Estranged Mom Is Trying To Force Her Way Back Into My Life r/Relationships

[@thotimusprimeofficial273]

Story 2 her being a victim of verbal abuse doesn’t mean she gets to verbally abuse others to build her self esteem lmao

[@thedestroyasystem]

You put it perfectly. That comment really got on my nerves. Suffering abuse does not make it okay to perpetuate that abuse.

[@joimumu]

Agree 100%

[@carterr7045]

the story began with my sister's antics… my parents filed a police report against me because… kzbin.info/www/bejne/l3uQf4qDorWZp8k

[@shinadark]

I totally agree there, I imagen myself being an overweight person and be bullied for my weight and then choose to stomp my foot down and do something about that and after a hard work for how ever long it takes me to complete the task ahead of me, I finally one day find myself in a more healthier weight and for some dumb reason I suddenly look at other people and see them being in the same weight that I once where and then repeat my bullies words and throw them at others that have an similar weight problem that I once had in my own life, I would really look like a donkey if I where to actually do that. I seriously have to question the logic in how that is in any form acceptable, never mind how the hell one can think that they are better then their bullies that verbally attacked their body weight and now they stand there and do the exact same thing. Those ladies that defended her with the excuse that oh she had a ex that fat shamed her in the past so that makes it perfectly fine for her to do the same thing as the ex did to her, now that she have her "glow up" moment and those "idiots" over there are not doing anything to "glow" themselves up. That's the biggest BS thing I ever heard in my life!

[@owl7072]

Story 2: I love how Op is being called shallow for saying "I know" when being told he looked good. Are people just not allowed to acknowledge that they know they look good? Was Op supposed to be like "Oh stop it" and turn away or something? Unless he started bragging or whatever and being a dick after, saying "I know" isn't shallow and wasn't setting up anything.

[@lowganc1739]

Yeah people expect him to go into a diatribe regarding the importance of inner beauty. These ridiculous expectations, if realized, would forge an existence that no sane person would want to spend more than ten seconds in their presence, but never mind, we are all now responsible for the fragile sensibilities of the lowest common denominators of society, tread lightly lest egos become bruised.

[@JustinAdamson270]

Not shallow just full of themselves lol

[@JustinAdamson270]

Unless it was jokingly anyone who finds themselves attractive are just in love with themselves

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

I mean? As said by Han Solo it is a comment that is completely arrogant and full of himself. I don't know why men repeat it and think it will be seen as anything other than what it is.

[@brigidtheirish]

Right?! I think people on Reddit and the women at the party were giving OP a hard time because he's a man and Rachel is a woman who used to be overweight. Just being a man would be bad enough, but calling out someone with a weight problem on their bs is like shooting a sacred cow. Doesn't matter that *she* was the one degrading others for their weight and looks, she's a woman who used to be fat and thus can do no wrong while OP is a horrible wicked beast because he's a man and *dared* to get in shape.

[@AndyyWithAY]

The mom is sadistic! She lived 30 minutes away and only saw OP THREE times in 8 years, but now wants to FORCE OP to see her. She will accept no responsibility. The dad's family is forcing OP to stay NC. Just ridiculous!

[@shizanketsuga8696]

The mom is also a habitual, maybe even compulsive, liar. I am convinced that she has lied to her current husband about why her own daughter is not in her life and that's the main reason why she's doing what she's doing now.

[@sopadumacacoumadelicia5]

She's a great person ain't she 💀

[@carterr7045]

the story began with my sister's antics… my parents filed a police report against me because… kzbin.info/www/bejne/l3uQf4qDorWZp8k

[@t123tina]

They did keep moving how do u know the dad keeps her away .

[@luciaaylenpaileman4582]

@@t123tina Also, the father may say NC with OP's mother since that crazy woman doesn't listen to OP at all and wants her to receive her anyway as If she wasn't a toxic parent.

[@helar2574]

Story 2: All things aside, what's wrong with answer "i know"? Even if you dont know "Star Wars". If he constantly brag about it, then yes, he would be shallow, but in one instance? nah

[@catherinecox573]

Yeah, idk how they equated OP's "I know" to Rachel's rude judgey comments about others. At worst, OP is confident and maybe a little cocky, but Rachel is an intolerable person. 😮‍💨🙄

[@govsecret536]

A lot of redditors are ugly and bitter about the existence of attractive people.

[@thedestroyasystem]

Exactly! I mean it’s a little annoying at worst, but absolutely nothing compared to actively putting down other people

[@carterr7045]

the story began with my sister's antics… my parents filed a police report against me because… kzbin.info/www/bejne/l3uQf4qDorWZp8k

[@roseanne74]

Exactly. It’s ok to love yourself, and know/show it occasionally. It’s uncool to constantly remind others of it.

