I Overheard My Husband Admitting To His Friends, He Doesn't Find Me Beautiful r/Relationships

[@thedestroyasystem]

I feel so sad for the first OP. As if the lack of physical attraction wasn’t enough of a punch to the gut, the fact that husband met up with his ex who confessed her love for him behind OP’s back is such a massive betrayal. I don’t want to jump to “leave him”, but I can’t imagine the impact this has had on OP’s self esteem. She deserves to be wanted and cherished, not… whatever this is.

[@WyntheRogue]

Agreed, when a couple comes together they should make their respective partners feel loved and cherished as mutual happiness is very important for a healthy relationship in life. Punch up rather than punch down and that being said the woman who brought up the comment in that call from the get go gives off some shady "Pick me" vibes though that could just be me being cynical. [admittedly I'm cynical AF]

[@dreamydoc]

He doesn't respect her, nobody talks like this about their partner in front of their friends like that. That in itself spells doom for that relationship. I believe that there's no way back from this and it'll basically fizzle out.

[@jamessweat9168]

I agree there needs some therapy here. He messed up when said what he said to his friends. It's good he isn't going for looks in fact that's a big plus but saying what was said though was awful.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

If she were somewhere where divorce where common, I'd suggest she divorce immediately. She started losing weight after hearing his comments, she said in her original post. It's a sign this could lead to serious psychological disorders, like anorexia. This isn't a relationship to save. Unfortunately, I 'm not sure anyone gets past picking someone for romantic love while they are selected for their stability. If he'd been open about it from the start it would be different.

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah. Dad has enthusiastically called Mom beautiful when she's covered in vomit from morning sickness. The only negative thing Mom ever says about Dad's appearance is worry over the effect his weight has on his health. He's always been slightly to *very* obese, complicated by a congenital disability that limits his ability to walk without massive amounts of pain.

[@DaianaVelcherean]

It’s not only about him saying those things behind OP’s back !HE MET WITH HIS EX! when she reached out before the weeding in secret to see if he made the right decision. Knowing full well she wanted him back. Up until the last moment he was still not sure about OP. No matter the looks, no one deserves to be treated like “the good option to settle for”. Not to mention how shady it is that he never told her about the meeting with the ex. If my boyfriend doesn’t defend me, does shady shit in secret (even if he confesses later), or allows his friends to talk about me like that. it’s bye bye then and there. God dammit.

[@TsukiKageTora]

It wasn’t the ex who wanted him back it was his female friend who wanted him to get back with her under the disguise of “getting closure”

[@ceeshnia]

@@TsukiKageTora The ex wanted him back. She reached out because she found out that he was getting married and wanted to tell him that she was still in love with him. The friend/s encouraged the meeting.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@ceeshnia ah right she did say she was still in love with him. However, he didn’t know she was still in love with him until after he was convinced to meet up with her. His friends probably knew but he didn’t

[@D-Dollie]

I agree. I wouldn’t be married to that jerk one second longer.

[@themandownthehall]

Slight disagreement on the ex.. Meeting her to tell her to GTFO and there's no more "us" and the like is ok IMO. But as you said, he sees her as the option he settled for and that is not going to be a marriage that makes it. Reverse the genders and I'd tell any dude to bail based on the convo alone. She needs to bail on the whole thing before she gets pregnant and it becomes a complete shitshow

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 Never be with someone who calls you a “downgrade” or someone who “you can just live with it”.

[@mattl6300]

I seen a male version of the first story. The guy overheard his fiancee comparing him to her ex unfavorably in bed to her friend. Like in this story, it wrecked his self-esteem and it was the fact that it was a topic of discussion in the first place. A partner must protect their SO's pride and well-being when in conversation with others.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Was that the baby carrot story? 😉

[@mattl6300]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 no, search something like "overheard fiancee saying her ex was better in bed"

[@mattl6300]

Here it is kzbin.info/www/bejne/iH_MiIdqp9uYf6c

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@mattl6300 OMG...I feel for that guy! I am a woman and just can't imagine how she would think he could possibly get over those hurtful words. I know I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who could make those comments about something I have no control over!

[@mattl6300]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 right

[@maggpiprime954]

1st story: OP deserves someone who feels the same butterflies and candy floss as she does. Last story: WOW. OP's sister is a real jerk.

[@slick8086]

> someone who feels the same butterflies and candy floss as she does. butterflies and candy floss is not what successful long lasting marriages are made from. Love is an action not a feeling. This man is loving the woman he married. The giddy excitement of a new relationship ALWAYS goes away after a while, it is the decision to be a partner and care for the person you are with that makes a deep and lasting love. Some people never learn this. In this story, the man basically admitted that he thought with his dick in all his previous relationships and was never happy because of it. Now he admits that he found someone he loves and that makes him happy and makes him want to stay with this woman and he's getting shit on for being honest that he has deprioritized his previously shallow criteria.

[@maggpiprime954]

@@slick8086 Everyone should have that fresh excitement at the beginning of their relationship: The excitement of building a future together, growing together, evolving together. Some couples even manage to keep that fresh excitement for each other for _decades._ OP's husband started out with a "meh" attitude, and THAT'S what's not sustainable in a successful marriage. Just b/c I didn't write an entire dissertation, doesn't mean the context wasn't there and easily inferred.

[@slick8086]

@@maggpiprime954 But you were assuming that the guy wasn't excited and all that fresh new start and beginning of the relationship, when all he said was that her physical appearance wasn't his type. She was feeling it too until she overheard a private conversation.

[@maggpiprime954]

@@slick8086 It's a reddit post. We can only go by what is written, and OP was definitely underwhelmed by his demeanor. Perhaps you and I are both guilty of reading more into this than it merits.

[@RJLiams]

@@maggpiprime954 he STARTED with a meh attitude. The fact he married her and admits to be infinitely happier with her than anyone else should tell you that he at least has some butterflies.

[@ceeshnia]

Story three: Nope, nope, nope. You do not get to abuse someone and still expect them to pay your way; what the fuck? "Petty words"? No, the sister is accusing him of cheating, a very serious offense, and is being aggressive towards him, his new partner, and their unborn child. Absolutely not; actions, meet consequences.

[@robertx8020]

This Don't bite the hand that 'feeds' you Btw if his mother disagrees then SHE can pay for this bitch!

[@dianeghazaryan4773]

yea but also... a year?

[@TsukiKageTora]

Imagine agreeing with your friend when they ask if the person you’re with is a downgrade from your last relationship. Not only is it rude to the person you’re currently with but it is treating women (or men) as objects instead of people. Not for me, and I hope OP leaves this man. ETA: if he wants this relationship to work, he needs to cut off his toxic friends who basically tried to rekindle a flame between him and his ex by saying “get closure by meeting her” when he is in a committed relationship getting married in mere months. Don’t subject any relationship partner to friends like that

[@carolroberts4614]

And the worst one was his female friend!

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@carolroberts4614 she and the rest of his friend were basically trying to make him cheat on OP before they got married with his ex because they think she was more his type. If she was more his type why did he break up with her… looks don’t go far apparently

[@carolroberts4614]

He certainly talked the talk, didn't he? And made things worse! I don't think she will stay with him I hope!

