My Son Was Accused By His Sister's Friend Now He Can't Go To Her Wedding r/Relationships

[@memyselfandi7782]

She really did say, "WHELP, let's victim blame!"

[@smapa1185]

Yeah... It was really sad to see her continue the cycle while also not knowing she was a victim herself.

[@memyselfandi7782]

@@smapa1185 yeah its rare people learn and she recreated that with her son. I hope it's not too late for either of them

[@83gemm]

I have an older female relative who was going on about how women today say everything is assault and how being groped is something all women go through. I was like, “Yeah. But it shouldn’t be.” And she said, “You expect men to ask every time before they touch you that way?” I was like, “YES. Otherwise it’s assault.” She got really quiet after that and I backed off, because it was clear she has been through some stuff. When it’s normalized like that, victims really don’t understand why anyone would “make a fuss” about it. Glad OP opened her eyes.

[@damien678]

Hope your relative is doing ok, JFC. It's so heartbreaking to hear how many of us were taught to think we owe strangers our bodies

[@damien678]

Although I swear the next time a dude tries to grab my arse or tits without my permission I'm grabbing his fucking balls. Hard.

[@Hiimreggie]

Wow, who would uninvite someone who sexualy assaulted their friends

[@eatmymystic2741]

Right??? Sooooo weird that she didn't want him there. Makes no sense 😂

[@psycojuggalo1642]

Hands is not S.A stop calling it that y'all women throw that out there and destroy mens lives over nothing y'all should have to do the same amount of time the man would've gotten #allwomenlie

[@elizahamilton5599]

Me first hearing story 1: “wow mom is a asshat” Me hearing her say it’s okay cause it happened to her all the time: “bro you’re a victim too”

[@pippo17173]

WOOOOOW that update in the first story......holy freaking crap man. The fact that this situation is cause by trauma is heart breaking. Abuse can be pass down in generations and were seeing a good example of that. How sad.

[@lifewithlee6298]

Poor woman 😢glad her daughter wasn’t brain washed

[@damien678]

The things I wanna do to OP's grandfather...

[@jqdsilva]

I disagree. Being a victim of that sort of abuse made me realize early that it would be my life mission to not pass on that horrible behavior and publicly call out anyone I knew who'd do that.

[@zz7073]

Doesn't excuse OP's behavior, just explains it. It's sad that happened to them but it doesn't change they're the asshole for not only supporting but promoting sexual assault. Glad they might have seen the light, but they might just be in a situation where they will only "do good" not because they were called out and then go back to allowing their rapey son to hurt others.

[@robertx8020]

@@jqdsilva You DO realize that not every person reacts to abuse the same way, right? Don't use the "well, I did X so everybody could do x" card

[@beebs4283]

Obviously OP in story 1 sucks but it’s just really sad that she had this behavior normalized and didn’t even realize she herself had been SA’d before. :(

[@19nmiller1]

Yeah the mom is a huge AH and definitely deserved a wake up call, but God 4:15 broke my heart. I know Reddit can be a cesspool of negativity and whatnot, but I'm really glad she could get a wake-up call that yeah what she went through is not okay and it doesn't mean she should force other women to go through it. I know most people are solely blaming the mom for the sons upbringing, and I mean yeah she had a big part in it, but I'm sure he also learned it's okay to be touchy to women and invade their boundaries from that despicable grandfather and other awful men in the family as well. I just feel so bad for the women in the family.

[@Lillireify]

This kinda makes me wonder about lot of stories from reddit and putting them in perspective, what if old people we deemed AH's had their thoughts and feelings squashed in childhood and they literally forgot that you can be uncomfortable or have different opinion, because that was never an option for them?

[@dream6562]

​@@Lillireify then that makes them not the a holes

[@colleennewholy9026]

​@Lillireify IRL. I do find that a lot of Boomers do have that viewpoint. It literally takes their grandchildren sometimes, to snap them into seeing that they really did go through some 💩 And they have to go through that anger and grief stage, in order to change

[@emberwolf5653]

How is the parent not scolding him for touching women without consent ? edit: wow that update 😢

[@tamsel814]

Story 3: wait the much younger second wife is actually a good parent and sticking up for her stepdaughters wishes. Wow rare and great to read.

[@kingofmiami2749]

I know right

[@Xzenu76]

Nothing rare about that in real life, it's just that it breaks the stereotype.

