NETFLIX’S “THE ULTIMATUM: QUEER LOVE” IS MESSIER THAN I COULD’VE IMAGINED (EP 1-5) | KennieJD

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The Ultimatum • THE DATING SHOW WHERE ...
Timestamps
Intro 0:00
Today’s Sponsor 2:22
DONATION DRIVE 3:55
Intro to The Ultimatum: Queer Love 5:20
EPISODE 1 8:48
EPISODE 2 18:58
EPISODE 3 34:30
EPISODE 4 37:46
EPISODE 5 49:46
Final Thoughts 54:24
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[@paymyrent7516]

As boring as the teaser looked, I KNEW putting a bunch of lesbians in this situation could result in nothing other than peak drama. It’s the laws of physics

[@mikaylamcfadden7866]

Right like UHaul sponsorship where

[@wormtv1]

college women's rugby team

[@Siiseliify]

Once my trans guy friend said that only straight couples have drama 😂

[@fionagallagherapologist5968]

exactly

[@randomgeekcrap]

​@@Siiseliify straight people drama is boring tho

[@noahlynnsheltonel9341]

Can we talk about how vanessa said she didn’t want stability and consistency but that she wants children? As if raising children in an unstable and inconsistent environment is a good idea?

[@bookworm4133]

And the whole "your baby vs my baby" thing just seems like a disaster waiting to happen. If it's "my baby", are you just going to refuse to take care of it when you don't feel like it? If it's "your baby", are you going to separate them from me when you get upset?

[@beewest5704]

@@bookworm4133 Weirdest thing ever. Like its a baby is some type of possession. She might as well be talking about cars.

[@VashtiPerry]

Yeaaaa she is just…. Um

[@CalliopexMaria]

she definitely gives "narcissistic parent who feeds off her kid's love and see them as an extension of herself instead of their own person" vibes

[@moustik31]

I think, she centers herself and her feelings in all her significant relationships and it's kinda scary.

[@averyjohnson9096]

I feel bad for Vanessa. Reality TV is a crazy way to find out you’re a terrible actor.

[@asmileisspecial]

This made me fully snort laugh.

[@radicalopulence]

LMAOOOOO🤣🤣🤣

[@lightworthy]

you had me in the first half ngl

[@itsmevivi_]

😂😂😂😂

[@projectbarbi871]

Just think KENNIE is promoting horrible ppl…..she needs to go back to movies…what she can make millions for….at least be a loser and promote movies not this BS….

[@andreahillman7808]

A bunch of grown ass women not knowing how to communicate with each other. This is the representation I’ve always been asking for. Edit: a bunch of grown ass gay adults* Sorry y’all

[@maplep1464]

Don't @ me like this lmao

[@Dave102693]

Lmfao 😂😂😂

[@DATrainedrop]

Unrelated but I’m loving the Uzumami pfp lol

[@pixiemeg]

MOOD

[@braincellsoup]

p sure not all of them are women lol but nonetheless the chaos is Very entertaining 💀💀

[@Ellie-qs3mn]

Also the Lesbian pride eyeshadow?!! Gorgeous, on theme, 11/10

[@3starsburningbright]

I was staring at literally nothing but her eyeshadow the entire video and didnt even notice that omg

[@tentaclest.tentacles5090]

My ass has been staring at the eyeshadow the whole video like wow that's such a pretty color combo I wonder what it reminds me of

[@shibbikitteh]

You said what I immediately popped down here to say I'm glad you're at the top! ❤ back to the vid!

[@imani0nline]

This is the messy queer represntation we needed in the month of our lord 🌈 The girls and the gays can be just as toxic as everyone else !

[@smwatertasteslikewater]

Okay?

[@who__cares__]

I don't think bragging about being toxic is the flex you think it is 💀💀💀

[@strudelh]

​​​@@who__cares__ I don't think they're flexing? I think they're just stating that gay people can/will be toxic. Since I guess others think queer people in relationships have it all together lol.

[@kekayowrites]

The replies just missing the point lmaooo

[@brooklynnjane1692]

pretty sure this is a joke??? lmao

[@cieraleal8030]

fact: people who have low self esteem like Rae usually are attracted to people who are hypersexual towards them bc it makes them feel wanted and attractive bc its is viserral and overwhelmingly there its hard to not believe u are sexy.been there.

[@joyphil4399]

That explains a lot, actually

[@joydanleigh7711]

🖤🖤🖤

[@smilerachel996]

On the other side of things, people like Vanessa who are selfish and take joy in using others for their personal gain seek out insecure and soft spoken people like Rae since they’re easier to manipulate!

[@salamander8301]

I think that's why she's with lexi, lexi is super controlling and controls rae. I feel bad for her she seems so lost

[@rueclouds1156]

@@salamander8301 i agree! not a lexi fan

[@hiyapapaya9277]

Vanessa reminds me of those “girl who’s convinced you’re absolutely obsessed with her” tiktoks that delaney rowe makes, and it triggers my fight or flight response

[@mewmew6158]

😭fr

[@shirin9452]

I somehow read wrong, saw death row, and my brain put it together like girl who’s convinced you’re absolutely obsessed with her ON DEATH ROW and I spent several seconds trying to figure out what that would even mean

[@tvmayer]

But like - everyone *is* obsessed with her… so like 🤷‍♀️

[@ohno-wx6jz]

Lexi is definitely obsessed with her though😭

[@Cove_Blue]

​@@tvmayer Vanessa certainly is. Idk about everybody else though

[@Zyxie_Zyxie_Zyxie]

Maybe being queer and single isn’t as bad as I thought 🤷‍♀️

[@earthtosutaya]

no fr bc this shits messsyyyy 🥲🥲🥲

[@TehMomo_]

being single in general isn't as bad as people think... i've been single for 10 years...haven't been on a date in like 7... the PEACE I am at.

[@KateCat420]

​@@TehMomo_ The way I have to justify being single to people in unhealthy/unsatisfying relationships is hilarious because I'm so much happier than them, but they don't believe me because they think real happiness is a myth 😂

[@Bobsbugur8140]

​​@@TehMomo_ yes! Ive been single most of my life and didn't pick a partner until I found someone considerate, kind, fun, and stable. Ps I didn't find her until i turned 30. Some of my other friends didn't find their soulmates until their 40s. Not too bad to stay single and heal.

[@who__cares__]

​@@earthtosutaya maybe if they went to therapy and actually worked on themselves it wouldn't be so messy 🙄

[@gabiluch87]

The fact that Netflix never thought that they should add pronouns to the name title cards drive me insaneeeee

[@squiddy5889]

What would that have done for…

[@squiddy5889]

You

[@VashtiPerry]

But they did for Tiff, right?

[@90sDRgirl]

That's true I had to look it up ...even on the show I caught people who didn't use proper pronouns

[@theprettypurplepony]

I never would have realized they weren't all she/her if it weren't for this comment 🙊

[@leavemelonely1264]

the thing that’s the most painful is that … mal was right. mal knew the kind of person that yoli was and the fact that she loves whoever she is with and puts her effort into. Like THREE WEEKS? 3 WEEKS and you’re saying I love you to someone else after wanting to marry me? like idk I hope Mal isn’t as hurt by this bc she kinda knew it was coming but at the same time …. Damn

[@fishfry3636]

But Mal was also suddenly ready to marry Lexi? After she said they weren’t ready for marriage?? Idk I don’t trust Mal either

[@HiThereLove16]

@@fishfry3636 I love Mal, quite a lot, but there's..something. It's like a forced nonchalantness. I feel like Mal is definitely chill naturally, but.. for example, the scene where Lexi meets Mal's friend, I think her name was Amber? Amber is basically putting their connection down almost the entire time and Mal just, like, says nothing lol and even agrees with Amber at certain points and poor Lexi is just sat there looking at her lol editing probably created that impression mostly, but I agree.. Mal isn't all the way as put together as they present. Definitely put together well, just not all the way.

[@CharlieTheChap]

@@HiThereLove16 Right? That scene threw me for a loop.

