Our Older Sister Has Become VERY Resentful Of Us As We Prefer Her Husband Over Her r/Relationships

[@emmak9051]

Pardon my French, but every single adult in s1 except the sisters husband fucking failed these poor children. Wtf is wrong with those comments?!

[@kennethboyer2338]

The parents did and the older sister is being a real bitch. The husband should really rethi k his life with the wife. The parents could've waited a few more years before returning. Throwing out a cake to show their appreciation is pretty shitty. These people making these comments are really sick in the head.

[@Ivy94F]

Amen. It sounded awful. I wondered wtf are these ppl??? That was an epic fail on the redditors part. Ugh.

[@motheroftears25]

Exactly!

[@mattiekarwin3667]

There's this insidious habit of adults to just not take children seriously no matter how serious the topic. We literally have to pay multiple agencies of people to give a shit about children and make sure they're not being abused and the numbers still only appear to be rising, in America at least.

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

Holy shit. Why are they being so harsh to the twin girls? Their sister sounds unhinged.

[@ravanpee1325]

Because the sister is 10 years older and has no connection to them.

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

@@ravanpee1325 I think I didn't post my question correctly. I meant that a lot of people responding to OPs original post were rather harsh.

[@ravanpee1325]

@@lisawhereisthecultjam the sister was more ore less "persuaded" to take them in although she clearly doesn't want to have a connection with them. The jealousy can be expected "if she take them in to impress their parents" and the husband focus so much on the sisters. Not a good family dynamic at all. The parents are responsible for the situation.

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

@@ravanpee1325 I understand what you are saying, however, the OP described how her sister once broke glass in order for the twins to clean it up. There were some other examples that I don't remember but they were all pretty similar, I believe. To me, the older sister seemed to despise her sisters. She let her resentment suck all the joy out of that household. I'm glad the twins have their own place. Also, I agree. The parents bear the onus of this resentment.

[@ravanpee1325]

@@lisawhereisthecultjam Yeah, the old cycle from victim to perpetrator..the sister has some serious issues too and need psychological help from professionals. It's better that the two sisters are out of this situation.

[@KLT-id9nm]

"We share a bed now anyway"... hold up. These two 16 year old girls are having to share a bed? Sis couldn't get a second mattress or a futon or something in the two years they were with her? Ffs. I honestly don't even know why Frank is with this woman to be honest. If she can be this horrible to her sisters it's a deeply ingrained issue that isn't just going to go away when the twins do. I say this as an older sibling who hated my sister growing up due to parentification. Sister has no buisness taking this out on the twins and it's disgusting that they had to move out on their own and basically grow up over night because sis couldn't get a handle on her shit. The redditors were absolutely wrong here.

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

The excuses people have for a grown adult taking out their anger and resentment are many. People on Reddit often think that abusing others is okay if it’s a symptom of your own abuse. It’s all so shitty

[@ezra2701]

Child: I’m literally being abused by my sister Reddit: But are you tho?

[@Snipergoat1]

Reddit needs to be more skeptical like that. They always seem to buy BS stories hook line and sinker. The modus operandi is for a bunch of assholes to tell each other that the people they are complaining about are assholes so they can feel right about continuing to be assholes. Sometimes the schizophrenic hivemind goes the other way which is what we have here.

[@Hiimreggie]

Vsause music starts

[@vidhead85]

Right?! Talk about gaslighting!

[@ZomBeeQueeen]

Jeez right!?!?

[@Metal_Mouth]

God the comment on the 1st story had to be one of the most undeservingly vitriolic I've seen on this sub. I read some more and some of them were even doubting her abuse as if being yelled at daily doesn't count. And because of that they were pushed/advised to live alone and basically be adults at 16 just to not get abused some more from an adult woman. That's not a good outcome in my opinion.

[@robertx8020]

Some redditers are like sheep ...one says something bad? others follow Yeah the younger sisters must be lying as there is no way a redditer can be wrong, right? "Let's make some other shit up " "the younger sisters have sex with her husband, they beat the 'saint of a ' older sister up and steal her money " Must bne true because we 'need to ' blame the younger sisters :) Btw this is directed to reddit not you ;) as I agree with you

[@Parasolhyena]

So there is this big thing on reddit that if the post is short enough to put more info in and then if someone edits it super fast after getting a lot of negative feedback most redditors will think they are making it up. Whether that is valid or not it's just what usually happens. Most people will just assume they are trying to save there own hide.

[@damien678]

Gods, I hated the comments too. As an abused teen, though, I really wish I had any outlet to get advice, and feel like I wouldn't feel as broken if I did end up getting my own place. But IDK. It all just feels bad af

[@putrapratama-sq8hu]

thats because you cant read between the line..

[@Ivy94F]

@@putrapratama-sq8hu You shouldn’t be reading between any lines if you’re ignoring the actual lines themselves. Reading comprehension should be first before adding soap opera imagination.

[@pa-pa-plasma]

I don't understand the comments on the first one. Just because the parents are shitty doesn't mean what the older sister was doing was okay. She was being abusive. She was 26, her siblings were 16. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour, ESPECIALLY with children. I don't care if she was going through some shit. I don't care if her parents were abusive, or neglectful, or whatever. Having problems isn't an excuse to give other people (especially children, I repeat!!!) problems. This is literally the cycle of abuse. Just because you were abused doesn't mean you can turn right around and abuse as well. I can say this in one hundred million different ways and people will still be fucking stupid and defend these people. Sister was the adult, and chose to take in 2 children she knew she couldn't/didn't want to handle. Having a sad backstory doesn't excuse or validate what you've done. Having children act like children doesn't excuse or validate you abusing them. "Don't abuse children" shouldn't be a hot take fucking hell man

[@gojewla]

Especially with children that also had to deal with abusive parents.

[@izzc2032]

Right! I found That last comment was so unnecessarily harsh to them. Nowhere in the post did the younger sister come off as entitled or even childish. They seem very self aware and mature for their ages.

[@putrapratama-sq8hu]

@@izzc2032 because they are need to be treated as such...

