My Boyfriend Refused To Sign His Divorce Papers As His Ex Showed Up With A Baby Bump r/Relationships

[@UchuKejiMovan]

The fact she was thinking of staying with him after the outburst and HE BROKE UP WITH OP is wild 😂

[@Maestrosendgame]

Story 1 is an immediate get the f out if he refuses to sign the divorce especially if that kid isn’t his

[@lynnw7155]

Clearly the boyfriend isn't over his ex. He has no business being in another relationship.

[@defineanime5549]

​@@lynnw7155he's a massive wanker, but damn from his viewpoint the ex wife probably seem like someone who lied about wanting kids to him and didn't want to have his kids, just to do that with someone who was really new to her

[@blackofelia]

@@lynnw7155he may be over his ex but still be hurt she abort his child and not this one .

[@defineanime5549]

Also don't get into relationship with people who aren't clearly divorced

[@defineanime5549]

​@@blackofeliathat's what kinda threw me off, cause to him she really did seem like someone who lied just to have a kid with someone in a relatively new relationship

[@floraposteschild4184]

Story 1: Doooon't get involved with people who are not divorced. There's always more to the story. Why would you want to be with someone who wants to make some woman's life "miserable"? For sure, he doesn't want OP. He sounds crazy.

[@pippo17173]

I'll give him this, op's ex drop everything and is actually moving on. Like I hope this is come to tuition moment here and living a single life for a while will help him.

[@person1860]

WTF, you're crazy! She aborted his child and kept the second one, any sane man would grow insanely angry over that!

[@pippo17173]

@person1860 true but you forgot he is dating op during that and as the boyfriend himself said, he is not ready and not over it. He has his own fault here.

[@person1860]

@@pippo17173 oh, I'm not talking about op at all, she was wronged. I'm just saying f the ex.

[@Enriquez2222]

@@person1860 I don’t see how you can have claim over another person’s body, much less someone you haven’t been with for two years. As a man you know you can just get a woman pregnant right? You don’t even have to carry it for nine months. Unfortunately after that you can’t dictate what happens, life happens and threatening others isn’t going to change anything. Y’all always wanna get ANGRY

[@dm9078]

Never get into a relationship with someone who is still married.

[@LilFeralGangrel]

this perspective completely lacks in nuance.

[@symoniarose2820]

​​@@LilFeralGangrel Mm, maybe, but it also just seems prudent to not be connected to anyone who still has serious legal ties to anyone else (like marriage). Even if they're separating or divorcing, I'm of the opinion that it's probably just best to wait until the end of the marriage is final.

[@Callimo]

​@@symoniarose2820Exactly. People seem to think that if a couple is separated that they're suddenly not connected legally, financially or emotionally anymore. But until those signatures are dry, anything can happen and a married but separated couple can absolutely become fully UNseparated in due time. 🤔

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

​@@Callimowhich is ok, only that OP comes from a country where there should be a compulsory separation period

[@Emcee91]

Lmao, yea this comment definitely lacks nuance. Worked for me 🤷‍♀️ my husband and I are happily married with baby on the way, dated while he was separated and divorce hadn’t been finalized.

[@melosidhe779]

For anyone who needs to hear this: they are still married until that divorce is finalized. No matter how many years they've been separated or what story they tell you. Too many people jump into relationships with still married people and regret it

[@marymiller6188]

Agreed! Honestly I think divorced folks need 5-7 years to be truly datable again. They need time to work out custody, property, and feelings.

[@Listrynne]

​@@marymiller6188I agree the divorce needs to be final. My divorce took 2 years and I separated 8 months before filing, so I was over him by then. I still haven't really dated much and it's been nearly 8 years since the separation. I want to date, and I've been on a few, but I know I'm not ready for another relationship.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

But they are in a country where you have to be separated before the divorce. That's the problem

[@Emcee91]

For anyone who needs to hear this: stop listening to random ppl on the internet. There are so many ppl that date and get married successfully after separation/divorce, do what works for you.

[@aduckofsomesort]

The divorce process is awful and long winded if one person is absolutely refusing to cooperate. The other party should not have to stop living their life in such a case.

[@elissaroses2824]

First story would have been and immediate break up for me. He clearly does not care about Op at all. He got so pissed that his ex is living her life He forgot about his current girlfriend! He wants to get revenge more than he wants to work on his current relationship. Disgusting.

[@mewlover2482]

Add to the fact that he said he'd make her life hell is a huge red flag

[@craigwapples4200]

Ya not looking for a third party view look at that he went through edit I finished the story that dude is crazy

[@DragonicGamer32]

It was pretty obvious he wasn't over her and had NO respect for OP when he just abandoned her. He is definitely right to break up with OP though. She deserves better than him, and he is in no way ready for a relationship. Especially if he seems to think he is going to somehow be the one who comes back to his ex and raises her child. Like...dude seriously needs a reality check

[@indianspartan76]

