Psychologist Shows How to CHANGE the Way You THINK About LIFE | Benjamin Hardy

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“Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now!” - Victor Frankl
Often we think that living in the present moment means blocking out thoughts of the past and future.
But according to today’s guest, Dr. Benjamin Hardy, maintaining a clear vision of your future self is actually one of the most effective ways to live more fully in the present.
By defining yourself in terms of the person you want to be, rather than in terms of your past behavior, you can immediately create change in the attitudes and actions of your present self.
So whether you’re feeling stuck in your current situation, can’t let go of past mistakes, or have simply lost momentum toward your goals, this episode will give you plenty of practical tips to get back on track and become the best version of yourself.
SHOW NOTES:
00:00 | Introduction
01:13 | How to Pull Your Future Self Into the Present
11:02 | Why Success Is Hard to Repeat
16:43 | Getting Clarity on Big Goals
23:14 | Why Frame of Reference Is Critical
34:27 | Staying Optimistic Despite Challenges
47:20 | The 80/20 Rule in Goal Setting
54:24 | How to Avoid Deluding Yourself
1:01:28 | Practical Steps to Becoming Your Future Self
QUOTES:
“The more connected you get to the future self, the more able you are to actually appreciate this moment, the more you're able to see that what you do here and now matters. ” [02:02]
“I think that often we miss this moment because we don't connect it to the future. And what a lot of the researchers on meaning say is that this moment only has meaning because of what it means in the future.” [04:58]
“You don't have to commit to something for the rest of your life. But like, what do you want to commit to for the next three to five years? Like, what are you going to start really investing in?” [17:55]
“Journaling is just a way for you to actually structurally reframe anything that happened and then turn negative events into positive growth.” [22:26]
“I think it's a big aspect of emotional freedom and emotional maturity, is just realizing you're the only person who's comprehending your own experience, and so you get to define it however you want.” [42:45]
Follow Dr. Benjamin Hardy:
Website: benjaminhardy.com/
Twitter: bit.ly/3I93R76
Facebook: bit.ly/3MOpWLF
Instagram: bit.ly/3Ie5gsS
Medium: bit.ly/3tSIQZi
Preorder Be Your Future Self Now: amzn.to/3q4EzRk

[@TomBilyeu]

Whats your technique to quickly change your frame of reference?

[@hawk2407]

I usually separate my conscious and subconscious mind for that

[@chicksue7030]

I have a few different techniques, and one of them that really grabs hold and helps to recalibrate my thinking is to remind myself that the odds of being born are one in 400 trillion. That makes you and I INCREDIBLY special. It also makes me feel as if each and every one of us alive right now are MEANT to be here. Whatever those reasons are, is a completely different subject. But just knowing the odds of existing, help to refocus my mind and find beauty and gratefulness in all situations.

[@jamiepatton9334]

Practicing gratitude. Immediately stopping, mentally noting 5 things I'm grateful for...that normally zaps me out of it.

[@stratogustav]

Comedy is a good one, for example you can prove me wrong, but I believe this guy is Greta Thunberg's older brother, and Elon Musk is their uncle.

[@freeze80]

I often go the way of the stoics, and “memento mori.” Knowing that you will die and everyone around you will also die, you are able to live in the moment so well that you almost begin to “flow” with life’s challenges and joys. I’m never more alive than at that moment. But this “new-to-me” approach to life is worth a try. Thanks for always making us better @Tom Bilyeu. Super as always brother.

[@burjkhalifa1718]

Never stop dreaming. Be hungry and never stop believing in your dreams. If someone can do it, then you too can do it. Be strong

[@burjkhalifa1718]

Building wealth involves developing good habits like regularly putting money away in intervals for solid investments. The stock market has plenty of opportunities to earn which I myself took advantage of. I made my first million from going diverse, mainly ETFs(stocks, bonds etc), bitcoin, and gold. Investing in any of these should be in everyones mind.

