My Boyfriend BROKE UP With Me For Eating Too Much On Valentine's Day r/Relationships

[@ShubhamBH22]

Story 1: Can't get over that fact that the man kept the expensive apple watch after admitting that he cheated on OP, what an absolute scumbag.

[@Midnight0Mistress]

I know, right! The audacity!

[@HSvideoSims3]

I hope he breaks the watch almost immediately if OP can’t get the watch back.

[@Misspellednumbers]

Exactly.. ugh I hate how it's legal. She gave it under the circumstances that they were in a loving relationship, while he was ready to end it before he went on the date. He's horrible for that

[@ellicerslavic]

@@Misspellednumbers it feels like an engagement ring, it's a gift under the condition of future marriage. The watch was a gift on the condition he wasn't actively cheating on her and will break up less than 2 hours later via body shaming

[@xirochamber5863]

Why should he? She gave it to him. Don’t buy expensive gifts if you want them back as soon as the relationship ends

[@AAAforshort]

Ok but the bastard seriously confessed he was cheating on her after that asshole excuse of her 'stuffing her face' then proceeds to keep a 800 dollar gift. What a gem.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Makes 💯 maybe his new girl starves herself to be feminine enough. He’s a 🐷

[@LadyEllesmere]

He made sure to take it before he dumped her. 😒😒

[@nathanhinman9069]

as Mark would say "the absolute cheek of it"

[@HarryVibes36]

Hope his house gets infested with giant roaches

[@hilaryc3203]

As much as he is an asshole, she was foolish to spend such a large amount of money on someone she's only dated for 7 months. It's also not good etiquette to give someone an expense item at a gift exchange event, when you know they can't afford to do the same. She extended her timeline on expensive gift giving to a year at least of dating, so she still doesn't get it. She sounds like a very nice person and just wants to be nice to people, but she needs to learn a few lessons in life.

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 2: The mom can piss off with the "ruin the niece's first Thanksgiving" comment the niece is too young to not only remember it but even know what's going on, versus OP's adopted kids having theirs ruined by their grandparents not viewing them as actual family.

[@tallyp.7643]

Translation: "Don't ruin OUR happiness and pictures with our biological grandchild by making people question why OP and family weren't there" for the next few years.

[@susanmazei1834]

Yep, when people show you who you are, believe them. Op's parents are gigantic a-holes and if her brother isn't careful, he will join them.

[@jaimedritt4622]

@@tallyp.7643 Ugh, good point. Your comment probably summarizes the grandparents' viewpoint very well.

[@savanahh2848]

The commenter saying there’s no evidence of the grandparents mistreating OP’s kids.. they just did! They literally said a hurtful statement about the kids in front of the kids and then doubled down regardless of how it made the kids feel. That was blatantly disrespectful and harmful to the kids. That’s mistreatment and clear favoritism already.

[@TheLodjur]

@@savanahh2848 Agree! 100%. I said the very same thing, "they just did!", out loud as I saw it. Such a frustrating comment after a sad story.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 2: the NAH/YTA comments are forgetting that the parents said this in front of the children their daughter adopted. That is NTA for reacting the way from people hurting their children, and even if it is unintentionally they hurt her children.

[@Streetwisefirst]

Story 2: so OP parents allowed their daughters adopted kids to call them grandpa and grandma. Played that roll in their life. Then along comes bio grandchild and they make it clear they will not view those kids to the same level as the bio grandchild. That’s messed up. The issue isn’t OP it’s the fact they said it front of those kids. Then they doubled down on it. You can’t come back from a statement like that. That comment will always be in the back of those kids minds that are technically biologically related.

[@mindyschocolate]

Where does it say they’d be treated any differently? OP even says her parents treat them like family.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

according to another edit on the post the grandparents insisted they call them nana and pop. then they did this bs.

[@Flakey101]

@@mindyschocolate Did you even listen to the story? They have already started to be treated different now they have a bio GC. They already been told to their faces that they are not family, and never will be. This treament will only continue and get worse. OP should go no contact with them all.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@mindyschocolate but the innocent children have already heard the words come out of grandparents mouths…no coming back from that! First childhood traumas never leave the mind of anyone…it will always be remembered.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@mindyschocolate I was treated like family too but ya can tell when grandparents or relatives prefer the "real" kids. Now I wouldn't care if any of those people dropped dead other than being annoyed. Cuz I know I wasn't actually family to them they made it obvious I wasn't with the blatant favoritsm.

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 2 nta they said in front of them. They gave no f**ks about their feelings.

[@ronniec427]

Story 2: The NAH and YTA are stupid. Even if OPs parents don't consider OPs children (who OP legally adopted) their grandchildren, the polite thing to do is keep it to themselves. Saying that out loud in front of OP and the children put them right into AH territory. Better OP learn that now though.

[@sammieh9695]

Yeah the YTA pissed me off when they said the grandparents didn't mistreat the children. They verbally rejected those kids, right in front of them! That kind of rejection is going to linger with those kids and op is right for not exposing her children to that kind of treatment and risk them being mistreated any further! I may not be my stepdaughters mom but that doesn't make her any less my daughter! I love her just as much as I love my biological boys and if my parents told her biology meant she wasn't part of our family I would be going NC because I'm not going to let her be mistreated and rejected. Ypuncan think it all you want, don't say that shit to or in front of my child because I will protect her just like I would my boys!

[@GraveyardMaiden]

Also gotta say there was some mighty homophobia with the whole "biology" commenter

[@fancyme.alter1311]

As their natural born grandchild grows there will be more division of grandchildren. Holidays will be more or better gifts for the natural child. If the grandparents are saying things while the children are present small things like love and hugs will become more for the natural and in front of the stepchildren. OP is not the asshole, it is best to snip it off now.

[@jay2thaudy]

Most likely bigots

[@zachf748]

The fact that he was cheating *_AND_* kept the watch… That guy is absolutely despicable.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 1: as every Reddit story goes: my boyfriend is amazing, kind, awesome, understanding bla bla bla, the proceeds to describe the MOST absurd sh*t you've ever heard. Then also proceeds to ask how they can fix their partner's abusive behavior. Oh, add the cheating on top of it, of course.

[@samanthacarpenter3336]

Story 1: wow. Not only did he keep an $800 gift after breaking up with op. He PLANNED to break up with op on valentines night, after having been cheating on her for a while! AND had the audacity to wear it to her place the next day, and tell her he’s keeping it?!?! Asshole of the year here folks 👏👏 op DODGED that bullet. I’d hate to see how he treats future women after he grows bored of them. Seriously though, what a disgusting excuse for a little boy because, he certainly is no man.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Makes me wonder if the woman he cheated with makes more money than him too! Sounds like a gold digging skeleton

[@denelva]

Story 2: The grandparents are complete and utter assholes for even hinting about that to anyone but themselves. My big sister is not my bio sis, my baby bro is bio. Had our grandparents ever treated us differently due to that, all hell would've broken loose. And while I'm childfree, both my siblings chose to have kids. My sister adopted a girl, who we tragically lost to cancer almost 2 years ago. She was my first niece and always will be. My brother has two little girls and I love them to bits, but if anyone would even hint at them being my "first" nieces, I would go berserk, just as I did in my childhood whenever anyone said my sister wasn't my "real" sister. Shame on the grandparents and shame on their cow!

[@truthseeker9249]

Oh hahahaha! Dishonor on YOU! Dishonor on your COW! I love what you did there. But yes you are right on the money. I'm so sorry about your niece but I'm happy you have such a lovely family. I wish I grew up in a family like yours. I always wanted siblings cause it's lonely being an only child. But unfortunately my mom has known her whole life that she only wanted one child.

