Overcoming "Beauty Illiteracy" - How I Began to Find My Beauty Aesthetic (A Monologue)

[@nectarina3891]

I find that a lot of people are aesthetics illiterate in general. Design/beauty/aesthetics are intuitive for some people, but they can certainly be learned too. I learned a lot about composition in painting classes that crosses over into beauty, fashion, art, architecture, etc. How different hues, shades and tones interact. Contrast vs. harmony, how lines and shapes pull the eye across a composition. I think of dressing the body and face similarly, what am I accentuating? what am I minimizing? where is the focus? There are colors and shapes that we naturally react to as humans.

[@nectarina3891]

And growing up in theater we had to learn how to use makeup to make features more dramatic and visible from a distance with makeup. It really showed me how much you can use lines and colors to change what people see.

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

10000% 🙌🏻

[@1000fm1]

It really depends what culture you grew up in. America is a beauty illiterate place for sure, but it seems like parts of Japan and France not so much.

[@SweetImmaculateHeart]

This is so soothing. Not only because the tone is relatable, gracious, encouraging, and kind without being patronizing, but also the soft spoken, measured delivery is almost unintentional asmr....the whole video has me relaxed and open to thinking deeply about the topic. I think this is a good format for you to occasionally add in. Thank you for your advice and encouragement.

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Thank you so so much! It’s definitely a format I want to keep with moving forward ✨

[@rdpcl]

I remember being taunted during middle/high school by my classmates because I had leg hair. I had begged my mother to take me to a salon to get waxed, or buy me a razor, or an epilation cream, but she never did because she has very little body hair and so she couldn't relate. Thank goodness the Internet exists because everything I learned about makeup, skincare and beauty in general I found online. Special thanks to Lisa Eldridge for teaching me about how to apply foundation to cover acne and how to approach hooded eyes, truly life changing.

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

I’m so sorry for your terrible experience in your youth🥺 But I’m so glad that you found the resources that worked for you!

[@MJ_Solo]

Omg same, we’re from a country where women don’t really shave, I had to wait till I got my first job at 14, to use my money to go to the waxing salon and buy products that I wanted

[@ewest9138]

Same

[@DillyBlue]

A big reason for my "beauty illiteracy" was that I consciously rejected learning about it for years. Kind of like you said about your own journey, I used to think that knowing how to style myself authentically would just come innately through self-reflection and years of trial and error. I didn't want to be told how to fit some beauty ideal, and I still don't, but I now also think that if you look to the right resources and the right mentors, you can find the tools that will help you to express yourself in whatever way you choose to. I’ve gone through phases where I tried to completely reject putting any effort into my outward beauty because I was so done with certain sections of society trying to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough as I naturally was. I’m grateful that I went through those phases, because I think I gained a lot of confidence and they taught me a lot about who I truly am, not only on the inside, but also about how I want to express myself on the outside, without any pressure to “correct” or “conform”. Using our bodies as a canvas to visually represent our inner selves and highlight our natural beauty is something individuals and cultures have been doing since the dawn of humanity, and I’m trying to make peace with that desire within myself, even while I continue to fight against unhealthy, unfair, and unrealistic beauty standards. I still sometimes find it a little bit uncomfortable to go out with makeup on or my hair styled, especially when I think I look really good lol. It’s almost a feeling of guilt, like I’m betraying myself by changing my natural appearance, or like other people are going to think I’m “fake” or “shallow”. But then I tell myself two things: 1. “Nobody is forcing you to wear makeup or curl your hair. You will still be a smart, kind, and gorgeous person if you don’t. But you will also still be a smart, kind, and gorgeous person if you do.” 2. “You don’t think those things about other people, so why do you think others are going to think it about you? And even if somebody does automatically label you as “fake” or “shallow”, that’s a them problem, not a you problem. Fuck ‘em.” This comment is getting really long (and there’s so much more that I could say on this topic) so I’ll just finish it up by saying that this video has clearly given me a lot to reflect on in regards to my own style and beauty journey. Thank you, yet again, for sharing so candidly with all of us. (P.S. I love the John O’Donohue quote that you’ve been including at the end of your videos. I love his writings.)

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Omg THIS comment!!! I felt so weird when I first started seriously dabbling in makeup and styling my hair. I thought people were going to think that I was trying too hard or that they would pity me because they thought I was secretly insecure. It was kind of a weird place to be. Anyways I think we’re on the same page here ✨

[@DillyBlue]

Yes! I absolutely relate to what you're saying. I'm kinda in that "weird place" still, but I'm working on adjusting my mindset. I'm also trying to embrace the fact that I'm a beginner at a lot of this stuff, especially hair and makeup. I may have a muchmuchmuch better idea now of what's going to look and feel harmonious on me, but I still need to be patient while I learn the techniques.

[@tjohannam]

2020 was my year to overcome my beauty illiteracy. I didn't have a beauty mentor. I never could enhance my beauty intuitively. Also, during my twenties in college I was surrounded by women (radical feminists) who looked down upon being interested in beauty ("how sexist"). I thought to be interested in very feminine topics was weak. It took some time, but finally this year I no longer cared about what anyone tought anymore. (Whew!) I learned about yin-yang styling (soft natural), color theory based on the four seasons (autumn), the curly girl method (3a&3b), and skin care and serums and how to layer skin care (combination skin). 🥰 Pinterest, YT, blogs... endless research and experimenting... but: It has truly changed my life for the better by getting to know myself so much better. Feeling good in your own skin is a real thing. Thank you so much for opening up about this topic! ✨

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

This is such a good point and a great share about simply being your honest self. I think there’s space for everyone woman to express themselves as they see fit. This includes being a girly girl or having a more yang, stripped down approach. I’m so glad that you decided to just press forward and do you!! No shame in that game! And learning about other aspects of beauty and self care can be so key to feeling comfortable in our own skin💛 Thank you so much for sharing your experience!!

