People Use Material Things as Pacifiers to Distract Themselves

Why people use possessions as pacifiers. Highlight from episode 416. Watch the entire Private Podcast episode: / theminimalists
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#TheMinimalists #Stuff #Clutter

[@TheMinimalists]

In what ways do you use stuff to pacify yourself?

[@sarahhunt2376]

I used to hoard all types of crafting materials, and I never ever used any of them. I found out later that I was piling up the unfinished projects to create a lot of "noise" in my head in order to drown out my reality. I couldn't face my trauma so a super long "to-do" list kept me distracted. It prevented me from facing reality, but it also prevented my healing. I had invited my friend to help me come and organize my crafts so I could finally (in my dreams) begin the crafting journey. When my number of projects covered two pages in my composition notebook, she told me that I had way too many things to do, and that no one could possibly get all of it done. I realized right then what I had been doing. We ended up cleaning out ALL of my craft stuff and tossing or selling it. I have to watch myself because in a weird way, I was actually hoarding TASKS, not stuff. I have to be careful because I will procrastinate purposefully on everyday tasks (like cleaning or taking out the trash) in order to have the head noise. Who knew you could psychologically hoard tasks as a coping mechanism? This fact could open a whole new perspective into why we keep so much stuff... Perhaps collecting large amounts of items create a to do list as a means to distract our attention from the painful things and keep us numb...

[@loripalmer7025]

Scrolling social media, eating comfort food. Oof

[@marywiggins7411]

Food, fabric (not giving it up), videos, craft supplies, etc

[@sheriearl]

@sarahhunt2376 thank you for your post! It made me realize I keep a never ending task list of things I really don’t need or want to get done but it keeps me distracted from my feelings.

[@minimalistsmanaged]

For me it definitely used to be clothes buying to de-stress during my work lunch breaks 😅 I used to work in the heart of the city and would venture out to look at clothes every single day. I'd bring home new items every week until it just got the point of being overwhelming (and my wardrobe literally breaking lol). Escaping into new clothes and fashion was definitely my unhealthy way of coping with lifes stressors for far too long. But then I found Minimalism and it completely changed my life for the better ❤ Funny how life also started to feel less overwhelming when I had less and 'stuff' to manage. Plus I started to have more free time and my wallet also thanked me 😅 Yay for Minimalism, I'm never (ever!) turning back ❤

[@Lifeisbeautiful-ri2tb]

My pacifier used to be going to bars after work or meeting up with friends to buy things at the mall. But these past couple of years, I have started to feel more comfortable spending time by myself and now I am completely comfortable eating out by myself and going to the movies by myself. I have realized I was pacifying myself because I was scared to do the stuff I wanted to do by myself so I went along with what others wanted to do. I will still occasionally go and get drinks with friends or browse in a mall a couple of times a year but those are no longer weekly activities. I was so scared of doing stuff alone and even now I do still pacify myself by scrolling. Great to see the three of you together! It is amazing to see Ryan in person!

[@bjh823]

I just love your podcasts and KZbin videos! After listening to so many so often on a regular basis, you all have helped me change the way I look at things! Literally. Thank you so much! Please keep up the amazing advice and honesty you all give 🌻

[@AkS143joyful]

Oh wow! Complaining That is so true! Thank you. Showing gratitude is something I can continue to work on as a minimalist

[@franmcdonald4702]

So Relevant! Thanks ❤

[@nmartin5551]

Wow. Talking about using complaining as a pacifier. Reminds me of the INCEL movement. Sadly these people have lack of social skills and engagement, and then they build a world of complaining about Chad and Stacey with other people with the same lacking, and some actually move to homicidal action. Great video and topic.

[@harshjc1319]

You'll are doing an incredible job guys, really love the content you'll put out, you'll are very amazing💙💙💙,thank you for doing what you'll do,lots and lots of loveee and support from my side😇😇😇😁.

[@FisherOfMen705]

Not sure if this is minimalists advice or a comedy show but it's great either way!😂

[@karenstough8708]

Aww, this is so good, you guys!

[@arthurgalley]

Great video , don’t know if you’ve got this before but Ryan looks identical to footballer Carles Puyol

[@KITTEEKAT]

Love the pacifier metaphor

[@AkS143joyful]

Oh How I love TK!… just clarifying:)

[@cassandraknight8804]

Good point on vent complaining

[@whegotsa8874]

7:53

[@marywiggins7411]

I never thought about complaining!! Hmmm Interesting.

[@sandysmom100]

This is great ! Made me laugh ! But this is greet so true ! Happened to me as well ! Unpack , decisions , ect ! Then I gave away a little to much ! But I feel so free !

[@lillithtitania]

I notice you mention social media frequently in negative light, as well as streaming services. Yet you use all of these thing to promote your business. How do you negotiate your negotiate ideation regarding social media/streaming while using it? Also - pacifiers are more often than not publicly acceptable - such as wellness meaning that going to the gym , "clean" eating and such are positively reinforced. Where as drinking, television, gaming are all negatively reinforced. The gym can be a pacificer and gaming could not be, and its dangerous to not recognise that for yourself.

