I Told My Cousin That The Initials She Plans For Her Child Are Inappropriate r/Relationships

[@jameslyons6655]

Wait, his initials were ASS and he caught crap and got bullied so he was going to name his kid the same thing? He actually deserves those initials.

[@iasomnium919]

Husband: *Calls OP an ass* OP: "Ooh, close but no cigar! See, here's the ass." *holds up a mirror*

[@toysruskid5074]

My initials spelled a boys name and some people used it as a nickname for me. So many forms require initials.... its not something you can run from.

[@boglenight1551]

@@toysruskid5074 D I C?

[@marissabryan3521]

Well I don’t think anyone would bully them because no kid really ask for full names I don’t tell anyone my middle name in school especially

[@teddybearpotato2087]

he was pressured by his family tho

[@barbaral743]

A friend got engaged when they were leaving my wedding reception. I was happy for her, it was private and took nothing away from me

[@Thoreaux]

The whole "you dont propose at someone else's wedding NO MATTER WHAT" thing has officially gotten weird for me. I get not doing it publicly because it makes the couples special day about someone else (still not something I'd ever give a shit about if it were my wedding, that I think its kinda conceited to really care about, but I concede that a person is entitled to feel that way), but the way it went down wiyh these two, that was no concern. The bride and grooms big day went down exactly how they wanted. Or, if it didn't, it wasnt because of OPs private proposal. So what are we objecting to? What harm did it do anyone? What business is it of anyone's, really? Jusy seems puritanical or something at this point. "Its a rule because its a rule!"

[@notsure7874]

The people arguing that its an AH maneuver have one "reason" - "Just becacuse!" and "societal norms". They're the kind of people that never think about WHY there are societal norms, and just want to be pissed off when someone doesn't follow their arbitrary "rules".

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

Right?! And it was at the end while they were having some alone time on a beach. That wedding couple doesn't own the damn beach! They did not take any attention away from the bride & groom. So what are they actually angry about? I would honestly like to know their answer, because it makes no sense to me. I would be happy if two friends decided to get engaged during my wedding, that would only make it that more special to me. And it would be something we could share together. Not sure I see where the problems are, but I am not materialistic, greedy, jaded, or entitled.

[@SchoolVideosGoHere]

My initial take was the same as yours, but there's one more thing to consider: people now assume they'll have a social media afterglow. A week or so where people will still be reliving the event by looking through photos and commenting on them. OP sort of intruded on that by revealing they had used the wedding to propose and adding "new news" so soon. I think it's great that seeing people in love inspired them to marry, but I can see why the couple's offended too.

[@Woodie-xq1ew]

Finally someone with some common sense. I thought I was going insane listening to those YTA votes. It’s rude to do it publicly because you are stealing attention from the bride and groom and in a way you are misusing the work that they put in to get all your friends and family together. If nobody else knows then what have you taken from the newlyweds? Just because it’s a wedding doesn’t mean you get to dictate what all of your guests can do all day especially not when in private

[@AndyyWithAY]

The husbands an even bigger AH after the update. You KNOW your child will be bullied because it literally happened to you and you let someone bully you into naming your child the same thing? Absolutely horrible.

[@Internalgrace]

Trauma fucks your senses up, and honestly pointing it out and laughing at it probably triggered him. But while I understand how he reacted it’s up to him to control that reaction to the trigger and that makes him a big ah.

[@brigidtheirish]

*And* verbally attacked OP because he "didn't want to get mad at his wife." Why the *HELL* would he be mad at his *wife?*

[@Zino_Kohiruimaki]

YS

[@Zino_Kohiruimaki]

RZ

[@DrawciaGleam02]

Honestly, someone needs to call out the husbands' parents for their dumb naming practice.

[@pickle_pup8187]

Story 3 - OP needs to post her version of events on social media first. Second. She needs to secure her bank account, her doctors office, birthing plan, your work, the hospital and go to the police and file a report. Contact a lawyer and send a cease and desist letter and then follow up with a restraining order. Wherever OP moves - preferably a building with security access and place a ring doorbell along with cameras. If OP has a car place cameras that are motion activated on both the front and rear. Above all - do not leave your baby with her and place your childcare on strict instructions.

[@charondusk5608]

I went to check the post and OP has made a small update in one of the comments - She has informed the family of what actually happened (Mommy dearest told them that OP'd literally signed the kid over to her already and changed her mind over a small disagreement!) and now the family is on her side, with mommy dearest being dragged through the mud for it.

[@Lili-ib2rh]

@@charondusk5608 Oh, glad to hear some good news.

[@adrestiaceaser3011]

The second story actually reminded me of another story where almost everyone, even the KZbinr reading the story was saying she was the Asshole, because she was engaged and at her sister's wedding, her mom and sister told her not to wear her engagement ring, because they were afraid people would pay more attention to that than the bride, you know what happened? A few people saw the ring, asked her if she was engaged, OP said yes, they congratulated her, and that was it, end of conversation, and they went to focus on the wedding. All she did was not deny the existence of her own engagement, and that somehow made her an Asshole.

[@paden1865able]

Better that OP brought up the issue with the initials than the kid coming home crying because their of classmates bullying them about it. We put a lot of thought into naming our son and very grateful that his initials don't spell out anything.

[@ajvanmarle]

Exactly. That poor kid. I can only imagine how any group of children would react. And even as an adult. Just think about all the times you have to put your initials on a document, and the other person sniggering.

[@dionysus_adores]

Yeah names fall out of fashion because language change. The husband's family are AH to be honest, they saw their kid come home crying and still think yes that's a good name.

[@dustyrose192]

My dad changed his laast name to wolfe and wanted my name to start with an A. Thankfully my mother refused

[@itsjustme7487]

I wonder why A.S.S. hates his unborn child.

[@trashcatlinol]

My mom's initials spelled out cab. She was mocked about it. After she got married, she would go on about how she went from a cab to a caw. Mom made sure my initials didn't spell anything (didn't stop them picking on me, but kids and teachers can be mean) though if you add a period, I quickly become a Mr. I thought through my son's name to avoid that problem, too, and took special consideration to different ways the name could be shortened. I expect 1 issue when he gets older... his name in cursive spells a vegetable if you don't pay attention. At least it's one he likes... Found that out in Nicu... I almost lost it laughing, because my oversight greeted me every morning for a month. Hopefully he won't receive grief for it.