[@alexgorham7464]

@@burjkhalifa1718 True, building wealth requires developing positive mind as we live in a world full of great opportunities but many still miss out, i'm so grateful to Mr Kelvin Morgan for the great opportunities to financial freedom through bitcoin investment

[@alexgorham7464]

With the current problem around the world today I think it's best everyone invest more in digital asset than Saving in banks and real estate. Just my thoughts

[@terfastarik9698]

@@alexgorham7464 True, imagine what will happen to the banks and houses in Ukraine due to the bomb blast from Russia, It's better to keep money digital no one knows tomorrow

[@velentevictor9435]

@@alexgorham7464 Speaking of digital assets, I don't think investing in bitcoin now is a good idea, i'm currently running on huge loss the market is crashing

[@jordantoronto863]

“Be true to your evolving self.” Love that so much. That’s very different than just “be true to yourself.” Thank you for that, Ben!

[@JardyVsHipsters]

Glad you enjoyed!!! It is a distinction.

[@MarleneChism]

Benjamin is the King of bringing theories to practical use.

[@thechancellor-]

To the *incredible person* that's seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.

[@JardyVsHipsters]

[@19993gt]

Likewise partner

[@19993gt]

Thank you

[@unclejuju12]

Your channel shows that you keep copy pasting this quote. Stop and actually listen to the videos and you might learn something

[@soulstreams333]

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@andogonzalez]

This is everyhting. I am the most optimistic person of my family and friend group. Hands down. Everything good and bad that happens has a lesson to teach us. But... I never realized how negative I am about my day-to-day responsibilities. I always feel like I dont have time, and I will not accomplish enough. This makes me feel and think more constrained than I ever noticed. I think this video is finally gonna change me, and Im gonna dedicate time to my goala everyday even if the world burns (which it wont, but my past self seemed to think everything could crumble if I dont take care of everything)

[@edward9099]

Ben is AMAZING!!! His new book, “Gap and the Gain,” changed my whole perspective on my business! I’m on his older book now, “Personality isn’t permanent.” 🥀

[@mcee555]

Personality isn't Permanent is better than expected as well!! :)

[@gooddaysgames586]

His OG book: Split Stream Time Hacking is the all time!

[@mcee555]

@@gooddaysgames586 Yeah, it was super fascinating + paradigm shifting

[@JardyVsHipsters]

@@gooddaysgames586 My man!!!

[@strykerlandwill]

Love you Tom. You are changing lives in a myriad of ways. I know because you continue to change mine. I don't have the time to detail what has happened to me and how you and the people you have on your show have helped me realize my goals but in 3 short years I went from living in an attic toting lumber to living on the water working for a global organization building things that make cloud computing and content like this possible. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish I could thank you in person but just know that you ARE doing what you set out to do. Please continue. We need you. Thanks again, World famous Will Lyons

[@marytolan2931]

Ben Hardy is brilliant & making such an impact on my life. Thank you for having him on your show Tom & love your guests.

[@JardyVsHipsters]

Thank you so much :)

[@pushkarajnikale5719]

Tom Bilyeu...hands down to your legendary work and all incredible guests on Impact theory. You are touching many people lives by spreading such precious knowledge which not only enhances our standard of living but also it introduces us with self awareness which is one of the most essential aspect in this highly competitive world. Thank you.

[@ronbarber197]

He has to paying them big to get him in front of him this is a joke

[@KiaOrion]

THIS ONE WAS A GAME CHANGER. i had to listen to this TWICE on the same day

[@TeluguSuperhumans]

Very happy to see Benjamin here. His insights are very practical

[@JardyVsHipsters]

Thank you :)

[@TeluguSuperhumans]

@@JardyVsHipsters Always welcome Ben! I really hope I could interview you 😊

[@SpringHWhipple]

I love that he was brought on too!

[@yingyang0122]

Holy crap the first 5mins gave me chills because I think the same thing about my 4 kids...makes you cherish every moment even more

[@rise4811]

I listen to Ben regularly and Tom regularly, and now we get them together! Love it.

[@obiodigboh1304]

Thank you Tom & team. I need to listen to this another 3 times, at least…every exchange between Tom & Ben dropped gold bars of wisdom

[@TheZGALa]

Thanks to you both for an inspiring conversation! At age 51 I still find myself struggling with many of the same thought patterns, so even though they are changeable, it is great to establish positive patterns, and the ability to recognize and let go of those that no longer serve our goals, early in life.

