PSYCHOSIS + BPD | what is it and why it's misunderstood?

[@wowsports8800]

I've had hallucinations under extreme stress, the worst and most real ones always related to imaginary abandonment and judgment/trauma triggers. It's absolutely terrible, It feels like you're truly losing your mind.

[@beyourself9162]

interesting can you define extreme stress?

[@JennyLynn-x9o]

With you

[@orpha9031]

I have the same symptoms.

[@estherjoylane]

❤️‍🩹🫶🏻

[@GeminiPlatypus]

BPD is the manifestation of trauma. Until the system recognizes that truth, the best we can do is seek out resources online such as DBT, trauma and attachment therapy. Accountability is important, yes of course. But some clinicians seem to take sick pleasure in pointing out how "broken" we are instead of helping us fix ourselves. Much love

[@timpulver5932]

Thats so upsetting that "clinicians" would act that way.

[@Filthycoffin]

The healthcare system made me 1 billion times worse and so did my ex-husband. I did not have these issues as bad until I was in an abusive marriage and put on psychiatric med along with benzodiazepines and I was abruptly stopped. I only get really bad if I get super stressed, but if I’m not stressed, I felt totally normal

[@farguc]

My experience was the opposite. If it wasn't for meds and doctors, my wife would be a widow.

[@zinavejzovic9247]

I agree 💯 👍❤️

[@wheredidugo6739]

The thought of having this mental illness for the rest of my life is the one thing that truly terrifies me.

[@estherjoylane]

it is so difficult sending lots of love ❤️❤️❤️

[@Ssungoddess]

I’ve heard more than 1 professional say this Illness is not a life sentence, it can be amended enough for one to live a stable life! Through meds, therapies, or whatever one finds best for themselves. Sending you love ❤

[@JennyLynn-x9o]

Yup

[@JustinaJayne]

90% of BPD patients who seek and continue treatment [cbt dbt] get to remission. You got this.

[@psillymama]

@@JustinaJayneThankyou for your comment. I know it’s not for me but I’m ltrly on the verge of giving it all up.

[@hestercorner-smith7499]

My BPD and OCD (pure O) hit me with a mad paranoid psychosis that is my most life defining event. Utterly horrific. Thank you for discussing this as I had to work this out myself and tell my doctors what was wrong as they were stumped... funny in retrospect how clueless they were.

[@estherjoylane]

omg this is EXACTLY what i've experienced, its totally terrifying, hope you are ok 😞❤️❤️

[@hestercorner-smith7499]

Sad it had to happen to both of us hun. I had no clue anyone else has been through this!!! I'm doing way better now and I've got what I asked for in a roundabout way. I hope you've found a way to surface from the stifling experience. xox@@estherjoylane

[@thereseoconnor8897]

I have bpd,diagnosed 7 years ago while I was in hospital. Also diagnosed with bipolar type 2. The antidepressant and mood stabilizer are helping plus dis DBT and cognitive therapy. It is a lifetime of struggling. I do have good days and support; yet,I still am misunderstood by many. We with BPD are not alone when we stick together ❤

[@janedoe3382]

You are gifted not misunderstood. Fr fr protect yourself

[@estherjoylane]

❤️💔❤️ sending love

[@magneticmoonstone]

Could you please update on how you are doing? I already have bpd and just had my first psychotic episode which developed from mania… So I’m scared I have both bpd and bipolar 1. Trying to find some hope but that combination isn’t talked much about :(

[@aaruchan0_0]

As a Borderline, I feel this suffering will never end. :( and I will always be trapped in this mess fighting on my own, all alone.

[@polishqueen3671]

U got lots of power.We all have to take care of ourselves. But you are - your best friend!! Treat yourself really nice and smile ,tell yourself I love you every morning!! Just start writing little things u proud of yourself ever day, Celebrate and be proud how capable you are and how good u can take care of yourself.is very important. We all have some kind of job in this world to do. Maybe to teach others our pain .but we all do. Best of luck. Use those tools🙂❤️they can really help. Just believe and try. If they do- tell others😇💞 forward love..

[@daniellelazenby3397]

I feel the same. Hugs.

[@estherjoylane]

you are not alone ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 so sorry you're struggling, sending love xxxx

[@Damnchaosemerald_e.e]

the more you preserver the more you realize the world needs someone with such a powerful perspective. all I can say that (sometimes) helps me, youre not alone and this isnt a new thing either. And sometimes I switch between the mindset of everyones an npc but me and everyones just afraid to be open about it. I genuinally believe bpd exists in all of us it just takes a level of lonliness and feeling fake to experience. and I genuinally believe and fear the day I die where I just watch my voice fade away and nothing mattered and I tricked myself into thinking it all did. Im still figuring it out, I dont even think budda had it figured out, but its the faith that we create our own meaning and that meaning manifest into reality. we shape the universe and our meaning somehow plays a role, because nothing makes sense. i home any of this is understood im trying to be helpful. im praying for you, ok?

[@deadboysinner]

Same

[@katiesatiiva]

I love you for this video. Thank you so much. I feel totally lost. I’ve been neglected so much when I’ve gone through episodes. I don’t have Nobody but my cat. I am so poorly right now I even have sickness due to stress of being so alone. Professionals have let me down and I just feel so forgotten about. But thank you because your video has given me a bit of strength to get through another day xx

[@estherjoylane]

i’m so so sorry, sounds like you are really struggling 😔 i’m trying to pull myself out of a dark hole too so i’m sending all the love and good vibes i can to you - don’t give up! you are important 💕💕💕💕

[@veronikavanquish]

I have BPD and I honestly think the delusions and hallucinations are real, and I/we can just tap into these things in the realm of extended sensory experience...due to heightened sensory sensitivity. I have to work pretty hard to remain grounded in reality. Definitely gone crazy once or twice, and one time I thought I actually wasn't able to come back. This is when I lost grounding

[@christinsongbird]

Mine is a gift from God in the Spirit realm. It’s called being a seer.

