OUR SPOUSES WERE NOT PERFECT! How To Be SAD and MAD Without Feeling Guilty // One Happy Widow

Our spouses were not perfect, and it is tough to be sad and mad without feeling guilty.
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, counselor, or any other medical professional. Information in this video is not meant to be interpreted as medical advice. I am simply sharing my own experiences in my grief journey. If you feel that your needs are beyond the scope of the informational content of this video, please seek medical advice from your doctor to discuss treatments or medications that may be available to you. If you are having feelings or thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255
Helping you find your happy in the grieving process
Life, Love, and Laughter after Loss

[@Misinformed_lol]

I’m grieving for all the things that could have happened. Both retired, sold his business, kids got married left home, mortgages paid off had so many plans for our lives… it was a marriage like most people had, with lots of ups and down… I used to tell my him we can start dating again, since we didn’t have too much fun from the beginning of our relationship. Both of us were looking forward to enjoy and get to know each other again, for a change take care of each other not everyone else. I know he loved me, he couldn’t show it the way I needed, but i know he was a gentle and good man, and i loved him for being best father to our kids. I get sad and angry at him because he didn’t allow himself to relax and enjoy life while living. This was first Christmas without him, and tomorrow would be our 35 yr wedding anniversary …

[@OneHappyWidow]

I understand this feeling also. I’m glad you can look back and see him for what he could offer, the best man he could be to you and your kids. You might want to watch the video about secondary loss- you are describing that here too.

[@DeborahHilson]

Neither of us was perfect but he was my person and I was his. I miss this!

[@OneHappyWidow]

So true! No one is perfect, but sometime we find that person who is perfect for us! We are fortunate that we had them, but it never feels like enough time.

[@truelily7]

I was so relieved that my husband was out of that terrible sickness, pain and mental confusion he was in for years. I could imagine his joy as he left that poor body and landed on the beautiful other side well and out of pain. I was truly happy picturing this. And I had terrible caregiver's burn-out but I braved it through because I love him. I am thankful I was able to do that. My strength came from the Divine. And still does. We are all very loved.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@Shontise_Shonie]

Praise God❤

[@darlenesteadman2850]

Me too. Parkinson's and lewy body dementia. Also broke his leg twice in the period of about a month. We endured a lot.

[@shoban5037]

I know exactly what you are saying.

[@RVGrannyWA]

My husband suffered with congestive heart failure, and near the end of his time after 20 years of struggling with heart issues he became demanding and irritable. He accused me of not caring and not loving him enough. I was his full-time caregiver for the entirty of his illness even during my own cancer diagnosis. He was a good husband and a good man for the 35 years we were together. It was hard at times, though not feeling relief that my life is easier now. I still miss him terribly.

[@patwalker2501]

Such an important topic! I'm still trying to get the resolution I felt I needed before my husband died. I needed to hear that he was sorry for hurting me, and that I was the love of his life. 'I continue to struggle to come to term with that. As each year goes by, I am a bit more philosophical about the mixture of good and bad. At first, I felt that I wasn't allowed to speak of such things, which made it even harder to deal with anger and hurt. I felt the need to analyze each slight and betrayal, to try to make sense of it all and find the resolution that didn't come from him. I guess the closest I will come to that resolution will be the acceptance that he was not perfect, but I loved him in spite of it.

[@OneHappyWidow]

That sounds like a healthy resolution to me!

[@jaelinn2876]

I needed this today! I had filed for divorce from my husband of 30+ years (for good reasons). He died in an auto accident 7/7/24. This video spoke to my soul in a way I didn’t know I needed. Thank you.

[@jaelinn2876]

I went from a pending divorcee’ to a widow and I don’t know how to process this.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback. #widfam

[@susankeenan686]

This was so relatable and it makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone in these feelings. I replay alot in my mind often thinking I should of done this or said that. Hind sight is 20/20

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, it certainly is #widfam

[@antonellatotino2794]

Forgiveness. Forgive the spouse and then forgive myself. Tough.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, it certainly is. #widfam

[@krismills4393]

You really hit the nail on the head about finding things out you never knew after your spouse has passed. It sure wasn't pretty and it sure has been hard to process.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I think it is more common than we realize. Thanks for watching

[@kathylisa4374]

The fact that you are sharing your personal thoughts to help us shows what an unselfish person you are. I lost my husband of 50 years last year, and your videos are so helpful. Thank you so much for being honest and putting words to our own grief. God bless you.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and sharing your support #widfam

[@naomiferreira8255]

Great topic Leo. I recently told someone my deceased husband was not perfect but he was a good person. This is what I tell my children - no one is perfect so you must decide how much imperfection you want to deal with in your marriage. Thanks for keeping it real. Congrats on your new job 🥳🥳

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for your feedback! #widfam

[@scotland99]

You are a very wise mother. Grieving children need a Daddy who is a "Hero Daddy" Sharing the faults about him will impact your children negatively the rest of their lives.