[@MsTwissy]

My initials are DRT and I got made fun of for it sounding like dirt and backwards turd. They will DEFINITELY make fun of a.s.s.

[@valbear2996]

My initials are ADS… some kids would say AIDS… even though there was no I. So I feel you

[@catr5716]

Wow, kids are cruel. Stretch to any and all lengths. I was called names in school as well.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

No they won’t

[@carolsh1983]

I’m glad the husband apologized sincerely but I would be deeply troubled if my partner called a relative and went off on her and warned her away from the family like that. Glad he’s seeking help.

[@stephanien6237]

Chance the spelling of one of the names.

[@AndyyWithAY]

🤣🤣🤣 A.S.S🤣🤣🤣 The husband is insanely rude. He's the inappropriate one. OP was not wrong to point this out. An A.S.S pillow in the nursery? I'm dying!

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

I think so many people are laughing at the husband because he's been through bullying harassment and all the other stuff and they want him to carry on the family name

[@brigidtheirish]

And has *zero* forethought. I mean, what does he think life is going to be like in *school* for this poor kid?

[@julianne089]

Turns out he comes from a long line of ASSes lol

[@Rukiah1]

@@brigidtheirish those are my initials and even my family made fun of me for that. Also had to explain to a teacher that I wasn't being rude when we put our initials on a test

[@oya_aya]

@@Rukiah1 same bruh- I used to laugh about it in like 3rd grade cause I thought it was funny myself but the more people laughed at me the more shitty it felt

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story three: The f*ck is wrong with that woman! RUN, OP! What kind of mother tries to steal her own daughter's baby?!!! I hope OP protects herself!! 😱

[@stephanien6237]

A mentally unstable one…

[@redacted8005]

I'd consider moving to another city if something like that happened to me

[@ladytrucker251]

I'm with you on that, she needs to move far far away. Her mom looks at her daughters rape situation as a Christmas gift is awful and way beyond messed up.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 3: if the mother lied to the police about how she is a 17 year old runaway, she lied to her family about what happened.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

Also that bit confused me. Not saying the story is fake but why would the mother lie about something that can be so easily proven. Maybe Im missing something idk

[@Scotia__]

@@browhattheactualfu-2659 bc she's crazy

[@heathermiller5765]

@@Scotia__ That was my exact response

[@robertx8020]

@@browhattheactualfu-2659 "no saying thge story is fake" so why mention it?? Yes it seems like you ARE saying that Why? Because there are no crazy ppl out there? You must be new to this channel Not saying you are ignorant /s

[@morphinpink]

@@browhattheactualfu-2659 to convince police that they're a missing minor because you know. adults are allowed to leave and not talk to their parents, but if it's a minor they have to be brought back to their legal guardians. if she wanted police to locate and convince op to come back home she had to convince police to go look for her.

[@savageinkstudios2969]

Story2: this is a clear case of "people want a reason to be pissed even if there is no reason" one commentor got it spot on saying the reason its normally rude is because it takes the attention away from the bride and groom on their day, which DIDNT HAPPEN.

[@Woodie-xq1ew]

Exactly that’s what those mouthbreathers who voted YTA don’t understand. Proposing at a wedding doesn’t instantly make you an arsehole, it’s the way that you do it

[@toothless3835]

Yeah, exactly. He didn't even get down on one knee. It wasn't a half-ass proposal, it was just a them kind of proposal. That's a how I proposed to my hubby. I designed a tungsten ring, bought it online, made a wood box for it, and then gave it to him. He didn't realize it was for being married, because my akward self didn't know how to ask. So when we climbed into the care 10 minutes later [we were going somewhere] I asked him if he knew that it was a ring to be married. Yes... my dumbass said it like that. I'm not going to apologize. His reply was oh, yeah sure." Because marriage wasn't a big thing for us. It was a piece of paper and nothing more.

[@larenzgarrett4936]

Actually I disagree. When people look back on that day it's no longer their day. Its now shared with two events. TAH

[@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat]

​@larenzgarrett4936 But people don't celebrate the day they get engaged. The wedding won't "share" anything with the proposal, because it's just not a thing anyone celebrates. Dating anniversary? Yes. Wedding anniversary? Proposal anniversary? Not a thing.

[@airenesmiler6624]

@@larenzgarrett4936 How? Absolutely ridiculous that the bride and groom are offended.

[@LetholdusKaspyr]

A few other commenters got it right, some did not. The ENTIRE reason why you don't propose at someone else's wedding is to not steal the occasion. They clearly avoided that as thoroughly as possible.

[@nixxyhasthoughts]

I think what got me was him saying he did it after the wedding…it sounded like between wedding and ceremony. Weasel words cos he knows he’s in the wrong. He kinda didn’t consider the thoughts of his brother and sil when he did it and used their event for his own needs. Still an AH move.

[@LetholdusKaspyr]

@@nixxyhasthoughts He's not in the wrong, though. He's not taking anything away from the bride and groom and their Special Day if nobody knew for two days.

[@DerekScottBland]

@@nixxyhasthoughts - oh shut up. The reason is so you don't distract from the event. They didn't.

[@ginathecookie]

@@DerekScottBland you don't like someones reply so your go to is shut up.. 🤨🤔

[@robertx8020]

@@DerekScottBland this

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: NTA and OP needs to make sure to protect herself. Mom will start with the false CPS reports and anything else she can do. The fact she already called the cops and said she'd do "anything to get **her** baby" is dangerous and scary. OP has resources, thank goodness..

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah. Expect drug charges next at *minimum.*

[@lel7841]

She needs to give someone else trusted medical.power of attorney ASAP. If anything happens during labor she's screwed as her mother would be closest family member.......

[@S730SD]

Just for note, making false reports to police or CPS is highly illegal. Previous records of frivolous calls to PD would definitely help in prosecuting that :)

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Sounds like OP needs to start recording her conversations with her mother!

[@lostshadows768]

While making false reports is illegal, if she thinks to make anonymous reports, and enlists other family members to do the same, it'd be really hard to prove it. Of course, she thought lying about OP's age to the cops would automatically get them to drag her home, so not exactly a criminal mastermind.

