My Mother Gave An Ultimatum To Give In To Her Demands Or She's Out Of My Wedding r/Relationships

[@taylorslade961]

Story 1: Mom needs a truckload of therapy. OP needs to stand her ground. Edit: If someone makes a public social media post about a situation, do the same thing with the truth. DO NOT allow toxic people to dictate the narrative.

[@FinnishLapphund]

I so hope OP did suggest the friends go for a surprise home visit to OP's mom to cheer her up, and give emotional support in person. I also hope she did what you mention, posted her side of the story on social media. No guarantee everyone will believe her post instead of her mom's toxic posts, but at least it leaves the truth out there for people to see if they want to.

[@robertx8020]

The problem is, and those idiots that walked aways proved it, that if ppl are convinced that one person is in the right (expecially if it is a 'poor mother' ) there is no way to convince them Most of them might be bothers themself and ''mother can do no wrong' So posting it, may do more harm than good when you can't prove anything

[@embluvya]

Story 1: NTA. It's not your fault your mother never got her condition treated. She inflicted her mental illness on you for your entire childhood. No more. She needs to either get help and learn to manage her symptoms or accept that she will lose family members with her restrictive behavior. She literally chose her OCD over being there for her daughters milestones, and she's now choosing her OCD over being in her child's life at all.

[@ladyv5655]

When does it stop becoming OCD and starts becoming a way to control and abuse others? Why hasn't mother gotten help for her condition?

[@kaykay8855]

When the person, who the other is trying to control, puts their foot down

[@Youngstonex]

​@@kaykay8855better wash it 3 times then EDIT : no one understood that it was a JOKE lmao

[@Lillireify]

Well, simple - everyone close to her enables her, and those further away don't realize how bad OCD she has and don't push her to therapy either.

[@mythogenesis4788]

If it is actively harming another, it is abuse, and they are responsible to get help. While people with illnesses are perfectly within their rights to have children and raise them within their means and choices- they have a deeper responsibility to manage themselves for the benefit of their families. (The washing feet and hands three times is either very restrictive in forcing them to stay home or permanently damaging their skin. Washing skin three times WILL destroy your skin.)

[@kaykay8855]

@@Lillireify the thing is op and her father has pushed for therapy but unless she’s a danger to herself or if she can see pass her own ego they can’t force her and an ultimatum would probably make her double down

[@clwbchbabycakes]

"You should know the rules" WTAF??!!! Those are YOUR rules only - no one else's. She refuses to seek help even when it her mania keeps her away from her daughters wedding.

[@michaelplunkett8059]

Yeah Mom. But your rules end at your front door. Stay well, stay home. Will bring you pictures and piece of cake week later.

[@joshguerrero8760]

1. Once OP has a kid and the mom asks to see the baby instead of sending a pic of the baby she should send a pic of a dove soap bar.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

Story 3: Nancy: "Tee hee! I'm a mean girl!" My response: *"Get the FUCK out."*

[@bonefetcherbrimley7740]

My response also: Mean girls should go Bering sea diving. In winter.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

@@bonefetcherbrimley7740 Lol. That is a good one.

[@Batman-lg2zj]

I wouldn’t dump the girl friend and I would just stand up to her

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

@@Batman-lg2zj Yeah, that would go over well. 🙄 Anyone who finds merit in being a "mean girl," belongs to the streets.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

This is exactly why you don't feed into people's obsessions. The world won't.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

Story 2: "Husband": *IF YOU LEAVE ME I WILL HURT MYSELF!!!* OP, this should be your response: "Oh no! Threaten me with a good time, please!!

[@lynnw7155]

OP should just leave. Don't say anything, just leave. I wonder how long it would take husband to notice she's gone.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

@@lynnw7155 That too.

[@anonmouse15]

"You might."

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

@@anonmouse15 ?

[@porter0311]

He introduced us on April Fools for a reason. LMFAO

[@morganleanderblake678]

this was the biggest non-OP micdrop in the history of AITA

[@lindah3803]

Yes,introduced on April Fool's Day. Definitely an iconic update that was seriously short and sweet. I choked on my alfredo.

[@jaccat4336]

Time for revenge prank, he needs to get back at that friend! That prank was diabolical 😂

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

That last story. She said she was a mean girl. When OP had to _plead_ with the gf not to make fun of a _cancer_ survivor, and the gf said OP was ruining her fun. I would’ve been done at her admitting to be a mean girl. ETA: I also hate when people use certain terms to their advantage - Ie. gaslighting, violating boundaries, abusive, controlling, misogynistic - these are real problems and weaponizing it when it’s not true is gross.