[@sar9998]

When I first saw the title I though the son was falsely accused of but then OP casually mention her son getting tipsy and misbehaving with his sister friend I knew where this is going Edit: OMG thanks for the likes

[@SnowyWolborg]

Right? Pretty much the first paragraph made it very clear just where this story was going.

[@ar23431]

Of course, at first I thought it was some misunderstanding or the friend was desperately lying and OP's daughter being a peace keeper I say because these situations can happen, but if the OP herself knows itit's like very wtf

[@lrock48]

OP is pretty much one of those parent with "boys will be boys" mentality. I hated people like them.

[@pippo17173]

@@ar23431 Ya I got that too from the title and I thought it was gonna be another me too situation being abuse but then op causally said what he did like it doesn't matter. what a moron. Edit: Well that was a twist and a lot worst then I expect.

[@Cjaj2]

not to defend OP in story 1 but I myself have had that moment of "if that's what abuse is then I've been abused" and it can shatter your worldview that not only were you hurt by someone you loved and trusted you didn't even realize they were hurting you. I hope therapy is in her future.

[@Lillireify]

Yeah, it's a horrible realization to have and it destroys your world. I had that too. No wonder some people choose to ignore it and pretend that it's not it. I chose therapy, my stepmom that had a lot worse stuff that happened to her choose to pretend it never happened. I hope for her sake she goes to therapy.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

It's an absolutely gut wrenching feeling that I tried to push down for a good part of my life. I really do hope she can process what happened to her in a healthy way

[@miminana-hd6nf]

I was ready to say NTA just from the title, then read what the son did and it was a huge YTA, it was obvious she was leaving out so much info about the son and his ongoing behavior. If her daughter did not have a decent relationship with the son anyway there was a reason for it. When OP updated and said she had been a victim of abuse, and never recognized it it made it worse because it meant she just kept accepting her son's behavior as normal. I am sorry OP was abused when young, I am sorry it was normalized, I am glad that she recognizes it now and realizes it is not normal, or ok, and am glad she is getting herself some therapy and advising her son to get help. I wish her daughter a happy, blessed, wedding without her creepy brother there.

[@Batman-lg2zj]

Op isn’t the a hole but her son is .

[@LilFeralGangrel]

my mom does that a lot with her childhood, my grandparents were fucking awful to her and she's only starting to realise after they died. it makes me sad.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 3: NTA. Stepdaughter wants to go to the boarding school. It would be different if op wanted to get rid of her but this is something she wants. Op is not the evil stepmother Reddit want her to be.

[@Cecelia021]

I wish that there's an Update on this!

[@jofip9199]

Yeah, the title got me skeptical, but then the story was kinda sweet

[@kaykay8855]

@@jofip9199 it really is. Plus op said that hubby was traumatized by his wife’s death and his insistence that his daughter should stay home around previous wife’s family and friends, good it most respects, is also kind of detrimental because he’s not allowing her to explore her own interests.

[@yonghominale8884]

@Matt She stated she had legal custody

[@Hozzie323]

​@BonnieDoon84She's not just the stepparent. She's the parent that STEPPED UP!!

[@Queen_Of_Discord]

I was SAed when I was in middle school. I was victim blamed by pretty much every adult in my life. "You should've said no one more time, you should've stood up for yourself, you should've told an adult, well he didn't mean it like that, boys will be boys!" I came home crying every day. I nearly offed myself because of all the bullying and harassment. I can't ride school busses alone anymore. OP in the first story absolutely sickens me. People like them is the reason why I suffered so much as well as so many others. Just..... disgusting.

[@ejtappan1802]

Story #1 - "I had to put up with bad male behavior and I survived, so what's the big deal?" --- Man, I have had so many similar conversations in recent years. My response is always, "Just because you put up with it, does that mean you enjoyed it? Just because it's happened in the past, does that make it right? We used to have public segregation but we realized it was wrong and we didn't have to put up with it, so we changed our behavior. Humans can do that, you know? To make things better. You should give it a try. You'll be surprised how much you like it."

[@porter0311]

Sounds like she wanted that ring and then to check out of the marriage completely and take it with her, but her bullshittery was spotted soon enough. Thank GOD for that family.

[@memyselfandi7782]

The final update in the second story is ONE IVE BEEN WAITING FOR

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 1: Oh, wow! That "If the friends don't feel comfortable shouldn't the be uninvited instead of her own brother?" Good Lord, woman. The fk? The mother sounds like the mother of the rapist, Brock Turner. Never forget him. Story 3: NTA. I was ready to say YTA when the title was read, but since "Laura" wants to go there, OP gets a NTA from me.

