Narcissistic Parents: Things You Do Because of the Trauma They Caused

In this video I discuss Hidden Things You Do that people don't realize you because of Narcissistic Parent Childhood Trauma.
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For over 45 Years, Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC has helped 1000s of People in the Same Situation as You… As a family system and self-differentiation coach, he uses his knowledge to help clients permanently get unstuck from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships and build a true sense of self.
DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to substitute for professional counseling help. Be sure to consult a professional in helping you with these integrate and utilize these concepts.
🔥Access my FREE Training - "Build The REAL SELF You Were Never Allowed To Have!"
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[@jerrywise]

I invite you to join my upcoming ‘Scapegoat Recovery Workshop’ Move beyond the rejection, betrayal, shame & pain, and effectively refuse the harmful role moving forward. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/scapegoat-recovery-workshop/

[@florite007]

Sometimes it would be nice to get help but many of us can’t afford help. Myself I just need help getting out of this abusive situation first and being autistic and having had 50 years of abuse I find nobody cares. In Kanada they give no help to those like me even when diagnosed autistic! As an auric person I usually have to be careful what I eat and I am vegan now for that so the food thing is not that way for me but it’s true we tend to be more trying to please the others.

[@OU812Amp]

​@@florite007agree with you, just can't afford this guy. But really appreciate the YT videos

[@monicaperez2843]

Growing up, when I had conflict with someone, it was always my fault and they were always right. My parents never defended me.

[@user-nd6so7yg2y]

AS a child I wish I had a TEE SHIRT that said. " THAT'S ......NOT..... HOW YOU FEEL !! "

[@moimeme6533]

Or what’s worse, when they take the side of the other person, teacher, adult, friend etc

[@HeartFeltGesture]

Yes, same here, the bastards wanted us to feel unsupported and invalidated and to have self-doubt about our version of events. They did this just to continue the domination tactics and to use the opportunity of your injustice to double down on their own control. Im sure you can relate to infantilization tactics too? Infantilization - A tactic of the sinister covert narcissist parent treating you like a child regardless of your age, maturity, and life experience, condescending tones and unwarranted advice, scoffing at your ideas and opinions, invalidation and a general lack of support, a feeling like you have no-one in your corner. If you relay instances of injustice in your life they will always take the side of the abuser in the story, and make you feel like you are somehow in the wrong or simply lying about events to garner sympathy. Unkind scrutiny and shaming of your appearance, hair, clothing, the way you walk ("you walk like your father" (the one she hates), the way you talk etc This induces painful self-consciousness and a feeling of ugliness. Great damage done to your esteem and self-image. Its a torturing and crushing of your spirit. All of this done to uphold the parent/child power and domination dynamic. A refusal to acknowledge the scapegoated son or daughters life development, refusing to become equals who can be friends, the narcissist must always uphold the superior position to regulate their emotions and keep the hierarchy in place. The family scapegoat is supposed to be a f*ck-up by design, a loser, a struggler, so none of their achievements or developments can or will be acknowledged, because it will go against the covert narcissists narrative that the scapegoated person is inherently bad / flawed / unworthy / lacking intelligence / useless. And that is my mother, the covert narcissist, along with her subservient, weak and enabling husband (stepfather) and my two sisters, who are implicit in the abuse of the scapegoat because they pander to the covert narcissist mother and enabler stepfather, in order to keep their preferential position in the family hierarchy, as long as they are not the scapegoat, they are o.k with the whole toxic thing as it is.

[@druzilla6442]

I'm so sorry😞 My mother was like that, even blamed me for the bullying I was experiencing. "Maybe it's you there's something wrong with?" Who says that to their child? I'm actually not hers, I'm adopted. My dad always made excuses for her. All children deserve people loving and protecting them❤

[@bibblebubbleblue]

Oh yes! And when I tried to get advice from my mother after I had some sort of communication problem, she would answer something like: "Oh, you probably looked that way, and then he thought that you think xxx --- and that's why he reacted like that." And that reaction, based on imaginary mindreading, was of course always fully justified.

[@Kvinnie424]

They never defended me. Took the perpetrators side always. Even things like needing something for school was a sigh and so inconvenient to them. All while demanding undying loyalty and respect. Insane. Psychopaths.

[@mariadaquila7587]

As my narc Father would say, “Honor thy Mother and Father.” Impossible when they don’t honor you🙄. I told him he should really look into what that means.