[@arzooaneja4976]

This is my favourite channel. I especially like it when you explain everything so nicely. I wish you a lot of success with the channel and happy life.

[@pgcpdc]

Wow congratulations to Ben Hardy for coming on Impact Theory. Have been following Ben s journey since he wrote impactful articles on Medium ! 👍👍

[@JardyVsHipsters]

Glad you enjoyed!

[@jaydeharris7028]

Predicting< a reversal of a trend is risky, and even worse, I believe there is more to this market than we understand currently. When people are losing, they don't aim to increase their average, but that can only change if you have a personal trade guide and signal provider like that of Fyetus Dogan which has made me almost 9.5 on a 2 btc Trade capital over the last 2 months. Make the wise decision. Markets fluctuate in cycles that can last anywhere from a few days to several years. In the case of B -TC, it's difficult to make a bullish case simply from looking at the chartsyt

[@jaydeharris7028]

[@jaydeharris7028]

[@johnsondunger5957]

A lot has changed and that's on everything but the truth is that i don't even care much about bullish or bearish market because Fyetus Strategy got me covered, I am comfortably earning monthly.

[@kendrakuvred8287]

It doesn't matter if you are a current hodler or a newbie, you can capitalize on the fluctuation of bitcoin by trading with good strategy/signals.

[@perezlame7804]

Fyetus literally saved me, just before the crash he advised me to get out of my long position. I'll recommend him any day

[@acajudi100]

I kept journals from age 15 to the present 79.(written, audio, and video) Please date them, and just use a notebook, or legal paper, and staple. Use both sides. Put day of the week on the heading. Example 3/19/2022 Saturday. Be honest with yourself, and best to be alone, when you write or talk. Wonderful to reread or re listen anytime. Tell the good, bad and ugly.

[@pkpcmu]

I so much practice this - looking at the current from my future self and life all of a sudden sounds so easy!

[@JardyVsHipsters]

I love this :)

[@franki7518]

I think I would be so disappointed Ashamed of myself

[@NathalieLazo]

Successful people don't become that way overnight. What most people see at a glance- wealth, a great career, purpose - is the result of hard work and hustle over time. I pray that anyone who reads this will be successful in life! ~ ❤️ Nat

[@soulstreams333]

❤️❤️❤️

[@misharamage5529]

I started to get a feel for the different views of memories and situations when I had some memories pop up about my childhood. And when I came across a tribe that allows that behavior in its social norm. And I read a book called the 7 ambiguities, I believe it’s called. Totally changed my way of viewing everything. EVERYTHING. Lol

[@freeze80]

Thank you for always making us better. Love this interview and can’t wait to read this book.

[@stratogustav]

I have been using my future self a lot since I was a kid, I learned that idea from my mother. Spiritually it feels great, however it isn't always ideal to do that because spiritual things will always be more important than materialistic and being careless with the materialistic can have negative financial consequences. You can argue that the future self would want you to achieve financial success and having that would be enough to take care of your finances. This isn't the case, your future self usually places more importance on sharing precious moments with those you love, being adventurous, challenge yourself to new ideas, experience different horizons, accumulating worthwhile stories, and because of that you get so caught up on the good things of life that it is hard to be fiscally responsible, and that can have comfort and security consequences for you down the line.

[@LovePhoenix96]

Yessssss!!! A new video in those chairs I missed so much

[@RobbieKaye]

Such a great interview. Great info and inspiration!! Thank you Tom and Ben! Here's to all our future selves!

[@acajudi100]

It is excellent to keep audio, video, and written journals. Please date and day of the week. Treat everyone, like you want to be treated.

[@briannalinchner6800]

Thank you for this Tom and Ben I really needed to hear this , this help me a lot . Thank you for helping me and others around the world :)

[@JardyVsHipsters]

So glad you enjoyed!

[@monikabindra3903]

Amazing Ben😍👍 @tom I started following Ben after your last interview with him. I watch all his videos and they are amazing. Happy to see him again.

[@JardyVsHipsters]

Thank you!

[@monikabindra3903]

@@JardyVsHipsters I was waiting for this. You mentioned in your last video that you had an interview with Tom.

[@destineecaviola3588]

I am so excited to watch this, I love both of them!!

[@TheOlgaKay]

Extraordinary conversation, as always, Tom.

