Narcissistic Mother - Role Play - 3 Versions

[@camkistler]

When I told my mother I had Multiple Sclerosis, she was so upset and said, “Imagine if your daughter had just told you she had MS!” She cried for herself and wanted comfort from me about it. That’s narcissism for you.

[@clusterbungle]

I totally sympathise on this. I was diagnosed with MS almost 6 years ago and my mum STILL makes it all about her. I recently got a letter to schedule my neurologist appointment for next year, which my parents drive me to as I can't drive. Her first comment was how it was going to be boring for her to sit around waiting for my appointment to end (because being poked and prodded is obviously super fun for me!). She also constantly invalidates my symptoms. I have awful fatigue, insomnia, pain etc, and she either doesn't care or turns it around to herself and how she's super tired all the time too (Not. The. Same!). I'm sorry that rant just came spilling out. Wishing you all the best x

[@camkistler]

@@clusterbungle completely get it! Oh the two together are torturous at times. MS is EXACTLY like old age you know.

[@savannarenee6048]

Woooowww! Cancer "survivor" here with MAJOR complications resulting in rheumatoid arthritis, and signs of MS... My moms only issue is "You can NOT leave your kids with me" &&& totally uses MY HEALTH to make others feel sorry for her

[@ladylo-fi6979]

OMG. These people are amazing, aren't they? I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Yes, they want you to comfort them for a problem YOU have. It's all about them, no matter what.

[@karekorn78]

😳😢 That's horrible. So sorry.

[@azazellon]

My mom takes "standing up for myself" as "disobeying her"...

[@koobie83]

Yes! And to this day my parents think I was the worst kid ever once I decided to start standing up for myself. My sister never did. She just went and did what she wanted. My narcissistic mum would then whinge to ME to go parent my sister and keep an ‘eye’ on her. We’re 1 year apart!

[@azazellon]

@@koobie83 oof, I'm an only child so all my "bad" behavior just gets blamed on me or MY FRIENDS.

[@tinaperez7393]

Exactly. I'm just now learning how unassertive I tend to be because of my relationship with my narc parent. I'm just now learning to stand up for myself in life and it's interesting how draining I find it. Oh well. Just gotta keep practicing til I'm good at it.but also, lessen my exposure to people who I have to stand up to at all. 🤔

[@tinaperez7393]

@@koobie83 interesting. Same here. All hell broke loose when I started standing up for myself as a teen and that made me the "problem" child and my sister (1 year older) was "perfect" because somehow she did what she wanted without an argument. So weird trying to understand the family dynamics today (us kids are adults now).

[@azazellon]

@@tinaperez7393 same, I'm learning how to be less of a pushover but because of my same narc mother of course she takes it as me being a bitch haha xD

[@HeavyJ318]

Narcissistic mother's see their children as an extension of themselves rather than an individual being entitled to their own independent life.

[@TheCulturalCompass]

Oooo hit a nerve with this comment

[@alaurenfuentes]

Omg that's the perfect way to put it....your more like a human possessed by them rather than your own person with your own thoughts

[@maryjanemagee5410]

I had a therapist say that-exactly!

[@shabreidavis7790]

@Anne Hedonia NO!!!....u just miss your babies.....that's natural for a good mom.

[@Stringwar]

Absolutely, you better earn a good salary so she can tell all her friends.

[@leilap2495]

Healthy mom says “tell me more honey” and “honey I’m proud of you” and I’m like WHAT?! This is amazing! I want that!

[@anne-mariarothganger3093]

Yeah! And me: No way! That is really unrealistic! Haha. 🙂 - And then I thought again. 😭 (Don't worry, I'm fine.👌✨)

[@kattitude121]

Me too 😭

[@rebekahchappel1633]

I KNOW!! Me, too. Would love that experience just once. Right now I’m trying to learn to be the empowered child, but it’s hard. The guilt, shame, and apologizing is true.

[@SimplyShanice85]

i told my mother she never says she loves me or is proud of me here response...Yes I did I told you I cant wait for you to get your masters degree so I can put it on my wall and show everyone the hard work and sacrifices I made a single parent to help you accomplish your dreams". like WHAT!!!! that's not even close to the same thing.

[@jordynk2976]

They say honey? 😅😕

[@KJ-pu8dw]

Once you know your parent is narcissistic don’t have the conversation in the first place.

[@langyd4518]

yep. This is usually best except my mother would call me once a week. my one brother just doesn’t answer the phone. he is possibly smarter than I am. I feel like I would have to say something explaining why I’m going to not be available, need some space, but she would use that to attack me.

[@lucille1919]

K J Nearly busted a gut. At least I'm at a place now where I can laugh about comments like this most times. Thank God

[@SjofnBM1989]

Yup. Keep your personal life to yourself around the narc. We all learn it the hard way. They will use anything you confide in them as ammunition, just don't tell them anything and they can't use it against them.

[@merlejun7409]

@Alyssa Lopez same. But now knowing the way she treat me is toxic I'm so angry. Everytime she speaks to me I get so angry. Maybe it's my defense mechanism helping me out. For now Grey stone is the most helpful for me

[@sufehe]

@@langyd4518 I know how you feel! One shouldn't need to explain why not answering when someone calls. And then getting attacked and feeling like crap for not being available 24/7. Even though it can be super hard, it's even harder to cut contact. Hang in there! 🙏🏽

[@sassysandie2865]

“Give the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate your presence.”

[@sassysandie2865]

@Ramón Jurado Borrero works for me.

[@ChikiD]

This hit

[@Ashley-ro4xz]

I live with them sooooo

[@sassysandie2865]

@@Ashley-ro4xz move soon

[@tradingstar9176]

well said

[@eugeengelhardt5664]

The fact that the first roleplay doesn’t even seem weird to me is disturbing.

[@daretodreambedo4449]

It's only weird to me because I didn't know it was a thing (and now I do). I knew it felt off, but I didn't know why. This has been going on my entire life.

[@leanaosterle4019]

I didn't see an issue with the first one and i guess that's not good

[@cocool9445]

Same. This was me with my mom and my ex. Really fucked with my brain and still does. She was worried that it will make her family look bad in the town I’m from if I get a divorce. Its all about what other people think, not my feelings.

[@marieke.senseofbeing]

Omg, your reaction made me laugh so hard. Because i know exactly how you feel. I had the same reaction! But i'm so glad i finaly see it now. i had to laugh so hard in stead of feeling my pain i guess :-)

[@Starluxable]

Yup me too

[@LMB925]

The narcissistic mom will not let that interaction with the empowered child go. She’ll never forget it and make the child pay over and over.

[@87Mariposas]

I agree that’s hard

[@devlinfae]

Yeah. My NM never let go of anything, always bringing things up that happened years ago.

[@michelebooher5337]

yes yes yes

[@volkerd714]

To disagree with her is "not valuing" her as a person because you "don't value" her opinion, and then to set a boundary around what support looks like is probably "blatant disrespect" that justifies making an explicit point on withholding any future support. You can't win with these reactive people who live in projected toxicity.

[@eyeadoreava]

So true

[@Starluxable]

The healthy Mom talk made me cry, I wish my mom talked me like that

[@MR-kt1vx]

Right??😔 how comfortable would it be to know you have some one to go to about anything

[@miriamwilson3561]

Exactly. I tried asking my mom for help with my abusive older brother. She just wanted to put me on anxiety meds that wouldn’t help if my abuser lived with me.

[@lifeafterkings6315]

Me too =(

[@jennifersuzannebk5149]

My mother isn't involved in MY SEX LIFE

[@jennifersuzannebk5149]

Yuk

[@Plaidbeet]

Kid: *clearly states what he needs.* Narc mom: “I just don’t know what you want from me!!!” Damn.

[@maxxstrom]

I feel this so hard. I had a conversation with my mom recently where she waited until the last second to tell me that plans had changed. I told her in the future I'd appreciate it if she told me as soon as she knew that plans were changing so that I could be ready. Her response: "I don't know what you want from me". How do you get any clearer than that? They don't want to understand because that would require them to have to acknowledge they were at fault.

[@guntaf1349]

Yup, been there....

[@cetaceans4progress375]

Wow this is my mom it’s insane

[@Nana-wt5ek]

wow this is an exact fight i had this morning...

[@LiftingUrVeil-LUV]

That’s such a classic response

[@the_real_saulgoodman]

When I found out I had a very rare, untreatable autoimmune disease, I was devastated. I cried to my mom about it. Her response: “there’s other people out there who have it worse than you.”

[@bigNo13]

Maybe she did it to encourage you?

[@carlyyoung12]

I’m sorry that’s such an invalidating thing to say to someone. Autoimmune diseases are no joke, you had every right to feel upset when you got the diagnosis. The one person who should have had your back, did not!

[@Raminakai]

Yes, I have heard this. Apparently all those “other people” matter more than me.

[@TeaCup1940]

This is a typical response. Either she has or had it worse then you or other people suffer more then you, but your suffering is never enough to give you sone empathy or encouragement or love. You could be about to die that she would not care and say others had a much worse death than you.

[@taramoonshadow7260]

MANY TIMES, have I had the displeasure of hearing THIS! IT'S LIKE: walking for hours LOST in The Desert!

[@PrincessMicrowave]

This was so triggering to watch, especially the last one where he sets boundaries. The terror I have of setting boundaries with my mom is crippling. The reaction would be to blame me for hurting her, for not caring about her feelings, telling me I always overreact. One thing she accuses me of is always seeing everything in black and white. It's hard because I know she was raised by a horrible mother, and she's not ok herself.

[@prairieN]

You're wise to protect yourself and you know best how

[@objectsinlookingglass7898]

She's projecting bc she sees everything black and white

[@Daniel-yg7wh]

Yes this is 100% projection. She's actually the one who hurts you, doesn't care about your feelings, overreacts and sees everything in black and white.