[@mag9sp1]

Story 2: NTA - it sounds as if he proposed without the ring, didn't kneel, just ask, took a selfie, and enjoyed his brother's wedding. the day was fully brother's day. his brother and new SIL are weird. What if someone else proposed that day after the wedding? would they be angry at them for that proposal as well?

[@nr591]

then it's always tied to the brother's wedding... YTA

[@mr.protagonist5639]

@@nr591 that's stupid

[@SailorMya]

Right, they didn't make a big deal about it or even have a ring that they needed to hide... (not planed!) Their even doing a court house wedding so in comparison the brothers wedding was the BIG event of the family. Honestly, after typing that, it really makes me think that OP doesn't like attention like his brother and SIL... He wasn't even the one to announce it to people... I'm like that and don't like to be the center of attention. (I'm not married to my SO but we have been together 13 year with 4 kids and, like them, I feel like the only thing missing is a piece of paper... AKA not a big deal.)

[@mag9sp1]

@@SailorMya exactly. You own the event not the day. Nice and quiet. So brother's event was not affected.

[@nr591]

@@mr.protagonist5639 you're good at arguing

[@MistressSuki92]

story 1: NTA. Bil was for tearing into OP for something he knows FIRST HAND will make his kid miserable. story 2: NTA. The wedding was fucking over. The bride and groom don't get to call dibs on the entire 24 hours for their wedding. They can't claim the entire beach and ban proposals from happening there during those 24 hours either. OP and his now fiance didn't take attention from them or upstage them during the wedding. Bro and Sil need to grow up. story 3: NTA. The mom is batshit and needs psych help and OP needs to move across the country ASAP.

[@AndyyWithAY]

OP in story 3 is absolutely right to move out. You need to move out immediately. She a danger to you and your child. You know she's neglectful, you'd be neglectful if you stay

[@brigidtheirish]

Don't know why she was still living with her piece of crap mother, anyway.

[@MrJpaynebb]

Mom is a threat. She can't be trusted. OP needs a lawyer to file a TRO, lockdown all financial and social media accounts. Block her on everything. She can not be involved in her life at all. She's a liar and manipulator.

[@cyreneB]

she should keep all the evidence she might have and get a lawyer asap

[@ComaLies225]

Story 1: NTA. There’s actually a local celebrity in Richmond Virginia who’s initials spell out “G.A.Y.” And the guy, who’s extremely homophobic gets pressed when he’s ridiculed over it. I don’t blame OP for pointing it out, kids (and even adults) can be ruthless

[@ropale9730]

🤭👌🏾

[@inumirsangelskagsan]

Lol I know exactly who you are talking about, and am now going to refer to him as nothing but this! 🤣

[@ComaLies225]

@@inumirsangelskagsan please tell me you’ve been up to date with what’s been happening to him? I swear you can’t make this up lol

[@inumirsangelskagsan]

@@ComaLies225 Honestly, I've been trying not to, because he just pisses me off.

[@ComaLies225]

@@inumirsangelskagsan i definitely understand. Sometimes I find myself s wanting to scream at him for the dumb decisions he makes and his overall poor character. Someone tried to talk to him recently and it’s like taking to a wall

[@only1one1me]

The wedding proposal thing-it doesn’t sound like he knelt down and proposed, just asked her to marry him. And if that’s the case, there was 0 chance of anyone noticing. No risk factor.

[@pamcauble3755]

Story 2: NTA. They weren't at the wedding, they were on the beach near the wedding. OP said they had to walk back to the reception site, so meaning they were not at the wedding. All the attention was still on the bride and groom, they are just mad that they didn't have everyone's attention. You're not the a when you didn't take any attention from the bride and groom, they don't need to have attention from the wedding days after the wedding

[@TheSpaceMomma]

The second story- yeah everyone was definitely thinking YTA after hearing the title- but as long they were alone and not in front of the wedding, it didn’t take away from the wedding, didn’t tell anybody at the wedding, & didn’t post a picture until way after, it literally doesn’t affect them in any way !!! NTA

[@heathermiller5765]

Haha yes I’m guilty

[@Tokuijin]

I was thinking the same. He could have literally proposed on the same day without even attending the wedding and they still would have went ballistic.

[@TheEMC99]

I agree. On a beautiful, romantic wedding day there's just this huge forcefield of love. I think people just feel that like the moon pulling on water. I'm one of those brides that wouldn't have a problem with someone proposing at my wedding. My husband is like that too. It's just like love on top of love, cascading. I would have loved to share that. Everyone seems to always default to YTA but not everyone has a problem with it. 🙋🏽‍♀️💗

[@wendyhadley2764]

Last story. See a therapist, make friends or at least friendly acquaintances around where you live. If possible let friends at work know about your baby show her off now and then, if in school talk to your professors a lot. In other words collect positive witnesses from the people around you. Is baby in daycare? Another good witness.

[@elaexplorer]

Story 2: YTA at the title After story: NTA since it didn't involve anyone else's attention. People throwing a fit that it somehow retroactively ruined the wedding are just being stupid.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

First story I'm glad that the husband is coming to a census you're not in the wrong here. However the fact that the husband has been through bullying torment harassment because of his name for years tells me that when his wife told him about it that was a straw that both the camel's back for him so obviously they're going to change the name because he wants this mess to end however he's definitely going to need therapy because if he had took out on his wife it would have been a lot worse.

[@shizanketsuga8696]

Story 1: I wonder if the whole tradition started with the first ASS realising what his initials spelled out and swearing to make his descendants suffer the same fate. Story 2: This sounds like a clear case of people knowing a rule but lacking the ethical framework to even begin to understand _why_ the rule exists and that it doesn't apply in this case.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

3) She asked her aunt what story her mom gave them and the family is now on OP's side because the mom said the OP signed paperwork to give her the baby and then ran out.

[@Raaslen]

People get far, FAR too crazy when it comes to weddings

[@saratronus]

No someone proposed to me during someone else's wedding I would not accept it. It just seems lazy to me with no effort

[@catT5236]

I'd say the couple are being a little bit O.T.T/sensitive about it, but I do think it was an incredibly lazy proposal & kinda cr*ppy to do. He genuinely couldn't make the effort to take his S.O of ten years to the beach for her own proposal? Rather than just be like "well as we're here" like you do when you're food shopping & think you'll pick up a couple of things while you're there. It kinda shows a lack of respect for both your own partner & the wedding of the other people. It's not utterly vindictive what he did but it's not brilliant either.