[@ardenboshier7431]

Tbh I think Mal is not very honest. I don't think she's a bad or malicious person but for the first few episodes it just seems like she's not that into Yoly--if you're with someone for 3 years the idea that you think they're abt to leave you is a bit hard to credit. She was super intense with Lexi (who, yknow... is 24 and Mal is 36 so was obviously a kind of fling) and wanted to sleep with her so I think one of the reasons she takes Yoly's relationship with Xander mostly very well is bc she's done the same thing herself pretty much, she just ended up dropping Lexi as quickly as she picked her up.

[@leavemelonely1264]

@@fishfry3636 I don’t think Mal wasn’t ready for marriage I think her thing was she didn’t feel like Yoly was committed to being married to HER, just being married in general and she wanted to feel like Yoly wanted to marry her for her but I think Yoly is just kinda a free love type of person and she finds it everywhere which isn’t really a fault on her. I think that’s why the two of them weren’t married bc Mal isn’t like that

[@imaplumbun]

Rae makes me sad. She has that depression cloud over her. I had that same blank eyes when I was horribly depressed. She seems like she's going through something no one knows about.

[@jazmineworthy2010]

Yeah I can see it to.

[@laurazepam8382]

I didn't know what to call it, but I think you're spot on. Unfortunately

[@strudelh]

This is *very* messy season, but I will say this. At LEAST here, more of the couples actually set boundaries lol.

[@maggiedk]

Thissss! I was so impressed by Yoly and Mal's communication too once they got back together. They were just so honest and understanding about their feelings, it was shocking/amazing lol

[@strudelh]

*a very I don't wanna get rid of the heart 😭

[@strudelh]

​@@maggiedk Exactly!! I was honestly a bit surprised how patient and mature they were being. Like wow actual healthy communication??

[@mundanepants]

Set boundaries and TALK. Like good gravy the level of communication, even if messy and not always consistent, is just light years beyond what we ever get with the hetero coupls

[@medtle1]

Of corse they set boundaries, because unlike cis male-female couples, queer relationships generally have more open communication and boundaries. The worst messiest couples I have seen are between cis straight men and cis women attracted to men.

[@simonb323]

when i was watching with my friend she was like "if any man spoke to a woman the way vanessa does they'd be fired for harassment" and it's so true

[@__L__837]

Or at the very least dragged by the audience

[@CreativeC13]

Yeah but I also think the women are very into it.

[@rumyum]

​@L Vanessa is getting dragged to the gods and I don't even think she's that bad. Have you been on reddit?

[@plebproblems4315]

Tbh women get away with sexual harrassment all the damn time, it's insane. It's hardly ever taken seriously, especially when it's aimed at a man. Some of her comments were wildly uncomfortable, and if that's just what was aired then what WASN'T?

[@plebproblems4315]

@@rumyum What does Reddit have to do with it?

[@symonew33]

I was so uncomfortable with how fast and kinda carelessly Vanessa was throwing around how she loved people. She was telling everyone how much she loved them almost every time she saw them, sitting down with people and in the FIRST conversation saying “Ok tell me what you love about me and I’ll tell you what I love about you” uh what? Y’all don’t know each other lol

[@cybeshi]

I'm in episode 3 right now and it's so so uncomfortable because it genuinely feels as if she is lovebombing Rae...The way that she's not picking up on Rae's reluctance and not giving her any space to process, laughing all the time and being hyper positive, and not in any way processing how she herself was basically shit-talked at the dinner where they had to make a choice. As if instead of regulating her own emotions she resorts to manipulation a bit too much there, possibly. But I guess I'll find out in the upcoming episodes.

[@Cove_Blue]

I haven't watch it (yet) but she's giving narc vibes?

[@MJ-gm7km]

@@cybeshi I don’t get why people keep saying Vanessa “doesn’t pick up on” Rae being uncomfortable and reluctant. She does pick up on it. That’s WHY she’s throwing herself at her. Vanessa is a narcissist and doesn’t like that Rae isn’t enamored with her.

[@Lillyswords]

I was watching this with my boyfriend and the very first episode I told him “this Vanessa girl does not want to get married (she literally said I need my freedom) AND she likes being chased/pursued so not sure why they don’t just breakup instead of doing this show”. Then as the show went on, I was like yup, that’s some strong love bombing we’re witnessing here. Then the comment about Xander being ace and she’s so pretty even an ace person can’t resist got my bf so mad. She’s a menace.

[@jl7662]

@@Lillyswords Get to epi 8 and look closer. I just don’t think she’s self aware at all. Something doesn’t click between her inner feelings and outer actions. Like they all out here mean girl ganging up on her, meanwhile home girl is just trying to figure out what is going on. Loolll It does feel like she shows actual vulnerability by the second to last episode, you can see her getting more in touch with it. Still dumbfounded

[@DATrainedrop]

As a young woman who identifies as ace-spec and queer, Vanessa’s asexual comment (which she uses like an insult for some reason??) said more about her than Xander. It just seems like she’s more interested in sex than an actual romantic relationships, and that she only sees a partner as someone that feeds into her ego…almost like a trophy or accessory? If that makes sense?? (Edit: misspelling lol)

[@TheNumnutRandomness]

Right? It's almost the framing of "winning the a-spec lottery". She was SO convinced Xander wasn't going to connect to anyone else, that it felt like she's gonna have her fun before coming home to roost.

[@nicolasteelnack]

I only know what Kennie talked about but yeah, it seemed like Vanessa was using asexual as an adjective instead of recognizing it as an identity. There are definitely acespec people who do only feel attracted to one or a few people but Vanessa's comment feels dismissive. Also, it is definitely something we should have heard from Xander if they choose to identify as acespec and not in this callous, secondhand way that's all about Vanessa and how "she's so hot even ace people like her" which is just infuriating

[@asmileisspecial]

Yeah, I felt that too. I do think people are being a bit harsh on Vanessa but the way she talked about Xander was... not great. Vanessa generally was just a lot.

[@atlasgifford]

what was weird is that it never came up again, no one asked Xander if she was ace or if they did, it was cut out. it was just this weird throwaway thing that was never resolved 😭 aceness, whether Vanessa had meant it that way or just said it to mean not a sexual person, isn't a punchline or a throwaway thing.

[@atlasgifford]

like I love being ace, my partner and I are both ace, it's wonderful and fulfilling!

[@moonlightauras1]

Sometimes I feel that people being the therapist in the relationship is a defense mechanism to avoid being vulnerable with your partner and acknowledging that you also need someone to give you the kind of emotional care you give to others.

[@LoveToday8]

I used to do this A LOT in my relationships-platonic and romantic. I've gotten better but it's definitely an easy thing to slip into when I'm struggling

[@bn4952]

@Mal, lol

[@krabiat]

>:( You're right but I don't wanna hear that

[@mundanepants]

it is, and if you come from a background of childhood neglect where your survival mechanism was to put everyone else's needs before your own, it's a hard road to start putting up those boundaries. Like you have to consciously to stop yourself from going into the therapist role when you notice that that's all the other party is looking for. Guide them to a paid therapist and say call me when you've got that bit sorted out :D

[@Cove_Blue]

Ouch, damn, ok I hear you!😅

[@GrayTimber]

Small correction that Venessa doesn't want a poly relationship. She wants an open one. They're both non-monogamous, but open means you get to fuck around on the side or together with others, but it stays that. Purely sexual. Polyamourous is about love and connections. I don't see that from Vanessa

[@TheRainbowbeautiful]

But in actuality, she wants neither because she can't handle the thought of Xander being remotely interested in someone else. In theory, she's yearning for an open relationship, but what she really wants is to be able to cheat without any circumstances and consequences and still go back to Xander, who's still treating the relationship as a monogamous one. Basically, Vanessa wants the perks of a monogamous relationship without having to maintain any loyalty a relationship such as that requires. I just wanted to add that as a form of discussion. I agree with you wholeheartedly.

[@relaxfriend9461]

@@TheRainbowbeautiful dang professor 🥸

[@grandempressvicky6387]

​@@TheRainbowbeautiful It's like she wants the thrill of breaking the rules but not having to face the consequences.

