Best HFY Reddit Stories: Diplomatic Intelligence Report Upon The Human Military (Part 2)

[@worldofwarcraftman2]

He should have mentioned what we Canadians did during the first World War. The Geneva Convention was originally just a bucket list of things Canadians are no longer allowed to do in war.

[@Voron_Aggrav]

as they say, when the Canadians are involved there'll be Sorry involved, you just hope they're the ones saying sorry, and not you

[@ArkansanDragon]

Wait, really??? O_O

[@worldofwarcraftman2]

@@ArkansanDragon Yes Canadians in the first world war were brutal as fuck. We went over with the mindset of we need to end this war as fast as possible so we did things like throw cans of food into the enemy trenches and when the Germans went for it we threw grenades when they asked for more food.

[@danielmcdonald6861]

Polish invented chemical warfare Canadians invented the bucket list of what's not allowed in trench warfare - canned food, booby trapping their allies while still alive, ... Canadians in war are one of the toughest and meanest you'll meet, look at the Korean war

[@aidreinhorn1534]

Oh ya der bud? I think you mean Geneva checklist.

[@giancarlobacosa2546]

Canadian geese are just storage for Canadian's rage

[@geoshark12]

It’s the moose that are terrifying

[@Leapyean]

​@@geoshark12Right!! The geese are not really even that scary if you know how to deal with them... You just need to avoid the two rows of serrated teeth and that 'lacking selfpreservation' body slam and and you'll be fine. The Moose however... well, we say sorry so much because the moose never will!

[@chrisweiss6363]

You mean Canadian cobra chickens?

[@whiterabbit75]

That goes a long way towards explaining their aggressiveness.

[@geoshark12]

@@Leapyean no geese are scary due to legal repercussions for harming them and they are 100% the storage of Canadian rage

[@erichherman2753]

The Geneva convention was essentially the world Court saying "Canada, please don't do that again"

[@avroarchitect1793]

And Canada responds "Ok, I'll do something new next time"

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

What? We are so nice.

[@shawnsanto3564]

To quote the Doctor - Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.

[@fesco4752]

"Australia is s death world within a dead world" Perfect description of Australia in a nutshell

[@devilfanmik]

Deathception

[@Darkinu2]

Perfectly fits 😂

[@ironwolfF1]

I can see why he didn't include a section on the Green Berets...they really aren't a combat unit per say, since their primary job is enter enemy territory, organize and train, ordinary people (usually, serfs (or slaves) and other lower-caste natives) into fighting forces capable of paralyzing local infrastructure, up to, and including overthrowing planetary overlords. I'll assume that mentions of the SEALS and SBS will occur in the Blue Water Navy portion of the report...

[@ryanpiercy3390]

you forgot the sniping, green beret sniper teams are not to be fucked with. you will be dead before you hear gunfire, and never see anyone unless you are on top of them. all from about a km away, sometimes even 2. Assuming that their distance unit, demimacron, is around 10 feet. (my rough estimate based on the large shark size of around 50 ft) that is 328 demimacrons to around 650. All shooting with a bullet velocity higher than the speed of sound. If their shot is good enough, you will never even hear any bullets as you are shot dead. Don't get me started on their close quarters wetwork either, the spetsnaz are certainly not trash but there are worse things than being waterboarded. One of them is green baret training, it is basically hell but green. They probably let the spetznaz do it because they didn't want to bother unless they were going to kill everyone without making a sound.

[@mikkelnpetersen]

"They're so good at planting bugs, that we've given up"

[@NXTangl]

I mean, if there's one thing the Russians are _actually_ good at, it's espionage and cyberwarfare, lack of fact-finding in Ukraine aside.

[@radfordra]

Remember it’s only a war crime if you lose Love, Canadians!

[@sethsilverwood3671]

Yeah, if you win, it's a war prank

[@biggsdarklighter0473]

If you win, that's one point the enemy isn't to be held liable for anymore.

[@kdrapertrucker]

If spetznatz completely stymies them, then these aliens would be utterly helpless against a competent enemy.

