r/AmITheA**hole For Setting Boundaries Between My Daughter And Ex-Husbands Boyfriend r/AITA

[@weareallbronies9031]

The first person made things worse. If the daughter didn't want a relationship with nick before; she's definitely not going to want one now.

[@ettinakitten5047]

Yeah, best way to alienate your child from their stepparent is to force them to act like they have a parent-child relationship when they're not ready for it.

[@ciaramontemayor]

Story 1: if you’re child is learning another language and you’re mad about it, 99% chance yta

[@Sarahc-mn1tr]

The tiktok one is cruel. As a person who lost a parent in my teens (14/15) it is awful. It is NEVER a funny prank. Take that phone away. Nta

[@JSainte17]

Story 2: WTF is wrong with your daughter, OP? Christ. Who remembers the story about the 22 year old brother living with his friends in older bro's house? When he asked if he could bring his friends to OP's engagement party, and when told no he called OP at the engagement party claiming OP's very sick, hospitalized mother had had a stroke. As a "prank" and payback for not letting the friends come with. I get she's 15, but 15 is DEF old enough to understand how fucked up that is.

[@brandi5126]

“A bad habit of walking around the house without shoes or socks on.” I think it is nasty af to wear your shoes that you wear outside in your house.

[@skeltonslay8er781]

Tbh, I don’t care about it. As long as the shoes don’t have mud or something, it’s not that big a deal

[@mkuti-childress3625]

Maybe it’s a slipper thing. My dad’s side of the family is from a country (Central Europe) where everyone wears wear slippers in the house. They even have “guest slippers” for visitors. I thought it was just a family quirk, until I discovered on the internet that it’s actually a cultural thing. They don’t treat anyone who doesn’t do it like crap, however...

[@who_the_fuck_is_riley5813]

My house is a bit of a fixer upper so walking around barefoot is a really bad idea- otherwise I typically just walk around in socks, but at home I wear shoes

[@tamsel814]

I always wear shoes indoors in winter. The floors are just too cold without. Slippers or socks are just not as warm. It's a cultural and regional thing.

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

Same

[@JSainte17]

Over-reacting?? She blamed the cleaning lady. She literally could've cost a woman her job and she didn't give a shit. Again, it's like another recent story. The daughter who snuck alcohol and blamed the babysitter and the shitty mom (OP) asked if she was the AH for not wanting to re-hire the babysitter because it would be "awkward" for her daughter. 🙄

[@bluedragonfly8139]

Oh, that one boils my blood!

[@AlexanderMarchesaine]

So, she wants Jim to NOT be caring? But she wants to FORCE Nick and the child to have a better relationship? It's Emily's choice.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

I know right? Logic/10. *WOW*

[@lunahix4815]

I think we got one of the big reasons why Emily likes Jim over Nick.

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

She wants her daughter to look up to a Conservative Christian, not a gay italian jew.

[@marybrown6756]

The sister had NO INTENTION of giving back the necklace or she wouldn’t have tried to blame the cleaning lady.

[@ScooterBond1970]

Even if she really did intend to give it back, borrowing without asking is still stealing.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

Not even at that story but your comment reminded me of a time I wore a brand new necklace to church that my mom gave me, well it slipped off and I lost it there and was brokenhearted over it, that exact same night my cousin was wearing it and when I said "you found my necklace" she said no that her now husband and our cousin (yes you read that right) bought it for her from a guy in a van in the parking lot at the church. They fucking stole my necklace and I hope it was one of the things she lost when she was kicked out of her apartment for I forget what reason and the cleaning ladies tossed all her shit. I've finally cut that cousin off for attacking me over my child's carseat and telling me how I was going to kill her over and over again and then her husband (our cousin) threatening to do harm to my husband, myself and our children. Fuck them and their shitty behavior, I wish the best for their kid to turn out better than they did.

[@shikuthetempest]

I was scrolling down to make this exact comment. If she had actually intended to just borrow it (even though doing so without asking is wrong in itself), she would've told OP she had it the first time she was asked. She was hoping to get away with keeping it by trying to make OP believe she didn't have it at all.

[@jaywan5553]

First OP - YATA. Imagine being so jealous that your child feels that they can’t talk to you about 50% of their life. If you can’t talk to kids about everything, they will talk to you about nothing.

[@onecrazybritishlady9613]

Last story : The very fact that the sister took the necklace and then tried to blame the cleaning lady proves that she did not 'borrow' the necklace and had no intention of giving it back....End of...

[@lyndellrobinson3611]

Story 1: I just kept waiting for the OP to say something that was "overstepping his bounds". I waited and waited and waited . . . then she started talking about the languages and I was like, sooo was he teaching a 10-year-old to "cuss" in Italian and Yiddish? No? She just likes learning the languages and having a "secret" language with the person who is essentially her other stepdad who she it sounds like she's known much longer than OP's husband? Oh, again, where are these boundaries that are being overstepped? SMh - comes off as pure jealousy with a side of bigotry. I was done at the "we speak English" smh.

[@terra_the_nightingale135]

@James Olelo I mean that’s like banning a language in a household because people can have secret conversations with it. My friends and I made up a bit of our own language to have secret convos. Oh no the horror. Cmon. Of course the possibility is there but there’s a bad possibility to everyone. Makes no sense to not allow it.

[@toboh8840]

fr, "we speak English" well I'm sorry for you Karen, being bilingual is a great skill lmao

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

She's a Christian girl and Yiddish is a Jewish language in active use. I live in NYC and can only imagine how a more conservative group within Jewishness--one that uses Yiddish regularly!--might react to hearing this story. It would not go over well. She was not born to a Jewish woman and therefore cannot be a Jew and carry Jewishness on.

