My Girlfriend Refused To Have Sex With Me So I Took Matters Into My Own Hands r/Relationships

[@NerdyByNatureX]

Story 1: what the actual F? How is everyone going to gaslight him into thinking this was something he did wrong? He didn't cheat lmao. He didn't do anything to make her feel like she isn't enough, SHE DID. She said she didn't want it. He didn't do anything wrong! This is insane...

[@TheVeggiekat]

I wonder if they live in the Bible Belt. Yes, living together before marriage is a religious no-no but a lot of people do end up living together due to finances. Sex is still heavily shamed though and women are brought up to believe masturbating is a mortal sin. OP should ask his girlfriend if she’s ever masturbated. Not being comfortable with her body and/or sex in general is probably why they aren’t having sex often and why she freaked out about him masturbating.

[@RobDaCajun]

If he masturbates. Then she loses “control”. Not having sex isn’t just her not being in the mood. It’s also a power play for her to deny her man gratification. His self gratification defeats the purpose. The assumption of cheating stems from if he isn’t ducking her. Then he’s imagining about sex from someone else. Because a “real man” will see through her BS and takes what he wants from her. To quote Al Bundy “ Don’t try to understand women. Women understand Women and hate each other.” OP’s an idiot thinking that asking a woman about this would give him any actual insight.

[@ChrisAndCats]

I could see it if he was watching a woman on the TV or using a picture, but OP had turned the TV off. Calling him a cheater is just plain bizarre. And cruel.

[@alosialee]

I'm so baffled by both his gf and his boss too like wut?! I'd never consider self pleasure to be cheating. How does that even work? Is he cheating on his girlfriend with himself? By that logic if he ever takes himself out for coffee or for a meal or does any kind of self care for his mental or emotional well being is he cheating on her with himself then too? Like sheesh lmao.

[@susankaempfer8427]

I’m so confused. But in any case, this is exactly why Reddit exists. Op has been told by several people that he’s doing wrong by having a wank after weeks of no sex. Now he questions reality. 🙄 Sometimes, when everyone around you is telling you one thing and you’re thinking another, you can start to doubt yourself against all reason.

[@Tiogair]

Story 1: if you walk in on your partner taking care of themselves either let them finish or ask to join in, you don’t shame them for a totally healthy outlet.

[@vanguardangel6912]

I like the way you think! And yeah; masturbation in moderation can actually help with mental health a bit! And its good to be in touch with your body.

[@runeingebretsen8378]

she actually called it cheating,WTF,so if she isn't cheating on him(yeah right),are you telling me she dosen't do it,sure,and has she pictures of herself in bikinis and whatnot online,how is that not cheating,if everybody can see it.

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

​@runeingebretsen8378 Honesty, everyone is overlooking the fact that she's upset that she found out she couldn't get pregnant. Basically, she had planned to be SURPRISE. I'm pregnant. But was upset when she learned she can't have kids. Their not married or even talked about their future. Whether they should or shouldn't get married. They also should have discussed children before she tried to surprise him with it. He said it himself when she told him. He wasn't even sure he wanted kids. He should break with her. But since he hasn't she should be thanking him. He never tried to force himself onto her when she said no. And more importantly he stuck around in a sexless relationship for 3 months. Very few men would stick around for 3 months and no action.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

Story 1: Ah, the whole "HoW dArE yOu ReFuSe tO ReAd mY mInD!" Bullshit. OP's Boss has zero business weighing in on this. OP's "friend" should have kept her mouth shut. After Update: This is why *COMMUNICATION* is imperative in a relationship. OP did not deserve the blatant verbal attack and toxic projection. Children are literally the last thing of which OP and GF should be concerned.

[@immortalsofar5314]

What got me was the redefining going on in the story and the PMs. If cheating means someone masturbated and r*pe is asking your partner if they want s*x and then taking "no" for an answer then perhaps I should be a lot less sympathetic from now on. That cuts both ways so these people need to GTFOH.

[@andrewalexander9492]

“Boss has zero business weighing in on this”. Well OP did ask her for her opinion. Not that I agree with her opinion, but it ain’t like she wasn’t invited.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

@@andrewalexander9492 And OP's boss, were she truly a professional befitting her position, would never have pried.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@tfrtrouble]

It wasn't just a verbal attack though. This woman threw him out of his home in the middle of the night (just for masturbating)! That is awful abusive behavior.

[@jm1670]

There is nothing wrong with masturbation. It's not cheating to get off using your own hand. The gf and friends are ridiculous.

[@sammieh9695]

Yeah, my partner has a higher libido than I do, sometimes I can't keep up and he gives himself a tug.

[@Mytwohearts]

No shit I'm in an LDR and my partner and I both take care of ourselves when we can't have a go together 😂 only time we "cheat" on eachother is if we are having a soda and joke about it 😅

[@natalieruzickova5839]

Well, she did apologize and explained why she reacted this way. And I kind of get it if I get into her shoes. And then she realised she was wrong. She is not ridiculous, she was just broken and made a mistake.

