the other family, I feel so bad for op. I couldn’t imagine my whole family and partner taking his side. My dad and mom were never together so he was already a summer dad. So when he decided to move even further away and told me “ I don’t need you I got a new family “ that really messed me up. I get angrier and angrier every year that I get older because it just makes me realize how messed up it really was. Especially to 16 year old me 💔

[@beansquee2383]

Here’s the thing in these stories, even if the dad wasn’t a terrible dad, she owes him nothing as his child 🤷‍♀️ like she doesn’t owe anyone a relationship she doesn’t want to have. The only person she would owe anything too is her own child(ren) and obviously she owes certain things to a partner. But otherwise? She really doesn’t owe anyone else.

[@GalliaUchiha]

OP needs to break up with the fiancé for sure and go to the therapy with the dad and tell the therapist that he interfered with her life to the point that he ruined not only his own relationship with OP's mom but OP's most recent relationship by getting her fiancé to lie to her and goad her into the exact situation of her in therapy with her sperm donor. The next best option is definitely the no contact and a restraining order.

[@moosehreviews3420]

There was another update after this. The bullet points are: Dad is still cutoff and the sister went NC. I guess whatever happened at the restaurant ruined his reputation and now him and his wife are social pariahs The fiance originally was doing everything right to get back in OP's good grace's, but went back to his BS by getting his family's influence, so the relationship is over. OP is shaken, but believes she will get through it all.

[@FanFicnic]

Good for OP. Her dad and J could not even keep their heinous crap together for ONE WEEK before they blew it. Now OP looks like the reasonable one and they look crazy.

[@mikef2811]

S1: No amount of pressure can move me once I go no contact with someone...Not even God himself can move me. OP, do what is best for you.

[@yippycat5303]

To be a fly on the wall at that restaurant lmao

[@lina9535]

Personally, I think it's a mistake to give the fiancé a 2nd chance. What else will his dad be able to pressure him into? Especially if the dad has money. Fiancé would have to go LC with his dad at the very least for me to give him a 2nd chance. But he'd be on very thin ice

[@kittymilojustice6509]

He must've let his victory go to his head. After having bullied her into reconciliation, he probably thought he could further bully her terms away.

[@Blaznchicken]

With stories like the first I sometimes wonder if everyone else is crazy or if there is something the OP is lying about/not saying. ETA: not talking about this one in particular.

[@alexanderhenby1362]

I can't really trust OP when they purposely kept "breaking stuff" and lied about the college money that "was used on his new family" when he still has the money, and went to her college to talk to her. There are just too many tiny cracks in OPs story

[@sequoyasierra5671]

The truly kindest thing OP can do for Larry is let him go. If she truly cares about him she should cut him loose. He will be caught between OP and his parents, especially if kids come along. He has no backbone where his parents are concerned and it is understandable. He loves OP but the parents are also his family. He will always be caught in the middle. No matter what he says when kids come along and his mother begs and begs to see her grandchildren he will go back on all promises to let her see them alone behind OP's back. Get a divorce? L. is entitled to the kids 50% of the time and can do anything he wants with them when it is his time to have them no matter what OP says. His parents are friends with her father and Janet. They will pressure Larry to let them and OP's father see the kids and this pressure will cause him a lot of anguish and strife in his life because he loves and wants to trust his parents. OP should let him go and have a happy life with his parents in it. There will be less drama and strife in her future life as well if she lets him go.

[@myeternalteardrop]

Even if he hadn't hurt OP (and he definitely did) you do not owe him a relationship, or anyone else for that matter and anyone telling you otherwise can dive headfirst into an empty pool.

[@Lordofthelosers01]

Why OP feels Larry deserves a second chance is beyond me. Have we already forgotten that he called OP a "heartless b*tch" in the first update? Could this be OP misremembering? Maybe but people usually wouldn't degrade themselves or others that are important to them so I'm inclined to believe the fiance did call her a b*tch. On a different note, how much of Larry's life is influenced/controlled by his family? That one comment about OP's future kids having secret grandparent days is more than likely

[@HodajuciParadoks]

1. I might be wrong but the father sounds like a narcissist, only a narcissist do this if you do not let them back into your life, they turn everyone against you..to isolate and control you..if you do not let them control you they will ruin everything you have.