[@tjohannam]

@Dawn Mabaso Oh! Thank you so much Dawn, reading your comment gave me goosebumps. 🙃 Also wishing you the best on your journey. We got this! 😊

[@shay6153]

One thing I’ve learned but am only starting to apply is the idea that we are not characters that can be fully articulated or defined. We are constantly growing and changing. That said, it is much easier to use broad strokes with some attention to smaller unique details rather than to try and hit all of the quirks and specific attributes of individual style. It isn’t necessary to run out and buy everything one needs in order to convey elegance, charm, or sophistication. This can be achieved by finding a nice hair cut, wearing earrings that add just a touch of sparkle or larger more glamorous pieces if your bone structure can handle it. Bottom line, it doesn’t take much to express authenticity.

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

I agree.....and it’s ultimately the journey that illuminates authentic expression. We can easily become caricatures of ourselves and the process can start to feel mechanical if every little detail is over analyzed

[@aminaa4253]

This is so heartening. I've definitely felt like the woman who 'didn't get the memo' when it comes to beauty. I've been on this journey in my 30's, and I'm enjoying the process but definitely have felt self-conscious about just getting to know myself better and develop my aesthetic at this age. Oh, and the quote you ended on is giving me life - thank you!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

It’s never too late and I’m so happy to hear that you’re moving forward with your journey ✨

[@modernhomeeconomics3027]

I got tired of seeking answers from people I know personally..bc unless your friends and family have the inclination to be brutally honest, I would not seek serious advice from family or friends. They want you to feel good about yourself from a place of love and acceptance for who you are. That’s a wonderful intention, however, honesty over sensibility in this particular endeavor is preferrable. I personally don’t recommend seeking advice from beauty/fashion retail workers (makeup counter, perfume counter, boutique, luxury, big box store workers), their job is to sell you beauty products, your goals are not part of their bottom line. Beauty industry service workers (stylists, technicians, hairdressers etc.) want repeat business so they will be diplomatic with their input. And last, but certainly not least, internet strangers can be wonderful constructive critics, or, su*cide fuel. Tread carefully. Elisa is all of us lmao

[@modernhomeeconomics3027]

Lmao can't believe I misspelled it *****ELYSSA**** One of us. One of us.

[@Rin-eka]

There is a time I bitterly admit that I'm not beautiful but at the same time it's also heartbreaking to say to myself I'm ugly so I just conclude that I'm okay in term of appearance. When I dress up or do makeup, I don't wish I will look like celebrity but I just said to myself I do this at least to not embarrased myself further in front of public. Thank you for sharing this topic I will try to reshape my definition of beauty

[@MJ_Solo]

There is beauty in all of us, sometimes we can not see it for ourselves

[@JessicaOrban3606]

Perhaps look into Carol Tuttle's Dress Your Truth system, you may find it helpful

[@tanyaeve9498]

I love the term beauty illiteracy, I know exactly what you mean. As a teenager (80s) I realised I couldn't do the mainstream look of blonde hair and tanned skin - I am very pale and had very dark, curly hair. I think it helped me find ways to enhance who I actually am, for which I am grateful.

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

YES! I love this! This reminds me of Wynona Ryder.....she did not have the typical teased blonde hair and tan. She’s more of how you describe your features. It’s best to just find our own beauty rather than trying to fit a mold.

[@tanyaeve9498]

@@elyssa_aesthetic Winona Ryder is still very cool, I think. But yes, I leant towards that kind of indie/alternative look.

[@cincocats320]

I so relate. I too was a 80s child with Stick striaght brown hair that couldnt be permed and far from a super model figure/face. It took a long time to feel comfortable in my own skin and know how to enhance and refine my look.

[@burstangel]

I grew up watching my mother doing her beauty routine, she was so glamorous and beautiful. I'm nothing like her, she was thin, and graceful, I'm well endowed and graceless, very very clumsy. Anyway when I turned 16, i wanted to start wearing makeup so she taught me the importance of never overplucking brows as she shape and clean my brows. Showed me how to put makeup on. I had the basics down, whiched helped very much with makeup, but not clothes ... she and I have two very different body types and does not translate well.

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Awh that so amazing that your mom passed along what she knew✨

[@burstangel]

@@elyssa_aesthetic my makeup is on point 🥰 trying to figure out clothes that looks good AND make me feel good is another matter.

