Men and Women Are Both to Blame (Jason Evert)

[@CGoalie]

So refreshing to ask each gender to look to the plank in their own eye first. Much more productive than a death spiral of criticizing the other.

[@karlheven8328]

True but on a societal level feminism is now by far a bigger problem than 'toxic masculinity'. However we men must ofc focus on our own sanctification. But that must not mean that we have to put up with masculinity being vilified which makes virtue seem pointless for many men (virtous masculinity should be rewarded not frowned upon)

[@SantanaCampbell]

Yet, the saved in Heaven will ALWAYS criticize the damned in HELL! Look at the frescos which favour the abominable fancy!

[@CGoalie]

@@karlheven8328 Agree, men standing up for the inherent dignity of masculinity and not letting it be vilified is absolutely necessary. All I'm saying is that it shouldn't involve putting down the other sex in the process. That just backfires into both sides entrenching into stupidity (angry youtube dude telling women that letting them having basic civil rights (e.g. to vote / open a bank account) singlehandedly ruined civilization vs. shrill youtube chick telling men how the "patriarchy" is responsible for all historical wrongs ever).

[@joshinfwtx4506]

"she wasn't doing these things instead of motherhood, she was mothering through these things" 1:33-36 Brilliant and beautiful observation. I'm looking forward to sharing that one with my daughter

[@SpecCrun]

What I think makes it hard to ask girls out these days is that a lot of women get OFFENDED if you ask them out. I honestly wish they'd just say "I'm flattered, thank you, but I'm not interested." I don't mind getting rejected, but if a girl drags it out and has to tell all her friends, it's uncomfortable. I had that happen, and even though her friends didn't really care it just sucks to have people keep bringing it up.

[@derek4412]

Yep! Women love telling all their friends because it’s an ego boost. They also like destroying your chance of asking out any of their other friends because none of them want to be publicly perceived as the “second choice”. They act like you asking them to dinner is the same as you wanting to marry them…which isn’t true. That’s why it’s always better to keep it coy and ask them to “hang out”. Everyone has plausible deniability now. The woman doesn’t feel like she’s saying “yes” to marriage, she doesn’t have to tell her friends she’s “official” with someone they might not approve of, and men don’t have to risk rejection. For better or worse, we live in a woman’s world and men now have to adopt the subtleties and nuances of the other side.

[@gabrielkiesel]

@@SpecCrun It seems thar for women the caliber of men they attract affects their social status. So when a more "homely" type of guy approaches her, there's this implication they are on the same level, which causes offence.

[@alisterrebelo9013]

​@@gabrielkiesel Yes you're right. But what is one of the implications if higher social status guys don't want to marry her? Perhaps that is actually her true social status, with the homely guy.

[@Ladynilow]

@@alisterrebelo9013that’s her business tho not yours . You have no right to tell anyone or even suggest to them what their worth is. If she wants a millionaire let her labour on that journey as hard as she sees fit

[@alisterrebelo9013]

@@Ladynilow Dear sister, you are posting on a Christian channel. As Christians, we help each other understand God's wisdom and will for our lives. I am talking with a Christian brother, presumably about a Christian woman. In that sense, I am well within my rights to give my opinion. Your offended tone indicates you took my post personally. Why? The message was not directed to you.

[@12arianalizzyC34]

The biggest problem occurs when both genders dont really see each other as people. I have seen men and women generalize each other based on a bad experience with one person. Allthough we have biological differences, I wish people realized we are all just people.

[@zsedcftglkjh]

Because we are not all "just people." What a silly generalization.

[@lmuzquiz]

Love these conversations. They are nonexistent in my country. God Bless Pints With Aquinas.

[@risingradiance9142]

Whoa. These guys are amazing! I never thought about it in this angle. This makes sense. Instantly subing!!!

[@mmaphilosophytheologyscien4578]

There’s nothing wrong with loving multiple generations a household. It’s financially logical and can save you lots of money for a future family. And it’s the custom of many cultures for a good reason. Weak take on his part but otherwise mostly good.

[@ripbeni6198]

I agree, I think he was just saying it off the cuff because it’s such a common phrase. He would agree with you I would imagine.