[@quinnthefox3846]

Honestly as an older sibling I'm appalled by the comments- yes, the older sister is in a very difficult situation, I sympathize. Having to be responsible for two kids is overwhelming. But to treat them like that, and then for the comments to basically victim blame these young girls who can't do much about the situation themselves (because talking it out has ALWAYS worked 😒) gets my blood boiling. Do these people have any semblance of reality?

[@affsteak3530]

Right? This is between older sis and the parents. The twins are children and it's not their job to walk on eggshells so their older sister doesn't abuse them. Edit to add: the parents are absolutely garbage for ditching their children. It didn't seem like money was an issue so at least one parent should have stayed in the states.

[@randalhill6283]

Exactly. I love how a lot of the commenters just glaze over the fact that she would walk into a room while somebody's cleaning it and throw glasses onto the floor. And the parents are just as bad. I get that the grandparents are sick but you don't just up and abandon your family to take care of people on the other side of the world. They had a responsibility to stay with their daughters.

[@milieg3309]

My sister and I weren't that close growing up either but now that I'm struggling, she is making arrangements for me to live with her in another country. That's what sisters do

[@shells500tutubo]

@@affsteak3530 Or they could have alternated. My daughter had a Korean friend in high school whose mother would stay for six months and then the grandmother would come over for six months while the mother went back. Worked out fine.

[@sweetdisposition8085]

Frr being jealous of children

[@michamocha]

S1: The comments are infuriating. I can't believe they really made a child in a toxic situation feel guilty for just...existing? The sister VOLUNTEERED to take them in and is receiving money from their parents to take care of them. Her husband even tried to be reasonable and tell her to think it through before making such a huge decision but she decided. She doesn't get to get a pass to be abusive towards two innocent kids and act like a child when things doesn't go her way. What were they suppose to do when she refuses to hang out with them? Get on their knees and beg to for any crumb of respect and decency from her? The comments are speculating and defending her as if they personally met her and took her out to dinner.

[@milieg3309]

I don't think it would have helped them to tell them they're right and to double down, it's actually better that they developed understanding for their sister's side . It gave them the best possible outcome.

[@hareemqureshi822]

It feeds into the mentality that abuse is the victim's fault. People tell victims that if they do xyz then the abuse will stop. The thing is, abusere will abuse no matter what. It also feeds into the age old mentality about being ungrateful if your upset about being abused.

[@milieg3309]

@@hareemqureshi822 I totally get what you mean but the best way was for them to get out of that situation. They couldn't wait for the sister to get help

[@mk_gamíng0609]

I don't think she Volunteered To me it seems like it was put on her but worded like she had a choice Its like having a gun pointed at your head and the person behind the gun saying "Give me all your money" You have the illusion of choice but in reality if you say no your going to have to deal with a lot of shit until you give in. In this case the gun is the relationship with her parents and before you say "Why didn't she cut them off, if there so bad" Its not that easy you also have to remember there of Asian decent and family is MASSIVE there. Think your atypical overbearing Asian parent. The sister is still wrong in this, but the ultimate fault lies with the parents.

[@backpug1228]

@@milieg3309 "itd actually better that they develop understanding for their sisters side" And that is where you lost me because it is so wrong. Just because my abuser was abused by the system and falsly thrown into jail with severe wounds DOES NOT MEAN that I have to "understand his side" when he was hitting me at 14/15/16/17, mentally abusing and isolating me from the family, grooming and sexually abusing me, wanting to impregnate me after he had a son with my mom. Its a disgusting way to think. If the sister doesnt want to break out of her anger against innocent ones, she is bad and doesnt deserve this "understanding"

[@affsteak3530]

I love how the comments in the first story dogpiled on literal children who were all but abandoned by their parents. What were they supposed to do? Be invisible and eat no food?

[@TheFuri0uswc]

The amount of victim blaming in the comments are insane

[@janicerunion7852]

@@TheFuri0uswc and

[@teacheschem]

Exactly!!

[@GMAMEC]

This, the internet can scar people.

[@Lili-ib2rh]

I'll call it out now: Probably people who show what they think of children aka: either they are annoying by default or should be grateful to have the right to exist and kiss their sister's feet. Probably also people who think they are being abused when their mother asks them if they can send a birthday card to their little brother or when a neighborhood child bothers them by saying hello when they pass them in the hallway. Poor little ops.

[@Swnsasy]

I'm trying to understand the ignorance of these comments back to the girls. They didn't come off as bad or say their parents said you have to take them or else.. The sister is stressed it sounds to me because she realize the circumstances of the decision to keep the girls, it's hard emotionally.. This isn't the sisters, it's the parents.. Ask the parents to pay for a place for them in a small apartment.. That's what I would do..

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

I don't think they legally can at 16yrs old. They could have it as a "working space" but keep a bed at the sisters for a just in case wellness check, but idk.

[@ravanpee1325]

Do you really know that or just an assumption? Of course the parents expected the sister "to do the right thing for the family"

[@tishjanuary7379]

My friend & her brother did this in high school for about a year & a half. The parents had to move out of state for the dads work the siblings tried the move & hated. Parents rented them an apartment so they could move back. I’m in the US as well.

[@Swnsasy]

@@GabrielleHayes1921 I moved out at 16 with 2 of my friends from HS.. A parent had to co-sign though..

[@Swnsasy]

@@ravanpee1325 Do I know what hon?

[@jessicaable5095]

Story 1: what's with all the "poor sister" comments? That is absolutely no excuse for her behaviour towards them. Edit: I am aware she must've gone through a lot of awful shit, but these comments are just blasting op and her sister like nobody's business. They shouldn't be snapped at for saying thank you. They shouldn't have someone laughing at the extra work they caused them, they shouldn't have to go out to fetch a car that their sister left at another house out of spite. Her behaviour I'd discusting. I hope she's doing well now, and that their relationship is better, but those comments were just something else Story 2: "Thanks Dad" 😭😭

[@Rae.Harper]

I just hope the older sister doesn’t plan on having kids of her own any time soon. She’s clearly not ready. If ‘Frank’ shows the kid any extra attention (which is likely because babies and small kids need a lot of attention) will she get jealous and treat them like shit too?