[@Garyshelton17]

Definitely no one is perfect you just have to pray to find the lucky one and make him/her perfect to the standard you want

[@judymorrow3726]

@@OneHappyWidowEcclesiastes 3:2 A time to be born ,and a time to die./ Job 13:5 Since his days are Determined... it's not up to us it s the Lord s decision./ Guilt off you my Friend !!!!

[@darlenesteadman2850]

We were married 50 yrs. Good and bad times. My life was a real mess before and after death. I was angry and grieving at the same time. Most was because of his mistakes. I am getting better, it has only been 5 months. I still love him, he did the best he could.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback.

[@paigewilson7893]

I love how people post videos full of personal experiences or information and say that ppl need to mind their own businesse when they voice their opinions.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for your feedback!

[@shoban5037]

I so relate to this! James was my second husband, and my true soul-mate, but he over-controlled. He struggled with empathy and it was really hard over the 29 years we were together, particularly in regard to our children/granchildren. Our last 10 years was a constant struggle in regards to being physically separated from my daughter and grandkids, plus his own kids. He really kinda roped me into moving 1200 miles away on the pretense of an extended trip, only for it to be permanent. In the last year, he was desiring to move back, but he couldn't handle it physically. It's been 4 months since his passing, and I'm not angry with him. I love him too much to be angry, I was angry enough over the years. I just wish things would have been more normal for us.

[@OneHappyWidow]

He was lucky to have you in his life. Your love was stronger than his shortcomings.

[@wendywright5486]

Thanks for bringing this up my husband was An old biker with bipolar very very complicated person too be Married 2 4 thirty eight years but he was a good grandpa and uncle So after three years of constant hospital stays through medical mistakes and Neither one of us going along with any of the hog wash of the last 4yrs But that it navigating the medical system was extremely complicated & Is watching them gaslightly a gas lighter was like extremely conflicting but I advocated & Dealt with taking care of him during his sundowners , which put him right back into a horrifying state of pure evil he's bee gone since, June 5th, and I've had to have E.M.D R several times for the massive flashbacks, I Do miss him when I think about my grandson not getting to Enjoy the racing season the way they did , but he made it to the first big race & the 16yr old was wiping His face in the hospice and for that feeling he gave J ,I feel I Did the right thing to take care of him

[@OneHappyWidow]

He was lucky to have you taking care of him. Thanks for sharing your feedback #widfam

[@yvette4569]

Thank you for acknowledging that some marriages are not perfect. It has been 19 months for me and I have been finding out some things about my husband I had no idea he was involved with. Everything you have mentioned in this video, I am experiencing. So many mix emotions going through my mind and heart. You have helped me to understand that I am not alone. I love my husband and I always will. We were married 40 years. Through the 40 years, he suffered with depression and had a very addictive personality and event though he was Christian, he found comfort in things that affected his health. I pray for God to help me through this healing process.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m sorry you are dealing with things after the fact, it must be tough to find out. Praying for peace for you #widfam

[@truelily7]

It is my personal belief that we come to earth together to work on our issues and learn soul lessons so no wonder we have conflicts. They serve a purpose. And I further believe that this earth experience is like a big play and we are the actors. I believe we live many lives in various scenarios to deal with soul lessons. My beliefs are based on a lifetime of studies in the spiritual and the testimonies of many spiritual teachers and experiencers. My husband and I worked on a lot and learned a lot and I am thankful for this life.

[@yvette4569]

@@OneHappyWidow ❤

[@truelily7]

Bless you in your transition and dealing with your situation. Remember we are all very loved by The One.

