Abandoned My Son And I REFUSED To Collect Him After My Ex Told Me To

[@HectoGames]

I honestly think this is why divorce, when including children, should have a limit of one year if the reason its being prolonged is because one party is using money to bully. After one year, in cases like this, it should be regarded as financial abuse and that abuse should be taken into the equation.

[@andreawalker8343]

Not a bad idea, but what happens after a year if they don’t agree?

[@oops383]

@@andreawalker8343 a judge makes a ruling like in the case of child custody between divorced parents? That system is very flawed but it could be a little better

[@andreawalker8343]

@@oops383 not a bad idea but then Wouldn’t you be able to appeal it, this kind of resulting in the same outcome?

[@ginathecookie]

@@andreawalker8343 Could limit it to 2-3 appeals and if it's found they are continuing the "abuse," then charges could be laid.

[@EllieC130]

@@andreawalker8343 half the time you need permission to appeal so there is a limit on how many times.

[@joshcheatham9424]

There was a HOA that banned children playing outside. They lost their a$$. The court ruled it a violation of their human rights among other things

[@Thegamingg00bers]

#1 NTA how can you abandon a kid with their other parent. That’s why abandonment isn’t considered until it’s been over a year of non contact. Dad got what he on paper wanted custody of the child. But he only wanted that as a playing chip to keep her invested in him.

[@rosewomn]

My daughter is a stylist and her salon also charges a cancellation fee, it's pretty much standard in the industry. But the fact the stylist was as sick as stated and that he laughed and coughed on OP is definitely reason for them to cancel the appointment and leave. The business owner and stylist have no professionalism and the salon deserves the bad reviews!

[@shelbylengwenat3774]

I completely agree. I have not heard of a hair stylist that doesn't have a cancellation fee. That being said, you have a duty to protect yourself and most people would understand that. My uncle got Covid because his dentist had it; the entire dentist office had called out because of it, and then my uncle only heard about it during the procedure. He could have died. So I genuinely think that the OP should have contacted the local health authority with that.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

That place sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. I have an autoimmune disease and would have had to cancel unless I want to have a visit to the hospital. In this scenario OP should not have had to pay because this place is fucking feral and disgusting. They’re going to end up having to pay for medical bills because they’re spreading their disgusting germs over people and expecting money when that’s literally all they’re doing here-no actual work. They can do one and I hope they get sued because that’s the only way they’re gonna learn basic hygiene and common sense. This is a fault on their end-not OP’s.

[@beverlyarcher546]

Why I always suck on a peppermint when I cough I have allergy problems and cough medicine barely calms them down and sometimes I just start coughing for non reason and I hate cough drops besides peppermint helps with dry throat which causes alot of my coughing from allergies and sinus infection I started that back in Covid days when the sterlized stores had that so clean smell it literally felt like someone put 10 extra filters in their system it would cause me to cough alot so before going in the store I just pop a peppermint in my mouth and suck on it the whole time in the store peppermints at least don't get strong in taste when they get low

[@JayeEllis]

Agree. It's supposed to be a cancellation fee, not an 'I'm so grossed out I can't deal' fee. I'm not having someone drip spit and snot all over me while doing my hair. No way I'd make it through without vomiting.

[@candypettynettie487]

I don't blame OP in the 1st story. He was using the child as a pawn and she gave in. It's sad all around. He wanted custody, he got it. I feel sorry for the kid.

[@AndyyWithAY]

How can you fine someone for breaking curfew when they have a job. Most fast food joints close at 10pm or later at least on weekends, and that's just closing, if you're a closer it'll be even later. The same for the movie theatre. NTA

[@t.matthies3049]

Plus, how do they know for sure the people doing the vandalism are under 18? Whoever they are, the curfew isn't solving the problem, and is punishing the teens who are being responsible.

[@andredunbar3773]

@@t.matthies3049 Seems like the HOA just wanted an excuse to police the local teenagers.

[@oakenshadow6763]

A mother giving up her kid for their own protection and future. She lives in a dangerous area now, and refuses to take the kid there. I feel so sorry for the her having to hive him up for his safty. The husband wanted to ruin her life. He succeeded, that financially abusive monster. Only real mistake is not properly and officially giving up custody. But it also sounds like OP is not mentally well.

[@Gumbier_Than]

Right. Sick of people acting like this towards moms. She was caring for their child while separated from her spouse. She only gave him up because she had to move to a dangerous neighborhood. Ex FAFO'd.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: NTA you cant charge a cleaning fee....and then expect your renter to clean it. That is double dipping and unethical as fuck.

[@WickedRev]

Story 3: If you clean the property like that then they should be giving you $100 for it lol

[@nareegreel]

Story 1: NTA she left their child with his father. The father clearly tried to ruin her because he has more money. The father wanted custody and got it.

[@nadzjanz]

As a self-declared Airbnb expert, terms of service indicate: "Your Listing must include complete and accurate information about your Host Service, your price, other charges like cleaning fees, resort fees, security deposits, online fees, and any rules or requirements that apply to your Guests or Listing." Straight out of the terms of service, and notice how it includes "rules or requirements". As a tip to anyone in here, the moment you notice anything weird about your host or listing let Airbnb know IMMEDIATELY. They can 100% help mediate between the host and guest, and ensure any inaccuracies are corrected. Also please leave reviews, both good and bad. Airbnb has some good hospitality standards but can't do much unless they are notified in a timely manner.

[@wwondertwin]

Story #1 cannot be judged solely based on the described situation because the situation would never have happened without the prolonged divorce and OPs money being depleted.

[@FirstIsa]

This. My best friend's dad pulled this shit, well he pulled a lot more shot even after the courts forced custody, but what finally allowed his mom to get custody is he let slip when recording that he would fight her till she was broke because she left him. Ironically she divorced him because she caught him cheating a second time.

[@vanzy01]

So what's stopping her from talking to her kid. It's not like he's stopping her from calling their kid. It sounds like the dad wants the mom to pick him up. When Love turns to hate it makes us do the most unspeakable things to people we used to love.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@vanzy01 He wants her to *take* the kid, not talk to the kid on the phone. Thing is, if she does, then her choices are narrowed to subjecting her son to a dangerous neighborhood or giving up on the divorce entirely. There's no winning.

[@vanzy01]

@@brigidtheirish Op is broke & miserable so he "finally got what he wanted" he better be happy with the results and raise his kid. maybe this will give him some accountability and responsibility probably not.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@vanzy01 Yeah. I'm going with 'probably not.'

[@ccalogero6074]

#1 OP's ex broke her. He broke her mind; fortunately, she had enough mind left that rather than "alive opposite" herself and her kid; she left him with the dad. As someone who has been there, he's four, a four-year-old left with the dad for a week would not start calling the morgues.

[@Aelitagurl]

So EX in first story drags on trying to finalize divorce for 3 YEARS, to the point where OP was forced to move to a dangerous living location that isn't suitable for children, has left OP with little money to use for herself, much less her child and left her mentally and physically drained. But then he gets upset because she left their son with him, the one with financial stability, or even, enough money to drag on a divorce case for 3 YEARS?? EX wanted this but then as soon as he got it, he sees it as what? He can't play his little game of "how low can I make OP's life" anymore? The only thing OP is wrong for is not telling her son she couldn't take care of him anymore. The son was going to be effected by this when the EX decided to maintain 3 years of this shit. It's just finally hit the fan and it's in no way OP's fault that it has hit a head here. EX played stupid games and won a stupid prize.