[@saratronus]

@@catT5236 It honestly doesn't seem like he made an effort to do anything in the relationship if this was the "peak" of a relationship. I swear I feel like hes gonna go to someone else's wedding pulled a pasture aside and has to elope right there and then lol

[@catT5236]

@@saratronus yeah, I think I'd be more offended as his partner of 10 years THAT was my proposal than the bride & groom of the current wedding would be that he was being a bit of a d*ck using their wedding setting to propose. I get wanting to do a laid back proposal, I'd actually be ok if my S.O got my favourite takeaway and lit some candles & got some flowers at home, but at least put SOME effort in. This was quite literally zero effort, after 10 frikkin years! The beach is free, he couldn't even spend the time & effort to take his S.O to the beach for her own proposal. It was just "well as we're here for someone else's well planned event".

[@saratronus]

@@catT5236 As long as it's intimate I really don't care how the proposal is done.

[@Stormymystic]

Story 3: Even if the OP changed her mind before her child was born, she is the mother, not her mom! Regardless of how the child was conceived, OP has come to terms with it, and wants to keep the baby. Adoption allows mothers to change their minds for a reason, because sometimes new mom's change their minds, to protect both mom and baby from coerced adoption.

[@robertx8020]

This! And I would cut of the family too if they just believe OP's 'mother' What a dangerous piece of crap!

[@alilove5384]

I’m currently in a pretty similar situation as the OP in the last story. My kid is almost 9 but 2 years ago I came out to my family as bisexual and ever since then my mom and one of my sisters have been very outspoken about how my “choice “ is disgusting and how they don’t think I can be a fit parent because he’ll learn from me that being gay is ok. Last weekend they cornered me at my apartment that I was renting from my parents and basically said that if I didn’t sign over my rights to my sister they would accuse me of abusing my son. I took him and left and now we’re staying at a campground while I try to figure out what to do next.

[@greed94]

Please take this opportunity to get far, far away from these people, family or not.

[@alilove5384]

@@greed94 I’ve already blocked them on everything and informed the rest of my sisters that they don’t have to take my side but if they take their side they’re getting blocked and never seeing us again either. Two of them have decided to stay out of it and the other one just said to move to her state and she’d help me find a place.

[@carolroberts4614]

Ali Love I am glad you have the support of that one sister, but sorry about the others. I'm one of four sisters, and can't imagine any of us not supporting the others. Good luck to you !

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Make sure you turn off your phone locator! If it happens again, record the conversation without them knowing...evidence!!

[@heathermiller5765]

I’d say let whoever needs to know that they’re gonna try to make a case against you (CPS or its equivalent, police, whomever) for abuse. That it way it’s on file at least. Be careful and stay safe, wherever you are. Good luck ☮️💟

[@maximillian1109]

Story 2 - Now, I am as far away from a romantic as you can get, especially since I am literally an aromantic who just don’t get romance at all, but I feel like a lot of the YTA completely ignored how OP described their relationship in order to apply their own ideals to the situation. To me it was pretty obvious that it was this inside joke between the OP and his GF. They had joked around with the ”romantic steriotypes” previously and when the moment to finally bring it full curcle suddenly showed itself he took his shot. It did not read to me like he went down on one knee with a huge dimond ring, but rather more like he elbowed her side and proposed as a ”joke”. And she seemed to be 100% onvoard with it and happy about how the joke turned out. Not everyone sees these things as some of the grandest moments in their lifes. I know for a fact that I don’t, and would much rather pull off a ”fake” wedding with a platonic partner in order to ”commit tax-fraud” and feel like partners in crime, than have someone legit propose to me. Most likely such a move would just make me extremely uncomftreble and anxious, and I would not be able to look them in the eye ever again. But like...what do I know? Again, I am a romance and sex repulsed aroace with autism, so neither romantic relationships or social norms really matter to me in the slightest. Maybe I just dont get how important these events really are or something...

[@simonO712]

Yeah, this. They clearly didn't have the kind of relationship where he would go out of his way to set up a proposal at a beach, they just happened to be there and did it in an ironic way. Then again, while not aroace I do happen to be autistic too :P

[@eagelswift]

AroAce and I agree. Everyone saying he should "pick another day" don't realize that this is not who they are. Picking another day to propose would mean planning, not something he would do. The joke was propose on the beach st sunset. As he said "hey, we're on a beach and the sun happens to be setting. Want to marry me" "Sure" "cool" and that was it. They even said that the marriage would be at a court house.

[@alicewilloughby4318]

Story 2 - The reason you don't propose at someone else's wedding is because it draws attention away from the bride and groom on their special day. However, in this case, OP "proposed" in private on a beach walk and they didn't mention it to anyone till two days later (and even then, everyone who knew them knew it was a joke.) So, in this case, NTA.

[@hannahwishon9958]

Story 2: knowing the OP stepped away, to me it's less "OP proposed at his brother's wedding," and more of "OP proposed at his brother's venue." Beaches tend to be public or have multiple events happen at the same time. NTA

[@KisherunoShikiShini]

That last story was just a horror gone too real, I can't image how OP feels knowing that my sanity wouldn't survive that.

[@Mewse1203]

Be kind, be safe and take care of yourself. Have a great day.

[@Tammohawk1]

1. OMG, I really feel for that kid. I get the significance of the name, but those initials are going to cause problems for the kid! Naming a kid is an important issue. My father in law pressured us to name our first son after him and my husband. I didn't mind, it's a nice name. Otherwise, he would have a different name, lol. 2. NTA OP and his now fiancé did it in private, told no one, no thunder stolen there. It wasn't announced until days later either. Don't know how it ruined brothers wedding, just don't see it. 3. NTA I hope there's an update to this one. That mom is scar.