[@mztweety1374]

Exactly...it's safe sex with someone you love 😂😂😂

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

​@@natalieruzickova5839Being broken doesn't make it less ridiculous. She continuously shut him down and ignored the issue. And when he final took care of himself, she villainized him all the while still leaving him in the dark. Her behavior was disgusting and absolutely can't be excused just because she turned out to be unable to have kids and was refusing to deal with that.

[@heatheraucoin5832]

S1- OP is NTA. It’s not cheating to allow yourself to release stress. To be fair, your hand was the first thing before your gf was in the picture. Op is starving and she’s gaslighting him saying he shouldn’t and she’s not enough.

[@jamesdietz29]

The idea of masturbating = cheating is absurd, especially when the GF is uninterested in having sex.

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

Maybe if HE made the effort to make sex worth it for her, she would want sex with him. He is selfish, and thinks he is 'entitled' to sex on demand.

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

Maybe if HE made the effort to make sex worth it for her, and CARED if SHE gained anything from sex, the situation would be different. He did nothing to make sex worth it for her. None of you have the balls to reply in a civil manner.

[@nikoking825]

For a moment I was thinking the girlfriend was gonna be all "No! My couch! How could you?"

[@immortalsofar5314]

Well, she can't compete with upholstery like that!

[@thesewinggeekmiri9029]

not the couch...not the *COUCH*...

[@whitneybennett4857]

Must we really go THERE?🙄😆@@thesewinggeekmiri9029

[@AuroraPaintBrush4444]

Heck I'd almost give her being jealous of the couch... Considering there are men that "make love" to cars... Literally But "self love" is perfectly normal for any sex or gender. Heck you don't even need to think of another person, it can just be intimate massage.

[@kg5626]

Story#1: What the hell!! OP was masturbating which is normal. Are all the people around OP hyper religious or strange? How is masturbation cheating? What is so odd? I do not understand how so many people around OP would think that he is in the wrong.

[@LunaP1]

Probably lives in the Bible belt. Those repressed losers telling OP he's wrong for having normal urges are the kind of people that project or have failing relationships.

[@kylemendoza8860]

They were probably just feminist and had the mindset that the woman is always right. I guess it's possible that could be in Utah this is a religious thing.

[@bhart3321]

Not necessarily, I've seen this same rhetoric & ideals touted across the feminist spectrum. It's perfectly ok for women to masturbate but if men do it or god forbid they watch pron to do it he's a "ChEaTiNg PoS." It's hysterical to me that women have the right to bodily autonomy but men don't. They think they have a right to tell men what we can do with our bodies. We're all just sick of the double standards & any women who are still staying quiet when they know this crap is getting proliferated online are contributing to the problem. They need to fight back against this just like we do when we see a man acting like trash. Call it out immediately every time & never stop.

[@Sapphiresenthiss]

(Woman here.) OP from the first story should dump everyone who sides with the girlfriend, as well as the girlfriend herself. This is just *ridiculous* at that point.

[@purpledragon2442]

Sounds like he did. Good riddance honestly. Hope everything goes well for OP and his girlfriend at least.

[@runeingebretsen8378]

she dosen't love him or like him for that matter,find somebody that will,and dump her,i really dislike women who think they do men a favor if they have intercourse with men,especially if it's a GF or wife,but they will jump in bed with chad and tyrone in 5 min flat.

[@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist]

Dump the friends, yes, definitely. The GF I think could use a second chance, but they need to have some deep conversations. I am a person that tries to have communication in a relationship. She definitely should not have blown up like that, and talked earlier. I cant say I dont understand why she did what she did, the hiding at least. The blowing up was uncalled for.

[@darkgod725]

​@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist nah, imagine when they're marriage, sex every 6 to 1 year

[@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist]

@@darkgod725 I mean… thats another thing to work through, if she was able to come to terms with herself that she cant have a child she might be happier, and well they could have a lot more sex without worry. Who knows, the diagnosis could also be wrong, or she could have a miracle baby, though you gotta actively try for it. There are men who get snipped but still have kids, there are women with diagnosis like that but still have kids. Also if her eggs are healthy, then they could get a surrogate.

[@heartabduction]

That title is OMINOUS The post title is relieving though, no pun intended

[@ashleyw6160]

😂❤

[@SorenPenrose]

Yeah that title 😮

[@jeremyjackson4012]

The titles such clickbait, it’s deliberately misleading

[@Lyoko2516]

I almost thought SA, but then clicking the video...whew! He only rubbed his sausage. I'd have been worried not just for OP, but for Markee's sanity for reading a post that involved SA and R like that. Just glad it was a wank and not...those.

[@hikariwaifu2313]

I think it's meant to be a pun

[@VidGirl88]

Story 1: so... he's the bad guy for not being a mind reader and 'gasp' pleasuring himself?? Make it make sense.

[@dissident1337]

"I denied him so that means that part of his brain should turn off, because it only exists for me."

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

​@@dissident1337Don’t forget she was also secretly trying to get pregnant without any kind of communication as to whether or not he even wanted or liked kids.

[@bryn1063]

And also listening to her no??

[@fruitylooney348]

Story 1: This story is so confusing?? How is it cheating if he decides to pleasure himself? Like whenever I'm not in the mood/having issues my bf just will not bother me. I rather not be bothered and have my bf help himself then be pestered and convinced esp after saying no. If anything the BF not pressuring her is a incredible green flag.

