My Fiance's Family Is Toxic And It's Ruining Us r/Relationships

[@madambutterfly1997]

The way she addressed Op as “the woman who was keeping her son busy” that’s code for calling Op a w***

[@RealAnimeBadGuy]

A what?

[@yamiarisu49]

This comment must be pinned because that is a big red flag.

[@hi_stranger9156]

​@@RealAnimeBadGuy A promiscuous.

[@mayallyourbaconburn]

@@RealAnimeBadGuy a derogatory word for a sex worker.

[@RealAnimeBadGuy]

@@mayallyourbaconburn i got that after I posted my comment but just left it there for all to see how dumb I am ahah.

[@carolbetarello]

Second story: there were so many ways to take OP to the party. I’m not buying it that NO ONE thought she would be upset. This just show how little her family and friends know her.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

They're completely lacking in sense. Anyone would feel bad treated like that.

[@robertx8020]

Give me ONE example how they would get OP there w/o telling her about the party? Because it was a SURPRISE party and OP can't be told?

[@angelnegra]

@@robertx8020 Well, party-planner was in contact with childhood friends already, why not have one of them or one of OPs friends do a similar 'afternoon out' that she was doing with OP's twin?

[@Bleg94]

​@@robertx8020 ask the parents to have them make "plans" in a restaurant to go out as a family and have them take them there instead of to the restaurant it's that easy, been there, done that in addition to that you just need to make sure that they "can't" make plans on their actual birthday since "no one has time" or so

[@damystery123]

@@robertx8020make up some excuse as to why OP needs to get a ride with twin and friend to the bar. Then do the whole “forgot the present” thing.

[@Darlin_86]

The birthday party sounds like either mom or sister found out and gave the choice to either include both twins or cancel it why else would these people be so thoughtless.

[@Octchild85]

Right? This whole thing doesn’t sit right with me. The mother knows but it’s executed so poorly? Only bring two friends? Bring your own cake? We’re going to celebrate your sister first? It would have served them all right if OP hadn’t shown. I think there was a scramble after the first time OP told their parents. I think mom tried to fix it and I think the sister’s friends suck.

[@Dawn-u7v]

I think you're correct if it was always a party for both then OPs friends could have been the ones to get OO there. The party was only for the sister.

[@maryjanedodo]

100%

[@jakeking3859]

Yeah, it raised suspicions for me, too. Like "you don't know your own daughter enough to know she'd be upset by this?" Nah, this sounds like a more likely scenario, that the friends of OP's sister came up with the idea, and then when OP first talked to her mum about it, she confronted the girls about it, and they agreed to make it about both twins. I think OP's mum should have put a stop to the whole thing. How horrible to put your child into a situation like this

[@anonymouse9833]

​@@Octchild85 yup, I think this is exactly what happened

[@hiro4344]

The twin's party reminds me of those stupidass "Everyone ignore B-day person all day and make like "So what" only to have a surprise at the end of the day" plans. They're stupid, hurtful and the b-day person often feels like shit by the end of the day and isn't even happy to discover it was all a ruse. If your brilliant plan includes making a person feel like they're an afterthought or ignored then you're doing it wrong.

[@narnivalkyrie4544]

Gods, I hate that trope so much. My sibling's birthday is coming up and I wanted to throw them a surprise party. But I didn't want them thinking until the party happened that they were forgotten. So I just talked to them like, "Hey, I wanna throw you a surprise party, but I don't want to make you think until the last minute that I forgot your birthday. Is it cool if we get together [date and time] and even though you know the when you won't know the what so there's still an element of surprise?" And they loved the idea! So in a couple weeks we're having a get together I know they'll love, they get to be surprised, and they know I haven't forgotten them.

[@hiro4344]

What my family did for my oldest sister's bday one year was have the surprise bday with her friends a week in advance as we celebrate "Family" b-day and "B-day party with friends" separately, usually the friends being after the family's.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: If I had a nickle for every time I heard a story about twins celebrating a birthday, but one was only invited as a guest while the other was to be celebrated, I would have two nickles, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice.

[@sar9998]

🤣

[@helar2574]

imagine how many untold stories out there

[@tatkkyo9911]

You excited for the reboot?

[@lynnw7155]

I remember that other story, too. To be invited as a guest to your twins birthday party is an insult. No way would I go. Update...I still don't like it. OP was really hurt. The twins had plans to do what THEY wanted and it wasn't a huge surprise party.

[@carlrood4457]

Your name wouldn't happen to be Doofenschmirtz, would it?

[@madambutterfly1997]

He’s not a good guy if he’s defending his toxic ass family to that extent

[@Callimo]

Maybe. Or he might still be in the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). Especially if his mom has unhealthy attachments to him (her "protectiveness" sound a bit like emotional incest to me). It takes a WHILE to unpack that one's toxic family dynamics are not healthy dynamics and dude needs more examples of healthy families so he can get an idea of something different.