[@43CYN]

​@@christinsongbirdyeah , bpd harbours between reality and another. We are literally walking on the line or the Border between 2 realms. We just happened to be seers, not continuously traumatised, makes sense

[@darknessignited4024]

​@@43CYNbah just delusions bc of bpd lol i at one point bc of bpd was told i will sit by the devil by his throne in hell as a god. Bpd delusion or real guys ? Cmon lol i was losing my shit not entering another realm lol

[@43CYN]

@@darknessignited4024 what you said literally proves the whole point. Your experience totally makes sense if you know Jung. I was not saying it is like schizophrenia , rather it is exactly the subconscous and our projections , imagos. Repressions , coming alive, hence makkng our lives border between 2 realities internal / external.

[@magneticmoonstone]

It is such a harmful message under the video about psychosis… Literally triggered me a bit. What you see during psychosis IS NOT real.

[@roseh1132]

This explanation is mind-blowing 🤯. I'm 48 years old & was diagnosed with BPD in my early 20s ( symptoms displayed from age 16). This mental health condition is so misunderstood & more prevalent among women & girls.

[@estherjoylane]

you're so right, it is misunderstood! i find that women's mental health in general is misunderstood as foundational psychiatric research was mostly just done on men and women were basically locked up and labelled 'hysterical'... so sad. ❤️ hope you are doing ok, sending love xxxx

[@Bucephalus84]

No it isn't. It is just as prevalent in men. Old data stigmatized men having bpd so it became a woman's sickness.

[@zinavejzovic9247]

How insightful and positive. Diagnosed with BPD when I turned 20 after self harming. Started in childhood, seen things I shouldn't too often, been abused at home, bullied in school. Developed introversion. Overanalyzing thoughts are so tiring. I do meditation and sound healing, going to forest walks and with my beautiful cats and my children. I learned to manage my moods without medication. Always felt like a walking zombie when on medication like moditen, amyzol, Prozac ... I can't be with anyone too close or I start acting out, I'm the best on my own but I do crave to have a soulmate, one day maybe

[@lindsaytucker5952]

You sound exactly like my daughter!! She’s only 16 but has said she doesn’t feel real since she was I think 12, so much of what you said has hit home!! I too hope theres better help for people like you and her!! I’m so proud of you for putting this video out there, allowing everyone to know your personal struggles and what have you, keep up the great work, you have given me so much hope I can’t thank you enough!!!

[@mybruisedarm]

I was like this at her age too, I cant imagine what its like to be the parent in that situation, but I am rooting for her. It does get easier with age, and as long as you keep filling your toolbox with skills to manage your symptoms you will be able to find more and more bright spots. Unfortunately, it will never completely go away. I'm 31 and still coming to terms with the fact that I am different and have an illness that I'll be managing for the rest of my life. Never give up, and never forget that there are people on your side who want you here!

[@estherjoylane]

❤️❤️

[@estherjoylane]

thank you so much 🥹 sending lots of love to you and your daughter ❤️‍🩹

[@derekpmoore]

@@mybruisedarmthe parent is the abuser that created the borderline child

[@anthonynicholson5523]

​@@derekpmoore it's also hereditary from mothers

[@marijagrandov5712]

My 90 yo mother has had bpd since my earliest memory. I can sense she's had psychotic episodes throughout the years. The anti-psychotic meds don't really help. I still want to help her. Your insightful video has been food for thought. Thanks so much for telling the truth! 😊

[@estherjoylane]

thank you ❤️🥹 sending you and your mother lots of love xxxxx

[@mybruisedarm]

when i was hospitalized after one of my suicide attempts in my mid twenties, the doctors loaded me up with seroquel. I think it saved my life over the next year, and sometimes I joke it was only because I was too frizzle fried to hurt myself again. Nowadays I do have a (probably) unrealistic hatred towards antipsychotics because of how ineffective they are when I'm not in an extreme state. I developed hypothyroidism, gained a miserable amount of weight that I am still reckoning with 8 years later, and was unable to drive or walk in a straight line. I have so much compassion and respect for those who take antipsychotics every day, it is a monster of a medication. I have been told that the severity of my suicidal tendencies could be managed with paxil, but I refuse to take it. The only other treatment that I denied was ECT, which I do not regret denying.

[@estherjoylane]

im also on quetiapine/seroquel! its so confusing - when i'm well, i wish i was off all my medication because i dont need it then when im unwell i question if it's working? psychiatric medication will always make me wonder, so many side effects as you say but not many other options from society today :( all we can do is try! hope you are doing ok 🫶🏻❤️xx

[@veranekelly]

Currently in hallucination helltown due to the holiday stress and some particularly consistent trauma triggers. Most medications have only ever made it worse for me or made me violently ill and were so mishandled by a psychiatrist that I hardly trust going back to one at all. I'm only on anxiety meds my regular doctor has given me right now. It is absolutely true that an er visit will only make things worse. I'm terrified of hospitals, so that's more stress, and an er bill will ruin me financially. The system is absolutely broken. The only other time I ended up in the er, it was literally days after an episode because I mentioned how I HAD felt to someone, and I had to talk my way out of actually being hospitalized because I was literally fine at that point. It's extremely hard to trust people with anything or ask for help when it's hard for people to understand the sheer episodic nature of the worst of it. My little terrarium is exactly how I need it to be for the least amount of stress and I would prefer to be left inside it. I am really good at stress reduction and self care at this point, so I'm actually doing pretty good considering. Just don't talk to me in the morning. Mornings are awful. Can't use grounding techniques half asleep. 😩

[@estherjoylane]

this was so relatable to read, like the intensity of the struggle but still managing to find some humour in there at the end 😅 you honestly sound like an amazing person, i hear your pain and how hard it is but also your determination to self-regulate and push through - although i know sometimes being self-aware makes things 10x harder because you're more aware of your own problems and how hard they are are to deal with.... but WELL DONE! seriously, just well done for being here. I hope you are able to feel better and have a happy + safe holiday period. sending love xxxxxx

[@Hal-id5xh]

Sending you lots of love Esther. A word of hope: it does get better with age. I am 45 now and even though I still feel the turmoil inside me very rarely it gets out of hand. Therapy and having someone who listens to me without judging has made all the difference. Time and compassion are your friends, I am not so sure about the government 😬

[@lauramcclain8651]

Sadly , it doesn’t always get better . I’m 46 and have excellent treatment and I c am choose not to “act out “ but my mind is still shattered .

