My Fiancee Is "Tired Of Hiding" His True Feelings About My Family r/Relationships

[@kristinewatson3702]

Jesus! How can you sit down, write all of that and still need to ask strangers what you should do? She wrote all the reasons to leave very clearly. Leave girl! Just leave and never look back.

[@SnowyWolborg]

To be perfectly honest, she doesn't sound very smart. She had the nerve to say that she thought of herself as being a strong woman, but going by everything in this story, she's dangerously weak minded.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

The abuse and gaslighting were super real.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement By her to herself and us LOL.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@SnowyWolborg She proved that by saying many of the things she did. Things like "All white men in the military are sexist" and "believing Systemic Racism" is still alive in America. The OP's story sounds more like the rant of an unhinged member of today's Fascist Far Left Progressive than a "normal" person.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

@@thomasjoseph5876 What.

[@greendiamondglow]

This was him HIDING who he was??? OP, girl... cut this cancer out of your life! The fact that all of this stuff wasn't immediately a red flag to her is WILD!!!

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Right? If this is him containing himself then I'd be literally terrified of him. Especially considering he's in the military. This man is DANGEROUS.

[@chinaking918]

Exactly the moment he said a black man would “breed well” would’ve struck a nerve especially with American history. She stayed waaaaaay to long.

[@ohnooffwego]

I like how Markee misread the "All are white men in the military" as "all white men are in the military" and went on to criticize OP for his own mistake LOL.

[@SnowyWolborg]

That's called being pre-triggered.

[@BugGutzzz]

I find it crazy how after all of that the first thing he focused on was that

[@HopeJLK]

Thank you for pointing this out. I just listen to audio while walking to class and that line upset me too.

[@immortalsofar5314]

"I wish men like this came with a warning label on them." They do - they are in the military!

[@cheyennecuevas3226]

@@immortalsofar5314that’s not a good warning tag though. Military is a melting pot. I’ve met some good men and am married to one. But my husband has definitely seen some red flag men at work

[@ian7064]

Story 1: Ppl are glossing over the fact that the bf is also probably in the closet. I've never heard a straight man say "wow look how buff that guy is. I'm sure he'd breed really well"

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

Thank you for writing this! I was thinking the same thing. Lol

[@addicted2mako]

He’s probably so far in the closet that he’s in Narnia getting kicked out of Mr Tumnus’ house

[@SnowyWolborg]

I don't think that he's actually attracted to man, but rather that he has a fascination with the power of the male form itself. I don't want to do any armchair psychology, but I would bet money that Dave has some kind of personality disorder.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

@@addicted2mako And is now strongly entertaining the idea of sitting on the lone light post, while sampling some Turkish Delight.

[@adyashanayak7958]

I visibly cringed at that comment in front of a lot of people. Damn, I am embarrassed.

[@jakemarie828]

"Guys, I'm really embarrassed about staying in this relationship..." as you should be OP. You're not responsible for his behavior, but you have yet to describe a good quality about the eugenicist you have considered tying your life too. People don't change that much that fast, and you shouldn't marry for potential.

[@agentzapdos4960]

People don't change much, period. They are who they are.

[@carterpitbull7366]

She’s literally trying to marry the freaking poster boy for racist, homophobic white republicans AS A BLACK WOMAN…. and doesn’t see a problem wit it????

[@jakemarie828]

@@agentzapdos4960 it usually takes an "act of God" aka a huge trauma but I have seen people raised in racist/sexist environments grow up to be advocates for equality. The change has to be intrinsic tho. No one's opinion truly changes by force.

[@corlenajames1381]

This.

[@damien678]

Eugenicist, self-proclaimed Imperialist, proud sexist... How did he even get to being a fiance? I'm floored by all this

[@Davtwan]

I hate how common this is among people. They don’t change their beliefs or admit fault; they just adapt to hide who they are better (at least until they reach a breaking point or someone that aligns with their worldview gets elected). If he’s not going to move forward, then OP should give him what he wants: staying behind.

[@dream6562]

Part of it is it just growing up with these ideas, after a certain point in adulthood those ideas become cemented in our minds because those values helped us survive if your gonna change someone's mind best to do it when they are young

[@namename2040]

The the thing is you have to make they believe that they are wrong before they are willing to change.