[@carolinehackett5141]

This resonates with me! My mother is an angel of a person but she's not super into makeup so I didn't really get any tutorial. She basically threw me a Maybelline great lash when I turned 14 and said "good luck!" 😂 Love this perspective

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Hahahaha pretty much sums up my tween years 😆 omg that Maybelline mascara.....who *didn’t* start off there lol

[@PsychicKathleen]

I very much related to your stories about not growing up in a "beauty sophisticated" household. My mother washed her face with soap and never wore much make up. A bit of mascara, blush and lipstick occasionally for a night out was the sum of it :) We had a neighbour who was brilliant with her make up but I was never privy to her process. I've always had a rather conservative approach to make up in general. In my early twenties I bought Mary Kay from a very nice consultant who helped me develop a solid skin care routine and make up application that suited me very well. As I've aged I've become more conservative such as moving away from eyeliner and powder blushes (powders in general are problematic on wrinkled skin :) ) Older women do have to be cautious not to overdue make up (I'm 66 :) ) I've learned a lot on youtube this past year. Trinny London has been a real inspiration to me as has Shellea on fabulous50's. I've loved all your work too Elyssa and second all the lovely comments below about how articulate and soft spoken you are. Self revealing without being self negating, encouraging and nudging without being critical. You are so gifted!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

This truly warms my heart 💛💛💛💛💛 Nad thank god for women of all ages and demographics taking the leap of faith to show themselves on the internet!!! I haven’t heard of Shellea (I’ll have to check her out) but there’s some other mature women on the platform who I’ve taken on as mentors for sure! And I really can’t thank you enough for the kind words.....it puts wind in my sails and I’m extremely grateful for your willingness to deliver this message 💛💛💛

[@DolceSuono9]

I definitely relate to some of your experiences. This video has caused me to reflect on my own journey and appreciate where I am now, in my mid-30’s, starting to come into my own and not limiting myself to any one idea of what is correct. It’s been a long journey, and KZbin(r)s have been my guide, in a way, for the last 7-8 years, taking me on many twists and turns, but teaching much along the way. Like moisturizer-who knew! The ideal in high school was emo/ punk, college and just after, ranged from land of misfit clothes to NYC street chic influence to hyper- conservative Christianity, then in my mid -to-late 20’s coming to think super polished and elegant was the ideal. My mind, always rebellious despite wanting to fit in to my communities, never succeeded in “assimilating”. Figuring out what suits me, what I love and what speaks to me and of me-priceless. Thanks for being part of my journey by sharing yours. 🙏🏼🖤

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Oh man, I relate so much to not “assimilating”. And definitely priceless! Right back at you 💛

[@youtimeful]

I am 56 and three years ago I realized that my wardrobe and beauty literacy was just not where I serving me. I hated my closet and how I was presenting myself to the world. I went on a journey and am so glad I did! It’s a continual process so that you are feeling like you in your makeup/hair/skin/etc. And it’s ok to try something different. And it’s ok to have something that doesn’t work. And it’s ok to have a better cream, a salon consultation, a dermatologist procedure, etc. if it fits into your goals. We have the tools so it’s ok to research and experiment with them. Talk to other women! Share and ask for help! We are so lucky to be women and all of us have nuggets of which can help someone else. Even if it is jus to listen. Thank you for all of your sharing. You are so relatable!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

I second all of this 🙌🏻 yes yes yes!

[@christinevanpatten1278]

I think this definitely goes back to unconscious incompetence/conscious incompetence/conscious competence/unconscious competence. Not knowing what you don't know, then realizing there's a lot that you don't know. Learning but having to be very vigilant and finally being "intuitive" about your beauty choices. Great monologue, really enjoyed the video. Can we just talk about how great you look in this video?! That darker desaturated green and peachy makeup just makes you glow!

[@catherinewalker4526]

Elyssa, this is one of the best worded, best articulated description of self-acceptance I have ever heard. Kids need to hear it.

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Wow! What a compliment!

[@zipitzizzy2442]

Oh Elyssa! I'm gonna cry!! This was so vulnerable to share with us!!! And you look so weightlessly beautiful, airy, and soft. Like guys, c'mon!!! She is giving it to us today and I can't!!!!!!!!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

💛💛💛

[@emeraldwaters8028]

Elyssa, You’re contributing completely original content here. This is wonderful! I would love to hear about your mentors and other personal experiences you’ve had on your path to beauty literacy-a perfect term. Blessings and love, 💋🌹❣️.

[@encouragementnotespodcast7616]

Hi Elyssa I love this video my beauty journey started a few years ago. I was always told what to do when I was younger so natural that lead me to rebelling because looking nice felt like a chore but now I love spending time getting dressed and being put together

[@greenaqua2347]

My cousins (both gamine I think) were my "beauty mentors" in high school and unlike me (soft classic) they have darker hair and skin and so it was a bit (more like big) of a mess. Same for the style, they liked to dress boho and so did I. After school I started to dress differently on my own but I always felt something was off. Only in these last years I'm finally learning what does really suit me and follow my own tastes thanks to people like you ❤

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Ahhh this brings up a good point of misguided mentors.....I’ve had a few of these throughout my life and it was by no fault than my own. But I’m glad you’re exploring your personal now!

[@dreworatory1927]

Wow I was just talking to someone about how my current beauty is a complete reflection of my inner beauty. I’ve been through a transformation the last couple months and the outside really reflects the inside.

[@sunnc]

thats so amazing! I'm happy for you girl

[@imwatching2960]

My family is small but just as you told, nobody taught me about beauty or self care. It was not important for my mom. I felt such a need for it and missed many years of my young beauty not knowing about it, not knowing to value. I had to figure out after 30 in a hard way. You talk and teach about aesthetics, style and taste in a really nice way, will help a lot of girls and women!

[@shaunatracey3390]

I can totally relate here, I have a similar experience feeling as though it was "too late" to care and invest in my style & image and being authentic. Almost 30 and starting to embrace this journey now and put that mindset behind me. This video really helped, nice to know its not only me!! Great content, thank you!!