[@wizardofahhhs759]

My wife and I had been together for 27 years (married 24) going through her phone 2 days after her passing (June 29, 2023) I found out that she had been seeing someone else for the last month of her life. To make things worse is that she had a heart attack and died at his house while I was at work. It's hard to believe that you can love and hate someone so much at the same time.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Oh, I'm so sorry! That has got to be a complicated grief process for sure. Thanks for watching and sharing with us #widfam

[@julial1450]

Wow that ruff I am a widow of being married for 15 years died suddenly of heart attack at 57 this year ruff being a widow and for a married man

[@julial1450]

I meant widow and widowers

[@lilian-rugakallaghe9515]

Finally! I felt guilty thinking about his unperfect side...

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@angelabougeno6813]

This video helped me tremendously to validate the mixed bag of feelings. I am at the beginning of my journey.Thank you.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m glad the topic spoke to you #widfam

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

Hang in there and keep flowing with the emotions and listen to the grief videos, especially this woman. She saved me when my husband died suddenly from a massive heart attack on 2/16/23.

[@shoban5037]

My husband was in very serious condition when he decided to leave the hospital "Against Medical Advice". I begged, pleaded, scolded... He had a terrible night at home and I called 911 at 3:30 a.m. when he became unresponsive. I have gone over it again, and again, but he didn't want to go back. Once he was in the E.R., it was the beginning of his last 12 hours of Iife in this world. I'm glad for that time, even though his brain was damaged, he was basically "gone", but it gave me a chance to let all our children and loved ones know, to give them a chance to talk to him over the phone. His spirit was still there, I believe. I can't allow myself to have regrets.

[@OneHappyWidow]

No regrets, as you said. It was his path, and he chose it. Thanks for sharing your feedback -#widfam

[@lenetteshaw4833]

I think a lot of times, the negative comments are bots created to stir the pot. I agree too that we made the decisions we did based on the information we had at the time. I will never let anyone send me on a guilt trip. Hubby was very adamant that he not be placed on a ventilator and I honored his wishes. His wishes were all that mattered.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@Garyshelton17]

I bet he's proud of you wherever he is

[@Garyshelton17]

Hi there

[@lynhead52]

you voiced a lot of things I've thought. My dh passed from cancer too. I grieved the all the yrs he was ill too.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@truelily7]

One thing I have learned after four marriages and seventy years is that life and people are complex. Layers! I say again: Life is a school. I did evolve. Last was the best. And also I believe we should thank our worse enemies and adversaries because we had our greatest challenges and learned our greatest lessons ftom them. And yes, I do look back and see where I could have been sweeter, kinder, more understanding at times. But there's the lessons. Also we are all human and not perfect and our loved ones on the other side will understand now that they are crossed over. It is not too late to say sorry to anyone you had conflicts with. Or to forgive them if they hurt you. Love is the key to the Universe.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Very wise words! #widfam

[@freeee35]

Thank you for this subject and your candor….it has come to me when I h really needed it. I have had such disappointing thoughts about questioning whether my husband really loved me…I. Believed he did and then began to question it. Your post about this has really helped me put it in perspective. Neither of us was perfect and we both did the best we could with what we had. I miss him Terribly and I also feel a certain gratitude for my freedom…most confusing….you are so brave to address this part of grieving and I Thank you most sincerely for doing so. It helped me.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for sharing your perspective #widfam

[@yvonnedaniel1053]

Similar situation, although I have begun accepting that my marriage was not the best for me. Now that my husband is gone, I’m beginning to see things through my eyes not his and it’s strange but good. We are all flawed and understanding that can help us put our relationship in a more realistic light. Feel what you need to feel and don’t feel guilty about it. Sending hugs.

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

Your doing well. I feel very similar. My husband died on 2/16/23 from a massive heart attack. He was such a beautiful man in many ways, but after 17 years and other people (adults kids, relatives, etc) caused a lot of aggravation and exhaustion for both of us near the end. He was never mean to me and never ever complained about anything. I had no idea he was going to die suddenly on me, but as look back there were warning signs and I feel certain he knew he was nearing the end. However, I am feeling better these days though I thought I never would get over losing him. Time does heal somewhat. Thinking about the shouldve, couldve, wouldves doesnt mean anything anymore.

[@dianemacdonnell1020]

Thank you for this topic. It is 4 months this week that my husband passed. I was feeling guilty for leaving me and leaving me behind to pick up the pieces alone.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can understand this. Thanks for your feedback

[@brendaroberts1469]

Thank you for sharing this . Widowed almost 5 years and what you're saying is what i dealt with today. Out of the blue i started remembering bad things and i pulled up the beautiful ones. Who knows why we're like that. He passed from complications from MS.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback

[@truelily7]

I am seventy, married four times and last one was love of my life. I have no desire for another relationship but I don't judge those who do, especially younger ones. My father and my stepmom had both been widowed before so I get it.