[@crichtonbruce4329]

On Story 1:A (to me) huge question is: where the hell is OP's father in all this??? OP said he is around, he intercepted the Dove soap wedding gift after all, but why has he been no help? Is he just an enabler of his wife's behavior? Why is he allowing his wife to attack OP on social media? I fear OP has problems with both her parents.

[@maxsupernova]

Story 3: If she describes herself as a "mean girl," she should expect to suffer the consequences of that. So yeah, I agree with your assessment, Markee: Why is she still in OP's life? She's trash! Edit: Was that some DARVOing the girlfriend was engaging in? Claiming she's the victim of misogyny when she's shaming the appeareance of a cancer patient? She's showing signs of being a narcissist.

[@capsizemoonz2251]

I mean markee subtly said op was as bad as the girlfriend cause guilt by association

[@dionysus_adores]

Time to leave this monster, it's not silencing it's consequences for her disgusting personality.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

She is a mean girl, no she ain't a mean girl she is a bully and a coward.

[@capsizemoonz2251]

@@paulinadeboer3604 yeah so a mean girl

[@damien678]

She's gonna piss off the wrong girl and get her face completely rearranged in the future. Let's hope who she pisses off someone else who knows how to throw a good punch😂

[@Germania72]

Story 3: If that story is real, why does the OP ask if he's TA? Really? He says that in the 2 months he's been dating her she often makes cruel remarks about other people's physical appearance behind their backs. Why is he even dating this woman? She's a horrible person!

[@paulagoeringer9466]

Really. Who can't wait to make fun of a cancer survivor? She thinks that's fun?!!!! Oh and she's too much of a coward to say anything to anyone's face. She sounds like she has a very punchable face. Being "hot" only goes so far. Anyone that vile is FUGLY!!!!!!

[@trinitylane2202]

Because he's somewhat blinded by her outer appearance. He should ask himself what would she look like on the outside if it was based on how ugly she is on the inside.

[@damien678]

I really hope she pisses off a woman that does kickboxing or the like. The only thing that mean girl cares about is looks and I want her made uglyyy

[@kichikitsu]

How did you listen to that story and not realize it answered your question? OP is just as shallow as she is and clearly only saw her behaviour as bad once it was directed against someone he knew and cared about. THAT'S why he stayed with her so long. Neither of them truly see an issue in how she acts.

[@ebayrose]

Story 2: She needs to leave and when she gets an email, text, or audio recording of him threatening to harm himself she can use it as evidence to get him put in a psychiatric hold where he will be assessed. He's either making an empty threat and they'll see that and release him or he'll get mental help. Either way there will be documentation that will allow OP to get a swift divorce, a restraining order, and custody of almost adult step daughter.

[@ebayrose]

Update sounds like the step daughter doesn't even live with them...? Why would she be a factor then. OP can maintain a relationship with her independent of the dad easily.

[@magnarcreed3801]

Lmao or he’ll take out some trash. Win win.

[@kristinewatson3702]

Your mom's untreated mental illness is not your problem. She can only control those things in her own house. Maybe missing this life event can be a catalyst for her to get help

[@christineoneal666]

That's exactly my point. It's one thing to do it their own house, but another thing to do it at another place and insist others cave to her mental illness issues with cleanliness.

[@colleens1107]

It sounds like it has just caused her mom to cut her out. Honestly, that’s probably for the best for OPs own mental health

[@mysterylovescompany2657]

Exactly; I have OCD, but I understand that does not give me moral carte blanche to control other ppl's choices, & if the plan for a given activity involves a venue which *I know* is likely to trigger me badly, then I just beg off it. When you have a major psychotic condition (& they *know about it*), ppll understand. Most of the time, there's no more pushback than if the reason was instead that my wheelchair couldn't tackle the stairs. Not everyone can attend everything, but everyone _can_ be realistic about + take responsibility for the baggage they bring with them. OP _so_ NTA, & Mum needs closer attention from her treating psychiatrist, bc she's not functioning. .(Apologies for any errors; I can't see very well rn & this was typed mostly via muscle memory.)

[@kimsvisualdiary]

Doubtful. This mom is selfish in her anger and demands. She thinks she’s in the right and will never admit she’s wrong.

