My Husband KEEPS Reading My Diary And Then Being Offended By It r/Relationships

[@b.c.9358]

Homeboy isn't stumbling, he's looking for your diary on purpose and guilting you. This is manipulation.

[@dream6562]

I never understood the purpose of a diary to be honest

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@dream6562 when you have no one to say these things go out loud, it can be indescribably helpful to get them all out on a page. Writing down how you’re feeling can help you sort things out, and can also be beneficial in releasing the feelings, providing at least temporary relief. Doesn’t help everyone, but it has been extremely helpful for me.

[@christianalbarran6544]

@@thedestroyasystem but why don’t you burn or throw away the paper

[@BobaTEA-o7r]

@@christianalbarran6544 with gaslighting, you will start to doubt yourself more so having it written down helps to remember and realize

[@b.c.9358]

@@christianalbarran6544 why would you have to?

[@OGK-1414]

Story 1 is what happens when society teaches a woman to put everyone else's comfort before herself. She couldn't leave until it blatantly started hurting the children (again other's needs before her's) . So for those asking how she stayed so long... that's how.

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Exactly.

[@robertx8020]

I agree but I hope you realize that men can also be in an abusive relation as the victim? Not in this case ofc as here the man was an abusive AH

[@morphinpink]

@@robertx8020 whataboutism 🙄

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

@@morphinpink Ya it’s nice to remind those, some guys have it rough but…. Ya umm 🤔 let’s focus on the overly above average minority group in question.

[@WobblesandBean]

@@robertx8020 This isn't about you. Stop making it about you. You don't care one iota about male victims, because you ONLY bring them up when you're trying to shut down a woman talking about the abuse we go through. So stop pretending you give a toss about abused men.

[@sammyk.6457]

My aunts ex husband constantly read her diary all the time, he used what he read to abuse her. If anyone goes through your stuff “by accident” run. Please.

[@eloraandkhan3288]

its one thing if they say, "hey sorry, I found your diary and read it. But it was my own fault, and I really hope you can forgive me if I bring up something about it that I shouldn't otherwise know." and then to never do it again... AND to not be upset with them for their own private feelings!

[@sagesaria]

Shoutout to OP in story 1 putting the "YTA if you don't leave" crowd in their place. I REALLY hate it when people do that. Leaving someone is never that easy.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 2 is basically OP: so honey I’m rejecting a guy who came on to me at work and I wrote a letter to do it gently, does it sound ok?” Husband: “quit your job now” OP: “No, this is my career I worked hard for” Husband: “get out you harpy! Be with the one you’re cheating on me with” To go this off the handle makes me think husband has something to hide of his own infidelity. Or he is extremely immature to the point he shouldn’t be in a committed relationship

[@julianne089]

I’m wondering if he wrote the email and not the colleague...

[@yozarahirvi4750]

@@julianne089 like a test or something, honestly considering how immature he is, that isn't unlikely ...

[@julianne089]

@@yozarahirvi4750 yep

[@dawnf.1703]

Yes, this! My first thought when he reacted like that was “He’s cheating” Most of the time people over react because it hits too close to home. I’m glad she stood up for herself.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@julianne089 I doubt it if it is from a company email that would have colleague’s name on it, but if it is from an email that doesn’t have any indication that it is from the colleague, like name or just a known email address by people, I wouldn’t doubt it would be husband “testing his wife’s faithfulness”

[@owl7072]

Story 1: Imagine reading what's essentially someone's private thoughts and then getting offended by what you find. "If you don't want people knowing then don't write it down" or maybe just don't invade people's privacy unless you're ready to cope with whatever you find 🤔 Edit: "You're being overly emotional" says the man who invaded his wife's privacy three (3) times and had a fit and was cold to her each time.

[@MrBuns-yi2hk]

Yeah it's not just about recording your thoughts, it is also a way of processing your thoughts and emotions. When you write your thoughts down, you have to consciously think about them.

[@savanahh2848]

My abusive ex used to ask me if he could read my journal. I never let him, and he never had the opportunity to, but I’m sure he would’ve if he got the chance and use what I wrote in there against me. It feels like emotional abuse to me. It’s an extreme violation of privacy. Edit: after hearing the update.. so much of what OP went through, I went through. It’s a lot and it fucking sucks. It drives you crazy! I used to write down what was said/done because my ex would gaslight me and try to confuse me into apologizing and/or thinking I was the issue. I feel bad for OP and their kids and I’m glad they’re making the steps to get out. I hope they can completely detach themselves.

[@jerriewyatt905]

He’s deliberately trying to find and read the journal.. Have a lockbox if you’re going to have a journal, make sure it has a combination lock ..something without a key or people can snoop…OP’s need to write down her thoughts are her right! I’m so glad OP’s leaving this abusive man! Story 2…OP’s NTA! Divorce the AH! Husband is the AH ! kick him to the curb!p

[@IrisAsuras]

He was super emotional. Overly so.

[@nationalsocialism3504]

He read it way more than three times... those were just the three times where she had been contemplating then sane action of leaving him which he used to emotionally abuse her into staying

[@Ospyro3em]

Story 2- the fact that OP mentions in one of the updates that her family doesn't like her husband suggests to me that husband has displayed other toxic behaviours in the past that perhaps OP hasn't picked up on.

[@Passions5555]

I thought it was the other way around? That OP has family her husband doesn't like.

[@jennilynne1977]

Or OP has seen it and just overlooked it because she "loves" him.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

@@Passions5555 he seems the type to not like anyone who might see him for what he is.

[@thebigmystery7841]

@@Passions5555 it is, and that makes it more sinister. The fact she never called family...he didnt like them...its giving me "the early stages of abuse" written all over it..