[@JennyLynn-x9o]

Support is what depends on how we revover

[@JennyLynn-x9o]

I'm 49

[@lizmcdermott9602]

You have a wonderful way of explaining BPD it helps to give people a better understanding of of how psychiatrists are very quick to medicate and diagnosis people. You are a great person and teacher. When I visit my son it's do sad to see how many young and old people are suffering without the tight support. Keep up the good work your a beautiful person. Let's keep trying to educate the medical professions and start listening to the patients and their family God bless 🙏🙏

[@estherjoylane]

thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️

[@Punkjrk]

I am having such a hard time I feel so alone in this. I appreciate you making this video and what you said because it is dead on. I’m currently in an episode where I’m just so depressed. Like suicidal depressed and that’s normal for me like I’m used to it and I’ve already thought it out and I know that suicide isn’t the way I wanna go, but sometimes I just get to that place where I’m on the verge this time it’s because I got out of a relationship and I have an extremely difficult time being alone, but I also have an extremely difficult time being in a relationship. I constantly push them away and pull them back again and again until it becomes very ugly, and it hurts people and it hurts me, now I feel so alone.. When I get depressed like this, I become angry and I am mean to people. I don’t want to be that way, but for some reason I feel like I can’t help it. This only alienates me even further I feel bad for the people who love me. many of them have had to keep me at a distance. I’m heartbroken I’m convinced I’m destined to be alone.

[@estherjoylane]

oh love im so sorry, its sounds so so confusing and painful. i understand this push and pull behaviour, the wanting people but pushing away. 😞 all i know is that in time ive found some ways of coping and things that help like therapy, music, baths etc... i really hope you can find some help & support too ❤️ sending loads of love to you angel xxxx

[@jomac6004]

I had no idea about delusions. I see things if I wake up. Sometimes during the day. .. thankyou for this. I sometimes hear people talking in my home. But often I'm in a bubble, and totally detached from what is going on around me when I'm out. X

[@estherjoylane]

yes it’s a very complex and very confusing experience 🥺❤️ i hope you are doing ok, lots of love xxx

[@sashaglaser7743]

Wow i'm amazed how much effort you put in the animation! It was so pleasent to watch and the music and your voice really fitted to it, would love to see more ♡

[@estherjoylane]

Thank you so much! ❤️

[@pindlelou]

Yes I was thinking the same thing. The animation was so soothing to me (along with your voice) and for some reason increased the absorption of the information for me. I'm a fourth grade teacher and it would be great if you could make a video about long division for my students.🙂. Maybe they would finally understand it.

[@tatianna8214]

I have schizophrenia… but my friend and sister have borderline. I feel horrible for them because it’s constant waves or emotions and it looks exhausting. It’s attention seeking at times where it’s dangerous. They just need love and support. The sad thing is they don’t want to push people away but they do it. It’s like a cycle in a way but they don’t mean too. I just wish that they know, it’s ok,take a breather. My friend just needed some one there. To tell her it’s ok you got this one step at a time. I wonder if it’s like an emotional stress is so strong and if the emotions resonates with something. Or some how stress or panic triggers emotion response. But I feel so bad for people who struggle with this. It’s vicious. But there is DBT and cbt. It helps. It’s a process but it helps. Stay strong you got this. Don’t give up.

[@AP-nx6xo]

Thank you. That was great. I was diagnosed at 28 with BPD. For years the doctors thought it was bipolar Then this amazing psychiatrist saw through me and made the diagnosis of BPD. I take Abilify and klonopin and sometimes an antidepressant. My life is hell and like you say , it’s a full time job trying to stay stable . I’m full of fear. I believe I will be in danger in my future. Actually I see no future. I have such bad paranoia I don’t want to be too medicated. I need my wits about me Anyway thanks for your video and I wish you well and anyone who may read this xx

[@estherjoylane]

sending you lots of love 🫶🏻😞❤️

[@fweppington]

I struggle(d) with BPD for a while until I finally got into a program that helped me manage the brunt of it. It was in 2 parts the first half was Cognitive Behavior Therapy and the second was Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Sadly I got into DBT just before COVID hit, and we found out that the program was being discontinued. So we got a VERY rapid crash course, and me specifically was unfortunately passed around from different therapists(they were all fantastic, but having to go over my life story multiple times was exhausting). Anyway, the little bit of DBT that I did get really helped me manage it. I'm a lot better than I used to be, but I'll admit that I've been having miniscule hallucinations, which is a little concerning. I dunno if the ADHD I was diagnosed with a little later has anything to do with it, but yeah. I don't remember the point I was trying to make :P Great video!

[@alphadog3384]

Just as we have urgent care centers for physical care, we need BPD care 13:18 centers for individuals with BPD to have exclusive treatment with peers and professional to break the stigma. BPD at times is very isolating.

[@dixierenegade]

Your flashing designs are something I have seen consistently my entire life. Random geometric shapes and lines. Starting to understand that I have had alot of undiagnosed mental issues my entire life, just learned how to "fit in" though I'm scared of losing my grip as I get older. Thanks for sharing.

[@Bucephalus84]

You are describing OCD not BPD. But, borderline is very comorbid

[@KimKarrel]

So so helpful, not just to people with BPD but also to people who have love ones experiencing it. Thank youuuuuuu♥

[@elainependry4201]

your editing and graphics and the music and even your voice is so soothing. i come to find videos most when im stressed or after ive had an episode and your videos are just hitting the spot. thank you for your time and work

[@Ratryoshka]

Ok so im never diagnosed, idk what sort of mental illness or personality disorder i have but i know my conditions are not normal. Previously ive had hallucinations and it's always replaying bad experiences or traumatic events, and theyre usually triggered by emotions, as in i usually get those right after fighting with someone or having a conflict or having something happen that i really dislike. It doesnt seem like stereotypical psychosis symptoms. Your description in this vid describes my hallucinations more accurately somehow.

