Monologue: Decision Day | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

Bill reacts to the top stories of the week, including nationwide college protests and Governor Kristi Noem's dog-shooting scandal.

[@Dude-oh8vq]

Ahahahaha haahahaha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa woooohhhhhh!!! Love those authentic audience reactions.

[@jonmeador8637]

Fire the fake laugh guy.

[@veronicaswystun2235]

Why do you care so much about someone laughing??

[@johngrayatkinson1214]

​​​@@veronicaswystun2235 because it's pandering and ANNOYING Why do you care if he cares? That's alot of caring. So much so it makes you a Karen

[@jonmeador8637]

@@veronicaswystun2235 He laughs at comments that aren’t funny.

[@ParticleLarry]

Out of a cannon

[@davidandrews5262]

@johngrayatkinson1214 listen harder. It's a live audience

[@Homeschoolsw6]

" Groups like Hamas say, " Don't judge us because, besides bombings and murder, we also provide valuable community services." Yes, and McDonald's, has salads now, but that doesn't make it a health food restaurant. " - Bill Maher, New Rules (2005).

[@sagarrai4714]

😂😂😂

[@godislove544]

What Bill Maher seems to not understand is there are tens of thousands of Israelis in Israel protesting and asking for a ceasefire

[@AnnoyingMoose]

Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

[@ashergarber3791]

KZbin commenters complaining about the people laughing during a monologue. Thank you, Big Tech, for keeping it so real.

[@Uouttooo]

This comment was made by AI.

[@13RadTV]

GET RID OF THE "WHOOOOO" GUY ffs

[@thelastwordonearth]

And the HA-HA-HA woman too.

[@Uiiiiuybn]

I’m at the end of my rope with these two.

[@davidandrews5262]

Wow. Try to focus. Not a big deal. Cry me a river?

[@shouldhavedonebetter]

Always wondered how much the Woo Woo Guy gets paid.

[@romans6two338]

Agreed, I love Bill's show, but always think that guy works for the show. Watch his show from years ago always a guy yelling woooohooo

[@marlenesoifer7219]

Thankyou

[@VWdude278]

Once again there gotta be that one guy that has to let everyone know he’s there.

[@ScooterOnHisWay2024]

Yes he is having the show recorded at home. "Do you hear that? That's me!"

[@Anarking]

Bill Maher?

[@MrPossum077]

Woo guy is there every show and for sure telling his friends how they are buds

[@Anarking]

@@MrPossum077 Woo guy is Bills manager, he knows if Bill doesn't hear people screaming at every joke, he'll be on the phone all night to him listening to him bitch and moan about no one loving him.

[@johnstuartmill11]

@@MrPossum077 He's employed by the show. TV shows like this employ people to try to get them to laugh and applaud at every joke. Bill should get rid of him. It makes it unwatchable for me.

[@honodle7219]

Good one on the horses and Gnome.

[@jeremy6862]

WHOO!

[@MyTelenovelaLife]

Jajaja Jajaja

[@Brian-os9qj]

Thx Bill

[@guildpilotone]

the tide pods so-called joke is how many years out of date???

[@Drew-bc7zj]

It's definitely gotten very old and very stale. It was barely funny when it was fresh.

[@hopeewing5583]

It implicates how dumb the pro Palestine students are.

[@jasonbender2459]

@@Drew-bc7zj Its funny because your generation is so stupid it will always be funny

[@chareeve8147]

Fake Audience

[@festina_lente7655]

Lay off the tide pods big guy

[@porter588]

I always fast-forward the Monologue and New Rules thanks to the wooo guy.

[@morbidmanmusic]

Now stop commenting on it and just move on already you cliche.

[@mrdo8869]

@@morbidmanmusic - Hi Snarky

[@paulaheckman9928]

​@@mrdo8869back at ya😊

[@davidandrews5262]

@@morbidmanmusic these people being mad at a guy for enjoying himself is getting me so mad.....lol

[@avedic]

I guarantee you that guy is hired by Bill to do that. I like Bill fine...but my god is he needy when it comes to audience approval. It's rather tiring. Like dude...maybe they just didn't think the joke was funny? And then he'll chastise the audience if they clap TOO much! 🤦‍♂ *_"Please clap."_* ~ Jeb! Bush & Bill Maher

[@kathykobs3865]

Great material

[@KristinA-xv4yk]

The recycled tide pod joke from 15yrs ago was a zinger

[@akxmedia0]

2018.

