My Son Called Me A "Deadbeat Mom" After I Attended His Ex-Wife's Wedding r/Relationships

[@rashidasimmons6180]

Why do I get the feeling the son got Ruth pregnant intentionally so she wouldn't get her masters... Then still left her after

[@halla3184]

_I had that exact same thought.The timing is just too convenient_

[@Amagem81]

I thought so too!

[@tonibully4090]

I was thinking the same thing.

[@salomerodriguez5145]

Jep, had the same feeling. Thanks reddit for making me so cynic :'D

[@jenyes8739]

Because that's the kind of guy he is

[@randomusername3873]

It only goes to show how cheaters WANT to hurt their families As long as his ex wife and daughter were miserable he was cool, the moment he saw them happy, then he started to have a problem He doesn't want to get to know his daughter, or else he would have been present in her life. He just wants to drive a wedge between her and her stepdad. Possibly ruin his ex marriage, so that they can go back being miserable

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

I picked up on that too. He's deeply selfish. Once he saw them happy without him he got jealous and wants back in their lives.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I noticed that too. Basically another classic case of misery loves company. At this point, I wouldn't blame OP if she decided to cut ties with her son.

[@kentario1610]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly I have a feeling it would be good for her, but I also have the feeling she won't. She's a good person but that may hurt her here.

[@strandedinseattle9931]

Daughter = tactical pregnancy by the son to keep Ruth from furthering her education. He isn't in his daughter's life because she was a pawn, a means to an end, not something he wanted or felt love for. He is miserable with his new sucky wife and realizes what he lost with Ruth. Not about what he did, not about about making things right, only what he /wanted/ because he didn't have it. He is a child, he is selfish and he is cruel. I hope he doesn't hurt more people in the future (unfortunately his daughter most assuredly will be emotionally harmed with his greedy mindset and long spells of abandonment).

[@MasterBuilderDragon]

Story 1: This dude seriously keeps calling his ex wife a W? Someone needs to buy this “man” a dictionary and a mirror.

[@LisaTizzard]

My thoughts exactly!!!!

[@kentario1610]

It always blows me away when cheating partners call their faithful partner promiscuous, like, really?

[@TailsFan]

​@@kentario1610 They think they're living in Opposite Land. 🤣🤣

[@khaleesireyna731]

This entire story just shows how men can be taught misogyny even if they were raised by strong women who taught them better.

[@tannerwilson1277]

To all the cheaters out there. Quit tying down good people because you don't want to be alone. Go do your tricks with those who are looking for the same.

[@copercurlz]

Oh I feel so bad for OP. She's lost her husband, her son turned out to be a deadbeat, and now she thinks she's cheating on her current husband. That woman deserves all the wonderful things in the world. She's not to blame for her son. She did everything she could for Bob. She's also not cheating on her current husband. She can have place in her heart for both of them. That poor woman. I hope she's doing better now.

[@jbgra2566]

Totally agree, she seems like a great person overall but very hurt. I hope she can find the peace she deserves and obviously great things as well

[@GrumpyOldFart2]

I’m thinking also that the son does not know the meaning of a “deadbeat parent”.

[@MasterBuilderDragon]

She mentioned that her current husband is also a widower. She should definitely talk to him about it. He probably goes through the same struggles.

[@MasterBuilderDragon]

@@GrumpyOldFart2 Probably not. He clearly didn’t know the meaning of the W word.

[@kentario1610]

@@MasterBuilderDragon it always confuses me when unfaithful men (or others) call faithful women the w word, like, do they not... know?

[@astronautviolet153]

Story 1: NTA Op's Son is the deadbeat for cheating on his ex wife and going no contact with his own daughter.

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

Exactly

[@KCohere33]

And he called his wife a whore when he cheated?

[@astronautviolet153]

​​@@KCohere33 He wants to divorce the second wife because she's not like Ruth the irony

[@lynnw7155]

Wow, that son is a total jerk. I'd disown him and adopt Ruth. OP doesn't need to keep justifying her decisions; he's so disrespectful to everyone. He also doesn't have a clue what "deadbeat" means.

[@cutietae247]

Guess I shouldn’t have read the comment in the comment bar lol😂😂 I’m still gonna listen to the story tho

[@RuminatingRaptor]

I hate that OP is blaming being a single mother on the way her son turned out. Sounds like she did an amazing job. Her son is an adult and is responsible for his own choices. Parents can only do so much.

[@Cannibalsnacks]

If she did such an amazing job, why does she disagree with how he turned out - she had possession of him the whole time Ironic she says he is not taking any responsibility while also ignoring her own. I raise him better than this" - umm nope he is exactly what you raised

[@nileforce]

@@Cannibalsnacks i think its a bit ignorant to think that everything from a child is from the parents. It happens time and time again that great parents have children who are bad. A lot can happen en er persons life or sometimes one child in a family becomes a monster and we never know what went wrong.

