Miscellaneous Myths: Aphrodite's Affair

[@delphynenull2136]

The line “Zeus wouldn’t pay for a bucket if Ares were on fire” took me out thank you Red

[@annieandelsieofarendelle3294]

You gotta feel bad for Ares sometimes.

[@tudoraragornofgreyscot8482]

@@annieandelsieofarendelle3294 Nah, he’s hated for good reason.

[@giuliagabriela9729]

And that's why I have 100% sure that Ares is a "Mother's boy" I mean is there even a myth where he goes against or causes problems to Hera?

[@AzraelThanatos]

It's one of the reasons why I'm partial to the version where Hephaestus left them there in the trap until the other gods decided that it had gone on long enough and bribed him to let them out rather than the refund part. Of course, the public shame thing doesn't quite work that well when it's those two in particular...

[@AzraelThanatos]

@@tudoraragornofgreyscot8482 The only Ares I feel really bad for is the Marvel one who is, pretty much, the most broken individual of the god characters. Sure, he can be an outright asshole, but he keeps trying to change and everything keeps going horribly wrong for him whenever he does.

[@leventemucsi9547]

Hephaestus, walking in on Ares and Aphrodite in the net: "Hey how's it hanging?"

[@shadowkingdarksin3980]

Ares:oh nothing much getting beaten by a weak iron nerd from game of thrones 😎😎😎😎

[@theanimeunderworld8338]

Hephaestus crafted himself a win

[@lordkifis2757]

Lol

[@fireemblem723]

Ares: Eh, y'know, slightly to the left and totally towards your wife if you take my meaning.

[@bazzfromthebackground3696]

I bet he crafts a good pun.

[@SergeiAndropov]

Interesting tidbit re. Hephaestus being disabled: In the early Bronze Age, the first bronze alloys were created by smelting copper with mercury, rather than tin. This meant that the smiths all had mercury poisoning and were sickly and weird. So there's a firm historical basis for Hephaestus's health problems.

[@chengkuoklee5734]

And the cripple leg might be occupational injury due to forge blower.

[@barbiquearea]

@@chengkuoklee5734 I heard he was born lame.

[@quinnsinclair7028]

@@barbiquearea No he was born with a congentual facial defect. The leg injury came when he was chucked off Mt Olympus.

[@Silverwind87]

​@@quinnsinclair7028 Maybe he wanted his money back from Zeus so he could pay off his medical expenses. There's no god of trade unions, unfortunately.

[@ckl9390]

I heard it was because the early bronze alloy contained arsenic. Often the ore loads were contaminated with it which resulted in naturally occurring arsenic alloy. However, after the metal was isolated and its metallurgical role was better comprehended, arsenic was intentionally added because concentrations of up to 3% (I think) makes bronze harder and more suitable for cutting surfaces. It's possible that some legends of poisonous blades could have been made from bronze with way too much arsenic trying to increase their edge retention factor. We don't put arsenic in bronze anymore and for good reason. While being worked the arsenic in the bronze produces a toxic fume that can cause various types of nerve and muscular impairments (as Hephaestus represents as a Master Smith who has been in the craft long enough to accrue occupational injuries of this sort), let alone potentially toxic exposure of the finished product to the end user. Another reason would have been that we wouldn't have had to since the full transition to iron, as bronze now filled a different role and didn't have to retain a cutting edge.

[@rtc2323]

- If I wanted Ares humiliated I'd ask him to spell "Diomedes" Hephaestus may be the god of fire, but Athena is the goddess of roasting

[@merrittanimation7721]

Even Hestia admires the roasting skills of Athena

[@PatrickCervantez]

@@merrittanimation7721 Hestia is the eldest of the Olympians, sets off volcanoes when angered, and flenses the fat from sacrifices to keep the flames of Olympus burning. Hestia is the literal queen of roasting.

[@GustavoFernandesKing]

@@PatrickCervantez ~ whoosh ~

[@mosesmm5473]

Really drives home the point that no-one thought that highly of Ares.

[@orianefaton1885]

@@PatrickCervantez Hestia is the eldest ? I always thought it was Hades. Or was he just the oldest of the boy ?

[@volk551]

Poseidon actually being a responsible adult... that's actually in line with older ideas about Poseidon being the actual King of the Gods from the old Mycenaean days

[@NL-ws5fv]

He and Hades might've been the same mythical figure too. I admit, I like that theory.

[@comb528491]

Pretty sure the designation of Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades into a Storm Deity, Sea Deity, and Death Deity was a direct borrowing from Ba'al, Yam, and Mot in Canaanite esp Phoenician Mythology. After all, Zeus was basically a hodgepodge of various middle eastern storm deities (Enlil from Mesopotamia, Baal from Ancient Palestine, Teshub from Hittites, etc) I think Poseidon himself predates Indo-European migrations, and those Indo-Europeans brought the proto-Zues, and all that middle eastern influence shaped what Zeus and Poseidon would become

[@reflectingPastChoices]

ok but like Poseidon raped around as much as Zeus and instead of birthing future olympian gods, his victims gave birth to monsters most of the time And he has a huge temper as well (Odysseus can testify)

[@chimera9818]

@@comb528491 technically there was also the god el(that GOD might be originated from him) so the equation doesn’t fully work but still good guess

[@comb528491]

@@chimera9818 And in the case of Mesopotamia, there was An (and the Semitic Akkadians would equate El with An). However, over the centuries, worship of Enlil would overshadow worship of An, even though technically An was higher in the hierarchy. In fact, the people of Babylon and Assur would equate their local patron deity with Enlil, not An, in order to establish their supremacy. Likewise, worship of Ba'al would generally overshadow worship of El. This is especially interesting one considering that Zeus was developed by incorporating storm deities such as Ba'al and Enlil, rather than El and An. One must also remember that the Greek concept of the war with the Titans was directly borrowed from the hittite song of Kumarbi. Basically the Hittites treated deities like Pokemons, they gotta catch 'em all. And after incorporating multiple head deities, they came up with a narrative of how one head deity took power from the previous head deity, who was his father, who had done the same from his father, and it ended with a storm deity taking power. Of course, this hittite story of a storm deity taking power from his father who took power from his father would be ascribed by the Greeks to Zeus

[@Raziel21]

1:58 I love the idea that Hera was trapped in the chair, but still rocketing around Olympus like a very pissed off comet.

[@alexandraguardian9840]

Karma for throwing her son from Mount Olympus and disabling him in the process. And in order for her to become free (as that act wasn't enough to make things even for their relationship), he ended up marrying the most beautiful goddess (unfortunately, also the personification of lust; but the intention counts) and became one of the Olympians.

[@Raziel21]

@@alexandraguardian9840 Ah yes, the story that gave us the first recorded use of the term 'yeet'.

[@malum9478]

@@alexandraguardian9840 iirc, though, this was after hera and the other gods had finally managed to briefly usurp the evil incestuous rapist king zeus. hephaestus freed zeus and helped him bind hera as punishment. so like...kind of a w? but not really because now we're back to the status quo

[@colinmerritt7645]

I wonder if this was an early attempt to understand Halley's Comet

[@joshuapreston7170]

Let's be honest, Zeus probably watched her zoom around for a bit, went to earth, got with someone, came back, watched her for a bit more, got with someone else, THEN paid for the wedding

[@MoonPatch]

I love the sass on the maiden goddesses. "If I wanted Ares humiliated I'd ask him to spell 'diomedes'" "So this is that 'marital bliss' I'm apparently missing"

[@ArkriteTheMad]

@@jasonsmith6219 I believe the joke is that Ares, while being a martial master and a muscular Adonis, is a meathead idiot who wouldn't be able to spell if his life depended on it. His roman incarnation, Mars, was considered to be a far more intelligent god of war.

[@Omegan01]

@@jasonsmith6219 Diomedes was one of the Greek heroes in the Trojan War. During one of the battles when Ares appeared on the side of the Trojans, Athena grabbed him up and put him in her chariot to take a run at Ares. She caught Ares' spear when he threw it and gave Diomedes the opening (and her guidance) to throw his own, wounding Ares and making him disappear from the battlefield with a roar of outrage and pain. (Because in Greek mythology, the god of war was a violent bully and, at heart, a coward.) So the joke here is Athena threatening to go to Ares and say 'hey, remember that time a mortal stabbed you in the gut and made you cry?'

[@shadowking1380]

One of the biggest moods ever

[@mikemudrow]

We could also remember the time Ares got stuck in a jar for a long time.

[@captaincube132]

@@jasonsmith6219 "diomeDES NUTS" and Athena kicks him into a volcano, or something just as Athena

[@strongfish9198]

**Aphrodite on their wedding, thoroughly drunk** "Good luck returning me after I burned the receipt" Hephaestus: "That's our marriage certificate"

[@nyetloki]

Based on most of the stories, it would probably be the other way around. Or Zeus burns it.

[@dylantennant6594]

Zeus: Read the fine print (At the bottom in minuscule detail on the marriage certificate: No refunds).

[@jondw]

@@dylantennant6594 I mean if I recall correctly, Hera is wife number 7 for Zeus so he definitely could return some(though he did eat one to prevent a prophecy, and for once trying to stop a prophecy worked)

[@AntediluvianRomance]

​@@jondw Are you sure those were all wives?