[@Cnichal]

Wow it’s crazy how people feel like anything that happens on their wedding day is off limits. I didn’t know we were owning days now.. No one saw it, and it was posted later! If other people who you claimed to love are having a joyous time on your wedding day, but out of sight of others is gonna be a problem for you. Then damn they’re gonna have a fucking rough marriage. I mean it managed to retroactively ruined their wedding, smh. I guarantee you even if they had waited to after the wedding they would’ve been pissed, because they would’ve felt like people were not paying enough attention to them. They would’ve been like you could have waited another week, or you could have wait another month. They may even say they should have waited another year! There would’ve always been a reason why you shouldn’t have proposed. They don’t own the whole damn day. Maybe you should’ve just told him you took a large shit on their damn wedding date as well. Put it in perspective on what you posted.

[@bbjjbb61]

My best friend from middle school and I both have the intials B.J. You can imagine the charming things middle school boys came up with with those two letters and we heard it all 🙄😂😂

[@carolroberts4614]

Is that how you became friends? Bonding over a misfortune!

[@edwardbickford8277]

That father in the first story. What an A. S. S. LoL At least he came to his senses and did right by his kid.

[@9999plato]

You did the proposal the day before or after at sunset. The easy way to claim that it didn't happen at their wedding. They made an assumption just because you were wearing the same clothes as at the wedding. You could have left out the selfie. I hate FB.

[@redacted8005]

That was on the GF/ Fiancée for posting about it, not the OP Also, FB is evil

[@KadeStringer2.0]

Not op’s responsibility

[@alexsantoire4701]

As someone that even had my initials as A.., kids were already cruel in school. A lot of my stuff got penned over with another S added and then mocked and bullied for something out of my control. Initials are important.

[@alexsantoire4701]

Edit- as A. S. S got deleted in my comment.

[@Undomaranel]

Yeah, that's not fun. Kids are cruel and feel strange pride in realizing an oddity and tormenting over it. I lucked out with GLG, got everything from glug to glag (with oral jokes) and gulag. It's part of growing up to be sure because bullies need to learn it's not okay to bully, but lines are crossed and it leaves everyone with needless scars.

[@asmith8692]

I was lucky that my middle initial was not s. But I still had people adding an extra s anytime I didn't add the middle initial.

[@KanaidBlack]

Story 2 reminds me of a similar one I heard some time before. It was pretty much the same (brother marrying in the beach, OP proposing his girlfriend when they where alone) but the difference was that OP and his fiancee waited weeks to anounce they were engaged, and then SEVERAL MONTHS LATER at a family event somebody asked the fiancee about how OP proposed, and when both OP and the fiancee explained that it was at brother and SIL's bridal party, the brother, the SIL and several family members got angry; the SIL went crazy on them, she even said that now that day was tainted and it was no longer "her wedding day" but "the day some idiot proposed at her wedding"

[@heathercortes9567]

Last story: I was horrified that there is another mother like mine. On my nineteenth birthday I had something awful happen that resulted in pregnancy. I had walked out of my mother's house at thirteen with fake ID since being homeless was better than staying with an abusive drunk. Somehow she found out that I was pregnant from 2500 miles away. I had hitchhiked halfway across the country since she would actively hunt for me if I was closer. Within hours of me giving birth she had CPS in my hospital room trying to take possession of my son saying I would be a bad mother. The fact that she wasn't there played in my favor. I explained the entire situation to them along with the fact that not only was she a drunk, violent, never had food in the house and couldn't hold a job but, she also used to call me her tax deduction. I'm sure she thought she'd be able to get child support out of me too. CPS walked out twenty minutes later without my son. He's never met her either. A few years ago the old bitch drank herself to death alone in her recliner and wasn't found for three days. My loser brother is just like her though and searched the place for money. When my great grandma died both were pissed that I got everything along with the extended family who who have money and still stole from her. This is my suggestion since I doubt you can leave the state like I did. 1. $300,000 is not a lot of money. Invest in trade school since it's cheaper and shorter and get a decent job. Then invest in something that will help you in the longterm like a house or something. Shit happens. If I hadn't bought a house my six kids and I would have been homeless several times over. 2. Get a restraining order. You have a good reason. Your mother is a damn lunatic. 3. Write a living will stating under no circumstances is she to get custody of your child. Name someone decent as guardian who has a stable living and is sane. 4. Cut off you toxic family. Who the hell needs enemies with people like that around? I only ever had my grandmother who was too old and too frail to help much. Once she died I told the rest of them to go screw themselves. Once they knew they couldn't manipulate me I never heard from them again. 5. Do not hurry to be in a relationship. At your age they just don't last. Speaking from experience. In the end you have only yourself to depend on as sad as it sounds. Your child comes first in all things. You are enough. Men come and go but, your children are forever. If you are lucky enough to find the one who will treat you well I am happy for you. Unfortunately those of us raised by crazy people tend to be unable to break the cycle. I hope you can. I thought I'd found the ONE twice now. The first one abused us. I divorced at twenty five. The second one lasted twenty years since I didn't have a choice with all the kids. I am in the process of divorce now. He didn't hit us like the last one but, he was ultimately worse in the long run. Don't be me. Have yourself a way out. I was so poor I couldn't even save up a month's rent to get away. Make sure to keep your money separate and a chunk of it hidden just in case. 6. Do not have more than two children. It is almost impossible to walk away from a bad situation with more than that. I had to wait until the youngest was a teenager. If, when you're older and have established yourself, you want to have more go for it. When I say established I mean that you have some serious job security with a decent paycheck, insurance and a 401k. That way if you end up single or he's a freeloader that you need to ditch you can be secure and not have to live in a place you don't want on food stamps. Things will be very hard for you for a long time since you have no support system. What is very important is that you don't give up and take the easy way out. Do not accept help with strings attached if at all avoidable. Do not trust some man who promises he will be there when they are typically unreliable. Make sure you are on some serious birth control. The last thing you need is for this to happen again. Apply for every social program you can get. Find every way to get free stuff available. Do not waste your money on new things especially for the baby. Until I finish this course I'm taking in August I have been getting state assistance, food stamps, insurance and scoured Craigslist for every free thing I can get. I drive out at least 45 minutes to affluent areas to get leather furniture, building supplies, appliances, etc for free. I have also learned to fix my house, repair the truck, sew, cook, can, and grow food in the backyard. That includes keeping chickens the city doesn't know about since I live in the inner city. You need to think smarter not harder. I save thousands of dollars a year by doing what I do and am still broke. Once I finish this course I should be able to sell the house and get away from here with the kind of guaranteed money I'll be making. A friend of mine suggested truck driving since that's what he does. It's in high demand too. He makes $12,000 a month before taxes. I'll probably make half that since I haven't held a job in two decades but, I don't care. I'll be able to leave here, get away from my stalker ex and pay for my daughter's dentistry college. Good luck to you. I wish you the best. I truly hope you can avoid the bs I have been through since I was naive and trusting to the point of stupidity. Have confidence in yourself. You can do it.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: NTA. My sister's initials were almost SOB until my parents realized and changed her name. Also, one of my nephews' name literally sounds like a cuss word when said from a toddler's mouth (think how a kid can't always say the word "truck" correctly), and his parents admit they hadn't considered that prior to naming him! Husband is TA for blowing things out of proportion and getting mad at her for pointing out the obvious. ETA: I kinda figured it was a carried-on name, since they said "it meant so much to the family." Personally, I'm not a fan of those, either; my uncle had issues getting a job, because apparently there's a felon with the same first name, middle initial, and last name as him. Also, my BIL was a 3rd, and he kept having issues with getting his, his dad's, and his grandfather's credit scores etc mixed up. S3: NTA and lawyer up. Have a copy of the police report where she illegally (?) tracked your phone and lied to the cops, telling them you were a minor so she could try to force you, and your baby, to go back with her. Tell your family you never told your mother she could have your baby, that she is lying. If they don't believe you, cut them off and do not let any of them have visitation. Call both the cops and CPS. Tell them your mother is trying to steal your baby, and you want to make a report in case she tries to false flag you (and tell them you have a copy of a police report where she already lied to them once). Hire the most cutthroat shark of a lawyer you can get your hands on, and have them file a restraining order against your mother (and any family that sides with her), as well as send your mother a Cease and Desist. Alert whichever hospital you will be giving birth in that your family is NOT allowed to attend the birth or to see/transport your child at all, and they will put them on the block list. Lock down your social media and don't tell them where you move, but invest in security cameras and an alarm/guard dog. Good luck, OP. It's going to be a very long road, but hopefully, in about 5 years your mother will lose interest in your son the way she did with you.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