[@bunnyslippers191]

'Dishonor on *you*! Dishonor on your *cow*!' *dying here* That's sooo good!

[@ericaallisonc]

But I can also see the point of the grandparents. There is a reason why having flesh and blood children is more popular than adopting, or how many men don't want to take care of the children from other men, it makes sense biologicaly.

[@maryseflore7028]

@@ericaallisonc It's not a biological thing; it's a social mentality thing. Some people can't see beyond actual blood relations. Some have a deeper understanding of the meaning of family, or parent. Maybe it's a result of insufficient education, too.

[@moebiusjdx7288]

@@ericaallisonc Doesn't excuse them saying that in front of the young kids. They're trash people.

[@randomusername3873]

The thing is, while the grandparents can decide that they don't see the stepchildren as they own, they are assholes for threating them like family for years and suddently change when the "real" grandchild has come along

[@AuntLoopy123]

Yep. It was a cruel bait and switch. And they can't come back from this. They haven't even apologized! They just victim-blame, saying, "You're going overboard by being upset at our honesty!" And that commenter! "You have no evidence of them mistreating the children." Oh, so saying TO THEIR FACES that they don't count and are not their grandchildren and never will be, and CRUSHING THEIR HEARTS is NOT mistreatment? REALLY? Well, thank you, commenter. Tell me you're an unfeeling idiot, without telling me you're an unfeeling idiot.

[@Angel7131000]

2nd story: NTA. You don't treat someone like family, call them family, and turn around and say "Well not really" all of a sudden. Especially not to kids. That YTA/NAH are both completely off base.

[@aspidistraeliator]

Right! I wanted to go find the post just to read the riot act to that idiot who said YTA

[@DemonGodRizer]

Yea with that yta i was like what is your point here? that bio is better? god i hope they don't breed.

[@srlong1123]

The YTA one in particular makes me so angry. I have several cousins that are adopted and I couldn’t imagine ever treating them as lesser family members just because we’re not biologically related

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Comments like those always bother me, I’m adopted, and my brothers are my mom’s step kids. And no one ever treated us weird on either side of the family (outside of minor favoritism towards the eldest cousin on my mom’s side). I find it concerning that there are people who literally cannot come to love non-biological children who are part of their family to the same degree as those who have genetic links. It’s very sad that love is only blood deep for some.

[@tallyp.7643]

@@srlong1123 That YTA ticked me off big time. Like, did they COMPLETELY miss the fact that this was said in front of those adopted kids? This wasn't some off the cuff remark with just the adults in the room that could be discussed. They doubled down IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!!! That's just shitty all around. They didn't need to subject the kids to that opinion, especially if they couldn't explain it right then and there. I'd love to see them squirm and try to explain to the kids what "family" means someday, in front of the whole brood.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: "It's great you feel that way but that doesn't mean the parents have to" mkay but that's not something you say _in front of the damn children._ And you don't say that then still expect/demand they host you and make food for you afterwards. Why would you want to spend Thanksgiving with people you don't consider family 🤔 "They were treated well after" they just heard people they look up to and love say that they aren't family because they aren't Op's bio kids. How is that "treating them well"?

[@tallyp.7643]

Yeah, I wondered if that commenter even heard that part at all. The response felt really vague, too, about the treatment. I wonder if they were maybe commenting about another story at that part, because what was "after"--the kids got in the car, they left. There was no "after" that I can see. I think the YTA was confused. OP's protecting her kids and the grandparents were total tools for saying what they did. Guess the hubby's family's gonna be the preferred clan to hang with this Christmas hands-down.

[@mandalorianhunter1]

@@tallyp.7643 No they weren't confused, Reddit is full of assholes and hypocrites

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@tallyp.7643 i read their replies to people calling them out and they kept doubling down and kept moving the goal post when people kept calling them out for it.

[@truthseeker9249]

@@Kris-wo4pj So they're a delusional heartless a*shole just like the grandparents in this story. Figures. People like that are beyond reasoning with.

[@Listrynne]

This is exactly what I wanted to say. Saying something like that where the kids could hear it is 100% abuse.

[@kristinewatson3702]

The grandparents not only said it front of the children but they doubled down. Shame on them... THEN they said it would ruin their first granddaughter's first Thanksgiving? No. Just no. They can feel what they want but they SAID it in front of the children. I'm appalled.

[@cats1900]

Story 2 NTA. This story i felt in my bones and Im so thrilled that OP stood up for ger kids. They will never, ever forget any of this. When I was 8 my mom remarried. She had 2 kids with DH. We spent holidays with DH's mom Margaret (totally her rl name). Margaret always treated me less-than my siblings. I accepted it even though it didnt feel fair. But I didnt truly hate her until 5th grade. 5th grade we had to do a family tree. My mom and DH were all about me using him as the father branch of the tree and had me call Margaret for information. 20 plus years later and I still remember her answer when I asked for her maiden name. She let me know that since I wasn't actually family she was not going to tell me that. She's long dead and I still hate her.

[@VanityDivined]

Lol she was being honest. Schools shouldn’t give those family tree projects with so many broken homes

[@michamocha]

2nd story: NTA. No one can change how they feel, yes, but they absolutely can change how the view the person after they mercilessly stated in front of children that they aren't really family. That's what making the grandparents huge AHs here. You don't get to tell someone they're not really family and then expect them to continue to treat you like you're their family. Op is right to not invite them over to _their_ family dinner and hopefully the children's life. They don't deserve to be around people who sees them as less than their cousins.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: No because the moment Op mentioned their height and weight I knew exactly where this is going and I'm pretty sure he did Op a _massive_ favor by showing that he's such a dick that he'd rather they not eat enough and be underweight than eat "too much" (i.e. enough to actually maintain a healthy weight) just to please him. I bet Op already looked nice before, but they'd look even better without him sitting there and essentially demanding they go hungry just to look pretty for him. Edit: Oh so he's a cheater on top of all that 🙄 smh

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Oh she definitely looked better than the 6’ skeleton sitting across from her! 145lbs on a 6’ man is unhealthy 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@Eric-bl8lp]

Its not “on top of that” its not because of that, it’s because he was cheating

[@ItzaMystri]

The eating too much was just an excuse. He's just a cheating d*ckhead. How horrible of an excuse though, he could have really hurt her with that.

[@AndyyWithAY]

$800 and this is a new relationship? You don't need it?? If you can, get that back. Accepting a $800 gift when you're breaking up, what an AH move.

[@JordanDragonAs]

Did you read the story or do you not understand the relationship

[@ChrisMaxfieldActs]

@@JordanDragonAs I read it. What's your point?

[@LilChuunosuke]

@@ChrisMaxfieldActs the point is OP themselves spoke with a lawyer regarding the watch and was told that even if they sued to have it returned, they would lose because it was a gift given willingly with no obligations attached.

[@ineedhoez]

​@LilChuunosuke the the lawyer told her it would cost too much to defend, not that she couldn't pursue it. She likely would have won. It would have just cost more money to sue. Giving a gift occurs under the presumption that the relationship continues. It also presumes good faith and fair dealing. Cheating for months and planning to break up, violates this. She would have won. She could have argued fraid as well. He witheld information material to the continuation of the relationship.

[@Bill-1370]

Story 1. He was already planning to break up before you ever sat down, he used your eating habits as an excuse. You may have loved him, but he never loved you. Now as for him keeping the watch, he went into the evening knowing that he was going to breakup, so when he accepted it, he accepted under false pretenses and in not giving you all the info you should have been privy to he basically stole the watch from you using false pretenses.