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

Omfg..I feel so bad for the younger people today. Are you fucking kidding me? What’s wrong with a bit of self pleasure. Holy shit! OP is fine. WTF? Yikes..

[@nationalinstituteofcheese3012]

People can’t handle the fact that young people today will masturbate. I’ve dealt with lots of self guilt after masturbation

[@localvega688]

It's the college SJWs getting in their heads. ❄

[@CanyonALynn]

You'd be surprised that shaming self-pleasure is actually older - way older, than the younger generation. Even though the OP and girlfriend are currently atheist, they were still raised in Christian households where it's taught from a young age that is sinful/disgusting to masterbate. OP either grew out of that mindset or had a family that was more secular than your run of the mill, traditional family. But the idea of it being looked down upon goes back generations.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@takkycat]

Yeah, based on the title I was predicting something WAY worse! This was much ado about nothing. The girlfriend, boss, AND female friend need therapy to discuss this knee jerk reaction. It’s not showing a great relationship with sex in general.

[@loganjoh1]

Story 1: the fact that she called that cheating is wild. Also her “you could’ve woken me up to have sex” and after he pointed out how she has rejected his advances for months “you could just insist” the fuck? Nah nobody should need to convince their partners to have sex with them after they already said no.

[@DemonAngel]

So, because she was angry and didn't tell op anything, she took it out on hin, ignored him, gave him the cold shoulder, and then abused him and accused him of cheating and threw him out????.... yeah no

[@Ellerwind]

Story 1: So sad in the end but... Fapping is not cheating. Story 2: Cousin had something like this BUT he flew to Japan and then dumped him. He had to spend the trip with her (was going to propose on the trip) and look happy. She had another guy lined up and when she told her family (when they saw them) and after her parents went off at her, SHE went off at him... for dumping him

[@ladyv5655]

Gf in the second story was reeeaally dumb. If she's a golddigger, she's not very good at it. 🤣

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Op and the gf can still be parents. There is adoption, surrogacy, or possibly in vitro

[@singingsamanthamonique5859]

I definitely also thought that, I can definitely understand being sad in a shock at first, but I really hope that they do explore those other options

[@thePhoenixQueen]

Maybe so, but finding out your reproduction system is defective hurts. Not to mention adoption, etc, is not the first thing most people want when starting a family.

[@tfrtrouble]

I sincerely hope not! A woman who throws her partner out of his home in the middle of the night when he's done nothing wrong, because she's projecting her issues onto him should not be given responsibility for a vulnerable child. Whether she is abusive or just very emotionally labile with a terrible temper, I can tell you from experience that it absolutely miserable to be a powerless child under the absolute authority of someone like that.

[@UchuKejiMovan]

He should not have children with this woman. She's already shown him how SHE HANDLES life situations and she doesn't handle them well enough to be a mother

[@kellyalves756]

I was thinking they would make ideal foster parents. From OP’s description, she’s great with kids regardless of her lack of biological attachment to them, and so many kids really need someone who has that kind of open heart for children. It’s a rare gift.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 2: NTA, but I wouldn’t have given her the ticket. She wants to break up, she doesn’t get a free vacation.

[@InvasionAnimation]

Wow all those women are insane story 1

[@noname-ip9xe]

As a woman myself I will always side eye women like this.

[@DemonAngel]

​@@noname-ip9xeme too. Like... you're really upset that he has Palma Handerson and not Cootie Kattie?

[@YouTubeSupportSucks]

​@@noname-ip9xeI agree

[@colbylawson5331]

@@keplersdream901 Realistically, bosses are supposed to avoid the discussion of certain personal matters workplaces. Some bosses are just lenient or too nosy.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

Story 1 no no no OP didn't do anything wrong. I was raised to believe that porn was wrong, but in my long term relationship I have learned that it's just not that simple. Poor OP genuinely was just between a rock and a hard place. Couples need to communicate well about sex and OP's gf was just not communicating.

[@localvega688]

I have learned that the people who rail against porn tend to be real-life Frollos. 🔥

[@ChrisAndCats]

​@localvega688 Whats a frollo? That's a new one on me.

[@NervousKraken]

​@@ChrisAndCats the bad guy in hunch back of Notre Dame

[@brianaschmidt910]

The churchy guy who killed quasimodo's mother, caused a mass genocide, and almost killed a woman because he couldnt handle the lust he felt towards her. ​@ChrisAndCats

[@ChrisAndCats]

@@NervousKraken thank you!

[@GaskyChan]

Reasons to be mad at your partner for masturbating 1: what they are masturbating to is really nasty 2: their masturbating stained furniture 3: they got a masturbation addiction and this is the 50th time in a day Bad Reasons to get mad about masturbating 1: you lashing out because of devastating news At least she knew and had open communication. Hope they both heal

[@LordDaix]

To that first point about it being nasty, unless it's illegal it's none of your business and you shouldn't berate someone for their masturbation choices.