[@locusxe1411]

Story 2 NTA- Op did nothing wrong tbh. She pressed him and he responded honestly. Like that one NTA commenter said, she became what she hated most. I disagree with that ESH comment as well

[@DrownedInExile]

Exactly. OP doesn't owe her any explanation for why he doesn't want to hang with her. If a man got mad at a woman for rejecting him, he'd be rightly called a niceguy or incel. This woman is no better. I hope OP doesn't apologize to her.

[@bigheadache]

It’s reddit so 90%+ of ESH responses are from doormats.

[@damien678]

There's a big difference between being confident in your own looks vs tearing other people down. OP did a splendid job showing that difference

[@rebeccay480]

The story about the house keeper! Homework?!?!? Bruh, that woman is taking care of 2 houses, she is allowed to go home and rest without worrying about ironing someone else clothing. OP is being entirely reasonable and I appreciate them advocating for their housekeeper.

[@t.matthies3049]

Especially since this was in a country where there aren't a lot of protections for housekeepers, based on what OP said. I do agree with the one commenter that it would be better to give the housekeeper 2 days off, but it sounds like OP is going well above and beyond by her cultural standards to make sure her housekeeper is treated well.

[@dragb9284]

The weight story nta the guy never put down others when he made the reference she on the other hand tried to tear others down

[@MistressSuki92]

Yeah there's a difference between boosting your own looks and shitting on others looks. OP made a joke about himself looking good while the girl just started crap talking everyone else at the BBQ. They are not the same and the people who act like they were are the kinda people who thinks anyone who is proud of their appearance are shallow.

[@dinaashford-more1172]

She’s not OP’s mom. She’s her egg donor!

[@rogerrabbit80]

I prefer, "incubator"!

[@emilybarclay8831]

Temporary life support system

[@wheelsndealz]

Story 2. The guy saying esh because he made the reference and therefore "made it seem he was judging people based on looks first" well if she got that impression she should have done what he did when she did it. Leave. He's basically saying she was just doing it because she thought he was? That's some dumbass logic.

[@blandoatmeal1273]

Even if OP just said "I know" because they were proud of their progress, and not because of star wars, that'd still be completely fine. That commenters acting like Rachel said "everyone's ugly and fat compared to you!", and that's when OP said "I know." instead of just acknowledging a compliment.

[@TortoiseNotTurtle]

Borrowing from another comment I saw, "it's like taking one race-based joke as a sign to go on a rant about how we should bring back segregation and to talk about ethnostates"

[@WobblesandBean]

6:00 Translation: "t tried to force my husband to make amends with his abusive family, and it took him getting hurt for me to finally see I was wrong to do so even though I should have just believed him the first time".

[@Buff_Helpy]

The story 1 mom:"You turned her against me!" Reddit:"You have done that yourself!" The story 1 mom:"You will not take her from me!"

[@DrownedInExile]

LOL Even Vader could acknowledge he destroyed his old life as Anakin Skywalker. This wretched egg-donor will never be in the wrong about anything, ever.

[@Buff_Helpy]

@@DrownedInExile so in a few years, The mom:"OP... OP." OP:"I'm not having a relationship with you, not this time." ... The mom:"Then you will die."

[@itsjustmaddisen]

I even read it in their voices. How dare you 😂

[@Buff_Helpy]

@@itsjustmaddisen you are strong and wise and I am very proud of you.

[@matthewuzulis5016]

S2: The dingbats who equate admitting to looking good to putting others down are such lost causes. I'll admit that the "I know" is a obnoxious answer, but I'm not gonna condemn OP for one thing more so when it was done as a joke. I've known people who think highly of their looks (Yes they were very good looking). TBH their attitude greatly lessened how attractive they were to me but I would also not say they were bad people. Rachel however I would put as a bad person and her past does not give her a pass.

[@thedestroyasystem]

Agreed.

[@sweetstacks3631]

It broke my heart when OP said that she was in the wrong for avoiding her texts. OP has a lot of guilt despite knowing her mother is not good for her. It makes me so angry that OP's dad isn't completely supporting her. He made her go see her mom. That kind of trauma is dangerous. OP's mother reminds me so much of my own, and I'm sure many others, which is honestly a tragedy.

[@vanzy01]

😞

[@Mewse1203]

Stpry 2: NTA gotta love those peoole who pressure you to answrr and tgen dont lkke when you do. Also, it's pretty telling that OP told her "you're suoer judgemental about people's looks" and her angry response was to be SUPER JUDGEMENTAL ABOUT PEOPLE'S LOOKS" And I'm sorry but unless OP was super serious, "I know" was an obvious joke.