[@antonellatotino2794]

Wow. You have expressed everything that I haven't had the courage to talk about. I have always appreciated your honest style. Thankyou.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback! #widfam

[@carlarigel252]

Thanks for your videos. This particular one was much needed. It hit home! I am a member of your Facebook group too and I find a lot of comfort and support there. Sometimes the posts that pop up on your feed are very timely and so needed! Thank you!🎉

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@lynneglandon1889]

KZbin just started feeding your videos and I’m enjoying listening to you. You have great perception on how a lot of us think. You are a very smart lady!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you for your feedback #widfam

[@kamhart]

Finding this channel is a Godsend! & I love your attitude, your openness.. I’m semi retired ICU nurse… when tragedy hit my world… it turned upside down…we had a relationship most didn’t understand… so how would they understand my grief?!! …so many things your sharing hit home with me!! Prayers answered to help me get out of bed! !

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so glad it spoke to you #widfam

[@vickieholland6788]

I’m so glad I found this site. My husband died 7 months ago yesterday. I’ve joined one online support group but not really helping. However I’ve listened to two of your videos and think you are what I need! Thank you.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam

[@artsyladie7]

This video was so good! Thank you s much! I could truly identify with many of the things you described and explained in this talk. My husband and I were married 52 years and he had struggled with heart disease for at least 12 years after retirement. But the day he died was unexpected and sudden. You have helped me in this live talk with many aspects of our marriage and his death. I have gone through many of those thought processes in grieving. Good to know it is normal and that most people go through these things in processing the death of their spouse. Actually Im doing fairly well after 1 year, though I have my little difficult moments along the way. ❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and for sharing your support and feedback!

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

Congratulations on your new Administrator position. Good for you! God bless.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you, although my job has changed since this video. I am now teaching part-time in a Christian school- 7th grade math!

[@dorislacaze8475]

Untill a person walks in your shoes they have no idea what goes on behind closed doors in a home , we have to go help our loved one based on the info we have .

[@OneHappyWidow]

I agree! Thanks for watching #widfam

[@dorislacaze8475]

@@OneHappyWidow I’m very grateful for your podcasts they have helped me through the last 2 1/2 yrs because you and all the people on the Facebook page are where I am or have been there . Thank you

[@patriciabroussard9871]

Another lonely day. I try to keep busy but my thoughts lately is why? I do visit my youngest son every saturday and have lunch watch a movie but its not the same. I cant figure out how to build a new life because my old life is just not the same. Honestly i dont have a desire to have friends etc.. But i sit here listen to radio watch tv but im so lonely. Does that make sense? Oh well i just needed to share..

[@OneHappyWidow]

It is normal to resist creating a new life for yourself, but crucial that we do it at some point! Join our group for more support!

[@muzikaishokolad]

Your podcast is so real, authentic, rough, just like life and especially life going through cancer loss. Life is so full of contravercy and after such loss we use all these contravercies to torture ourselves. Thank you for your podcast and inspiring honesty ❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for your feedback.

[@elaineboyd9575]

Thank you for your honesty. My husband died 9 months ago and I can relate to many of your feelings

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@JonasWilliams-sx6te]

Perfectly said..... Hello, it's a pleasure to meet you. Please excuse my manner. If you find my message abusive, I'd love to be your friend and hope there's nothing wrong with that.

[@Garyshelton17]

Am sorry for your lost and I bet you really do miss him a lot

[@bunniebit]

Finding your channel is saving my life. God sends help when you ask. I have a referral for the psych department but don’t know when that will happen. My husband passed July 9 this year. I have been having hard time with his bit of abusive personality. Not all bad but I was definitely his whipping post for his frustration. So this is spot on. ❤❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so glad you found the channel too! For more support, feel free to apply for membership to our FB group here: www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

[@tinajackson5450]

Leo I was so angry with Eddie because the way he died . I told him a number of times about him drinking . He walked around to our nephew home instead of coming home. He slipped and fell and hit his head , He died in Middletown, Ohio and we lived in Cincinnati. All I know is that I needed to get to him, but I was to late .

