No. 45 Denies Targeting Comedians, Insists He'll Be Back In The White House Soon

[@hyperboi87]

I felt that “no thank you” in my soul for that man in the audience lol

[@orchdork775]

Right?? That was heartbreaking 😂

[@hyperboi87]

@@orchdork775 but the Virgo in me was like Ha!!!!

[@andrewfaraday8918]

After a year and a half without a live audience, that was a brilliant response to a deeply alarming heckle. He's still got it.

[@tripwire4727]

Nice. Thanks for no spoilers. Yea, that was epic.

[@irontribeissues9104]

“Deeply alarming”? Nah.

[@litrpg101]

"Talks about wanting to go to a sex party: gets offered to go to a sex party" Not really alarming, imo.

[@tallenpelegrin7026]

Is just me, or is Stephen back live and greater than ever. Damn, his monologues just knocking it out of the park since he's back live.

[@ChristmasLore]

So missing the more intimidating days, but it's undeniable the comeback has provided him such powerful, renewed energy!🍃

[@Turtleproof]

I'll miss his wife laughing with him, but in this one the crowd booing sounded just like the angry citizens from Sim City 2000 when your approval rating tanks and I am down with that kind of uncanny valley.

[@fionacampbell5105]

@ Tallen Pelegrin it's not just you! I'm not sure about the rest of 'The Late Show' hosts but i definitely prefer HIM in front of an audience. He seems more energised, no? Whatever, I hope his wife keeps up an appearance on the show though - i'll miss her if she doesn't!

[@tallenpelegrin7026]

@@fionacampbell5105 He was very good without the audience, but he seems better now with an audience than I remember prior to the pandemic.

[@adventureseeker9800]

And great energy all around which is nice. Makes one think that things are headed back in the direction of normal for everybody.

[@magellanmax]

Probably one of the funniest monologues he has ever done...I was howling! 😭

[@Zirnike]

"Yang was betrayed by his long term ally, math" I also would have accepted yin.

[@cherylmaclean4349]

That’s clever…

[@Markus_Andrew]

I can dig that

[@OneRandomLeo]

😂😂😂

[@Junksaint]

Hey, nice one lol

[@trishm.9294]

I was thinking the same thing. Lol ☯️

[@angelchronicles9848]

To the man who stood up for the sex party joke, you are a legend!

[@lukasblur3500]

i salute thee good sir

[@JoshuaWillis89]

As an educator and former cheerleading coach, I for one say this SCOTUS ruling is LONG overdue. It’s just as good for the teachers and administrators as it is for the students, even though most admin will say the opposite. There NEEDS to more separation between school and home life for everyone. A kid blew off some steam. We all did stuff like that as kids, except it wasn’t on the internet for everyone to see. And some people will say, “well she shouldn’t have posted it.” That’s antiquated thinking. The internet is our collective arena for self-expression. Just because more people can see it now doesn’t make it any less worthy of protection.

[@paradisepipeco]

Totally seriously, thank you for posting such an enlightened and forward thinking comment that needed to be said, especially by one with your qualifications to back it up. We are confronting the biggest threat of fascism our nation has ever encountered, and people aghast at teenagers acting like teenagers need to take their MAGA hats and move to Russia so they can be closer to Putin.

[@chino3796]

It was on Snapchat where it would have disappeared. The school wanted to make an issue of it.

[@ToniGlick]

I also very much appreciate your comment. It's time we make and uphold laws that actually reflect the reality of the new world we live in.

[@leavingitblank9363]

I go back and forth on this. What concerns me most is that there's this prevailing idea that the U.S. is "the land of the free" and we can do whatever we want without repercussions. Yes, we all let off steam occasionally. But it's through the backlash that sometimes results that we learn how to control our outbursts and be more responsible. This ruling just told all those hormonal teens that they can do whatever they want, however vulgar or inappropriate, and they'll get away with it. And then we wonder why there's so little respect shown these days.