[@TheDawnofVanlife]

What Vanessa wants is to be the main character the story centers around. Like she tried to fake her way into a love triangle with Rae and Lexi and Lexi lost interest….meanwhile, Xander went and actually caught feelings instead of pinning over her and THAT she did not expect because she was living in her own Romcom.

[@grandempressvicky6387]

@@TheDawnofVanlife It makes me deeply curious as to how Xander and Vanessa even maintained a relationship long enough for the ultimatum to be issued. Like, something like marriage is something that would be in the dating profile/mentioned in the first 3 dates. Vanessa doesn't seem like the type to say yes, unless she thought she'd get something out of it by lying.

[@mazzyg6186]

I think Mal was too mature for this show. I think they ended up almost playing therapist. I would’ve liked to see them put as much energy into themeself as they do in lifting up other people because they really deserve it 💕💕

[@asmileisspecial]

Yeah, I loved Mal. I caught a few people pleasing therapising vibes from them which made me feel seen but also concerned for them.

[@ruleofthree99]

also at the beginning mal said she wasn’t even opposed to marriage long term, but was just waiting to be more financially/life stable. like if that’s not more mature than the whole show…yeah

[@courtneylust]

@@ruleofthree99 exactly!!

[@jazmineworthy2010]

YES WE LOVE MAL

[@Tima-oz5te]

@@asmileisspecial This! I think there's too many instances when Mal is prioritising other people's emotions over their own and it was frustrating to watch. But I also recognized this is something I struggle with alot myself :(

[@tarotsushima3332]

Vanessa sounds like the type to want an open relationship and then flies into a tizzy when her partner actually dates other people. Like we know that reality shows have to be messy but to have the gall to get in a show where the whole theme revolves around marriage to basically sleep around guilt free is so sleazy. Also I'm not even shocked she's got her claws on Xander because people like her depend on having others blind to their faults or fawn over them. I really hope Xander sees the light.

[@jordancoleman6123]

As someone who watched my friend go through this EXACT scenario. Yes lol. She wants all the perks of monogamy from her partner while being open herself. It’s kinda gross

[@AbigailGibbons]

Vanessa did end up reminding me of an ex for that EXACT reason ugh ugh ugh

[@JasonToddsThighs]

I already know this is gonna be a mess. Happy Pride, everyone 🤡

[@ajheartsong]

Not watching but I knew there was wayyy to much estrogen in this show lmao 😂 and I’m female so I can say this

[@Suited_Nat]

Happy pride

[@Weeniehutnurse]

Netflix said This is for the gays

[@GeoSpider865]

Happy gay month

[@QueenCloveroftheice]

“Jason Todd’s Thighs” amazing username

[@serapekkala8238]

The bit at 34:28 where Xander says “Vanessa’s not that bad, I’m one of the only people that truly understands her” hit me in the face. It is, paradoxically, SO flattering to the ego to believe that you are special because you are the only person that understands your abuser, the only person that they love, the only person that can heal them (with the pussy or the strap, as you please). It’s designed to make you feel special and chosen and flatter (take advantage of) your compassion and kindness. You end up exhausted and resentful and miserable, but you can’t acknowledge that you’re miserable, because to do so would mean hurting this person whom you love and who you believe would be alone and misunderstood without you. You’d have to re-evaluate and discard so much of your life, including this relationship into which you have poured so much time and energy, and what your boundaries and standards are and how you think of yourself as a person in relation to other human beings. And you’re emotionally exhausted, so you don’t do that, and you just keep pretending like the way they treat you and others is fine. To anybody reading this: relationships are not supposed to make you tired. And if you notice that EVERYBODY dislikes your S/O except for you, that is not a sign that the world is cruel, it is a sign that maybe your S/O is a dick, and especially maybe they are being a dick TO YOU.

[@nosferat-ew]

What a phenomenal speech, you are so right 👏🏻

[@moustik31]

Vanessa's smug face during that speech told me all I needed to know: Xander, that woman is using you and she knows it.

[@user-xh6cg7zf9h]

"with the pussy or the strap" is metal as hell i need it on a shirt

[@jessicawilliams3849]

This was me with one of my exes. Everyone else was like “Oh he’s been in such a better mood since you guys started dating.” Meanwhile dating him meant all his negative energy was directed towards me. Everyone else was enjoying him BUT me

[@nobodysgarden9375]

Perfectly said omg. Completely agree. I hope Xander escapes that nasty ass relationship

[@sirthomascreek]

“What in the toxic wattpad is going on?” had me dying 💀

[@evren5642]

Apparently (or as I’ve read online) part of the issue with Rae and Lexi is that Rae promised Lexi, totally unprompted and of her own accord, that she wasn’t going to sleep with anyone while they were broken up. Rae was the one who brought it up, Lexi hadn’t even said anything about it. So that adds another layer to why Lexi would be so upset, like not only does she feel betrayed but also probably feels like Rae was being hypocritical because she imposed that rule all by herself. Not to say that the way Lexi treats Rae afterward is totally justified (I really feel for Rae and how insecure she is, and Lexi is really bitter and almost cruel for a while after), but I do get why it would get so deep under Lexi’s skin if she wasn’t even the one who made that rule, and then Rae breaks it with Vanessa of all people.

[@TimidAction]

That changes a lot then, if Rae broke a promise I can see that’s why Lexi reacted super poorly.

[@lightworthy]

yeah honestly that makes perfect sense. if i wasn’t even gonna ask that of you but YOU chose to tell me you promise not to do that, then immediately go do it with the person i’m genuinely wary of being a good person i’m gonna feel betrayed and pissed. i only just started episode 5 so i haven’t seen any of the bad reaction so far, everything i’ve seen so far has felt justified so i’m curious to see how that goes

[@vemodallen]

so basically rae didn't want her partner to sleep with anyone so it doesnt hurt their self esteem but slept with someone else for validation (this is such a low for her and I hope she can be better,I feel bad for her cause she doesn't seem to be a bad person)

[@vemodallen]

so basically rae didn't want her partner to sleep with anyone so it doesnt hurt their self esteem but slept with someone else for validation (this is such a low for her and I hope she can be better,I feel bad for her cause she doesn't seem to be a bad person)

[@polarmere6312]

@@vemodallen thats exactly what it comes across like. then when lexi asks her WHY she did that, all lexi does is go on self deprecating tangents and refuses to explain herself, like lexi is just supposed to drop it and comfort her instead. at no point does it ever feel like rae is actually taking the show seriously?

[@HVolnWhatnow]

“I push people constantly because I have abandonment issues.” *partner leaves because being constantly pushed is exhausting and painful* “WHY DOES EVERYONE ABANDON ME 😫”

[@turnintino]

Lmao LITERALLY, but some folk with abandonment issues are often driven to "test" their loved ones like this, like "if they really care about me, they'll see this through, no matter what". But like a self-fulfilling prophecy, they usually just end up hurting themselves, like she did. Not to mention the commitment-phobic element that often plays into dynamics like this, where someone might self-sabotage precisely to protect themselves from being hurt/abandoned/rejected LATER down the line, when it could hurt a lot more.

[@elleofhearts8471]

I get the testing rationale, but there does come a point where that particular coping mechanism crosses over into straight up abuse and mistreatment of your partner due to her own unhealed trauma. Repeated self sabotage and never knowing when to stop with the "tests" should really be a signal that she needs to heal and go to therapy to sort out her problems.

[@Tink00]

I think it's called insecure attachment, and it's a very well-known psychological phenomenon. Not saying that excuses it, or that it's rational, but it's not usually an intentional pattern

[@bishielurfer]

As someone with abandonment issues, there is definitely a cycle of self-sabotage. You're so scared of being left that you feel so anxious about everything and can't let yourself just be close and happy with someone. Fortunately I'm in therapy and have spent years working on that cycle to break it, but I've definitely ruined some of my relationships because of that fear.