[@Alissandre_Iskander]

Story 1, pre-update: Honestly, this sounds like a normal meal on a date. If nothing is wrong in the relationship, it just sounds like BF is being really immature and looking for any reason at all to break up, no matter how ridiculous. Story 1 Update: I had a feeling he was just looking for anything to end it.... wasn't quite expecting the affair, though. This guy's pretty crappy and if he's cheated on OP, he'll cheat on this new girl also, once he's bored with her. Don't let him back in, OP.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

I’m sorry, but 6’ and 145lbs for a man is an unhealthy weight. She said she has to eat more to stay at a healthy weight, but I guess he thinks she should be unhealthy too since he’s ok with his too skinny weight! 🤦🏼‍♀️ Disgusting…and of course he kept the Apple Watch. Sounds like he was looking for someone to pay for his little treats. I wonder how many times she has paid for the dates versus him. Me thinks he took advantage of her! ETA: not saying sorry to you, but to the dude who thinks he’s all that with his skinny skeleton body! 😉

[@Alissandre_Iskander]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 I guess I should've made it clear that I was referring to what OP ate as being a normal amount of food.

[@tiryaclearsong421]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 I sort of wondered if he has an eating disorder but an affair is way less uncommon.

[@mikal9904]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 Hey uh you can’t body shame somebody because they’re a bad person that doesn’t make it any less awful of a thing to do

[@Alissandre_Iskander]

@@tiryaclearsong421 true, affair is more commonplace... I just wasn't expecting it.

[@aceanarchy5554]

Story 2: The person who commented with a YTA clearly doesnt understand that adopted kids have feelings and can notice when theyre treated differently. If the grandparents felt that way but kept the comments to themselves and treated the kids equally then it'd be fine. But they felt it was perfectly ok to state that in front of both the kids and the parents, showing that they won't treat the kids equally. I'm an adopted child, my dad's parents never liked me or my brother who's also adopted and never treated us like they treat my cousin. My cousin is the spoiled grandkid and we'd get in trouble if we even touched the toys they got for him. Both my parents and my cousin's parents tried to stop the behavior but it never worked. they started to hold separate Christmases thinking that doing that would make me and my brother not notice that they gave my cousin gifts that werent just a shirt. They never bothered to get to know us or treat us nicely and people they knew were shocked when they met us since they never knew my grandparents had more than one grandkid because they never mentioned us. My brother and I were never called grandkids, only ever "(dad name)'s kids" and we always noticed this behavior and it did hurt us, to the point that when they moved away the only one to visit them was my dad. This behavior is not ok and I'm proud of the two moms for sticking up for their kids.

[@protoskeeper]

Story 2: I think I would have responded to the messages with "Yeah I understand, they are not your grandchildren, since I'm an orphan and don't have parents anymore" Also the NAH and YTA can F right off. Saying something like that in front of the kids is NEVER okay. "No evidence of mistreating your kids" You mean like basically disowning them by saying they are not my grandchildren right in front of them? F right off out of here.

[@seshthecat]

Yeah I was saying f off to those comments as well.

[@celesteshearer5498]

I was about 12-13 when I found a store receipt showing where mom had bought my presents that supposedly came from Santa. I never told her I found it though, because I realized that if I kept playing along, I'd continue getting extra Christmas presents. Managed to keep it going all the way up to my early 20s hahahaha

[@tallyp.7643]

Honestly, these days I wonder how on earth the "magic" of Santa and the Easter Bunny and all that keeps going. I mean, I really wonder about that Elf on a Shelf thing, too, and if some kids honestly think it's real. Kinda hard to keep that going if they go with mom to the bookstore and see a whole pile of them for the purchasing, I'm sure... or see it in the online shop. I had some skepticism before Kindergarten and my mom told me flat out the common origin of St. Nick and how the other santas are basically carrying on that tradition a bit, but nope, no reindeer or fat man delivering presents for real. Which made more sense because I didn't have a fireplace or chimney, anyway. But I was told not to ruin things for other kids because it could hurt their feelings or make friendships hard. I think I broke that rule when I was 12, but I was really sick of stepmom doing what OPs parents were doing and trying to keep the santa thing alive for the 8 year old. All us older steps and legit sibs were tired of it.

[@seshthecat]

I knew at a very young age when I caught my mum filling our "santa" stockings (pillowcase at the end of our bed). We had them at the end of our bed as It kept us busy early Christmas morning so our parents could sleep in.

[@AndyyWithAY]

People like the grandparents in story 2 pics me off so badly. I would do the same as OP. Then the grandparents double down and say it's for the frikkin baby's first Thanksgiving. Like the baby will remember. The kids will definitely remember this. OP is NTA and her parents are terrible. The parents are definitely huge horrible AHs. They mistreated the kids by having the gross conversation in their presence.

[@angietyndall7337]

Story#2: NTA, especially when they said what they said in front of your adopted kids. Your parents only considered blood relations as actual grandchildren. They're TA for saying and thinking your adopted kids aren't their grandchildren.

[@Allenluvable]

Story 1- So he went into this night pretty much cheating on OP, and planning to find an excuse to dump her, but still accepted an $800 dollar gift? That's super villain levels of evil. (Not actually, but you get my point) Story 2- I'm with OP. I could have forgiven my parents for thinking and feeling that this was their real first grandchild, but to say it, multiple times, in front of the children? That's actually evil. I don't give af about old people being "from a different time" and thinking it's okay to say shit like that out loud. Those kids just basically got told to their faces that they weren't real family. That's tge unforgivable part.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

"She doesn't want to ruin my neice's first Thanksgiving." 1) Too late. 2) Thank goodness she's too young to remember it anyway. Even if you want to defend that the grandparents don't have to feel that way about these kids, you will never convince me that it wasn't a dick move to say it to the kids' faces, twice. If you feel that way then at least be decent enough to keep your mouth shut. Know what I learned from MY grandparents? "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

[@Lestaticate]

1st Story: I had a feeling that AH was cheating on OP and she wouldn't be able to get the watch back. I however would've been petty to find out who the other girl was, just to give her a heads up. Story 2: " I'm worried I may have reacted too harshly" -- HOW?! Blood or not, those are YOUR kids OP. OP's parents are COMPLETE heartless jackasses to discard OP's kids as their grandkids-- and to their FACES. Well, congrats to them. Now they'll have their "real" grandchild and lose their real daughter. Like how someone in the comments said, You can't call someone family, then rip the rug out right from under them, that's just terrible.

[@HunnieSuckle24]

Story 2: OP should not have the kids call everybody Mr and Mrs (last name). No more paw paw or nana. No grandparents names or acknowledgements. Same with brother's family. They don't have a baby cousin. Move accordingly. When they ask about the malicious compliance, just say "We don't want to confuse to the relationship here. We're not related, why pretend?".

[@KC-ng3yn]

Story 3: With my kids I let them experience and enjoy the magic of childhood. Santa, Tooth Fairy, etc. But when they asked questions about their reality. With Santa I told them the story of St. Nicholas and explained that some parents were inspired to share the magic that evolved from his existence. With the tooth fairy I explained the passed on tradition that I enjoyed. Neither of my children felt betrayed or lied to. They just thought it was neat that they experienced it all. Of course others might parent differently and that's all good too. NAH

[@robertx8020]

This Are these ppl going to say about every story they tell "well remember, this is not real"? Get lost and let kids have their imagination!