[@hareemqureshi822]

It's textbook abusive language. "I'm going through a hard time." "I wasn’t raised right" "You're being ungrateful" "You're at fault" "I do so much for you"

[@Lili-ib2rh]

@@hareemqureshi822 And being abused is not a blank check to abuse others afterwards without consequences.How much do you want to bet that she will blame her sisters when her husband leaves her?

[@hareemqureshi822]

@@Lili-ib2rh I'm not defending the older sister, I'm calling out the abuse. I'm saying that the sister is abusive

[@jessicaable5095]

@@hareemqureshi822 I think they were agreeing with you 😊

[@cutekitty1212]

The comments in the first story are horrendous. Literally gaslighting OP

[@natytambasco]

Yes they just said fuck you in a more clean way

[@carolroberts4614]

I couldn't believe how awful they were! Those poor girls, more or less abandoned by their parents at 14, walking on eggshells around the sister, who sounds dangerously volatile to me! Even if she was in over her head, what could the twins do? They were lucky they lived in a state where they could leave and live together! Good luck to them! And Frank, who seems like a star! And sister too if she gets her head together!

[@Metonymy1979]

Holy shit. I didn't get that from that story at all. I heard the OP being a actual good kid but put in a very strange position. No one is taking into account OP IS STILL A CHILD/TEENAGER. How the hell are people trying to put the responsibility on them?

[@cloverite]

They are 17, not a child, and they were 15 when the sister took them in, 15 year old girls can be hateful.

[@RedReaper666OG]

Story 1: Those poor girls; I kinda feel like I (and y'all reading this) was the only redditor to actually read the post. Purposefully shattering glasses on the floor while the twins are cleaning, throwing away a birthday cake for the husband's birthday... All because she's jealous that they have each other. It's NOT any of those girls fault their parents are trailer trash; and re-enacting the abuses that elder sister survived onto her younger sisters won't erase the pain. Neither will the jealousy. It will however compound the agony.

[@technicaldifficulties368]

Those comments on story 1 are absurd. Stop blaming the literal CHILDREN when the ADULT SISTER agreed to this. Her past abuse/her own mental health is no excuse to be abusive to her younger sisters. The nerve of some people.

[@wildfyah]

That's the annoying part. She sounds two faced...she put that face on again when they left in front of the parents.

[@natytambasco]

Yep

[@Lili-ib2rh]

I hope they will cut off contact with their older sister and that her husband will leave her.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Haven't you heard? Having ANYTHING bad happen to your life no matter how long ago gives you a free pass to treat people like sh*t for the rest of your life. Nevermind there isn't a single human in history who has ever lived without anything bad happening to them. Then you can self diagnose with any mental illness you want and you will never have to take responsibility for your actions again. Mental illness/tragedy is now a weapon you can use to escape blame from any situation any bad or selfish decisions you make. That's how it is now.

[@Lili-ib2rh]

@@WhitneyDahlin 👏👏👏

[@thomasparsley8195]

The comments from the first story were ridiculous! Too many of the commenter were making assumptions, and personalizing the story! Sounds the the older sister is toxic! Older teenagers don't require all that much care!

[@wildfyah]

Story 1 sounds like my older sister. Volatile personality, fire rage, jealousy, bitterness, abusive, keeping up the cycle of abuse, pressure from family, two faced behaviour etc. It's better to leave the sister be, they did the best thing, just thank her and move along. I hope Frank can help her become grounded again.

[@bethanntay]

She might need help. My father was the same way except with kids that weren't his. Got them new clothes while mine came from a church (which I was bullied for because they were so ugly)and they got food whenever they wanted while I got small portions 2 to 3 times a day, they were allowed a social life while I couldn't. It really can mess you up. I am still dealing with anxiety and depression because of him 11 Years later.

[@dessnatazha]

Imagine being able to throw money at a problem like the parents in story 1. They need family therapy.

[@Mia-dt3gl]

God, those parents in Story 1 are just awful.

[@keishaizawesome2836]

The victim blaming in the first story is absolutely baffling! If the older sister didn't think that she would be mentally capable to care for two children and she should have never accepted the responsibility. Her abusive Behavior towards her sisters is terrible and there's no way of justifying that, i also blame the parents too.

[@jessicawolfe5861]

Story2: Not a great thing to say to a kid but sometimes kids don't know how the awful things they say can affect other people. She found out. And it didn't feel good. Parents are human too and don't deserve nasty comments. But it can totally open the door to the conversations that need to happen. Like this one.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#1 - let's face it, the twins are amazing and we all hope they have a bright future. Frank is a rock star and well prepared to be a father. Their sis, however, seems to be very negatively affected by her upbringing and is possibly not parent material - she sure isn't good sister material. that is a shame.

[@geckokid8265]

The problem with the AITA subreddit sometimes is there tends to be an implicit bias, if the genders were reversed in story 1 and it was op's brother acting this way they would probably mostly be (rightfully) calling him out for being borderline abusive. I might be wrong though

[@deedeeschway9566]

Story 1 - my guess is the older sister was the parents’ outlet for their frustrations and made her feel inadequate. The younger sisters did not experience the same treatment (not saying they were the golden children just not the usual target). She didn’t have good role models for parenting and took out her frustration and resentment on them just like their parents did her. From OP’s comments, it sounds like the parents definitely belittled their older sister in front of them and cast her in a bad light beforehand. None of that would excuse her behaviour though but hopefully she and her sisters can try therapy together and separate to deal with how crappy their parents are. She could become a much better mother to her own children if she can heal from her own childhood.

[@wildfyah]

Highly likely. My older sister is like this. They were pretty abusive and she just followed suit. She needs some therapy and to accept that she needs some help to help calm that rage. Those first born kids get the brunt of the parents' nonsense, especially when they're grossly unprepared for having children.

[@LexTime89]

I’m so confused. I’ve listened twice and I don’t see where they discuss how the parents treated the sister?

[@wildfyah]

@@LexTime89 it's assumed. Especially because OP asked her dad to refrain from calling out the sister in front of them.

[@LexTime89]

@@wildfyah But being called out by the father also could have escalated the sister’s behavior. We shouldn’t make assumptions when there is zero evidence. Most of the comments feel a lot like projection, especially the one in the video that went completely off the deep end about the parents basically poisoning the twins’ mind against the sister. Either Mark missed a lot of discussion in the comments, or people are literally creating their own drama out of someone else’s life for their own entertainment.