[@shadowscall7758]

No, we should forget him or at least his name. People who do horrible things shouldn't be remembered.

[@GiordanDiodato]

@@shadowscall7758 why shouldn't we forget that he was only jailed for 3 months thanks to a corrupt and idiotic judge?

[@shadowscall7758]

@@GiordanDiodato that part can be remembered, but his name should be forgotten.

[@damien678]

​@@shadowscall7758 How are we supposed to try and seek justice if we don't remember the names of rapists that don't get properly punished nor rehabilitated? And if he'll never get what's coming to him from the system... Remembering him and other rapists will at least be lasting social consequences.

[@shadowscall7758]

@Damien everyone here is taking me way too literal. I mean, we should stop remembering people who do bad things and giving them the publicity. Obviously if you are in a position to actually be able to do something about it, then you should, but 99% of the KZbin users arent.

[@adriennewaterhouse5174]

Story 3 take notes people this is what good parenting looks like I'm very happy to see this and it even made me cry happy tears

[@aleshiatorres475]

Same, it made me cry too.

[@sheenawarecki92]

Props to the step "mom" (respecting their relationship)! Thelat dad is doing exactly what he's scared of. He needs therapy.

[@lilywong9672]

Why the quotations around mom?

[@heatherduke5410]

"A bit of a disagreement". Correction: The daughter is looking out for the safety of she and her friends. And is ensuring her wedding reception won't be ruined by a predator.

[@pippo17173]

What the hell did op expect? Also even if he is drunk, guess what, alcohol makes people do what they really want and let loose. Op's son let loose on what he thought in his head.

[@heatherduke5410]

@@pippo17173 Right? Most people don't jump to assaulting someone while drunk. The fact that he did this just shows that that is who he truly is.

[@doctordetroit1217]

@Heather what I found most concerning, he did this to multiple victims, what were the rest of the guests doing to allow this to happen, I would have thrown him out of the house at the first sign of that behaviour!

[@heatherduke5410]

@@doctordetroit1217 I wonder if she didn't notice at first because she was busy with her engagement party, then someone pulled her aside and told her or she witnessed it? Still though, it's horrific how he did it to multiple people and I really wouldn't want him in my life at all, not just not at the wedding. Also, I can't help but wonder if the brother was ever inappropriate with his sister/the bride to be. Apparently the two have never really gotten along. Considering his behavior, I kind of wonder if he used to creep her out as a kid. Kids can be incredibly perceptive.

[@videofan1010]

"My son got drunk and a "bit handsy"..." Gross....

[@ivorynk752]

I was expecting OP to not believe that the son did those things, but no, OP 100% believes it and blames the girls he got handsy with for not liking how they were treated.

[@matthewpopow6647]

That's what I was thinking! Just title i tought it was a FALSE accusation or didn't believe it. That last edit tho... I kinda feel bad for Op... glad she realized how wrong she was at the end and is getting therapy.

[@kristy1653]

“He’s temperamental.” Meaning that mommy probably enables him to get his way in lots of other situations too, or else he throws a fit. Enabling him to be a pervert is just one more aspect of protecting her golden boy.

[@calmingvoice8646]

OP really said, "I went through it so other girls can go through it too."

[@zeroflight6867]

Marriage story: when we heard the ex's response to OP, I figured it was a power play. Turns out, yup. But even that was minor on the list of red flags.

[@Suelorie]

The bride who booked a venue that didn't accommodate the wheelchair-that bride didn't want the wheelchaired OP. there-she knew exactly what she was doing

[@kristy1653]

That’s the kicker, she hadn’t even actually booked it yet! But, she was sticking with her intention to do so despite everything. You’re right. And she’s cold-hearted and alone now.

[@samiulhuda4001]

for some reason when women get married they feel the need to put down a marker that every one else no matter who it is behind her by 200 miles in importance.

[@addicted2mako]

Anyone else hear the title of story three and think OP was gonna be an irl version of those kids movie antagonists who plot to marry the kid’s parent and send the kid off to boarding/military school as soon as the ink was dry?

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Story 3. From the title, I was already calling OP the AH. But, quickly realized she is a loving stepmom that wants her daughter to be happy, and wants to support her choices. NTA!!!

