Player One Punches DM For Being Terrible || D&D Story

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[@brun0caesar391]

- Knows the group is formed by awful people that despises you - Joins the group anyway

[@injetavel279]

- And after the disaster goes out for drinks with the same group

[@jamiekamihachi3135]

Yeah I feel like I missed something. How did OP end up with these losers?

[@filthiman]

@@jamiekamihachi3135 in the military?

[@namoma4922]

I m guessing either their boss is awful enough that hating on him is worth it, or he really has no other option/is bored to death/lonely/need DND i. His life

[@jordanjohnson7519]

Don't even believe this happened

[@kaaghalaa]

When even the OP describes themselves as a person nobody likes because they don't give a 'fork' about what anyone thinks of them... I don't think I wanna be near any of these people tbh

[@mcgrewism]

I know, right? Immediately that implies OP's just telling it in a way to seem the most reasonable person when it's likely the opposite.

[@WobblesandBean]

Yeeeaaaahhh, the whole lot sounds kinda insufferable tbh

[@osi3191]

I got a sour feeling from that too. I feel like they were equally (whether internally or externally) problematic at that table as well.

[@fistfullofglass]

Reminds me of the Ross stories, OP stroking himself too much for me to buy the story

[@WiiTara]

Well judging from what behaviour OP describes he got from other people towards him, I d guess it was some kind of coping or defensive mechanism after being fed up with being abused by others

[@OutsideGalaxy]

This entire group of people sounds awful honestly. If you had told me these were like thirteen-year-olds I might accept it but adults? Really?

[@zombieslayer2016]

Welcome to the military wit where do you think all the douchebro kids in high school end up after they graduate

[@mugiwarated6319]

@@zombieslayer2016 Well that’s an incredibly unfair and untrue generalization.

[@zombieslayer2016]

@@mugiwarated6319 you know what that's fair maybe I should lower that down to about 25 to 50% of the douche bro kid population the rest become college frat boys

[@mugiwarated6319]

@@zombieslayer2016 People love to stereotype the D&D community as a bunch of creepy incel guys and a few misfit girls that can’t fit in elsewhere. Do you think that’s fair? I don’t know you or your experiences but you seem to be turning them into broad generalizations about people as a whole. Any large group is going to have shitty people, and the shitty people tend to draw the most attention. Maybe you’re young, I don’t know. School age kids tend to amplify their worst qualities. Most of them eventually grow up. Some don’t.

[@zombieslayer2016]

@@mugiwarated6319 I was never saying the military was entirely consisting of douchebros just that it is usually those people gravitate towards that career

[@CMUShawna]

I feel like OP could have cut the first 9 minutes of this story and put in "My DM was a dick to me but when I stopped reacting, he targeted a bigger more aggressive player" - no one seems chill in this group.

[@Elvalley]

Those first 9 minutes work less like needed context to understand the last part and more like context needed to know this story wasn't going to feel well even if it ended "well" (by the OP standard)

[@CrowePerch]

I like how the DM immediately tries for a sucker punch after nearly being full nelsoned to unconsciousness by Gato. Like what did you think was going to happen bro?

[@jrepra]

He fudged around. He found out. Man, people sure hate facing the consequences of their own actions.

[@Adraeth]

Not really surprising reaction from someone so inclined to consider he's above any consequences just because he says so, tbh...

[@MidwayWuzzupman]

Yeah honestly he asked for it the moment he tried to sucker punch the dude.

[@jrepra]

@@MidwayWuzzupman he asked for it when he started picking on people and thinking himself above them and reproach. He cemented that fact when he tried to sucker punch someone who would have let them off easy.

[@Ahcoolmanfartnoise]

Lol. You can't go unconscious from a full nelson. 🤣🤣

[@Im.A1ex]

Everyone in this story, OP included, sound like miserable people. The fact that they are in the military and are (presumably) allowed to handle weapons is borderline scary.

[@alejandrobotero8725]

Common among a plurality of the enlisted. We have training, we have duty, we have maintenance and the average today is that most people aren't instilled with any disciplined habits, and 2-3 months of Basic can only do so much. Hair-brained frat boys, maybe a third of who can get their stuff together in time for work hours. That's the military. And it gets harder every year to get the less functional people out before they screw up and/or hurt somebody....or themselves

[@littlemoth4956]

@@alejandrobotero8725 Good god, the idea of these kids having weapons is scary as shit

[@nobodybroda3826]

@@alejandrobotero8725 How long you been in?

[@alejandrobotero8725]

@@nobodybroda3826 10 years and some change. Got out February of 2020

[@nobodybroda3826]

@@alejandrobotero8725 Respectable, 5 years so far for myself. Maintenance certainly has its...characters but most folks, even the softies, just need a good mentor to learn em a thing or two, they got good gumption but military and maintenance life can really make a dirtbag outta anyone.

[@Wbfuhn]

The moment I heard "military" it made more sense.

[@WobblesandBean]

Lol Yuuuuuuuup. Everybody worships military types but nine times out of ten, every last military man I've ever met was a raging AH.