[@wmdkitty]

@@Passions5555 My abusive ex "didn't like" my family, either. Why? Because they could see through his BS.

[@FlamesofRebirth3836]

Reading a personal journal a third time and getting pissy over it??? That is a fucking 11/10 out of the bad scale.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 2: OP is not the A-hole. Her husband is out of line. He can't legally kick her out. Change the locks back and call the police if he tries to do it again so they can explain the facts of life to him. Blow up his life on social media. Tell both your parents. Shame him in every possible way you can

[@kaitohkid7229]

And IT'S HER HOUSE...

[@nerdygeekgamer5528]

@@kaitohkid7229 I know her soon to be ex husband tried to claim ownership of the home she INHERITED from her LATE FATHER in order for him to anything with the house she would have to put his name on the house DEED which she didn't THANK EFFING GOD for that

[@low-keydrama1260]

Story 2 Husband: *kicks op out for not obeying him for his insecurities expecting her to comply and come crawling back* OP: Ok bye Husband: *surprised Pikachu face*

[@Marion-sb9gs]

Kicks her out of her own house, her OWN house!

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

I was an exchange student once living with a host family. One day, while I was at school, they went into my room, found my diary, and got super pissed off to the point I just left. I’m glad they read it because it made me leave, and leaving was literal heaven compared to being around them. I wrote mostly about myself. But the stuff I wrote about them was usually stuff about how they were racist and hated poor people and technology.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

‼️Yeah reading someone's diary is completely disgusting and it's both stupid and unreasonable to get angry about what you read. She even mentioned in the update that he was always punching walls and throwing things all the time and look what he did to their children! Staying in an abusive relationship when it's just you is one thing, but refusing to leave an abusive relationship and forcing your children to live with an abusive person in a traumatizing environment is something completely different. And it makes you a terrible person too. Period. End of story. NO EXCUSE is valid enough to absolve you of the responsibility and guilt of forcing your children to live like that. There are women shelters in every single county in every state in the United States (all other countries also have women shelters) who will help you get on your feet with your children and who will keep you safe. There is zero excuse to stay in an abusive relationship when you have children. Period. That is completely unforgivable to force children to live with an abusive partner and they will grow up to hate you just as much as their abusive parent and that's exactly what you deserve. My mother was crazy and abusive and my father refused to leave her so my sister and I grew up in that environment. I left home at 17 and never went back. I am no contact with them now and I hate my father just as much as I hate my mother because he co-signed that abusive Behavior by being too weak and pathetic to protect his children. He could have divorced her he could have sent us to live with relatives he just CHOSE not to and CHOSE to FORCE us to grow up like that. It's one thing to stay in an abusive relationship when it's just yourself but there is no excuse when you have children.

[@Citizenesse8]

I'm so sorry they violated your privacy. Then they had the nerve to get upset when they didn't like what they read. The nerve of those people. I'm glad you got out safely based upon your description of them.

[@RenGin510]

That is awful. I'm so sorry you went through that. Glad you were able to get out!

[@AllenTax]

They sound like people who live in those. Forgot the name Religious camps. Where you live away from society. Literally. No cell phones,computers. No Starbucks,Dunkin donuts. Your living in the time setting of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The T.V. show. A show I watched growing up and loved it. As it delt with sexism,racism and some other things. As hate towards prostitutes.

[@robertx8020]

@@WhitneyDahlin Like OP said, read about abusive relationns! If you think it is just like "just leave" think again! It's like saying to autistic person "stop being autistic" It's not just a switch you can pull ...why the fff do you think ppl need therapy?

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1: NTA, it’s a massive invasion of privacy. I hope the children, if they get diaries, that their privacies aren’t being violated by a snooping dad sad about what they wrote and manipulate them into feeling guilty for regulating and expressing their feelings. This is a massive red flag since the beginning and I would never date anyone who tries to make me feel sorry about how I feel in my own personal journal.

[@platinum_noelle]

I can guarantee this isn't only the 3rd time. He's definitely read it more often, he's only bringing it up when OP writes through major issues. OP was being an asshole to herself by staying with her husband, unfortunately he was so good at manipulation that he convinced her his behavior was acceptable.

[@ataleofcoffee842]

Story 1 before the update was just a series of me saying iterations of "No, nope, absolutely not," While OP was describing this man repeatedly violating a clear boundary and then emotionally blackmailing her with it. Once maybe I'd buy, but after the second time, it's clearly a habit that instead of trying to reach out to his wife, he sees her journal as some sort of cheat code on how to understand and manipulate her. Abuse is so sinister. And then with the updates I hear there was more boiling under the surface. Hard yikes. Glad she's out and taking the kids out of that. Sorry he had his hooks in her for so long. Hope that all parties involved get really good therapy.

[@AndyyWithAY]

If anyone read what I said about them in my diary I'd have zero friends and probably be dosowned by my family. Exaggeration, but I go hard, no holds barred. Diaries are private. No one should read anyone else's diary.

[@samalvarez8776]

People's journals are tied into their most darkest self and most negative thoughts. Sometimes if a person doesn't let it all out, they can do something drastic.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

If you can't trust someone to not cross such an obvious boundary, they aren't a friend or loved one. No one should ever read a diary of another with the exception of if it's a deceased close family member and you still better have a very good reason to do so.

[@RenGin510]

Story 1 hit hard. That was me. I was in a poly relationship and both SOs convinced me everything was in my head and that I had anger issues. Even after being divorced for a year and separated I still was convinced that I was the one at fault until family members and mutual friends finally sat me down. I knew my spouse for half my life. This shit doesn't just happen overnight. I was terrified of dating again cause I thought no way anyone will want damage goods - now I'm just terrified of people. I'm not sure which is better, but at least I have my confidence back lmao😅

[@lucielledunns4585]

Lol I like damaged goods, they are amazing when they have a new purpose.