[@Ars-Nova258]

Story2: If the woman thought that she can make all the weight related comments she wants because OP said “I know” or because “Muh past” then she needs to put as much effort into seeking mental help as she did her weight loss. One small cocky quote is not enough to justify being a pillock. Yes OP could have explained that he made a Star Wars joke but who would think that “I know” translates to “YO LETS NUKE SOME BEACHED WHALES AM I RIGHT?!” That’s almost like thinking that making a single race joke is the A-Ok for going on a rant about the positives of segregated ethnostates. Sane people don’t think like this.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

Thank you! I didn’t understand how making a joke that _could_ be taken poorly, made it OP's fault that the woman _chose_ to let loose and say ugly things about everyone else.

[@thedestroyasystem]

Fr! That last comment really irked me, too- “her self esteem may never recover” okay, so that makes it fine for her to behave in exactly the same way as the people that hurt her, and possibly damage other peoples’ self esteem to bolster her own?

[@zerobolt9506]

@@thedestroyasystem same

[@jaymel4691]

Yeah, that ESH commenter was wrong. The "I know"could still be taken as a silly joke even if she didn't get the reference, and even if not, it still doesn't mean you are OK with then insulting everyone else about their weight/looks. That comment was not an insult, her many comments after that were. "Her self esteem may never recover"- well yeah, that's true of lots of people. That's not a free pass to be an asshole to others. She chose to make all those nasty comments to make herself feel better. Traumatic past or not, she WAS selfish, narcissistic and shallow. She asked why OP wasn't interested, he tried to be nice about it, she kept pushing, and he finally told her the truth since she wouldn't leave him alone. It's not his fault she didn't like what she heard. Don't ask the question if you don't want the answer.

[@Raggmopp-xl7yf]

OP needs to get a restraining order. She's 17 and has a right to refuse - especially when there have been so many negative experiences. Plus, with the CV19 fears, I don't think she'd have any problems through the courts. Her dad has legal custody (or maybe the grandparents) but it may require her waiting till she's 18. But I highly recommend the legal protection of the restraining order.

[@brigidtheirish]

She thought she was in the wrong for avoiding that abusive monster's texts! Poor kid needs *help* figuring out what healthy relationships look like.

[@rogerrabbit80]

If her incubator threatens "court" and "lawyers" again, OP should just tell her, "Bring it on, b*tch!" All OP will have to do is show up in court, and say, "No, I don't want to have anything to do with her." At 17, the court will take OP's desire to go no contact, all the missing child support, and the criminal record into account and deny visitation.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@rogerrabbit80 Her noodle-spined dad should've sued for child support *years* ago.

[@Raggmopp-xl7yf]

@@brigidtheirish I think you're right about that! I've seen so many of these where the person really thinks they're being a jerk for exercising a little self-preservation. Then they exhibit so much more self-confidence in the updates b/c people assure them they're NOT the AH. This is where a place like Reddit is really valuable!

[@brigidtheirish]

@@Raggmopp-xl7yf Yeah. Unfortunately, there have also been a few I've run into where the OP was doing the right thing from the get go but Reddit managed to make them feel like a total heel. Particularly when the OP is a guy. It's sad, but thankfully not common. At least in the curated selections folks like Mark and Lost Genre narrate.

[@akelly4207]

The story with the MIL and the housekeeper is easily solved. Have the MIL babysit in OP’s home. Housekeeper does regular work.

[@damien678]

Story 2: NTA and there's a HUGE difference between being confident in how you look vs actively tearing other people down. OP didn't say anything bad about anyone else. Just made an unclear reference... that didn't target anyone to put down

[@carterr7045]

the story began with my sister's antics… my parents filed a police report against me because… kzbin.info/www/bejne/l3uQf4qDorWZp8k

[@RandomTrinidadian]

Story 1: No one is entitled to second chances. OP said she doesn't want a relationship with her "Mother" and should not be forced to do something she obviously doesn't want to to. If she is. Comfortable with her decision, then respect it and leave her alone.

[@fhuber7507]

2... OP is NTA and is not wrong to finally tell the woman he thought she was a butthead when pushed.

[@cheskydivision]

It’s possible to get in shape and not be mean or put ppl down.

[@momo382844]

Exactly! Don’t be mean! It’s really that simple.

[@victoriajohnson4420]

Story #1. The people who try to guilt-trip others into maintaining a toxic relationship "because she's your mother" need to think about their prejudice and the harm they may be doing. Sometimes the best thing for a child is to go no contact with their mother. I wish they would try being supportive of the child.