[@OneHappyWidow]

It’s hard not to second-guess past situations- work on ourselves in the present and look ahead to the future #widfam

[@lindapatterson9616]

Thank you today I needed to hear this. The grief mixed with the feelings of relief to not have to be on call 24 hours a day.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam

[@Red-rose-garden]

I believe that widows can feel survivors guilt also…because he’s missing so much like seeing his grand children being born and all the occasions and holidays. Each holiday can bring back sad memories even years later. People may not want to remarry because of the trauma from the first marriage or having to deal with possible illness of a second marriage…it’s lonely being a widow but sometimes peaceful! And we can feel guilty because we choose that peace!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, it’s always a complicated mix of emotions #widfam

[@sueprice4082]

So true xx

[@artsyladie7]

This was soooo good! Thank you for whatyou are doing on this channel. These talks are invaluable and amazing! I joined the fb group today.❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

Glad to have you #widfam

[@melissapoole8580]

I just found your channel the other day and I was HORRIFIED at a few comments about what you did or didnt do. I guess we can only strive to be as perfect as the people behind a keyboard - bless your heart!

[@OneHappyWidow]

People have no problems speaking their opinions…and all we can do is make decisions based on the information we had at that time. Thanks for watching #widfam

[@katherinemelendez-cunningh5691]

Thank you so much for this video. You sharing this topic has been helpful. Having so many emotions and not knowing that they are normal is comforting.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m glad it helped #widfam

[@loriramminger222]

You are an Awesome person. Thank you for what you do.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for your support!

[@lorettadestefano6955]

Leo, I have listened to this “podcast” several times and replay 30:51 because I am in great pain due to the state of my marriage before my husband died. Although I wanted to have a “heart-to-heart” with him and hoped he would speak a few kind words to our daughter, he refused to do so and left us with holes in the our hearts. I realize that I was far from perfect yet I yearned to ask for compassion so that he would understand the love and that I felt for him and that I tried my best. Even though the doctors felt that his cancer was in remission, he died a few days after my discussion with him. Initially I felt that I could rise above the pain. Unfortunately my sister decided to berate me as a mother and wife. Her words were so dark that I am now in a depression. Listening to this session has helped me. Thank you from the bottom of my broken heart.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry you are having this complicated grief! As for your sister, don’t let her opinion push you into the darkness…she is the one in the wrong here. If she doesn’t like how you are parenting or how your marriage went, let that stress HER out, not you! Praying for you #widfam

[@DonnaBlackburn-wg5so]

​@@OneHappyWidow😮

[@marilynsabatino2674]

Thank you this video has been a great help I have been asking myself could I have done more my husband died of complications from lymphoma cancer three-months after being diagnosed he only had one chemo and then got sepsis and pneumonia he will be gone a year on the 12th August thank you Leo from RSA❤

[@thehealthycashcow]

Thank you so so much for your transparency with this subject. I for one am incredibly grateful

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you for watching BFF and sharing your feedback #widfam

[@elizeminnaar8187]

Thank you so much for this video. I relate totally to all these feelings...I thought it was wrong, but so glad for the information you share. 20:39

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback #widfam

[@lindamartin2787]

I never did feel angry when he died bc I trusted that God knows best . Our 54 yrs wasn’t great . but I am going through sadness, regret, resentment & guilt . I feel I have no life . I hear what you’re saying. I went through some of the same things like anger for some of the things he did and me not being so nice .

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry #widfam

[@jericamcbride3659]

Your description of the emotions is spot on.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching

[@snowyowlz5992]

Back in 1968 my Scout Master in Japan was a Medical Technician in the Air Force. He was an outgoing jovial fellow like Bob Hope in February 1968 for Da Nang Air Base to work Graves Registration, when he returned February 1969 to Japan he was very withdrawn, quiet, a shadow of his former self. He had a wife and two children at the time. I’ll never forget him or what my stepfather went through being in Vietnam for 2 years. I’m a Vietnam-era Army veteran myself. My wife had those concerns too, though from a another source: her narcissistic family trying to destroy us as a nuclear family. Yeah, Mixed Messages!

[@OneHappyWidow]

I feel you…we suffered many of the issues you did!