[@wmdkitty]

Yeah. Poly "relationships" are set up to keep one man in control of two or more women.

[@lucielledunns4585]

@@wmdkitty I am curious; what do you think about the poly relationship with two woman and one man?

[@woman_of_mayhem]

Story 2- the husband can not legally kick op out they both pay the bills she lives there he has to go threw court and serve her a notice… (if they both owned the house) smh I’d be back in that house. Especially that it’s her house he definitely can’t kick her out! -Op did nothing wrong she told the truth and didn’t cheat. That doesn’t mean she’s dis loyal I can’t believe her husband. I’d leave him for acting that way.

[@IsMgb45]

and add the fact the house even is legally in HIS NAME, it's in OP'S NAME

[@woman_of_mayhem]

@@IsMgb45 omg I know The audacity that man has just blew my mind! 🤯

[@JDKT002]

i knew the husband was an insecure child the moment OP said he started to blame her for the fact that a guy has a crush on her. Convincing himself she must have done something to lead him on. That kind of possessive and irrational thinking disgusts me.

[@megzarie]

It wasn't even his house it was a house that OP inherited before the marriage and therefore is not a martial asset (at least, that's how it works in most states of the us. Imnot a lawyer obviously). The husband kicked his wife out of her own home and that is the most disgusting part of this whole thing imo.

[@wmdkitty]

Betcha Hubby is the one cheating, and projecting his own disloyalty onto OP.

[@maemae527]

Story one (10:31)- I didn’t realize that was abusive. I think I need to sit and think about my relationships

[@selinesbeau]

The golden rule goes both ways. Treat others the way you want to be treated, you should also expect to be shown the same courtesy, at the very least in your personal relationships.

[@TheVeggiekat]

Abuse victims get used to walking on eggshells to keep their abuser from getting angry. Him reading her journals is him looking for a reason to get mad at her. It is abuse. It is policing her thoughts and using her private thoughts that she has not acted on against her.

[@jennilynne1977]

I had a friend say something hurtful to me and I said, " I would rather you hit me, because that will heal quicker than what you said to me." In my mind, being emotionally abused is worse than physical abuse. Stuff said will stick with you and break your spirit worse than being hit. Bruises will heal quicker than bad things said.

[@taragrimm1871]

Do they really go away? I really hope so. I thought it was my fault all the time. Sometimes I still do. I was too afraid of how it’d be if screaming, slamming doors telling me I should kill myself “for my daughter’s sake” (she met him 3 hours in little over 2 years) I said that I thought getting hit would hurt less than things he said So he added physical threats to the daily disassembly of who and what I was before i he and I met. It’s been 4 years away from that but I’m afraid somehow he’ll see this comment

[@jennilynne1977]

@@taragrimm1871 bruises go away. Any mental problems caused because of the physical abuse may not. While I prefer not to be abused in any way at all, I personally would rather be physically abused than emotionally abused. My husband has never abused me in any way, but because of 20 years of emotional abuse certain things effect me (or is it affect? Not sure which one is appropriate) differently than he expects. Like, he will joke about something and I know my husband isn't being serious, but because my ex had said the same thing (not in a joking way) over and over, so it causes me to act in a way my husband doesn't like. I'm working on fixing the issues, but every so often something will come up that I apparently suppressed. My husband is wonderfully supportive and apologises when he realises that it hurts me. He wants to beat up my ex for messing me up like he (the ex) did. I'm getting better thanks to my husband. I'm sending you some virtual hugs and love. Things will get better. It may take a while, but it will get better. I hope you are having a great day/evening/night! Peace, hugs and love to you!

[@taragrimm1871]

@@jennilynne1977 Thank you. And really neither is them ok ever. I remember how weather was what song playing etc being unable to even try to have a conversation bc hell just change what’s he’s saying. I did not know what gaslighting was. (Best of all is I am nurse who’d worked psych for previous 10 years) I thought I was losing my mind- how can we have such drastically different recall of something. Now I know is cause he’s a narcissistic ass: I was just this spineless thing who got divorced after 17 years to a wonderful guy that is amazingly my best friend bc I didn’t deserve that at all ( i am very happy to have good genuinely amicable divorce in actually writing this from his guest room) he’s a great guy and I will never understand what the hell happened - I admit I used to think why don’t they just leave bad relationship until I was in same exact position and I feel terrible for & anyone who’s feelings I almost definitely hurt a lot - agh. I had no idea what counted as abusive and I tried to downplay it. every single person I care about absolutely detested him within like 12 weeks cause he’s really just that much of an asshole, but every time he’s throw a fit tell me all horrific things is drive home sobbing get 90 min maybe sleep then go to work and where I would actually help other people learn coping skills. As for physical abuse I am fortunate to have never personally had the experience. And maybe think also I am hyperaware because I remember saying things like “just leave” to others - I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s pain and I don’t get to choose how others feel. I have something like 7200 screenshots and most of them not pretty. i torpedoed my entire life for that asshole. I do know I’m not planning on trying to meet anyone for at least the next 37 years when I’ll be like 102 or something. I won’t ever let anyone else have power over my entire existence - I don’t even want to trust someone I want to stay home and read - I’m done - I love that you have such a wonderful and supportive husband, and that you’d take the time to offer support to someone ( like me! :) I lost a lot of my friends during that, fights w family etc. My dad died - was 4 years ago on the 17th. And I don’t and won’t ever be able to know if he’d forgiven me. I’ve always had a knack for self sabotage id just never had like someone else trying to destroy me on top of that. Thank you so much for your kind words and virtual hug - i imagine I’ll need to forgive myself or something to get out of this loop but I was awful and I treated people I love terribly. I wish nobody ever had to learn about this the oh wait that’s what they were talking about when standing outside in pouring rain getting yelled at bc gas station guy wont sell beer bc it’s not yet 8:30 am. The only person I’d want I have already destroyed any chance of fixing that. But we are still family and I talk way too much. Thank you for the hope especially