[@paradisepipeco]

@@leavingitblank9363 The government's function is not to raise and discipline children. But its function is to protect our rights in a so-called free society. Minors have limited rights. But they do share our rights of free speech, and your thinking is dangerous, pitifully antiquated, and approaches fascism. Please think again. There is a reason children cannot vote, legally are in the custody of adults, cannot drive below a certain age, etc. To expect them to not behave as immature is ludicrous when that is exactly what they are. They have an excuse to act irresponsibly. They are kids. The infantile GQP and MAGA, on the other hand, have no such excuse. By law, they are adults. By their actions, they are not only Russia-loving traitors who are openly supporting a violent attempted coup attempt and threatening further such action, but they are behaving not like teenagers but like infants having a kicking and screaming tantrum. I respectfully suggest you step back, try to gain some perspective, and sort out your priorities and revisit what the first amendment means and what it means to live in a free society. Namaste.

[@FredRedFrred]

This is the funniest episode this year, with at least nine pauses until the laugh subsided so as not to miss anything. Colbert and his team of writers polished this show to a high gloss gleam. Outstanding--Go Team Colbert!!

[@Influx27]

"physical barriers, like walls" Wait, is the city now endorsing Glory Holes?!

[@sassysarina9718]

That is exactly what I thought at first

[@anakinskywalker1377]

Sounds like it 😂

[@forgeustiss6667]

Studs are 16” on centre.

[@dotapark]

IKR? Thank you! I almost thought it was only me 🤣

[@wynonasbigbrowndragon6121]

I checked the comments to see if someone mentioned glory holes 🤣

[@Morgan-Wesley-Parker]

Dude been watching this show for years and that has to be the best monologue he’s done, it was the audience I think, it felt like I was watching a stand up routine, brilliant.

[@modredastal1644]

"There's one guy in the Public Health Department who really wants an orgy to happen." Yeah, and he's in the audience.

[@videomissionary]

You know, a lot of people might accuse us of letting 45 live rent-free in our heads. But I would describe it more like a home invasion situation.

[@MACV144]

He won't run again, the GQP will keep 'em right up to the time for primaries, to keep the idiots corralled. .......then comes DeSantis to take over the clown car.

[@evelynhester989]

@videomissionary Great comment!

[@crystalshaw8744]

I don't know WHY I tried to watch this while eating...lmbo

[@LoveDiveChannel]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@averyw1497]

Damn this monologue was fantastic

[@sternis1]

I felt the "Make sure to have a stud every 18 inches" joke didn't get quite the laughs it deserved XD

[@quentinquogamoddy1999]

Most people don't have a clue how houses and buildings are built. Plus they may not know that the 2x4 in the vertical position is called a stud. So the double entendre went most likely went over their heads. Or, maybe they did know building codes, but then knew that Colbert got it wrong. It's studs every 16 inches, not 18. That's why there is a red diamond mark on tape measures at 16 inches.

[@jennac6954]

@@quentinquogamoddy1999 18 is legal. 16 is not legal. So a stud at 18 is legal.. But I prefer my stud at 21😍

[@quentinquogamoddy1999]

@@jennac6954 🤣

[@alexbelanger259]

Damn Colbert is on fire and having fun in this one.

[@arenc5619]

I think we’ve learnt after 4 years of Trump what an international disaster he was and your reputation suffered greatly as a country. How in the world would y’all put him back? Asking for the EU.

[@gregbors8364]

Most of us don’t. He lost the popular vote both times he ran. But thanks to our wonderful technicality called the Electoral College, he lost the popular vote but still won the election the first time.

[@gabesarti7184]

I for one absolutely hate him, and hope he spends the rest of his life in prison. He got hundreds of thousands American people killed during the pandemic.

[@alex35agm]

The real question is,how in the hell did he get elected in the first place?I guess the United States education system is worse than we thought.

[@-oiiio-3993]

Fox 'News', Limbaugh, Alex Jones, and dozens of other shameless hucksters have been peddling their 'entertainment' for decades while branding their hateful garbage as "news". Millions of Jell - O for brains idiots hang on their every word as 'Gospel truth'. “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” ― George Carlin

[@erikdegroote5347]

@ezlyfe 80 years ago

[@leavingitblank9363]

He's extra feisty tonight! Even wore an uncharacteristically bright tie.

[@MarnettaAnn]

Every time I watch Steven Colbert it reminds me why he's my celebrity crush, and Evie is a friend in my head

[@couragekarnga8735]

Oh, Evie is just lovely!