[@DavidSmith-cr7mb]

men and women are both equally failing eachother rn... we live in the modern world, and we do modern things to eachother, and we lie about it to ourselves and eachother. best piece of advice I have been telling people, my friends and whatnot, is that most people in, in my generation at least, are "undateable", I call it. serial incompatability due to hedonistic modernism. the definition you taught me of effeminacy through equinus was really good. I like it, to not let go of the pleasures and face the obstacles of life, thatis something that men are just not wanting to do rn. (I know why... its not complicated, we put the weight of the world on my generation, faster than thought communications have ruined people, put all the worst worries right in our kids lap)

[@DavidSmith-cr7mb]

men (in my generation) are so screwed unless we find better leaders. i am enrolled in school right now, to try to become a pillar in my community and help to steer my peers, leading by example. so many dudes just dont realize it IS their choice still to do something about life.

[@StoneAgeWarfare]

And here I thought I was undateable for sticking by my morals. My friend told me I was "the safe one" yesterday and why that's a bad thing for women. This generation doesn't know love, they just know toxicity.

[@JagadguruSvamiVegananda]

No, just NO.

[@zsedcftglkjh]

@@StoneAgeWarfare Yep. I was "grandpa" in college because I was understanding and gave "good" advice (their words, not mine) to the Catholic girls in college. Whenever I made a move to take the relationship into courting..."Oh! I could never love you like that. We're just friends." The constant friend-zoning for sixteen years absolutely broke me. Now I'm too old, too jaded, and too knowledgeable about women. Look up women's #1 sexual fantasy in this modern age. It will absolutely break you as a man. Love does not exist; or if it does, love is so rare that you're better off living as if it doesn't exist. Sad thing is I got off better than most men. I'm just one of the 33% of men who are invisible to women.

[@StoneAgeWarfare]

@@zsedcftglkjh I know what you mean. I'm starting to go bald so my chances with women are gonna go downhill real soon.

[@monanana-04]

Thank you Matt for bringing up that women as well can be weak and doomscroll. It is a real thing and we need both sides to strive

[@sololoquy3783]

Men lead, women follow. But they are equal in worth. Because what is first, is also last. Men lead, also men serve. Women follow, also women choose.

[@frankiecampos8909]

Great video! Thanks guys!

[@kateriV]

Absolutely loved the video! As a woman, I couldn’t agree more with your points. I believe it’s essential for men to take initiative and lead; however, what really impacts my perception is when a man disrespects women or looks down on anyone. That kind of attitude definitely diminishes his appeal in my eyes. I try to see God in such male too.

[@2555Edu]

I always had more success with girls outside the church, they always show more enthusiasm and show INTEREST beforehand, of course I'm always the first to ask out, but women should always show clearly that they are interested in men, if not then we will not do anything, and girls outside the church are way better at this than the ones inside the church, so that's one reason I see why there are so many single women in church, they expect we do everything, and in my case I did but without success, now I think it's better for men to look outside and try to help the girl to convert afterwards

[@saritalynda5369]

I suppose I should look for men outside the church. Harder to find a man within. All of my sisters married non-Catbolics. They all did convert at different times (before having children) to the church🙂

[@bigbrowntabby118]

If you want the girl to be the first to show interest, it sounds like you really do want her to take the lead (in a subtle way of course), while you get the credit for it by doing the more obvious action of asking her out. No wonder so many men complain later on in the relationship that their gf/wife is a feminist. Because that's the only kind of woman they will date.

[@karlheven8328]

​@@saritalynda5369That is very dangerous and I know from many that the probability of divorce is high. Also it is important that the children are educated in the catholic faith. I know it may be hard to find the right partner but one must value the importance of faith. It is important to get priestly pastoral counsel on that.

[@2555Edu]

@@saritalynda5369 if you have good examples then go for it, I know I'm looking for non-catholics girls

[@AJKPenguin]

6:09 You know things are serious when Jason Evert throws an F to the airwaves. Amen to this roundtable segment.