[@AuntieCreed]

This is what we did with our son. But we decided early on to have "Santa" only bring 1 special gift each year and everything else was from Mom and Dad. That way our son got to have the magic but also understood that most of his presents came from us. When he was old enough to question Santa, we told him that Santa is a tradition to honor Saint Nicholas. It makes the holiday really special for younger children and that he should never tell little kids that Santa isn't real. He kinda looked at us and said "So, it's always been you, the whole time?" and we just smiled and said "Yeah, but wasn't it fun?" He laughed with us and said yeah it was. Now he's 16 and when we come across little kids at Christmas, or see mall Santas, he still plays along with it and understands that it's important for little kids to believe in things.

[@KC-ng3yn]

@@AuntieCreed Same. 😁

[@Habitarse]

To the story 2: When people thinks that family is just blood, makes me remember what is racism about.

[@kathryngoff7089]

Story 2 -- "Biology makes family" is one thing, but JEEZ, why did the "grandparents" have to say words to that effect in front of OP's kids? The online commenters who chided OP for being dramatic after years of his parents treating his kids warmly up to this incident are missing the point. At least, he knows the true score, and can start his own family tradition of Christmas celebrations with just his wife and kids. SIDE NOTE: kudoes to the SIL! OP should welcome her to his holiday clambakes, as well!

[@hellomanul]

"Biology makes family" is always messed up and never will be. Its not just "one thing"its a terrible thing. As someone whos adopted its extremely messed up for anyone to have that ideology.

[@artemishallihan8973]

Story 2 - i hope OP's ex's new girl reads Reddit or listens to reddit on youtube, and learns why her bf arrived on v-day really late, had no appetite, and sporting a new apple watch.

[@sherrygibbs7547]

If the people in your "family circle" are family, then it doesn't matter if the connection is "by blood." These people are your family and should ALWAYS be treated as family...even if a blood related infant arrives in this world. Nana and papa should have picked up on SILs comment and spoken wisely. Hopefully they can change their beliefs and attitudes (quickly). And, apologise to those kids, ASAP. OP is not an ahole for caring about & protecting her kids. If nana & papa "don't want to spoil their grandbabies first holiday," they better do something right for those kids, very soon. Otherwise, they will only have one child and one grandchild.

[@a.munroe]

Story 2: NTA, OPs parents are obligated to be honest with those feelings from the jump. There was no reason, other than lacking empathy, to have mislead anyone this way. There's a responsibility to building a family and honestly is a massive part of the foundation. SIL clearly understood that when she tried to salvage the situation

[@reinventingmelissa2061]

Story 2... Keep an eye out for an update on that one after Thanksgiving (and maybe Christmas), Mark. I'm hoping the OP goes NC with his bio family. He has a made family and doesn't need their toxicity. Go be happy, OP!!

[@julesr6965]

her family* :) i agree tho, op needs to cut them off!

[@aphelion4616]

*Her. It was two women in the rlationship.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

I have a feeling that she probably ate a normal amount of food or even a smaller portion, and he gets upset over this somehow. Or he has food insecurities and projects them onto her. Maybe he’s from a culture where it’s expected to leave some food on the plate as a sign that you were given enough. I don’t know. Seems entirely his issue though. I feel it’s something about weird expectations he’s putting on women. 7:50. Oh… so he was just an AH. I am absolutely shocked. 🙄 Story 2: This is so sad. I get being excited for a newborn. But this isn’t that. They more or less said said that adoptive children are less than. Those parents suck. Those comments who said she’s the AH suck. Story 3: How does she not understand the concept of Santa. I’m not saying you have to believe in him. But it’s fun to believe in him since it has literally no negative impact.

[@WyntheRogue]

A two timing one at that, what an absolute cheating douchenugget.

[@amandarose4469]

By how much he eats I would hazard to guess that he has eating issues.

[@tallyp.7643]

My initial thought was maybe he was very overweight as a youngster or teen and had to restrict his eating and work hard to lose it all. I figured maybe he was jealous at how she basically HAD to eat all that food to keep her health up while he couldn't. The cheating and "gonna eat with someone else later" thing was totally out of left field for me, but his whole issue with her eating a hearty meal being "the last straw" felt very off, too.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

@@tallyp.7643 i did think that his reasoning for the break up was different to that one dinner. And he was just using it as an excuse. But I didn’t expect him to have 2 dates planned on the same night.

[@tallyp.7643]

@@swearimnotarobot3746 Especially when--thanks to RomComs and other crap--most guys (and some gals) that are dating expect the night to last a while because they are gonna get laid. The holiday of "love" and all that crap...

[@ItsYaBoiV]

I'm gonna say the grandparents are the AHs here just because they said that crap in front of the other kids. To the kids, it's gotta feel like a slap in the face. They were told they don't count as grandkids, right to their faces.

[@saminakhan4921]

Op should get the children to address her parents as Mr surname and Mrs surname in future not grandma and grandpa and should limit contact to other members of the family if invited, not at OPS house or grandparents house

[@tallyp.7643]

Of course, now that their feelings are in the open, who wants to bet that the grandparents won't be giving them Christmas presents this year since now they have their "first biological grandchild" to spoil? Or, if they do get presents, they'll be cheap crap the kids wouldn't be interested in or sweaters.

[@AuntLoopy123]

@@saminakhan4921 Agree. Christmas? ONLY in a public forum, and formal names, all the way. If the parents do not agree, then it's, "What parents? I'm an orphan. But I have my loving family, so I don't mind."

[@illbeyourstumbleine]

Story 2; those aren’t just some boyfriend/girlfriend kids, she has adopted those kids! Her parents are basically saying that if her and her wife decided to have another child together that the wife carried and wasn’t biologically hers that also wouldn’t be their grandchild. I really don’t understand how people can say she overreacted and is the asshole. Some women can’t have children and the non bio route is the only way they can go. This is just plain hurtful and I would go nc with anyone who felt this way and I’ve never went nc with anyone before in my family.

[@rbux1636]

Let me get this straight. So he said a bunch of sweet heartfelt stuff telling her he loves her knowing full well he intended on breaking up with her because he wanted to leave her for the girl he's cheating with? Major bullet dodged for OP.

[@camillepepin8512]

I grew up believing in Santa and I cherish those memories of bliss. And learning the truth wasn't damaging either cause my parents did it well. I think OP's parent just miserably failed her at this stage of her life. Pretty much forcing,her to believe until they cracked and messed up their explanation. If a kid is smart enough to have doubts, don't force it. Otherwise, let them enjoy this short period of bliss. I was a lot older than "before I can remember" when I stopped believing. I mean I had my doubts but my kid brain wanted to believe and pushed logic aside until I was ready to understand. I gave a hug to my dad after unwrapping my present one year and then thought "why do I have to give hugs to people at Christmas? Probably because the gifts are from them" and that was it. I asked my dad and he could tell I had pieced thing together and just said "yeah it was me" I gave him a bigger hug for all the memories he gave me and proudly anounced to my friends "I don't believe in Santa anymore when I saw them next. It's a growing up thing. My friends were kind enough to say "I don't believe in Santa" rather than "Santa isn't real, it's your parents buying the gifts" so the moment I figured it out, I said this "secret code" to indicate I knew the truth.