[@invisigoth510]

Update to last story: WTF!? I have a feeling the friend has spoken to OP about being shallow & OP denying it. So the friend set up Shallow Hal with a horrible beautiful person to make a point

[@tamarasmith9060]

The last line of story 3 is SO GOOD! 🤣🤣🤣 I can't believe OP didn't realise what day it was...

[@strawberrysangria1474]

This isn't an OCD thing, this is a controlling thing. "You know the rules" not, "you know I can't...". Everything she did was her being spiteful while her daughter made an effort to include her. She's lucky OP is a kind person and didn't expose her insanity, she'd be ostracized.

[@ynmonroe]

Last story: Anyone else thinks OP isn't in a hurry to dump the girlfriend? His update didn't say he planned to or that he did so. In fact, it's clear this wasn't the first time she behaved like this. Knowing her personality but still staying with her does make him TA for me.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Yes and even bigger one for taking that wicked witch to that family party. But what can you expect when he's dating her because she's "hot".

[@bbureau12]

Keep your expectations low when it comes to a wedding; if people show up on time, dress reasonably, and don't puke in the punchbowl you've done wonders. Don't expect them to adhere to a theme, however minimal. They're absolutely not going to take off their shoes and socks and wash three times with a Dove soap bar.

[@NoxArcani-z4u]

Story 1 update the mother is acting like a child by not responding to op.

[@arielortiz5643]

Story 3 update: I want to know the friend who introduced OP to that pile of wasted human DNA. You will never get bored if you are his friend 😂😂😂

[@tfrtrouble]

Story 2: Your husband IS a bad person. Threatening self-harm if someone doesn't do what you say is abuse. I've been in this position (with a parent) and finally was able to come to realization that a person who would do this is a totally shitty human being and it's no tragedy if they die; this just means that they can't manipulate and abuse others.

[@ElleriaZer]

I once had someone try this with me and I called the police. I didn't change my mind. Apparently he was surprised and upset when police and an ambulance showed up. I heard from a mutual acquaintance that he was taken in and had his stomach pumped and his family was called. We were no longer friends after he pulled that crap. He was never a boyfriend, just a friend and not a particularly close one. I have no idea why he thought it would work.

[@holyek7892]

The first story wow. I would plan a surprise visit with all the relatives and friends that supported the mother. Then watch as the realization sinks in.. Exposure therapy for sure. The second story is so sad. I would rather be widowed than divorced..The problem seems to be resolving itself.

[@dvonart]

Yeah she needs to be outed. It's annoying when people take sides with NO CONTEXT

[@theajaxs720]

Mental Illness can be a reason for bad behavior, but it is never an excuse. She can be left alone in her clean house for the rest of her life.

[@michaelplunkett8059]

Love Mom, not her crazy delusions.

[@XxTayC94xX]

Story 1: NTA my mom has ocd and it makes her very particular about how the house gets clean, but instead of taking it out on her kids she lives by the phrase "if you want it done right, do it yourself"

[@Mooskym]

"he introduced us on April Fools for a reason" - I laughed really hard on that one. Did not see it coming.

[@rmclearran1]

Story 3 I think that the trash took itself out, she sounds horrible. After the update WTF!? I wouldn't have a friend like that

[@ophilianecr]

As somebody who has OCD, you can absolutely do something about it. There's CBT(cognitive behavior therapy), medication and therapy with support groups. Always set boundaries and consequences as well as the boundaries that getting help is the only way you're going to continue a relationship. You can always do something about your issue, even if it won't be "cured", management and coping skills are better than free reign mental illness. Supporting those with mental health is also important, sometimes it's about not enabling.

[@sar9998]

Story 3 : it's not even a question if you are the asshole or not nobody makes fun of someone who lost there hair due to chemotherapy NTA After the update : WTF

[@immapotato1]

the update shows OP was a dumbass lmao. hi friend set up the date as a joke.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

I'm just surprised the women that she made those nasty remarks to didn't literally boot her gross butt out the door. She's going to say 💩 to the wrong person and she won't be so pretty anymore.

[@madcatlady]

story 1: for your future children's sake you made the right choice, grandma's Dove soap obsession would screw them up

[@thechosenone9769]

I have OCD. It's pretty severe. I have to fight it every day just to try to keep it from getting it worse. I stay inside most of the time but when I do go out I don't expect people to follow my rules. If I can't handle an event I don't go. If I have to go I will try to develop coping techniques that won't effect others. OCD is awful. Half of the time I am internally freaking out. I can't handle being around people too often so I don't have many friends and only one I talk to regularly and will probably never fall in love and get married. Having your OCD triggered causes gut punch panic. It actually causes fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. It effects everything and every day. It sucks.