[@snowyowlz5992]

@@OneHappyWidow I’ve been thinking more on this about the “Reactivity” involved and what the veterans, wives, and children are up against in part, I have an incomplete picture mind you. After deployment that mindset of staying alive is there, here in part is part of the dilemma I’m seeing. I trained in the Vietnam-era and part of our skill set was called “Quick Kill”, when faced with an ambush everyone would turn into the direction of the threat (various types of gunfire, etc) coming at you, then everyone would initially return a heavy, fully automatic, suppressive, and overwhelming firepower back at the threat within the “Kill Zone” to eliminate the threat, then counter attack by various means ie assaulting enemy positions (bad breath distance), air or artillery strike. It’s kill or be killed. The “enemy” is not always known or from where the “threat” is coming from. That training isn’t left behind in the war zone it comes home with us, we try to use that same mindset to keep our families safe but our reaction (Quick Kill) is faster than our conscious thinking is. Back here Stateside the “threats” are definitely here unfortunately, necessitating better “threat” assessment so as not to hurt innocent individuals and increase distance etc from “threat”.

[@OneHappyWidow]

@@snowyowlz5992 yes, this is called hyper vigilance. He was constantly assessing potential threats whenever we went anywhere in public. He therapist said his mind never came home from the war. He never engaged his weapon, but came very close and never got the green light to fire…so he never had a release of that build-up either. He was certainly different when he returned, and was never able to hold down a civilian job for every long after that. Then he got discharged, and ptsd was one of the big reasons.

[@sandrakulikowski6305]

Thank you I’m so glad I found your channel. I’m too raw to comment at this point. your channel is very helpful for me.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I understand not wanting to comment. I appreciate you watching. #widfam

[@vickylarreynaga9261]

Thank you for this video. Love it and this one is really helping me. My spouse passed a few days ago

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry you are in this fresh grief. Feel free to join our FB group for more support: facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

[@NoQuezi]

Thank you so much for this information, been struggling with understanding all these kind of emotions for the past 3 years since my huband's passing

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@kathie8842]

Thank you for all your posts. Just saw this one. It helped. Thanks for your honesty.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching

[@heidiguttenberg]

♥️ So much heart and realness in your content. This is so brave, and valuable 🙏🏻 Thank you for putting this out there. And of course I SUBSCRIBED.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and for your feedback. I’m off to subscribe for some hair tips!

[@jericamcbride3659]

The biggest problem my sweetie and I had was his response to my in-laws, his family before we became a family. It was me, him and God against the world except his mother and siblings. Then it was them against me. His mother and brother especially were horrible to me but he always took their side. It never got resolved when he passed. He even told me that he is "leaving and cleaving" but not the way I wanted. I was angry because it was never resolved.😢

[@OneHappyWidow]

I think this is a common issue! Thanks for sharing and watching #widfam

[@Fabulousaddy]

😢omg you are really helping me with this video

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for your feedback #widfam

[@JonasWilliams-sx6te]

Perfectly said..... Hello, it's a pleasure to meet you. Please excuse my manner. If you find my message abusive, I'd love to be your friend and hope there's nothing wrong with that.

[@carololiver9283]

Thanks Leo, this video has helped me so much. Thanks for being so real ❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@desnann]

I can so relate to all the things you have gone through. You end up thinking why didn’t I do more see more but you can only deal with what’s in front of you at that time I’m no expert on cancer. The doctors and hospitals were in lockdown. It was a time of feeling very alone

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam

[@davemiller7335]

I am so sorry your loved one passed during the Covid lockdown. I have friends that had this experience. The pain they deal with because their spouse had to die alone is so painful. My wish for them and you is someday you can find a peace in your heart.

[@moiraedwards57]

A very helpful blog. Helped me sort out feelings that I have had. Thank you.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@lauramiller6294]

My husband died of breast cancer and he went through 3 years of chemo. I dropped him off and picked him up. I did go to every dr appt with him and there were alot of them. I just couldn't do the chemo. I don't regret those choices at all.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for your honesty #widfam

[@T52-e1j]

I totally understand hypocondrac. My mother was like this all my life and hers. She past at 89 . Always told her about crying wolf.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@randolphnitz4427]

Still more mad than sad. 18 months of weekly domestic violence counseling behind me. I recently enjoy your program.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m glad you are getting support. Thanks for watching #widfam

[@victoriaquillin2170]

I love your honesty ❤ thank you!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@edmundpotrzeba6094]

Sometimes it’s better if the partners in a marriage helped each other with love to find new partners. I know it sound counterintuitive but often the relationship isn’t a good one but because of the initial love which can be very strong ( especially when young) you can’t find a way out. This is easier said than done as you may want your partner to find someonelse to love her but jealousy rears its ugly head so you both put up with what youv got . Ps you might find you love each other more when you marry someone else. ❤️

