My Suicide Story: Episode 6 - Mark's Story

Join author Mark Turnipseed as he details the events that contributed to his suicidal ideations and ultimately his attempts on his life, including being molested during his childhood years, his struggles with his sexuality, and his internal battle with his masculinity.
Music by Scott Buckley
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
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Created by Joe Massa. For more My Suicide Story material and behind the scenes footage, follow Joe on Instagram: @Joemassa

[@joeslattery2297]

You have no idea how much it meant to me to hear your story. I remember listening to this back in January when it first came out. That day I had been self isolating on a cold snowy day in my room. I had all the blinds closed, turned off all my technology to isolate myself from everyone and wanted so badly for it all to just end. I wished that I would just fall asleep and never wake up, because I hated life and myself even more. I have dealt with depression and suicidal ideation for years and I have been working on it over the past year. That day of isolation was so incredibly painful, but hearing your story helped me calm down. I can’t even fully put into words just how much I needed to hear a story like this, but from the bottom of my heart thank you so much for this Chanel and thank you so much for sharing.

[@DannyD-lr5yg]

Hey! Thinking of you, after reading your comment ❤️‍🩹 How are you now? I hope someday you look back at that “day of isolation,” and recognize it as the “day you forced yourself to feel ALL of your pain, so that you could begin to heal.” Think of it like lancing an infected boil/wound: horrendously painful, but necessary for healing.

[@joeslattery2297]

I appreciate that. It really is quite amazing what a year can do for someone.personally my depression has always just sorta been a reoccurring thing that I’ve had to deal with throughout my life. Though it is quite painful I can now recognize how it is something that I use to cope. It forces me to process my pain. I spent many years in my early twenties partying and avoiding figuring out with my life. A few years back in 2019 is when it first started for me and it has been reoccurring ever since, but I’ve gotten better at managing and understanding it. Since posting this I have taken medication that helps some, done therapy, forgiven my past self and currently working on liking myself more. I still have many difficult days where I would rather walk across broken glass than deal with life, but I’m really trying my best to work toward being comfortable letting myself be happy with the person I am while trying to focus on the things that make me happy instead of falling back into my anger and other unhealthy coping mechanisms. I like what you said about “feeling everything all at once”. I had a song for when I felt my lowest. It honestly felt like that end of my life, but I listed to the song everything I wanted by Billie Eilish. To me at the time the song at the time I first listened to it was me believing that I had a chance at the glimmer of hope that I could’ve accomplished happiness for myself, but I fucked up and it was too late. Now the song to me is me forgiving myself for that. So now every time I hear that song it’s a message for me to let go and realize it’s okay and that I’m always where I’m supposed to be. Thank you again for your concern, kind stranger.

[@carynmartin6053]

Thanks for sharing and sticking around to help others with your experience ❤🎉❤

[@lauramancini9377]

Hi - I hope you are doing ok. I could have written your post - I feel the same. Sending you love 💕

[@lauramancini9377]

@@DannyD-lr5yg Thank you. I needed to see this. I am going through it right now - your post helps :)

[@lifestyleschannel8508]

Just to add a little context to this emotional video. I have been a funeral director for four decades and have been involved in over a thousand (yes well over a thousand suicide funerals) to put things into context over 16 people every day (just in the U.K. alone take their own life) and trust arranging a funeral, conducting a funeral and even do a ‘chapel viewing’ (this is where the family members come to view a deceased in the chapel of rest at the funeral home) and these are the most difficult and testing funerals to be involved in. In fact only a week ago a suicide victim was laid to rest and the most upsetting thing is that suicide victims are very young. Please people if you are feeling suicidal then please just talk to someone after all nothing bad ever lasts forever and once you have passed away you are dead for a very long time.

[@glendagrant9042]

Don't say talk to someone. Most people do not want to hear it at all. Go to a hospital. Seek out professional help.

[@jenmorricone4014]

Mark, I hope you have an entire Minnie Mouse collection now. (Or whatever your inner child wants to have.) Thank you for having the courage to be YOU and to share yourself with the world and tell your truth. I hope you are greatly blessed and met by love unexpected and beyond imagination.

[@nithyaasree]

😢

[@nikhilsharma3563]

This is probably the best struggle story i have heard. Hope you are doing good mark! Hope you get all the happiness. Keep these videos coming!! They are really helping me!

[@karenkramer3760]

Glad you are still here

[@danielleohare3364]

I need to hear others stories. I need strength.

[@joyceyaffe1832]

Danielle,How kind of you to encourage the speaker. Hope you are feeling better and believe in yourself. Happy Spring

[@carynmartin6053]

I hope you're still ar😢to share your story and help others ❤

[@darcymarwick5434]

I have SI and need strength as well.