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@carolroberts4614 I hope that too even after the edit. Like why stay with someone who doesn’t find you beautiful inside and out. Why settle for someone who has to actually settle…

[@boglenight1551]

Edit suggestion if you’d like: ‘partners’ is a good word. It covers women, men and everyone else. Enby partners can be objectified as well.

[@Reddazes]

That first story had me sobbing. Finding out the person you love doesn't find you attractive is heart breaking and after my ex- it's honestly a huge part in what's kept me from even entertaining dating again. It shatters your self confidence.

[@MEGalomaniac6829]

Story two broke my heart. My kids went through something similar with their father. They see him taking his step kids to Disney, amusement parks, etc. and never asking them to go. He also never came to see our youngest together when they needed surgery, twice, because of "work" and yet, always has time to take multiple trips to Disney with his wife/step kids. Thank gawd for my husband, because he's been their dad for the past few years.

[@alexisgrunden1556]

Men like that just prove that while any @$$hole with one functional nut can be a father, it takes so much more to be a DAD. Glad your hubs has stepped up to love them like they deserve~

[@MEGalomaniac6829]

@@alexisgrunden1556 I'm glad, too. He loves all of our kids equally (he has two from a previous relationship as well) and treats them all the same.

[@helenlewis2510]

I’m not even happy for op after the update because even if her husband does everything right from now on their marriage will be tainted by the memory of this and that he basically “settled” for her

[@iris5678]

I think OP and husband need some marriage counseling.

[@helenlewis2510]

@@iris5678 but it doesn’t matter because counseling won’t change the fact he went behind OPs back to see his ex, one that he didn’t even tell op about, before their wedding, to see if he was missing out on something else. And if he had come to another conclusion he would have gone back to her in a heartbeat. Op deserves someone that can’t even imagine looking at another person when they have her

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

​@@iris5678 Counseling would just be for her to accept that he settled on her. It would not be able to help him love her more romantically. He might learn how to frame his feelings better--but in this case, he'd essentially be learning how to lie to his wife that he loves her romantically. Does that sound healthy? Or ethical for the therapist?

[@simonO712]

​@@Kimberly_Sparkles What makes you think he doesn't love her romantically? You don't have to be strongly physically attracted to someone to love them in a romantic way.

[@sergiom3988]

OMFG why is appearance so important for you?

[@MsMichelle7710]

First story: This broke my heart. That’s absolutely horrendous to overhear. Finding out your husband thinks you’re ugly is bad enough. Also finding out his friends are massive assholes is worse, then finding out your husband met with his beautiful ex girlfriend right before you got married is just……horrendous. Personally I would not be able to move past this. Every time he tells her she looks great she’ll remember what she overheard. Every time she sees his friends it will trigger the memory. Why put up with a lifetime of feeling just super shit about yourself? This is either a test of the relationship or a sign. Hopefully OP chose what makes her happy.

[@Germania72]

It sounds like she's the plan B: she's not beautiful, but reliable...As she says, it sounds like she's oats. What if he really comes across a woman who's the "complete package" in looks and personality traits? Poor OP, it's really sad.

[@D-Dollie]

Agree. I wouldn’t get pass this either. It’s over!!

[@ophilianecr]

Are we just going to ignore that this woman is all about the pity party?? That she cannot give her husband an opportunity to show his feelings or make it up to her? The man told her he had been approaching dating all wrong, and only found happiness with her, but that wasn't enough. Did she expect him to only think she's the most beautiful woman in the world-- but called her own husband Chris Griffin (from Family Guy)!!??? Excuse me, but this woman sounds like such a drag. Everything is about her, her feelings and how much she can wallow in self pity.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

@@ophilianecr honestly if you really love your partner, they are the most beautiful person in the world, no matter what they look like to others, because it's not others with them, it's you and how you see them is what matters. Now that being said a bad personality or sudden change in personality can change how you see them. I personally believe that someone can be extremely attractive, but soon as they say or do something hurtful it completely changes how they look on the outside too to me. I had someone back in highschool I had a big crush on and then they turned out to be a real jerk, bullying others and then myself because I voiced an opinion they didn't like, suddenly all that attractiveness melted away and I couldn't see them the same way anymore. My husband however I think is absolutely stunning, I see the flaws he thinks he has, but I like every part of him, doesn't mean I don't think other people are attractive, but not even Chris Hemsworth (who is an attractive man) can top him in looks to me, obviously Chris's wife would disagree but she should because she's his wife and loves him dearly. I don't think OP and her husband are well suited for each other, it sounds like she didn't even have much experience before him and so she just immediately saw her Knight in shining armor until she realized he said and did stuff behind her back which broke her trance, but it also sounds like he's settling for the first nice girl he meets and not someone he's actually attracted to if he can tell his friends he married down in looks and apparently didn't say a single quirky detail about OP that he loved about her and how it made her happy and herself. I think they both need to move on and that they never should've married in the first place, I think this is another reason people should go through intense marriage counseling before they get married, the kind where the counselor asks the questions you don't want to answer and sees if they can't break you up, it's the ones that still walk out happy and smiling that'll make it.

[@honeyful1667]

@@ophilianecr When did the wife say he was Chris Griffin..? the only person who said anything about a Chris was a commenter, not the wife. And it was Chris Hemsworth.

[@ComaLies225]

Sister: *insults OP* Also sister: “wow you’re so low for cutting me off financially even though I was being out of line.”

[@fantasystaplesuwu1554]

Damn.... OP in story 1 deserves someone who feels just as enthusiastic and enthralled with OP, as OP does them.

[@mbyerly9680]

I hope OP doesn't get pregnant and stay trapped with a man who thinks she's less than. Therapy or this marriage is dead in the water.

[@tardislady9546]

I hope she can be free of the creep soon. He would have run back to his ex in a heartbeat. He thoroughly humiliated her, then tried to worm his way back with worthless tat, like jewellery, and trips. She deserves a real man, who will love her, fancy her, and treat her well.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

I sincerely hope she doesn't start doing the Pick Me Dance and get to the point where she has his baby in a desperate bid to make him love her, because that never works. Ever. But unfortunately, it's not uncommon for people whose self-esteem and confidence has been shattered by their partner to engage in such displays.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 1: That's an instant divorce kind of thing. Maybe there's still time to annul the marriage.

[@LetholdusKaspyr]

I can't imagine badmouthing my friends' SOs to their face. That's just awful. Where I'm from, that's just generally not done, and if it is brought up, the friend has been bellyaching about it first.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: NTA So she expects OP to be alone forever? No way is that even appropriate. To call him a cheater and go no contact but still expect him to pay for her college is massively hypocritical. She can't have her cake and eat it too and this is the consequences of her actions.

[@Icalasari]

Considering the mom is telling OP off, I have a hunch who enabled that sister to be like that

[@itsjustme7487]

Let sis go part time with college and full-time with a job. My grand daughter went to a local college full-time, worked 30 hours a week and graduated from college in 3.5 years at 20. Sister sounds like a slacker.

[@MiraTheWarlock]

Story 1: I'd not be over that either. People fail to see how the wrong comment can corrupt any positive memories Story 2: Oh hey it's my dad. Good on OP for leaving him in the dust. It's as disgusting as that mother who ditched her daughter for her precious stepdaughter, while the stepfather was getting off on his daughter being more important than his wife's bio child Story 3: Yeah no, you can't have your cake and eat it to, even if her statement about the affair had been true.