[@43CYN]

One of us. Finally a video that spits tbe truth

[@estherjoylane]

🫶🏼❤️❤️❤️

[@johnanderton4200]

Thank you for this selfless and powerful presentation. I have delved into other sources in an effort to better understand a BPD sufferer, but I have not seen elements of the disorder (like psychosis) teased out and compared to other psychiatric disorders. It makes one appreciate the dangers of broad and ill-defined terminology, and how much BPD treatment has been misdirected. You really put one inside the experience. All my respect and admiration.

[@estherjoylane]

Thank you that means so much ❤️

[@johnanderton4200]

@@estherjoylane to step outside one’s challenges enough to make them more understandable to everyone is a major accomplishment

[@corygall2340]

As a man with bpd i do the opposite i put stress on my body. I workout a lot, I take cold showers and expose myself to the cold, and i run a lot. But im the one causing the stress fully well knowing what im doing to myself and over time my ability to handle stress has increased significantly. I also take Wellbutrin and cut out technology a good bit.

[@estherjoylane]

thank you for sharing, ive never heard this perspective before. really glad you have found things that help you - sounds like you've worked hard to get there though. I'm in love with cycling, the endorphins zooming around are insane and a massive mood boost :) wishing you all the best xxxx

[@bah667]

Your a brave and beautiful girl. Respect and Love to you. It really is a battle and personal journey in each and every situation. The system is broke. It's a one size fits all for something in which every situation is unique. Peace

[@estherjoylane]

thank you so so much 🥹❤️ it really a sad state of affairs, all systems in this world seem to favour the most ‘productive’ groups and there is such a lack of support that considers the unique individuals needs - which is so important as you say! 🥺❤️❤️

[@fabrix199]

BPD is one hell of a mental illness, I'm not speaking for myself, but I know a person suffers a lot in many ways with it. I think is key to have a stable healthy relationship of any kind, that would really help, if you can give that to a friend with BPD you would be helping them quite a lot, just know that sometimes you might get frustrated so set your boundaries with compassion, or you end up like silly boy me with a non-friend that certainly wants to be frens but it is all in a situation that makes it hard to come back all again.

[@Bubbles-od2tv]

It’s hard to be in a relationship with someone when they lash out randomly. Respect is so important for me, even if I love him so much.

[@fabrix199]

@@Bubbles-od2tv true, is hard to be mindful and understand. The key is finding a balance between compassion and boundaries to avoid attachments, at least from your side.

[@BenOnuMuDiyorum]

Great Music and excellent visuals. It reminds me of old school European documentaries. Loved it! cheers

[@estherjoylane]

thanks so much!! ❤️❤️

[@polishqueen3671]

Thank you for sharing this❤ I want you to know that you are helping a lot of people by doing this🌷💞

[@estherjoylane]

🥺❤️ thank you that means so much xxxxxx

[@raikaburfien1119]

Hey. Thank you for making this video. I have depression, BPD, PTSD and autism. I live in germany and it's not really different here. I have lots of auditory hallucinations and paranoid thoughts that aren't really delusions. I wasn't in hospitals because of this, more because of suicidal ideations. But yes, the crisis interventions have to change. For me, the classic therapy, DBT, helped a lot, but only with many other things, not with the psychosis. Many professionals don't seam to know about that well.

[@iamskrybz]

Im glad i come across this channel, i have bpd and schizophrenia with psychosis an its a real struggle. Watchin ur video helped me feel not so alone. Thankyou for sharin x

[@estherjoylane]

[@basicinfo1640]

That was a really lovely video, really well made and on a subject that I think is barely talked about! I’m also a musician with BPD (in Bristol) I think this has been one of the toughest yrs of my life with this illness (27). I think I struggle most with delusions. I will have hallucinations when I’m incredibly stressed. I’m single and living alone for the first time in my adult life. Partly by choice, partly because I’m quite a volatile person thanks to the illness. It’s tough but necessary I suppose. If I’m honest with you I’m a little shaken up right now from this last month especially…I dunno if I’ll see any reprieve for some time but it will come. I really empathise with the full time job looking after yourself issue tho. It’s really difficult to look after yourself and maintain a music career or work on that / work with other creatives too. However that sense of self I get from doing what I love outside of interpersonal dynamics is just priceless. Think it’s one of the few things that have kept me going.

[@ubermut1379]

Just discovered your video, and I love it! You’re one of the few KZbin creators with BPD I discovered who talks about their condition! This is so important! Most videos I found have been from a psychiatric perspective, often with some outdated and stigmatising details! Some friends of mine have BPD, I feel like your content might be helpful for me to understand them better and for them to feel seen❤

[@estherjoylane]

ah thank you so much!! wow what an amazing friend you are to be an ally and so supportive! honestly the reason i started this channel was because i felt like anyone around me with bpd felt afraid to openly talk about it because its soooo stigmatised so im really glad stepping out and making this has been helpful ❤️🫶🏻 thanks so much and dont forget to look after YOU too!! 😘 sending love xxxxx

[@user-gk9ng1wm1e]

Your 100% correct. my fiancée of 7 years just passed away from complications from this exact situation. It has been the most terribly scary and heart breaking thing ive ever seen and had to deal with. Its very complicated and heath care ppl are not equipped or trained how to deal with it in any realistic manner.

[@estherjoylane]

im so so sorry 💔 sending you lots of love xxxxx

[@leahgrimwell1137]

I know I'm late to this party but I'm like you too. I'm BPD and I also experience psychotic episodes. The things I see very seldom slip in to the realm of the distressing (I'm really lucky that way) and they very often help me more than they hinder me because they remind me that, sometimes, just because something really seems true, that doesn't mean it is. And the rest of my BPD symptoms always need that reminder.