[@amphibeingmcshpongletron5026]

@@Daniel-yg7wh My mom loves to use the phrase "you're just projecting!". It's kind of funny (and sometimes infuriating) due to the OVERWHELMING irony of it. She'll say that, but seems to not truly understand what projection actually means, or if she does, have the self awareness to realize that it's EXACTLY what SHE is doing. She tends to do this if we're drinking at a family event and she get's a bit too drunk and starts misbehaving. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I might look at her and ask if she's alright. She'll proclaim that she's fine and then ask if I'm alright. When I calmly say I'm good and it's no biggie, she just seems a little drunk and maybe she's had enough, she'll loudly say something like "What?! I'm not drunk! YOU'RE drunk! I think YOU'VE had enough! You're just projecting, sweetie!" Then the next day, she might go on about how drunk everyone else was the night before. Honestly, it's usually just kind of funny when this happens, however, it's an exaggerated example for how she tends to behave even while sober. My mom's a smart woman. She's perfectly capable of understanding logic, reasoning, and concepts like projection just fine...as long as it isn't related to something SHE did.

[@TazHall]

Once you weather the initial storm, it gets better. At least it did for me. I don't take any more of her sh*t. Had to learn healthy boundaries and actively enforce them.

[@htmih]

This video just made me realise that I was not crazy the whole time

[@styledbysilvia]

Me too

[@madelinedoyle3370]

Yes!

[@sassytoonsball-ruck58]

Same

[@Morlla234]

Omg my mother always made me feel like I was crazy. She literally said point blank to me that I was psychotic and there was something wrong with me

[@DimljenaRiba]

No you’re not crazy, that would be a shame for the family. Presumably it’s the “bad genes from you’re father” 😅 at least that was the explanation I got.

[@nataliesoo9269]

not gonna lie i almost cried at the second healthy mom, how i YEARN for that interaction with my mom

[@karekorn78]

💝

[@Bilbojack4]

Same for me. Like having a real mother :'''''''''-( Take care Natalie.

[@Eva_R966]

Me too! It is wild how much basic emotional support can seem worlds away with some parents

[@izzy6395]

I was interested to see that part. I've never seen it. I have no idea what that looks like (seriously). When I was raped by a stranger in college campus 15 years ago my mother asked if I did anything to deserve it and told the DA she was pretty sure I didnt make it all up (when she knew I had evidence in the form of medical records). I yearn for a healthy mom too. Keep holding on, Friend. We can always "adopt" a mom figure later in life. I believe in you and I'm cheering for you! Best wishes!

[@nataliesoo9269]

oh my gosh you guys are so nice! 🥺

[@kirstynschoeman1011]

My narcissistic mom can’t go that long without changing the conversation to her day lol

[@savannarenee6048]

Yeeeesss

[@ellabrooks4468]

Lol my ex use to do that too

[@ineedhoez]

Pahahah!!!!!!

[@Me-bd9iz]

Ditto friend. Ditto! Every call, every time. Never fails.

[@justasimpwithclass4244]

Yeah

[@kyoko029]

Me calling my mother after my ex husband had badly assaulted me and threatened to kick me out of the house. My mother: Oh please do not call the police, DON'T make a scene, imagine all the drama between families, so embarrassing. You just have to be patient with him, remember ALL of your mistakes... I need to go, it's breakfast time here and your dad is hungry. I'm making pancakes, and then I have to go shopping later today.

[@MuhammadAliGOAT]

WOW THE LAST PART HIT ME! THATS MY MOM! I CALL HER WANTING TO TALK AND SHE ENDS UP TALKING ABOUT HERSELF, TALKING DOWN TO ME.. THE MOMENT I CORRECT HER THAT NOBODY HAS EXPERIENCED SOME OF THE THINGS I HAVE SEEN WITH MY OWN EYES, SHE SAYS "I HAVE TO GO NOW, GOT TO GO TO THE SHOPS BYE!"

[@-astrangerontheinternet6687]

I’m glad he’s your ex now and you didn’t follow her horrible advice❤️

[@kathybarylski6944]

My mom's response - hide the gun and think about being more respectful to him. Unsaid, but she didn't like losing a good dance partner at weddings. I didn't listen to her, except the hide the gun part.

[@Mike-mt5yb]

So you didn't follow her and you are kicked out... Right

[@lahicks9773]

Mar Hoods, I know you not going to like what I am going to say and I am not saying it is right however; in order for our world to change i believe we have to look at all situations. First, let me say, I am so sorry that someone physically harmed you. Secondly, that your mother is so out of touch with her own feelings/ emotions and power that she could not be there for you. Thirdly, that type of reaction has been going on for a long time so it is going to take alot to change it. My grandma was abused and she was told, we don't talk about it, sweep it under the rug. When she married, her husband cheated, lied and was abusive to her and her children. Her mother told her, " you made your bed so lay in it." Grandma went to the priest and asked for help. He told her to go home and be a better wife so her husband would act better. Guess what my grandma did to my mom? The exact same thing. It is completely crazy. It has been going on for generations. My point is your mom probably comes from this generation and it has been pounded into her head to act right and not talk about it. I don't know if their generation has the ability to change, they are afraid. They have tied down all those feelings and emotions for their entire life. To acknowledge your pain or difficulties could open a volcano of her own buried pain. Let me just say, I am NOT saying this is right. I have went through this with my mother and needless to say, I don't think it will be healed. It has caused me great pain. I am working on healing that pain, it has helped me to understand how this behavior has transpired through the generations. I know it isn't about me. I am enough, just as you are enough. I promise you this is not about you and your worth. Your mother can't give you what she wasn't given, just the same as mine. We are changing a stagnant past and it can be difficult, but we can help each other through it. I hope you will advocate for yourself by finding safety away from your abuser and building a healthy tribe to support you. Sending you love and blessings ❤

[@maddiekain7728]

"I don't know what you want from me." Man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I could pay off my student loans.

[@themarriedcouple9924]

No worries.....Biden will make aaaaalllllllllll your debt go away!!! Psssh 😣

[@lozchai5421]

haha SAME I feel this comment ughhh

[@sugarfalls1]

It's good to know there are other ppl experiencing what you are. And some ppl take decades not to keep looking for support from people who are unable to give it and getting into relationships with emotionally unavailable people. I know I did! Habits can be hard to break but it's good when you recognize it.

[@lozchai5421]

@@sugarfalls1 I hear you on this! We grow up with the experiences & attitudes we are surrounded by.. however when we are older , we either become aware or stay in the same place & continue the cycle. My mum is BP with narcissist like traits, but its a hard one to unravel since BP can comes across as a narc. Bi polar people without treatment continue to get worse & dont see the other persons feelings they cannot even understand how to "put themselves in someone else's shoes" so their responses can be very "selfish" & narc like. This is a similar convo I would have with my mum re past toxic relationships. she would almost enjoy it & side with them. She LOVED the fact I would come to her wanting support because it would give her a chance to feel needed & loved (thats how she sees it) so NOW that im in a happy & healthy relationship fo 4 years, she cant handle it, she will try to make a fight from something 20 yrs ago or bring up some negative statement to create something .. she always asks me - so what problems are happening in your life, you never tell me about your stresses , worries or sadness" .. "I have none mum Im really happy these days we live a low key life working & enjoying each other company to grow old together" .. "OMG SURELY you have some issues? DONT U EVER FIGHT?" OMG LOZ YOU ARE SO NOT NORMAL" ... she will LITERLLY GET ANGRY because I have nothing negative, upsetting or unhappy to tell her.... I KNOW, it sounds crazy :( my mum refuses medication, wont accept her diagnosis ,... she is Bi polar & I swear is part narcissist ... I love her, but boundaries, its too much, toxic :(

[@jaimeerivera8217]

I’m so sorry you heard this - her loss x

[@Norahungary]

My mom is narcissistic, but she'd be happy if I broke up with my bf, because she doesn't want me to have any type of bond with anyone else but her. She keeps me absolutely isolated.

[@jennifersuzannebk5149]

Ya this video is mixed up!!

[@KastenBuleleng]

Yes. Control and jealousy is a big part of my NM

[@Norahungary]

I'd like to add that my mother also encourages my sister to control and abuse me. I am 24 years old but still was being guilt-tripped when I was on the way to have a sleepover at a guy's place (he was not my boyfriend). I received a text message from my sister saying "take care" with full of sad, crying emojis. I felt that my privacy had been "attacked". My sister also said once that she won't LET me marry a man she doesn't like. She thinks she is my 2nd mother... My mom is only worse. She makes me feel guilty and ashamed all the time and uses silent treatment if I don't obey her. They make me very suicidal, I sometimes have homicidal thoughts towards them. I really wanna escape but I feel that I'm unable to live alone.

[@IntoLightElle]

@@Norahungary You have likely been trained to think you are the opposite of how you are for these control mechanics as well. I'm willing to bet your natural instinct is in fact very independent and they were threatened by that early on and convinced you you were incompetent without them. Trust in your strength - I believe in you and your ability to create freedom.

[@Norahungary]

@@IntoLightElle ​Thank you so much, it means a lot!

[@kimroberts7006]

My mother is a narcissist on steroids. She knows absolutely nothing about me, nor is she remotely interested. Every conversation is turned into something about her and she can't even help it. I'm middle aged now and she's in her late 70s and it hasn't changed an inch. It is only recently that I recognized the damage this has done to my psyche. I wish I had realized that it was not a reflection on me decades ago.

[@karis3647]

"She knows nothing about me" yep! Outside of the date *she* had her first daughter, and the name she had picked out, she doesn't know me at all. However, she thinks she does. If you ask her to tell you about me, she would list off her perceptions of me. In other words, she would either tell you about the ideal daughter she wanted to bolster her image, or she would tell you about the flaws she saw for not fitting into her ideal daughter image.

[@JenniferEver]

@@karis3647 I have this issue with my sister. Every story she tells is so twisted and manipulated from the core of the truth of what happened. She always has a villain. She finds new novel people when she burns the bridges with her old friends. Anything she knows about me is only in relation to her joy or suffering. Any good thing that occurs in someone's life she will sabotage to twist and make herself the victim. It's like a constant state of victimhood, twisted narratives while she sits on a throne and looks down at everyone as lesser. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. For me it was like mourning a death, about 10 years ago.