[@mrl1593]

Thanks for sharing your story Mark! Hope you're feeling better

[@RenaeLu-bd8rs]

Moral of Story- NO MATTER WHAT, BE YOUR TRUE, AUTHENTIC SELF.

[@Lemoncare]

? Yeah I’ll get right on it.

[@evianamorales]

Thank you for sharing your story Mark! ❤️

[@senecasweatt2973]

Thanks for sharing your story 🙏🏾

[@ShannynCampbell]

awww thank you so much for sharing this....wow

[@carynmartin6053]

I'm so glad you live to share your story! Thank you with all of my heart ♥ ❤

[@sherrifeather3003]

Thank you for sharing Mark and you are so worth loving and living. God loves you as you are ....period!

[@virginiasummer2619]

Thanks for this-

[@user-ns7se4vp9s]

This guy is incredible. I am so angry that he was told he couldn't get the stuffed animal he wanted. And he was told he was wrong. AND he was raped by his cousin. Mark was a PERFECT child and he was emotionally and sexually abused. I hope Mark is better now.

[@kevinpeeks3273]

My prayer for you is that you live what life you have left at peace. We are only here for an extremely short time. You have had so much pain and have done so much searching isn't it time to love the person you are and have some joy and self love. I wish you the best.❤

[@anatman6304]

Thank you Mark. Listening to you tell your story helped me tonight...I wish I had your strength. And i wish I had people to support me like you now do. But I don't.

[@bluefan651]

Everyone has a person. Reach out.

[@SamStone1964]

​@@bluefan651Not everyone has a person but yes a person feeling overwhelmed needs to reach out even if it's in the KZbin comments. That's a start.

[@ThiagoBaraldi]

Thank you for sharing ❤

[@oooops537]

Life ! What an enigma. Bless everyone of you, with great thoughts & imagination.

[@EricMHowardII-yh1rn]

Mr Mark please continue to open up your figurative heart talking about what happened to you wholeheartedly. Please reach out to others who care about you . There is help and hope in your community.

[@laurawdghe]

Thank you for sharing your story ❤️

[@wendyjones1422]

How sad hope your life is much better now

[@xxgarv069xx2]

man it kind of upsets me just how hard everything was for this simply because of what he was attracted to. This man is handsome, smart, a great talker, great person, yet he faced so much self hatred because of one miniscule part of who he is

[@jeaninecalderon121]

very handsome

[@nithyaasree]

😢

[@wendyjones1422]

It's good men can talk about there and women and children but uk services is awful that's why so many people are taking there own life

[@windwhisprz]

I am alone

[@SamStone1964]

Do you have access to a garden?

[@Keithinside]

The msn who came out of the closet he clnes off as he has had mental health issues sijce he was very young along w soke trauma. I have trauma and eoke mental health issues but its so hard to figure out. I wish all these people to grow and live from wirhin

[@Uncle-Smart-Alec]

But the question still remains. How much did the molestation and being dressed in woman's clothing etc...influence your choices in life?

[@robertablythe2124]

Do not do it you will have to relive it again in your next life

[@awpetersen5909]

Not proven

[@fulltaco15]

Honestly, you're too attractive. Keep going 💝

[@user-qk3sc8rq9r]

I had a therapist convince me to join AA after one of my attempts and this story reminds me a lot of the testimonials. All the pieces of the stories fit together just a little too well, with many rationalizations and the fault always on someone else. Aids broke in the very early 80's not 90's, if he was truly gay he would know that. This guy picked up a lot in group from other patients. As someone that's suffered with bi-polar he just makes me sad and pissed. No way you could used clothing pole in a closet, it wouldn't hold the weight and it's not tall enough. Just like AA the story becomes more and more grandiose. I don't believe a word of it, this guys a phony. Even the name is fake.

[@hollydaugherty2620]

AIDS became a crisis in the 80s and into the early 90s depending on your location. You have serious problems to be critiquing the details of someone trying to share their suicide stories to spread awareness and make people feel like they aren't alone. You think this man is lying about just being gay? Get real. And get fcked.

[@themeaningoflifeexpert]

The gay guy always has the longest interview 😂

[@hollydaugherty2620]

Yay stereotypes

[@laraoneal7284]

Satan is a liar and is the author of confusion.

[@lisashreve3937]

Thanks you for sharing it may save one young man exceptionally kindergarten spirit close to my heartand soul thankyou your brave and worthy may the creator lessen whatever made you feel this way and you come to some peaceful resolution within bro