[@clarehidalgo]

@@jondw Depends on the writer, most of the time Hera is wife number 2 after Metis, Athena's mom. Hesiod is the one with the 7 wives thing. Though the only one we are shown of the other wives that Hera had a problem with was Leto

[@LostEmpireProduction]

"Zeus wouldn't pay for a bucket if Ares was on fire." Single-handedly one of the greatest things ever written about the Greek gods

[@margaretschaufele6502]

It is interesting that Ares and Hephaestus aren't just full siblings but both are also the kids Zeus maybe brags about the least. You'd think they'd bond over that.

[@TheJotaroKujo]

​​@@margaretschaufele6502 also Zeus' only legitimate sons, so his "heirs". And well, thet bonding kinda went out the window when Ares did his wife.

[@hansbloodsmith]

One is a cripple, the other is a bloodthirsty maniac who often become the butt of a jokes. Not exactly stellar for the next heir to the throne department. Also I like to think that Ares and Haphaestus have a somewhat okay-ish relationship (past the cheating) considering that Ares probably the one who order the most murder weapons from Haphaestus, what with being the god of war and stuff.

[@zinkheroofyoutube8004]

@@hansbloodsmithI honestly believe that Zeus would rather have Athena as his heir if he could

[@theendersmirk5851]

​@@hansbloodsmith Depends, reminder that Zeus needs Hephaestus and the three elder cyclopes to forge *every* lightning bolt he throws. And you may note from the average thunderstorm, even without accounting for the actual fight scenes, Zeus is a touch trigger happy.

[@thogthemighty7960]

"Hephaestus in his kick-ass volcano lair making robots" is the most succinct way of describing why Hephaestus is objectively the coolest Olympian.

[@wratched]

He's also one of the only Olympians who isn't a complete prick.

[@user-vm4sz5ms7e]

@@wratched As it turns out being vibe checked at birth tends to make you pretty chill

[@Dante_Eydel]

hes most definitely not the coolest olympian, on account of being INSIDE A VOLCANO.

[@dinodude7290]

That might be a horizon forbidden west ref too which is always welcome In my books

[@taxinvasion260]

He's the most based because he's the least "based"

[@floralfemme4700]

If it makes any of this better: a bride price wasn't the price of the bride, it was compensation to the bride's family for the economy she provided them now that she's moving. For example: if she helped on the farm, had a craft or made clothing. It's just funny since according to Hesiod.. Aphrodite isn't directly related to Zeus and Hephaestus. Hephaestus paid his own father a bride price because this family tree is a mess.

[@saxs3351]

It depends on the myths, in some myths Aphrodite is the daughter of Zeus.

[@insertclevernamehere1186]

@@saxs3351 yeah, well in others, she's basically Zeus's aunt via castration by scythe, so...

[@chimera9818]

In Judaism there is the thing called “get” (said the same has English get but mean different things), basically it is the money or stuff a husband need to pay to his wife if they decide to divorce (basically compensation for not being the one supporting her anymore)

[@ngiorgos]

Oh! Right! We had such a custom in Greece until a couple of generations ago. It's called proika (προίκα) /'prika/, but the problem is, it is the bride's family that pays the groom. Not the other way around. I don't know what that means for this story. Maybe it's a completely different custom? The idea behind the proika is that it's a gift from the bride's family to the newly wedded couple. It's also considered to be her share of the family's fortune and possessions. So, as she leaves her own family to go and live with her husband's family, she takes her share, the proika, with her. While married, the proika technically belongs to the husband, as the representative of the couple. But in the case that the marriage is broken, the proika must be returned to the wife. The proika was usually in the form of clothes, household items, jewels, farmland, money or other valuables that the family would set aside for the girl.

[@mackenziebeeney3764]

Iirc dowry’s (dowries?) were common until the early 20th century century when it fell out of practice. The refund is a bit questionable but so is this entire Greek God family tree so suspension of disbelief may activate.

[@charleshockenbury353]

I can see the whole “bride price” thing being updated for the times This was just the then times equivalent of Hephaestus wanting a divorce and all his stuff back

[@marctaco2624]

Which as a god of the forge, would include literal tons of jewelry.

[@mariadoerksen9000]

And that is why I am designating him as “GOD OF THE FORGE AND THE DIVORCED” Ps thank you Hephaestus for giving my brother a better life!!!🥹😅😂😂😂

[@Пинагод]

Yeah, it only seems fucked up today because the growth of capitalism really exploited our ideal of payment. It was much simpler back then and the concept of trading was relatively new, so they didn't think much of it. Plus, putting an object value on a woman could've been seen as a compliment and a way to compensate her family since the dude is taking her away from her family. In other cultures women could buy guys off too, which just goes to show how this transaction isn't as complicated as ours.

[@arcadeinvader8086]

@@mariadoerksen9000 da forge and da vorce

[@nileshmukherjee4160]

@@Пинагод And in such cases, where the girls family is paying an amount to "buy" the guy, feminists still put a question on morality that, "aren't women enough valuable? Why will they need to pay a guy to marry them?"

[@midnightrant7487]

Ok but Ares jumping out of the bushes and yelling "Yeehaw" gave me 7 years of life

[@notthechosenjuan2413]

ruining Hephaestus' life and being with Aphrodite, it's like Christmas if it was everyday

[@DJtheBlack-RibbonedRose]

Same, that & Dionysus thinking the gathering is about staring down Ares' naked ass instead of exposing an affair. 😆

[@iamasalad9080]

3

[@erinyes3943]

What happens in 2029?

[@redstonegenius2609]

And the chain joke at the end made me loose them

[@jodinsan]

"It's unclear if any lessons were learned that day." This is Greek Mythology. *_Obviously_* no lessons were learned that day.

[@orangeinkius7257]

The lesson is always "these gods are terrible people but they might do you a solid every now and then"

[@RogelioALoya]

The lesson learned by Aphrodite and Ares was “be sneakier”

[@jondoe7036]

@@RogelioALoya Or alternatively "lets do it at his place the next time instead of hers".

[@thalmoragent9344]

@@RogelioALoya Well, they don't sneak away anymore coz she's divorced now

[@Vinemaple]

Comment still underrated at 1.1K likes.

[@shoutykenneth5115]

I dunno why, but Poseidon, Apollo and Hermes being the only ones who turn up to see what happened feels like exactly the guys you'd expect to show up.

[@Vinemaple]

You have to hand it to ancient Greek storytellers, they knew how their characters behaved!

[@bcalvert1206]

I would argue dionis would also be there but stoned, flat drunk, or both.

[@metarcee2483]

​@@bcalvert1206Dionysus was most likely passed out on drugs.

[@fluffycat2728]

Yeah lol

[@PramkLuna]

Poseidon is bored and looks for any excuse to leave, Herme is always down for some mischief and Apollo likes to tag along

[@lawyermr1983]

I’m just happy that Hephaestus basically got his own miscellaneous myth. He’s sorta been left out. Thank you Red.

[@R0-83-RT]

Yeah

[@leandersearle5094]

I mean... he's got a very good reason not to go out.

[@wind_scratch8387]

I'm still waiting for literally anything about Hestia.

[@higonakamura1236]

@@wind_scratch8387 Same

[@mobileshaman2364]

@@wind_scratch8387 well from story standpoint there's not too much to go on. One of her only major stories is her being asked for marriage by Poseidon (and someone else I can't remember) but declining due to religious celibacy. One more focused on her actual real world religious role though could be interesting due to her importance as hearth goddess.

[@Ashanami]

“Aphrodite’s affair” do you know how little that narrows it down

[@xmoore5659]

I misread the title as Aphrodite's Affairs since last I checked she banged Ares, Hermes, Dionysus and several mortals. Giving us Phobos, Deimos, and Harmonia with Ares, Hermaphrodito with Hermes, and Priapus with Dionysus.

[@Boss_Isaac]

@@xmoore5659 I was thinking it would detail a rather obscure tale of Aphrodite with a girl, bcuz, you know... Pride Month.

[@xmoore5659]

@@Boss_Isaac I feel like they should do something for Pride Month again. Either that Myth, Ganymede, or the Epic of Gilgamesh.

[@matthewmuir8884]

That was my exact thought when I saw the title: "Which affair? Didn't she have thousands of those in different myths?"

[@ANDELE3025]

@@xmoore5659 Gilgamesh would be amazingly fun, because if it goes typically OSP deep, it would either be a talk about how one translation implies he fucked the grandparents of the people (along with brides and grooms before the wedding night) or the other where he merely tortures his citizens and pulls a BEGONE THOT to effectively their head deity all out of boredom/implied erectile dysfunction till he got his clay-onahole man-bro (and still gets cucked out of immortality and divinity by a cute danger noodle). Really not what a weeb would think about when anime presents him as golden boy, the other golden boy or muscular gigachad.

[@dominicmitchell3012]

I love how ares still has his helmet on even when he and Aphrodite were about to sleep together. Ares: Would you like the helmet on or off? Aphrodite: off, please. Ares: Well, too bad

[@AnAverageGoblin]

The helmet stays ON during conquests!

[@omegaprime9794]

And that's how protection was invented

[@thalmoragent9344]

@@AnAverageGoblin Bruh

[@thalmoragent9344]

@@omegaprime9794 At least he was responsible

[@omegaprime9794]

@@thalmoragent9344 very necessary, Mt Olympus (mythology) is basically the greek Alabama

[@anyathepanther7977]

Artemis : "So this is this 'marriage bliss' I am missing out on?" I feel that, Sister

[@theguyishere249]

It depends but if it’s not a good relationship. Then yes.

[@istvanbrooks5319]

Asexuality club?