[@OneHappyWidow]

Interesting perspective, thanks for sharing

[@bunniebit]

My big guilt was I had gotten up early that Sunday morning not looking forward to going up to the hospital and telling him I had contracted a tree removal company to take out a big dead tree hanging over the house. I knew he would think I hadn’t made a good decision. However the hospital called at 6:30 and they had been doing cpr for 14 minutes. I had to make the call to stop. His kidneys had shut down the day before. So I made the call. And I wasn’t up there. When it’s your time it’s your time

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@Paulagoco]

I'm so thankful I found you. My husband passed away a year and a half ago, and I just can't seem to let the guilt go. He was diabetic and I also thought he was a hypochondriac, he started having symptoms during the COVID lockdown, so every time he felt bad he would say it was COVID, and it obviously wasn't. He was Aldo very very strong and I kind of thought of him as invincible, so when he fell really Ill it took forever for me to understand what was happening and took him to the hospital too late. I also wasn't there for him the moment he died, I was sleeping for the first time in three days, but I just can't forgive myself for not holding his hand in that moment. It's so freaking painful. Thank you so much for sharing your story, your pain. It is good to feel a little normal.

[@OneHappyWidow]

There’s no way we can know what is really happening, and unfortunately when our loved one cries wolf so much, it does make things hard to know when there is something really wrong. Dewey’s mother is exactly the same way, according to her, she’s had cancer at least 3-4 times, and now our daughter is also thinking she has every ailment she sees in social media.

[@terrifiorelli9819]

Hate to tell you, but my husband was as close to perfect as they come. Miss him always.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Oh I know some people had great marriages and spouses! But many of us had struggles, and those are hard to reconcile with grief. I’m happy that you had a great one! #widfam

[@johnkeith2450]

Sorry you lost him, and exactly why I will never be involved with another widow. The sainted ghost always wins.

[@leann6767]

A few months ago, I posted something on facebook that totally flamed my late husband. While everything I said was the truth, it painted him in an incredibly bad light. The next morning I deleted it, but the damage was done. I had been triggered by a memory of a failed vacation that I had taken the credit for. (the failure of it) I took my daughter to the same place, for a brief vacation. At some point, I realized that the reason for the failure was not me or my planning, it was my self-centered husband. HE had made us all miserable and ruined the vacation. ... From there, I fell down an anger rabbit hole. I was wrong to post what I did. In doing so, my sister in law won't speak to me. I really need to apologize, because I upset people. But I am glad for this post, because it validates my negative feelings toward my late husband. Even though he is gone, there are so many things that he did... so many wrongs. Some egregious. Though my actions sucked, my validation is there.

[@OneHappyWidow]

You have legitimate reasons for your feelings, but also remember that he’s not here to defend himself. My current husband spent a lot of time complaining about how badly he was treated by his late wife toward the end of their marriage. Even though he was right to feel how he did, she was no longer there to defend herself, and also not there to cause more pain. I have encouraged him to work to remember back to the happy time a and let the painful memories die with her. It has helped him.

[@edieh393]

I lost my love just over 6 years now. Yes he made me mad 😡 and yes sometimes it was hard. But our love worked through the roughest times. We stayed together because our love was strong enough and the ruff times were not going to take the from us. We meant at 14 years old and we’re together for 47 years. Yes I’m mad at God! Yes I am mad that I am alone! I feel he should be the one here not me! I can’t move on.

[@OneHappyWidow]

It is tough to transition to life without your partner. Your whole world gets turned upside down, and people who haven’t been through it cannot understand how difficult that is. Take care #widfam

[@Theavidgardener313]

Thank you for this. I needed to hear all of it. ❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching

[@JavaFirst]

My husband died this month less than 3 weeks ago. I wanted to smack the **** out of him for not signing some legal papers thus requiring me to hire an attorney and he died before the court date. As far as speaking ill of the dead I take that to me don't be nasty like he or she slept with anything on two legs or really nasty things like that. I had that happen to a deceased friend of mine and I called them out on it.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@edieh393]

Wow that is such a load of shit people would say you moved to a dead zone on purpose. What a load of shit. They have no idea!

[@OneHappyWidow]

People are quick to judge when they have not been on this journey with us.

