Therapy & Theology: The Part Emotional Abuse Plays in Silencing Women

[@cristinagabrielidis2811]

I am a lawyer - I represented a woman whose husband threw their 7 month old daughter against a wall and broke several of her bones. The woman would not leave her husband because they were in a born again church and she did not believe in divorce. She believed in forgiveness and being a submissive wife. She lost custody of all of her children because she was non protective. She was so brainwashed and refused actual help. God wants to RENEW your mind, not brainwash it. God wants you to be cherished, not abused. God wants your man to protect and provide, not betray, deceive, abuse or enslave you.

[@maya_unplugged]

If your God really would exist, that would never had happened.

[@lpine4211]

​@@maya_unpluggedThis is the exact thing that screams that exact question. Why!? How!? Babies!? What the... I beg for it to stop.

[@jenniferhall4880]

​@@maya_unplugged It's because of sin in the world that these happen. God does exist and he created humans with a will to choose right or wrong. Not robots. One day, He will deal with all the wrong. He is a good God. Humans can be monsters

[@GabrielleTollerson]

​@@maya_unplugged Yawn,yeah yeah we hear your strawman everyday kiddo

[@Expringle]

I applaud you for shareing because this is the truth in our christian Faith we do not know what to do when we are just trying to do whats right. Wheres the support ? Where was hers. Its not ok for us to feel trapped in abuse because of marriage god does not want this for us

[@jenniferdavis3483]

I really applaud you for covering this topic. Married to an emotionally, spiritually, and mentally abusive man for 27 years I did not know I was being abused. Though I never wanted to be divorced, when he left me for another woman, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Christian churches and Christian counselors have failed many women in this area. I am so glad that you’re willing to speak out in truth about this, and pray that it will be helpful for people like me that may not have to suffer for so long, alone.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, Jennifer!

[@franmcdonald4702]

I have a similar story. The church I was in used proverbs 31 to beat down women and force them into their view of what a godly woman should be. It was 10 years before I could even look at that proverb again.

[@OHBuckNow]

Christian churches and Christian women have jointly abused "good christian men" for far too long. COVET IT please!!!!

[@sharonnichols1998]

You aren’t alone it happened to me as well. Now he’s doing it to another. I vow to help other women with the Lords leading. God will get the GLORY!! Stand up & be heard!!! Get OUT of abusive toxic relationships. I didn’t believe in Divorce either. He turned the tables on ME! ❤Learning as much as I can to teach! I see the same thing happening to the other women. Praying she SEE & flees! Blind eye OPEN! Amen Psalm 91

[@tvcater1]

This sounds so much like my story. I was married 28 years to a emotionally abusive pastor husband and I finally got strong enough to separate and understand this sick thing that was a lie from the beginning would NEVER work. Here’s to the best years of our lives going forward❤

[@christagattis6896]

One toxic person can destroy everything. It doesnt take two!! I hate it when people say that.

[@JWell-44]

I’ve said, it takes two to be in a relationship but it only takes one to really mess things up.

[@janetcalvert3959]

Yes this concept that it takes two people to kill a relationship is a complete fallacy.

[@tay8146]

True, but what is it that drives a person to be constantly attracted to the toxic person in the first place? I recently heard a therapist say people are attracted to the normalized trauma they become accustomed to. The dysfunction feels normal and they’ve learned to cope because that’s all they’ve been used to their entire life. It takes two to tango in that regard, if dysfunction is what a person is willing to tolerate and accept on the dance floor called life 💃💔🕺

[@suzyerichsen6184]

Toxicity spreads like cancer within a family.

[@suzyerichsen6184]

Toxicity spreads like a cancer within a family.

[@yvettebennett6170]

Wow! Favorite thing Lisa said was, "Create enough distance between you and the other person that if their continued pattern of behavior never stops that you can forgive from a distance and not be destroyed in the process." I needed to hear this. Thank you. Blessings to you all. Learned so much from each of you. 🙏

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Yvette.

[@brightpage1020]

Praying God gives you the strength through Jesus to find the support you need to achieve this distance.

[@lilyflower1168]

Obviously something is very amiss in the church and how men are allowed to behave...there are too many women on here saying "me too." Keep fighting for your/our voice to be heard loud and clear

[@bonniebundle6692]

Unfortunately my ex husband had instilled his problem into daughter who is probably worse that he was towards me. It’s been aweful

[@kimberlyisme]

@@bonniebundle6692 That’s so hard 🥺 Praying for you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@liesl7485]

"There are two sides to every story." Yes - and sometimes one of them is a total lie.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Liesl.

[@gingerbryan2920]

Thank you! I used to tell my ex (who supposedly is a born again Christian) ‘you do know the Lord hears you. I know you’re lying and He definitely knows your lying’. And my ex for over 2 decades would stare at me, take a big breath, and repeat the lie as being fact. The last several years of an abusive 31 yr marriage I was scared of him. Why didn’t I leave? Why did i know for a fact he wanted me dead (because he clearly told me and even said it to our counselor) but I stayed? When I left a friend asked me why I was scared and I said because only 3 of us know who he really is. Me, God and the ex. Everyone else thinks he’s a good guy. And that’s very scary. Thank you so much for opening up this major issue, not just major in the world, but major in the church. And secret. I’ve learned many people who claim they’re still friends with their ex and they just divorced them because they were more like siblings or friends, are hiding the truth. And many don’t even know they were in an abusive marriage. They know it sounds crazy so they hide what was really happening. I looked crazy to many people. I couldn’t prove it because I came to realize he was good at only revealing who he was when even our children weren’t around. So they had no idea, plus i came to realize he had been training them on what a loser I was (him being the winner, me being the loser). He is an expert deceiver. To the extent where i feel there must be demonic influence. It’s just too scary and weird. But I’m out. And unwrapping all the layers of slavery he tried to wrap me in. Slave to his need to diminish me into nothing. But i knew and know who I am, who the Lord made me to be, and I told the ex i would never let him get me to believe any less than who Gods word says we each are created to be. I am His and He is mine ❤

[@MKHall2014]

He is demon possessed! I have dealt with the SAME thing! I believe you!

[@brittanyb5942]

Absolutely!

[@sheilacobb3375]

Have a heart and try to understand 💔🙏

[@candacebrandt8211]

Refusing to talk and ignoring another person is also abusive and hurtful. Invalidating someone is very painful especially if it is a spouse or family member.

[@karenh2886]

Very true! In some ways it is even more painful

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, friend.

[@ThatgirlisonHolySpiritfire]

When you work for a Pastor that does this… good times.

[@candacebrandt8211]

@@ThatgirlisonHolySpiritfire how disappointing! I’m sorry. I have been a work situation like that. Remember, it is their issue and not you! (Much easier said than done!)

[@dnk4559]

Yes this is my siblings and we are all grown women.

[@---wu3qj]

Something that happened to me was that when I went to my husband about his bad behavior, he would do two things: 1. Turn it around and make ME the problem! 2. Punish me for it by the silent treatment and ugly words. So, I would get MORE abuse! The result was me never wanting to have those talks ( silenced) because I already knew what would happen, and it only made my life harder.

[@deedlebug6548]

Same here!!

[@brandonreccejitsninja6076]

My wife

[@kimberlyfroggatte4442]

Convinced my husband to go to counseling once 12 years ago through our church. He walked out within first two sessions. Came back. Saved our marriage. Been married 34 years now. However, I am here where I have been silenced to save an argument. He turns it around on me and starts with things like I’m a narcissist and making me feel it’s all my fault. It’s a no win battle. I just choose to stay silent.