[@E-N-A-R-D-L-A-V]

They are currently getting their asses handed to them by the Ukrainian Military and civilians.

[@cs03gsboom69]

They did well in Ukraine took objectives quick but the logistics lines and the infantry didnt arrive and couldnt hold them

[@clicksclacks]

​@@cs03gsboom69lmao no, you're thinking of when the VDV took and held an airport for awhile at the start of the war (rip An-225), Spetznaz were largely butchered with something like a 95% total casualty rate according to the Pentagon leaks. In their defense, they were stupidly used by commanders as frontline forces to capture key buildings in an attempt to sustain momentum early on... admittedly not the best way to judge their effectiveness as special forces, though in pure urban combat they weren't particularly effective against tactics adopted by militias either.

[@cs03gsboom69]

@@clicksclacks does not mean they are not good special forces if they were used for their intended person the troops are capable but if you send special forces on the frontline as infantry men the issue lies with the commanders and not the troops in and of themselves

[@clicksclacks]

@@cs03gsboom69 Pretty much what I said, but they clearly aren't the killing machines they were hyped up to be either (at least not against well trained combatants). Sadly they aren't easily replaced for obvious reasons so we likely won't be able to judge their effectiveness for decades to come... though we do have the Beslan school siege/massacre to reference. :v

[@Voron_Aggrav]

Canadians, if they ever Stop saying Sorry, RUN, just Run, these are people who will commit atrocities when it comes down to it, and have accepted it, hence they're so Polite and known for saying sorry

[@KaiHenningsen]

I thought it was "Eh..."

[@shanemcguire7333]

You know America is going to be brought up in the air force part and to summarize "they took a massive gun and turned it into a plane. Then they made a lot of them. Then they made one with stealth tech.

[@noneofyourbuisness1679]

Surprised they haven’t gotten to Americans yet - where even the most unassuming of civilians is capable stopping an entire army with the private weapons that seem to be surgically attached to them

[@Kiroana]

Gotta save the best for last. A whole dossier needs dedicated to those psychopathic apes. - Says another psychopathic ape

[@michaelmoolick9419]

Probably running a psyop on the aliens alread

[@fs5miFi1dM4u5]

​@@michaelmoolick9419 the xenonarrator is a CIA asset feeding his people information the US government wants them to know.

[@davethompson3326]

From experience off duty in military towns, the unit to beware of is the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders

[@scott644]

I'm coming to love this series, and you're reading it very well!

[@kennethmoses4900]

The Australians section was kind of a letdown. I was looking forward to the incorporation of our military legacy into the Human Army. The ANZACs of Gallipoli, The Diggers, The Rats of Tobruk, The 4th Light Horse Brigade at Beersheba, or the Changi and Thai-Burma Railway POWs. These are the defining moments of Australian valour: An impenetrable calm in the face of armageddon. Cheer and good humour sustained against impossible odds. The bonds of Mateship forged in the trenches of Hell. Men who turned the world’s darkest hours into their own finest hours. A reckless ferocity that won even the respect of their enemies. A mad sort of hope, one entirely untethered from reality, seeing them through to the end. Imagine this: “A red flower painted on the battlesuits of a Human Army, neck deep in the trench of some alien planet. The Poppy; a symbol carried by the Australian units to memorialise those fallen - lest we forget. The haunting sounds of a Didgeridoo begin to play. A deathly quiet. Just moments before, you were cracking jokes and sharing made-up stories with one another. Not anymore. Now, an earnest silence has taken hold. The sound of battle and laser-fire fade into the backdrop. Only the music of the Didgeridoo remains. You watch as those around you absorb the booming echoes of the instrument into their bones, into their souls. You are no exception. The night before, you had stood before a fire as one of your comrades painted your battlesuit in white warpaint while chanting the ancestral words for protection. You were in it, uttering a prayer in remembrance of the moment your boots made contact with the dirt of this foreign planet, when you became one with it. If you and your mates die here, your bodies would join with it. Become it. The spirits of your regiment will be custodians. You are no exception. You line up with the others, energy lance mounted on your rifles; guns readied for close-combat. Readied for a final charge. This is it. Today, your regiment proves it’s valour. Either that, or the poppy seeds laced within your battlesuits will turn the ruined field in front of you red with colour. The song ends. A flare goes up. A thundering roar emanates from you. From your mates. From the entirety of the trench. You climb the battlements. Up and over. The enemy hears you before they see you. A second roar leaves your throat. The enemy fires. Plasma bolts whiz past you. The woman on your left goes down. You move faster, the muddy ground beneath your feet sucking you in with every step. A person on your right steps on a mine. The explosion rocks your bones, but your mag-shields take the brunt of it. Your rifle wasn’t so lucky. You pull the shovel from your back compartment without a moment wasted. The enemy trench beckons. You’re close now. Close enough to see the fear in their eyes. If you hadn’t known better, you’d think they could see the mad grin beneath your helmet. The enemy stands with mouths agape, watching as creatures half their size scream towards them. A third roar goes out, with lances pointed forwards. The enemy breaks, fleeing in terror. It’s into their backs that your shovel finds purchase.” Cool, right? Instead of something reminiscent of that… we got napalm. The thing that sticks to kids. The thing that outraged the public and forced us to pull out of Vietnam. 🤦‍♂️