[@NerdEagle90]

My dad still says this to me, despite me being in my 30s AND married

[@user-nd6so7yg2y]

y @NerdEagle90 Narc's HATE !! when you bring evidence to the table. IF,....you want him to STFU and never say it again then research the bible online because I heard a theologan say that this saying has an ommision to it.....The J.W. church is FAMOUS for taking Bible quotes out of context. The Bible apparently also say's HOLY BIBLE : " Ephesians 6:4 Parents are not to provoke their children " Our heavenly Father sets the example by publicly honoring His Son more than once (Matthew 3:17; 17:5). What does the Bible say about honoring children? “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him” Psalm 127:3. It's helping children love and live for Jesus. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; IF,.....he is a Narcisist ,.....he will 1) Ignore you and be busy and walk away. 2) He will say it doesn't mean that 3) he will laugh at you and ridicule you for being too " SENSITIVE " about his words or the Bible. EXPECT MANIPULATION ....I have to comend you for educating yourself about Narcs because you will meet a ton in the family and world but hopefully have a SLOW engagement of 5 years to avoid marrying one of these monsters. lol

[@HeartFeltGesture]

Honor thy Mother and Father.............unless they are narcissistic abusers.

[@missdonner1271]

the next verse.....fathers do not be exasperating your children.....

[@msbg8385]

​@missdonner1271 they forget this part of the scripture

[@ladanmohsenin3051]

My mother is a grandiose histrionic narcissist. She chose me as a scapegoat and destroyed my childhood, adolescence and youth. She is the most cruel and lying person I have ever met. In my 50s after my depression and with the help of a psychologist I was able to break up with her 

[@lordjim3109]

The worst part of it is that there is no way she will ever respect you: there is only abuse she has to offer. That`s all there is in her. And you so much wish there was some human side to her, hidden, waiting to be discovered. And there is none.

[@superjaded1738]

I broke up with mine too. The moment that I admitted to myself that she had been abusive it was over

[@persephonelove4680]

My narc dad died. There was a dark cloud lifted from my life.

[@theagillam]

My life exactly with my mom and I’m in my 50’s too. I love your line “so I broke up with her”. It’s brilliant and I’m going to be using it going forward :)

[@karendobbs8153]

I grew up in a family of narcissists, then went on to marry a narcissist. I’m beginning to think there are more narcissists than I ever knew. I didn’t even realize I grew up in a narcissistic home, until I started reading about narcissistic families, and it all fell into place. I was the scapegoat in my family of narcissists, the one who was blamed for things I wasn’t responsible for, and treated worse than my narcissistic siblings. No one wanted to listen to me, when I had anything to say, and when my siblings started an argument, and I said anything back, it was my fault. I was always the problem. My mom especially would get mad at me, even when she knew my siblings started the argument. My dad wasn’t quite as bad, but not much help either. He stayed out of it. No one ever defended me.

[@NANASplash]

My father was an abusive alcoholic narcissist and mom was paranoid schizophrenic. What a wild ride. My siblings have either committed suicide (2) or become drug abusers and ultimately schizophrenics (2) or are crippled by illness and depression (1) and are unable to live normal lives. I was the oldest, so every baby was mine as soon as they could move. Next baby was born when I was 20 months old. Every 2 years, another one. I didn’t think any of us would live to grow up.

[@NANASplash]

@Sonieta03. Thank you! I’m 71 now and have found coping strategies to help me manage through life. My siblings were unable to do so.

[@wearitlikeadiva]

My situation is a little different. My Mum showed narcissistic tendencies when I was a teen. She got worse and abused me for 40yrs (my whole adult life), I am 58yrs old and finally went NC in Feb 2023. Now I am processing through PTSD and trauma. I am also chronically ill with ME/CFS and learned that she has been keeping me chronically ill for that long from prolonged abuse and trauma. If you recognize it, get OUT, especially if your parent is abusive and turned your child or children against you, which my Mum did.

[@EmotionalAbuseSurvivors]

We are in a similar bolt my mom and dad emotionally abused me and invalidated me, I already had autism and adhd and they made the situation 20 times worse.. and was bullied in school and my dad always joked about bullying people when he was younger and bullied me.. mom and dad manipulated me like crazy....I had a horrible childhood.. teen years etc.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Sorry to hear that. Do the CFS stand for chronic fatigue syndrome? What does ME stand for? I am only asking because I have been dealing with things for the past two years. Doctors supposedly couldn't find what was causing this symptom that I have been dealing with. I feel as though this really got bad when I made up my mind to pull away from her and to live my own life.

[@OnlyOneName]

​@@ladennayoung2939what symptoms do you have? I started having unexplained symptoms in the same circumstances as yours. I was able to find a few answers and now improving, maybe I can help.

[@OnlyOneName]

My mom got worse with time too. The older I got, the more damage she caused. Apart from Jerry, I found some answers at Dr Kim Sage channel about borderline mother and her fear of abandonment. I hope it will be helpful to you too.