WHAT?! "He got so pissed that his ex is living her life." I even have a comment on her update where she replied and told me he is getting help. I'll reply with my comment on that post: That's a really dumb thing to say. Reading this post, I'm sure not a fan of him, but imagine you spent half of your life (19 years with someone). You both thought, "no kids is nice." Then you're confronted with the possibility, and you try your best to convince the person you love, knowing full well that she holds the cards to the final decision because she also bears all the risks and pain, to keep it. She decides to end the possibility. Now you're confronted with many things, "why did I say I didn't want kids if I actually did? What else do I think I want, but actually don't? Do I really know myself?" While you have that identity crisis, doubts creep in about your partner, "did she care that you wanted, and maybe needed, this?" The best case scenario is, she knew you wanted this, but she knew herself so well that she was sure she would never want a kid. So that's what you think it actually is. That paints her in the most positive light possible, while also helping you move on. You leave the marriage and are now about to divorce, AND SHE SHOWS UP WITH A BABY BUMP FROM ANOTHER GUY? So she didn't know herself so well, maybe she didn't care what you wanted or needed, maybe you were the problem. Now, the Identity crisis, the self doubt AND the doubts about your ex partner hit you at the same time! Him walking out doesn't seem like a conscious decision. It seems he had an out of body experience, like his body went into auto pilot as a defense mechanism so he doesn't break completely. I'm no fan of his, but maybe try empathy.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

​@@indianspartan76the point is, she wanted kids, just not with him(and looking at his behaviour, we know why)

[@kendra31]

"I help with the kids because I want to. My gf says it's because I am a kid too." That sentence revealed all you need to know about the relationship and how she perceives him.

[@RJ-sb5qr]

OP dodged a bullet. He is obsessed with his ex. OP is just a placeholder until his ex miraculously comes back begging for another chance. OP, go find someone who will truly truly love you.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: Wait wut? There's some serious levels of manipulation going on here. Between just randomly having kids to watch, to the "drink offers". Girlfriend played herself right out of that relationship.

[@pippo17173]

It's basically her hoping she scored a door mat simp. She didn't.

[@pezchef7577]

even in the end, her break up statement. unable to be honest and communicative to the core. OP did good by taking that out that she gave

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 2: This seems like there's an added layer that wasn't really brought up. She knew OP had plans to celebrate his dad's birthday. Was this also a relationship test to see if he'd put her and her family before his own family and commitments?

[@Lucina..]

Asking because I’m genuinely impressed… how did you manage to get all that way before the video had even been up 10 mins 😂

[@hi_stranger9156]

I already read the story​@@Lucina..

[@niyablake]

@@hi_stranger9156She was manipulating way before this

[@brandyanderson3522]

I don't think so. But only because it seems like something She's been doing to him for a while. And he doesn't mention that any other times he had plans.

[@Goliath_mindset]

I really don't think this was just a relationship test as much as a manipulation tactic with offering him a beer multiple times to get him to stay. His wording comes off that he was already suspicious at posting but was seeking external validation. I feel like since she was getting paid to watch the kids and he wasn't getting a cut, she wanted a bigger payout as the result. This didn't feel much of a partnership, just conning into free labor.

[@ailinfergan]

Story 2: i would have straight up told the parents what happened. Thereby proving the reason why their daughter should be embarrassed.

[@TheBlueDsc]

Story 2: People assuming you're going to help with something without actually asking and then getting upset when you don't is the most obnoxious thing. I used to have a friend that would do that all the damn time. "used to" being the key phrase.

[@rinistephenson5550]

Repeat: ""I can't read minds. That's why God gave us speech.''

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

Ex overplayed her hand, she got too comfortable in expecting OP to drop everything and dance to her tune.

[@carlrood4457]

Weird, because I give it 50/50 at worst that he would have stayed if she just asked. Still manipulative as hell, but just odd behavior.

[@alyzu4755]

Story 1: OP seems to have a lot of empathy. I hope her ex can get therapy, because he absolutely needs it, and I REALLY hope he stays away from his ex-wife and her boyfriend. Story 2: NTA, at all! She needs to learn how to communicate. Her behavior was alarming.

[@yesthatmousyiris4887]

Why does this reminds me of another story of this OP who has problems having children so her husband breaks up with her, then OP meets a new guy began dating then got pregnant by her boyfriend then her stbx husband went crazy?

[@indianspartan76]

I remember that story. Ed was ducking nuts. In this case though, it's very different. She has an oops moment, and aborted, but didn't convey her regret thereafter to her then husband

[@lj0608]

I thought this was that story at first but from the other way

[@Jrskeetpro]

They met the lady in a park again, right?

[@heatherweir8726]

Story one. Never date someone who is still married. Always wait till the divorce is final. Do not believe them if they say they are separated or say they will leave the person they are married to.

[@pippo17173]

The update legit shows the guy didn't grew up at all and her mom confirmed he is the golden child here.

[@momo382844]

Takeaway from this post: Don’t involved with someone who has officially divorced with paper. No loose ends, less drama. Story 2: GF’s gaslighting skills are out of this world! It’s nice of OP to help out, but it’s not his job. Update: Gtfoh! GF knew damn well she wasn’t gonna give OP jack! OP caught on to lil scheme and scrambling to keep it going. Time for her to find a 2nd job.

[@335chr]

do you mean hasn't officially divorced?

[@momo382844]

@@335chr Good catch. I was frustrated by the post, I didn’t correct it.