[@melkiorwiseman5234]

_dances_ I like it! You could write a quite decent story if you tried.

[@belorianuskane1952]

I really like your take.

[@Darkinu2]

That was a real ripper. Good on you, mate.

[@Voron_Aggrav]

Spetsnaz, Well this was Written more than 2 years ago

[@tomaszkarwik6357]

Nope only 7 months old

[@alexanderjosefsson4729]

Well it is sci-fi it is a story

[@Voron_Aggrav]

@@alexanderjosefsson4729 Yes, but it's just funny to have them being highlighted, when they've been proven to be a Joke against Ukraine, at least it wasn't the VDV used, because that'd be hilarous

[@polishpotatos9282]

@@Voron_Aggrav not really meant to be normal grunts but yeah they still die. All it takes is a miss step. Not knowing where your going. Not checking a unknown corner. Not watching the tree line a little longer. Or sometimes your luck just runs out. All of this can happen. And can happen to you no matter your training.

[@IVPixel]

@@polishpotatos9282 nah bro special forces are all supposed to be invincible killing machines that make no mistakes

[@verilyheld]

Re the Canadians= they do after all have cobra chickens, aka birds with teeth.

[@kdrapertrucker]

And pisses off from birth.

[@dsfsdggfggdfd3791]

Only if the spetsnaz was actually this good lmao

[@horsemumbler1]

5:44 Skin sure is when it has burning jelly stuck to it.

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@dsfsdggfggdfd3791]

Ice hockey is even more dangerous than they make it out to be Player from my local team had his throat cut open deep and died during a match a month or two ago, he was also on lease, guy from Pittsburgh penguins

[@indmxrex2794]

The Australian forces are the most terrifying they just throw giant spiders and snakes at you

[@nightwolfnordberg9476]

And he still have not even write about how sweden have tanks that is hard to detec on radar and the Finland snipers yet

[@geoshark12]

Actually Canada has the top snipers ( not saying Finland doesn’t have good snipers but it’s something a lot don’t actually know)

[@nightwolfnordberg9476]

@@geoshark12 i was think about finlands white death finland should atleast have a elite sniper unite name after it right

[@deasttttt]

@@geoshark12 Well Finns did win NATO sniper competition last month back with Canadian teams included. Frankly you can't really compare sniper forces and conclude which is better anyways since each has their own mission so what's good varies based on the situation.

[@biggsdarklighter0473]

​@@deastttttI mean Israeli snipers are absolutely lethal in urban Combat.

[@MasterMind3508]

hum...No mention at all of the (in)famous Foreign legion....Weird

[@russellstyles5381]

A few errors there. I'm not sure I want to correct him. They say you should never interrupt an enemy while they are making an error.

[@zipperfingers749]

So the Australians are just Salamander Space Marines? Got it.