[@madambutterfly1997]

@Callimo look here. FOG is a piss poor explanation, it is not an excuse

[@ElleD308]

​@@madambutterfly1997people looooove making excuses for shitty behavior 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@andrediamond4374]

Definitely not. Sounds like he lovebombed OP for two years, and when she stepped out of line he tried gaslighting her

[@toxicginger9936]

Imagine planning a surprise party for one twin and telling the other that they "could bring 2 friends" and "Cake just for your sister, but you can bring your own" and having no fucking clue you're going to really hurt the twin you are leaving out of the celebration.... all as a cover so the twin doesn't know it's a party for them too? How emotionally stupid are they all? All of them thinking it's a good idea? Really? Wow. Just wow. And the parents/mother knowing about it as well? And even *they* didn't realise this would come across as being incredibly hurtful? Someone should have realized along the way that maybe just include the Twin sibling in on surprising the other twin.

[@phoenix211245]

It wasn't planned as a surprise party for the OP. She was only included at the last second as everyone realized how screwed they would be if she didn't go.

[@Amber-zg6ir]

Story 2 makes me so sad for OP. I don’t think she was ever part of the party plans and I don’t think it was supposed to a surprise for her. I think she is still an after-thought and they’re trying to do damage control :(

[@babybookworm003]

Story 2 illustrates why surprise parties can be a bad idea

[@VesnaVK]

I've had one and it made me miss a one time concert that I was so excited for, that I was supposedly being driven to. They are for the planners, not the person being surprised.

[@carolroberts4614]

I don't believe it was meant for the two of them originally! How could they all be that oblivious to op's upsetness? I hate surprise parties!

[@VesnaVK]

@@carolroberts4614 I agree. It was a cover story last minute.

[@LA-mz1dd]

Oh wow, did they lie about the concert?

[@VesnaVK]

@@LA-mz1dd The person driving the car drove us to my surprise party (which they had planned before learning that I intended to go to this show that night) instead of to the show. I saw we were heading in the wrong direction at some point, and they said something like, "just gotta stop in here for a minute on the way to the show." The show was real, but I missed it. It was Exene and at least one other member of the punk/alternative band X doing something extremely unusual for them, I think like an intimate, low-key acoustic show in a coffeehouse. Early nineties, so I don't remember exactly,

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1: *"Needless to say he was upset. He tried to convince me this is all in my head."* Oooh boy. OP's gut feeling really saving her from future suffering and nasty divorce/custody battle if she moving forward with the marriage. She's dodge a bullet.

[@Sherwoody]

He says that it was all in her head, what a laugh. There was a reason why he kept her away from mom for two years. When most guys meet the woman they love, most want to bring her home.

[@hi_stranger9156]

​@@Sherwoodyyup,the gaslighting and manipulating was really absurd. OP grew up in toxic house sure is she recognize one.

[@owl7072]

Honestly 🚶🏻 Like, dude you literally heard and saw it. I was thinking maybe he was so deep in the fog he didn't realize how bad it actually was (doesn't excuse, just explains), but him trying to tell her it was in her head and acting like it didn't actually happen? Nah, he knows, he just doesn't care. Op was right to bail.

[@mellttabor2134]

She said he’s a great guy just ignorant of the fact his family is toxic? Ummm no! He knows they are toxic but since it’s not AIMMED AT HIM just the ppl around him( You know the ones he is suppose to love and protect in the future) he is not a GOOD GUY. He is a wimp who has no problem letting his mom and sister gaslight and be toxic to his future wife and I’m sure his future children. It would be so funny if the next girlfriend stood up to them in a “ WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME B***!” way. Then the little boy would have to protect his mommy from the big bad toxic girlfriend…… EVIL LAUGH TRACK!!!

[@bellycurious]

Smart girl she was.

[@F1fangirl96]

The twin story: I’m a twin and have celebrated separately but never have we been invited to the other twins birthday. That’s just so wrong

[@ettinakitten5047]

The only way I'd invite a twin as a guest to their twin's party is if the party wasn't on their actual birthday. No one wants to spend their birthday at someone else's birthday party.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

This guy. "My sister and my fiancé want nothing to do with my family and I refuse to understand why." Though in his defense he’s deeply entrenched, his family bring toxic is normal to him. Maybe one day he’ll wake up but until that day happens I hope he doesn’t bring another girl to that spider web.

[@tully6648]

He's super in it _and_ he's his mother's beloved child. At this point, he's hard wired to believe that anyone else is the problem.

[@kimsvisualdiary]

He’s going to die alone unless he gets rid of his toxic mom. That or he will end up with a woman that’s a complete doormat.

[@thebigmystery7841]

It makes more sense when you think about the father. I dont think she picks on the son as much as her daughter and its about her expectations of womanhood on her daughter. My mom was actually very similar. My two brothers were her baby boys. But me? My mom wanted me like the spitting image of her. And when I wasnt as we were completely different people, she would practically bully me. I never got what my brothers got. (Opportunities or gifts) Some women (and this happens with men too, just the other way around) try to make their own daughters too much of a mini me and are obsessed with things like marriage and men. Im not surprised the daughter went NC...as I did with mine.