[@WoodlandT]

This is not just OCD. The mother may have OCD but she has something else too, maybe OCPD. Idk. She needs a proper evaluation. But using her personal compulsions to control, manipulate and then lie about OP isn’t typical. It seems more like a personality disorder of some sort. She really needs proper help. Yikes!

[@browniewin4121]

1) No, she can help it, there is behavioral treatment and medications. Her issue is hers and she has no right to inflict others with her craziness. It's good OP is not giving into this pressure and manipulation from her mother. NTA for saying her intrusiveness is not welcome and since she isn't willing to go along what is reasonable she shouldn't come. After update: Mom needs to stop being enabled and should take responsibility for herself and get treatment rather than try and control everyone else. After next update: I'm happy to hear OP had a lovely wedding despite her mother trying to spoil things for her. It's nice OP's dad had her back. Shame on the mom for being so awful and trying to turn people against OP. I'm glad OP has decided to be NC unless her mother gets the help she needs. 2) OP, stop wasting your time, get a good attorney and get out of this situation. She needs to pack her stuff, leave, and let her attorney do all the talking with this poor excuse of a partner who will try to manipulate her. Meanwhile, leave the door open to his daughter. If they have a close relationship, that will continue. After update: I'm glad OP took the much needed step to tell her husband she wanted a divorce, but OP needs to be more assertive, not ask, but tell him she is getting a divorce, and no, it won't be an indefinite separation. I think OP should get some counseling to learn how to be less passive and insecure. And to stop communicating with him directly and let her attorney do the talking. 3) OP, is old enough that he should be acting more adult. This woman is presumptuous about the seriousness of the relationship and she is not a nice person at all. He should stop just going along with this and break it off. How can OP even ask if he is the AH. YTA only for staying with this horrible person. After comments: Believe the sister is serious. After update: OMG, is that it? No word from OP if he ended things? What a schmuck.

[@darknessmage7459]

I don't think op realizes she has been disowned. Poor girl.

[@LordGertz]

Call the police or his family. Then cut contact with him, but stay in contact with the stepdaughter.

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

Story 1: "--she cant help her condition." I'mma stop you right there. She absolutely _can_ help her condition - she just chooses not to get treatment. She is using her condition to control and manipulate her. It's probably a good idea to go low or no contact with the caveat that to restart contact she must get help to control _herself._ So, is it just extreme OCD? Possibly, or possibly she was just _enabled_ to behave that badly. Personally, I think it's the latter and I'm glad to see OP won't enable her anymore. Story 3: Seems Shallow Hal got pranked by his pal. 🤦

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: NTA. This reminds me of something my son’s therapist once told me. All three of my kids are autistic, the oldest two were nonverbal until they were four. My oldest and I bled sweat and cried but finally, finally broke the language barrier so he could talk, and understand me! I was so proud of the both of us…until she yelled at me! She told me, “You’ve taught him to communicate *with you.* Now you need to teach him to communicate with the rest of the world.” Likewise, your mother needs to learn to manage her condition out in the world, not try to force the rest of the world to bend to her condition. Now all that said, I know she’s hurt, and probably lashing out to hurt YOU (a personal pet peeve of mine), but it sounds like she just disowned you with the “no daughter of mine” post. Depending on your relationship and how done you are, how petty, when she “gets over it” and expects things to go back to the way they were, remind her that as she disowned you, you don’t have a mother to invite to your wedding anymore. S2: This reminds me of a couple my husband and I used to be friends with. My husband and I are gamers; we met on a game, and our kids are gamers. But, we do make time for other things and set limits. It’s just something we all enjoy doing in our downtime. The other couple, who I will call Ron and Sandra, weren’t gamers at first. Then the husband, Ron, watched my husband and I play together a couple of times. (My husband plays a tank and I play a healer, generally speaking.) Ron got into the game, and started playing obsessively. He started neglecting his responsibilities at home first, spending all his off time on the game, and then started missing work. Sandra complained that she missed him and never spent any time with him anymore. In response, he told her she should be “cool like me” and play the game with him, so that they could spend time together on there. They fought about it constantly, until she finally gave in. And suddenly, the shoe was on the other foot. Sandra was playing all the time - but not with Ron; she’d made her own friends. One of them a man that Ron did not like at all; he felt this guy was a little too friendly with Sandra. Now, all of a sudden, Ron wanted to cut off the game and spend time with Sandra - but she wouldn’t listen; she was busy playing the game. Once again they fought long and hard over it, and she reminded him that this was what he’d wanted; when she’d begged him to log off and spend time with her, he wouldn’t do it, but now he expected to just snap his fingers and she’d do as she was told? She refused. He gave her the ultimatum him or the game. She chose the game. She left him for the guy she met online. Moral of the very long story: moderation is key. You need a healthy life/hobby balance, which he seems unable to do because he is an addict. However, it’s up to you to enforce your boundaries. If you don’t, he won’t change because there are no consequences for him, and you *and your child* will continue to be neglected and ignored. Find the courage to protect your baby from a lifetime of that. S3: “She told me I was ruining her fun.” Fun? FUN?? It’s not “fun” to be cruel towards others for things out of their control. “She said that I was being controlling and misogynistic for trying to control her.” It’s not being controlling or misogynistic to shit down (lololol I’m going to leave that typo) someone being a terrible human being to a person that is literally *sick!* Your gf is immature and cruel, and this would be a dealbreaker for me. Tell her you begged her not to say anything and she agreed; she broke her word. Say that Sarah is family to you, and your gf disrespected not only her, but your mother, who is her best friend. Tell her not finding bullying attractive is not misogyny, it’s just being a decent human being, and you two are done because you are morally incompatible.