[@ceefaithfull8534]

One of their strategy is giving you consequences

[@pacificprincess5849]

@@kimberlyfroggatte4442😢

[@1286cassandra]

“If she opens up nothing will change!” Darn. This is so true and so painful. I cannot even exist in the relationship. If I speak my feelings and thoughts on a relational issue it ends up a tornado.

[@Minnesotayankee]

Yes I have been dealing with the same, for 5 years. We are separated right now. I haven’t spoken to him in a few months. I can feel myself stressing less and smiling more. Praying more listening to what God has to say. I knew it was happening, but didn’t realize just how oppressive it was. I have been afraid to tell anyone, because of judgment.

[@pamelaprivette5361]

Cassandra: you are only a prisoner if you CHOOSE to be! My prayers are with you!

[@vpt238]

same here

[@pamelaprivette5361]

My comments, based on truth, are not being allowed---I will no longer engage in watching this channel. God does not condone ignorance. Love & Light to All!

[@jamybergan-jp5fv]

This is because the Bible says it’s the Holy Spirit who brings conviction. Not by might not by power but by my spirit says the Lord. So ask everything of the Lord. Prayer doesn’t prepare you for battle it is the battle. Nothing happens except to bring us Christ.

[@ChildofLightOfficial]

I was told by my abuser “no one will believe you” by the grace of god I am healing daily and empowered to educate young women on the signs of narcissistic abuse

[@irmacarranza682]

Can you give examples of how you yourself is trying to heal? I'm not sure if my question makes sense to you?

[@ChildofLightOfficial]

@@irmacarranza682 I’ve had to identify and accept my codependency and the need for placing my value outside of God (needing a man) to feel valued. Taking time out to be in solititide with god, I’m growing closer in my relationship with him by reading his word daily, prayer and going to Christ with any issues rather than relying on my own strength. Ive come to know what his unconditional love feels like which is beautiful, nothing compares. Learning to depend on him as he has our best interest at heart, if only we allow him to guide us. Everything we need for daily life can be found in the bible. I have found peace and joy in the midst of the storm although it’s challenging to learn to be more like Jesus. This in itself is healing

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you, friend!

[@dracarys-lh6ku]

So much of this is going on, and no change ever happens. 10, 15, 20, 30 years of bitterness goes on. The love of Christ is a picture of love. How can the church demonstrate Christ's love when instead of "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her," there is constant ripping down. Women are often accused of henpecking husbands. And that is real. But a husband can also utterly destroy his wife emotionally. Most wives victimized by this abuse "die" in silence. I'm glad to see someone addressing and confronting this again.

[@Honeyinthecountry]

Your comment touches close To home

[@4883rita]

I was emotionally abused, gaslighted, and effectively silenced for years by my husband and his family. I was hospitalized time after time over the years and Never so much as received a get well card or phone call. The Lord has removed me (permanently, I believe) from that situation.

[@msdee2905]

My husband caught in adultery was very mad at me for reporting his adulterous and emotionally abusive behavior to our church. He filed for divorce and I showed the church the divorce papers because they were not believing me. He later resigned his leadership position at our church because the other leaders finally finally questioned him about it. People don’t want to get involved in domestic affairs and scandals.

[@busyv3124]

So sorry. God sees your courage and you did the right thing.

[@kaywisseh]

I have a similar story. My husband was mad at me also. He said that I was exposing him and that I was being a bad wife. He got upset and left the church. I finally got sick and tired of being treated like crap and I filed for divorce. Best decision I could ever make.

[@rachelmelendez9255]

yes .. my husband even went to a leader for help told him he was emotionally and mentally abuse... and nothing

[@BejaeLoves]

Silenced NOOOOO more! Be strong brave soul!!!!!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're saddened to hear what you've walked through, friend. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[@jean-mariehendricks7399]

God, I made so many excuses for his behavior, blamed myself and refused to acknowledge, for so many years (14 years to be exact!!), that I was being emotionally and verbally abused by him. And the shame, Lord, I was so ashamed. I can't tell you the number of friends and family who said, "I had no idea you were enduring this." And it's because out of shame, I hid it from everyone. 😢

[@thisgirlslife3002]

This is so true. I made excuses for years for disrespectful, negating, emotionally abusive behavior. I allowed my children to be hurt by this. They are adults now but I stayed. As a Christian I was told to support, encourage and nurture the relationship. I have left and taken my voice back. How do we care for our bruised souls after we choose to leave?

[@CarolR823]

Me to 😢. I look forward to seeing answers to how to heal our souls after such abuse

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Hi, friend. Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. We recommend connecting with a trusted, Christian counselor to continue processing your specific circumstances and working towards healing. Check out the American Association of Christian Counselors at aacc.net to find a counselor near you.

[@sandranovakovich688]

Yes, she is a great help.

[@shani411]

Im in this same situation . with tiny kids.

[@shani411]

Ill rather be poor than live like this. Emotional abuse is not benifica to my health

[@Steelmag321]

I got "out" (divorced) but I am still scared. I was even afriad to respond to the post. Thank you for being transparent with your story.

[@SurvivorC]

@toniharperreeves it looks like you're using your name to comment. You can change your user name (like I have) to not show your actual name. It's a setting in Google I believe. Be safe

[@Steelmag321]

@@SurvivorC how do I do that?! Thank you!!

[@bekh6117]

​@SurvivorC you may wish to edit your post so her original name *is not showing up here now that she has edited her profile name

[@sica812]

I didn't stay silent when I realised it was emotional abuse. I became furious as tremendous hurts were taking place periodically until I had to say 'pack and leave' after 2 years and a half...To all women who are silent and afraid to talk, psalm 23. Apply faith; the Lord is strong and mighty to restore your hurts and confidence. Lean on Him, and make your intimate time with HIM.

[@rmmottu]

What always plays in my mind "God hates divorce"😢

[@sica812]

@@rmmottu yes He does, but it does not mean that He demands His children to remain under bondage with their supposed loved ones. Many people who got married did not see the future to get divorced and I was one of them. But I did not get divorced in my case. I got seperated. themselves

[@lhelms2850]

The pastor who married us told me to “grin and bare it” when i reached out to him. A total disappointment and betrayal to me and my children. Finally i filed for divorced husband just served paper and it’s still in going forward. Thank you Jesus.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're praying over you right now, friend!

[@rosetaylor8426]

Just like how my spouse mom told me to ignore him when he constantly ignored me n acted like I didn't exist,I eventually realized realized that she was the reason he was like that ,she enabled him so he was damaged,n she was just like him,he's never wrong for her,n might I highlight that he's 50 yrs old n a son husdband to a mother who has a husdband which is his dad

[@minitea4315]

That just sounds like ignoring him for ignoring you…a toxic cycle passed down in a family that has a history of handling relationships and conflict poorly. Clearly he learned this somewhere…!

[@lydiapetra1211]

Instead of getting involved as a true Shepherd should do the pastor just put everything back on you.....wow.... I'm so sorry.....may you find a good support group....🙏

[@franceshaggitt3104]

good for you

[@duskybrowning614]

I was in a mentally abusive relationship for 29yr. Left him 7 months ago I allowed him to keep me away from my family our children will not have anything to do with him. They are so glad I got out. We have a daughter that is still not talking to me and keeping my grandchildren away from me because of the things I allowed to happen but she says she's seeing if I meant it this time. I'm not giving up on her coming around. Please keep us in your prayers.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you today, friend!

[@elizabethy2912]

I'm in a similar place. Except we have an adult daughter who requires 24/7 care, which I have taken over the care of. My younger daughter is SO angry at me for allowing something that I didn't even know was happening!! We're staying married but living separately for financial reasons. I understand the abuse now, and feel such wondrous freedom just bc I've emotionally detached from him. I gave him up to God, and got out of the way!!