[@helenhawkins6753]

Excellent❤❤

[@eemage9476]

The fake laugh won.

[@alibrowne6374]

Please cut out the audience or whoever is shouting until the end! Really annoying.

[@Anarking]

Bill demands those people are there, ever see how angry he gets when he says something and the audience doesn't applaud?

[@OKProcessServer]

It’s the same guys they pay to make that noise each week. You can hear their same voices and obnoxiousness

[@OKProcessServer]

@@Anarkingbill Maher got old and conservative and transphobic

[@Omniverse0]

@@OKProcessServerlol wut.

[@user-lh7qb2pn1b]

There were tense (tents) standoffs at several colleges.

[@frogneckmanthethird.]

Woo woo woo woo woo wooooooooooooooooo. See how annoying that is?

[@morbidmanmusic]

Only thing that's annoying is you cliches whining every week about the same crap.

[@jusjellus]

That's why this show was at its best during the Covid lockdown when Bill had to broadcast it from his audience-less basement!

[@MyTelenovelaLife]

lol!😂

[@davidmckendry7684]

Is this a frat party? Good lord! Who's on stage, Bill or the audience?

[@elainehewitt6813]

Not all students protesting can be lumped into the same pool. Be careful with whom you listen to. It’s ALL biased.

[@godislove544]

What Bill Maher seems to not realize as he mocks students who are protesting is that tens of thousands of the Israelis in Israel are protesting and asking for a ceasefire

[@MyTelenovelaLife]

Agreed!

[@Collageartist69]

Where's Cricket?

[@MysticWisdomTarot]

Thank god you post monologue ❤ been missing it! From Mexico 🇲🇽

[@rtauzin64]

The whoo guy sucks.

[@morbidmanmusic]

So do the multiple whiners about it. Cliche

[@Easyrecliner]

@@morbidmanmusic You included..

[@kimmcelroy6947]

Let's go Brandon

[@MatthewTheWanderer]

@@kimmcelroy6947 What an embarrassingly stupid thing to say.

[@kimmcelroy6947]

@@MatthewTheWanderer let's go Brandon crooked liberal.

[@davemarr7743]

The whole show was a Kelly Con... nothing but loud alternate facts.. I'm glad George Conway got away from her.

[@annettemacdonald9192]

Really I think you need to get a life 😂

[@kimmcelroy6947]

Let's go Brandon

[@pressman1788]

Everyone is feeling the results of “Bidenomics” and it’s not good. Not to mention his foreign policy disasters. We can’t take 4 more years.

[@Drew-bc7zj]

​@@kimmcelroy6947Let's Go Bonespurs! 🤡

[@ContentinMesa]

As an independent I’d never think I’d see the day that the radical right was less censor happy as the democrats. Really sad

[@jcwdog]

What a disappointment. Bill gave Kellyanne an hour of very little push back. The second guest was a terrible choice. Just awful. What did he offer? If Bill didn't have the balls to call his friend out, he should have had a guest that would. Period. All she does is filibuster. She said that is a fact numerous times. No one could have said, or reminded the people she is responsible for the term alternative facts? That is the least they could have done. This was terrible. What about listing Joe's multiple big accomplishments while in office? No one did that.

[@jamestimlin856]

What happened to Bill's balls. Did Kellyanne scare them away?

[@kidkong637]

@@jamestimlin856they became an internal organ.

[@jerushamaxwell281]

She's the reason why I didn't look at Overtime.

[@dwainmcwilliams2043]

Didn't she create the term "Alternative Fact"?". Imagine telling your parents that you have an alternative fact.

[@AshleyBidensBathTime]

He did name Joes one accomplishment!! Uniting the people with a FJB chant🙂

[@hopeewing5583]

The homeless joke was funny!😂

[@KevinArchitect]

Tide pods joke was stale, sorry, rest were good!

[@greybeard5123]

Once again, the audience is terrible.

[@bbhutchin]

Woo!

[@JamesOfEarth]

He really seems to love the hootin n hollerin…

[@Stephen_Eee]

The host isn't much more than a CNN SCHILLenStein anymore...lol sooooo.....figure all that nonsense out

[@morbidmanmusic]

You are the audience.