[@mac-gyver1152]

Yay part two 🙏👏

[@agoddamnferret]

lol that "Ps"

[@boogrs55]

ah yes... set fire to water

[@justinpuzin5120]

Q: Why do Canadians always apologize? A: War crimes, it's for their many, many, war crimes. (a good chunk of the Geneva Suggestions exists because of them)

[@jackhell9263]

realy? that is hard to belive. i thougt it was because of us germas

[@deasttttt]

@@jackhell9263 Canadians were known to execute German POWs in both world wars. It became a bit of a problem because German units would often not surrender to Canadians because they didn't believe they would be allowed to live.

[@justinpuzin5120]

@@jackhell9263 As stated above they did a lot TO Germans. The one that comes to mind was in WW1 where the lines/trenches were close enough the two sides were bit€hing at each other and the Germans were complaining about their rations so the Canadians tossed over some of their rations and once they heard the Germans starting to open the ration packs the Canadians then tossed over grenades. Germans are largely responsible for the Geneva sections on dealing with civilians. Canadians, battlefield warcrimes.

[@jackhell9263]

@@justinpuzin5120 understandable have a nice day 😊 BTW I did not need to know that

[@rexmann1984]

Where's part one?

[@Voron_Aggrav]

it was posted 2 weeks ago, it's posted before Dungeon Life episode 74 and after Episode 25 of the New Species, and carries the same title as this episode except the "(part 2)" part

[@charlesipes3962]

Love it!!

[@chrisangus7078]

Would love to him explain the gurkas lol

[@TheSolidSnakeOil]

Berserker Canadians are a new one.

[@zephyrstrife4668]

Canadians are the epitome of the phrase "It is better to ask forgiveness than permission."

[@TheGreyGhost873]

The part about the Russian (special forces) is pretty funny

[@KuDastardly]

You forgot about the emus, lol.

[@rowdysgirlalways]

You have to understand that Hockey is NOT a sport, but a religion...

[@Kokuyous3ki]

He tried really hard with this one. :)

[@cyclopes82]

When is the next installment of this one?

[@edisonmc049]

lets go aus we are 2x death worlders xD

[@legacyplays6050]

Do you know what I don’t understand why non of these HFY ever talk about the army of the little island that took over 1/3 of the world just because we could. Like I know Scotland is talked about but that’s the only one I ever see talked about.

[@EdVILLA-vb1xs]

Kia soul 2024 fog lights

[@kinexxona06]

What about the hungarian Huszárs?

[@BeeKisses]

See translation: capitalises Hungarian 😅

[@Voron_Aggrav]

ehm, wouldn't that be the Polish ones?

[@Amoth_oth_ras_shash]

i fear this military report once unavoidably leaked as the idiotic ambassador bursting with arrogance complains on the 'fantasy's' in it out loud to her secretary V.I assistant ...will cause this admiral/general to groan and feel the need to make a secondary report , wich mentions due to the jokes some humans now cracked towards other demographics of terrans in some sort of conffusing self contradicting measure of historic pride over 'name ownership' that they at the same time declare holds no weight is is just silly.. it caused a secondary apex berserker capable military force to be added to their already extra galatic threat counter worthy arsenal of manpower... and its nickname is viking 'hunters' as the direct translation of that regions special forces name , wich as you might guess shares much the same environmental background and superficial society politeness as these Canadians do being in an indirect way ''related' to them as a cousin of a cousin to a cousin sharing the same family origin. causing the general to end that report with a stern advice to the diplomatic core not to get clever with the 'civilian' part of human societies as they are more likely due to culture barriers to spark the creation of yet more elite forces or increased readyness drills for the general population to stay fit and ensure an even larger manpower pool of healthy alert personal should ...or disturbingly talented underground resistance fighters should war ever erupt between humans and other milky way species XD

[@aidreinhorn1534]

I take it the writer doesn’t know too much about the military?

[@talyn3932]

Written by someone with a meme only understanding of things....

[@rhyderleming5851]

If you wanna get he Canadians, google “Canadians WW1