[@antor2471]

I find negative emotions unbearable, good fashion choices with the integration of darkness, feeling good about finding a community that understands, it’s usually writers and film, social sciences people I definitely feel extremely alone, and realize that the spiritual perspective is valid, and no one talks. Thanks for filming Aggravating factor is higher arousal

[@estherjoylane]

yes absolutely - i also find stress and high arousal to be at the centre of many of my symptoms. it can be really unmanageable at times, or i completely isolate to avoid the arousal but this can make depression and loneliness worse. a constant balancing act but things can get a bit better. I really hope you can find some community and support, you're not alone in your battle. ❤️

[@Mylastday666]

When you have it, it’s like you can already predict the video. Which is really depressing 😢

[@estherjoylane]

💔💔 🫶🏻

[@annieknights212]

I hope you're healing and you live a happy life ❤

[@estherjoylane]

thank you! you too 🥹xxxxx

[@automatedsounds]

Hey Esther! This video is extremely well put together and made. Feels like a video that could be from a channel with 1M+ subscribers. It's very informative, the music and art / video direction feels like it depicts BPD accurately... thank you for making this! Good job!

[@alexjones4629]

I have psychosis in BPD. The antipsychotics prescribed, plus extreme stress were the cause of my psychosis. I was totally black boxed from all of them due to overdose by psychiatrist. It’s not easy to handle shit unmedicated. You figure it out.

[@estherjoylane]

i’m sorry sounds like it’s been really hard ❤️‍🩹😔 especially going through it without any meds. bpd and psychosis can be really scary to go through💔 really hope you have some support around you and sending you lots of good energy ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@JStrazzles]

This was incredibly informative - thank you for sharing your experience. ❤❤

[@feelsunbreeze]

Totally random but I'm a composer and producer with bpd as well it was quite warming to know someone else like me :-)

[@estherjoylane]

woah! thats so cool twins!! 😊🫶🏻❤️

[@MichaelBLive]

Yes. Yes. And yes. 8 months therapeutic ketosis for BD type 2. Never better. It is a 24/7 effort.

[@estherjoylane]

wow, a huge effort but so glad you’re feeling better for it ❤️

[@mybruisedarm]

Also wanted to mention that BPD has a lot of overlap with autism, cPTSD and ADHD, and because of that conventional antipsychotic treatments can be disappointingly ineffective. I have all of these, and have always been "treatment resistant". I wonder why lol

[@estherjoylane]

omg absolutely! im so sure they are all on a spectrum of neurodiversity and that the whole psychiatric system needs a rehaul....

[@benjaminmanchett1507]

Thanks so much for sharing your story I’m not diagnosed with BPD I think I have it and am being tested for ADHD & ASD instead Makes sense they all overlap psychosis and derealisation is the worst feels like you are actually loosing your mind

[@estherjoylane]

absolutely agree! From whatever angle or label you give it - its the most nightmarish experience and so difficult to get through or live with, so well done for still being here 🫶🏻❤️

[@benjaminmanchett1507]

Thanks so much for your kind words,it was years until actually spoke about it to therapist. Happy you are getting through and talking about BPD and bringing awareness, The system is very flawed it’s tough doing it on your own

[@orpha9031]

59 years old, female. Would love to share my experience as an older person with this disorder.

[@estherjoylane]

❤️❤️ would love to hear xxxx

[@ayyyy_lmao]

I'm diagnosed with treatment resistant schizophrenia and BPD comorbid, interesting video. It really kinda helps determine what causes what even though I barely agree with my ACT team. I guess under stress BPD can cause a flare up whereas according to my team also it is persistent outside of stress too. My BPD is now considered in remission (as can happen with people), but still struggling elsewhere

[@Austin-lp4he]

As a male with bpd this is spot on. I quite often especially undsr stress fo right into transient psychosis. Ill hear a woman chattering in the background, and my perception of the world changes. While I've never seen full eye hallucinations, I often have delusional thought patterns and complete loss of reality.

[@coffee.candy.therapy]

A little late to the party here! I have BPD, I'm 34 y.o. and a sophomore majoring in psychology. I've had ONE instance of dissociative psychosis (aka psychotic break) and it was when my grandma (who raised me for a while as a kid, she always tried to protect me from my mother) was dying. I was newly 27, living in a basement with no natural lighting and only seeing the light of day when I went outside to smoke. I had a roommate who was horribly manipulative, I was beyond broke, drinking everyday, wasn't really eating and weighed less than I ever did in high school. My grandma had been diagnosed with ALS the year before, and she was no longer able to speak at this point. I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I had been hearing music in the distance but with no source, and discovered that it wasn't uncommon but also not scary or dangerous (Musical Ear Syndrome), for the few months leading up to this episode. I was in my room, in the basement, and had overheard the manipulative roommate say he was sick of me and that I needed to be k*ll*d. He had two g*ns and a friend was always worried he was gonna accidentally hurt me. I stayed downstairs TERRIFIED of making any noise, I hid in my bathroom with a busted baseball bat that was more like a stake incase he came downstairs. I tried to grab shoes and run out the back door but I heard him say he could hear me going out the back so I retreated. I messaged my best friend, who said they would come get me, and then I heard my best friend in my roommates room upstairs talking about me. My folks, this continued to escalate. None of what I was hearing was real, but reactions were very real. I sat out on my porch overnight in freezing temps thinking I was being arrested, my best friend actually did receive texts from me so that part was real. They did come save me, and then I ran off the next morning swearing that they and their partner were talking so negatively about me. All my worst fears coming to life. Everyone hating me, being exposed... I thought our house was being inspected, I thought my roommates were home and I had whole-ass conversations with their now apparent empty rooms. My best friend had to come get me AGAIN, I thought their partner could read my thoughts, and finally they said they would take me home but instead took me to the ER. They caught on to what was going on, right? I had been so distraught and stressed that my brain just shut down. This resulted in my first ever psych ward stay. I wasn't diagnosed there, but was told I had BPD traits. I was diagnosed the following year when I ended up in a psych ward for a different reason. Seroquel helped me immensely at first. I fortunately didn't need it long term because I weaned off of it without issues as it caused me to sleep for 12-16 hours a day. The cherry on top of this shit sundae though is that I am ALWAYS terrified that I'm hallucinating. I constantly wonder if what I'm hearing is actually real. It has not been an issue since, it wasn't an issue before, but I'm so worried that it'll happen again.