[@lisarost6335]

Pure gold. Thank you, thank you both. Just what I needed.

[@JardyVsHipsters]

Glad you enjoyed!

[@localbooking6350]

Benjamin, what cool fresh ideas ! I will take these future self ideas, I will practise it for the next 3 weeks to make it my habit. Thank so much for this diamond

[@MrsMorganLeigh]

Changing the mind is so hard, thanks for the info!

[@JardyVsHipsters]

You've got this.

[@lenas5613]

Still feeling stuck since retirement. Thank you for this concept. 🤔🤗

[@adm58]

Excellent and inspiring discussion, thank you both for sharing.

[@mohibquadri4053]

Willpower doesn't work ! What a Superb book 📗 it is. Benjamin is an amazing author & the best thoughtful influencer.

[@Radspad77]

A reframe to the question, "how is this the best thing that could have happened," is to ask oneself, "how can this be redeemed?"

[@davidhitt3689]

Good interview!... Taking extreme responsibility for one's thoughts, choices, actions.

[@fayem1336]

Great Conversation!!

[@897ala]

This was so great! Thanks Tom and Benjamin!

[@jordantoronto863]

Tom, I like your idea that great goals are “Exciting and Honorable” - beautiful.

[@jeffgadbois1707]

Thank you so much such a great podcast💯✊🤝

[@sreenandhana8429]

Thank you Because of this podcast, i am going to make my worst thing the best thing in my life.

[@vivianaarose]

Ben is ALWAYS amazing. I never watch anything of him from which I don't emerge stronger and more clearly defined. Thank you!!!!!! Love these podcasts from IT!! Thank youuu!

[@michaelvatcher4661]

My father said, "Check out Benjamin Hardy." KZbind him. I'm a big fan of Tom Bilyeu's content. Seeing the two together was an exciting find! Excited to watch this today!

[@KhushSoul]

Always enjoy listening and learning from Dr. Benjamin Hardy. I do have a quick question, Is frame of reference similar to the meaning you want to give the experiences in your life?

[@cristykuhn7104]

Absolutely loved this episode!!! 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

[@user-cy8zz5hi7q]

Share your thoughts 💬 and.suggestion on the.. above number_..

[@stephanamjacobson1705]

Refreshing discussion

[@Shahzaa]

Literally dropping gemstones for free. Salute to all this amazing content, I hope one day with enough knowledge and guidance I'll be able to share and have my own impact.

[@user-cy8zz5hi7q]

Share your thoughts 💬 and.suggestion on the.. above number_..

[@DrPatrickKingsep]

Hi Tom, Patrick here from Mind Life Flow. Another valuable video and content - thankyou! The way in which we perceive the world and self-talk is so powerful and impacts how we live our lives! Thankyou

[@calicarter75]

Great content thank you so much ☺️

[@JulianLewisDTI]

Love his books, The Gap and the Gain as well as Who Not How!

[@JardyVsHipsters]

Thank you!

[@JulianLewisDTI]

@@JardyVsHipsters No.. Thank you!!!

[@legendaryU]

I love this, but for me the fear of regret it’s something that really motivates me to think about my future self.

[@travislivingston378]

Love this ,this was good

[@tiffanymarks4577]

Thank you 😊

[@mentallystrong0]

it hard to change how you think but if you are changing it, congratulation for success

[@davegrahamdj]

I think alot of people speak in a different context but with similar meaning. For me Gabor mate simplfies why our behaviours patters etc occur. Gabor mate amazing

[@jerryjayhunter7128]

Great podcast to have in the background 👏👌

[@PositivelyMe]

filters on snapchat and other platforms have helped me realize how filters can change how i view myself and the world

[@cyn2398]

Reminds me of the movie click. It’s a good perspective to be more present and living in the moment with intention!

[@cordisgermain932]

*I will forever be in-depted to you 😇 you've changed my life I'll continue to preach about your name for the world to hear *you've saved me from a huge financial debt with just little investment, Thanks Mercy Greg*

[@jesserichard5953]

You are right because my first Investment with Mercy Greg i profited $17,400 I’m so happy working with her

[@gurametsadashvili1888]

investing successfully requires the expertise of a professional trader, I have made $17,000 profits with Mercy Greg.