[@blackjoker2345]

To be fair, nearly every myth depicting the marriage has Aphrodite unwillingly forced into it by Zeus And the myths before this had her happily in an open relationship with Ares. It's honestly more truthful to say she was forced into an arranged marriage with some rando while already in a relationship and decided to stay loyal to her boyfriend instead of going along with it.

[@annawesometheflameingpikac3688]

@@istvanbrooks5319 AroAce club!

[@zeenoash.8805]

@@annawesometheflameingpikac3688 Where do i join?

[@charlesdeleo4608]

Even funnier is that Ares had someone on lookout duty in case Helios showed up and saw it, but the dude fell asleep as Helios told Hephaestus what happened. So when Ares found out, he was so pissed that he turned the poor guy into a rooster, so he’d always crow when the sun comes up.

[@valkyrierain313]

jokes on ares roosters crow all the time

[@astoria4ever]

@@valkyrierain313 that is the origin of the rooster, sp he would probably be the first rooster to do that

[@justananonymouspotato]

Alectryon, also considered to be a (adolescent) lover of Ares. Poly Ares turning his boyfriend into a rooster is WILD 😭😭 not the love square

[@sydhenderson6753]

At least he gave the guy a useful occupation.

[@Tunade5]

Hermes and Apollo messing around with a tied up Ares and Aphrodite is giving me life. That’s all.

[@zachjaeger6401]

@@misslangleysoryuisiconic I love the idea of those three just acting like mischievous teenagers all the time, all with pranks and teasing and such but each with a special extra aspect to cause trouble. Dionysus: he's the one who is drunk 50% of the time and convinces the others two to drink with him. Apollo: He's the hopeless flirt (except he can get a date they just die before or soon after) and the reckless driver Hermes: CLEPTOMANIAC

[@halfshinesketches]

100% younger siblings energy

[@margaretschaufele6502]

The scene with Apollo and Hermes taking selfies while giving Ares bunny ears had me dying.

[@demonoflight]

The way Red drew Apollo and Hermes throughout the whole thing is giving me life.

[@Osric24]

The selfie sent me xD

[@bishbish7211]

I love how they are the only brothers That actually has brotherhood i mean Their relationship is so sibling like Not like their other siblings LMAO

[@demonoflight]

@@bishbish7211 Yes!!! The story of how little Hermes stole Apollo's sacred cattle is one of my favorites precisely because they're such brothers in it. They're not even that different, just different flavors of total dingus.

[@FanOfMostEverything]

I love the fact that Hephaestus building robots in his free time isn't a joke, but is something he actually did. Poor Talos. Also, the Athena/Artemis card game is amazing.

[@mackenziebeeney3764]

Miscellaneous myth about Talos when

[@emperordaniel9595]

Also the time-traveling robot dog he built that one time.

[@stefansauvageonwhat-a-twis1369]

Whatever they're playing, ace is certainly their power card hehe

[@sonofcronos7831]

He built a lot of robots. The Iliad and the Odyssey describes robots he built for Olympus itself like golden maidens, wheel moving tables, moving bellows and moving doors. For the phaecians he also built all types of robots and moving ships that made the phaecians life perfect.

[@sonofcronos7831]

​@@emperordaniel9595the golden dog was stated to come to life by the will of Rhea, not by Hephaestus (in Antotinus Liberalis book). Talos was also the cretan sun god, and he is said to be the father of Hephaestus sometimes (off course, syncretism, in mythology he is a cretan robot built by Hephaestus), so he could be alive in the time of Zeus birth if he indeed built the dog in some version.

[@Ultrawup]

"Its unclear if any lessons were learned that day, but the world certainly never forgot Hephaestos's innovation of using chains in the bedroom." BASED, AND I LOVE IT

[@BroncUrmom]

She was so calm and i had to take a minute when i heard that lmaoo

[@BookBat]

Out of all of Hephaestus inventions, his greatest invention was BDSM

[@AinsleySunny]

@@BookBat What’s that?

[@andres_david25]

@@AinsleySunny bible discussion/study meeting

[@AinsleySunny]

@@andres_david25 Okay thank you :>

[@shadowking1380]

“Hephaestus the god of inventing chains for the bedroom” A sentence I never imagined ever hearing in my life and now am feeling the need to dip my ears in sulfuric acid

[@AccidentalNinja]

I thought that line was gold.

[@TitaniaBird]

I dunno; I think that makes him look *more* rad to me.

[@morganrobinson8042]

I mean, it tracks. With his bum leg he'd need help getting leverage. Shame he had to repurpose them for this.

[@barnebyoconnell8176]

I for one thank our Greek BDSM daddy for his contribution to kink

[@Nazuiko]

@@AccidentalNinja Just like the chains. And also just like them, invisible and totally unbreakable.

[@lobokujo7825]

OSP Aphrodite being a busy body fangirl that meddles too much in other people's love lives while being an absolutely HORRIBLE partner and stage mom that cheats on her plain looking but skilled professional of a husband with a failed dumb jock with crippling roid rage and even more crippling mommy issues is utterly, hilariously fitting.

[@griffin8346]

the fact that this didn't feel like a run-on sentence is impressive. nice

[@lobokujo7825]

@@griffin8346 Im too dumb to know what that means, but I just find the whole situation funnily fitting in even our modern settings. Had to edit due to spelling errors though.

[@swaim6995]

i mean...why does this sound oddly familiar in today's society....

[@JacksonJinn]

Ares is the pool boy that absolutely nobody expects anything out of.

[@mjbull5156]

@@lobokujo7825 Human nature never changes, and the Greek gods are many ways caricature archetypes of humanity.

[@mutantmaster1]

personal headcannon: Ares and Aphrodite hooking up makes sense, due to Aphrodite's holdover from the Spartans as their god of love and war

[@dungeonmaster3464]

Agreed. I usually don't get hooked on shipping characters from mythology, but they have chemistry. Both of them are disliked/fear because of the havoc they wreak. Aphrodite incites drama whenever she gets bored, and Ares gets to bask in the ensuing chaos. There's even a surprising number of interpretations to both of their myths where they each went to extremes to protect the people in their lives. TL:DR I can imagine them being that loud couple who randomly raises hell up in Olympus, and the rest of the gods deal with them one way or another.

[@smartguy458]

Too true. Heck, Red said best: "You can take the Goddess out of the war, but you can't take the war out of the Goddess." Not only that, but most people forget that Aphrodite had no autonomy in marrying Hephaestus, and both deities were harmed by Diomedes during the Trojan War.

[@sworbet7708]

YES!

[@thalmoragent9344]

@@dungeonmaster3464 Yeah but she did still have an affair on her husband, when she probably should've asked Zeus if she could just marry Ares instead

[@dungeonmaster3464]

@@thalmoragent9344 Admittedly I do hate the cheating aspect of their relationship. It's like you said, Aphrodite and Hephaestus might've been better off not getting married in the first place.

[@bluesapphire170]

Damn, we have to get a pin with Aphrodite raising her arms looking smug as hell with “I am the Drama!”

[@Savagewolver]

“Kill her!” -Vegeta

[@liamwhite3522]

Check their store. They now have Aphrodite and Hephaestus pins!

[@LrdZane]

this please

[@bkr1895]

I loved the Trunks TFS reference “Love you too Dad”

[@leventemucsi9547]

I like how Helios is chilling every time eating popcorn whenever some drama is going on. I bet he's enjoying the show

[@namikkou]

Helios sees ALL the drama that happens and tries to help but also finds it entertaining to watch

[@rowanharbour]

I agree with this 100%

[@IceQueen975]

He gossips with Selene and Eos, NO ONE WILL CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!!!!

[@namikkou]

@@IceQueen975 they just sit back and watch the crapshow that is Olympus

[@iwatchstuffs7933]

​@@namikkou and Hestia is chilling at her camp fire

[@magiv4205]

That last painting is absolutely hysterical. Hephaestos like "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" and the gods in the background tripping over eachother to get the best angle lmao

[@Rohitshawarma45]

I’m honestly surprised that there never was a, “Aphrodite incarnates as a high / middle schooler for the singular purpose of gossip” section in Percy Jackson

[@MetalHeadManic612]

I kinda wanna see that.

[@paxonite-7bd5]

There goes a new title for a light novel

[@redhoodie4111]

probably to avoid any pedophilia flack that would have gotten

[@chemistrycoston8249]

this lowkey sounds like the title of a cannon chapter

[@kacbcd]

Yeah, get on that fanfiction writers

[@frostfire6579]

And yet again, Ares is bamboozled into being locked somewhere until the other Olympians reluctantly help him out

[@timothymclean]

Is he the god of war or the god of bondage? ...not that kind. At least, not consistently.

[@merrittanimation7721]

@@timothymclean After this incident he might be more into it

[@victoralexandervinkenes9193]

@@merrittanimation7721 Cease

[@MarquisdeL3]

@@merrittanimation7721 Hephaestus: "Ha! I have bound you both so that of Olympus can see your shame!" Ares: "Jokes on you, I'm into that shit!" Aphrodite: "Shame is for lesser deities."

[@js1031]

@@MarquisdeL3 Considering him and Ares platooning as Olympus' butt monkey, that's totally how this should have gone down. Poor Hephaestus.

[@endarkculi]

So what I'm hearing is that there's a possibility Aphrodite/Hephaestus might not have originally been a thing, but a famous fanfic writer wrote a (pardon the term) crackship and now a bunch of later writers mistake it for canon. Fascinating.