[@335chr]

@@momo382844 i figured but just wanted to be sure

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: NTA and she is super manipulative. I wonder how often the drink trick is worked... Also one thing I fucking hate is when people expect something from you, don't communicate those expectations and then get mad at you for not understanding them. That is extremely toxic

[@Swnsasy]

S2: I cannot stand people like this.. I would NEVER want my SO to stay with me to babysit knowing it's his father's boyfriend.. Absolutely she kept asking him if he wants beer so that he would stay.. Him sitting there not seeing that is insane!! He said she knew if he had a sip of beer he wouldn't drive, that's why she kept offering!! She probably has done this many times before!! She's a manipulative RED FLAG WALKING!!!

[@indianspartan76]

Edit: the top comments in this post didn't have the edit when they commented. If feel very differently if the edit was not there. Story 1: I have a comment on her update where she replied and told me he is getting help. HOWEVER, I'll comment here with my comment on the original post, since i had the luxury of reading the post along with the edit. I feel really bad for the guy, and i think y'all here in the comment section are being really unfair to him: Reading this post, I'm sure not a fan of him, but imagine you spent half of your life (19 years with someone). You both thought, "no kids is nice." Then you're confronted with the possibility, and you try your best to convince the person you love, knowing full well that she holds the cards to the final decision because she also bears all the risks and pain, to keep it. She decides to end the possibility. Now you're confronted with many things, "why did I say I didn't want kids if I actually did? What else do I think I want, but actually don't? Do I really know myself?" While you have that identity crisis, doubts creep in about your partner, "did she care that you wanted, and maybe needed, this?" The best case scenario is, she knew you wanted this, but she knew herself so well that she was sure she would never want a kid. So that's what you think it actually is. That paints her in the most positive light possible, while also helping you move on. You leave the marriage and are now about to divorce, AND SHE SHOWS UP WITH A BABY BUMP FROM ANOTHER GUY? So she didn't know herself so well, maybe she didn't care what you wanted or needed, maybe you were the problem. Now, the Identity crisis, the self doubt AND the doubts about your ex partner hit you at the same time! Him walking out doesn't seem like a conscious decision. It seems he had an out of body experience, like his body went into auto pilot as a defense mechanism so he doesn't break completely. I'm no fan of his, but maybe try empathy.

[@Kal_57]

Story 1 : That's a perfect exemple of why you should never date someone that isn't officially divorced.

[@godking]

Boyfriend is going to attempt to destroy his exes new relationship.

[@Russman67]

Story 1: Dude's not even close to over his ex where it looks like the ex is WELL over him. He has no business being in a relationship with anyone outside of a therapist office. His ex-wife needs to stay en garde because he's cooked up a whole fantasy world to get her back.

[@grievernoctis2238]

I got the opposite impression of the ex. She allowed him to treat her that way in the office out of guilt. Told OP all about how and why she felt she was wrong. She's only with new bf over an oopsie, and gonna try to make it work or raise it alone. She is far from over him and that last part makes me feel like she will wait for him to forgive her and take him back... then she got confirmation from OP that is indeed his plan.

[@indianspartan76]

Edit: the top comments in this post didn't have the edit when they commented. If feel very differently if the edit was not there. Story 1: I have a comment on her update where she replied and told me he is getting help. HOWEVER, I'll comment here with my comment on the original post, since i had the luxury of reading the post along with the edit. I feel really bad for the guy, and i think y'all here in the comment section are being really unfair to him: Reading this post, I'm sure not a fan of him, but imagine you spent half of your life (19 years with someone). You both thought, "no kids is nice." Then you're confronted with the possibility, and you try your best to convince the person you love, knowing full well that she holds the cards to the final decision because she also bears all the risks and pain, to keep it. She decides to end the possibility. Now you're confronted with many things, "why did I say I didn't want kids if I actually did? What else do I think I want, but actually don't? Do I really know myself?" While you have that identity crisis, doubts creep in about your partner, "did she care that you wanted, and maybe needed, this?" The best case scenario is, she knew you wanted this, but she knew herself so well that she was sure she would never want a kid. So that's what you think it actually is. That paints her in the most positive light possible, while also helping you move on. You leave the marriage and are now about to divorce, AND SHE SHOWS UP WITH A BABY BUMP FROM ANOTHER GUY? So she didn't know herself so well, maybe she didn't care what you wanted or needed, maybe you were the problem. Now, the Identity crisis, the self doubt AND the doubts about your ex partner hit you at the same time! Him walking out doesn't seem like a conscious decision. It seems he had an out of body experience, like his body went into auto pilot as a defense mechanism so he doesn't break completely. I'm no fan of his, but maybe try empathy.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

​@@grievernoctis2238I listened to this post in another channel. OP's boyfriend lied to OP and he is not by far over his ex. He told her a completely different story and he looks like a fool now

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

​@@indianspartan76it's OP's boyfriend's problem now. Did she want kids but not with him? Move on. It's boyfriend's problem to deal with, not theirs

[@indianspartan76]

@@MatildeVallespinCasas What story did he tell her?