[@Davtwan]

And now, due to OP’s interference, her daughter probably lost all interest with forming a relationship with Nick even though Nick wasn’t involved with the conversation of OP’s ex. I don’t know about everyone else; however, if my partner’s meddling ruined my chances to have a closer relationship with my step-kid when I should have been the one to handle, then I’d reconsider the relationship.

[@debc6260]

Story 2 - OP sounds like she's doing the right thing as a parent. She's not being too harsh at all.

[@kratkartan1486]

Especially since the daughter seems not to have learned anything from her 1 month grounding. She's lucky do even have a phone that can still use text. I think taking away her ability to use those stupid apps will do her some good.

[@carolroberts4614]

One of the commenters said she could earn money by babysitting! I wouldn't want her near my kids!

[@puli_dreadhead]

Jim has been in OP’s kids life longer than her husband, did she think this relationship came from the clouds 🙄

[@patriciaredding3133]

Last story, why is OP mom taking up for her stepdaughter more than her own daughter? I don't understand that. Regardless if she is a step or bio sister, my parents would have beaten us and made us work for them for stealing her necklace. She'd never steal again.

[@bunnyslippers191]

Jim's not just teaching the girl one language. He's teaching her two, Yiddish and Italian. That's can be a huge advantage to her in the future. Yiddish is a dialect of German, so she has a head start if she decides to learn German, and Italian can give her a head start on Spanish because they are both Romantic languages and based on Latin. He obviously cares a great deal about her and, tbh, it seems that the real reason Mom is upset is jealousy.

[@Mscrimsondragon]

BunnySlippers Thats what I thought to. She sounds jealous that her daughter is closer to her ex's partner but it doesnt sound like her new husband makes as much of an effort with her than this Jim guy does. Relationships take time AND effort to grow and how can you be mad that your child is learning something??

[@mommabutterfly496]

@@Mscrimsondragon I can see it being a advantage. I can see this may be the best for the daughter too. However I can also feel the pain the mother is in. She may not be handling things the best way but she is the one in the most pain, not by her making. She's been dealing with a sense of betrayal. The betrayal started with a emotional relationship with Jim before her husband came out as gay. Why marry her, start a family, if you can't stick with it? It wasn't fair to her. So now the emotional affair has worked out Jim is in her life because he's in her daughter's life. She obviously feels her daughter loves and prefers jim more than her, just like her husband did. There's the second sense of betrayal. You can tell she's trying. Trying to deal. She didn't alienate the father, she isn't disparaging the partner that helped break up her home, a lot of women are vicious in situations like that. She may not even realize why she's so upset. Let's not just jump on the mom here. She has very valid reasons to feel as she does and I think counseling(for everyone) is in order to make this smoother.

[@Mscrimsondragon]

Jaime Herrera You are absolutely right. I just think her pushing the relationship between her daughter and her new husband is going to backfire on her. In the meantime, she is potentially harming her daughters relationship with another supportive, loving adult, which kids can always use more of. I just hope the mom seeks some sort of therapy or other help before its to late and she causes permanent damage to her daughters relationships with both step-dads as well as herself.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: I knew from the title OP is NTA.A kid doesn't normally side with a step parent over bio unless the bio is being really unreasonable in some way. She absolutely helped build that business and if he didn't give her 50% she was entitled to 26 years of wages. Either way, she INVESTED in the company by not taking a salary and got her investment back.

[@msredux]

How dare he teach the kid another lenguaje and to eat hard boiled eggs?!!! The nerve 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@caitofga]

Y’all are talking at cross purposes. There is a difference between saying “no one speaks Italian” meaning no one in the family speaks it versus no one in the world speaks it. Calm down.

[@msredux]

@James Olelo learn to read sarcasm and get out of my comment

[@msredux]

@James Olelo 🤣🤣🤣 bye

[@msredux]

@James Olelo sure thing sore boy

[@msredux]

@James Olelo its past your bedtime go to sleep

[@susanlayton2143]

This is a big part of why I HATE TikTok, several of the "pranks" on there are just ways for users to be cruel, and the "challenges" are flat out dangerous.

[@pansprayers]

TikTok is the bane of the Internet.

[@Mewse1203]

The one I thought was horrible were the (hopefully staged) cheating pranks. Person(usually female) used pants, shoes and other clothes to make what looks like a body, sets up a camera and positions it where their partner walks in and rightly thinks they're cheating. I hope they're staged cause many I saw ended with people getting violent. People die over shit like that and these people are pranking? Hell no. One had a guy gray a chair and smash what he thought was a dude's head(and I'm not talking pro wrestling) another tye dude straight snacked the woman amd threw her across the room.

[@TsukiKageTora]

The worst prank one was a kid who didn’t know what was happening was tripped and hit his head so hard that he had seizures in school.

[@SherriLyle80s]

@@TsukiKageTora omg. Thats terrible. 😭

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@SherriLyle80s he had to be transported to the hospital and everything because the prank “skullbreaker”. Kids see anything online and think “ooh fun” It’s like the thing happening in Japan a few years back, teenagers were literally licking each other’s eyeballs because it was shown in a music video of a popular band... they got pink eye and possibly STDs in eyes and they still did it😨😱🤢

[@sammymb07]

Story 1: "my daughter loves his father's partner and I'm jealous because she doesn't like mine as much so I told him to back off because he taugh her some Italian can you believe the nerve smh" yeah YTA

[@videofan1010]

Yup.