[@nancyellen8006]

@@elizabethy2912 You sound like you’re handling this new season of your life in a very healthy way. Obviously, your daughter has not gone through everything that you have and she is still judging you for what her father did. I would suggest allowing her to come around slowly and perhaps even go for counseling if she feels that might help. Maybe the two of you could go for counseling together. It can’t hurt and it might help. Of course you have to leave that up to your daughter. Good luck to you. I’m praying that things will continue to improve with your family relationships.

[@kaylenevenegas7862]

Praying for you and your daughter 🙏❣️

[@ed000]

First timer. I am a survivor of emotional, financial, psychological , sexually abused gaslighting, smear campaign etc. I am nearly 3years post divorce and still on the healing journey. I absolutely adore this topic,glad I heard this today and I hope all the churches will teach this every Sunday.

[@pamelayoung3496]

These people are so SICK MINDED!! THEY ARE NEVER IN THE WRONG!! ITS SICKENING

[@tearthangel373]

Ongoing psychological abuse that sex addicts use to hide their affection, damages your mental and physical health.

[@GraceandFaith9]

Sounds like you were married to a narcissist. Prayers for you

[@kimberlyestes3978]

Sounds very much like my situation. Currently in the middle of a divorce. It’s taking its toll, but not as much as if I had stayed. He would notice what upset me and then use it later to devaluate me.

[@LisaValentine1]

I’m 3 years out as well this April and you sound like my twin. ❤

[@conniewilson2366]

I’m 71 and have been emotionally so many until 3 1/2 yrs ago. I’m finally coming into my own and feeling like I know who I am

[@Janeintheok]

I'm so happy for you. I'm 61 and I feel born again 🙌

[@miminee4721]

I’m 69 and been married 48 years and just starting to figure this out !!!

[@capase2132]

Thx. Gives me hope

[@exploreroftruthandbeauty599]

My heart is so happy for you! ❤

[@leilagomulka5690]

Yes . Forgive 70 times 7- from a distance.

[@vicwei4302]

God gave me the strength to end a 48 year marriage rife with betrayal and abuse and codependency. The hardest thing I ever did in my life.

[@bettysorge9]

50 years for me …. Same story …. Lets 🙏🙏🙏 for one another ❤️

[@claudiaabrugiati6793]

Same here. 43 years

[@LynnFerguson-weinert]

That is an interesting and helpful post. How did you do it?

[@krissascraper]

I prayed for you. Mine was 34 years.

[@catmations5631]

“ you do not have to show up to every drama you’re invited to” yes!

[@Nelikaful]

That's exactly why I stopped showing up in church. As sad as it makes me to have lost my spiritual home, I had to leave the place where little girls are still molded to be silent little mouses and little boys are encouraged to be "strong", meaning abusive to everyone considered to be lower to them. Pastors are not being encouraged to be gentle, they are encouaged to be holy macho-men with perfect meek little wives and perfect children to play their parts in the church. And the congregation wants to have it like that. Beware some pastor behaves differently! This whole community is making me sick, when I only try to sit through one sunday service with all the false perfection on display. The Bible on the Altar being the only thing in the room speaking truth, speaking of a gentle Saviour, who died on the cross, carrying all imperfections, lies, shame and sorrow there is on earth to redeem and set us FREE. Just to have his diciples create a church of surpressing children and women and celebrating toxic masculinity. Well, I was privileged as a child to get to read the Bible as well as Pippi Longstocking. 😊Luckily I met a Pastor, wise and gentle, who married a woman who was never afraid to speak out. These two helped so many people to find their own path. But it must have been hard to swim against the stream, to be ridiculed among fellow-Christians. I was too young to see what happened, but now I cry because I miss these two so much that it hurts! They got me out of my abusive Christian familiy, they got me develop a very good asshole-radar in regard of choice of partner. I even stayed in church UNTIL the elders tried to manipulate and shame my daughter into subversion. Then I had to leave for my child's sake - and for my own sanity, because I was not strong enough to fight the "system", I was not eloquent enough to start a revolution. But I keep on teaching little girls, that they are worthy, that they are the daughters of the King of Kings and that they are allowed to feel their feelings and speak their truth, get an education, not marry too young, before finding their own path, be educated about the Bible and have their own thoughts about scripture. So probably the next generation of women will reform the church as profoundly as Martin Luther did 500 years ago. It's about time, because the GOSPEL ist too good to be hidden behind a macho-culture. Jesus is too good to be overpowered by Peter and Paul. Our Creator is too wonderful to be reflected only through the eyes of men. Ding, dong, the witches are not dead! Ding, dong, our Saviour is risen and we rise with him, change the world with gentle power, with little seed-bombs, our children, that will overcome! Halleluja!

[@newlinsa]

8 Mins in and I'm already sobbing uncontrollably! I feel heard and seen. I've never been able to articulate some of the things I internalized. The analogy of the bruising...broke me.

[@jld4870]

Joel: you are worthy of the voice God gave you. You are a worthy child of God, who has a voice that will bless you and others as you learn to walk in this truth. God bless and keep you. 🙏

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Summer, and for sharing part of your story with us.

[@zuuumbaaa]

Check out the marriage recovery center you tube videos…they specialize in emotional abuse and narcissism. They have videos about covert abuse that are very eye opening!

[@sandranovakovich688]

You are not alone, dear. After seeking help through books and Bible studies, prayers for help, I’m doing much better, most days. KZbin videos by Leslie Vernick has been a great help. Also a book titled Hurt People Hurt People.

[@carolejackson8357]

Oopps wrong location for my comment.

[@Mmistyharber]

This is so right on! I was told that EVERY man ״hurts his wife's 'feelings'l and that I should just go home and deal with it. It took me about 16 years to give myself permission to believe that the pastor was wrong... because he's the pastor...and a man.... I should listen to him. More emotional abuse on top of abuse.

[@RC-eb5hq]

I was told by husband that good marital relationships and mutual respect are unrealistic. It's "only on TV and in movies", and that I was idealizing marriage. I was told that if a man treats a woman with respect, he's "pu__y-whipped". Fortunately I escaped that entire culture (and that miserable, angry loser) at an early age. But through the years have been plagued with some health problems that are a direct result of PTSD. Abuse: the gift that keeps on giving....

[@JKshandle]

I am so sorry this happened to you.

[@akeishaharris]

Most pastors are narcissistic. I'm learning a lot of men are also.

[@GabrielleTollerson]

​@@akeishaharris yep!!!

[@GabrielleTollerson]

​@@akeishaharris it's so depressing when we can't even trust christian men!!!

[@Brianna-yh7iy]

When asked, “Why do I deserve to speak?” and the guy answered “because you are a Daughter of the King.” 👑 I started crying 😭❤️ Thank you for covering this topic.

[@ivanamiranda234]

Finally. Thank you. After 10 years of abuse and 14 years of recovery, this is a balm to my soul. 🙏🏽❤️🙌🏽

[@prophetesskrishacheatem-cl8666]

Amen

[@gogogadgetgal72]

I think it’s important to realize that in abusive situations, trauma bonding often happens. Emotional as well as hormonal events experienced from highs and lows of abusive relationships make it so difficult for the victim to break out of the cycle. Ultimately, the abuser is the person that both causes the pain and relieves it. He abuses, then apologizes and makes the victim feel loved and relieves the emotional pain. It’s a vicious cycle and is often why victims stay in abusive relationships.

[@ginad5697]

Yes

[@ginad5697]

Please pray for me and my daughter Ember

[@tammy1190]

​@@ginad5697 🙏

[@gracehood7211]

@@ginad5697 🙏🏻❤️

[@naledijabanga2269]

Profound

[@lydiapetra1211]

My heart breaks for all these precious women who commented ..who suffered or are still suffering. ....it's shocking how evil Christian men can be... including pastors and church leaders.....it angers me that they don't teach men how to be godly men and godly husbands......the worst is there are these videos where men argue about the few reasons for divorce..... The Church often is the worst place to be... what's wrong with these men??.. don't they fear God???? Prayers for all of you 🙏🙏🙏♥️❤️

[@changeme8035]

Twenty-seven years in an emotionaly abusive marriage has left me with a deep wound.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for healing!