[@nmartin5551]

My reading of what they are saying is when these activities on things (gaming, social media, etc) are done to the point that they hamper health, social health, mental health, they are unhealthy pacifiers. So really to excess. If you drank a beer a day, that’s one thing. If you drink from the time you come home until you go to bed, that is another. Likewise some gaming is okay. Some social media is okay. But if it destroys/prevents everything but things that life makes us do, then they become pathological. Around 6:10 is when this is discussed.

[@lisahinkofer2085]

Cape May New Jersey

[@annabea7692]

I clicked on this thinking they landed Jonathan Roumie as a guest.

[@shirleyburnham2782]

Scrolling

[@Iquey]

We getting a little bit kinky this episode lol. Pacifiers ate part of raver fashion too because ppl using Ecstasy or Molly would grind their teeth. Even after the drugs though it just became a fashion thing for ravers to look like weird dance babies.

[@PrestoJacobson]

Mmm, adult baby.

[@Bawkr]

KZbin. . .

[@Anna-jr8dz]

Masaiah is a great show

[@nicola3077]

QUESTION.split up from fiancee who was awful.I haveanafed to have no contact for last 10 months or so...but am thinking about a box of lifetime Xmas special decorations which I purposefully left there as felt I hate Xmas due to broken relationships (!) He also asked to keep a large mirror as he liked it.(it was my Nans) now I think why did I do this!!please advise

[@lourdesangulo413]

With all respect, just do what you deeply feel you want. Not as an strategy to get in touch again, or with expectations, or with anger. Just, listening to you. But most important: not putting in objects those deep emotions we all have. It's an object, a material thing. And if I simply want it for any reason, see it as what it just is. Or let it go. ❤ All my love.

[@nicola3077]

That's the problem...I can't work out if they are valuable to me or not...also I feel like he doesn't deserve to be having them...BUT ..it would mean I have to get in touch with him and find out what he is up to and I could risk getting deeply hurt after months of healing (and I am still very very delicate)..

[@lourdesangulo413]

@@nicola3077 if you deeply want those 2 items because means just pampering yourself or you just freely want them, ask someone to call him & pick them up for you. If giving up any of those 2 items are an expression of anger (specially letting him keep the mirror 'cause you really don't want it), that's another thing. Items are just material things. You might want or need them, or you might not. Seeing them as "thoughts" and "emotions" is something different. If you want, you can release thoughts and emotions you don't need anymore. Listen to your heart and intuition. ❤️✨

[@nicola3077]

I like that...letting go of the thoughts and emotions that they represent 👌The mirror being left behind makes me feel like I have deserted my Nan who didn't have much..and yet I allowed him to keep it so I feel like I've disregarded my ancestry 😔(I have no family )yet ITS JUST A PINE FRAMED LARHE SQUARE MIRROR!!!The Xmas decs...well they are just a lifetime of sentimental special decorations I've collected ally adult life...yet they represent all my broken relationships and lost family so I think this is why I left it behind as I felt so sad and hurt at the time about the cards life has dealt me...is it ok to let these go?they were all beautiful items yet they will only remind me of these past times so best to have nothing and start afresh or just be free of them

[@lourdesangulo413]

@@nicola3077 You had all the answers. 😊😊😊 Whatever bring you peace..., that's the way. ❤️ Much LOVE.

[@kjoy2215]

Omg the girl in the background laughing ridiculously loud over mediocre jokes is kind of sad….

[@Ikr2025]

The crazy laughing in the background is irritating.

[@MasterPuppets206]

Cape May, not Cape Maine

[@TheHessHomestead]

Came to see if there was another fellow south jersey person who knew it was Cape May😂

[@MasterPuppets206]

@@TheHessHomestead I'm from North Jersey 😜

[@TheHessHomestead]

@@MasterPuppets206 👀👀 but at least you know of cape may 😂

[@d.r.martin6301]

My theory is (he looks in mirror) that buying stuff beyond what one needs to live decently (food, shelter, clothing, healthcare, tools of one's trade) is an attempt to buy immortality. "If I have a Tesla I shall never die!"

[@JoeJoe-gq5ff]

The loud laughing lady was very annoying

[@martha4136]

The loud female laughing, very abrasive.

[@JDGuitar82]

Aww I like the laughing female.

[@Sobermama927]

She actually made me really happy

[@jainthorne4136]

I loved it. Genuine and heartfelt laughter makes me happy.

[@AdamFlowersSMGuru]

That’s Malibama 😊

[@sylvee2]

She sounds crazy

[@angelikabronner1220]

Waht about exercise or a nice walk are these pacifiers

[@JDGuitar82]

No, definiely not.

[@Sobermama927]

Uhm no lol

[@Mel-su4uq]

If done in excess (like anything), yes it definitely can be

[@alamedadanceparty]

I think if it’s healthy and brings you value and you aren’t using it in a n extreme way that harms you, it’s surely fine.

[@lilacandme8234]

Buying, scrolling phone

[@juliazwainz1099]

The way to not feel bad each day is to be cleansed from all sin by coming to God the Father through Jesus Christ❤❤❤