[@elongankona2562]

Thank you for this video Elyssa❤️ I now know I'm not the alone. Throughout my adolescence I always asked to myself, "what is it about the other girls that they just know how to put an outfit and make up together and it works for them?" But if I try to copy them it looks disheveled. I've then realized I was just trying to emulate something that I'm not. And now I'm trying to curate a wardrobe that will work for my body type is anesthetics. Thank you so much for this video and I too had a similar up bringing to yours where Beauty wasn't really focused on. I'm very grateful to KZbinrs such as yourself for helping us "tomboy" girls find our own aesthetics.💐💐❤️

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Tomboy girls who want to grow into elevated women UNITE 🙌🏻

[@elongankona2562]

@@elyssa_aesthetic yes I agree💯👍

[@MW_1994]

I could listen to you talk all day! I love your content and I love your message. I’m currently on a journey of understanding my own natural essence and beauty and it’s hard, but definitely worth it! Maybe one day I’ll consider myself beauty literate thanks to your guidance and help. Thank you for this wonderful early Christmas present!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Awh thank you so so much! Wishing you the best of luck on your journey 💛

[@DWhoLover]

I relate to this 100%. We’re similar ages, so we came of age when the beauty market was exploding, but the technology hadn’t caught up yet. We had next to none of the resources available now, so if we didn’t have in person mentors, we were basically stuck with magazines and local beauty counters. My sister was like your friend-very intuitive, but I didn’t have a clue. My journey toward literacy from my mid-20s to 30s sounds a lot like yours. Thanks for a great video.

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Yes, sounds like our experiences mirror each other’s! So glad we both found our way ✨

[@meredithjohanson8535]

Very timely! I am planning to pick “beauty” as my word of the year. Not only personal style but also a beauty in my home, finding beauty in nature, watching some beautiful movies... Many thanks!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Oh love this!

[@leanaaymorejacob1211]

😍🤩👏👏👏

[@theetherealshaye]

I first watched this when you released it, and watching it about 2 years on, with my own beauty journey having changed so much, I can see how beauty illiterate I was when I was younger. I grew up similar to you: surrounded by women but watching instead of truly understanding. I was considered unattractive by my peers in school but beautiful by my family members, and this beauty illiteracy truly affected how I saw my appearance. I considered myself as ugly for years, even being told so by others, and like you, I didn’t want to wear makeup because I wanted to be all natural. Now, at 24, and only truly being in tune with my beauty for a year or so, I have little things that are my signatures. I wear my hair a certain way, paint my nails a certain colour, and the little makeup I do use (because I still prefer a small amount), I do in a grungy style that compliments me well. I spend a lot of time on my wardrobe and curating that. I see myself as attractive now and so do others, and I am able to look in the mirror and actually see myself instead of seeing parts of myself.

[@someareroses]

Hello Elyssa 💕 Thank you for yet another lovely video. I have the opposite experience where I grew up in a pretty fabulous family and everyone had their "look" figured out. My aunt studied fashion design and my mother was a makeup artist. It's been a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, I was exposed to so much from being around them. I knew well how to apply makeup and I grew up knowing a lot about clothes, home deco, visual art etc because I was surrounded by the beauty literate. The curse is that I felt very self conscious because I wasn't put together like my relatives. I have acne which isn't common in my family. The attention this brought made me want to disappear. I was really interested in fashion too and tried to wear the lines and styles that I only recently learned didn't suit my body (and aren't appropriate for my lifestyle and personality). I wanted my body to be different so I could dress "better" only because I didn't understand that there's something to compliment every body. The worst part is that I thought I knew everything about beauty. Which made my failures to "beauty" even more frustrating. I saw the beauty of many different aesthetics and even when I was drawn to ones that serve me I couldn't see it and commit. I've been confused about my style for over a decade. I'm 23 now and it's a miracle that I've become seriously interested in self discovery. I'm learning so much about how to preserve, honour and enhance my beauty. I'm learning to appreciate beautiful aesthetics that aren't for me without feeling the need to possess them. Instead of being a daunting source of shame, learning and cultivating my aesthetic has become exciting and fun. 🌻

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Wow....I didn’t even think about the opposite experience. Thank you for sharing this with us. It goes to show that no matter what the circumstances are, we all still have the opportunity to move forward and discover different perspectives around beauty.

[@Shinibo]

I can definitely relate to your experience. I don't think I had the best instinct for knowing what suited me, but I had the curiosity to learn about beauty and style systems, which helped a lot to clearly see what might have been a vague sense before. I think that gut feeling of knowing when something harmonizes or don't hits harder in some people more than others, but as you said it's a skill that can be strengthened for sure! And there is no shame in not having it as something you are born with! One person I have met, who just instinctively knows what suits everyone around him aesthetically, is the stylist David Zyla. His eye for beauty is astounding. He really made me feel beautiful, because he knew immediately what suited me, and mentioned items I could wear well, which other people can't, which made me realize my own unique beauty. Meeting him in my start 20s inspired me to learn to be able to SEE what he could see. I am definitely not there yet, but I feel like I have come a long way ^_^

[@lipasketch]

I feel like I only started getting beauty literate about 1 or 2 years ago, but still got a lot to learn... but really there's no end, just constant adaptation. You've been playing a big role on this journey! I can relate to your experience! Seeing a lot of effortlessly stylish girls, and not being able to understand why things didn't work on me! The yin yang related systems really helped! Thank you so much for your enlightening content! Happy holidays, Elyssa!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

I’m late to replying but happy holidays....and yes....constant adaptation!

[@K_Rae_Bee]

This is soooo relatable for me! Thank you for sharing this!! I used to believe that I simply wasn't as beautiful as other woman and that is just the way it was. That was very painful for me. Now I understand I was just beauty illiterate.