[@Wbfuhn]

@@WobblesandBean I've met some good veterans who improved after being discharged. Men who were serious and treated others as bros.

[@Gala-yp8nx]

In my experience the nice ones tend to be in the Air Force or Navy.

[@unluckyone1655]

Yup, definitely a bunch of barracks bros

[@wyattlohr8199]

My big brother has had to deal with a superior officer in the army that was a straight up duck

[@gorvarhadgarson5227]

Classic case of No DnD is better than Bad DnD. Parties can make fun of each other but this is a team game! Why would your character party up with the others if the others do this constantly?

[@jeroen92]

Because these stories are 99% fake and exaggerated. You really think the DM would grab a players phone and start taking images of their genitals? And that after that it turned into a tavern brawl?

[@gorvarhadgarson5227]

@@jeroen92 I mean take it with a graint of salt sure but having know military dudes...yeah, I can buy it.

[@derangel9143]

@@jeroen92 Yes, yes, I do believe someone would do that. You're rather lucky to never have run into people like that in real life.

[@SirKenney]

Tbh I kinda had something like that where we were all supposed to be on the good spectrum side and yet immediately they attacked guards for no reason and stole from the place and I was like why would my character wanna be apart of this especially since one of them stole from me too

[@JohnBrown-wk4io]

@@jeroen92 sadly yes I've been around idiots like this. Someone does something stupid to a large guy with anger issues & violence ensues.

[@SupaDanteX]

Me at the start of the story: Oh neat they play D&D even in the military. Me in the middle of the story: Oh yea, the people in the military are still people in the military.

[@lulolie]

Yup people pf all stripes can play and enjoy...... *all* stripes....

[@darkwolf860]

Yes they do, and my group had a great time of it as well. The military is full of people and people can be dicks. Doesn't make everyone in the military a pos as you're implying.

[@NoodleGoblin]

All of these people, OP included, just sound bad....like super passive aggressive and petty

[@skylarjune1635]

Exactly, all of these people sound insufferable. They sound like middle school boys who haven’t developed self awareness yet, from the “I’m weird so people don’t like me”, to the constant trying to get a reaction from each other, to the completely unnecessary violence

[@kratkartan1486]

That's the military for you.

[@vincejester7558]

PASSIVE ??? Agressive? More like MEGA agressive.

[@thehillisalive]

I have never heard a more *cursed* euphemism than "purple-headed yogurt spewer"

[@nucleargoofball8043]

I prefer "Purple Helmet Warrior"

[@injetavel279]

Hairy goomba

[@nucleargoofball8043]

@@injetavel279 It dies if you step on it

[@thehillisalive]

@@injetavel279 why must you hurt me this way

[@Elvalley]

damn. I clocked out on that part because it was still the intro. Now I know what I failed to properly hear and profoundly lament having gone to the comments.

[@geluf4000]

“Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.” - Conan the Cimmerian

[@stevie_ily]

If the op hadn't stated at the beginning that this took place in the military I would have assumed this was high school. The skinny nerd playing DND watches as the big angry jock beats up the fat nerd.

[@NoESanity]

you must have forgotten that 2/3rds of the military are still in high school when they enlist.

[@brendansdnd1726]

Literally every person here sounds like a PoS in real life, even OP. It's weird to think that the "Chad alpha male" Gato is the most likeable person here (for me at least) and he also seems like a bad dude.

[@littlemoth4956]

The chad here is the damn furry lmao I think that says a lot about OP and the people he hangs around

[@dylandugan76]

Some people have never gotten a good punch in the face and it really shows.

[@Razagul319]

First time i got my wind knocked out of me, really opened my eyes. Just lied on the floor trying to breathe and just gasping for air like a fish thinking i was about to die while my friends were laughing. You watch fight club once in college and next thing you know...

[@sleepinggorilla]

This explains the “Karen” phenomena. Not enough punches given in their youth.

[@colinsanders9397]

It really is a life changing experience. When you realize that other people are just one punch away from rearranging your teeth. Another one is when you realize that you can also rearrange teeth.

[@davidegaruti2582]

@@sleepinggorilla no , just show them CONSEQUENCES , violence isn't the solution , taking things away on the other hand ...

[@Razagul319]

@@davidegaruti2582 you got to have a healthy balance in all aspects of your lives. Take away one bit and you grow up warped. We label one thing as "never" a solution, and then wonder why our society keeps just tilting.

[@CA-hr8eo]

I'm so glad these people are allowed near weapons...

[@HitPeace]

Believe me, they aren't infantry.

[@hugofontes5708]

@@HitPeace legit ignorant foreign civilian question: even if they aren't, they get absolutely zero weapons? I've heard of worse civilians with weapons

[@Ars-Nova258]

“Somebody throws a punch = OMG THINK ABOUT IF THEY HAD A GUN!!!” It’s this line of logic that leads to places in the UK banning knives and ironically increasing the rate of knife crime…

[@CA-hr8eo]

@@Ars-Nova258 you misunderstand, these are people who are in the Military as the story claims That's what bothers me, the level of immaturity on all sides being shown from people who are supposed to.be responsible and level headed in tough situations

[@CA-hr8eo]

Sorry I think military people should.be held to a higher standard of humanity my Bad lol

[@15oClock]

Let this be a lesson about building a friendship with those you would otherwise hate because you all hate one person.