🤣 I know a guy with the initials A.S.S. He didn't really like it. I remember when we were in woodworking we were supposed to put our initials on our work. He put A.S on it and the teacher said he had to put first, middle, and last on it. He showed the teacher what they were and the teacher was like ohhhhhhh lol

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Ohhhh boy. Story 1 kiddo is going to get bullied when their classmates figure out what his initials spell 😱.

[@loris1620]

Proposal story, NTA. If it didn't steal attention from the bride and groom who cares. Another story a few months ago, a bride got mad someone proposed in their own hotel room and nobody knew. Who the Hell cares? They own their wedding, not the day.

[@victoriapyles7752]

Story 1: I hope they adopt a dog and give him the full name for his official records. (Or pet. It doesn’t have to be a dog tbh. Hell, even a pet rock would do.)

[@MiZZVMN]

Wedding proposal story - The bride and groom don’t own every single second of each and every guest for the entire day. You took a moment for yourself. NTA.

[@krattgirl124samarama4]

My brother’s initials is a big F.U. If anything my parents find it funny and try to encourage him to use his initials on anyone

[@jeannebuttons5301]

Granny Wants The Baby: OP needs to lawyer up and make a plan with bf and all medical staff that are relevant about the birth; if possible get a picture of unhinged mom and give it to the security at the planed hospital OP is using and let them know that this woman is dangerous and that she is not to be anywhere around. This might be a slightly more extreme step and only works in the US, but if OP and boyfriend can move out of state and file a restraining order in that state. I heard of this advice being given in a different AITA post about a woman who was dealing with the wife of their ex-husband trying to take possession of the baby that just happened to have half of the DNA of the ex-husband.

[@karenmandeville7116]

i remember my dad (i'm 66) telling me he and my mom made sure all four of us kids had names that couldn't form anything wierd with initials.

[@robertx8020]

Story 2:: You don't propose IN PUBLIC on someone's else party However this wasn't the case in this story It's like taking about your next vacation to eachother on someones wedding and than being told "you planned your holiday on my wedding" :p Brother and SIL can pound sand! They are crazy! And so can the ' YTA's types' Suppose OP found out on the day of the wedding and she posted 4 days later that she found out on the day of the wedding, would that also been seen as 'you announced your pregnacy on the day of the wedding' ?

[@tsunderemonarch4703]

Story 1: My initials spell ABS and I've always gotten a good laugh out of that. But that is nothing compared to ASS!! Thank goodness the husband came to his senses.

[@nb1571]

Lol I knew a girl with those initials

[@cheskydivision]

If mom is that crazy, I wonder if she instigated the unfortunate conception.. obviously go no, talk to police and lawyer.

[@dm9078]

OP should have sent the pillow with the initials without saying anything. But I’m a petty child. NTA OP!

[@rachaelclark8465]

Story 3, Please talk to a lawyer. Put a defamation lawsuit on her. Plus a restraining order.

[@AndyyWithAY]

All they have to do is make the first name a hyphenated one A-S then give them a none S middle name.

[@nineblackgoats]

A close relative of mine has HAM as their initials. Their dad (Irish) only realized after the birth certificate was completed. Thankfully, we don't live in an English-speaking country so most of the time, it goes unnoticed.

[@clarrie93]

Okay story 2 is NTA for me. The whole reason why proposing during wedding is, as the commenter said, because it would effect the attention towards the married couple. NOT BECAUSE THE COUPLE OWNED THE WHOLE DAY AND THE WHOLE VENUE. Heck, I would argue that OP didn't proposed at their wedding, just the venue the wedding was being held on, but yeah, that's semantics really. Still, OP proposed somewhere that doesn't even affect the couple until the gf posted that they were engaged 2 days later. The couple wasn't even affected but they still being butthurt? Why? If someone made an announcement that they are pregnant, with the announcement picture having the same background pic as OP's fiance (meaning they were taken at the same place, during the same time as OP's), would that pregnant woman be an AH as well?