[@karis3647]

@@JenniferEver I've cut my mother out of my life several times. This current run of no contact is just over 5 years. I understand the mourning. Realizing that relationship you yearn for isn't possible is like the death of that relationship. All I ever wanted from her is a mom. But she can't be that, so I just won't have the mom I need. Instead, I try to be the best mom I can.

[@karis3647]

@J Mc I've realized that no matter how many times I try, she's never going to see the damage she's done. Narcissists only see how others fit into their lives, now how they fit into others lives. The world revolves around them, therefore they are never wrong. It's the faults of others when a problem arises. After living with her growing up, I ended up marrying a narc. The way he treated me was normal to me. In my experience, that's just how people treated eachother. 8 years later I ended that marriage. I'm now happily remarried and astounded by what I allowed myself to subjected to all because that was what I was taught love looked like. Between him and my mom, I lived almost 30 years believing I was irreparably crazy. Turns out, I had PTSD from abuse (I've worked through most of it, the triggers aren't nearly as frequent) However, in my ex, my mom has found a kindred spirit. Someone with whom she can gossip about her 'mentally unstable' daughter. Someone who would agree with her that every problem in their lives are because of me... even though I have no contact with either in any way shape or form. So, in addition to seeing me through her own lens, she has someone telling her she's right about me. Therefore, she'll never change.

[@lizzie1897]

Kim, same here. I’m in my 70s and she’s in her 90s!. Hadn’t talked to her in awhile, needed a break. When I called her she talked about herself for 45 minutes and didn’t inquire about my (her) family. I had a grandchild for the first time! I’d become a grandparent and she’d become a great-gran but she had nothing to say about that or interest in sharing about the baby or the new parents. Because, she didn’t do it, she didn’t initiate it. Nothing outside her head happens.

[@kimberlysmith7311]

Sometimes a mother tries to pretend she is the healthy mom but secretly and deviously tries to sabotage the child

[@carlosgarza1701]

Definitely

[@SuperThalberg]

Story of my life!

[@pattycastillo8681]

I will give you thumbs up 100x!!!

[@pattycastillo8681]

Or tries to sabotage each child against one another too

[@madison__baylee]

Why?

[@pennyc7064]

Interesting video! Calling my mom about a problem was not even an option for me. I'd rather speak to a friend.

[@mightquinnable]

Penny C this

[@kimg3840]

Same here, I used 2 really be ashamed about it. Since becoming a parent and with age, I've become more aware.

[@thagirlbre]

GOON same

[@inge5627]

Me neither !!!!!

[@DEFACTO9]

Interesting. 1. Dad is clinical, banished him completely ( got that hate messages on answer machine). 2 then discovered mother treats me like a small child and I’m exhausted with duties, doesn’t talk to me about my feelings, was ill told her twice she hung up. 3. Seems I’m really good with boundaries, I sent them and she broke them all within 24 hours so now I’m estranged and in recovery. I feel free had enough of the duties but her narcissism is not overt it’s very subtle but it’s there enough for me to be here and estranged. Good video very helpful thank you

[@Lionforaday]

I'm a therapist, and this is just fantastic. Nothing drives things home like actual examples. This is wonderful.

[@mireilledavidson9427]

I agree. This was so spot on.

[@carfincap]

Others: “Why do you think I don’t love you!” “I was an excellent mother to you!” “You turned on me on X trip to FL when you were 12.” (My divorce is about her.) You’ve always been like this.” “I never said that!”

[@goxcrazii]

it is!!

[@rainbowheart940]

The role play is a good idea, but a lot of narcissistic mothers are much meaner and less reasonsble than this!

[@1631ss]

I've never seen anything like this. Role playing is a genius idea. So clarifying..My mom was LIKE THIS!!

[@artist2246]

The narc mom is spot on except add some anger and jealousy then you've got my mother👌 knowing you'll never have a good mother is so painful

[@nedalhassan36]

Same here you know it is painful

[@taschak3889]

It's fucking painful. It's also painful to know you will never have your childhood back.

[@judyl.761]

It is soo painful and devastating when you’re father is also severe narc. It destroyed me.

[@taramacphee9093]

I know it’s painful. You’re doing the right thing.

[@dawnwinkler8905]

Same here. Both parents. It has destroyed me.

[@cryingdove0]

This roleplay is amazing. Narcissistics are actually very charming and not always yelling but it is always about them. This is so validating.

[@giainto5564]

Mine yells and rages a lot. But only to me. The public thinks she’s so charming and outgoing. They won’t believe me unless they’ve been a close friend and finds out the truth.

[@saml642]

I just want to be the healthy mom. 😭 My son deserves the world, I'll never understand how my mom treated me the way she did.

[@christinaluna713]

Use what she taught you and your son will be lucky to have you as his mom. She taught you what NOT to do. My dad was a lot like this toxic mother & when I was raising my own child, I would often ask myself, “Ok, what would my dad do, right now?” And then I would do the opposite. My daughter grew up much stronger and healthier than I did.

[@teresahowick5197]

Just by the fact that you’re aware is already a big win. Just continue and you’ll be great

[@EssieSpring]

My childhood and the healing work I am doing is largely so that I can be a better mum for my son, than my own experience. Your son is lucky to have a mum who is so self aware and committed ❤️❤️

[@WeRNthisToGetHer]

I'm always so worried about becoming this to my own kids because of my mom. I try to be the 2nd example mom and be 3rd example of the adult child when I have to deal with my mom.

[@shereepfeiffer6356]

i wish i had of kept my kids away from my Mum. She undermined me and i didn't even realise it. ie. trying to teach a kids not to interrupt and she says to me, 'pay attention to your daughter she's trying to show you something', but i was talking and she knew she was to wait and listen to figure out if she should interrupt and when. making fun of you in front of your kids. bringing lollies and then saying you feed them only crap. the list goes on and on. my other 2 kids that had a matching narc/pers disorder are only just starting to question things. but they are pretty f'd in the head. one has bashed up men, pulled on handbrake at 80 k's. lots. the other married a narc (i think) who just didn't let me come over. only once for her tupperware party. didn't turn up for meeting in the park. then if i complain it's me laying guilt trips. argh!. run like hell.

[@dukediesel]

Man, I heard that a million times. “Your too sensitive.” I have PTSD when I hear this phrase and want to freak out. My mom is your classic narcissist, my sister was too. I’m well versed in this area that’s for sure.

[@cameronvadnais4388]

Right? I've been told I'm too sensitive too.

[@MuhammadAliGOAT]

fuck them all, positive energy only

[@wisecoconut5]

Not only was, and still am called "too sensative", my mother would often repond with "Don't freak out!" If I complained about her treatment of me or how my bother treated me. So, yeah, I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me for wanting basic respect and dignity at home.

[@cacatr4495]

Translation: Everyone is too sensitive for them, because they have no empathy or heart, while others do. They should be locked in a room together, to suffer their own abuse.

[@twism_2023]

Me too! And this was said most often when she was over-reacting to something I said (or didn’t say), or thought (or didn’t think)… I stopped talking to her several years ago and I literally couldn’t be happier!

[@michellenason9501]

Narcissist are all about themselves , have no real feelings & make you feel worse after talking to them .

[@justiny.4252]

They’re losers

[@atis9061]

Because it is all about them

[@nutsandbees]

The fact that you portrayed the narcissistic mother as someone more calm and passive-aggressive is actually very validating. She sounds nice and gentle and not at all what you'd typically expect from a narc mom. It's a lot more similar to my experience with my own mom. Thank you.

[@gloriarodriguez5308]

And when you decide to get healthy, they manage to go around telling everyone how you dont love them and how much that hurts them😳 If it wasn't for videos like this, I would still be feeling guilty for staying away from her. Thank you Thank you for sharing this content!!!!!!

[@thescapegoatclub]

Yes! Mine too.... how could I be so mean as to cut them off, when in fact they started by cutting me out, giving me the silent treatment as punishment for not toeing their line. I then realised the freedom it gave me when we weren’t in contact.... they then tried to suck me back in. I said I needed some space to consider our relationship and asked them to respect that. Their response was harassing me through multiple daily emails and phone calls. So I blocked their number and email address. I now have peace and I love it. Though I know they are badmouthing me to everyone who will listen.😕

[@MsJRose11]

God that is some truth that hurts

[@Lady_Dimysta]

This is my mom currently. She's attempting to engage my drunk paralegal aunt to "work on her(me)". My aunt accuses me of being in a cult. That I'm not the girl she knew. She never knew me because we were never around and I haven't physically seen her in 25yrs, mom and step-dad were military. All this because I don't talk to them anymore and haven't in 3-4years because I hit my breaking point. Then she pulls a pity party on FB about her "being dead to her(me)". And how she might just be soon.(something she's threatened to do over the years as a manipulation tactic) She can't understand how I feel peace when I am not in contact with her or her flying monkeys.

[@ccpr15]

Omg all of you are so accurate

[@cacatr4495]

Can you imagine how it was in the 1980's when there was no internet, and the word "narcissism" hadn't much been heard yet, when there was no explanation as to why these people were so crazy, and the old family values of "always standing by your family no matter what" were still in place? Around 1985, the realization first came into societal view, that there were times when a person would be wise to cease contact with their family (the term "going no-contact" was not yet heard.) But it was almost unthinkable, viewed as radical, perhaps viewed as limited to physical violence or addiction. But I knew in my heart from a very young age, that there was something VERY wrong with that person, that the whole "family" (it sure didn't feel like a true family) was broken in a very serious way, that did include meanness, at times violence, and lying (what is now called "gaslighting.") After they lied again in 1987 over something serious, I knew they were not in Reality, and I chose Truth/Reality, and that summer, decided that I would soon separate myself from them by ceasing contact. That fall, I moved away without a word to another city and began to process the truth. It was a hard journey, a journey alone, but I was very fortunate to separate myself when I did, both in terms of my age (then 26) and their worsening condition. Imagine how much worse and severe things would have been if I hadn't left them for another 30 years? I'm so glad I separated myself; it was an extremely good decision.