[@carlottajames3869]

I am 27 years still in and tring to get out, but it is hard

[@jaclynh9343]

Of course you'd feel that way.

[@kaylenevenegas7862]

I am praying for you 🙏❣️

[@Ali76564]

My mum stayed with a man who abused me 10 - 35 yrs of age she is still with him, verbally abusive he abused her aswell

[@kins1332]

For the first time in a long time, I feel validated just listening to this. I've been struggling with emotional abuse from my spouse for almost 30 years. When I finally got the courage to say something to a church member I was told, "there's no way that could be happening, no way". I sought counseling from my church but my spouse was feeling exposed and refused any support or ultimatum to change, presented it as i was the reason for why they are angry and volatile, and both agreed I was being unfair. I felt so hurt in that moment, i was crushed. The emotional abuse continued and actually worsened as time went on. I was isolated and didn't realize I disconnected and functioned in survival mode for years. I walked on egg shells in my own home. It was not until my spouse had a fit of rage at church in front of members and leaders that I was finally believed. But even then, I don't think the church (at least in my area) is equipped to handle this. At first I was advised to stay, then to just pray, and years later to leave if I felt unsafe. I don't know, looking back, I did not realize I was so bound by this that I was waiting or looking for someone to tell me or give me permission to leave. My spouse has gotten better, but i still suffer and in silence, because I've also been told I'm the problem, like, "if i didn't ask them to do something then they wouldn't need to blow up at me and threaten to leave me. I absolutely believed the lies: won't be believed, I'm to blame, it's my issue to deal with, or I deserve to be completely dismissed and disregarded. Thank you so much for sharing this message, I strongly believe it needs to be heard and talked about.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, friend! We're praying for you!

[@americanpatriot7247]

Kins Wolfe - Ma'am, God gave you... you. He made you. He doesn't make any trash. God only makes beautiful things and wonderous people. (Humans are the ones who change that for any worse.) His opinion of you is more important than anyone else's opinion of you here on earth. When He looks at you, his daughter, He sees a beautiful, gentle lady, who was made by Him in His own image. (I am assuming you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior?) If so, ask Him to send you some way to receive some peace and a good feeling within your circumstances at the moment, and ask Him to guide you and your husband toward a healthier marriage. Ask Jesus what He wants you to do for your future. People mean well in the church, but most don't know how to handle issues from members of their congregation. They get uncomfortable many times, not always, because they don't know what to do. Just pray for them. God / Jesus is The One you really need to please. Turn to Him and ask Him for His guidance. Ask Him to communicate with you in a way you will understand. May God hold you safely in His great, mighty hands and watch over and protect you. Things CAN change in your life. I know that for a personal fact. You are Not less, you are Not at fault, you did Not cause your spouse's unhappiness. Your unhappy spouse does this all on his own. Blessings, sister in Christ. I will pray for you.

[@kins1332]

@@americanpatriot7247 thank you so much for your words of support.

[@kins1332]

@@OfficialProverbs31Ministries thank you so much for your prayers.

[@americanpatriot7247]

@@kins1332 Blessings, ma'am. It's tough, I know.

[@alysiahite7086]

I tried to talk to my abuser about my boundaries and he used them as a weapon against me. I was sick, physically and emotionally, from staying for 32 years. Left over 6 years ago been divorced 5 years. I am still praying and asking God for more healing.❤

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you, friend!

[@alysiahite7086]

@@OfficialProverbs31Ministries Ty 🤗

[@shirleentilya1240]

I grew up in a highly emotional & mentally abusive home. As a child I quickly learnt to normalize the abuse and I sadly have grown up with a lot of fear, shame, guilt & hidden trauma ‘neatly’wrapped around my being. As a grown up married woman, our first years of marriage were quite hard. God in His love & mercy has been helping me one layer at a time to begin to see & understand the truth, more importantly His truth that is freeing me. It’s not an easy journey, but God is helping me & bringing me different forms of help as tools in this healing process. This is a journey that we can’t do it by ourselves & need help outside from us into the process of healing. The problem with silence is the noises get louder inside your head/mind and distorts reality & truth. The Accuser of the brethren on the other takes advantage of the situation and adds on with his accusations. But we have been given victory & tools in the Bible such as 2 Corinthians 10:3-5. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Amen.

[@karengeers3338]

These paragraphs “mirror” me. But I have not found the help I need in others… only through my relationship with God. It is an agonizing process.

[@dominique7490]

It has been my experience that women in abusive relationships think that their spouse or boyfriend will change and they don’t want to miss being there for the changes. They literally are victims of their own hope. Even though the evidence points to the person never changing.

[@Kay.4892]

😭 so much truth.

[@nisse6952]

I'm going through this right now. We have perpetually hurt each other, and I keep hoping for my real husband to come back. I think I'm just fantasizing at this point, though I do hope he will be my husband again. No matter what, Jesus has me in His hand

[@siddharthp4260]

Its with men too

[@kristinrmurray]

This is me! Wanting to be thee for the changes because I believe God can change him. But I also know this can’t happen without my husband wanting to heal.

[@susanhaines7358]

Victims of their own hope....wow. that is true

[@debbiericker1723]

I led a support group for emotionally abused women, for 6 years. When an older woman in a leadership position attended my group, the church shut down my group. It is so incredibly sad that Christian churches encourage this abuse by not educating the abused women, and by insisting that they stay married.

[@jackieellison639]

We have a lot of religious jezabel spirits in churches

[@BellaGrace622]

Wow 😥

[@Cherrylipgloss2025]

That's exactly right, many men are carrying jezebel spirit everywhere with them in these false religious systems ​@@jackieellison639

[@victoryamartin9773]

After being verbally/emotionally abused for a week for asking them to leave, I went no contact, hoping they would leave. They were quiet too for several months, yet they continued to financially take advantage of me. Lately they have been milling around with lots of activity, going through rooms they have no business in, and I'm worried they might be gaining momentum to wage another attack on me. It's true like you said, being quiet doesn't make things better. During this moratorium, I've been trying to get outside help from both my pastor and theirs to mediate communication between us. The 2 pastors spoke together and concluded the people in my house need to leave. Since then, no one has taken any steps to confront them or to help me confront them. My pastor has told me I need to die to myself and carry them as my cross. The church has tried to advise me on crazy things I could do to make them want to leave, but I am afraid those things would only escalate their abuses. Barring that, the church has gone silent, even as my family has, and other than asking how I'm doing, they are completely ignoring the issue. I feel like I've been abandoned to a dangerous hostage situation in my own home by a bunch of smiling church people who want me to pretend that everything is ok. It is definitely not ok. It's the Twilight Zone. And I don't think I can afford to get professional help, because I am being forced to support these people financially on my meager income. I was hoping that going no contact would give me time to regain my healthy mind so I could make a plan to get them to leave, but the zombie inside me trudging through the daily chores is only barely keeping me alive. I can't resolve this by myself, and at this point, that is all I've got. Help me cope Lord. Help me not to become bitter.

[@So_them2]

I am starting a support group outside of church. Do you have any pointers for me?

[@christinewagner1722]

After a 30 year marriage to my narcissistic Pastor / husband, he left me… never to return… And six years later I divorced him. I’ve experienced true freedom in Christ as well as learned much from Natalie Hoffman‘s Flying Free and Flying Higher programs!! 🦋

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, friend, and for sharing some of your story with us.