[@owl7072]

"I can never find the right words to make you happy!" It's this little thing called "don't be a shit person"

[@addicted2mako]

“Engagement is a commitment to getting married and cannot be broken.” Dafuq?!?! No counselor in their right mind would/should say that in a professional setting. He and the douchenozzle fiance are doing their damndest to make you tolerate his bullshit. If you’re not hearing this from the people you know in the meat space, hear it from us: You don’t have to stay with him! And if you don’t feel safe breaking off the engagement in person, it’s perfectly fine to do so by text and mail the ring to him. Being safe is more important than being honorable.

[@agentzapdos4960]

He wasn't a real counsellor, he was just some guy pretending to be one.

[@jennyhaslayer1396]

Oh hell no. I'm not watching this. I'm about to offer my services to op coz I want to beat somebody's ass now fuck this

[@chubbychan5950]

She has BW pathology, marry anything just to be called a wife.

[@laurencipolla7340]

I like that a lot. Being safe is more important than being honorable. That is like a lesson to live by

[@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon]

OP thought that taking back the mixer and cutting her a check was petty? Nahhh. _Petty_ would be taking it back and no gift at all, then when asked just say, "Oh! I thought that was the unofficial theme of this wedding! I was just following your example, sis."

[@Kiwicrushes]

“Crying, pleading, shitting myself on the ground. Aaah no look how pathetic I am.” Markee is my favorite 😂

[@prince_sylex]

Second time I heard Story 1. By gawd, girl. What did you see in that jerkfart? Gawd, I would have run earlier if I was her, when she said "He is a proud Sexist Imperialist" No way, no how am I victim blaming but...he must be great at fooling others.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

Nope, she is gaslighting us and describing herself. Her comments about systemic racism and all white men in the military are sexist prove she is the one with massive prejudices and that she is racist. You will find the most racist people in the world are members of the fascist far left progressives in America aka Democrats.

[@MovableNu]

He’s not. He’s just REALLY good at finding vulnerable to mold to his bidding. I’m guessing OP was waaaaaaay underselling “bad childhood.” Your childhood would have to be pretty horrific to ignore your internal picker to keep landing on that turd 😬😳😦

[@carrissa8867]

Same she really needs therapy to uncover why she would pretend he's a good man her self esteem must be on the floor

[@DrownedInExile]

OP is only a victim of her own poor choices and horrible taste in men.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@MovableNu First off, people in Foster Care Programs have a very tough life and are usually in those homes, not out of love or their best interests, but because the family gets a substantial amount of money from the Govt. While some Foster Families are awesome and great people, you hear way more 'horror" stories than good ones with happy endings. Children are a product of their environment and if it is not a loving one, then they have a massive amount of work to do in order to better themselves and become a good person as an adult. He isn't good at finding vulnerable women, he is just doing what he probably learned as a child as a result of being in Foster Care and among people that saw him as a revenue stream rather than a child that needed love. Sadly, only these people can change to be better people, themselves. Nobody can "fix" them, that door closed long ago. Until such time as they decide they want to be a better person, they should be avoided at all costs, either for friendship and/or a romantic relationship.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: "She was an honorary bridesmaid" then why did you keep asking for/about shit only to not tell her when you were doing something? You invited her to stuff after asking for her help, then didn't tell her when you were doing it. That doesn't sound like "honorary bridesmaid" stuff, that sounds like you wanting help without having to pay for it or actually include her.

[@tgbedini]

Oddly one comment stood out to me, and that was the mother saying, "let's be adults about this," meaning ignore the bad behavior, because I don't want to hear about it. Clearly, the bride was being callous, and didn't communicate honestly. "Well, I know she works, so I didn't ask her." Geez, like no one in history has ever taken a day off for a party. She was a jerk, whether intentionally or just indifferently, but she was one.

[@JK-sh8rc]

Who wants to be an "honorary bridesmaid"? Is Naomi 6 years old? What kind of pretentious cr** is that? OP's sister sounds vile. And Naomi is a saint for trying to justify the sister's behavior.