[@crisrodriguez5693]

@@Cannibalsnacks While I'm very skeptic towards "good parents" who have "bad kids", I've come to learn that sometimes it's not so black and white. Parents do not control every aspect of their kids life (even if they try), there are always gaps here and there. Normally those gaps allow for privacy and serve as room for individual growth, and it's expected than a kid who is loved and has been taught morals will replicate these things when his parents are not around, and not get as easily influenced by other people or ideals. But sometimes things go south, and if the problem doesn't become obvious (if it never goes beyond the private space of the kid) before it's too late, there's only so much a parent can do.

[@kimsvisualdiary]

@@Cannibalsnacks I can speak from my own family that it doesn’t matter how good your parenting is, your kids are individuals and will turn out how they want on their own. My two brothers and I are all vastly different people who chose different paths in life. My oldest turned into a deadbeat asshole like OP’s son. Does that mean my parents failed? Not necessarily. My brother knew better but still made the wrong choices.

[@3adgamd3r]

@@Cannibalsnacks tbh everyone else here is using select examples but ignoring the rule, statistically speaking men raised in single mother households turn out worse than men raised with a present father, an example of this is that statistically speaking the vast majority of violent male criminals in prison today come from single mother households People will say it’s sexist and stuff, but the facts don’t care about feelings, and the facts are OP raised this boy, some of the blame for how he turned out falls at her feet People don’t want it to be true because they sympathise with her, as a woman and because we’re hearing the story from her side, but the truth is she done goofed raising this man, and now he’s turned out as a tit

[@jasoncarter4343]

OP’s son subconsciously sabotaged his own marriage because he knew, deep down, that he was not good enough for his wife.

[@CasualVFlowerEnjoyer]

I hope OP comes to understand that loving your deceased spouse is normal and shouldn't be shamed. Your love for someone doesn't go away just because they've passed. Its not like she divorced him, their relationship was cut short by circumstances beyond their control. The love never went away, love doesn't die just because the person you gave it to did.

[@eleethtahgra7182]

Lol..yeah...grandpa passed away. Grandma refuse to remarry. Still love grandpa. Care for the kids herself. Her last wish was to be burried together. Now they are together.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Call me mean, but I laughed when Bob admitted he f*ked up when he lost Ruth. His behaviour towards her has been despicable, trying to forbid her from getting her Masters degree? Moaning because she works and isn't his housewife stuck in all day being his servant. Barely bothering with his daughter. All of this is 10000 % his own fault and I have absolutely no sympathy whatsoever.

[@erenssister.5535]

He only wanted ruth back now because his now wife is willing to be his maid.

[@HaliaStone]

Am I the only one who got the vibe he tampered with their protection? Completely unfounded obviously, but I found the timing weird, especially when they were fighting about her wanting to get her Masters and then-whoop, she’s pregnant.

[@starbird3939]

This. He wanted a housewife all along and was mad he didn’t get one

[@AndyyWithAY]

I don't think anything OP is doing is inappropriate, especially not akin to cheating. We've heard way worse. If I was with someone who's prior spouse had died, I'd feel super weird if they never remembered them and just seemed to completely move on never considering it even once.

[@truthseeker9249]

Exactly. If my partner never wanted to TALK about that person either in general or just with me, I would be okay with that and respect it. Some things are just too painful to talk about, like ab*se or anything like that. But if I knew that my partner was still grieving their late partner and held onto their things and visited their grave I would totally be okay with that. It would bring me comfort to know their living their life remembering their late love and honoring them the only way they know how while still loving me.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@Truth Seeker Presumably the relationship only ended due to death, so makes sense to still care about the late spouse in a healthy way that doesn't disrespect the current marriage.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@AndyyWithAY Me too. I would find it quite concerning if a widow or widower DIDN'T have at least one or two moments when they missed their lost love.

[@tamarasmith9060]

Last story: About her throwaway wondering if what she's feeling is cheating: No. But here's the thing. OP needs some therapy too because I think what's happening is a kind of escapism. The problems with her son are making her wonder about her parenting after her 1st husband's death & wishing for happy times when her son wasn't like that, so she's thinking about "before everything went wrong". The problem is that is also the time when her husband was alive, so she's naturally associating the 2 things. Her son was good & happy as a little kid, therefore her own life was perfect, therefore 1st husband was a part of that perfect time. It's natural to wish for that good time, but it's past. She needs to deal with now & lean on current hubby because he will understand.

[@GoldDragonJewelry]

I feel so bad for Ruth having to go through all that. I hope ops son does get therapy and at least try to be a better person for his daughter.

[@randomusername3873]

He won't, he's just angry they are happy and wants to ruin that

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

While I wholeheartedly wish you were right, I think Random username up here ^ has the accurate picture.

[@RandomTrinidadian]

Yea.... i not buying one bit OP son is sorry. He is only mad that the woman he though was better than Ruth, is just as sh*tty as he is. I really hope his daughter never accepts him into her life, cause it sounds like she already has a l9ving father in her life.

[@danacarter9147]

​@@randomusername3873 I'm with you on that 💯%, a leopard doesn't change its spots.