[@CathTheGinger]

Me: I'm so happy with my boyfriend, living together has been so smooth My mom: that's good to hear, you can be SO difficult to stand

[@saffron1996]

this is too relatable

[@cdo8994]

It sounds familiar to my conversation with mom 🙄

[@missyelliot6237]

I got in a fight with my ex once, and I was talking to my mom about it, I didn’t know she was a narc then, and he was my first boyfriend, I trusted her when she told me - “You better be nice to that boy - no one else is gonna put up with your shit.” Believed that for years.

[@paularichter9676]

Yesss! My Mom always telling me how difficult I am to live with. I told my husband when he met her "She's going to compliment you while throwing me under the bus" when they met she did exactly what I said. she told him what a great guy he was and was so happy he could put up with me ....started triangulation immediately.

[@basedlotus6634]

My mom: “I hope your bf didn’t call you b*^h like mine” like what??? Random text ??

[@MOON-pe4jm]

This sounds exactly like my mom. It's been like this for 26 years and I'm just realizing now that this isnt 'normal'.

[@safiraalyad3483]

Me too.. are you doing okay?

[@TheAnnaKarpinska]

Same

[@joshforest4051]

I feel you I'm 27 and it feels like no matter what I do I never get ANY support from her. Same with my dad I really wish I could have a relationship with them but its impossible.

[@sufehe]

❤️❤️ feel your pain

[@pamelabarilone811]

Me too and I’m in my50s

[@GradKat]

“Unsupported, not seen, blamed and criticised”. My relationship with my mom described to a T!! If ever I raised an issue that she didn’t like, she would immediately call my father to “back her up”. Which, to his discredit, he always did, no matter how irrational her behaviour.

[@alessandracerrone7309]

my mom always says “you’re my child i know you better than everyone” and stuff like that it’s exhausting

[@heather5926]

😶 but they should, no? Not that she should use that to be manipulative though. Yikes

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

@@heather5926 Why should she?

[@allisond5669]

That's very painful like you have no one else that cares about you. In addition I hear no one else will ever love you as much as I do. Vomit.

[@Brumbasse22]

Ditto. And "Get into your little head and do X/as I say)". She also told me she thinks I have bi-polar (without having any education or knowing anything about the disorder) because I was sad and going through a break-up. When we're having an argument, she will deny stuff she said previously in the conversation ("I know myself and I would never say that!"). She will endlessly sympathize with my ex'es and be distant when I try to explain my side as if it's complete nonsense to listen to.

[@LoveLara]

Lorie, my narc mother, would usually say the words “you’re acting like a demon. Where’s my Angel Lara?” I soon realized “Angel Lara” was whenever I bit my tongue and let her yell and hit me. After I moved out and stopped taking her “advice”, I would hear her tell me “it’s like I don’t even know you anymore”. No Lorie. You are just getting to know the me I wasn’t allowed to be while living under your roof.

[@sarahamed4712]

I’m reading the comments section and it amazes me how exactly our mothers react to us using almost the same exact words!!!!! The worst part that they feel like they are the victims 🙄

[@DarthFurie]

Narcissists love to think they're special, what's hilarious is that they all are making moves from the EXACT same playbook. It's mindboggling how cookie cutter they are

[@tigistzoptimistic4768]

Also, I noticed the children of narcissistic parents get in a relationship where their partner is abusive. Which is sad to me but also interesting. I wonder if it is because the victims believe they don’t deserve better or it is subconsciously they are attracted to these people. Just curious.

[@luisapaza317]

I don't really know if this is so much related to narcissism per se (or I presume it is) although my father I'm sure doesn't have narcissistic disorder. It goes, that I had a conflict with him. We went for a walk to the mall; because of some bullshit he had been upset with my mother, therefore with us (that's how it works for him). When we arrived at the mall, we (my mother, my sister and I) got out of the car and started to look at the first stores, it turns out that my father had left because of that crazy annoyance (the exit was with us the two sons, my mother had little or nothing to do with it, the problem is that he left us stranded in the mall). Sorry if I seem a bit repetitive but well, not being validated in a big part of your life takes its toll. Now it happens that because I have claimed that this is another act of abuse and violence, and with good reason eh! I am the one to blame for starting to have a bad relationship with my father (of course in the perspective of my conflictive father). And this has prolonged his annoyance. psst..... same shit that applies to my mother. If he has this kind of behavior and applies it without too much remorse I better stop caring.[...]. Slightly separate issue, which still bothers me, and I want to share, because it bothers. [...]As much as he didn't care about our pet's health until shortly before his condition had progressed to critical. Oh and boy did I have to beg for him to heed my claims. The inevitable happened, and when I complained about his lack of attention and concern for the health of our loyal pet companion all he did was redirect the blame to me or my mother, when he is the one with the near monopoly of power and money in the house (because I don't call this mess "home") and other negligence, day to day stuff, only now with unforgettable consequences. translating tool: Deepl

[@sallyomae9262]

I noticed how much more confident the son became, once he had his mother’s support. He sort of lit up. These are the people that have the confidence to go for the promotions at work. They confront their friends when they feel mistreated, they go for what they want, and are bold to refuse what they don’t. When they get it wrong, it doesn’t tarnish their self-image because they have a source of love and support. They feel safe, and no longer view all situations as a battle ground. It makes so much sense.

[@tanyafields5035]

You summed it up so perfectly

[@annapuczyowska8772]

Nicely said , but honestly not only those people go for it, to level up their life. I had none of that support and thinking of my family makes me feel guilty for even breathing but i make it a personal bet to push myself. I feel all kinds of anxiety, nausea, guilt when i ask for something that i actually deserve but man o man do i feel proud and geatefuk when i accomplish it.

[@Vaninasanta]

@@annapuczyowska8772Same here! I learned how to stand up for myself and fight for what I want and deserve, in spite of my narcissistic parents ; ) I do therapy sometimes and it also helps a lot. But I know a lot of people who have very supportive, loving and caring families who are egotistical and cowards, so it's not like a rule.

[@Imjustananimal]

"You always misinterpreted me!" Is something I hear from my mother everytime I confront her on what she says to me. It's always my fault for failing to understand

[@newworldastrology1102]

“You never listen” I always got, when I pointed out the contradictions and discrepancies. I listened. Very, very well.

[@hannahking1984]

As soon as I set boundries, she refuses to talk to me for months.

[@roseguber3240]

Lucky you...

[@perciousmatter7001]

Good for you ❤❤❤❤❤

[@gdarrietjones]

the silent treatment is a classic last-resort technique of a narcissistic bully, let them use that toxicity on themselves and get on with your life

[@Kalleesto]

This is called stonewalling and is one of the most vile of tactics. It is designed to stress you out and make you feel isolated and it often works. Try not to let it work and view it as a 'holiday' in which to organise your way out of living with her. Or if you're underage and have no other relatives that will take you in, use the time to get some peace. Learn meditation.

[@pausierraarias]

@@Kalleesto what do they pretend when they do that? And how can you respond to that to stop it?

[@michix1882]

If I'm in an empowered state, my birth mom goes silent because she knows she can't manipulate me. She just sits and listens with no commentary at all. Even when I cry, she just stares.

[@judyl.761]

I understand. My mom is happiest when I am very quiet and in a painful state. It’s heartbreaking and awful beyond words.

[@lemostjoyousrenegade]

She’s not well (mentally), Love. And she may be VERY jealous/ envious of you. My mum is the same. People have been saying to me (for decades), "Your mum must be so proud to be your mum...always saying to others, “I have an amazing, loving, very talented, beautiful and wonderful daughter." Others who have discernment have said, “She wants to be you." Stay strong 💪🏽, beautiful! It’s kind of hard to wrap one’s head around jealous, unsupportive mothers/parents. (I’ll claim 📃 ✍️ you as my niece or Daughter-in-Love...since I don’t have a niece or a daughter of my own). 💐These are for you. I got your back! Sending lots of Love ♥️to you (and a virtual hug 🤗), from San Francisco. 😘

[@TheCulturalCompass]

@@lemostjoyousrenegade I finally came to the conclusion that her jealousy was at the root of the behavior. Took me almost 50 yrs and tons of slave labor for her bizs

[@cedrique9175]

Yeah, the stare while I`m crying. Blank stare. I remember her doing that when I was 7, and recently too saw it AGAIN. What`s up with that? No hug, no comforting words, nada...

[@tbear1111]

@@cedrique9175 she’s unsure how to deal with you because she lacks empathy or the ability to nurture or relate in a healthy way. You are worthy of being held, heard and supported. I’m sorry she’s been unable. I hope you’ve found others in your life who are. 🙏🏼💜

[@mangoteaplus468]

I find it so hard to believe the 2nd mom exists 😢 That's was so wholesome

[@mommabearcrimelifehaleighc585]

That second mom exists it’s me that did years of therapy not to be my mom

[@genevieveponce9634]

Many days I feel the same way

[@IT-zx5jc]

"I hate to say this - but I told you so" was what my mom said when my husband walked out on me. I also sense that she is a tiny bit happy when I go through a crisis. It may be a feeling and I may be wrong.... But listening to the supportive mom in this clip actually brought tears to my eyes. How I wish I could get this kind of support, that would be wonderful.

[@niaravailaisaac]

Yes it really does hurt! I have both parents to deal with my mom is cold and distant and my dad is completely self-absorbed! I feel and have always felt abandoned by them!

[@sarahstrong7174]

My mother seemed to enjoy it when I was struggling. I had to hide it. I had to strictly control any contact with her.

[@prittyugly86]

When I was I high school the therapist I was seeing in school asked me if I thought maybe my mom was happy when something bad happened to me, it's called shandy freud, not sure on spelling. That was over 15 years ago and he knew what was happening, I didn't find out until a few years ago.