[@hugoumero9723]

@@JK-sh8rc well i bet it OP Brother and BIL are going to be very doomed because OP will disowned them

[@kristyreal]

I guarantee this goes deeper and the mom knows what's up. I feel like he should keep digging to find out who in the family hates his fiancee and why. This is clearly a bigger problem when a family member doesn't even try to pretend she isn't being hateful and the others don't treat that family member like a pariah as she should be.

[@adawongkennedy6570]

Story 1: good that she finaly wake up and could see how horrible that man is, I remember one story but that Op didn't have the same luck and didn't see anything wrong with her husband, he married her because of a fetish, he financially abuse her, didn't allow her to work, he ask her to dress as a slave with the claims it was a "sexual fantasy" of his. It was disgusting to read, but she was abused for so long that she couldn't see anything wrong and even tho every comment was telling her to leave, she choose to stay.

[@bloonh8tr619]

Story 2: Stand Mixer, I believe OP is referring to a stand mixer. They're like 400 bucks but they are amazing! Such a fun tool to make desserts with too bad the bride won't have one.

[@Gumbier_Than]

Dough and pasta!

[@notovny]

Story 1: "Marriage counselor" Friend: "Engagement is a commitment that cannot be broken." Jegus cripes.

[@midnightblue1975]

Is ‘friend’ in their Church too? Just to check all the boxes.

[@siaskies1704]

Story 1: As a black person, I have this message for black women. 🗣 YOU CANNOT FIX HIM! HE IS THE PROBLEM! IT IS NOT UP TO YOU TO TEACH A GROWN ASS MAN TO BE KIND TO OTHER HUMANS! I mean. Christ. Genuinely hoping he doesn't show up and kill her or something.

[@ashleighcalloway886]

👏👏👏👏👏

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@mrsocgirl2020]

Story #1...I'm glad she got out of that relationship with a racist/misogynistic/controlling man. One thing I noticed and I don't think anyone said anything about it, but the "counselor" her ex-fiance used broke some ethical violations. She needs to report him to the state license board because a good counselor/therapist would NEVER counsel friends/family due to conflict of interest, they usually refer them to other counselors. Also they would NEVER have anyone else in a session. This is oh so bad. He needs to be reported and have his license yanked.

[@lindah3803]

He's not an actual counselor. No license. No training. Just a friend of the BF.

[@mogulmade]

SHE SAID IT'S AN UNLICENSED FRIEND OF HIS. lol

[@cindykq8086]

@mogulmade it seems clear that unlicensed here means never was a counsellor in the first placr

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

Not giving the mixer is rude to _them?!_ After all of _her_ BS?! Sarah can go bite the curb real quick, cuz she had me PISSED.

[@demonheart13]

She sets that her family life growing up wasnt good and her current friends were encouraging herto stay with him. Pretty clearly she doesnt know how to be treated like a good person and surround herself with uplofting people. People whowere abused as children are pretty primed to accept abuse as adults.

[@SnowyWolborg]

That's real shit. Some people have an uncanny knack for finding bad company and sticking with it.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

I _NEED_ to know the race of these friends or if OP told the whole story.

[@demonheart13]

@@SnowyWolborg an uncanny knack for surrounding themselves with bad people, otherwise known as being primed for abuse do to being raised in an abusive environment. That is for agreeing wi th me.

[@demonheart13]

@@sharyebethancourt3660 what part of the story is missing when your husband told you he has better genetics then you and has started he will leave you if you get pregnant.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@PowerStruggle555]

(when sister makes a promise, get someone excited, then goes back on their word) sister: what....nothing wrong (when she does it again) sister: no big deal. (when someone makes a promise to sister, then goes back on their word) sister: thats wrong

[@tgbedini]

But "that's different!" Because, you know, it's her.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 1. Nta. Really seriously needs to get into individual therapy for herself. She needs to figure out why she has so little self respect and love for herself that she would tolerate being in a relationship with such a racist entitled selfish man. She and her family deserve so much better

[@lauragarza7585]

So I’d like to give a little perspective as someone who grew up with a terribly racist family and being biracial. I held a lot of internalized racism . I dated a lot of men who put me down for being black… or not being black enough. I even went out with a few men had family ties to the Klan. She was looking for a place to feel wanted. And when you are in that place it’s easy for someone to convince you that they are doing you a favor by being with you. And when you come from an abusive background that’s how love works. Nasty fights then “ here I bought you something, don’t be mad” If you are in a relationship like this. Know that you deserve better.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

Well said. I'm sorry that you had suffer like that. I hope you have found yourself a life you deserve.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

Well said! I hope you know now that you deserve the best! I’m so sorry you had to deal with any of that BS.