[@bunnyslippers191]

I somehow figured it out when I was in (I think) first grade. No one older told me, I didn't overhear anyone talking about Santa not being "real," somehow I just knew it. I said to Mom as she was putting icicles on the tree one afternoon, "Mom, you and Dad are Santa Claus, aren't you?" She got this sick look on her face, then looked mad as heck and marched into my and my sister's bedroom and started yelling at my older sister for telling me about Santa Claus. I followed her and told her that my sister hadn't told me, I just figured it out somehow. She told me never to tell any other kid the truth about Santa and I never did. I faked it for at least 3 or 4 years or maybe even longer. I faked it so well that even my grandparents didn't know I knew because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by telling them Santa wasn't real. To this day I have no clue how I knew it, I just did.

[@boooo13]

@@bunnyslippers191 around the age 7 is when kids typically hit the milestone of understanding fantasy from reality, so it does make sense on some level

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 3: I think the best thing she did was ended on the solution of letting the kids determine what is real or not real for them, not being the parents that force “it’s real” or “it isn’t real” down their children’s throats Critical thinking and imagination is important for children, let them think for themselves

[@feyfantome]

Agreed. It sounds like OP is a natural skeptic and analytic thinker, and their parents really caused them a lot of childhood distress by insisting their fabrications were facts. That type of logical thinking is often inherited, and it’s entirely possible any future children will also be critical thinkers that are resistant to indoctrination: she would t want them to go through the stress that she experienced. I do think, however, that her relationship is doomed to failure based on their extremely different opinions about indoctrination vs. critical thinking, and that she’s making a mistake by thinking she can just “go along” with boyfriend’s magical thinking about childhood fairytales and religion. I doubt she’ll be able to keep quiet when she sees her kids being lied to about truth, especially about things that caused her so much emotional distress. I hope she realizes that before they have children.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@feyfantome isn’t that why they made the decision to read the children their stories but let them think for themselves about whether they believe it or not?

[@MrJpaynebb]

Glad they intend to be on the same page. The issue to remember going forward is to make sure their child doesn't spoil the secret of Santa Claus or The Tooth Fairy for other kids they meet in preschool or elementary school.

[@Musiyca]

@@feyfantome This! Not to mention boyfriend dismissing her opinion, because "she's on spectrum, she has trouble seeing logic in things". I'm sorry, but there was no logic in his arguments at all, but he's trying to gaslit here. The cheek of this 5 years younger man. And OP wants to go along and actually change her approach for him? Doomed!

[@wmdkitty]

Right, can we just stop LYING to kids, though? Make believe is fine as long as everybody is in on the fun and _aware that it's make believe._

[@MisterNightfish]

Whenever I read "My BF/GF broke up with me for " I cannot help but think that that's not the reason and they just could not be assed to be honest. Well, or they're just really, really stupid. That's also possible. Edit: Yep, turns out he was just a really dumb pos.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

Why are guys so scared of women having an appetite? Women only eat small portions and very slowly in front of guys they’re trying to attract because thanks to beauty standards women are so damn self-conscious about looking fat in front of a guy they like or a guy they are even in a relationship with until they feel comfortable enough to actually eat so they’re not hungry after the date meal is done. Even when a woman has a fast acting metabolism like op, a girl needs to eat. She can’t “date eat“ so her boyfriend doesn’t think she’s fat for eating a normal amount. ATU: OK so he was a man baby that was cheating on OPA and didn’t have the balls to say “hey I’m falling out of love with you and I met somebody else“ so instead decided to opt out by playing the “eew gross you’re fat because you have the audacity to actually eat“ card… and I still do not have the decency to give the watch back. The trash really did take itself out.

[@Draggonny]

Not all guys are like that. My husband is a big fan of my big appetite. He's a great cook and baker. He even hosted man vs food type evenings. I'm only a few pounds overweight but I can eat most people under the table. A woman actually eating heartily in front of her man shows confidence and emotional security. Men who think women should eat like birds are sexist pigs. Yes women eat, we burp, we fart, we poop. We're living breathing mammals not here for their entertainment or approval. Men who love food appreciate women who love food.

[@samalvarez8776]

That's one thing I did on first dates is actually eat. If they guy got upset then adios.

[@AuntLoopy123]

@@Draggonny Just yesterday, I saw on the internet a post saying, "Pretty women don't pee." This guy asked a woman he didn't know if she peed. She said, "Of course. Everybody pees." And his response was "Pretty women don't." So, he figured that since she admits to peeing, she must not be a pretty woman. Yay, BadWomen'sAnatomy!

[@throwawayaccount9150]

I think the only complication I had with the Santa one is that communicating how the belief matters to other children. I had a group of kids write letters to Santa and put them in a special mailbox but one new kid kept actively saying Santa wasn't real and we were trying to stop him from crushing the other kids with those spouts he was doing. He genuinely thought he was better than the other kids for "knowing the truth" and tried to ruin the magic for the others to feel superior without thinking how hurt the other kids would've been if everything really crashed down like that for them. These kids enjoyed making macaroni art for Santa and lmaking cookies to leave at the Daycare tree. One kid especially brought baby carrots for the raindeer. Communicate with your kid(s) about the whole Santa/tooth fairy thing and remind them of empathy, let everyone have their fun with what they want to believe as long as their little hearts desire.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1: he got an Apple Watch from his girlfriend and said he was lucky to have her but basically called her a pig for eating too much, knowing it is to save her life and be healthy (which is true, I have a friend with the same high metabolism and experienced if she didn’t eat enough she can rank in weight and got sick) all the while having a problem with her eating to be healthy. So he takes a expensive gift after he woos her and leaves. OP can go so much better than that inconsiderate Dbag

[@joeschmo622]

I would've refused to give back his items unless he gave back the watch first, and intact with the box and everything, else his clothes get bleached and chargers become subjects for "Will It Blend?", etc.

[@ThatFlamingFroggo]

Second story....NTA. The grandparents can feel how they feel, but to say they aren't their real kids (which is different than saying not your biological kids), in front of the kids....that shit will stay with them. Even if the grandparents are treating them well, they now will always have in the back of their mind that they really aren't family, and they view them as lesser for being adopted. I would be less unclined to say the grandparents were the AH if they hadn't said it in front of the kids in question. No matter how well they treat them, it will be a question to those kids, if they mean less because of that idea that they aren't really op's kids. A parent, isn't a parent because they give birth. It's by raising them with love that a true mother/father is made. Vs an egg/sperm donor.

[@leighflorkevich9916]

Story one: OP dodged a bullet! It definitely WAS an expensive lesson, but at least you didn't end up spending more time than you did with such a jerk!

[@Azulakayes]

Story 2: That YTA commenter is so out of pocket! As I heard that comment, I wanted to punch my screen. How can anyone be so lacking in empathy like that...maybe it's the grandparents posting. Personally, I would never speak to those people until a sincere apology is given to my kids.

[@strangastrigo]

Story 3 - her final solution sounds good. If she's on the spectrum, her kid may be, too. Being openly lied to by people who also stress the importance of honesty does NOT end well. Especially when it's little stuff like that. It just proves they can't be trusted in the future. I've seen that play out more than once.

[@catandrobbyflores]

Maybe op should show their kid "the life and adventures of Santa claus" it's a twist on the story of Santa claus about him being raised by fairies and him becoming what he is today.

[@_Morri_]

Thanks for that reply. It shook me up big time as a kid when my mom finally told me Saint Nicolas wasn't real. I don't know if it's because i'm on the spectrum, but I felt really hurt and betrayed. Something magical taken away from me, plus people that I trusted blindly apparently not only lied to me for years but actually actively tried to deceive me by leaving fake messages from Saint Nicolas and his Pete's. And not just them, but the entire world was in on it!!! I felt so stupid and upset. It took me a while before I could forgive them even as a child, and I never fully trusted them afterwards anymore.