[@singingwordwright148]

Re: the last story, I always want to tell kids/relatives who resent someone having a new relationship after the death of a partner (especially if the new relationship started not long after the death): statistically, people who who were HAPPY in their relationship prior to the death of their partner are more likely to quickly begin a new relationship than those who weren't. Moving on and finding happiness again doesn't disrespect the deceased. It's a testament to their love and the joy they had with the deceased.

[@neiltheblaze]

First story: Everything OP's husband does now will be filtered through that incident. As a husband, he really is in quite a pickle. Every compliment, every kind gesture will seem forced and for show and will never feel completely genuine - even if it is. Her husband is a jerk for not shutting that conversation down, bluntly. If he had, his wife wouldn't have felt so betrayed. Her husband's friends are real shit-stirrers, aren't they? I'd never say anything like that to a friend about their marriage - even if I was thinking it. I'd just ask how married life was and leave it at that. Those are boundaries "friends" have no right crossing. Very sad predicament. It's a problem that even time might not have the power to help.

[@D-Dollie]

He put himself in that situation! OP should just move one and start over.

[@neiltheblaze]

Yes, he certainly did. I don't feel sorry for him at all, but for the situation. Five weeks into the marriage should still be "walking on air" time for both of them, and he wrecked it.

[@DiabolusCiel]

It's as you said. It might take years for her to overcome this, and it might not be worth it considering that they didn't know each other for very long. That marriage might be over before it really started. The< are both looking for different things. She deserves better than someone who simply settled for her.

[@samiulhuda4001]

@@D-Dollie unfortunate for both of them she overheard a convo that wasnt meant for her ears

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

"Everything OP's husband does now will be filtered through that incident." If I caught wind my partner was talking about how unattractive I was to him and calling me a "downgrade" from his ex, I'd never be able to be naked in front of him again. That's it. Relationship over.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 1: SHAAAAAAAALLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOW I don’t blame OP for how she feels. I have read these Reddit forms of people, especially women, who lost a lot of weight and the world was just so much more nicer to them. It really sucks that as a society we emphasize so much on physical appearance.

[@Rayerie]

It's not really shallowness since he still like everything else about her? Shallowness is only caring about looks

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@Rayerie He is still caring about her looks though.

[@classyorange3362]

I mean we SHOULD be praising and complimenting obese people when they lose weight because it's better for their health and appearance.

[@Rayerie]

@@RuminatingRaptor Does he though? He doesn't find her pretty and married her regardless of that for other qualities. He put her looks last.

[@ThePrinceOrtmayer]

@@classyorange3362 Thank you Dr Alvarez 🤣

[@briannahenry3978]

1st Story: my heart goes out to OP. I wouldn’t be able to think of my husband the same way after that. IMO, everything the husband said felt like a cover up. Everyone deserves to feel like their partner is attracted to them. It’s super important. Otherwise we’re just “friends” that got married.

[@LisaApril]

Story one: poor lady. Personally, I’m not sure One year is long enough to know someone to just jump into marriage. If She had known his friends longer and known him longer this would’ve probably already come out and before marriage they would’ve had time to show each other that they know each other and love each other.

[@sylvestercat1898]

I don’t agree with the commenter in story 1 who said that husband loves OP, I may be completely wrong here, but if I married someone and their friends (and my spouse) talked about how I wasn’t physically beautiful but because I am on the inside it was fine to ‘settle’ because you “can’t have everything” then my spouse doesn’t love me, they tolerate and like me. A spouse who loves you truly will find you to be the most beautiful person to them, maybe not to the world, but to them you are the most beautiful man/woman/in-between they ever laid eyes upon. But then again, I’ve never been in a relationship before so what do I know?

[@ginathecookie]

You're right And even those you don't find someone they love to be conventionally beautiful at least find them beautiful for their mind, etc. And then physical usually follows suit or vice versa.

[@ceeshnia]

So sad for OP in story two. I understand the pain of a father not making you a priority, and it cuts deeply. My father wouldn't have spent any time with me if my mom didn't essentially guilt him into it (which is a whole other thing, because I knew she did it but wanted to see my dad despite him not being great). I even did track and field just so that he would have some form of interest in my life, albeit he only showed up maybe 2-3 times versus the dozens he showed up for my sibling (I did field, they did track and cross country). It really came to a head when my mom moved me (the only minor at the time and a year after the divorce) to New York from Utah. My dad flew to Massachusetts to visit his parents for a week and said he would come down to visit me for a day. He never did, and he didn't call to tell me he wasn't coming until about 3-4 hours after he should have arrived, while also not answering his phone. After that, I was just done with trying to have a tangible relationship with him, as it was obvious he didn't care to have one. We ended up moving back out there, technically was homeless in Utah for a month and he didn't bother to arrange to see me once, and then my mom and I found a place to live in Montana. He kept up with one of my siblings who lived in Alaska, even helped them move to one of the Dakotas (he drove them there, and then drove back to Utah), and went out of his way for his friends if they needed help. Unlike the OP, though, my dad figured if he just threw money at something that it would make everything peachy, and that if he got a hold of me within a couple of weeks of me trying to contact him, it was good enough. I only ask him for a loan as a last resort (he has spent thousands helping all of my other siblings) because I don't want to feel beholden to him in any regard, regardless of how hard it is. That all being said, I never felt the cut of other kids being more important from outside of the home (my one sibling was his favorite, and he made that obscenely obvious), so I don't understand that extra level of hurt. I wish OP the best; he will have a long road to healing.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: I feel bad for OP. Hearing that must have been devastating. He shouldn't have made those comments nor let them do so. He did say he loved her and she made him happy but that is ruined by the fact thay they asked "ate her looks STILL an issue" meaning this has been an ongoing conversation and then agreed she was a downgrade. What an absolute monster that friend is too for bringing it up. Edit after update: OP isn't some hopeless delusional romantic. There should be passion and all that especiallyright after the wedding to someone you've just started having sex with. Even if your partner isn't the most classically attractive, love and other things can absolutely change how you view their attractiveness. Also..the fact that he even gave his ex a chance to express herself is a huge red flag. Hr absolutely went to her hoping that he would feel something so he wouldn't have to "downgrade". All in all, Op deserves better

[@brigidtheirish]

I have such a hard time imagining a husband *not* thinking his wife is the most beautiful woman in the world. That's how my dad still is with Mom after 40 years of marriage.

[@sofie6524]

Setting "high expectations" for a relationship is not a bad thing. If you're looking for a partner to spend the rest of your life with, that partner better make you feel loved. And from the sounds of it OP has not had her needs met. The husbands friends sound horrible too and I have the firm belief that if you surround yourself with these kinds of people that speaks volumes about your character and it ESPECIALLY gets worse when you enable them when they speak negatively of your spouse. Honestly, OP sounds like a wonderful person and this could become a miserable marriage for her because of this rat of a man-being. Dont sell yourself short, that is exactly how he keeps you despite being a pos. Dont lower your expectations, you deserve the best. This story was infuriating so I had to vent lol. Thank you and good night.