[@redconvoy]

I would not marry a guy like that. He could be easily swayed by family, friends and stangers. No way!

[@HonorWillow]

Just after first update: I was starting to think because EVERYONE was on the dads side and wanting OP to talk to him that maybe there was something OP didn’t know but no! It seems like they’re just enabling “but family!” people! Even if there was something, that doesn’t mean that OP needs to forgive and/ or have a relationship with him and that STILL wouldn’t make a CHILD responsible at all!!!!

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

OP's dad was not interested in reconciling because he loves her. He wanted it because it ate at him that he wasn't seen as "the perfect dad" by ALL of his kids. As for Janet, if she was a decent person she wouldn't have had an affair with a married man.

[@dre1978]

So OP's dad for years has been ignoring OP's valid feelings of resentment towards Janet + her dad and abandonment while trying to force a relationship right after cheating on and divorcing her mom; yet is SHOCKED after nearly 20 years it hasn't worked

[@flavialm1]

Janet is the one manipulating him, not saying he isn't at fault, he still choose to do it. But the whole prioritizing his family looks like something she feed him to convince him to move, he just repeated without actually realizing what he was saying, that's why he can't address now. Now that they are back, they need OP to accept him because that will change their image amount the people in the city. That's what this campaign is about, them not continuing being seen as the dead beat dad and the homewrecker. I beet this was the main reason for moving also, she couldn't get a job, in a small town nobody hires a woman that slept with her married coworker, they don't want gossip to start, plus the wives won't allowed, unfortunately man that do this don't get the same treatment.

[@dianasponsler3567]

Toxic, self-centered people behave in predictable ways, Dad did not disappoint, he followed the script perfectly. I’m sorry you had to suffer through all his group gaslighting. Find a therapist who really gets narcissistic injury and family trauma. Read “It’s Not You” by Dr. Ramani Durvasula.

[@dianasmith8248]

Story one: I am glad that OPs sister is finally seeing their father for what he is. Which is a narcissistic POS. Janet and the grandparents are in that category as well. I also think it was good for the two younger half siblings to see how unhinged their parents truly are. But OP needs to end it with L unless he decides to go NC with his crazy family.

[@ammarose9742]

Surprised we got to the final update before hearing gaslight being used

[@TiffWaffles]

Also, if somebody in my life told me that I was the reason for why my bio dad abandoned me and that I needed to look into the mirror because I am the problem, I think I'd go into a severe trauma response reaction where I'd black out and hurt them. OP needs to run away from these people. Everyone. Her mother and sister, her grandparents and uncles, her friends, and fiance. She needs to get out of that small town and move and go low to no contact with any of these people. I stopped feeling sorry for OP the moment she said she loved the friends and family that are hurting her. Nope, you don't get to come here as a victim when you constantly victimise yourself. I won't be listening to this story any further. I wish OP the best of luck but she's weak and I do not like or support weak people who don't even stand up for themselves.

[@Buff_Helpy]

Markees estranged from his dad because buff helpy bit his head off when he rejected our relationship. 😢

[@Markee]

Real

[@Buff_Helpy]

@@Markee WAS THAT THE BITE OF 87?!!!!!!!

[@YinYangAngel55]

1:55 "[step siblings] say he is a great dad" he wasn't a great dad to OP and their sister. He wasn't when he said he wanted to prioritize "his family". so he might be a "great dad" to them, but he certainly isn't OP's dad. BTW no he definitely isn't a good dad in general. The fact it took a public scene for others to figure that out instead of listening to OP and reason says that much.

[@TheRockinDonkey]

I hope OP doesn’t marry Larry. That guy’s gonna betray her again.

[@tossedsaladandscrambledeggs52]

With all of the stories about the horrible parents and the way they treat their children, it makes my heart sing a bit when I picture OP's sister smacking the crap out of J.

[@vSpade]

Janet isolated their father successfully. Now all he has is his current immediate family. A cheater and a homewrecker doesn't deserve the time of day.

[@Mooskym]

I usually only write a comment when I have something meaningful or funny to say on the matter, but I'll divert that rule-of-thumb this time. I really have nothing else to add to this story, I just want to mention that I think this is a real shit-show.

[@shadowflame2247]

OP was 13. The father fucked the relationship beyond repair. The fact no one will accept it and side with op is fucking insane. If he refuses to stop, I'd say just get a restraining/no contact order. It's obvious harassment and documented nonetheless too.