[@donnathompson7198]

Thank you for sharing . it helped

[@estherjoylane]

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹🫶🏼

[@donnasuethompson4953]

@@estherjoylane 🙂

[@JennyLynn-x9o]

I told a friend today i feel like im on verge of one where i will hear things. Or be so in my head that idk whats in or out. If i keep careful and chill i hope to avoid it. I can feel holidays making a big heavy one come i dont want the happy end of it. I just want to not have the bad part to take the season away so im aware now that this time of year does it my bday is soon. It brings them pretty big. Real high and real alone. It highlights my isolation. And rejection from some family. Im going out of isolation and gonna do a parrty this year and commit. Even if im crying im going. I just know now when strong ones are coming. I just spent evety dime Also. I call that the least of evils. For my life. It has least consequences . Youll understand what i mean. Im sure. I try to make sure i pick the least on everything and try to stay ahead of myself. Full time is right. Peopledon'tunderstandhow horriblewe feel when we cant fullfill the obligation or cant be the person you usuallyare for them. Guilt and shame aa a symptom is a tough thing to endure. I judge myself constantly so i can avoid guilt and shsme . Thats alot of thinking. Im making sure i dont feed tge bpd. By kerping a real good conciounse. I grt dangerously ashamed. Its horrible. So i try to just be careful now . I have enough to think about to feed it. I dont add more. Validationis medicine. Being accepted is medicine. Love is medicine. No expectations on us that dont give room for the bad part ,,,, is medicine. I have less episodes now that i know and my loves that stayed now can know its not them and they can relax instead of try to help or prevent it getting worse. We just accept it. I live alone so i close in when i need to. Im very lucky that i am able to. I make up for it and they know that. That is love. Gibing me space to be me do things how i need to .. thats medicine. Its taken 50 yrs to get my peopleto hear me . Gettinga diagnosis that made sense finallychanged everything. Knowledge is power And saves lives. Transparency is power and saves lives . Let it out always youbdont owe anyone your swallowingthe tears. Not ever. .

[@basicinfo1640]

One thing that’s really helped me when I can’t get the therapy or help I need is to read the Tao… My friend also said mindfulness starts one breath at a time

[@Edelrituo]

on day ward in poland they treated me just like a rebelious child and now years later im struggling to accually get any better for 2 years. fuck the system

[@estherjoylane]

agree with you completely 😞❤️ sending love xxxx

[@atura5502]

A frind of mine got miss diagnosed with schizophrenia for 5 years. The medication didn‘t help them at all and in the end it turned out to be BPD after all.

[@tictactoedias1908]

Sending you healing wishes and love ❤🇦🇺

[@estherjoylane]

thank you sending them to you too! 🫶🏻❤️

[@LCT091081]

I have BPD/EUPD along with CPTSD & Autism. I have “shadows” and hearing someone telling me how my partner is cheating on me. I know it’s not real but it also is real in my head. I hate it. I lost him because of it. Which just adds to the pain 😢 I take so many meds - it’s soul destroying. It confirms how worthless I am.

[@fightswithspirits915]

My paranoia can get off the charts. One hallucination had me in a field with a katana sword at my neck. The hallucination wasn’t real. The katana sword at my neck was. I accidentally touched the side of my face the blade and it cut just from a slight pressure. Another hallucination presented Native American drawings on the side of mountains. I remember these hallucinations vividly. They are more real to me than reality. I refuse to take any pharmaceuticals. My BPD is a gift. Instead of using it to tear down people it is now used to identify the gifts and strength and struggles of others and let those people know someone understands them. Have you learned to use your gift for positive interaction with others? of course I mean beyond these very informative and lightning videos. Have you ever thought someone with BPD can cure another person with BPD? This may sound grandiose, but the universe told me how cluster be disorders can be cured. I’m getting the vibe that you may be somebody with the gift to pull that off.

[@LexRex11]

LSD has helped me more than any counselling, therapy or pHARMaceuticals.

[@sotiify9221]

do shroomies

[@Luke-Emmanuel]

Thanks for the vid esther:)

[@estherjoylane]

❤️ thank you! xx

[@markusmeyer6391]

i suffered from bpd induced psychosis and took my delusions and hallucinations very seriously. i believed they were the way god was showing me the truth because ive been trying so hard to reach god. the tragedy is that i took action and made life altering decisions because of it. now i live in shame and regret. i basically distroyed my life. unfotunately the people around me did not deal with me well.

[@estherjoylane]

I’m so sorry to hear that, sounds like you’ve had a really hard time. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing you are not alone ❤️

[@aubreyj.tennant1123]

Very well done presentation! 👍💪😊

[@BlackWolf-gk8sn]

I have mostly the speech problem. I loose words. Or blabbling weird things, while trying to say something different. Also I feel like being in a simulation sometimes. Trying to cope with that, with litteraly (making quests in my head like in a video game on ego perspective) to complete my tasks and making it less scary. Even fun sometimes. Or at least that´s what i try to tell myself. And same i only have this under severe stress. I´m not talking about the normal daily stress. But uneccesery stress caused by mobbing, heavy triggers or even abusive behaviour. I very muchly life by myself and cut people off, if they cause to much stress. And yeah treating myself good and just taking care of myself is a full time job. And I really don´t have the energy to deal with bullshit anymore.

[@kahlodiego5299]

Hospitalizations are horrendous. Just make you feel less and safe less understood. Off topic but are those sound absorbing squares on your wall effective much? My apt walls have zero insulation.

[@estherjoylane]

couldn’t agree more, im traumatised from my time in hospital and being sectioned i was so scared and confused 😔 but nice to know there are people out there who understand! 🫶🏼 and re sound panels - yes they definitely make a bit of a difference. my room was really bad for reflections and it has improved but i would it’s nowhere near a proper job. These weren’t super expensive which is a plus as they’re just foam but if you wanted a more thorough/effective solution the more complex panels would do a better job but you get what you pay for i guess 😅

[@beyourself9162]

wow well explained…did you do the artwork in the video. love it… a picture speaks more than thousand words😊…🎉

[@estherjoylane]

thank you so much! 🥹❤️ the artwork is a big collage of parts, some my own work and others edited and distorted materials to work alongside the aesthetic and narrative xxxx

[@beyourself9162]

@@estherjoylane such art is very welcome…thanks

[@zane6138]

I once had a bpd episode and I was walking through my house hallways and saw a darker shadow when all the lights were turned off, in the bathroom.