[@lyndellrobinson3611]

These folks would think so.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

Yes, I agree. Acting out because they got engaged privately makes no sense. There are not 365 days in a year--there are 52 weekends in a year--that 104 days that are likely to hold large celebrations and special events since most people are off on the same 2 days. No, Karen, everyone is not going to wait until Wednesday for a special proposal because you or your kid got hitched this weekend. I'm glad I'm from a big family, where we just know that every June could have a wedding, anniversary, graduation, christening, birthday party and engagement happening.

[@saratronus]

I'm sorry no you can't hijack someone else's celebration for your own BS. The only reason they were at that perfect proposal site was for someone else's wedding that's not cool that's like if your friends invited you to go out and you just use that opportunity to just confess your love to someone and go on a date. The event wasn't about them And everyone who sees the post is going to know that they got engaged at that day.

[@atinyevil1383]

@@saratronus they didn’t “hijack” the event, though. No one else even knew until days later. It did nothing to the couple getting married whatsoever. It doesn’t matter if they were only there because of the wedding. They didn’t make a scene about it, they didn’t detract from the wedding, if they hadn’t posted about it, no one would have even known.

[@sammicunniam3992]

@@saratronus The bride and groom don't own the entire beach so if they were far enough from the wedding site, they weren't even at the wedding when they got engaged. They were just a couple walking down the beach.

[@DrawciaGleam02]

Story 1: I wanna suggest that grandma unleash her wrath of the parents of cousin's husband. Maybe then those guys will back off! LOL.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Story 2. NTA, he didn't do it in front of everyone. It was just them alone. And if I heard it correctly, he proposed after the wedding. So, technically he did not propose at his brothers wedding.

[@devchekhov7512]

Good heavens, that last one! I'd go full alert security/scorched earth. Give no quarter.

[@secretskull21]

In the words of Sundowner from Metal Gear Rising: “Kids are cruel, Jack.” If the kid’s future peers learned what their full initials were, the bullying would’ve been BRUTAL. I’m sure the father was beating himself up over the situation, and he would have hated himself in the future if they went through with it.

[@moonlightshadowpony]

The entire reason you don't propose is because if someone proposes at the wedding then all the other guests are going to talk about it, there was no getting on one knee, no pulling out a ring, for all anyone else would have seen would be a couple chatting with eachother, laughing, then taking a selfie, that's technically breaking the rule, but not the reason behind the rule. The people who are saying YTA sound like the people who would get upset someone wore white socks to the wedding because "only the bride is allowed to wear white at the wedding".

[@wendyhadley2764]

Engagement story. NTA, this was not a planned proposal, if there hadn't been a beautiful sunset that night they probably wouldn't have gotten engaged. It a spur of the moment thing, and they weren't even sure if it was in joke or not at the time. The reception was winding down and you announced it to no one. What this is is a comical story you can tell your kids someday unless brother and sister-in-law demonizual over it until the end of time. You were enjoying your time on the beach you were having fun he saw the sunset and you got silly, and it turned in to the real thing. I'd love to have had something like this happen at my wedding. The ones who turned into A's when they found out are the losers.

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Story 1.) People who react like that annoy me. 🙄 Glad OP got an apology. NTA. Story 2.) *Hears Story* Oh 🤔 I don’t think it’s that bad. But still kinda disrespectful. Soft YTA Story 3.) Hell no. NTA. PROTECT YOUR CHILD OP from that MAD WOMAN. Run & don’t look back. Don’t wait or leave anything to chance.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

3) She immediately needs to get a lawyer and a restraining order, when she gets a place she needs to put cameras absolutely everywhere that have audio and night vision, whenever her kid goes into school, babysitters, daycare or anything there needs to be a password setup with them knowing that Grandma is unhinged and is trying to kidnap him since before he was born. She needs to block all of her family that is on her mom's side and I wouldn't trust any of them knowing where she lived, her new phone number or ever with her child because who's to say they're not going to deliver him to her mom? She needs to set up her will to make sure that her mother never has access to her child with a letter expressing why it's dangerous for him to be with her. And I'm definitely not against both getting a guard dog and getting her concealed to carry because I know enough true crime stories that she needs all the protection she can get for her son.

[@megannason3649]

That last story, the girl needs to get ahold of a battered woman’s shelter and just go dark and disappear because her crazy mom will never stop.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: I mean those initials spell what they spell. It does not matter if it’s initials on a pillow, literally anyone that can read that as the first thing they are going to notice. It’s not just op “being crass” If the middle name absolutely cannot be changed, or even the first and middle name cannot be changed much like the last name, just throw in a second middle name. ASBS,ASDS,ASGS, and ECT. Just add a second middle name to fix it.

[@asmith8692]

Or change the order of the names, so the kid is SAS.

[@goldensentinel7715]

1st story: It's not just the kids bullying the cousins child. Some teachers will see it as the child acting funny, and even make job interviewers not take the child seriously.

[@estepp79]

S1 lol I am so glad they decided to do something different. When I commented on the original post OP had never gave the update, but glad they decided to go with something different

[@veezopolis]

"You don't propose at someone else's wedding" This was post ceremony, waiting around, away from the wedding. People just REALLY want to blame this guy for ruining someone else's night

[@katpillar4131]

Always ask yourself if your kid will get beaten up on the playground because of their name. Just think of all the legal and work documents that require initials! The pillow should be made with Eeyore on it instead of initials.

[@astronautviolet153]

Story 1 NTA In the world would want their child to be bullied or not be taken seriously 🙁

[@stoopingfalcon891]

That grandmother in the last story is scary af!

[@ajakuk1]

I had to change the spelling 9f my daughter. Her name was going to be annaleigh. But as you can see with that spelling she would of got hell. Her name is now anneleigh.

[@oftheriverr]

Original

[@ajakuk1]

@@oftheriverr that's what we wanted to go for. She is a unique baby.

[@sterngerlach9184]

Holy Johnny Cash! "A Boy Named Sue" all over again. "And when I have a son, I'm gonna name him ..."

[@worldissuesmatter1643]

Story1: where I live, they renamed the school districts, and when the bus garage started labelling the buses for the Anglophone South School District, the guy in charge of the garage said WAIT. They now are labeled ASD instead.