[@drewgon13]

It probably doesn’t help that his “wake up call” was after his Fiancé ended the engagement out of the blue and then reveals that she was in contact with the sister that just scorched earth the family. Kind of a bitter pill to swallow that your support structure is toxic AFTER your other options cut ties and ran.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

Momma boys play the perfect boyfriend role before marriage bc they know how f Ed up the entire family dynamics and they know their partners would run away without the love bombing smock.

[@MinkxiTes]

I doubt that in Story 2 it was a surprise for OP too. More like Melissa the b got backlash somewhere and no everyone involved tries to safe face. And even IF why the flying f would you crush someone like that and than be like surprise! Did she really think OP would be fine afterwards. OPs twin needs new friends

[@AndyyWithAY]

That update was completely and utter 💩 The best way you can think to get OP to a surprise party is to pretend she's an afterthought. You begrudgingly let her bring two whole friends and a cake? She already only has a few friends while the sister is super popular. How could they not see how hurtful this was?? Even at 17/18 you should be smarter and more emotionally intelligent. And the parents knew?? Everyone in this story sucks so bad except the twins. I wouldn't go to the party even more now. This update made everything way worse

[@poohbear4515]

The update had probably the dumbest excuse to hide that they all cared more about the other twin than OP. She’s now excited? I’d still be hurt since in the beginning, that friend told OP she can buy a separate cake and they’ll sing to her after her twin. Honestly, OP kinda pissed me off through all this.

[@Quietdays47]

You know that answer was BS. Everyone saw how this was affecting her and this answer is more out of pity than anything. I would still say screw them for making her feel like garbage next to her “perfect” twin sister. OP just accepted this answer makes me feel bad for her, I may be reading too much into it but this reads like OP has self esteem issues, at best. I think Im going to stop listening to these Reddit stories, I’m more upset for OP than she is, lol. Now that I think about, OP needs to get her head out of the sand or everyone is going to treat her like an afterthought, just like I’m about to do

[@carlrood4457]

Since they were in on it, why not leave it to OP's friends to come up with a reason? Maybe say Melissa had car trouble and needed OP to pick up her sister.

[@lindah3803]

They banked on the fact that OP and her sister are close. They figured OP couldn't pass on seeing and wishing her sister a happy birthday. They didn't count on OP being so hurt. After all the party(as far as OP knew) was being thrown by her sisters friends,not hers. They didn't put the thought into getting OP there like they did with sister. OPs friends should have been the ones to get OP to the party. Just bad planning all the way around.

[@Chilliwack56]

@@lindah3803 Yes, bad planning, not necessarily a bad idea but bad implementation of the idea.

[@cheskydivision]

It’s crappy that sister’s friend knew op had birthday plans with their twin and still planned a party. I think it’s weird that they treated op like crap cause they did not know how to surprise them. I don’t buy that op was included I still think she was an afterthought

[@andrediamond4374]

Yeah, sounds like bullshit because: 1) Why not get one of the childhood friends to figure that bit out 2) Not even OP's parents could figure it out 3) I find it real hard to believe that no one, especially the parents, "didn't realise OP would be that hurt" Tell me who's the favourite twin without telling who's the favourite twin

[@Russman67]

Mia might be the only decent person in that family. OP recognizing how toxic the mother is and dismissive her ex-fiance is about the situation was a good thing. Like she said, she "grew up in a toxic household. She doesn't want to die in one".

[@Iflie]

Yeah sounds like Mia is a lesbian and she knew the family would never accept that so she's moving away with her partner. It's hard to be the one sane person in a room full of nutcases. The boyfriend totally knew his mother hated the girlfriend, that's why he didn't bring her for two years , he refused to stand upto his mother.

[@Ll_ring00]

Emotional inc*st is at play here.

[@mec2806]

EXACTLY. The people saying they can work through toxic in-laws together.... 😬 Why is SHE responsible for helping them through it?! It's stupid to think someone would willingly commit to a relationship that requires her to throw on a cape and battle the evil in-laws.

[@Passions5555]

​@mec2806 that comment pissed me off honestly 😒

[@user-kl8lo6rj5i]

Mia doesn't want to die in one either, apparently. Good for her escaping from that mess.

[@jay2thaudy]

Story 2: Why would they tell her to "bring your own cake" if they had intended for it to be a surprise for both twins?

[@Quietdays47]

I still wouldn’t go to the surprise party. Everyone. Her sisters friends, their mutual friends, their god damned parents saw how this was affecting her. No one thought about how this tactic made it seem like a pity invite? BS. Everyone except the twins are AH’s.

[@Bleg94]

I see two possibilities: either the plan got out, the friends got shit for that, changed it last minute and now everyone gaslights OP so that she doesn't feel so bad or OP really is their just their afterthought and no one even thought for a second that OP maybe could be upset over the whole scenario either way, OP should get better friends since all of them failed her one way or the other

[@joeschmo622]

The Opie dodged a bullet. A nuculer bullet. A nuculer toxic poison bullet. A nuculer poison toxic bullet with horns and pitchforks sticking out of it, and is on fire.