[@caelum8160]

Story 1: Wow from bob's reaction you'd think HE got cheated on! NTA 100%, Ruth needs a mom like OP, especially now.

[@ec9833]

Goodness. That mama is so deeply sensitive. We need more humans like her. And…she deserves solace. She deserves therapy that teaches her her worth as an imperfect and ever loving person. Regrets as a parent, as a spouse or any important relationship in someone’s life is such a hard burden to carry and one we need to learn to find different, positive perspective on. We just don’t have the resources we all deserve, yet, on how to do this. And it breaks my heart, all the suffering so many of us go through, deserving so much better.

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

Op is such an emotionally mature person, during the last part my heart broke for her. She's so caring to the people around her, I wish her the best, especially with the disaster of a human her son turned out to be. I hope she finds happiness and peace, in whichever way she feels comfortable pursuing.

[@mbyerly9680]

My parents had five kids. We had a very stable middle class life. Two were douches who ended up dying early from stupid decisions. The rest of us turned out fine. A kid turning out bad isn't always the parents' fault.

[@crowdemon_archives]

Yea, some people are just cursed tbh

[@tomeeshahaller4226]

After hearing so many MIL horror stories, stories like this are a breath of fresh air.

[@Mrs.Self.Distruct]

15 years ago today I lost my boyfriend in a terrible accident and still pull out some of his things for memories and always will because there is nothing wrong with that. Of k ever had a SO who had issues with that I would drop them hard. Jealousy over a dead man is nuts. Coincidence to hear this story today heh

[@eleethtahgra7182]

Ah...sorry for ur loss. But, no one wants to be a second option, be it male or female. U gotta make it clear from the beginning. It would avoid lots of hassle.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@eleethtahgra7182 I agree with you on that. Though most of the stories I've read had the jealous partners destroy the memories of the loves that they lost. And in my opinion, if you were told of the dating history your partner had and you still wanted to wipe out the memories of their lost love out of jealousy, then you shouldn't be in a relationship because no one is going to be around someone who is jealous of a dead person.

[@eleethtahgra7182]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly thats the thing, memory of dead person. Meaning if a living person appear and remind her of the dead person, shed ditch the guy. And to use ur logic, if someone is too hang up with a dead person, then s/he is not ready for relationship at all. Grandfather died. Grandma didnt remarry. Thats how it should go if one wanna carry the memory.

[@shadewolfe1231]

My cheating ex grew up with both parents, and I wish at least one of them had taken the stance OP took in condemning her son’s cheating. Instead they tried to play it off like I was equally to blame for the two confirmed/one unconfirmed affairs my ex husband had while we were married and I was a full time college student/stay at home mother of our kid handling all the house responsibilities. They didn’t really try to keep in touch after the divorce and despite me still seeing them as good people, I haven’t bothered keeping them involved in my daughter’s life beyond Facebook pictures. If the can condone their son’s failures and worse try to shift blame to the victim, then they’ve proven that they failed as parents. But not OP, Ruth is lucky to have you.

[@rubymeaddle]

OP maintaining a healthy relationship with the mother of her grandchild is 100% acceptable and good for the relationship with the granddaughter 🤷‍♀️

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 nta I heard this one before. I get that you should stand by your kids but their are limits.

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

Facts

[@bruuh0_0]

You shouldn't stand by them if they're in the wrong Like commiting a crime

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

@@bruuh0_0 Depends on the crime but in general I agree.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree. You support family when they're in the right, not when they're in the wrong. Just because you're related to a garbage person, doesn't mean you have to support their bad behavior.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: NTA. Good for op for supporting her DIL and grandchild, and not her cheating son Story 1 update: so op’s son cheated on Ruth because she won’t base her whole life around him.

[@pippo17173]

Someone on reddit said this is what happen when he had no father figure which really shows that maybe the death of his father destroyed whatever moral compass he had. Op probaly didn't know how deep that went and thought she did good but man what a disaster.

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

@@pippo17173 Let's not blame his total lack of empathy, and self-awareness and his absolute refusal to learn decent human interaction on the death of his father.

[@keplersdream901]

@@pippo17173 Wrong. The guy's just evil. (Male) cheaters are inherently misogynistic and psychopathic. There was nothing OP or her husband could have done.

[@kanelovec4315]

@@pippo17173 death of a parent doesn't do that to a person. Your moral compass should not be that weak. Technically after his father died the son could have tried to act like his father not the exact opposite or try to be the man of house and help op like his father but no he became a tyranny where he wanted his ex to be a pregnant house wife that did everything for him.

[@kennethsjvold9212]

Funny how everyone belive OP, would like to hear the other side of the story. Bet its different.

[@Russman67]

OP question post: OP is still grieving for her first husband. If death is taught me anything it's that the pain of that loss might deaden a bit But it never really goes away.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

You can't be a "deadbeat mom" to a grown, adult son.