[@frizzlefry176]

“Trying to super impose it onto myself.” So true. I’m finally realizing that just doesn’t work. What looks good for some does not translate to everyone

[@kisawin_3598]

This is so interesting because yesterday when I just turned sixteen I wanted to get into makeup and figuring out how to develop my style and coincidently I bumped into your channel. So, in a way you have turned into my mentor. Expressing myself has always been quite challenging, especially when you're a teen. I am really glad that I found you, Teacher Elyssa. ( just realized that you probs won't be able to see this but I don't care THANK YOU!

[@nataliefbehler]

My journey with beauty has been very similar to yours. My mom was not really a makeup user and had a very streamlined beauty routine overall. Very much beauty illiterate here!! I still don't wear makeup on a daily basis and only started really pursuing "beauty literacy" seriously during the quarantine earlier this year. I love your description of how you get to intuit and choose for yourself. Thank you for sharing!

[@nataliefbehler]

PS Your channel has been one of those KZbin "beauty mentors" for me!!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

I feel honored 💛💛💛☺️

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Oh how fun!! I’m so glad something positive came out of your quarantine experience ✨

[@KiaraIrie]

Only 6 minutes in and sooo relatable omg same to everything lol 7:17-7:30 😂😭 girl been there so many times. That one makeup item or skin care product or pair of shoes feels like it's going to change my life until it doesn't

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

I cannot even begin to tell you how much money went down the drain because of this approach to beauty 🥺 But it’s never too late to turn things around and take a different approach! 🙌🏻

[@angelmoldez3512]

off topic but i appreciate the colors in this video.. greens and browns and your voice is so soothing :>

[@bevepr]

Great video to reflect Elyssa. Thank you, it's grounding to really dig and embrace learning!🤍

[@moxielanedesign]

You exude a beautiful, deep, kind, empathic, and powerful feminine soul inside and out.

[@elvillivle]

Omg Elyssa! I feel so lucky I found your channel!!! There's just nothing like it. You seem to be a genuine person. ❤️ you!!!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Oh well thank you and welcome 💛

[@MoonlitSunflower]

I can relate to this. Most of the women in my family don't wear much, if any makeup and arent particularly concerned with style. Jeans and a t are fine for most occasions. Wear a sweater or something for a nicer occasion. I struggle to look at myself and tell if I'm warm or cool toned. A hair dresser told me I'm warm when we were talking about dying my hair. I tend to like to dress in cooler tones though but I don't like extremely warm or cool toned makeup. Most of what I've learned about makeup was through successful MLM influencers and influencers on youtube. I've recently become interested in minimalism, or being more minimalistic. I have more interest in watching minimalism based channels that focus in your wardrobe. So I'm beginning to learn more about fashion in general through these people.

[@adrijamajumdar1856]

I love how your hair and shirt just fits so well with the background, everything looks so satisfying

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Oh well thank you! 💛

[@tprogame1359]

This is extremely encouraging. When it comes to beauty, I've definitely felt like the woman who 'didn't get the memo' a few times. While I'm enjoying the process of getting to know myself better and developing my aesthetic at my age of 30, I have felt self-conscious about just getting to know myself better and developing my aesthetic at this age. Oh, and the quote you ended on has given me new life - thank you so much for that!

[@kathleen2268]

I relate to this so much!! I am also a woman in my 30s and I've only just recently begun to understand my beauty aesthetic, I have had those experiences going to the beauty store having no clue what products did or what I needed and wondering why I couldn't achieve the same effortless beauty of other women I saw. It has been a long but very rewarding journey for me. I finally understand how to enhance the beauty I naturally hold and it makes me less self conscious about how I look and present myself. Going on the body type journey has also been key to that, I feel at home and beautiful just as I am ❤

[@Martina_E]

I love your monologue type of video and relatable! Your voice is so peaceful and graceful. I’m in my 30s in well, had beauty illiteracy and look way younger than my actual age. Growing up I didn’t know about style (I wore uniforms from Pre-K - 12th grade) and was raised that modesty style was required. I did learn that I should always look my best when going in public from my grandparent who had signature styles (my grandfather always wore a 3-piece suit and a cowboy hat and my grandmother always had a nice midi dress with statement earrings and a red lipstick.) I played around with trends because that was out there but they didn’t suit me. I didn’t start playing around in makeup until my late 20s. Now being in my 30s for some time now I’ve been so intrigued by redeveloping my style and what I want my beauty to be. It’s a long process but it’s so refreshing and fun. During this pandemic I’ve been playing around with different looks with the clothing I have and seeing what I like. Please do more! And you look great with that green with the golden elements in the background surrounding you. 😊

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Your grandparents sound like such a delight!! And how cool that you’ve gotten the opportunity to experiment more with your personal style....love it!

[@sol_di_14]

Interesting video. I remember a girlfriend of mine said "I wish I have had an older sister so that she would have tought me how to do make-up and stuff" and I thought to myself "If you had an older sister she would have had to do the work first to teach it to you later. Why don't you do that by yourself?". Then I understood why complaining about what my mom didn't do or tought to me, is pretty dumb. It's like..."I wouldn't have liked it or done it anyways" lol. I'm the oldest sister and I learned a lot by myself (about beauty but also about other stuff), and I don't really teach that to my younger sisters because they're not interested. I can't force them😅 Having a mentor is great. I experienced that when learning to speak English, I did more progress by going to an English course than before (when I was learning by my own). But if you can't have a mentor, you can learn by yourself. Btw: your eyes look beautiful! I'm gonna start a dialog with my sister about this. It's a good topic. Thanks!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

So many good points you brought up in this!! I love you spirit of taking initiative 💪🏻 I also love how you know and respect that a beauty journey has to be organically desired, not forced. And I also love how you brought up that you don’t *have* to have a mentor....I’m a firm believer that we can all take different paths and still wind up at the same place 💛 And thank you so ouch for the kind compliment about my eyes. You’ll also have to keep me posted on how the conversation with your sister goes!