[@derricknelson8160]

Hello how you doing

[@marshamariner7897]

I hv 2 late nite guys. And their wives r great. I'm sure it has an effect on their shows 🌹💖🌉🦋🇺🇸🌨️❄️🌉💖

[@williamcracker7243]

Dear heffa you got low standards

[@MarnettaAnn]

@@williamcracker7243 probably... but they are my standards and they don't affect you, so thanks for calling me a heffa... you must be a total prize for your wife 🤢

[@PegsFlamingoville]

A year old and I’m so tickled with this episode I think I’ll watch again after sharing with a friend. Thank you for the last eight years Stephen. ❤🤍💙

[@MrKolozal]

Stephen says he doesn't believe there are sex parties and then a random guy yells "I'll give you my card" in response, what a legend xD

[@couragekarnga8735]

Gods, I love this show!

[@TheMulToyVerse]

I lost it at “stand up... 👁👁 ... 🤔... no thank you”

[@c187rocks]

I do hope when they kicked him out that he made sure to pass on his card.

[@luuketaylor]

Oh, I thought he said "_____ Park!" as in the name of some park where there was going to be some... activities happening. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

[@teelo12000]

Thanks, was wondering what he said.

[@concordep2504]

It’s sad yet when McConnell dies Americans will have parties everywhere.

[@brucefreadrich1188]

Parties everywhere… and McConnell eaten by worms… how is that sad???

[@coltonblake13]

Fucked up people maybe

[@SteepInKline]

@@brucefreadrich1188 I’m actually betting he’ll just melt on the sidewalk one day. One can dream, right?

[@c0mpu73rguy]

@@coltonblake13 People did celebrate in GB when Margareth Thatcher died so it wouldn’t surprise me.

[@coltonblake13]

@@c0mpu73rguy oh I'm sure people will. People were glad when our president and others got covid. Really shameful it's so easy to distance oneself from human life

[@rezadaneshi]

Who said life might not ever go back to normal. Stephen Colbert is all we need

[@robc4191]

Well, a functioning government would be nice too.

[@rezadaneshi]

@@robc4191 it would certainly be, but it didn’t function before COVID and lockdown either.

[@couragekarnga8735]

Stephen Colbert: Keeping America sane one joke at a time.

[@rezadaneshi]

@Isaac Suarez Trump is a joke that keeps on giving for decades even long after he is gone. Don’t you worry about Trump running. If Trump runs, turn out will be enormous and many independents will run and win. Establishment will not let trump run.

[@JakobNoone]

@@robc4191 They are America. And you can, too!

[@Tadicuslegion78]

Founders: *envision a senate full of individuals who can think for themselves to represent the states* Turtle McConnell: Well yes, but actually no. In fact I’m determined to keep Kentucky in 1864.

[@couragekarnga8735]

Gerrymandering is a very powerful thing.

[@Dayandcounting]

@@couragekarnga8735 No gerrymandering in Senate races though. Well other than the Gerrymandering known as the states.

[@JohnDoe662002]

Founders: “What’s a Kentucky?”

[@LD86]

Voter suppression, gerrymandering, abuses of power…. All tactics straight out of the autocrat handbook.

[@arthenosthefirst8176]

it's not just mcconnel, it's all the repubs in the senate, mcconnel only has power because they let him.

[@mandipandi303]

"No, thank you." I'm dying! 🤣🤣🤣

[@phraydedjez]

Thats gold! That dude that stood up and yelled out, I was LMFAO

[@rodrigocantarino4035]

What did he say? I couldnt hear well

[@brettw8744]

I didn’t miss hearing the crowd the whole time.

[@kenyap101]

Sames

[@ImionLordred]

Aye, quite annoying screaming...

[@mackersun]

I believe it's because it felt like a show personally for each one of us. Each show it was like he was talking just to me.

[@jonalderson5571]

Too bad, the real fans love the crowd. Go back into your basement

[@mackersun]

@@jonalderson5571 it's my personal preference. Why do you feel the need to be rude? It's not a bad thing. It's just something I've noticed.

[@ajcbng8289]

Who in the world isn't thankful for his absolute silliness? Cheers, SIR. 🥂❤️

[@sererwr2413]

stephen is a traitor hack

[@Themagalorian]

This dudes only on the air because the libs need poor comedic propaganda.. wonder what his true ratings are?

[@mikenoble91]

"Stand up... no thanks Savage.

[@rgs8970]

You gotta respect the dude for shooting his shot 😂

[@2112Nightshift]

"Speaking of things you don't want to smell." Best. Segue. Ever.

[@Muse009009]

Was it just me or was this one of the best openings in a minute.