[@Kati_P]

You can marry someone with a toxic family if your partner has your back against the toxicity. If your partner is stuffed up their family's toxic butts then your life will be hell. Tread cautiously in situations like this!

[@carlrood4457]

Regarding the phrase "treats me like a queen", can I throw out the names Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boelyn, Catherine Howard, etc.?

[@gcarr1089]

Story 2 - I'm not buying that the party was supposed to be a surprise for both sisters. I think that the parents must have spoken to the friend organising the party and told them the twin it was originally for wouldn't be happy with the arrangements so things were changed. With what's been said OP will always wonder in the back of their mind if it was originally just her sisters party.

[@YellaBellaReno]

I agree. I don’t buy it. And even if that was always the plan, it was a pretty callous one. I personally don’t like surprise parties, but surprise parties that involve making the celebrated person feel like shit before hand (as some twisted prank) are the worst kind.

[@tully6648]

Story 1: "Aside from his family drama he was a good guy." No. That's like saying "Aside from not having an engine it's a good car." Because how a person is with their family tells _SO MUCH_ about them. OP got a showing of what married life would be like with him. It 100% would not have stopped. I'd bet money it would've only gotten worse as OP "stole him away" more and more from his mother just by being his wife and (possibly eventually) the mother to his kids. And I'd bet my winnings from _that_ bet that she's the kind of MIL who'd start acting like the kids were hers, too. Good for OP and Mia for getting out. I especially hope that Mia will have many better days, and that her family will just leave her alone.

[@catsncrows]

S1 Finally an op who says "Hellnah! I've seen this game before! It doesn't end well. Not playing!" I suspect many who marry in are people either coming out of toxic families of origin or people who haven't encountered one before and are shocked and confused

[@thefallennero5265]

Story 1: Two years to meet his family? I'm guessing the ex already knew his family was toxic, besides Mia. It will be surprising if he finds a woman that can tolerate his family and who his mother approves of.

[@aprilfox9205]

You can bet he thought since they were 2 years in and she would just go along. I'm glad she got out.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Two years to meet the family? That guy was holding off. He doesn’t want his fiancé to meet his family, but he has to. I’m sure she wasn’t the first one to leave him because of mommy. Edit for reply… she said he said his mom pokes fun at people? You mean like saying his fiancé is going to burst out of the dress if she eats any more of her pie? No she doesn’t like making jokes and stuff at people… she loves hurting people and breaking their self esteem so she can be the one making the shots and the now broken esteem fiancé will not question

[@liabowden8526]

Ah, 18 year olds who think they're clever, but lack empathy & wisdom. That girl should not be allowed to plan any parties by herself for a while. She clearly needs a mental chaperone.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1 update I truly hope the guy learns later that his mother drives a wedge between any girlfriend/fiancé he brings to meet her. Otherwise he will be left alone with the only women in his life is mommy and sisters. Maybe that’s for the better cause nothing good will come out of any relationship with him, even after his mother passed on, cause he would probably dictate the fiancé by saying “my mom used to do this, you need to too” cause it seems her influence is so deeply ingrained that he can’t even see why his sister and his fiancé are abandoning them even after being told why

[@tully6648]

Either that, or he'll wind up marrying the kind of woman who is willing to put up with that. That kind of person is _not_ who he thinks he wants to marry.

[@melosidhe779]

He already knows mommy dearest drives wedges. That's why he made OP wait 2 years and it was after he proposed to have her meet his family. He just won't do anything about it

[@poohbear4515]

This dude will forever be alone because he is so far gone that he’s basically brainless to realize how extremely toxic his family is, mostly his seriously creepy mommy who has a Jocasta complex(had to look it up). Not sure if I should even feel sorry for him since he was raised that way so extremely coddled. Mia did the right thing. She doesn’t need that sick “family” in her life. Hope she’s doing okay.

[@logirl1975]

Story 1: OP dodge a massive bullet. I hope they go on to live their best life. Story 2: This one still ticks me off and I'm not buying the idea that the party was always going to be for the both of them. And I missed the detail in the reddit post that solidifies that for me. In the original post, before any updates, OP says she talked to her parents but the advice didn't help. But then later Mom decides to come clean and reveal that the party was for both of them. And then even the friend says that she planned the surprise party and cleared it with Mom and Dad and friends. I don't think Mom understood at the beginning it was meant to be for only the sister. And after OP went to her for advice, I believe Mom went to the friend and told her that she better fix it and make the party for both of them. I FURTHER believe that the friend still had no intention of doing so until she was called out on it directly by OP. I mean what was she going to do when OP showed up with her own cake???