[@dmf1301]

I agree. I don’t understand why people judge this woman! The ex told the court he wanted full custody. He went to court for 3 years and told them so. If the court had ruled that the ex gets full custody, then the kid would have gone to live with him. She ran out of money to keep fighting, so conceded that her son was best of with his father. The only thing she should have done that she didn’t (besides telling her son that he was going to live with his father) is to go to her lawyer, tell them to tell the court that she can’t fight anymore and he can have the child. As he WANTED. Another thing people seem to have missed is that she left the child with his FATHER! Not a stranger! People always judge women who leave their child with his or her father and there is an accident or something. Always. They refer to fathers as ‘babysitters’ and say the mother should have been there to keep an eye on him, because he’s obviously not capable of looking after the same child who he fathered and has been around every day the same amount of time as her. And if a child has an accident when they are with the mother, she is a negligent monster who didn’t supervise closely enough! Women can’t win. No matter what they do, everything that happens to a child is their fault even when they weren’t there. Because they should have known better than to trust the child’s father to look after the kid.

[@AntisocialclubSJ]

Right! This poor woman has been through hell and everyone seems to be ignoring that.

[@darkshadow5581]

The majority of people I saw wherent judging her for what she did but how. It appears to me the common argument was the way she did it would make a young child fear the mother had abandoned them or worse. Pretty much a "the Ex deserved it but the child didnt".

[@phoenix211245]

@@darkshadow5581 Yeah, if the child was at an age to understand anything significant, it might be true. If they remember anything their mother said at all, it would be a miracle. At this stage, it just shows the low level of emotional and mental maturity of most of the commenters.

[@oops383]

The way OP treated her son in not explaining the situation is definitely what makes her the asshole, however what the ex is doing is borderline abusive. It feels like OP is in a “damned if you don’t damned if you do” situation. Like if she stays in her son’s life he’ll be in a dangerous location where he wouldnt be safe but if she stays away the son will probably feel abandoned

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - if the city/county/state allow kids under 18 to be out after dark, and to work until a certain time, the HOA needs to STFU and leave OP's kid alone. OP does need to watch it though and possibly get a lawyer to make sure they don't try to put a lien on his property in lieu of the fines! They will certainly do this. Getting a judge to tell them to stop that crap is the best way.

[@AndyyWithAY]

The stylist is a major AH!! I'd never do business with them ever again and the scathing review is warranted. OP came for the cut, he just left when the stylish was sick and possibly contagious. These are the same symptoms of COVID and OP is not wrong to want to leave. NTA

[@willj24]

Agreed. The scathing review was warranted, and after being coughed on, it wouldn't have been totally out of line to charge the person with assault. Cancellation fees are for when YOU cancel. In this case, I very clear argument could be made that THEY cancelled, because the OP didn't make an appointment to be coughed on, she made an appointment to have her hair done by a healthy stylist. Since they were unable to provide that, THEY cancelled. Sorry, NTA, and I hope that salon goes out of business if this is how they treat customers and how little they care about public health...

[@saratronus]

To be honest I think the biggest asshole in the whole story is the boss because because even if the stylus showed up to work the boss should have turned around and said Go the fuck home ya sick Instead of letting him work

[@brigidtheirish]

Hell, if he wasn't tested for Covid, he probably didn't even see a *doctor* for that cough, so him saying it's bronchitis is an *assumption* on his part. Could be walking pneumonia. I've hard that. It's *horrible.* Not as bad as regular pneumonia, but an absolutely *miserable* experience I'd only wish on the worst of my worst enemies. It's also *contagious,* though generally requires extended contact.

[@itsjustme7487]

@@saratronus EXACTLY.

[@redconvoy]

The second one-the curfew should be limited to loitering around the community, not for a teenager coming home from work.

[@jimdob6528]

In The United States a curfew like this is 100% illegal.

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

@@jimdob6528 As far as I can tell only government bodies can create and enforce curfews but last I checked an HOA isn't apart of any government.

[@colorbugoriginals4457]

HOA's are out of control. One wanted to personally debate with my doctor whether I really needed a service dog (I'm in a wchair, disabilities aren't subtle) then even called the organization that bred and trained her to see if she really came from there! It was so invasive and really giving the ADA the finger.

[@kratkartan1486]

@@jimdob6528 You are wrong to a degree. HOA's have no such authority for that type of curfew. Only the government does, and as long as there is no curfew like that where they live, the HOA can be in legal trouble if they piss of this kid's work.

[@adrianz5614]

"Loitering around the community?" As in spending time outside in your own community? God the USA is weird. City's should be built for people and with people in mind.

[@ergotempusvernum]

4. You can file a complaint with the health department on the salon for placing clients at risk of infection.

[@Tijggie82]

#1 I don't understand why she hadn't just told the ex "you won, here's your child. I will not come back." But, to the people who said she used the child as a pawn, he was already a pawn, in dad's game. Definitely an ESH.

[@Tijggie82]

@@christina1764 I don't know what ETH means, but ESH means Everyone Sucks Here

[@sewerbrain7499]

@@Tijggie82 all good 😮

[@colleens1107]

She was asked that in the post, she said ex wouldn’t have let her leave if he knew

[@chasecash1363]

​@@Tijggie82eth means the Ethereum currency

[@757Bricksquad]

I mean the person who said YTA pretty clearly explained why it is a YTA in this situation.

[@luvondarox]

4 years old is absolutely old enough to realize you've been abandoned like unwanted cargo and old enough to form memories that Mommy and Daddy treat you like a prize Pokémon card rather than an actual human.

[@annelies8538]

Story 1: OP basically had a mental breakdown. Being bullied by a person with money, thus power and for years is an impossible situation to be in.

[@kratkartan1486]

Something tells me that the EX didn't actually want his kid as as soon as he gets his son, he wants to get rid of him. OP's EX didn't just abuse her for 3 years. He abused his son. Using him as a way to torture her. Yes, what she did was plane stupid, but his abuse drove her to snap. I live in the US, and in a lot of states, it's very hard for the father to get custody of their kid. This could easily be used against him.

[@pippo17173]

@@paulastiles8873 even knowing all of that, op really should of told the kid and explain it then just leaving. Hell I be sad if this happen to me as a kid and not understanding why while having the shitty ex parent lying to me and using me as a weapon.

[@vanzy01]

She ignored her ex for a whole week when he was trying to contact her and when he finally do they get into a passive aggressive argument when she tell him it's your fault that mommy abandoned him (I don't remember what exactly she said) He is going to use her words and actions against. She completely shot herself in the foot.

[@kratkartan1486]

@@vanzy01 She did shoot herself in the foot, but he stepped on a landmine. If they are in a state where it's more common for the mom to have primary custody, this makes it significantly harder for him as well. Especially because he just emotionally abused his son by outright telling him he was abandoned instead of being tactful and considerate. However this all turns out. The kid needs to be with extended family until the court makes a decision.

[@zerobolt9506]

@@paulastiles8873 yea this

[@zerobolt9506]

@@LordTomi2011 yes this, someone needs to say this in the post, none of them yta commenters even though about what the ex was putting her through, the swept it under the rug or overlooked it as if it was a normal thing to have done, it's just so sad 😞

[@AndyyWithAY]

If the ex has money for a nanny why is he not paying alimony and enough child support that OP can at least live in a safe environment??

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

It's all about control the moment the original poster file for divorce was the moment he was going to make her life a living hell to the point where she would have to live in such Dire Straits or in the worst areas possible to where she would lose full custody or make her come back to where she would have to suffer at the hands of her controlling her ex. The moment she had her own money in the moment she was leaving with the moment he lost control and he wants to remain in control as much as possible. To him it's not about having custody of the child it's all about control

[@vanzy01]

They're still in the middle of divorce.

[@philwill0123]

Maybe he is. Maybe she's depleting her savings to stop ex having more custody. Maybe she's dragging it out for a better settlement out of ex. But ghosting ex and child is willfully crap and would only look like crap to courts.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 4: bronchitis is 100% contagious. I had a job working with food and they wanted me to come in when I had that and I was like “hell no. I’m contagious and can give this to someone” That hairstylist place needs a shit review

[@beverlyarcher546]

So is the flu mom had and her mother still wanted her to come over everyday meanwhile moms siblings allergies were treated like dying or contagious 🤨

[@theblackKatKuro]

Bronchitis is not 100% contagious. It is the inflammation of bronchi in lungs which could also be a result of an allergy and thus can't be passed on. However this person had a cold which could be caused by some bacteria and virus. Thus can be passed on.