[@deedeeschway9566]

@@LexTime89 if you look up the post on Reddit you can find OP’s replies to questions about their sister and parents. The older sister rebelled several different ways (dating, partying, etc) and at one point went NC with the parents. OP kept saying it was the sister who ruined the relationship but a lot of the info reeks of being from the parents pov since OP keeps saying her sister was a disappointment to their parents. Not to mention OP doesn’t see anything wrong with being left in America by their parents at 14 and told to figure it out if they don’t want to go home. The family dynamic is off for sure.

[@Godviahh]

the comments on story 1 act like the sister didnt have a fucking choice to take them in or not. the ignorance and shitty attitude towards these poor girls.

[@ravanpee1325]

Do xyz or be banned from the family and all your relatives...what a good choice :D

[@Godviahh]

@@ravanpee1325 banned by ur abusive family. who wouldnt fucking want that???

[@natytambasco]

@@ravanpee1325 if your family do this kick them out because is the best choice, don't make a bad decision and blame the kids

[@harrypotter2700]

@@ravanpee1325 Her family was already all the way in Korea. Who cares if they further isolated her from a family that wasn’t even close to her in the first place? It takes an absolute monster to do what she did and only continue the cycle of abuse. She may have been the victim of her own childhood with her parents, but she’s not the victim with her sisters.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: Lilly made the active decision to take them in then turned around and pushed them away. She doesn't get to be upset when she was specifically told to think it through and she didn't, she rushed into it then started treating them like shit for being there and now she's mad that they prefer to be around Frank and not her. She sounds like someone I know and I _hate_ being around that person if I don't have to be because they act _exactly_ how she's acting. Edit: These comments are really out here acting like Lilly wasn't the one who made the decision to take them in huh. "She was a newlywed probably looking forward to spending time alone with her husband" what do you think happened exactly? Do you think they just broke into the house and refused to leave? _She let them in._ Edit 2: lmfao to that last comment, how does what OP said even remotely sound like that?

[@cjb2749]

Story 2: I feel bad for OP, but I feel terrible for Anna. It's pretty obvious that the poor girl is struggling with abandonment issues, and has somehow convinced herself that if OP weren't around acting like a dad, her real father would be. It's gotta be incredibly painful, and I understand why she made the unconscious decision to focus her anger at OP, rather than the father that she never gets to see. That being said, the girl needs a wake up call, and she very much needs some one-on-one therapy that she can occasionally bring one of her parents to, to get help communicating with them.

[@yourmom69179]

That step dad in the last story is absolutely amazing. I hope his daughter realizes this sometime.

[@runawayfromtoads674]

Every time I hear the nasty comments, I fast forward the video to go just hear Mark's takes because my blood's boiling and I need to hear a sane opinion 😂

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: ahh an oldie but goody. I remember this story in general but not the details of the updates. It's sad the sister resents her sisters and is being abusive. It sounds like Frank is starting to question his wife's integrity and quality as a human. Edit: I'm sorry but none of what the parents did cause the sister to be abusive towards OP and her other sister. She made the choice to bring them in. Regardless of why she did so, she needs to suck it up and quit taking her anger out on CHILDREN.

[@spibow]

totally agree with you! The parents are shitty, but so is the sister - people don't seem to be recognizing that. It's stressful but you sit down and talk with the kids, not throw out their hard work and be a total jerk. A really sad situation all around.

[@tiawheeler1153]

I definitely agree with you there. It doesn't matter what the elder sister's relationship was with her parents... the people that she had a problem with were her parents, not her underaged sisters whose only crime seems to be sharing mitochondrial and nuclear DNA with her. There is no excuse for what she put the girls and her husband through. The biggest thing that I find regrettable about this story is that the elder sister never grew the flying Hell up, acknowledged that she was being a prick, and apologized for what she did. Sorry, but this one hits a little close to home for me. Edit: I also forgot to add that it is regrettable that she never acknowledged that her anger/resentment was misplaced.

[@natytambasco]

@@spibow people forget that trauma is not a excuse to create more trauma. The girls still innocent in this matter

[@silverstarmoon5802]

The first story, I fear that op's older sister will blame op and her sister for what happen to her marriage and the divorce. Frank care about them but what he saw what his wife did to them and witnessed everything to innocent minors. No sane spouse will ever stay marriage with abuser.

[@SilentDecepticon]

What’s with all the comments blaming the OPs for the situation? The parents and older sister might have had a bad relationship but that doesn’t make it okay for the sister to take it out on her younger siblings and abuse them. It sucks that she didn’t have much time to spend with her husband before having to take in a couple of teenagers, but that wasn’t the girls’ fault, and she could have been an adult about it. That note OPs wrote thanking her for her kindness annoyed me as well. What kindness? Spilling liquid on the floor while they were cleaning? Throwing out the cake they had made for the husband? Leaving the car across town so they would have to retrieve it? At least they’re out of there now.

[@Keiji555]

Last one: I think the step-daughter needed her step-dad to refuse in order for her to come to terms with the truth. She was scared, and when she woke up and accepted who was the real father in her life, she acknowledged her appreciation for him.

[@allebooklover3055]

For those curious: The comments in part 1 were made before the edits by the op that revealed more information about the sister’s abuse, which is why the advice might feel unreasonable. Some comments by different users not read also added onto their advice to be more appropriate after the edits by the op. Whether that makes it better or worse is up for you to decide. (Personally I blame the parents for creating the situation)

[@Ivy94F]

Ah, that makes a lot more sense now.

[@fhuber7507]

1... Parents basically abandoned these kids. And put them in an untenable situation.

[@jessiejeanne9717]

I'm so glad I'm an only child. At least the older sister was just abandoned once. The twins were abandoned by the parents and the sister. I had a shitty childhood, but if my son was cleaning the kitchen, I'd be so grateful and proud that sabotaging it with 2 broken glasses and laughing about it wouldn't enter my head. ETA: I'm 43 and my dad abandoning me has never healed.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

Lol the comments on the first story are wild. Just remember kids as long as you’re a newly wed and were abused by your parents as a kid you get a free pass to be abusive to the two teens you agreed to take in. Don’t get me wrong the parents are shitty, but that doesn’t absolve the sister of her choices.