[@thenumberoneprincessesinth4950]

Not some of the comments acting like OCD isn't real. The mom is not well nor is she right. But that doesn't mean OCD isn't real.

[@elisejackson2854]

Exactly!

[@imweakfordeaky]

Story 1: Someone please tell OP’s mom that Dove Bar Soap isn’t even actually a “soap” per se… it’s a “beauty bar” (1/4 moisturizing cream + some very-mild cleaners) … and does no better at combating germs than any other bar soap (perhaps not even as well as normal soap does). The advantage of Dove is that it’s SO mild that it is recommended for delicate skin (like the face) and extremely dry/sensitive skin. It has NO special ingredients that make it better at killing bacteria.

[@Draggonny]

Probably best not to tell her, if she's a germaphobe. Better to have to wash lots of times with a mild, moisturising bar than with a harsh antibacterial soap.

[@imweakfordeaky]

@@Draggonny point taken.

[@SherlocksLeftNipple]

Story 1: NTA. It's your mother's responsibility to handle her condition and take steps to get better, and she can't go around demanding that others follow her abnormal hygiene standards, especially outside of her own home. She needs to do better, and she needs to *want* to do better. Post-update: Yeah, OP needs to put the mother and her friends on blast, if she's out here ruining her daughter's reputation over a fucking hand-and-feet washing routine and giving her the silent treatment, because she wouldn't bend to her mother's will. The Facebook friends and other family members get a TA score for just assuming OP is a bad daughter, when really, it's rare for a child to uninvite a parent from their wedding without a good reason, and they should've asked her for the other side of the story first.

[@Ando1428]

Last story. His friend was like you weren't supposed to dare her.

[@alyzu4755]

OSP is definitely not the AH. Her mother needs intensive therapy. And everyone who sided with Mom can be blocked from OP's life. Story 2: He's not being a good partner OR a good father. And threatening to h@rm himself is a d*ck move. He's actually NOT a good person.

[@lessoriginal]

Story 1...doesn't quite add up? OP's mom has a compulsion that anyone coming into her house has to wash their hands and feet 3 times. She says her mom's friends don't know about a lot of these compulsions because the friends have never been to her home, which means that this behaviour has never extended outside of her home. So now why... Why...would she want guests and an OUTDOOR wedding...to wash their hands and feet? They are not entering an indoor space, let alone her home. So...Why suddenly the jump from wash your hands and feet to enter my home to wash your hands and feet to...enter...the wedding area?

[@nicholasking4302]

In story 2 I would have told the OP to be very careful as threats of self harm to stop someone from leaving is abuse and her husband might have targeted his daughter for harm as part of it to "punish" OP.

[@jayzepickle6637]

I have had ocd tendencies since 5th grade, I have been diagnosed later as an adult but I have a much milder case. A big part of what kept me grounded and not going out of control with compulsions was my mom who recognized my tendencies as a young child and tried her best to not enable them and expose me to the things I had compulsions around. Thanks to her I don't have an extreme case. I still do have it since it's not so easy to go away, but I can deal with it much better in a way it doesn't affect others. Best thing you can do with loved ones with OCD is not enable them and instead encourage them to get past their anxieties. Always go for professional help and advice tho, don't self treat them.