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: "I asked if he was signing the papers and he said no. He doesn't want to talk about it but trust him, he needs time." "The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy," is one of the truest things I've ever heard. So...why is he so angry she's moved on and living her life if *he is, too?* Why would he need time when it's been two years and he has a gf? Why is he mad she's not still pining over him? If he's refusing to sign the papers, then he's not single, which means my relationship with him would be over. And she's in a "damned if you don't" situation because if she leaves him, she will be the bad guy for "not giving him time." Nope. He's had two years. You don't get to stay in a relationship with me, when you're still invested in your ex. "There's a chance her relationship won't work. He would then try to reconnect with her. Yes, that's his plan." Called it. Good riddance. S2: How is it disrespectful to not cancel his prior plans when 1) she didn't ask him to and 2) this is HER deal with her cousin, not his? She does it for cash, he helps out for free (from the sound of it). It's actually incredibly disrespectful *of her* to expect him to give up all his free time for her financial benefit. She wants an equal partnership? She can start splitting the cash she makes from babysitting.

[@iamalbertwesker2]

Story 1 Update: OP's better than me, the ex would have been leaving with a broken nose from that admission

[@adrianamurillo6721]

Story 1: That's why you should not start dating a person who is still married! People are do fucking dumb.

[@AlyssMadigan]

Story 2 - She was obviously trying to manipulate the situation in her favor. She wanted to abuse OPs natural discomfort with driving after drinking so he would volunteer to stay on his own so she didnt have to ask for help. She also did all of this PRIOR to the kids arriving because she wanted him to decide to stay beforehand and drink more, so when the kids show up, he's less anxious to leave because he can't anyway. She literally knew that she needed help with 5 kids and knew he had plans with his dad because it was a rescheduled thing so it had to have come up in conversation on availability. She knew he wouldnt cancel those plans because she overbooked herself because it was ALREADY canceled and rescheduled. She was mad because she failed to manipulate you successfully this time.

[@maurer3d]

Story 1 (before update): Run, He doesn't love you and clearly everything he ever told you, especially about his wife was a lie. He was obviously the crazy one. Story 1 (update): At least the trash took itself out. I do hope you intended to end the relationship anyway before he said anything, if you didn't please seek therapy, good luck.

[@LordBison98]

Story 1: Dude's ex needs to get a restraining order.

[@michal31131]

Story 1: *RUN* don't walk RRUUUUNNNNNN

[@abbyborden2437]

It should be “…as his WIFE showed up with a baby bump.” She’s still his wife if there’s no divorce. 🤣

[@moonyollie6977]

S1: Wtf?? Leave him, leave hiiiiim! This is like the story of the guy who separated from his ex because she didn't want kids and he did. But then he went on to marry another woman and have a kid with her, and met his ex by chance who was pregnant and abandoned his wife and "her" son. Edit: at least he took himself out of the equation I guess S2: Um, no? She does not get to railroad you into babysitting just because she changed her mind about it? And also, EW at her trying to ply you with alcohol to convince you to not go out with your Dad because "you've been drinking," but also she's fine leaving someone who has had alcohol watch 5 kids? Nope! Nope! Nope!

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 1: I hope the (ex)BF's ex gets a restraining order against him; he sounds delusional and controlling.

[@artemishallihan8973]

Story 1 reminds me of a case with exactly the same circumstance but husband had already gotten remarried and with a child before seeing the ex pregnant. Guy literally abandoned his existing child because of the obsession with the life he wanted from a past partner.

[@Mewse1203]

Stpry 1: Yo RUN. I get he may have felt hurt, but anyone who says they want to make a pregnant woman's life miserable is not a good person. He forgot about OP on top of that. He's vindictive and scary

[@TriXJester]

Man I think both the OP's in these stories dodged some goddamn nuclear strikes instead of bullets. First story, the man clearly needs some intensive therapy because at they end he just seems a bit unhinged. Story 2 I cannot move on from the fact she was getting him to drink to manipulate him, what an absolute trash person.

[@TwattWaffleWhitney]

S1 I'm glad BF ended. His response wasn't good, but he also has trauma. He reacted to a lot of emotions, he needs therapy but he's allowed to have feelings too

[@defineanime5549]

Honestly, he really need to go to therapy, cause what happened with the previous relationship was a disaster for all parties included, probably made worse by the how he saw his ex wife choosing to move on and keep the child

[@TwattWaffleWhitney]

@@defineanime5549 exactly. A friend of mine found out that his wife cheated on him and aborted a baby when she wasn't sure who the father was. My friend was so upset because he loved children and would have gladly raised the baby with their other children. They eventually separated

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

​@@TwattWaffleWhitneyand did he reacted as unhinged as OP's BF? I hope he didn't. And just to your friend, having kids with the wrong person is not picnic so he can be at least relieved for that. He can have kids with somebody who doesn't cheat or even adopt

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

​@@defineanime5549he needs to go to therapy and stay away from OP and his ex. Nobody would have children with somebody like him, trauma or not

[@TwattWaffleWhitney]

@MatildeVallespinCasas He would have stayed married and continued to raise their family. And no he's not an emotional person, but it did hurt him too

[@madambutterfly1997]

He's constantly saying he needs time guess what? I wait for No One.