[@flowersafeheart]

I'm enjoying your lovely channel! Thanks for your thoughts on beauty mentors, beauty literacy, and reflections on your beauty journey. I've been rethinking some things about fashion, hair, makeup, beauty, aesthetic the past roughly year and a half.

[@Drunkenjeanny]

Haha, you're telling my story. Also my friend, she was wearing two different colours as eye shadow on one eye AND of course all the other stuff. I stuck to my black eye liner and mascara. For years. For decades. Funny thing. Thanks for sharing. I came here, because you were in someones playlist. Like your videos though. I'll be back...

[@sunnc]

16:54 absolutely agree I'm happy that didn't happen so I could find my way. ngl though if I had someone who was gifted in beauty/aesthetics who I admired I would've liked that mentorship.

[@fionabrockner9234]

Wow this really spoke to me. I'm on the same journey. I'm so happy to have found your channel

[@marytoutseul4281]

Hello Elyssa ! It's a really interesting subject you're talking about ! I'm still quite a beauty illiterate myself ... My mother didn't teach me anything about make-up, beauty routines or clothes - since she wasn't really concerned about it and because of my father hated her to wear make-up or too glamourous outfits... As a child, I have always loved clothes and shoes so much - and I think I naturally knew what worked for me but lost that sense while I had to wear my sister's clothes my entire childhood and couldn't get any tips about beauty from my family... I tried a lot of different styles and never found the right one... I've known my best colours for one year and a half and have started to implement them into my wardrobe and I feel into myself my face becoming so beautiful into dark kakis or browns :-D But I have issues with the feminine part of myself - and I think I'm a dramatic body type who always tried to wear more feminine clothes... But I begin to accept that I feel much more myself when I wear skinny tailored pants - man shirt or straight pullover and chelsea boots than in drapped blouse or vintage dress ... And I feel also quite feminine in this "men-alike clothes" (and, for sure, the most comfortable!) : a strong woman, with subtle elegance. And if I add a plum-eye pencil-line under my eyes, I can see me as the " mysterious woman" my husband told me he fell in love with ! As you said, it's a long journey and the focus isn't about the destination but more about finding more about who we really are. I thank you so much for your kindness and humanity - the message you're sharing with us is so important ! Finally, I would be interested in knowing more about how you found your beauty mentors, as a lesson for helping us to search our personal ones !

[@marleyen]

Oh, thank you for the music at the end! 🎶 It is so appropriate and relaxing ❤️

[@kaashkaash8695]

Great you share this! So relatable! Can't imagine you ones didn't know how to wear make-up. You look stunning. Was wondering if you can share any thoughts on how to stop obsessing over your looks?

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

First, thank you! Second, this is a great topic for another monologue video! I’ll definitely dedicate a video to “how to stop obsessing over a look” 😉

[@beckycook2978]

You look FANTASTIC in this hair color, makeup, shirt color. I love your content, it's so helpful and informative.

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Oh goodness....thank you on multiple fronts! 💛💛💛

[@Yo_moneee]

I really like that you said to individualize your beauty routine. Not imposing something Onto yourself. Because that is exactly what I have done in the past. I had a emo and punk rock stage. Because I was influenced by the music I listened to and the people I hung around. Growing up I too was beauty illiterate. Like you I did not wear makeup until close to 18 years old and not even that. I wore mascara and eyeshadow that was not fitting for my hooded eyes (i figured this out this year). I wore lipstick in my senior year of HS. I was a whole mess😂however, I am entering into my 30’s and I have found the authentic me. It’s just taking in knowledge about beauty. What makes me the most confident? What makes me uncomfortable? There is so much and but personal application is the key. I love this and I’m looking forward to seeing more!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Yes!!! Exactly exactly!

[@Manishaayut]

This straighter hair, matte makeup and lighter colors brings out your beauty, the lipstick color and eye shadow, eyeliner works perfectly.

[@merthur88]

you look incredible here! just beautiful!!

[@okok-uc8hi]

Wait.. 30s?!?!?!? You look very youthful!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Lol I know 🙈 No one bee guesses that I’m in my 30’s. I used to hate it but now fully embrace it!

[@lipasketch]

Exactly my reaction!

[@jessie9653]

@@elyssa_aesthetic I know right 🤣 I will be turning 40 and am always told I look so young ☺️

[@Martina_E]

@@elyssa_aesthetic same here people always think I’m so much younger too. Enjoyed this video and learning more about you.

[@allureoffemininity1091]

30s is youthful

[@marmar920]

Elyssa love the background and you look beautiful!!

[@jenniferlarson5745]

This was SO beautiful and helpful! Thank you :)

[@k.285]

Your hair looks beautiful!

[@LisaThinksALot]

Love this! I admin a 30k+ member group on FB and the vast majority of what we do really is beauty literacy.

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Oh I love that! That’s exactly the type of space which can make all the difference in the world!

