How To Be Assertive: Assertive Communication & DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills

[@melissak.8385]

Realized I never learned basic communication skills growing up. Ty for sharing these helpful tips.

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad it was helpful!

[@jeffreyzamor8004]

School doesnt teach us what we really need in life.

[@Plasmafox]

I mean, how can someone learn something like DEAR in an environment where people don't listen to you, don't care how you feel, and don't care what you want, and/or punish you for speaking up at all? That's where a lot of people in DBT came from.

[@harmezjames8013]

@@Plasmafox this fcked me up. As a grown-up now I have to struggle learning how to be assertive.

[@Raminakai]

This is a good basic frame. I was given this Dearman worksheet in the 2000's in counseling I was going to. Try this in a toxic workplace, ( where I had the right not to be) and you will find you don't have the right to food or housing or a vehicle. It's not a bad frame, but as you fill in the particulars, the unique circumstance you are in, please pray and ask for Wisdom in how to use this tool. Sometimes, it's better not to be so direct to the person who is acting out. It depends on so many factors. God Bless and read the Word of God; it's beneficial to the soul, here and later on. 🕊

[@Miketation]

This is probably the best video I've seen about how to be assertive. Every other self-help video I've seen are so vague on the subject and don't even provide examples on how to even do it.

[@syedahmad4261]

You make it easy to approach complicated and even uncomfortable topics. Even the style is very calming and relaxing. Please keep it up!

[@SelfHelpToons]

Thanks so much, glad you like them!

[@assertiveme9406]

Great video with clear examples. I’ve used this video with clients and we’ve used the DEAR Man. The hardest part for many can be to be vulnerable to share emotions/thoughts and assert needs/wants. Also, for this to work effectively it’s important to have good self-awareness. Thank you for a great video!! It’s very helpful.

[@yasminyasser9386]

This is the best channel for learning psychology on youtube that I came by so far!!!

[@adinubila]

thank you for supplying an example of what to do when you make the request and they attack/become defensive - very helpful to show what to do (repeat the request over and over) instead of getting frustrated

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad it was helpful!

[@hewanmork6852]

Thank you its help full to me this video

[@susanw9475]

Thank you for a good and complete video about assertiveness. I have been looking. I think because I recently restarted A Course In Miracles, the magic has come upon me to become assertive at 69 years. I see assertive as being synonymous with honest. I see that I was raised in and maintained an inwardly crouching posture of hostility, fear, mistrust, assuming I could not have anything except by groveling or being dishonest. My behavior might not look that different from the outside, immediately. But I know that i'm prepared to save myself a lot of time, by not going the long way around about everything, and energy by not assuming defeat before I've tried.

[@charlotteharris2695]

I love these videos and use them ALL the Time. with my clients. Thank you soooo much..Very impactful!

[@NinSega89]

I'm 33 years old, and I never knew about this. Nobody learned me about this because I grew up very defensively, timidly and very quietly. But be able to speak my mind or saying no to thing I really didn't want.

[@aliyahcreations4575]

Well done, I'm 42 and just getting it 😆

[@gtseitz]

I’m 66 and just getting it! You two are fortunate to be getting it when you are young. Write down the key points and read them every day until you really get it. When the going gets rough we always revert to our amygdala fight or flight response, at least I do. We need to build muscle memory to overcome that.

[@minicc26]

28 and now gonna start consciously learning this.

[@rcassia]

Wow, your video means a lot to me. I've had situations that I couldn't say no, even though I wanted to say no. I will start to watch your videos, thank you.

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad to hear it!

[@aebyang2607]

wow such a detailed explanation. I dont understand why it doesnt pop when I search on how to be assertive! I know that it would easy since Im the kind who flees when in conflict but I will really try. Thank you for this video and thank you universe for answering my prayer!

[@SelfHelpToons]

Thanks, I just added How to be Assertive to the title!

[@sonne2351]

Would you believe it was impossible to find this very helpful video by simply searching for it. Popped up after clicking on one piano video after another! I gave up about 2 years ago as most videos on this topic when I did search were rather useless. This is so simple but so concise & specific. Well bet late then never having found it at all. Sincere Thank you!

[@Aye_cutie24]

This is one of the best explanations I’ve come across

[@ujalakaleem4626]

It was a good info. I really needed it. Thanks man

[@ModernGentleman223]

Me too

[@MontuckyGirl75]

TY for this video. I am a therapist and have never heard of DEAR MAN. This is great. Will be teaching to clients and signing up for trainings in DBT!