[@poetryqn]

Story 1: It sounds as if *neither* BF and his ex are done with each other. The ex committed to the pregnancy, not the man who impregnated her. OP's BF never got over the fact that his ex aborted his child. he went ballistic when he thought she had rejected him as the father of her baby, but was fine having a baby with another man. They each have unprocessed grief from their marriage. I think the BF was right to sign the divorce papers and break up with OP. Much as it hurts her, she was always the back up plan in his eyes. As for his dream of reconnecting with his HS sweetheart? Stranger things have happened. Regardless, I think his self analysis is spot on - he hasn't moved on from his ex, and he's not ready for a serious committed relationship with another woman at this time.

[@bhart3321]

A fair & measured analysis. I agree with you a 100%. OP didn't need or deserve that kind of drama in her but didn't seem strong enough to end it so he did what was right for both of them. This is why men have to disassociate from our emotions when they get too high, we need to get as far away to calm down, think clearly, & make a rational decision. It took him a long time to get there but he finally got there.

[@aceanarchy5554]

Story 1: The immediate red flag for me, even before he started being difficult, was that the family told OP the ex would not want to sign the paper and was still "crazy over him", only for it to turn out that she was completely over him and was not only perfectly fine signing the papers but was completely chill with OP.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

It's the problem with unreliable narrators, that you have to rely on them until OP realised they are not telling her the whole truth

[@goddessrick8734]

​@@MatildeVallespinCasas I imagine there's more to the story. Having a child with another man when you separated bc you wanted to be child free with a new boy friend is wild.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

@@goddessrick8734 nothing wild about it. OP lives in a country where trial separation is compulsory. Second, ex can have children with another man for whatever reason. Maybe she wants children, but not with him, or she changed her mind. Judging OP's man behaviour, I may understand why

[@Jrskeetpro]

@@goddessrick8734right?! So many people are ignoring that lol

[@lavarelease2928]

​@goddessrick8734 Exactly, why is no one talking about the fact she aborted his would be child then a couple years after they split she is suddenly fine with having a child with the new man. That is bound to mess with any guy's head

[@DenMotherArkala]

Story 1: He could be so, so dangerous in any possible scenario. If she marries the bf and he realizes that she’s never breaking up with the bf, if she and bf break up and she rejects him when he tries to reconnect…God, I hope she’s careful.

[@phatcavy98]

I got a feeling in story 1 that guy is gonna lurk around the ex wife, if her relationship succeeds he will eventually see her get remarried and come back to OP, just to find OP is married and has kids with a new man. Second scenario the father drops out of the picture and the ex wife decides she doesn't want to take him back and he realizes he threw away a woman that loved and wanted his kids for a fantasy, then he'll hunt down OP and find her mvoed on. He's basically screwed himself out a family twice, and will likely die alone and bitter. If for some reason the ex wife takes him back, he will always be reminded he's the stepfather to their kid, and if she gets pregnant with his kid he will immediately abandon his adopted son for his blood child.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

Until he gets therapy, he is no place for kids or marriage, that's for sure

[@tiawheeler1153]

I am sorry but I am actually a bit worried for both the OP and the ex-wife just from how extreme that reaction was and how fixated he is on getting the latter back. He flew off the handle upon realizing that his ex moved on, threatened her, and is fantasizing about the universe putting the two of them back together? Does he sincerely feel that the people that he breaks up with shouldn't have lives outside of him? (Edit that I forgot to add: Can the OP expect him to behave in the same way if she eventually moves on from him?) Never mind the one-night stands, that guy needs to see a therapist and get his head right before he becomes the subject of a KZbin true crime channel video.

[@TheVeggiekat]

This is why you don’t date people who are only separated. If they’re worth it wait until the divorce is final.

[@SteviiLove]

I feel so bad for both OP and the ex wife in story 1. Holy cow is he (the ex) scary!

[@minakat369]

I feel bad for the husband

[@Jrskeetpro]

Why the ex? She caused the initial spark of all this

[@Rukiah1]

S1: anybody else feel like both sides haven't gotten over that marriage? Feels like new partners are just footnotes in "their story."

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

One reason why OP must make a clean break up before things get even worse

[@Listrynne]

Drop the boyfriend, keep his ex.😅

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 2: the fact that the parents allowed this sleepover to happen knowing a young person, not the parents, is watching them. I bet you every single one of those kids’ friends’ parents didn’t know who was left in charge of their kids.

[@SingingMermaid4]

Story 1: The ex-'s lawyer cares more about OP's well-being!

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 2: Good on OP for sticking to his boundaries. GF was way out of line and we love it when manipulators use ulimatums/threats of breaking up, only for their victims to say "sounds good to me" and leave the toxic relationship.

[@RayvenLunaNite]

Always communicate with your SO about your wants for the future and be honest about the past...

[@hanoh2904]

What I don't like about western laws is that both parties will need to sign the divorce. Where I'm from it's just granted by court to whoever files for it. Hardly any questions asked

[@toothless3835]

That's how it SHOULD be.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

It's not like that. It's that if both parties sign the divorce papers the process is quicker. They have to hear both parties and cater to them accordingly. And in OP's country, trial separation is compulsory

[@owl7072]

Story 1: When the lawyer is more considerate than you Story 2: "You left me to fend for myself!" YOU signed up for it. It's not about the babysitting, she wants him to pick her over literally everyone else every time. I wouldn't be surprised if down the line, Op had dinner plans with her but had to cancel cause someone needed help and she had a fit saying that it's that person's fault they're in that mess and that he shouldn't be canceling plans he already had for a last minute thing 💀

[@Girl-Supersonicboy]

That last story I would have told the parents. They need to know to hopefully fix the issues with their daughter. This cycle is going to keep repeating itself till the ex-gf hurts a new partner.