[@jennilynne1977]

@@taragrimm1871 if you aren't already seeing a therapist, I suggest that you go to one. A therapist can help you figure out how to start forgiving yourself for staying in an abusive relationship. Nobody ever gets into an abusive relationship knowing that their SO is abusive because at first, your SO is wonderful, then after a bit they start with little things. Since you are in love with your SO, you ignore what's happening even if your friends and family are telling you that you are being abused. Even if you realize that everyone was right and you are in an abusive relationship, in your mind you are thinking that you can't leave because nobody else would want someone who is broken as you are. Some people have trouble getting out of that mindset. I was one of those people who thought nobody would ever take me because I was broken. I heard a reddit stories where the OP got the courage to finally leave and in that post they said (I'm probably paraphrasing because been a while) that they realised that they weren't broken, just broken in. I'm here if you ever need someone to "talk" to. Peace, hugs and love to you.

[@taragrimm1871]

@@jennilynne1977 thank you - those pretty much describe my feeling - In hindsight there are like Huge Gigantic Flashing Neon Red Flags and I’m really disappointed and like “how the hell did I not notice that” I actually know a couple exes(victims) and we talk about making a PSA about him. It was stupid and selfish of me to do that- my ex husband (whose couch I am still on and wish I could take it this is like Ambien but couch shaped) like I have absolutely done some incredibly stupid things and my friends were very much what the hell are you doing he makes you cry EVERY day - And I’d say the whole “oh he’s not that bad but yeah he can be kind of insensitive I guess” I could see her grinding her teeth just like WTF?? because I would get crazy protective of my friends and they all said if it was one of us with this guy he’d already be under someone’s patio. And they’re totally right and I knew that they were and I still just went back every single time no matter what he’d said or done previously- He literally said “i like damaged chicks the best they’re easier to manipulate cause they are so vulnerable “. He said this to me in my car with me like a foot away and I honestly just stared at him and asked him say one more time bc I thought I’d heard it incorrectly- nope that is exactly what he said. The only reason I’m not still there satisfying his every whim is because he went away to try and address the massive addiction things - he needed to go but I think eventually he’d have just decided he was bored and my time limit was up. I think I tried to walk away about 3 Times. I honestly don’t think that I’d have ever left bc I was pretty much mindless ATM, chauffeur, no actual thoughts in my head at any time - as soon as my sad health insurance is activated I am going to do the therapy thing but not same as I always have which was lying through my teeth because being the clearly super brilliant person I can be I don’t want therapist to think I’m crazy. It’s mind boggling how I stayed with that mindset while literally working on a locked psych unit for a decade. Yeah. I know. No I have no idea what the hell what was about. Clearly it is not a viable plan - ask horizon blue cross blue shield I owe them probably $10,000. I have made some progress - but not enough if this git occupying my brain still. I’m one of those people who can give really good advice but not take it ? And also that was like the end of a few year thing of looking pretty damned good and I wasted it on him. Ugh. I wasted the hot me on him. Superficial as all get out. You rock, Jenni. I really do feel better. 💚

[@peteranon8455]

Story 2 is so one sided that I'm having a hard time figuring out why this is a story. OP owns the house, didn't cheat, has more money, and isn't the jealous one.

[@TheRealVenna]

When a woman is married to a man who is 12 years her senior, and gets so irrationally upset that someone else confesses their feelings for his wife, silent treatment, and all of that, he is an insecure control freak who can't handle having a younger wife that others might find attractive. Packing her things and changing the locks, and blocking her are so immature for a person of his age. She should divorce him. He's basically begging her to do so. Such a tiny, insecure man... He can't get a woman his age because he is so immature, no woman his age would tolerate his nonsense.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 2 : Glad the house belongs to OP. Husband can suck it! Sad OP has to get a divorce, but her husband is unhinged.

[@Alberto-wu1mj]

The first story feels so manipulative by the husband. He knows exactly what he is doing.

[@Ayimii]

I have never wanted to back up into someone with a truck more than I do with the husband of the first story. What an absolute unit of an idiot. Not once, not twice, but three separate instances of this man being among the lowest of pretty morons. If this story teaches you anything, it's that by allowing things to be forgiven, over time the obvious severity of the action is lost in the normality of your forgiveness. Some things shouldn't be forgiven.

[@Daaaanielle]

Ok. But this is also on her. She knew this going in and yet she married and had kids with the guy? I mean, come on…

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

"Not once, not twice, but three separate instances" _That we know of._

[@TheHellsHobbit]

#1 Time to leave the disrespectful dirtbag. I never would have gone further with the relationship, that would have been a deal breaker for me.

[@LillyianPuppy]

Usually in these stories, when somebody acts as drastically as the last guy with no real logical reason, it's because they are actually doing the cheating and jump at the chance to break up without looking like the bad person they are.

[@LillyianPuppy]

Omg! I just finished! That loser locked her out of her own house in her own name!? What a dumbass

[@Radar-db1bc]

Or…maybe the idea of his wife working long days with a guy who has just confessed he’s “in love” and infatuated with her and her not reporting him to HR is setting off warning bells.

[@kitarrah1422]

My mother would read my locked diary all the time. I would hide the key, but she would always find it. I soon learned not to write in it. I'd be punished for anything I wrote that she didn't like, so I gave up on having a private place to vent. She snooped all the time. She even destroyed and punished me for a fanfiction that I wrote back in high school when she found it. I'd hidden it well, so she had to have practically torn my closet apart to find it. I was severely punished for that story. :( I also was married to a narcissist, who was a manipulative gaslighter, too. I know exactly what OP went through. I'm glad she's getting divorced from that abusive jerk.