[@absolutehumane6623]

1: the first story I could tell that the boyfriend was a gold digger and op is too generous. 2: grandma and grandpa is going to treat them differently no doubt. 3: NAH they were raise differently. They should discuss and agree on the decision.

[@perlamedrano3637]

STORY ONE YOU CAN ACTUALLY GET THE GIFT BACK BECAUSE HE CHEATED. It was given under the impression and understanding that you two were in an exclusive relationship. So you definitely need to get that back

[@astronautviolet153]

story: 1 Op 27 and Ex 26 he was clearly cheated on Op and wanted to end the relationship, but too immature to do so and blame it on eating too much.

[@bloodlos]

People really out here saying adopted children aren’t family. My blood is fucking boiling. The amount of harm I wish upon them is unfathomable. Disgusting absolutely disgusting.

[@lauratunes4098]

Story,2. The grandparents can be justified in thinking that the baby was their first aka biological "grandchild". However, to say such in front of the children, unconscionable, no excuse for such cruelty whatsoever.

[@raicantgame6634]

Second story ticks me off. Step children being treated as less than bio family always does, as a step kid myself. My stepmother and her family have always treated me as their own. I was too young to remember but my grandpa on that side apparently almost cried with happiness when I called him "pa-paw" the first time, and my stepmother about assaulted someone for putting "her child" in danger once (reckless driver). Even after my half sister was born I was treated no differently, and it just never came up cause it didn't matter. They are my family and I am theirs. And people who will not see step children that way are cold-hearted individuals.

[@vernell2601]

I was never told any holiday figure was real. My dad had a feast of famine type job, (welder) they never wanted me to think I was ‘better’ or ‘worse’ than any other kids if it was a famine year and we had a slim Christmas. I was not robbed of any happiness. My son feels the same way.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

My daughters believed in sint nicolaas, not in santa. I learned them the present with christmas are showing people you love them.

[@nyashahardley]

1: i would still want my watch back

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Story 3: NTA I was diagnosed with autism as an adult. I completely believed in these made up people/creatures and my parents would reinforce the belief whenever I'd question their existence. I tend to blindly trust people until they give me a reason not to and I am really good at holding grudges, which are both common traits shared by people with autism. Everytime I found out my folks had lied to me about the existence of whatever mystical gift giver from some other kid it was like an arrow through the chest! I have a rocky relationship with my parents when it comes to trust because of all the kid lies and the untruths told in attempt to protect me. We have mended as much of the relationship as we could but there is a part of our relationship that can never be whole due to their behavior. Whether OP's child is on the spectrum or not I'd advise her and her husband to tread carefully when it comes to lying to their child as the more you do it the more natural the behavior to continue to lie to them becomes.

[@_Morri_]

Damn, that hit home. I never was officially diagnosed - no need to, I'm in my 40's now and have learned to accept myself and cope with society - but I fit most of the criteria and am convinced I'm on the spectrum. It shattered my world when I was a kid and my mom finally told me Saint Nicolas wasn't real. Something magical suddenly was stolen from me, plus people that I trusted blindly apparently not only lied to me for years but actually actively tried to deceive me by leaving fake messages from Saint Nicolas and his Pete's. And not just them, but the entire world was in on it!!! I felt so stupid and upset and I never fully trusted my parents anymore after that. Life lesson I guess; that no one can be fully trusted? Even if they love you. Maybe even especially if they love you?

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

You may want to consider getting diagnosed. In the US adult testing costs about 3K to 5k. That was a lot of money for me at the time on a gamble but if you know your autistic without testing then the results will probably be positive. I cried when I got the results even though I'd figured it out at least a year beforehand. Something about holding concrete results that come from an expert confirming it to myself and everyone else felt so meaningful! I feel like it was a good ending to that self discovery period. Also it legally entitles you to certain accommodations at work. Most of the times I don't use the accommodations, but when I've had a few bad work weeks it's nice to tell the boss I'll be working remotely for a week or so and he knows my accommodations so he generally doesn't give me any trouble. From what I understand some workplaces specifically hire autistic folk because the company knows that they will bring a point of view that can only come from someone with different brain chemistry from everyone else on the team.

[@_Morri_]

@@janglesthearsonist5265 I'm not in the US; there's no special accommodation for autistic people where I live - but honestly, I don't feel like i need it anymore, I learned to cope. So I don't see much point; I already know, and what a doctor could confirm won't change anything (for me). I'm happy with who I am/have become and manage to mask well enough around other people to not weird them out too much. They usually sense I'm a bit weird, but they tend to chalk it up to being quirky and I don't feel less valued because of it now that I'm older and being popular isn't important anymore. I also learned to set clear boundaries when I need space which helped a lot, and I haven't experienced any negative feedback anymore since I became more assertive. I'm glad getting diagnosed works out for you though and that it enables you to work remotely; I find working from home takes away so much inner stress! Ever since covid (and also with the rising energy prices I'm sure) my company actively encourages people to work from home; so the last 2 years I haven't set foot in the office anymore. As ITer i can do everything from home on my current project. I hope it stays that way for the next one 😊

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

@@_Morri_ That sucks that wherever you live their aren't any federal accommodations. My manager definitely handles this stuff like a champ and even supports me with things thqt the accommodations wouldn't cover! I have major anxiety with phone calls and texting so bossman and I have system for when I have really bad days. If I text him the word "pineapple" he knows I'm working from home to just send me the tickets I need to know what to work on and he knows to avoid any unnecessary communication on that day. If I text him "rooster" then he knows that I'm taking a day and he'll only reach out if it's completely necessary. Only having to text one word to communicate how poorly I'm doing really has helped me as I used to just no show on days like that because I didn't have the emotional energy to type a full explanation of why I was feeling so horrible that I couldn't come in. I think having these code phrases with most of the important people in my life is a more valuable tool then any of what the federal accommodations offer. Finding healthy coping skills that that also don't other bother people much or put them out as much has been a life changer!

[@_Morri_]

​@@janglesthearsonist5265 O, I recognize the phone call thing. Just the thought of having to make a small phone call to inquire about something was enough to make me hide away for a whole day. Sadly, my partner hated making phone calls even more, so he kinda depended on me for it. I think being 'forced' to do it helped me getting used to it. For me in the beginning it helped writing the entire possible conversation down. With every possible thing that the other person could say or ask and then fully type out what i would answer to that. Took me almost two hours to prepare for a 2 minute phone call. 🙂 It sounds stupid, but it was necessary to calm myself down and to minimize the chance of getting caught off guard with unexpected questions. I don't need that anymore these days. But I still don't like making phone calls and I don't think I ever will. 🙂 It's important to find things that work for you.

[@Rums1517]

The one about the grandkids, it pissed me off. This is why I hate pro lifers saying "aDoPtIOn!" People like biological kids over the adoptees and it makes me so mad. Those kids deserve better and OP was definitely not in the wrong. NTA

[@Lugialuvr]

Story 2: the YTA comment made me so angry. I get that people want bio relatives, and had the parents simply had those feelings fine. But it became a problem when they not only acted on those but plainly stated them while the kids were in earshot. OP is so NTA those are their kids PERIOD. The SIL was good for trying to salvage the moment, I hope OP’s bro pulls his head out of his arse.

[@maryrice4842]

Story 2, The commenter who called op an a****** was only going on about the facts the parents were nice to the kids that's because they were the only that they had at the time but now since they have a blood relation they will change towards her children I have seen that happen in my own family my sisters and cousins was treated very nicely by our step grandmother until she had bio grandkids they got the better gifts they got the visits for school functions she could never make time for me and my sisters and my cousins and my grandfather went along with her when we were his bio grandkids and her grandkids were not his biological grandkids so Op is not the a****** she's protecting her kids.