[@gokcenakdag8189]

Okay but plss Aussie was insufferable. Doing zero housework and not cooking and Said they went out to eat with friends everyday and were eating the leftovers from those lunches in dinner alone, not sharing with midred. Thats weird af and we didnt see everything. Mildred had reasons Aussiee kept leaving and crying and not saying anything i hate that

[@simonb323]

i swear vanessa's that girl who'd hook up with her best friend's partner and be like "haha oops, sorry not sorry"

[@moustik31]

Vanessa: "would you guys have rather, we kept living a lie?" The people she hurt: YES!

[@lightworthy]

“what do you mean i hurt you? how? i don’t remember exactly how it happened no. idk maybe they came onto me cause i’m so loveable hahahahaha!!” like god i usually make it a point to not hate people on these shows past acknowledging they’re a “character” that they either play into, or get edited into, and mistakes happen in high emotion settings, but god she’s actually insufferable and shitty and kinda creepy

[@shortpettite]

Just saying I am 100% sure a male version of this is in the works.

[@sparksparkle]

🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊

[@Monocultured01]

Oh good lord I am both terrified and intrigued.

[@Kirasfox]

Oh...that'll be even MORE messy....I'm ready

[@sinnombrenemo4169]

omg, i hope you're right

[@lorelailuna]

Yep! I kept saying how excited I am to see that version while watching

[@marcelrobinson]

Sounds to me like Vanessa is crying about the fact that she might not have an Emergency Simp in the glass anymore

[@itsdiamondnicole]

As messy as this season is, it is still by far more mature than the hetero season. Vanessa is cancerous omfg I hope Xander either leaves single or Yoly and Xan get together. Mal and Sam deserve love and happiness ❤ Rae and Aussie need therapy ASAP Edit: Yall absolutely right about Mildred needing therapy too! Lexi and Tiff arent too bad. Some negatives here and there but thats ok overall they are visibly trying. ❤

[@chrissyd4279]

Couldn't agree more!!

[@aaliyahnxelle123]

You said everything I’ve been thinking!!!

[@Meebees15]

Mildred also really needs therapy!😂

[@itsdiamondnicole]

@@Meebees15 Oh yeah definitely!!

[@jl7662]

AUSSIE & MILDRED you mean! Loooll. And while you’re in there, throw in Vanessa too! Rae will be okay so long as she continues working on herself

[@ineskay3726]

I live in Africa, my country isn’t that gay friendly, it’s hard to be proud of who you’re. It’s kind of illegal and most LGBTQIA+ hide out… So if you get to enjoy this month freely where you are, do that to the fullest bcuz most people will wanna have that some opportunity.. Love is love, but not in all countries.

[@1itta]

I'm African, and it's so weird to me that our continent is homophobic considering that in the past, we used to be very open and friendly, but I agree love is love. It's not like they're harming anyone

[@Imetwurld_]

​@@1ittathey were never opened .gay as always been evil in Africa 😂😂😂.wat do u mean they were opened

[@1itta]

@@Imetwurld_ open to accepting lgbtq+ people

[@ghostlyhonks]

As an asexual person, it's not unheard of for asexual people to have someone that they'd do sexual stuff with. A lot of asexual people are sex-favorable. It's about the sexual attraction, and even then, it can be little to none. I think you're right on the mark with the demisexual label, which falls under the asexual umbrella.

[@bigcats9454]

What does sex-favorable mean?

[@jemhasopinions]

@@bigcats9454 they dont mind having sex

[@jackdawjohnson7436]

@@bigcats9454 Sex-favorable often means that, while they won’t engage necessarily and don’t feel that attraction independently, they are willing and even happy to have sex when prompted. Everyone has a different version, but that’s the gist.

[@fawn2911]

So you're advocating for aces to force themselves to be intimate for the sake of their partners? I could never do that it sounds like torture

[@jackdawjohnson7436]

@@fawn2911 It's not FORCING intimacy, it's just a subset who don't mind or even enjoy it. If it doesn't apply, ok, but it does for some people

[@LesbianCinemaCircuit]

Mal: "You fall in love with anybody and way too quickly." Yoly: "I'm in love with Xander now."

[@Laurenjoinsyoutube]

I feel like the issues these couples have are more realistic and I’m so happy it isn’t 21/22 year olds. They are grown folks

[@cybeshi]

Us polyamorous folks don't claim Vanessa 🙌 The lovebombing, the negging (when Vanessa 'funnily' told Rae at the beach "You're very very pathetic... such an athlete" when she knows that being athletic is being one of the few things she loves about herself), being pushy about sexual stuff, no reassurance for Xander at all when they seem a little jealous when Vanessa starts flirting in front of them in the beginning, the double standard (since she got upset with Xander when they connect with someone else), ... That's not what *ethical* non monogamy is about, at all. (Also, being a weirdo doesn't equal being mean. Sincerely, a neurodivergent weirdo who's trying to reclaim that term).

[@safaiaryu12]

Not poly myself, but I don't get poly vibes from Vanessa, either... I feel like she wants to be bad and sexy to please herself and doesn't give a damn about what Xander needs. It's super gross.

[@obliviousred]

Yeahhh while I'm sure an open relationship of some sort would suit Vanessa better than monogamy, she has a LOOOONG way to go before she has the maturity to do so in a healthy way that doesn't harm her partners and metamors. If she did go ENM I'd certainly hope that she sort out whatever trauma she has going on for a *while* in therapy. (I think when people end up manipulative and superficial like this there's usually some trauma going on.)

[@VashtiPerry]

Thank you. She use’s polyamory to shield her NARC traits. I sympathize with her only because I think she has attachment problems make her act like she loves everyone when she probably wants to feel secure attachments but can’t. That being said she treat Xander terribly and the rest of the season is just as awful.

[@InvisibleRen]

I’m not polyamorous and am actually inclined towards a monogamous queer platonic relationship, but one of the most annoying things about polyamorous visibility/acceptance is how people conflate it with having some sort of anime harem. Polyamorous is a ROMANTIC relationship orientation between ALL-CONSENTING parties. Like you said, it’s ethical non-monogamy with people you love. Emotions and clear boundaries are its literal building blocks. But majority of people out here treating it like it’s a long term or*y or appropriate for literally anyone who “can’t choose.” Part of me wonders if Vanessa is actually aro-spec because loving being liked does not equal capacity to love others. And I don’t see her displaying any love for Xander (or others), just strong attachment to being loved/the object of attraction and to the ability to rely on that love sticking around (which is a possible sign of trauma or insecurity). Her and Rae aren’t that different but I can see that she would not be happy with Rae because I think Rae is too self-depricatingly insecure in an equally self-centered way to validate Vanessa the way she wants. Vanessa does not want to love multiple people, she wants to have sex with multiple people. Slapping a poly label on that is glorifying what’s essentially just wanting to be a ho (which is not inherently bad either, just a very different thing).

[@lightworthy]

@@InvisibleRen honestly, being aro spec makes a ton of sense. she mentioned xander feels like a platonic roommate, and it could explain why she keeps conflating love and intimacy and flirting with pure sex. it’s the only thing about a traditional relationship she actually likes and feels a connection to, and feels the “right” emotions during. doesn’t make her any less creepy or wrong for doing so (and obviously, not every aro person is a creep like she is on this show) but it at least could explain why she’s SO confused at what she’s doing wrong and why people don’t like her attitude about this & towards xander

[@__L__837]

Xander deserves SO much better 😭 they're so sweet like the vibes are immaculate and I don't even know that mf

[@starcrossed_9]

Havent watched the video yet so idk if Kennie mentions this but pronouns for the cast: Xander - she/they Vanessa - she/her Lexi - she/her Rae - she/her Yoly - she/her Mal - she/they Mildred - she/her Tiff - they/them Sam - she/her Aussie - no pronouns, just name

[@sparksparkle]

KENNIE PIN THIS!!!

[@joyphil4399]

This is so helpful why did Netflix not put the pronouns on their namecards

[@admiraloverdone]

Thank you!! needs to be pinned

[@salamander8301]

Aussie is so annoying omg

[@annabellehe4307]

No pronouns, just vibes

[@grapeshot]

I remember working security at nightclubs and some of the biggest fights we would have to break up was fights between lesbians. The jealousy can be quite strong with them.