[@bryanpeters5034]

we spend so much time worrying about people with ssa, but nobody spends any time helping those with a desire to oppress the poor. Sad

[@Alexander44665]

Hardly anyone in the Church cares about helping those of us with ssa.

[@bryanpeters5034]

@@Alexander44665 Or murderers or those who oppress widows or who defraud the working man of his wages. Do you know why that is?

[@Alexander44665]

@bryanpeters5034 Its not a contest. Also, I have heard many in the Church speak much more fondly of these groups than about people with ssa. I've seen churches reach out way more to the groups you've mentioned than to us. Many churches just want us to go away. I've never seen a Church worry about us 😆. Why is that?

[@bryanpeters5034]

@@Alexander44665 By SSA, you mean sodomy, right?

[@Koltusky]

Link to full episode seems to be missing from description

[@RealSeanithan]

I'm trying to recognize that bottle over Matt's shoulder: is that Lagavulin?

[@BigKB275]

Disagreements aside I'll simply be happy that there was at least an attempt to not put it all on men. I love the idea you mentioned of asking yourself "How do I become the man God is calling me to be?" I fully believe if both sexes approached life and dating like this, we'd see a drastic uptick in the quality of the dating scene. That said, there are more factors at play in the modern era than this, and the points brought up in this video are pretty tone deaf to them. Being a holy and virtuous man who is willing to forge himself in fire won't help you buy a house/rent an apartment at the rate that inflation is taking off, especially when DEI initiatives are putting obstacles in your way in many fields. Being a woman who would never lose it on a guy simply for approaching them means nothing if they are not pushing back outwardly against the women that do, given how much that's shown and celebrated in secular society. I don't see a ton of men who want to be approached (although I can name one or two, anecdotally). Rather, I see those who either got browbeaten time and time again by such women and simply decided it wasn't worth it; or those who were raised without a male role model/father figure not having the slightest idea how to do it in a healthy way, thus exacerbating the issue all around. Both of these require a cultural correction of their respective causes. I'm not even a fan of Andrew Tate, but he is a horrible example to make that point about effeminacy. You cannot become a kickboxer of his caliber if you're following Aquinas' definition of effeminacy. He endured a Romanian prison and has endured endless persecution, which means he had no access to any of his worldly pleasures and is constantly being attacked. He's no worse the wear for it, outwardly at least. The type of masculinity that most people attack today is more of what I would call "bravado" or "machismo." It's not true masculinity; it could be more accurately described as "masculine traits when taken to their extremes, then caricaturized." People like Tate are business men at the end of the day, and this type of pseudo-masculinity generates a ton of clicks. This is only scratching the surface. We can say, rightly, that following Christ as the prime example of what a man should be will lead you to success in life, and women should look for such a man, all we want. We as Catholics do a really bad job of exemplifying this given our collective cavalier attitude toward annulments and divorce. To say nothing of how dismissive this sounds to non-Christians; we won't convert anyone with messaging like that. It needs to be exemplified. I'll try to not be too harsh since this was a ~8 min video from a full 3 hour podcast; but I wanted to push back on some of the points I think needed to be pushed back on. Overall, I think this video is a net good. God bless, and keep up the good work Matt!

[@alisterrebelo9013]

I'd suggest one correction to an otherwise even handed post. Tate is first and foremost a pimp which should be acknowledged. I'm not sure what else he's involved in on the side like real estate, so he could be involved in legitimate businesses, but the source of his wealth is derived from his pimping.

[@BigKB275]

@alisterrebelo9013 Fair enough. I didn't include that point because, to my knowledge, those claims weren't substantiated and I avoid spreading what to me would be hearsay.

[@davidreynolds2126]

I’m super smart when it comes to dating. ::: try to open door by pushing even though the sign says to pull::

[@rannahoot22]

Goodness, I'm absolutely LONGING for pursuit from men in the church. If a man can't lead in asking me out on a date, in person, how does that translate to him being a leader of our marriage? Unfortunately, it's hard not to just get frustrated and do their pursuing ourselves as women. But really all along we hoped we never would need to. :(

[@2555Edu]

Are you giving the signals for men to pursue you? I agree that the man should be the one asking the woman out, but the woman should be first to signal man the interest

[@feralandroid]

You are longing for pursuit from certain men, not men in general. You would reject most men or worse, shame them. Risk/reward no longer exists.