[@annettemacdonald9192]

Paid to clap like trained seals

[@JarmelSingsKaraoke]

🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@paultaylor7947]

well many adults will be placing their attention more on the annual highlight of the racing calendar which is more of what they are concerned with such as making more money for a change

[@whhhhhhhhh]

ight that one was good billy boy

[@hd-xc2lz]

Loved the homeless joke.

[@erine3185]

I'm so tired of hearing criticism about how the police handled the protests they were given plenty of warning before the police came in they chose to stay they should face the consequences whatever side they are on.

[@PerkiReport]

Tide Pods? What year is it?

[@c.r.parish5908]

The Tide Pod generation is now college age.

[@dennishopper1410]

Jesus… Bill’s lurch to the right is complete. What a disappointment

[@RastaMan248OC]

Free Temujin Kensu

[@Stepupvinyl]

😂😂😂😂

[@Alpharizzchad]

Yes and we serve in the military

[@sandyrao7367]

I love your show. Since most people get news from your show, I’d like to point out that, Kristi Noem is the Governor of South Dakota, not North Dakota

[@MyTelenovelaLife]

Jajaja Jajaja

[@MyTelenovelaLife]

True 😢

[@jamshedfbc]

😂😂

[@regentogrin518]

So, when you agree repression is fine, and when not the people must fight for what's their's. Perverse cynicism.

[@DemonHunterx16]

Lol😂

[@user-sc9vp2ku6c]

Pro peace is good. Don’t let Bill fool ya.

[@FrankBenlin]

Ha ha. Thanks, Bill.

[@michaelmorgan9824]

cute very cute!

[@Stellaperez658]

Hilarious!!!!

[@MrJoel9679]

Send the squatters to the uni’s.

[@sourabhtiwri]

Both chanted 😂

[@kimmcelroy6947]

Let's go Brandon

[@carsondenny1986]

You typed this multiple times. You’re just gonna get banned and no one really cares. A lot of us watching are not Democrats or Biden supporters anyway. Im not at all. Your joke isn’t funny though. It was very briefly a long time ago.

[@d.f.9064]

This episode was like the Kelly Ann Conway show. The WEAK second guest was pathetic as was Bill most of the time, allowing her to spew toxic alternative facts to the world.

[@rajpunjabi5947]

😂😅👏👏

[@frankboal8268]

Dude the obvious plants in the audience with the fake laughs & that damned annoying woo guy are getting on my nerves. Use a canned laugh track if you can't evoke real laughter from your audience.

[@kjamison5951]

“Jews camping?” Harvey Fierstein: “Hello-o!”

[@lesewener5729]

2:24

[@starryeyednomad3519]

Bill Maher, Dr. Norman Finkelstein has offered to debate you on your show. Why don't you invite him?

[@Na-jm6lc]

He's too scared to do it! Remember that time he had Glen Greenwald talking about something similar? He totally made him look like a fool in front of everyone!

[@bearnord4665]

Bill doesn't know enough but please look at his debate with Benny Morris and Destiny on Lex Friedmans podcast.

[@will88TFs4Life]

Very sad to hear police brutality being met with applause. This is s dystopia.

[@wheelsdeepmagillatron7048]

Laughter from previous shows, or paid audience members?

[@DavesGuitarPlanet]

Bill using a laugh track?

[@SrVnDaNk]

Why are people clapping about police breaking up protest camps?? This show has really declined and it's deplorable audience is proof.

[@teddylovesit]

hey liberal, shut your face.

[@jasonbender2459]

Thats what the real world feels about people like you

[@SrVnDaNk]

@@jasonbender2459 your world of deplorables sounds like a terrible place.

[@History4Zoomers]

did he just talk about the "kentucky derby"? Amazing to see this once great comedian turn into a small town clown lol

[@MasterBlaster-pe5os]

FJB!

[@chareeve8147]

Show better without fake audience

[@sonyaweinreis6530]

Not going to watch your show this week because of you having kelly on!!! She's as worse as her dictator 😡😡

[@edg3048]

Bill, you never fail to disappoint lately....

[@SrVnDaNk]

Actually, he's constantly disappointing his regular audience. You must be new here..

[@stanleyyoung7638]

So, how much does he pay his audience to laugh?

[@morbidmanmusic]

They do get paid. Most do.