[@TheVeggiekat]

Your mom was a POS who set you up to accept abuse from a partner. Congratulations on surviving ❤️ May your days be filled with happiness. You deserve it.

[@maxrobertson2834]

I have OCD and have horrible intrusive thoughts that I write in a diary. I am scared someone will read it and think I will act on them

[@EmmyKirk14]

Story 1: How many times are you going to allow him to violate your privacy? Also, OP, if she has an IPhone, should switch to a digital diary. I personally love the notes app, and I think you can password protect your entries, and setup different passwords for each. After the Update: Wow he's awful. I'm glad OP got away from him with the kids

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: I've had (multiple) people not only read my diary, and either blab about it to their friends (my brothers), or accuse me of making shit up (my grandmother when I wrote about my mother physically abusing me). It's infuriating, humiliating, and devastating. To quote a Bond movie: "Once is happenstance. Twice is a coincidence. The third time it's enemy action." Not only that, but in the case of my grandmother and your husband, once they realized what they had stumbled across, *they kept reading!* My grandmother's excuse was that she initially thought it was the novel I was writing, which...wasn't any less of a betrayal OR a breach of privacy! My sister had a journal when she was married to her first husband. She told him about it, told him it was her way to vent and process and deal with things, and that he was welcome to read it, she had no secrets - but it was his own fault if he got his feelings hurt with what he read, because if she felt he was being an asshole, she was going to write that. You can probably guess by "first husband" how well that went over. No, it wasn't the only cause of their divorce, but it didn't help, despite the warning; and I don't think your husband is going to take responsibility for his own actions either, but continue to gaslight you about hurting his feelings. Tell your husband he has continually broken your boundaries and intentionally invaded your privacy, and that he needs to work to earn YOUR trust back now. If he refuses, I'd be out. I know, everyone says Redditor commenters jump on the "divorce!" train, but in my honest opinion, a healthy marriage can not survive without trust...which he has broken, and continues to break. Get a safe for your journal, or move to electronic, if he's not the kind to spy on you with keyloggers or spyware. S2: It's her house?! Oh heeeellll no. Husband is welcome to stay at a hotel.

[@joeschmo622]

_"Anyway, we got married."_ Yah, well, that's your problem right there, in a nutshell.

[@champslim]

Right??!!!

[@veezopolis]

But she acts like she had no idea this man would be like this

[@messinalyle4030]

Story 2: That question Mark asked at the end about what husband's thought processes were when he kicked OP out and how he thought that would resolve anything in their relationship? I think it's been made pretty clear already that his goal was not to resolve anything, his goal was to control and punish his wife. When you're dealing with an abuser, you can't rely on the same set of assumptions about their motivations as you would with someone non-abusive. The fact that he didn't like OP's family was yet another red flag. A common tactic of abusers is to intentionally not get along with their partner's family in order to isolate their partner.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

Yea, he was hoping she would quit so she could come back to her!!! house again. Good thing she didn't do that.

[@noirjam7741]

I found out my ex husband was cheating by reading his diary. It confirmed a lot of things that I thought and tried to talk to him about that he always denied. Like OP said the gaslighting, the arguments, the blaming. The only thing that made me leave was the kids. I was afraid that they would think this is what a relationship looked like. I’m weak when it comes to a lot of things but I made a move for them.

[@eloraandkhan3288]

After the FIRST TIME reading my diary, I'd have left him. You can't read someone's private thoughts then be upset with them for having their own private thoughts that don't coincide perfectly with yours or even your idea of what you think they think about! My mom used to do that with my diary. I would literally get beaten up for writing about feeling sad/rejected by her because of how she prioritized my stepdad and his sick desire to bully children over my need to feel safe. I am 30s now and I only just now have started to feel secure enough to write in a journal again. And ya know, my wife doesn't read it. Or, if she did, it was to help me keep an eye on my c-PTSD (can't imagine where I got that from /s), and she never brought it up.

[@drea4195]

I have never been able to keep a diary, because certain people in my family showed me early in life that they would not respect my privacy. It almost certainly would have been read by those who snooped through my room regularly while I was out. Parents of course never gave consequences to the snoopers. This is how trust issues are formed.

[@ScooterBond1970]

That suggestion about the decoy diary tho. **chef kiss**

[@charitynordstrom5734]

First op is an idiot for not dumping him the first time

[@DBG-fh7io]

She’s a victim of abuse

[@akelly4207]

A family member of mine had a boyfriend who did this and also would go on her social media and read things from before they got together shaming her and getting jealous. It’s incredibly controlling. He did this for years until they were separating and had downloaded her private messages and information that he threatened to send to people. He did in fact send it to her parents (despite it being illegal). I 100% suggest anyone in this situation leaves that person. They do not change and will use that information against you. It’s a blatant invasion of trust. In my family members case she let it go on because she didn’t want to her him and by the time they split they had a child together. It was very messy and he was ruthless.

[@Resilient_Sage88]

Story 1: I would have thrown that trash out the first time he invaded my privacy! I can't fathom marrying someone who clearly doesn't respect me. Story 2: He kicked OP out of HER house! Oh heck no! Kick him to the curb too. He can shack up with the crazy husband from story 1.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

After the first time, she should have written something to really mess him up.😜 That way she would know if he did it again and after a warning not to do it again. He had no excuse to read it in the first place. That's really backstabbing your trust. No trust, no relationship.