[@JagadguruSvamiVegananda]

@@2555Edu "I agree that the man should be the one asking the woman out,..." Oh? Because??

[@judgmentaltoast]

Girl. SAME.

[@Doyouevenlegday]

Agree with another commenter: you have to give signals that you’re open to the man pursuing you. Young men have been beaten over the head by young women with “just because I’m friendly to you doesn’t mean I want to date you.” So now it’s more safe for young men to avoid their reputations or livelihoods being shredded to just wait in hope that a woman will throw out more explicit signals that she’s interested. But also, pursuit is slightly transactional. You have to be willing to give some reciprocity to the pursuer. Playing games and making the man do 100% of the work to initiate any sort of communication in the relationship is a good way to make someone lose interest. We have complimentary roles, but both have to give 100% for the relationship to succeed.

[@SantanaCampbell]

What do you think of women who propose to their boyfriend on February 29th every 4 years?

[@AetheriusComics]

I'm super confused by the idea of labeling guys like Andrew Tate as effeminate, because if he is, what would one label a guy who looks, sounds, and acts super feminine? It seems weird to lump the muscled kick boxer guy in the same box as the thin, long haired, woman-like guy who could almost pass as a woman.

[@pintswithaquinas]

It all depends how you define effeminacy. Aquinas defined effeminacy as a lack of resilience or endurance, particularly in the face of difficulty or discomfort. In the Summa Theologiae (II-II, Q. 138, Art. 1), he describes effeminacy as an aversion to hardship due to an excessive attachment to pleasure or comfort. Aquinas contrasts it with fortitude, which requires the strength to withstand challenges for the sake of a higher good. Effeminacy, then, is less about gender traits and more about the failure to overcome obstacles or persevere, often due to a reluctance to forgo comfort. A man may be slender with a higher-pitched voice and still embody true masculinity, while another might appear rugged and muscular yet still be effeminate.

[@TheBrick534]

@@pintswithaquinas By that definition, with the guy in question, (Andrew Tate) is not effeminate then. One could consider this semantics, but it's VERY important to define things quite rigidly for better understanding. People like Tate are, in fact, masculine. That's why there IS an inherent desire for many young many to look up to him and be like him. The problem lies in that the masculinity he's developed is NOT rightly ordered. Only in submission to God can that be accomplished. So one can simultaneously have a strong, masculine frame, whilst also misusing it and misdirecting it due to a lack of submission to God and His divine order. Just like any of the gifts we've been given, like our sexuality, it can be misused and abused for our own pleasure, OR, be developed and guided by God to further His Holy Kingdom.

[@Mr_Mcgee_]

@@TheBrick534someone who brags about pimping out woman is definitionally not masculine. Any men seeking to emulate him are deeply lost, and need to recenter themselves to Christ.

[@StoneAgeWarfare]

@@TheBrick534 He's effeminate because he puts his desires above those of others, especially when it comes at their expense. A man is ideally supposed to be disciplined AND self-sacrificial. He's only one of those, so much so that it crosses over into extreme vanity as well. That is effeminacy.

[@greyone40]

@@TheBrick534 Great comment.

[@hiddenhand6973]

Deirdre Byrne sounds amazing! Would she come on the show? Wow!

[@LRVitusR]

Owen Benjamin called out Tate for being effeminate years ago I hope he returns to the Church

[@grunt12394]

Here a crazy idea folks. What if the real reason men lack true masculinity and women lack true femininity is because both lack holiness and virtue. I know it’s a crazy idea! Nevertheless Our Lord himself did say while he was personally present here on earth “see ye first the Kingdom of Heaven and all these things will be added unto thee” I can’t speak for anyone who reads this comment but alas I take Our Dear Lord Jesus word literally and I will do my best to live by them. In all sincerity I pray we all do the same! God Bless you all and I hope to see you all in Heaven 😇

[@csongorarpad4670]

Amen!