[@Bleg94]

OP got gaslit here by everyone involved

[@SappyDuder]

Story 1: talk about a mother with an Oedipous Complex Story 2: man, inviting OP that way was such a stupid, stupid decision. Maybe don't be like "it's a party for your sister, not for you tho." Did they tell OP's sister the same thing so she would think the party was for OP and not her, or did they tell her it was a party for her/ the both of them. Such a weird, weird situation

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

I wondered too if the sister was given a similar story about a party for OP. If not, then they truly are evil to make OP upset for weeks leading up to the party. Her friends could have been in on the plans to get OP there without her ever being told about the party to begin with! Why would you tell one twin but not the other? Just makes me mad for OP!!

[@SappyDuder]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 yeah, the entire situation seems a little f'ed up to me

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

Wow that party planner sure is let very smart. “Let’s get her up her surprise party by making her super sad and ruining the surprise!”

[@kristinicole2055]

Damn she dodged a bullet. Truly hope that Mia lives the rest of her life happily in peace away from these crazies.

[@shadamyandsonamylover]

When I was super little I saw this preschool cartoon. It was of a duck who wanted to celebrate their birthday with their friends and went one by one to each of his friends doors but they were either not home or all busy. By the last door he was crying on his way home, realizing he had no friends to spend his birthday with. When he did arrive home, all his friends were there and surprised him with a surprise party! Of course the duck got very happy and celebrated with his friends. Idk, the last story definitely gave me the duck story vibes. There’s nothing worse than feeling left out on your birthday, and i don’t even necessarily think the payoff is worth it, but I hope the joy OP feels for celebrating with her friends and family makes it better.

[@devegas4910]

Story 1: so fiancé’s mom is one of THOSE moms. Story 1 update: yeah. Op dodged a bullet there because her ex’s mom would definitely put her through hell. She doesn’t deserve that and neither do any potential children. And I’m proud of Mia for getting out. She’s been the victim of this horrible situation for a long time and I’m glad she’s getting away. OP’s fiancé also shows that he would NEVER protect her and would subject her to further harm the minute she doesn’t want to “play ball”. Maybe he’ll find a woman who’s willing to be the victim one day. But it’ll be a long time

[@DerekScottBland]

Story 1 - The one thing that has me questioning this story is how in the hell could OP reveal to her ex that she talked to Mia? Anyone from an abusive household would know better than to reveal they got info from someone who is already being abused in the home.

[@wickiwo1098]

Naw, MOST people don't know this. It takes a deep understanding of toxicity AND self-control to not make a mistake like this. Inexperienced people make these kinds of errors, especially when they assume the person they're telling is NOT part of the toxic system. The whole thing is sad.

[@UchuKejiMovan]

I read this on Reddit yesterday! OP did the right thing getting away and I'm happy Mia finally got it into her head that she has to get away from her family

[@Russman67]

Story 2: Melissa has to work on her delivery. To have one twin thinking that she was an afterthought on her 18th birthday, not cool. She could have incorporated one of the childhood friends to craft a plan and get OP out.

[@MdMzzz]

She scrambled to find an excuse after the mom confronted her. OP was never supposed to be included.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

It’s just weird that one twin knows there’s a surprise party, but the other one gets to be surprised!?! Did they tell the sister a similar story about a surprise party for OP…and sister was an afterthought? Why would you make someone feel like sh*t weeks leading up to the “surprise” party that one of them already knows about if it was supposed to be a party for both? 🗑️🔥🤦🏼‍♀️

[@iljuro]

I really hope OP managed to bounce back in time for the party. I would probably have remained upset for the entire evening after being so upset for so long.

[@Sollace1]

Makes me wonder what they would have done then if OP didnt show up.

[@Sollace1]

Makes me wonder what they would have done then if OP didnt show up.

[@CouncilEstateRach]

And this is why i hate surprise parties...

[@MingRae1]

On story 2. Funny enough, my dad is a twin! We are gearing up to celebrate both of their birthdays here soon. We don't sing happy birthday we sing how old are you now. My aunt always says I don't know how old I am but your father is _ _ years old. My dad always responds similarly. My grandma always rolls her eyes and ends with a "oh you guys" or "you two, that's enough". Grandma is 94 and doing great btw. Dad and his twin sister are turning 60.

[@Bila2718]

❤️😁 so cute.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I think Mia is LGBT. Story 2 she needs to talk to her sister. That's the only thing to do. Seems like the sister isn't an AH. How can they think it's OK to plan an 18th bday and exclude the twin. 18 is a big deal

[@HeoBaby24]

Either gay or with someone who's another race

[@lms1068]

Story 1: Golden child gets dumped. His sister is the mothers competition, so she's the black sheep. I'm in the same position in my family.

[@shadowkissed2370]

to everyone helping with the surprise party "Hey guys I think I know how to get her to come it is the perfect ruse she won't be able to say no." To op "No, you are not worth our time and I guess you can come to celebrate your twin sister but don't expect anything from us"

[@carlrood4457]

Now, the logical thing would have been to have OPs friends handle getting her to the party in some way. Maybe tag onto the gift idea, but then add a bit of car trouble and request OP's group come pick them up. Obviously, they'd send that message earlier so both sisters arrive at the same time.