[@SelfHelpToons]

Great to hear!

[@lepcha2442]

So clearly explained! 🙏

[@byssacpack]

Thanks!

[@SelfHelpToons]

Thanks for your support!

[@Star-dj1kw]

❤ excellent video. My fave part is 11:37 The Personal Bill of Rights

[@caroldanvers265]

The examples what you provided was spot on because people in the work place are often demanding and want things now or they ignore you when asking for something. I've also learned how to say 'No' in different ways or I would say I'm not comfortable right now. Being assertive is not harsh, but communicating in a manner that lets the other person know what you want in a non-aggressive way.

[@SisterMinnie]

I am reviewing all my DBT skills again and I love your channel. Thank you so much!

[@walidnazmifordigitization5204]

Awesome - Thank you for the brilliant work

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@peach-ym2ng]

This was really useful and helpful actually showing how to communicate respectfully effectively and assertively Thank you Much love ❤❤❤😁😁😁👍👍👍

[@saadiabokhari1922]

Found your video on assertive communication after watching so so many of them. It's a bit long but so concise and direct, plus you have connected all the topics so nicely making it flow really well. Thanks a bunch, very very helpful!

[@rosadiaz3998]

It's such a great video; I think I've been in all those ways: passive, aggressive; shame on me! Now it comes to do the practice. Thank you so much!

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad it was helpful! Thanks for letting me know.

[@jackycheboiwo4051]

Same 😅😅😅. We live and learn right?

[@Larreth]

This is so brilliant! Thank you so much for helping me in an area i was definitely weak in

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad it helped!

[@safwanalsulami7967]

I love you channel. It helps me a lot. Thanks

[@claraegbonwon]

This video is brilliant to reinforce positive communication. Thank you.

[@EvaEva-lf3ww]

So grateful to you for this video. Useful, clear and organized.

[@honeycombTR]

I new to dbt therapy in a group terrapy. English being my second language I find it hard to understand it all but your videos are great so easy to understand and and love the animation thank you

[@SelfHelpToons]

Thanks, that's great to hear!

[@antonbayda2571]

Amazing video, thanks for sharing!)

[@majdkhalil9645]

Thank you for sharing this amazing video - it is very helpful - much appreciated

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad it was helpful!

[@ctlyts]

thank u sm theres a girl whos been asking me for alot of favors lately and shes so pushy and it makes me feel like a bad person

[@Dora23Jan]

Sir, cover on low self esteem and low self confidence, resilience, and act during verbal absuses, insults, subtle comments at office, and how to stand for yourself in such situation when we have low self esteem, and or donot know what skills to have to stand for ourself

[@baidookingsley723]

There's a lot you can help me to understand better

[@rachelattack]

I'm an employment support trainer and this video is longer than we usually show but it's super clear and touches on two big subjects - our communication styles (AND NOTICING OTHER'S STYLES!) and DEARMAN which I refer to kinda broadly as conflict resolution. I wish we could normalize just showing this to people we love or live with... Check out the personal bill of rights, folks.

[@Blue_birdie_san]

Thank you for this video.

[@neelapatel1081]

Thank you for a thorough and effective video. Learned so late in life but look forward to better days with these tools.

[@adarshanilkumar4436]

Satisfied with this video, Its really amazing I don't want to look for an another video, I will keep on following your channel☺

[@SelfHelpToons]

Thank you so much!

[@lindahebb4832]

Thank you for posting

[@ferasace5169]

i've watched many "Assertive Communication" viideo, and this is the best one to explain thank you so much

[@SelfHelpToons]

Thanks, that's great to hear!

[@Krisztián_Bánszki]

Very very big THANK YOU!

[@colleenfleming8482]

I love this! Thank you for making this video 😊

[@tanjahodges9925]

Really useful and clear. Thanks!

[@sophiathefirst7631]

It's really a helpful video, thank you so much ❤

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad it was helpful!

[@Jonel-gy9mw]

Thank you for this. Really helpful❤

[@amiraragheb2757]

That was very very very helpful ❤❤ thank you so much.

[@amilawijegunawardene4791]

Great Video. Thank you!!

[@djpatt81]

This is brilliant video very easily understanding true assertiveness I like it

[@voitmusic]

Excellent channel! Every concept you discuss in your videos is clear and to the point.