[@JJerseyGirl]

What sacrifices are the older sister & BIL making? The 16 year-olds are teenagers, not infants.

[@Cel3ere5]

Probably time and being stuck to living their lifestyle around them. At 26 I worked 40-52 hours a week and still partied at night during the work week. I had living space focused around me. I didn't need to consider other people. When you live an extremely independent and even self centered (because there's no one else to account for), it's a big shift. Shifting around for another adult? Not that big of a deal. They're independent and can problem solve. But kids of any age are almost worse than pets because of the legalities are everywhere. Food. Clothing. School attendance. School performance. Social events for them. Etc. It's a nasty headache to live around. It's just a big shift to live around people in general.

[@53N741]

Bandwagonning here to say those comments on Story 1 actually turned my stomach. Those poor kids. I can't imagine telling an abuse victim that if they weren't such a burden, maybe they wouldn't be abused. Just... What even is this, man.

[@ohno8398]

I feel like the commenters in story one read something different than I did, or us that just me?

[@taylorwashington7682]

People on Reddit have a selective reading problem. I've had to step back from some AITA and Relationships because the way people act on that sub is infuriating

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

If you only watched the video and saw just the few comments Mark selected, then yes, you definitely read something different that what the commenters read, who were reacting in real time *6 years ago.* In fact, according to one commenter (u/Trala_la_la): "Ok so this whole post is complaining about your sister and how she isn't as awesome as her husband." Then later in the same comment they continued: "EDIT: Op you have edited your post and I am editing mine as well so those just coming to the thread don't think we're all bat-crazy. *With your edits everything changes. None of that was included in your original post or the first wave of comments on the thread."* So... just take this vid - and others like it - with a grain of salt.

[@mirandanils5114]

not related but i was so confused by the “5 years left of high school” haha the text is “1 year left of high school”

[@Khellyyyyyy]

Story 1: With 10 years of age difference, I wouldn't be surprised if Lilly has been 'parentified' to take care of the twins since they were born. I put parentified in quotations because in an Asian household it's just called being an older sibling. So Lilly might feel the residual responsibility/pressure to keep taking care of OP and her twin. Don't get me wrong, the verbal abuse, throwing glass on the floor, etc is fuxed up beyond measure. But to the people who said that "sister willingly took them in" or "nobody forced her", thats very wrong too (to me at least). Lilly *might* have been pressured to help raise them when she was young and she thought that by marrying and living in her own home she could finally start living her own life. But the parents, again, ended up being neglectful towards OP and twin so Lilly took the responsibility again. And seeing how her husband is building a bond with them, she feels jealous how 'easy' OP had it. Idk just my feeling😅 I just learned how 'parentification' is a form of abuse. I've basically raised my sisters since i was around 9 and took care of a newborn when i was 12. Now that I'm 26, i still feel responsible to take care of them like a parent would ie: making sure thats there's food on the table before i leave for work, make sure the house is safe/locked properly, etc eventho one of them is a fully functioning adult now. And yeah i saw how easy my sisters had it too. With nothing to worry about, basically living their own life without having to worry about anything/anyone and knew that if they messed up, they have a sister that'll clean up their mess whilst i don't have any of that¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@ajillofmanytrades8638]

Story 1: parents suck for just leaving. Kids are your responsibility. Older sister is immature and mean. Don't take them in if you can handle them.

[@OtakuWrath]

I think the biggest problem here is that the parents didn't leave suddenly. The took time to set up their daughters living conditions, Older sister stepped up and the parents thought they had settled their girls into a safe and secure home. If she had not offered to help, the girls and their dad could have looked for an apartment before the parents ever left. Dad had to fly back out to help the daughters settle into their new place all because the sister lied about her ability to care for them.

[@myownsidekick]

No, absolutely not. Look I'm the oldest of 7 and I can't STAND my family (abuse/neglect/parentafication...etc), but if I and my s/o had to take my siblings in, we would and wouldn't make them prisoners in our house. Would I set some rules like chores and stuff? Yes. But they live there now and they deserve to be as comfortable in the house as we are. If they're being annoying, you tell them to stop the specific annoying behavior like an adult instead of harboring resentment against them over a decision you made. The parents are crap, the older sister is crap. And the only person who is actually looking out for those kids is frank. Also I hope the older sister better NEEEVVVEEERRR has kids because while babies can't move out, but husbands can and take them with him.

[@dagnytheartist]

I agree. I really hope Frank sees this as the wakeup call it is. If he wants to be a dad, he shouldn't count on her to be a good mom. If he doesn't want to be a dad, he should still leave her after knowing she would treat her own sisters like garbage.

[@alyzu4755]

Well, Frank is a great guy! 🥰. Hopefully the sisters can find a way through this. The twins are still kids, after all. And that "Thanks, Dad" broke me. But in a good way. ☺️

[@koalahammie3029]

Those twins are saints. If my sister would have treated me like that I would have gone no contact. Like even if their parents were abusive towards the sister that is not an excuse to abuse other people.

[@Harry-iq4xt]

S1; The sisters had no choice, if the older sibling felt she wasn't going to be ready to handle taking care of children she shouldn't have offered. Now she is bitter and resentful because of a choice she didn't think through and what's Reddit's take? Victim blame the poor girls, sometimes reddit gives some genuinely good advice but depending on the people that interact with the post you could get awful advice like the last comment. I would talk to the older sister like a real sibling not a business partner because speaking to someone like the way the comment describes makes you sound professional sure but not like a real human, it's "HR speak" but you're a family not a company and you're allowed to ask things plainly. I would simply ask "Have we done something to make you upset with us? If we have we would like to fix it." if she dismisses you and walks away then it's something that is irrational and cannot be fixed within your own means. The husband sounds like a good man, if there was a divorce I wouldn't be surprised if he offered to take those girls in.