[@timbeaton5045]

"....physical barriers....like walls!" Never stopped Pyramus and Thisbe!

[@coltonblake13]

So...walls bad?

[@Turtleproof]

@@coltonblake13 Hardy har, they are a waste of time, labor, and money, just ask Hadrian, Maginot, and others who tried to buy time for a failing nation with a static defense instead of effective civic, economic, military policies. As in every case in history, a practically abandoned wall is easy to sap under, break thru or just go around. Temporary barriers help at concert venues and movie theater ticket lines, tho!

[@ashwainthobourne4874]

@@coltonblake13 cjl

[@coltonblake13]

@@ashwainthobourne4874 CJB?

[@shawnduffy3380]

Oh glory me!

[@swapshots4427]

I''m so glad you are back in full force.!

[@andrewread154]

McConnell…possibly the most mean spirited man in American politics…

[@vivigesso3756]

Because he does what the voters want? You're just mad he doesn't give unlimited free handouts.

[@demostheodorakakis6328]

@@vivigesso3756 shut up treasure!

[@andrewread154]

@@vivigesso3756 why would I care? I’m not American. But I do see that he is a political animal with no regard whatsoever for the people he is supposedly providing a service to.

[@adamf663]

@@vivigesso3756 He doesn't and has never given a shit about his constituents or the country. McConnel does what is best for himself in his never ending quest for personal power and money.

[@76rjackson]

@@vivigesso3756 But he doesn't do what the voters want. He does what the corporations want for the money, he does what the Chinese want for his billionaire wife, but beyond that he does nothing. You think most Americans just want handouts and are lazy freeloaders? Why do you hate America so much?

[@lovelyskull3483]

“Crockpot full of Balls”😂😂😂, literally I’m crying.

[@danigrey442]

Same here, I will never look at a crockpot the same way

[@debralambert1475]

Are they covered in sweet+sour sauce?

[@mefford67]

@@debralambert1475 *Schweaty balls!* 😘

[@shiftybat7318]

Mitch is just the old-school version of an Internet troll - he refuses to accept that his time has come, that his body is failing, his era of prominence is over, and that he can barely speak words anymore, but instead of ceding his post to someone more capable (or likeable) he channels all of his remaining energy into ensuring no one else can ever have what he once had without his say. He is the iconic definition of an obstructionist, and is about as useful as nipples on a squid.

[@a_diamond]

Nipples on a squid.. yep, remembering that one..

[@lsingstock1646]

@@davidjones332 dude, be careful what you say. You tube is listening. My friend suggested something similar about diaper boy and was banned.

[@WWZenaDo]

More like Mitch is an old-school version of a traitor....

[@ingridwheeler3180]

Ditch mitch ! Asap.

[@Fate263]

@daniel banks Sure... Nevermind that among the 3 in question, one is openly honest about their obstruction, but sure 2 women who COULD do something are the same as one man who refuses to.

[@sailingadventuress5489]

He’s on fire in this. Hilarious

[@420thebass]

8:04 "I'll give you my card" funniest shit ever lol

[@JesperKrogSlot]

For combining comedy with genuine goodness at one of our darkest hours, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert wins a Peabody.

[@epsilon-eleven]

Seeing Stephen Colbert get invited to a sex party on a national television show is something I never expected to see, but I guess the pandemic has affected us all in interesting ways.

[@leavingitblank9363]

LOL!

[@Sophia-wcDM9]

I don't understand this comment. He is gorgeous!

[@hareeshkrishnaa5642]

8:05 ​@@Sophia-wcDM9

[@uhohspaghettios2391]

Okay, I know that "forgot his top teeth" thing was a joke, but McConnell in that clip sounded exactly like my dad does when he talks without his dentures in, lolol.

[@dancechica]

I'm willing to bet he's at least got partials

[@franklinwilson46]

The “how to have safer sex in a post COVID-19 world” had me dying 😂

[@halcyonacoustic7366]

Early in the pandemic, Canada released a sex guide that recommended glory holes XD

[@ameliablack4613]

If you build it, they will come.

[@enriquemunoz704]

Glory holes have been around for ages! 😂

[@zesty9815]

5:38 _“Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls”_ See, I _knew_ that _“impenetrable, physical, tall, powerful, beautiful, southern border wall”_ would come in handy one day!