[@AmethystEyes]

Story1: Never be the placeholder or backup option. And always make sure the divorce has gone through.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Update doesn't surprise me. He was clearly not that into OP. She was a seat warmer. Wanting to raise another man's baby and win his wife back. Story 2 NTA. I hate when people are generous with other people's time and money. She volunteered to baby sit and couldn't even ASK for help

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: Screw this guy. Look, I get that getting involved with people who are legally separated, but not divorced, is messy, but life is messy and there are places where getting a divorce can take a really long time. That doesn't let him off the hook for acting like a horror movie villain. He's creepy about his ex. He's creepy about OP. I'm not at all surprised the ex didn't want to have a child with him. Honestly, OP, you need to grow a brand-new shiny spine for that moment when he decides that playing the field at forty isn't quite as much fun as he'd expected and comes crawling back. When (I don't think it's 'if') he does, you need to say NO.

[@CyeOutsider]

Dating someone who is separated but not divorced puts you right in the middle of another couple's drama. Stay away.

[@rylashadow18]

S1) The past hurt he's dragging out is only going to hurt your relationship in the long run. He can't accept that she changed her mind and is having a life without him. His behavior, while being so verbally abusive is also so telling. He built an idea that she would probably come crawling back, begging to be together and offering anything. That was shattered when he saw her pregnant. He threatened her. What's there to stay for? He wants you to wait for him as he tries his best to make her suffer. What he's really doing is making you suffer for his ego. That's not someone who's going to be capable of being a parent he barely qualifies as a partner. It's okay to feel hurt over something lost. What's not okay is taking that hurt out on someone you claim to love. Leave. He's told you what he's chosen. A path of pain and suffering. He'll drag this on. What about your future? You're hopes and dreams? Leave. He's told you that you don't matter more than causing suffering. Believe it. So dude was wanting an out, and is taking it all just to go be a single man. So in short the trash has taken itself out. He wants to stalk his ex? Is there anyway to get ahold of her and make her aware of just how unhinged he's being. My thoughts? He probably brought OP as a way to dig at some form of wounds he delulu'd himself into thinking the ex had. Once he saw her baby bump those delulu's got worse. His hopes of having her beg to get back together? Out the window. So now he thinks if he says he still wants her baby and all it'll make her swoon? Dude is the captain of his Delulu ship for sure. Floating around Eygpt all up in denial. S2) Her poor planning doesn't make it an emergency on your part. She knew you had prior plans, she has a working mouth and is supposed to be an adult. Also trying to give you alchol against your consent? A sign of abuse. Anyone who tries to take someone else's agency away from them needs to be avoided/ dumped at the soonest moment possible. Were there times before where she did this? If so you need to leave. She doesn't care for you giving consent. What does that say about her care for you? She's the one that signed up for free baby sitting. You helping out is being considerate. Being forced to drink and stay? Super red flag territory. So glad that OP left that red flag production personal. She gave you an out thinking you'd fold to her nonsense. Good on you for distancing yourself. Odds are she would have used ulitmatum's once she saw she could manipulate you.

[@Ang3lBr3adBask3t]

This dude is 40 years old and still hung up on his ex…….my god. OP, please live your best life.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

He's still married to her.

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S2: I hope the ex learns something from this, because that pattern of not saying outright what she wants so that it is always the other person's fault ("You should have known!!!!") is extremely immature.

[@sovereigncrux]

The ex has moved on in life and found her joy. With how the partner blew up in a tantrum at his ex, abandoned OP after his tantrum and jealous rage, and stayed away for days in his rage just shows me that the ex had the right idea and OP should take a page from her book. This guy waited TWO YEARS to let his ex get her divorce, and then when he saw her happy his only thought was to deny her request to be happy and make her miserable. He is not over her, and he is the equivalent of a brooding child. OP needs to realize she is not his #1 and to get out while she can.

[@indianspartan76]

You got the exact wrong takeaway from this story I'm my humble opinion

[@RoseKoneko]

Wait who goes to their boyfriend’s divorce hearing? Or girlfriend’s divorce hearing. Is that common?

[@sailormoon02]

It’s actually pretty common

[@RoseKoneko]

@@sailormoon02 I suppose in places where divorce takes forever? Also, I love your username. One of my eternally beloved anime.

[@nightstarstar1]

I didn’t understand that either until I continued listening and realized this woman was so desperate to be picked she would overlook anything. She would do anything, I bet if this dude came back she’d take him back after all that insanity.

[@sailormoon02]

@@RoseKoneko Tysm 🥹 and yeah, exactly. It’s still so disrespectful though but some people have no decorum.

[@connierichards9121]

He's still hung on the ex. Not ready for a relation. Dump his a** just as fast as he left you sitting in that lawyers office girl.