[@pansprayers]

Eh, ESH but the kid and Jim. There's a ton of unresolved issues from the past relationship that they all have to sit down and discuss. OP is likely holding on to the last strand of what she thought was her forever. She also needs to understand that you can't FORCE someone to have a relationship with you, or to love you. The Conservative Christian sh*t is really telling, too. I'd bet she's happier with her dads because they aren't controlling AH's. But seriously, the parents need therapy before OP wakes up someday and the kid has left that controlling environment, and by proxy, her.

[@PaulaSB12]

He is teaching her a secret language that she can talk to him where her father can’t understand that is huge problem

[@animebabe44]

@@PaulaSB12 its not a secret language, the father could also learn italian or yiddish. Do you use that kind of logic for all people who dont speak english as a first language?

[@LadyLeomon]

PaulaSB12 that’s the part I find most weird, teaching her a language only he can speak so they can have “secret conversations”? If it were my kid I’d say right away “nuh-uh nope, not happening!” If no one else understands it then how can they be sure what he’s teaching her is just regular talk? (I admit to being a cynic, I also refuse to believe the dad “had feelings but didn’t cheat”)

[@TheHolyTreeMan.]

For that first story, both Jim and Nick are her step-fathers so it’s clear to me that OP shouldn’t be able to control how much her daughter interacts with him, especially if she and her ex share the daughter 50/50

[@sagesaria]

Story 4: Blaming the cleaning lady sounds TOTALLY like the words of someone who was going to give it right back :) /s

[@jadebolt4416]

If she really was going to give it back, she would have said she borrowed the necklace and would give it back. blaming the cleaner implies she had no intention of returning the necklace. The worst part is not only could the cleaner have lost her job, but if OP was inclined then she could face a legal investigation depending on the cost of the necklace. Sure it might not go anywhere, but that is potentially on that woman's record if she is arrested- even if she's not charged in some countries they still make a note

[@HannaFardew]

Story 4.... Stepsister steals Stepsister lies Stepsister gives it back OP bans stepsister from house Parents: {shocked pikachu face} how dare you

[@debl3063]

And she only gave it back when OP told her she would buy her one like it.

[@erickaennis2738]

Exactly. She was going to keep it. And then she lied on the cleaning lady. Don't trust her. NTA OP.

[@SandraNelson063]

Jim isn't overstepping. He loves his stepchild and is doing his best to give her the world on a plate. Emily KNOWS he loves her unconditionally. What a joyful relationship.

[@25Erix]

Story 1: I'm just confused about why OP finds going barefoot in your own home is a bad habit. If it's for the purpose of need to clean the floor less, it's still a little too much to call going barefoot a bad habit.

[@ScooterBond1970]

To me it sounds like she's just reaching for anything to "blame" on the stepdad.

[@ericaschaidt8588]

@@ScooterBond1970 exactly

[@fcold9402]

4. NTA. Not only did she take something without permission she was willing to throw an innocent person under the bus.

[@macylouwho1187]

Second story reminds me of this friend I had when I was 13. She was really damaged, from a neglectful unloved home. She wasn’t given anything, not even clothes unless she worked for them starting when she was old enough to do simple (but many) tasks as a child. My mom took her in, her mother didn’t care if she was gone 24/7. Her mother was messed up herself because she grew up a foster child and was badly abused. At one point my friend stole a bracelet from my mother’s jewelry chest, and we both knew it was my friend. She was otherwise a sweet and adorable girl-she just didn’t have anyone to teach her anything because no one really cared. I don’t believe her mother knew how to love properly after everything that happened to her as a child. Mom sent her home-saying that until the bracelet was returned that she could not stay at our house. She professed her innocence repeatedly but look upset and ashamed. She knew that we knew it was her who took it. One day after much begging on the phone to come visit without being allowed to stay over-she excused herself to go to the bathroom and silently tucked the bracelet back into the jewelry box without telling us. Mom knew that she would. She smiled knowingly at me and winked. Sure enough it was back, and she called to tell her after she left that the bracelet had miraculously returned, so the girl was allowed to come back and stay again. She was overjoyed because she was a lonely child that no one looked after at all. My mom was basically her mom for several years until she was out of school. We shared everything, clothing, accessories, food, friends etc. We still keep in touch even though she moved away for a job opportunity. She’s married now and has her own kids and was really a good mother and did well for herself. I sometimes think that my mother had something to do with that by her gentle motherly example.

[@zapacunotres59]

She did, and props to your Mom! Knowing she stole, calling her out, then acting like it was fine after, without yelling. Or it seems that way. I'm sorry your friend stole and I'm glad she learned her lesson! I'm glad she turned out better than her parents. Thank your Mom for helping to break a cycle, please.

[@jesterbrown90]

Story 2: NTA. Tricking someone into thinking their parents are dead and humiliating them on the internet for it is beyond messed up. It's definitely over the top and you shouldn't do it, but the image of that kids phone being smashed to pieces in front of her brings me a grim but addictive satisfaction. Seriously, tho, DON"T DO THAT. Story 3: NTA. I'm surprised you didn't snap sooner- OH SHIT DON"T SAY IT MARK!

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Oh the horror of Emily learning new things from someone who cares for her well enough to be called 'Dad'. Geez, OP's jealousy is showing.

[@bluedragonfly8139]

THE HORROR!

[@Sir_Gerald_Nosehairs.]