[@eviehankins8223]

Reccomending walls as barriers is definitely the American version of reccomending a glory hole 🤣

[@Xena3]

“PLEASE stand up…No thank you” LOL

[@NGFergalicious]

The energy of this crowd is great!

[@Benmc1994]

What they don't show you is the staff with signs telling the crowd when to laugh clap cheer i like the show but it's basically pantomime lol

[@JoshuaWillis89]

@@Benmc1994 it’s true that those signs are there, but the crowd isn’t faking this enthusiasm

[@hankakah4180]

Trump "I did say, however, that Alec Baldwin has no talent, certainly when it comes to imitating me" Actually Trump, he played YOU PERFECTLY! You DON'T HAVE ANY TALENT!

[@dkamphaus43]

Regardless how how well he might have imitated him, Baldwin really had no business mocking him since he's an even worse person.

[@hankakah4180]

@@dkamphaus43 SNL satires everyone! Every actor has their faults, but shouldn't be penalized for them.

[@mrheem44]

@@dkamphaus43 no hes not

[@Lichenroc]

@@dkamphaus43 Triggered much?

[@shirleyrombough8173]

@@dkamphaus43 - Based on what?

[@leondeveraux4485]

It's the "stand up? No thank you" for ME 💀💀💀💀💀🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@livetime5815]

"No. 45 Denies Targeting Comedians, Insists He'll Be Back In The White House Soon." Donald Trump in: The Turdinator.

[@adamf663]

He only lies. His denial is as good as a confession of his guilt.

[@NankitaBR]

Since all he does is lie, you just have to inverse this sentence and then you'll get the truth. He insists he targeted comedians and denies the well be back in the white house soon.

[@alexbones0001]

wouldn't it be the "2nd TERMinator"

[@couragekarnga8735]

He's the terd in the universal toilet that won't flush.

[@alex35agm]

The only comedian Trump liked in the last four years was the president of Ukraine,until he couldn't come up with a skit about Biden for Trump.

[@aggressiveattitudeera887]

Q. How petty do you have to be to sick the DOJ on Saturday Night Live and late-night talk show hosts? A. BIGLY petty.

[@couragekarnga8735]

I forgot he said that haha. Bigly. That man was our president... Yikes!

[@jerryrichardson2799]

Pretty much...

[@Markus_Andrew]

@@couragekarnga8735 Don't forget the "tippy-top" nukes.

[@QUICKBOOKS1]

@@couragekarnga8735, Don't forget "Covefee"!

[@Chillaxin45]

The sex with a wall between bit, hilarious. Love that Mr. Colbert is on stage again and also missing the intimacy of the virtual show. I think only incredible talent (and support) is able to achieve success at both. Congrats on the Peabody - very well deserved.

[@brianschlicher59]

"I want to lock in the aroma like we're in a crock pot full of balls." That Peabody was well earned!

[@primitivedaisy]

This made me laugh so hard, I cried! And gave me a disturbing mental picture! 😏

[@leavingitblank9363]

That's good eats in the South!

[@Opus313]

"Crock pot full of balls." ...was not a phrase I expected...

[@oracleofdelphi4533]

Watching Colbert, you kind of should have expected it. I mean, have you even listened to Meanwhile openings?

[@IAmJustR]

😂😂🤣🤣🤣 it was completely accurate though

[@chriskelly6559]

Trumps favorite meal, with a side diaper stuffing, and a diet coke.

[@blkcatzette]

I wasn't ready for that one Steven lol.

[@markstevens1729]

I read your comment before he said it, and I still winced.

[@larathecool713]

My favourite moment was the little happy dance after the crowd response to the beer joke. It is so obvious that he needs and loves his audience response. If you ever come to australia to do a show i will be right there in the front row.

[@JoeEnglandShow]

I wasn't aware that we had elected Mitch McConnell to decide what is and is not acceptable for Congress to talk about.

[@JOBdOut]

You gotta be appointed to senate party leader to determine whether or not they get to talk about doing their jobs

[@nashville1510able]

The way stephen doesn’t stop the crowd from booing anymore 😂😂😂he knows they deserve it

[@TheNerdyFosterMom]

the audience is so engaged. Loving it.

[@Fiawordweaver]

If McConnell was on fire- I would not urinate on him.

[@ValerieJNorse]

Oh, it seems inhuman to withhold any liquid in a situation like that. How about kerosene?