[@IT-zx5jc]

@@prittyugly86 interesting, dont know what that term is. But what narcissists thrive on is emotional action, so if there is something going on emotional in someone elses life, like pain they get excited. Also a mother who finds meaning in "helping" their children and has no capability of thinking about herself and her own problems can be a bit glad to be "needed". So for example if you only call her when you are going through tough times it means she is "useful" but then she never hears from you when all is good well it makes her fell left out and almost wishing for some feedback, that she is still a "good mom". This is of course sick but it does not necessarily mean they are like evil more that their life is rather messed up. Remember your mum is also the fruit of her upbringing so she may be messed up and unable to be a proper mother to you because of her conditioning from childhood. What I have learned to do is to expect nothing. Just take her for what she is and try to enjoy it if possible. She wont support me, that is not who she is, she is not able to. If she does support me verbally I try not to get overexcited and imagine she has changed.

[@wascawywabbit0987]

@@prittyugly86 From Google: What is an example of schadenfreude? Schadenfreude is defined as feeling happy when something goes wrong for someone. An example of schadenfreude is smiling when you find out that your ex-boyfriend's house burnt down. Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. Malicious enjoyment derived from observing someone else's misfortune.

[@riverdahlia]

When I tell my mother that she's invalidating me and I need her to listen to her daughter, she tells me I'm emotionally abusing her by saying those things to her. It's a never ending circus dance trying to have a conversation about anything at all.

[@007nadineL]

So gd true man .

[@teresahowick5197]

She’s gaslighting you. Don’t let her do that. You don’t deserve that

[@amandajensen4966]

Sooo reealll The victim complex is something else

[@Marciusha]

Some mothers receive no boundaries and every discussion like thus gets us upset and guilty that we even tried to say a word to them while they are our "mothers", how dare we?

[@WeRNthisToGetHer]

Same. Every time I try to set boundaries with her or ask for her to just listen to me and/or respect my decisions and boundaries I end up somehow feeling guilty for it. She won't own up to her part in any problem unless she has no way to deny it and then she throws her hands up as the martyr and says, " Fine, it's all my fault. Everything is my fault. I'm just a complete failure as a mother and won't try to do anything anymore." It's either/ or. There's no inbetween or compromise. It's all going to be her way or no way. Period. She can criticize me all day And it's mothering but if I bring up anything she does that hurts or upsets me I'm an ungrateful rebellious child. And if I come up with a solution or make a decision for my own problems of any kind it's automatically viewed with suspicions or outright dismissed as wrong.

[@grapeypear4558]

I can’t trust my mom with anything that’s important to me... she uses it against me in really subtle and manipulative ways which makes me second guess whether or not I’m overreacting. Right now I’ve gone about six months without talking to her and I want to try and reestablish a relationship with her using a more empowered approach. The part where you said “mom you just made everything about you while siding with my abusive girlfriend”. I’ve wanted to say something like this SO many times to her... but hearing it is so terrifying!!!! Is that the empowered way to talk to her then? I’m going to need to gather up some more courage...

[@Misses-Hippy]

If I gave my mother that feedback, she would accuse me of being judgemental.We just email about recipies, weather and pets - all very sanitized and safe; not very frequent..

[@Unfiltered_Hottakes]

Listen, I cut out my narc paedo mum 2 years ago. Don't invite her back in your life. This whole obsession over confronting her will never workout. She will not allow you to ever get the better of her. She is a psycho. Move on. Be happy. Ruin her by cutting off her narc supply. Then you'll have room to breathe and quit thinking about her ever again. It's truly healing when you can remove her from your mind.

[@lesliegann2737]

I'd be careful about that. I don't know how many times I've been with people (it doesn't stop at just my mother) in which I end up feeling triggered to some extent due to my core issues being reactivated of feeling unseen and unheard etc. I keep expecting myself to breeze through it. The problem is that no matter how "together" I may feel in my life beforehand, one of these events can temporarily knock it down like a house of cards. But you can measure progress if your triggering event gets less intense and doesn't last as long. There is also the advice to do 'grey rock' in which you don't emotionally react to anything while in their presence. This is good advice but you have to be careful not to sound too bored or robot-like because then they will pick up on it and start needling you. Other advice I've read is to: have some kind of purpose for the visit and try to keep the time limited. Also to have a good legit excuse to leave so that you don't have to stay in their company too long.

[@reneeberry2829]

Oh boy do I understand that Shelby Lynn you can't trust your mom with anything, If I told my mom anything she would tell the whole family, right in front of me if not as a joke to embarrass me to tears. OH my mom loved to humiliate me. Then act like whats wrong? I was only joking she would then say oh you're so sensitive.

[@melanieluft4955]

@@reneeberry2829 Yeah I got the same, mine would find letters of personal stuff I wrote then start quoting stuff and using It against me, spreading it over my desk, wouldn't leave me alone about it.

[@ameryrose143]

i never realized my mom has narcissistic tendencies until i found ur channel… our relationship is so strained… i love my mom but i feel on edge and irritated all the time when im around her. Ive become more empowered over the past few years and she interprets as me being selfish, grumpy, giving her attitude, ungrateful, always going against her, embarrassing her on social media etc.

[@lanicova9113]

Omg I feel u I feel the same

[@cara0405]

Same, except the social media part. Being educated & enlightened here, is so powerful for our own comprehension of others' behaviors. It truly helps us develope and in turn, foster healthy standards for our own life.

[@marchangel7462]

Keep giving the attitude. Scripture teaches parents to not provoke children to wrath. They get what they deserve.

[@ladylove34]

Same!!

[@safiraalyad3483]

It also doesn't help that in our culture parents are seen as these flawless people, that they can't be wrong which makes the children think that this kind of treatment is not wrong. Let's be strong fellas! We can try our best to not do the same thing to our children!

[@Babsza]

This is right ! They think just because they're older they ALWAYS know better but they don't and it's so patronising and belittling because they never trust your judgement or your reasons but consider the other person's feelings instead !!

[@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485]

Everyone in my family puts on a front that they are flawless but I know all their bs, fact is we are all screwed up

[@paulcurran6063]

Just go no contact. Seriously. After years of dealing with my paranoid narc mother and enabler father I've walked away for my own well being. There's no fixing these people. Serioulsy. There's no fixing these people.

[@Nokss87]

So true! They don't even need an explanation.

[@Ty-cr7pf]

Not a choice when ur 15

[@vixxcottage]

Paul I agree. Better to just walk away...I had to do this 26 years ago and dont regret it for 1 minute.

[@onedayatatime7022]

Same here, I have no relationship with my narcissistic dad, I even forget I have one.. as soon as I left that was it.. very interesting to see this... So important that I listen to my kids and put them first

[@irishcountrygirl78]

@@Ty-cr7pf so sorry, l left at 17, l was lucky though l had my boyfriend who is now my husband, he helped get me out, l had to put myself through college at night and we lived in a mobile home until we could get a mortgage, but l remember feeling helpless and wanting to get out of the abuse. Stay strong ❤️

[@koolbeans8292]

My narc mom on the phone. “Do ya talk wanna talk to yer dad?” Had my last phone conversation with both 4 years ago. They are 84/85. I was raised on silent treatment. My silent treatment now. They taught me so well.

[@billpetersen298]

Cool Beans, then you get the folks. Wondering about the horrible children, that don’t look after their ailing parents. (Without any context).

[@WeRNthisToGetHer]

@@billpetersen298 that sounds like something a narcissistic parent would say.

[@billpetersen298]

@@WeRNthisToGetHer Ungrateful little ........ Actually, what i meant. Was healthy relationship people, looking in at. Old people left on their own, in their senior years. Wondering, about the a-hole children. When it's really the old person, getting a fair deal.

[@luv2cook.]

Haven’t spoke to my mom in 20 years. We email but it’s always about her. In fact if nothing is going on in HER life she doesn’t write for years... I guess I was raised on the silent treatment too. Now that she’s almost 90 (and my sister just passed) she only has my bro to rely on as we moved away years ago. I tried to speak to her last year in regards to nasty letters my SIL sent. She pretended it didn’t happen. I concluded she’s either a narcissist or a narcissist who knew about the letters. Either way...🥶 someone else wrote: “Well there you go again, trying to buy donuts in the hardware store!” Perfect analogy.

[@leejay2418]

Good for you Kool Beans! Yes the classic Narc silent treatment. I'm glad you are out of it.

[@sparklingbananas]

Listening to the supportive mom segment made me tear up. That's all I've ever wanted... :(

[@taniapylypiv3323]

❤❤❤

[@rumberaladyv]

my mother used to tell me it's all in my head and that I am over reacting. never used to validate any of my feelings

[@GLesbihonest]

Yep! Heard that a lot growing up along with, "You're too sensitive."

[@TheCulturalCompass]

@@GLesbihonest you took the words right out of my mouth.

[@hermanman8235]

Red flag.over sensitive are also a sentence the NPD used to make healthy people doubt their sanity

[@hermanman8235]

@@GLesbihonest I think I am the only one got that barb on my ears.SPOT ON

[@sassysandie2865]

@@GLesbihonest me, too.

[@patriciasimons1873]

Spot on. Years ago when I first got married in my twenties it only lasted 2 years. I remember calling my mother devastated and crying and I told her that I thought my marriage was ending and the first words out of her mouth were, " Patty what did you do?" Whenever there was conflict in my life I was blamed. I am happily remarried to a wonderful guy. I started setting boundaries with my mother and she is no longer in my life, and that was four years ago. Here were the boundaries that I set: 1. I said this relationship can't be entirely on her terms. 2. Not everything is my fault.3. There has to be some apologies. 4. And that there had to be some boundaries. I never heard from her again.

[@Misses-Hippy]

Good example showing the nobel value you wanted to place on your relationship wth mom, and how little mom cared to save your relationship with her. We are highly disposable.

[@langyd4518]

I’m sorry for your loss, that must be so hard.