[@NihlusN7]

"seek the enemy of your enemy and you will find a friend... But not always"

[@SapphWolf]

@@NihlusN7 "The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. Nothing more. Nothing less."

[@erykrejner2528]

This behavior... I've meet it ony when I was a kid seeing other kids that did crap onto others but had a fit if anything of the sort was even joked to be made to them... Hearing about an adult like that? Geez... how much of a fuckup the parents must have been...

[@StevenMichaelCunningham]

Known as perverted psyches. We lack facilitation no less yet there is slaughter-housing at all still..

[@Jebbtube]

I'm trying to find a group for D&D, but if this was the only group I had to play with, I'd just not play.

[@mikesully52]

Check Reddit, most places have a local subreddit for DND group finding.

[@Zulk_RS]

Yeah. I think I'd just play alone at that point.

[@medude420024]

No dnd is better than bad dnd

[@jadedoptimistt]

Good.

[@Elvalley]

@@medude420024 Beyond even that, no DnD is better than a terrible social environment.

[@Darkeus1]

Remember, no D&D is better than bad D&D...

[@dynamicworlds1]

Absolutely

[@Boosttackle]

No doubt bro

[@codegiver60]

I would be so pissed if someone violated my phone like that, I mean I put my phone to my face on the regular....

[@kcollier2192]

Aw yes- consequences. It's never wise to poke the bear- most of them aren't friendly like Yogi ...

[@jackmack4181]

Why are those people always surprised when the bear is going to kill them when they wake it up

[@thatrandomcrit5823]

Bull Bear Bear Bull

[@BlazingKhioneus]

Its so wierd how they think shifting targets from toothpick to the wall on a whim is ever a good idea. They know toothpick couldnt hurt them because, well, hes a toothpick, but you go up against the guy who could drop you in 1 move AND THEN dont accept him sparing you after he held back on you.

[@jorgehuertas3995]

Where are the stories of delusional cat girls trying to frick the DM? Miss those

[@LaLloronaVT]

That video alone could’ve been a damn anime harem plot lol

[@osets2117]

@@LaLloronaVT I second this notion, or you could watch "don't mess with me miss nagitoro" probably spelled that wrong

[@AdamJorgensen]

@@LaLloronaVT I can't wait for the real release :-)

[@R3GARnator]

@@osets2117 She wears a catgirl outfit ya know.

[@michaelmorton5698]

@@LaLloronaVT A bad one, given the "actress's" pathetic attempt at seduction and then hissing at the guy when he rejected her advances.

[@runtergerutscht4401]

0:31 As a german and on behalf of all germans I would like to say that I am delighted with the way you butchered Schadenfreude

[@osets2117]

Making jokes at anothers expense if I'm not mistaken (potentially oversimplified definition)

[@Gala-yp8nx]

I can’t think of a more German word than schadenfreude.

[@thegreatstoneddragon9432]

This story is a good example of a backpfeifengesicht.

[@chapter8657]

@@thegreatstoneddragon9432 Find ich interessant was für Typen im Militär rumlaufen. Wenn einer von denen bei uns in der Einheit sowas abziehen würde, oh Junge

[@Weretyu7777]

@@thegreatstoneddragon9432 Isn't that the word that means something like "a face made to be punched" or something like that? Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

[@Supanappa]

Did he really just name his tabaxi "Cat" in spanish? XD

[@Cel3ere5]

Sí.

[@TheEvilGaidin]

When did they allow preschoolers in the military?

[@Belphegorite]

Since ever.

[@daviddaugherty2816]

Yeah, I'm military and let me tell you, *none* of this surprises me.

[@RPSpartan117]

Not uncommon at all 🤣 lol

[@osets2117]

When did the first military get created?

[@luthor24127]

Since when are you an expert of how military men act, fam. This is completely normal.

[@MarquisLeary34]

Wowww, a party of lovable scamps like this, how could it NOT succeed?

[@etsybarney]

Sarcasm is written all over this.

[@MarquisLeary34]

@@etsybarney Shoulda added the /s part.

[@etsybarney]

@@MarquisLeary34 Perhaps.

[@michaelmiller2418]

These guys worked on a military base... so yeah...

[@monsunoguy19]

Of course they did

[@StevenMichaelCunningham]

So, Yeah? Next.

[@osets2117]

There are plenty of people that work on military bases

[@monsunoguy19]

@@osets2117 The last time an rpghorrorstory was covered in a military base on this channel it didn't bode well in the slightest.

[@R3GARnator]

They sound like typical marines to me.

[@steel8231]

I gotta wonder why the player didn't quit earlier if the DM and most of the party hate him with the DM being this sadistic.