[@salomerodriguez5145]

To anyone not believing OP about how bad her mother's ocd is, she should just have said "fine, go visit her, she needs the support right now". Either they get to be seen as bad friends or they have to go through the triple wash.

[@rachaelclark8465]

Story 1) Your mother will never get herself help. You are going to have to have her committed. She will fight you, just remain calm and take comfort in the fact that at the end of this,she will be better.

[@agentzapdos4960]

You can't get people involuntarily committed these days unless they're actively trying to commit suicide. Even then, the system will often prioritize their "freedom" over anything else, and may only offer outpatient therapy and medication which would be up to the patient (in this case OP's mother) to follow through.

[@enerioffutt1881]

Story 2: I remember what the author said in her book, Dump a Cheater, Gain a Life. if someone threatens to harm themselves, call the police, tell them and have them committed for observation. If they need help, they'll get it. If not, they'll never pull that again.

[@ravenfox926]

S2: Just leave. No talk. No warning. Just pack up and go. Also block him. He's holding HIMSELF hostage, threatening to kill HIMSELF to keep OP there.

[@DemonAngel]

Some where that sometimes OCD for people is a weird, mental thing that something bad will happen. Like "step on a crack, break your mommas back". If you dont do this something will happen. It's weird but I get it I have mild OCD but I manage because its MILD and I realised things are out there I can't control.

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story one tell mommy to stay home, don’t let her condition to continue to ruin your life. You are grown, she can’t force you to do anything. Limited contact till she gets help. Stop the insanity.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 3: OP is TA for bringing a mean girl to a family gathering especially one where a cancer survivor is enjoying their first family reunion after going into remission. The STBX is most likely a narcissistic sociopath who loves to hate on others. She's really not very nice at all and I think OP is just staying with her because she's good in bed. Either that or OP has such low self esteem that he doesn't think he deserves better or is willing to accept awful behavior simply because she deems him "worthy" of being her BF.

[@jman12g73]

Last story is the longest running april fools Joke

[@gh0ulpunk]

Story 3: "I introduced you on april fool's for a reason" OUCH that's 2 months OP won't get back

[@dre1978]

Your mental health diagnosis is no one's responsibility but your own. I saw this as someone with multiple diagnosis

[@paulagoeringer9466]

I hope you're doing well and have a wonderful morning. ✨

[@dre1978]

@@paulagoeringer9466 appreciate the thought. Same to you☺️

[@carlrood4457]

Ever notice how when people actually end themselves people say things like, "I had no idea."? That's because people who talk about doing it, usually don't do it. Suicide notes aren't that common, in fact.

[@HoodieHorizon]

Kinda related kinda not but being a huge germaphobe like that is actually horrible for kids. Ignoring the mental impact, living in a constantly clean and sterile environment ensures that the kids immune system is so weak that it isn’t prepared for actual infections as well as giving the kids a miles long list of allergies

[@zeroCY_]

14:46 this is right she should leave even if he says “oh I’ll harm myself or I’ll hurt you.” it’s not your responsibility I know you may think it is, but it’s not you are your own ecosystem and if you are always trying to help someone eles then who would be there take care of yours no one will so you should take care of yourself!

[@addicted2mako]

Story 3: NTA, but you will be TA if you keep letting this harpy around your family I'd say she's already waving a red flag, but that would require her to regard her mean girl status as something she needs to hide instead of broadcasting like it's something to be proud of and calling you a misogynist for raining on her bitchy parade. The relationship is only two months old; cut your losses and find someone who doesn't take joy in tearing people to shreds

[@wendyh2708]

Useless husband: OP he 'threatens' self harm as a manipulation tactic. Tell him to go right ahead and get the hell out.

[@Deedoof]

Story 1: OCD is a symptom of something bigger. Mom could have Bi-polar disorder or experienced trauma and 'rituals' are a way to reclaim "control" over her stressors. I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety which will directly affect how severe my OCD will become. But, I also know OCD is a *me* problem and I do not force my obsessions or compulsion on others. Mom needs therapy and everyone in that family needs to stop enabling her because OCD follows addictive behavior and they're feeding the habit.