[@ianesgrecia8568]

Loved the part of 'not being black enough' How can someone actually rationalize that without sounding like a racist themselves?

[@thatlycantomboy]

Really sorry you had to go through that, but I am beyond glad that you have progressed enough to recognize that you don’t deserve abuse. I hope you’re doing well and will continue to do so in the future and will remember that you are the only one who truly gets to define yourself.

[@cpaul9269]

My heart goes out to you, and I'm sad you had to deal with all that. I'm sure reading this is really helpful to anyone going through this, and even moreso for anyone who has NEVER been subjected to it - insulated by privilege - sharing experiences like these must be difficult (bringing all that back up again), but I truly believe it helps so many people. Thank you. I have heard the same things from people I know - both racially-based, and sexuality-based (Many gay men are prejudiced against bi males (my best friend, e.g. i have witnessed him getting dressed-down as "less-than" b/c of it). It's like people just spend all their time trying to find things to hate on, to feel superior - even when they themselves have been hated on, and KNOW exactly how it feels - that's the cycle of abuse you describe, though - if you never know any different you just think it's what everyone does... I hope your life has improved since all that, and I think you sharing all this to help other people is admirable, and I appreciate it very much.

[@karendavies7510]

Um - I think she actually said all his friends "are white men in the military". Rather than that all white men in the military are sexist/prejudiced.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

She did. I double checked. Markee done fucked up. *AGAIN.*

[@thomasjoseph5876]

She is a racist and a member of today's fascist far left progressives aka Democrats. You won't find more racist people in the world than them.

[@ingloriousbetch4302]

Being a vet myself, married to a vet... racist, bigoted, sexist men in the military were VERY common at the bases I'd been to. My husband ad I are from 2 branches and he'll tell you the men in his branch were even worse.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

@@ingloriousbetch4302 Oof. I don't doubt it.

[@davidlionheart2438]

@@ingloriousbetch4302 Be that as it may, that is not what OP wrote and Markee was unable to comprehend.

[@akemiflameborg]

My reaction to that first story was "girl, wtf". How did she even manage to get to the point of engagement with someone like that dude is beyond me.

[@LololoriShow]

you DONT FORGET who u ask to be bridesmaids...she set your Gf up to be humiliated

[@cathrynesten4364]

She didnt say all.white men in the military are sexist. She said all his friends are sexist and THEY are all white men in the military.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

You are absolutely right. Get your shit together, Markee!!!

[@fangybyte]

​@@Center-For-I.E.D.MismanagementHe misread and misunderstood. He's human. Don't have to be a dick about it.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

That and also saying Systemic Racism still exists in America is where she proved she is crazy. She seems to have just as many "prejudices" as her fiance does. It makes you wonder if the fiance isn't saying stuff to her just to make her breakup with him. The OP's story seems more like a crazy fascist far left progressive rant than an actually story LOL.

[@eldeano9964]

Funny how people that are judgemental about 'fitness', never question the fact that they've never seen a world's strongest man contestant with a six pack. Also sumo wrestlers train a lot and are strong af.

[@sadtitties222]

Oh but don't you know, only "fit" people (a.k.a. people with NO fat to speak of) can be athletic, are able to run, dance, etc. Fat people can never be fit or are able to move without losing their ability to breathe. Yep, totally just "fit" people are able to do that. 🙄

[@meechiebaby493]

What I take away from the story is that he likes to look at men's bodies. I wonder if he's admitted to himself that he's at least bisexual. It feels to me like he's trying too hard, and he has self esteem issues. He couldn't possibly be honest with his fiance because he can't even be honest with himself.

[@eldeano9964]

​@@meechiebaby493also that. And there's the fact that different body types exist, so you can't compare your physique to another's, wether they're more muscular or fatter, because an endomorph can never be an ectomorph etc.