[@faeriefire78]

These Jacostas out here would rather their -substitute husbands- sons be alone all their lives than cede control to another woman. Like it never crosses their minds that they're stealing their son's chance for happiness. 2: There definitely was another twin birthday story (brothers this time) not that long ago. The organizer was kind of nasty and OP's brother was uncomfortable with the whole thing. He started phasing her out of his life. In this story they made it unnecessarily convoluted. There were easier ways of getting them both there!

[@BoxOKittens]

I absolutely despise when people pretend to forget someone's birthday in order to surprise them. A spoiled surprise is better than hurting someone's feelings on their dang birthday.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

I am so glad the the OP in Story 1 had that confrontation with her ex. NOW, when he dates future women and talks about his past, he's going to show his hand. He thinks toxic is normal, so he'll oversell it and disparage the NC Mia. When the new partner meets the monster in law? She'll treat her badly and she'll know to run.

[@VidGirl88]

Story one: Moms jealous of their sons partners is a huge ick.

[@vegaskullkid4503]

Story 1: *Alarms blaring at top volume and red flags are flying all around* This woman did the right thing. In the guys defense, he may genuinely not find anything wrong with his family due to how he was raised in it and got used to it sadly. But yeah good thing she got outta there ‘cause those in-laws, save for Mia, sound like they’d be hell to be around even for a fraction of a second.

[@sinbadwilliams7186]

Man... this story is hitting home for me. I grew up in a toxic foster home myself and would have left as well if my spouse's family acted this way to me

[@SweetnL0]

Story 2: that one isn’t sitting right with me. Who plans a surprise party for 2 but only 1 is going to be surprised? That makes zero sense.

[@LunaMane]

Even if things worked out in the end in Story #2 with the party, no one should do what Melissa did. If you have to go through so much rigmorale and plan somethibg in secret when you know the person you're planning it for will be greatly displeased if they found out, just don't do it. The thought of certain gestures is nice but some people don't like certain gestures done to them.

[@mellttabor2134]

Inviting a twin to be a guest at the other twins surprise birthday party makes as much sense as having a 50th wedding anniversary party FOR THE WIFE and inviting the husband as A GUEST. I HATE SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTIES!!! Hurting someone first then oooh surprise we don’t all hate you!!! COMMMMME ON UGH

[@reginarainer9740]

Op in the first story saw the situation with the clear eyes of experience and got out of there with the haste required of it. She hit the nail on the head when she said “I grew up in a toxic family, I don’t want to die in one.”

[@Tyanna01]

Last story: Wait...hold on a moment.....all of the childhood friends were in on the joint bday party? All of them were invited? And NO ONE could figure out how to get OP to show up to surprise both twins? Like...really? No, I think OP was actually an afterthought, and after seeing how hurt she was, they decided to make it a surprise for her. Like....who tells someone to bring their own cake if they are actually planning to celebrate both twins? It really really really doesn't add up. At all. In the least.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

So many Reddit stories are about someone being abused by their SO's family, it's actually refreshing to see someone realize what a bad idea it is to get legally tied to a toxic family. No amount of love for your SO can make that tolerable. If they won't go no-contact, your only recourse is to break it off, otherwise you'll end up miserable.

[@ajzephyros7454]

There was another twin birthday story, but those were twin boys and a bit older.

[@RyomouShimei]

OP in the first story dodged a massive bullet. The ex- fiance is such a momma's boy that he downplayed her AH traits as 'jokes', so it shows he'll always take mom's side. OP will be second to MIL and when important life decisions are involved where MIL has a different opinion, the guy will not support his wife. That's how you get stories like the guy who invited his mom to the trip wife paid or the mom who demanded keys to the house of his son and would enter unannounced.

[@davidsantiagotate7380]

Story 2: if I were put through what OP was put through to the point of breaking down and crying because I was made to feel like an afterthought only to discover it was “part of the plan” (doubtful)… well I’d be MAD. That’s no way to treat a person. Either their plan was to purposely put OP through pain or they were made aware of how bad they messed up and tried to save it. Whichever way this happened, it was extremely disrespectful and cruel.

[@shirokusanagi3901]

S2: Calling bullshit. Nobody thought for a second that her feelings would be hurt by this? Not a single friend or the mother??

[@megadude967]

Story 2 : "No, we're not actively insulting you by inviting you to your twin sister's birthday, effectively ignoring yours. There's just a secret second layer to the surprise party!" I call bullshit. I feel like this is just damage control on their end. Willing to bet things will go to shit at the party

[@wrgirlie86]

The surprise party being for both feels like a quick ‘oh shit how will ‘better’ sister feel if we don’t save face -.-‘ they were never planning to be special to her til they got called out

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: Bullet dodged, OP. You'd have had a lifetime of MIL insulting you and overstepping, and your husband refusing to defend you or enforce boundaries. S2: Wut? I'm not sure I buy the story. Who TH throws a "surprise" party for both twins but tells one twin? That makes absolutely zero sense. Sounds like it was a fix after the fact.