[@WardenSpectreCommander]

Getting sh**faced, singing off key and puking in the punch bowl at the party, you can let that slide with a warning. Playing involuntary grabass assualt is not excusable in any kind of way.

[@shells500tutubo]

Parents like Sam in the last story will always wonder why their children aren't close to them and don't want to be around them.

[@ivorynk752]

Honestly I was not expecting a story where the stepmom sends the daughter off to boarding school to be NTA, but this is why you don't judge from the title alone.

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

Yes! I was instantly thinking, YTA until getting into the story. And the fact that she even stands by her choice at the cost ov her relationship!. She basically gained a daughter through all ov this with Laura because she knows she can trust her stepmom, even if her dad leaves her.

[@duboisstewart8265]

@@jaymevosburgh3660 *of

[@Zurround]

I assumed the girl did NOT want to be sent off to boarding school and the step mom did it JUST TO GET RID OF HER. That being said, earlier in the story the adoptive mom mentioned that she had been slut shamed. I did not understand that at all. She said it was because she was younger than her husband. Married couples often vary in age and it is nobody else's goddamn business who she marries (barring illegality like forced or underaged marriage). Plus I though a slut was a woman who sleeps around with a lot of men. IF she is MARRIED and legally and spiritually and sociologically committed to ONE man (her HUSBAND) then how is that being a slut? Anyway, she said that she was slut shamed at one point in the story 27:51 final sentence. I am American and I do not know where this takes place but maybe the term "slut" is defined differently in other countries?

[@Pippa87]

@@Zurround Me too- I basically thought it was an alterative ending to the parent trap 😅

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

@@duboisstewart8265 No thanks, ov means the same thing. Go "correct" someone that might care 😂

[@ZombieSazza]

That second story makes me angry, asking for basic treatment as a disabled person isn’t “making everything about you”, we just want treated like normal people. Far too many people just like to ignore that our disabilities are actually huge issues in our lives, they like to pretend we’re complaining for no reason when we are trying to make sure we have our basic needs met, such as being able to enter a building, or use a toilet, or be able to move around, or not have to rely on friends/family to take us to a toilet, and that we are somehow the problem for our basic needs being met. It’s a sure fire way of showing somehow how much you’re truly ableist and being ditched from someone’s life.

[@samiulhuda4001]

if your wife or fiance tells you to disregard family for no good reason because shes not pleased with them time to get rid.

[@plaguenurse4399]

“He means well” how?? How is sexually assaulting people meaning well??

[@damien678]

"ItS a CoMpLiMeNt"

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 1 is why I wait for the story to finish before commenting on them when I heard it was laughing at "He means so well when he assaults those women", update makes the OP more understandable, the brother is still a grade A douche and I'm hoping he gets justice at some point, even if it is pissing off the wrong people when he gets handsy and getting the snot beat out of him, which is bound to happen given how comfy he is doing it to multiple people.

[@naptime1900]

If son cannot handle his liquor at a party then this can happen at the wedding and destroy the happy atmosphere of the wedding. Tell son he earned the rejection of wedding invitation.

[@TikiDragon1]

If someone says, "I'm not a bad person," then they have no self reflective skills

[@candiebarr6745]

That boarding school one certainly wasn't what I expected...

[@ceciliacalvin263]

Story 1: it’s not your wedding. Not your decision.

[@LunaP1]

I swear I kept thinking this is a troll post. But then I remembered there are other posts of narcissistic parents that protect their golden child no matter how many people tell them they're wrong.

[@LovesGaming37]

Angry at a molester is a bad thing? But being a molester is ok? And punish the victims and reward the criminal?

[@GBunnyG]

He's temperamental. He means well. Nuh uh. Nuh uh. NUH TO THE UH.

[@gcarr1089]

Last story - OP is treating Laura as if she is her own bio daughter. The daughter is very lucky and so is her husband for having a partner who truly loves his daughter.. Once the daughter has gone to the school if she doesn't like it she can go home, but at least she has fulfilled the wish to go there.

[@AndreNDP]

The sad bit is her not realizing how bad this is probably made fixing her son difficult to impossible.

[@arandomfan4710]

You're not starting something by calling out bad people and letting others know of it. You're ending it.