[@DonaldMathewJackson]

The audience actually pays to get in but it’s at night and people go out and drink beforehand. Ever been to a live comic night, same thing. People laugh because they paid and they want to.

[@stanleyyoung7638]

@@DonaldMathewJackson Sorry, it's overdone to the point of being not only noticeable but phony.

[@seattlyte]

@@DonaldMathewJackson show tapings like this are free. No one pays to get in.

[@tonyde52]

Apparently; QUITE ALOT !

[@tyrnill]

Ah, yes a Tide Pod joke in 2024, just the kind of incisive, relevant humor I've come to expect from Bill Maher. The guy's really got his finger on the pulse.

[@comet6907]

bill😂😂😂😂

[@anaibarangan4908]

Bill Maher should have his own retro style comedy club, Art Deco sections of Miami Florida, perfect example, and maybe dinner or tapas and entertainment club in Miami Florida, for his retirement income His own "Copacabana, hottest spot north of Havana", sung by Barry Manilow. He'd set up an elegant club, depending on what time and days, can also be casual party themes. Make him like Charo in Hawaii lol 😂♥️ He knows I like him, and I'm just thinking about his well being, because after all, like I told him years ago, he may be an atheist, but God can love him anyways. I'm going to try to channel Ernest Henningway energy while I'm there. Thomas Edison, whomever, and that can get ancient. It's too hot and humidity for me there all the time. Literally have to be living and working on islands breeze. "Meet The Fokkers" style life to handle it. Natural shade from trees, Old Florida style home with plantation style wood shutters. That's totally Florida Rat Pack. Real deal for Real Time.

[@ParticleLarry]

1:32 no, those are for the "immigrants" Bill

[@scottweyland4000]

Gotta say it, Kelly-Ann Conway ran over Bill in this episode, he let her bullshit fly, jmo

[@PAVEL-JAKL]

🙋‍♂️

[@lja3657]

That monologue should have at least one writer let go. You can’t put out bad product in today’s landscape and expect to keep your job.

[@gregeastman6263]

I'm sure you would do better... troll

[@francoisbassila8464]

Did he just say “Pro Israel protest and anti Israel protest? But definitely can’t say Pro Palestine protest and anti Palestinian protest.

[@seattlyte]

I'd say pro-genocide or anti-genocide protesters.

[@davidandrews5262]

Palestine had thier chance. Everyone above the age 27 is absolutely tired of palestine.

[@johncooper9746]

@@davidandrews5262 what chance was that. Theyve been getting fkced for 80 years

[@jamesskinner5625]

That's basically what it is

[@francoisbassila8464]

Why do they need to protest near each other? And let’s not forget that it’s not only Palestines in the crowds? I would say 80% are American citizens. Blacks,Hispanics,asians,etc… all hate the Jews? Or maybe they only want less killings

[@kathleenmchenry5865]

Lost all respect for bill

[@kilvapkram4302]

Coming this fall to FOX it's,......Maher Vs. SNL Forced Laughter Response? Ceskoslovenska.

[@billyjudah5848]

Pro Palestinian or pro PEACE?

[@will88TFs4Life]

Bill also uses the term Anti Israeli interchangeablly which is bonkers. People can be pro Israel and against the slaughtering of kids, its not mutually exclusive

[@QLHOOQ]

It's as if you put Bill Maher...Anderson Cooper and Jimmy Bore in a blender and press on.......

[@jabba820]

Bill sucks so hard now, this show is largely unwatchable these days

[@HughJass-jv2lt]

Thinking that this Show SUCKS now.... is *ANTISEPTIC* 🤣🤣

[@carsondenny1986]

*RT STAFF* Someone please inform Bill about his incessantly loud lip smacking. It’s getting out of control and he sometimes smacks multiple times in a single sentence. Show him or tell him what it sounds like, even if you have to anonymously. I know some people might not mind it, but it’s become ridiculous and is getting worse. And yes, please stop with the woop guy as well. It doesn’t even make sense, AND we can hear it is often the same guy week to week.

[@pennyserenade192]

Keep camping....Call it soon-to-be unemployed city.

[@Keyboard-Cowboy]

Bill "MAGA" Mayer Dude has a face for radio

[@jamesdye2666]

Hilarious how right wing his audience is now. Biggest laughs and applause all night were for Kellyanne Conway.