[@Mewse1203]

@@brigidtheirish ditto. If you love someone, their objective beauty doesnt matter becUse to you, thry are everything.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@sofie6524 On the other hand, also sounds like OP's husband is *trying* to make her feel loved but she's still too badly affected by what she learned to accept it.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@Mewse1203 *Does* rather help that Mom is very much Dad's type. Short, stocky, knows her way around power tools...

[@MizTameRumors]

Story 3 - OP gave his sister plenty of time to back down, apologize and be reasonable, SHE made the choice to cut off the person who was funding her. OP has his own child to fund now.

[@25Erix]

Third story: Sister needs to learn the meaning behind the words "til DEATH do us part". OP's wife passed and I believe he's being truthful about the timeline when he and his GF got together. His commitment to his wife ended when she passed away. He's not legally married to her anymore. In the eyes of the law and God, he's a widower which is, by definition, a single man. That said, there's nothing wrong with staying alone after a spouse dies. For some people, that person was the only one for them and that's all that needs saying. On the other side of the coin, it's equally okay for a widow/widower to remarry if they feel they can and if they want to. You can only cheat on the living. The dead do not care.

[@catcat63527]

In Hinduism, it's never "till death do you part". We promise to spend next seven lives together. Traditionally, there is no concept of divorce in Hinduism as well. If someone does not want to move or wishes to move on after death, it is not wrong...

[@apopuffkin1717]

Personally, I could not imagine being ready to date just a year after my partner's death, but that is a "me" thing, and I would never impose my thoughts about it onto someone else. Everyone grieves differently, and men in particular have a hard time staying alone after losing a partner.

[@davidwilliams4239]

Sorry for the late reply. The thing that keeps bugging me is all we have to go on about the timeline is what OP tells us. Honestly, he callousness about it has me thinking it happened way before a year after his wife's death. I dunno, just something keeps telling me there is more to his story than he's telling us.

[@jakeand9020]

​@@apopuffkin1717 A big question is, how long was his wife all but passed already. This was cancer, not an unexpected passing, he had likely already been grieving for a while before she actually died. @david williams He was almost certainly having an emotional affair. I'm kind of undecided if that's "wrong" given the circumstances.

[@dianeghazaryan4773]

idk about i dont want my partner moving on in a year

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 2: this dude is exactly like my dad. Always holding money over my head, never helping my mom when I was growing up, and choosing his new family over me and my sister. I can't wait to cut him out of my life after finishing university.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 2: If I was OP, I would send a letter to dad and say “you want the money you gave me as a gift, so my money? Ok, here” Proceeds to burn the money into ash and put it in the letter Or make it seem like I burned it and sent normal paper ash

[@GMAMEC]

Yeah, I hate that they gave the money back.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Yeah... I would have walked into that room and have myself seen and said the marriage is annulled if this was me. (I haven't gotten to the update yet) Now I've heard the update/comments, yeah... I feel the same as OP after that. I can see resentment starting and one marriage up in smoke.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Yea, I probably would have walked in in shock and just stared at the screen. Can you just imagine how he would try backpedaling in horror that he got caught in that conversation? 😡

[@alicewilloughby4318]

Story 3 - So does the sister think OP should just live alone with his grief for ever? Or does she just think he should have waited longer?

[@hilaryc3203]

My uncle remarried not long after his wife passed, and to a lovely lady who had been their long term friend and who also lost her husband around the same time. They were friends, they had a history together, and they had love for each other's late spouses. We really liked her and were happy for them both but a lot of their so called friends cut them off because they had their archaic, bitter opinions and a few made those nasty accusation of infidelity as well. My aunt loved her friend and after a long illness passed away but before she died she had said she wanted nothing more than for my uncle to be happy. She even nudged my uncle towards it by telling him that after she was gone, to take her friend out to a play or to see music now again, because she was alone now. I think my aunt was very wise and played cupid a bit. People need to live their lives, be happy, and to hell with the assholes; just bid them adieu.

[@sigisig3941]

@@hilaryc3203 Sounds like your aunt knew were the best person was for here husband. Smart woman very smart. Totaly knew that here best friend is a great Lady.

[@hilaryc3203]

My uncle was my mom's older brother; ex military, hero, highly regarded and treated his wife like the Lady she was. He remained very devoted to her through her very long illness. She was wise, and knew he needed another gentle Lady. My mother figured her other "friends" got their noses out of joint from jealousy as it put a stop to them coming around with casseroles all the time :)

[@kixi8033]

It sounds like she is assuming he had an affair because of how quickly he got over the death of his wife.

[@hilaryc3203]

@@kixi8033 Possibly, but it's a stretch to say he got over the death of his wife. Many men don't do well with the passing of a spouse and are unprepared to deal with the aloneness and the details of maintaining life and many want to fill the void with another spouse - a nice lady of course, but still to have that closeness and companionship and partnership. Love and grief is always there, but they are more quickly able to open their hearts than women.

[@imweakfordeaky]

Last story : If OP is telling the truth, that he didn’t have an affair while his wife was battling cancer, then sister’s accusations are disgusting LIES. AND in no world EVER is a brother “required” to pay for sister’s education. Open your yap to bite the hand that feeds you = expect the “food” to be withdrawn (i.e. the tuition money) If OP’s mom has an issue with that, SHE can pony up the cash ! - her kid, her responsibility.

[@danedee6563]

Tbh even if OP is lying it doesn’t matter. You don’t bite the hands that feeds you and you don’t get to be a hypocrite just because it benefits you. If the sister is truly disgusted to be related to a cheating pig why would she want the cheating pigs money? It’s hypocritical

[@imweakfordeaky]

@@danedee6563 that’s why I said “in no world ever is a brother required to pay for sister’s education” . Whatever else OP is, totally innocent OR lying cheating pig - he isn’t obligated to pay for jack-shit at all for his sister. She’s an adult and should figure her own crap, but if *anyone* other than sister is “responsible” for her education, that would be Parents, not a Sibling. End of.

[@danedee6563]

@@imweakfordeaky lmao calm down you have a lot of attitude for no reason. End of.

[@sgm8265]

None of what the sister said was "petty words." It sounded, from OP's description, as if she was quite agitated and angry when saying these awful things. She meant what she said. If mom is ok with those petty words then yes she can pay for her own daughter's education.

[@thorncreek3425]

Very few cultures have wedding vows that do not contain "Till death do us part." or similar fraise. Was his sister not present at the vow exchange? Her mental level is somewhere between Turd or Vacuum between her ears. She doesn't need a school fund she needs a bib.

[@ericaallisonc]

First story is a perfect example of how media has screwed us over what “love” is and how it feels. Now that i’m almost 30, i’ve started reeling myself back in when starting relationships and it’s amazing how much the butterflies don’t effect me ever since becoming a more mature adult. Out of all my relationships, i stopped getting mushy feelings at no. 4 and started focusing on life goals and more long term things, i feel my current bf could very well be my last, and i do not owe it to Disney’s “happy ever after” I owe it to the failures along my life journey.

[@laica01]

completely true! and the sad part of it, is that most redditors and for what I saw here are angry at the guy for not lusting after the OP and are, why doesn't he find her attractive or beautiful, well looks aren't all. I think is more important that people make you happy than make you lust for them. Sad that this OP doesn't see what is really important. I hope people realize that looks fades away but happines rarely do if you start your relationship that way.