[@vedaanderson7234]

When my children asked me about Santa etc, I asked them if they wanted me to tell the truth. They knew that I wouldn't lie to them. They were asked not to ruin any other child's beliefs. It worked out well on my oldest grandchild also.

[@Jessidafennecfox]

My parents told my siblings and I about Santa, Easter Bunny, and tooth fairy when we were younger. Whenever one of us figured out it was them we'd try not to ruin it for younger siblings but they kinda knew. With my nephews and niece I ask the oldest which of the younger ones still believe. We don't ruin the fun of it but let kids know we wanted them to enjoy the idea. I refuse to ruin it for others but when they figured it out we talk about if it upset them or not. It depends on how you grow up.

[@feyfantome]

Story One: this poor woman is WAY too submissive and an absolute pushover! She needs a good therapist to help her learn to grow a spine-she’s going to end up in a series of controlling, abusive relationships unless she learns how to set healthy boundaries and demand the respect she deserves in any intimate relationship

[@llcdrdndgrbd]

She sounds like a catch, taking him out to fancy dinner and buying iPads and crap, the boyfriend is a fucking fool

[@rojadita]

Fr id need the watch back before even considering giving him any of his stuff back

[@ineedhoez]

As soon as she said she was paying on Valentines day, I knew it was a wrap!!!

[@kdhebskh]

Story 1 : the guy was a cheap guy.. shameless, no dignity

[@HollyEllenes]

Story 3: There's something she didn't think about, how kids talk about thinks they know about. This is something a friend told me: her parents told her about Santa not being real, in school she told the rest of the class 😂 everyone was crying, the teacher were angry, her parents were called, they told her to never told anybody ever again about it. It was a big mess.

[@wmdkitty]

And that is exactly why parents need to stop lying about Santa.

[@kimberleybaker8624]

Story 3 NTA, I always nee Santa wasn't real because at my preschool my dad was 'santa' and I dressed up as an elf. It didn't really make any difference I just played along and it was fun.

[@kratkartan1486]

Story 2: OP's parents are utter failures as grandparents. They are disgusting for throwing their adopted grandchildren aside like that. Sis-in-law is awesome though, as she stood up for OP.

[@helenstokes7434]

I’ve got to say, I love a story when Mark has to say “cheeky bastard” ! 😂

[@jenniferkay9789]

I knew he was cheating, and OP needs to go after him for that watch, that he accepted under false pretenses.

[@josspa6558]

Story 2 about the comment: "were they blunt for reminding you and your partner about biology, yes" they didn't remind you and your partner, but you and the kids!! So no matter how op reacted she can't be the A in that situation!! Nobody should let grandparents who treat their adopted grandkids differently/worse than biological ones and specially after treating them well for years start with that after first biological has born.. what if the kids were adopted from Forster care with abandonment issues etc., How would people react to exactly same situation? Or adopted because their "real" parents aren't alive anymore.. so what is the thing about telling young kids something like that? There is no point.. if they don't think the kids are their grandkids they should have made it clear from the start so the kids would not need to bond with them and then get hurt because the "only grandchild" is way more important, ofcourse they didn't tell, they needed the kids to keep them occupied to that someone start popping "real Grandchildren" and then the kids can be tossed away from the way of the real Grandchildren -.-...Oh no no no if you are gonna hurt my kids, you don't see them again.. this makes me so so angry, how someone can be so terrible to kids and there is big risk that gets even worse when the kids grow!

[@Armor_Wing]

Story 3: I don’t see acting out Santa, The Tooth Fairy, etc as lying/a bad thing. I grew up believing in these figures and started figuring out the truth on my own around 8 or so. It’s disappointing at first, but I appreciate that my parents went with the effort to make my childhood fun and magical. I also believe it helped cultivate my imagination that I still have as an adult. For people on the spectrum or in difficult financial situations (I’ve heard stories of people that were never led to believe in Santa ‘cause their family couldn’t afford gifts), I’d understand where this gets muddy and should be approached accordingly. But as a general, I don’t see the harm.

[@pelgervampireduck]

it is the definition of liying, betraying somebody's trust for years, making them believe in a thing that doesn't exist, I really don't get how can people think it's a good thing or magical and fun. it's like a cult. I think christmas gifts should be like birthday gifts. Kids knowing the family gets the gifts doesn't ruin their childhood. on the contrary, without the made up fantasy character, the kids won't be disappointed if they don't get something too expensive, they'll know it's not their fault, the'll won't think "I didn't get what I wanted because i'm bad" or things like that. telling them the truth doesn't mean they can't have imagination or enjoy fantasy, and it's not bad to teach them critical thinking and to know the difference between reality and fantasy.

[@joshgregory1763]

I just watched an older video where you mentioned people giving you a hard time because of how you say "world". Im here to say i didnt even notice and, your accent (im from the US) is a big reason I started listening to you.

[@IAmMana9]

Last story: I don't think there's anything wrong with Not playing into the stories or being honest about their reality. I think as long as the kid asks, it's okay to tell them they're not real. Speaking as someone who figured it out pretty young, it didn't ruin anything for me. I think I would've been more upset if my parents lied, but they didn't. They told me the truth and asked that I not tell my brothers which I was completely okay with. I think if a kid is asking you if Santa is real, it's because they're already having doubts that he is, which I think means they're capable of understanding the truth without it ruining anything.

[@mandyj2809]

Screw the ESH and YTA decisions for Story 2. The grandparents can feel what they want, and yes biology matters more to a lot of people, but they said that “first grandchild” comment in front of children they’d led to believe they cared about like grandchildren. They didn’t opt for the “grandbaby” cover, or even clarify “first biological grandchild”. They’re the AHs 100% for hurting those kids like that.

[@warriorcatskid003]

My parents never told me Santa was real and I still had fun pretending lmao it’s not going to ruin Christmas

[@opal5138]

Story 2: Won’t somebody think of the children

[@AlexRising_]

Story 1: **TW: eating disorder** So I was previously in a marriage where I was financially, emotionally, and sexually abused. If I didn’t let my ex husband eat as much as he wanted, he would eat other things in the house and fuck us over for dinner for the rest of the pay period. I fainted on multiple occasions as a result. It also triggered a long-dormant eating disorder and I’m still undoing the damage now, five years after separating and 2.5 years post divorce. My current partner sees this, _sees me,_ and encourages me to eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full. Idgaf what his reasoning was, let people eat in peace. He can suck an egg.

[@kbf9644]

Those old AHs said it IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. They’re instant and enduring AHs for that alone!

[@LisaApril]

The adopted children story: The grandparents did hurt someone by being honest about their biological grandchild being their first grandchild. They Hurt their daughters adopted children. They very obviously hurt them. I would be furious just like their adopted Mother is and refuse to have them in my home. I would not want my children around two people who used to spend time with them and appeared to love them, who then said out loud in front of them that they were not their grandchildren because they were not biologically related. That is extremely hurtful, and not something those children will soon forget. Children deserve to be loved, otherwise their upbringing will be painful for them and may affect their psychology as adults. Hurting children, animals, and other defenseless beings is abhorrent. Any adult who thinks nothing of hurting children is someone I would not want in my life, much less my children’s lives.

[@toadman5184]

Story 1: Find a way to tip off the new gf about how he got his new watch. She needs to be warned about him.