[@Lena1997berry]

So proud of you! I’m 22 and discovering my mother is the same, thank you for writing down your boundaries! You’re not alone ❤️

[@olglory4648]

I am trying to do anything I can to get myself into a situation where I can do the same. Due to health issues, no car because she sold it to pay for her vacation, and no light at the end of the tunnel, it’s starting to get really hard to make through the day without considering an extended prison sentence as a sound and viable option

[@missisland1925]

Can relate , no matter how much evidence I had that my husband was abusive she always thought the world or him and that I must be the problem . She even took me home so she could 'teach me about being a good wife'. So glad he left anyway

[@Lichtersee]

Two weeks ago I was “the empowered child” and when my mom had to let out her anger again (on me obv) I just responded “go complain to the dog” and she later on called lots of people telling them that I ruin her and that she probably has heart problems because of me because I constantly make her angry and therefore her heart beats too fast.... bye

[@dvssss7372]

Same. My mom makes scenes and throws tantrums and when I call her out she claims I ruin the family and I cause all her heart issues. Don't fall for the b.s.

[@abbyxiong3931]

That's what mine does too! I had so many episodes in my life where I had little control of the situation. She results to calling me an idiot and hates that I have problems making her life so much more difficult.

[@Liminal_transcendance]

Sounds like a typical Asian mum 😂😂😂

[@rhondahoward8025]

Ah yes, the smear campaign afterwards.

[@mallen6035]

When my boyfriend physically abused me and my parents found out, my mom said she didn’t believe me and said I was exaggerating even though I had a broken rib and fractured face, even when I went to Emergency Room. That was devastating.

[@TheCulturalCompass]

Aye! I hope your life is better now.

[@mallen6035]

Yes thank you for the kind words.

[@loumarritt8223]

That should not be happening, ever. God bless you now and always 😌

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

Normal parents know, that the own children are not always right, but this would be a case, I would get physical against the abuser, I think.

[@lygiabird6988]

That's really heartbreaking to hear, you deserve to be loved and protected. Glad to hear you are doing better now ❤️

[@henryyaboy]

Wow, some of these lines are exactly what my mom says! She literally said tonight the "you've always been sensitive, and so I've just never known how to talk to you or approach you without you getting upset". And the "there you go again, misunderstanding me". She has said this to me so many times. It's like I am not misunderstanding you!! You are not listening to me!!

[@laimaiu]

Ohmygod SAME.

[@nutmaegspiceandeverythingnice]

Same

[@KastenBuleleng]

Yes heard this too...you are too sensitive, you are bit fat, liked u hair colour before, you are only using me, etc etc

[@runningsrage5895]

Yep I relate to all of those with my Narc mom.

[@contentomnivore]

Same! Narcs have an unwritten playbook.

[@whoosh_angel]

Did not officially recognize my mother as being narcissistic until watching this and remembering having this exact conversation with her that caused me to stay with an emotionally abusive boyfriend.

[@evangelicful]

"You're too sensitive.." Heard that one last night.😔

[@jax99888]

I hear that often too. Next time I'll say that she's the sensitive one for not being able to take things seriously. I'm pretty sure she will start yelling, but then that proves it to her ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don't care if she will not talk to me ever again after that.

[@lilithjesus7718]

My whole life Nichole K, this . Now I know I'm not only just a normal person but I am actually a "sensitive", and it's actually a really helpful thing. There's a free documentary on Amazon called SensItive... not sure if it's your cup o tea 🍵, but I found it pretty encouraging.

[@CN-dv9nj]

The dream of a nurturing mom died really hard hard death and apparently has resurective capacity. Have to stay on top of it.

[@CN-dv9nj]

Good job being the NM. Maybe be told me she sure hoped that I didn’t cross wires in this marriage since his family is powerful and church powers and they will really hurt you and me and dad . Five years later What mom meant was she was sure I could be gaslight and manipulated to think “my fault” after he broke my hand and gain favor w his parents. She told me haha I was lazy and just wanted to come home for a way out of work she didn’t believe he slaps me around and is screwing a friend. Mom and dad showed up in court for him his parents and pretended they were not at fault for my “bad behavior “ long suffering me. Evil evil people anyway. Thanks for the video

[@mcmag888]

Exactly what I'm realizing now is that same thing. Its hard to stay mindful of the fact that they're narcissistic when they are so good at hiding their true colors until they get your guard down.

[@greenbanana1001]

I wanted one all my life she was a heroin addict took heroin while pregnant with me and neglected and abused me I was then raised by my grandparents and to this day she still twists everything to make me the one in the wrong

[@loveoftruth88]

Agreed

[@margaretclark6636]

Mostly hurt 😂

[@moniquevanleeuwen6514]

Sounds like the ‘girlfriend’ is also a narcissist!

[@Kaibigan39]

No wonder the first mom likes her!

[@i.e.presents638]

Funny how that works! If we don’t teach our kids to have boundaries and stand up for themselves this is who they end up with

[@samryon3615]

Thats what i thought too

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

@urban kranjec Yes they really want to keep us in the same state of mind and status quo God forbid if we will grow, spread our wings and fly away.

[@S.C-]

Yea And A lot of kids end up in relationships with narcs that had narc parents

[@misskalinka]

This video is incredible. I'm 49, no contact with my narc mother and have been in therapy for 20+ years to undo her damage. I am amazed at content like this being so freely available to kids these days because when I was young, there was literally NOTHING. No support, no advice, nadda. If was was a teen or in my 20's and had access to this type of advice my life might have been completely different and I might have realised how f**ked she is much earlier in life.

[@Violavivi]

I’m in the third scenario!! That’s why I never tell my mom about my relationships because she always disagrees with everything I do

[@Shiasospiritual]

That’s what I experienced too

[@loism1965]

Your smart! I on the other hand would tell her everything only to realize that she was never suppotive but would put me down. Ufff....not good! She screwed up my life!

[@jgreen3602]

Well, are you giving your mother anything to go on? Are you learning from your mistakes? Or do you continue the same behavior time and time again.

[@Dreamland24.7]

The sad part is that my mom said to everybody that I don't have any experience just because I decided to not share my life with her... Is just not healthy

[@jaxymama]

Love the whole “You just made it all about you, Mom, and took the side of my abusive girlfriend no less!” Way to call that BS out in the moment. I’m usually too disappointed to shake it off and call out what’s happening. I’d love a script of empowered phrases to have on hand before getting on a phone call with N Mom.

[@brookeanne2700]

“Well I don’t know what to tell you” that made the hair on my back go up.

[@cameronvadnais4388]

I was pissed the whole time too. I was hoping I would find a comment expressing anger.

[@mericchan925]

Seriously. The timing, the intonation, the emotional display of frustration and disappointment combined with lack of empathy and invalidation/rejection of her son’s feelings ... I almost felt like I was hearing a recording of past conversations with my own maternal unit.

[@Viktor007]

Sounds like my mom, when I want to do something she gives me 100 reasons why I could fail.

[@happysparrow5929]

Wow it’s like you were literally channeling the spirit of my narcissistic parent. Spooky! That’s exactly how they sound. The chronic dismissiveness is completely demoralizing. The stories they tell themselves about what’s important are so offbase. 4 years no contact and it’s still not enough to escape the memory of how I was treated my entire life.

[@DevorahTafus]

Wow, that was just like my mother, except since it was about a breakup, she would secretly be excited about the prospect of me being unattached so she could get more control over me.

[@rad-guidance7]

Then there's the psycho warrior mother: "Mum, I think I have to break up with Kate" "Don't worry son. I'm on it, I know where she lives".

[@dinahsoar6982]

LOL...that's great...that'd be me if I thought she'd hurt my kid or if I didn't like her. There are no perfect parents. Not even close to being perfect parents.

[@brusselsprout5851]

Best comment award goes to RACHEL!

[@l.k.2337]

That actually sounds like a cool mother.

[@amphibeingmcshpongletron5026]

@@l.k.2337 As long as she will listen to you when you clearly state that you have it handled and you don't want her to do that because there's no need. I admire the willingness though lol. But, if she can't respect that and does it anyway, that's a whole other story. That's almost worse than a totally apathetic or unsupportive mom.

[@lightofall]

Lol oh no

[@uppitybee898]

That’s my mom she never had my back but I was expected to have hers. She never taught me anything about anything she expected me to somehow magically know things that needed to be taught and then treated me like there was something wrong with me for not knowing. When I was in an abusive marriage she always supported him and blamed me and said I needed him because I wasn’t capable of making it on my own. I have lived alone for many years while she jumps from one man to the next. The girlfriend you described sounds like the first man I shared a home with. He constantly went out to the bars and told me I was too sensitive about the mean things he said to me. He cheated on me with someone from the bar too. I think my mother being a narcissist scarred me into accepting attention from other narcissists because this became a pattern for me until I just gave up on men. I figured if that’s what I’m doomed to receive I would rather be alone.

[@jillianbennett380]

Ah wow...Im in my 40’s and have loads of memories of my parents telling me I was so sensitive (said as a put down) for years!!!! But how cool is it when you can turn this around. My sensitvity is what helps me in my work!!! Good vid thanks!!

[@_Heroar]

Jillian Bennett Thank YASHUA!

[@rayhill5767]

It’s narcissist code for you have needs and it’s going to make them acknowledge them and they don’t want to. They hope by calling you sensitive you will go away with your needs.

[@BeatsByClover]

It's called gas lighting.

[@hermanman8235]

Only a sensitive person can be called healthy people.insensitive zombie are rude.indiffrent . inefficient in doing work and to top it all off STUPID.they got short life span too.may GOD bless them so that they heal sooner before it's too late

[@jaquelinechavira7402]

What do you work as. I’ve always been told I am sensitive too

[@reemhell8083]

I don’t even have conversations with my mom if I told her anything she’ll use it against me. No matter what happened to me she will use it against me. Once I got fainted a few times because I was so sick and she took me to the hospital and after that she keeps repeating how she took care of me and she wishes that happens to me again yet she always repeats literally ” I’m the best mother”. when she got mad about anything she’ll remind me about the tough time I got through to put me down and try to makes me feel awful about my self. At this point I don’t have any feeling left for her. Not even hate or anger I feel just empty

[@aaronbrown8377]

When I was 17, my gallbladder started acting up. After 3 months of putting off a diagnosis (her idea) and another 3 waiting for a distant surgery date, I went to the emergency room. I was taken to the nearest large hospital and I spent a week completely miserable. I wasn't miserable because I was in pain, I was miserable because Mom forced me to be. She didn't want me smiling or acting happy at all for fear the doctors will think I'm faking my condition, even though they had already given me pain medication and verified the diagnosis with a number of tests. I spent a week bored, pissed, exhausted, and stuck in a room with my Dad and that rotten bitch that gave birth to me.