[@katiem4635]

Thank you! This is very helpful!

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad it was helpful!!

[@kiaralee9455]

Great Video as always! 😊

[@SelfHelpToons]

Thanks!

[@ShruthiLakshminarayana]

Great video! Thank you so much❣️

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad it was helpful!

[@santaniebrown3721]

These are very insightful tips!

[@korean6525]

Thank you so much!

[@delfinagioielli1311]

THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@pallavii24]

Thank you so much for simplifying the concept and making it easy to understand. The breakdown of the concept, examples, the acronym, some negative statements that weigh us down and the last bit that felt like affirmations. Thank you so much 🤗

[@alanbeardall4789]

great insights made very practical.

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad you think so!

[@samn8309]

I've been 'dear-maned' and it went well. Very good technique. Thank you

[@immigrantforlove]

Thank you 🙏🏻

[@nurliazul]

thank you so much

[@christiansgrandma6812]

After being passive all my 60 years of life, becoming assertive is challenging. For so long I have gotten angry and jept quiet.

[@reginandze7946]

Thank you so much for this video. Please can you do another video on how this can be applied in a hierarchical relationship, like a daughter being respectfully assertive to her to parents? Also, can you please do a video on the formula for a proper apology? Thank you so much!

[@IsoEvolve]

This truly gave me a better understanding of assertiveness. Now I know how to implement this into my life in healthy ways. Thank you 🙏🏿

[@angieeissa8679]

Thank you for this channel

[@JoeM370]

What an epic piece of content. A related book I explored had an equally profound impact. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn

[@llanisclark3910]

Thanks for this

[@freezyourit]

Experience has taught me that those who get more upset with you for either being a few minutes late are those people who exponentially expect you to accept their own lateness or whatever else. Saying, ' Oh, sorry, you know my life, stuff happens'. These same people who just want a text, never ever feel they deserve to hold themselves to the standards they are making the biggest fuss. It becomes crazy making. Another subject all together. The most perfect appearibg people hide their imperfections at the expense of coming down hard on those who accept them the most.

[@toytarot9015]

Very good video thank you

[@Dineshkumar-qu3bq]

It's Realy smooth ✌️

[@misssafia4013]

Fantastic video , what about confidence video

[@dremadelghamrawy]

Great video .

[@hannagetnet614]

Ohhh mannn I love this

[@SelfHelpToons]

Glad to hear it!

[@Aziz_tt]

7:50 When he said: you don’t text me when you’re late . I felt he has the right 😂

[@JesusSaves77799]

Hi! Thanks for your great video. I was just wondering, when people cite the DBT manual or tips from it like it “Dear Man”, do they have to give reference or cite the manual in the description box? Can people quote from it no problem? Thank you!!

[@SelfHelpToons]

I guess technically you should always cite your sources, but unless it's an academic or professional setting, nobody's going to care or even notice if you don't.

[@ranjiniseshadri2120]

This is amazing. Can I use this for our trainings? Is this available?

[@SelfHelpToons]

Thanks. It's not available outside of KZbin, but you can play the KZbin version for your trainings.

[@ModernGentleman223]

It really is

[@toytarot9015]

Affective parenting ways of communicating with teens about chores would be a good topic when they tell you no.

[@isabelpatterson4011]

Can you have content just like this one for middle school children? Some show passive aggressive behavior by not listening to requests as simple as complete your work. They tend to engage teachers in a back and forth and try to gaslight them

[@amyf8700]

I don't think using "I messages" is enough to keep the other person from feeling blamed... at least it isn't in my experience. Sensitive people will see right past the "I feel" part and will be looking for where they might be blamed. In addition, some people will balk as soon as you start to "describe" the situation, no matter if you stick only to facts. They will dispute these facts. "I wasn't late. I never agreed to meet at that time". It's also impossible to describe someone's behavior without saying "you", but the simple statement: "You were late" can be met with anger and defensiveness. What do you do when you can't get past "describe"? I also think the list of rights can be misused. Do you really have the right to ask for anything? Anything at all? Do you really have the right to never have to explain your reasons for your actions? Sure, you have a right to express any and all of your feelings, but should you? Maybe these are fine rights to test out on a stranger you never will see again, but I can't see this working well in a relationship that you want to work out. But I guess we all have the right to do anything within the law, but we also have the right to walk away from people who ask for too much and never return favors, who express all their feelings without restraint and never explain themselves.