[@Abuakasilkyjohnson]

Umm assaulting random chicks is absolutely ridiculous This is crazy Where tf do they make these ppl

[@shebakoby]

story 2: Ex fiancee sounds like a cluster of bees or something like that, bro dodged a serious tactical nuke.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

Story 2. OP NTA. I don't know if she picked that place on purpose. But she knows the reception place needed to be accessible and have a bathroom you could use. She picked a place that had neither. And what not adult wants help to use the bathroom? If I were you I would skip talking with the bride and go straight to your brother. Let him know. You saying you would be a bridesmaid at the wedding but would have to skip the reception is understandable since the place doesn't have your basic needs. Bride picked that you can't get to and she has no right to be upset if u can't make it.

[@angelicakaufman7183]

Wheelchair user here. If all of the women involved were told that they had to be on get the disabled girl to the potty duty they totally would have done it.

[@stellamccoy5259]

If anyone ever tells me, "it me or them or whatever" with no good reason, they will always lose.

[@kiwifreund]

Regarding the school and letting the daughter go: I went to a very specialized school (although it was a public school so tuition was paid by the state). I moved away when I was 16. My parents just let me go because I was absolutely miserable where I was. The school that I went to was a school for the arts, and we had regular high school in the mornings, but then we worked in our specific art areas in the afternoons and evenings. We worked with business professionals in our art areas. It was the best thing I ever did. We learned critical thinking as a regular part of our curriculum, and working with professionals put us light years ahead of other kids our age. When I went to college in the fall, it felt like a major letdown. I felt like I had already done everything. But anyway, some kids are okay with going away at 16. That's the bottom line. It's okay to raise your kids to be independent and smart. (BTW, I have always maintained a credit score above 720 and have always paid my own bills.)

[@honeypot8524]

Story 1: I was cussing OP out until I heard that her P.O.S. grandfather did the same things to her and her parents did absolutely NOTHING to protect and help her, so heart breaking 💔

[@tamsel814]

Let's see, uninvite one person who asexually assaulted people, or uninvite the assaulted woman. Tough choice... /s (just to be extra clear I'm being sarcastic)

[@meganrenfro1704]

"asexually assaulted" XD I think that's just called assault 🤔 typos can be amazing.

[@jessicawolfe5861]

Handsy … the vanilla word for sexual assault. Yikes

[@Lillireify]

Markee I'm kinda disappointed that you took only the aggressive messages to OP in the 1st post, I red this story somewhere else and there were some helpful comments that I believe helped OP realize the source of her confusion in this situation. Still, nice to hear it in your voice!

[@chimchimindiandragon]

First story was tragic... It really hurts to know that there are still places in the world where even today young girls are routinely sexually assaulted generally by close family members and affluent members of those societies and anyone protesting are generally killed... Kids as young as 6or 7 are victimized in these areas there is a huge market for women they are sold and even rented on yearly contract and trafficed from outside to meet the demand... And these are not some war torn poverty stricken areas... These practices are still been observed in educated developed and developing countries...

[@SCUBASUEReynard]

Wow no wonder her son has an alcohol problem. Mom has never had him accountable for his actions. She is lucky her son is not up on charges.

[@Alissandre_Iskander]

Story 1: Hold on... you had this stuff happen to you and you thought it wasn't a big deal because OTHER PEOPLE didn't make a fuss? What matters is how it made you feel and you know how that made you feel, so why would you have other women suffer what you went through??? Tf?!

[@audreynothepburn7663]

OP probably didn’t realize what happened to her when she was young and didn’t realize it was completely wrong and her mind chose to ignore it or comprehend it. The human mind is extremely complex when it comes to trauma in people differently.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 3 - From the title alone I was scared this was going to be a Parent Trap situation where the new stepparent wants to ship their stepchild off to boarding school. I’m glad this wasn’t the case, NTA and she clearly cares a lot about the stepdaughter.

[@nikkideede7972]

Story 1: Op grew up in a different time. A time where women who got grabbed usually would turn around and slap the guy. She's the arse for giving the daughter an ultimatum. But I can't wait to see the daughter post about her brother being an arse for not helping her, in the future. Js

[@TarisLuna]

OP in the last story is an amazing stepmother, especially with what she said in her last update. If your partner would make you choose between them and a minors happienes (who you have legal guardianship over), the happieness of said minor is always the right decision.

[@dorotheawalker7985]

Frist story the son yep yep GOLDEN CHILD!!