[@tardislady9546]

@@laica01 She does see what is important. It is important to have a partner who defends you, and speaks up for you, and thinks you are attractive. this man did none of those.

[@demonqueen3886]

First story honestly wouldn't even talk to my husband after hearing them say that bout me also not happy with the update because he met up with his ex who was still in love with him didn't tell op and the only reason why he's giving you flowers and chocolates is because you caught him saying that smh

[@Don-Angel]

I'm heartbroken for first OP to find out Ur husband doesn't love you the way you thought and then basically all his mates mocking it all and in the place OP should always feel safe (her own home). I hope OP is doing well now

[@jasoncarter4343]

Do not marry someone if you're not physically attracted to them. Genuine, burning desire cannot be negotiated.

[@Tijggie82]

Story 2: I would say "sure, let's talk like adults. Let's meet there at this time". Then 5 minutes before call and say "sorry, mom is having a hard time so I have to support her. Thanks for understanding though!" Then block him forever.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: NTA He has shown time and time again that he chose his step kids over OP. Now he has the absolute Christ on a Bike's audacity to ASK FOR MONEY BACK. Dad just got exposed as a shitty father and showed his kids what wiki eventually happen to them.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

What happens when the first OP doesn't want to be around those friends anymore because now she knows what they really think of her? Is he going to force it, be honest and tell them that she knows they all collectively disrespected her and isn't comfortable, or is he going to let them continue to stir shit about his wife and marriage? Is he going to eventually choose the feelings and connections with his decade+ group of friends over his wife again? This will never be fixed. It can't be because there are too many parties involved that the husband will take into account over his 'wife.'

[@adornapendragon8953]

Story 1: Op's husband is oozing toxicity it angers me how some commentors are saying he loves her when he clearly (imo) married her for security of status 🤔

[@simonO712]

Wait, how is marrying someone because they make you happy oozing toxicity?

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

@@simonO712 He says is not attractive to him. He does not love her, or respect her, or care about her. She deserves a real man, not this lowlife. I hope she can find a good divorce solicitor.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: What a shallow AH OP's husband is. She deserves better. Give him back to his friends. And what's with the female friend dogging on OP? Is she jealous? ETA: He met up with his ex before the wedding, didn't mention it to OP, and his friends encouraged him to do it?! I'd say insist he cuts all ties with his friend group, but why bother; I wouldn't keep him either. S2: "He told me we needed to talk it out like adults." You tried. Either he deflected, saying "It's natural to feel jealous over having to share me," or, he just didn't do anything to change it/went back to his old ways, like the time he reneged on paying for your trip and you told him his favoritism was clear and you were going to stay with your mom. He's shown you, repeatedly, who he is; believe him. S3: NTA. Two things: 1) You can't prove a negative, something that didn't happen. Sister has been explained the timeline many times and chooses not to believe it. Instead of repeating yourself until you're blue in the face, just cut contact, because you know she will try to tell your child they are an affair child. 2) Sister bit the hand that fed her, A.K.A "played stupid games, won stupid prizes." See also: "Fucked around and found out." Tell her to kick rocks; she chooses not to believe you, you choose not to financially support someone that could think that of her own brother. Tell your parents you're not "putting her education at risk over petty words," sister has options: She can take out loans like most of the population. She can get a job. Or, if your parents are still upset about it, they are welcome to help pay.

[@simonO712]

Wait, how is the husband shallow? He proposed because he loved the parts about her that _weren't_ based on looks.

[@KE-hr4sb]

​@@simonO712 He's still comparing her looks to his usual type, and agreeing she needs to lose weight, and that he downgraded. How many examples do you need? Cause sadly, there's more! Yes, he's saying to her face, the things he thinks he's supposed to say; but behind her back to his friends? The "ugly" truth comes out. My first husband wasn't my type, but you know what I discovered? Once I fell in love with him, I saw him through rose-tinted glasses and I really did think he was handsome once we started dating. Likewise, I wasn't my second husband's usual type when we first met, but we've been happily married for ten years, and he still tells me every day that I'm beautiful. Inner beauty is also a thing; have you ever met someone physically attractive, but such an asshole that they become unattractive to you? Or met someone conventionally thought of as plain, but they are super sweet, and when they smile, their whole face lights up and it's breathtaking? I find it worrying that they're on their freaking honeymoon and he's still talking about how he's not attracted to her.

[@Cassandra765]

@@KE-hr4sb I completely agree with this and I think that's the issue people are overlooking when they defend OP's husband. There is a huge difference between recognizing that your partner isn't conventionally attractive and flat out saying that you downgraded by being with them. That's not a word that should ever be used when talking about someone you claim to love.

[@Jxfjfjbfkv]

She’s 26, can’t do math, and even as a full time student hasn’t received her bachelors? Dude I think he was wasting his money on her college anyways.

[@lauriehallberg5807]

"Until death do you part". He is no longer bound by that marriage, though doesn't mean he doesn't feel for and miss his first wife. She doesn't want to face t h e consequences. AND she is NOT speaking the truth.

[@EmmyKirk14]

Story 1: Nahhh, I personally wouldn't want to be around someone who makes me feel insecure, and like I have to question my looks/appearance when I'm around them and their friends. I think OP's husband "settled" for her and saw her as the "safe option." Agreeing with his friends and not even defending her, smh.

[@tomnorton8499]

Yes, what he said was mean, and not defending his wife was bad. My problem is what if he really does love his wife for everything else she brings to the relationship. If things were reversed and he said he only married her only because she was attractive to him everyone would be calling him shallow. From the description op gave it sounds like he realized that personality and shared beliefs were more important than beauty in the relationship. Would it really be settling if she checked off every other box except that one? I will admit what he said was hurtful and she doesn't have to accept his apology and within her rights to end the marriage because he made her feel insecure about the relationship. I do think they should go to couple's counseling to see if they can fix it and move past it before ending it though.

[@zebnemma]

Yeah what he did came off as talking shit, even if the wife was never suppose to have heard that. He and his friends shouldn't have such discussions about his new wife. If he had doubts that should have been discussed with his friends in the beginning of their relationship or maybe before getting married(nervousness). But there should not be any more discussion like that after they are married!!! You chose her! So if his friends ask questions like that he should answer with a confident "She's my wife now and I chose her, I don't want to hear my friends talk about my wife like that ever again, am I making myself clear??"

[@simonO712]

While could certainly have made a stronger stance by shutting down the conversation entirely, he _did_ defend her. He said she makes him happy as a counter to them bringing up her looks.

[@sergiom3988]

He actually made her a great compliment, he said "you can't have it all", meaning that other than OP not being the prettiest girl in the room, SHE IS PERFECT.

[@sr7701]

@@simonO712 His response wasn't a conter tho. He agreed with what they were saying. He doesn't find her attractive but can overlook that for how good she makes him feel. He's really defending himself there, not her.

[@NCAnon]

Wow. Op in the first story makes me think she's being emotionally used, like a blanket. I wouldn't be able to stay married to a person like that husband. It seem like op is almost out the door on this relationship already

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Just imagine the mental gymnastics she has had to do to be able to be intimate with her husband for 5 weeks knowing he doesn’t find her attractive and just settled for her! I couldn’t do it 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@lilywong9672]

So... what if OP's husband finds a woman that's both his type and has OP's personality?? Is he gonna leave her?