[@pikachuneoncat6480]

Story 2: NTA, I'd like to do the same to mine. Why the hell do we have to pay money for some Karens to boss us around?

[@saratronus]

You know I always thought that HOA just managed the communal space No no no they are busy bodies that will get into your business. This makes me want to run an HOA and actually be nice to people and be NEIGHBORLY TO PEOPLE Like how it's supposed to be

[@dmf1301]

Do HOA members actually have the authority to issue curfews? I didn’t think so. No loud music or other loud noise that resonates around the street after a certain time is reasonable. Neighbourhoods who don’t even have HOAs generally have an agreement about that out of mere respect for each other! But it’s possible to arrive home late without being loud. I go to the late movie sometimes, and get home around midnight. No one has ever complained - even when I used to live in a block of flats with no elevator. Because I don’t make noise. I keep my car radio low at night so I don’t bother anyone in the houses I drive past between the cinema and home. I do my best to be considerate of everyone in the residential areas, not just my next door neighbour.

[@DerekScottBland]

Maybe you shouldn't have moved into an area with an HOA?

[@Mkay999]

NTA story 1 1. The son didn’t have to know anything about his mom abandoning him. It was only a week and the dad could say he wanted more time together 2. The dad financially abused her to extend the divorce out 3 years. She tried for years and now their son is in a worse position bc his mom is financially hurt but the dad tried to hurt her instead of caring for both of them 3. She is selflessly letting her son be with someone who can provide while she cannot fight it anymore

[@brigidtheirish]

And would a *four-year-old* even understand what's going on? I *remember* being four and I didn't realize that my mom was *dying* right in front of me.

[@itsjustme7487]

@@brigidtheirish I would be willing to bet that "daddy dearest" vented plenty within hearing of the child.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@itsjustme7487 Likely, but, again, how much would the kid understand other than "daddy's angry?"

[@brigidtheirish]

@@rachelkenner9074 Agreed on the memory thing. Hell, I have memories from when I was *two.*

[@Mkay999]

Kids believe the best in everything. A child wouldn’t have questioned a mom being gone for a week if you tell them mommy had to go on vacation or had a business trip or frickin went on a trip to see Santa. You don’t exactly have to be a great liar to a 4 year old

[@ameliakyle7054]

Story 1 is one of those rare times where hearing opinions from all angles provides an interesting perspective

[@TabbiToyCollectibles]

On the last one, you are forgetting that they had tickets to a show, so they likely wouldn't be able to go another night and would be out that money they spent on the tickets. OP is NTA on this one. It's not like he just left the kid home alone while they were out.

[@lauriemeyer7030]

He is the AH for not putting his phone on VIBRATE!!!

[@katherineburton1766]

I was reading some of this out to my daughter (an adult) and she reminded me of a very valid point. There was a time parents went out without cell phones. Just a thought.

[@bellesmith8925]

Take out trash and strip the bed is fairly normal for the more budget Airbnb’s, but scrub the bathroom/mop the floors AND charge a fee?! NO

[@olly2027]

If I have to pay a fee I will not take out the trash or strip the sheets. Do it yourself or don’t charge me.

[@hawkpunch]

Story 5: I highly doubt the dad spent the entire day with the kid without mentioning that they were going to have a babysitter watch him while he slept, especially since the original plan was that they'd show up as the kid was getting sleepy. And without noticing any signs of him acting oddly, going to a show - which is what, two hours, late enough that the kid was asleep for the night, it sounds like, since it was after dinner - wasn't a horrific choice. People saying not to turn the phone on silent are... really in the wrong there. Parents leave kids with babysitters all the time to watch movies and movies don't like you having your phone on audio. The only thing I'd really criticize them for was not checking it in case of any messages (does your phone not vibrate, person?), but at what has to be seven or eight at night, the ex not being able to get ahold of them for a couple of hours means nothing. Their phone might have gone flat. They might have left it upstairs and not heard it. They weren't going to stay glued to it while the ex was dealing with an emergency that didn't involve them at all. I'm sympathetic to the ex, but their emotional state doesn't make what he did a betrayal.

[@avroplayz4269]

Totally, this is what babysitters are for!

[@vengeance4927]

"(does your phone not vibrate, person?)" My phone has 3 settings: Sound (vibrate + ringer), Vibrate (just vibrate), and Mute (nothing at all). OP in that story likely had it on silent or completely turned off, as one does when seeing a show or a movie in a public setting. So that criticism doesn't really make sense. Checking your phone is generally seen as rude during an event like that, unless explicitly stated. At least in my experience lol :3

[@brigidtheirish]

And what's all this about vetting babysitters? I was *thirteen* when I started babysitting. Not much vetting you can do on a thirteen-year-old. Otherwise, yeah, people on Reddit kept harping about turning the phone off, *completely* ignoring the fact that OP and his girlfriend were at the *movies.* Phone *have* to be on silent or turned off!

[@innocentbystander72]

@@brigidtheirish Here is the thing I never let anyone who I did not know, a child or adult, babysit any of my children. All my babysitters were vetted. The phone thing is bad. You want to be notified right away what if something happened to your child. That is why you can put them on vibrate. There is no movie in the world that would make it so I would cut off being able to be in contact if I had a babysitter watching my child. It is called being an adult and knowing at the end I am the one who is responsible for my child.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@innocentbystander72 You do know about emergency contacts, right? Those lists of numbers parents leave with babysitters in case something happens and the parents aren't available?

[@takkycat]

The salon one enrages me. I just learned that one of my aunt's old friends who befriended my grandmother has been diagnosed with COVID! My grandmother is vaccinated but nothing is 100% (especially when you're 90) and we are scared. How can people be so blatantly callous with other people's LIVES?!

[@lyranorthernstar3802]

You t😊pl😮😅😅e😅😅

[@minagica]

I feel bad for the divorcing mom, it sounds like she just reached a breaking point and did the natural thing to her desperate, shutting down brain. Unfortunately she really hurt her kid, he's too young for this, he's going to have abandonment issues - I know I did (from my mom leaving to take a course, not for her leaving me with my dad)

[@Bloodshewolf]

Story 4, as a sufferer of chronic bronchitis, what the hell?! NTA, NTA, NTA, NTA, good grief. I would NOT go out snotty nosed period. what the fack?! smdh

[@jpbaley2016]

My brother’s ex abandoned her 3 kids during their divorce. She just took off, didn’t show up for divorce court, didn’t pay any of the child support (bare minimum), no birthday cards, nothing. Thanksgiving after the divorce, my nephew (~7 yo) asked me why his mommy didn’t love him anymore. She disappeared for 10 yrs. The kids still saw their aunt and grandparents on her side. After 10 yrs, their grandparents asked them if they would meet with their mother. All three said No. Though, I think a few years later, my niece (the youngest) finally did agree to meet up with her Mom but only once. I give kudos to the grandparents for making sure their daughter leaves before my niece and nephews visited on holidays.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 4: NTA OH HELL NO! In this day and age, it doesn't matter if ut was "just a cold" ffs. Dude shouldn't have been at work to begin with especially as close as he has to get to people. I wouldn't pay that shit at all.

[@FrancisR420]

Hell in any day and age cold is still very contagious and notorious, it's not like cool to spread your cold around to people

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

Story 5: the ex wanted him to act like a husband: waiting, concerned, by the phone. Instead he acted like an ex: helped her out but stayed emotionally uninvolved. The ex has no right to ask him to modulate his behaviour. He stayed w his child the whole time except for a few hours when he was with a trusted adult. He is not responsible for her feelings and doesn’t have to be be available for all her stressed out texting.