[@AudreyKaneWaypaststrange]

story 1 those comments are unbelievable and at the very least if i’d written anything like that i’d have made a HUGE edit and apology after seeing op’s edit. they for some reason have decided that the adults in the situation should be Kids In High School and not their parents or the adult sister who actively chose to take them in and decided to start making the lives of, again, CHILDREN, harder knowing they have no other options. of the three groups- parents, older sister, and kids- they are the LEAST responsible for the situation and expecting them to act emotionally mature is ridiculous when they: a) literally are not emotionally mature, b) have detailed abuse they’ve begun to suffer, and c) have detailed their complete lack of agency. frank is the only adult behaving like an adult. that should be the takeaway.

[@AudreyKaneWaypaststrange]

and of course the sister is in a really hard spot but the minute you start defending someone’s abuse by virtue of them being a victim is the minute you lose the ability to help the victim completely. it’s an explanation, not an excuse, and if you’re going to pick either the parents or the kids to blame, the parents are the ONLY choice. i feel like r/relationships should come with a mandatory crash course in how not to comment on abusive relationships.

[@jackwatt8988]

1: the sister is essentially some form of sociopath. To break glasses and then laugh, throw out a cake they made, etc. Normal people who are overwhelmed cry, or they lash out a bit. They say things that are kind of mean, but then feel bad about it. The breaking glasses on purpose and then laughing about it gives me joker vibes. I know I'm way over the top here, but she's like the villain in a psychological thriller.

[@whynotkevin5215]

Yeah so i don't think anyone shined a spotlight on how shitty the eldest sister was being. frustrated or not, she should not take that out on two 16 year olds and learn to communicate with her husband like an adult.

[@mweathers79]

S2: step dad for the win!!! Dude just taught us all a bit about being a better person.

[@stacys8729]

The commenters made me sick to my stomach. This kid is reaching out about living in a house with an abusive sister (smashing glasses while they were cleaning and laughing). - And everyone is telling her what a burden taking care of her is, so it's the adult sister who is the victim here. Just sick. She agreed to care for these kids, no matter what she does NOT have a right to mistreat them.

[@Mapache095]

I’m appalled at the comment blaming 2 16 year olds as if they’re the ones at fault…

[@Mrwillie95]

Their is no excuse for her behavior towards her sister I would go no contact with the sister

[@vulpixle9659]

I really hope OPs older sister in the first story never has kids because she definitely sounds unhinged enough that if she has a daughter she would get jealous if her daughter wants to be around her dad

[@Love2Banime]

That is what I thought, too. The older sister should not have kids if she easily gets jealous and does something very petty toward her sisters.

[@vulpixle9659]

@@Love2Banime and WTF was up with Reddit going off on OP and her sister there kids

[@Love2Banime]

@@vulpixle9659 🤷🏻‍♀️ dunno.

[@ceeshnia]

Wait... what is that last comment going on about before the update? Where did it say that their sister was treated poorly by the parents? Also, I don't care how you got into a position, it is no excuse to be a bitch to people who you invited to stay with you. So much for being an adult. Edit: After the update, now I see the abuse from the parents. Still doesn't give her the right to treat her sisters like that, though.

[@ravanpee1325]

She didn't invite them by choice and she should clearly sent them back to the parents. Bye bye citizenship

[@carolroberts4614]

Ravan Pee, you've got a real grudge against these sisters haven't you? They were to all intents and purposes abandoned by their parents at FOURTEEN, and left in the care of a sister who didn't care.Although she took the money. And they've had to tiptoe around her for two years! And all you can say( ad infinitum) is send them home!

[@ravanpee1325]

@@carolroberts4614 yeah, because a) the sister took them in, not because she wanted, but she was expected to according to "family values" b) the parents paid the money for the living expenses c) the sister was misstreated by the parents, became free and was put in the role of a caregiver again for people she doesn't like in the first place d) of course she got jealous, because of the connection with the husband..so the AH are the parents who created this situation in the first place.

[@ceeshnia]

@@ravanpee1325 It doesn't matter how they ended up there, she had no right, zero, zilch, nada to treat them so horribly. So what you're saying is, that because they were ALL put into a bad situation because of life, she has the right to be jealous and abusive? To children? SO WHAT if she felt like she needed to impress her parents by inviting them in; THAT IS ON HER. She's an adult, she made her decision based on what her husband said was to impress her parents. That is on her, period. These aren't even small children that she has to actively care for, but fairly independent cohabitants of her place, which again, she offered. SO WHAT if her parents weren't great to her, your solution is to keep two children in a similar situation? But in a country, they aren't as familiar with? She had no right to be abusive, period.

[@ravanpee1325]

@@ceeshnia a) she shouldn't take them in and say no b) all could know this will not work out well c) the parents are responsible for their children, so let them solve the situation.

[@SkyEcho751]

Story 1: So I am going to explain what was likely happening with the sister, she was abused by her parents, and when she finally escaped they dumped her younger siblings on her and left immediately. So she was constantly 'on' while her sisters were at home, which drained her emotional meter until the resentment at the situation started boiling over. It's likely that she also had bad coping habits from dealing with her parents for so long. I hope she saw a therapist to fix her issues. OP was still not in the wrong, while the sister is because she shouldn't be doing half the stuff she did even if she is upset. Story 2: Right this one, while he shouldn't have been searching her phone I won't it hold against him for calling out her BS. I am glad they were able to have a heart to heart and the daughter realized her mistakes.

[@mandyj2809]

So glad people in these comments agree that the sister in story 1 was being abusive and toxic. Honestly, the Reddit comments made me feel like I was crazy.

[@FromMiamiWithLuv]

Story 1 - Unpopular opinion, but I think that when OP said that the sister didn't deserve her husband, she triggered people. The sister is not their parent and taking on teens at 24 (since she is now 26) is not easy. Not OP's fault, but it's also not uncommon for the platonic brotherly relationship to turn into a romantic one. This probably scared the sister along with what really seemed like pure discontent and dismissal from OP'S standpoint. Even after hearing the husband essentially tell his dad he warned the older sister against taking them in and after the comments, OP still harped on the fact that the sister only took them in to look good to their parents. Without the sister, it's safe to say it would have been a harder life for them and their parents more than likely wouldn't have had the money to put them up in their own place and fully fund them for the past two years in addition to now. The older sister devolved intro cruelty, but OP really didn't appreciate the sacrifice. I think the dog pile (as rough as it may have been) put a few things into perspective for her. This is not to excuse the sister's behavior, it's still trash.