[@lucabalsasalsa]

well i mean if they were functional the dynamic would be adorable i mean i’m a sucker for the ol “absolutely breathtaking person dating/in love with someone nobody really likes or finds attractive and is cast out” trope

[@seasnaill2589]

@@lucabalsasalsa Considering Hephaestus's and Aphrodite's characterizations though, no way in hell would it ever work between them XD. I'm in favor of the interpretation that Aphrodite was given to Hephaestus as an apology from Zeus for the whole 'throwing you off a mountain' thing, an arrangement that *neither* of them wanted but Zeus was too dense and too powerful to refuse. So now, the're stuck with each other, with Hephaestus continuing to throw himself into his work while Aphrodite elopes with Ares in the background.

[@thalmoragent9344]

@@seasnaill2589 True. I've gotta give Hephaestus credit for at least attempting to make it work after the fact though, and since he was one of the better Olympian Gods overall to possibly be married too, well... Aphrodite kinda lost a good one. Especially seeing as he didn't break the marriage Vow bestowed upon them but she did. In the case of Zeus and Hera, Zeus is as unfaithful as ever, then with Hephaestus and Aphrodite, well now it's the wife having an affair with someone... Hades is the only Olympian with a Marriage that actually worked. Poor Hera and Poor Hephaestus though

[@CadanL]

@@thalmoragent9344 hate to break it to you but some of Persephone's kids are actually Zeus' because he disguised himself as Hades, also Hades has had one, possibly two nymph/dryad lovers and an unknown number of mortal children (more than one though), like the guy that made Dionysus invent dildos. The reason Hades/Persephone is such a poster child for healthy Greek pantheon marriages is because of more modern retellings of their myth

[@thalmoragent9344]

@@CadanL Wait... one of Hades' Demigod kids helped make dildos? And here I thought I heard everything. I suppose that in the end, yeah it's most likely due to those myths not being as well known or are more obscure, but I can buy the idea that even those 2 had a few instances of problems in their marriage. Which still places them near the top of the list for marriages, and that's pretty sad considering the rest of the list. Although, I've never heard of the "Zeus turning into Hades" situation? I know nowadays we know more about some myths than others but I was under the impression that it wasn't more "modern retellings" but rather that there's so few myths on Hades as it is. Cause most modern retellings make Hades out to be super dark and evil and brooding, not... happily married. So unless you're a fan of history and go searching for yourself, most modern retellings don't even say he's married, much less happily

[@Paludion]

I love Athena and Artemis' reactions to all of this. No wonder they don't want to bother with romance at all if they see drama like this on a daily basis.

[@torazely]

Artemis: *sees Zues and Hera constantly fighting* *sees Aphrodite constantly cheating on Hephestus* *sees numerous mortals running away rather than being the lover of Apollo* *sees Demeter getting pissy qnd almost destroying the world because Persephone got married* Artemis:... yeah, no thanks. I'm goodm

[@fedrikrose2277]

In all fairness Apollo needs an aro-ace twin to balance the fact he is a disaster bisexual.

[@angeldude101]

@@fedrikrose2277 Not just an aro-ace, but also an arrow ace.

[@geekacelol8982]

“ZEUS WOULDNT PAY FOR A BUCKET IF ARES WAS ON FIRE” The only good thing Poseidon has ever done 😂😂😂

[@kryptonianguest1903]

What? You don't like horses?

[@aguyontheinternet8436]

@@kryptonianguest1903 ew

[@romignoni]

@@aguyontheinternet8436 He means poseidon is the creator of horses.

[@galaxythebat]

Okay but the wheelchair, crutch, and what appear to be leg braces are a really nice touch for the canonically disabled god. It's nice to see artists like Red or Rachel(author of Lore Olypmus) just causally giving Hephaestus things like mobility aids or prosthetics because it's a *normal fucking thing!*

[@victoriastarratt4405]

I don't remember Hephestus being in Lore Olympus... granted, it's been a while, but still.

[@Igarappappa]

​@@victoriastarratt4405 He shows up and we see that he has prosthetic legs and one prosthetic arm. Both look very modern and realistic.

[@galaxythebat]

@@victoriastarratt4405 Oh then you are VERY VERY behind my friend- He got introduced in episode 142.

[@galaxythebat]

@@Igarappappa Yup! The arm seems to be more mechanical to fit with his work- It has an SD card reader! You shouldn't leave out that his prosthetic legs are specifically running blades, though! That man could probably outrun Artemis if he felt like it.

[@skaryzgik]

I especially like it because at first thought "that type of wheelchair probably didn't exist back then" but then "Oh wait, this guy is like, literally *the* Inventor. He's probably got one with tech we *still* can't yet imagine, and this is just the closest we can think to it."

[@madsgrams2069]

I can just imagine Hermes and Apollo being like: "-Dude, we're living in a soap-opera. -I know...and it's AWESOME!" :)) :)) :))

[@WraythSkitzofrenik]

Dionysus: Not enough wine to deal with this bs...but we can sure as Hades try!

[@starmaker75]

Apollo: well my entire love life is soap opera, so I’m used to it

[@madsgrams2069]

@@starmaker75 A lot more hilarious when the drama happens to someone else, though.

[@bengriffin6455]

Apollo is just so keen for the musical episode

[@silentspirit8923]

I feel like Apollo, Dionysus, and Hermes are the brothers that like causing shenanigans on the daily.

[@arturomacor3615]

It feels weird that after so long you hadn’t covered this one, it’s so well known I just assumed it was there somewhere on the archives.

[@LlamasAtMidnight]

Same

[@shadowkingdarksin3980]

animation takes time plus life is a bitch like the gods and fates can't wait to kill thor in gow 5 😀🔪🗡️🪓

[@dakotamartinez8310]

I am your 400th Like.

[@ondururagittandeska2004]

@@dakotamartinez8310 Want a medal or something

[@koji8123]

There’s got to be dozens of really obvious stories to tell from the mythos that are just waiting to be drawn/animated. Red’s a gem. Give her time.

[@nyxshadowhawk]

I love how unbelievably in-character all the Olympians’ dialogue is. The shot with Dionysus, Artemis, and Athena is my favorite.

[@month32]

When Hephaestus chained Hera on his special chair, all the gods tried to persuade him to let her go. Ares said "fuck that! I am going to bully him!" and took up arms, threatening the god of the forge with violence. Little did Ares know that he was going to be the first victim of "hammer time"!

[@hephsmith3738]

This is why Hephaestus is more feared than Hera.

[@angelacooper8973]

Yeah people forget Hephaestus whooped Ares ass more than once

[@calvinwarlick8533]

That's because Athens gives Ares (God of their rival city state) a lot of negative trait, and respecting women was one such trait to them. That's why he avenged his daughter when she was raped, and once planned to throw hands with Zeus himself for hurting his mother.

[@thalmoragent9344]

@@calvinwarlick8533 True, but considering Hera was his mom too, well... and Hera was known for being a b*tch as well so, Ares ought to speak to his mom more often and calm her down instead of enabling her

[@thalmoragent9344]

@@angelacooper8973 Heck yeah, this guy's using his tech to beat that behind

[@MsPageMistress]

On the bright side, Poseidon really stepped up to the bat of "being the voice of reason" and hit it out of the park!

[@nightazday7988]

I know it's weird

[@MatthewCSnow]

my impression is that Poseidon is a more reasonable god than most but problem is that one of the biggest stories in Greek mythology is where held a gigantic grudge against odysseus and made that dude miserable (and like the other gods couldn't keep it in his pants) Maybe cus the sea constantly fluctuates from being calm to stormy waters so his personality matches that, but that's going into conspiracy town

[@josephtripp1696]

My take on the that might be the whole thing where proto-Poseidon was head honcho in the Mycenean days, and some myths still actively have him stepping up as an arbiter due to that legacy.

[@Boss_Isaac]

@@MatthewCSnow You'd be right, the seas being as temperamental as there are is very much reflective of Old Seaweed being a volatile asshole XD Modern media paints Hades as being bitter at being subject to Zeus's command, but in myth that's actually Poseidon.

[@templarw20]

@@Boss_Isaac Exactly. Hades just doesn't care. He's almost like Athena and Artemis in Red's drawing. The relative harshness of the Atlantic Ocean and even the Mediterranean (I live on the Pacific, and I know why it got that name) could lead to a very interesting comparative mythology about ocean gods and which oceans they are associated with...