[@hypatiakovalevskayasklodow9195]

12:18 I almost started crying here This is so relatable! Even inside the rock community I was in i always felt less feminine than other grils and alwazs asked mzself how do they do it and should I try to be more like them, but taht didn't seem like it is actually me

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

I relate to this so much! I’m not naturally the casual, free-spirited girl.....I’m slightly more rigid and I was Alyssa self conscious of this. But now I see this as an asset and use it as an avenue to confidence. So there’s always time to turn things around ✨

[@hypatiakovalevskayasklodow9195]

@@elyssa_aesthetic The world needs us to be our true selves! And of course we need that too 🦄 By making yourself yourself you are making you stronger and hence the whole world! 💙 I am the opposite, my inner child is immensely strong, I never lost it, but I had periods where I tried to mask it and those were the worst periods of my life. I am done trying to look "more feminine and serious" that's just not me, my own type of feminine with my grunge-y male shirts and my rainbow socks and "children's " hairstyles and flouncy miniskirts with spiky leather jackets isvalid as much as any other serious or feminine or sexy or whatever type of femininity

[@rosy2475]

You are my mentor Elyssa :0)

[@okok-uc8hi]

I’m sharing this with my friends! Thanks!

[@rebeccahowe5558]

Thank you so much for this! It's perfect!

[@veronicachic]

30s!!!! I thought you were 20 at most. Makes sense though seeing as how wise and graceful you are.

[@myriamolortegui2441]

Thanks for sharing this video, Elyssa. I started wearing make up now I turned 49

[@maddy6370]

I didn’t learn to do make up properly until I was 27, I didn’t even know the reasons why someone would apply powder to their face. KZbin was my mentor. My trigger for learning was having to apply make up for performances and having it pointed out to me how bad I was at doing eye shadow… just as I’d finally learnt though, the pandemic hit so I had no where to dress up for haha

[@nataliemarie4325]

You hair looks incredible 😍

[@sherrilynntriolo6662]

Elyssa, I absolutely adore your videos! While I'm older than you, I find that your content really applies to me. I am a Flamboyant Gamine & used to be an elite gymnast when younger...so I have always had a very visible muscle structure. Therefore I have always felt like I needed to be very skinny in order to look good in any clothing! I'm now starting to realize thst I just havent been wearing clothes that are in harmony w/my natural lines. The thing is, the clothes that DO fit my lines, dont feel "right" for my personality. Can you do more videos on how to adapt kibbe clothing recommendations to your personal preferences? I'm really enjoying your channel & this beautiful video just touched me so much. Thank you Elyssa!

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

I completely understand feeling detached from certain recommendations because they’re not an authentic expression of your essence. What I would recommend is to take the principles you know and apply them as needed, but without rigidity. Give yourself the room to explore what it means to connect the ensemble back to *you*✨

[@sherrilynntriolo6662]

@@elyssa_aesthetic thank you so much for your response! I truly appreciate it!

[@sofitocyn100]

29 years old. Started to take care of my beauty and wardrobe last year but still struggling to really understand what suits me. I've been experimenting a lot in over a year and spent a bit of money to do so, but I'm still definitely beauty and fashion illiterate...

[@louisedolloff836]

I think my beauty still eludes me and I am nearly 60.... I learned early on that the only beauty product I can wear is mascara. I'm allergic to everything else. There's no point in putting foundation, blush, and eyeshadow on if I am going to spend the next few hours scratching it off... I was sooo happy when they started coming out with sensitive skin moisturizer products and l could use them and not itch! Clothes are another issue, I wear jeans and tee shirts and that's pretty much it. Not exactly an elevated wardrobe....

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

I feel it’s best to listen to our bodies and honor the boundaries. There’s honestly and therefore beauty in that.

[@lindawescott3824]

Loved this...it is so helpful to hear your journey as we travel thru our own...I am still unsure which of your classes to take....I have had my colors done, body type done, but when I saw what you did with Audrey I knew what was missing...my essence and how to bring that into my physical world is knowledge I don't have...which of your classes would be best?

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Hi Linda, I think it depends on where you’re at with your wardrobe. Shoot me an email and we can chat more about what would be a best fit for you ✨ [e-mail] 💛

[@Art_and_Anxiety]

I can DEFINITELY relate to this...I wish I could afford a style coach to help me figure out what works best for me. Often, the clothing I'm drawn to isn't necessarily what looks good on me, and I don't have the patience to try on hundreds of different outfits...

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

I definitely suggest joining a community or consider hiring a beauty analysis ✨ It brings so much value getting an objective opinion imo

[@chicstreetbyjubilee]

Love love love this💖❤️

[@ada4030]

My Mother (first mentor), adored looking through fashion magazines-Vogue was her staple but she would have other imprints around like Harpers Bazaar passed along from Grandma. I approached them like research-which fashion and beauty looks resonated for me? Literally tore pages out with permission. I read the articles and ads describing new beauty products long before I used any of them. I also got to go along with her a couple of times to the makeup counter and hair salon. She and I are both soft summer though her coloring is slightly more clear & contrasted (borders on clear summer) and mine is more muted & tonal and has a hint of warmer skin (so I can borrow from soft Autumn)- though any makeup or silhouette she can pull off I can too in my size. I was one of the shortest and youngest looking in my friend group so in junior high-9th grade-I decided that I wanted to try makeup and looking a bit older. I borrowed my mother's makeup without asking and eventually appropriated an eyeliner pencil that suited me better than her that became my first signature look for the next year. I also used her razor and butchered my legs when I got self concious about having leg hair in gym class. Fortunately for Mom, she is two inches taller with stronger shoulders so I was never really able to wear her clothes when I lived at home (she's dramatic-natural-ethereal and I am dramatic-natural-classic). Later, twice, I had permission to wear her clothes fashionably relaxed on me when I needed clothing for a wedding and my first company Christmas party. With my very muted, tonal coloring, makeup quickly can look overdone so I often go without but love an occasion where it is okay to look dressed up and made up. My dramatic-classic-gamine Grandma was also a silent mentor to me and I was lucky to get passed down some classic vintage clothing from her wardrobe and some of her fashion jewelry. Going back to fashion & beauty magazines-InStyle is my current favorite for fashion-they show multiple options to pull together a look, two ways celebs styled the same outfit and modern color pairings with the key colors available for the current season-very relatable. For beauty, Allure seems to alternate with beautiful make-unders for realistic everyday, daytime makeup and glam looks for those that want help in the evening/special occasion looks.