[@TheNormExperience]

“She told me I looked good and as a joke I said, ‘I know.” Oh NO! How vile, how gross and shallow of Op to JOKE WITH HIS OLD FRIEND JUST LIKE THEY USED TO. /s 😒 I’m going to have to disagree with just about every response to this story and say, OP was actually the only one in this who wasn’t shallow. And as a former fat girl, it is so refreshingly rare to reconnect with old male friends who do not treat me differently in ANY way! When it does happen I appreciate it so much, because of the disgusting amount of times I have run into an old male friend from like high school who seemingly fall into such a pit of shock that they cannot stop focusing on my body and being grossly complimentary. And no, I’m not talking about normal shock because I look so different. I’m talking about men constantly getting worse and worse in a super uncomfortable, incredibly condescending way, from a place of “Oh wow, I’d actually deign to f*ck you now! Aren’t you grateful to be worthwhile to me finally?” Like…NO! I am not happy or grateful for the fact that you used to think I was a person, but now suddenly you can’t talk me as one because you think I’m just a possible hole for you to fill! EW. Get over yourself, and grow up.

[@audreym3908]

You go girl! I'm somewhat overweight and I still am insecure about it sometimes, but have decided to live my life how I want it and just be happy and do things that make me happy (in between jobs and the winter blues) to hopefully gain more stamina and strength within me.

[@TheNormExperience]

@@audreym3908 Aw, thank you so much! I still have days I get insecure too. Days I miss my old body even, because I had a lifetime living in it! So of course it also took some time to get comfortable in this new one. I’m proud of you! Getting to know, and love your body, and your self, is not a simple, or quick thing (which sucks because I think it’s the most relationship we have in life!) And, end of the day, I think you’re 100% right; being happy is the only goal that matters.

[@AndyyWithAY]

The housekeeper has her own suite. I thought they were saying the baby had her own suite at first 🤣🤣

[@lamarasawyer850]

That'd be amazing! Although, I'm not sure what's the baby gonna do with it 😂

[@FanFicnic]

I actually really like the mums way of thinking in story 3. I appreciate that she wants to be clear about the housekeepers expectations, and demanded a pay rise when she had to split duties between two households. I appreciate her making sure her employee is not being taken advantage of.

[@precious_toebeans]

I once worked for a company that had an in-house separate business. The lady who ran the separate business would try to get me to do her reception and sales, only for my actual boss to tell her to step the heck off. Even a minimum wage shit job knew this courtesy. The housekeeper deserves a home where she feels safe and as though she is only doing the work she is paid to do.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Story 1: OP's so called mom is a perfect example of a woman who should've NEVER had children or even gotten married. I can definitely see why OP's dad got a divorce. OP should be honest. Her mother or should I say birth giver doesn't deserve to be a part of her life. She essentially signed her rights away. She doesn't get to waltz back in. Parenthood is one of those journeys where either you're in or you're out. Story 3: NTA. This is not something MIL should be doing at all. However, you should hire a part-time nanny and give the poor housekeeper a break. I'm sure she would greatly appreciate it.

[@frith.calluna]

OP from story 1: you are NOT in the wrong for ignoring her texts or not wanting to see her. You are under no obligation to see her if you don't want to. You don't owe her a text, a visit, love or attention.

[@redonyx5428]

story 1: it's about power. the egg donor is trying to force op to see her because she doesnt want anything to do with her mother. op should just block her number and make her contact her through lawyers.

[@joimumu]

Agree

[@AndyyWithAY]

Being "family" does not entitle you to a relationship. And the nerve of this b to think she can force custody over a 17 yr old who's in safe conditions. Much younger kids can tell the judge who they want to live with.

[@ttrev007]

being judgmental about someone's personality if different then being judgmental about peoples looks

[@caridadchang7895]

if anything personality is the bigger dealbreaker. Somehow people keep forgetting that.

[@lunaticbz3594]

Story 2 is a pretty good greek tragedy if you fill in some of the gaps with speculation. Guys meets beautiful girl, they both are interested, but the girl knows she can't be with him because she thinks she is ugly. Over the years the girl changes herself to be good enough for the guy, and tries to be with him. Guy refuses because he doesn't like what she changed herself into.

[@damien678]

Damn, you aren't wrong

[@WobblesandBean]

OP 2: Ignore those women. You're NTA, those girls are just judgmental, sanctimonious conkwockets and you have nothing to apologize for.

[@mbyerly9680]

I used to be hurt by everyone's mean comments about my looks, and they were horrible. I'll do the same thing now, and I'm not horrible. Yeah, right.

[@tracygardner6318]

You can’t force a relationship, and if she weren’t one, they were plenty of chances and she blew them, OP you’re wonderful for protecting your grandparents against Covid

[@alicewilloughby4318]

Story 3 - Was MIL going to pay the housekeeper for that "homework"?? Was she expecting OP and Hubs to pay her extra. She's starting to sound like one of these people who thinks Housekeeper equals Slave.