[@Abadhan]

It really does seem strange

[@myname9130]

Because this story never happened lol

[@Mishomish0]

I heard this story twice... Can be abbreviated to DM takes pic of anus with a player's phone, gets knocked out. Everyone in this story seems terrible.

[@ukotoa1639]

Remember kids, sometimes violence is the answer

[@saturn6784]

No, it's the question. The answer is yes.

[@TheHeroOfTomorrow]

@@saturn6784 Was literally about to reply that lol

[@bigboi8743]

@@saturn6784 I’m constantly hearing this and that isn’t true. Violence is an action, and actions are required

[@veryangryduckpl2122]

@@bigboi8743 Violence is a life style.

[@Eckef]

@@veryangryduckpl2122 A very true fact of life

[@communitypoopsock79]

I’ll never understand why people stick around when they are having a bad time.

[@NoESanity]

it being a crime to leave the building makes you put up with a lot more bullshit inside of the building.

[@jacavaloncross6744]

"Avoiding all the fluff" -Literally describes how he's always been a fan, the past games he's played, how this is his first time playing DND, how he was in the military

[@Davtwan]

Please tell me none of them are in a high rank on the military. That DM really doesn’t deserve to be higher than cannon fodder considering a KO punch _still_ hasn’t taught him the lesson he needs to learn.

[@nomisunrider6472]

The military is at least 3/4ths support staff. There's a good chance none of them are active combatants.

[@Elzzaw]

@@nomisunrider6472 Especially with a large beer gut.

[@osets2117]

Sounds more like they're reserve or national guard

[@unluckyone1655]

Unfortunately i have seen too many NCOs who clearly got their rank based on who they know and knowing who to kiss up to. These types tend to be horrible to their soldiers and shit leaders in general, but know how to magically keep face around the right people. Now, keep in mind, i said some, not all

[@vfa-2126]

@@Elzzaw Sounds like a FOBBIT to me.

[@MichaelB-jw5po]

"I'm weird and I don't care what anyone thinks" "I have an unusual sense of empathy for dragons, undead, and constructs" Yeah, this OP is definitely 'that guy'

[@Psyrens]

Nah

[@ranmikisudia426]

I dont think he's a that guy. Just extremly immature. As is the rest of the party

[@Nofixdahdress]

Probably less 'that guy' and more 'on the spectrum.' I've had a few friends with autism/Asperger's throughout the years and have heard those phrases almost verbatim multiple times.

[@barnoldwhv]

Yeah, major red flags

[@epmcgee]

"far from the mature option" and yet the DM started the scuffle, Gato's player gave him the opportunity to calm down while restraining him. Then tried to sucker punch him, and defending himself isn't mature? Okay xD

[@zombieslayer2016]

He was probably referring to the fact that it got physical in the first place. And I'm still going to disagree with him on that one cuz the way this guy was acting the "mature" option was never going to work any complaints or criticism thrown at him would probably just been brushed off

[@MenxiGoblinQueen]

not too often that "it's what my character would do" mentality woulf show up outside of the game instead in it, but as we saw, we know how that song and dance goes

[@smugscylla4481]

Silence goblin

[@Exaltable]

Man just hearing “child character” being included in a campaign is like an automatic red flag for a horror story about to happen.

[@PaladinGear15]

Child character isn't so bad... until the person playing the child character decides he wants to dress her up in bondage gear and make her a pregnant hermaphrodite. (literally happened in one of my games, we ended up kicking him)

[@DixonAsses]

Yeah, that sounds like every Military guy I’ve ever worked with

[@blasterboy123456]

This reads like a Beavis and Butthead skit

[@R3GARnator]

Same intelligence level.

[@R3GARnator]

I love how so many people are surprised that this is typical soldier behavior.

[@Khether0001]

it's so funny: until the actual physical part it felt like they were (somehow) playing DnD in prison!

[@TigerKirby215]

This DM is literally King Candy from Wreck it Ralph. He does everything in his power to antagonize other people but the moment someone raises a fist towards him "Hey you wouldn't hit a guy with glasses would you?" Just to immediately hit them back when their back is turned.

[@QuixoteBadger]

I don't normally advocate for violence, but...

[@ShitpostingJoJo]

Oh, but I Do. •

[@QuixoteBadger]

@@ShitpostingJoJo Only you can prevent forest fires! Not me, I actively cause them. But you can!

[@thegreatstoneddragon9432]

I do not condone real world violence. I do, however, find it hilarious.

[@R3GARnator]

Bullies love pacifists, the best way to make a bully stop is violence. They're cowards at heart.

[@QuixoteBadger]

@@R3GARnator I wish I could talk this point down... but the truth is that the only way I was ever able get a bully to stop is by breaking their nose and making them question their own mortality. Made some of my best friends by getting in to fights... Humans are strange.

[@cloverdeityhearted8729]

"on the other waffle" please just tell the story like normal

[@zombieslayer2016]

The stupid attempts at censoring and quirky sayings were getting a little annoying

[@etsybarney]

The only acceptable reason, in my opinion, to say that is if your hands are quite literally waffles.