[@cuculain78]

The irony that he is actually a deadbeat dad to his daughter

[@StarryCatTV]

@@cuculain78and that my friend is called projection

[@keshaponso2034]

Story 1- What an amazing Mother. From my experince most mothers would blindly take their kids' side.

[@ellorasg4525]

Story 1: Heard it before. Seriously it still makes my blood boil. The kid needs to grow up. Seriously he is still an immature brat.

[@JasperCatProductions]

I have 3 sons, they don’t tell me who I can be with. The son cheated, he is the wrong one. Sometimes you gotta let your grown children go, it’s ok. If my son said this sort of trash to me I would not answer his email. I don’t get it, oh because your my dad,mom sister, child I should be treated like trash. No. You know who you need in life? Yourself, if someone is being cruel, drop em like a hot potato!

[@joaolima7131]

It's sad when your own flesh and blood, turns out a bad batch, even if you tried your hardest for raise them to be good human beings

[@pippo17173]

*left his son for a w***re* Like what the hell did he expect? What did the son hope his own mom to be just as horrible? Like how the hell did he end up like this? Edit: oh OK so the mistress has something on this 🙄

[@astronautviolet153]

The son is just selfish and entitled and the second marriage he's literally considering divorce because his second wife isn't like Ruth at all.

[@pippo17173]

@@astronautviolet153 Ya the son is gonna have a huge wake up call once his mistress cheats when he doesn't more time for her. Honestly op should of caught on more sooner even if it wasn't her fault. Hearing her later updates showed that maybe the dad dying cause a massive shift in morals but it is what it is.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

@@astronautviolet153 you mean not going to last long LOL

[@lrock48]

​@@pippo17173once a cheater, always a cheater

[@AndyyWithAY]

I'm so glad that Bob is now regretting leaving Ruth. He's a horrible garbage person. First Ruth's whole existence rubs him the wrong way. He cheated and abandoned his child to be with a mutual friend. Now he sees the grass isn't greener on the other side. I get being angry at the other person, but I feel OP is blaming her too much and not fully blaming Bob who should bear the brunt of this. She didn't force him to cheat.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree with you. OP's being way too hard on herself. She did her best as a mother. She should just focus on her daughter, her daughter in law and her granddaughter and let her son face the consequences of his actions.

[@doyouliketacosiliketacos5139]

They usually do when the other finds happiness because cheaters just want their partners to be miserable

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@doyouliketacosiliketacos5139 Sadly, you're correct. That's why I don't like cheaters, because as the ex moves on and finds happiness, REGARDLESS of where it comes from, the cheater tries on rain their happy parade, because as the old saying goes, misery loves company.

[@Peeges_]

Story 1: NTA. It’s not OP’s fault he cheated on ruth and then OP remained close with ruth after divorce. Ruth did nothing wrong, and didn’t deserve being shut out of the only family she had because HE messed up.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Poor OP.......She lost her husband, and her son grew up to be absolute trash despite her best efforts. She's definitely NTA. But her garbage son sure is! I agree with her daughter too. OP should just focus on her daughter, her granddaughter and her daughter in law. Let her son face the consequences of his actions. After Update: Yeah. It's even more clear that OP's son is garbage. Good for OP for giving him a very stern talking to. Hopefully, this will motivate him to be a better person, but I won't hold my breath. Separate Story: OP is being too hard on herself. She's blamed herself for so much when none of it was her fault. She should go to grief counseling. She should also talk to her husband too. I really hope OP is doing well. She deserves all of the happiness in the world. 💕

[@starbird3939]

In the case of nature vs nuturd, the answer is not always obvious. Sometimes someone can be the best damn parent and their child still grows up to be a garbage human being. There are other factors that can influence how they grow up-from their environment, to their friends, to their school, to their internet usage, to their brain, to just… deciding to make bad choices on their own whims. OP did everything she could for her kid, only for the kid as an adult to choose to be a garbage person. There comes a time where it just… isn’t about you

[@claudiarico1620]

I'm so heartbroken, I just lost my partner of 15 years this past January, I can't even begin to imagine how to continue with my life in that sense, like I was told right away that I'm still young since I've purchased the space next to my love. And some of her family thought it was way too soon to be thinking about death since I'm still young. And this story sorta put my future in perspective. It sucks

[@jackspring7709]

I'm very sorry to read about your loss. I do genuinely believe you will see him again some day - and next time it will be forever. Best wishes.

[@ajb7530]

1st story, OP, you are NOT a bad mom. You sound like an amazing mom who has standards and has integrity and great morals. You're a businesswoman, and that is awesome. Thank you for standing up for Ruth and being their for her and your granddaughter. Your son is awful because because of the way he behaves and treats people. That's that your fault. You are NOT a failure because your son is a grown adult who made very bad choices. OP NTA

[@gizrat]

I told my adult kids before they moved out that, this is the end of our unconditional love. If they become toxic, don't expect our support. If they kill, cheat or abuse, our love for them is gone. If that happens to them, we will bring hell to that person. 😏😉

[@jackspring7709]

Story 1: Bob: "Her whole existence just bothers me". Wow! "She doesn't make me feel special". Double wow. Even if she had done everything he wanted, he still would have copped that attitude towards her. He's just a deeply unpleasant individual - probably spoiled, too. That's all there is to it.