[@busyv3124]

Oh my word! So sorry for your tragic experience, but I am glad to hear how you have picked up the pieces and created something new.

[@savitriguard1497]

Incredible 🙏🏾

[@laurarahz12]

Love flying free 💕💕🦋

[@lydiapetra1211]

Why did you wait 6 years?

[@selaynelewis2371]

6:10pm I applaud you for saying this type of narcissistic relationship even exist. Often times when we are in a Christian setting we think that it’s our own imagination that would be emotionally, abused, psychologically, manipulated, and for you to admit that you’ve been in something for 27 years allows us all to in affect check our own self so that we can take back what we said to ourselves. Oh, I’m making this up. Thanks for sharing! sometimes the body of believers that are often times seven by men will make a woman feel that she is trying to wear the pants in the relationship. When really what a woman is trying to do in a relationship is to keep from being emotionally physically, psychologically and spiritually abused.

[@nancybrantley9694]

Still impacted today by the total disrespect and awful treatment by my first husband and father of my three children. We divorced 41 years ago!!! It just doesn't go away!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you, friend!

[@margaretrussell2615]

You are right! I am 73 and have just been told I have PTSD from mental and physical abuse in my 16 year marriage.

[@BritTellstheTruth]

For me, I believe something is broken early in childhood & is continuously broken down emotionally that leads to low self-esteem, that leads to accepting this kind of behavior continually. I had to re-learn what boundaries are, I had to learn how to have self-respect and learn to be able to USE MY VOICE TO DEFEND MYSELF. I experienced emotional abuse by numerous people in childhood & adulthood & now I am able to see & discern the deception and manipulation of an abuser because of the Holy Spirit, my own experience as a mental health professional & seeking therapy for my own healing. Thank you for EXPOSING THE EVIL THAT THE ENEMY USES TO DESTROY US!! God can deliver us, we must be brave enough to walk away from the evil deception of abusive individuals, blood-related or not!!❤

[@belindaalderson7209]

Absolutely finally some sense thank you

[@PottieMar]

Thank you so much for this video. Married to an emotionally abusive, alcoholic husband. Depending on what happens in my life, the level of drinking and verbal abuse fluctuates. Financially I'm stuck here. But on another note, after the loss of my child, a family member had some pretty nasty stuff to say over a period of a couple of months. I talked to her but she just kept on pushing boundaries. When I asked for advice from our minister, he said to forgive her and to allow her back into my life. So many relationships went south after the loss of our child that it almost feels like whole other life, including the church. Heard too much unhealthy/abusive/what-are-you-thinking advice there. People are using the Bible and God to abuse their members and we sort of allow it when we don't know better. The death of my child opened my eyes like nothing else ever did.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your child! I can't imagine the pain and grief that you've gone through with that. Praying for healing and continue strength in this season.

[@rezkerry8809]

I’m very sorry for your loss, I cannot even imagine. Not all churches and pastors are equal. Do you have the option of reaching out to a different church?

[@jenn_jean_kent_artist]

Thank you for bringing awareness to this. Looking forward to the church abuse one. Many women have been devalued and silenced or shunned or gossiped about when they have the courage to share, when they are walking with such deep pain trying to be brave and authentic, and trying to reach out for support, and get met the opposite of support even over time. I’ve been that woman of being in the receiving end of this.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, friend.

[@jenn_jean_kent_artist]

@@OfficialProverbs31Ministries You’re welcome. Fun fact. When your ministry was first getting started, someone from Proverbs 31 came to our church to speak in Lenoir, NC at Lower Creek Baptist Church for a women’s meeting(I don’t currently attend this church anymore). But I sang before your speaker spoke for us. I think it was Lysa, but not sure…very early stages of the ministry, maybe mid 90’s? I do remember that I sang the song God Loves You, by Jaci Velasquez.☺️ I’ve loved your ministry ever since.

[@starlingswallow]

Me too. I was looked at as if I had 10 heads when I opened up in my small group and shared the less-nastier stuff I was dealing with in my last marriage. It closed me up! Who wants to control share when you are met with this response? I was told to pray harder, to read scripture, to give him more sex. If they knew what kind of sex he demanded....they wouldn't have said that. 😢 I was getting abused at home, a place that should have been a safe place, and then re-abused by my church's response to me being vulnerable and sharing more surface abuse to test the waters to see if it was safe to share... It wasn't. My church wasn't safe. That is also a travesty.

[@PraiseNPaint]

Same… 😢 I have been told to “honor my husband”.. even though he didn’t honor God or me as his spouse. I just left 2 weeks ago, it’s rough. Thankfully, God has connected me with the RIGHT people who understand and are standing with me. ❤

[@nicholelesassier1799]

Whitney I hope you keep seeking help for yourself and any children. Those scars run deep. I go to Celebrate Recovery. Best thing I ever did for myself and my family.

[@Job2317McIntosh]

This is feeding my walk with Jesus so much. Thank you.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks so much for watching!

[@myjoyisCHRIST]

You're definitely not alone, because it happened to Me Too! I was with him for 30 years and I thought there was something wrong with me. But then I learned about covert narcissism and gaslighting and manipulation, and what counts as abuse. He made me feel like I was crazy, and, like you say, when he finally left me for the other woman, I felt like God used her to deliver me from my tormentor. I didn't realize I was being abused until after he left me for the bottle and the other woman, and I eventually took some therapy. I feel that the church pressures us as women to stay in abusive marriages, and we have to remember that God our Father does not want us to be abused, and anyone who says otherwise is misguided.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for sharing part of your story with us, Jennifer! We're praying for your continued healing!

[@lorrainemead2292]

Well said ❤

[@Mea_DS]

I'm so glad I discovered this channel recently. I have been in therapy for almost 2.5 years dealing with this very thing. I didn't understand what i was walking through and kept silent for many years until I was in the brink of losing my sanity it seemed. Never understood narcissistic/emotional abuse before. I'm now divorced but he continues to torment, gaslight, and smear but I've never felt more free on the other side... but the trauma is real and that's why I'm still in therapy and have a few safe close confidants to walk with me. Thank you all for this channel🙏🏽

[@mariethompson6711]

I was too for 15 years we have been separated for 3 years. I am also in therapy myself and have been for 1 and a half yrs. My heart is heald and I am finally free from the pain caused from the abuse. Freedoms Way Ministries.. This is the ministry that I am a part of now. It was the best decision I ever made for myself next to excepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior. God bless you.

[@KD-gd5oq]

My husband would always say "not all opinions are equal" as a way to valorize his own and imply that mine were inferior.

[@raveled8953]

My husband and I are both on the autistic spectrum and are used to feeling invisible. This made it easy for his parents to emotionally abuse us for years. Having children finally gave me the strength to stand up to it after my MIL tried to make decisions for my son that were not hers to make. The Lord (along with our pastor and videos like this) worked on my husband's heart and helped him realize the toxicity coming from his parents. Thank you for the work you're doing 💗

[@alexisrallo9610]

I loved how Joel talked about how disfunctional relationships are evidence of disorder in the relationship and he listed the disorder categories which were power, influence, presence of addiction, disordered affection and self obsession. How he said," are those the fuels that are underneath the individual that is trying to control you. That was eye opening for me. Thank you all for this great talk. Lysa you are such a strong woman of faith and I thank you for being a model for us women who are going through betrayal trauma.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching!

[@graftme3168]

My husband falls under all those categories.

[@andreapitts1471]

Lysa!! I have heard that so many times, "Well there are two sides to the story". It upsets me so much. Thank you for the validation of my hurt. The other re-victimizing statement I heard was "Well we are all a little selfish".