[@KCCAT5]

Story two. No because you didn't rain on your brother's wedding. You didn't step on his Thunder. Nobody knew about it. So what does he care?

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

This is what woman thought was normal in story 3 Her: gets attacked Mom: is excited

[@RekiTheRyvian]

Story 2 is so hilarious. I'm autistic and don't understand most social situations unless they are explained in depth. But even I could see there is nuance and they are NTA in this situation. The commenter saying "the reason you don't propose at a wedding is because it takes away from the couple getting married" is right. The reason people are TA when proposing at a marriage is because they demand the spotlight and the microphone and push the couple on the back burner to make it all about themselves. OP and their fiance did their own quiet thing during an idle time when people were clearly doing their own thing instead of focusing on the couple, and waited days before sharing it to give a buffer from the wedding day. The fact people are going out of their way to make this about "proposing at the wedding" shows they are just trying to cause drama. Any normal people would have just said congrats on the 'proposal' and moved on with their day, and not tried to connect the dots and analyze every single detail of it to find problems to bring up.

[@simonO712]

THANK YOU!

[@andreasavanna5666]

My brother and his ex gave those initials to their daughter and when pointed out they were still happy to go with the same initials.

[@LadyLabyrinth1337]

Wow how old is the child now? Has it caused issues yet?

[@victorchozen4205]

@@LadyLabyrinth1337 its actually no big deal what ibituals spell out. Im sure the kid is fine.

[@LadyLabyrinth1337]

@@victorchozen4205 you've obviously didn't listen to the story, the father himself has the ASS initials and was bullied for it when he was a child

[@simonO712]

​@@victorchozen4205 It _shouldn't_ be a big deal, but unfortunately it is.

[@hilaryc3203]

The husband should have a sit down with HIS parents and explain what happened, and how the trauma of being bullied has affected him into adulthood, so that he went off on an innocent bystander. Some names are not meant to last and his family need to accept it.

[@partiallyoblivious4521]

Im laughing so hard, in middle school I went to school with someone whose initials were ASS. He'd start every year telling the teachers to just call him by his initials.

[@heleneclark563]

1st Story: NTA!!! Why give that child a name subjective to ridicule?

[@Cocollyt]

Okay but that girlfriend is definitely not being sarcastic, she thinks she’s engaged. That guy is deluded lol

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah. I don't get the "it was sarcastic" thing. They *are* engaged.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

He confirms in the post that it's going to be a courthouse wedding. They *are* engaged.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

Most of their friends probably think she IS being sarcastic because they've been together a decade without marrying. That's more believable than an engagement after that much time.

[@Cocollyt]

@@slytherinlibrarian3501 that’s even weirder lol

[@KE-hr4sb]

I think he was just trying to justify it so it didn't sound so bad. But twisting the truth makes him a slight AH, and if he *was* being sarcastic and didn't mean it, he's an AH to his gf.

[@trilliium]

you’re seriously a godsend mark , ur videos have become my go to for literally everything !! hope ur having a wonderful day , take care

[@MarkNarrations]

Wow, thank you!

[@puli_dreadhead]

Last story, I would get a restraining order because if she got her way, after the baby stage she’ll probably twist the truth saying that Op abandoned her child.

[@Jacqueline_Thijsen]

In the Netherlands, when you go to city hall to file the name of your child, the civil servant is legally obligated to refuse a name that is obviously going to get the child bullied later in life. And they are also supposed to check what the initials will spell.

[@hekatsees9449]

1st Story: I had a close family member who had same initials, “ASS”… He dropped his middle name out of existence when he became an adult. As far as most people knew, he did not have a middle name… The parents will stigmatize their kid with these initials. Of course the name is special, how many people are named “ASS”? Lol… OMG! The kid was gonna be a 4th generation “ASS”? Those poor guys from that branch of the family…

[@Sionan37]

My great grandfather’s name was Arthur Smith S_______. When we were kids my Dad taught us this little ditty using brother’s, dad’s, grandfather and great grandfather’s initials, CNS Jr., son of CNS, son of HGS, son of ASS. We giggled and howled many times over the years! So yes OP was right to point out what the initials spelled. Glad the update was a good turn out.

[@fate_clotho9596]

Last Story: OMG! Simply terrifying! I seriously and truly hope she's retained a family law attorney. As well as was able to successfully file a restraining order/no contact order. One thing that sucks about those? They're required to disclose your home, work, and school/training addresses. Why? As it was explained to me by the detective handling my case when I filled a No Contact Order on my abusive ex-boyfriend; the ex needs to know where he has to stay away from. Otherwise, there's a chance he could literally accidentally bump into me. I mean, it does make complete sense. It also sounds like OP's mother requires a 5150 like there's no tomorrow! I hope OP and her baby boy stay safe!💜💜💜

[@jasminthien5879]

Honestly, there is such an easy solution to story 1. Just add another name to the child’s middle name. For example, if you want to use the names Amelia and Skye and your last name is Smith, you could just add May to make it Amelia Skye May Smith. Then you keep the Amelia and Skye which mean so much to your family but you give your future child’s peers less amunition to bully them

[@juliamiller2299]

One of my old friends had a younger brother, and his initials were MAD. We always laughed at him, oh well we were kids. My suggestion to the OP was to tell them to reverse the first two names, so it's SAS.

[@KJ-sp9jq]

S3: Everything about this story is depressing. One can only imagine what "unfortunate circumstances" is, and now having her mom go crazy. At least she has access to money so she can get herself a place a lawyer.

[@jennywhite2462]

It's kind of hard not to bring up ASS being embroidered on a pillow for a kid. Her husband over reacted. Usually I say stay out of people's baby names but I would of brought it up too.

[@robinwhite4148]

My initials are RAW. My dad had all of my school supplies monogrammed. Yup. The teasing was relentless.

[@UzumakiDonnoHinata]

S2 eeehh NTA. It was a private moment. It didn't take any of the attention. The spirit of the no proposals rule wasn't broken. It was the right moment and OP didn't make a scene. If it were me, I may have been a bit annoyed, but gotten over it super quick.

[@TheSpaceMomma]

Glad to hear the first story update !!

[@SuzzyWow]

Story 2. I'm sure op paid for the trip to that beach. People just like to be outraged over things that have no impact on their life.