[@streamerssaymyname]

I think it's kind of problematic her new husband thinks her son had a point in any of this. It is abhorrent to expect OP to abandon her granddaughter and her mother just because her son decided to be a deadbeat cheater. If the point is OP shouldn't attend Ruths marriage since she didn't attend her cheating deadbeat sons wedding, it makes little to no sense, OP has a relationship with Ruth and couldn't with her son so long as he was choosing his mistress. It seems that the new husband doesn't share the morals and uprightness she admired in her late husband. I'm glad she found love again but I don't know if he seems too "forgiving" of a cheater who abandoned their kid. Plus he called her a deadbeat who abandoned him - a whole ass adult - clearly projecting since that is what he has been this whole time.

[@justinecorrington4106]

I feel like the son is honestly expected them to sitting, waiting around for him to live his best 20s. And then his Robyn was supposed to be proving her love by pining and waiting, raising their daughter but be like him. Not dating to focus only on their daughter; so when he was done; he could waltz back in. Only no women in his life fit his fantasy. His mom isn’t pushing him to be young and free and happy. She is calling him out for cheating, asking about his principles and where she went wrong. Then mistress stopped playing mistress once she became, no longer was she caring about his wants and needs His sister says he was in the wrong; not blaming Robin for not fulfilling his needs.

[@GMWILD87]

Story 1 update The daughter will almost never see Bob as a father he has been verbally abusive and a deadbeat so that ship may have sailed when OP mentioned custody I wanted to tell her she's delusional on that according to OP he barely goes that's a very good way for the court to decide and plus I wouldn't want the daughter near his new wife period she's a bad person and influence so keep the kid away from that trash fire but I'll guess tha when she turns 18 she will be officially adopted by her now dad she loves and Bob will have to suffer that too and he deserves it and when OP said people called her a bad mother in her reddit I thought everyone of those has cheated on a partner because only those pathetic enough to cheat will back a cheater.

[@johnchristopher4341]

If I ever found out my son cheats on his wife. I'm probably going to go to jail. I can't stand cheating and I know I would have raised him better

[@TheMimiSard]

Right from the start, Ruth has a child, thus she remains family via the child. That child remains OP's grandchild no matter Ruth's marital status.

[@fcold9402]

1. NTA. Your son is an adult. If you were not a deadbeat when he was a child you cannot be a deadbeat. Sounds like he may be a deadbeat dad though, does he even see his daughter? (Aka the grandaughter you keep in touch with?). If your son was the cheater and you want to maintain contact with his ex and your granddaughter, that actually makes you a good person. Edit: Gosh being married to a known cheater isnt that great? Imagine that.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

With this story in general let's be real here he abandoned his wife and daughter and his daughter sees him as a virtual stranger. And now he's realizing what he's lost and to be honest this is one of those situations where he needs to just count his losses and move on. He knows that his mother is not going to be on his side he knows his sister's not going to be on his side. He knows he's in a toxic marriage and he knows that the child that he created with his ex doesn't see him as her father. This is one of those situations where he needs to sign his rights over and be prepared for his daughter's not want anything to do with him because she's five-years-old she doesn't see him as her dad. In addition this is also a man who abandoned his child for a woman that's toxic. He needs just count his losses and pray when she's 18 wants a relationship with him but don't force the damn thing on her unless you want Ruth to go for full custody of the child and you not wanting anything to do with her other than pay the bare minimum of child support. He needs to take that L and move on

[@pippo17173]

When cheaters realize everything is falling apart, the only remorseful thing they can do is move on. Ya starting over sucks but consider this as a lesson to not pull this crap again.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@pippo17173 I agree with you. Sadly, cheaters rarely learn from past mistakes. And that usually results in them being bitter, alone and miserable.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

Is Bob in his child's life? It sounds like he's the actual deadbeat in this scenario.

[@dannietea]

Story 1: The appropriate response to “You’re a deadbeat mom” in this situation is “I learned it from watching you, son.”

[@VidGirl88]

1st story: OP is nta. Her son is manipulative and trying to blame his mom for HIS poor choices. Nasty man.

[@rustypotatoes]

mark 😂 5:50 "... go pound sand... *and kick rocks why not*" i love it, i love that you get so happy when someone brings up that line :)

[@paden1865able]

Her son learned that you don't know what you've got until it's gone and out of your reach forever. He's got to accept the consequences of what he's done if he wants to be a better person.

[@josephbons1]

He was intimidated by her because he's a weakling. Partners support each other. He wanted a servant. He should be happy she was far better than his dumb ass. I couldn't imagine my son turning into such a piece of s***. How absolutely heartbreaking for Op.

[@Kristen70364]

"My son _forbade_ me from going to Ruth's wedding." Oooooh, the way my neck snapped back.