[@peterlonter9053]

very good explanation

[@estherjoylane]

❤️ thank you!

[@liviaperkins1066]

I feel like my Borderline is an asset, my 3rd eye is open. It’s not a detriment, or psychosis at all. I’m so sad for people who drink this kool aid. Psychosis is NOT a typical symptom of BPD, unless you are on drugs or alcohol. I’m sorry you experienced this.

[@demaskatorr]

[@id9139]

Please can somebody help me understand if people with BPD shapeshift when they go into a secondary self-state/psychosis? How do they look physically? And how do they appear energetically? Does anybody experience something like a demon possession? Does anybody physically change in stature when in these self states?

[@kaye_dee_did]

It's another personality. So, yes, whole different demeanor.

[@kellyjijicat]

Can you have neutral hallucinations? I had psychotics symptoms bordering for months due to stress and trauma. I recovered but the stress from the incident came back and I developed a fear of psychosis. And not to long an ago I was getting my car and a woman told me you dropped your phone. But my phone was in my pocket and no one was around. I brushed it off thinking it was someone’s else talking to someone but no one was around. I have no answers for this. They say mine was anxiety and trauma (I’m trying to fight for bpd diagnosis) but this. Can’t be explained /:

[@sarahcouture24]

This a great video. I share your cynicism regarding healthcare system, low faith in broken medicine.

[@estherjoylane]

im sorry to hear that 😪 sending love ❤️

[@Damnchaosemerald_e.e]

0:12 is that the EU(europe- cus u live in London) abbreviation of it. jk im sorry that was dumb 👀 also super nice coherent video. My main psychotic experience is delusion tho i've hallucinated and I fear I will again. one thing i suffer from that idk if anyone else does is understanding mania. Sometimes I get so lost in mania i dont see it as manic, i get so stripped of any meaning in life I I get in a loop about what the meaning of meaning actually is to the point where I create my own meaning and then I think... whats the meaning in that? where's the point and purpose I once had, or did I ever have it, what if im forgetting things or im too deletional to see the full picture? I spirial, but ive learned over the past 2 and 1/2 years I need to force myself to step out and breath and recognize im still alive and something is for sure going on and im not going to figure out what it is when i panic like this. It's obviously not as simple as doing that, it took 2 years to develop a coping skill... my awarness scares me, i fear people dying when im not with them, i fear who i will become when someone does die. I confuse my bpd with existentialism and nhilism. I have these insane thoughts that about what if im was transported to the moon and I somehow think its going to happen because my thoughts get kicked into hyperdrive and its like my brain trys its fucking hardest to ruin me by simulating what it could feel like to be thrown into a vaccume. And i feel like i deserve it, genunially. I hate myself no matter what people tell me, i cant live with breakups happening, i see multiple people in me to the point where there im stripped of my identity and many times ive felt like ive had to literally re build it. And now, ive hit a wall, i am for sure manic and because I dont feel meaning. But Im not suicidal either, i might as well wait for death because maybe between then and now I find the meaning. The most comforting thing is i am not alone, i NEED people who speak about this stuff. Ive lost the only person who ever opened up and felt comfortable for me to open up about such things. So please, dont be afraid of yourself, have some faith in somthing and find what that thing is and bring it to life. I get overwhelmed when i watch the news, or hear the slightest of bad news, so as i read these comments i hope you find comfort and meaning that your stress and your suffering is overwhelming me. and I hope that overwhelmingness gets to you, be it weird spiritual shit, weird quantam physics shit, or my crazy delution. im alone in my head but im not alone in being alone. ok im done, that was necessary for me, sorry lol...

[@veryimportantperson3657]

Dialectical behavioral therapy already exists and is a well known and highly effective treatment. The problem is people with BPD drop out of therapy.

[@taraelizabethdensley9475]

I did dbt in hospital, but didn't find it helpful. Only thing that has helped me over the years is keeping a diary. Medication made me so numb, and even though i'm now off meds my emotions seem blunted

[@JennyLynn-x9o]

It is up to us to make a safe life It is a full yime job I choose least hurtfull impulses Plus stay as wrapped in bubblw wrap as possible I wish you the best ty for your research Dbt helps Buddists beliefs help because Acceptance You are amazing i loom forward to advocaying foir us with you

[@antor2471]

You make sense

[@ukchris64]

EUPD tha tis a new one on me, someone put it to me that top scientist get together in a room and just come up with all these different things, not sure if it is true but I am diagnosed with BPD and it was told to me that that pretty much covers every single disorder out the including Schitzophrenia. I find it very sad that thereis no cure for this at all and I will be inflicted with this fo rthe rest of my life, so sad that there now is not one elemnt of society that I fit into also I feel I may have NPD and APD, all the traits of those do have.

[@Yetipfote]

I want to emphasize that a lot of Psychological terms "Hallucination" , "Illusion", "Delusion", "Disorganization", "Disorder" are normative terms. That is, Psychology points to a "healthy" norm which is said to be better than these deviating states of mind. Another way of looking at mental illness of a person is to see it as an incapability to adapt to his/her surrounding environment. But what is that environment? Is it truly desirable to adapt to it? We could argue that our western society may be _structurally_ sick. So BPD, NPD etc are just symptoms from this point of view: the soul fights to stay on track! As well as rising cancer and heart diseases. All of this could be seen as a deeper intelligence we cannot fully grasp yet. So we do drugs to sooth the pain or learn in Psychotherapy how to adapt to a sick environment. Becoming emotionally numb and breaking our desire for life can be very effective. But what does REALLY fullfill us? What is REALLY Life-giving?

[@dimitrisgonatas2264]

I struggle to connect in a healthy way with people girls in particular, I idealize them and all of my stress depression anxiety and paranoia comes from this im like a child looking for unconditional love im like a burden to people I even feel using my depression for validation but im like drowning and yelling to be saved.its a desperate situation and I know the best way is to take some time alone but then I have to face hopelessness and emptyness I struggle a lot long time depressions come after some years from seperaions

[@emilyzena7070]

Yep - the system is broke. A truer word was never said.