[@JuliaMcLean6559]

My mom started to get really ugly when I was 16. She was very competitive with me and my sister, she never wanted us to have anything better than what she had and she was always very flirty with our boyfriends. She always wanted them to pay attention to her. She always felt very confined as a wife and mother and told my sister and I we had too much freedom and she wished she had that freedom too. By the time I was 33 she had told me she didn’t love me and she has always made sure that I knew that she loved everyone else,, at 64 and 82 she still continues her narcissistic ways. She especially enjoys, putting me down in front of my grown children, She will blatantly lie about something and then, if she’s called on it, she will say I didn’t say that or I don’t remember that! She’s very sick mentally, I wish she would have got help years ago but of course she always said nothing was wrong with her. She doesn’t take responsibility for any of her actions. I only see her once a year and then I only go to visit my dad and brother. I usually feel physically sick when I know I’m going to have to see her. I wish my relationship with her was different. Despite everything I do love her.

[@joanneshank4927]

You were one of the first therapist I heard who helped me start to understand the crazy confusion of my family. I am still healing but I don’t feel crazy anymore and have found so much peace! Thank you Jerry!

[@EmotionalAbuseSurvivors]

Good to hear that you broke free from your narc family. I had a narc mom and dad so i know how you feel

[@carolnahigian9518]

Dear Dr Wise: my role was Caregiver of Mom ( by age 3!)+ Family scapeGoat. Thanks for enlightenment! God bless You!

[@aena5995]

And feeling paranoid that everyone is trying to one up us or has some kind of evil intentions towards us in one way or another constantly looking out for myself and feeling defensive all the time 😭

[@msbg8385]

I can definitely relate

[@GenerationX1984]

Narcissists have these same feelings. That's why they're so terrible.

[@FruityHachi]

it's not paranoia when it was proven time and time again that people indeed didn't have good intentions you can only really trust customer service staff since they're paid to help you and then they don't want anything from you

[@user-op6hm9tj5x]

That can be for other reasons

[@viajoseph4882]

My mother saved the hospital bill of when I was born, only to hand it to me in my 30!s “ Here, this is what you cost” (aggressively and resentfully) as she slammed the bill down on the table (always adding the drama)… Of course, hinting that I owed her that money. Which she would’ve gladly accepted btw. That’s her classic idea of ‘humor’ always at someone’s expense, somehow …and I wonder why I struggle with feelings of worthlessness…🙃 she probably thought she was being cute. It cut right through me. I found it so offensive I can’t quite put my finger on what it is about it that is so offensive but a deep knowing inside me knows that this is so wrong. … would’ve been nice if I had one giant bill of all the therapy she has cost me throughout my life and I could’ve countered and said boom - Well, this is what you ARE costing me!

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

I’m so sorry you had to endure that. My parents were not as direct like that and didn’t really track it back quite that far, but their sentiment toward me is still very much about “what all I cost them.” (And true to form, it’s usually expressed in dollars and cents). In all my musings, I really have considered such things tho. I’d bet the farm that if we were going to tally everything up, they’d be owing us on up into the millions. The way I look at it now tho is that you can’t even compare something like money to something like an in tact soul. What they took from us was precious. Rare. Priceless. Irreplaceable. And what we SUPPOSEDLY took from them was mere money…which isn’t special, rare, irreplaceable. So in the end, they DO very much owe us WAY more than we ever “owed” them (according to them). They’re just lucky we aren’t out to make them pay up all they owe us. They’re the ones who should be more grateful Bcuz all the money in the world cannot pay for what they took from me. Well at any rate, me thinking more along those lines really does help me push back so much on their bs about me “owing” them anything. It helps me get more accepting also of being able to better receive anything good in life that the universe brings my way. If any debt does exist tho…they are the ones who owe it, not us. Of course they’ll never pay us what is owed, but I do like to think that God, the universe etc sees that and maybe as per Karma and all that, we should expect on some cosmic level that it needs to be made up to us. I see it more like we are long overdue on some rewards seeing what all was taken from us and what all we had to endure. I’m not sure I’m totally correct but it does at least help me to consider that as being possible. Like I don’t ever try to “extract” what I feel would be “owed” to me from any person, but I DO feel like in an overall sense that I need to “demand”some justice or amends from the universe at least. It just makes sense to me Bcuz clearly we have some pretty catastrophic losses in life, and at what point do we get to see the ground shift in our favor…for a change? If I was going to wax biblical I guess I’d prob say something like…the ground still cries out with the blood of Abel….Bcuz where is any karmic justice for all these crimes against us? It’s not wrong or “greedy” to flip the script back where it ought to be or to insist and demand that wrongs somehow be righted. Of course they’ll never right all the wrongs, but perhaps someone or something bigger than us can finally tip the scales back to what is actually fair and just.