[@lucielledunns4585]

Yeah; man, I am so ignorant. I completely don't understand OP in story one like who decided "oh he invaded my privacy. Let me marry this guy and have his kids like he is going to change." I just got to remember she is in the FOG and it took her a long time to get out.

[@kristinewatson3702]

On a scale of 1-10 that's a 100. I can't believe OP kept forgiving that.

[@LilChuunosuke]

Nobody reads a diary on accident. I've been on the recieving end of this by *multiple* different people. I once had my friend's dad get mad that I was insulting him in my diary after he let me into his home when I'd actually just mentioned him in my excerpt complaining about my insomnia getting worse & how he didn't seem to understand how many hours I spent tossing & turning each night. I also once read my (now former, as you will see) best friend's private messages when she was dating this abusive person. I did it because I thought her safety was in danger and I was looking to see if there was any evidence I could report to the police. I still feel guilty for looking, even after I heard her and her partner talking shit about me in private. I never confronted her for it. Because those were private conversations that I was not entitled to. I just cut her off. I do not have a right to invade her privacy, then complain that the information she was keeping from me was hurting my feelings. Those are the consequences of my actions that I have to live with.

[@ginathecookie]

Some might read it by accident for one line or so But once they continue whether its just poems or not, it is no accident My, much older and (at the time) adult, brother read my journal. It had poems and diary entries. He admited he didnt know it was a diary at first (which did not make it much better; my poems are private are they are for many). But that he kept reading anyway until he found out it was and such. It nearly made me quit writing. I was 14 and very distressed. My writing was so private back then unless i choose to share it. I certainly wouldn't for a journal entry. Its still the same now. I only just managed to calm myself down and even more so for not being so drastic to give up writing fully. People really need to do better and respect people's privacy and writings. Edit: Typos

[@LilChuunosuke]

@@ginathecookie yup! Totally agree. My friend's dad said he initially mistook my diary for one of his & his wife's notebooks, which i believe because they look the same & I'd been sleeping in their office at the time, but i don't think he conveniently opened to the one page that mentioned him in a negative light instead of the most recently marked page or the first page like any other normal human being would. It has been hard for me to write down my thoughts & feelings since then. I've recently been trying to write fully fictional stories so i can bury my feelings within the characters i write into the stories.

[@ginathecookie]

@@LilChuunosuke i am so sorry that happened to you I really wish more people had respect for people's privacy regarding writings, especially for diaries. I hope you are able to write again freely, maybe a digital or code based lock will help? (Whether you journal again or not). I just think a lock will help prevent it again, if it's a more fancy one (other ones easy to break into). It really shouldn't be on you to protect your writings so much as well but clearly people sometimes are not very nice. :/ I hope things are a lot better now too.

[@LilChuunosuke]

@@ginathecookie its alright. I do enjoy creating fictional characters and giving them the healing and support I crave. Its kinda cathartic. And I used to want to be a fiction novel author when I was a kid. Had to stop writing for like a decade because it started triggering a trauma response. I'm killing two birds with one stone. I also do have a journal without a lock on it, but I mostly use it to record emotionally heavy events such as moving, meeting with my ex abuser, ending friendships, etc. Not day to day stuff. At the moment, this system works for me.

[@aconvowithcrissee222]

Story 2: you are UNDEREACTING changing the locks on YOUR HOUSE is ridiculous ??

[@khaleesireyna731]

The whole grain audacity of that guy. Like, bruh, dudes like that need to be publicly humiliated with their crappy, immature actions. It's the only way they learn.

[@choc4101]

Story 2 - either she omitted details and there's a lot missing, or the husband is tweaking because he projected his own unfaithfulness

[@ChefBoiRLiik]

I already know where the first story is going smh

[@darknessbobulus]

Just said goodbye to my granny today. So its nice to have some waffle today.

[@low-keydrama1260]

I’m so sorry about your loss

[@darknessbobulus]

@@low-keydrama1260 yeah. Me too.

[@mikeremski2102]

One time reading someones diary/journal can be a mistake as long as it's accompanied by "Oh shit this is her personal stuff" and stopping after half a page.

[@everdreamcosplay]

My journal was read by my sister when I was a little girl. To this day I won't journal because of fear of it being read, although it might be therapeutic. It can be incredibly damaging psychologically.

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

Ah…the being followed from room to room being yelled at. Mmmmm….don’t miss that shit!

[@___LC___]

I am glad that the second op had somewhere to go when kicked out of her house. I was kicked out of my apartment after moving to a city where I didn’t know anyone and after the move had nothing saved up to go to a hotel. It was terrifying and it was the first issue that lead to a break up and I left to move back to my home state.

[@sandyberger-r9j]

1st story: how can OP be YTA in any possible scenario? But I can relate to normalizing abusive, toxic behavior. We should teach older students some basic psychology skills before they leave school. They should know about red flags, boundaries and personality disorders. I never thought the last ones were so frequent.

[@fleurpouvior2967]

Admittedly, I never got into keeping a journal as a kid. I did as an adult for about a year, but it was almost all current events and my feelings about them, or about work conflict stuff. It was specifically written to be something my kids or grandkids could safely read, or take to school for a history assignment. Or if i died, so my family could have something personal of me. But if i was writing my personal thoughts, on personal issues, and someone read them without consent, I'd be intentionally leaving things for them to read. Like how violated it makes me feel, and how it makes me not trust or want to talk to that person, etc. Just a few pages going into detail on just how and why I hate it. Then, leave it sticking out a bit as bait.

[@jamiejusthappenedtobehere2434]

This story makes me want to cry. I literally cannot journal anymore since my husband kept breaking into and reading anything I wrote. You'll never trust or truly love him again.

[@toshi9742]

That colleague crush story just sounds like the husband’s taking his anger and frustration for the coworker out on OP (I mean he even started victim blaming her- though in this case she’s a victim of the husband’s demasculated insecurities and possible past or current cheating given his reaction).