It does my heart good to see the occasional bit of excellent parenting, like in Story 2. 15 is old enough to know that some things are serious enough to have long-term consequences.

[@S7-Envy]

No Mr Mark the sister didn't "try" and steal the necklace she succeeded in the theft of it. She got caught and tried to blame someone else. She should never be allowed in your home without constant supervision and believed after you fact checked any comments, statements, and declaration made to come out her mouth until she slowly earned your trust back (I know it sucks that you will never be able to fully trust her every again.)

[@The_derpy_duck__J.E.C]

Kid: *likes hanging out with other parents s/o* Op: no! You can’t have a relationship with your dads s/o! He’s not your dad! You MUST have a relationship with MY s/o who also isn’t your dad

[@toboh8840]

PLEASE HAHAHAHAH

[@CameoAmalthea]

Story 1: YTA Jim is also a step father to Emily. She doesn’t like Nick. Jim isn’t overstepping by being a good Dad to Emily. You’re both with new partners, she now has two step parents on each side. Trying to isolate her from her two Dads is just gonna drive her daughter away.

[@notoriousd.i.g.87]

Story 2: That friend is going to mess around and jinx her parents so they do end up dead in a car crash. You don't make jokes like that, especially not on a young child.

[@fcold9402]

3. NTA. Step mom was his "partner" making it so he could work the long hours he did.

[@thewielder3445]

The fact OP in Story 1 got so mad about her kid learning a new language makes me think she's one of those racist Karen's who scream at random people on the street to 'Talk in English'

[@atinyevil1383]

She’s just mad that the gays are better parents to Emily than she is.

[@mindyschocolate]

First story: Wait, walking around the house withOUT your shoes on is considered a bad habit? Wtf?! Edit: oh, and you’re TAH. Be grateful she has a stepparent who cares. Nothing is stopping Nick from sharing interests, but they should be common interests.

[@scousemouse9566]

Story 4, NTA, she said she "was going to give it back", but was that because she got caught, if you dont put a stop to it she will get worse, i bet she has stolen money in the past, maybe not from OP but this is not the first time coz the mum wasnt even shocked about it. 🧇🧇🧇

[@HackiePuffs]

Story 1: YTA. She’s having a great relationship with your ex’s new partner which is a great thing for a kid in this situation. How freaking dare you try to shut that down and make her feel bad for looking up to him!!

[@19WolfGirl74]

Story 4: She took the necklace and then lied and blamed someone else. The kid had no intention of giving it back, not Monday, not ever. The mother is enabling this behavior or maybe she’s just wearing rose colored glasses, either way his kid is well on her way to a criminal record. Most of the time when teens steal for the first time its from a family member and escalates from there. I know, that’s how my siblings started out, as I type this my mother is on her way to visit one of them in jail.

[@justinjones-smith5168]

Story 2: NTA. Ok these "pranks" are getting more ridiculous and more cruel.

[@Mscrimsondragon]

If my kid had played a "prank" like that on an 8 yr old, losing his phone would be the LEAST of his problems.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 2: NTA, The stupid stuff teenagers do for attention on social media. Even though it wasn’t the daughters idea, she still went along with it and that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t suffer some type of consequence for traumatizing a child. “It’s just a prank“ doesn’t excuse anything! It’s not excusing anything from the Sam pepper groping women prank or being murdered in front of best friend pranks. The 15-year-old most likely traumatized the eight-year-old and she’s probably gonna have severe anxiety every time her parents leave the house. Pranks like that are not funny, its abuse, and posting it online for all to see and laugh at is just cruel. Kids nowadays seem to think cell phones/smart phones are things that they are entitled to have. Yes they do need phones in case they need to call for help, but they don’t need a phone that access to social media or app such as Tiktok. The 15-year-old can survive with having a lockdown phone that only makes and receive calls, The purpose of the phone. She doesn’t need all the entertainment.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

Story 4: NTA. If stepsister can’t respect Op’s boundaries she can stay out. She stole a very sentimental necklace and lied about it. I guess all of Op’s generosity made her feel entitled and she assumes she can take whatever she wants.

[@stephanniestarr717]

Story #1 So it is Dan’s fault that you never learned Yiddish? Are you serious?!?! We as parents should all be happy when there are more people who love our children. It sounds like Dan and Jim are allowing your free-spirited daughter to explore new things in a safe and loving environment. You know, doing those things that will make her transition to college and adulthood smoother. YATA.

[@stephanniestarr717]

@James Olelo I believe she said he was teaching both Yiddish and Italian. And as for time, have you tried the learning apps like Duolingo or Babbel? I have. And I work and have a chronic illness and am an Advocate. If it is important, you find the time. These apps teach you in conversational immersion and provide you with a community to learn with. So, the mom could learn the same languages for 15 minutes a day and become proficient in the language that she laments not knowing.

[@MiKi-sx3tt]

1st story : I think because the ex-husband have emotional affair before the divorce, OP maybe hasn't really let it go. And still carry that around.

[@pansprayers]

The necklace issue - NTA. She only gave it back because she got caught. She knew it was unacceptable and not out for loan, otherwise she'd of ASKED first. Then she still tried to pass the blame on your employee? So, she's a liar, a thief, and clearly views people in your employ as disposable. I don't think I'd be alliwing her back - ever. Accuse my cleaning lady of theft, I'll tell her to take your a** out of my house with the rest of the trash.

[@muppetsrule1143]

My husband has done the same thing as Jim by teaching my son a language that isn't English. Did I get jealous? No, got language lessons. The horror of walking around without socks and shoes. Seriously OP, tell your husband to step up his game if he wants a relationship.