[@jackierenee1691]

Why did she fall in love with this dude again? I feel sorry for whoever dates him next. I'd say I hope he dates a Karen next, but it's probably a bad idea to put those types of people together. Best wishes to her and her family.

[@kaykay8855]

I think this is ‘I can fix him’ or looking for the silver lining mentally, plus they’ve been in a long distance relationship where op’s ‘bf’ can say anything to make op stay.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

She is just as bad if not worse. At this point, I have to wonder if the fiance isn't just saying this stuff to her so she will breakup with him. The OP is a HORRIBLE and weak-minded person.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

​@@thomasjoseph5876 How is OP a horrible person? Elaborate.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement She is overly prejudiced and racist. Her comments and beliefs prove it.

[@NightEyeStudio1995]

How are any of her comments remotely prejudice or racist???

[@kateemma22]

The four things she knew about him BEFORE she agreed to marry him were horrifying enough but bro came in with the 'but wait, there's still more'. Of course there's more. Of course there is! Please don't be shocked when you find a certain red, white circle, and black symbol flag in his basement.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@honeybelle1203]

Why in the hell did this poor woman ever agree to a relationship with that scumbag in the first place!!!! Ohhhh my heart is just breaking for her.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

The fact OP came from a horrible home life would be a good indicator.

[@ingloriousbetch4302]

​@@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagementyep. That part. People who've never been thru it have no idea how badly that can f*ck up a kid well into adulthood.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

@@ingloriousbetch4302 Indeed.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

Story 1: why are you with him? *3 YEARS OF PREJUDICE?!*

[@carlospizarro915]

“I consider myself a strong woman”. She has proven herself to be THOROUGHLY weak-minded and easy to manipulate. To the point that it’s dangerous to associate with her I’d say.

[@vanguardangel6912]

I think you fail to realize just how incredibly manipulative people can be. Especially those who are dangerous. They’re one of the best and they fucking know it. And “dangerous to associate with her”? Maybe I interpreted those words wrong, but that seems highly victim blaming. Like, it’s HER fault she actually had some faith in humanity?

[@neru1584]

Wow who would've thought abuse victims of highly manipulative people would be easily controlled especially after the people close to her arent calling his behavior out for what it is and warning her

[@ianesgrecia8568]

Just 3 words: LEAVE HIM NOW! There is not such a thing as 'I'm strong woman so I can take it' and it works both ways. Men don't need to take abuse from spouses. Do what is better FOR YOU

[@adriennewaterhouse5174]

Story 1 defense only made it worse WAY worse When someone tells u who they are Believe them!!!!

[@lilachope27]

Story 1- op was traumatized. She stated she needed support and affirmation to leave. She didnt have a support system that encouraged her to leave- friends or family. She had a bad childhood and her friends told her to stay. She needed help so she went to a neutral crowd. It truly seemed like she knew what she had to do. She was scared and needed reassurance. Im glad shes out and i hope/pray she is safe and well.

[@bonnieelaine8042]

The first story is a really good example of how your frontal lobe, which is responsible for rational decision making, shuts down when you fall in love

[@SongBird101]

Story 1: I’m a black woman and my husband is a white male. We have never, EVER had ANY issues regarding race. If anything he’s always been curious of what my family and culture is like, especially regarding my hair care lol. I find this story absolutely horrifying.

[@j.jsamra]

All I heard with story 1 was. "I can fix him" mentality.

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: NTA, run, your "fiancee" is a walking talking red flag. Every action of this guy says he only wants you as an intimacy toy (and slave).

[@katphish30]

Sometimes it's a relief to hear an old story, because I know the ending.

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story two: *...Are they playing mind games? With confusing/vague instructions? I hate it SO MUCH! Sarah should've just said she didn't want Naomi at any wedding related event of hers, instead of being an @sshat.* 😀

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

Sister and Mother of OP are weird af! Crazy how the mother said she wants everyone to act like adults when her daughter is out here trying out for Mean Girls 3! I can see who the favorite is atp.