[@teecopler1851]

My ex husband did that to me. I wrote in my diary when I was 14 to 17 and would get back that I was with someone who was bigger than him. Got bad and hid my diary. We were both married before that and had kids with someone else. Years and years of the mental crap.

[@eevee9272]

For story one I’ve seen first hand the struggles of separating from an abusive spouse. Both my cousin and my mother have had very similar experiences in their abusive relationships and only one has filed for divorce, sadly it’s not my mother.

[@jessicawolfe5861]

This reminds me of the story where the person was listening in to therapy sessions and getting up set about what the OP was working thru. Yikes. And its not ok to blame the victim for the abuse. It takes and average of 7 times before a person leaves for good. Its not an easy choice and can be incredibly dangerous

[@jppurves7837]

Hey Mark, just a quick note to let you know how much I enjoy your Reddit narrations. You're always very caring with your comments on the stories and to us your subscribers. I'm also pleased that you read the stories as written, swear words and all. You are the only narrator who does this and it makes it more realistic than to come up with euphemisms or just the first letter of the word. I imagine this impacts the monetization from KZbin and their very strict policies, but please don't stop.

[@catT5236]

Both the husbands in these stories are controlling & at least emotionally abusive. I'm so glad those women are out of those situations & safe.

[@diamcole]

9:00 This is so hard, though. I don't think shaming her is appropriate but when you bring children into an already toxic and abusive situation, a lot of people get angry and understandably so.

[@DBG-fh7io]

How is it understandable? It’s victim blaming and it’s disgusting.

[@thedestroyasystem]

Absolutely. It’s so hard and there’s so much gray area when it comes to abusive relationships that I feel like people refuse to see/fail to understand. It’s much easier to conceptualize a clear cut victim and perpetrator, than it is to conceptualize an abuser that’s really kind sometimes, or an abuser that the victim still wants to protect, or a victim that is also an enabler, or a victim that is also an abuser in a different relationship, or a victim who engages in reactive abuse that the other party uses to paint them as an abuser, etc. And it’s hard because I know people are trying to protect victims, which is wonderful, but folks are so quick to cry victim blaming when that’s not always accurate or helpful even to victims. Understanding how to stop the cycle means understanding what victims can do to better themselves and protect their (sometimes potential) kids. The responsibility shouldn’t fall on the victims but unfortunately abusers will always exist, and the best we can do is learn strategies to protect ourselves and our loved ones.

[@keplersdream901]

@@DBG-fh7io And were you a child in an abusive home? If you weren't, then STFU. Mothers in those types of relationships often blame the children to protect the abuser.

[@mogulmade]

She needs to take accountability for the mess she brought kids into. Screaming "People don't understand..." means nothing for the children who are already impacted. A lot of women put the appearance of their marriages over their kids benefit for years until they can no longer hide it.

[@keplersdream901]

@@mogulmade Yep, this was the case in my home. I'm so sick of society making mommies into these innocent, blameless creatures when, in reality, they can be primary abusers or co-abusers. They KNOW that these men are dangerous and insist upon bringing kids into their sphere for two reasons: (a) the kids are completely dependent on the mother, so she thinks they'll love her unconditionally; (b) new targets for the abuser so SHE is not abused.

[@tracyreynolds8321]

This was like reading my own story with my ex. He did the exact same thing, not just the diary either, my phone, purse, wallet, everything he could go through. Left him after 13 years and 2 kids.

[@AnymousScreams]

The second OP being the name on the house means she would keep the house upon divorce with a prenup, right?

[@gaxalee7392]

It’s an inherited property meaning it’s likely safe regardless.

[@akl2k7]

Especially since it seems like they haven't been married that long and more than likely the husband hasn't put much money into it.

[@abigailhornibrook2470]

A THOUGHT crime?! Holy hell that sounds like a slippery damn slope.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

If I ever kept a diary and someone violated my trust by repeatedly reading it, I would definitely write something in there that would traumatize and permanently mentally scar them for life. I would warn them only once, after that it's on them. ☠️🙀😆😜

[@borgranta61103]

Story 2: The OP could call the police to report the OP for illegally changing the locks of her house.

[@selinesbeau]

People don't utter every thought that crosses our mind for a reason and we should only be judged for what we CHOOSE to say and do.

[@tarajamchenry171]

I had a similar situation with my ex husband. He found my journal and read it. His reaction caused PTSD so bad that now over 10 years later, I can't bring myself to writing a journal again.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: The husband chucked her things out of HER house! Over OP honestly telling him about a person she was NOT trying to have an affair with! I can't even fathom the amount of fabric needed to make that many red flags!

[@carolinecarlson4307]

So proud of the poster for leaving her abusive husband 🌹

[@AIBot929]

S1: I'm mad she even married him. I also keep a journal and have so for years, I could never trust that person especially since it happened more than once. The first time is a mistake the second time you were looking for it. I would not be apologizing for my feelings and inner thoughts.She needs to get rid of him... write it in the journal and see how long it takes him to find out that you will be leaving him Last Story: Did he try to kick her out of her house? TF and it's inherited so not marital property, he is not entitled to it, therefore can't just change the locks. Wow, we see why her family hates him.

[@ladyofshallott5005]

My diary is on my nightstand with no locks or anything. In 5 years my fiance has never so much as peaked at it, because he respects me and my private sphere.

[@madisonl3401]

Wow that is manipulative af. Run, girl!

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

Reddit try not to victim blame challenge(Impossible)

[@DBG-fh7io]

The comments on this video aren’t much better

[@caridadchang7895]

story #2: it sounds like the husband, who is a whole ass 12 years older than the wife, is afraid that she will leave him for a younger man. So of course the way of dealing with that is to give her reason to leave him for a different reason, call the police, and get divorced... amazing idea. not sure about op dating the co-worker but I sure hope that she finds someone better in the future, whenever she feels ready.