[@ForTheHopefulSorrow]

S1: Man this honestly hits too close to home for me. I'm 5'2 and barely can get over 100 pounds. My mom's side of the family always was rude about my petite size so hearing the ex bf saying that to OP makes me so upset for her. I absolutely know how terrible it is to hear those words from someone who is supposed to love you I sincerely hope OP gets someone that deserves her. Update: Wow so he wasn't even that shitty over her eating. He used it as an excuse to cheat. Wtf I sincerely do hope she gets someone better. S2: Yikes so saying OPs children aren't their (the grandparent's) grandchildren feels so weird to me. I have to somewhat wonder if this would have happened if OP married a man with children. Would the parents still say that? Also that one YTA comment talking about biology??? I somewhat have to be offended as my dad was adopted and my dad's side of the family is still family. I honestly had the biggest connection with my paternal grandmother and when she passed in the summer of 2016 I was honestly so distraught. Family is family even if not connected with blood. S3: I have to say NAH with a slight YTA. I get why OP would want to break the news that Santa isn't real or the Tooth Fairy isn't real but many children aren't traumatized that they aren't real. Also bringing in the fact that BF is religious??? That part wasn't needed to tell the story so I'm wondering if that has something to do with it. (Tbh I am unsure if there is a god as well but wouldn't bring it into a convo about Santa). Also I think OP will be in a rude awakening soon when she realizes there's different ways to parent.

[@harriethadley9194]

The last story honestly reminds me of a quote my favorite book, The Hogfarther by Terry Pratchett. “‘HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.’ ‘Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little -’ ‘YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.’ ‘So we can believe the big ones?’ ‘YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.’ ‘They’re not the same at all!” ‘YOU THINK SO? TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET - Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME…SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.’ ‘Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what’s the point -’ ‘MY POINT EXACTLY.’” Honestly its a fantastically good book with some insightful and no small amount of humor to it, and i’d highly recommend it to anyone.

[@AuntLoopy123]

Ah, Discworld, where Death is the hero who makes life worth living! Gotta love it. Terry Pratchet was (SOB! RIP!) a true genius. And Hogfather was definitely one of his best, too.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Some of these Redditors piss me off. OP shouldn't have kids because she doesn't want to perpetuate the myth of fictional characters? Asinine. I'm not on the spectrum and see nothing wrong with not telling your kids Santa and the rest are real

[@SP-io7lj]

Story#1: If someone gives you a stupid excuse like this, they are cheating! Food is just a topical excuse!

[@helenlewis2510]

Before the update: my boyfriend is a tall skinny drink of water and I can out eat him any day of the week but he loves that about me. Op should also find someone that loves that about her. And definitely get the watch back After the update: of course he was cheating 🙄

[@bluexwings]

My mom always told me that Santa was like a mascot, the he represents "the spirit of Christmas". But that some kids believe he's real, so it's important not to make them upset. I really like that approach.

[@HackiePuffs]

Story 2: “YTA you canceled with no evidence of them mistreating your kids” oh so them continuing to double down after they saw that the kids were upset about their remark isn’t mistreating the kids?? Is it really that entitled to just want basic respect no matter who or what we are??! Story 3: oh my dog get outta here with that “don’t lie to the kids” it’s a harmless fun tale for pretend let the kids have a little fun. Heck I’m 18 and I still have fun pretending Santa is real even though I know he’s not (unless this is actually a hallmark movie lol)

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Sounds like they are too cheap and want to save money on Santa gifts!

[@Spagettigeist]

There's no harm in playing pretend with the kids, but if they ask you for the truth, I think you shouldn't lie. The kids are likely going to continue having fun even knowing Santa isn't real... so I don't think it's necessairy to lie to your kids for them to have fun with Santa or the easter bunny

[@sherylsnell-massie3801]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 or that they CAN"T FUCKING AFFORD to pretend that there is a supernatural creature that brings presents

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: Anyone else see the irony in bf getting mad at OP for eating so much, when he was the one having Second Dinner that night? S2: Nope, fuck off with that shit. Blood does not make a family. And as for "ruining niece's first Thanksgiving," she's ONE. She won't remember it, and again way to show she's the only grandchild they actually care about. My husband is not my oldest son's sperm donor. When my second son (his biological child) came along, my MIL started to treat my oldest differently. My husband immediately called her out on it and told her our oldest IS his son, and if she can't accept that and treat them equally, she will never see oldest, youngest, OR her own son (him) again. To her credit, she's never done it since.

[@AuntLoopy123]

You husband is awesome! And yet, there is at least ONE person in this world who will call him an AH, because "She was just being honest," and "she has the right to feel that way, " and "You have no evidence of mistreatment." As if crushing a child's heart right in front of you is NOT mistreatment?! That commenter makes my blood boil.

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@AuntLoopy123 Yep, I've run into the "She was just being honest/has the right to feel that way" camp before. In response, I reply, "And as a parent, I have the right to decide to not let anyone who can't treat my children equally be around them." As someone who grew up watching my parents play favorites, it definitely messes the kids up. Both the favored AND the unfavored. My husband is definitely awesome. :)

[@SweetnL0]

2nd story. I’m incensed on the OP’s behalf. “Won’t treat them differently” and “they haven’t been cruel to your kids” comment is utter bullshit. They ARE treating the OP’s kids differently with their statement and they ARE being cruel by saying in front of them. I hope OP has the best life without such small hearted people around her. (I’m adopted. When people ask me about my “real” parents, I assure them the people with whom I share a life and last name are not imaginary and if they ever again insinuate they’re anything other than my real parents, that idiot is dead to me and needs to stop shoving their foot in their mouth before they choke on their kneecap.)

[@AuntLoopy123]

Good for you! I get asking about your birth parents (although that may be a VERY touchy subject, best left alone, unless the adopted person, themselves, bring it up), but asking about your "real" parents?! OMG!

[@rebeccay480]

For the first story when Op's ex said it was a gift, I would have been like "Yeah for my boyfriend but you're not my boyfriend, right?"

[@eleveneleven11114]

Story 1: it sounds like ex has an eating disorder. Being over 6’ and only 140lbs is very underweight for a man. He may projecting his food issues on her or her healthy appetite triggers him.

[@juresichj]

Except the update shows this to be incorrect.

[@jenniferfoote5442]

Lol my son is 17 and I still tell him Santa is real, leave milk and cookies the whole nine 🎅

[@tamsel814]

the op in story 3 must be fun to be around (sarcasm). let the kids enjoy the magic of christmas/sinterklaas. dont force them to lie their friends about the holiday. Some of my friends knew and tried to pretend to not know. they were terrible at it. most kids make bad liars.

[@tonilynn6819]

Disagree, Christmas and other holidays can still be magical without the lies. This is good opportunity to share the true meaning of Christmas, not what it has been hijacked to be.

[@builtontherockhomestead9390]

I was born on Christmas morning. Fun telling older kids who know the truth of where babies come from that my dad saw Santa leaving me under the Christmas tree.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you, take a deep breath let it out slowly, and lower your shoulders. Know that you are important to someone even if you feel like no one loves you, guess what I do. I'm so proud of you being here. Thank you. Now make sure you take care of yourself and drink some water, eat something and take a stretch break.💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@darlap2724]

Hi Mark from North Carolina 😁! Hope you're having a wonderful day! Story 1- the bf is a complete AH and should have returned the watch. He had a date planned for after his date with the OP, what a complete, grade A arse hole.

[@romonaelrod7870]

Woo hoo, early for the waffles. Hiya Mark and Poppy and all of you waffle lovers.