[@redfox3n37]

As a lesbian this is true

[@chiefpurrfect8389]

Yeah idk what's up with that, many of my lesbian/bi friends have these "when it's good it's great, when it's bad it's terrible" kind of relationships. Their love life has (so far) been an onslaught of relationship-ending fights- only to get right back together again and again- paranoid jealousy and the occasional threats of violence or even physical altercation with another queer woman over at the very least presuming she made a move on their girlfriend. And it's WEIRD because outside of their relationships they are some of the chillest people I know. Then the rest of them have the most wholesome, healthy and stable relationships. I'm convinced there's no in-between with them lol.

[@legendswarble2845]

As someone who works with youth, girl fights can be way worse than boy fights. Girls often gang up and hold a grudge way longer than boys. I imagine that girl gang mentality only gets worse when you add in a shared identity

[@dahliaherrod4301]

Apparently the highest DV rates are with lesbians. IDK why either. I was shocked when I heard that stat

[@LoveToday8]

I think it's a scarcity mentality; the idea that there's such a small number of people you can partner with so you need to hold on for dear life to whoever you do find 🥴

[@Vixin24]

Wow Vanessa sounds like a nightmare. Her "what are you talking about?" expression even in those short snippets shown were so infuriating. I hope Xander leaves her regardless of whatever else happens.

[@Chibbykins]

At first I felt bad for not wanting to watch the queer version of this show, despite the fact that I love an inclusive mess 😂 then I remembered I never actually watched the Straightimatum either, just Kennie's recaps. Thank you, girl, for doin the Lord's werk

[@anewplasticidea]

same lmao fuck no

[@Dave102693]

I saw the first 20 minutes, then I tapped out afterwards. Lol

[@lxckystars__]

S T R A I G H T I M A T U M

[@shirin9452]

@@lxckystars__ Im stealing that lmao I’m calling that from now on

[@devonmunn5728]

I don't really care to watch any reality dating show seriously. The straights can keep it

[@remytherat2175]

TIFF AND THE DAMN DOG KILLED ME LIKE WTF DID SAM DO TO YOU THAT YOU ACCUSE HER OF BEING SOME HORRIBLE PERSON TO ANIMALS

[@insomniecat]

This show actually showed me that I shouldn't be nervous about dating women. Honestly, these are some of the least toxic relationships I've seen on tv ignoring Vanessa entirely.

[@lightworthy]

honestly, i’ve experienced that myself! like yes there’s absolutely toxic women, and they have their own breed of toxicity, but genuinely every relationship i’ve had with a woman felt much deeper and more mature and stable emotionally than every guy i’ve dated put together, and i’ve only dated 2 women😂 there’s just a different level of understanding and lack of communication barriers that just doesn’t exist as naturally with dating cishet men. queer women in relationships can be tumultuous and dramatic as HELL don’t get me wrong, but it’s just a different type than with a straight relationship

[@deitytypo]

Vanessa's asexual comment made me want to barf 😭 she truly doesn't have respect for anyone

[@Black.Rose743]

Vanessa makes my entire ass itch, I hope no one picks her. Like I've never seen almost everyone not like a person. I'm curious how this is going to go.

[@persephonekuinsey7255]

Ok, vanessa has GOT to be hamming it up a bit. No one is that cartoonish

[@mikaylamcfadden7866]

I agree she going for the villain edit

[@elleofhearts8471]

she's giving bella swan imo

[@user-xh6cg7zf9h]

see it's reality tv so i'm inclined to believe this but... i've met someone even more cartoonish than vanessa (it's been 4 years and i'm still like... has she just committed hard to the bit because how can a person be like this legitimately) so i can confirm some people are?? just like that

[@jeriemiahborela4433]

Didn't expect kennie to be covering this show lmaooo i'm sat 🧘‍♂

[@40dbelow0]

I’M SAT 🧘‍♀️

[@mazvitaselemani]

I waw hoping she would 😂😂

[@elleofhearts8471]

26:40 thats exactly what happend in one couple from the straight ultimatum. like the lady literally brought her bf to the show just to make him miserable and make him "see" that she's the best catch ever compared to anyone else. Like she brought him to the show as a punishment. self absorbed people? in dysfunctional relationships? its more likely than you think

[@kayhaven4710]

I read this in Halfmoon Joe’s voice and I’m hoping. To god that the tail end of your comment was a reference to him. 😂😂😂

[@SapphireSeahorse494]

When you were describing Rae, I was like "damn, that's relatable," but then I thought about it more and realized that actually I've come so far from where I used to be, and I think I'm pretty damn close to feeling like I deserve love and friendship. I'm doing the work, I'm putting in the effort, and I've made so much progress already. I'm not even a legal adult yet. so yeah I was going to be like "haha relatable, being insecure and thinking badly about myself," but instead I found my pride. happy pride month lol

[@safaiaryu12]

Badass! That's awesome! I really hope you do feel proud of yourself, that shit is SO hard to work through. ❤

[@maruhelm9818]

That’s incredible I’m so proud of you!

[@ladyaarion]

It’s sad to see Lexi kind of devolve into a villain arc and bully Rae because of Vanessa. I understand there’s been a betrayal of trust but there’s no reason to constantly deride Rae because of it. Bring it up to her parents was completely out of place and kept bring it up to Rae. Like the betrayal has happened, Rae is clearly aware of how wrong she was yet Lexi can’t seem to be understanding or forgiving at all. I hope they break up bc I don’t think they’re healthy for each other

[@noahvintageweedkiller3154]

As a queer polyamorus person it's so frustrating that people would rather cheat instead of leaving and entering or creating an open relationship!!!!! It is not hard to create a space that is for you !

[@dyvynyl8461]

Polyamory requires a level of emotional intelligence that cheaters don't tend to have. If you can't handle saying "hey I don't feel fulfilled in this relationship" when it's just the two of you, bringing in another person or several more people isn't likely to help the situation.

[@Shyknit]

Tbh that's cause cheating isn't always just cause they want another person, they like the wrongness. That's why someone could be in an open relationship and be told "just follow these boundaries/rules" (ie don't sleep with a family member or a friend) and still break that rule

[@ausetshnaiun8050]

That wouldn't work because cheaters don't want another relationship they just want sex and to cheat, Polly is multiple relationships and that's not something that cheaters want nor are they capable of because they can't even maintain One Singular relationship. And cheaters would cheat in a poly relationship so don't invite them lol cheaters need to be single or in a relationship that was open but that leaves their partner to be with someone else sexually and that's not what they want.

[@safaiaryu12]

As a NOT poly person, so take this with a grain of salt, but I've been told that if a relationship BECOMES open after years of being closed, rather than starting off open, it rarely works out? Basically because someone wasn't feeling fulfilled in the closed relationship, so they ask to open it up as a last-ditch effort, which really doesn't end up solving whatever problems the original relationship had. It's just messy.

[@obliviousred]

​​​@@safaiaryu12 not necessarily. I'm poly and am in community with lots of other poly people and it's far from uncommon to start from monogamy or to have a period of a few years where you choose to intentionally focus just on one partner. It's all in the intention and spirit you go into it with. If you're doing it to fix a relationship, generally a bad idea (that's why this show is chaos lol) but if you're doing it more to meet certain needs (ex - having certain kinks, libido differences, desires for multiple genders) or just because it's how you two prefer to operate, that would be much more likely to have a good outcome as long as you do so carefully, mindfully, considerately, and ethically. (that being said, most of us still fucked up spectacularly when we started out - it's almost a rite of passage lol. I mean, we aren't taught to be non-monogamous in the way that we all learn about monogamy, so there's usually a learning curve.) edit - grammar

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

25:36 Listen, this little story Vanessa wrote, cuz idk what else to call it, killed me. In her head, Xander loves her so much, would be asexual without her, but when Xander went on a date with Yoly, they said they’re very sexual. Such an example of her main characterness.