[@beholder9]

Even though I was assigned to HHC, I worked for a Military Intelligence battalion for a time. This describes them completely and what it was like to work with them.

[@daffadilly]

always nice to have these videos to watch. we had a particularly disastrous session yesterday that soured me and the rest of our player's moods. at least this player's revenge can help me cope with wanting to leave our campaign.

[@notsomagiceightball8525]

Leave the campaign if you want to dude

[@daffadilly]

@@notsomagiceightball8525 trust me after yesterday, there’s one foot out the door. Already talked to my DM about it yesterday after session. Going to think about my final decision today and let him either know later today or tomorrow. The decision is more so one I don’t want to have to make because our DM is a close friend. But, I will see how it goes. Just don’t want to make my whole holiday weekend about it ya know?

[@WobblesandBean]

Me too. My DM did a TPK on just the second ever session. Said at the end "you were supposed to stealth through the entire dungeon!" Ok first off, NO PARTY IN THE HISTORY OF EVER HAS OPTED TO ALL STEALTH AN ENTIRE DUNGEON UNLESS GIVEN SPECIFIC WARNINGS TO DO SO. We were given none. We just were supposed to look at a giant glittering golden temple patrolled by spiders who flocked to any single sound they heard and go "yup, we clearly need to stealth our way through this, it'll totally work". Then he threw the end game final Big Bad at us who was level 16 while we were level 4, and refused to accept any of our neogotiations no matter how high we rolled. I'm fairly sure he just pulled the entire encounter out of thin air to punish us for not reading his mind and playing exactly the way he wanted us to.

[@daffadilly]

@@WobblesandBean man the feeling is too real. We had a similar situation. To preface, I have played DND a total of 8 sessions now, that’s it. I’m a very new player. We are playing Curse of Strahd, which is supposed to be harder (?). Anyway, up until this point, combat has been challenging but it’s always felt like there’s a chance to win. And we have survived and us players are working hard with teamwork to beat the enemies. Yesterday, while traveling, we rolled a random encounter that ended up being 11 wolves. We are 4 level four players, but seeing 11 wolves as a new player, I really had no concept on how difficult it would be. We also had already had a decently serious encounter right before this happened too. Needless to say, we were being basically mobbed to death by swarms of wolves. I honestly think we could’ve managed to kill the wolves, despite the difficulty. But I guess our DM decided the encounter wasn’t hard enough in the middle of it (we were already having a really frustrating time with the wolves). He said that a displacer beast leaps out of the woods and now we had it to fight too. This beast enemy hit our fighter for 26 points in one hit and downed him in that one hit. Unfortunately, I as my cleric went down too, and then our rogue, leaving only our warlock. Our DM fumbled around making up rules that if we did a medicine check it would heal us to 1 hp so we would be up (I know this isn’t how it’s meant to work), and other weird rule changes. In reality, we kind of accepted it was a TPK and no one really seemed interested in the game anymore. Our DM made up that an emissary from my clerics god revived her so we could eventually but just barely beat this encounter. The entire experience was so unfun and stressful to the point that no one seemed interested in role playing or doing anything after that fight. It made the rest of the session extremely unpleasant. I of course tried to talk to my DM about “hey, that wolf encounter really felt like it got out of hand. Is that what you were intending to happen etc?” And he just offered that “if we had better focused the wolves it wouldn’t have been so hard.” But I tried to explain that the real problem was the sheer amount of wolves that made it a problem because of something they have called pack tactics. Our DM breaking the rules to save the encounter made things very uncomfortable too. Now I have to roleplay the fact that Ilmater was somehow able to resurrect my character and now I’m not sure how to handle the fallout of this situation for my character. I feel bad for the way I feel because I have been enjoying this as my first campaign, but everything about last session just felt wrong. Edit: forgot to mention that our DM said we couldn’t flee from the wolves because they would pursue us anyway. Also, we had two npcs traveling with us that never made any attempt to join the battle or do anything. I assume he simply never planned for these companions to help fight but still they I guess just watched us being torn to pieces by wolves from our wagon 😢 after everything we have been through, Ismarck and Ireena, don’t just leave us to die.

[@ebertgameandstuff]

@@daffadilly yeah your dm made a couple of mistakes that can doom a couple of games, not balancing the encounter, deus ex machina to save the party which in turn kinda sucks bc you know you got saved when you should of died. It really does suck especially because you dm didn't admit he goofed up eve though he know he did. I mean c'mon medince checks your God coming to bail you out. I reccomend taking a bit of a break from you game just to let some of the emotions pass over dude then see if you still want to play or not

[@101Crock]

People like the DM need to find something to do with their lives, getting your laughs that way is just pathetic.