[@mindyschocolate]

16:25 all I hear from the sperm donor is excuses. At the end of the day, he pushed her out and chose his side piece and replacement kid over her. Of course OP wasn’t going to like Janet. She’s a home wrecker, and so is he. He got what he wanted: a new family. He doesn’t get to play happy family with OP now. He is not entitled to her.

[@shellieburgoyne9555]

NTA! NTA! Damn! I swear you took pages out of my life!!! My dad cheated with one of his employees for 3 years, BEFORE he left my mom. I (54f) was just 13 when my parents divorced. My dad spent most all of his time with his “new” family….He adopted HER kids too!!! 🤬 I spent miserable weekends with my dad. I didn’t actually start to have a relationship with him until I was in my early twenties. Even now, my nibblings are still aholes 🤬 I am EXTREMELY angry at them and how their mother treated me. I’m going to sound like a horrible person….karma is a biatch….stepmom got cancer and died. OP I completely understand where you are coming from. I feel like you need to get a restraining order to keep your dad away.

[@laurdiane]

this is insane that first story is absolutely nuts

[@Mimino55-y5k]

I was kinda iffy, until the last update. Best of luck to OP, her dad is clearly a psycho. I'm impressed she did not take that college fund, takes a big backbone.

[@hanoh2904]

He gave op space over the years.sure dad

[@roelthas]

I bet the dad is loaded, it's the only reason they all would side with a cheating garbage.

[@lizartfight9157]

My favorite white boy is back! Woo-boy this story turned my stomach! Good job. Super hope op can find it in her to leave Larry! Man made my ass itch and then some. Love you parasocially!

[@muhname6052]

That relationship is over. Op needs to accept it.

[@jeanninelockridge5235]

OP is a better person than I am. I would have never had the meeting with my father to start with. Why should she forgive him and the woman who destroyed their family? Why should she accept their children either? This mess is so unfair to her. I hope things work out for her. Good luck.

[@kemhug2623]

Excellent!!! Love a full story!!!

[@manunuod_ako1766]

Words matter. That 1 sentence stayed with OP. Dad maybe a good father to other children but that sentece cut. Adults need to make difficult decisions in life that is normal. That is life. BUT the OP was not able to get past that sentence and it seems that dad was oblivious to it and brushed it off. I wonder if he knows and apologized and repent. Dad and OP have the same personality it seems to me.

[@grubbyguillotine]

daaamn i'm early. watch ur content every day! thanks for all you do!

[@nilianstroy]

op loves everyone that has betrayed her, yep, a glorified doormat...

[@kaykay8855]

She enforced her boundaries. She said no and enforced her boundaries with her friends and family. She doesn’t show up to any events that her sperm donor and his wife are apart of. She cut off everyone but since they live in the same town and op can’t uproot her business to a new city.

[@Munthegun]

Markee can you just finally get to 100k subs already, lordy

[@johnlong572]

so the main and pretty much whole point of ops was that the dad abandoned her and didn't do anything to spend time with her but when it turns out the dad didn't and was constantly trying to spend time with op and was coming over on the weekends so the amount of time wouldn't be cut down and it was the op who refused contact everyone ignored it the op doesn't sound like a reliable narrator

[@DHasty]

The first story honestly reminds me somewhat of my own story. There are definitely differences (my father didnt cheat, and he never moved away) but the controlling behavior, the coercion of people close to me, and being a neglectful piece of shit? Very familiar.

[@MazzaEliLi7406]

L is a bad bet in my opinion. The collusion between his father & OPs wanna be father sounds suspect i.e. a quid pro quo arrangement. But what does the wanna be father hope to gain? An enhanced reputation for himself & his 2nd family? To cause a13 year old the pain of being told that she is not family is very bad but to continue to exacerbate that pain for years after is unconscionable. To meet up with op, to insult her when smarm failed & to physically strong arm her in public is grounds for a formal restraining order. I am surprised that the management of the restaurant did not call the police then & there. Power to you OP. No One could be expected to endure this level of harassment & remain sanguine. Perhaps find a reputable therapist from outside your hometown environment & far from your fathers malign influence. Remember that not all secrets are bad. Abused families &/or witnesses depend on secrecy. L cannot be depended on to protect your privacy - please do not trust him. The best revenge (should you need it) is to live well - so live long & prosper & let the devil (collectively) take the hindmost. Sincere good wishes to you & your supporters. p.s. Under no circumstances allow L any involvement in your business & cancel any vendor that was paid off by your wanna be father. Take out of town legal advice to protect yourself & resist being under any fiscal obligation to Wanna be Father, L or of Ls parent. The risks far outweigh the benefits I fear. Remember: a cool head protects a warm heart.