[@nightstarstar1]

S1- that woman is completely lacking in all self esteem. It was actually so sad to listen to all she endured in her quest to be picked. Going to his divorce hearing, getting left and having those awkward conversations with his pregnant wife. And was still waiting for him to come back and choose her. Meanwhile that man was using her as a distraction, he never loved her and never got over his wife. What’s sad is I think if he came back today she’d take him back even after all that disrespect. Hope she gets therapy to fix her inability to understand that she deserves much better than scraps.

[@miz6229]

S1 - THIS! This is why I'd never date someone who's separate. Get your shit sorted out before even trying to date.

[@grievernoctis2238]

Story 1 I'd be out immediately, dude is wildly delusional. His ex almost sounded like this wasn't terrible since she wronged him and got pregnant. My money is on them being together. Story 2 His dad had plans. He didn't volunteer. I'm an alcoholic, and the one thing I will not do is drink around kids. Especially kids you are responsible for. Let that sink in. Run bro.

[@wildblue0]

Story 2: That gf is delusional to think _she_ was the one disrespected. She's not mature enough to be in a relationship.

[@MMKMoore1]

Story 1 - This is the reason why I'll never date someone whose divorce isn't final. OP needs to run. Her BF is obviously not over his ex, to have that kind of reaction to her bump. UPDATE - yep, called it. I feel bad for OP. It'll be so hard to not feel used and like a placeholder after this. I wonder if her ex's ex was also holding out hope of reuniting with him, too. This story sounds like a twisted telenovela. Story 2 - If she wanted OP to help her, then she should have used her words and asked! And did it BEFORE she agreed to have 5 kids at her place. Instead, she tried to use underhanded methods to try to force OP to stay. So many red flags. I'm glad OP had the self respect to end it. She would have continued to try to control OP more and more over time.

[@teamaang7915]

You know what I just realised tho. Op's ex said he wanted one-night stands and was open to getting back with his ex wife if she wanted. Like he just straight up admitted he wants anyone but op. And she really loved him 💔 she was so understanding in the lawyer's room as well seeing it from her side as well as his and let him have time to be a straight up selfish turd of a human being. She deserves so much better!

[@YuumiMa1n]

Waaaffle gaaang! This is gonna be a “bumpy” ride huh mark 😂😂❤

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 - NTA This dude sounds unhinged. He dumped hos ex and then gets mad and threatening after she moved on, and then he ghosts the OP despite them planning to be together. And then in the update, he wants to hover over his ex and hope to swoop in if her relationship breaks. Dude is a creep.

[@Kalossupremacy3356]

Hope the guy gets some serious therapy I’m sure op will find someone better

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

Now I know why she didn't want kids with him. OP shouldn't even consider that

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

the people who want you to be a mind reader and then DO the thing that you're supposed to guess are the worst. you leave them.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1: He genuinely believes, despite the fact that she is pregnant with another man’s baby, that he still has a chance. He’s never going to be over her, which isn’t nearly as romantic as people think it is, and that doesn’t need to be OP problem.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

He will probably will be

[@tatkkyo9911]

Or he just wants to punish her in his twisted mind. So I'd run

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

And I wonder, is that what OP wants? I wouldn't want kids with him either

[@carlrood4457]

It reminds me of movies where it's some middle aged guy all alone and still obsessing over his middle school crush that he never actually dated and who happily married someone else. They portray the fact that he'd still do anything for her as romantic instead of creepy and pathetic.

[@christinesinclair6938]

S1:This is messy. OP1 needs to run far, far away. S2: Saw this before. OP2 was right to dump her gaslighting behind!

[@littlegreycat]

6:22 a vengeful partner would completely put me off. He has baggage he needs to deal with and i don't think i could keep putting energy into a Maybe relationship.

[@faeriefire78]

"He needs time to heal before starting something new." Sir, you've been with OP for 2 years -- that's not new! This guy is awful. He's going to find out that the life he wants to lead while waiting for his ex wife is ultimately empty and he threw away his best second chance with OP. Some people are their own worst enemies.

[@oakenshadow6763]

I really appreciate that lawer. Nice to finally see a good one.

[@keijogirl]

S1: I don’t blame her. Some regret and others are thankful. It’s a personal experience, I just hope ex wife is safe and same for OP. S2: Well, she fafo’d didn’t she? I’m glad OP got out of that. If she communicated like a partner she’d not have ended up embarrassed by the breakup. Hope business picks up for her lol.

[@Trespacd]

Story 2: “Closed mouths don’t get fed” is a quote EVERYONE knows

[@heatheraucoin5832]

S1- With all the crap the crazy ex did, he ended doing something decent. 👂 me out. OP wasn’t going to leave him, point blank, period. She saw all that he did and she was willing to wait. So he broke up with her, which was good bc he would have cheated on her, guaranteed. The only thing he should do is leave his ex wife alone, it’s good he FINALLY signed the divorce papers, but he needs to let her go. Hopefully he’ll get the picture.

[@colleens1107]

Well in the end, the now ex bf did the right thing, he signed the divorce papers and broke up with OP. AND I’m glad he did because OP deserves so much better. I hope he goes to therapy and quickly gets over the idea of getting back with his ex, cuz that ain’t happening

[@dscheaffer]

S1 - OP is a fool, if she doesn’t immediately dump her boyfriend, as he’s still in love with his ex.