[@unluckyone1655]

Man, this story made me realize that i am so lucky to have found a bunch of great people to play TTRPGs with while i was in the Army. If i was stuck with a group like this and there was no other option, i probably would have sworn all TTRPGs off then and there

[@justicedunham4088]

The Dm is what we refer to as “that guy”. Don’t be “that guy”

[@pokemontraineralthur3130]

Waterdeep dragon heist is a fun scenario. I DMed and one of the players (goblin artificer) repaired the mechanical bird that Nim flew out of the window. Once they paid off the trollskull tavern debt they decided to turn it into a brothel, I sat there for twenty minutes whilst they talked about cost and services from the new brothel XD The goblin artificer ended up keeping lots of pets (flying serpents, mech bird, hawks) he was the member who managed to save the poltergeist in the tavern

[@TheSeventhChild]

*Settling in at 3am to listen to CritCrab as I go to sleep* CritCrab: "Purple headed yoghurt spewer"

[@Playerblu11]

Op should find new friends they're all clearly toxic

[@WobblesandBean]

He's in the military. Good luck finding a bunch that DON'T act like this.

[@mugiwarated6319]

@@WobblesandBean Hating on an entire group of people because of your own projected stereotypes is just so cool.

[@unluckyone1655]

Sadly though, finding friends that are interested in similar stuff, like ttrpg can be a daunting task when in the military, so if the only other people in your rp group are just "that guys" then you're probably either stuck w them or have to suck it up until you likely have to change units or duty stations.

[@vincejester7558]

OP made it clear he CAN'T make friends, unless they are dead or lizards.

[@littlemoth4956]

@@mugiwarated6319 You don't know shit about what you're talking about. Don't bother.

[@thegreenmanofnorwich]

Not sure this is real. If someone is knocked unconscious, especially if it's more than a couple of minutes, there is a substantial risk of brain damage

[@serenagilliland8503]

Im sure there was brain damage before the k.o.

[@thegreatstoneddragon9432]

That's assuming there was a brain to damage to begin with.

[@PaladinGear15]

I once had a DM who made it so almost everyone I tried to save (as a fighter who started off lawful good) either died a much more painful death soon after, or turned on us for literally no reason whatsoever. My character went from lawful good to true neutral, to chaotic evil because the constant death around him and psychological impact it would have drove him psychotically insane.

[@oniwolfin9589]

In personal experience in life and dnd, people are at their most irrationally angry when you don't react the way they expect or want.

[@Jodariel.]

"Oh, you feel emotions for something? Imma make you cry about it because i'm bad!" So damn pathetic. He got away with just a punch, bummer...a full fledge beating would've been better to teach the neckbeard a lesson.

[@cammycakesss]

us military member with empathy i never thought id see the day

[@sillyking1991]

ngl...this sounds fake, or at the very best suuuuuuuper freaking twisted by OP's own misconceptions. its not that it sounds unrealistic...its the included details. the OP setting themselves up as the perpetual victim...the way the OP tells us things they could only get from assumptions (like the motivations of the other players). it kinda feels more like a fantasy...possibly based on real events....idk. it feels like its almost entirely made up, or an extremely twisted version of events that actually happened.

[@yellowpower3755]

I really hope it is….

[@littlemoth4956]

It's abundantly obvious. I don't doubt this happened but it's hard to distinguish between what's true and what OP's delusions are.

[@Likynis]

Being a DM is not an easy job. It is thankless and it carries the risk of being forever stuck in that position. As a DM myself, I had my share of craving for play... but, there is no excuse for using that position to abuse your players in any shape or form. Sometimes, the best thing to do is just walk away but sometimes... you just have to 'convey the message'. Convey away!

[@risingdawn6510]

What was the gm thinking! Did he really expect to get away punching another guy after for something that really justifies it? Man he just broke a silent rule.

[@HighPhoenix1754]

Bro-codes are there for a reason. With men teaching other men what is acceptable and unacceptable in social situations. No man is above reproach, and we teach each other this so that we'll be more prepared for it once we get out of the group. This DM clearly has been living above reproach with little to no consequences for his actions. This was necessary.

[@spoonyluv19]

This is typical shenanigans for military guys back in the day. I had a group thay I played WoD with and they would make all kinds of crass jokes even though we had a group of men, women, and a surprise gay guy. (Which is a story in and of itself)

[@R3GARnator]

You should mail your story in here or All Things DnD

[@jessosiyoway]

~David Attenburough walks in "A rare group of that guys, collectively called a "those guys," have seated themselves in battle for the role of Alpha Douchicus. Let's see what they do..."

[@jacencade4019]