[@devonmunn5728]

More so cognitive dissonance

[@tash936]

I never thought I would ever hear " you had your fingers inside of the person I love" on a reality tv show...wild😶😂 Mal was right about Yolly falling in love easily Mal can get it she's 🔥 I understand Lexi but I feel like she's going too far, Rae looks like she's one argument away from a mental breakdown, Lexi really needs to chill Loving the show!!!!!

[@beewest5704]

Rae is definitely not ready to get married & that is fine. Lexi just needs to do what is best for her. If she wants go get married now she should leave.

[@kiana6065]

HAHA hearing that line made me realize how much more queer reality shows we need

[@averyeml]

My asexual self constantly goes “man, we gotta get with a partner but it’s so much harder when you aren’t physically motivated…” and then every melodramatic tv show and every trainwreck relationship my friends have make me realize that hey, being happy alone isn’t so bad, even if you’re occasionally lonely lmao EDIT: girl yes you 100% nailed it- I am sure there are some aces who have found one human who is the only one they’ve ever felt things for. I bet it’s possible and either it isn’t for me or I haven’t found that magic person yet, but there’s a solid chance demisexual is way more accurate

[@Viteaification]

im thinking my only chance is pairing up with another ace i just dont think i can fulfill anyone's sexual needs without it feeling like an obligation

[@asmileisspecial]

I feel this so much.

[@eveclass1716]

oh mood. I’m demiromantic too so even the romantic aspect of dating is weird and uncomfy to me at first that I’m just sort of like, “you know what, I’ve got my cat who is my best buddy, I’m good”

[@joydanleigh7711]

💕💕💕💜💜💜🌸🌸🌸🎀🎀🎀🌷🌷🌷

[@safaiaryu12]

Agreed! I've literally never dated anyone because I'm afraid that they'll want/expect something of me that I can't fulfill, lol!

[@CapnCrunchy79]

Rae clearly stated, outside of the show, that she was practically forced to go onto the show. Learning that, I can see why Rae is so awkward, which makes me feel bad for her a lot. Like why the fuck would you tell your parents that Rae had sex?!?!?! YOU brought her on the show, I can't skjnds. Lexi also starts to come off like a bit of a bully later on in the show towards Rae because Lexi knows how Rae is feeling yet keeps pushing. Also, Aussie is also a whole issue lmao. She's 42 and has to take a time out like a toddler. She needs therapy and needs to learn how to communicate. Lastly, Vanessa is so weird lmao, I think my opinion changes A BIT about her later on but she is a weirdo lmaooo. But this show is wild, I'm excited to see your reaction to the other episodes!

[@raerae5663]

I totally agree. Towards the end Vanessa seemed to get a grip (or at least come to terms with the fact that she’s not gonna become a movie star actress from this show lol) and it seemed like she completely chilled out at the reunion or realized that personality facade wasn’t working and just was herself which made her much more likable. Also I feel Tiff was very overly emotional in a way that was similar to Aussie and they both just did a lot lol

[@annewithnoe]

i 100% agree that Rae was being walked over, and regardless of whether Lexi realised it or not which she SHOULD have (cultural norms are different for each of them), she was pushing Rae around. HOWEVER Rae is not completely innocent either and I think its important to realise both of them are insanely flawed, like we find out that Rae had unpromptedly promised not to sleep with Vanessa, so I understand why Lexi felt extra betrayed and spirall-y. It def doesn't excuse her behaviour like why do you have to tell your family and repeatedly go after her etc but also that was a very shitty move for Rae to promise that she wouldn't get involved with someone your partner dislikes only to do the exact opposite (which i also think is like, Rae's vulnerability bc of insecurity? She promises she won't do anything but when someone who's not her partner expresses interest in her she falters back on it, also bc probably it triggered part of her insecurity bc with a partner they're SUPPOSED to like you, but this is a whole new unrelated person who thinks youre so great and so hot etc). Like again both of them do shitty things of varying degrees, but i UNDERSTAND where both of them come from. Both things not ok tho and honestly both of them need so much therapy but for such different reasons

[@faestreya]

I hope you know I've watched you for years, NEVER did I watch these kinds of shows before you starting covering them. Now I can't stop. I hope you're happy.

[@jessicayoung3656]

Trash TV for the WIN

[@passionpourelegance]

Kenny: ur welcome!

[@marcelrobinson]

17:42 “she’s just there to bump 🐱” The willpower it took to not bust out laughing while at work listening to this.

[@arduxtarrent1109]

I'm not black (obviously cuz I'm my profile picture and pale as can be) but I am trans and I almost started crying from joy to hear you so actively supporting the trans community and knowing your sponsor must also makes me interested in supporting them also. Lovely. Thank you so much! You're a wonderful role model

[@sparksparkle]

Love your hair in your pfp!

[@availanila]

You look like a cross between the young version of the woman that inspired the Birkin bag and Yoko Ono to me.

[@jazmineworthy2010]

💕 that's so sweet 💕

[@AA-qt1hi]

Yoly and Zander seem like they are doing well with each other. I like them for each other. And Vanessa is a straight up villain!

[@beewest5704]

It us a huge redflag that Yoly can fall in love & want to marry a person at the drop of a hat. It must be enthralling to Xan that is used to having to chase Vanessa around.

[@pruthav2209]

Girl trust me, it gets SO much worse.

[@shay4988]

Vanessa is the physical manifestation of those “girl who’s convinced you’re obsessed with her” TikToks

[@chrissie627]

Vanessa strikes me as the type who tried to get on love island and the ultimatum was their back up plan

[@Meandsushiroll]

I knew you would have to like this season! Ain’t no way a lesbian ultimatum would be boring.ain’t no mess like queer mess😂😂😂 also it’s better bc these people are like actually marrying age so that’s cool

[@who__cares__]

Bragging about how toxic and messy queer people are isn't the flex you think it is 💀

[@killanelle]

mal is a literal angel i could never be half as forgiving as they are

[@CarlisaNicole]

spoiler alert: I stand by the fact that Mal and Lexi are toxic in a very specific way that utilizes “therapized” language that we associate to those who are more centered and grounded to deflect from their shortcomings and come very close to straight up gaslighting their partners. Like, “I don’t want to hinder you but I’m going to drop this tidbit so you now are uncomfortable and have to sit and constantly think about it.” It’s a very queer brand of manipulation I’ve come to discover.

[@jadedelilah8382]

THANK YOU! I felt like I was in the twilight zone cause no one brought that up! when Lexi brings up Rae cheating in front of her OWN parents and ropes them in that discussion I thought it was so off putting and cornering to share that intimate discussion in front of ur own parents at dinner like ????

[@Anna-pf5up]

Finally someone else see through their "good girl" act

[@peanutbuttercup4082]

Also rubbed me the wrong way a little when Mal thought Xander was lying when they said they didn’t find anything they didn’t like about Yoly. Like perhaps Xander is not bothered by the things Yoly does that bothers you 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@cheerful-wreck7013]

yeah fr!!! i didn't feel it as much with mal except for some sus offhand comments but lexi got reeeeeeeeeally grating with her obsession with rae and vanessa's sexual history. rae even said she felt like a horrible person every day because of it. and when she talked to vanessa for half a second at the group party in ep 7 lexi blew up. she lowkey had a villain arc at that point in the season

[@pitpat2928]

THATS WHAT IT IS.. i couldn’t put my finger on what about them felt so disingenuous and its 100% the language. it sounds very sure and mature (and to a degree it is) but clearly they haven’t put their words into practice or they wouldn’t have been in their situations lol they’re stuck knowing how to intellectualize everything without processing what it means to Them Personally, so they cant make positive changes

[@AnnieLovesKillljoys]

The way I am so attached all these girls (except Vanessa), Rae's talk on the beach about not knowing what she's doing in life really hit me. I appreciate that everyone seems more open and vulnerable in this season

[@annnnne]

The supporting cast of their friends were amazing! Level headed people asking the right questions. MVPs.

[@beewest5704]

True how did everyone get based friends?