[@helensteve2817]

this is the best secret I have ever discovered is investment. Invest with Her she’s trustworthy.

[@morganpatrick6089]

How do I reach her please🙏🏻

[@gurametsadashvili1888]

You can Reach her on *Te-Ie-gr-am.* with the name below Mercy_Greg

[@_underREACT]

excellent episode!! would love to see you engage with Peter Crone one day

[@leahparsons7907]

As someone who lives with the experience of my 17yr old daughter dying by suicide after being raped and a photo of one of the rapes that night circulating everywhere I don't thinkni could ever say "This is the best thing to happen to me" However, the growth I have embraced since this horrific experience is absolutely what has evolved me to be better and not bitter. It's been transformational but it will always be the worst thing that ever happened to me. It could have been far. worse if I allowed the pain to suffocate my life.

[@seanenebrowne]

You should be so proud of yourself, I'm sure your daughter would be...God bless you, ❤

[@leahparsons7907]

@@seanenebrowne Thank You! I feel so fortunate to be able to navigate all of it. At some point my pain and growth started to sit side by side.

[@seanenebrowne]

@@leahparsons7907 I truly believe people like yourself are special and telling your story I am sure will save people's lives.. as life at times can be very painful to live and I hope that anyone who knows your experience can remind themselves on difficult times that things do get better and life is worth living and you are living proof of it, I know the impact of sucide also can have a devasting affect on love ones for many years xx

[@seanenebrowne]

@@leahparsons7907 what helped you is there anything in particular that stands out that navigated you to a better place if you dont mind me asking ?

[@sandralujan1199]

I am so sorry for your loss and the traumatic events that happened to you and your daughter. I cant even imagine how you must feel. You are beyond strong and beyond powerful. I am sending you so much love and prayers. May you find peace 🙏🏼❤️

[@nicolesaad1318]

Tom has the best KZbin channel!

[@lashawn369]

Checking in from the DMV.

[@motivationalaffirmation6656]

I pray for everyone who's struggling , broken hearts, tough situations in their lives. I hope life will be kind to all of you! ❤️❤️

[@GAL_JH]

Tom your lovely, you pay attention, you listen and you get it

[@briannas4544]

Excellent

[@olyguy2000]

I agree, properly framing our situation is EVERYTHING. But we should be gentle with our old framing; it likely arose for good reason even if now it must be changed. The ultimate reframing tool: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

[@thebeardedmanswoodshop2611]

I'll help be your future self. Anytime you can spend with your children to the point that there is no difference between you and them,. You'll only look back wishing there were more of those times in your life, Period. 🙏

[@izodae]

Oh we’re trucking along big dawg .. consistently being consistent is the goal

[@user-cy8zz5hi7q]

Share your thoughts 💬 and.suggestion on the.. above number_..

[@gooddaysgames586]

Very happy and proud to see Ben & Tom share this conversation! Two of my favorite peeps!

[@gooddaysgames586]

The perfect response to being interupted, @tom kzbin.infoUgkxElkWW2hjpdgwy3b49dGkOX9KLmqSjtIr

[@IvaTarleCoaching]

This is amazing, I read all the things Ben spoke about and love how he digests them into a simple chunks. Being seduced by smaller achievable goals...yup, yup, yup. And Ben you changed so much...

[@sandralujan1199]

This interview was amazing! I had to pull over and take notes. As a very stubborn very driven woman. Ive had to realize a lot of goals should have been laid to rest a long time ago. Having a fixed mindset kept pushing for goals that no longer mattered or frankly weren’t for me. Having a flexible mindset has allowed me to flow and move towards opportunities and ideas in a calm way and being open has allowed me to actually achieve certain goals without actually having a super set concrete plan. I believe having a flexible mind set keeps you open to ways the universe opens up paths to get what you want. This video in on repeat 😁❤️

[@user-cy8zz5hi7q]

Share your thoughts 💬 and.suggestion on the.. above number_..

[@JardyVsHipsters]

That's amazing :)

[@MrsMorganLeigh]

Yay!

[@parisabehbodi7318]

so good conversation, also he looks like Ilan Mask 🙂

[@user-yv4yd5ks2z]

how can you change the way you think period? Or how can we be grown enough to know better than to be thinking the way we be thinking? i just thought about it a few times and wah lah!