[@bluedragonfly8139]

Right? Like, I walk around with my shoes on only if I just got home or I'm about to leave. That's such a weird, throw-things-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks kind of complaint.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: YTA. OP needs to calm down. She is CLEARLY bitter and does not like Jim. There’s nothing wrong with walking around barefoot in the house literally everyone does it. It seems OP is taking any positive her daughter gets from gym and turns into a negative. “Jim is teaching my daughter how to speak different languages“ oh no! A useful skill that could benefit her for the rest of her life and allow her to open up to other cultures that is decreasing her chance of becoming a racist. Jim’s going to end up becoming her daughters stepfather is he marries Dan. Nick does not have to be the only father figure that’s just Op trying to force Nick onto her daughter. If the daughter doesn’t want a father daughter relationship with Nick then Nick has to be the one to change dynamic and try to bond with her, it’s not OP’s responsibility to shove Nick down her daughters the throat and force a father daughter relationship between the two.

[@janicewilcox8590]

"she knows she can only touch my closet and nothing else" - no she doesn't.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

Story 1: It’s not Jim’s fault that Nick and Emily don’t click. The mom sounds very spiteful. He’s teaching her a new language, and they get along well? What does OP want, for Jim to be distant and keep her at an arms-length for the sake of Nick looking better by comparison? Also, are we forgetting that BOTH Jim and Nick are her stepdads and Jim is no less of a stepfather than Nick is? If OP wants her to wear socks and shoes indoors, TALK to your child and make it clear that different homes have different rules. Honestly, I feel like too many parents are afraid to confront their kids about behavior and instead attack someone who might be tangentially related to it. Aside from that, literally nothing else that her and Jim do is bad. Also, the argument that Nick can’t build a better relationship with Emily because he needs to be a father figure is ridiculous, because it implies that Dan, you know, her FATHER, is no longer a father figure. Emily has more than one home, you know. Also, you can be a parent and also get along well with your kids.

[@shubham221992]

Story 1: I kinda understand that it would be a real kick in the guts that not only her husband left her for a man, but now OP's daughter likes the man her husband left her for more than her new stepfather. That's the issue, not OP being a christian or a homophobe that every redditor is so smugly telling the her off for. But still, you can't control who your daughter finds more fun to hang out with. A very very soft YTA on that one.

[@ShatoraDragondore]

OP didn't need to point out that She and Nick are Right wing Conservative Christian's, if it was just purely about Nick not getting the same level of love and affection Jim is. She is up set that someone, much less one of the "Others" they are supposed to pity and shun back into line, is showing kindness love and unconditional understanding to her child and indulging her in spreading her wings past the RWC box OP was hoping Jill would stay.

[@benjamincharlton1388]

I was thinking this too. I can't exactly blame her for being jealous.

[@itjustmemanning8441]

My God WTH is wrong with those 15 year old girls!? Telling an 8 year old that she lost her parents just for some likes on tiktok is crazy! I'll bet they ate Tidepods!

[@17andtravelling]

I have a personal story about parents confiscating a teenager's phone: This was a 16 y/o girl. About a month before this happened (at 15), she was getting cyber bullied and someone got into her Instagram. She was a bit careless I will admit, but ultimately wasn't her fault. Her parents made her delete ALL social media on her phone and banned her from using it. On her 16th birthday, a friend told her that some people had sent her birthday messages on Snapchat. She downloaded it for 1 day to read the messages and then proceeded to redelete the app. Someone else's parents saw that she'd read the message, and reported it back to her parents, who promptly took her phone away. They told her they were taking it for an entire year because of what she'd done, and got her a Nokia in the meantime. She was embarrassed to have it, there were people who made fun of her. Her parents also used it as a tool to get what they wanted from her. About 8 months later, they started telling her that she'd get it back "that weekend" and she'd get excited and tell people, only to be disappointed when her parents told her it'd be another week, and then another. This went on for about a month before she managed to actually get it back "next weekend." She then brought in an iPhone 5c and was super excited to have it back (we could use our phones for music whilst studying at school). This was also at a time when the XR was the newest iPhone, and it was the oldest phone in the class (we were in a private school), and her older siblings had much better phones. I should probably also mention that this girls parent's had more money than they could ever spend, and the girl was so unhappy. Sometimes she would erupt into tears when people mentioned it and run to the toilets crying. She also spoke in a really fake overhyped way about her mum and step-dad, only ever seeming to give honest opinions of her dad and people who didn't live in her house. I get that they were maybe trying to raise her to be good without money, but when they had enough easily to make her happy and also teach responsibility, it just seemed cruel, because she was never happy. I would say don't just take it forever. At that point I had already bought my own phone (I got a lot of money for Christmas because the actual phone was too expensive, and bought it a couple days later when I was 13- I believe I got 2/3 of the money towards it) so taking it would have been a bit odd for my parents. You also have to remember that she may have photos on there as memories which she'd like to keep. And although what she did was wrong, if she is getting bullied for the phone she has at school, that also isn't right. If it's possible for her to earn money as a babysitter or something (in most places I believe you can't actually be employed until 16) then let her do that to earn money, if not, maybe a list of things she needs to do before getting it back, such as writing a letter of apology to the 8y/o and actually looking at the problems pictures of children on the internet can cause. Also, whenever she next needs a new phone, I'd say make her pay at least a portion towards it, though maybe not all depending on if she can actually get a job due to COVID and her age.