[@colbylawson5331]

First point isn't really a valid reason to be mad. As long as it isn't illegal or dangerous, there's no valid reason for getting mad. The two other reasons I definitely agree with. There are places to juke and places to not juke. I think the last one is kinda unrealistic. I find it had to believe a person can masturbate that many times in one day.

[@someonewho]

@@colbylawson5331I think that’s what they meant tbf

[@colbylawson5331]

@@someonewho Possibly.

[@clockwork3494]

Story 1 Wh- huh?? Jesus christ no wonder some men don't know left from right in relationships sometimes, he wants sex, she says no, he says okay then she gets mad because he isn't forcing her? Truthfully I feel bad for both if them. I feel bad for the gf likely being conditioned that it's ok for your partner to force you into something or that she _needs_ to be forced into it. I also feel bad for OP who just wants to be intimate with his partner without being hyper forceful and disrespecting her boundaries. That said, the gf's reaction was absurd, straight to the cheating accusation for cooking up a storm on the couch? Yikes. (Hey, if Markee can crack jokes in the title so can I lol)

[@evavocative6975]

Story 1: I'm SO GLAD reddit was MORE SANE than the women in OP's life. I think it's so hilarious about the comment who told OP to go home to the couch and do it again, while staring at the GF. 😂 That was absolutely hilarious. The update was sad, but I'm glad it wasn't cheating, but people making OP feel like he was a horrible person for wanting sex were idiots.

[@bhart3321]

Welcome to western society where male sex drive is vilified while women's sex drive is exalted despite the fact that for women to be sexually empowered that requires sex with filthy men. You can't make this sh*t up.

[@theunknownone5663]

Story one: don't try having kids. Be reckless it always works.

[@JohnDoe-fm6md]

The fact that he felt the need to apologize a thousand times during this story for every little thing even things that weren’t his fault is sad.

[@nousernamesarevalid]

Adoption exists. I think the girlfriend needs a good therapist and OP needs a new job and new best friend.

[@bhart3321]

Preferably male friends that are capable of thinking rationally instead overly emotional women with draconian & sexist beliefs.

[@lfcmike12]

@@bhart3321 A female best friend is what I'd call a huge red flag for a man. Sure sure not every man with a female best friend is going to be a wimp.. But the vast majority of the ones I've seen certainly were, usually the type of people who annoy and can't see eye to eye with other men.

[@ArthropodJay]

currently chewing on hot glue sticks rn

[@Markee]

yum

[@DragonflyandTheWolf]

Story 2: I actually kind of love that OP let her have the ticket but then took away her ability to do anything with it. I honestly thought he let her keep the ticket to to torture her, lol. Like, "Oh you wanted Taylor Swift tickets? here you go, now pay for your room and board and travel yourself." I thought it was a diabolical revenge plan, lol.

[@ImaNerdANDaGeek]

You little devil, you phrased the title like that on purpose!

[@catandrobbyflores]

When a couch is involved I side eye Markee. He never let's us forget....

[@mikeremski2102]

"I tried to initiate every day for the last 6 months and you've turned me down. But me going out with Mary Palmer is cheating? The question is Who are you cheating on me with?"

[@shadowkissed2370]

When I was in my early 20s, I thought p0rn was him cheating on me as well. Since I have gotten older, I have realized that is really not the case. However, if it is a constant, nonstop thing he would rather watch than have the real thing, then that is a whole other issue.

[@nikoking825]

Oy...just cause you're not hungry doesn't mean you can't tell me I can't eat. It's not unreasonable to want sex with your partner. If they don't want sex they have that right but (1) that may end the relationship and (2) touching your own body is always your own business.

[@darkmask5933]

Story 2: Glad someone in the update pointed out most likely the ex was trying to get out of having sex with OP. Not that she owed it, but she was like "we can still have fun" and wanna bet by fun she meant "hey we're just friends now but thanks for paying for everything!"

[@franciebelcher4594]

S1. NTA. Gf want OP 2 "insist"?!! Wtf?!!! Gf literary wants OP to R word her. Ewwwwwww! Gf needs serious therapy.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 1 - NTA. What is wrong with the people in OP’s life? Why are they all insistent that he can’t take care of his own needs, or should keep bothering the girlfriend about being intimate??? Who in their right mind wants to pressure their partner into sex? I think OP needs a different support network, they’re all nuts.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

2:34 oh no! No no no no no no no OP! Why did he tell his boss?!

[@KadeStringer2.0]

Story 1: NTA and op isn’t wrong

[@CanyonALynn]

I'm noticing that a lot of comments are bashing the younger generation as if they came up with the concept of shaming self-pleasure. That goes back *generations.* Those of us, myself included, who were raised in Christian/Tradtional/strict households know that a lot of children are taught from a young age that it's sinful/digusting/shameful. Depending on the denomination, it's directly taught from the church leaders/elders/priests/reverends. So there's a lot of generational hangups about sex and self-pleasure overall and not restricted to just the younger generation. Not sure where that came from. And also, if you are sexually incompatible and sex is important to you... for the love of god just break up! Don't cheat, force people to have sex, or force a poly relationship... just break up and find someone more compatible.

[@ShinTriAce]

The hang-ups around sex come (at least in the Western world) from the church ,especially in the Dark Ages. It was definitely a way to control the believers. Before that, sex (and lgbtqia+ people) was considered normal and healthy.

[@QuayHollywood]

I think that it's more so shame that the younger generation of females for having the mindset of "if I say no, you need to be more forceful, not respect my boundaries." That part to me is what's delusional. This is a very common thing among a lot of young people now.

[@CanyonALynn]

@QuayHollywood IMO, that's something else that has been around for generations but morphed recently into a more f'd up version of the traditional (and outdated) belief that men are the pursuer in relationships - whether in pursuing the woman while dating or being the one to initiate sex. And if the wife wasn't in the mood back then, they still had 'wifely duties'. There's an old saying of 'lie back and think of (England or something else)' while the wife lay there during the act. What I see now is just a version of that still *passed* on to the younger generation... they didn't create it.

[@QuayHollywood]

@CanyonALynn I understand that but when I look at it in this current gen I feel like they skewed that even more to the point of a "no doesn't mean no it just means try harder" but I feel like that came shortly after the "No means no" of assult culture a few years back. It's insane.

[@jrobdickson8498]

- strict parenting makes sneaky kids… never been caught, is all I’m saying-

[@Tokuijin]

Story 1) At least, he didn't cheat on her.

[@localvega688]

He would have had every right to do so. 🏩

[@bethanypollard6940]

@localvega688 Oh go fuck yourself! You don’t cheat on your partner if things start to get boring or things go wrong. You either talk or just break up. The fact that you’re saying this makes me wonder if you’ve done something similar

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

​@@localvega688 Your words are the creed of a rancid incel.

[@Tokuijin]

@@localvega688 No. 🙄 You may want sex but your partner doesn't owe you sex and, if said partner isn't in the mood, then such is existence. If you're unhappy with that, then just leave the relationship but don't cheat.

[@ladyv5655]

But he shared their private issues with another woman. That is a violation of trust. With everything the girlfriend is doing, she's probably too tired to have much s*x and thinks he's throwing the lack of s*x in her face.

[@ebagentj]

Story 2: I know everyone in the comments said it, but for real, she broke up with him before the trip (or said she intended to right after) and expected him to just go "okay, see you then"? A notice to break up is still a break up, and no one owes you anything even if you put your own expiration date on it. Maybe is she suckers a richer guy next time then she'll know to keep her mouth shut until after a trip he pays for that he wants to go on. But let's be real, if she was stupid enough to think that was a good idea once, she's probably dumb enough to do it again. Hope OP finds a girlfriend who appreciates him. I know we only had two short posts to get to "know" him but he seems like a good guy. And one that isn't willing to indulge her bullshit because hey, what's done is done, there's no way he can cancel the flight and hotel... oh wait, he can.

[@ashleyw6160]

6:39 lmao that's hilarious...I'm a girl & I say NTA...sometimes u just can't help it lol 😂😂😂

[@mariecherrytree]

Masturbation isn't cheating. That is ridiculous.

[@ActivistVictor]

The three people besides OP are so pathetic, dump the GF and the friend and find a new job if possible

[@DemonAngel]

.... wtf? Wanted him to leave? Made him leave? Lack of respect? Forcing her into it? Wtf??

[@angeleyesgreen1586]

If you're not compatible, break up.

[@kayp89]

Op in story 1 has some iffy judgement to say the least, and obviously the gf,boss,and bff are TWEAKING.

[@GeorgeGiann]

Months? Months??? And he's the bad guy. OK...

[@Alissandre_Iskander]

Story 2: tf? She broke up with op... what did she think was gonna happen? I wouldn't expect to travel and party on the dime of someone i broke up with... that's crazy.

[@EnDB]

He's still with her becaaaaauuuuse what?

[@kateemma22]

In the immortal words of TayTay: Ooooh, look what you made OP2 do...

[@ivorydragon]

S1: I feel like a lunatic thinking OP's being gaslit to all hell and back by these women. It's someone releasing stress not lusting after other women in this situation. Edit after update: this is why people need to talk

[@Grace_x68]

Last story My take on the GF pre-breaking up with OP, she is in a affair and is going to dump OP after the trip for AP. Just like the partners with the "let's open the marriage" line because they are already cheating.

[@LunaP1]

She won't be able to empty his wallet from a distance, so she broke up with him to find another atm (like the gild digger she is). Too bad he wasn't the simp she thought he was.

[@heatherdickau5335]

Story 1 The fact she told him to go to a hotel instead of talking to him makes her a giant a hole. And his friends are crap.

[@whitneylivingston5706]

Story1) I’m not married or in a relationship. If I wasn’t in the mood and my partner wanted to take care of himself instead of pressuring me, I would be happy to allow him. Story 2) canceling was not out of the blue, it was a direct result of her choice. She told you she was dumping you and still expected OP to pay for her vacation. Tell her friends she broke up with you and that is why you aren’t paying for your vacation.

[@terryjackson-chubick2506]

In line at Whataburger listening to this. I LOVE this.

[@UchuKejiMovan]

So she found out she's infertile and instead of facing it with her partner she cut him off from sex and then gaslit him along with his 2 "best friends" into thinking he was in the wrong? Total nice guy falling for her tears and woe is me act.

[@catsncrows]

S1 I've never had to listen all the way to the end to figure out what was going on so intently. Other people's objections? Possibly cultural? Italy is a heavily catholicized country, it's weird how mores can exist unconsciously even when not religiously practicing. I was confused until the update. S2 What in the entitled? Was that some kind of weird power play? Was he supposed to fight for her? Mental health failure?

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story one: He choked the 🐔, didn't he?

[@cwb2992]

No person should be in a relationship with someone who isn't interested in having sex with their significant other.

[@CallenMcDoanld-kb6kc]

I'm a woman and I would be pissed if my husband woke me up to get lucky especially if I have been obvious I didn't' want it for a few months. He is being a loyal man taking care of himself. Not out cheating and spreading disease. And this poor guy having to put up with someone who builds their emotions up because she can't face her diagnoses and get mad when partner isn't a mind reader. OP girlfriend needs to get a grip, face reality, and GROW UP and learn who to express her emotions correctly. Maybe not being in a relationship and working on herself and insecurities.

[@vidhead85]

In my own hand: NTA. Masturbating is not a big deal. Girlfriend needs to cut the shit and deal with why she views it as cheating. Update: I hate how she flew off like this, I would probably have asked why she views it this way, but in no uncertain terms is it okay to kick your partner out of the house. I would definitely speak on it and tell her under no uncertain terms will I allow myself to be kicked out of OUR residence. Pre Concert Breakup: NTA. She was using you and ofc she told a story painting you as TA bc it was easier than admitting she's a gold digger

[@TheSkull698]

GF doesn’t want to be intimate and hasn’t for months. Refused OP that very morning then is “sleeping” when he got home. 99.99% of men know that waking their SO up in that scenario will not end well for them so he took care of business himself. And she accuses him of cheating and demands he go to a hotel? No problem babe, I’m going to the hotel like you demanded, taking the next day off then moving all my belongings out the next day while she’s at work since it’s her crib. Relationship is over. In fact, it should have been over when she first started cutting him off. No sex? Fine, he can find a better GF. Because she’s a GF, not a wife. This guy being convinced that this is “his” problem demonstrates his general lack of a spine. He needs to man up and dump this gaslighting bucket of mess gf.

[@tek512]

Jesus Christ, this is some gold medal winning gaslighting. That OP needs to ditch the girlfriend, ditch any of his friends who sided with said girlfriend, and go find himself a fresh start with people that are sane. No one deserves that. I understand the girlfriend got some incredibly bad news, but the way she took it out on OP is just one huge mass of red flags all rolled up into a neat little ball. I hope he's able to see her for what she is before she leaves him broken. On the plus side, he does seem to have wised up about his bad friends. Withholding of intimacy is a *very* bad thing in a relationship; it's immeasurably psychologically damaging, even physically damaging. Men don't want sex with their partner just for the sake of having sex. They want it because it's how they both feel and show love. It's a bonding experience for them, and constantly shutting them down is the same thing as telling that person you don't love, respect, want, or even care about them. It robs the guy of his security and sense of self-worthy.

[@susankaempfer8427]

My only question on the second one is why the heck did you give her the tailor swift ticket?! She dumped you but you’re still supposed to play travel agent AND fund the trip? That’s madness! As to the people around her giving you hell- did she TELL them the part where she dumped you? I’m guessing not. Also- he gave her the ticket anyway, because he’s a nice guy… and then she SOLD it back to him? SOLD it back to him?! This girl has no shame, pride or decency. Holy guacamole.

[@LunaP1]

He was just being nice. Although that would be a way to sting her back for being a gold digging 304.

[@SkyEcho751]

Story 1: Okay, as said by Scar in The Lion King(1994) "I'm surrounded by Idiots." OP decided to masturbate because he followed the rule of "No means No", which is what men have repeatedly been taught they must be followed. But instead she gets mad because he didn't insist. Update: Wait, so she learned she couldn't have kids, but instead of relying on her partner, and trusting him to care for her, she instead shuts down intimacy, gets mad and calls him a cheater, then just drops this bombshell on his lap. She needs therapy, because it's clear she lacks the coping skills for big emotional situations. Story 2: So she basically preps a breakup for after the concert, yet thinks OP wouldn't just dump her after learning she was a gold digger. And the friends are blasting him for leaving even though she planned to leave first? Me-thinks the so called friends were the one to poison the well that girlfriend drank from. Then when OP did the rational and reasonable thing, they all rallied in defense of her, but were also the OG source of the issues. So often the cliquish behavior is toxic, not protecting anyone, just dragging anyone who would escape the clique right back down.

[@Ventura574]

Story 1. Wth is wrong with these other women? It's not like he's like "I'm like Jeff Fischer without the weed and do it all the time, constantly and in inappropriate settings", or "I slept with someone else", he was like "I haven't gotten any in a month, wanted an orgasm, and instead of going to wake up my sleeping GF, I took care of myself."

[@vidhead85]

In my own hand: NTA. Masturbating is not a big deal. Girlfriend needs to cut the shit and deal with why she views it as cheating. Pre Concert Breakup: NTA. She was using you and ofc she told a story painting you as TA bc it was easier than admitting she's a gold digger

[@DayumSonny]

#1 Not one single male role model in his life. What else was going to happen? He isn't a boyfriend. He's a pet.

[@denelva]

I'm barely 2 minutes into story 1 and the fact that the gf didn't just make a silent exit instead of ruining her partner's private moment, makes HER an absolute asshole, regardless of why she's not currently in the mood for sex. Sex and masturbating are two DIFFERENT acts and I thought we were past the ridiculous idea that masturbating is some kind of cheating. And maybe the GF would need to get handsy with herself too, to get HER stress levels down a notch. The fact that she not only refused him privacy and shamed him for his needs, but also managed to make him LEAVE HIS OWN HOME, tells me that this poor dude has only one problem here, and that's a stupid, selfish, immature girlfriend. Also: who the hell TELLS THEIR BOSS ABOUT MASTURBATING?!??! Also: yes, it's VERY understandable how devestating that test result was to her. I'm childfree myself and have no longing for children what so ever, but I feel for those who truly desire parenthood and never get that desire fulfilled. How ever: getting devestating news, does NOT excuse one from being mean to their partner.

[@ravenmagic2276]

Let's not diminish or beat around the proper words for s1. It was straight up abuse, gaslighting, and manipulation. If ever I was kicked out of the home I also pay parts of and/or work within it'd be the end unless there's an extraordinary circumstance behind it, or I suggested it myself to get space, and time, and never would I ask my partner to leave our home.

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

1- NTA pleasure yourself isn’t cheating! It’s one thing if the have a no “ watching corn” rule but shining the rifle solo in private isn’t something you can shame someone for!

[@LikeWaterBaby]

Story 1: every person is 100% allowed to masturbate whether they are having sex all the time or never having sex. Op isn’t in the wrong, he handled his business without coercing her into sex. Masturbation doesn’t mean anyone isn’t enough. It’s weird to make personal pleasure about someone else.

[@yosoyroman875]

As a 31 year old woman, I find absolutely nothing wrong with the dude taking care of himself this way. He wasn’t watching porn, which I for sure would understand being upset by. But I think this is a fantastic way to care of one’s needs, and I would’ve found some absolute joy in catching someone I’m with doing that. I probably have a low libido, however, this 😳😳

[@Forced2DoThis1]

1st OP: Bottom line. Masturbation IS NOT CHEATING! His, hers. It doesn't matter. AS long as you're not passing up opportunities to be intimate with a real person then it's all good. NTA!

[@redconvoy]

Story 1: LMAO!!!!! He's cheating on her with his hand. HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! She needs a reality check!

[@KonekoPurrrfection]

Palm'ala Hand'erson is such a fl00zy She really gets around

[@icarussisyphus5201]

Story 1: Women projecting their insecurities. If she does not want to share a meal with you, she can't be mad if you decide to eat by yourself.

[@BbiBbii]

Didn’t listen to anything yet but WOW was the thumbnail suspicious 🤣 I did a whole double take thinking I read it wrong

[@littleoak5]

Story 1: GIRL WHAT. If I caught my husband doing that I'd lend a hand lol. She does not love OP, it's almost giving me the vibe she might be in the closet. Like, maybe because of her parents being religous, she is repressing some things. Even if she's just ace.

[@S0LlDF0X]

For the first story, she either feels hes not pulling his weight enough or shes cheating. He makes less money than her and cant afford rent, and shes paying for most of the expenses. As a man you should understand why shes doing this.

[@ChrisAndCats]

I could understand if the first OP was doing it to another woman on the TV, why the GF would be upset. I personally view porn as a sort of remote type/form of cheating but this guy had turned the tv off. He wasnt watching another woman, nor did he have a picture of one that he was using, so I don't understand how the GF thinks hes a cheater. She likely felt guilty after she turned him down, and the anger was a mask for the guilt, but calling him a cheat is cruel and weird. Poor OP.

[@Magpiebard]

My heart breaks for OP #1 AND his girl. While masturbating is fine and dandy I actually can kind of understand OP's girlfriend's freakout. It was wrong, it was stupid, it... was a gut reaction based on grief. Not an excuse, but an explanation. When I found out that instead of having kids I was having a hysterectomy (if I ever get my hands on the doctors I saw before that blew off my problems until I had to have multiple softball sized tumors cut out I WILL go to jail and I'm not sure I'd be sorry) I just went numb and EVERYTHING was enough to set me off. It was like only extreme reactions to anything got thru the fog for a bit. She likely felt like I did - you see your partner taking care of things because you are too deep into grief and fear of telling anyone (not just for their reaction, it's almost like if you say it outloud, it's finally real and true. Your throat closes and you just can't) you just feel useless, ugly, a waste of life even and you start to think you are just worthless because you can't have a child and you can't make yourself feel like enough of a woman to satisfy your partner. Think of it as a mental breakdown. Again, not an excuse, but an explanation. I get her reaction. You get locked into your head and if you can't have a baby and that is something you desperately want, sex can feel like an invasion, because every moment you are thinking about the child you will never make. And so deep into that headspace the idea can turn into resentment because you can't find any pleasure in the act, seeing your partner do so, and not need you (even if you aren't giving anything) can just make your brain rage. I hope therapy helps and they both find comfort again. And... maybe he needs to wank when she isn't home for just a bit until sanity is restored or at least she can see the line in the distance. Or just perhaps be quiet while doing so. We all learned how to hide what we were doing from our parents when we were teens - time perhaps to put all that practice into effect again for a time.

[@alymatronicdeeare8265]

Oh, oh its a PUN. Thank gods.

[@mrjohnthedestroyer]

Girlfriend says no sex but Pikachu Face when he takes care of it himself or doesn't force her into it. Strange how the women in his life think he's screwed up to want it more than 2 times in 3 months.

[@Lord_darkside74]

Ann Silvers M.A. Abuse OF men BY women: It happens, it hurts, and it's time to get real about it

[@TheIronwil]

S1: Ridiculous. Watching porn and wacking off isn’t cheating. Can’t believe op actually left for a hotel, unless it was her place only.

[@anya0410]

She owns the place

[@BillBrent]

You never need permission from anyone to "take matters into your own hands". Your GF, boss, and friend are all damaged to believe that what you did was disrespectful.

[@Cornholio174]

That dude needs to leave her

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: Masturbation is not cheating. He didn't go outside of the relationship for sex. She doesn't want it, that's her right. She does *not* have the right to tell him he can't do it himself. "You can wake me up and insist?" Nope, that's called assault, when someone doesn't actually want it. WTH kind of reasoning is that? She can get bent. Tell her you're obviously sexually incompatible, and break up with her. Still side-eyeing her. After growing up with an abusive mother, I wanted to be a mom in the worst way, and have a bond with my children. I decided how many I wanted and names picked out at thirteen. At 24, I was diagnosed with endometriosis after a life-threatening, baby-sized (literally) cyst had to be removed and was told I'd never have children. I was devastated. I never accused my partner of rape or cheating! Also? Doctors don't know as much as they think they do: I now have three beautiful children. It is hard for me to get pregnant, and I do have miscarriages, but again, three healthy, beautiful kids.

[@araeast6923]

Story 1: OP sounds like a very kind person. After the update, I hope he and his girlfriend get the therapy they need. Additionally, I hope OP gets better peers. I can understand that seeing your SO masturbate after turning down sex, especially given OP’s GF’s insecurities about her infertility, might be kind of insulting and upsetting, but it’s not anywhere near cheating and nowhere near demeaning to the GF. They haven’t had sex in a long time, he asked, she said no, he met his needs when he thought he had privacy later instead of trying to push his GF into sex. He respected her consent and didn’t look for sex in another partner. His boss and best friend suck royally for trying to convince him he did something very wrong when he was just doing something normal and natural that he went about in a respectful way.

[@spongebobonmolly]

people who get mad at their partner for touching THEIR OWN BODY are unhinged

[@betterlatethannever7337]

She broke up with him out of loyalty to her AP the OP didn't know about yet. She's in an affair fog. That's why she's not thinking things through. She was so sure she didn't need him anymore she felt it was OK to treat him badly. Her AP wasn't willing to bankroll her to see Taylor Swift. Such is life!

[@lkayh]

“And all the thrusting was just him trying to get up” lol. Here’s another possible explanation; “We were cooking, and there was this grease fire, and we had to tear each other’s clothes off and then stop, drop and roll all over each other to put out the fire.”

[@Girl-Supersonicboy]

People who think masturbating is a form of cheating are delulu.

[@User-nx7rs]

Story 1 withholding then gaslighting. She is getting it from someone else. Pack your stuff and leave.

[@DragoonKnight00]

the sad part is that op in story 1 still thinks it was his fault and is not seeing all the wrong doing on the girlfriends side.

[@rickrollrizal]

Ya OP1, the girl is cheating and looking for a way out

[@hippie1252]

Story 1: If I could get some insight from guys, that'd be great. For you, is wanking synonymous to wanking with porn? I think they're separate things and I can understand why a girlfriend would be upset if their boyfriend always uses porn when they wank. That aside, OP isn't wrong. He's allowed to do what he wants with his own body.

[@lkayh]

I’m still wondering what everybody was giving OP a hard time about. I don’t see anything in his story that he did wrong. Under the circumstances, the GF’s strange reaction might be understandable, but what on earth were his friends thinking? Partners throughout history have done the exact same thing when they were “in the mood” and their SO’s were not. That is in fact the preferred solution to the problem. I had to rewind and hear again to make sure he wasn’t watching something on TV or the Internet-I could understand the reaction if that were the case. As for the infertility, lots of options. I understand her distress but she CAN still have kids if she really wants them.

[@ximkai8794]

... she quite literally wasn't enough, she decided that. Edit: oh that's sad.

[@Siinwu]

90 seconds in, yup she is cheating and gaslighting OP, the end. edit: nope, not buying it, that examination is a distraction she is so hard gaslighting OP and OP is beyond help, she is still cheating or have cheated, no one in there right mind would say that unless 1 of the 2 party did it.