[@chubbyanimalenthusiast70]

3:51 I love how Hermes and Apollo are just looking at them like “oooooh you got caught” “oh the drama”

[@parkeyd]

"In general we have to look at the vibe and the vibe is not Great" is the best quote I've ever heard

[@mysticalarchives7821]

Love that you tackled this topic, but I did want to clear up something about the dowry. Dowries weren't meant to be a concept where a man would buy their wife, but was instead a mechanism connected to marriage that provided two things: 1) A guarantee that the man in question had the financial stability and resources to support and properly care for his prospective wife, and 2) To add something more finite and material to ensure that any man that entered into marriage would have something that better solidified and invested him into the marriage so that would be less likely to neglect his marital responsibilities. Marriage, above all else, is a commitment in which both sides agree to fulfill certain obligations. The Dowry is just meant to be a way for fathers to be certain that their daughters will be married off to a man who is actually willing to fulfill their commitment in the marriage. At least, that was the theory behind it. Some desperate men facing poverty would hand their daughters off to the first guy willing to pay them, and others would simply get greedy and see the marriage of their daughters as a well to get rich; but ultimately most fathers refused to have their daughters marry anyone that they didn't truly believe their daughters would be happy with. The Fiddler on the Roof is a great example of the mindset most fathers had about this. In that story, the father tries to find suitable ment for his daughters to marry, occasionally considering how the dowry may help him, but prioritizing finding men that he knows will provide a stable and comfortable life where his children would be well cared for and he ultimately gives his consent for them to marry the men they love despite the lack of a large dowry. All of this to say, when Hephaestus asks for a return of the dowry, it was more of a recognition that Aphrodite had failed to fulfill her commitments within the marriage and the refund was just compensation for her indiscretion Additional Note: some sources suggested asking for a return of the dowry why is a process in at least certain places in Greece used to officiate a divorce. Since the dowry was given to the family of the daughter and the man received a wife in exchange, if there was an indiscretion on the part of the wife, then the man could ask for the dowry to be returned and it would result in the daughter returning to her father‘s house, thus ending the marriage.

[@samrevlej9331]

Huh. Thanks, I sort of knew the « testing the fiancé’s means » part, but not the extent of it. If I may ask, do you have a specific source or reference, like a book on the history of marriage or something to that effect?

[@mysticalarchives7821]

@@samrevlej9331 I don’t really have a specific source, but rather a collection of different things I’ve observed while studying a lot of things on my own. The biggest thing that comes to play with marriage in particular though would be related more to the knowledge of marriage in a religious sense above all else.

[@Gogoroth2]

I thought the dowry was a way of repaying the father for losing a set of hands on the farm or something like that.

[@mysticalarchives7821]

@@Gogoroth2 That certainly is a part of it that comes in when looking at some cultures and there are a lot of various different intricacies that come to play depending on which culture and socioeconomic class you’re looking at. It’s a very complicated an interroven set of circumstances and conditions that all play together so there’s not any one thing that describes all dowries.

[@mckayleepugmire9947]

Thanks for pointing out the clarification, as well as the bit about symbolic investment in marriage, I didn't know that but it makes sense. Aphrodite absolutely failed to fulfill her side of marital responsibility, and asking for the dowry could count as a form of divorce. I suggest checking out the short movie Johny Lingo, it centers around a bride wealth payment (similar concept) and while the theme is more about promoting self-love in others, it does still tap into this idea.

[@omnicupid6694]

I love that Apollo and Hermes are just loving the humiliation of their big brother.

[@932ForeverLove]

Such brothers! 😂

[@misslangleysoryuisiconic]

Athena : do you have a little brother? Artemis : yeah but he’s my _TWIN_ brother because I was born first… Athena : same here but I had some annoying little brothers too… Athena : Artemis : Athena : Artemis : Also Athena : Athena and (Artemis) : I'm just like you (I think that's true) You're just like me (Yes, I can see) BOTH: We take responsibility Athena and (Artemis) : We carry through (We carry through) BOTH: Do what we need to do Yes, I am a girl like you Artemis & (Athena): I'm just like you (I'm just like you) You're just like me (You're just like me) BOTH: It's something anyone can see Artemis & (Athena) : A heart that beats (A heart that beats) BOTH: A voice that speaks the truth Yes, I am a girl like you!

[@Jotari]

"It's uncertain if anything was learned that day" I really do wonder of all these ancient myths we have, how many of them are basically just South Park, lightly mocking their religion by putting their gods in absurd situations, and we basically have to treat them the same as the more genuine parables and poetry stuff because it's literally all we have. Like imagine if South Park becomes some of the only literature from our era that survives for the next three thousand years and what kind of extrapolations future historians would use from it to make sense of our culture and beliefs.

[@thesquishedelf1301]

“And they worshipped and feared the one known as “Cartman”, and would provide material offerings to placate him, lest he unleash the fury of the ManBearPig on them”

[@SugiyamaHiromin]

Since we all have come to realize that humans were always trolls and drawing dIcks on walls has been a popular past-time before year 0, I am willing to accept that at least 1/3 were less godly stories and more "mocking the opposite camp by making a parody."

[@HumorHouse42]

@@thesquishedelf1301 the devious trickster god would be then delivered said sacrifices by the goddess of harvest, “Mahm”.

[@constantinethecataphract5949]

The lesson was beta bux chad faks , dont marry chicks that are way better looking than you because it's 100% guranteed she will cheat

[@origamipein18]

It could happen. 🤷‍♀

[@brittanywetherill472]

Functional odd couple vibes: Hercules, Legendary Journeys. That version has them getting together because Hephaestus is an artist, and as such, sees her beauty as more than just the outer wrapping. And Aphrodite is SUPER into that, as everyone else sees her as a pretty but silly flirt.

[@chimera9818]

Well considering she was initially kick ass war goddess that originated from two supreme goddess of other mythologies she should be pretty cool, honestly if anyone go with healthy relation story of this two it could be that in the end they stay together because he is the only one that see her for who she is (beautiful but also cool and smart and wild women she is ) mix that with the fact he can make her cool gadget and you have actually pretty fun relationship

[@hestiathena4917]

I was thinking of that episode too! Loved that show as a teen, even if (and sometimes because!) it was corny as hell.

[@BrewerM23]

I was coming down here to mention that episode too! Good Job!

[@pinkcupcake4717]

I adore the logical sense Aphrodite and Ares being in love share. Battle is an emotionally intense situation, just as intense as new love. Passion pairs perfectly with passion.

[@justaghostinthesea]

They're also both war gods

[@stalebaguettes_]

I also like to think that Hermes went down there because he was salty, because Hermes was also canonically one of Aphrodite's many, many, MANY lovers.

[@The_Practical_Daydreamer]

Hermes was considered the god of male sexuality, so it makes sense.

[@Kelaiah01]

Let's see... Aphrodite slept with: -Zeus -Poseidon -Ares -Hephaestus -Hermes -Dionysus And yet, oddly enough, she didn't sleep with Apollo. He was listed as one of the male gods who vied for her hand in marriage, yet as far as I know, there are no myths of Apollo and Aphrodite as lovers. In fact, the closest they ever got was them "sharing" Adonis (apparently, Aphrodite only objected to sharing Adonis with other women; she didn't seem to mind it when Adonis got carried off by Apollo, Dionysus and Heracles... maybe she watched, lol).

[@osirisshadoll4572]

@@Kelaiah01 i dont think she sleep with Hepaestus, god/goddess seem like can have kid with just 1 pump or something, yet they didnt have any child And Apollo alway seem like an hopless romatice, he never successfullu r.a.p.e anyone, even the chick that broke the deal with him (gift of forseen for become his lover) only cursed and not r.a.p.ed

[@natashaeliot3628]

and thats where the word hermaphrodite comes from

[@The_Practical_Daydreamer]

@@natashaeliot3628 Hopefully Osp will cover that myth soon.

[@Tinkering4Time]

Then there’s the fun one about this possibly being a metallurgical allegory, or alchemical if you ask Isaac Newton. An alloy of iron and copper, the metals associated with Ares and Aphrodite respectively, will have a striated, nay, NETTED appearance after being melted together in a crucible… a craft associated with Hephaestus.

[@skaryzgik]

That's awesome! Were these metals associated with them back when these stories are from?

[@Tinkering4Time]

@@skaryzgik that is a good question. To my knowledge the earliest example of this particular experiment was Isaac Newton’s alchemical research, and I know he was drawing on much earlier texts. But as for those associations going back as far as the original myth I am uncertain.

[@kedabro1957]

It is both thrilling and chilling how one coincidence can cause a person to chase after a truth that doesn't exist. This match between chemistry and mythology led hundreds of brilliant minds to waste their lives combing mythology for more techniques to try. They found so few of them that alchemy was eventually surpassed by scientific chemistry. The stories that had a promised hidden truths, turned out to be dead ends.

[@eric2500]

@@kedabro1957 Life is like that. We have to keep trying. Keep the doors of DISCOVERY open. Let faith and myth and metaphor do their jobs - inspiration, making stories to tell and retell..

[@sydhenderson6753]

@@skaryzgik I'm not sure when they were associated but all the metals were associated with gods and planets: Gold with Apollo, Silver with Diana or Artemis (the Sun and Moon were ancient planets), Mercury with guess who, Copper with Venus (ancient mirrors were made from copper), Iron with Mars (duh), Lead with Saturn. I guess Zeus got Tin by process of elimination, or because it was used to simulate thunder.

[@finaldarkfire]

Having just watched the Aphrodite video, an interesting thought comes to mind: When we consider that one of the earliest versions of Aphrodite was a War Goddess (Aphrodite Areia) worshiped in Sparta, then suddenly her being married to the god of smiths, ie; the one who MAKES the various tools of war, starts making a certain degree of sense. Maybe the idea of Aphrodite being married to Hephaestus originated early on in Sparta and then got ported over even when her wargod status was removed by other worshipers?

[@fall_tea8857]

This also could be why she cheats on Hephaestus with Ares, a war god. Also apparently from what I remember Aphrodite wasn’t a fan of Athena because she didn’t want to have a lover (I think it was mentioned in some video of overly sarcastic productions?) But it could just be a coincidence.

[@sydhenderson6753]

@@fall_tea8857 Hephaestus probably made her lots of fancy jewelry in the early days of their marriage.