[@redditsloth7782]

story 1: op says nick cant be the fun parent as he has to be the only father figure in the household... so what, father figure doesnt mean strict and fun hating, it is literally just someone who is a father/ 2nd parent which she does hav in Dan(ex) or is OP saying that nick is to fully replace dan as the father figure overall cause hes not in the household, you can still be a fun father and be strict, strict doesnt mean boring parent, if it does, your not doing it right

[@striker5501]

1. I wonder how mom would fell about "Jim" if the other step parent was a woman.

[@bluedragonfly8139]

Honestly, I've seen her type of personality so much, and she'd be wailing that the step mom was overstepping her bounds by trying to be a mother to the kid. It sounds like she's just straight up insecure as hell.

[@DiscoTimelordASD]

Story 4: NTA She only fessed up about the necklace when caught out in her lie about the cleaning lady so she had no intention of returning it. She was happy to let someone else take the blame as the thief instead of her.

[@cherrylove528]

Wow. She made Jim sound like a monster. Smh Your daughter likes who she likes.. Op is only like this because her husband feels left out.. ooh well.

[@macylouwho1187]

I would say that telling a fifteen year old to “go babysit” to earn a new phone after traumatizing an eight year old for social media likes/followers on a phone is probably a bad idea. Putting someone with zero empathy alone and in charge of small easily manipulated children is a terrible idea. I have a cousin who was cruel and callous to small animals when she was a girl, then she grew up and ran a daycare-and it was related to me by another family member that she had been heard calling some of her young daycare attendees terrible cuss word type names-and god only knows how she treated them behind closed doors. There’s nothing more chilling to me than someone who is outgoing and charming when needs be to gain clients, and then turns into someone completely different behind closed doors with no witnesses. I told her to report it, being the one who heard it but I doubt she did it unfortunately.

[@shecoda4402]

Story 4 Necklace. Who here really thinks she would have given it back? I don't. If the cleaning lady had been fired that would have been the point of no return. It is the point at which she can't return the necklace and still save face. And she was willing to let this happen which means she never intended to give it back. OP should stick to her stance and keep this kid out of her house. They, mom, kid and OP can meet out somewhere for lunch in order to be able to see each other.

[@Kittinlil]

Story 1.. Absolutely agree Mark. I think this is about jealousy. Jim has been in the child's life longer, and obviously makes it a point to be an active positive role in her life, like it or not, Jim is her step Dad and it sounds like he is being an exceptional one. Dan is right it is not up to Nick to find ways to build a closer relationship with Emily, If not with teaching her a language then something else, there are tons of ways this can be achieved, if OP gets over the hang up and they make the effort. Her attitude and actions have already had negative consequences, it is obvious Emily is now aware, and is resentful, OP needs to own up to her mistake and make it right or she is going to drive an even wider rift between herself Nick and Emily, and this will be ALL on OP. Story 4. SOOO not the A hole. She stole, and lied more then once and even tried to blame someone else, she is 15 not a little child, she was old enough to know that she was ready to get an innocent person potentially fired and or even potentially arrested with her accusation. Had you not persisted she would have kept it and again had accused and innocent person. Op's mother is wrong and she is enabling her, to think it is okay to just take what she wants, She is practically grooming her to be a thief. GOOD ON OP FOR CALLING HER OUT.

[@dragonriderabens9761]

Alternative title for story 2: “AITA for punishing my child after they were cruel and abusive to an 8 year old for likes on TikTok” I pray one day, I can read “TikTok” in the title, and tell OP “YTA” and the act done on TikTok wasn’t that bad...alas, today is not that day, and I worry about how horrible of an act the OP would have to commit to get a YTA verdict when TikTok is involved

[@DarkAngel65989]

Story 1:OP is the ah, OP is being ridiculous, OP made things worst and OP is the one overstepping OP and Nick sound jealouse of Dan and Jim relationship with the daughter

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 2: 2000% NTA, TikTok is a cancer. Story 4: Temporary stealing is still stealing 🤷 also blaming the cleaning lady, classy

[@Ashstar4]

I get the feeling of bitterness from OP in story 1 because she probably feels like she wasted several years of her life with Dan and that he lied about who he was, though she is happy to have her daughter but still and she is using the thing with Jim to lash out.

[@scheneli000]

When Mark said, “I can’t compute it” I laughed imagining him in place of the confused math lady

[@yukoezo]

Story 1: YTA, you keep this up Emily will resent you and cut ties with you as soon as she moves out or if she asks to live with Dan full time. Story 2: NTA, that can cause mental trauma for the 8 year old. Story 4: she took it without permission, lied and blamed the cleaning lady. Her actions have consequences, you should tell her that if she ever does it again you’ll call the police because that is stealing. It doesn’t matter if she’s family or not stealing is stealing.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: all I'm hearing is jealousy, bigotry and racism. Jealousy because this girl met a step-dad at 2 and wants to call him dad but not Mom's husband whom she met when she was older. Bigotry and racism for the insane notion that he shouldn't teach her other languages because she's "not his kid". Add in the "we only speak English BS", the "conservative Christian " values and Jim's "Jewish and Italian" ancestry. It just comes off bigoted as fuck. None if that even talks about the OBVIOUS homophobia inherent in OP and jealousy over the fact her husband left her for a man and now her daughter likes that man better than OPs husband. Op is the asshole. Jim didn't overstep in the slightest. Oh my God! No shoes in the house? Ornsocks? THE BLASPHEMY!