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Wow! What a journey!!! I love how the women in your family had their own beauty aesthetic but also allowed you the room to play and explore. And what a gift to be able to receive some beautiful vintage items from your grandma 💛💛💛 This while little rundown of your journey had me smiling!

[@ada4030]

@@elyssa_aesthetic Sorry for the book within your comments 😁 I thought something from my story might help other followers🙏

[@naomid1848]

I think we dressed exactly the same in highschool, right down to the handmade jewellery! ☺️

[@Marsolan]

That green background is very harmonious with you )))

[@yamei7521]

I really enjoy watching your video. That's so much to learn from you. if there ‘s English subtitle on your video,it would be much easier for me. cause English is my second language :) watching your video also can improve my English.lol

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Oh no! I though there was subtitles available ☹️ I’ll look into that

[@tatjm7454]

I have been watching your videos. I found them really educative but when I try to polish/improve my style I become frustrated because what I see in the mirror it's not how I want to look. I mean I know how I want to look but my body bothers me. I do a lot of work out but I still look not so thin. Have you ever felt this way? Or any of your clients?

[@KarolaTea]

Dunno, imo if someone's selling you a product that they specifically recommended then yeah, I'd say it is their job to at least briefly mention how it's supposed to work. I don't think it's reasonable to expect everybody knows how makeup works. If I go to a hardware store and say "my wall is mucky, help" and they point me towards wall primer with no mention at all of paint, that's a bit eh? Today I applied some eyeshadow with a brush that had 'concealer' written on it. I'm doing this right, yes? Wait what, girls get sat down by their family and told how to beauty?!

[@RhonyHart]

I do not fit any of them!! I have small eyes, oval face, and a rotound figure but not super curvy. I think thats why some added the etheral one.

[@rojamary5821]

I want to know, why you shaped eyebrows such that the gaps between them is larger.

[@modernhomeeconomics3027]

The distance between the inner ends of the eyebrows determines the appearance of a wider nose ⬅️👃➡️(further apart eyebrows) or narrower nose (closer together) ➡️👃⬅️ all depends on these distances between the eyebrows. There are other reasons too like shaping them to be more harmonious with the face shape. There are tools you can use to apply the golden mean (anastasia beverly hills does this) to optimize the brow shape to flatter the face. This is one of the reasons I believe beauty is objective, bc you can quite literally apply math to make you appear more harmonious.

[@mkim4091]

The human body isn't a math formula where everything is precise and you can evaluate your image by calculating.

[@modernhomeeconomics3027]

@@mkim4091 There is a beauty related tool called an eyebrow caliper. It's used to measure your most optimum eyebrow based on a mathematical ratio called the golden mean. The ratio for length to width of rectangles of 1.61803 39887 49894 84820 is considered to be the most pleasing to the eye (aesthetic)and has been used to create art and architecture since the 4th century BC. The renaissance masters used it and now the eyebrow technician in your town might be found using this tool to apply math to shape eyebrows. That's just part of the reason why I disagree with you.

[@labornurse]

They look that way naturally to me.🤷‍♀️

[@maitesoto1953]

@@modernhomeeconomics3027 I think she's saying that maybe that's how her eyebrows naturally grow

[@mkim4091]

What an interesting story, I related on many levels. Why didn't you ask your friend for tips on how to start applying eye shadow or other makeup suggestions? You said she was your best friend, so I'm sure she would have been more than happy to help you out. Sounds simple enough but maybe I missed something?

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Ah, it’s because I was sacred.....my ego got in the way and I felt intimidated to even ask my best friend for help. I wasn’t much of a girly girl in middle and high school so I oddly felt like I needed to keep up that persona. So asking another woman for help with beauty was not something I was remotely comfortable with 🙈 It sounds silly now, but that’s definitely how my mentality was back then.

[@alteredcatscyprus]

I wonder if we all feel like this.

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

I’m lead to believe that there’s a great deal of women who feel like this

[@alteredcatscyprus]

@@elyssa_aesthetic It’s good to talk about it, so we all don’t feel like we are the only ones. So many things people don’t talk about and we end up feeling isolated, like we are misfits, when it turns out it’s a pretty darn normal thing.

[@EmmaBrookeMusic]

It’s ok, you can tell me the truth - I’m beauty illiterate 😂

[@allureoffemininity1091]

I would want you to be my mentor

[@rrickrispir5808]

Hi Guys 😍💋 💝💖

[@lasagnekiller]

I thought you were like 21, no older than 24😭

[@elyssa_aesthetic]

Lol I get that alllllll the time and I’ll take it🙌🏻 I love my youthful beauty these days ✨