[@direwolf8703]

Story 5 NTA Him getting a babysitter is a compromise made in a relationship. If the mother didn't want the possibility of a babysitter she could have kept the child but she didn't and doesn't get to dictate her ex'es life. He did everything he could to make the child comfortable and safe, then basically had someone keep an eye on him while he slept.

[@soulbound2]

Exsactly!

[@aluralovell6829]

I think the issue is that he never told her that he got a babysitter so she assumed he was with their child, she didn't know that he was on a date so when he didn't answer obviously she thought something terrible happened to him and or her child. She does not get to dictate his life, this is true but I don't think that was the issue I think the issue was that he failed to properly communicate what was going on.

[@desireeloveros1055]

Getting a sitter? NTA Not telling his ex and failing in ALL counts of communication with what’s going on with their kid? YTA He’s not an asshole for getting a sitter. He’s an asshole for not updating the mom with what’s going on.

[@carolroberts4614]

He also left his phone on silent, and didn't check it throughout the evening! So if there had been a problem ,he wouldn't have known about it ! Supremely irresponsible!

[@direwolf8703]

why would he have to tell her? The kid was taken care of does she have to call him when the kid is in her care when she gets a sitter? Sure he should have checked his phone more often during the show but silencing your phone is standard for pretty much any show except maybe concerts

[@Ospyro3em]

Story 4- even if it weren't covid, as someone who has has acute bronchitis and it being the worst I've ever felt in my life, that's NOT something I would carry on working with and pass onto others.

[@oftheriverr]

Story 1 NTA, get him sis. What else is she supposed to do?

[@heidiandhergoatsl2618]

Story 2. Tell the hoa to put up cameras in the areas being vandalized. I'm pretty sure they do Not have the right to impose curfews on Anyone!

[@lorifiedler13]

Would it be of any use to contact the police about the HOA cerfew?

[@gilesclone]

Actually, HOAs can establish curfews but it’s a very complicated legal area. It’s a question of the local laws and the details as to whether it would hold up in court.

[@beverlyarcher546]

For all Ik those on the board are doing the vandalizing or over 18 year olds and their just using that as an excuse to enforce an illegal curfew

[@ajb7530]

They don't

[@ajb7530]

​@@gilescloneno they can't

[@eponymoususer8923]

Op1: Is it any wonder she sees this as a futile effort? If her son is going to grow up in the ghetto. She’s given up the fight no one can win. It’s broken her, and she’s done. It was obviously a fight for control, because he’s clearly not into parenting the boy. This situation is created entirely by Dad, so he’s the arsehole. Sadder thing is, Dad will be pissed when the kid grows up all messed up, with all his potential spent recovering from the trauma of losing his mom. He is undermining his own legacy, but guaranteed: he’s going to take it out on the kid. Poor kid.

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Story 5: NTA OP did his ex a favor, something that I'd advise him to never do again. He canceled most of the date so he wouldn't be gone nearly as long and he left later so the kid would pretty much be asleep by the time the sitter arrived. To everyone nitpicking every decision he made please remember that no parent is perfect. I'd consider myself blessed if my father was half the father OP is. The ex is acting like an asshole due to the stress of her situation but that doesn't excuse her behavior towards a person doing her a major favor. I get Choosing Beggar vibes upon looking back at this whole story.

[@nucitamoore]

Idk. It feels low key irresponsible, like he doesn't know this person and the mom doesn't either, and parenting your kid is not a favor.

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

@@nucitamoore It is when there is a custody agreement. He should've just refused to help her if this is the treatment he receives for making his own decisions on parenting his own kid. Most parents don't vet sitters who they are only using for one night and they usually hear about them via word of mouth. I wonder how most of our parents found sitters and I'm guessing they didn't perform background checks with a multi-tiered interview. OP isn't an irresponsible parent, an irresponsible parent would've left while the kid was asleep and hoped he was still alive at home after the show.

[@amararose3029]

I vet all sitters that watch my kids. Honestly if my husband and I ever divorced and he pulled this on me, I would definitely be taking him to court to remove him from having any custody of my children. On the other hand if I did something like this to him, I would expect him to do the same to me. You don’t just disappear and not tell the person where the child is. For all the mother knew her son was in the hospital dying because the loser ex decided not to tell her anything

[@lorifiedler13]

It's a nanny.

[@295Phoenix]

Story 1: NTA OP was being driven into financial ruin by her ex, what else was she supposed to do? Courts also suck for letting this case drag out. Money should not be allowed to influence justice!

[@idalarsson6417]

But she didn’t communicate that. She could have just surrenders custody. Or at least least talked to the father or at the very least, her kid. Imagine what the child had to go through. Especially when she didn’t answer her phone for a whole week! I sympathize with her situation, but that was one of the worst ways possible to handle it!

[@songohan3321]

This story is about what OP has done and nothing else. She ghosted her child for a week plain and simple. There was no communication whatsoever. You just can't drop your kid off and disappear for a week. This type of action will be used in court and the situation will be made worse as a result. Like what the first comment said, no one is siding with the ex. This is about what OP did to her child and not what she did to her ex. That child is the true victim though. With these types of people, the kid is going to be more broken than a McDonald's ice cream machine.

[@songohan3321]

@@melodyharpole8272 OP didn't provide any information to anyone. Not the father, child, or other family members.

[@hack117]

Story 1: So what was OP supposed to do? Everyone freaking out because "the poor kid" but if op doesn't have the means to take care of the kid and doesn't want to raise them in a bad area then what is she supposed to do? Clearly the court system is on the side of the one with the most money. OP did the only thing she could when she was backed into a corner and the father got what he wanted so is no one going to question why the father who went above and beyond to put OP in that position is now freaking out he has the kid full time? OP didn't abandon her child she just picked the only option left that both the father and the courts left her. OP NTA Reddit YTA give solutions or shut up

[@ginathecookie]

Agreed

[@pippo17173]

Maybe dont leave without explaining. I'm sure by 4 years old, he would get what is going on. Still fuck the husband and he gets no sympathy ether.

[@aikikaname6508]

Seconded

[@CocoCece08]

How about be a damn mother? Thatd be a start. If she didn't want the kid, she could have simply left him at her parent's.

[@hack117]

@@CocoCece08 A mother who's willing to move into a bad area just so she can be with her kid dose that sound like someone who doesn't want to be a mother? You clearly dont understand what the court is doing to help the father in this situation so let me explain it to you The dad is forcing the mom into a situation where she cant afford a lawyer to fight the legal battles HE set up so now she cant provide for her kid but he he flaunting his wealth like he can take care of the kid so by giving up custody she is providing for the kid the only way she can and calling the dad's bluff So once again give a solution or stfu

[@FlyingPurplePplEatr]

There’s no ESH when the HOA is overstepping their bounds SEVERELY.

[@Lillypop93]

Story 5 it's not pawning your son off to hire a babysitter NTA wtf is wrong with people

[@nilianstroy]

Story 1... Everyone attacking OP have selective reading, they conveniently ignored the part where op mentioned that her ex was fighting for custody yo the point that she was dirt poor... As someone that saw my mum having to abandon me and my 4 siblings due to an abusive parent I deeply sympathise with her, those people have never gone through something as awful as that and would have attacked her if she moved to an awful area when the child has a rich father... It's a lose-lose situation for her...

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

Another rare human being who has empathy for poor op being financially abused makes her full victim. I apreciate that kindness as it is rare to see!

[@Love2Banime]

S1: this is a lose-lose situation. For those who gave OP YTA, what was she supposed to do? Her ex was dragging his feet with divorce papers and left her dry while she lived in an unsafe neighborhood that she didn't want her kid to be in. Plus, the ex only wanted to hurt OP and see her crawl back so he can control her. Edit: as i have said, this is a lose-lose situation. Everyone keeps saying "she should've told her kid anyways." The kid was 4 years old. Will he even remember his mom's last words at 4? Also, since the ex won the custody, he might as well twist her words and/or manipulate the kid to believe his mom was crazy and was the bad guy at a young age without knowing the whole truth of the divorce.