[@lydianelson7737]

Story one OP was absolutely lost in the sauce. I can’t imagine being gaslit to the point of not being able to see that situation any other way

[@mayallyourbaconburn]

Story 1: If she got pregnant, it would not been ok. I had a friend who’s father was also disgusted by fat people. He would shame his wife and call her pig and other names to shame and demoralize her. Also made it known how disgusted he was by her. Didn’t want to touch her. They divorced way later when the kids were pretty much independent and his affair was discovered.

[@alyzu4755]

Story 1: Get away from him NOW! He's a horrible, nasty, disgusting excuse for a human being. His "friend" is NOT helping, either. Don't go to counseling with him, just leave. And then get therapy for yourself. You deserve so much better!

[@notconvincedgranny6573]

Story 1: OP is the AH - to herself.

[@lilmonster188]

That first op, I’m just.. girl he said he was an imperialist. Like I’m a POC myself, if my partner had said some racist comment about my sibling I would’ve been gone. The fact that she still stayed after that, and tried to fix him, smh. It’s not our responsibility to teach these crappy people why racism is bad and why being a hateful person is bad.

[@KE-hr4sb]

Last story: I wouldn’t have gone to the wedding or given her a gift at all. And when your family says “you’ve ruined her honeymoon,” respond, “no, she did by asking why she didn’t get an expensive gift. Not only could she have waited until after the honeymoon, but it’s super rude to ask why you didn’t get something other than what you were gifted. Beyond that, you don’t feel the need to give a nice, expensive gift to someone that used your gf repeatedly and then ghosted her; if sis can’t respect your gf and your relationship, then she doesn’t deserve your respect OR your gifts.” NTA.

[@YuToobVideos]

My sister (black) dated a fellow Marine (white), when she broke up with him because of his racism, he and his friends started beating up random black people off base until they were caught. Weird 😮

[@starbird3939]

“My boyfriend is a panther who eats people’s faces off, should I dump him”

[@Vosia71]

Story 1: oh boy, as a military brat I can definitely say that's someone commonly found in the military but also someone who is usually dishonorably discharged because those ideas come out in the open and they're not accepted.

[@srideout91]

I highly doubt she left him. I have a feeling she was just lying in the update. She only sent it to get people off her back.

[@corlenajames1381]

Story 1: Girl...🤦🏾‍♂️😒 Edit to add: OP, your family will be eternally grateful that you didn't link a bigot to yourself or them😃

[@onxy1209]

Story 1: I'm sorry why are you marrying him again he is sexist, racist, and all around a terrible person

[@cleopatraonlyfans]

Bruh she didnt say all white men are in the military 😂 She said they are all white and in the military

[@mikehilbert9349]

Story 1: How frigging low is OPs self esteem in comparison to her desire to be in this relationship? The fiance has multiple issues. He is an overall ahole to everyone. He specifically holds a lot of prejudice towards the ethnicity of the woman he wants to marry, which that is a pandoras box of psychological crap there, but come on, he is trying to cover up his attraction to buff men and using OP for this.

[@ElleriaZer]

Story 1 and asthma: Asthma frequently is not genetic. My own asthma was developed after regular exposure to cigarette smoke while locked into small spaces with my mother wio smoked. She smoked in the car, in the house, in the RV, etc. And to make it worse, the doctor didnt believe i had it until i had been hospitalized several times by asthma symptoms because i didnt start having them until about 10 or so.

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S1: I can't even. Good on OP for opening her eyes and breaking up with that sexist racist POS. S2: "Honorary Bridesmaid" is not a thing. And labeling someone as such AFTER the wedding has already played out is ridiculous.

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story one: 12:01 More than that, OP needs to let go of that "I can fix him" mentality. Everything she described about how she tried to help him see reason screams "I can fix him". Yeah. *People. Don't do this. It won't end well.*

[@jboy804]

Had to add this as a separate comment for Markee on Story 1: No Markee, OP for all her faults, isn't likely wrong about his friends in the military. There is a KNOWN issue of white nationalists in the US military. It's in many open intelligence reports, seen as a national security issue. One of the few things from them I actually believe as it similarly plagues are police forces (especially in cities). It wouldn't be surprising for an eugenicist to find fellow nationalists in the ranks.