[@beegee1960]

There is an element to weight loss that many people don’t understand. When you are overweight and other people treat you as less, it really hurts your self esteem. You think how much you wish they would just treat you like every one else. But when you do lose weight, people often gush over you, and that can make you feel uncomfortable because then you begin to question if they really like you are or are just so shallow that they only care about how you look. I once lost over a hundred pounds and there was a big difference in how I was treated.Salespeople in stores treated me with more respect, my colleagues at work were more receptive to my input. And it was not subtle. The difference was blatant. And while I appreciated my new status, I could not help thinking how much more it would have meant to me while I was still overweight.

[@reptiles3244]

If you're overweight you ARE less, the only thing they contribute to society is they keep fat (fast) foods in business with their inability to put down the damn food

[@kichikitsu]

No one has said that fat people aren't discriminated against - people are pointing out that making cruel comments about other people's weight is not okay under any circumstance. Just because you've faced the trauma of prejudice does not mean you get to subject others to it.

[@Callimo]

I dunno, people who are overweight/obese tend to carry themselves differently than someone who is fit. Joint pain, difficulty breathing, glandular issues, all of that can make a person too miserable to put on a confident face. Congrats on your weight loss, and hopefully you can keep it up for your health.

[@kichikitsu]

@@Callimo there are TONS of ppl that are overweight and fit. those two words are not antonyms. the word you're looking for is skinny, not fit.

[@Callimo]

@@kichikitsu All right, skinny then. Or, closer to the normal weight range for one's height and age. By the way, even if you are obese and exercise frequently, you will still suffer from more joint pain, higher blood pressure, high blood sugar and the like because you still have excess adipose on your frame. So sure, if you are 5'4" and 300 lbs, but exercise 3x a week, great, but that won't keep the extra fat from harming your body.

[@gottathinkupanewone]

Story one: Why is the estranged mother suddenly so eager to reunite with her daughter? After all these years, why now? Does OP come into some money or property on her 18th birthday or something?

[@carolrondou6161]

That was my first thought

[@GrayTimber]

I felt that first story. My mom was like that too. Always assuming and coming up with reasons in her own head why we didn't want anything to do with her. It was kind of insulting, frankly, the way she painted her trauma of her dad leaving onto us. We were mad at her because she was caustic and would change on a dime into blowing up on us. We didn't resent her for leaving. We were glad she and dad had a divorce, frankly. Anyway, I'm glad she's being given agency to say no.

[@beegee1960]

Most people would realize that OP was joking when he said Iknow.

[@lucasdieugenio507]

love ya Mark. your chipper disposition is a very amazing lantern of light in a sea of negativity. I thank you for all you put into this because I realize it must be so stressful, yet you do this for us anyways. such a legend

[@AndyyWithAY]

Wholesome story. Sooo I'm pretty sure my car battery is toast. I enlisted help from Papa Awe13 so I've ruled out user error for me not knowing how to use the jump start. So I'm finished at the gym, try to crank the car and it won't go. I pop the trunk(I'm a pro at that at this point) and set up the jump start. This older white couple comes over and the wife asks me if I'm okay. I say yes ma'am thank you so much for checking. Then she says she loves to see a woman being able to do stuff like that for herself and she was proud of me.

[@judithhansford4629]

You need to involve the police in this. You owe this 'mom' nothing.

[@immortalsofar5314]

"...just because you have abandonment issues..." My dad admitted he and my mom were jealous of how highly I thought of other kids' parents. I just shrugged and told him that was when I was young enough to think I needed parents. When told you need to get over it, I am over it - they're the ones who keep bringing it up!

[@phyllis9750]

Story 1: I would call the MIL's bluff re attorney intervention. It would then be over forever.

[@randomusername3873]

First story reminds me of the one where OP basically abandoned her daughter at birth, leaving her with the dad, and seeing her once a year or something like that. Then after 15 years she decided to sue for custody only because the stepmom wanted to adopt since she had been actually raising the daughter for a decade Weirdly enough, reddit was on OP's side

[@carterr7045]

the story began with my sister's antics… my parents filed a police report against me because… kzbin.info/www/bejne/l3uQf4qDorWZp8k

[@fhuber7507]

3... Housekeeper needs to tell MIL no... no... no.. F U... No. and just not go over there.

[@bellasmom2597]

Had the father acted earlier he could have gotten child support from estranged mother which would have benefitted OP.

[@emilybarclay8831]

When I lived 11.4K km from my grandparents I still saw them at least once a year. 30 mins away and 3 times in 8 years is intentional isolation

[@jojocandy2025]

I feel so bad for op in the 1st story. They owe their 'mother' nothing.