[@DingoTheDemon]

Story 3: I bet I know the reason why OP's bio mom left if that's how her dad acts.

[@Lady0Grayson]

My sister has the very, very bad habit of taking stuff from my mum and me when she comes visit. Clothes, money, soap, shampoo. Because of that, when we know that she is comming we always hide everything we think might be useful for her. It is so annoying, because when called out, she just rolls her eyes like we annoy her. She is 36, btw. We stand her because of my niece.

[@wheelsndealz]

Can we stop calling these acts "pranks"? They're just assault and abuse.

[@karinaashmon]

Lady when your daughter is 18 she's gonna move out to dad and Jim's and cut contact with you.

[@TheMimic-kn2ef]

Story 2: A prank is a harmless joke that at most is just a simple inconvenience, a mind-ninja, or a silly scare(insert halloween mask). This is not a joke...this was a cruel thing that could scar that little girl for life and not beleive in her sibling ever again. Salt in a sweet beverage is a prank, for pete's sake. I think her daughter did not learn a thing from this punishment, though it befitted the crime. If this was my daughter and it was at this point, I would play a cruel joke on a similar level to what she did. The only catch is someone is faking the second role in this prank, only pretending that the whole thing was recorded and put on the internet when it is not. If she does not get the weight of the situation then, I would give her the ultimatum of either receiving her phone back, unneeded apps removed or approved by me, or going out and getting her own phone and phone plan with her own money. Harsh? Completely. But no child of mine will be a bully without facing a huge fine after what punks like that have done to me. Sometimes tough love is needed and the mother should stand her ground. A fair number of bullies do stop if they get a taste of their own medicine as well.

[@saltytoshiro3685]

Day 80 of reminding Mark that he's amazing and that his work is appreciated ❤️

[@CooperGal24]

Story five: Mom's enabling her child and letting her steal. She's an entitled mom, and the sister's a Karen in Training. Once day, the fifteen year old will sport the Karen haircut, gaudy clothes, faux jewelry and faux purses and fashions, approach the wrong person and go "I want to speak to your manager!".

[@alenasenie6928]

Story 1, the title said something reasonable, but no boundaries have been overstepped, he isn't putting one sided rules or forcing the child to do anything, he just help her with shared interests. Also, one of them is in her life since age 2 and the other only has been recently been in her life, is obvious why she sees one as her father and the other as her stepfather

[@ceeshnia]

@James Olelo how do you know he hasn’t been teaching his husband too? He may be having “secret language” lessons with the daughter so that it helps keep her engaged in the languages while also teaching his husband. Makes it more fun for the kid. And it’s not like Italian and Yiddish are hard to look up; hell, Italian has some similarities to English as English has some Latin influences. Learning languages at that age is absolutely ideal and will help this young girl expand her horizons. If the mother is so bloody concerned about it, she can learn the language too, at least the basics. He has been in her life for 80% of it, he is a parent and this woman is reaching because she is still upset at the divorce, she is upset she doesn’t get to decide who her daughter calls dad, and that things aren’t going the way she wants them to. She is destroying her relationship with her daughter because she hasn’t gotten herself sorted. You’re reaching by assuming the worst of this man because he’s teaching her a different language, which again will assist her *greatly* in her life, because he made it into basically a fun game. At her age I loved spy stuff and wished my father hadn’t been too lazy to learn his parent’s native language so that I would have a secret language. Sadly I never got the chance but focused on languages on my own because of the intrigue of the Bible that his grandmother passed to him which was in Lithuanian. At least this man is going out of his way to teach her things that will further her life in a positive manner instead of being jealous and resentful.

[@viralmasquerade]

I also think it's pretty gross how we can't mention an age-gap relationship without assuming the older partner is some horrible abuser

[@philwill0123]

This. The girlfriend wasnt part of the story for story 3 It was dumped in by OP for more anti dad sentiment when the story didnt need it. Story 4 - sister was a thief, husbands age made no difference. That last commenter was absolutely correct.

[@janicewilcox8590]

I think the world needs more actual parenting. If people aren't going to spank their kids then there still need to be consequences that turn them into decent human beings. Wishy-washy punishment is turning out some real life garbage pail kids.

[@cheskydivision]

everyone only lookes at and gives credit for what men do. glad to see a wife get something for all her work.

[@lunahix4815]

The last story: What the stepsister did was *un.....ACCEPTABLE!!!!! UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!*

[@fcold9402]

2. NTA. Grounding and taking phone away are proper responses to tik tok attacks. If she did not buy that phone and it was not a birthday present then she should not get the phone back. The flip phone is fine for emergencies.

[@nathan8219]

Story 2: "basically equivalent to an old style flip phone." Me, who si 16 and still has an old style flip phone.

[@ScooterBond1970]

"Back in my day..." Cell phones were the size of bricks and exceedingly rare when I was 15.

[@ghostcraft3370]

I have the feeling the step-sis in the last story wouldn't give it back. I think she said that because she got caught.

[@aikikaname6508]

“It’s not my fault she took herself out of the workforce” - what, you mean took herself out of the workforce to look after HIS KIDS she’s not even related to FOR FREE . Umm, yeah! It IS his fault

[@hatterrose]

Wow, thinking sister was ever going to give that necklace back is naive. If she was, why blame it on the cleaning lady in the first place? "Give it back Monday" was a lie concocted in the moment when she got caught. In addition, if she was wearing it to school, the Mom probably saw it on her and decided to be complicit in the lie/theft.

[@ravanpee1325]

Good luck for Nick, that he wouldn't pay her college intuition, because she has two cool dads. The guy will save a fortune.