[@seashell1037]

During a marriage counseling session with both my husband and I, a pastor, told me that he didn't believe me that I didn't have more involvement in the demise of our then separation, even though my husband confessed to him all the things that he had been doing to hurt me. The Pastor said I had to have had more involvement and my husband said no she didn't. This is my fault. That was bad enough but then on the way out, the pastor told me to give him a chance. I started to cry and said he has had 20 years of a chance as I had been begging him to help save our marriage, because I knew we were growing so far apart.

[@debras3806]

I am so sorry you had to endure this. Ironically it sounds like your husband had a better grasp of his abuse than the so-called counselor (pastor).

[@seashell1037]

@@debras3806 yes. He fully admits his actions and the pastor was very arrogant toward women. People who knew him told me that he dismisses women. It’s part of his culture. And me growing up Italian, im used to being viewed in that way - but talking with the pastor - it all just added to the hurt. Thank you for your kind words and taking the time to reach out. God bless you

[@feriaparker]

My dear, I have learned not all pastor are competent in counseling unless they actually have legitimate certification in psychology and family counseling. Only then will these individual know what professionalism looks like. I just want to send you a virtual hug. It insulting and hurtful to have outside third party put you down even after hearing the truth. He is an idiot irrelevant of background, just absolute moronic how he handled your situation.

[@raewithgrace]

Love this conversation. I was scared to share my story for a long time for fear that no one would believe me or would even care.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, friend!

[@niquelogan663]

💚

[@sussannekeith5676]

I believe you wholeheartedly. …

[@graftme3168]

I got nobody to tell. Anyone I could tell wouldn't believe it. There are a few people who would believe it, but they wouldn't be of any assistance at all. All I have is the Lord, who has literally kept me from going insane. If it wasn't for Him I would have ended up in a mental institution with no hope left. He has literally showed up in my worst state and brought a supernatural peace and security that I would never have gotten anywhere else. This is probably the reason I have stayed. Sometimes I want to give up and run as far away as possible but I keep coming back to trusting God. Maybe I'm trusting God for something that might never get better but I am still hopeful after 36 years! Am I ignorant?

[@cindymdreams7757]

I was very recently in an emotionally abusive relationship - with my adult son 😢 It is spiritual, mental and emotional and I had physical effects in my body - lack of sleep etc, fear etc. A couple times I was terrified. I began to feel low self esteem and all of my friends and family started avoiding, ignoring and silencing me. Everyone needs to be educated about this. Thank you for sharing so openly

[@OrchidTingz]

We Stay As Sick As Our Secrets & Silence!! 🙏

[@11olneyr]

Amen! The absolute truth!!! Thank God that He still sets the captives free! Thank God for this podcast!!

[@BejaeLoves]

“This is not a spectators sport. People are being devalued! There aren’t 2 sides to every story” Thanks, Lysa!!!!!!! The church is NOTTTTTT advocating and often turns the cheek because people don’t want to or don’t know how.

[@sherikeen8362]

I have a personal story to tell on this topic !! Only looking for an outlet to share it. I know that the enemy would want me to CONTINUE to keep my mouth closed. Been considering writing a book so that it’s out once and for all. May God bless you for exposing the darkness. “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭11‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

[@evelynanyeko1635]

I have had training on Safeguarding which covers Abuse and Control. What people don't think of is Emotional Abuse is one that you call "all-in-one". Physical abuse will remain phycological even if there's no scar. Financial, Control, all those stick to the brain. So the rest of all abuses filter in to Emotional/phycological. Emotional intended ones like name calling and the rest too. This is so wonderful and powerful message. Thanks

[@emilee930]

"The body keeps the score". Truer words were never spoken.

[@christian1172-z9e]

Thank you for making this. Wanted to add about the physical abuse. It’s rare for physical abuse to be separate from emotional abuse. And sometimes physical abuse Doesn’t just leave bruises. There are ladies going around with permanent internal injuries that Cause physical pain, but no one can see them. And those unseen pains are a constant reminder of the shame and verbal and emotional abuse.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Brandie.

[@sharonsperry1976]

First, thank you for making these videos. Emotional, mental, and physical abuse needs to be addressed in our church's. It is real, it does happen, and Christians who are the abusers will twist scriptures, and messages to beat you up with. Pastor's will also turn on the woman and that is devastating. What they say in private to the woman, they won't say to the man and the woman becomes a liar. One day I would like to speak, write a book, or even have a movie made exposing the reality of a victims life. When the abuser is a full blown narcissists (many are) it becomes a living hell. Living in a toxic environment will also affect your health.

[@starlingswallow]

If you write a book or something, I'd love to share my story ❤

[@Gerri_Liz]

I would love to share my story too

[@Webbgurl2000]

TRUTH!!!

[@Webbgurl2000]

@@starlingswallowMe Too.

[@sharonsperry1976]

Through the healing process, I keep reminding myself of a message I heard years ago. God keeps the books. God knows the truth, and he has the FINAL SAY. Each and every one of us will be held accountable for our lives. While the abuser appears to be getting by with how they abused us here on earth, they will not get by on judgment day. God is a just God. He knows our pain, he sees the tears, and he sees the bruises on our heart that no one else can. So remember, God is for you. He loves you, and at the end of the day, he is ALL we need. He is your provider, healer, friend, husband, and everyone to all of us. He is one who we can trust with everything and anything. If it wasn't for God, I have no idea where I would be today!

[@suzannafaagau9823]

I’ve been shamed and silenced by the church so much! They don’t want to get involved! It’s too messy! Especially when it’s a Christian man they would have to discipline for the ongoing abuse. I’ve got to the place where I’m afraid to tell anybody! I was made to apologize to my life group for asking prayer for my abusive marriage. It was too much for them to hear!

[@tinabunton8678]

I under stand

[@juneelle370]

I’m so sad to hear this is STILL going on. I remember even as a little girl going to women’s groups with my mother, playing in the corner… and all it was was women acting as mouthpieces for the sick ideology of the men… making excuses for men, for their lust, for their abuse… and praying for them. You can pray until you’re gray but nothing and no one can change a person except if that person allows God/Love in and allows themselves introspection. All they get in the church is validation for their abuse-lots of handy verses to use. I AM GLAD AND GRATEFUL that these folks her are doing something about it 🕊️ this kind of education/awareness/Spirit needs to be in every church!!! Women and children are being ABUSED! And the principle of forgiveness is weaponized and also-many women don’t want to divorce bc of the toxic principle that you can divorce but NEVER remarry… so they STAY and just PRAY… and make the kids just pray too… and if you don’t just let it go and keep taking it as it comes, we’ll then “you’re not being a good Christian”

[@lw8356]

There are a lot of good videos to watch by Leslie Vernick. She's written books and has an online support group for women,

[@Webbgurl2000]

You have a right to be seen and heard. You don’t need their permission to protect yourself. Go to the authorities if you need.

[@shelleyd9910]

I understand that. It is just plain cowardice. Rev 22. 😡

[@rivcol21jc]

I stayed in an abusive marriage with a man who gaslit me and allowed everyone in his circle also verbally and emotionally abuse me , for 16 years. I still feel condemnation for setting boundaries with him, which led to him divorcing me. He has moved on and I’m still alone trying to heal from the devastation.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you today, friend!

[@bariniagumbs2522]

Sorry for what happens but all I can say is this person has the characteristics of a Narcissistic, they don’t love or care for anyone, and trust me they not even love themselves

[@lydiapetra1211]

He sounds like a narcissist.... sadly the church leaders are responsible.... because it's still a good ole boy church.....it's so despicable....look you need to move on....i know it's hard....but you need healing... please seek the help of a good therapist....and start living... your ex doesn't care. .. neither did your jerk of a pastor... ..🙏🙏🙏♥️

[@belindaalderson7209]

These guys don't change, he has moved on to wreck another women's life. Lucky he set you free.