[@LunaP1]

Judging from how he started complementing when she worked on herself and love bombed her after the interrogation, he never loved her. If the opportunity comes along, he'll leave her and make up more excuses.

[@samalvarez8776]

He's not gonna leave, but he is 100% gonna cheat

[@blandoatmeal1273]

Story 1 "He has replaced beauty and passion with oatmeal, it's good for you but nothing you look forward to having." I feel personally attacked by this...

[@Alissandre_Iskander]

Story 1: I just... feel so bad for OP. People, good people, deserve to be loved and cherished, adored by their partners... he let his friends cross boundaries. His being happy, in this situation, should have been enough for them and he should have put his foot down.

[@gamiversede9942]

Story 1 is a nightmare. HE MET HIS EX WHILE ENGAGED. This is a massive red flag. This would be for me a reason for divorce. OP run while you dont have kids. What happens if he meets another woman who is physical attrictive & a nice person? Does he leave you? OP you deserve to be loved for being you. Not only your character. Losing weigth should be for you not a dude.

[@karinalemus2305]

Yes! She needs to divorce him now that they don’t have kids. If he doesn’t like her now what’s gonna happen after body changes with children or age? No way… leave!

[@skyetan86]

When I was a kid, I asked my dad what I would look like when I grew up (I look more like him). He said I would look like my mom. Not gonna lie, as a kid, I bawled. To him, she was the most beautiful person in the world. To me, she was ugly as fuck because she was rude, unkind and cruel. I realized my dad chose his wife based solely on looks alone. To this day, I promised myself I wouldn't treat myself so bad as to look for a wife based on looks alone. Inner beauty really counts for something, people. If you have that, you're gonna be attractive to someone. If you don't, your looks will match the ugly inside soon enough.

[@heidifruchtl354]

In the last story, the commentor who said that she would haunt the person that her spouse would marry if they weren't a good person. That made me laugh. Personally, I'm going to become a ghost and haunt people, I have a list.

[@itazuranakisu]

Yikes. There is nothing the husband can do to make this right or make OP forget it short of doing a men in black memory erase. A better man would’ve shut that crap down. To allow and even agree - your friends to disrespect your partner and the relationship shows your lack of character. That hits deep in the self esteem. How can anyone look at that partner the same again, share intimate moments or vulnerable moments without thinking of how they view you. And wonder what other hurtful thoughts are they not telling you? OP deserves better.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

And never noticed in 5 weeks that she was struggling with a problem…man, she must be one hell of an actress!

[@MiraTheWarlock]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 Or maybe he just doesn't care enough to notice something's wrong This is the guy who 'got closure' with his hot ex after all

[@LovesGaming37]

Story three: I'm betting the wife was always suspicious of their "friendship"

[@Tamara-ju3lh]

This is why I'm almost 32 and rarely date. I've been bullied for my looks as a child/teen and in my twenties was basically ignored by men, even with me trying my best to look nice. I'm terrified that if I get married my husband will secretly think I'm ugly but tell me I'm not to my face. I used to self-harm over esteem issues and though I got help and am doing better, that would probably crush me and throw me right back to that place. I'm better off single, unfortunately. I am happy for the most part but it's lonely at times. But better than what op is going through in story 1.

[@catT5236]

First story: WTAF? At the very least they need marriage counselling, but I'd feel massively betrayed that my husband was not only talking about me like some mediocre consolation prize but also met up with his ex behind my back just before our wedding to essentially double check he wanted to marry me! And his friends encouraged it! How on earth are you meant to feel okay about your spouse after that? He's not treating her like the love of his life, he's treating her like a place-holder until something better comes along. It's seriously demeaning & disrespectful. I don't like to jump straight to divorce, but at the very least they need marriage counselling & in all honesty if he'd been honest prior to the wedding OP might have told him to sling his hook then, because in her position if I'd have known what she knows now prior to the wedding I don't think I'd marry this jerk.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Story 1: so he’s just with her because she makes him feel a certain way and not because he can’t live without her. How dare him and his friends comment on her looks, as if they are a bunch of hotties. She even said he’s more Chris Griffin than Chris Hemsworth. And don’t come at me with looks don’t matter because they matter to OP’s husband. Sounds like he settled for her because of how she made him feel, which is not a good foundation for a relationship.

[@MovableNu]

It almost sounds like he married her because she DIDN'T make him feel the regret his previous relationships did. That's even worse. He settled for her because she didn't make him as angsty. That's damming with faint praise, if so. 😬😬😬

[@nightbane2889]

To be honest I am having difficulty understanding the entire issue so perhaps you can shed some light for me. While I agree OP's husband shouldn't have sad those things or allow his friends too, I do not see why the reason he choose her is a bad thing, shouldn't the person you marry make you happy (and in turn you make them happy). The husband didn't settle for looks, and apparently settling for how you feel doesn't cut it, so what makes a good foundation? Since as it stands up until the comment about looks it sounded like everything was going fine.

[@insideAdirtyMind]

@@nightbane2889 he don´t loves her, she is just a stepping stone for him until a better suiting woman comes along, for him OP is not beautiful (if you are in love, you love every wrinkle in your partners face, even if the person is not beautiful in your friends oppinion). I could not imagine kissing or having sex with such a man, knowing he has to overcome himself to kiss or sleep with me until he will finds some other woman to do such things in secret while I am just the show around wife that cleans his dirty underwear.

[@simonO712]

"Sounds like he settled for her because of how she made him feel which is not a good foumdation for a relationship." Wait, what? How is that not a good foundation? Why is it bad to be with someone because you love them and they make you happy?

[@MovableNu]

@@simonO712 & @Nightbane - This is all a wild guess, but I've seen it happen before. It's like he didn't marry someone he was thrilled to be with. Instead he settled for someone he doesn't think he'll end up racing away from. Which is fine. But who wants to know their partner looked at them and said, "Eh? I guess you'll do fine enough. I could do worse 🤷🏿‍♀️"

[@iris5678]

OP and husband in story one seem to need some marriage counseling to possibly get through this. If not, time for an annullment. Story 2 - Glad son ditched that greedy dad. He only wants son when he needs something. Story 3 - I would've screamed in my sister's face "I DID NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR!" That sister seems to not be over the late wife. She needs grief counseling perhaps. Still NTA, don't bite the hand that feeds you.

[@SherioCheers]

Story 1: Hmm shame about this one. Something tells me divorce is off the table. Looks like OP got shouldered with an UGLY person... just on the inside.

[@sergiom3988]

WHY? WHAT DID HE DO WRONG? JUST BECAUSE HE WAS HONEST WITH HIS FRIENDS?

[@hotjanuary]

@@sergiom3988 you don’t go up to your recently married friend and ask them to compare their new spouse’s attractability factor. And as someone who just said your “I do”s, you don’t entertain such questions as a sign of respect for your partner. These actions speak volumes about the type of people he calls his best friends and that he chooses them as company and his character.