[@SusanPederson]

Story 1: Absolutely not! Do not let anyone tell you "but she's your mother!" That isn't OP's fault. NO CONTACT!

[@chulutheimposter5415]

Hello Mark!! How are you doing tonight? I hope all is well and I wish you a great night!! It's been awhile!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hope you're well m8💜💜🤗🤗

[@rpurdy4821]

Second story: I think if the MIL wants OP's maid to do work for her, she ought to pay the maid what OP does out of her own pocket. I bet she wont do it, and if not, then the maid shouldn't be doing a stitch of work for her.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

Third story*

[@Tammohawk1]

1. When someone asks something of you and you say no, yet they keep asking, ask them this. What part of no don't you understand? The N or the O? Bottom line is, no means no the first time.

[@arirodrig12]

Saying "I know" when someone says you look great isn't conceited, it's called having confidence. It seems to be a foreign concept to millenials

[@tabithavanderpool418]

So we get shit on our entire lives for participation trophy's we didn't even ask for and then when we don't have confidence because "these millennials are stupid and disrespectful and lazy and cocky and and and" we get shit on as well cool 👍

[@marshawargo7238]

Maybe saying "I did work hard for it" would have been better but maybe not. Maybe no matter what he'd said would have changed her attitude. I have a sarcastic humor, sarcasm is what his comment sounded like to me (star wars, what?) I think that all of the fat jokes & overheard comments & crying alone have turned her into the mindset of "it's my turn now" If she gets OP's reaction from enough people, it might change her mindset again. OR she was like this all the time but kept it hidden because of her outward appearance ??? She needs therapy

[@rachaelautera5150]

1st story reminds me of my own mom. My entire life has been defined by her control over me and I feel like she only ever saw me as an extension of her. She was verbally and mentally abusive, and when she escalated it to physical two years ago, I finally cut her out of my life and haven’t looked back. My mental state is now better than ever, even though she constantly tries to force her way back into my life, although part of me thinks she’s only doing that as a way of putting on a show for her friends since her ‘loving mother’ act doesn’t work if her daughter won’t speak to her. I hope that OP will block her mom so she can’t text her or contact her in any way since those texts are clearly getting to her, and eventually cut her out entirely. You don’t owe any toxic people a relationship even if that person is your mom. You do owe it to yourself to heal and be happy.

[@sammidoneff]

The most common Star Wars references that men like to use are “Hello there” and “I know.” Neither of these is specific enough to automatically clue anyone in to the fact that they’re making a Star Wars reference. In the future, bring on the romance with specific and iconic lines such as “Only a Sith deals in absolutes,” or “But I was going to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters….” or even “Now THIS is podracing!”

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 1: OP's dad is an idiot! It doesn't take a lot of money to get mediation going in family court. If OP's dad has proof of her drug using, all he needs to do is go to court for full custody and have OP there to say she wants it because of her previous visits with her mother. OP could get a therapist and they could provide professional testimony to the fact that OP's estranged mother is toxic and forcing a relationship is not in OP's best interests. Plus, the mother hasn't been paying child support nor taking care of OP during her already provided visiting times. Ignoring the issue makes it worse because then there's no papertrail showing that OP's father is doing his due diligence. OP's estranged mother can use that against them as it is a bad faith behavior against the current custody agreement. OP's father must have avoidance anxiety and he is dropping the ball here. OP is soon to be an adult, she should start stepping up to fix this situation.

[@101Mant]

The father is more concerned about not having the bother of doing something than protecting his daughter. He should have got the custody agreement revise years ago and gone after child support.

[@cmsxcb]

Story 1: Stop making excuses and tell her to screw off. Tell her the truth - that you don't want to see her ever again and she is too toxic to be ever allowed into your life, either now or in the future. Tell her that this is YOUR choice, so badgering and threatening your father WILL NOT WORK! Tell her she is free to sue YOU and see how far that gets her, particularly once you turn 18.

[@Gingerycarrotkitten]

I will say one thing.....There is no such thing as the "friend zone".

[@maddy8328]

So the housekeeper isn't a nanny. and OP says she cleans after the daughter. She cleans up your daughter's messes, not take care of her. She is working double at your in-laws, pay her fairly. Also one day off?? good lord. That woman needs a full weekend off.

[@hiroshock]

In story 1 I would still get a lawyer to make her stop for good

[@heatherweir8726]

Op in the first story knows that she's not the ah. She just wants permission to cut her mom off completely.

[@jonmendelson1104]

4:51 I understand what they mean, but the Grammar Nazi in me really hates when people say "No is a complete sentence." It's a sentence fragment.

[@morphinpink]

Maybe don't use that term if you want people to take what you say seriously lol

[@politereminder6284]

20:58 that person has never had househelp, clearly. 😅 They sound bitter.