[@teneil31]

Op1 story girl 🏃‍♀️ away from this toxic male karen end this relationship

[@Mitsubachi2529]

Story 1: OOP's fiance sounds like a male version of Courtney Clenney. I'll never understand why racists get involved w/POC 😕

[@SnowyWolborg]

OP basically admitted that she thought that he was simply sheltered and needed her guidance in order to change. In other words, she's one of _those_ women. 🙄

[@Mitsubachi2529]

@@SnowyWolborg To OP's credit, she admitted she shouldn't have stuck around so long.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

​@@SnowyWolborg Yep, the "I cAn FiX hIm" sunk cost fallacy.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

She is more racist and has more prejudices than he does. Her comments prove that. You won't find more racist people alive today than the fascist far left progressives in America, aka Democrats.

[@SnowyWolborg]

​@@thomasjoseph5876Even if you completely remove race from the issue, Dave still have a bunch of other crappy beliefs. But, it's clear from your other comment that you're just looking to rant about your political views.

[@champslim]

Story 1: Sis WTF!!!!

[@Shortypants1215]

Markee: I think when OP in Story 1 said “… all are white men in the military”, I don’t think she was saying ALL white men in the military are racist and sexist (although as a Navy brat, I can tell you there are, indeed, many), she was saying all her fiancés friends are white men in the military. My Two Cents.

[@dmaxcustom]

You cant change people and people fundamentally dont change. Love is a bad drug.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

Correction: people won't change unless they *WANT* to change.

[@nishikaze]

"Does anyone have any advise as to what I should do?" 1st Comment: "Run" Literally the first thing all us sane people thought first.

[@Demonic_Culture_Nut]

Story 2 -- NÞA. If Sarah failed to notify Naomi of one event, OP would be, but it's a pattern of behavior. And þe mom refusing to communicate isn't her acting like an adult. Communication is what adults choose first to solve problems. And sometimes þere needs to be an outside party to facilitate þat communication.

[@mikdavies5027]

How the hell can you 'ruin a honeymoon' over a choice of presents, (sounds 'entitled' to me, and a 'golden child' to boot!!)

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 1: The fact he was proud of his sexist beliefs is enough to nope out of the relationship, he wasn't going to change his beliefs, at least not easily, since he was PROUD of them, it's especially bad since he's racist and the OP was black, and, again, he was unlikely to change his views.

[@jessicawolfe5861]

If you have to say “I’m a human being who deserves respect” you need to leave. Not sure why she thinks this person is worth giving time to. He’s not going to change.

[@Raggmopp-xl7yf]

S1: RUN!!! Op should be glad the mask was ripped off before marriage. Op needs to run and NEVER look back!

[@keepdancingmaria]

Frankly, I think his behaviour during the height of the pandemic would be enough of a reason to break up. Like IMMEDIATELY.

[@coreymartin6486]

A lack of kitchen mixer gift ruined her honeymoon? Her priorities are seriously askew. That poor, poor husband....he may have not really understood who he was marrying.

[@dja3456]

Hell no. If my boyfriend did that im out.

[@indiashante1560]

Story 1: Op is real special... cuz there's so many 🚩🚩🚩. There's NO WAY IN HELL as a proud Black woman would I EVER entertain a man like Op's fiance and went as far as to get engaged to him? I feel sorry for anyone in his unit that has to work with him that is a minority and/or female. People with that type of mindset get other people killed. He also seems like the type of person that would un-alive his spouse out of anger. Op should run and NEVER look back!

[@ashleighcalloway886]

I literally cannot for the life of me understand why either.

[@inabruzzowithme7877]

I've been listening while preparing for a trip and I've had to go back to the beginning of story 2 again and again #adhd

[@Mglay556]

Story 1: and….you stayed with him for 3 years ??????? Girl. GIRL. This is why self esteem is so god damn important.

[@mikukurisaki3413]

"Tired of hiding" girl, he's shown you exactly who he is. Believe him. "Would breed well" is... is he thinking the black guy is an animal?! He's stopped bringing it up... again, to placate you. "Engagement is a commitment" yeah. He broke that commitment because he hid his true self from you. "I can change him" is a pretty problematic idea in and of itself, imo. He has to /want/ to change and commit to it. He obviously doesn't want to really change.