[@normanpetri9550]

Story #1. Omg.....he lied and kept important info about meeting his ex and deciding which person to choose two weeks before marrying OP?! That is a HUGE deal breaker right there! Also the fact that OP would not know ANY of this crap if she hadn't gone back for her jacket!!!! Ugh. Why is this even an issue at this point? Just divorce and enjoy not being lied to!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@jerriewyatt905]

Story 1... OP’s husband should have shut down this conversation without commenting to their questions..He should have just said, “To me she’s the most beautiful woman in the world,” period.. the female “friends,” had some motive trying to make him answer their question and compare her to an ex... the damage done will be hard to undo unfortunately.. I don’t know if they, she, will ever get back the feelings op had at the beginning of their marriage before overhearing the conversation..

[@personneici2595]

Story #3: did OP's sister just not believe the timeline of the relationship bc OP and now GF were friends beforehand? Either way she seems to have some serious distress. Was she cheated on? Was there infidelity in the family? This is an extreme response. There's clearly something that's really affecting her. OP is within their rights to withdraw financial support from someone accusing them of cheating.

[@drea4195]

Agree with all you said...there are clearly deeper issues here going on with the sister. But she still doesn't have the right to take her issues out on OP, then expect him to pay for her tuition!

[@rhuonaChanel]

I absolutely agree, the Op can stop paying her tuition. Still, starting a relationship a year after wife passed with a friend he has known for years...something rubs me the wrong way there. Perhaps sister though he was already emotionally cheating on his late wife? We only see things from OP's perspective

[@damien678]

Listen. I always look forward to my oatmeal. I love eating it and it actively gets me out of bed early in the morning.

[@patrickwalsh5153]

Last story’s sister is giving some serious golden child vibes, especially after the input from the mother.

[@jessical4866]

Story 2: This, to me, is even more cruel than being totally absent. The dad keeps yanking OP’s chain, never letting him move on. Worst part is that Dad probably pats himself on the back for being a good father and wanting to be there for his kids. Call him out and cut him off.

[@dm9078]

Married men have to keep the guard up at all times. OP’s husband never got that advice. Is that guy insane? He owes this vile excuse for a sister absolutely nothing. Reap meet sow stupid C word. NTA!

[@Icalasari]

Story 1 - I just pray that OP's husband is awkward as fuck with his feelings and stating them. They definitely need couples counselling at minimum (to work on issues) and individual counselling (for OP's self esteem and for her husband's idiocy)

[@GoldenLeafsMovies]

I think people over-romantisize what love is, one can love another and not find them physically attractive but people think their spouse should fall head over heels for their partners. But I understand hearing something like that and the relationship not being the same, it happens to a lot of people.

[@toothless3835]

This here. Exactly this. I feel she's super insecure, and her husband didn't help any of that by what he said.

[@thefeminineeye]

I don’t think wanting your spouse to find you attractive is over romanticizing

[@GoldenLeafsMovies]

@@thefeminineeye That's not what I meant. Him not finding her attractive doesn't mean he doesn't love her, that's what I meant. She can want a partner that finds her attractive and it's fair. People just focus too much on the physical attraction too much I find. That's what I mean with over-romantisize, people think your partner needs to fall head over heels for you when love can be expressed in a multitude of ways.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

The last OP can punish his sister if he wants. He isn't legally obligated to pay for school. He is 100% ensuring that his sister will spread the word of them cheating throughout their mutual social network because angry people aren't quiet. That said, she's most likely saying out loud everything that others are thinking. If he thinks this is the only bit of condemnation he receives, he's wrong. He's several months into a pregnancy in a brand new relationship a year after his last spouse died? That's fast. That seems less likely than his "friend" was there as the wife was dying. I'm curious how his in laws are reacting to this and I think it's interesting that he skimmed over the way everyone else responded. Something tells me he's **been** a huge asshole if you ask his deceased wife's family.

[@nottori7]

For the first OP, it feels as though she’d believed the romance with her new husband to be wonderful, just to be dunked in ice water and told that he was essentially “settling” for her-immediately following their wedding. How absolutely cruel of him. Her husband sounds like one of those men with a mindset of “pretty women are for sex, while average-looking ladies are for marriage”. What garbáj.

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

He does not deserve to have any partner. He is a shallow c****.

[@brycekline982]

Story 2 Dad did a nice job with providing the perfect example of abandoning his son after divorcing his wife. Too bad the father doesn't See what he's done. Op deserved better

[@SkyEcho751]

Story 1: This is a somewhat complex story, and I feel like there are 2 things that should happen to make things work. 1st, kick out the friends who interrogated him, because I wouldn't be surprised if half the reason he said the stuff was because he got lead into it by them asking fast and hard questions. 2nd, couples counseling as they both seem to need better communication. Story 2: NTA, dude is just going to shed crocodile tears. And if I were OP, I'd directly tell the kids "I don't hate you, but I can't invite you without inviting your parents, so apologies about getting uninvited" just to be petty and turn the kids against him. Story 3: AH, I won't associate with you but "GIMME YOUR MONEY". NTA and she is so self serving it's not even funny.

[@jazzyg7202]

story 2: op should not have gave the money back. it is time for step siblings to realize you do not always get what you want.

[@dianasmith8248]

I feel bad for OP in story one: I don’t think she will ever get back to where she thought her marriage was.

[@paulahowlett1043]

Last story, anyone listen to the timeline, wife died in 2019 and he is dating in 2020 and is gf( who has been his friend) is pregnant in 2022. Did he grieve at all? Maybe the sister knows something that op is leaving out? He said his wife has fought her cancer for years. Could his gf have been a friends with benefits while his wife was still alive? And could his sister have known? I think this op is leaving something out.

[@JMac7395]

Story 1: I hope OP leaves him. OP deserves to be with someone who genuinely loves, cherish & likes her. OP deserves to be with someone who is genuinely physically attracted to her. OP deserves to be with someone who will defend her from disrespectful negative comments. It may sound shallow but the truth is part of being in a relationship with someone is being physically attracted to that person. Emotional connection is the other half. I'm questioning whether the husband is even emotionally connected to OP. The husband entertaining & enabling the verbal disrespect from his friends towards OP says a lot about how he views OP. I think the husband is faking his "love" for OP. It's clear from the convo with his friends & the secret meet-up with his ex that the husband settled. It's okay to have preferences & it's okay to date outside of your preferences. But it's not okay to label someone as ugly simply because they're not your typical type. It's also not okay to use someone as a placeholder until you decide that you want to get back with the preference🙄

[@rebeccagowler9025]

The first story broke my heart. I'm not beautiful either, but I have always believed that doesn't matter, because when you meet the right person, you will be beautiful in their eyes. In this case, it feels like OP has been denied this. She ought to feel beautiful because she knows in her husband's eyes; she is. Everyone is different, and the marriage sounds perfect in every other way, but despite this, I think it would be a deal breaker for me-to know I am not beautiful to my partner would be to devastating and painful for me.

[@Amna613]

Story 1: I feel so bad for OP. She did not deserve this type of behaviour and attitude from her Jackass partner. Right now, he chose her but what if he keeps Ex GF as a side piece as well? One person for happiness and the other for beauty. This is a trainwreck in the making. OP should cut her losses early and leave before she gets pregnant.

[@kilo1901]

Last Story: has she ever heard of “Till Death do us apart?”