[@cryptidflower9240]

OKAY BUT THE VISUALS??? like ofc they have been gradually improving over time as art (esp in Hephaestus’ cave) but it is absolutely stunning and I love the artistic progression

[@StagbeetleProductions]

Seriously from the Iliad episode to now there’s so much progress

[@hestiathena4917]

I think all the work Red's been doing on her webcomic has helped sharpen her already-awesome art (and humor) into a super-fine point. It's been great fun watching her grow over the last few years! (Though I do hope she isn't wearing herself out too much with all she's got on her plate...)

[@appelofdoom8211]

Red’s background game has gotten really strong.

[@amandahealey2216]

Honestly, I would love to see Red disect the whole Helios/Apollo and Selene/Artemis situation. That would be pretty interesting.

[@MartinG1993]

She did briefly in a video about endymion

[@Nerazmus]

Not much to disect there Helios - god of the Sun. Sometimes mistakenly labeled as Titan, but he is son of Titans, same as the Olympians, so calling him just god is more accurate. Apollo - god of arts, music, healing, knowledge and light among other things. Notably, Apollo is not the god of Sun, he has a few vague connections to Sun, but nothing really concrete. Even as far as Ovid's writings, Apollo and Sol (Roman Helios) are still two distinct characters. So the idea of Apollo as a Sun god is either late Roman idea due to him being syncretised with other European Sun dieties or it's a misunderstanding from renaissance artists who with obvious influence of Christianity made a hard connection between Light and Sun. The situation with Artemis and Selene is very similar. Tho we are somewhat more sure that Artemis (Diana) became a moon goddess in later Roman periods.

[@sabrinamcclain162]

@@Nerazmus Catullus refers to Diana as a moon goddess in his hymn to her I believe

[@Em_is_sad]

The best explanation I’ve heard to date is “No, Apollo. You’re not the sun. HELIOS is the sun. You’re just the passenger princess”

[@jamiesalvador4891]

Hermes and Apollo is an Absolute Mood, they looked like two lil gremlins in the first shot

[@commandermercury6654]

4:12. I love that Hermes and Apollo are just being goofs in the background and taking an embarrassing selfie with Ares. They have such little brother energy and I adore them for it! Best bros right there! 😂💛🧡

[@h0m3st4r]

They would totally do that.

[@cgt3704]

I like to imagine that after Ares is freed he chases Apollo and Hermes all over Olympus to give each of them a punch

[@Godstrike101]

Another weird addition to their marriage happens in the Aeneid when Venus(Aphrodite) goes to her husband Vulcan(Hephaestus) to beg for weapons for Aeneas to fight the Latins(?) Venus goes to Vulcan fully prepared to beg for her Son who is obviously not the child of her husband and yet Vulcan only responds with willingness and forgiveness not the resentment that Hephaestus harbors in the affair myth.

[@bozotheclown9973]

He’d just gotten used to it by then lol

[@umapessoa240]

Maybe he just didn’t see reason to take it out on the kid that never asked to come from an affair

[@lyinar]

Given the main thing Hera's known for, and the fact that at least in some versions, she's the one who punted him off Olympus, he probably glared meaningfully at *her* while saying, "Sure, dear. I know he's not *our* son, but it would be ridiculous to hold a grudge against the poor kid for something he had absolutely no control over."

[@naurahdeatrisyagitany8365]

Maybe he forgives the Aphrodite and Anchises affair because Zeus tricked Aphrodite into it. He basically just made it so that she's head over heels with this rando rather than Aphrodite herself spotting him and being smitten on her own

[@Halo-lg7rq]

@@bozotheclown9973 am I tripping or doesnt the Aenid take place very close to the Oddessy and Iliad

[@dungeonmaster3464]

My favorite version of this myth is actually the one where Hephaestus and Aphrodite split up, because it really highlights just how little their marriage actually matters. I consider myself a romantic, and I hate seeing marriages split up, but most in most interpretations of their relationship Aphrodite never had any interest in Hephaestus or any desire to marry him. On Hephaestus's end, he acted like Aphrodite was a "possession" that was taken from him. I know this is a huge over generalization of the myth, by their marriage was never a product of love or commitment, so I think them separating would be the healthiest way for them to end. I also just think that Ares and Aphrodite have a better relationship. Ares is the god of the worst aspects of war, and everybody hates him. The Spartans worshiped his strength, but the only one who cared about him was Aphrodite. Not to be a mythology shipper, and I know this is also just one interpretation of them, it's just the interpretation I personally support. There's a surprising number of interpretations to Ares myths where he went to extremes to protect the people in his life, and Aphrodite myths where she goes overboard for her children. They're both mutually disliked/feared by the other gods because of the havoc they wreak. I like to imagine that Aphrodite remarried with Ares, and they just randomly like raise hell in Olympus sometimes.

[@starmaker75]

Also for I like image ares is one of the few that know Aphrodite does have a war/battle side to her.

[@perrilewis180]

I feel like her getting married to Ares would calm her down. Her war goddess aspect is understood by Ares, and he lets her cut loose by taking her to battle with him. It's like how Regina George got better after she found an aggressive sport to do. She's not forced to just be the love dovey and lust goddess all the time

[@undercoverfangirl5491]

100% agree with all of this

[@amydiddle0317]

I feel like Helios just rides across the sky on her chariot with a bowl of popcorn watching all the drama. Wanting to spill all the secrets but only if it makes his shows more fun

[@marmyeater]

Helios is a dude.

[@brandonnguyen6718]

Helios is a dude, he makes a baby with another person. And doesn't get pregnant.

[@So_Indecisive]

I feel like he does as well

[@benogurok5175]

Helios, your son is on fire!

[@videogollumer]

@@benogurok5175 Helios: Don't even joke like that! My son is already dead! 😭

[@gaminggamer2594]

Babe wake up, new OSP Greek myth video just dropped

[@NatashaPuteri]

I clicked so fast 😂

[@SoupSaladSandwhich]

Yes finally

[@spencersholden]

Neat

[@myth1757]

Fuckin same

[@Nobythulhu]

The part where Aphrodite tells Hermes and Apollo not to flatter themselves is especially funny when you remember she and Hermes had a child, Hermaphroditus.

[@jessnalulila5552]

Well Aphrodite never had kids with Apollo

[@jdbm]

Athena: "If I wanted Ares humiliated I'd ask him to spell 'DIOMEDES'." Me - maybe Goddess of Fire should be included in Athena's title because that was a pretty sick 🔥🔥.

[@AznOmega]

I approve. Can we add goddess of sarcasm to her title (if it hasn't already)?

[@appelofdoom8211]

There’s a reason why Hestia isn’t seen much. She was probably feeling redundant.

[@barbiquearea]

Or challenge him to wrestle cause she totally kicked his ass.

[@cryptic89]

Hephaestus: "Surely bondage will stop the lovers in the bedroom!" Most people: "It will?"

[@michaellane4054]

No, not that kind of bondage. REAL bondage!😁

[@HellecticMojo]

You need a dom and a sub. You can't end with two of only one kind.

[@arthurdias6860]

@@HellecticMojo i'm pretty sure Ares is the Dom. Aphrodite is a Switch because... it makes sense

[@insertclevernamehere1186]

@@arthurdias6860 I think we all know that Hephaestus is the true Dom in this situation... and probably most others...

[@arthurdias6860]

@@insertclevernamehere1186 good point

[@eyeofthetyger8504]

If I had a nickel for everytime ares was captured in humiliating fashion, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird it happened twice

[@SeraphimCramer]

You'd think the god of war would be a bit tougher to take down?

[@visionofsolace8961]

​@@SeraphimCramer You can thank the athenians desire to always humiliate Sparta for that.

[@whytho1534]

@@visionofsolace8961 it has nothing to do with with the Athens hating Sparta,the Odyssey(the story in the video)was composed in the 8th century BC by Homer, at that time Athens was barely a dot on the map, it’s rarely if ever mention in the Odyssey, it was written down by the athenians but there was no rivalry yet,Peusistratus ordered it to be written down, and he died in 527 BC, Athens gained importance in 480 BC by that time the poems were already “canonized” in the version we now know, in short Ares was hated by most of Greece not just Athens he’s not even important in Sparta, Athena was worshiped more than Ares

[@visionofsolace8961]

@@whytho1534 interesting

[@BonesCapone]

@@whytho1534 Athena gets the heroic side of war - masterful strategy and outsmarting your opponents Aphrodite likely got the wistfulness for home, or perhaps just a decent lay, maybe even the love of brotherhood formed in stressful conditions. Ares was the meat grinder. The "All Quiet on the Western Front." The "There was nothing clever, surprising, or to be learned from it, my best friend and hetero life partner just caught a spear in the gut. I couldn't help him with medicine that basically starts and ends with 'Pray to the right god the right way and hope for full recovery,' so I had to watch him turn septic and die a slow, agonizing death over the course of two weeks. He begged me to kill him and end his suffering, but I couldn't bring myself to." There's a similar subtle message in the characterization of Hera and Aphrodite. - Hera is marriage/monogamous love. Pissing her off leads to a bad life. To piss her off would ruin any and all long term relationships. Aphrodite is "get your rocks off, anyway or person you can" "love." To follow her is to lead yourself through life by nothing but your raging loins. It will always get you in trouble.

[@guilhermemarinho9861]

Red drawings are so expressive, like this is insanely good. Hera screaming while looking both terrified and furious is great

[@shadowrealm4206]

Or Hermes' smug cat look while he's perching Apollo's head looking at Ares

[@alexh2947]

My favourite detail of this is appollo and hermes joking about it afterwards, iirc appollo asks if hermes would want to be in that position in exchange for having aphrodite and hermes responds immediately with a firm yes.