[@tamsel814]

Mention to the kid that he was gonna stay with his dad for a while and not coming back home to her that evening. That's all it would have taken for me.

[@idalarsson6417]

@@tamsel814 I second this

[@Love2Banime]

@@tamsel814 what if the ex didn't want the kid and tried to throw the child back at her?

[@tamsel814]

@@Love2Banime then the kid would know that op, his mom, cares about him.

[@ilbercgross4736]

For those YTA at Op, she had lost. She was out of money for court (proving again that those with more money make the rules) and could no longer fight the legal battle. She was living in a bad area and would have to move again placing her child in more danger because of his bio dad. Now comes the not so fun part. 3 three year legal battle takes it toll both physically and mentally, especially when you are barely scraping by. Sometimes you have to give up and collect yourself before you can battle again. Doing a legal battle until OP and child are homeless is not the answer. Bio dad wanted custody and now he gets it. OP can get her thoughts and body in order to fight another day. We do not know what she told her child prior to dropping him off. I am sure this was not an easy decision from OP and I am also sure she believes she is doing what is best for her child.

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 3: NTA. Why should OP do all that if they are paying $105 cleaning fee??? Nope.

[@willj24]

Mark, you're wrong on the babysitter one. I don't really understand, what do people think babysitters exist for? Are they somehow only for MARRIED parents? Is it somehow safe and responsible for mommy and daddy to leave the child with a babysitter so they can have date night, but somehow completely IRRESPONSIBLE for either of them to do it singly, if they're not married? The one thing I agree the OP did wrong was having her phone on silent. When you've got your kid with a babysitter, you NEED to be reachable in case of emergency. But this is not the first story I've seen where someone was upset because a single parent got a babysitter for their child, and it's ludicrous, that's what babysitters are for. And even if you want to argue that if you're single with shared custody, so you should aim your dates for when your co-parent has custody, that's what the OP did. An emergency happened, that's fine. The OP didn't just abandon the child at home, the OP hired a babysitter and then continued with their plans. And I say this as a father who has raised 5 children (three bio, two step).

[@willj24]

(You did ask us to say "Mark, you're wrong". ;-) )

[@hothotheat3000]

Putting a child into the hands of the child’s parent isn’t abandonment. Buddy, that’s his son. He can parent him. He’s not concerned about the impact on the kid, more concerned about his inconvenience.

[@trippstudios12]

Just because someone else has an emergency doesn't mean you have to cancel all of your plans and put your life on hold. He didn't leave the child alone and hired someone who could look after them while still accommodating his date. Great dad right there.

[@didyasaysomethin2me]

Story 3: If they're shady enough to demand free cleaning *and* a cleaning fee, it's possible that they'd also be shady enough to try to tack on additional charges for "damage" or something out of spite or in retaliation for a bad review or charge dispute. Watch your back, and your card statement.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I'm going story 3 NTA, that's pretty much all the cleaning then they charge $105 cleaning fee. Ridiculous

[@Mewse1203]

Story 5: NTA OP took the recommendation about a professional nanny from someone he's been dating for several weeks. The kid was awake during the planning and asleep when the sitter got there so there is no evidence OP didn't tell him he'd be leaving. OP and the date made accommodations to let OPZ spend the waking time with his son and the kid sleep while OP was gone. It is absolutely not a "breach of trust" since OP has no obligation to stay home with his son just because she had an emergency. OP is allowed to have a life and she doesn't get to shame him for leaving his kid with a babysitter. Now I'm sure people will be upset that he hadn't met the nanny before, but he took a recommendation from someone he trusted. How often did you vet your children's teachers before the first day of school? Edit: I'm not changing judgement but Mark's perspective would be why I did if I did. I hadn't even thought the kid would pick up on mom's emotions and be upset himself. The reason I'm not is that OP obviously knows his kid and how he was doing that evening. Edit 2 after comments: I'm sorry but exes don't get a say in your babysitter unless they have LEGIT concerns. That is a major means that exes use to control co-parents and keep them from moving on among other reasons. The fact that the mom's concern wasn't about who the babysitter was, but that he did it AT ALL gives credence to the fact it's less about the babysitter and more about him not cutting his life short to be nothing but dad. But yeah, he shouldn't have silenced his phone.

[@halleylipton5251]

I would argue the ex doesn't get full control over choice of babysitter - but not calling her back to let her know that was happening, making sure she had the sitter's number if OP was going to turn off his phone. From the way things are worded here Mum had no idea who her child was with at a time she was already panicked and babysitter who had no relationship with family had no one to contact. Also I could maybe agree with the babysitter being recommended by someone they trusted part if they had been dating for say six months. And I think the mum has every right to be upset because this wasn't regularly scheduled custody time - this was an emergency where she asked him to take their child. So she knew he was with someone safe - who in their right minds would expect dad to go all the way there, say yep, got him, I will take care of our son... and then hand him to someone they'd never met.

[@Mewse1203]

@@halleylipton5251 it sounded like the mom was upset that he dared to have a life away from the kid more than upset about who the babysitter was. There's actually no evidence that she was upset at all about the babysitter being someone he'd just met. It was all centered around him leaving the kid with a babysitter instead of giving up his night to stay home. And yes, she had an emergency, but she doesn't get to be upset if he then hands the kid off. I'm sorry but just because she's upset doesn't mean she gets to control what he does. He made sure the kid was handled while she was dealing with her emergency and thatsball that matters.

[@aluralovell6829]

@@Mewse1203 So it's cool for them to leave their son with a babysitter and not tell her jackshit? So if you had an emergency and left your son with your ex, he doesn't bother to tell you and you call him several times assuming he has your son because A. OP never informed you he had plans so you would have no way to know he was on a date and B. You're already frantic so when he doesn't pick up the phone you rightfully fear the worst that something happened to him and or your child you're telling me you wouldn't be mad? She even says as much in his post that she was worried something happened when he didn't pick up, I'm not sure why people in the comment section are trying to make it out as ex trying to dictate and control OP's life when he failed to keep her in the loop or have basic communication during an emergency

[@LadyLabyrinth1337]

I can tell you as a Mum of an almost two year old, my son stirs and sort of wakes up at least a few times during the night where he needs to be patted on the back or rocked until he settles again and sometimes he will fully wake up in the night in which case he needs to be walked, sung to, cuddled, bounced and usually he has a bit of milk as well, if any of those had happened while OP is away I can tell you with the day that little boy had, it would likely have been downright traumatizing for the little man. It was so not okay to just leave him with a stranger that the little boy had never even seen before, she arrived after he fell asleep and yes he may have 'been there for the planning' but that doesn't mean he registered what was actually going on and that there would be a strange woman looking after him. I would be absolutely furious if my son's father went on a date and chased some tail rather than watch our son if I couldn't due to an emergency, it's not about the date in and of itself. It's the fact that OP put his date ahead of taking care of his son. And the fact that he didn't even care to let me know what was going on would have meant I could never trust him again. Then when he turned his phone off so that if something happened to his son, the babysitter had no one to contact because I repeat *the mother had not been notified* and then what? The son wakes up, sees that his Daddy is gone, there's a strange woman in the house and he has no idea what's going on so he starts screaming and crying and won't let the nanny touch him and she has no one to contact, what the hell is she supposed to do then? He is fully within his rights to date as he pleases but not at the even potential expense of his son, OP is majorly the AH.

[@halleylipton5251]

@@aluralovell6829 Everything I was trying to say but said better - If I'm in an emergency and need my ex to watch my child - I'm expecting my ex to watch my child. I would care if it was a date or a football game with his mates. And who exactly was the sitter supposed to call even if OP did leave the mom's number - Hi, I have your son and he's upset - oh, I think his father went on a date but I can't reach him.