[@noeliajaime7656]

That's it. Not angry or sad,just...empty.

[@oceanalexandra2481]

Same here

[@BoolaBear]

Wow. The narcissistic mother sounded so calm and reasonable to me... My mother must be a complete and total lunatic. I'm not even sure what the word for my mom would be if this is all a "narcissist" is. My mom must be a demon straight out of hell. That "narcissist" is a cuddly baby bunny compared to my mom.

[@theadventuresofemily_]

Same lol

[@amiller9628]

Same here... went no contact in 2006 & have never looked back tho she still tries hoovering me through mutual friends - thanks dog our mutual friends have seen her treatment of me & stand up for me (I know this bc I’ve heard their conversations live when she’s been told I’m not around lol). Lately she’s been “wanting to see me now that she’s rapidly aging”. That bish doesn’t want to see ME - she’s wants HELP. And to that I say, “You should’ve really thought that through 30 years ago when you were constantly treating me like shiite!” Bc believe me - I WARNED HER WAY BACK THEN I WOULDN’T PISS ON HER TO PUT HER OUT IF SHE WAS ON FIRE - AND I MEANT IT!

[@007nadineL]

Oh boy

[@haydenwozere]

I know right!! I must have a really bad Mum if that's his example of a narcissistic parent. He was too kind and didn't make it about himself enough. My Mum would have made me feel worse and tell me that were both as bad for each other and tell me that I'll never find anyone because she has had a string of bad relationships. But again, he didn't make it about himself enough in any of the examples.

[@haydenwozere]

Also my mum never rings me to see how I am and makes no effort to see me or check on me. The only time she ever bothers with me is when her husband breaks up with her or vice versa. She will ring me wanting sympathy but then they resolve it the next day and I don't hear from her unless I call her and even then she is just nasty to me and tries to drag me down

[@racole1211]

I might not have the healthy Mom but the healthy Mom sounds like me when friends come to me to talk about their relationships. It helps validate that I'm not completely broken after a lifetime of abuse.

[@QCDoggies]

So insightful! Young people, please listen to his advice. Get help as soon as possible. You could end up spending decades in one abusive relationship after another if you don't!

[@guntaf1349]

This is so true, speaking from experience. Been in so many abusive relationships... But only after I recognized that my mom was a narcissist, i realised that my perception normal was screwed coz i knew nothing else. 2 year later after recognizing the abuse, i got married to a very wonderful man... And i am truly blessed, he accepted me with all my short comings and he has given me a safe space to heal, still in the process. But i worry for him coz i do feel like an emotional wreck and a burden on him.

[@Crystalw5523]

So true! I've really only had one healthy relationship when I was around 19 and the rest have been terrible. My current bf is good though but only because we both realized what we need to work on and are going to therapy (he has narcissistic parents as well it seems)

[@Jemppu]

"I'm supposed to anticipate everything she needs and wants without communicating anything to me." This is actually what most resembles my mom in these scenarios 👀

[@XxTinkerbellz]

Same! And the silent treatment 🙄 but weeks... Does that still count towards the narcissism?? 😅🤣

[@cacatr4495]

@@XxTinkerbellz Does that still count? Of course, it's a controlling, manipulative, punitive tactic.

[@karlanoriega5801]

I’ve always been called the sensitive one in the family (I’m the youngest) and I always get blamed for anything. Seeing the first scene of the narcissistic mother I couldn’t stop shaking my head with a smirk on my face because the more videos I watch the more it open my eyes to what my mother is. 28 years later I’m finally getting the confirmation that I needed for my child and young adult self. Shadow works is next,Thank you for this video it makes me feel less alone in this journey. ♥️

[@theartistnyc]

This made me almost cry and now I know I didn’t have parents :(

[@yashyashyashy]

Very hard relalisation to come to

[@LoveLara]

I am so sorry! My bio father left before I was out of the womb. I just discovered Lorie is a narcissistic mother as of April of 2020. The only real parent I had was Lorie’s mother, my gramma, and she passed away in 2018. Lorie even blames me for her death. It is the worst realization to have. Please be safe and take care of yourself. You deserve better.

[@meghnamehta7694]

Same. I didnt have parents either. The only silver lining is that it forced me to get therapy and take responsibility for my life, my finances, my health.

[@markflierl1624]

3:00 That isn't my mother. My mother was a yelling, screaming lunatic. When I was about 6, she used to scream at me that if I didn't learn to control my anger I would end up in prison. Interestingly, she was screaming at me when she said this.

[@ellahill6559]

At the top of their lungs no less!!

[@ellahill6559]

Sometime mine would say you'll land me in prison..or I could hit u harder but I don't want to go to jail over ur ass.. your not worth it lol

[@-Me-._.]

bruh when anyone would tell my mom she could go to jail for beating us she would laugh in my face specifically and say how they would take me away for being so bad that she had to beat me

[@ashtenchambliss284]

Yeah the projection goes so deep down for them. Lunatics. They can't see it's their anger, they've already disowned it and made it their kid's imaginary anger. No contact was the best decision I ever made.

[@ashtenchambliss284]

@Sienna Waters the entitlement! Mine was so similar. The coined phrase my mom would use was "loony bin." Damn, the number of times she told me I'd end up there! Tells me she's VERY nervous that she'll end up there.

[@reneec8292]

Patrick, thank you for this portrayal. It really is helpful to see this. I wish I'd had you and KZbin to watch and learn from when I was a young woman. This is a real wake up call and helps to shine the light on what bad behavior is. In my case, I could not go to my Mother (could not call her 'mom' that was too diminutive for her royal highness!) with a scenario like this. Her deal was that she owned me and that anyone who treated me badly had to deal with her. It was toxic but in a different way. I could not ask advice unless I was prepared to accept it, no matter how inappropriate it could be. She demanded lockstep obedience, even when I was an adult. Sadly, it was a relief when she died.

[@leahkeyworth1825]

I think I will feel relief after my mother dies. She was a very angry bitter person and blamed me for being born and destroying her life. She said she wanted to smother me to get rid of me as a baby by putting a pillow over my face.. She also told me to go kill myself when I was depressed! That was nothing to other things she did. My only concern is that if there is an after life then I may have to see her again. I really don't want to, that's my idea of hell. I feel nothing now for her; pity I guess. The sad thing is, on her death bed she won't see any problems with what she did or said to me, nor that she would ever want to see me again. If I died; I'm sure there would be a smirk on her face and no sadness. She told my brother how I repulsed her. OK fine but I know my worth now and I'm generally happy with a partner who loves me unconditionally.

[@reneec8292]

@@AK-gk6sd Grieve it as you see fit and let it go. Maybe that was her role... to give you the opportunity to forgive and move on. Yeah, I know. Easier said than done!

[@reneec8292]

@@leahkeyworth1825 Your mother sounds like a heartless person. I'm sorry. We all deserve to be loved and wanted. When she dies, you will find relief. Find relief now. You can grieve the mother you wished you'd had. You know, the perfect one on the TV shows! I grew up watching The Brady Bunch and Carol Brady was my spirit mother. She was there for me and taught me what I needed to know about good parenting. You will still feel bad when your mother dies, but you don't have to wait to accept the loss and move on.

[@leahkeyworth1825]

@@reneec8292 thankyou. Much appreciated your kind words. Take care x

[@sassysandie2865]

@@leahkeyworth1825 yes, I believe after their deaths it will be bittersweet. A relief coupled with guilt most likely. I’m sad for you and what she said to you is evil.

[@babymoon555]

I never told my mom about any relationship of mine, nor about how my heart was broken from the last one I had. This role play sums it up. My mom would definitely blame me for not being good enough for him. Then proceed to say that's what I get for not letting her help me find a man. So I just keep my mouth shut when it comes to her questions about relationships.

[@jem5789]

Anytime I’ve ever had a problem, my mother would always gloss over it, trivialize the issue and immediately start talking about herself. I just don’t bother anymore. Our relationship is very surface level now, as if I’m talking with a stranger. Oh well, such is life.

[@hpy2balive136]

This was closer to home than I thought it would be. I used to be called over sensitive by my Narc mother. When I got older it changed from sensitive to drama queen. Drama queen was the nickname used to dehumanize me and my mother had my siblings call me drama queen as well. I like how you made the girlfriend a narcissist too. Many people fall for partners with their parents' behavioral patterns. Awesome video.

[@ameliacrisp8482]

I was called the damsel in distress. I hear you.

[@emceleste]

Me: Contesting anything mother says in her “advice” Mother: “Well don’t ask for my advice if you’re not even going to listen to it! I’m just trying to help and if you don’t do as I say don’t come to me when you’ve screwed up and are upset! I always have to pick up everyone’s broken pieces and put them back together again and it’s not fair to me!”

[@rime.petrose]

My mom thinks that too, I would love to tell her "no one asked you to do that, I'm just asking for reasonable advice", but she'd get violent.

[@emceleste]

@@rime.petrose I’m so sorry to hear that! Any way you can get out of there?

[@rime.petrose]

@@emceleste yup! My parents are divorcing so me and my sis (she's a minor) can get away from her

[@emceleste]

@@rime.petrose I’m glad to hear it!! Both my parents are narcissists but my father in such a way that he only cares about himself so he just says fuck it all to whatever goes on around him, so he’s never had the guts to do like your dad. I’m so truly happy to hear that you’ll be able to get away!!

[@jessieperson]

Omg yes! It's sad because I can't even tell her I'm tired or sick without her doing this, too. It'll be: "Well I told you to buy those supplements so it's your own fault! Everyone always wants me to come save them! Oh mommy, I'm TIRED! Well, I'm tired too!" (keep in mind those supplements were from an MLM she didn't inform me of at first, which is why I didn't want to buy and support it)

[@Applefablestudio]

Sadly the first roleplay felt real... like something me or my sibling would be with our mother. She refuse to listen or turn the subject about her own experiences. I am always so unsure of myself or lack confidence that it's a comfort to know how to stand up for yourself. Thanks, this help explain more than a description.