[@gabak1292]

Story1: Lol, he didn't hide that he is a stupid AH. He is really open about that😂

[@Batman-lg2zj]

Date a real military man that isn’t a sexist.

[@lightlouis]

I remember this sorry. I hate the part about her brother being treated differently by police. Wtf

[@charlotteemerson5050]

OP speaking of bf friends "I know some of them are sexist, all are white men in the military." Not "all white men are". That being said I interpreted OPs comment to mean that all bf friends are white men in the military. But, maybe I'm wrong.

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

Why did Op not demand to go to an actual counselor or couples therapist? Instead they went to see his friend, one that is not even licensed! Why? That is stupid 😅 He is going to tell the partner everything and always side with him.

[@tatumkm07]

Story 1: Girl! What was he hiding? It was there in front of your face the whole time with flashing lights, balloons, and glitter. A whole damn marching band! Some people are so desperate to not be alone… I can’t even finish listening to it…. Is she really on Reddit asking what she should do??? You know what? I don’t care. You can’t fix stupid. Next story…

[@tigernotwoods914]

Story 1: that guy is garbage on so many different levels for so many different reasons, but that being said, what does she have to grieve over? She’s the one that left. Yes, he brought it on himself and she should have left along time ago and I’m glad that she left but she’s still the one that left, so what is she grieving over? She’s the one that’s leaving and rightfully so but I don’t understand how the one that initiates the break up is the one that would be grieving. That guy is garbage, and he deserves to be alone.

[@cathymurphy7922]

Run,don’t walk away from this relationship.

[@meechiebaby493]

Markee, she said "All are white men in the military." She was speaking about the other men she knew who behaved as her "fiance" did. You misread, my friend.

[@midnightblue1975]

OP 1 needs SO MUCH THERAPY. She might have some internalised racism, just low self esteem, something. She sounds so isolated :(

[@jasmine1327]

The “I can fix him” mindset is just so sad to see

[@dianecheney4141]

Sure it can be broken, just give him back a ring. Just make sure you are far enough away from where ever he’s stationed

[@VictoriaMorganawesometori]

Story 1. There's nothing redeemable about him. They've dated 3 years but long distance has made it easy for him to pretend to be someone else. DTMFA

[@austinb1306]

Jesis Christ this sounds like an ex fling og mine. He married an African American woman, then strted to message me wanting to hook up when he came into town. He was in the marines, had extreme body dismorphia, and completely changed from the person i knew when r was gone. R would costantly belittle his wife, how he was racist an only married her because of how amazing the sex was, talked about being superior in race. I was underweight and he would constantly try and push me to work out and make my body better. Such a scumbag and hea still married to her to this day even though i know he sees her as less than and abusive as hell. Bullet dodged fore for sure

[@childfreescallywag]

Yeah I’m not even finished with this first story and ain’t no freaking way sis should’ve ever even gotten into a relationship with that man. Like no way in hell. That man is more than prejudice.

[@justa.raykin1681]

The text in story 1 says "all are white men in the military" not "all white men are". Very different

[@heatherholzhaus7013]

He legit said "sucks to you as. smar" lord of the flies style, and you still want to keep him around?

[@queenofice18]

Girl if you don’t leave that man to the streets. When a person shows you there true shelf you don’t take it with a grain of salt. The fact he treats his own family some type of way is a red flag. He’s a example of a guy who hated his pregnant wife who gained weight and shamed and belittle her. I’m sorry I wouldn’t have went to a counselor who knew one of us on that close on a personal level. I feel bad that she was trying to fix him as it’s not on us to do it. Leave the relationship.

[@leahrenea2709]

Story one: she didn't say all white men are in the military, you did. She said "all are white men in the military".

[@damien678]

How did he even become a fiance in the first place? I am begging OP to get higher standards

[@helianabanes4875]

Dude; if OP would have stayed with "Dave" he would have been using the fact that he had a black wife and mixed kids, as an out for his racist views/behavior. "I am NOT racist, my WIFE is black! This is super scary to me. Glad they broke up, hope she is doung better!

[@steveadams7592]

Run! Once people in the military retire/separate, their "brain-to-mouth" filters shut down; so whatever he says to you will only magnify 10-fold.