[@catherinetiernan5888]

It's awful to feel like you have been "settled for". You have to think of yourself. Put yourself first and do what you need to do for yourself.

[@browniewin4121]

1) Sad to learn husband would say such a thing to his friends about OP. I think this was a betrayal, she shouldn't have to alter herself to please this guy. She deserve someone better who will feel thrilled to be with her and think she is perfect. Going along with anyone insulting his wife and digging for dirt should have been an absolute no. She needs to talk to him about this and let him know how hurtful this was. After update: It's good OP had a discussion with her husband. It sounds like he does love her and just needs to learn to draw a line between what it is ok or not when it comes to his friends. Only she can decide if this revelation and lack of passion is something she can live with. 2) So sorry OP has a shitty father who is not there for him ever, shame on him for letting OP down time and time again. NTA for telling him off. NC is the way to go because he doesn't need to keep letting himself be hurt and offended by his sperm donor. 3) Sister is a total A**. Jumping to conclusions, insulting OP and his new love and thinking she has any right to give input on an expected and wanted child is disgusting. NTA. No way should OP continue to support someone who would dump on him like that. Til death do you part, the first wife is gone, there is no cheating. Sister is unreasonable, insulting, and awful. Cut her off, do not give her anything after this and keep her away from girlfriend so she can not do anything hurtful to her.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: It sounds as though OP's husband is trickle-truthing her and actually cheated on her with the ex before their wedding. I wonder if she is still confused because she is looking at this the wrong way. She is focused on how *he* sees *her*, but what has changed is how *she* sees *him*. She has now seen that he won't defend her to his friends (who don't like her) and that he still has feelings for his ex, which he chose to keep secret from her. So, whether or not he physically cheated, he's been lying to her. As such, I think she now sees him in a different light and her feelings have changed, that she has now fallen out of love with him. I think she will figure this out eventually. Story #2: OP, you have let your father con you for the last time. Don't let him do it, anymore. Go NC, have a great ceremony, and move on with your life. If his new family is now also discovering he's a lousy dad via your doorstep fight with him, oh, well. If I've got this right, he's got you, three stepkids, and has fathered two new kids with the new wife. If he can't equally love all those kids, maybe he shouldn't have married a woman with children and proceeded to have two more. Story #3: Your sister is way out of line. By all means, help her achieve No Contact with you by no longer contributing your "dirty, cheating pig" money to her college education and cutting her toxicity off from her future niece or nephew. Also, Mom needs to butt out. Nasty actions have nasty consequences. She's gonna have to get a full-time job now and pay her own way at age 26? Oh, boo-hoo. About time.

[@nothintoreadhere6168]

I was having a really bad day today but this vid made me feel sm better , your voice and opinions always cheer me up and I love listening to you while doing chores

[@Reyairia]

Story 1 just sounds like an affair waiting to happen.

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

Story 1: This reminds me of a couple of tweets I'd seen. The first tweet was by a girl who wrote: "There's nothing more satisfying than being prettier than your ex boyfriend's new girlfriend." Someone replied with: "Fact that he's not just going for looks anymore means that you've taught him a valuable lesson." His ex taught him a valuable lesson, so he picked OP. I'm usually one to say divorce - no marriage is better than a bad marriage - but I hope they can work this out. Get rid of the "friends" then get both into individual therapy and marriage counseling.

[@despinasgarden.4100]

Counseling won't make him feel more atracted to OP or erase the fact that he went to see his ex behind OP's back, or that he didn't defended OP when his friend was trash-talking her. Even without shitty friends, he is an asshole.

[@akeel_1701]

Story 3: Does it not say in the ceremony text: Til Death Do Us Part? and his wife actually died, so the marriage had a natural end. What does the sister not understand about that?

[@angleofkaos9459]

If I were first op I would leave him if he's ok with his friends talking crap and encouraging him to leave her while also joining in, he doesn't deserve her. I would be so hurt and would not want to be around them.

[@fhuber7507]

1... OP is on the fast track to divorce.

[@Starmix-off-the-floor]

It breaks my heart that OP is like ' I just thought it would be more butterflies and romance and mushy feelings' girl IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE. that IS normal ESPECIALLY ON A HONEYMOON. What you are envisioning is a NORMAL marriage where you don't hear your husband essentially call you ugly and compare you to his ex. The one he went to meet "just to be sure" he should have ALREADY been sure! whose to say he only met up with her for closure? he kept the meetup a secret from you so what else is he hiding? DUMP. HIM. there is no coming back from that. all the gifts and kind words now are just sucking up. You deserve better than that. Everyone deserves better than that.

[@Whooachannel]

I honestly can't believe the OP stuck with him a day longer after finding out what her husband said. Personally, I would have packed my bags that same night.

[@kitkakitteh]

Last story, OP got together with one of late wife and his friends- who was probably around a lot during the last of his wife’s illness. It’s easy, given the speedy timeline to assume he was tapping that even as his wife was dying. He says it didn’t happen that way, but ppl lie. We don’t know the truth, but either way; don’t pay for sis’s shit if she can’t be civil.

[@whitneybennett5076]

Story 3: OP, I'd go no contact with my sister if she said those awful things to me and still expected me to pony up cash for her. But if you do decide to maintain contact with her, DO NOT leave that child alone with her ever. There's no telling what garbage she'll try to drill into their head, including trying to make them feel guilty for being alive because they're supposedly an "affair child."

[@morgansmith9533]

Second story have a feeling stepmom is making the dad feel that it’s his responsibility to now take care of her kids and her kids only and that they only have them and not another parent and that Op has mom so it will be ok in the end

[@selmagamsby9190]

2nd story. OP remind your dad. When you have tried to speak with him on many occasions "like an adult" . He has dismissed your feelings by saying something like it is natural to be jealous of sharing his time. He was Not listening or addressing the issue like an adult. He was dismissive. Tell him while what you did when you went and gave him back the money is addressing it like an adult. More adult than he was. Giving you money then trying to guilt you into give it back. As an adult addressing it, you decided to take control. And just give him his selfish, non adult, cry baby money back. As you realized. This was his cowardly plan all along. To "give" you the money. Then guilt you into giving it back. Let him know it wasn't guilt that made you give it back. It was the disgust you felt towards his cowardice. And the disgust you have towards him that compelled you to give it back to him. So you could wash him out of your life once and for all.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you remember to take care of yourself gosh darn it, you are always valid, and I love you and care about you so please take care of yourself 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@sxugaryxcube9475]

I think in the last story OP sister is one of those people who thinks you aren’t allowed to move on from your spouse if they pass away, you have to be sad about them forever in their eyes. I mean so people choose to never date again but that’s the key word, choose. Love doesn’t stop if you become a widow, that’s why “till death take us part” is a vow in weddings.

[@elizabethwilliams5686]

Lady in the first story i feel so sorry for sucks when you think you have found a prince charming only to find he really is a frog in disguise.

[@lightschen1644]

That first story stings so bad. Imagine having someone unabashedly tell you that they only settled for you because you're unattractive enough to be "healthy" for them. i.e You likely don't have the confidence or ability to push back against them.

[@kolonarulez5222]

I could never never never x100 stay with someone who I overheard say that about me. Newly married means annulment time.