[@monicaswavel6074]

This is so good. I'm now married to a real Christian for 20 years and even though it was hard at first it still didn't come even close to the abusive marriage I came from. I'm a whole person now and I'm very thankful I got out after many years of prison.

[@Kaylin_h]

@monicaSwavel Good foir you..that's one thing hardship does is help us appreciate average! [Boring] can be fantastic in comparison!

[@AstrOT6Stars]

Thank you. God bless you. God is writing my story, too. I hope for my happy ending as well.

[@someone_u_used_to_know]

8 years I spent with a man who treated me and what I think is amazing weather 90% of the time problem must have 10% sneaking out once a year on a relapse always includes other women. Even my loving night

[@someone_u_used_to_know]

I didn't matter

[@someone_u_used_to_know]

Wedding

[@vell5052]

This is so powerful I listen to these with my children because we are under narcissist abuse and I want them to know it’s not God it’s peoples choices to mistreat others the Bible doesn’t support abuse.

[@godsbeloved2938]

Your right. God does not support abuse. Leslie Vernick has a ministry to emotionally destructive marriages.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Chavale. We hope this video can be helpful for you and your family.

[@GabrielleTollerson]

EXACTLY. It's depressing that women think it would be "against God's will" to divorce abusive men!! Men have gaslighted women into believing that!!

[@marydickey3404]

30+ years of berating, controlling behavior, instilling fear, yelling me into silence, believing all the things he said about me. Leaving, cant wait to have a cup of coffee without my heart beating out of my chest while i await another attack. Found out porn was happening also which was the catalyst to my awakening of being married to a spiritual narcissistic. Im so thankful to God for saving me, i was at the end of me in a very dark place. I wanted so badly for him to change. I still pray his eyes will be opened, but realize only God can do that and im no longer responsible. In fact, i never was.😢

[@cr.6752]

I am so happy you spoke on this. Unfortunately there are so many silencing tactics in the church. It may not be the intent but that's what happens.

[@loriemoore8554]

If only this existed 45 years ago. I’m just starting this process of healing at 63. No more need to be silence. Marriage counseling was not an option for me 45 years ago. I was so financially poor . I went to the church only to find out it cost for 30 minutes of counseling. 2nd my spouse did feel he would have been exposed. Just hearing that emotional abuse that happened to me was wrong on the perpetrators actions was helpful.

[@mariethompson6711]

Freedoms Way Ministries is where I got my emotional support and help. It's free .

[@sonicmainiacs]

Thankful healthy conversations about this. Ive lived 25 years with emotional verbal abuse.

[@rochellecaffee1417]

I have been gaslighted for more than 30+ years, and other abuses, and it is still going on. I now have C-PTSD.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're praying for you right now, Rochelle!

[@avoiceinthewilderness9864]

Me too. It's terrible.

[@kimberlyeder4162]

Get out no matter that you’ve invested 30 years. Between now and dead, how do you want to live?

[@tiffanybluetarot]

You are not alone. You are loved. You are important.

[@rosetaylor8426]

Get out ma'am,u deserve the best

[@cherylland5305]

Thank you so much for bringing emotional abuse to light! This is so important! Thank you! 💜

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Cheryl!

[@LG-wm1nw]

I was severely abused in every way, except sexually by my mentally ill narcissistic mother both as a child and in adulthood. It devastated me. For years I lost sight of who I was as a person, I had no personal boundaries, and had a lot of self-hatred and very, very low self-esteem and worth. I'm 51 years old and finally, healing has begun to take place. Thank you for sharing. God is indeed faithful.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for healing, friend!

[@devorahrose782]

Oh my goodness! I've seen this in my spiritual community so much! And the abused being counseled to do the work of forgiveness and staying for the "sacred " relationship

[@GretchenHoechner]

I experienced this at work in a very unhealthy toxic environment when I was the only female. I was outcasted and had serious health issues. So glad I’m out but this made me feel very validated 🙏🏼

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching and for sharing your story, Gretchen.

[@irmielam5192]

I'm experiencing it right now in my office, but more from my female manager than a man. She's a classic narcissist, I finally reported her, and the owner said, she's just firm, not abusive. She can do no wrong in the owner's eyes...she's brilliant, young and super confident. I'm much older and am made to feel like a stupid has-been constantly. She lies and gaslights...and has the men eating out of her hand. I've been physically ill from this abuse. I need my job...I'm 65...

[@laurae8324]

@@irmielam5192 in general women are worse than men, especially if they have the envy gene. And some are envious even if you think they have no reason to be. I have to set a boundary with a friend who is starting to seem more like a frienemy.

[@Dobermanmomma]

This was so good to put words to a recent experience. After 31 years of abuse including gas lighting God is rebuilding me, but it's hard to even have the words to understand my past especially when people deny it when you talk about it.

[@visionvixxen]

I’m just scared that because I have autism and other stuff ifI get out of this I’ll just get into another one I have been “working on myself” all my life, so….

[@godsgirl724]

“All good, healthy and self-care boundaries require grief.” 😮 This makes sense!

[@donnebonne]

@about 14:00, you said if I open up about abuse nothing will change... or it WILL change... for the worse because he's now getting away with it, he'll be more brazen. I learned after 26 years that I had to work on ME without his knowledge and plan my escape...I acted like nothing was different and left while he was at work. Thank God almighty, I'm free at last. It's been 9 years and my job is still to work on me. I walked out work With next to nothing, but my sanity and serenity are priceless. No vows to say "never again", but I keep my eyes wide open for signs of gaslighting. No more second chances.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Hi friend. Thank you for sharing some of your story with us. While we can't speak to the specific circumstances you're facing, Proverbs 31 Ministries offers topical and study resources to help you continue working through what you're walking through for free in our Resource Library at proverbs31.org/read/resource-library

[@margaretprusan895]

Such great talking points. Especially in a narcissistic relationship (family members not spouse), sharing the abuse can cause being alienation and treated as a liar or one who overreacts. One has to be prepared to be outcast.

[@dessaarnold7540]

Yes, and it's not an easy road.

[@1948rambo]

Severity! Yes! I’m seeing the impact of NOT KNOWING the truth of what was going on behind my back for years while I was waiting, excusing, forgiving n praying!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, Fran!

[@danacazenave135]

On the subject of why we are silent. You brought up many valid reasons. I would like to point out another reason that immediately came to my mind.,, which is that if you are dealing with a narcissist who constantly gaslights and blame shifts and twists the narrative. You try to explain this to another person. Its near impossible. How are they going to understand it, when none of it makes any sense . Ive tried to imagine how id explain it. But theres just no point. Unless , of course its to someone who has been through it , or a therapist who SPECIALIZES in trauma caused by narcissistic abuse. Which is a whole other subject. There arent many who actually understand the dynamic that goes on in these situations. So basically.. fear of not being understood and not really even knowing how to explain it is another big reason we stay silent.

[@kimlaurinda261]

Im always silenced by this person im my life. Ive stood up for my needs finally. Took a huge step back from this person. So much more peace in my life.

[@SavannahElizabethG]

Can you do an episode about being emotionally abused by parents and family? This was a good conversation.

[@blahblahblah4544]

This is a sad topic because children often compare their parents to their idea of a deity. So it's difficult for a child to have healthy spirituality if their parent was abusive. I'm a mother and I make sure to let my children know I am flawed and that we are all learning and it's okay. We will all learn. Some parents act like the deity and scramble to gaslight and hide their imperfections. For myself, I decided honesty is the best policy. Because my life was destroyed by lies. "Honesty solves problems. Lies create them." I tell my children. Hopefully that takes me out of the "deity" role and more into parenting role. Then hopefully I encourage prayer to God the right and healthy way. To where it's my children's choice.