[@GM-kp3ux]

Have you guys completely dumped Mother Natalia?

[@joshualeond]

I really like this definition of masculinity (aligning with the cross) but what is a definition of femininity (not the effeminate definition mentioned)??

[@joytheloneshadowbat129]

@@joshualeond I'm curious too.

[@pintswithaquinas]

“Let it be done under me according to the word.”

[@anxioush8tr167]

Drinking and smoking good, everything else bad

[@pauld1241]

Please change the thumbnail with the bare-chested Dwayne Johnson. It is immodest.

[@CorImmaculatum]

I really wish we would STOP equating being a holy man, with being a gentleman or chivalrous. Chivalric Code had zero to do with being a gentleman to women. It had to do with how Knights conducted themselves toward each other and on the battlefield. I think, there is waaaaay too much feminist ideology in the World. Interesting that almost every conversation about this subject always leans towards the men being “effeminate” or lazy. Can we please be HONEST that women have lost their way just as much as men. We need to trust God, and seek Christ in every aspect of our lives. Feminism is every bit as much to blame as “toxic masculinity”. Women are so difficult and overly complex, in their head about everything. Men grow weary of the emotional ping pong. Just as women grow weary and fearsome of men who are indifferent to their needs. We need to be equal in our relationships, and equally yoked. Respect is earned not given. Love is a gift of God’s mercy, but should be prayed for and sought, through a holy and consecrated life. God knows who and what we need. Ask Him to reveal it…

[@BulletRain100]

This video does a terrible job in explaining the problems that young men and young women are facing. For all the young women wondering why men never approach them its because the men are broke. Good men want to provide for their family, and these men feel shame at their lack of ability to provide. Unfortunately, an increasing number of men just quit after too many failures and just sit in their parents basement looking at porn. This problem isn't a result of a failure of masculinity but the cause of it. Men who experience success become more masculine, while men who experience failure become less so. Masculinity is a result of developing from actions in the same it is in being a parent.

[@karlheven8328]

The plight of feminism is not even mentioned

[@lohi172]

This should be the top comment. There’s a cute girl at church that I’d normally ask out but I’m struggling financially and living with my parents again after having to move back home. I don’t want to be insecure about it but like you said, I’ve tried and failed and tried again to make enough to support myself but it’s tough to find anywhere reasonable to rent. They made some good points but most of these Christian and or traditionally minded yet secular KZbinrs refuse to acknowledge how finances/the economy can really hold you back from flourishing.

[@Doyouevenlegday]

@@lohi172I just posted a comment about this. It’s incredibly disheartening that prominent Catholic voices are shaming and ostracizing young Catholic men for “being 25 and living in their parents’ basement.” Could it be that young men were sold a false bill of goods regarding education and career, or that the economy is just no longer set up to allow the average working man to support his family on a single income, or that the corporate buyouts of single family homes AND apartment complexes exacerbates an already difficult housing shortage? Could it be that Catholic women are falling for secular ideals of men’s salaries and fitness standards? Nope! Has to be that young Catholic men are effeminate, unwilling to sacrifice their pleasures, and unwilling to pursue the women they’re interested in.

[@wallykasp]

@@Doyouevenlegday Families living together in close proximitity is a Catholic practice. Sending your children out of the nest to see if they can fly is American/Amish. The error of Americanism as Popes called it. And the economy is absolutely atrocious. Young men living with their parents after the age of 18 is not effeminate or disordered at all. Could they be slacking off? Sure. But on the basis that is not happening, nothing wrong with it.

[@zsedcftglkjh]

If you are a man, nobody...NOBODY loves a "failure." Even a perceived setback is enough to be rejected by everyone.

[@mrlolmaster1019]

Andrew Tate is soooo 2022

[@sierram376]

Being nosy is also not very masculine. Or not minding your own business. Real mn just mind their own business.

[@alisterrebelo9013]

Genesis 2:24, when a man and woman become one flesh, they each have a right to know each other's "business". Checking this "business" out prior to marriage might prevent a future divorce.

[@sierram376]

@@alisterrebelo9013 I meant being nosy to other people's business.