[@heathermcdonald9469]

For story 4, I have severe environmental allergies that cause a really nasty cough. I’ve had this for 24 years now. The scary thing about it is it can mask symptoms of me actually being sick. For almost a decade now I haven’t done the following: 1) sung in choirs 2) tried to work in food service 3) visited friends during cold and flu season without checking first to see if they were comfortable with me coming over with my cough. I’d be a horrible hair stylist anyway, but you can get your behind that I wouldn’t want to work so closely with people with my cough. Oh, and during COVID times I check my temperature every day to make sure my allergies aren’t hiding something serious. OP is NTA

[@beverlyarcher546]

I have seasonal change allergies my worst time is when it's dry even medicine has an affect gives me migraine like headaches and nose so stopped up sometimes can barely breath out my mouth literally causes me to feel dead till the dry weather goes away why I rarely go out during those times unless have to cause I also get annoying cough though can you use peppermint? I found that helps with keeping my coughing down or disappear while sucking on one and helps with dry throat

[@Kzinix]

Story 1: OP's ex is an AH for obvious reasons, but leaving her son with him without explaining that she wouldn't be back for a while? That's cruel. Poor kid! 😲 ESH!

[@Maestrosendgame]

The ex got what he wanted tho, he bleed op dry and won

[@lulujac9196]

@@Maestrosendgame This one’s hard… I wish we could hear both sides…

[@hkburrows]

@@Maestrosendgame To the detriment of the child. OP wasn't a fit mother, else she'd never have done that.

[@mikimishisa]

​@hkburrows Okay so what did you want her to do move to a worse neighborhood then eventually a shelter?

[@Maestrosendgame]

@@hkburrows what is she supposed to do then if the ex is gonna go that far? She doesn’t have the financial resources and is in a rough neighborhood as is. Ex was dragging his feet

[@bonniebaldridge1248]

To cough on anybody anytime is unbelievably rude and disgusting, NTA!

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#5 - OP is NTA. He had pre-paid tickets and plans on a non-custodial weekend. His ex having such a violent reaction means she is more mad that he is dating than she is about what he did, which was take responsibility at the last minute (albeit with a trained professional) of their shared kid. ETA: do people really keep their phones on during a show? No wonder the world has gone crazy. People are allowed just a teeny bit of time (like a show) without having to listen to someone's phone going off!

[@SoicAngellis]

First story.. NTA. Everyone's focusing on only one aspect of why she did this She said herself she's moving somewhere she thinks her child wouldn't be safe at!

[@bessieburnet9816]

You are ignoring how she abandoned him, didn't tell him anything and completely ignored him. She should have said "you have to stay with daddy for a while to be safe now" not just dump him and fuck of for weeks with no word.

[@momotaro1236]

Story 5: NTA you left the kid with a trusted person, everybody has left kids with a babysitter at one point or another

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 2: NTA. OP's son has a job!!!! An arbitrary curfew...sue me.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Story 1- isn't OP shooting herself in the foot with these actions? I'm sure this wouldn't reflect well on her if she decides to continue fighting for custody. I hope she gets help because it sounds like her head is in a very bad place. This doesn't justify her behaviour though. Really hope op gives us an update.

[@kittie479]

Seems like she’s no longer fighting for custody

[@sleepyearth]

Seems like OP is giving up custody. She lost almost all her money and spirit. Her ex won.

[@toysruskid5074]

She is at the point where she's giving up because he's putting her through financial hell. According to her comments he's being downright cruel to her because instead of staying married and separated and raising his son and letting him have his son when and where he wanted, she filed for divorce and he's been destroying her financially out of spite.

[@zoe9190]

She sounds broken in many ways, she couldnt do it anymore, the kid was with his father, he wasnt alone. Burnt out, broke, lost hope, and being abused by the ex shes trying to divorce, she cant do it anymore

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

@@toysruskid5074 Oh that sounds awful. Poor lady ☹️. I understand why she's doing what she's doing, although I don't think she went the right away about it. Although such a devastating decision could understandably leave someone in a hazy frame of mind. What a sad situation ☹️

[@KE-hr4sb]

Story 5: Ex is being unreasonable. When she has the kid, does she work? If so, who watches the kid? It's perfectly fine for him to get a babysitter (does she have some jealousy because he's on a date, or just misplaced anxiety from her family emergency?), and even to keep his phone on silent while at a show, that's common courtesy. I however would either have a backup in place in case of emergency (your parents' contact info for the babysitter, for instance, phone on vibrate, etc.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

NTA first story! The dad wanted him sooooo badly he crippled OP financially and mentally, so she left for her own sake so she wouldn't die one way or another and let her son have a good life.

[@cheskydivision]

Bronchitis is contagious, I caught it in 2018 when there was an out break at the hospital my mom was. It was bad and have been getting it every year since.

[@elenameissner]

Story 4: it's not just unsanitary and disgusting, having someone sneeze or cough while cutting hair is dangerous, your reflex is to close your eyes and your body jerks, that's how you loose an ear AND get bronquitis. Yikes. NTA

[@kristys7172]

Clean an Airbnb, um no. Your on vacation, not there to be the maid. Op, nta, ops not the maid. The cleaning price should be included in the rental amount for the stay.

[@turtleduck2085]

3rd Story: Ah yes, make someone clean up after themselves and then charge them a cleaning fee for it. Makes perfect sense. I suppose next we will be telling people at restaurants to wait on themselves and cook their own food and still expect them to pay the restaurant. 5th Story: Yeah...he messed up big time. So many things wrong there because he did not want to reschedule date night and the GF is just as bad for suggesting it.

[@carolroberts4614]

They'll be making us be our own checkout operators in the supermarket next!......Oh, hang on a minute!

[@redtankgirl5]

Yeah this one is hilarious. My first husband and I were both chefs and used to joke about opening the ‘Do Your Own Dammed Dishes Cafe’. Hahaha , god we would go on about the set up and how people would bus their tables, clean up and do their dammed dishes lol. This story makes me think about that. Good memories of my late husband lol.

[@LoveableNiki]

@@carolroberts4614 I was so against self-checkout when it was introduced (still am). I swear they make cashiers ring up slower now in hopes that people will use SC. I only use them when there is basically no other choice (only one cashier ringing and the line is too long). Having one person man SC looks like torture.

[@carolroberts4614]

Our local Tesco has two of them and I hate them! I am beginning to have cross words with that patronising voice! I'm to old for this lark! Funnily enough, I started my working life with Tesco, now I'm arguing with their machines!

[@redtankgirl5]

@@LoveableNiki I refuse to self checkout my items. I don’t work for them and I refuse to take another person’s job. Particularly when I have to do it and pay for the privilege. Screw that. I’ve had them try to direct me to self check out numerous times and I refuse telling them to just get another teller if they’re concerned about the back up of customers. I’m just not.

[@pooch7245]

Story 5 NTA, the husband shouldn't let his ex-wife have that much control over his life. It is his decision.

[@clairebear-96]

A cheeky little extra one? HELLLLL yeah!! (if you know the “banana bread at work?” video… that’s how i said it 😂)

[@lyragwen1895]

We stayed at an AIRBNB in Hawaii and they charged us 250.00us for cleanup. There's no way we do that kind of cleaning. We washed dishes, threw trash and put sheets and towels on washing machine, period.

[@HectoGames]

In story 5, if the dad made sure to introduce his son to the babysitter, even just while putiing him to bed, I think nta. However, if he didnt, that child could wake up to a random person in their home, with no way to reach their parent. Whats he supposed to do? Just trust the stranger? What kind of precedent does that set?

[@charleshuguley9903]

Story 2 How can an HOA assume the authority to limit someone's lawful freedom?