[@kathrynleannazuck9305]

Thank you.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@nancyschaefer9748]

First marriage ended in divorce and my second husband died last year. Now I am trying to be strong, competent and moving forward. Sometimes it is like walking in a fog. I wonder if I should stay on my on or share with someone new. So many questions.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Same with me, divorced and widowed. If you open yourself up to the possibility of finding love again, once you meet someone who is right for you, you’ll know what to do. You don’t have to make that decision until that time, so until then just be open to meeting other people. Thanks for your feedback!

[@healthiabee3832]

There is also the guilt that it is not you that is dying or has died😥

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, I have heard about this too. Thanks for sharing

[@lanahencey8051]

Very helpful😅

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@snowyowlz5992]

What I struggle with and trying to comprehend is: how could I have maintained a more equal partnership within my marriage while working full time and being long term (years worth) caregiver to my wife with several medical complications? Yes she had help coming in. Still I had to be there the rest of the time. How does one approach and maintain a more equal partnership within a spousal relationship while caregiving for decades without slipping into “parent and child” relationship? Not only did I hate that. I was worn down a loooonnnng time ago. I hated what her parents did to her to begin with and myself for not having the love, kindness, endurance and forbearance to always treat her as Christ loved His bride. We were married short of 43 years when she passed on to be with Christ. 🎉🎉🎉

[@OneHappyWidow]

You are only human and we all have our limits. You stayed and fulfilled your vows, and you can hold you head up because of it. #widfam

[@snowyowlz5992]

@@OneHappyWidow Thank you. She’s with Christ.🎉🎉🎉

[@Aliyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

Hey dear thank u for your videos Wondering did u take medication or anything to deal with it and for how long Only answer if u want pls

[@OneHappyWidow]

I take meds for the Hashimotos and I take Concerta and Guanfacine for adhd.

[@debraobrien4868]

Hi there

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching

[@bobbieward923]

was with my partner over 30 some years and yes he was next to perfect was wonderful to did everything to give me a good life i would say that times that i was sad because of something i could put it in a thimble i miss him so much but i keep he alive with memories our house that we built togtether

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback.

[@khalidaziz1262]

Every man has a right A woman is a mother A woman is a wife A woman is a sister A woman is a daughter A woman is a flower This society needs men who know how to respect women, who are proud, who have shame and modesty in their eyes. Those who look at women with pure eyes and give them the same respect that they have for the mother, sisters and daughters of their house. This society needs educated men. This society needs the training of men more than women, and this training will start with collective effort instead of expensive or modern educational

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for sharing

[@shellycaris6087]

I think you can’t hold yourself responsible for missing the seriousness of what was happening to your husband when all the trips to ER or doc and they all missed what he had going on Leo

[@OneHappyWidow]

Hindsight is always 20/20!

[@paulwhitacre3021]

M me ok

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@judymorrow3726]

Ecclesiastes 4:2 A time to be borned,and a time to die./ Job 13: 5 Since his days are determines. / Guilt off You my friend / the Lord is in charge not us in Lord's hands Out of our

[@marydejesus1912]

I’m confused here I think you might need to go to therapy, no one is perfect that’s for sure but why would you want to discuss someone who’s deceased ? Aren’t you happy with your new life ? Even your new hubby , who cares , why the gossip , my family’s life most are messy , but if one’s gone we can still miss them & laugh at certain things . But to talk negative about a died person . I think it might be guilt about remarrying . And it’s ok that you’re remarried their are man & woman that get married fasted then others some choose to be alone , so just live your life. My father was a dog beat my mother but when he died he was gone & that’s it . We just hoped he went where he was supposed to go 🔥 🤦🏽‍♀️ also a friend of mine her hubby died when she went to get social security he had a baby with a young woman in her 20’s. She said I’m not surprised. But it didn’t interfere in her life . She’s happy living her life . Life is to short we all need to learn to be happy , if people knew my life here they’d be so surprised I’m still alive I’m in my 60’s . The world & life don’t stop for nobody . Never feel guilty.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for your feedback. I am happy with my life choices, but I wanted to share feelings that many of us widowed people have felt and shared. #widfam

[@edmundpotrzeba6094]

Great topic as it can play havoc with you feelings . Love , regrets, angry with oneself angry with them thank you for bringing it to the surface. It seems only in death do you see the relationship as it really was , what a waste, and how sad . ❤️ in the end I’m not sure how much we loved each other yet I miss her every day .🥲

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback