My Girlfriend Was Playing Dumb When She Asked About My Friend's Scarred Arms r/Relationships

[@mracula1667]

Normalize not staring at people’s scars and blowing your homies to cheer them up.

[@jakemarie828]

😂

[@leorose6039]

This!!😂😂😂😂

[@videofan1010]

Whaaat 😂

[@uk9824]

he only got no hom ggggggg!

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

First part yes second part only if homo!

[@maureenfitzgerald3498]

I love it when the OP takes a 187 million words over 96 updates to finally breeze past the actual reason he wanted to break up with his fiancee, but "for sooooooome reason" needed to make it her fault.

[@vanzy01]

Some people can never be in the wrong 🙄

[@dotdotdot9024]

it was her fault

[@velentr]

​@@dotdotdot9024 Absolutely, how dare she be used as a beard by a closeted gay man!

[@rachaelvaughan1017]

​@dot dot dot For? Sounds like op is in love with his friend and if your going to put a ring on it then you'd think she would be informed about who the people are around them and it could've been avoided but I guess the op got what he want

[@dotdotdot9024]

@@rachaelvaughan1017 she's a grown ass woman she knew not to stare and to have COMMON SENSE

[@VelcroYuppie]

I think that "don't cheat on your girlfriend with your best friend" outranks "don't stare"

[@WeirdHardcore]

They'd broke up at that point hadn't they?

[@Anime_._Fan]

@@WeirdHardcore he said he was gonna stay in a realtionship with his girlfriend but was gonna be unhappy about it, at least thats what I understood from listening to it but maybe he did break up idk the OP sounds like a dumbass and the ending to it backs up he's a dumbass and deserves the hate

[@VelcroYuppie]

@@WeirdHardcore the bj he mentioned, yes. But I seriously doubt that was the first time they relaxed each other on his solo trips to spend the weekend with his boyfriend m

[@KazumiKiguma]

@@VelcroYuppie So you're just assuming it because...what?

[@pippo17173]

@VelcroYuppie ya it's just another case of trying to Deny it when we all know he is doing art room situation just without them being married.

[@TopazFire15]

Story 1: you know OP is wrong when their biased retelling of events still doesn’t make the other person look that bad. Also he is just in love with his friend and in denial, he has a more empathetic discussion of that night with him than with his ex

[@marksykes8722]

S1: OP is a much higher being than the rest of us. He knows all, has abiding grace in all social situations and shows infinite patience for the cretons surrounding him. I think his fiancé would best slither off to some other lower creature, who through the crippling infantilization that others - except Him - share would treat her lovingly and respectfully. Rejoice that he shared his story despite our collective unworthiness.

[@cindykq8086]

Perfect response. Thank you.

[@vanzy01]

😂

[@unluckypuppy13]

Dude I would pay to see him read this comment lmao

[@firstnamebottomtext6172]

Gf in story 1 dodged a massive bullet.

[@porter0311]

Story 1 invoked memories of an old Art Room story. Then I finished the story and it was all confirmed.

[@Netherdrop]

Glad I'm not the only one who was reminded of the art room... At this point I've heard/read way too many of their posts and something about their way of wording stuff in combination with the "Best male friend and terrible gf" stuff always immediately makes me jump to them

[@staysilent4392]

I've heard it mentioned, but I haven't heard it myself. Do you have a video where I can find it?

[@porter0311]

@@staysilent4392 It is a story I have heard on multiple channels. But that I do not have saved or bookmarked that particular story. Sorry.

[@jessicarichards6796]

I’m having a hard time believing that OP’s fiancé was that blatantly rude. Seems like OP may have been a bit biased in his retelling. Then surprise bj.

[@mztweety1374]

I know right! I was so confused until that one part. And then I'm like boy bye!

[@untitled-gv3qp]

Going through the comments before finishing the story made me so confused. It escalated so quickly in a split second. And he just tried to sneak it in like no one would call him on it.

[@corlenajames1381]

@@patty-pat-pat🤭😆

[@demonic_myst4503]

even asking was rude she went behind the friends back to get gossip on someones trauma its rude period

[@JW-vd4il]

@@untitled-gv3qp I was reading comments while listening, too. I was like does bj mean on youtube what I think it means? 😂 Stopped scrolling to wait for it. Was it ever made clear who gave him the bj?

[@corlenajames1381]

Story 1: OP seems to have a crush on his scarred friend... We'll see. Edit: Okay...🤔 So, he just needed a reason to get his fiance out of the way for bj time with his friend. Got it👍🏽

[@Funkykitsune]

All dude had to say was "Hey, my friend has some scars, so please don't stare at them". Some people just aren't exposed to this kind of stuff and I frankly don't like the way this guy went about it. Of course she doesn't need to know the details of the friends past, but just give her a heads up for god's sake

[@maryjanedodo]

I think the boyfriend & his boyfriend just needed an excuse to ditch the fiance... She was probably staring & wondering why the guy she was supposed to be marrying neglected to tell her important details about his "straight" bff

[@officiallytrist1360]

I feel like maybe he should of only mentioned it when he saw his friend wearing a short sleeved shirt? Because if he mentioned it in the car and the friend 2as in the long sleeve shirt, then the gf might try to figure out where the scars are

[@Jkittyxoxo]

Me and my boyfriend tell each other everything so I find it weird how he can’t be open about something like that . My sister has some scars like that and I’ve told him about it so he’s never put in an awkward position like that . Cause I love him and don’t want him to be embarrassed. My sister isn’t a victim either who expects everyone to walk on eggshells for her

[@msinformation91]

He set her up to fail.

[@HaizeyWings]

Ikr, I don't know why he goes on a tangent about infantilisation and whatnot. It would have taken him 3 whole seconds to warn his fiancé

[@jakemarie828]

I'm someone with a noticeable facial deformity, and I still think OP is TA here. Fiance's ignorance isn't the same as her being cruel to Friend. When people ask me questions about my face, I don't take it as an insult. If people are polite about it, curiosity can be a good thing, and it can foster connections. I actually think the social pressure to be silent about differences puts burdens on disabled/mentally ill people to hide their medical struggles. The hush-hush attitude about something that shouldn't be a secret just shows how the family is out-grouping Fiance.

[@carlrood4457]

I guess there can be a difference between something you couldn't control and always had to live with and something you did to yourself and represents both past pain and embarrassment. I still don't think OP's GF was that bad, a little rude maybe, but probably in that way where you're trying hard not to, but can't. He seemed like a smug jerk, especially in his later comments.

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

As someone with incredibly visible skin conditions and plenty of scars, I 100% agree. Sure, staring is a bit rude but it's not like she's treating him like a pariah.

[@cindykq8086]

OP was looking for a reason to dump her. I hope she realizes how much better her life is without him.

[@demonic_myst4503]

its rude to go bebind somones back to get gossip on their trauma she is the asshole not op you lot have no social etiquite

[@JW-vd4il]

@@ohboy-zi1yf and @jakemarie828 Thank you for sharing your situations and experiences. I agree OP seems an unreliable narrator. I'm really glad you both know most people do not mean to stare or be unkind. I worked somewhere with people with disabilities and still someone on the street might make me look twice without thinking. My next thought is, "Oh, okay. Got it. That's what they look like." And then I just say, Hi. How's that? School us if you want to say more!

[@jaybay272]

Story 1 dude seems tricky with his best friend. Your best friend cannot outrank your relationship partner. He has so many justifications for his best friend and their friendship then right after his breakup gets a bj from that friend. He was unfaithful to his gf long before the scar issues. He went out of his way to get a bj from that "friend" . Dude seems duplicitous.

[@pippo17173]

@@LittleinnoStudio be happy he ain't married because it would of been a complete repeat of the art room story.

[@shadowkissed2370]

@@LittleinnoStudio its called emotional cheating and he possibly was physical cheating all along since it was a "oh high, its nice you came over, here sit down let me give you a relaxing bj".

[@rachelmartin5187]

@@pippo17173 Omg. That has become the most famous story on this thread. It's like that one rumor in high school that EVERYBODY knows about.

[@theinternetaunty5325]

The blow job story that started as a non blow job story took a turn 😂

[@jessicarichards6796]

Just a little blow job between friends.

[@dorianleakey]

What was the turn?

[@mustbetheSUN]

Jesus that first OP is unbearable. Just by reading him I want to leave the room.

[@carlrood4457]

Literally, all of his comments made his look like an even bigger AH. He was so smug that everyone should just know things, even though his life experience was clearly not the norm. Most people don't know heroin addicts and have never seen those kinds of scars. She stared, which is rude, but was given no heads up.

[@dimitrihines2354]

It wasn't heroin tho, if i read correctly it was cuts, his friend was a cutter.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@mcaeln7268]

you shouldn’t need to be given a heads up. if they met without the middle connection she would still be wrong

[@Ayimii]

"Sometimes the ones we truly need to be with are the ones our fiance was staring at the whole time." - Markee 2023

[@axepagode33626]

People can easily misconstrue the cause of a scar. My mom (86 yrs old) has a long vertical scar on her forearm caused by farming equipment when she was a preteen. The scar is still there. When she left the farm and move to the city, many city-folk assumed she tried to harm herself. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm sure many people stared and tried to figure out the cause of the scar without actually asking her because it could be impolite to do so. However, at the same time it is good to know the truth, because if it was a trauma to her, one might want to be sensitive about it.

[@SpiderRiderKya]

At one point i had some healing cut on my wrist, one that went horizontally across from it. They were from a cat bite. But if you didn't know they may have looked like self harm scars (which is something I was worried people would think they were)

[@WhitneyDahlin]

I disagree with what Markee and reddit said. The girlfriend was being extremely extremely rude. You don't stare at someone scars open mouth like they are a sideshow or something. I think the girlfriend was extremely rude, it's just basic manners not to stare at people's scars. What does she just open-mouth stare at every person in a wheelchair too? No, the girlfriend's behavior was completely unacceptable. But it was obvious he had a thing for his friend. BUT that doesn't take away from the girlfriend behaving like that. My mom had a glass eye and you would not believe how rude people were. Total adult strangers would flat out approach her ask what happened to your eye? Why do you look like that?🙄 Grown adults behaving like literal kindergarteners. No it's not okay. You don't walk up to someone and stare. If he had been overweight or in a wheelchair or an amputee then suddenly everyone would see how staring like that is more than rude, it's unthinkably cruel in my eyes. I just think everyone who defended him ARE the rude starers who act worse than children. I always wondered who those people were that can't handle seeing medical conditions without turning into drooling Neanderthals. Now I know

[@bjas60]

@@WhitneyDahlinTHANK YOU. It was so clear after the friend literally said “my eyes are up here”

[@jessilynallendilla5014]

1: my friend has needle marks...from blood donations quietly asking someone in private about it isn't rude it's trying to assess the situation to know how to act going forward update : so OP is just refusing to admit he's in the closet his bf is actually a BF and was using fiancé as a beard huh

[@ajzephyros7454]

OP sounds like he really just doesn't like his "fiancé" Oh god yeah this is the new Art Room

[@Whatsername4224]

Am I the one who thinks OP is really smug that his bestie only trusts him and his family? I think he was testing his fiancé by not letting her know in advance, and that she's lucky to have dodged this one.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

Now that you mention it is weird. Especially when at one portion he talked about possessiveness (or jealousy, I can’t remember which word he chose) in their relationship in the past.

[@meiwa2020]

He's really really really ridiculous and a jerk about it to be honest. It's common to see scars and wondering what happened but what a phenomenal jerk to talk about her like "only children stare" etc... Like I do wonder if the track marks are that bad and I'm sorry but to just assume EVERYONE knows what track marks are is ridiculous. What a disgusting jerk the more I listened to his side of things. He's just so pompous about his attitude. I do wonder what "she defended her actions and doubled down" really was in reality. I really can't help but think he's beyond biased and just so so so pompous in attitude. There are some scars that can cause reaction in anyone and she should have been warned if it was so bad she was staring and I can't help wonder if OP is actually afraid to come out of the closet and the poor fiance was a cover.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿 I don't trust his side of the story on the brake up.

[@colleens1107]

Aaand the tidbit about the blowjob at the end clearly shows us WHY he’s so smug about his best friend.

[@skyelindsey687]

On the other hand OP also dodged the bullet because most people know it’s rude to stare and having to be told where his eyes were means she was staring a lot.

[@calebhoffman6368]

OP 1 is a clown. My guess is he was trying his best to put his fiancé in a bad light. I’m guessing she looked maybe a few times at most and he took that and ran with it. He clearly had his bias and motivations. Also apologizing just to from what it sounds like get an apology back isn’t an apology. Just because you apologize for doing something wrong doesn’t mean the person has to apologize back. This isn’t middle school.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

S1: The way OP talks about his relationship with his bestie gives me bad vibes. I can’t put my finger on it.

[@dIxIklo85]

Hearing the first story without reading the comments, thinking "this is giving major art room vibes" ... opening the comments while listening to them. Reading all about a BJ... NOW I can't wait for THAT update 😂

[@renaeodonnell4558]

So can we all agree that story 1 was a new take on the art room story? Especially that ending that ummmm, blew everyone away? Pun intended?

[@josephg1470]

Definitely had that thought pretty early in.

[@maxsupernova]

Oh, it's definitely an art-room update.

[@chsparkle]

It actually reminded me more of the 'Nolan situation', a guy who seems to detest his fiancée while gushing over his best friend.

[@pippo17173]

Ya basically. I really am getting annoyed that LGBT people won't confess the feeling and they rather hide it with a partner.

[@misfit1395]

​@@pippo17173 it's not that simple for everyone. I will never be able to be my true self and have many good reasons for it. With that said, there is no excuse for cheating.

[@anitastafford6617]

Don't you hate when your fiancee stares at your downlow bestie?😂😂😂

[@Ospyro3em]

Story 1- well....... that story took an odd turn 😅

[@JK-sh8rc]

Yeah this is a very odd story. The ex was staring at OP's friend's scars, which is rude & impolite but you'd think the ex committed murder or something the way OP was carrying on. And I think OP is in love with the friend.....

[@Ospyro3em]

@JK-sh8rc well yeah, people don't often give BJs to their best friends 😅

[@rachelmartin5187]

*cough cough* "Art room" *Cough Cough*

[@monkeynumbernine]

People who haven't spent time around extreme addicts would have absolutely no idea what those scars are from. Many years ago, i was a junkie and I went to jail in Texas...a young lady came in and had furrows up and down both arms 😢 It looked like someone took a dull serrated blade to both sides of each arm and the back of each leg. They were track marks. I had no idea and I was a needle user.

[@SapphWolf]

Story 2: I'm with the people who said that OP should have just organized his own dinner with his brother and completely hijacked the girl's shitty plan.

[@tinak2576]

So OPs gf was gonna be a Jack ass in his eyes no matter what. How dare you notice his obviously drug related scars! How dare you “pretend” to not know what those scars are from! How dare you ask what they were from!! I just know she would have made an overzealous apology for noticing his scars! My friends feelings are the ONLY thing that matters! Get back in line, gf!!

[@drifter139]

story 1: OP's ex asked what happened and rather than calmly explain why his friend had scars, blew up, and threw his gf under the bus. OP could have explained why the topic was sensitive and to please not bring it up in front of others but instead. used it as a way to punish gf. OP is a giant AH and is not helping his friend in any way

[@marywilson3157]

😮If you don't tell your gf ahead of time about your bestie's scars and then go all Pikachu face when she is taken by surprise and stares, then you are the major AH! It's almost like you deliberately set her up to fail then gloat about her failing! YTA x 100!! GF should run!! Edit to add: Just saw the rest of the reddit! OMG! So OP set up gf to fail so he wouldn't feel guilty hooking up with his bestie?!? Yep definitely YTA!!!!!

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

Story 1: Awwwww! It sounds like a happy ending! Story 2: IMO, the brother won't see this woman's true colors until the divorce.

[@debc6260]

"With that job out of the way" Still giggling at that, Markee.

[@vanzy01]

😂

[@addicted2mako]

I'm getting flashbacks to the "Art Room for my best friend in mine/my wife's house" story (and the comments also brought that one up, too lol). It's a good thing the friend was already in OP's life so the (ex) fiance can make a clean break in this case.

[@Lillireify]

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH that was what that "art room" comment was referencing, I totally forgot! Thank you!

[@Red2l16v]

Story 2. If you frequently have a celebration with your twin on your birthday you speak up and tell them "Hey I have plans with my twin on our birthday every year. You can throw a solo party for him on a separate day". Don't allow other to walk over your traditions. If you or your twin decide to do separate things I am sure 9t would be talked about ahead of time so as not to come as a shock to either twin. I am sure you know each other well enough to figure it out. Some twins love the twin schtick. Others want their own identity and life.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

Welkom too my world for the last 50 years.. i never get a happy birthday only my twinny

[@Red2l16v]

@@paulinadeboer3604 well that stinks. Sorry to hear that.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

@@Red2l16v don't feel sorry i am used to it

[@cocopuffs1124]

Ok I was going into this story a little torn and was going to lean towards ESH BUT. The way he talked about his friend especially towards the update made me feel there was something waaaay more then two trauma bonded best friends. OP is so in love with his best friend he might as well shoot his shot at this point now that he drove his fiancé away/

[@Nyanx4]

Sounds like he shot his shot, all right >_>

[@karendaniel620]

Story 1: ESH I am not letting ex off the hook. You shouldn't stare. But he was a bigger AH from the beginning. I just wish she'd dumped him. Pretty sure she realized they had feelings and friend was jealous. She didn't handle herself well. But he got scummier the more he talked. So folks, your SO has a close inner circle that is especially protective of one friend? Don't feel comfortable telling you even basic info or giving you a heads up about something about friend? Run. There's no reason for it to be romantic. But you will always be on the outside. OP & family are very smug about what they helped friend through. It's great they were there for him, but the like that secret inner circle.

[@chsparkle]

Yeah, he was so precious with BF in the comments while going on about how all scars are instantly obvious what cauaed them. With tons of people pointing out they have scars that look like one thing but were caused by something else.

[@HarryVibes36]

I would joke about how OP is dickriding his friend too much but….

[@vanzy01]

👍🏿

[@arty_girl4697]

I know I don't speak for all twins, bit as a twin (18f) myself, I actually quite like sharing birthdays w/ my twin. Both of us are a bit anxious, so it helps us feel like we aren't the sole center of attention, lol. That being said, I would raise absolute hell if someone tried to leave him out of a celebration planned for me

[@gigga143]

Also for S2 I feel like OP has a bit of low self esteem by not speaking up in the chat or telling his brother what was going on beforehand, and by his brother’s mild reaction it’s clear why he didn’t speak up. I feel bad for him that his update was basically his brother doesn’t care all that much about him to even confront this girl.

[@locusxe1411]

Story 1 is an ESH for me. H for his blowup in the car and her for constantly staring at his scars. She’s a grown adult not a child, she should know better. But that update took a weird turn…

[@robertx8020]

I'm not sure ..reading this story makes me feel that OP is extremilt biased towards his friend! He seems to feel special because he has the same issues and feels his GF needs to be a mindreader And we don't know if she was staring a lot, we only know that the friend who was , even according to OP, was insecure, felt she was staring too much to the point he needed to call her out? He should at least have given her some warning! He should leave her..better for both of them! I feel that he will NEVER let her forget how horrible she is! /s

[@MrJpaynebb]

Was going to say ESH but that BJ comment in the update is a wildcard that has thrown everything into question. Who gave it and whom recieved it? Those answers will definitely put clarity on this situation

[@untitled-gv3qp]

​@@MrJpaynebb I don't think it matters who gave the bj. It still throws doubt on the OPs telling of the events. Just friends don't give or receive s3xual favors from each other.

[@aleiah.]

i think op it's a little biased, he went from he is my besto friendu to bff bj, she also might be seeing them how they ....behave in real life we don't know that either i wouldn't be surprised at all.

[@ItsYaBoiV]

I'm gonna come at this scar story from a different perspective. I have track mark scars, and they are not from drug use. I have a rare blood type, so I donate as often as I'm healthily able to do so, and if you've ever donated blood, thems big needles! I have had people treat me some kind of way because they think I'm a recovering addict, and it's super embarrassing for everyone involved when I have to explain what they're actually from. While gf might have been rude for staring, she didn't outright ask the friend or assume the worst of him! That's already 1000x better than some of the reactions I've received. I think OP is the AH for blowing up on his gf, and not warning her beforehand. Editing to add that the bj bit is hilarious to me because I was totally going to make a (admittedly poor taste) joke about him actually being in love with this friend, and looks like I was spot on. 😂

[@WoodlandT]

I’m glad you let us know the Markee Industries channel is your second channel. I’ve been seeing it pop up in my recommended but was worried someone was essentially directly copying your channel. Glad to know that isn’t the case

[@rachelmartin5187]

Story 1: YTA. This whole story is filled with red flags. First off, the OP was engaged to be married, yet the fiance and his bff came off as complete strangers. Then, the gf asks a simple question in PRIVATE and instead of saying "it's not my story to tell" or "ask my friend," he acted like a complete jerk. No wonder the gf doubled down. He ripped her head off without a second thought. After reading the update, I think OP made the right decision. The gf deserved better. I also think there's ALOT more to this story than we know. I usually try to give men the benefit of the doubt, because Reddit hardly ever takes them seriously, but after that update, I'm starting to question the Ops character. Story 2: NTA. This is a reminder to all of us that fake friendship knows no age limit. At the end of the day, at least the OP knew who his REAL friends were.

[@spicymayo8950]

Story 1: aside from the incident at the end, the things OP said preceding it seem to indicate that he’s felt this way about his friend for a WHILE. Story 2: I would have just texted, “you guys realize we’re twins, right? His birthday is also MINE?” And watched the organizer squirm.

[@catsncrows]

I wonder if the comments would have been different if they were burn scars or an amputation. I've known people who are so socially oblivious who have stared and acted with revulsion.

[@jakemarie828]

Yeah people are a lot more judgy about disabilities than they'd like to admit. Speaking as someone with a facial deformity, people will always find a way to let you know you're not normal to them, sometimes years down the line. It's exhausting. The questions don't bother me as much as the glares/mean comments cuz Ignorance and malice aren't the same.

[@catsncrows]

@@jakemarie828 I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Mine is really really minor but I have really dark under eye circles that I can't seem to spackle enough makeup on and I get really sick of hearing "did you get punched in the face?" Yep! In a bar brawl weekly! That's me🙄

[@vacuum2297]

Story 2. I have twin sisters. They don't care much about celebrations and i have mild social anxiety. But i would have raised hell if anyone excluded either one of them this way, and so would they for each other. This brother's reaction lackluster as fuck

[@paulinadeboer3604]

I am a twin if someone invited her to Come to my party and she doesn't show without a message... i would not celebrate i would look for her. What if she had a car accident? I hate his twin for nit reacting on this.

[@krystalfloods6197]

Maybe he actually wanted a celebration that was only about him for once? Just because they’re twins doesn’t mean they have to do everything together. He might feel like he can’t bring it up to his brother because he’s afraid of his reaction. I see plenty of posts on Reddit, where a twin feels like they can never be themself because the other twin is kind of always there.

[@vacuum2297]

@@krystalfloods6197 you can have separate rooms, different hobbies, separate groups of friends, different goals. But sorry if you were born on the same date your family and shared friends can't exactly ignore one birthday boy/girl. It's stupid. You only can communicate and maybe somehow organise different parties for both twins. But making one twin feel insignificant is cruel

[@Nerdbookworm]

I don’t understand how everyone doesn’t understand JUST LOOK AT YOUR BOYFRIEND INSTEAD. QUIT LOOKING AT HIS ARMS. like god damn

[@jazminehollister3967]

I feelvso bad for that twin. I'm not a twin but i was born on the same day (different year) as a sibling and i would be devastated if after celebrating every remembered birthday together someone we both knew decided to only celebrate one of us. It would be one thing if me and my sibling talked about ot first and decided on separate parties before hand.

[@jazminehollister3967]

Also I'm petty and would have gone to the surprise party with a "birthday person" pin/sash on and when people ask say it's my birthday too

[@Me-wk3ix]

Story one: He needs to leave her. It's clear he does not have room in his life for anyone that's not the friend.

[@taylorslade961]

Story 1: ESH. I think not staring at people is a social norm that literally everyone knows. As a commenter said, neurodivergence can make it difficult to stop yourself, but its still KNOWN that staring is not socially acceptable and the effort is made. The OP sucks because he overreacted to his girlfriend missing a v obvious social cue. He could have handled that so much better. And then he just threw a fucking grenade into the whole situation.

[@tazhienunurbusinezz1703]

It is known to you & while it is a polite norm in the US, it is NOT known to everyone. You would be surprised what other people aren't aware of that people think everyone knows. In my parent's circle, there are a lot of etiquette rules that are meant to create distance between the people who know them & people who don't but everyone behaves as if everyone knows these things. They do not. In other cultures it's completely normal to examine & even remark on other people's appearance, even though in Western cultures it's considered rude. If nobody ever told her that staring is rude, how would she know that it is? Osmosis?

[@taylorslade961]

@Tazhie Nunurbusinezz ...this story takes place in a culture where staring is rude. Every parent I've ever encountered that had even a molecule of interest in raising their kids has told their kids, in public, not to stare because it's rude. Commenting on people's appearance in anything but the positive is just plain rude, regardless of culture. I know you think you're doing something right now but you just look like an idiot.

[@notconvincedgranny6573]

Story 1: everybody knew what was up except OP's fiancé, so yeah, she was surprised. He should have told her in advance.

[@sequoyasierra5671]

OP needs to build his friend that art room.

[@samgoeshiking]

Blew me out of the water 😂

[@coreymartin6486]

When the friend said "its no big deal".....what she means is that its not a big deal to her. This shows shes not really interested in how OP or his brother might feel in this situation, regarding OP's absence. Man, I hope the brother never gets romantically involved with her. Plus, she will likely never support the brother if he gets a gf. She might even try to sabotoge it.

[@susankaempfer8427]

All along I was thinking, what a shame he doesn’t care half as much about the feelings and wellbeing of his fiancé as his friend. Now we know why.

[@boooo13]

Story 1 - OP's answer to "How would it be 'obvious' to somebody what kind of scars it is?" shows part of the problem in that he assumed that everyone would know this kind of stuff which seems to be something happening a lot when it comes to any topic- basically assuming that the person must be playing dumb. 1) There are people who do grow up in sheltered homes - some in really sheltered homes - I knew someone in high school who didn't understand sarcasm or dark humor - like they didn't even know it was a thing because their family never used it. To the point that when that person was hanging out with my sister at our house, she was worried to the point of whispering to her if she needed to call the cops when no our family is just very Addams like with our dark humor, sarcasm and the amount we use it vs average users. 2) Not all self-harm scars are straight lines nor is all straight lines scars are from self-harm. I say this as someone with both types of scars, the straight lines are from cats and burn scars from self-harm. Plus, I'm someone who manages to get injured without even knowing how. 3) Not everyone runs in the same online circles, so it is possible to not see things about mental health. This applies to all topics because not everyone has gotten the 101 class for said topic. 4) Not everyone knows how to look this kind of stuff up - so saying just research it without any clue to what you are looking for isn't helpful - it just makes you sound like those conspiracy theorists who yell at people to do their own research on a topic - plus not everyone knows how to check if a source is reputable. Look I'm not saying everyone needs to explain everything 24/7, what I am saying is don't be a dick assuming someone should know something - humans don't start off walking and speaking so why would it be different for any other topic. And when it comes to the internet you are allowed to walk away from a conversation and then go back to it later - or even let someone else tap in to explain that thing to them in a 101-class type of way if needed. We don't stop learning when we leave school - we continue to learn for the rest of our lives because we interact with other people. The reason I say that not everyone needs to explain everything 24/7 is because some people suck at teaching which is what those conversations are - especially if their way of explaining things don't match up with the way the person learns. And not all teachers know every subject so not everyone will know everything about any subject. Basically, even as adults we will still have the child curiosity when it comes to topics that the person doesn't know - which can include the way that curiosity is expressed because they are just trying to understand. (So, if op's fiancé never seen lots of scaring or that type of scaring their brain is busy going "Shiny new thing!!" mode vs how they normally would act - which kinda makes it hard to do the "beat around the bush" subtlety when they don't know what is inside the bush to even start with.) Overall, just try to be less of a dick to people.

[@vanzy01]

But op "don't have time to babysit a adult with different life experiences" lol what a jerk

[@boooo13]

@@vanzy01 Bullet dodged for the ex from the sounds of it.

[@deballen7031]

First story, it's always nice when there's a happy ending, lmao 🤣

[@mztweety1374]

You know what nevermind,he's totally hot for his bestie.😅

[@AWildJirachi]

So, either OP’s twin is kind of spineless and never bothered to tell his own brother that he wanted to do separate birthday celebrations, or this friend of the brother’s is genuinely horrible. Personally, I’m leaning more towards option 2. I don’t totally buy the whole “maybe his brother secretly wanted his own party and it’s just coming up” thing

[@bricksloth6920]

Nobody is entitled to know the story behind someone's scars. Staring is impolite. Asking is impolite too. It's nosiness. NTA

[@Aigle20350]

Cover your stupid scars then and people won’t ask.

[@XxdeathbyleoxX]

Exactly. You can tell exactly who has and hasnt dealt with this based on the judgement. Its messed up and disgusting...

[@only1one1me]

Before update: I agree that staring is indeed rude, but boy did OP drop the ball handling that. After update: Huh.

[@elbandito5725]

Omg that last story.. I would not be surprised if the twin stared dating that girl. He's probably pulling away from the twin "everything together" crap and that's why he didn't care he wasn't there! There are way too many people that think others love and care for them the extent they do, but it's usually not the case.

[@colleens1107]

I remember reading the scar story and going ummm why didn’t you just give her a quick, hey my friend has scars on his arms that he’s sensitive about, just a heads up so they don’t take you by surprise. Cant give you details, not my story. THIS WOULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS WHOLE IDIOTIC SITUATION. Like communicate with your SO. And then to call her an idiot when she asked IN PRIVATE, the deal? Sheesh what a jerk.. Aaand the last bit in the update….ohhhhh now I get it. He’s in love with his best friend, got it

[@TokuBaby]

She may have grown up sheltered and was caught off guard. She should get an explanation especially since she did refrain from asking. Maybe she kept staring because she was trying to put together what the scars were about.

[@GalliaUchiha]

First story OP should have pulled her aside both to make sure she's okay and just to let her have a chance to pull herself together over it. OP is fine telling the whole ass internet about his friends past issues but couldn't bother to make sure his girlfriend is okay or give her a bit of a heads up. Staring is impolite, but telling your S/O that they fucked up by doing something simple and unintentionally instead of trying to get ahead of the situation privately... that's so stupid too. Ex shouldn't gave double down though. That's just so tacky to be confronted and then say you're justified in what you were confronted over.

[@michelleheid106]

I cant believe anyone thinks the OP is incorrect. You dont need to give warnings. Dont stare at people's scars, missing limbs, moles on the face, ect. My kids learned that by 6.

[@angelaa7388]

I think it's bizarre that OP in story one expected his girlfriend to not ask about his friends scars. Yes, staring is bad, but I don't think the correct response is "how dare you ask about the obvious scarring on my loved one, as though you are curious about the past experiences of someone I care about!"

[@ChasehaWing]

I don't think OP is a reliable narrator and planned to build art room in his spare room with his "best friend."

[@heatherdickau5335]

Last story- do twins always want to celebrate birthdays together for ever? Could it be OP'S twin was happy it was just him?

[@angellee7143]

EVERYONE knows that it is rude to stare at a persons scars. I don't know why people said it's Op's fault because he did not tell her. It is not his place to explain something so personal, especially to someone who just met the best friend. The fiance is immature.

[@SaraLittleWren]

Girlfriend was damned either way by OP. This guy has such a close relationship with his best friend yet never once thought to mention his best friends difficult circumstances might have been somewhat outside her life experiences. cause its not his place to tell yet gets all protective and high and mighty cause it is his place....but at the same time BF can handle himself....but she is still the worst person for looking because she was polite enough not to ask but also was shocked by what she was seeing because boyfriend didnt forearm her with knowledge of something so significant. Christ, his logic is BS. If it was me id have thought i was being gas lit... scars what scars....how dare you look/ask.

[@Rjshadow11]

OP is obviously madly in love with BFF. Inagine if the BFF were a girl.

[@DisneyChar]

Making a scene at the party would be unfair to brother, i would screenshot everything in the chat before asking if they knew i was his twin with the same birthday, then not go.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Story 1: FFS, just dump your fiancée and build that art room for your "friend".

[@19nmiller1]

As an amputee with major scars on my leg, the girlfriend in the first story is definitely an AH. I'd much rather have someone ask what happened rather than stare at me throughout the whole night. Most people with scars will explain their significance and would rather you ask outright instead of making them a piece of meat. OP was not the best, he could've either gave her a heads up or explained in a calm manner that she was being rude, but yeah the girlfriend should know better and made the night super uncomfortable. I want to provide a different perspective since most people answering don't have the experiences that are required to see it from the friend's perspective.

[@srkh8966]

OP isn’t a reliable narrator

[@standinthegsp6858]

Maybe it’s really a surprise for both of you? You could email the group? “Gf & I noticed that the cap was 10 people & you put 11 people on the list to make things work out for you we won’t be attending.”

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story one: She may have been an AH for staring at the friend's scars constantly to the point the friend had to be a little sassy. *But OP was the AH for not explaining and letting her know about not staring them in the first place!!* He didn't need to explain the guy's life story in detail. All he needed to say was that the guy had a rough time in the past and that she should avoid staring at his scars since it would be rude! *No one is a f@cking mind-reader, dude!* Story two: Damn. That's cold. And, apparently, to raise her status to become the most cherished one to the twin brother? If that was the goal, than what a horrible way to do it. *She disregarded the sibling of the guy she pines for.* A celebration for the twin could've been possible without inviting OP as a guest. 😬

[@anamazinglyy]

I used to take questions as offensive and "it's not my job to educate you," "Google is your friend" but a lot of people don't know I'm disabled, blind, had cancer, etc. I don't mind talking about it now. I have felt offended with questions or stares but now in adulthood, I do try to educate and talk about it. Because I'm personally okay with my story and talking about it. That being said, I'd much rather tell my story myself and not a friend that knows my story but doesn't understand the nuance about my feelings and my story XD the end is hilarious XD

[@GrantGrant67]

Fiancé was staring at someone’s body so much to the point they made uncomfortable jokes about how “their eyes are up here” that’s an asshole move no matter what, why do we hold people to the standard to not stare at butts or bulges but not scars?

[@jisungpark8284]

honestly… i’d only accept an ESH on the first one. im surprised you aren’t able to NOT stare at someone’s scar so blatantly…

[@valieluna]

I haven't seen anyone with needle track scars. I had to search what it looked like just now. He could've told her to stop staring as soon as he saw her stare once or twice. She asked him privately and it feels like he blew it out of proportion just to have something to fight over with. I genuinely think he made her a beard and that is just cruel.

[@Uneclipsed]

I was going to say esh, but given that she didn’t actually do anything, I’m changing to YTA, if only for not giving the GF a heads up. If you’ve never seen a body with visible scars from addiction or self harm, it can be really jarring and very upsetting. While I think most people would try to ignore it for the sake of the friend, these kinds of scars are visible signs of trauma, and you don’t know how people are going to react or what kind of assumptions they’ll make. Prepping her ahead of time would give her time to compose herself and give OP a better idea if she’s someone safe for his friend to be around. He dropped the ball on this one. Edit: …yep. DEFINITELY TA Story 2: I’m a petty bitch, so I’d tell the brother what was up. They’re not your friends.

[@shadesofjade]

3:54 NTA I was extremely sheltered for years, ( my parents homeschooled me for easier travel to the state they wanted to build a home in, it never actually happened so I was home schooled for years for no real reason) and I still know it’s rude as fuck to ask about that shit. If you notice something, you look them in the eyes and ignore what you saw. Plain and simple. It’s called being a decent human being. The fiancée wasn’t being a decent human being.

[@seraphiccandy21]

The story with the friend with scars: I would honestly have no idea what drug scars look like. I know that unalive scars are on your wrists but drug scars? No idea. Never had any contact with somebody who was a hard core drug addict. I've known a couple of people and even dated a guy who would pop some e but never seen any kinds of drug scars.

[@Tiger54658]

the end of that first story caught me off guard entirely. I was of the opinion this was like a sibling friendship. I have a best friend who's like my sister who has scars on their arm from her depression. Despite the fact it's been revealed OP had a crush on his friend, I entirely understood the idea of "I shouldn't have to warn someone that 'hey, blank has scars on their arm, don't stare at that'" because that's fucking insensitive not JUST to the friend, but to the person you're telling not to stare. It points it out, it implies there's something wrong with them, it implies that if you DON'T point it out they WILL stare but people have different lived experiences but everyone knows, or SHOULD know not to stare at something other people might be self conscious of. Like scars on their skin, burns, pimples, bladness from cancer, ect. If you need to be warned not to stare at someone else because they look different for ANY reason, then I don't want to be around you because it shows you don't have enough common sense to realize how wrong that is.

[@4-2222]

I spent the entire first story waiting to comment that op was in love with his friend and then BUM. He blows it.

[@shadowpumpkin8019]

Unless something is particularly obvious (like a missing limb) I'm oblivious to anything abnormal on people. When I started dating my BF, he angrily told me one day when we were relaxing in my bed "go ahead, say something. Say something about my giant mole on my back and my skin discoloration". I looked at him like he was crazy and said "WHAT are you talking about? 😂😂". He spent 20 minutes pointing everything out. I told him "I would have never noticed any of this if you never pointed it out to me" and then he asked what I thought about it and I said "I like it! 😁"

[@deanroyea4430]

In the story about the recovered drug friend i feel like op feels like they understand how people with substance abuse issues work but has never been through it themselves. I bet the friend thought nothing of it. People are curious and not everyone is exposed to the same things

[@ringluvr]

Story 2: Maybe the other twin once his own personal birthday, at least once.

[@helenasvachova444]

The first one is obviously the Art Room troll :D I can see his signiture from miles away

[@elsaflood6393]

S1. She stared at his BFF so he broke up with her. And OP and BFF now lived happily ever after.