[@lounirs]

I'm probably not seeing something but I don't understand why everyone says he's a deadbeat parent although he tried to get back into his daughter's life. He had to choose between his kids from his first and from his second relationship which is fucked up but at the same time, he had to make a choice and now everyone is bashing him for that choice. If he chose his first family, maybe his ex wife would have still divorced and he wouldn't be able to see any of his family. I believe she should try to hear her dad out but if she's not ready to process things, it'd be useless. But I really think the situation is more complicated than just "he's an awful dad"

[@projectjupiter5523]

he's a deadbeat bc he cheated (which leaves a horrid, lasting impact on the family emotionally, financially, practically, etc) and left his family for the affair partner (choosing J over them and exacerbating all of the hurt caused by the cheating and breakdown of the family), then prioritised his new family by missing events and moving away - even going so far as to say that he was moving as he needed to look after his family (by which he meant the OP and her sister were not part of his family and thus were not important enough for him to stick around) - and then, was relentless in harassing her to reconcile after 16 years of no contact, refusing to listen to or respect her when she said she didn't want to speak to him and demanding that he had a right to be in her life (no one has such a right over anyone else, especially when they caused the estrangement or act so entitled to said 'right') and roping in her family and friends and his family to harass her too by feeding them lies and whipping them up into a mob against her. also, you said "he had to choose between his kids from his first and second relationship" - this is false bc if he had shown any consideration to his kids and their need for a stable upbringing first, he wouldn't have cheated (not saying he wouldn't have divorced bc parents don't have to be together to be good parents, however, the trauma caused by cheating makes a cheater a bad parent), he wouldn't ha e cheated in the first place, meaning the initial tension in the relationship between his first and second family would have been greatly reduced. if he had shown any consideration to his kids, he wouldn't harass the op in to reconciling but would rather accept that his actions caused hurt and stopped or, at the very least, taken a far less invasive and manipulative (eg: lying to her friends and family to harass her on his behalf) approach.

[@projectjupiter5523]

semantically, as I know some don't believe labelling people as good or bad as we've the capacity to act in a positive or negative way, you could argue that he is not an awful dad but rather, he has failed in his duties as a dad to the op and done many awful things. either way he sucks imo 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@jessielee3187]

Ngl, STORY 1 has to be fake or the OP is lying in her favor because it’s hard to believe that everyone is against you. Even your husband who already knew your trauma. I understand crazy things happen but it’s kinda hard to believe that story. If everything is true of course NTA.

[@Nerdbookworm]

26:12 DOOR FUCKING MAT!!!!!!

[@EMalachi]

Oh fuck that, "The fiance is a man, the father is a man, therefore misogyny." EVERYONE, man AND woman is against OP there. It's not misogyny, it's idiocy. OP is correct in her stance and should ditch the fiance because she was told as a teen by her dad that he needed to prioritize his family, and that meant NOT HER, and she understood him just fine. But to chalk it up to misogyny is stupid AF.

[@Akemi.24-45]

おやすみ〜、Markee!! Have a good night sleep. ♥️🤗

[@lenax9798]

Im sorry but ESH. Op was a spoiled brat who refused to realize that her father had a life away from her. Im not saying the dad is an angel but OP has some growing up to do. I was abandoned by my father and while im mad at him, i know why he did it and i dont really hold it against him. My father was a crap father but from what i know, he never wanted to be a father. No id not allow him into my life but id be willing to talk to him at least once to clear the air and hear him out. Now that im an adult and dont have my judgement clouded by teenage emotions or other adults talking crap about him.

[@lenax9798]

Edit: nvm. Good grief

[@videofan1010]

Jeez - did things get violent?

[@chrislws7]

Honestly sounds like OP needs major therapy. I suspect that there is some truth to both sides. Yes the father shouldn’t have cheated but the fact that even the mother is like you need to move on and you still acting like this is crazy.