[@WildChildElsner]

Story 2, OP just let herself get gaslit in to believing the party also was for her. She is an afterthought, because they only decided to make the party about her as well when they realized how she felt so they're covering their own asses.

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S2: Okay, sure so it was supposed to be a surprise for both of them, but what were they going to do when OP showed up with her own dang cake?? Talk about clueless. People are dumb.

[@neila128]

"I grew up in a toxic family. I don't want to die in one." Girl yes, PREACH IT! 👏

[@CaydenSworn]

OP in story 1 dodged a bullet.

[@_letstartariot]

Story 2: I’m a twin, I’d be so angry at any friend who would exclude my brother. I would want to know. My brother will be chosen in this situation, 100%

[@mae-z6s]

Always trust your intuition (gut reaction). I made the mistake of ignoring mine and pushing on, stupidly thinking I could make things better (ahhh youth). The marriage was hell. Not only were the toxic in-laws distressing to deal with, but over time it became very apparent how damaged my then husband was as a result of growing up in that house. Ultimately I lost all respect for him, and it became physically dangerous to remain in the marriage due to his continued mental deterioration that was all tied to his parents. If your inner voice says "cut and run", you cut and run!

[@ToxicSunrise132]

Story 2: ....yeah, I'm gonna say that making a milestone birthday a surprise party is a stupid idea

[@alexanderharding3078]

Story 2 is still awful even after the update. OP spent days or weeks feeling awful, like an afterthought, unworthy of a celebration in light of her sisters existence, then a 3-4 hour party is supposed to make everything better?? OP was still an afterthought they did not bother to take a few minutes to think about how their plan would hurt OP and try to think of a better plan. I mean they were in contact her childhood friends could they not have done something similar with OP as they did with the sister? And not only that but none of the OP friends thought for a second “wait so we are getting OP to the party by telling her that we don’t give a shit about her and she should suck it up and celebrate her sister?? Either OP has friends who were not informed about how she was being brought to the party or she has some bad friends.

[@marysemerad6427]

The other twin story was about a girl with a crush on one twin and throwing the party only for him. The guy wasn't even into her. They ditched the party. Glad this story had a more wholesome ending, but there were a number of better ways to get OP to the party with help form her friends. Seriously awkward!

[@Cats_in_cravats]

Story 2: I had a feeling it was a surprise for OP too. The friends definitely could have planned it better and done something like they did for the sister "oh, my friend asked me to drop by for a second to pick something up, I need to stop there on the way to the bar. Come up with me, it'll just take a minute." The story from before was two brothers and a mutual friend planned a surprise party for one brother and invited the other. I also had a feeling that was a surprise for both as well, but that OP was certain it wasn't because the friend planning it had a thing for the brother and he didn't end up going, so we'll never know.

[@carterpitbull7366]

What surprise party has you bring your own cake? Nah these were aholes who only liked the one twin and not the either. Mom probably called and yelled at the friend to include OP which doesn’t really make it any better.

[@Kingdo_RGT]

I think the twin friend messes up, they only prepare for the twin, not OP. The common friends must have realized that OP wasn't happy, talk to the mum, who did damage control with the twin friend. Making OP believe it was all a plot from the beginning.

[@abowlofsangria3412]

These people couldn't have asked OP's friends to keep her busy for the day of party instead of "Oh you're a guest to your own twin sister's birthday party."?

[@RealAnimeBadGuy]

2 years to meet the family, I mean it’s when everyone is comfortable so idk if it’s so weird. I have only introduced two people I’ve dated to my parents and one became my wife. We don’t talk to my parents ( they suck it took a while to realize I don’t need the abuse because “family”) so it isn’t like them meeting her would make or break my decision to love and marry her.

[@aphelion4616]

S2: This is exactly why things like that need to be thought out ahead of time. That could have been a supreme disaster of epic proportions had that gone a few other ways. That was a HORRIBLE set up for trying to surprise them both. I don't think I've facepalmed that hard in a long time...

[@ineedhoez]

Story 1: tell him the truth. Tell him to hit therapy and learn to set boundaries with his crazy family. Eeek. Nevermind!

[@hollyberry0602]

As a twin myself, my heart kind of breaks for OP in story 2. Even though it turned out to be a surprise for OP too, they were still made to feel like an afterthought and as a twin I know how horrible that feeling can be. I just wouldn't have even shown up to the party at all and ruined the surprise completely without knowing because it hurt my feelings.

[@LadyQuotes]

Twin Birthday - yet another reason to show how awful surprise parties are

[@Cjaj2]

story 2: everyone in Op's life was just like we made you feel like shit for weeks surprise!

[@meezerluvr]

Story 2 - Mark, you remember correctly about the other story about two twin guys and their birthday. In that one, some toxic girl who was crushing on one of the twins was planning it.