[@kristinwiebold2433]

Story1 Woah OP YTA. Total YTA and son is YTA too. OP how can you be ok with your son's actions at your daughter's engagement party?? Why aren't you mad at him? Why should your daughter uninvite her friends when it was your son's actions that were inappropriate?? Why should she subject her wedding guests to his inappropriate behavior?? Why haven't you got your son help to fix this inappropriate behavior instead of enabling it?? Maybe it is best you and your son stay at home. I truly hope all of your daughter's friends that were assaulted by your son at her engagement party file police report against your son so he faces the consequences.

[@debc6260]

Don't get why everyone said 3rd OP was a AH. She's doing right by her step-daughter.

[@jemase7931]

"He gets carried away ." And he thinks it's good for him to paw her friends. OP is an AH. Stay home, OP, you are no loss. Why does it take feminism to train your kid to keep his hands off women?

[@garthrogers2269]

Story 1. OP is the AH; her son, aka her favourite child, is an even bigger AH AND a sex abuser. OP needs to drop kick her son into the sun and beg her daughter & her friends for forgiveness.

[@livewellwitheds6885]

oh no, my son groped his sisters friends & I'm mad my daughters friends are uncomfortable being around the person who assaulted them! the victims should just be excluded. it doesn't matter if he means well if he assaulted others....

[@mert828]

"Omg. I can't believe my daughter won't let my son grope her friends."

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP so glad you told your brother and he was able to talk with his fiancee. Your brother is right that you have no reason to be sorry since you brought a huge problem to his attention. From the sounds of it it is good he didn't marry her and it is good they broke up. I know spouses come first but the way she was treating you was horrible.

[@ZombieSazza]

Story 1 literally sounds like my biological manner, and is exactly why I haven’t spoken to her in years, and won’t speak to her for the rest of my life either. Abusive mothers like that just don’t care what their sons do. I wish I was kidding, my mother legit told women he sexually harassed that they probably deserved it and “shouldn’t act in certain ways”, my brother sexually assaulted women in their work places, he often bragged how he’d get women drunk to the point they couldn’t stand or speak and then “have fun”, and was incredibly violent towards me growing up. I’ll let you guess who was never blamed! And that’s how you show the world who your favourite child is, get cut off for the rest of your life and act like you somehow haven’t done anything wrong. Wish this didn’t happen as often as it did, but it really does happen all too often. I hope the sister cuts all contact and moves forward in life, she doesn’t need family like THAT in her life and deserves better.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 1: Why do mommies defend their r4p1st sons? If this had been my child I'd call the police myself

[@emilybarclay8831]

Because they refuse to believe they raises rapists

[@browniewin4121]

1) For this warped attitude, for this ultimatum, for enabling the son, the sexual assaulter and overgrown child who runs to mommy to defend and dismiss his bad behaviour, YTA YTA YTA. After update: Glad OP got the wake up call that was needed. I'm glad to hear she is going for therapy and for the son too. 2) I am sure brother expected there to be consideration given to his sister. This fiancee sucks... her only concern is, "It will make me look bad.", not oops I screwed up not picking a venue that will work for my future SIL/bride's made, and the fixing the blunder. OP should tell her brother what the issue id and what the bride said so he can know what a disgusting person he is about to get hitched to ... I think he needs to know and get the chance to dip. After update: Glad OP spoke with her brother and he has her back. After final update: Wow, what a bridezilla, so happy OP's brother found out how selfish and nasty she is and broke up before marrying her. No guilt needed, this was just the straw that broke the camels back and thank goodness for OP, this helped him dodge a bullet. 3) NTA, I think OP did the right thing for the step-daughter. There are multiple good reasons and had she not gotten the chance to do this she would forever resent he father and that is how he would lose her, not by her going to boarding school. Dad needs counseling to work on his hangups and overly controlling attitude. After update: Dad definitely needs therapy to deal with his paranoia. It's great the daughter had a step-mom who will defend and support and do what is right for her.