[@Claireverlasting]

Didn’t those two give birth to Hebe too lolll😂 even funnier 🤣

[@claudiu-mihaipuiu1221]

@@Claireverlasting Hebe is one of the few children Zeus had with his actual wife, Hera, actually.

[@Claireverlasting]

@@claudiu-mihaipuiu1221 ahhhhhh opppps😬😬

[@Em_is_sad]

@@Claireverlastingyou’re probably thinking of hermaphroditus

[@GuukanKitsune]

I actually like the Percy Jackson take on their relationship where yeah, Hephaestus is aware of Ares and Aphrodite, but he's not all that mad about it because he is aware he's not the best catch and after the initial instance, he said it's fine if she wants to stay open. But he likes to set up traps and pranks to humiliate his wife and her boytoy whenever possible. So foiling and ruining his wife's side nookie events have become his actual hobby aside from his trade and he and his wife have made it into a game of wits where he has to figure out how and where the nookie is gonna happen, she has to prevent him finding out and, failing that, what the prank is and how to avoid it, and the two of them always seem to up LAUGHING about it after each rendezvous in an 'Okay, you got me', 'Damn, I'll get you next time' sort of way.

[@vidyasreeram2587]

Yeah...and it's not like Hephaestus doesn't take other lovers,with his cabinfull of mortal children. They both seem fine with the arrangement.

[@graceskerp]

Keeping the romance in your marriage.

[@matthewcoster5535]

That's actually really wholesome.

[@felipeluna9597]

Wait what?! I read all the damn books I don’t remember that, brrruuuhhhhhhh

[@GuukanKitsune]

@@felipeluna9597 I definitely do, though I don't remember which book exactly.

[@OhMercyMe]

i agree with the end card, they COULD be very interesting together. my boy Big H could teach Aphrodite that passion extends to one's work as well, and that love can and will extend beyond the physical and other sappy stuff like that, and Aphrodite can pretend she doesn't like to watch him work but like any being on earth she loves How it's Made-type videos and watches anyway

[@Gogoroth2]

I am absolutely here for this

[@kaiseayaandruis1597]

tbh with how Hephaestus is described as cunning and kinda rude, I could also see them as the "mean couple", since Aphrodite likes to meddle with everyone's love affairs so much, I could see a version of their dynamic that has them scheming together, or supporting each other's plots

[@OhMercyMe]

Aphrodite: "So you know how Eros can only shoot one arrow at a time?" Hephaestus: "Say less bb"

[@Wolfs0n]

The version I've read was that Zeus awarded Hephaestus with his marriage to Aphrodite for the forging of his magnificent shield. Guess that would make her a.... "Trophy wife" in more ways then one.

[@morganrobinson8042]

I mean, there's a solid argument this entire marriage is just a protracted argument against marrying solely for lust.

[@firebunnylover3108]

i hate and love this goddamn pun

[@ApolloDragon]

I like how in the back Apollo and Hermes were taking selfies and just straight up teasing Ares while he can't do anything to them.

[@henrywong2725]

Apollo and Hermes messing around with Aphrodite and Ares is the funniest and cutest thing I have seen today

[@reyonXIII]

I'd like to think that after the whole cow stealing thing and trading stuff, whenever he's not teaming up with his sister or causing his own string of failed relationships, Apollo hangs out with Hermes and both are that memorable pair of bros that just do stuff in the story. The Bulk and Skull, Jay and Silent Bob, Timon and Pumbaa, etc.

[@jewelheart5257]

I like Hermes’ smug lil’ face when he’s resting on Apollo’s head

[@elizak4628]

I find it interesting that everyone in the comments is either blasting Heapheastus for forcing Aphrodite to marry him, or sympathizing with him for being cheated on. Because, guys, there are SO many myths (about all them gods, but that includes these two), most of them contradictory. Like, Red mentioned how in one myth Heapheastus was crippled while protecting his mom, but alot of comments were going off on him for the story where he forced (well, Zues forced her, actually, but he was complicit) Aphrodite to marry him despite her having a lover already. Which honestly seems pretty incongruous, since protecting your mom from your rapist dad seems too been-drinking-his-respect-women-juice to fit in with the other characterization. And that is my POINT, there is no 1 characterization. The myths say more about the ancient Greeks than the characters themselves.

[@theotherohlourdespadua1131]

Red did say it on record that myths by design has no set details...

[@elizak4628]

@@theotherohlourdespadua1131 Yeah, for sure, I was just talking about the comments section. Interesting look at humanity, ya know?

[@origamipein18]

Yup.

[@SuperSongbird21]

There's another myth where Hephaestus was mad at Hera for only being nice to him because he made her nice stuff, so he tricked her into sitting on a golden throne which paralyzed her and basically said "Well, I COULD let you out, if you agree to give ME nice things for a change . . ." One of the "nice things" was Aphrodite's hand in marriage.

[@ApolloDragon]

Also Artemis saying "so is this that martial bliss I'm apparently missing" is funny as hell . This is why she is one of my all time favorite goddess

[@origamipein18]

When she said that, I was, "Yeah, you're not missing much."

[@ApolloDragon]

@@origamipein18 true all she would be missing is drama and chaos which I'm sure she have enough of in her life

[@origamipein18]

@@ApolloDragon Yup. Bows before Bros, indeed.

[@ApolloDragon]

@@origamipein18 agreed

[@origamipein18]

@@ApolloDragon High five!

[@FirstLast-cg2nk]

Just a pleasant reminder: The reason why Ares is the whipping boy of Greek myth is because most of the myths come from Athens, who spent years at war with Sparta. And since Athens couldn't beat Sparta at war, they had to settle for just making the opposing god the king of losers.

[@TheRociprincess]

This actually makes a lot of sense... I wish I could read Spartan myths

[@FirstLast-cg2nk]

@@TheRociprincess Yeah, but I still love the fact that Athens was so petty, so salty about the whole thing that they, as a culture, dedicated their entire nation to making sure that everyone knew that Ares was a loser, and by extension everyone who worshipped him was also a loser. It's so incredibly childish for what was supposed to be the most "civilized" society of the time.

[@ryaniversen8653]

@@FirstLast-cg2nk so in other words, Athens was Twitter...

[@pRahvi0]

@@FirstLast-cg2nk And the funniest thing is it worked.

[@4wheal]

Wasn't it also because Ares was linked to Foreigners and the Greeks looked down on them as lesser

[@Tarnthewarrior]

It's odd to think the 2 most unstable gods (not Zeus) have the best relationship

[@zachampofo4945]

Lord Hades and Lady Persephone demand your presence...

[@Tarnthewarrior]

@@zachampofo4945 I PLEAD THE FIFTH AMENDMENT!!!!!!

[@shadowldrago]

@@Tarnthewarrior I don’t think Greek Gods are terribly inclined to adhere to American amendments.

[@Tarnthewarrior]

@@shadowldrago I did say unstable gods, those 2 aren't unstable, so I'm in the clear!

[@shadowldrago]

@@Tarnthewarrior Fair point.

[@elis.2411]

Ya know, I'd really appreciate a video all about Ares in the near future. You never really hear anything about him other than "big, dumb war god" and "Aphrodites sneaky link"

[@4wheal]

Ares was a lot more than that and actually seemed to be well liked by women of ancient Greece. With some hints, he might have been a protective god for abused women. He also had the epithet Gynaecothoenas, which means "the god feasted by women," it was done after the woman of a greek city led an ambus of the enemy and won the war it was a festival where only woman were allowed to attend.

[@GaldirEonai]

I kind of want a whole OSP "mythological misadventures" comic now.

[@Novel272]

I do too, but I'm not sure she has the time to draw out all of Greek mythology, let alone everyone else.

[@allana0017]

that would be SO awesome, but yeah pretty unlikely 😞 (although in case you weren't already aware- Red does actually have a fantasy webcomic)

[@GaldirEonai]

@@allana0017 I know about Aurora but what I'm thinking about here is short-form humor in the style of the video illustrations.

[@wilburn5881]

You forgot to mention Alectryon! He was a dude Ares put outside the door to stand guard, but fell asleep so Helios saw them. Then Ares turned him into a rooster, which always crows at sunrise!

[@axios4702]

So when a roost crows its actually remembering how it turned into this and shouting "Fuuuuuuuck!"?

[@slynthehedgehog8061]

Cocoricos means "FUCK YOU HELIOS" !

[@wilburn5881]

@@axios4702 Kinda! It's more like "Areeeeeessss Areeeees look it's him see I'm doing what you told me I am good at it!"

[@hcitask]

Shouldn't be Alector? (One of the greek names of the Rooster)

[@wilburn5881]

@@hcitask Both spellings are valid; Alectryon is however used in the story

[@the_mad_fool]

I recently learned that Hephaestus is more often mentioned to be married to Aglaea, the Grace of Beauty, and there's a version of the story where they got together after the divorce. Seeing as how the Graces are Aphrodite's handmaidens, this means there's a chad af version of Hephaestus where he dumps Aphrodite and then promptly married her hot assistant.

[@4wheal]

In some myths, he was sleeping with her when still married to Aphrodite. Basically, he was also cheating on her, but seeing that he was a man, it was okay he also the. Went on to cheat when with Aglaea as well

[@92JazzQueen]

​@@4wheal citation

[@eric2500]

There seems to be an "opposites attract and balance" theme here. Beauty and Invention, despite ugliness. heck, Love and War!