[@LunaArtGallery]

That surprised party one is so sad, more so cause surprise parties suck. And that update is shady, why would they tell her to bring her own cake? Sounds more like the stuck-up friends were forced to include her.

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

Simple solution that the girl was dumb for not seeing. OP'S Friend (OF), Sisters friend (SF) OF: OP I heard that Sister is going to a party with SF. Don’t feel bad. We have our own surprise for you. OP: What is it? OF: You'll see the day of the party. You can celebrate with sister tomorrow. Day of the party OF blindfolds OP telling her they are going somewhere special. There a surprise awaits. OF takes OP to SF's house takes off blindfold and surprise! The party she was missing from her sister is revealed to be one for her too! SF surely could get with OP's mom and get the contact info of one of OP's friends if she doesn't have any other way.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: When you feel like you just stepped into a real-life "Ready Or Not"-meets-"Get Out" and your BF is just like, "But honey, everything is perfectly normal," it is entirely okay to bail sooner than later. I don't know what some of those Redditors were thinking, but I suspect that was a case of misery loving company.

[@dackknight]

2nd story: i felt like DBZA Piccolo "yes, but you forgot one thing, OP doesn't like big socialized events"

[@loganjoh1]

Story 1: I get that family is important to a lot of people but OP couldn’t spell out how toxic his was any clearer and he got angry about it. Glad OP noped out of that relationship before getting married and the sister got out as well (also my theory for Mia’s big news was either she was pregnant or she came out as a lesbian and moved away with her girlfriend seems to be news that she would want to keep private enough for OP to not share) Story 2: the fact that nobody who was in on that thought how OP would take that is crazy to me what 40+ people and not one of them was like “hey don’t you think OP would be offended by us saying she’s invited as only a guest?” I get they’re all really young but 17/18 is old enough to know how most people would take that.

[@availanila]

Yeah, I'm proud of OP and Mia! I wish them a happy future. But that family seems to be fast on the road to implosion too.

[@heidifruchtl354]

Listening to the comments of family sticks together, reminded me of my dad. Dad was a rock. In 1996 we had a bad month. My cousin's wife demanded a divorce and then committed suicide when her affair partner refused to marry her, it was a mess. But we supported my cousin, dad said we're family, we stick together. My grandma, mom's mom, passed away a few weeks later, and dad was there, supportive, we're family, we stick together. My cat got hurt by some cruel person shortly after this, and we had to put her down. Dad lost it. She was 15, and they were buddies. My parents were the type of people who would open up their home to those who needed help. We had friends stay with us if they needed a safe place. So I grew up with a home that was a sanctuary. My sister and I have both done the same thing for our children's friends. I pretty much adopted my daughter's best friend, and she was accepted as a granddaughter by my parents. She stays with us often, to the point that she has a key to the house. But, yes, Toxic family members are not fun. I have had a few. Which is probably why my dad was so insistent on treating everyone fairly. Because of his mother, who was extremely toxic. My mom and her family taught him great coping skills.

[@potatoes8414]

Second story was quick damage control

[@ditzyhere3138]

Story 2: Those friends are morons or liars. They upset OP because they couldn't think of *any other way* to get her to the party? Why not just use the same excuse for both twins? I don't really buy it. Seems more like they planned everything for the other twin and had an 'oh sh*t' moment when OP confessed to feeling bad. They're lucky she wasn't like the twin in the other story that this happened and told the other twin what was going on.

[@bettybell63]

The twin story line is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. How could they have ever thought the other twin would have not been upset.

[@redconvoy]

The last one, why did they tell her anything? How did they think this would pan out in the end? What if she said nothing to her mother and didn't come?

[@scribeofrebirth1431]

Toxic in laws is a totally valid reason for breaking off a relationship! A toxic family will make you forever miserable.

[@lulusinner]

I'm a twin (actually triplet but only close with my identical twin) I would have been heartbroken at what happened to OP. I'm so glad she found out before attending because honestly if I'd been in that position if it was revealed at the actual event I still wouldn't have been able to get over how hurt and lesser than id felt in the lead up

[@MisterNightfish]

Always keep in mind that you are also marrying her(his) family and if that isn't enough already: if the family is crazy, odds are pretty good your partner is also crazy.

[@wessexdruid7598]

In my experience, surprise parties are never a good idea. Building things on lies always backfires.

[@sandrakeen4000]

That’s really strange because they told her that they can bring a second cake but then if they had, they wouldn’t need it

[@plurpball3958]

story 2: i think they got so caught up in trying to keep it a surprise for OP and making sure she didn’t catch on that they went too far and neglected to think how she would feel

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

Story 1: it was weird of her not to just say “I don’t like your family”, not some lie.

[@LadyWolvie82]

OP1 is a badass after the update. She trusted her gut and never wavered the entire time. I wouldn't be surprised if she and Mia become friends in the future.

[@mihalybalint8969]

"Aside from his family drama, he was a good guy". Yeah fuck that, I don't believe someone who can be oblivious to his sister's tormenting is a good guy.