[@samanthadetgen5041]

Story 5: generally I would agree, except, the kid was already asleep, probably had time to cool off from the handmedown anxiety and dad still deserves to go on his date. I think overall he was responsible, not going until baby bean was asleep. The phone thing.... Yeah, if your kid is home with a sitter it should be on vibrate at least. But overall NTA

[@dianemartel5205]

Story 5: So, if a babysitter is a problem for one partner, then it’s a problem for both. However, putting your phone on silent for the date and not checking regularly was very bad.

[@Sonicanimefan1]

A majority of theaters explicitly say "silence your cellphones".

[@AZUREPHOENIX777]

@@Sonicanimefan1 That does complicate things a bit, I'd say a potential solution is to put it on vibrate. That way if you feel it buzzing, then you can head out into the hall as you answer.

[@maggpiprime954]

@@Sonicanimefan1 there is vibrate... keep it where you can feel it w/o it disturbing others. If I (absent-minded as I can sometimes be) can do it for 18 years, so can anyone. It's super easy.

[@Sonicanimefan1]

@@maggpiprime954 At the same time, you can get kicked out for having your phone out during a show

[@carolroberts4614]

Keep it in a pocket and look at it now and again!

[@Mrs_Ella]

I had Bronchitis AND the flu at the same time a few years ago. I felt so crappy, I'd have welcomed the Grim Reaper with open arms. Never been this sick and I don't want to experience it ever again. We all know that the "real" flu can be bad, but Bronchitis is nearly equally as bad and definitely nothing to take lightly.

[@the_catsmeow]

My thing with the mom abandoning her son is that she should have communicated her intentions. I get that the ex has made life really hard, but she's only shooting herself in the foot. Now he really has some good evidence to claim she's an unfit parent, if he ever decides to go that route. If she had communicated her intentions, in writing, and why, a future court case might work more in her favor. And it still would have served the point she was trying to make. Now he can claim she abandoned the kid, because it's basically true. I just feel bad for that little kid, being put in the middle of it all.

[@momotaro1236]

Story 2: NTA I doubt that’s legal, they’re not a government facility they don’t get to control what everybody in the neighborhood does in their own free time.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#4 - in this day and age, the salon owner and her staff should be super careful about this shit! OP is NTA and I'm right behind her -- they can take her ass to court and have a judge laugh at them!

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

With the first story you're not in the wrong here however if he takes us to court it will be seen as abandonment in the eyes of the Court. Even though he went weeks meaning months at a time without seeing his son and basically when you needed a break he couldn't handle it. He's one of those guys who doesn't want custody of child but he just wants you to suffer as much as possible. He's already cost you to go into Financial ruin and mental and emotional distress. In addition you're basically saying okay since you want him you can have him and I can see him every other weekend. This is one of those situations where it Financial mental emotional psychological abuse all comes into play. And to be honest the guy wants to be in control he wants you back in his life so he can control everything and get away with a lot more stuff than what he's doing. Most of the people who were saying you're in the wrong or basically people who want you to be a doormat because they do not want to hear a mother giving up on her child when in reality the father drove over to the point. You're not in the wrong here but it's time for you to basically tell the courts what's really going on here and why he's stalling the divorce to begin with and he's not watching the child but the nanny is

[@InitialPC]

"youre not in the wrong for abandoning your child" wow, psychopath behavior

[@klemenhudobreznik3421]

@@InitialPC SAY PSYCHOPATH WITH NO EMPATHY IGNORING OP HAS NO CHOICE IN MATTER TO BE FREE FROM THIS FINANCIAL ABUSER OF EX! GET HELP!

[@InitialPC]

@@klemenhudobreznik3421 so screw the child, got it

[@hvymax]

Ex abandoned OP without help or money. He got what he deserves.

[@cheskydivision]

It’s not abandonment if you leave your child with their other parent. The ex got what he wanted and still was not happy. The mom is always wrong no matter what the father does.

[@idalarsson6417]

If you ghost them without warning or explanation it is…

[@fabiocandelori9163]

@@idalarsson6417 I'd say the ghosting is justified when telling something may result in your abuser knowing you are trying to escape and potentially attacking you.

[@Melissa-rv1fl]

Story 4: NTA. He shouldn't be at work. What if he was doing a cut. Coughed and butchered the cut!

[@sagesaria]

Story 2: I don't like the "there must have been a better way" answer to this because I assume people have been TRYING a 'better way.' Also people tend to say "there's a better way" when people do things like, say, punch their bully in the face in self-defense. Yes, what people were saying about not ignoring the fine is important, but I hold the stance that people who abuse you do not have the right to you being polite to them.

[@kizzykiz]

I 100% agree

[@Byt0101-gh5fm]

Yeah. I'm not cleaning AND paying for a cleaner.

[@christina1764]

I think the ex's biggest problem was that he was on a date, not so much because of the son, but more because he had only just started dating again and she found out when he called her back and told her he was out on a date and since she couldn't bring herself to tell him this directly, she did it indirectly by using her son as an excuse 😉©️

[@yaqbulyakkerbat4190]

Get Mark! He's protecting the HOA!

[@Lugialuvr]

Story 1: Jeez what an absolute crapshoot. But I have to go with ESH except the child. Just jeez, the mom left her kid to as noted by others wondering where she went and will always believe she abandoned HIM. The Ex is an absolute jerkoff and I'm appalled that OP had no one else to turn to that could maybe help her get out of this situation. (Though I wonder if the Ex was involved in driving others away) OP was in an absolutely craptastic situation, but in the end the better option might've been to just give up the kid and focus on getting the divorce finalized. If the mother chose to surrender the child while yes the ex would then likely cut her out, at the very least then its ALL on the ex. I don't know all the legalese but surely if she just opted to surrender her custody to instead focus on divorcing her ex well then the child is in a more stable home, the ex loses his bargaining chip, and if the ex continues to drag it out well at the very least the child will be safe. At the very least though ex will likely twist it into her abandoning the kid anyways, at the very least Child will have gotten the chance to see OP and not think she just vanished. The biggest thing of import is that the child is cared for, so OP giving up the custody battle to the well off father makes sense. Granted yes there is the risk of him ditching the child with OP but perhaps OP could fight to simply give him primary care of the child, if she's burned through so much in legal fees, then the better option would be to just give him the kid but leave him behind. I dunno this whole thing screams complicated and I don't get how the ex could just drag this out, it feels incredibly malicious because since they aren't divorced I imagine he's off the hook on playing child support. But yet he can threaten to take full custody?? I dunno it's mindboggling, and it really bothers me. This whole thing sucks but ultimately the child is the one who got hurt the most. But on the other hand, the mother wanted the child with his father but I feel like if mother did tell the kid the kid being a four year old would likely tell ex and then mother would have less time to get away.. but then again she managed to ghost them for a week. Ugh i feel like there should be a legal way of just giving the kid to ex and makinghim responsible for care, but knowing how broken some legal systems are, i can absolutely see how ex is just dragging it out (considering how some do frivolous lawsuits to quiet people or journalists after all). But if OP's paying legal fees like jeez what are her lawyers doing?

[@brigidtheirish]

Depending on how old the kid is, even if she tried to explain, he might believe that she abandoned him, anyway. And she probably considered it a better option that the *physical* danger he'd be in if he stayed with her. If OP really doesn't have anyone else to turn to, I can almost *guarantee* the ex had a hand in that. Legally surrendering custody might've been a better option, yes, but would probably have the same end result of her being accused of abandonment by her ex, her son, and the Reddit hive-mind. The whole situation screams financial abuse to me. Also him buying the sleaziest lawyers to bury her in red tape and impossible demands. Kid's four? I missed that. Shit. No *way* he would have understood if she tried to explain to him.