[@cupcake1385]

Mark I’m actuality glad you didn’t shame the first story Op about her being jealous but instead told her how she should work on ways just because she was jealous doesn’t make it bad it’s the effect she let it had onto her now you can shame her for that but don’t shame her over because she was jealous cause we are all human and emotions someone of y’all don’t have the right to judge someone because you were jealous before too🙄🙄

[@Acidfunkish]

G'morning / g'day / good evening, everyone! Please stay safe and healthy. ✌🏻

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@jhamps4806]

We need to get social services on that Jim... Hard Boiled Eggs...! Noooo how cruel...Not wearing shoes or socks indoors...? Pure evil....! Taught her new languages...? Oh the humanity...!,... that mother is so jealous...! If that mother isn’t careful she will loose her daughter to her ex husband...

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

That stepmom sounds amazing, I'd choose her too ❤️ Cut the dad out

[@alyzu4755]

Story 1: All i can see in OP is jealousy and insecurity. Trying to hold her daughter back in order to make herself and her husband feel better. 🙄 Story 2: That's not a prank, that's abuse. And it's disgusting. The fact that 2 teens would pull this on an 8 year-old is sickening. Stiry 3: NTA. OP is absolutely correct!

[@Darwinsmom]

Being Canadian, I have a significant issue with languages. We are too often embroiled in the conflict between French Canadians and Anglo Canadians, and it ticks me off. Of all of the issues OP in Story 1 could settle on she chose the languages her child is learning from her Father's partner? To me speaking more than 1 language is like getting that box of 96 crayons - it adds colour to a person's world and prevents walls from going up between people. Learning another language is a job skill that could easily set OP's daughter apart from the other 300 candidates for that entry level job. Would OP get her knickers into a twist if her child learned Spanish by watching Sesame Street? I think OP's attitude toward Jim teaching Emily a couple of languages is a smokescreen for her as-yet unresolved feelings of betrayal.

[@liammurray543]

I’m so glad someone finally stood up for an age-gap relationship... what happened to letting consenting adults do their thing??

[@TsukiKageTora]

“aRe YoU sAfE oP?” Seriously, people on reddit and on KZbin who don’t find relationships with an age gap, only with men being older and not women, normal always think “that guy must have groomed her!” Like this person thought because a college student got with a professor that, “no doubt”, the professor groomed her. It could have been the student who started things. I hate the sexism of this subreddit and the ageism. It sucks that if I am with a man years older, by my own choice because I loved him, that people automatically would think I must have been groomed or tricked into the relationship (I’m not in any relationship but seriously, it’s no ones business who a person they don’t know, falls in love with). Some cases, that is true, most of the time you can’t help who you fall in love with.

[@kingteddieP4]

Tbh my problem is when it’s a younger dude it’s “I’m so happy that you give older women a chance” when the guy is older it’s”ew look at that dude praying on younger women”

[@jamestown8398]

That's right. The people on Reddit who bash age-gaps are being grossly paternalistic. Why can't people just recognize that at 25 the majority of women are experienced enough to know what they want in relationships.

[@MrAdrianCross]

God I feel. Every time an age gap is even briefly brought up, off handed usually, people always latch onto that. And that isn't what was being asked? It's a line at most ya know. I was going off with husband about this yesterday too. Bc it's so hard to go anywhere and be told all the time you are being abuse just because the person you love is older than you. It's just- so irritating. Sorry for goin off my thudes ✌

[@jcfilms5349]

The only problem with age gaps is if the older partner was involved with the younger partner when they were not legal. I mean they can be friends. That’s totally fine. But dating...no..but if they met if they were both adults that totally okay.

[@angelastice5516]

The fact her daughter is able to form a bond with Jim shows that it isn't an aversion to step parents in general. That means the problem is with Nick as a person. The blame is all on him for not being able to form a bond, and the mom is making it worse by meddling in her daughter's relationships. Congrats on her ex and his man for being awesome parents. At least the daughter has one set of parents doing it right.

[@christyclarissemercier6359]

OP in the first story sounds so jealous

[@agroteraaaa]

jeez, op in the first one...i would hate to be their child.

[@PoisonedTongue]

About the last story, for anyone curious bc apparently OP deleted that part, her (24F) husband is 46. That’s *two years older than her mother*

[@TheArmyOfGoats]

In my day *shakes fist to the heavens* Texts cost 10 cents each

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

Necklace story: I left a replying comment to someone about a cousin I have like this and wouldn't even admit they stole it while wearing it in front of you. Get security cameras with audio and night vision, don't trust people like that, they never stop

[@jesswagner7391]

LOVE the gold digger part. Mark, you're a legend!

[@Russman67]

Story 1: OP'S daughter and Jim just click. It's not his fault that they vibe that well. Rather than trying to cut off access to Jim in order to make the step dad feel better, maybe figure out ways that they can click with the daughter too. YTA.

[@JSainte17]

The first comment on story one is incorrect. It is NOT about her conservative Christian anything. I'm not religious, but I find that many non-religious people blame everything on religion. Well... Christianity and Catholicism. Never hear anyone dare trash Judaism, Buddhism, Islam, etc. Her problem is that she's jealous af. That's it. Also, she mentioned Jim gets to be the fun friend guy, but Nick can't. Why? If her ex is the "bad cop" who disciplines and Jim is more the "good cop" and she wants that for Nick, then she can have that. If she's already getting a father figure in the ex who does discipline, then she doesn't need another one.