[@sonyaweinreis6530]

Ya it was pathetic

[@festina_lente7655]

Don't cry sonya😭😭😭

[@sonyaweinreis6530]

@@festina_lente7655 my opinion, plus I would never cry over lame 💩

[@tsweeney129]

Say anything to keep the show on the air, wait what side am I on tonight?

[@datruthbelow]

The fact that he’s a vocal liberal but gets treated like conservative for telling the truth lets you know everything about how polarized our country is

[@benjohnson1705]

Liberal? Why? Because he smokes weed? ROFL

[@chadhaire1711]

@@benjohnson1705 because he is another fool that voted for Sleepy Joe Biden, the worst president in history--- you dunce...that is all it takes

[@PCtransplant]

Fact? Alternative fact. Bill has made himself irrelevant and conflicted.

[@chadhaire1711]

@@PCtransplant makes more $ than you punk

[@user-yh5mw8yo7n]

@@PCtransplant Boomers and Gen X vote. So how is he irrelevant. Most of this country is not insane like the far left and far right.

[@bdadolph]

Camp joke a good one

[@DAV3RAG3]

How do you guys buy this shit?

[@bom3028]

Who could have foreseen the protests in this intensity ten years ago?

[@m.a.118]

Canadians who remember what happened 2 years ago: "lol, first time?"

[@dafttool]

Pfft They’re essentially the Occupy Wall Street protests all over again. Remember. They were a small, disruptive group camping out too, right in the middle of everyone else trying to do something with their lives. Back then it was work & make living. Here, they’re trying to get a college education

[@kiki4greece]

Maher: I cannot wrap my mind around this, Jewish students demonstrating with the Palestinians Me: They are on the right side of history..as the Kent University students against Vietnam in the 70s and the Greek University students against the Junta in 1974. Netanyiahu's slaughter approach isn't the answer.. history has proven that he will go down as a mass murderer. Can't delete that from the history books.

[@celestialnubian]

Bill is really willfully stupid on this issue.

[@Yku30]

This is survivorship bias. You only remember the student protests that were on the right side of history. This one isn’t, as it’s supporting an Islamic terrorist organisation.

[@xx_Joker_xx]

This is nothing like the protests for the Vietnam war. The Vietnam war was a totally different set of circumstances.

[@celestialnubian]

@@xx_Joker_xx A colonial power invading and committing violence on a native population.

[@jasonbender2459]

Big fucking deal. No one (who matters) gives a shit

[@nazareth2]

Wow it was like watching Jonny Carson doing a monologue. Good job Billy boy. Just joke on the truth it’s always funny and thought provoking.

[@starryeyednomad3519]

These jokes aren't even funny; why is everyone laughing?

[@JackCalvin3000]

Fake planted audience.

[@chadhaire1711]

xx

[@tscheuer111in]

Boo... Woooooo

[@jonesjoyce1215]

😆Sensacional!👏👏👏💝💐😉

[@Nathan-gd7xq]

We've reached peak boomer.

[@WaIsHere]

Fr. That tide pod joke is seven years old

[@richhenry8004]

Just in time to square off with peak narcissist revolutionary cosplayer.

[@HomestarCrawler]

Right, so the kids who used to eat them are now in college. Story checks out.

[@robertbarncord6341]

It's cute when kids get called out for their stupidity and behavior and because they have no real counter all they can say is You're old, aka "boomer".

[@morbidmanmusic]

You friggin cliche. 😂😂😂

[@jasonn5352]

Why are you giving a platform to people like Kellyanne? It's not an honest conversation, it's just giving people like her a megaphone. Also please work on your monologue, it's in dire need

[@micahd1377]

Not even watching because Real Time staff are so bad at their jobs and have the most MORONIC in person audience on television

[@MercedesCruz-qe1nj]

It's always an interesting experience to watch you ❤❤❤

[@bounsongkhamvongsa8980]

Bill for president!

[@AshleyBidensBathTime]

Of the toilet😂

[@ktom5262]

Of Uganda, maybe.

[@JohnBould]

Why would they applaud police breaking up the protests....?

[@user-yl7zu5dv9h]

Because they take over building and interfere with classes and research work. Campus is not a park - it is a workplace.

[@Dachrizzist]

Conservatives have gotten very anti-protest and pro-police over the last 10 years or so.