[@mfuentes4961]

Have you ever thought of doing a “Good Movies and a Glam” for the Korean sapphic/lesbian thriller ‘The Handmaiden’? I feel like not a lot of people talk about it when it comes to Korean cinema. Plus it would be a nice idea to do a good movie in honor of Pride month.

[@Rita-kx3yr]

Ah yes my other gay awakening. It's a good film.

[@__L__837]

That movie was something else I'm still not sure how I feel about it

[@ewarrior9776]

That movie is so damn gorgeous. It also deals with the Japanese occupation of Korea. The majority of pre-WW II Korean film was destroyed or severely censored by the Japanese colonial forces.

[@Rita-kx3yr]

Not gonna lie, I mostly remember the movie trailer. My impressionable self stumbled across it and thought I found religion lol. Song and editing is a bop

[@moustik31]

I 2nd this!!!

[@ahanadas5622]

I binge watched this and I am a certified Xander stan, Girlie lemme tell you when yol began grilling Vanessa in episode 4 I WAS LIVING

[@preciousonejewel]

so crazy.. im not really usually physically attracted to masc presenting people but the masc presenting people are the ones i wanna marry on this show lol

[@olwethuncaphayi5110]

I want Mal

[@preciousonejewel]

@@olwethuncaphayi5110 she's amazing!

[@blackalwayspink]

xander and mal 🙏🏽😭😭😭

[@mazzyg6186]

“And last but not least Xander! 🤗 … and vanessa 😒” 😂😂

[@CaribbeanCitizen]

The thing I will never understand about the Ultimatum is why these couples think reality tv is a better solution to their problems than a therapist.

[@maggiesarandi3576]

also, I feel terrible for mal. Yoly absolutely gets to make her own choices, but it must be difficult for Mal to have this one specific insecurity about their relationship & to see it realized before their very eyes. I also wonder if there were more conversations about race that were cut from the final edit.

[@rubyrider7902]

honestly its probably too late for you to do a series on it but kendall if you've never seen the bi season of Are You the One... you gotta watch that ish you would love it

[@asmileisspecial]

I need a Kendall review of that season because whewww, the drama.

[@rubyrider7902]

@@asmileisspecial i would totally watch it too!

[@availanila]

I used to love that show, until they did that season where there was an extra lady and was set up against the black girl. It irked me so much I never dared that IP again.

[@drebbmebben5322]

Yes please!!!

[@Riveronmars]

When Venessa talks about asexuality it's wrong. If you're asexual you don't ever feel sexual attraction. Though you could be demi-sexual (when you feel sexual attraction after getting to know someone emotionally) or gray-sexual (when you feel sexual attraction to select few people. I don't think Venessa meant any of those two terms, so she is just being acephobic/rude.

[@j.r.765]

Aren't the last two just regular people who aren't promiscuous or can just have preferences (which loads of people have). You tell someone about these labels who doesn't know anything about them, they would just laugh in your face. It's a farce.

[@Viteaification]

​@@j.r.765 tbh yeah demisexual just sounds like somebody who isn't horny 24/7

[@pinsandneedles3]

​​@@j.r.765Mmm, no. There's a difference between acting on attraction and not feeling it or only feeling it under very specific circumstances. A non-asexual person who you would call "not promiscuous" is perfectly capable of feeling attracted to random people they don't know and chooses not to *act* on that attraction for their personal reasons. A demisexual person might get to know a person for months or years before even beginning to *feel* attraction.

[@joydanleigh7711]

💕💕💕💜💜💜🎀🎀🎀🌷🌷🌷🌸🌸🌸

[@j.r.765]

@@pinsandneedles3 Yeah I just don't get it. I just know how normal people's attraction works.

[@verinamusherure881]

28:50 No truer words have ever been spoken. As someone who has struggled with low self esteem while single and in romantic relationships, no amount of external validation and love influenced how I felt about myself. Nothing ever lands when your internal dialogue is so hateful. I'm doing far, far better now after a couple of years of therapy. I hope Rae and anyone else suffering from low self-esteem gets the helpt that they need b/c it seriously works. Trust me ❤

[@tellmewill]

Asexual here, I've been ace my entire life till I met my current partner who remains the only person I've ever been sexually attracted to. So yeah it can work like that sometimes, for some people. The ace spectrum is complicated

[@safaiaryu12]

Same! I identify as demisexual now, so I agreed with Kennie when she suggested that, though only Xander can label themselves... and Vanessa certainly is not a reliable source, lol.

[@tellmewill]

​@@safaiaryu12 yeah its really only up to Xander. Even here right now, you and I experience this similarly yet I'm greysexual and you're demisexual because there's so much going on internally that other people can't ever get or guess based on external factors

[@user-xh6cg7zf9h]

​@@tellmewillsomething tells me vanessa wasn't necessarily being thoughtful of the ace community when she said that - saying someone's "basically asexual apart from you" is more so giving you cannot imagine your partner possibly attracted to someone else, especially considering xander ends up being sexually attracted to yoly too?

[@dionna6360]

Atp if Netflix don't cut Kennie her check 😅 Passionflix too while we at it

[@dopamine5170]

honestly this healed something i didnt rven know was hurt bc im the only lesbian ive ever known, and its LONELY as fuck out here (lack of the same infrastructure that gay men have like grindr, bars and cruising) and im also avoidant of "queer media" bc its usually really corny or tryhard (like its teaching people what queerness is) but honestly its like a breath of fresh air to see many wlw (masc too!) of different backgrounds and relationship dynamics and walks of life. gives me a little bit of hope, especially because they discuss how their relationship will actually work and function (instead of "happily ever after" fairytale stuff that mainstream gay rep tends to lean to, that or teen romance. ir straight up porn for men). usually i keep your reality tv content in the background but this time i felt like i had stuff to learn and experience and so i was fully engaged for the whole 50 mins. i loved to see how they all looked and talked and connected with eachother. i cant wait til next episode of this! (and of youre a lesbian reading this i love u) (and honestly any gay woman or woman adjacent. love u too mwah)

[@nyarlathotep3640]

I always think that my love for toxic garbage is gone and every Saturday I’m proven wrong 😂

[@nigeriagould7994]

This video is hilarious, but also - this makeup is eating down! We may need a tutorial girl!

[@t.s.5094]

yess!! this eye look is everything

[@harveybeadman]

ohhh I am so excited to watch this. So messy. I appreciated Lexi's confidence in the first two episodes but I really dislike how she treats Rae throughout the rest of the season lol. I know it's edited heavily but..

[@VashtiPerry]

Yea she seems a little controlling in the rest of the season.

[@JamilaJinx]

Yeah definitely like I know Vanessa HIGHKEY a lot but straight up telling the other girls to shun her and yelling at her partner for saying hi was to much

[@taviacummings8035]

I think Vanessa also realized that a lot of the others aren't into her so seeing the one person who is supposed to be really into her connecting with someone else (who looks and act very differently to her) is driving her nuts.

[@BBkiny]

It's been an entire week and the first thing Kendal says to us is "it's as hot as satan's gooch in this b*" Please never change Kenny

[@adorablegodzilla5628]

The BBC made a gay Love Island called, "I Kissed a Boy," and it was everything you'd think it would be and more.

[@evb9206]

as time went on i realized lexi wasn’t interested in having like open dialogue, but rather controlling a conversation and twisting ppls words around to match what she already assumed! Vanessa’s annoying obvi, but lexi’s obsession with vanessa was more annoying. all in the edit obvi but THATS ALL!!

[@jakemarie828]

Agreed. Lexi was on a war path and escalated stuff too much. She wasn't wrong about Vanessa being fake but the crusade was unnecessary.

[@blubelles2812]

idk i feel like people see lexi as this pushy bully, but i think she's just saying things with her whole chest. i actually loved that she was adamant about vanessa, because vanessa seems like she's never faced such blatant callouts before and deserves it. Rae's shelled personality and Lexi's strong personality aren't a good match--given her age, i just don't think lexi understands (given Rae's personality) she needs to give some people (air and water signs mostly) room to speak before trying to figure out the narrative on your own.