[@melnelly5918]

I second this. Would like to learn more about Mother's specifically. Am on a road to recovery from abuse from Mother and haven't spoken for 2 years, God lead, while I heal. I have only just discovered this channel and plowing through them all. Valuable teaching. So simple.

[@graftme3168]

I thought this channel was specifically about marriage, not necessarily parenting.

[@starlingswallow]

Lysa and group~ thank you for addressing this incredibly important topic! I wish this new tide that's rolling in about abuse would have come about 18 years ago ❤ I'm out, free, healing, remarried and so blessed by God. He walked with me through it all and got me OUT of that hellish existence. If you're reading this and find yourself in an abusive marriage, please know that God loves YOU more than the construct of marriage. My ex tricked me into marrying him by telling me he was a believer...and I trusted his words over his actions. 😢

[@v4756nb1rs]

I recently took a leap of faith and told a church leader about what I am experiencing. They said that I should stay in the abusive relationship "as long as (the person) doesn't hit me." I didn't realize this was spiritual abuse, although the encounter left me feeling gut-punched and very disappointed. This was not what I needed to hear. Thank you for naming/identifying this and calling it what it is.

[@larkspurrose3136]

I've been counseled so many times to do what makes my husband happy and then ill be happy. Such a mind f$ck!

[@GabrielleTollerson]

​@@larkspurrose3136 these men are so going to get punished!!!

[@brightpage1020]

The women I’ve met in relationships like this silence themselves because telling anyone would bring punishment when - not if - their partner (or whoever is emotionally abusing them) finds out. They’re sparing themselves or people/things they love for the moment and taking the little pain they might see as reasonable or manageable (after all, life in a fallen world is not promised to be comfortable) rather than risk a big eruption of rage boiling over. Plus, they are honest and don’t feel comfortable with secrecy against their partner and they know they won’t get the partner’s permission to tell (because the abuser knows it’s wrong or they wouldn’t care if their partner told) so trying to organize support or confidence in anyone else requires deceiving the partner and - rightfully - feels like a betrayal against the abuser, or at least a disrespect of the confidence of the relationship.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts, friend.

[@sashagomes754]

Thank you, thank you for sharing. I know I was not crazy. This really helped me and I am more confident now hearing this as I recently I moved away from an emotionally abusive relationship. God's continued blessings to you all.

[@hispoiema]

We moved 55 times in 35 years so there were always new people. I sometimes think I could have talked to someone if we stayed at a church long enough to get to know and trust someone.

[@shellieperreault6262]

In hindsight, do you believe that was intentional?

[@abigaledavis1223]

This is the very best I’ve ever heard from any Christian . I sincerely thank you for all the nuisances you covered. Very well done. Praise God for what you shared. You have helped a lot of women.

[@thenannywoodforest98]

I'm only half way through and you all are hitting this out of the park!! Thank you for the validation and encouragement.

[@summerrichards5407]

I had a pastor tell someone in front of their husband that their PTSD from the emotionally abusive 20 year relationship that their PTSD will prevent the wife from see the transformation of the husband. The anger felt by the victim was also discounted. This information is necessary for the pastoral counselors to get hold of!

[@valeriewithers2391]

All Ive ever heard is that I nee to submit,I need to keep quiet,dont rock the boat,dont speak,keep your mouth shut.ALL ADDICTS ARE ABUSIVE ALLCRIMIALS ARE ABUSIVE>UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR IS UNACCEPTABLE

[@lisajohnson4744]

“Pastoral.” What a farce.

[@Webbgurl2000]

Spiritual abuse at it’s worst

[@visionvixxen]

Many pastors are emotionally waaay behind the normal world…. They never faced issues themselves so turned to religion. We need true counselors who have lived it and are able to be likeChriat..

[@indianagirl500]

I won’t be silenced I will spread awareness towards helping others

[@802sti]

I told my brother recently what was happening and he said, "so why don't you stand up for yourself? " As if to say I have the power to stop it. I don't. This was a few years after he said to me " I don't like how he talks to you" awkward silence, I felt ashamed like it was something I could prevent. All I could wonder was, if he sees it why didn't he say something to my husband? Why, because he probably was a coward. Who am i supposed to tell? If i tell a doctor, they will tell me to leave, and ill be home-less, car-less, job-less, child-less. No one can truly help. I am in grounded mode for survival, but definitely in grief too because I have no benefits of a good marriage but im also not free to be single. Its like some sort of prison, or state of limbo.

[@jeanettecable1902]

Wow this is so great to speak about this and the church. You cant be filled with the spirit and emotionally abuse people at the same time. Very powerful to say to someone theres nothing you can do to cause someone to respond in an abusive way. Name calling is always abuse period. Men need to call out men in the church when they hear that.

[@TheUkulelegal]

Excellent. Thank you. I have lived this and appreciate you using God's Word to find a solution to this hidden suffering in Christian marriages.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Victoria.

[@maxinecorbin1273]

No one is perfect know it or have it all but this woman is a boss. I thank Jehovah God for allowing me to come across her

[@aprilc8869]

Thirty years and I accept that I have been verbally and emotionally abused now😭

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you, friend!

[@ruthmouse1650]

This spoke so much to me, I was raised in a religious cult and had some issues with my spouse at the time. I was more or less "forced" to forgive him. and as such suffered emotional abuse for 20 some years after. It was only after leaving the cult and him that I was able to start to realize what it all was and how to try and heal from it. It is very hard to talk to anyone about because you are terrified of being invalidated or that your emotions or feelings are wrong. So you suffer in silence. Thank you for bringing this subject out more.

[@stephcoker]

Difference between privacy and secrecy - amen!

[@WeCanHearYouNowwithPeggiMerkey]

All what you’re saying is so true. I’m still married-42 years. Uggghhh. I’ve come full circle though and I no longer allow his punishment to punish me. I’m so grateful to God for helping me to grow-not closer to him, but closer to Him! The destructive part of my life coming from this abuse is so bad. But the good part-my friends, my small group, my growth is off the chain and filled with peace, joy, excitement in life, but AFTER I got off of his rollercoaster! Thanks so much!!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you today, friend!

[@kristikola777]

This is so good and so important.. thank you! Sometimes it's not normalized by the victim so much but by outsiders because they can't "see" it and they refuse to believe you even if you know it and try to tell them. People love to blame the victim but they become participants of the abuse. People these days lack real empathy and sadly just don't understand narcissistic oppression unless they're experienced it.. they condescend and attack. Then more victim blaming/shaming when the victim isolates out of lack of success reaching others and the re-traumatization, and sheer exhaustion of it all. They will gossip and say how messed up she is when she may well be the least messed up.. the most emotionally healthy and sinless of all.

[@liarnaconder4737]

Thankyou so much for speaking to this ! God just saved me from the darkest time of my life as I felt stuck in the cycle with an emotionally/spiritually abusive partner. When I found myself in the hospital due to severe suicidal tendencies I remember saying to the nurse. “I wish he punched me in the face so you could see what has been happening” So many suffer in silence and internalise.. Something needs to change.. The Lord is healing and redeeming so much and preparing me to be a voice and expose this incredibly tormenting and isolating experience 🙏✝️

[@WellnessForMoms]

🙏🏾

[@aword4me]

Awesome show. I want to say that I will silence myself when I do not want to participate in an argument. Especially, when I feel I am not being heard, or when I think the conversation will get worse and the other person won't listen. There is absolutely a healthy way to silence out and not participate in the madness. That part. " I am losing myself." I'm gone! Respect me, as I respect you and if not...... I seek that private space.

[@shelleyburling4435]

love it ! don't grovel, don't grandstand......be grounded. The Lord is helping me with this .