[@D-me-dream-smp]

Story 1: The last comment on the last story gave some excellent and thoughtful insights on the types of dysfunctional environments and experiences that are frequently implicated in manifesting and perpetuating this type of generational toxic behaviour and abuse. While it’s easy to feel self righteous rage on a situation that appears blatantly obvious real life and people don’t always fall along such neat lines. Sometimes some empathy and understanding can be more effective in changing a persons outlook than simple anger and shaming them. Wedding Story: it really boggles my mind how for some people marriage has become ALL about believing they deserve one single “perfect” day at all costs when marriage is SUPPOSED to be about two people and more often than not their families joining to create a good life together. People need to remember that “special” doesn’t need to mean lavish or expensive rather it’s your attitude and mindset that will set the atmosphere and mood. If you focus on the experience of celebrating joy and love with those close to you in a comfortable environment with some good food and drink then it will be memorable whatever else happens. It’s a bit like the saying “people might not remember what you said but they will remember how you made them feel”. I can guarantee any long time happily married couple won’t talk about perfect table settings or even fancy food rather they will revel in the excitement of the day committing to someone they knew they were building a life with. Also notice how at family events it is often the “disasters” which end up largely inconsequential in the long run, that people end up looking back fondly on rather than any “perfect” stuff because that is what makes it uniquely your history just like the scars and marks on your body as you age are like a map of you life that document what you have been through and overcome to still be here.

[@mweathers79]

S3: NTA but only because you’ve been her “mom” for some time and at the request of her father. He doesn’t get to pick and choose when you get to be “mom”. Had these boundaries been in place before, YTA but that’s not the case here. He sounds scared and is acting like an overly protective father.

[@reneenoriega4524]

I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING. The SIL response was way out of line like, hello??? op is the legal guardian of the kid, she has every right to take this decisions with her child. Kiddo is 16, and she obviously trusts op if she knew she could talk with her about this

[@Symos]

Story 1: yta for encouraging a potential rapist.

[@lisabothwell3175]

As parents/step parents/ guardians it's our job to support our kids to live their own life by giving them the tools to do so, advice and most importantly the encouragement to try

[@EllieC130]

I said “brah” so many times in that first story it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore.

[@katinkaraab1964]

This is Something really shicking to me as non American. My great Grandmother told me that if somebody touches you in a way you don't want to be touched you tell them off once, then scream for the second time and attack for the third and she was born in the 1930ies and this is normal rational in my country and she is so much older than the op. Obviously this kind of thinking has it's own set of issues (why didn't she/he just defend herself, she/he doesn't have marks of self defense) but all those people watching girls under their protection getting molested and nobodys does anything about that?

[@memyselfandi7782]

Yo WHAT. Meaning well doesn't mean DOING WELL. WHAT THE HELL

[@Xzenu76]

Story 3, that initial reddit verdict really creeped me out. Stepmom stands up for her almost adult teenager, jerks on Reddit responds for calling her the asshole for the unrelated issue of her having another skin-color than her husband. Oh, wait, the difference wasn't in skin-color. Instead, it was an age difference between consenting adults. Which means that the bigotry happens to be more accepted in contemporary society. 😢

[@CircusoftheMoon]

S3: She’s an amazing step parent. It’s rare to see one that will go that far for the step kids.

[@eileenkelleghan680]

and the stepkid WILL remember that and know that if there is someone totally safe and whom she can fully trust is her, so she also formed a deep connection with it.

[@antithoughtpolice7497]

Story 1: Future MIL is solid. Update: You have to not be in America or Canada with a nuclear family structure to have this kind of stuff happening to girls "normally"... I'm now very worried 😮

[@kristy1653]

What?? This stuff happens all over the world everyday, even in North America in all types of families. There are tons of enablers out there.

[@scottluther6699]

Story 2: NTA, just tell your brother you can’t make the reception but you’ll be there for the wedding and to have a great time. Obviously, his fiancé is not use to including someone with accessibility issues. And she inadvertently picked the wrong venue and now is disappointed and cornered. You are obviously not from the states because no venue would be allowed without accessibility issues addressed. Bathrooms, ramps, elevators,and low light switches. Good luck with the compromises.

[@neutrality8747]

Disagree. Future SIL needs to learn to handle being cornered after making decisions that exclude her partner's family.

[@Vipre-]

Yeah, no. See she made that offer and the ex shot it down because, "Everyone will notice you aren't there." It came down to let herself be treated like luggage and carried around by people or tell her brother. She made the right call and so did he.

[@Neyfufu00]

So basically her husband is attached to his daughter by an ridiculous amount of which she wants to go to a really good school by the sounds of it and he doesn't want her to go there???

[@shells500tutubo]

I think it isn't just that her mother went there that is the only reason.

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Story 1: "He got drunk and handsy" was enough for me to know what's up.