[@WobblesandBean]

I'm disgusted by the commenters taking the abusive sister's side. Wow.

[@natytambasco]

I' m feeling that Reddit dosen't like children

[@carolroberts4614]

Every so often Reddit seems to lose it's collective mind, and pile in on some hapless individual, in this case,two hapless individuals!

[@ameliahill8273]

Poor kids, poor sister, they've been put in a shitty situation.

[@calmingvoice8646]

The first story is at least five years old. I'm guessing there were a lot of abusive sisters on reddit at that time.

[@l.g.2888]

The last story breaks my heart. That little girl was abandoned by her biological father over and over again, and probably resisted every attempt from her stepfather at getting close out of fear of being abandoned again. So when he said "go ask your real dad," I'm sure she thought "I knew it, I knew it would happen again eventually." And then she probably blamed herself for pushing him away so hard. I'm really glad the OP sat down and talked to her about it, apologized for what he said, and got her back into therapy. Kids need to know that other people have feelings, but they also need to know they aren't going to be abandoned.

[@deettekearns9092]

Story 2 - I love these kind of stories. OP is a great guy.

[@aentn]

S1: Reddit will always somehow find a way or something to call the OP toxic and label them as the real villain, OP gets taken in by her sister VOLUNTARILY, and then the sister begins complaining about it, then comments start acting as if Op and her other sister forced their way into their sister's house by force and started living there...

[@fireofdawn3515]

Story 2s update makes me so happy! I’m so glad that she’s getting help and how she’s started to be more open, glad the therapy is paying off already!

[@robertx8020]

I agree Let's hope the sperm donor stays out of the picture

[@jodyrobinson3945]

I had to relisten to the video because I'm shocked they blamed the twins smh. Like seriously were they even listening to the twins at all.

[@immortalsofar5314]

Sometimes you realise later that the problems with your parents when you were younger was because, well, you were younger. Other times after years apart you get to see that, no, the problems ran much deeper. Me, I found that I couldn't get along with them in my 50s but at least I could call them on their crap now and didn't have to just take it. Good luck to OP and daughter but always bear in mind that there's this other possibility before jumping to conclusions.

[@akkiko]

I bet seeing her husband get along with her sisters and losing time with him that was previously hers triggered a trauma response from her childhood- akin to when her parents focused on her sisters and started neglecting/abusing her. It doesn't make her actions right but it does make them understandable. As someone with an emotionally abusive family and an eldest sister who was used and abused by our parents, I can understand why the sisters chose sisterhood over vitriol. We can only do our best with the circumstances handed to us and OP was on the money when they said "She was alone, we had each other." My sister had to bear all of our parents' abusive responsibility while me and my other sibling got away with murder. Her crying when they left is only further proof of that. She likely had good intentions at the start and tried to make things right, but she hasn't had time to work through her own issues dealt by their parents and it started coming out in ways she couldn't control. Therapy is a must, with a lot of self-reflection. Separating was the best possible outcome because it will get the sisters out of a bad situation and give their older sister time to heal. Only people who really suck are the parents. Traditional values have harmed more families then anything lol

[@Tammohawk1]

What OP did is called tough love in a way. Sometimes as parents we have to do that for the benefit of our kid(s). As long as we apologize or explain ourselves afterward. I'm thrilled things are turning out better for OP and his family.

[@randopersonhere]

Ah yes, it's the childrens fault for being abused by their sister.

[@selbarton]

1. Sis was bribed to keep them so the parents could be child free. They could handle part time jobs in the summer, but doesn't sound like they intend to do that either. How was talking to his dad about Lily was all about the twins? Sounds like Frank is more interested in the minors than his partner which is a serious issue. They wanted to leave out the issues because they would get informed advice. They abandoned their kids, and the kids git put in a more abusive setting. Obviously they are trying to get as much of Frank's time and getting a part time job would accomplish easing the strain of constantly competing for his attention and affection. The fact the girls are pushing how good they were, they are ignoring the fact their parents were done with them and ditched them when they would have to be raised by anyone else. They were going back in a couple years once the children were of legal age and could be abandoned legally as homeless adults. "To give her her husband back" is a part of the issue. They shouldn't have been taking him from her in the first place. They had daddy fly back and have to wonder how much they "defended" sister since daddy is footing the bill for rent. 2. He's been the real dad and has never respected her boundaries. She is being a daughter that has no stable relationships in her family. She has no privacy. Why is mommy dearest not the one punishing her daughter since she is the stay at home mother. Because Mom doesn't have the problem. They let a 12 year old decide if she needed therapy and likely she wasn't allowed to have private sessions since he thinks he has the right to everything she does. Let alone he was moving in on the mom and pushed for the divorce right before she did as he told her to which explains why the daughter had no desire to trust him. He isn't even smart enough to know any plans she had could have been deleted before he read them. He had to get over his attitude to find respect for her. His idea of teaching her was he can lash out and hurt her and take everything from her at any time which is not how he was going to gain any respect. He even feels justified in hurting her just to get even with her which is not how mature adults behave.

[@izzc2032]

My mouth dropped when you said 5 years of high school 😭 then I realized it was a misread.

[@vidhead85]

I hate when people say "Hey, your older sib is being abusive because they're in a bad situation" FUCK THAT! Being thrust into parenthood when you weren't ready is not a pass to be an asshole. Their sister is toxic and I hope Frank and the sisters will have an awesome life without Lily

[@sierraclownychick]

The comments on the first story are rage inducing. They really tried blaming children for an adult's bullcrap..

[@DiscoTimelordASD]

S1: I think the older sister may have been having carer breakdown. She wasn't mentally prepared for the extent of caring for two girls and that's why she was acting out inappropriately and lashing out at her husband too. I'm glad the girls have a place of their own where they can heal - from their parents behaviour first and foremost. I'm also glad that this sister and her husband are in therapy - she clearly needs his support to help her work through her issues, issues which may have stemmed from her upbringing by the sounds of it. Frank was an absolute blessing to this family for supporting everyone through this. I just hope everyone is doing okay now.