[@owl7072]

I finally got through some severe writer's block. I know I mentioned before that I was working on a book, but I was only ever able to write a bit at a time cause I just couldn't get my brain to figure how to connect a few plot points, but I figured it out and now I've been on a roll and writing for hours since yesterday (Obviously stopping to eat and sleep of course lol). I managed to finish the chapter I was stuck on and I'm well into the next one now. I just felt a need to share this with you guys.

[@jusminejustice2794]

Ooo nice! writing is hard and I'm currently struggling on my first chapter of a fic.

[@owl7072]

@@jusminejustice2794 idk if it'll help any but I found listening to music that fits the vibe/theme of the current thing I'm writing helps me. My story as a whole revolves around mystery and supernatural stuff so I listen to a lot of playlists of spooky/classical music as I take time away from the story itself to think about the world it's based in and the lore of it, if that makes sense. Thinking of the lore of the world as a whole rather than the specific story has helped immensely in figuring out how I can connect certain things to each other in a way that actually makes sense rather than them being connected just cause I said so.

[@paden1865able]

I hope to read it should you decide to publish!

[@jusminejustice2794]

@@owl7072 thank you for the advice and your book sounds very interesting!^^

[@necilya]

This story left me wondering. How does it work when you are a widow and you get married again. When you die next to who are you supposed to get berried?

[@lindaouellette6656]

I think the “son” is really confused on the definition of “deadbeat” he’s 30 and SHE is a deadbeat??? Lol, really google is a friend.😅

[@floraposteschild4184]

Whatever her late husband was like, her 2nd has at least one advantage: he is alive. I urge anyone in a position like OP'S to watch the film Truly Madly Deeply, a beautiful, insightful film about love and grief.

[@rylashadow18]

S1) The only deadbeat I see in this story is OP's son. He cheats on his wife, abadons his responsibilities and wants to have a temper tantrum cause he's not being rewarded for being a trash being. Oh boo hoo the grown little toddler can't put on his big boi pants. Also you're supporting the mother of your grandchild who had her own father toss her away like utter trash. I know for a fact Ruth is thankful to have someone who's there to treat her like family from day one and when she needed family the most. You can't blame yourself for his weakness and poor choices. He's fully grown and capable of using his head. Too bad he's using the one between his legs and not the one in his noggin. Accountability is something cheaters rarely take responsibility for. He needs to approach his relationship with his daughter with his ex leading the way to help. Then he can either see if counseling's going to work or if he needs to get a divorce but what he can't do is bring his current fling around Ruth. OP what I think it is might be a form of survivor's guilt. A part of you feels your deceased husband had so much taken from him and lost out on so much. I think getting therapy to help unpack things would be a great way to see things with a clearer view. Maybe now that the kids are older let them pick some things that they would want. If your deceased husband has any siblings, niblings or other family members see if they may want some things. If you feel you can depart with things that's perfectly fine too. It's okay to feel he was robbed but what you do is keep living, loving and moving forward. Cause that's what the people we've loved and lost would want for us. When you're ready to bring hubby in on your grief therapy please do so.

[@stuffedninja1337]

She doesn’t have a son and a daughter, she has two daughters.

[@tristank8076]

Hey Mark, Im typically tearing out wood floors and walls and otherwise just fixing water damage when I listen. Thanks for making the day go by easier. Also I love your waffles and your tangents and your stories! I think you can tell them again, as I've heard you allude to several but it's honestly been a long time I forget them and don't remember which video. Could you do like a strictly waffle time video with all your anecdotes.

[@ashantiwilliams1531]

I've been saying this too

[@tristank8076]

@@ashantiwilliams1531 mark shall reward our asking

[@ashantiwilliams1531]

I hope so.

[@GMWILD87]

Story 1 any rational person hearing OPs story would immediately call out her son imagine him telling people the story I'd laugh at him call him an asshole to his face pathetic "man"

[@phtevlin]

#1 Could you adopt Ruth? That way she'd become your full daughter.

[@LiliKoblentz]

Literally the only thing I would have done differently in the first story is still attend my son's wedding. Even if I don't like the bride or think he's been a turd, I'd still attend. Then go back to no contact. Aside from that, I don't see a single thing that OP did wrong.

[@mericawillis2338]

OP’s son sounds like 600lbs of toxicity and migraine

[@DFullerLisa]

The man who cheated is calling his mom a whore? Kind of calling the kettle black when he was the one with a mistress.

[@kellypatterson8506]

That was an excellent story on multiple levels, OP sounds like a woman of the type of staunch integrity that is rarely seen in people.