[@estherjoylane]

😪

[@BonGlitched]

I've had slight psychotic symptoms my whole life, but a full blown psychotic episode/break was from LSD, almost died, had to call an ambulance

[@deborahward6301]

I just came out if a psychiatric ward went in voluntarily and was sectioned by day 2 because i dissociated and SH. Iwas in full blown rage i decided the olace was a prison and the staff were cxxxs which they were. I went on a four day mad rampage smashing the place up i was so bad they left me to it rhey threatened me with security and u screamed ill have them too! . on week 2 i was my nirmal self i was on lorazepam and made friends with the patients who thought i was very angry and abusive the first week. The staff were like wtf shes a lovely lady i was like yes you saw my illness this is me now this is who i am.. i was discharged after 2 weeks came home with antidepressants no lorazepam and quickly went downhill was in a rage again cos the systens messed up and allowed me to self.harm soaking my sheets and clothes in water and sleeping like that for 4 nights catching hypothermia the dr came and shone a torch in my eye to see if i was still alive and promptly left me in 😮rhat state. Brutal.

[@amac2573]

Is it BPD or is it Complex PTSD???? I would say it depends on each individual situation and circumstances. Mental Health Services in the UK have been drastically cut back and they were bad before the cuts especially for people diagnosed with any sort of Personality Disorder. Trauma needs to be recognised and taken seriously....people need trauma informed therapy, also a recognition of trauma caused by interpersonal relationships. There is too much focus put on medicating people with drugs that can actually be harmful to people's physical health.

[@Zakkarath]

It is factitious psychosis.... not psychosis of the quality that someone can experience when on hallucinogenics. This is the same for pseudo seizures, which are not epileptic seizures.

[@DmpstrPirate]

Y'know i dont have money for a therapist idk whats wrong with me but i hear alot of stuff like people saying my name and shit. Kinda just ignore it but the anger i have and cant pin point is substantial. I think about fighting alot cause it kinda soothing in a way but i get the impression im probably not the best. Cause its quite often more often than not. Well see in the future if it goes bad who knows for now

[@sreejeshshaji4692]

I have phycosis from 18 years of age now I am 22 don't know when it will end

[@almlaoztas7475]

Sweetheart emdr therapie solves borderline personality disorders problem and actually there is a honderd percent of chance that you can fully recover. :)) ❤😊

[@beyourself9162]

watched a second time. could you do video about the things which help you to stay more stable? you talked about meditation. how about having spare time in nature? ….

[@estherjoylane]

yes absolutely! i've found a few things that have really been helpful...will try make a practical/coping/things that help video soon! ❤️

[@beyourself9162]

@@estherjoylane maybe it’s very helpful for others, also family members, that there exist ways to get better. maybe very individual but they exist. i think its for no one helpful only to spot the negative aspects. this brings everybody into a down spiral. whats helpful for you may also helps people without a so called diagnosis. no one should see a diagnosis as the picture of self. i guess this is what happens to my ex … all the bpd aspects are a part of her self picture now, and guess what…it makes symptoms even more standing out, combing up. the more she knows about bpd the more it triggers anxiety in her…anxiety is related to stress… feedback loop from hell….

[@Luke-Emmanuel]

Ever heard of transference focused psychotherapy for bpd esther?

[@estherjoylane]

how interesting, no i havent! will have a good read ty 😊🫶🏻xxx

[@polishqueen3671]

I don't know you would take advice or not...but I would like you to consider trying to learn psychology..even if is online...so you can learn things and maybe u will be able to slowly find some solutions... I want you to know that we all are here for a reason...to go through hardships..stuff, (noone is perfect) .. understand and give hope to others...❤ There is always a reason for our suffering... maybe so we could be a teachers for others... But I know we are all important . Our life matters. We are all loved. You matter ❤

[@estherjoylane]

wow i resonated with this so much - your words are so so beautiful!! thank you🥲xxxxx

[@polishqueen3671]

@@estherjoylane You and your story is beautiful - even if is not the greatest...is yours. One of a kind. 🌹🙏❤️ Have patience with your self ..love and treat like you are special. Your body will thank you and your mind and heart will appreciate... don't eat junk.. you are what you eat..don't do bad things..like drugs or pot..etc..and exercise. I will also say therapy - but so many people are so against maybe because they don't take the time to even find someone good.. everything takes time...is hard to be patient.. good luck..be patient..be a teacher for others and ..love your self and get better..we are very resilient ! You be surprised.. Always believe and have hope! Smile and hi five yourself every morning.. Fool your body into good! It works! Much love💕to you..🌷😍💓💕

[@crazy-maxedout8512]

❤️❤️❤️

[@estherjoylane]

❤️🫶🏻

[@nighttide9485]

honestly I can vibe with a word slad discord

[@KarrissaGamble]

I had this happen to me

[@ilirllukaci5345]

But "we" already knew the 2 were fundamentally different. The original reason for the seemingly arbitrary choice of word Borderline was short for Borderline Psychotic, as opposed to actual psychosis. It is in the emotional realm not the cognitive, though at the extreme edge of it. Personally, speaking as a complete amateur, I feel it is important to tell people with BPD that they are not Schizophrenic or Bipolar.

[@43CYN]

It's literally called borderline because it's a border between psychosis and neurosis. We got a bit of both

[@ilirllukaci5345]

@@43CYN I'm no borderline and certainly no expert, but you're not schizophrenic. A schizophrenic can be perfectly calm and delusional at the same time. Meaning, and I would think this is good news, that if you can find a way of being that, sustainably, settles your emotions, your psychoses recede too. That's my guess anyway.

[@estherjoylane]

hi! if you watch the end of the video i’m very clear in my conclusion that BPD is not a primary psychotic disorder (eg schizophrenia)

[@estherjoylane]

@43CYN yes exactly! an interesting combo 🙃

[@ZacharypjgStudios]

Just like me for real

[@ElyRaittMusic]

Its the same thing as cptsd

[@YouMarch308]

“ A full time job” if you have personality disorder.

[@zentzu4003]

the system is broke and i am broke