[@Tuturial464]

No you give him human diarrhea. Cause he full of it. Burned and full of crap

[@dameoftruth4022]

If Mcconnell was on fire and I had just finished a six pack of beer, I wouldn't piss on him either.

[@sirmoonslosthismind]

but he can have all of it if he's not on fire.

[@TheMaelstrom]

No, no. It goes "I wouldn't piss in his mouth if his throat was on fire"

[@sisenor4091]

“ILL GIVE YOU A CARD” Stand up….. no thank you.

[@dmiller5765]

Lol. At least Stephen had an offer.

[@mostmelon]

I was expecting a "Turn around." before "No thank you."

[@rhombo323]

Wonder how many cards he handed out after that though 🤔 hahaha

[@couragekarnga8735]

Best part of the show tonight!

[@nomdeguerre247]

🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀

[@PurnceNMe]

I can still hear my man laughing in the background and I love it.

[@rubendaniel37]

Hello purnce how are you doing

[@BriRog68]

Why does Stephen have 8 million subs and James Corden has 26 million? I love JC but come on people...Stephen is the MAN!

[@NorthernSeaWitch]

Because Corden and his writers make bits designed for social media and then put together a show. Stephen and his writers make a show and then put it up on social media. Plus Corden unabashedly and unashamedly courts younger viewers through Carpool Karaoke and other bits like it. Given that the post late night main shows get abysmal actual ratings they really need to get online numbers to help justify their budgets.

[@davidbyerly9846]

Not a fan of corden at all. Stephen kills though.

[@TheAngiepangie424]

You are not the tuna! Thank you, that made me laugh so hard!

[@Ylluria]

This had me laughing SO HARD. Thank you for this, Mr. Colbert! 💕💕

[@danhighlander]

Am I the only one who wishes that the middle part of this monologue was back in the storage room with Evie laughing awkwardly?

[@jeffbaer5851]

The cutaway to her blushing and covering her mouth because she's laughing so hard is something I'm creating in my mind.... and it's glorious. Love Evie!!!!!!

[@RideAcrossTheRiver]

KZbin is introverts' paradise

[@BrendanBeckett]

She should make a reaction channel where she just watches Stephen's monologues.

[@sererwr2413]

@@BrendanBeckett his monologues suck

[@BrendanBeckett]

@@sererwr2413 Not when it's just him and Evie.

[@lilyilyily323]

Really digging the purple tie💜💜

[@brianmorgan7703]

"No thank you." This nearly made me spit teriyaki chicken out my nose.

[@stevebuchmann9868]

So glad they beeped out the word “shit”… while Stephen is ranting about sex parties! 😂😂😂

[@JoshSweetvale]

Fascism is illogical. It's a worshipful devotion to ritualized "morality."

[@SplendidFellow]

@@JoshSweetvalelol this ain't fascism it's just nonsensical corporate "appropriateness"

[@Deathnote2539]

You do realize it's youtube who bleeps them not the actually show? If you watch it on t.v nothing is censored

[@SplendidFellow]

@@Deathnote2539 since when does KZbin "bleep" anything? You can say fuck as many times as you want on KZbin.

[@Caterfree10]

it was the word "fuck" they bleeped out, at least during talking about the teenager's snapchat post. if "shit" was also censored, I completely did not catch it lmao.

[@HuyNguyen-rg8fv]

"I'll give you my card!" "What? Stand up....no thank you." 😂😂😂

[@BlueManIan]

Oh, I remember when Trump called Stephen "that guy from CBS" and the show changed its credit sequence for a day or two

[@uosdwiSrdewoH]

I really thought that the trying to have sex with a wall between you joke was going to end very differently. Feels like there's a very obvious gag that perhaps CBS censors wouldn't OK.

[@boblehmann1644]

Yeah, a punctured wall is the first thing that popped into my sick mind.

[@nickwallette6201]

For some reason, the first thing that occurred to me was the sound of a bird flying into a window.

[@DrownedInExile]

"Terry loves walls!" - Brooklyn 99

[@gregbors8364]

Fun fact: Mitch McConnell’s approval rating in his home state of Kentucky is 18%

[@jeffredfern3744]

Hating Mitch McConnell seems to be a 5 year event unfortunately. Also KY sucks.

[@subgrv27]

How does he keep getting elected with a rating that low?

[@bentbliley]

if i may paraphrase jimmy mcmillan, “it’s still too damn high!”