[@holyek7892]

The drama is DELICIOUS! Everyone except OP is just terrible. Time to get a new partner.

[@gfighter897]

Story 1: So he wasn’t ready to move on…..granted his ex should’ve not told him before hand but it wasn’t any of his business. But the absurdity of both of them accepting these unhinged thoughts. Op didn’t dodge a bullet. She dodged a whole magazine.

[@jessereyna6662]

Imagine breaking up because you didn’t help babysit 5 children.

[@Maddluv4eric]

WHY ARE YOU DATING A MARRIED MAN?! Les start there!

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

16:14 no no, OP isn’t the one who’s immature here.

[@vegaskullkid4503]

Story 1: *Reads the title* 0_0, He did what? *Hears the rest of the story* This man is not in a stable mindset and Op I would like to suggest you run away! Run now! RUN FAST AND FAR! After story 1 update: I don’t think OP realizes how lucky she was that he left on his own. It sucks because well breakups suck but with how the guy is still holding on to his feelings for his ex, who clearly has moved on from him, it’s the best thing to happen and he’s not wasting her time. Story 2: Nope, Op wasn’t wrong. The ex thought she could continue to get over on him but once he figured it out he did the right thing and left her manipulative behind. Also I’m almost certain this ex would’ve tried to drug this man if she had the means to.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 2: the type of person you should be friends with or dating is the type that demands you change your established plans to help them out with theirs.

[@MimosaRose]

Story 1- unpopular opinion, I feel bad for him- truly. Abortion changes people and unfortunately the ex-wife’s experience isn’t rare. As for OP, she needs to cut her losses. She doesn’t deserve this sh*t show.

[@AAA-ng3qk]

Based o n Reddit comments shows how little people talk about men whose partners aborted the baby th men wanted to keep. These men have regrets and trauma as well.

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

Yes, but they are not as unhinged as OP's boyfriend. I wouldn't want kids with him either

[@minakat369]

Abortion as birth control is an injustice to human life. People can shout "Choice" all they want, but there is something twisted in a world where a childless, loving, married couple with no financial burdens "choose" to get rid of the life they created because... "childfree." For the wife to have aborted her husband's child when he begged her not to, then show up at their divorce hearing pregnant with her latest boyfriend's kid was vile and cruel. Can't blame the guy for acting the way he did.

[@thebigmystery7841]

​@@minakat369get your anti-abortion rhetoric out of this thread. It has nothing to do with it. You dont get to go into a relationship telling your partner yoh dont want kids and then when the time comes from BOTH of their choices to keep or not keep the child, you flip it around. Thats not how the world works. If he wanted a baby so bad he should have been an adult and not been with her and find someone else. Instead he made HIS choices.

[@minakat369]

@@thebigmystery7841 The person who runs this forum can delete my comments id they find them inappropriate. But I will speak the truth always.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: Two things, OP. First, you don't have to wait until you no longer have feelings for someone to break up with them. You may well have feelings for them for the rest of your life, but if they're abusive or it's otherwise a toxic relationship, you're best off breaking up. Second, one thing "just happening" could be a coincidence. Two things, mayyyyybe. But after that, it's a pattern. Your ex was manipulating you and using her parents as her flying monkeys. Learn from this experience, kiddo, and be warier next time round.

[@kateemma22]

OP1, girl, RUN.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

My first thought is don't be so eager to get with someone that isn't even out of their previous relationship yet. And do your homework so you can be sure of what you're signing up for. Even if the baby was his, I don't see why that should stop the divorce. The very fact that he's trying to get engaged right after his divorce was finalized would suggest he thought he was ready to move on. And I wouldn't trust anything he said, He left OP because he doesn't need a partner to start his one man campaign to make his ex miserable. I feel so bad for the ex. Just a question of if he's purposely trying to make her miserable, or indirectly doing it by trying to get back with her.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

S1: I feel so bad for OP, but I’m glad she’s away from that mess. S2: first she downplays what he brings to babysitting while wanting his help. Tried to manipulate OP into ditching his plans for hers, meanwhile she signed up for this without consulting OP. She knows OP wouldn’t go out if he drank and kept pushing alcohol on him to keep him there. And she’s been doing this for a while! So her needs come before anything OP has going on. She sounds selfish and manipulative.

[@colleens1107]

Ok I understand him being PISSED his ex was pregnant after she had terminated THEIR pregnancy against his wishes. I do. He ended things. But he is sabotaging EVERYONEs lives for what? Revenge? Hope OP has learned to stick with TRULY single men and never date anyone who is merely separated. I feel so bad for her right now.

[@Melanie-jy2nw]

His family says his ex is the crazy obsessed one? Projection much?

[@Kati_P]

So, OP thought it was a good idea to get involved with a married man only knowing what he and his family had told her about the previous relationship and didn't think there was going to be any drama? Well, that was kinda dumb.

[@darkmage9252]

Story 2: DARVO gaslighting manipulation

[@Some_Idiot_on_the_Internet]

OP needs to bail but at the same time I totally understand why he's so fucking pissed off.