[@britnicox3929]

I first heard the story on the “dump them” TikTok series by one of the users, and she didn’t even make it through him reading her diary really to tell her to dump them lol

[@juliearmfield2634]

Wow talk about the husband letting his jealousy get to the point where he cut his nose of. To spite his face. She deserves so much better.

[@veezopolis]

She says there's a lot of reasons to stay in an abusive relationship, but she KNEW AHEAD OF TIME that he was like this. She married him KNOWING he did this

[@Azulakayes]

Story 2: Age gap strikes again...44 vs 32. That's the control I always dread. OP should divorce that insecure weird control freak.

[@champslim]

Story 1: That first updated is horrific. Wow Second update: Thank God!

[@reallyisay]

WTF??? what sane person reads another person's journal??

[@Sydney_With_A_Why]

He's violating your privacy intentionally. He had NO RIGHT.

[@MizTameRumors]

The fact he keeps violating her trust and then getting HER to say sorry to him is abusive af. So glad she saw out of it and left him.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I did get in touch with my sister finally. And I was able to see my friend last night. He hit me with the here's my new address. And I was like WHAAAT? He wanted to surprise me. We caught up and laughed a lot. It was a nice time.

[@Ilovebooks31111]

???

[@Ilovebooks31111]

Noice, random though lol.

[@Donald43]

Story 1: "Mr Bond, they have a saying in Chicago: 'Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action'." Ian Fleming

[@qnkendra1523]

A lot of abused partners with children only leave when they see it damaging the children. The abuse doesn't start with violence it starts with sapping their idea of self and tearing them down part of them feels like they deserve it or they can handle it for "reasons". Fortunately watching how things effect another loved one or it being targeted to them often clears up the fog in the good cases for good; in the bad cases for just a time and they get pulled back into the seductive sway of the abuser. It's never so easy as leaving once you have been in the relationship for a long while. I am so happy to read stories these days were someone hits or ramps up and the victim walks away. This is why domestic violence needs to be spoken about especially the stuff that isn't physical because that's where it starts.

[@CarinaCoffee]

I think it's important Mark pointed out how normalised abuse is to people who have been gaslight that much, those unreflected comments like "why haven't you left him yet" should really be avoided. I think this is a learning curve for everyone and I still find myself sometimes thinking "why did this person even marry that SO?", but I try to reflect on those thoughts immediately, because it has been pointed out before that people in those situations have a skewed sense of reality. Thank you Mark for reminding us of this, hopefully it will help others reflect on how they approach people in abusive relationships and what can be helpful vs unhelpful commentary.

[@jennilynne1977]

I hope everyone is having a great day/evening/night! Peace, hugs and love to you all!

[@wmdkitty]

Husband is looking for something to be upset over, _and_ he's snooping. DTMFA, he's trampling over boundaries.

[@Feisty_Elfgirl_5258]

My mother would do that to me as a teen. She would also write comments in the margins. I refuse to journal in any shape or form now

[@bunnyslippers191]

The OP in the diary story was set up for this entire scenario by her abusive Family of Origin. Her father clearly was abusive since she had a flashback to huddling on a stairwell while her father "went after" her mother. It sounds as if she clearly knew that was abusive, but the other part of the abuse-the verbal and emotional part-slipped under the radar since it's much more subtle. When her husband displayed abusive behavior by violating her privacy and getting moody and nasty when they were first dating that sort of behavior was familiar to her from her childhood, so, even though she got upset, she didn't really understand what a big red flag his behavior was. She was habituated to what he did and, since he wasn't hitting her, she thought it had to be ok, even though her gut knew better.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

Story 2: I'd call the police and inform them I paid and own the house, and if I could get in I'd be able to get the deed, and I would also call locksmiths since it's YOUR HOUSE, not his

[@xdsc96]

Person in the first story should write a "dear husband, I know you're gonna read this so" entry and then just go off on him in writing.

[@WobblesandBean]

OP 1: Run, don't walk, _RUN_ to the nearest divorce lawyer.

[@deepersoul689]

The husband in the second story was trying to isolate her since he already didn’t like her family and had probably been working on creating distance between them and her. Once she gave him the modicum of a possible to get her to quit her job so he could gain full control, he went for it.

[@sebastianquinchia1840]

If she divorces him, she should let him know via the journal Edit: Darn

[@buildtherobots]

So he's allowed to keep policing her thoughts and feelings, when is she allowed to criticize his thoughts, feelings and actions?

[@runawayfromtoads674]

Honestly, OP is right that people should educate themselves about abusive relationships a lot. It's easy for people to call people 'doormat' or remark how 'easy it is to see the signs' when they themselves don't go through that kind of humiliation and self-doubt with a partner for long periods of time. It's never easy-- and while OP should have left prior to having children with her abuser, it's a step in the right direction for her to pursue divorce.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: Girl, life is way too short to accommodate man-babies and their tantrums. Get your house back and throw the whole husband out. Marry an adult next time.

[@kateemma22]

Did you notice how OP2’s husband apparently hated OP’s sister and cousin. Sounds like, repeat after me ladies: ALIENATION. He was just building to inevitably turning physically controlling.

[@DaWhiteWolffie]

So many psychos in this one. O.o I weep for humanity.

[@PiscesMoon2You]

I would have gotten a lock box for my journals with a sturdy lock. That guy has been violating you then backlighting you about it. OP write a page just for him addressed for him. Talking about your appointment with a divorce lawyer and getting your ducks in a row. He's read it more than three times more like at least once a week.