So I had to learn this just dealing with this type of people in general. You will be told "don't react", but if that doesn't work, you aren't less of a man or losing anything for walking away. Also, not caring what others think of you is not self respect. Self respect is knowing when to occupy space despite the challenges, as well as walking away on your own terms. Nobody likes a bully and when one won't leave you alone your going to have to stand up for yourself. The best way to irritate a bully is to refuse to let them get the satisfaction. For me I had to deal with these two dorks who thought they were tough but in reality were a couple of tools. They kept trying to gaslight light, criticizing my behavior. Telling me how to behave and just all kinds of manipulative crap. You know what i did. Showed them respect they didn't deserve. Changed nothing about how I behaved. Responded to their antagonizing on my terms. And most importantly ignored their opinions of me. I don't care what everyone thinks. Those who deserve respect don't have to ask for it. Those who are strong don't have to brag about it. Weak people cant stop comparing themselves to others. They can't stand by their convictions. They don't value themselves so they need to break someone else down to feel good about themselves. I was taught in various schools of martial arts to never throw first. It is a lifetime discipline, but sometimes it's more than deserved. When a bully keeps challenging you, trying to make you feel small so they can feel big, and thinks you're afraid. That's when it's acceptable to strike back. I've seen it many times. One punch, and the bully goes and cries to mommy. And his friends call him the pussy he is. But know, bullies are prideful because they hate themselves. They convince themselves of all kinds of altruistic crap. You make yourself tough. Not the small brains tough guys of the world who need someone to harass. My test was my marine brother who bullied me relentlessly went full force attacking me high as a kite, he had nothing to do with the combat arts I studied. He isn't the one who gave me the confidence to stand up for myself. All he did was make my life hell and be a giant pain. Not only did he fail to land a single blow on a civilian, he is broke and living in a trailer while my life only continues to get better. I got a new job, new friends, a good place to live, and most importantly my self respect. I fought a marine to a draw. He can't even fill out a job application. Whose the coward?

[@doktorphlog2143]

Tom the Cat, Fingerbang the Wizard, and Billy from the grim adventures of Billy an mandy...

[@Tasfarel]

2 Minutes in and i thought to myself: A bunch of guys who don´t like OP very much and Op returns the feeling - what could possible go wrong? Hitting a guy because took some pictures with another ones phone for a joke? Common. These guys have real issues and the fact that they are serving in the military makes me quite uncomfortable. Sure this gm overstepped quite some bounderies but i got the impression that OP was just looking for cases that might become an issue. I´m not going to victim shame here but when is there an good outcome in such a scenario whre i wanna spend time with people you don´t like me and will try to get me all the time?

[@bigian4649]

Hold on it was the guy who's phone got messed with that punched the guys who messed with it, not someone else's phone. They gave this guy some unsolicited nudes. Essentially they flashed him. In person. No shock it led to violence. I agree I wouldn't much enjoy playing with these people but it's not because of the guy who got harassed.

[@master_chad6927]

Dude ive been watching your videos on a road trip and have made it much more enjoyable keep it up

[@smkfet]

Never leave someone unconscious they might not wake back up

[@nomisunrider6472]

Normally I would say this is too far out of the ordinary but the military is just like that.

[@LoneKuroRaifu]

Yet you were ok with the halfling treating that cleric like crap in that other story?

[@Wolf-up9hp]

This story sounds very much like a fan fiction. If a person is ko after one hit you shouldn't get a beer but a paramedic.

[@Felondail]

The DM is that one guy in the group that says he’s gonna catch the arrow coming at him and rolls a nat 1. Case in point, he lost his saving throw on that fight 😂

[@RunningWithRoses]

>I have an unusual sense of empathy Thats not empathy, thats called lacking the ability to distinguish between fantasy and reality. I've gotten literal death threats from a kid like this before, because their horse got shot by bandits in an ambush. Id wager my money on him being far more socially awkward and bizarre than he lets on. also, the DM is also in the military, on an active base, and has a large beer gut and isn't athletic? yeah....sure

[@etsybarney]

I mean, I have even had a somewhat level of empathy for fictional creatures, but that is just what they are, fictional creatures.

[@RunningWithRoses]

@@etsybarney exactly. I get the sense that this guy goes a bit...further

[@pwnorbepwned]

This feels so much like there’s another side to this story. The way OP described DM trying to basically defend himself from being assaulted was borderline abusive. It could so easily be that the big guy was a bully DM and the other guy were trying to get back at, and them making OP uncomfortable could have been in response to things he’d said or did, which he alluded to at the beginning when he described not caring what people think of him. He glossed over what it is about him that makes people treat them that way, maybe he says some really insensitive stuff that he conveniently left out. For real though, I wouldn’t be playing devil’s advocate like this if it weren’t for that part with the punching at the end. Like, that was disgusting what the DM and other guy had done to the other dude’s phone, and maybe they deserved getting punch, but it’s the way that OP described it as if the escalation of that violence was DM’s fault for defending himself and not allowing the initial violence to happen without interruption that sounded a little...well, victim-blaming. Doesn’t take to much to imagine what sort of things OP says that would prompt people to treat him the way they do. They could very well have been making a genuinely unpleasant individual not want to play in their game anymore.

[@VernulaUtUmbra]

I feel like you're reading too into it; from the sounds of it, the guy who got his phone violated was just going to smack them on the arm, but the DM couldn't handle the comeuppance for what he had done. That sounds more like bullying behavior than the guy who smacked them in the arm; anything he does is justified, but you can't touch him. The entire group sounds terrible to play with, but if anyone sounds like the bully here, it's the DM. Though we do only have the OPs side of the story.

[@alexc3337]

What the dm did was sexual harassment

[@silverschmid4591]

nah, the dm definitely deserved it for being the sadistic piece of shit he was. op definitely got his own issues, but calling him abusive ain't it.