[@nyaatama8529]

What i hate is the misandrist commentors. Yes, there is misogynistic men out there that side with men. Just like the women who say men are always at fault. It is people. Person to person basis.

[@redditrelationships313]

good

[@rhondasisco-cleveland2665]

So her father kept trying to see them… hmmm. So dad tried to stay in touch, but because OP wasn’t the ONLY one that took priority OP CALLS it abandonment. How did she Know dad didn’t take 50/50? Was is dear mom? ( Is that something to tell your child?) Then because his wife was having a dangerous pregnancy, & OP was horrible and kept harassing her they didn’t love her. NOTICE she said “BASICALLY said I’m not family”, sooooo that’s not actually what he SAID. I am wondering when the first time OP heard the word “ABANDONED”. Was it from her mom? Could it be that OP’s MOM felt abandoned, because she was, and that mom is narcissistic enough to push that off on her kids, so that they would reject dad and HURT the person who hurt her? Could that be why OP kept being a little monster at their house? What would you do if your wife was in a dangerous pregnancy and your child kept coming over and acting like a terrorist? I’m having a really hard time not sensing parental alienation from mom’s side. I’m having a hard time thinking of a man who continue to try and have a relationship with his daughter as abandoning her, just because it wasn’t the relationship she wanted it to be. Is OP one of those people that has to have it all “my way or you’re on the highway”? Seems a lot like that to me. Be careful L, this may be a peak into your future.

[@Acehigh-Jenkins]

Dude she was hurt kid of 13, they were full grown adults who’d smashed up her life. You have to make a huge effort to make stuff right after that and they weren’t interested. Also if someone says leave me alone as an adult, you leave them alone! You aren’t entitled to keep bothering people who want to left alone that’s stalking!

[@kaykay8855]

@@Acehigh-Jenkinsright! Op was a child when daddy dearest abandoned her. Janet, the homewrecker, went out of her way to be vicious to a child. Op was never the problem, narcissist dad and homewrecker are the real problem.

[@jusaminit]

When did children become sex trophies

[@starlaaster523]

Op whose father said he has to prioritize hus family is an AH for not going to her sister's wedding and basically anything important to anyone in the family she says she loves so much just because dad might be there. So basically treats her own family as less than the same as her father. It's completely fine to not have a relationship with someone but when your hatred of that person outweighs the love for your sister you need therapy. But the fiancee needs to go. He can't be trusted. It doesn't matter if you think op is being childish you don't go your fiancée back like that. He is a huge AH.

[@quartzskull8772]

She isn't treating them as less than she is avoiding conflict as its been shiwn time again and again she cant be near him at all

[@boi1796]

I’m sorry but never said she wasn’t family. I don’t think you’re the problem but you did push him away. He unfortunately has another family to prioritize. He tried to contact you all your life and to say he abandoned you is crazy

[@srideout91]

This whole story is fake. Stories with multiple updates like this are fake. It’s always at the end that there is some sort of abuse.

[@brandygiovinazzi3460]

👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋

[@taylorlibby7642]

1st Story - NTA so much as it seems like you're really determined to hold tightly onto all this pain and anger from your childhood that's doing nothing for you anymore besides poisoning your life and relationships. And why punish your half-siblings too? It might be worth considering just a single meeting with your father where you let him tell you his side of the story. Children the age you were when your parents split very seldom have a complete understanding of what exactly is going on in their relationship.

[@mercycunningham2813]

Haven't you heard the entire story? She has. They agreed to terms and that Poo of a father couldn't stick to them for a week.

[@ladyv5655]

She did say she was going to counseling. Letting go doesn't mean she has to allow toxic people into her life, though.

[@Because-rt8qs]

No, it sounds like she's going in with her life, minding her own business, and it's the dad/siblings who haven't moved on.

[@Monsterbunnych]

Call me slow but I don’t see that dad in the first story as the total asshole … the ONLY mistake he made was cheating… other than that he tried to have a relationship but the daughter did nothing but fight it . The other sister agrees with the dad because she didn’t push him away so they have a close and good relationship. She saw him often because the dad brought her around often.. that’s not what a deadbeat it … the oldest daughter would have a close relationship too if she didn’t push him away and always argue .