[@browniewin4121]

1) Good for OP for not cutting off the son's X wife and mother of her grandchild. The son was in the wrong, and continues to be wrong and he is behaving badly. OP has every right to chose who she has in he life. Nope, the son has no point and no right to demand his mother take his side when he is an abuser. Good for OP for not condoning and supporting his bad choices. After update: It's sad that despite best efforts the son turned out so badly, whiny, demanding, and controlling. Good for OP for putting her foot down and setting ground rules for talking with her son and telling him how it is. Good for also telling him he needs to stop blaming others and not taking responsibility for his own choices and behavior. It sounds like he needs a whole lot more therapy to help him work on himself and hopefully improve. It is not cheating, deceased husband is not forgotten, going on with life and sharing more love is how it should be and I'm sure that is what he would have hoped for his widow. Forever loving someone despite their absence is not cheating, they were an important part of life and always will be. Discuss feelings with current husband, as he also lost a spouse he can relate.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark. Stay safe please, peace.

[@notconvincedgranny6573]

My son and daughter in law split up, so now she's my daughter in love. Period. And they both know never to try to turn me against the other. When either one is wrong I call 'em out.

[@HandleUnclear]

NTA - OP, your son's failures are not your own. The son is a tragic example of how no matter what you do to raise a good person, children will ultimately choose who they become. I have always found it annoying that society blames parents, especially mothers for how kids turn out, but how would a single mother raise an unfaithful, sexist, deadbeat excuse for a man? It's evident they don't share the same morals, he chose to be the way he is. As for feeling guilty about your love for your deceased husband, the beauty of life is we all love everyone differently. You were blessed to be able to experience the love of two men, and it's evident you care about them both deeply just in your own way. No one's heart is too small to love more people, you don't really "run out of love to give", as cliche as it sounds you holding love for your deceased husband, does not deprive you of loving your current husband. Just like you have 2 children and can love them both, you can love both your husbands. However, ensure that mentally you are dealing with your grief, and it's good to let your current husband know how you are feeling. After all he is also a widower.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

The first story: OP is not the butthole. Just because someone's an ex-in-law doesn't mean you cut them off. I'm closer to my uncle's second ex-wife than I am to any blood. I didn't even get to know her until about 14 years ago (she and my uncle divorced when I was two) because of my meddling grandmother. By her logic, an ex spouse was no longer part of a family and should be ignored completely, along with any children that choose to live with their mother as opposed to my grandmother's precious golden boy sons. Naturally, if any of those not talked about grandchildren achieve something bragworthy, my grandma was all over it. Got to love narcissism. Cutting someone off just because a marriage ended is just plain absurd. It doesn't make any sense. The only people who think this is the right course of action are controlling, gaslighting narcissists, like my grandmother. She kept ex-daughters-in-laws away, despite the fact that all of her sons, including my father, were the reason why the divorce happened in the first place i.e. spousal abuse, drug use, infidelity and everything in between. It's worth pointing out, between my father and his four brothers there are 13 marriages. I ticked off my grandmother when I asked her if their marriage counselor was Elizabeth Taylor. What OP's son fails to realize, his actions led to the divorce and he is projecting big time on his ex. He cheated. He broke his family up. I'm sure he's wasting no time in demonizing his ex to their daughter. It would totally fit the bill as he's an overgrown man child who doesn't respect boundaries or that the word no is a complete sentence or expect there to be consequences and reprisals for his selfish behavior. Good on OP for maintaining a relationship with her grandchild's mother. That poor innocent soul needs some stability in her life.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: Am I the only one who just wants to give OP a big old hug?

[@Davtwan]

OP deserves so much better. I know there’s no tally where someone automatically rewards you for all your hard work, but she deserves _something,_ you know?

[@maxinemyers9215]

My ex daughter in law is my best friend! So grateful for her💐

[@Iflie]

Son sounds like a spoiled brat, maybe that's from mom trying to compensate for the missing husband. She did seem to have a rosy view of him, that can certainly happen when a person passes away. The son wanted a woman to make him feel like a big man all the time. Even his little daighter has to call him daddy, it's all about him. I doubt that will change anytime soon.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: NTA - Family is about more than blood. It's also about love. You let your DIL into your heart, and she did nothing wrong, so why shouldn't she stay family? I cannot count the number of family functions that have included exes, and often second or third families. Hell, I have a cousin I probably wouldn't recognize on the street, but I'm in contact with his first wife. They divorced decades past, but she's the reason their kids know his family. Your son is selfish, and needs to grow up. He made this bed, and you're right to let him lie in it.

[@MsSharkDemon]

The last part made me misty eyed. Hopefully OP sees these comments

[@2LiterFoxBody]

I wasn't ready for how much I loved the bob sobs. Lol.

[@cheskydivision]

Only reason op’s son is regretful is because the new wife isn’t playing nice anymore now that she has his ring.

[@FriedaMMartin]

Good afternoon! I am filling tiny jars with moonstone today!

[@NeroTheDarklord]

You cannot cheat on someone with someone who's dead. Losing the person you wanted to spend your life with is not something you get over easily. They will always be a part of you, even when you are ready to move on. Any future partner must be able to accept the fact that you are history. Losing a marriage partner leaves a hole in you for life. The goal is not to fill that hole, because nobody else's love will fill it exactly the same way and fit perfectly to the point you don't feel the hole anymore. The goal is to accept that this hole will forever be there and there will always thoughts, but not letting this hole stop you from living your life. Build a new story, a new future, even with the hole present.