[@invisigoth510]

1st story: OP: since I was sexually assaulted by family as a child it’s totally normal & ok for my son to sexually assault women & get away with it. If the victims have a problem then they should have to remove themselves not the perpetrator

[@angeleyesgreen1586]

Story 3: the dad is right. Laura will grow distant from her father if she's gone for two years. And no, holiday visits will not make up for it. Sam (the father) didn't realize, though, that his daughter will separate from him emotionally if he doesn't let her go. It may not be right, but Laura has already been throwing emotional tantrums over this. I don't think the OP's necessarily wrong, but I don't think either choice is a perfect one.

[@telinhajp]

Good morning, Markee! Wishing you a wonderful Monday! ❤🤗

[@Markee]

You too Telinha have a good day!’

[@cyberhard]

OP1: I stopped caring after the first paragraph. YTA.

[@SCOOBYGD]

I thought the stuff in story one was fake untill i delt with it my self.

[@jerriewyatt905]

Story 1.. OP’s definitely the a hole! The son assaulted a young woman and he should be excluded from the wedding! He needs to learn to behave himself and realize women won’t put up with this BS anymore!

[@ruthhenderson5413]

OP's mom is an AH in more ways than one. She is now trying to pretend she doesn't live in the real world and had no clue whatsoever that her son's and grandpa's actions are unacceptable. It is sad that she was assaulted herself, but that's no excuse for trying to justify their and her disgusting behavior.

[@ruthhenderson5413]

AND she should NOT call the "girls" and apologize to them for her son's assaults. She should make her son apologize to the women himself.

[@trippinggauntlet4520]

​@@ruthhenderson5413 wow, you're one of THOSE judgmental women aren't you. Bet you had your little mean girl clique at school. Haven't changed any either.

[@Uneclipsed]

Last story: NTA this was Laura’s decision and probably wanted to have a shared experience with her mom. But I went to boarding school so I’m biased. I loved it. Laura might find that she hates it wants to come home. But how’s he going to handle it when she goes off to university? Edit: dad sounds very controlling and weird. I’d be curious to know how much Laura looks like her mom.

[@AndreNDP]

It's...I get it. Guy lost his wife, who probably looks a dead ringer for his daughter, and he's terrified he'll lose her, but he doesn't want to seem weak to his new wife. Does that make it right? Not at all. But the way you fix a problem is not noticing the problem, it's understanding how you got there.

[@kateemma22]

Gee, I wonder why the son is a danger to women... oh wait, there it is.

[@deballen7031]

Thanks for the great stories, I do love a good update!😊

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story one it’s your daughters wedding, even if he wasn’t a disgusting pig, she doesn’t have to invite anyone who she doesn’t want. If you were my mother I would tell you not to come. Good lord your poor daughter!

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

1:36 the daughter is right, OP is siding and enabling the son SA people. OP is TA in every way possible

[@rachelmartin5187]

Story 1: YTA. The fact that you're trying to normalize your sons behavior is disgusting. Im surprised your daughter didn't call the cops, cause she has EVERY reason to. Story 2: ESH. The SIL is TA for obvious reasons, but OP doesn't sound innocent regarding the way they spoke of her. I think the wedding being called off was a blessing in disguise. Had the brother married her, the drama would've only grown from there. Some people just aren't meant to be family. Story 3: ESH. Should the dad have been more open to the idea? Yes. However, the OP had no right to do what she did. In fact, i see why she and the daughter get along so well. They both complain and act all defensive when they don't get their way. Then, try to justify it when people call them out. OP may be fine with being TA, but going behind someone's back, especially when you know how it'll make them feel is wrong. Sam may have issues, but at the end of the day that is his daughter and his opinion matters. But then again, this is Reddit and we know how they treat fathers.

[@abbie_joan]

the dad in that last post seems have a type....and it's women quite a bit younger than he is (yes I went back and did the math)

[@dianesmith2555]

I feel you I in the wc too, go to the wedding he is your bro,you guys will be familyy, it just may to late. You guys got you keep the door open or it will close.

[@squatasaurus9879]

Can they not rent a wheelchair ramp?

[@robbiwalker2106]

Nobody would even ask story 1! Especially on in this forum and the mindset of the users. People just make this up to get a rise...

[@BTRrocks112]

Story 1: soooo if he gets drunk at the wedding and does it again or worst upgrades to attempted rape what are you gonna do?🤔 again this wasn’t just 1 friend (that’s bad) but MULTIPLE of her friends 🙃. Yeaaaa it’s a GREAT idea to let him come 🙄.