Perfectionism and the Autism Mask

I've spent my whole life trying to get it right and working to reduce any ways in which I might be seen as less than perfect. I'm terrified of being thought of as less than, and its wearing me out. I can't sustain this and I don't want to anymore. Seeing my perfectionism through the lens of autism is highlighting a lot of things for me that I had not realised before. I've realised its a fear response and that it has consumed far too much of me. But who am I if I'm not trying to be perfect all the time?
Thank you so much for watching these videos. Apologies for the subtitles mix up at times, I'm still figuring this out.

[@cherrymayo2998]

Yeah. Perfectionism as a shield… to avoid people finding out what a weird, imperfect failure you are. I can relate to all that as well as to not really knowing how to “be” without it.❤

[@j-ivey]

I am in my 40s and I've recently been diagnosed with ASD. But she also diagnosed me with OCD, and that had never even been on my radar. Now I see how much the OCD drives my perfectionism. I also see how much perfectionism is driven by autistic masking and the desire to appear normal. Thanks for your video!

[@Hermitthecog]

Perfectionism is an autistic survival technique we learn in childhood i.e. "good" kids do their homework and behave themselves; but for us it is still just part of the mask, of being a good "typical" person. There is a Butoh exercise that cuts directly to this: while standing, let your legs go limp and begin to collapse beneath you, but then catch yourself. It sounds simple but for an autistic person it can be overwhelming to confront both "modes" simultaneously.

[@rebeccalowe4714]

As "the good child" of a demanding parent, I understand perfectionism as a survival technique. I still hate it when its clear I have disappointed someone, especially someone whose respect I value and want. BUT: once I realized that I am not perfect and never will be (though its okay to do my best when I can), and that the people that love me will continue to love and forgive me even when I screw up, it has become easier to forgive myself when I screw up. It is true that vulnerability shared in a culture of love, respect and forgiveness leads to a happier life.

[@simolator]

I would argue that women may tend more towards perfectionism because of the stringent standards they are held to as well as society's tendency to presume incompetence ... with the disclaimer that all genders experience perfectionism.

[@tracirex]

when we exhaust all of our energy trying to mask and be perfect, we will finally be able to wear grandpa pants and not care about what people think, but its probably better to get some balance before we crash and burn