[@hwchen39]

As an ace person, I'm pretty free-wheeling with terminology especially because I think the most important thing for me is the acknowledgment that there's a spectrum and whether you're an aromatic asexual, romantic asexual, demisexual, etc. I tend to count that all as being under the asexual umbrella. For me, there are times when I really strongly identify as aro-ace and times when I wonder if I could possibly be demisexual, but a lot of the time I just identify as asexual because that's the term most people are familiar with. I also think if you've identified as asexual your entire life before you met a person, you might not switch to using the terminology of demisexual which I think is valid. Though I believe people under the ace spectrum should be able to use whatever terminology is most comfortable to them, using how someone identifies to validate your own ego does strike me as gross and not okay.

[@cybeshi]

I agree. And I'm wondering whether Xander and Vanessa maybe simply went through an asexual period in their relationship, and maybe Xander was wondering whether they were ace then, or maybe they kind of also were people pleasing Vanessa by telling them they might be ace, so that Vanessa doesn't take it as personal that they didn't want sex. Or something like that.

[@safaiaryu12]

Hard agree. I tend to call myself ace because it's a term more people are familiar with, but really I'm demisexual. The ONLY problem with using the term ace more is that it has made my partner question how much I'm physically attracted to them, so I had to backtrack and reassure them, lol.

[@bishielurfer]

We're also getting it secondhand from a fairly unreliable source so who even knows what they actually said.

[@torijeri]

im so angry the ONE mspec person on the show (Vanessa) is the villain. like us mspec people (bi, pan, poly, etc.) aren’t inherently unfaithful and toxic. the panphobia / biphobia is rampant in this show. ALSO, as a latina, Mildred trying to blame her toxicity in being latina is the most annoying shit ever. i HATE the “crazy latina” trope and it makes me sad to see people feed into that. i have so much to say

[@flowersgurl403]

who was being biphobic on the show?

[@torijeri]

@@flowersgurl403 the editors and casting directors and producers

[@damaged.collateral]

no one was being biphobic or panphobic on this show , it’s just that the one mspec person on it was selfish and extremely disrespectful . this is Reality , so it’s a matter of ‘good representation’ or ‘bad representation’ , bc they’re humans , not characters . i’m fully black , pan and nonbinary , for context .

[@torijeri]

@@damaged.collateral i wasn’t saying people on the show were being bi/panphobic, i was saying the producers and editors and show runners were

[@damaged.collateral]

@@torijeri i’m not saying the Contestants were being biphobic/panphobic , i meant the People on it , as in everyone who worked on the show . they can’t control what the person who happens to be mspec says or does . genuinely , how do you think the showrunners were being biphobic/panphobic ?

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

24:46 I was honestly dying at how quickly Lexi went from considering Vanessa to hating her.

[@evegerbrandt7906]

I love Kennie being concerned for Lexi’s neck 😂

[@Miiah__]

This show is so out of pocket 💀. I'm literally obsessed.

[@symonew33]

Netflix needs to tighten up those NDAs cause I’m seeing spoilers from the cast already lol

[@cavemanjr.6995]

I find it fascinating how we all come from different backgrounds, so we all have different bones to pick about different people. For example, I really didn't find Mildred too annoying, and I think that's because I could relate to how she grew up and her background. Because of this, her way of speaking seemed almost like a second language and normal. That's not to say it's good, but i definitely didn't notice her abrasiveness until others pointed it out. On the other hand Aussie was just right above Vanessa on people who made me want to punch the tv. The way they cannot, and i mean, cannot, take feedback, or handle hard (even semi hard) conversations, made me so mad and feel so bad for Sam. Their ability to quickly pack up their life and walk away was very hard for me to watch.

[@eveclass1716]

25:41 ace person here! It definitely can work that way! I’ve seen ‘ace with an exception’ be used to describe someone’s identity. Gray-ace, demisexual, etc. all fall under the ace umbrella, and every ace person experiences asexuality differently. I will say that-based solely on how it was presented here, idk how it happens in the show-Vanessa describing Xander as ‘basically asexual if it weren’t for me’ as a reason for why she’s not concerned about Xander finding someone else feels very weird to me. Because if we accept her claim here and assume that she is only person Xander has felt or will ever feel sexual attraction to, that doesn’t mean that they can’t find a better relationship. Non-sexual romantic relationships are a thing that can be just as fulfilling as sexual ones? And non-romantic partnerships are also a thing, which, believe it or not, can also be just as fulfilling! I suppose Vanessa’s apparent belief that a relationship without sex is inherently less meaningful tracks with her very sexually forward behavior on this show, but it’s worth unpacking that belief. ‘If it weren’t for me, they’d basically be asexual’ is not an assurance that this is the best relationship they’ve been in. All it says is that they feel sexually attracted to and/or enjoy sex with you. That probably fun and cool and all, but it might not be their top priority. Anyway, I’m excited to watch the rest of this video. It’s great background noise for exploring tears of the kingdom. Happy Pride! 🖤🤍💜

[@jozeysteinhauer7327]

something about vanessa having masc partner who she mistreats and uses as a 'backup' but when shes trying to hook up she goes for 2 femme girls immediately ..... interesting

[@juliencarson2627]

My roommate actually worked on the show as a crew member and the reason the show is so wonky throughout the editing and how it all plays out is bc the majority of the crew ended up leaving before it was finished

[@rachele.3229]

Woah. Could you share more about that? Like did they just walk out because they didn't feel right about what was going on, or did something else happen? For me, halfway through, I had to force myself to consume the episodes at once because I just wanted to be done with it. It got so hard to watch and I honestly feel that if I were a crew member, I wouldn't be able to participate in filming that.

[@devonmunn5728]

​@@rachele.3229I'm hoping they all left cause they realized what toxic dumpster fire they were all participating in

[@nolasalazar]

Rea did tell Lexi that she would not be intimate with Vanessa, something Lexi never asked Rea to do. That’s why Lexi was so upset, that trust was broken because Rea had volunteered that commitment. They discuss it in the future episode.

[@smartcam8095]

“To Wong Foo: Thanks for Everything!” is such an iconic piece of queer bs that I would love to see you react to. It’s most certainly outdated (you’ll see what I mean when you watch it) but it’s one of the few movies if its time that highlights drag queens in a way that isn’t completely negative. Some surprising cast choices were made (I.e. straight men playing drag queens that aren’t Maddy Morphosis) and I think it would be a good movie to watch if you want to take a turn from pure camp to camp mixed with serious issues. Love from Louisiana btw xoxo

[@bloopdogbee3156]

Being queer and single is now an achievement to me….

[@uuummm4521]

Idk man that whole part where Rae and Vanessa have sex… it might have just been Rae feeling guilt about it. But I got such a worrying vibe from it like it wasn’t fully consensual idk I really hope I’m wrong tho…. ANYWAY dear god Rae needs to go to therapy that girl has me WORRIED.

[@__L__837]

Is it bad that a part of me thinks the same? But I really don't want to go there because as much as an asshole Vanessa is I don't think it's fair to insinuate that Vanessa would go that low

[@crissxcx3544]

Well she did say something along the lines of “keep doing that, that felt good” so I’m not saying she didn’t regret it but she definitely tried to tell Lexi she consented to it

[@lovelala6861]

Rae said it was consensual.

[@elfdc7722]

Oh I think you're right, Xander being Asexual except for Vanessa could be demisexual, a type of asexual, but a lot of people don't necessarily know the term, to know it fits them. For anyone who doesn't, it's where you need an emotional connection to someone to be attracted to them, you are essentially asexual except if you are close enough to them, in Xander's case they might need a romantic connection, but it varies from demisexual to demisexual. You can also be demiromantic which is the same thing but with romantic attraction. But asexual and aromantic (arose) are very wide umbrella terms, it is far from a monolith, so entirely possible that Xander is only sexually attracted to Vanessa

[@pointnexter03]

Kennie, this hair colour to you is what honey blonde is to Beyonce.