[@Objective-Observer]

Toxic Mom- Ask your father so the two of you get a Restraining Order against her, and a Criminal Trespass for your home, against her. If she steps onto the property, she WILL be arrested. Just talking to her will not work. Ignoring her, won't work. Get the law involved, to protect you and your family.

[@madhatterine2805]

Story 2: Even if you do not get the joke... How does make "I know" one shallow? You did the work, you look good, you do not need to pretend that it suprises you that you look better than you did.

[@eldritchthorne]

Mom in story one is looking for a "bestie", I can tell you that right now. That's why she's trying to force herself in OP's life. OP is no longer a child who needs constant care. They're an adult, or close enough to it. They are also old enough to WORK which means Mama is looking for money too. OP doesn't have to give any reasons for not wanting to see their parent to be valid. They know why they don't want her around and that's all that matters.

[@jennilynne1977]

I hope everyone is having a great day/evening/night! Peace, hugs and love to you all!

[@BraveryWing26]

I REALLY hope OP tears her a new one if she doesnt get the hint and contacts her again.

[@Salariel1224]

First story, I listened long enough to catch that OP lives in the states. At 17 the mother doesn’t have a legal leg to stand on. In most states the minimum age of decision for children of divorced parents is as young as 11. At this point the mother is harassing OP. It may actually be possible to seek legal action for the harassment

[@MisterNightfish]

Tbh in story 1 I wouldn't even be surprised the mom actually believes the lies she told herself and the world. Some people are just like that and you need to stay far, far away from them. Just because she's technically family does not mean you owe her anything. Tell her to leave you alone and if that doesn't work, go the legal route, which will likely be necessary since people that do care about you take "no" for an answer, even if it is not the answer they want to hear.

[@hugoumero9723]

i think mom family is the one who cause a lot of some troubles and they are pretty horrible and abusive peoples

[@veezopolis]

Wait why tf do they have a HOUSEKEEPER to only clean after the 2 year old? A nanny can do all that, but if it's for the whole household, why are you sending her to another person's house as well

[@Simths7505]

That mother-in-law wanted two for one,as long as you are here you can do this and this.People like her think people like the babysitter should always be working and have no right to take it easy.

[@KaiserShield]

I'll never understand parents who abandon their kids and then try to slick back into their lives much later after others have raised them and all the hard work is done.

[@missamanda2703]

Tell your in laws they can pay her for cleaning their home if they want to work something out.

[@tracygardner6318]

I hate when people say it’s your mother you can’t treat her that way forgive etc especially after they have treated their son or daughter in the worst possible way, their whole life and are still doing it they don’t deserve a chance, because if they’re given one, they will just walk all over their kids again

[@moonyollie6977]

Story 1: You have no reason to justify yourself to her. Your reasons are your own, tell her "No." No other explanation needed.

[@rafertieslorekeeper5771]

Came on your channel by happenstance (I think it brought me here from one of those text story videos) and I'm so glad it did. All those videos were negative stories and while things in yours don't always turn out perfectly there are those that do and that is so refreshing!

[@natmickan]

Story 3 sounds to me like it’s from Singapore. I was shocked at what’s considered the cultural norm over there re: foreign expats getting nannies etc. in and the associated expectations.

[@sandrag3854]

Story 3: I am not familiar with live-in (or non) house cleaners duties and it seems so bizarre to me that they would have her go wherever the baby goes so that she can pick up after the child. OP admits in the update that where they live, there is poor treatment for house cleaners. I'm glad she is aware of this and breaks that system by treating everyone, no matter what their job is, as a human. It's not changing the world but it would change that person's world. 🙂

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

Read up on housekeepers in Singapore and Dubai. The conditions are brutal for immigrants who don't share ethnicity or religion in those areas. Lots of indentured servitude situations.

[@brigidtheirish]

Sounds like straight up classism and entitlement. My mom rented a room from her employer for a time in college. She was *clerical* staff, but the employer and his wife treated her like combination maid and nanny for *no* extra pay. This was in the US in the early '80s, by the way. Thankfully, it didn't last. She was dating Dad at the time and he *flipped* when he found out. So he rented an apartment, grabbed her and all her stuff, and moved her. With *strict* orders to *not* tell her employer where she was living, give the employer a key, or accept *any* take-home chores from them. May have been a bit overboard, and he told me that he was surprised that her parents still liked him after that, but it got her out of an abusive situation. Which is probably *why* Grandma and Grandpa still liked him after that.

[@immapotato1]

it's an asian thing. growing up here I know it's basically impossible for someone with a western upbringing to imagine how this stuff works lol.

[@ingegerdandersson6963]

What kind of cleaning equipment do they use? Mopping a floor is neither very heavy nor takes a very long time if you are not forced to remove a lot of things to access it. Does MIL not have running hot water? Is she forced to scrub while lying on her knees?