[@EmotionalAbuseSurvivors]

Wow sounds like your mom was a bit over the top. But don't feel bad mines wasn't far from it she use to whip me with the flat end of a knife.

[@dottiejohnson5812]

How AWFUL!!! God Bless you and give you HIS peace. Dot

[@johedges5946]

When I started work my dad said : "NOW you can pay us back!" All the words I have for that man would get me barred

[@EmotionalAbuseSurvivors]

@@johedges5946 understood

[@ellesutopia]

“You have too much closeness with a relationship that doesn’t call for that much closeness.” Wow!

[@tiffanyclark3341]

Right.. that one hit me that way too ❤

[@DHW256]

I wish this information was available when I was a child, a young adult, even at the beginning of my middle-age years. When I finally walked away from our narcissist mother, I thought her problem was "pathological envy", as she was relentlessly marginalizing, belittling, attacking my successes in front of family, friends, strangers, even the prosecutor who put Dad's killer away. She needed to be directly confronted about this. We needed her to be confronted about it. Instead, we were confronted as the root of all her problems.Life with Mom was absurd!

[@doasyoulikefawkes7127]

This is so close to reality, I'm a 60 years old survivor. So I can verify everything is like a description of me.👍

[@tiffanyclark3341]

37 an same , this whole video I’m going yep I remember learning that yep I definitely do that or when given a choice immediately yep I’m that one 🤦🏽‍♀️ BUT also I can see clearly how far I’ve really come over time ❤

[@etaokha4164]

I parent differently to how i was raised.

[@cindybrown9898]

i hate my parents and my sister. i dont see any of them. they are toxic and have always been. i highly reccomend cutting the ties

[@GenerationX1984]

You know how you can get revenge on them? Record their nasty entitled behavior, post it online, and then tell strangers on the internet that you've just exposed a Karen. 😂

[@GenerationX1984]

You don't have to target all of them at once. One at a time for the social media humiliation would be more effective.

[@juliaoconnor5798]

I can relate to a lot of this. What i'm really realizing at 57 is just how muvh it was ingrained in me to dismiss, minimize & even devalue myself that i was groomed & trained to do that from the ground up that i was taight to gaslight myself.

[@whynot5846]

Shoo! I did not realize my home as a child was narcissistic. Till I answered yes to all those traits. Thought I was only married to one. Makes me think what damage I have done to my kids.

[@DustBustersDuctCleaning]

I lost my mother when I was 4 to Cancer and had to grow up with my narcissistic father my whole life has been pain . Until now in my 30s I am now just starting to realize this . Thank you for all of your videos and everything you do !

[@candorablecando8093]

Thank you! Finally heard don’t use normal rules for abnormal behavior! There is such a conflict in me about loving and respecting my parents when they’ve done their best to put me down or invalidate me all my life. To have these answers is very freeing!! 🎉 My earnest wish for everyone struggling with this is freedom. If you’ve spent most of your life dealing with this, it can take up 90-100% of your energy! Enough. Learn and grow and love yourself. You matter. You are worthy of love. You have something to offer the world. ❤️

[@sockpuppet2415]

Always helpful to get a lesson on what’s really going on. Such a whirlwind of distortions I’m only sane when I’m alone.

[@EmotionalAbuseSurvivors]

i agree

[@victoriabillups3357]

My sentiment exactly

[@kathyjenkins1222]

After my narc. Parents died, my narc. Sis has picked up where they left off. I thought i would be rid of it....nope

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

It's OK to walk away from anyone and everyone bringing trauma and drama into your life.

[@greener9115]

You can say that again, NOPE I'VE had it from my mom to exes. Then when my daughter got married I taught I'll see some difference. NOPE son ln law a MF ing narcissist 2 there's always someone to pick it up. Then I. Cut everyone off and moved out renting a room 'daam the landlord is a narcissist. I literally give up.

[@littleshedevl]

Welp, I have had all of these. I still have issues feeling guilty about saying no to my mother but I’ve learned to just say it and stand by it. My life has been so different since I’ve started saying no to my mother

[@kandidarling9451]

Jerry thank you so much for sharing your insight. I'd like to hear more about sibling relationships when you've grown up with narcissistic parents and now have a golden child sibling who is also narcissistic. Thank you again!

[@EmotionalAbuseSurvivors]

You just gave me a inspiration for a new video to make on my channel... I grew up in this setting.. with my narc parents and my sibling

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

I also would say “institutional syndrome.” Idk what all the official terms are but it def reminds me of Red in the Shawshank Redemption movie. It’s like ok. So now I’m free. That’s great but little good it will do me if I don’t know what to do with it or how to somehow “transition.” It’s just hard for me right now to deal with being 55 and feeling so lost about who I really am and what I want to do with my life. I guess it does still have a lot to do with self trust and really just self knowledge. Self discovery. Lately I just feel like a lost cow at a new, foreign gate, and so I just pace around back and forth, wondering how to actually proceed. And it’s so much like food choice. And even that was a struggle for me when it came to meal planning. I’d sit there and try to think what to eat and it was such a struggle. I don’t have that problem when eating out as much but when trying to work it at home (of course to not waste so much money eating out) it could be utterly daunting at times. It’s like this sensory dullness. Hard to recognize when I’m hungry. Hard also to know what to do about it when you finally realize you are hungry and just make firm choices or try to plan ahead better. I’m getting better at that but it’s prob just the tip of the iceberg.

[@kdjourney51]

Overly thankful and appreciative- and the expectation out in the world of receiving such. CRINGE

[@wearitlikeadiva]

You are one of the best narcissists experts!

[@jds6964]

I had a blinder on till I was 59 years old that i did not understand what a narcissist my mom was and still is. So many things that she said and did as to me as a child growing up. Hopefully I will heal at some time from her abuse.

[@CultSuvivor101]

Thanks for this video, Jerry. So many really helpful points for me to discuss with my therapist and siblings. Many are also really applicable for cult recovery, which is really just a scaled up version of narcissistic relationship in many ways. Have time stamped your points and hope that’s helpful for your other viewers! 0:10 1. apologising more than you should have to 0:27 2. hesitating to say no 0:53 3. doubting your own perceptions and intuition 1:45 4. checking in constantly on how others feel about you but not checking on with self. Acute awareness of others feelings, but not of one’s own. 4:08 5. Picking up on micro signals of abandonment or displeasure of others. 4:41 6. Not taking the time too build trust. As much with self as others. Trust too easily or never at all. Wasn’t modeled or safe to learn how to trust safely and appropriately. 6:29 7. Problematic relationship with uncomfortable emotions. Low self regulation. Wasn’t ever modeled, so no way to learn. Repressed or totally uninhibited. 8:06 8. Using Normal rules for Abnormal relationships. 9:22 9. Or Abnormal rules for Normal relationships 10:06 10. Navigating relationships without self definition and 11. Boundaries (self definition) 11:37 12. Navigate relationships without a systems paradigm or wider perspective that would provide clarity.

[@its_Emilywoo]

My narcissistic mother used to hate my learned ‘no reaction to anything’ behaviour. Before I learned that she used to taunt me into self harming, scratching my face with my nails or self inflicted cigarette burn.

[@bannockbum9540]

I'm sorry this happened to you- I'm glad you are doing better 🧡 these people are demons

[@arielmarbury467]

I gave up on trusting people after making so many bad choices. I was raised by my mother and narcissistic step dad. I then married young my first husband who was a narcissist. I married him again after being divorced for a few years. He left me with 3 kids. I got married a third time. He left after 11 months. My judgment is bad. I was the jump in feet first type. Never again. My daughter and son's are now dealing with their narcissistic dad and my daughter is having a hard time. I thank GOD for this channel. I just stumbled on it. I seem to attract narcissists, if that's possible. 😅

[@atedinahalf6288]

Do you feel that these people could possibly lack a soul? I don't understand how someone could want to dominate their child. My moms a narcissist but my gfs mom is a super narcissist. I watched her turn everyone against my gf. The mental abuse is on a whole other level. They always make sure you are codependent on them so they then use it against you. Everything that appears nice will just be used against you in the future. The narcissist will plan stuff like this for months.

[@arielmarbury467]

@atedinahalf6288 I think they are just plain evil. They certainly appear to lack a soul. I am surprised at the number of narcissists. They are like a plague! With the younger generation, there seems to be even more! I have to protect my daughter. These videos are helping us to spot them. We have to be so careful. I'm sorry you are going through it.

[@GenerationX1984]

Do the opposite. Always say no to a narcissist and never apologize to these subhumans.

[@bibblebubbleblue]

Another video that really hits the nail on the head! I actually had 2 experiences like that this week. No 1 I am trying to cancel my Yoga subscription. I sent out the letter yesterday, finally. I feel very bad about how my teacher might feel, I am sure he is going to be disappointed, I am worried about his financial situation, I think I need to call this week and explain. Now, he is a good teacher, but also quite expensive, and I have missed so many classes that it just doesn't make sense anymore. After 7 years with him, it also stopped being really challenging, and because of my trauma reactions, I have problems with the way he does shavasana. I found a yoga/inversion program that is great, and the yoga part is just the right structure for me. I need the money to pay this course. I know that I have every right in the world to cancel, but I am still feeling bad about it. The other was today at the hair dresser's: She pulled my hair painfully a couple of times, not the first time. I got a bit on edge, then I thought: Oh, well, it's probably because I have some hypersensitive nerves there. So, it was my fault, and I relaxed!!!!! Caught myself, fortunately, and was able to remind myself that it was certainly not something wrong with my nervous system, she was just a bit too harsh. That made me nervous!!! I was then also able to tell myself that I can say something, but I don't have to, especially, as I am just realizing what is happening in my brain at that moment.

[@EmotionalAbuseSurvivors]

This is a good video

[@Alice-lw9mg]

I just happened upon your channel, and oh, how it resonated with me. I was 64 years old, and my father had just died when I realised he was a narcissist. It was quite a revelation. My two elder brothers and I were all affected by our upbringing. I ended up being a people pleaser and afraid to say no to anyone. How that has blighted my life. I went on to marry a narcissist who made matters worse with his cruelty towards me, but he divorced me eventually. Only to find myself in yet another relationship with a narcissist who I left 2 years ago. Happily at 72 I am now in a beautiful reciprocal relationship and finally learning who I am - it's never too late. Thank you forvyour channel.

[@SuperFunJess]

Y'all I literally didn't know I was allowed to have a strong NO until I was in my 20's and I was always changing like a chameleon depending on who I was talking to 🤐

[@widget0028]

#4, my dating life in my 20s, and subsequent marriage to a suspected narcissist.

[@cwells7285]

micro signals.... very true. this is why i was extraordinarily good at low level sales, and not much more.

[@autumn7031]

Just found this channel, he is so on point. I have been through a lot of therapy for PTSD and being raised by a narc father, abused by him, a sibling and ex husband in same, and I have grown very perceptive of people that advise and guide without the proper training, education and experience/skill. This man knows what he is talking about. I appreciate the videos. It's so difficult dealing with narc abuse. Unfortunately, you have to go through it for quite some time before you end up working on getting your power and confidence back in your control, but once you do, you are in constant healing and recovery and it's the best way to love and care for yourself going forward. Not just in know what to do, but what Not to do or allow for yourself any longer. Great advice, thanks for the great videos!

[@blacklightiteh5052]

Hi Jerry, I am a new 'patient' of you, with dysfunctional family and extremely narcissistic mother, plus I am a tested super empath. My mother behaved to me like the step-mother to Cinderella. I am 1:1 as Cinderella, today 44, living with the prince in beautiful castle, but with all the consequences you mention. I am for the 2 year in therapy here on KZbin. The problem with those consequences is, that I feel with growing age their weight and power, but I am not aware what is right and what is wrong? It is like as a part of information code how to manage the own Self would be completely missing. I am happy to have found you and I will learn all mentioned.

[@percubit10]

I used to tell everyone I felt energies and my gut and intuition told me this was wrong.

[@lightoftheworld3333]

It hurts so much. I want to come out of it, but 15 years therapie...so much Energy on the wounds

[@miriam100ful]

honour your mother and father as applied to narcissist parents, is just something else. It should be interpreted differently what this actually means. For example maintaining health boundaries, learn how to say no, stay truthful, don't go too deep. etc.

[@SFVGIRL]

The Bible does mention if parents are toxic, you shouldn't be burdened. It's there. ❤❤❤

[@sueschmitz5568]

I want to add that I have a wonderful supportive husband!

[@jerrywise]

What breakdowns on childhood trauma do you want me to do next?

[@nancybartley4610]

Some people are blatantly aware of who their parents were and better able to separate and move on. They have no doubts that they were abused. Some of us experienced more subtle treatment, on again- off again, love bombing so to speak. It just was not obvious to us that our parent didn't care for us to the degree that we grew up in a secure enough environment to create a sense of mattering to our parent. They did not abandon us physically but were never there devoted to us out of a deep love. Sorry to belabor this. People who come from this sort of experience have so much self-doubt and turn the blame inward. Surely we are ingrates. We remember what was provided in material ways and feel guilty for not appreciating that we were fed and clothed. It is an approach-avoidant dance played over and over and over. They loved us; no they didn't. The guilt is soul destroying. So my request, Jerry, is how to accept the truth and to stop oscillating back and forward in self-torture?

[@Theowlhawk]

Being aware of narcissistic parents but being vonerable and sometimes go into an auto pilot trance to their ongoing mind games.( shocks when least expect it) Catch myself, pause, and step back but find only thing is no contact. But need to be aware, otherwise can repeat with other abusers. Any tips, video on this be helpful. Much gratitude 🙏 and blessings

[@vladimiraofficial]

Can you please do a really detailed video or videos (if possible) on a childhood trauma when it comes to financial abuse (financial manipulation, agresivity - when a gambler parent (or a toxic, narcissistic, greedy parent...) steals (or takes) all family's money all the time, for example, and/or imposing hate of money, lack of money on children and therefore conditioning them into not understanding a grounded and natural approach to finances, and/or "we don't talk about money" parenting approach or "money is the most important thing"... or how the stress of the parent that has to be saving the family from financial disasters all the time affects the children... etc.). I haven't seen a proper video yet (or in my opinion better a video series) on the topic of a financial childhood trauma. I truly think it is timely someone truly elaborates on it.

[@kdjourney51]

Building safety and trust today, in building your own “home”. A core part of this is no longer colluding in your own betrayal. A safe home has aspects of belonging, a nourishment source, a returning respite (not in collapse), beauty, mutuality. A well spring you intuitively guard without thought. The opposite of this idea is important- rejection, draining, and collapse.

[@adrianadelassereed]

The dynamics between a parentified daughter forced to care and look after her younger brother who always disrespected and hated her into adulthood. So much so, that he became physically, emotionally, psychologically and financially abusive to her, even to the point of going against his own interests. Thank you so much 😊😊😊😊

[@alexperkins8433]

this nails every single thing i went through. fortunately thats well behind me (mostly lol)- but what a nightmare. dont miss those lunatics at All!

[@rosieleat6868]

If I say 'no' it feels dangerous. Taht is, it used to - I am so much better now.

[@GenerationX1984]

It's important to be assertive when saying no. Saying 'hell no' or 'no, get outta my face!' is important.

[@carlocharisma9871]

Through my childhood, youth and early adulthood my dad always started a fight out of nowhere blaming me for it and demanding an apology even though it was him. As long as I didnt apology he would use the silent treatment lasting for days at times. All the time. My first gray hairs started to show up when I was 16

[@jlea9793]

I'm glad I came across this. I had three years of trauma therapy and am doing much better, but still have issues, of course. Both of my parents were narcissists. My therapist and I have barely talked about the narcissistic behaviors and its impact on me. I learned so much from this video. TY!!!

[@vladimiraofficial]

Dear Jerry, this is one of you best videos, in my humble opinion. Such a brilliant summary. And I am already speaking from my healed point of view. ❤But I still love going through these points and videos. It just helps me to keep refining my maturity and beautiful detachment. Thank you so much!

[@ladennayoung2939]

Thank you SO much for saying EVERYTHING that you said. Especially the part about the scriptute that says honor your mother and father and how people try to use that scripture in regards to an abnormal situation.

[@Injusticeshitting]

Trust me i see it. Nothing i can do about it.

[@jj-bp3fr]

What is abuse and at what point is it abuse? People can define it differently and have different levels of abuse, but at what point is it really abuse in general? Calling someone a bad word? Yelling at them? Breaking promises? Ignoring someone? Being inconsiderate? Not being helpful? Forgetting family roles and not following through?

[@katyhutchinson7013]

Every. Single. One. Wow, thank you!

[@Seatonni]

I’m loosing my mind as being scapegoated for years and I can’t take it anymore

[@tommiller3017]

I remember going to a park and trying to cross a river channel that didn't look that difficult. When I got halfway, I gave a week call for help. I didn't want to upset my friends, after all. I realized they might not believe me. I gave out a clear yell for help. A couple in a canoe passed by and threw me a rope. When I got to shore, I found a couple of friends running towards me. I kept saying over and over, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I mulled over my response for a long time afterward, "Why would I apologize for that?" It led me a lifetime of therapy.

[@ro7999]

What a phenomenal channel. Please keep doing this. You are saving lives. ❤️

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My narc dad expects the world to revolve around him, he is delusional, I don't deal with him!

[@Chellirsl]

Growing up, my grandma always told me that “friends are only me and your grandpa, your uncles and aunts, your parents and siblings, and that’s it”. When there was any kind of conflict I’ve always had to be the one to accept what others wanted. My father always said “if people are angry with you or don’t like you then you are wrong”. Took me over 30 years to learn how wrong it is.

[@bridgetbold6867]

First time ive heard honor your father and mother, and how you do t have to uf they have abused you. Thanks.

[@ChainBreakerswithDrTrista]

Spot on Jerry!

[@justinneilsonn2665]

Thank you Jerry.

[@wearitlikeadiva]

Love you Jerry!

[@dadsocksss]

this resonates so deeply

[@itzmekyleigh4300]

Thank you Jerry. I used to have almost all these tendencies and I have been able to get over them and recognize them after moving out finally.

[@vanessamorey3812]

All this evil, all these phony, hate filled parents in contempt of their own children... Praise God I got spayed at 21 yrs and never looked back... Family is just another nasty F WORD. screw that. Scapegoat OUT 🎤 drop

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Thank you Mr.Wise. 🖖🏻🖖🏻😎😎

[@TheHSoko]

Thank you so much for this!

[@monikahenriksson8755]

Thank you 🦋

[@amberinthemist7912]

Thank you for another great video!

[@user-pe8cu1vs6d]

Thank you-just found your channel and am grateful to you.

[@dorothynesbit6291]

Clear and accurate, as ever. Thank you, Jerry.

[@thechaostrials1964]

I'm so glad I found your channel.

[@STHIRINN]

After listening to your videos I feel to subscribe your channel 100 times as if I haven't subscribed enough.

[@aartivyas7190]

Everything mentioned was 🎯. Thank you Jerry it really helps.

[@TranscendingTrauma]

Super grateful for you and your content

[@claireatkins6308]

Hi Jerry. Thank you so very much for your incredibly helpful information. I am a 52 yr old woman and am just now breaking the enmeshment from my mother and your podcasts have been so very helpful and timely! I'm still a bit stunned about it all but now have a wealth of additional tools in my toolbox to manage mum, protect myself and throw all of that damn guilt away once and for all! Sending you my deepest appreciation and gratitude Jerry. Thank you.❤

[@fionameredith8787]

Excellent content. Thank you.

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

Always appreciate you sharing your wisdom.

[@suncicanikcevic99]

Thank you sir❤

[@jeroenwillemse6425]

I don't have the money to consult you but you are awesome. Keep up the good work.

[@RatedArggg]

I can relate to this so much.

[@EvaEva-lf3ww]

Very grateful for this video. So useful

[@SoundsBogus]

Ouch! Bang on. You hit the nerve. Thank You for that insight. Not what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to know. Truth! I'm subscribed.

[@barthingston1]

Thanks Jerry

[@EmotionalAbuseSurvivors]

Thanks for spreading awareness. I had to narc parents growing up but I was able to break free after 20 + years

[@charliefarlie2884]

The explanations of the way we polarise everything are what I needed to hear and I've been working on this for 30 years. That was part of the jigsaw I hadn't totally worked out. Thank you

[@darinsmith2458]

Good stuff.. I can relate to everything you said..

[@edna_m]

Good to be Wise🙏❤️

[@phyllisandpaullenz4461]

Thank you, that is me to a tee. Now I am seeing how controling it is of me, but cannot seem to change it even as I see it happening.

[@Mrcamm4]

Thank you for your help! I use to think that it was because I did not have a father that I did not have a strong sence of self! But now I know that it is my dysfunctional family and my way of relating to and in it that is the elephant in the room!

[@crazycatlady7143]

Brilliant explained. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[@mathildevhargon9760]

This was a very useful video. So many important details! Thank you very much.

[@MissG8340]

Jerry you always hit the nail on the head Everything you say is true

[@MissG8340]

Thank you Jerry for always taking time and effort to like comments and also reply You are a kind and genuine person

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Very on point for me. I no longer trust myself and I am to old to change.

[@alexnelson-bj6eg]

I love that Jerry uses the word subtle in his videos. Great work man. Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge you da man!!!!!

[@jerrywise]

My pleasure!

[@amberfuchs398]

These videos are great, Jerry. Very valuable. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

[@lukecarey613]

Always very helpful and a pleasure to listen to, thank you.

[@shecreates365]

Dear Jerry, I love your videos. They've really been helping me. Thankyou

[@sophiareijne9873]

Everything you tell is so True! Thank you so much for talking about it and resuming so complete and well , whats happening in this sick and toxic relationships. ❤️🙏🌈

[@arasyard]

From all of this info, I can say it is better to deal with schizophrenia patients than narcissists..it is understandable that persons with schizo can be aggressive and with changing moods because they do not really know what they are doing and there is no intention in harming someone BUT for narcs it is so insidious really because they are normal individuals conscious about what they do but hiding a very harmful intentions...a big thanks to your videos its a great help when i realized how dysfunctional my family is..i am a scapegoat who lost every will to be successful in my own way.. i am trying my best to love myself and trust my intuitions...