[@nationalsocialism3504]

S3- that was an epic prank by OP friend... set him up with a horrible chick on Apirl Fools then sees how it takes for OP to get the joke, apparently OP is pretty dense cause it took 2 months

[@tacham4533]

Story 1. The Dad show have shut this down a long time ago but after wedding arrangements started he should have told her to shut up get help or I’m leaving you if you don’t come to our daughters wedding. #3 those kind of girl need to be called out in front of everyone right then and there. Her mask would have fallen off and everyone could have seen how ugly she really is. Yeah sure there are going to be a couple ppl who will say that’s too harsh but who cares. Then walked right up to the cousin and asked her to dance or whatever and left that other one there to stand there and look stupid all by herself.

[@Uneclipsed]

Story 2: OP was set up from the beginning. WTF was a 31 year old man doing with a 22 year old? She is now the same age he was when they started dating. She's fully being used. Why tf is she paying for his kid? Even the daughter knows her dad is a pathetic leech. I hope OP gets out of there and gets her life back. He's deadweight.

[@LovesGaming37]

Story two: she needs to divorce and move on. A person who threatens suicide are manipulative. He's a user

[@carlrood4457]

Arrange everything, leave, and THEN tell him or let him find out.

[@juicyfriedcouda]

i have severe contamination ocd, it is your responsibility to get help and do your best to not control others !!!!

[@shebakoby]

Story 1: OCD is the least of OP's mother's problems. There's obviously some co-morbidity there and it doesn't sound like OP's mother had been getting any sort of help for her OCD professionally. I would hazard a guess due to the outbursts that there's a personality disorder of some kind or another mental illness going on there. It's impossible to say which one. The fact that the mother REFUSED help is a HUGE red flag to me that a Cluster B personality disorder is very likely co-morbid with this, as someone with ONLY OCD would probably be more accepting of help. Also it's telling that the mom has toxic Cluster B-ish friend(s).

[@roberthickman2907]

Story 1 definitely don't threaten me with a good time.

[@Jasonfallen71]

Wow, that sick mom is just despicable and pathetic. I. Don’t. Care. That she’s “sick”. Her lies and abuse prove her to be a total scumbag and POS. The daughter is such an awesome person. I’m so proud she’s standing up for herself to the mom. OP is treating her with extreme care. The relatives are psychos. How dare they…?! I bet none of them have ever had to live with her OCD + psychosis and BPD as well. I’m no doctor but that much is obvious. OP deserves better and - it seems- leaving behind some family will probably do the trick. I’m certain it’s no big loss.

[@bonefetcherbrimley7740]

Story 1: Psych ward. She is nuts.

[@rickraber1249]

1st story: Can you imagine asking 70 people at an outdoor venue to remove their shoes, socks and pantyhose, and wash, rinse, repeat? They would all think OP was nuts, not her mom. I'm sorry, I do get that OCD is a mental illness, but it seems like disowning your daughter is a decision, not a result of OCD. Some people do need an ultimatum before they decide to get help. This disease must literally eat up half her time, and badly affect her life. I feel sorry for her, but OP did the right thing.

[@wyvern723]

Story 1: mom is controlling. Plain and simple.

[@wren_light]

She doesn’t have OCD… people with OCD recognize that their rituals are problematic. OCPD is the PERSONALITY disorder where they don’t see their behaviors as issues.

[@michaelplunkett8059]

Should have asked Mom's minion at reception if she Dove soaped 3 times.

[@carlrood4457]

Does the mother think that if it had been an inside venue, everyone would have washed hands and feet? How does she do everyday things like shopping, going to the DMV, etc.? It's good to try and accommodate people's mental illness, but there's a difference between accommodating and enabling. You can't severely inconvenience 70 people for one. Heck, I'd argue her plan with the water barrels would have made everything worse as it would have ended up a muddy mess.

[@darkmask5933]

Story 3: That last second update has me confused. So friend set her up with someone who I guess the friend knew was a terrible person as a joke? Then knowing that the GF is a cesspool of a human being, let OP keep dating her for two months without giving her a heads up? Like I get that maybe the friend realized his plan backfired and maybe OP actually liked her, but still he should have something as a warning. Also, hooking up someone with someone you know is a bad person isn't really a joke. I dunno, I guess maybe OP has shitty taste in companions, I mean the ex was notably toxic saying awful things about people and he still ended up hanging out with her, think OP needs to take a good, hard look at the people he's hanging out.