[@Kikokrazyy]

Well, this was incredibly bittersweet. I realized over the past few years that my mom is a narcissist. It’s so hard and frustrating. You can’t talk about your feelings or complain about anything. It’s always about her. She never takes responsibility for anything. It hurts everyday knowing she will never be the mom I wish she was. I’ve had to accept that. There is no reasoning with the unreasonable. The most empowering thing is to cut her out of your life.

[@ellenjackson6832]

Wow! This is exactly my conversations with my mother!! I've struggled my whole with a narcissistic mother, I'm so grateful I have broken free. It has been the most difficult time and watching the video made me realize I am not alone!!!!

[@Bilbojack4]

Good luck to you ! It's so sad there are so many of us :'-(

[@LVN443724]

"I'm supposed to anticipate everything she wants and needs without telling me about it and I FEEL LIKE I'M FAILING A TEST EVERY DAY." Thank you for saying that! The narc in my life makes me feel that way but I never had the words to describe it to someone else. Thank you so much!

[@DarylAnnDeRoche]

This video makes a lot of sense. I hated talking on the phone with my mother; she didn't respect ANY boundaries, and guilted me into listening to her for hours on end. When I attempted to get off the phone politely, she would reprimand me for not listening or trying to avoid her.... (she needed to be "the one in control of the whole conversation") When I finally got the courage to say no more phone chats, she said it was ME who wouldn't let HER get off the phone - it was so confusing! Thankfully, I've been able to go full No Contact and after the guilt, feel relieved. Thank you Patrick for your straight forward videos.

[@kristiruna4914]

Mom--is that you? It's like you're channeling my deceased mother in this video. I'm 51 and finally understanding the effects that having a narcissistic mother have had on me. Your videos are so helpful and validating. Thank you!

[@1966wilky]

If I picked up the phone to tell my mother I was breaking up with someone abusive she'd say "I don't want to know about it" and then "you did this and that to me". There is no way I can have any conversations about myself let alone a healthy conversation full stop. I never see her on the rare occasions she rings me she'll use some innocent excuse to bait, provoke me, escalate the whole thing into a huge argument where I'm on the back foot defending myself, and then she'll get on the phone to the rest of the family and tell them I've just rang her and attacked her!

[@JyllChristy]

Yes! It’s like I look at her when I try to have a normal conversation about my life and she can’t respond, she’s disinterested? It’s almost like she’s had brain damage or trauma. You can’t ask her ANY questions either. It’s sad when I think about it... she has NO idea the way she is. Like a sick patient; she’s incapable...and I do love the other parts of her though. 💜

[@amycaitlyn1120]

One thing my long time therapist said to me about my narcissistic mother: Why do you keep going to the hardware store looking for milk? Like why are you beating your head against the wall? I had to change me. Like in the last example, form boundaries, protect myself. And if all else fails, you need to cut that toxicity out of your life.

[@ladylesleyannerowan9925]

Absolutely agree with you.

[@zanpsimer7685]

I see so many comments advising just don’t have the conversation in the first place. This is good advice. If it was that easy to chuck aside an entire life’s conditioning we’d all be doing it already - well, healed, whole.

[@AMonikaD]

"...I don't know what you want from me!!" Is all I ever heard from my narc mother when I empowered myself . I felt pity at some point - she really DIDN'T know how to love, me or anyone. She is been dead for over a decade now and I still have these awful feelings whenever I remember those moments. I loved her the most painful of loves - the one that's unreturned.

[@fiord7026]

That's so on point. My mum always used to make everything about her. I've just finally left my narcissistic partner because he makes me feel just the same.

[@yeetspageet420]

the first one is literally my grandma i feel so bad that my mom had to grow up with that but i'm also really proud of her for then being able to parent me and my siblings very well after she went through that

[@nomebear]

I used to joke that when I was an infant, my mother couldn't be bothered to warm up her breast milk.

[@reachingcoldmountainbeforeyou]

My mother loved to recount in a marytr's tone how my 1st words to her were, " nee me no ne"..."leave me alone" I Knew I was alone THEN, and didn't want her self-serving 'concern'

[@judyl.761]

My mom would never think of breast feeding. No way. She wanted nothing to do with being a mom.

[@ajrwilde14]

@@reachingcoldmountainbeforeyou wow that's a sign you were an intelligent child!

[@maysamay5441]

one year after my divorce, I actually had ask my mom to take my wedding picture from her living room photo collection. She stated that my ex-husband was part of our family and she liked him so much. So the polite question to follow my wish and remove the pic, turned into a demand!

[@ralfwashington1502]

Wow that's crazy.

[@GraceD127]

Yeah that sucks

[@dorothypettijohn6228]

My parents continued with a relationship with my exhusband for 20+ years. And you know they hated him before we were married. He was invited to every holiday at their house including with all my siblings, spouses, children. I asked that henotbe invited, the next time I arrived he was there again. I stopped going on holidays, still don't. As a typical divorced couple we had child visitation. Myparents asked me to change weekends with my ex so my kids could acompany my ex and parents to whatever the had planned. I have gone many years without speaking to my mother this time. I dont know if you ever heal from parents like this. Im 59. Eldest of 7. My parents are 80 and 85. Just as evil as ever.

[@sassysandie2865]

@@dorothypettijohn6228 well i think it depends on the circumstances of why we got divorced. If they have formed a bond with our ex then it’s not fair to ask them to not have a relationship with them unless they did something bad to cause the divorce. In my case my ex was an adulterer so I asked my family to cut ties with him. My brother had a hard time with it because he and my ex were birds of a feather. We aren’t close now because I felt he was disloyal to me. Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think I am. I try to walk in other peoples shoes but loyalty is important to me.

[@koobie83]

Omg! Yes!!! Before I got married to my ex husband, I was in a long term relationship with a very toxic boyfriend. My mum knew exactly why I left him. I was told by both of them they had no intention of cutting contact with him. They went to dinner with him. Encouraged him to try to win me over again. Allowed to come on a family holiday. It took them both so long to actually accept the relationship was over. It made me feel like I was bad for not getting their permission to break up with him. My narcissistic mother even told me she wasn’t ready to accept our relationship being over. Even though I never spoke to his parents again. It’s a joke.

[@ChristineExpressions]

Started crying as soon as the healthy mother started talking. Wow to have the ability to express vulnerability and have it accepted.

[@ch4lk250]

I really felt the “there you go again”, “you tend to get very sensitive” and the “it’s your choice” at the end to make you feel unsure after she’s told you all the bad things about your way of doing something.

[@Kuhoochandra]

So being empowered and setting boundaries basically means cutting ties n hanging up the phone in a way. There is technically no solution.

[@FredericKahler]

Yo'ure not giving yourself time for new options to appear out of the dust. Some of these actions seem permanent or too harsh, but they aren't like that at all. These are steps for moving away from always accepting negative feedback. Try to avoid being absolutist and finalizing. Good luck!

[@mandy9775]

As sad and unfortunate as it sounds it is the best option. I'm 33 and if it wasn't for my sisters I would've ghosted my mom 20 yrs ago. Job Core was big back then. For the past 10 yrs I see my maybe 2-3 times a year and I feel that's too much. But a permanent discard is something you have to be ready for. Time will show you

[@yunivoes]

@@mandy9775 Similar here, have a younger sister and brother & am 34. Christmas, Easter (around my birthday), my siblings‘ birthdays. Not hers, she is too good of a mother to be so selfish and celebrate her birth 🤣 I went no contact two years ago and it is like a wonder, I feel better every day. Things I thought were impossible are happening, I am a superhero. So are you and all other survivors of abusive people. We are strong enough to be kind!

[@silvialuna8938]

Fantastic video Patrick. I am sure you are a great therapist as well as a hell of an actor! It's very clear when you explain it this way. Thank you!

[@ladylove34]

Lol! My mom's student loans just got forgiven, and my sister said, "yay, I guess that means I am free of that non-consentual cosigning agreement" 😅

[@sberrysmorgan]

Thank you, really appreciate this. If you aren't blessed with many emotionally healthy people in your family it can be very challenging to recognize when someone is crossing a line and this really helped me put things in perspective. It helped me feel better about the boundaries I've been trying to set with my mom. Unfortunately some people can't respect boundaries so it is what it is. Thanks for helping me feel more validated.

[@niaravailaisaac]

Good for you, your young and learning early! Always protect you, even against family!

[@NikoIsSleepless]

I think this is a really clever way to visualize these types of relationships! It really helps to understand how these dynamics work. It helped me to see how my own relationship with my mother works, she often first asks what I've done wrong whenever I have problems in my life, I never realized it was a narcissistic trait. . . .

[@TheCulturalCompass]

Me too!

[@kkibela]

Yes.. Same with me.

[@ST-yc7uj]

Codependents do it ,too..always feeling guilty about stuff in their and other people's lives and then they're trying to find faults in others in order to help them the same way they're trying to help themselves, by self-improvement.

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

I ask my what happened and what they said or did, too and then I say who is right or wrong in my opinion, but in a normal way, not in this judging sound. The own children are not always right, too. 🙂

[@gracebarber4496]

Narcissistic parents with mental health issues is a struggle with me. My mother has always minimized and belittled my ED saying it’s all in my head and that it isn’t as serious.

[@guntaf1349]

Hugs

[@xXdAyDrEaMsXx]

I feel that. I tried to tell my narcissistic parents too that I suffer from a variety of mental health issues (Depression, Anxiety, ADHD and possibly Bipolar Disorder), but my stepdad believes that I don't actually have mental illness, and my mom just gets mad at me bc I never tell her anything. I wonder why

[@athenasuperheldin1017]

I am so so sorry about this. My mom minimizes my pain and my accomplishments. Just absolutely EVERYTHING.