[@NarwhalEntertainment]

Been binging watching almost non stop for the last three days (exaggeration, but still). Finally broke myself out of my trance to subscribe. Your videos are AMAZING.

[@gunnarmeissnest1654]

these videos are very entertaining and a good watch when playing games that force you to grow plants for herbology class

[@maw5646]

He took that “Hilarious Joke” better than me, I’m not particularly aggressive. But I am uber hygienic and protective of my possessions, so what that DM did would actually constitute a public execution from me. No questions asked. Full on, “So, you’ve chosen death, have you?” Moment.

[@juliangines6764]

WHY did OP play with this group?! WHY did they even join in the first place if they knew that the other players don't like him. Seriously, No DnD is better than Bad DnD.

[@lawrencelopez9839]

OP was a timebomb as well based on how they described themself

[@littlemoth4956]

If someone's main personality trait is "don't care what other people think", chances are, they're antisocial and insufferable.

[@gothicbuzzsaw]

Bruv tbh this is a deeper iteration of an older post and I'm so glad it was found in deeper detail

[@slipknotde]

never heard of "roll post" phrase, had to activated translation to understand it -not a native english speaker- but i like it, keep up mister krabby!

[@gargax3925]

I'd do the same honestly

[@GracieLizzy]

This video probably should have a warning for mild Waterdeep Dragon Heist spoilers to be honest. Dragon Heist Spoilers: The temple viewing Nym as defective is from the module if I am not mistaken. The execution.... I assume the DM can go that route but the way it's described playing out here sounds like the DM was going out of the way to make OP uncomfortable. I know I wouldn't like it as the two times I've played the players were all rather fond of Nym and wanted to protect him. But honestly all these guys sound terrible. The phone thing was sexual harassment and the punch up afterward was physical assault and OP seems like a smug douche to a degree too.

[@thebutterscotchkid2481]

"I'm a fairly odd and unusual person-" Apparently, you also have the mental identity of a VSCO girl! Jesus, that noise they make still haunts me to this day...

[@KumaoftheForest]

Here’s a DnD horror story that happen to me: DM wouldn’t let me play a Green scaled Dragonborn Paladin because “Paladins don’t use poison” I argued that because my poison breath is apart of my biology I could be a Paladin, he REFUSED to allow me to hit anything fudging rolls to prevent me from doing damage and treating my character like a monster because “Green Dragonborn” reasons

[@vincejester7558]

If you don't like it, leave the table. Maybe run yer own campaign.

[@KumaoftheForest]

@@vincejester7558 this was way back in HS, I did leave and now I’m currently playing a Rock Gnome Artificer

[@nik700]

Wait, the cat person is called... cat?

[@johnp.2267]

The entire group sounds like a barely functional horror story. One great big sewer drain of NOPE!

[@maw5646]

Him: “Purple headed yogurt spewer”. Me: “P-purple-.. Headed?” 💀

[@Mordring]

it's the second stage of blue balls syndrome.

[@ninjagregshow9423]

Mature? Maybe not, but danm if I don't love good karma

[@CritCrab]

Based

[@ninjagregshow9423]

@@CritCrab eh?

[@Mystery-Wolf]

Me, seeing a fellow Tabaxi rogue: *My life is complete* Edit: And he seems mean. What a disappointment. Edit again: Nvm, he just seems harsh at times, but chill.

[@skookyskellingtons]

what that last story needs is a "and everyone clapped"

[@46nezumisucks]

critcrab is very powerful to me because i cant imagine him having a human face. this is a real crab and no one can tell me otherwise

[@Nestix_the_stupid_one]

I like how the oldest of the group made a character called Fin Gar Bang lol

[@mrroboshadow]

wait...tabaxi named gato? really? ya named the cat person, cat? did ya just put the word cat into google translate?

[@TitaniaBird]

Maybe he was hoping to have metal joints and would award 15 silver to anyone who could best him.

[@mickud5184]

gato actually seemed like a genuine person, not great but not a bad sounding dude

[@alexinfinite7142]

Every time I think I'm a bad DM I have people like the Crit Crab to remind me I ain't so bad 🙃

[@ShitpostingJoJo]

"Far from the mature option" •

[@newbienoah9461]

If you seen the healer staff video, he has a habit of fence sitting when it's convenient for him.

[@drowsydexy3630]

I bet the guy is incel too. These types of people tend to have certain look and way of thinking about them.

[@R3GARnator]

It was him saying "Alpha male" unironically. That study on wolves has been debunked to hell and back.

[@IDESTROYER236]

"DM, you are now grappled by Gato."

[@DeeperWithDiego]

That was a perfectly mature thing to do to a bully.

[@R3GARnator]

It's the only thing that works.

[@vincejester7558]

Walking away is mature getting in a one sided punch out is infantile.

[@osets2117]

The guy who named his cat character "Gato" literally named his cat character "Cat". You can't make this stuff up

[@CptPipebeard]

Fala português?

[@osets2117]

@@CptPipebeard unfortunately, no.