[@Feynix4]

The first post made me so mad. The moms friend gossiping at the wedding was freaking awful, and the mom is a child, posting things like that on Facebook to make OP look bad. OP did so much, extended so many olive branches and the mom just spit on everything

[@thebhome]

1. Why did the dad not do anything about the OCD mom? Like, come on, you are letting your daughter, who you have no issues with, drift away because your wife, and mother of your child, is bullying your daughter? 2. The friend's excuse that he introduced them on April Fool's, should be cut off from being friends. He left no warning and basically tricked his friend.

[@ambrosiathames9505]

The update to story 3 ... w o w. Nothing more needed to be said.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 1: OP is NTA and her mother needs to be institutionalized and I'm thinking OP was gravely abused as a child because I doubt the washing and light switch things were the ONLY weird shit her mother pulled on her when she was growing up. IMO, OP needs therapy because I'm guessing she has normalized a LOT of toxic behaviors that she needs to realize are NOT NORMAL before she considers being a parent herself. Also, her mother needs to have very limited and supervised visits with the grandchildren and only after her mother has been treated for her excessive OCD behaviors.

[@standinthegsp6858]

Op when you have children do NOT let her near your them. Not unless she’s been in therapy for a while.

[@standinthegsp6858]

Try to get him into therapy. If you take the nuclear option & he threatens to harm himself, record him & CALL THE POlICE! Tell them he might harm his daughter too. If his daughter is old enough would you let her move in with you? Contact an attorney first to see where you stand. Start separating your money from his.

[@Jeremiahbullfr0g]

Ugh story 1 makes me so sad. I have OCD and am on Fluvoxamine and it helps a tad bit…but I think her mother would need medication along with therapy to treat ocd this severe. I feel so sorry for OP, NTA but mama needs help

[@heatheraucoin5832]

S1 mom should have attended but watch through a distance. She’s going to watch everything from a distance while her daughter grows a family. S2- I had an ex throw that “I’m going to end myself”, I shut that ish down, and said, “Boy, don’t give me that BS. You’re dumb if you K yourself, OVER ME. I’m still going to move on either way sooo…….”

[@carolscott9330]

threat of harming oneself. call the cop on him. right then and there. have him on a hold in the hospital. this is not you doing him harm. but showing all you care, but can't take it anymore. ask his daughter if wants to come with you while he is on hold.

[@nightdweller6446]

S1 NTA, ops mom's ocd should not impact on OPs wedding. 70+ guests inconvenienced by her mental health issues, she really needs to attend therapy as her condition is impacting on others. Hope OP has a lovely wedding S2. Leave. His gaslighting and manipulation should not hold OP back. It would not be OPs fault, it'd be his decision. Just leave, this is not healthy for OP to stay. Take action so OP can live their life S3. Nancy needs to go asap. Yeet that nasty b to the curb. Verbally abusing a cancer survivor? Nta but if OP stays with this b, he becomes a massive ah

[@jemase7931]

If you let Crazy into your life, it makes you crazy, too.

[@LovesGaming37]

Being nasty isnt funny. It's not humor. Its cruelty

[@Frazzled_Chameleon]

Sometimes it's just not sustainable to keep bending over for someone to avoid hurting their feelings...even if they're fAmILy. Threatening to harm yourself when someone won't do what you want is the lowest form of manipulation ever. I've been a victim of that by my own mother. I've been non contact with her for 15 years. You can't be responsible for someone's choice to hurt themselves.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Bye bye mom. Don’t let the door hit ya

[@lorifiedler13]

Last story. Sounds like the Picture of Dorian Gray.

[@dm9078]

Wouldn’t let her try on dresses? And she didn’t! What the actual fvck? But NTA! Good on OP for finally setting a boundary. But she needs help in learning to set more. I can’t believe her fiancé bought in to that madness.

[@elizabethlewis6455]

That ex friend is an ex friend for a reason.Aftet he told you I introduced her to you on April Fool's for a reason

[@chefjp315]

Morning Markee! Have a good day/night/sleep ❤

[@Superbluegirl1991]

For story 3: what the hell kind of an update was that?!?!

[@whitneylivingston5706]

Story 1: I love the comment about telling the mom’s friend to make a surprise visit out to see mother dearest to offer her emotional support. No heads up to mom they are coming, just them showing up and the first thing they do before washing is try to give her a hug.

[@madarawijerathne276]

2nd story op obviously grown up and saw things differently

[@EnDB]

I have ocd, but it never occurred to me to force it on others. Besides, dove has a lot of moisturizer in it, not exactly a squeaky clean.

[@taylorwashington7682]

OP in story 3 is an AH. I can't imagine staying with someone like that no matter how physically hot they are.