[@elcholo83]

Story 1: Hmm it would be interesting to hear the son's side of the story. Story 2: If you have difficulties closing a chapter in your life perhaps you should have not married for a second time.

[@destinedtogame]

He cheated. What's there to hear?

[@ilbercgross4736]

3:28 is where I am at. OP is not the arsehole for going to the wedding. She is not the arsehole for skipping her sons wedding. Her son and his ex-wife have a child together. That child is OP's grandchild. As long as OP is not a toxic grandma, there is only good things for OP to be in the grandchild's life. OP is a grown adult and can have whatever friends she wants. OP is a grown adult and can call anyone she wants as family. OP's son sounds horrible. He cheated and to rub salt in the wound he married his AP. OP, if the son does not straighten up, write him out of the will. Go LC or NC if needed. No matter how well you raise a child, that child can become a toxic person. He is currently toxic.

[@singer2be256]

What a perfect song to end this episode with

[@TheIronwil]

This was a deeply troubling story. OP’s son responds to any woman doing things he doesn’t like by calling them b’s and wh’s. That’s nor normal or acceptable… at all. I’m glad OP ripped him a new one. Even aside from blaming everyone else for his poor choices, he obviously has serious problems with women. I’d honestly worry about him getting physically abusive with that kind of vitriol he’s spewing.

[@nela3986]

This is the typical case of good person isn't equivalent to good parent. The son's behavior reeks of entitlement and a whole life without consequences. Single parents tend to overcompensate. Either they are too strikt or, what happens more often, they slack off. Letting things pass that should have because they feel bad for them growing up without the other parent. That son is lost. He is totally detached and even thinks he has the right to dictate what his mother does even with him completely in the wrong. Has no remorse and doubles down. He is gone.

[@Regrettable-Username]

Story 1: I want to fight OP's son.

[@kichikitsu]

"trapped in a bad marriage bc God is punishing him" lmao damn he really just let OP's words go in one ear and out the other huh? blaming a god isn't taking responsibility for you actions, buddy. you are trapped in a marriage you no longer want because of your own choices. I'm willing to bet it isn't even an actual bad marriage tbh. It's probably just a normal marriage but he thinks bc his wife isn't waiting on him hand and foot in the way Ruth used to do that it's a "bad marriage." Also, he absolutely baby-trapped Ruth. And then still left her. At least he still has to pay child support lmfao

[@ethanjohnson2849]

The fact that the mother has a relationship with Ruth is inappropriate.

[@lordkuroneko3219]

I feel like home wreckers don't get enough hate. They know what they are doing and deserve it.

[@Spooky.Pookie]

Hope you're having an amazing day!

[@kateemma22]

Deadbeat mom? Where? OP seems to have two wonderful daughters. Just two wonderful daughters, no other kids, none at all.

[@justinburgard4700]

S1) These reddit comments are wild! So her son 20 got together with a 28 year old women, he got baby trapped panicked and cheated. OP choose her daughter in law over her son. Son invites OP to his wedding she doesn't like OPs fiance because of cheating doesn't give her a chance doesn't try and get to know her then walks out. OP then walks ex daughter in law down the aisle at her wedding. And people are saying she isn't the asshole???? Like OPs sons actions aren't great but OP is unquestionably a terrible mom....

[@SuzzyWow]

The vows are till death do us part. You are released from your vows when youre spouse dies.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: I wrote a whole ass comment but it was wordy af. So, TLDR: The son calling OP a deadbeat and Ruth a slur is projection at its finest, and all because Ruth wouldn’t be a 50’s housewife and wait on him hand and foot. OP, you can’t blame yourself. Sometimes assholes spring from the best parents, and sometimes angels come from neglectful addicts. I can’t explain it but I’ve seen it. You did the best you could, you have him good morals and taught him right from wrong. When family is toxic, sometimes for our own good we end up having to cut them out of our lives (voice of experience). Don’t beat yourself up.

[@Shenn3165]

Umm, pot calling the kettle black, calling his ex a whore, when he’s the one who slept around!

[@cheskydivision]

Part of being a parent is acknowledging your child’s bad behavior. Also being apart of op’s grandchild’s life means being on good terms with the mother. Op let your son live with the consequences of his actions.

[@sequoyasierra5671]

You don't forget those who have passed on. You just move forward. OP needs to understand that had her husband survived and she didn't he would have moved forward eventually. It is not cheating to miss those who have passed on.

[@TheLatinFox]

That cheeky so and so

[@gcarr1089]

Story 1 - the mistress has been drip feeding the son false accusations of infidelity by his wife to get him for herself. Story 2 - OPs now husband has the same feelings for his late wife, if it is troubling OP should talk to husband,. She loves them both just like she loves both of her kids. There is more than 1 way to love and you can love more than 1 person.

[@CountessRose]

Ironic he called his ex-wife a whore when he was the one who cheated. Good on the mom standing up for her morals and being there for her daughter in law and granddaughter.