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

3:22 the way this aged so well because OP was completely right and not overreacting at all. It _did_ mutate and reinfection was completely possible. OP was NTA. Like that one comment later says “No is a complete sentence.”

[@hothotheat3000]

Bye “mom”. She knows the clock is ticking. Once OP hits 18, this woman has no say. That’s why she’s pushing it right now while OP is 17.

[@ukchanak]

It's creepy how similar the first OP is to me

[@barbaraartis4758]

In story 3, the husband needs to grow a pair and do what he knows is the right thing to do. They then must give the housekeeper more time off.

[@Captain1Hook]

Story 1: Mom wants to control whether she sees OP or not. Once OP took that control away by choosing not to have contact with Mom, Mom is trying to take that choice back from OP.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 2: I'm mostly on OP's side but the "I know" comment was barely a Star Wars reference and most people would think he was shallow or at least proud of his own "glow up."

[@TortoiseNotTurtle]

How is barely a StarWars reference though? It's literally one of Han Solo's most iconic lines and is used in the context of the original? It's a word-for-word reference that doesn't make any sense. It's as much of a reference as if I said, "Hello There", while yes it can be misinterpreted, it's quite known in more nerdy communities and especially through Star Wars references. Which it makes sense for him to assume given their background, also how would you think someone is shallow for saying I know? People should be allowed to have self confidence lol

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

@@TortoiseNotTurtle I’m a huge Star Wars and my first thought when I hear “I know” is not Star Wars. It’s literally one of the most common phrases in the English language and this isn’t even the full phrase, the complete phrase is “I love you.” / “I know.” Most people would understand it then but OP trying act like he wasn’t being deliberately blithe is at least annoying.

[@estelagaines2510]

She's almost 18, I'm sure the mom wants to leech off of her now that she's gonna start working

[@peggyseabrun4829]

OP you are old enough to state that you want no contact with your mother in a court of law.

[@legacyyt6714]

I feel for OP in the first story. I had a similar situation with my own mom. I held out hope that we could have a healthy relationship one day, but after a few months of LC (with her texts proving she hadn't changed at all) I gave up on that and cut her off. If you're in a similar situation, the best thing to do is cut the toxic people out of your life. It'll hurt, but trying to keep a relationship with a toxic person benefits nobody. They'll just continue to hurt you and nothing will change because they still have your attention. Don't light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

[@laynemartin7914]

The house keeper one... have the MIL come to your house... have the house keepers responsibilities clearly outlined and agreed upon... anything beyond that they call you...

[@albertgongora6944]

I just want to say this on the first story in all honesty Op needs to go completely full no contact with his mother because it doesn't matter how much she changes she's going to continuously fall back then get back up and continue this cycle of making it about her as long as she doesn't have a single person paying attention to her that's when she feels that it's important for her to change and fight for the better of herself instead of understanding that she should be doing that for the sake of not just yourself but the people she really should care about the most to do that for for those people to be her motivation but instead she chooses to make it all about herself

[@Asset80]

If my kid was being harassed by their other parent I'd go to court for them idc.

[@fhuber7507]

1... OP is justified not wanting that egg donar in their life.

[@tiffanykosbar8061]

For the weight loss story. I lost 80lbs a couple years ago she kept it off. I still have self esteem issues and even tho I'm a size 2 I still see myself as fat some days. But one thing I never and would never do is fat shame anyone ever!!! The guy is NOT the asshole she is. And good for him for seeing that when she changed physically she also changed her personality and for the worse. It didn't sound like she is all that happy with herself, maybe she should give up on staying "fit" and go back to being happy

[@markbigbadbear]

Story 1 is pretty easy after 30 seconds in. NO is a full answer. Especially if you're 17 years old. Get a restraining order on her. A permanent one if you can find a judge willing to listen to why you need one.

[@BloodyMoon1]

It's funny to me how in story 2, when she didn't want a relationship, it was fine, but when she did want him and he didn't want her, suddenly there's a problem and he's an asshole. Amazing how that works, isn't it?

[@SaruCharmed]

I don't understand how the "I know" comment is shallow or displays an attitude of only caring about looks, even without the reference. To me, it still reads as a silly joke, a hyperbole, pretending to be self absorbed as an exaggeration of self confidence.

[@amerlin388]

Story 1. If there is court ordered child support Mom hasn't paid, I would agree to a video chat if she pays the back child support she owes. Be prepared to bring up her lies, including the texts to Dad that OP was begging to visit with Mom. OP (and Dad?) live with her grandparents? Does Dad travel for work? I'd be concerned that OP is a danger to her high-risk grandparents.