[@Shywest2010]

I mean for all we know OP could be an orphan with no one to turn to and a 3 year long court battle making her so destitute she had to move into an undesirable area and didn't want her 4 year old to witness that. I think desperate times call for desperate measures. And when she said she gave the ex what he wanted that didn't sound like "sticking it to him" it sounded like someone who lost all hope. He wants full custody and I now have to live in squalor. Fine he can have or son and I'll just try to survive with the knowledge that at least he's safe. So many people mention "oh if a man did that" but it's not even equivalent. A man walks out cuts contact starts anew upgrades his life he's a deadbeat. But a dad fighting a losing court battle and giving up would be seen as a dad who fought til he couldn't anymore. Those are 2 different scenarios and OP's situations is more like the second than the first. I've literally seen parents (moms and dads) fighting for sole or 50/50 custody and the ex had tons of money or remarried into tons of money and railroad the other parent until they couldn't fight anymore. Some became homeless or close to it and their kid has to visit them in a dingy one bedroom or studio apartment because they can't afford anything else (and that's if they get visitation at all). And alot of times the parent with the money then turns the kid against the other parent anyway. Now add in the factor that her ex has dragged out a divorce over custody for 3 whole years. Obviously by the outcome we learned he never really wanted the kid. He even said they could b go back to the previous financial arrangement from before the divorce. Which means he knew what he was doing. He knew she would eventually become destitute but he was probably using the courts and custody thing as an abusive tactic to make her crawl back to him once she had nothing. Also the kid is 4 how do we know she didn't tell him he was gonna stay with his dad for a while. He might of thought it was just for the day. Then dad freaks out when she doesn't come get him and freaks out cause he doesn't know why dad is freaking out. I think when your desperate you do desperate things. Like good people who loose everything and then start stealing or doing other illegal activities because they have no money and need to feed their kids. Desperation can cause even theost sane rational people to do the most reckless crap for survival and the well being of their family. I've seen parents put their kids in the system so they would be cared for until they could get back on their feet. She wouldn't be able to do something like that because the ex would fight it so instead she gave him his child and he's now made about he no longer fighting. Which means the kid was never what he wanted. He wanted to break her so she'd stop fighting the divorce and come back. He didn't realize her desire to be away from him was way stronger than her desire to have her child at all cost. She didn't want her chd in a bad environment bit she didn't want to go back to the ex. So she gave him his child and got away from the abuse in a way he didn't calculate. He probably thought she would fight until she was homeless but she didn't want her kid to be homeless. Now he's made she gave up on the fight. So mad he's willing to go back to something he obviously could have just continued once the divorce was finalized. Also why was he fighting for full custody when he's rarely in the country anyway. Would travel with a kid be alot if he can't even handle his son in his own home when the nanny isn't there. So many abusive and heartbreak this led to this but all everyone sees is "oh mom was being petty and doesn't love her kid enough" when the actual situation sounds like an abused and broken women not having the means to fight anymore financially, emotionally, mentally, and possibly physically. If she hadn't given her child to the ex and instead deleted herself and the kid saw found her, or she got addicted to drugs, or something bad happened in that neighborhood to her or the child would people still have that same energy, or would they tell her she should have given up the child sense she couldn't provide. She made sure he was safe and avoided talking to the abuser he lead to her being in the situation in the first place. It still sticks out in my head that when she told him she wasn't coming back and was basically giving him full custody no strings attached he flipped and offered an arrangement they had before the divorce. That part sticks out the most. He basically said "I didn't really mean i wanted him full time just come get him and we can go back to the way things were" and that part makes it hard for me to say she did it as a gotcha thing and more trying to escape a trap and leave her child in a better situation than what she'll have to transition to.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@Shywest2010 All of this.

[@bluexwings]

Bronchitis is very serious. It can become pneumonia, or even kill someone with an immune deficiency or a lung condition (such as asthma or COPD).

[@dzll]

The last story OP is NTA. The ex is just upset she can't control his actions when he has their child. Ppl keep saying oh the kid could wake up and not know where their mom and dad is.....in which may be true but things happen all the time. If OP had his own emergency and left the kid with a neighbor or family member so he could take care of it no one would blink an eye. It's just he was doing something that could have been rescheduled and wasn't important.

[@nadiaoneill3570]

Am I the only one who thinks it sounds like the mom in story one is insisting on a certain amount of money from her ex to maintain a lifestyle she can't provide for herself? I mean the divorce dragging out could be just as much her because she refuses to accept the settlements he is willing to agree to. I would never abandon my child because "otherwise I can't afford to live where I want so you have to pay me more". What kind of thinking is that?

[@samvoss6697]

Oof that first one was hard to listen to. My heart goes out to that poor kid. OP should not have ghosted and should have been honest about their living situation and why it’s not good for their kid. Hopefully things will get better

[@RRW359]

When did OP lie about their living situation?

[@julianmyvett1741]

OP with the three year old son did nothing wrong.

[@gailpettypool2014]

What about the dad. He abandoned them. He push her to that point. She had no way of taking care of her child because he force her to.

[@chippydippy1530]

I can say with my full chest that dad is a piece of shit who never deserved a kid. I can also say that mom ghosting her kid with no explanation at an age where he 100% will remember (no matter what that dumb commenter says) is a scumbag thing to do. People can hold more than one opinion

[@herewego8686]

What's funny is if she revealed she lived in a ghetto with her 4 year old,she would still get called out because of living conditions

[@FoxyMomma4ever]

Mark Narrations You don't need to apologize for talking, My Dude! That's why a lot of us are here! We love that you personalize this channel with your opinions and thoughts. You aren't just some robot reading Reddit stories. You are human and have human thoughts and feelings. It's very personal for you and for us. We love and respect you and we wouldn't have it any other way. If anyone ever tells you different, they are the odd man/woman out so please ignore them. Don't ever change who you are just because a few people don't want someone to talk outside of the stories. There are plenty of channels out there that are literally robots reading Reddit stories, trust me it took me some time to find actual humans to read them to me! I absolutely love your channel and you because you are so relatable. I also love Poppy! You keep doing you, Boo! Much love!!

[@gypsygem9395]

I feel exactly the same way. I've been on other channels, but the fact the stories in those channels are just read with no comments from the reader, just leaves me feeling something's missing. I love what you do, Mark! We all have different opinions, that doesn't make us wrong for voicing them.

[@simonO712]

This. This is why I've moved on from almost every other Reddit channel I've followed but stuck with Mark's.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

Story 4: I have an autoimmune disease and would have IMMEDIATELY cancelled. If they asked me to pay for it, I’d laugh in their faces and say “no. If I get sick because of your carelessness, you’ll be paying for any medical costs.” I’ve gotten a cold off someone and ended up in the hospital with breathing problems. That place is a lawsuit waiting to happen. They can do one.

[@mamabear1394]

ESH expect the child in the custody story. Does OP or her ex even care about their child?

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

It's about control here at this point the ex wants to go back to the way it was beforehand and the original poster is like let me watch my child and share custody with you and we can go from there. If your ex-husband ever put you in those Dire Straits to the point where you have to choose between you and your child living in poverty or you going back to your potential abusive spouse who has Financial wealth and security what would you do. This isn't about him wanting the child this is about him wanting control and the moment she gave him the filed for a week and she didn't answer me is called she was giving him a taste of his own medicine

[@mamabear1394]

@@BIGEAGLEDUDE she Ghosted her own child

[@Rukiah1]

@@BIGEAGLEDUDE A taste of his own medicine probably traumatized their 4 y.o. child.

[@saratronus]

At kind of feel like OP did the wrong thing for the right reason She wanted her kid to live comfortably and if she abandoned her kid the courts will no longer see her as a fit parent so she can't get custody Even if the X tries to argue to give her custody.So basically she's got nuking her options of being a parent in the court's eyes Would give her kid a better chance of living sure it's an asshole thing But it's the thought that counts 🤨😑🤷‍♀️

[@danacarter9147]

I'm going to have to go with ESH, too. That first story ₱*&§es me off, and the same, makes my mind boggle.