[@sakarakit5835]

yet he was re-elected...

[@DeAnoJackson]

For real, then why the hell does he keep getting reelected?

[@FiferSkipper]

That has to be one of the best monologues ever! We had to pause it several times to ROFLOL!

[@aeonlincoln5474]

Almost didn't click, so glad I did, this was golden.I missed this energy!

[@ginajones2328]

Absolutely true

[@kwokmanchung]

The 1-term social media influencer might've got a better chance suing SNL for writing credits and wages. After all, the SNL sketches were 90% his own words.

[@sererwr2413]

they were 100% none of his words...

[@anoniemuss824]

“Nobody is a bigger cry baby… than me.” - Trump, Everyday

[@NicholasNRG]

Or Colbert anytime Trump does anything

[@rainbowprism6242]

@@NicholasNRG fan of competitive macaque thrower says what?

[@josephcannon3938]

@Joe Hiden Hur dur Colbert lame

[@pamcheslock838]

@@NicholasNRG TRUMP 30000 lies yes 🙌 IMPRESSED CONNED BY A KNOWN CONMAN YES A CONMAN HIS ENTIRE LIFE

[@Themagalorian]

@@pamcheslock838 not half as many lies as o bummer and sleepy joe..

[@Raging.Geekazoid]

For you little kiddies, that impression with the sunglasses was Edward G. Robinson, a Hollywood actor who played gangsters back in the 1930s and '40s.

[@leavingitblank9363]

How did Stephen get that wrong?

[@maxmoon2254]

And one miscast role as a disgruntled Jew telling Chuck Heston “Where’s your God now Moses ? Mehhhhh.”

[@AchronTimeless]

The moment when you realize you've lived a wilder life than Colbert

[@MTKRAILROAD]

This whole video was a banger! Great show Stephen! The tuna guy, the I'll give my card response. Fantastic

[@brittanijohnson8661]

Love the purple tie!

[@derricknelson8160]

Hello how you doing today

[@ascent8487]

I wonder how much of kushner’s book is going to through daddy in-law under the bus in an effort to save he and his wife?

[@sophierobinson2738]

Autocorrect hit you--gave you through instead of throw.

[@rockstarJDP]

Not gonna lie, I much preferred it when you could just hear his wife and crew giggling in the background than the audience whooping and hollering. Felt much more organic without an audience.

[@misz3]

I mean that’s just KZbin commentary videos lol

[@rockstarJDP]

@@misz3 well yeah and I think that was better - felt more like we were in the room with him just listening to him have a comical rant :)

[@WillowTDog]

@@rockstarJDP Completely agree. Though, tonight's monologue was definitely enhanced by the guy in the crowd apparently offering Steven his membership card (although, I admit, I thought he'd said, "Echo Park!" But I've never been active in that scene.

[@mikeximenez5285]

I agree. Im just waiting for his fart to escape while he waits for the laughs.

[@jennac6954]

🙄

[@jasthebaker]

"the process is rotten" you're damn right Mitch. The process of the senate is rotten because the filibuster still exists.

[@dav0n]

Stephen- “stand up, no thank you” 😂 but I needed to see the guy tho🙄 Wendy’s shady camera man would’ve caught it🤦🏽‍♂️

[@TRowland223]

What did they even say?

[@alaric_]

@@TRowland223 Apparently "I'll give you a card" :D

[@QUICKBOOKS1]

@@alaric_, Yes. I watched it a second time with Closed Captioning. That's what he said.

[@heavypen]

"You're 2021 and done," and the crowd goes wild. Awesome.

[@notnef]

Am I the only one that just waits to go to sleep to watch his monologue on KZbin?

[@sandraritchie1568]

Nope...its zzz"s after this

[@TyrSkyFatherOfTheGods]

It's posted at 9 pm where I am. I ain't waiting to go to sleep!

[@anro7137]

Stephen, Seth and Jimmy F. are my nightly companions!

[@couragekarnga8735]

No you're not.

[@katicabogar24]

It’s the first thing i watch after getting home from work….in the UK :)

[@DanieltheTruebadour]

Steverino, when you and your killer writers are ON, you are ON. One of the best segments EVER.

[@XYZAudiio]

"crock pot full of balls" my new favorite nickname for 45.