[@littlestrawberryfaery]

Me: oh what happened Ppl in the comments: HE'S MAKING AN ART ROOM me: enough said..

[@browniewin4121]

1) YTA to treat your partner like this. She did not say anything there but asked later in private, I think OP could have just answered. ESH, her for staring, and OP for being nasty to his partner. Why are you with this girlfriend, you obviously do not respect her or give her as much consideration as your friend, or refuse to have an honest discussion with her. After update: It's good OP apologized, but is seems he was not ready to actually forgive her faux pa, because he is in love with his best friend and has no room for anyone else in his life. Don't wast the time of any other girls and make excuses for yourself and this "friend'. 2) It would feel a bit awkward to be a guest at twin's birthday and it not include celebration for OP. How strange. It would not be unreasonable to go celebrate on your own with your girlfriend. Why would these friends organize such a thing? Seems they are not such friends as OP thought. I think OP needs to talk with his twin about this, if not before, then after. After update: It's nice some friends recognized this was weird. This girl who planned this really had selfish motivation and was very inconsiderate. I think it's good that OP talked to his brother after. She sure has tanked any chance she would have had getting together with the brother she has designs on. I'm glad OP and his girlfriend and loyal friends had a nice time on his birthday.

[@emilyw.1186]

I hate being a twin specifically for the birthday reason. On our 21st, my twin said that he was too busy with college to go out with us for dinner and maybe two to three drinks. I ALSO had exams and wasn't looking for anything more than a two hour celebration. He cancelled the day before and when offered to go out anyway I said no because I felt bad he was swamped and didn't feel right going without him. Found out that he didn't have time for dinner with his twin, but that he had time to go out three to four times our birthday week with his friends. To say I felt like crap is an understatement.

[@DreamEmpress]

He was sure biased in the first story. At first I was kind of like he does kind is a jerk for not warning her. We all are human and make mistakes, it was better for him to pull her a side and say don’t star and please don’t mention it to him. It’s a very long story that maybe one he would share but right now let’s just enjoy our time and just don’t stare at his arms. I am sure her intent was never harm…. Then the BJ and I was like ummmm he is probably bisexual. I noticed with men and even women that bisexuality doesn’t always come until later in life. You end up finding a same sex partner that is someone you can love and cherish and even some how have an attraction too. There is levels. This might be the only guy he is attracted too. I am pansexual for instance, I had massive moments of attraction for women, trans and biological, and I do find women attractive, however I prefer men to date sometimes.

[@Lauren_Sakura]

OP is 100% in love with the friend

[@myriampro4973]

So... don't stare at my future lover? LOL!

[@The_Food_Police]

When I was in middle school, my step-sister moved in with us temporarily to finish up high-school. She was 17, and I was, I think, 12 at the time. Serious self harming history with her. I tried to ignore the scars, but my grandmother wasn't so nice. She literally publically demeaned her for it the entire time she was here, implying that she's weak and pathetic. Grandmother never apologized for her behavior. She was one of those kinds of ppl who believed she was above everyone else. Ended up going to jail for mail and wire fraud a couple of years later. 😅

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 1: Had to pause for awhile after it, wasn't ready for the surprise art room plot twist.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: (Obligatory disclaimer: not finished with the story yet) NTA. My SIL has facial scars from a motorcycle accident decades ago. People (we’re talking strangers in the grocery store) have literally come up to her and asked, “What happened to your face?” Which a) is incredibly rude and none of their business and b) always makes her panic and touch her face, thinking she’s bleeding or something, because the accident was so long ago it doesn’t register at first. As for me, I have scars on my arms from “coping” with things in my childhood. Most have faded now, but no one has ever seen the need to introduce me with a warning label (and I wear tank tops most of the time). If she’s staring enough that he had to make a “my eyes are up here” comment, that was too much, and incredibly rude. Fiancé doesn’t need the gossip, and people need to mind their own business and stop acting like they’re still in high school. Scars are just a part of a person, the same as a unibrow or heavy case of acne. If people can be taught to be accepting and sensitive of body hair and something that is literally out of your control, why can’t they adopt the same attitudes on something that was very likely traumatic? That said, while I get you feel protective of your friend, don’t you feel protective of your fiancé, too? You could have just said something along the lines of, “That’s not my story to tell, it’s his. It’s up to him if he ever wants to bring it up, but I would appreciate it if you don’t ask him.” ETA: “Baby’s first interaction”? Nvm, YTA for the way you talk to, and about, your *fiancé!* Changing my vote to ESH. ETA2: Wut. S2: I have to admit, I’ve read so many “my mother won’t let me do anything if my twin doesn’t want to” stories that my knee-jerk reaction was “YTA, you’re 25, you don’t need matching outfits and parties anymore.” But, if you guys do something together every year and enjoy that, then I’d probably skip the surprise party and just plan a party with him as always. As for the friends, I don’t know if they’re intentionally excluding you (not from the party but being the recipient), or if they just don’t realize that last year’s joint party was your tradition, but maybe say, “Hey, brother and I usually plan to do something together for our birthday, but if you guys want to have a separate celebration next weekend for just him that’d be cool.” Communication is the adult’s way of solving problems. That said, I have friends that are twins. I know one better than the other, but I would never throw a party for just the twin that I was closest to. Maybe this was intentional? Let your brother go to the surprise party and walk in without you, and see that you’re not there. How he handles it will give you a hint on where you go from here on out. (Make sure he knows you were invited as a guest, so they can’t pull the “we invited him, but he didn’t come” excuse, leading him to think you’d bounced on your own joint party.)