[@adwoan.7916]

What if I can meet those demands but just do not want to for fear that the person will think it’s okay to keep making demands? How does one assertively say no just because? Thanks for the video!

[@SelfHelpToons]

You can just say, "Sorry, I can't." If they keep asking, you can just repeat "Sorry, I can't." And if they ask "Why not?" you don't owe them an explanation and can just say, "I've already told you I can't, so please stop asking." Or you can say something like, "I'm too busy," and then if they keep asking things like "what are you so busy with?" or "why can't you make some time for me?" you can say "I've already told you I can't, so please stop asking." That may sound a little rude, but they're the ones being rude by not taking no for an answer, so sometime they don't leave you any other option.

[@adwoan.7916]

@@SelfHelpToons Thanks! Very helpful.

[@katarzynabartkowiak264]

how to know if I like someone, how to know if this friendship will work, there is always something about people I can not stand and friendship ends

[@helengibbs3153]

Hi, the author hasn't responded but I think I can offer you something. If you have healthy boundaries and are assertive in your communication with people from the start, you can accept human weaknesses rather than getting distressed or put off by them But being boundaried and assertive means you start relationships and friendships more slowly and you spend time checking you have shared values, before you commit to more than casual time together. So for example I've met someone at my gym and I think we could be friends and I'm at the point of asking if she wants to be a gym buddy and we turn up at the same time to encourage each other. But not more than that for now. We have lots of professional shared interests but I want to check she's a robust critical thinker before we talk about work stuff, because I struggle with people who don't get the idea of being evidence based in healthcare

[@baidookingsley723]

I want you to be my tutor for therapeutic communication

[@andreab04]

ANNOTATIONS/NOTES FOR ME: 2:19 DEAR method: 1:56 why pursue the method (5:40 to request something or say no), 2:28 Describe the situation for the other to know what we are talking about, 3:01 Express with "I" messages to show the other how we feel, 4:08 Assert the action to show what we want/ask for directly, 5:13 Reinforce to encourage desire outcome by letting others know the reward they will receive if they comply 3:04 we use "i" instead of "you", 3:46 example (to not face with judgement, criticism, or blame, try to understand what they feed when they pinpoint a problem you have) 6:21 MAN method: 6:43 Mindful of objectives (6:55 broken-record technique) 8:03 Appear confident tips (eye contact, be certain in speech, 8:21 practice beforehand) 8:34 Negotiate, 9:19 ask for their input/suggestions

[@SelfHelpToons]

Thanks! I will add these timestamps to the description

[@MelissaHurley1994]

Unless the other person is being cold and stubborn? Doesn't that make things difficult not letting someone else's body language bother me 😢😢😢

[@sabikarasheed2003]

It probably does, and when you feel overwhelmed, you can say, let's talk about it when we're both calm. This is very draining for me right now. And talk later, usually they would be able to talk much better when they're calm.😊 hope it helped

[@shivb1970]

Classrooms students make fun of kids when some try to ask questions, what is the approach to take in front of teacher

[@immigrantforlove]

💟

[@LinkHolmes-y3j]

Hi please explain

[@tinawelt2792]

And If you are dealing With a narcessist U can Say it as nice as U like they will still blame U & dont Listen.

[@asasial1977]

These are assuming you are talking to a rational person Few these days, especially in my area are even remotely rational, or capable of self reflection. The minute you say anything to take up for yourself, you about have to fight your way out, literally.

[@Minisynapse]

7:31 sounds like a toxic friend....

[@alexekuznetsov]

This is too agressive for the open communication i am interested in pursueing. I blame the presentation of the subject matter focusing on the negatives and the no's. I am more interested in learning about people and i have nowhere to hurry in a competitive manner.

[@abdullaalteneiji6533]

It is difficult if you are talking with people who are narcissistic or have other mental health problems.

[@romanticallyhopelessrose]

That’s why you have to stick to your boundaries , remember boundaries are to protect you not to make or change someone else. If you can get the narcissist out of your life.

[@CleverestWitch2188]

I love that personal bill of rights. I want a little poster of that to put on my wall. 🩷

[@assertiveme9406]

Great video with clear examples. I’ve used this video with clients and we’ve used the DEAR Man. The hardest part for many can be to be vulnerable to share emotions/thoughts and assert needs/wants. Also, for this to work effectively it’s important to have good self-awareness. Thank you for a great video!! It’s very helpful.