[@jeanneh9742]

Mine too TY

[@lazyperfectionist1]

"No one knows _anything."_ All too often, that's how it _is_ with breaking news. A few months ago, I watched a local news broadcast and there was a breaking news story about a helicopter that crashed into a high story of a skyscraper, downtown. It had _just_ happened. Of course, by the time I heard about it, even though it had _just_ happened, no one _knew_ anything aside from the _collision,_ yet. Different parties kept referring the investigating party to other parties, and over and over again, that was the reply; long, convoluted ways to avoid saying, "We have no information, yet." 🤷

[@cynthiacole6140]

The desire to be the first to report something caused the phrase Breaking News to become meaningless.

[@onikin]

The situation here is a bit different. Due to ranked choice voting, they won't count up people's 2nd and 3rd choices for another couple weeks, despite election day passing.

[@creativedesignation7880]

I think there is an issue with expectations. If someone expects to hear about things as they happen, but also to get 6 hours worth of research as background information, they are bound to be disappointed. We are kind of used to get information in the span of time it takes to search it online, but that's simple not always how it goes and allthough it is certainly satisfying, it is not always necessary either.

[@swingersonian]

That's so they don't get sued, I suppose.

[@Nevertoleave]

It not being the correct type of fish is pretty common. Doesn’t really matter how fancy of a place you go, there’s odds that you’re not getting what you think you ordered

[@ValerieJNorse]

And, as it turns out, the process of shipping and then cooking the fish breaks down the DNA. It's very possible that this is why no recognizable tuna DNA was found -- basically no recognizable DNA of any kind was found.

[@jonathansanders9816]

That's why you buy the whole fish.

[@Jakeonkuningas]

Fish aren't even real.

[@Markus_Andrew]

@@Jakeonkuningas Huh?

[@melanieeleuterio6901]

@@jonathansanders9816 Yes. An Ahi tuna steak is a piece of fish. No processing, just fish.

[@SecretJanitor]

It's not "around a wall," Stephen. NYC is advocating for gloryholes, duh.

[@TheReal008Zulu]

Ivanka: Who's Daddy? I have never heard of him nor met him before.

[@kacektv9405]

Honestly nothing makes me happier in the pandemic then the fact the CDC be like "Hey ya want pandemic sex? Have you heard of Gloryholes? Its more common than you think"

[@emmajones9975]

That "No thank you" is till has me laughing

[@charge7whitebag]

You know SNL is going to be all over it and great see you back on stage as always Awesome show

[@keyissues1027]

The filibuster IS NOT really a part of the Constitution‼ Google: "John C. Cahoun", the anger-producing, hostile S.C. Senator of 1838, was solely responsible for the filibuster! He loved long, relentless, argumentative debates!

[@RobertEmery]

Who is responsible for taking the "debate" out of the process?

[@LeeLee-cp3rv]

Colbert's writers are 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 Literally laughed out loud at every joke Edit: 💀💀💀

[@marilynbennett9649]

Senator McConnell has long passed his Best by date.

[@rickendly308]

Great burn!!!👍

[@Trucmuch]

Dude! Mitch never had a best by date! - Is it me or that piece of shit taste a bit off? - No! It's a piece of shit. It tasted like that from the get-go!

[@TheKamilkrawczak]

Or worst by

[@matthewturcotte5079]

Which was apparently 1860...

[@TheKamilkrawczak]

@daniel banksI'm for Democrats but you're right.

[@dav0n]

🥇FAV EP SO FAR STEPHEN’S F***ING HILARIOUS!😂😂😂

[@frejaforrest795]

Every time Stephen mentions his Peabody Award, they should just cut across to Jon Batiste sat at his piano with his Oscar :D

[@Keefs_c.c.89]

I remember being stationed in SK in ‘14 hearing from our CSM about these military sex parties going on, we all kinda chuckled. He said someone ended up catching AIDS. Wasn’t so funny after that...

[@andrewharkin9774]

I haven't even heard Stephen Colbert do an impression of Trump for a while now.

[@Taurusus]

He stopped doing it right after the election, when he stopped using his name.

[@diceberg1]

One of the best monologue's in a long time.... relentlessly funny. Even the audience moment was expertly played.

[@rayceeya8659]

How many times did Phil Hartman do humiliating impressions of Ronald Reagan? Seriously I don't know that off the top of my head but I wish I did.

[@leebatt7964]

RIP Phil Hartman, he was a comic genius.