[@reallyisay]

If this is the Best a 26yo sister can do, she failed. These are 16yo girl who need her to get therapy and step up ..at no fault to anyone, except parents who are absolutely AHs. Girls please talk to school counselor and try to get family therapy for everyone involved..this could be such a wonderful thing if Sister wasn't so resentful and jealous.

[@frith.calluna]

S1 I'm just gonna assume all those comments we posted before the edit, but even then they make no sense to me. OP in no way sounds spoiled or entitled to me. She and her sister were put in this situation. It's only logical to not want to uproot your life and move to Korea. The relationship between the parents and the sister isn't OP's fault. I'm guessing older sister was the black sheep and that's why she acted like this. Even so, that doesn't excuse older sister's behavior towards OP and her sister. It feels like all the comments are blaming OP and her twin for the entire situation. They're 16 and were put in this situation against their will. The comments are just so icky to me.

[@AWildJirachi]

Gotta love Reddit blaming literal children for the shitty situation that adults put them into

[@msredux]

I could never depend on a partner to support me and my kid of another relationship, and just let my partner foot all of the expenses. Op's wife went from depending on his loser ex, to op who was able to support them completely.

[@ceeshnia]

Oh hey, I just sat down with food and still have power! Great timing, Mark!

[@aconvowithcrissee222]

The comments are so infuriating omg the poor girls are just existing 😢 love Frank tho hope hes having a great day

[@oops383]

I’m the oldest sibling in my family and had to raise my siblings and took a majority of the abuse from my parent. I could never imagine treating my siblings like this sister has. She VOLUNTEERED to take care of them. I can’t believer that two teenagers seem to be blamed by the comments for what seems to be a situation they didn’t even cause. Those comments are just victim blaming

[@disenchantedtear8219]

I’m HUGE on apologizing to your kids when you screw up! I honestly think it’s one of the most important things we can do for our children… admitting that we can be wrong! And then taking accountability for being wrong! I wish my parents did that for me when I was a kid…

[@xiiithhazard8802]

That last one gave me all the feels

[@richardfrey2771]

petition to mark: the petition politely asks to include a waffle in the thumbnail, as it gets increasingly hard to differentiate between your quality videos and recommended tts videos on the frontpage.

[@ultraviolet2447]

So literally everyone has/is failing these kids? As soon as they don’t need their parents money they need to cut them off and cut their sister off right now because she’s also abusive. Frank should also get out of this relationship.

[@vidhead85]

First story: The problem is the parents here, not the girls. They told them to "figure it out" and practuically forced older sister to take responsibility for THEIR KIDS. Her siblings. I don't think Older Sis is blameless for showing the resentment here but it's not her sibs fault. She's striking at the easy target. It sounds like they're trying to figure it out without a lot of support. BIL seems to be a bright spot in this situation and maybe sis is jealous because I have a feeling she's already sacrificed enough for them being the oldest girl. She wants out. Update: Wow, these young ladies are amazing sisters! I am glad that they were able to put the parents on the hook for the situation and showed more compassion than some angry redditors did to them. Wishing the best for all involved. Frank is a real MVP here!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you remember to take care of yourself gosh darn it, you are always valid, and I love you and care about you so please take care of yourself 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@karinlumm5123]

Hi @Broken _queer. How u doing? Hopefully staying safe,healthy,hydrated and nourished.And someone is looking after you like you deserve.stay safe hun x

[@readintimely2517]

I didn't know I needed this till now

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@readintimely2517 I send all the hugs 💜💜🤗🤗

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@karinlumm5123 thanks m8 and you too 💜💜🤗🤗

[@yandereskitty]

First story. She literally took them in. They didn't really do anything wrong. Why take them in if she didn't actually care for them. It makes no sense. They literally said that she didn't care much. So whet was her reasoning. Edit. Never mind. The parents are terrible. How could anyone put their child through mental abuse. Terrible.

[@ciderxera4963]

4:27 I had to double check when he said 5 years left of highschool 😂

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@katiesmith2031]

Hugs and great vibes back 🤗🤗💙💙🤗🤗💙💙

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@katiesmith2031 much love m8💜💜🤗🤗

[@jahrikwakanda7001]

Story 1: Why do these commenters expect more maturity from 16 year old girls than from a 26 year old married woman? That’s crazy.

[@amilikestea433]

Humans have feelings but I think a more important realization is being a parent doesn't mean you are not human. I hate people who say things like "You're a parent you shouldn't have reacted that way"

[@amyyaku5022]

S1: Not even surprised at the victim blaming in the comments. Redditors are unfortunately known for that 😔 The sister's actions can't be excused just because she volunteered to take them in. She needs to grow the heck up and realize that while she isn't in the best situation, her siblings aren't either, and, unlike her, cannot take care of themselves. S2: NTA but ngl I feel bad for Ana and OP. OP just wants to be treated with respect and Ana just wants her bio father in her life despite how awful he is. I hope one day she sees who her real father is and apologizes to OP.

[@alissarodea1983]

I know this is old, but I can't not comment. I'm the oldest, second oldest technically with my stepsister. I could never ever do what the oldest sister did. And I have a lot of trauma--including issues with my parents. It's absolutely NOT excusable to take your frustration and issues out on anyone. ESPECIALLY when they aren't the one causing said issues.

[@hanoh2904]

Now i havent reached the update yet but my God so many people attacking those 2 minors. We didnt know the parents were abusive to the older sister so I dont know where they pulled that from. Also people get married after having kids and then dont act like her. I understand it's because they weren't close but come on there isnt any other place for them to go to and they seem to mind thier own business most the time. They are old enough for the sister to leave them and go on dates or a vacation even

[@dakshta5097]

Goodness i hate reddit, they're blaming literal children because there parents abandoned them? If redditors asked a bit more context politely instead of blaming OP that would have been better

[@callumn2111]

Story 2: NTA. Step daughter learned not to bite the hand that feeds her.

[@aubreystalcup5452]

I would also bet that the older sister in story one was parentified while still living at home, finally got out and then found herself in the parental role once again. I put the blame for their struggles with each other squarely on the parents, they sound completely selfish.