[@jaredknight8838]

See, I read a rather cute version of how they ended up together where all the gods were giving Aphrodite gifts, and Hephesteus shyly offered her his (which iirc was an impossibly delicate handmade golden trinket) and she was so touched by the work he put into it she picked him. Though she then slyly told the other gods they could "bring her their gifts later that night".

[@JacksonJinn]

I ain't sayin' she's a goooooold digger...

[@lplayz605]

I read that one too when I was younger! Without the last part tho...

[@Hulkzilla0]

I remember reading that one too.

[@nyetloki]

You can't turn a hoe into a house wife

[@TheFoxClaws]

The story of their marriage I read in school was that every god took turns trying to woo Aphrodite with gifts, and when it came to Hephaestus’ turn he said something along the lines of, “I work late” which was meant to be interpreted that marrying Hephaestus would mean Aphrodite could do whatever she wanted, even cheat on him. That, and she wouldn’t be tied down with responsibilities of being the wife of the other gods. So yeah, that’s a rather weird way to sanitize their relationship now that I think about it.

[@givememydatabackgoogle2811]

I like this interpretation that she essentially married the one guy who would agree to an open relationship

[@Kelaiah01]

I think I read that same book too, years and years ago! I wish I could find it again, but oh well.

[@imnoorrs5095]

I mean hey, if it works it works. If you arrange that story in the right way it just sounds like two friends marrying for tax benefits

[@Hulkzilla0]

I definitely remember reading this version.

[@blackjoker2345]

@@givememydatabackgoogle2811 She already Had a mutual open relationship with Ares in all their myths though. It's kind of weird that athens thought they needed to tie down the goddess of fickle, sexual love in a marriage she didn't want.

[@leviphipps2462]

I absolutely adore both Ares popping out of the bushes with a mighty "yeehaw" and the use of "monopoly game" as a sfw euphemism.

[@thechatteringclown]

personally, my own favourite interpretation is that while not considered beautiful himself, it's actually hephaestus's works that attracts aphrodite to him. she sees the beauty of his passion for the craft, as well as the undeniable aesthetic beauty in the works he creates, so that's why she fell in love with him.

[@LeoiCaangWan]

Isn't there a version where Hephaestus makes Aphrodite a piece of jewelry or something and that's what does it?

[@Kelaiah01]

@@LeoiCaangWan I read that Hephaestus made Aphrodite a magic girdle that inspired lust. Hera borrowed said girdle from Aphrodite in "The Iliad" in order to seduce Zeus.

[@Gabriel-oq8gs]

This story is pretty hilarious on it's own. But seeing Apollo and Hermes just acting like close bros and throwing around jokes together is my new favorite thing ever. Thank you Red.

[@touchgazon]

This reminds me of the myth of Harmonia, goddess of harmony and concord. She’s the offspring of Ares and Aphrodite, and according to some versions of the myth, Hephaestus was pissed at their affair and as revenge, made a cursed necklace that he gave to Harmonia at her wedding as a wedding gift. It caused her whole lineage to be plagued by misfortune, because whoever possessed the necklace would have terribly unlucky things happen to them. It’s known as the Necklace of Harmonia.

[@eric2500]

Wow. That is my metaphor for the day and resonates on some deep level as to why we peace advocates are persecuted and ignored.

[@chengfeiyu9687]

"If I wanted Ares humiliated I'd ask him to spell Diomedes." Just... yes

[@spartandud3]

3:35 Apollo and Hermes in the corner really made me laugh. On of the best frames Red has ever done.

[@Tarnthewarrior]

Hermes: haha you're all ti- Apollo: oh my gods you can grind meat on those abs

[@Dextersauve11]

Apollo be like : >

[@itfigurescomics6704]

4:15 Selfie! XD And I love hos Poseidon practically said that Zeus could care less for Ares in such a comedic way XD

[@ScarletCharlotte]

"But the world certainly never forgot Hephaestus' great inovation of using chains in the bedroom." Clive Barker's literary career thanks Hephaestus for this.

[@Osric24]

Fun fact: Isaac Newton was something of an alchemist in his spare time between inventing calculus and physics, and he took this tale as a recipe. I can't remember all the metallurgy that went into it, but suffice to say, it actually ended up making a web-like design of crystalline alloy in the final product that could be thought of as Hephaestus' chains, which is *mega cool*.

[@lolaseiss]

The most shocking thing I’ve learned about is that Hephaestus is married to Charis in prior myths and their doesn’t seem to be any infidelity going on there. Why did they have to do my boy so dirty and have him hitched to someone who clearly doesn’t want to have anything to do with them?

[@jessnalulila5552]

Hephaestus slept with almost a dozen women (not count Aglaia), and only 2 are described as happening before he was married. Pretty sure he also cheated

[@jessnalulila5552]

Also he tried to r*pe Athena so, he's shit just like many other deities

[@plipplopthecountess2898]

Sorry if I'm late. IIRC, the Charis thing happened after the divorce, so the dude did get his happy ending, no worries :D

[@eric2500]

@@plipplopthecountess2898 And Charis had what aspect/provenance?

[@plipplopthecountess2898]

@@eric2500 She was stated to be beautiful, genuinely loved Hephaestus, and was his childhood friend in some stories.

[@purplehaze2358]

Sad part is this isn't even the most embarrassing situation Ares has been stuck in. Dude was trapped in a vase for an extended period of time.

[@AusMarkus]

"So this is that "Marital Bliss" that I'm apparently missing?" Now there's an asexual/aromantic mood.

[@AegixDrakan]

Yeah, I felt that mood. XD

[@theguyishere249]

It depends. But if it’s not a good relationship then yep.

[@mykodibear17]

Really just aro. You can be ace and also happily involved in a relationship.

[@delaineyjohnson4262]

Ok, I absolutely love the art with Apollo and Hermes are snickering with Hermes just peering over Apollos head. They are an awesome mischief duo!

[@xphoenixrising]

Ares and Aphrodite are one of my faves. She had the most children with him and he really only ever loved and wanted her. Aphrodite after all is likely descended from Ishtar, and once a war god herself before things got broken down.

[@OrUptotheStars]

It's not quite a functional odd couple pairing, but Julie' Berry's YA novel Lovely War uses the Hephaestus/Aphrodite relationship as a framing device. Hephaestus catches Aphrodite and Ares together and he calls a trial for her right then and there: Prove to me that love and your work as the goddess of love is worth all the anguish it causes. Aphrodite does so by telling the story of four young people during WWI and how love gave them purpose. Nobody makes it out unscarred because WWI, but it's about people persisting through hellish situations and still forging connections. Apollo and Hades also play minor roles as they share their parts in the four humans' stories. This story helps Hephaestus understand Aphrodite not as the flighty shipper goddess but as someone using love to help humans find connection and meaning and for the first time, he gives their own relationship a chance. It's a quite slow burn, but worth it in the end.

[@reddytoplay9188]

Meh those four might have just suicided afterwards since WWI and it is very normal for spouses or lovers to cheat. Not to mention she uses love for disharmony not purpose, the bull and the wife of a king is an example with the whole Trojan War.

[@pwnorbepwned]

I know the Greek gods being all too human is kind of the point, but there’s still something about them paying each other with money that strikes me as so odd. xD

[@monkewithinternetaccess6107]

Hephaestus deserves a break. A family who loves him and a healthy relationship would be ideal, but let’s be realistic

[@TheJinx1441]

In one interpretation, he does! With Aglaia, goddess of celebration and adornment, the youngest of the Charities, who were Aphrodite's handmaids. They're quite loving to each other, from what I heard. He may have fumbled the gold, but, I think he'd be happy with silver if it weren't for the whole cursed necklace affair with him and the child of Aphrodite and Ares.

[@AccidentalNinja]

@@TheJinx1441 A Charity wife?

[@WolfBoy-om6dw]

Yeah Hephaestus deserves happiness

[@morganrobinson8042]

This is why he made robot freinds.

[@thosebloodybadgers8499]

Some sort of Olympian fanfiction which makes Hephaestus and Aphrodite actually work because, seriously, they *would* have great potential as characters in a "both see things in each other which the rest of the world doesn't" kinda dynamic. Hephaestus, having a rocky relationship with beauty because he's at the rock bottom of the pecking order, puts little value in it and can view Aphrodite without being enraptured by her looks. Aphrodite, being constantly surrounded by suitors who would willingly throw themselves at her feet, finds little, for a lack of a better word, challenge in such a relationship, and instead would wish to peel away the hidden layers of the one of the most reclusive Olympians. And stage set. Bada-bing, bada-boom, it's like it writes itself.

[@annieandelsieofarendelle3294]

I mean to be fair we already have a functional odd couple the fair, stern, dog-loving king of the underworld and his dreaded, sometimes murderous queen who daylights as a spring goddess

[@firebrand723]

Functional version of their marriage... Athena: ugh, that husband of yours. How do you put up with him? Aphrodite: well he’s a great father to Eros, and he’s also very fun to build things with. Athena: wait, you build things too? Aphrodite: I’m more than just a pretty face Athena! I have other interests!!!

[@michaeliv284]

Or, they ask Ares to "help" as Hrph can't keep up with the literal Goddess of Love and he foes care about her

[@chaihill1837]

Apollo and Hermes being absolute goons and having the time of their lives is everything I needed.