[@BobPaddock]

Decision Augmentation Theory purports that every decision we make is influenced by our future.

[@jordantoronto863]

Oh wow, yes! “Different questions are just different frames.”

[@mohamedelyastube5932]

Tom bilyeu Im addiction in your vedio after long suffer with overthinking I want to ask you does stop random thinking give the brain with no thinking is good .... I become good in stop thinking by wach and observe and focus does this have effect

[@BobPaddock]

His opening sounds like Bert Goldman's Quantum Jumping.

[@denisejuarez5266]

Ayeeee Benjamin

[@haroonaverroes6537]

future self ! the irrationals are a real dilemma !

[@Ladykrypto]

Gezzz let the guy speak

[@deleon5522]

The family man (Nicolas Cage film) really showed me an example of frame of reference.

[@19993gt]

Yeeet yeeet

[@CarlosGarcia-kn5uj]

Elon musk brother is a cool dude 😎 great episode 👍

[@DJSTOEK]

Thank you

[@randypolizzi107]

I’m 50 years old and I’m the same exact person I was when I was 30 wow am I screwed

[@JardyVsHipsters]

lol

[@johnboy6594]

Same

[@brotherkeepitreal8385]

Journaling supported my efforts to write a book for Maximum Impact: Epigenetics: The Garden of Eden.. Amazon..

[@mcee555]

Oooh epigenetics :)

[@philweaver457]

Tom Bilyeu it is my understanding that your company Onnit is one of the few companies still supporting Russia. Is this true?

[@melvinkushish5706]

Am thinking of getting into crypto investment crypto is indeed the future

[@abelmatthew7212]

Yeah you are right.

[@abelmatthew7212]

I have been thinking of the same thing but I will love to work with a broker or an Expert.

[@melvinkushish5706]

@@abelmatthew7212 Yeah me too, I think that's the best so we can learn more from the experts•

[@tammyperez6652]

Mr Charles Schwab's services is one of the best trading services in UK right now try him out guess his a good option...

[@tammyperez6652]

Yeah...

[@kingsleymark5621]

*Investing in crypto now should be in every wise individuals list, in some months time you'll be ecstatic with the decision you made today*

[@maxgoodchild6111]

Same here, I made $12,400 profits on investing since I started trading with Mr Donald Watkins his trading strategies are too notch am winning consistently trading with Mr Donald Watkins . He really the best broker I've made a lot of profit investing with him

[@paulwalter9516]

I heard a lot of investing with Mr Donald Watkins and how good he is, please how safe are the profit?

[@theberryice9791]

After watching so many KZbin tutorial videos about trading I was still making losses untill Mr Donald Watkins started managing my investment now, I make $6,800 weekly. God bless Mr Donald Watkins . His been a blessing to my family.

[@charlotte9368]

I've seen a lot of recommendation about Mr Donald Watkins , Please can I have his info? I want to invest 2,000usd with him.

[@theberryice9791]

Get him on Wats app 👇

[@scottk1525]

The "do what your future self would want" logic always gets on my nerves. As if your future self is simple-minded, and would make one clear, decisive choice in any given scenario. But how do I know what my future self wants? Does my future self want me to work harder so that my future self is more successful and can better provide for his family? Or would my future self want me to spend more time with my family, even to the possible detriment of future self and fam? The truth is, future self is just as complicated as present self, and taking future self into account often times makes choices just as difficult, if not more so.

[@Dekutard]

but WHAT was my guy saying about losing children being okay at 45:20

[@scotttysoe8893]

When I think of future self and mortality , I feel everything is hopeless 😩 Help

[@user-cy8zz5hi7q]

Share your thoughts 💬 and.suggestion on the.. above number_..

[@julie.kolker]

And science catches up with what Bashar's been explaining for decades 🌟 Bilyeu, have you ever listened to Bashar? Bet you'd marathon his content.

[@lennykoss8777]

💗.

[@user-yv4yd5ks2z]

An Lol! deep deep deep deep deep deepdeep deep deep down inside,the way i be think aint right! same to say about the violence in the whole world aint right either just doing wrong aint right